#probably could've written it better
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me @ tumblr rpc: YOU DON'T KNOW HOW TO PLOT WITH OCs and it shows.
And you know what? That happens. Plotting is hard. Honestly? Hate plotting so much if I don't know a person these days because I just feel overly anxious and ramble. So yeah, anyhow... Let me share some personal thoughts! THIS DOES NOT TOUCH ON PEOPLE WHO TAKE THEIR TIME, PLEASE TAKE YOUR TIME IN PLOTTING AND PLEASE DO EVERYTHING ON YOUR OWN PACE! THIS IS A HOBBY AND THIS IS SOMETHING WE DO FOR FUN! This is based solely on some of my own experiences with SOME plotting (not all ofc!) as a woman oc writer in 2022-2023. I've had fantabulous experience with plotting and not so much. Please know you're valid, Ily, thank you for bearing with my burnt out ass in plottings. Mwah. Stay winning.
We all suffer from the collective dead brain cell syndrome when it comes to plotting any interaction, but do you know what kind of sucks and makes little ol' me tinsy bit bitter at the end of 2023 after going through countless people who just ignored my plotting proposals when I gave a ton of ideas? And what I'm going to call out just a tiny bit as a woman oc writer?
You can get into wikipedia and seek out information about a canon character to figure out some ideas on plots if you don't know the fandom, but do you do the same for OCs? 'Cuz OCs are sure as hell the very same 'canons from fandoms I don't know' type of situation.
Do you reach out to the CREATOR who can answer all your questions no matter how miniscule they can be? We, OC writers, are ready to give you the deep lore if you ask.
Do you check out about pages or headcanon pages? Hell, some of us have DETAILED NAVIGATION PAGES FOR VERSES! Is your OC or Canon from there? Check it out! Read! Find what interests YOU or if you didn't find something? Just ask the WRITER! Simple, innit? God, Imma be real, some of y'all gonna get my DMs like 'Listen, I can't find if you have this hc, could you please link it to me?' because I want info for plot ideas and if you do the same to me? I kiss u platonically.
Lemme give you a Done For You plotting thoughts you can use on how to plot with OCs, ladies and gents and nonbinary folks!
Do you have a specific dynamic you WANT for your character? Perhaps, you see a villain OC and want smth toxic to try out - ASK. Or you see an OC that might be a fun friend or neighbor or any other more positive dynamic - ASK. Inquire each other about what DYNAMICS you're open to. Oh you open to all? Sick. PUT DOWN YOUR BOUNDARIES FIRST. BOTH SIDES. SPEAK YOUR BOUNDARIES.
Do you have verses both of your characters are in? Be it OC & OC or Canon & OC? Noice, discuss all possible connections your characters might have! Offer ideas! Offer thoughts! The worst thing another can say is 'no'. And if so? COUNTLESS POSSIBILITIES. Yummy possibilities. Friends, childhood friends, childhood rivals, exes, rivals, co-workers, fight on sight, live next to each other, see each other in the same fucking cafe your muse goes at 2 pm specifically and ALWAYS sees another muse there... Countless. I'm telling you.
JUST DO THE FIRST STEP TOO WHEN YOU INTERACT WITH OCS, I'M ON MY KNEES BEGGING.
OFFER. IDEAS. The vaguest ones will do ok too. I cannot stress this enough but as an OC writer, I've had instances where I just... Gave 5 ideas only to have someone just drop me. Fully and completely. Not the 'I'll reach out to you later I need to think about this' but just full on 'wow this is too much plotting and I don't want to invest that much time' like it sucks. It sucks being the only person offering possible dynamics, ideas, even funny ones in some cases! I'm so burnt out from plotting dynamics because I keep. Offering. Ideas. But I don't have the same feedback loop. More like I have 0 feedback in the instances I dive into possibilities which burnt me out from plotting altogether, closing plotting possibilities with those who may actually be the same kind of insane as I am. And it sucks. Bless you all who give vague ideas or not vague ideas. Love you. You're fucking champions.
BE OPEN TO ASKING QUESTIONS, PLEASE ASK QUESTIONS, HOLY SHIT, PLEASE. Please never forget to ask "Hey, how would you feel about this scenario?" or "Would your character be in this kind of situation? Maybe that's how they met and started hanging out?" or "Oh, how about us trying out this type of dynamic and see where it goes?" or anything, really.
Anyways, this is just my 2 am psa because yeah why not. December sucks ass so why not speak out my thoughts at the end of 2023 to enter 2024 with sunglasses and cool Women OCs Propaganda I will continue preaching. You're all welcome to reblog this.
#psa.#goes to sleep#night#i just wanted to talk about this#probably could've written it better#but also its almost 3 am#im gonna go mimimimir#❄ ― OUT OF CHARACTER. ╱ fun time’s passing by like river’s flow.
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When you absolutely despise something a lot of people like, and no matter what way you look at it you cannot see the appeal, but you know you can’t talk about it in public or else you’ll get dogpiled to hell and back, so you just kinda sit there frothing at the mouth like this
#spaghetti speaks#minor blood#I know this image is typically used in positive contexts but it felt fitting here too#Also you probably know what I’m talking about if you’ve spoken to me before#The AM speech but aimed toward this one particular series because the rage it causes is GRAHH#it had so much potential#it could’ve been so so good#YOU COULD'VE KEPT THE PILOT PLOT INSTEAD OF INSTANTLY ABANDONING IT IN FAVOR FOR ONE OF THE WORST ROUTES A STORY CAN GO IN#I’m so mad because I WISH I could like it#I WISH I could make art for it- the character designs are fun to draw#but I’m not a fan of it#I have a visceral hatred of the series and its creator#but I’m alone in the opinion#minus my friends who agree with me#but I just#I don’t understand#I feel like if it was made by a bigger studio- people would hate it as much as me#Steven Universe was written significantly better than it- I’m sorry#SU got so much shit for years- this is praised everywhere I see#I could explain every single problem I have with this series and people will defend it#it’s so popular despite nothing being resolved or making sense#The people behind the studio were revealed to be shitty to employees but no one cares because this series got a new episode#GRRRRRGHGGHH#I hate the characters- I hate the nonsensical plot- I hate the plot holes- I hate the villain- I hate the wasted potential#I’d hijack this series and make a Snoot Game type thing if I could- my autistic ass will make this better#I'm not arrogant I’m just saying the writing is on the floor and it doesn’t take much to just fix it up and make it pretty#I’m ranting#sorry#I’m very passionate about things like this#Inorganic killers
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present tense get behind me i will avenge you i will write in present tense in a way that is so scrumptious no one will ever underestimate you again ever
#writing#obviously referred to that poll from earlier#but like. been reading the tags and apparently people see present tense as inherently less worthy/serious than past tense#similarly to what happens with first person/third person#and like. i get preference ofc i do but i don't think one thing is inherently more proper than the other#it just depends on genre and story structure?#for me fics almost invariably work in present tense regardless of how much action is or isn't there#bc if it isn't about action (i.e.: pwp) it's still about introspection more often than not and i find present tense gives#a very close and personal feel to the narration even when you're writing in third person#and that just works for introspection yknow?#but some of the finest prose i've come across has been a) in fics and b) in present tense#and i don't think past tense could've made it better. in fact i think it was probably as good as it was BECAUSE of it being present tense#some of my favourite stuff i have ever written is in present tense too and it 100% wouldn't work in past tense i know bc i tried#still bangers though. present tense my beloved actually
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constabell 💭
there's this one short song that i think abt a lot which works really nicely with them... it's called A Lady by Tally Hall the lyrics are super meaningful and i imagine it goes really nicely with how nørton thought of her
the first line as as goes —
i know a lady, good and evil
obviously said lady is irene. when he calls her good, he refers to her personality - as lore points that irene was constantly finding ways to see if he was fine, dropping by to offer warm bread, some coins that were stolen from him, or even a new candle that could replace his melted one. it could be anything, just for her to see to it that he was... okay. this to him, is her good traits - what made him initially grow on her. the evil traits refer to her lifestyle - he has nothing but distaste for people in the upper class- which she indeed is... but that's the only thing that made him distance himself from her - he just couldn't trust the fact that she was from a wealthy family. who knows if she's being genuine with her actions or if she's having ulterior motives (the latter is most definitely not true however.)
told me that i was a gentleman
the main reason why she even bothered to care in the first place was the fact that she noticed that he was such a hard worker, yet he still lives impoverished. he even gets robbed of his efforts from the coworkers. the said scenario is was caused her to make a move and show deep concern for him. he was indeed a diligent person, and even caring for his father's old friend, visiting the old lad in the nursing home. she wanted him to know that he deserved so much better but he was sometimes hard on himself to really believe what she's saying
wait for the girl to blossom into colors that grow where you can
this one's the last, but it's a little tricky to decipher! so here's a more symbolic take on what i want to think this means:
at some point does she confess that even if she wanted be with him, she could not - for she was already arranged to be with someone else - but she promised somehow she'll find a way to be with him even if it meant it would disappoint her family. it was definitely a selfish move on her part.
but all her life - irene never felt like she really truly got to experience the life she wanted because she was playing the life her family wanted. she had hoped that... if she'll truly find way to embrace the life she wants, she'll start with him. (wait for the girl to blossom into color).
i imagine this whole promise has been made post-explosion, she nursed him back to health in secret and she confessed everything when he kept asking why did she always bother to care for him even in potential death.
she was mostly keen on helping him, but as time went on and the more he softened up to her, it was hard to deny the fact that she's starting to see something charming in him that gives her more purpose to see him.
irene was no different from nørton in reality, she was born in a difficult time and she remembered everything from her old days she was only lucky now because she was adopted and she has everything penny alive now. it still left her hollow inside though, wanting something more to live for and she was stuck with this resentment. but then seeing him where he is, simply inspired her that even if he's stuck like this, he's still finding ways to make a change and irene simply admired it. she could... give him the change if she wanted, and she did.
she just needed to figure out how to escape her current predicament to be with him
#now that i think about it... i like how I've written irene#like. part of her has a good heart but#she doesn't seem to care about her family - its not that they're neglecting her but - they don't exaclty give the love and connection#she's only there to ... marry. increase family wealth. be a bridge for the next generations who knows#irene felt connected to nørton cuz he was one of the people who just... started being nice to her (mostly because she brute forced her way)#shoutout to n.aib and emma though because they also made her feel like she was appreciated and cared for 😭😖#oh man i just realized i could've written this better with emma and nai.b mentioned AAGSGUS THE TUNNEL VISION#WAHH THAT'S OK THO ill... find a way next time i think flflfkfkfk#💚 constabell#I SHOULD PROBABLY FIX THE TAG. RENAME IT CONSTABELL#i deadass forgot constabell is the shipname i used for them why did i start using nortene AHAH#then again in id.v ship name fashion - nortrene is most fitting but#constabell is a BANGER name#~ rambling
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•|| On the Hunt ||• (Mermay 2024)
Prompt 2: On the Hunt
Featuring: Killer!
Ships: None.
Summary: Hunting down a fish.
Warnings: Fish-slaughter
Credits: Leviathantale and the Mermay Bingo I'm using are both by @skumhuu!
Read tags for notes.
It was quiet, almost peaceful, even. Sunlight filtered through the surface of the water with ease, glimmering upon a hundred thousand scales in a large school of fish.
One fish in particular seemed to almost glow brighter than the others under the influence of the sun's rays; its pride of the little shiny silver plates that decorated its body showed as it flicked its tail in an almost flaunting manner.
A cascade of bubbles suddenly washed over the fish as all of the other fish in its school abruptly darted away, leaving the one confused.
Why did the others swim away so quickly? What happened? What scared them...?
The water now felt colder, and the once peaceful silence now just felt... creepy. The fish couldn't shake the feeling of being watched.
It spun around in a circle, trying to figure out what was wrong, and--
Oh.
Two empty black abysses stared back. Followed by a face. And a large shark tail.
The fish whipped around and fled, frantically swishing its own tail in an attempt to get away. It could feel a disturbance in the water as the monstrous beast gave chase.
Faster, faster, and faster the little fish swam, but its shining scales were like a beacon for the hunter to go after. Behind rocks, in seaweed clumps, even trying to blend into other schools of fish were all useless as the shark relentlessly pursued his prey.
He could almost hear the fish's pounding soul as it attempted to escape, but to no avail.
Maybe if the fish had swam just a little faster. Maybe if it had taken more sudden turns, or if it hid in better spots... maybe it would have lived.
But with a burst of speed and a snap of his jaws, it was all over. The fish had lost the race for its life.
.
.
.
Killer returned back to the trenches later, carrying his catch proudly in his mouth. It had been a fast little fucker who led him on a wild goose chase to catch it, but it was worth it!
As he set it down into the kill pile, he found that one of the fish's larger scales had gotten stuck between his teeth. He plucked it out, and he almost threw it away before he hesitated for a moment.
The scale truly was beautiful, all shiny and silver... maybe he should keep it to remember.
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#second prompt done!#this one's a bit short#poor fish lmao#i probably could've written this better#but oh well#mermay#mermay 2024#mermay bingo 2024#mermay bingo#leviathantale#@skumhuu#killer sans
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how to go from a one-shot/conversation spawned from thinking too much about an unseen father to more than a dozen fic ideas and an overarching narrative about family heritage (and the generational trauma that comes with it), the importance of communication, and how all lives touch other lives to create something anew and alive in one easy step
#pokemon#sir aaron#blood curse of sir aaron#<- series name for all this nonsense in case i wind up talking about it more here. will probably post links here once more is written#no seriously this was supposed to be a one-shot with maybe ONE sequel. now there's 4 sequels and at least 7 directly related side stories#and three (3) fics that are more or less gonna serve as prequels/background for all my canons at this point when riley's involved#it was also only supposed to be one and then i had Ideas and did not stop them.#(benefit of setting things during legends arceus and promptly ignoring the actual protag)#i've only had the core idea rolling around my brain for 6 months and there's this many fics. prequel 1 came before but the others are newer#at least i'm not trying to write an entire game plot this time unlike my other big pokemon project#so much of the conflict could've been avoided with better communication. not all of it mind you but the big issues? yeah#at the very least they could've been handled a LOT sooner#i've got a scattered 20k worth of it so far of actual fic and over 10k worth of notes. 2k of those notes are for a single episode rewrite#i know that might not sound like a lot to some people but only the first main fic is done. the third one is arceus chronicles.#im making. choices. that's for sure. and writing so much aura lore you have no idea#i might need to make a family tree soon#willowarts
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Hi Honey, I was wondering if you could do a fic of Simon Riley x female reader where he plays a game of Simon say's with her, some smut or fluff <3 Love this blog & fics💗
someone actually did this idea in the fandom actually! def recommend checking it out; it's like 8k+ words of smut🥰
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The Button | Word Count 850
Tw: self harm, drugging, implied kidnapping
It was easy money! The man had offered you $50 for participating in a research study. All he asked was an hour of your time (though admittedly the paperwork itself added an extra fifteen minutes on top of that). You joined him in the building and he left you alone in the room with nothing but a chair, a side table, and on top of the table a bright red button.
He'd said it was a study about boredom, and you were no stranger to those articles about people who'd been locked in a room with nothing but a button that would shock them. He hadn't said what this button did, but you had to assume it did the same.
Time ticked away slowly; slower than you'd expected. You tapped your legs, hummed, picked at the dead skin at the edges of your nails, and soon turned to restless pacing. He'd only said an hour, right? Without a clock it was hard to say how long it had really been. The silence of the room was beginning to get to you, and you returned to your seat to click your nails against the wood. It wasn't enough. It was just... so quiet.
Your hands grew tired, and in your stillness you became aware of a whooshing sound. Soft at first, but it was quickly growing louder. You straightened up to the sound of footsteps, was the man finally coming back? But no, the footsteps paradoxically seemed to be constantly growing closer, closer, without ever truly signally anyone's arrival. It wasn't until panic began to set in when you realized that thump thump thump was the sound of your own beating heart.
An orchestra of visceral sounds followed. Each breath brought on onslaught of the indescribable. Your head pulsed to the sound of your ever growing fear that this had all been a trick. Desperate for some quick cash, you'd been awfully quick to trust a complete stranger, and admittedly you'd only skimmed the last several pages of paperwork. You hadn't even gotten the man's name!
Maybe the real study was how long you could endure some bizarre psychological torture until you pressed the stupid button? You scanned the room for cameras, but if there were any they were hidden awfully well. You grabbed the cheap looking button and held it up, glaring at nothing. The disgusting pounding and gurgling and whoosh whoosh sloshing radiating through your entire body was becoming unbearable.
"Is this what you wanted?" You yell to the ceiling. Holding it up though, you see a little note attached to the back.
[WHOMEVER PRESSES THIS BUTTON IS DOOMED, THIS PLACE WILL QUICKLY BECOME YOUR TOMB :)]
"What the hell kind of stupid Jigsaw ripoff is this?" Your finger hovers over the red plastic. There doesn't seem to be any sign of getting out of here, but if the man isn't beyond torture, who's to say he isn't willing to kill? The chair groans as you sink down into it. You want to wait it out but God the sounds that are inundating your senses. It isn't a sound so much as a state of being.
Your head is spinning, pounding, throbbing, aching as your own heartbeat sends corresponding twitches down your body and out of every individual finger. It... It actually hurts to feel so much. If a migraine could be a full body sensation, then this is how you'd imagine it. You could barely drag your thoughts into a semblance of coherence as your own insides churned them to sludge.
You banged on the door, screaming to be let out. Enough! Enough already! No money was worth whatever shit you'd been dragged into. It was only when the door grew stained with blood that you realized your fists had turned bloody. Drips caught and pooled in deep scratches within the wood. Had you been clawing at the door as well? How fortunate you were that the pain was muted, barely even noticeable against the BANG BANG BANG of your own bodily functions.
Your eyes glanced to the button again. He wasn't coming back; there was no guarantee he was even watching. Even if the button ensured your death, maybe that was a mercy. You picked it up once more, the crudely drawn smiley face on the note mocking you. Your hand shakes over it, nub of where a nail once stood allowing a trail of blood to dribble onto it. You blinked and it was pressed without you having consciously done so. Perhaps that was for the best. A hiss filled the room and you nearly sobbed with relief at a sound separate from what your own body created. You were free! You drop heavily onto the carpeted floor, making no effort to soften your fall; survival has dropped from a conscious desire to a primal one. You're just... done.
What a shame that he was watching, and he's excited for so much more when you wake up.
#I probably could've written this Better#but I didn't expect to write it at ALL#stream of consciousness writing#saw an *actual* fucked up psych study opened my note app and blacked out /hj#psychological horror#writing#leech writes#murder oc#leech ocs#grey#leech.grey
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and now i take a break from writing for three years
#zera rambles#i am#so tired#DO YOU GUYS KNOW HOW HARD IT IS#TO PLAN OUT A WHOLE STORY#YOU HAD NO IDEA YOU WERE GOING TO WRITE BEFOREHAND#nine parts. NINE PARTS#ALMOST 12k WORDS#I HAD NO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING#gonna go cry in a corner now because gosh darn that was hard#but rewarding#i got some really amazing friends out of that#and i'll probably write an epilogue... eventually#i'm just t i r e d#i have not written that much so quickly in a WHILE#you all better be on your hecking knees thanking me i am PROVIDING CONTENT /j#but really i never could've gotten this done without all my readers and supporters#like you guys are the best
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facebook memories haunts me
I remember EXACTLY what fic this was and NO I DID NOT FINISH IT
#AAAAUUUUUGGGGGGGG............. you know it was probably for the best i didn't finish that one#wouldn't have written it right. and the characterization was......decent but i could've done it better#i did take a second to remember which one this was but oh boy do i remember.
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X-Men Red spoilers watch out !!!
I know Ewing obviously has a plan with Richard dying and it'll be great and cool and interesting and crazy and it'll make complete sense when he comes back as whatever entity or role he has in mind. But I need to get a small thought off my chest... This is a similar issue I initially/still partly have with what he did with Quill during his GotG run. In that personally, and this is definitely my mental illness talking I know, I don't like the concept of seemingly killing off a realistically written suicidal character as though it's needed for their arc, regardless of whether it's guaranteed they'll come back. Even if they come back as more than they were as an aspect of something or a godly being.
It's definitely not meant to come off in such a way and it's just comics being comics so it's nothing new or meant to be taken so seriously, but I don't like the thought that no matter what such characters -HAVE- to die before they're able to gain the perspective of wanting to live and getting better... :x
#not sure of the exact tags so uh#discussion and references to suicidal ideation and tendencies cw#IN REFERENCE TO COMIC CHARACTERS SPECIFICALLY sorry#Idk!! I wish i was better with words. I'm watching things go down in his comic from the sidelines and#I know there's thematic stuff going on. It just makes me feel weird but also I'm crazy so 🤷♂️#I don't think it's out of targeted malice AT ALL btw i know hes his absolute scrunklie#I'm not starting something over this we all beat the shit out of our scrunklies but... aghh I'm not sure what I mean ignore me#Although this has made me go hrm isn't there only like two issues left of this series. He said it'd become apparent why he brought Richie i#surely it wasn't just for him to end up dying.. but is there any time left to do something big when the finale likely won't focus on him🤔..#I'm showing up at Richie's funeral like that SpongeBob fish oc before he gets thrown into a godmaking pit to be revived I guess#Also... not that Quill's moment in 02 with the Olypmians was explicitly written as a suicide moment bc he figured he'd make it out. but..#alsooo kiiindaaa come on now... we knew he was thinking that it could've been an opportunity :'/#legit ignore me and my ramblings... im sure stuff will make more sense soon probably maybe surely
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knock on wood but already had the thought about how the potential What If winstuk of ostensible post-7x03/WDE could just be....boisterous. effulgent. vibrant.
#and it could Not Be. we could have tuk be like i; specifically; hate you; specifically. bit of a damper esp. not assuming further material#but if there's the setup for Contrast Surprise in ''everyone hates winston & has been assaulting him or not moved to make sure he's not#assaulted all day'' bad time & he ends up Unleashed. perfect time to meet just out of frame like knock knock it's me your actual friennd...#anyways i have boundless thoughts; feelings abt WDE Impends that i won't try to expound & enumerate via thirty tags limits#representative is how atm the vibe is [mild] but earlier did have an adrenal response to secondhand info. which is also just a tuesday but#winston billions#winstuk#it could sure just be everyone lining up for a last chance at telling winston they wish he was dead & then forget he exists next ep#like what happens when he's been offscreen for a moment all these five seasons lol#and of course i've thought abt ''well it's not even off the table he litchreally dies offscreen lol lmao''#it's just like 4x11 time to lose forty followers overnight#causing mpc problems? maybe someone will kill you for real.#then his life will have served its highest purpose: upping the stakes for people who matter (rian going ''hope that doesnt happen to me'')#but this would be as likely as anyone following up on winston ever to even realize if he's alive or not. maybe if they Had to ask him smth#billions probably wouldn't be that mean but who even knows. do you want maximal drama out of the winston sendoff or not#like thanks for naming an episode after him and his dick energy i guess....could've just written him out offscreen entirely#but i also have the standards of ''yes i'm gonna be pissed if/when they write him out w/o treating him like another Person in universe''#and even if they do at all in some ways. i'll also be annoyed if they stick to the tradition of not letting taylor talk to him#i know someone official liked my livetweet about that backpat. you all had better do any damn thing. sigh. anyways#only Some expounding. the winstuk setup potential could also be cuntrageous as it'd be great if winston could be more generally
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Time travel is such an interesting concept to play with, especially unwilling or unknowing time travel. Suddenly you wake up and everything looks different. You have no clue where you are. Even in the darkness of the night, the shadows cast aren't the ones you recognize. These are too tall, the air too warm, the ground too wet. And the moonless night. That's the most startling. You stare for ages searching, because it can't be right, it can't! You know the trick of the Big Dipper, but something is wrong. Following its tail leads you to an empty space. The North Star is nowhere to be seen.
#story ideas#definitely could've written this a bit better haha#even if the story is not horror there's something horrifying abt looking up at the sky and finding the stars you know gone#it's kinda that 'oh shit' moment where you realize you're probably too far away from home to ever return
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Not a violent dog | Part 1
Pairing: Logan x fem!Reader
Plot: Back in Wade‘s world Logan meets someone he thought he would never ever see again.
Warnings: slight spoilers for Deadpool 3!!!! mentions of death, angst, cursing, and fluff at the end if you squeeze your eyes at the screen, I haven’t written in A WHILE so bear with me
Masterlist
Wade met you in 2016, while he was staying at the X-Men mansion. You didn’t look up from your spot behind the counter when he came into the kitchen, your eyes were observing how the colorful cereal chunks were floating in the brownish milk. It didn’t take long for him to ultimately recognize you. “You’re Y/N!”, he exclaimed loudly, as if he made the discovery of a lifetime:” Cat Claw, was it, right?” You didn’t respond, instead, your y/e/colored eyes solely looked up. At the sight of his face, you slightly tilted your head. He immediately began ranting about how he truly believed that you could have had your own franchise if Sony cared enough about women before he made a shiver run down your spine.
“You’re Logan’s girl, right?”, he asked innocently, however, the next thing Wade knew, was how the bowl of cereal slammed against the wall right next to his face. He didn’t flinch, instead, he merely ran his finger down the milk stains before putting them into his mouth:” Oat milk, how responsible of you. We should all take better care of Mother-Earth, con-.” But before he had the chance to end his sentence, you made a few long steps toward him until your faces were only a couple of centimeters apart from one another. “That is so hot.”, Wade whispered while you studied his burned features.
“Don’t you ever take his name into your mouth again, or I’ll cut your tongue out!”
“That’s even hotter!”
Wade very quickly learned that despite your powers, your inability to die, and your unbelievably harsh persona you carried a lot of heartbreak inside. Things between you and Logan didn’t end well. You heard about his death through Charles Xavier, a couple of months after he mysteriously disappeared. And never getting any actual explanation or closure had turned you into a person no one could recognize anymore. You were always angry, short-tempered, and mean like a nervous dog. Because let’s call it by its name: you were beyond hurt. There was no term in the dictionary that could fully define how you felt about the whole situation.
So when Wade came across the other Logan, he eventually brought you up. “You’re a hero in my world, you know. Everyone idolizes you.”, Wade explained, looking down at the canned food and taking it into his hands:” No wait, scratch that- almost everyone loves you.”
Logan, who was sitting with his back turned to Wade only scoffed:” Whoever that person is, they’re probably smarter than the rest.” “Yeah, maybe.”, he simply replied, looking out of the window:” I mean, she doesn’t talk about it. Except for this one time where she was really, really drunk and we sang karaoke together…it was terrific.”
“She?”
Wade turned his head:” Yeah, Y/N.” He observed how Logan abruptly tensed up, almost as if the name alone switched on something inside of him:” Say it again.” And for one short second one could've argued that Logan was begging. The sound of his voice was almost vulnerable.
The man in the red outfit blinked a couple of times before he gazed into the open air:” We are about to find out something significant for the plot, guys!”, he whispered excitedly before clearing his throat and turning back to Logan: “Y/N, you know- the X-Man. Wasted potential if you ask me, Sony could’ve made so much money off of her. She’s really popular with women and girls above the age of 14, I-.”
“Cut the bullshit!”, he turned in his chair, eyebrows furrowed:” You are telling me that in your world, she is still alive?”
“What a plot twist!”
Turns out, Logan lost his version of you years ago on a mission. “It was supposed to be an easy one.”, Logan explained, while the two men wandered through the desert-looking realm:” Get into the lab, eliminate the mutant killing weapons, and then leave again-.” He took a deep breath, while his eyes roamed over the uninhabited land. His angry eyes suddenly much softer and sadder:” We thought we killed every guard. The bullet came out of nowhere, and hit her right in the chest.”
Only the sound of the wind cut through the stillness. „ We were supposed to get married. Charles had already promised that we would be able to build a home in the woods next to the School. So she could become a teacher… she always adored the mutant children that lived there. Said she wanted some of her own one day, with me…”
Wade stared at the ground:” I am sorry.” But Logan shook his head in comeback:” It’s all good. That’s how life is.“
“That’s what she always says as well.”, Wade muttered under his breath, as the two continued walking:” But I know she's always lying to me.”
#logan howlett#logan howlett x reader#wolverine x reader#logan howlett x you#xmen x reader#xmen imagine#angst#logan howlett angst#deadpool
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imperfect for you (joel miller x f!reader)
masterlist | a/n written for @janaispunk's 1500 kisses challenge! i got joel + nose kisses with this lovely moodboard and actually managed to write something!!! believe it or not this started out as a drabble lmao. i hope you like it jana - sorry it's a bit late, and congrats again on your milestone 🤍 summary: you never thought joel miller would accidentally call you baby. warnings: age gap (joel is mid 40s, reader is 23), fluff, very brief instance of blood, tending to a wound, joel is eepy, soft kisses, cuddles word count: 5.5k ao3 dividers by @saradika-graphics
"When's the last time you slept?"
He doesn't bother to grace you with an answer, hands clenched on the steering wheel as you barrel down the vacant stretch of highway back to Lincoln. He's been ignoring you for the past fifteen minutes now, eyes straight ahead, brow furrowed, jaw clenched. But he looks pale, almost sickly, the whites of his knuckles stark against the sudden greenish hue of his skin. The last thing you need is for him to pass out and for the two of you to crash into a damn ditch.
"I'm just saying," you continue with an exasperated sigh, "I could drive the rest of the way, we're almost there."
No reply. You roll your eyes and cross your arms indignantly in the passenger seat, returning his icy demeanor. He's in one of his moods again, the ones only Tess really knows how to handle, but you'd volunteered to try your hand at a supply run in her stead which means she's not here to mediate. You should've known some issue would arise, stubborn Joel inventing problems in typical Joel fashion.
"You could've tried to last at least one more hour pretending to like me," you mutter, loud enough for him to hear. He doesn't say anything.
Almost a year of working with them now, and you still don't understand him. You're not sure you ever will. Tess, she's much easier to understand, much more open to being understood. She'd seen your potential and taken you under her wing, brought you in to help, taught you everything you needed to know about smuggling. And Joel... well, he's a different story.
"You know, Tess thinks I have promise," you continue anyway, expression crumpling into a scowl, "She thinks I can do this. I don't get why you don't."
No answer.
"And don't say it's 'cause I'm a kid, because I'm not. I'm twenty three now, I'm past the point of being called a fucking kid. The shit I've seen in that QZ-" you cut yourself off, shaking your head, "I'm not a kid."
His lack of response is beginning to hurt deeper than you'd really like to admit. You glance over at him again; he's still staring straight ahead, still ignoring your presence. It makes unwanted tears prick in your eyes, nose stinging a little as you peer down at your lap and fold your hands together.
You'd been excited for this supply run, probably against your better judgement. You'd wanted to show him how much you know and understand, how hard you've been working, how you're up to the task. Hoped maybe he'd give you a smile - rare, but not impossible - and tell you that you did good, that he sees potential in you too.
You care what he thinks, almost more than what Tess thinks. And you know why, can sense it deep in the pit of your stomach and in the way your heart stutters when he looks at you, but you're clearly living in a fantasy world if you think he's ever gonna get past whatever this stigma is that he has against your age. She's too young, Tess. She'll get hurt, Tess. She shouldn't be doin' this, Tess. You've heard it all, muffled through closed doors in a dark and damp hallway.
He doesn't want you, and you're not sure how much longer you can go on like this. If he's not willing to change his stance, view you as anything other than an inconvenience...maybe Tess will have to find somebody else to help out.
"I know what I'm doing," you mumble, a tear dribbling down your left cheek, "I just wanna help."
You spare him one more look, fruitlessly hoping that maybe he'll feel bad now that he's made you cry - a childish thought, considering you're trying to make a case for being mature, but you can't help it. You know he's capable of being gentle, of being kind. You've experienced it with him before, quiet moments between the two of you in his apartment while waiting for Tess to return, making small talk, him peering at you with a softness in those brown eyes that have since made frequent appearances in your dreams. Moments where you swear you felt wanted under that gaze, but it must've been in your head, because you certainly don't feel wanted right now.
He doesn't look well, you have to admit. His skin is covered in a sheen of sweat, getting paler by the second, turning an unnatural grey color akin to some of the hair on his head. His eyes are glassy, dark bags settled beneath them that you've noticed getting worse and worse over the past few weeks. You shoot a glance at his hands again and are surprised to see that he's loosened his grip, that his fingers seem to be trembling against the rubber.
"Joel," you say, raising your voice a bit, "Joel, are you okay?"
His lack of response no longer angers you - it worries you. Carefully, you reach over and slowly wrap your hand around his right wrist, eyes trained on his face. At your touch, he finally turns to look at you, almost like he's only just noticed you're even there.
"You say somethin'?" he asks, voice raspy, a bit slurred.
Your grip tightens on his wrist, "I think you should stop the car."
He looks at you curiously, dazedly. It's the expression of a man who's running on two, maybe three hours of sleep in the last few days. You choose your next words carefully, eyes flickering back and forth toward his face and the road that he's suddenly no longer watching.
"Let's slow down a bit," you murmur, thumb stroking gently along his skin - he's warm, warmer than normal - "I'm gonna drive the rest of the way, okay?"
You expect some pushback, an attempt at an argument, but the tiredness is setting in quickly. Without any hesitation he eases his foot off the gas and you hurriedly reach your own leg over into his space to push down on the brake. He doesn't seem to notice the way your bare leg brushes his jeans, the crease in your knee bending over the warmth of his thigh.
"There we go," you say softly, bringing the car to a slow stop. He's still looking at you, eyes unfocused as you carefully lean over a little more to unbuckle his seatbelt. You try to ignore how good he smells, how big he is compared to you, putting all your attention on getting him out of the front seat. You unlock his door and then unbuckle your own belt, hurrying out of the car to his side.
"M'okay," he mumbles as soon as you open his door. You start to help him out, and you think he's becoming a little more aware of the situation now, allowing you to pull him to his feet as you tug open the back door. "What's happenin'?"
"You're just tired," you tell him softly, "It's okay, you can sleep in the back, I'll drive."
"Bill n' Frank's," he says as you lead him the right way, pushing him a little and helping him place his knee down on the seat, "Y'know where it is? You remember?"
"I do," you tell him confidently, your hand coming down to press flat against his back - he's so solid, heat radiating against your palm, "Only twenty minutes away now, I got it. You just sleep."
He doesn't argue; in fact, he makes your job easier by crawling onto the seat and settling down with a low groan, rolling onto his back and breathing deeply. You can't help but let a small smile cross your features, watching as one of his hands comes up to rest atop his belly, the other dangling onto the floor. His eyelashes flutter a little, lips parting, and you're about to shut the door when he speaks again.
"I know you jus' wanna help, baby."
You stand there for a moment just staring at him, confusion racing through your thoughts. Goosebumps rise on your flesh as the last word repeats like a mantra in your head, steady and slow as Joel drifts off. It's only when the door is shut and you're in the front seat that you're able to put some meaning to the words, eyes wide as you stare at the faded lines on the road.
I know what I'm doing, you'd said, I just wanna help.
You leave him in the car when you get to Bill and Frank's, typing in the gate code with a backward glance at his loose form in the backseat. They must see him on one of the security monitors, because as soon as the doors open you spot them sprinting out of the house toward you, a scanner gripped in Bill's hand. Typical.
"He's okay," you tell them as soon as you're out of the car, instantly alleviating their stress, "He's just exhausted, I think he needs to sleep for a little while."
"Understatement of the century," Frank replies with a relieved laugh, eyeing the backseat, "Think we can get him in the house?"
"Just leave him in the car," Bill says with a wave of his hand, already turning to head back towards the house with the scanner hanging out of his pocket, "He'll be fine."
Your gaze meets Frank's and he rolls his eyes, "Come on, baby, let's get him upstairs." Your brows go up at the pet name, the same word that had fallen from Joel's lips only twenty minutes ago, but then Bill is shuffling back over with an annoyed look on his face and you quickly realize he's not talking to you.
Getting Joel out of the car proves to be a lot more difficult than getting him in. You try a gentle approach at first, brushing his arm and stroking his skin with your thumb again like you'd done earlier. You can feel Frank's eyes on you as you squeeze Joel's bicep, his wrist, his thigh, and you pretend you don't see the look that passes between him and Bill as you step out to let them take a turn.
Bill goes for a much more aggressive approach, shaking Joel's shoulders wildly and practically yanking him out of the car. Understandably, Joel wakes with a gasp and kicks his legs out, hand reaching for his pistol as he frantically tries to escape Bill's grasp. Before he can grab it though, he's suddenly falling forward, knees buckling as he faceplants onto the pavement beside the car.
Well, that certainly wakes him up. His hands press into the gravel and his head shoots up, blood trickling down his nose as he peers up at the three of you, stunned.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, Bill," Frank groans.
"That was not my fault."
Ignoring them, you kneel down and gently touch Joel's shoulder, a concerned look on your face as you eye the splattered blood on the ground, "Fuck, are you okay?"
"What in the hell is goin' on?" he groans, turning to look at you, "Did Bill just break my fuckin' nose?"
"Don't be dramatic," Bill barks, spinning on the spot and heading into the house, "Shoulda just left you in the car."
Joel starts scrambling after him, rising up and standing on wobbly legs, hand reaching for his pistol once again. You and Frank grab him before he can do anything, both of you taking an arm and holding him back.
"Joel, you're exhausted," you tell him quickly, utilizing all your strength, "You just need to lay down. Please."
He turns his face to look at you and something flutters in your chest when you catch the way his eyes soften, the anger in his expression fading as he acknowledges your presence. You can vaguely make out Frank watching the two of you in your periphery, but you try your best to ignore it, instead opting to give Joel a reassuring smile.
"Let's just get you cleaned up, okay?"
You're grateful that Frank leaves you alone with Joel to tend to his nose. You've only met him a handful of times, but each time he'd somehow been able to clock the way you interact with Joel, the way you look at him. The last time you'd been here he'd subtly pulled you aside to give you a few words of wisdom.
"You do realize he's extremely unavailable, right?"
"I- I don't know what you're talking about."
He'd smiled, tapped his nose and given you a knowing look, "And I don't just mean because of Tess. That man is emotionally constipated, kiddo. He's an island." He'd laughed then at your confused expression, shaking his head, "Just be careful, s'all I'm saying."
You'd gone to walk away, forget the conversation even happened, when he'd softly called after you:
"And I'm pretty sure Tess would hang your head on her wall."
You think of those words now as you stand in front of Joel in the small bathroom off the landing, lip between your teeth as you eye the cut on his nose. It isn't broken, thank fuck, but you can see some dirt and gravel in there that you need to clean out.
"It's not broken," you tell him softly. He's sitting on the edge of the bath tub, peering up at you with a much more alert expression. The fall definitely woke him up, not to mention the choice words he and Bill had thrown at each other as you and Frank helped him up the stairs. He's still exhausted though, and he needs to rest.
"I know it's not," he grumbles, "Just wanted to give Bill a piece of my mind for once."
You laugh softly as you reach for the damp cloth beside you, bringing it up to carefully pat it against the gash on the bridge of his nose. You can feel his eyes on you, watching and assessing as you do your best to wipe the area clean.
"I can do that myself," he murmurs.
"I just wanna help," you say quietly, and your eyes fall to his in a knowing glance. He doesn't seem to remember though, just nods and lets you carry on.
It's rare for you to be this alone with him. And by that, you mean this far from Tess. You're painfully aware that it would be impossible for her to walk in at any moment, to see the way you're standing over him, touching him. Frank's words from last time echo in your head but you're not quite sure you believe them; would she really be that angry if she knew how you felt about Joel? It's not like he'd return it, right? The man is twenty years your senior and, as Frank said, extremely unavailable. Not to mention Tess and Joel's relationship has been a point of confusion to you for a year now, still unsure exactly what they are to each other - would she really care?
You reach for the antiseptic - one of the many perks of having an injury in a supply house - and carefully dab some onto the cloth. Your hand trembles a bit as you reach up to carefully hold Joel's chin, your thumb getting lost in his greying beard.
"You haven't shaved in a while," you breathe, your eyes meeting his, and you wonder if you've already crossed a line by even noticing.
He doesn't seem to mind though, sighing deeply, "I haven't slept in a while, so let's hurry this up," he eyes the cloth, "Don't gotta warn me, just do it."
His words bring you back to the present, and you slowly ease the cloth down onto his cut. He hisses a bit, a normal reaction, but it only takes a few seconds to clean and then you're already reaching for a bandage, reluctantly letting go of his chin.
"I was worried about you, before. In the car," you tell him softly, unpeeling the adhesive, "Why haven't you been sleeping?"
His eyes fall to the floor, "I just don't sleep good. Never have."
"Is there anything I can do?"
He shrugs, gives you a humorless laugh, "Handful o' pills and a couple sips o' whiskey usually does the trick."
It makes sense, then, why these past few weeks he's seemed worse. It's been longer than usual since your last supply run and the three of you had started running out of vital supplies over a week ago now, not only for buyers but for yourselves. Joel had written whiskey near the top of the latter list, along with hydromorphone which he'd underlined several times.
"You should've told me you weren't feeling well," you murmur, applying the bandage carefully, "I could've driven the whole way."
"Could've, should've," he dismisses you with a grunt, "Doesn't matter now, does it? We got here, that's what counts."
You linger a little longer than you should on the bandage, thumb falling to gently trace the crease of his nose as you assess your work. It might scar, but it feels pointless to voice this - he already has so many, scattered across his face and neck like confetti. It hurts a little, knowing he's been through so much, seeing the evidence written all over him.
"My mom had this superstition," you tell him softly, a smile playing at your lips as you trace one of the scars under his eye, soft and delicate, "Whenever I got hurt, skinned my knee or busted my elbow playing, she'd bandage me up and then kiss it. She said a kiss would seal her love in there, keep me safe and protected. And if it scarred, that meant it worked."
He blinks at you, expression faltering a bit, "That's...that's a nice thought."
You shake your head, "It's silly, and not true. But... but I still do it anyway, even though she's gone. Just in case," you bite your lip, "I mean, who doesn't wanna feel a little more safe? A little more protected?"
Your gazes lock, and neither of you seem to move, caught in the stillness of the moment and the way your thumb is still stroking his face. You know you have limited time, maybe a few seconds before he breaks it, so without much thought at all you lean down and lightly press your lips to the bandage, eyes closed.
He inhales sharply, a sound that triggers butterflies in your tummy as you hold your mouth against his nose, soft and sweet. It's the closest you've ever been to him, even if you're kissing gauze and not skin - you can still feel the warmth radiating from him, sense the way he freezes below you. A squeaking sound pierces the silence, his hand squeezing the edge of the bath tub tightly. It startles you, your eyes blinking open as you pull back to look at him.
His cheeks are tinged pink, eyelids heavy as he peers up at you with slow blinks.
"You're tired," you breathe, unable to stop your hand from flitting to his hair, pushing a little behind his ear, "Let's get you to bed."
The Joel Miller in Bill and Frank's guest room is not the Joel Miller you thought you knew.
This Joel is loose, pliant. He lets you lead him into the bedroom with a hand on his back, lets you carefully turn him on the spot to reach up and undo the buttons on his flannel. Frank had told you on your way up to make sure Joel didn't get blood on the sheets, so you're only following orders, only doing what you were told.
"Sorry," you murmur softly, fingers shaking every so often as they toy with the buttons, sticky with his blood. Joel doesn't seem to notice though, retreating more and more into the sleepy state he'd been in earlier.
Once his flannel is off you assess his t-shirt and jeans, and you're not sure how to feel about the fact that they didn't get dirty in the fall. On the other hand, though, you're not sure you'd have been brave enough to take them off. Instead you help him toward the bed, pull back the sheets and carefully push him ahead.
"There you go," you whisper, helping him under the covers and pulling the blankets back over him. The sun is streaming through the window, casting the golden light of early evening across the bed, and while it's quite beautiful you shut the curtains anyway, knowing he'll sleep better in darkness. When you turn back around, he's already fallen asleep, lips parted, face peaceful. A different man.
You don't linger, even though you want to.
It's around ten o'clock when you decide to check on him again. You'd watched a movie with Bill and Frank, feeling more than a little unwelcome as Bill tossed you a few dirty looks every so often, though Frank repeatedly told you to ignore him. Now they're in bed downstairs while you pad from your own room across the hall to Joel's, turning the knob carefully. The hinges squeak a little as you open it and you wince.
"Who's there?" you hear Joel grumble from the bed. So much for just taking a peek.
"Me, just me." You push the door wider and walk inside, eyebrows going up when Joel turns on the bedside lamp. He seems a little more rested, although you know he still needs a full night's sleep. "I sent a message to Tess through the radio to let her know we're not coming back tonight - well, Frank did. Picked a song called Tomorrow or something like that."
"Hope it was the Johnny Mathis version," he mumbles, and you watch as he brings his hands up to rub across his face. He accidentally dismantles the bandage and you step forward without really thinking, hurrying to his side and reaching down to fix it.
His hand comes up to grab yours and you freeze in place.
"I can do it," he says, giving you a curt look and then releasing your hand to adjust the gauze himself.
Well, you suppose lax and sleepy Joel couldn't stick around forever. You stand awkwardly by the side of the bed, toying with the edge of the blanket as he rubs his eyes and sits up a little, leaning back against the headboard. He looks so much older in this light; you can see the little flecks of grey in his beard and hair that have been starting to get more noticeable lately, the crows feet, the wrinkles.
He's so handsome.
He turns to look at you with a frown, as if he's only just realizing what you said, "We can go back tonight, I'm fine."
"You're not and you know it. Besides, it's already past ten and now I'm tired, I won't be able to drive."
"I can drive."
"Joel," you surprise yourself by sitting down on the edge of the bed, narrowing your brow as you give him a serious look, "You can't drive. You almost fucking killed us both."
"No I-"
"Yes you did," your tone is firm, suddenly angry - are you angry? - "If I hadn't been talking to you, if I hadn't noticed something was wrong, you would've driven us off the damn road."
He goes quiet at that, frown deepening, the lines on his face more prominent in the low lamplight. You sigh, eyes falling to rest on where your hand is settled on the bed, only inches from his. Part of you wants to reach out and touch, feel the warmth of his skin, the rough of his palm - the other part decides to do something even more stupid.
"You called me baby."
It's out of your mouth before you've even really acknowledged it, and once the words have tumbled out you know there's no taking them back. Your gaze snaps back up to his, slightly surprised to see that he doesn't seem very shocked by your admission.
He clears his throat a little, averting his gaze and shuffling a bit under the covers, "Did I?"
"...Yeah."
You think maybe he'll say something else - anything else - but he doesn't. God, it really is like pulling teeth with him; he's so fucking beautiful but so impossible, never being able to expand on something unless prompted, never being able to answer a single question without jerking you around first. How the fuck has Tess managed to deal with it for so long?
The thought of Tess sends a wave of guilt through your body, Frank's words echoing in your head, but you shove it down.
"What made you... I mean why..." your voice is soft, apprehensive and shy in the quiet of the bedroom, "why'd you call me baby?"
A beat of silence. Then-
"Don't ask me that."
The mood has shifted, your sudden anger ebbing and his annoyance fading into something else, something on the brink of being real. He's avoiding your eyes, peering at the window with the curtains drawn and tapping his fingers anxiously against the mattress, so close to your hand. He's nervous; you're making him nervous.
You stay silent, hoping he'll speak again, hoping maybe just this one time he'll tell you what he's thinking.
"I don't know why."
The words are barely a whisper, almost like he's telling you a secret, and he leaves them hanging in the air briefly before amending - "Well," he sighs and finally looks at you, an emotion you can't place crossing his features, "that's not true. But... I didn't mean - fuck, I was passin' out, for Christ's sake, I didn't realize-"
He cuts himself off again, raising his hand up to press his fingers to the bridge of his nose, briefly forgetting the bandage. He winces when he comes in contact with the gauze, "Can I take this off? It's drivin' me fuckin' crazy."
"Let me do it," you say quietly, inching forward on the bed and reaching for his face. He flinches when you go to touch him, and your hand freezes mid-air.
"Sorry," he mutters, shaking his head like he's shaking off a sensation, a chill, "Go ahead."
With careful - and slightly trembling - fingers, you remove the bandage from his nose. It looks much better than before, no fresh blood in sight, and you suppose it's okay for him to keep it uncovered for the night. Without really thinking about it you gently thumb the side of his nose just shy of the cut, the tips of your other fingers brushing against his cheek.
"It's not too bad," you murmur, and before you know it you're suddenly cupping his jaw, feeling the weight of it in your palm. Your gaze falls to his lips, your thoughts going a mile a minute.
You realize you're close enough that you could kiss him, if you really wanted to. If he really wanted to. All it would take is one small movement, one little push from the both of you, one leap of faith...
And then he whispers your name, almost a warning, and it's like his thoughts are mirroring yours - like he can see exactly what you're picturing, wishing for. Your eyes meet his and you feel a flutter in your stomach when you see the way he's looking at you, a quiet hunger hidden in the deep brown.
You decide to test the waters. You lean in and softly press another kiss to his nose, this time without the gauze in the way. Just like you'd thought, his skin is hot under your lips, soft but scarred, and his smell - god, he smells so masculine and safe, invading your senses as your lips trail downwards to press a small kiss to his cupid's bow, then another to the corner of his mouth. It's sharp, prickly from his scruff, but it doesn't bother you in the slightest - in fact, you kind of like the dull pain, the way it grounds you, keeps you in the moment.
"Baby," he whispers, and a soft little whine falls from your lips without meaning to as your lips move to ghost across his mouth, going for another kiss - a real kiss.
He pulls away before you get there, but then his hand comes up to touch your face, big and wide. He holds you like you're precious, small. His baby.
"S'not right," he whispers, though his thumb strokes your cheek soothingly, "S'not okay for me to want you like that."
You close your eyes at his touch, breathing deeply, "But you do."
"Yeah, I do," you hear him murmur, "You know I do."
"For how long?"
He doesn't respond right away, just continues to stroke your cheek, hold what feels like all of you in his warm palm. You tilt your head a bit to the side, eyes fluttering open to look at him again. You catch the way his lips turn up a little at the movement.
"Too damn long," he sighs, "But that don't... that's not..." he brings his other hand up to cup the other side of your face, holding you still as he peers at you in earnest, brow furrowed, "Point is, we shouldn't... you shouldn't be out here alone with me. Tess knows how I-" he cuts himself off again, and you can see now how difficult it is for him to communicate like this, to be open and honest, "I told her it wasn't a good idea."
"Why?"
He laughs lightly, thumbs circling the apples of your cheeks, "'Cause look where we ended up." He swallows, eyes falling to your lips, "Look where you are right now, baby. Look where my damn hands are for cryin' out loud."
"Keep calling me baby," you breathe, a desperation in your voice that betrays your emotions, tears pricking in your eyes as the weight of this conversation comes crashing down around you. He wants you - he's always wanted you. His words to Tess about not wanting to put you in danger, wanting you to stay away, those soft looks you've shared in his apartment, the small talk, all of it - it's because he wants you.
"We can't do this," he murmurs, leaning in to press his forehead to yours, eyes closing, "I can't do this, you're so- you're too-" he groans, fingers digging into your hair, "You're so young, baby."
"I don't care," you whine, butting your head forward to chase his lips, suddenly yearning to be kissed and held and protected by him, be wrapped in his embrace.
But he pulls away, removing his hands from your face and shuffling back a bit on the bed, away from you. Your hand drops but you reach out pathetically for him anyway, moving closer, attempting to pull the covers back. His hands capture yours and he squeezes them firmly, shaking his head.
"You need to go back to your room," he tells you, and his tone has changed from soft to serious, "It's late and I'm... well, you know I'm fuckin' exhausted. And you've had a long day." He looks at you with pleading eyes, like he's silently begging for you not to put him in this situation, "Let's just call it a night, okay?"
"But-" you start, tears shining in your eyes.
"Please," he breathes, "Please don't make this harder than it needs to be."
You do not want to get up from his bed. But you do.
You do not want to leave his room. But you do.
You do not want to lie awake in your own bed, staring at the ceiling, thinking about how his hands felt on your face, the way his eyes searched yours, the way his skin felt under your lips.
But you do.
You lie there for hours, thumbs twiddling against your belly, tears trickling down your cheeks every so often. All you can hear in your mind over and over again is the word Baby, punctuated by that soft groan he'd made, the way his thumbs had stroked your cheeks, how large and warm and safe he'd seemed in that bed.
All you want to do is be in that bed with him.
So it's no surprise when, as the sun is beginning to rise and that warm golden light starts to stream through your window, you crawl out from under your blankets and cross the hall one more time.
"We shouldn't" he murmurs when you climb into bed with him, when you tuck yourself into his side and bury your face in his shoulder, but his hands are already in your hair, fingers stroking along the back of your head.
Your bodies mold together like they've always been meant to fit that way, your legs tangled with his, arms trapped under big biceps and hairy forearms, breasts flush with his suddenly bare chest.
"I wanna be your baby," you whisper.
The nose you'd kissed brushes slowly up and down the side of your face, and he doesn't hesitate this time. He reaches up to turn your head, presses his lips against yours and lets you melt into him. Lets you trail your hand downward to unbutton his jeans in the silence of the early morning.
"You already are."
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Roadhouse
Dean Winchester x Female!Reader
Warnings: +18 contains smut
Summary: You have had feelings for Dean Winchester for a while and never thought you guys would be more than friends but on a case Dean's jealousy gets the best of him and the truth comes out.
You set your takeout box on the desk and sigh, putting a hand to your head to rub between your eyebrows looking for some kind of stress relief. Detective Bass eyes you and sets his takeout box on the table separating the two of you and leans in, setting one of his hands on the table. His gaze is intense and it puzzles you further.
“We will figure this out” he finally says
He was partially correct, he just had the wrong “We”. You and Dean would figure this out, you had been on this case for two days now and still hadn't pinpointed what exactly was attacking the women in this town. You were utterly exhausted, this cheap pencil skirt keeps riding up, the fluorescent lighting is giving you a headache, and the autopsy results are starting to blur.
“Hey you want to turn in” he says, reaching around the table to rest his hand on your thigh. Don't get it twisted, Detectives Bass’s sharp features, dark hair, and lean build could make any woman's head turn however you have had a certain hunter on your mind and had for a while now. As if on cue you hear a familiar voice say
“Hope i'm not interrupting” Bass’s hand flinches back as Dean stands in the doorway with his hands in his pockets.
He tensely walks forwards and takes a seat on your side of the table. Straightening his suit out as he does. He sends a look laced with daggers into your profile and you tense. You know he's as annoyed about this case as you were and try to let it go.
“You're not, we were just finishing up actually” You reply. You stand up and start to gather the files on the table when you look over. Dean's eyes aren't on you but on the detective across the table, His jaw is locked and his hand is clenched in a fist so hard that his knuckles are turning white. You turn your attention back to the papers and then look up and make direct eye contact with the detective. He was looking directly at you with his hand running over his bottom lip and chin, if you didn't know better you'd say that was lust in his eyes.
“Well it's been a pleasure working with you tonight Agent Seager…” he says referring to you, “... it's just been wonderful” He reaches a hand out intended for you to take, and you do. You shake his hand and he looks so deeply into your eyes, he might be able to see through you.
The silence is interrupted by Dean clearing his throat and standing and reaching his hand out to shake the detective's “Pleasures all mine” their hand meets and the tension is palpable. Dean is intense right now and it makes Bass shift on his feet. Your confusion was probably written on your face. Dean drops his hand but not his gaze and you put your hand on his upper arm to break the match. Dean looks at you annoyed, rolls his eyes and starts making his way towards the door with you following behind. You try to match his pace as you two hastily head toward the exit.
The big exit doors open and as soon as they do Dean turns back and without saying anything grabs your hand and starts literally walking you to the car. You're struggling to keep his pace and your mind is racing at his touch, but also his demeanor and why it is the way it is. You both come upon the car. You open the door and get in and slam it behind you, fueled by Dean's attitude. He does the same and you finally cut the tension as the engine roars to life and he pulls out of the parking lot.
“What is your issue?” You say snarkily
He says nothing and stares at the road ahead, tightening his grip on the steering wheel.
“Whatever” you say after realizing from the length of his silence that he had no intention of answering your question. You sit and contemplate what you could've done to annoy him so much and anticipate seeing the motel come into vision. But it doesn't. A run down roadhouse does. Probably even the gnarliest bikers wouldn't even touch this place yet, here we are. You snap your head in his direction the second he parks and say
“What in the actual hell are we doing here?” He rolls his eyes and looks over in your direction in one swift motion. He looks down your entire body and back up again to meet your eyes. This isn't unusual. You have caught him doing it before but never so blatantly and certainly not while harboring such annoyance for you, or what you thought was annoyance. You had always wondered if it meant anything to Dean the way you hoped it had.
It was hard to care that he was annoyed with you when he looks as stunning as he does. His tie is now loose, his jaw is sharp, his hair is slightly tousled from running hand through it occasionally on the drive to the roadhouse. It was possible you were also giving him a subconscious once over and he must have noticed. He smirks and his eyes flicker from your lips to your eyes.
“I'll forget you let Detective Bass have the pleasure of undressing you with his eyes if you join me for a drink” he says still smirking and with a bluntness that stirs something inside of you but you're quick to retort
“I didn-”
“Yes or no..” he says interrupting and without breaking eye contact, still smirking.
Your mind is racing with all the possibilities right now, swimming with all the endless ways this night could unfold. All you can say is
“Yes” with that he grins a jackpot smile and opens his door to get out you're too stunned to move when your door opening breaks you from your thoughts. You turn and see Dean's hand stretched out for you to take. You follow your eyes up and meet his green ones and they're a shade that you've never noticed before with an apparent sparkle. You take his hand and allow him to lift you out of the seat of the impala. He shuts the door behind and you and you take one last glance at each other before you both head hand in hand into the rundown roadhouse.
He opens the door for you and and you're confronted with a loudly playing “Night Moves’ by Bob Seager, rainbow strobe lights and the smell of cheap beer and cigarettes. You look over at Dean with a look that says really? and he says
“Oh cmon, give it a chance” and with that he takes his hand that was previously holding yours and grabs your waist and pulls you to him. You're tucked firmly into his side and he walks the both of you over to the bar and orders a beer, a shot of whiskey for himself and a tequila cran for you. Your favorite, he noticed.
The first round comes and goes and so does a second and half of the third before you need a bathroom. You wait for Dean to finish a genuinely engaging story, all of them have been you love just talking and getting to know him without the thought of the world's doom on your shoulders. Right now it feels like only you two matter and every word that spills from his beautiful lips fuels this. You say you'll be right back and he smiles as you silently slightly struggle to lift yourself off the seat, It felt like you had been on for way too long.
You make your way to the bathroom and open it up and find it's not as gross as you were expecting. Shocked and pleased, you head to the sink and look at yourself in the mirror. Your hair is slightly disheveled from running your hands through it while talking with Dean, your dress shirt had opened an extra button and your skirt was becoming a little too short. You looked kinda hot in a messy sort of way but you decided to straighten yourself out and splash some water on your face to hopefully offset the alcohol coursing through your system at the moment.
You rest your hands on either side of the sink and try to compose yourself with use of your reflection when the door you thought you locked behind you opens and shuts. You quickly turn around to face the intruder and are met with Dean. He's staring at you in a way that takes your breath away and urge to curse him out for barging in. He looks at you the way you've always wanted him to look at you. He’s breathless himself when he slowly reaches his hand behind him to turn the lock on the door.
His eyes don't leave yours. He takes a few steps forward until you can feel each other's breath fanning over each other's cheeks. You can't think of anything else other than the hue of his green eyes, the few freckles he has, and how kissable his lips look.
“You drive me crazy… and you have for a while now” he says as he lifts his hand to brush some hair from the sides of your face.
“What-” you say, feeling like you're gasping for air.
“I can't see you with anyone else… ever'' there's a brief silence and then he tilts his head and whispers against your neck “i adore you… you have no idea what you do to me..” his hands slowly and tenderly grasp your waist and you’re having trouble deciphering if this is actually happening or if that third tequila cran has you hallucinating on the sidewalk somewhere. All you know is his hands feel really real on your waist and his breath on your neck travels all the way down to where you want him most, that also feels very real.
“Say anything..please… I'll take anything right now…” He pulls back without taking his hands away from your waist, thankfully, the feeling is electrifying. His face has a tinge of worry of doubt and you can't stand it.
“I feel the same…” You say taking the sides of his face into your hands. You watch as the doubt is erased from his face and that jackpot Dean Winchester grin creeps its way onto his face once again.
“...I have for a while now” you say with your own grin. Proud of stealing his line and finally admitting your feelings to the man you adore. He leans in, sealing your lips and in this moment it feels fate. His hands move from your waist to the sides of your face as if he can't possibly get enough of you. The kiss is passionate, tender, everything you both ever wanted. Your hands ignite wildfires across each other's bodies as you explore and feel what you had both wanted more than anything for a long time now.
He places his hands on the sink behind you, caging you in and breaks the kiss to look down and steady himself. He feels ravenous right now and it's taking everything in him to not rip your clothes off and take you right here. You're not making it any easier as that is exactly what you want right now, it's exactly what you need. He looks up with his mesmerizing green eyes and says
“You have no idea how bad I want you right now...”
“Nothings stopping you...” you say in a whisper hovered against his lips while you regather the sides of his face into your hands. He kisses you again but this time with no sign of an end or hesitation. You pull his tie with both hands until it's undone and throw it to the floor. The kiss is feverish and intense. You love the feeling of him and he feels the same.
You start to undo the many buttons on his dress shirt and he starts to do the same to you almost as if in a race. You fling it off his shoulders and pull it down his strong arms. You help him slide yours down your shoulders and sneak a quick glance as it falls to the floor. You're both panting, desperate for air but even more desperate for each other. He carefully moves his hand over your breasts through your bra and just like that you're a moaning mess.
“I want to see you… all of you” he says as he puts his hands back to your waist and turns you so you're facing the mirror. He unclasps your bra while standing behind you and slides the straps off your shoulders and as you watch as it falls off your frame onto the floor. He's kissing your neck and has his hand on the other side. His free hand is trailing its way from your nipple, to your stomach, to the ends of your now very ridden up pencil skirt.
He pulls it up all the way to your stomach and starts rubbing you through your panties. Soft circles to match the soft wet kisses all over your neck, the other hand moves down your chest and cups your breast and massages. His touch is euphoric and all you want is him. You can feel that all he wants is you from his hardness pressed onto your backside.
“You'll never want another man after what I'm going to do to you… I can promise you that sweetheart…” he whispers against your neck, while continuing to place soft hypnotic kisses, and rub circles over your clothed clit. You can see yourself unraveling through what glimpses you can catch in the mirror. You're rested against his toned chest with your head thrown back and eyes screwed shut moaning and gasping out Dean's name. He has just found his new favorite song.
When he pulls away, you snap your head to look in the mirror just to catch his devious eyes before he turns you once again to face him. He leans down and simultaneously reconnects your lips and lifts you so you're resting on the edge of the sink. His hands are on your thighs and he's standing between them. You guys are kissing all over each other. It's heavenly. You're both grinding against each other and you start to undo his pants and tug them down. He helps and pulls them the rest of the way down.
He's already hard and he's big. Bigger than you'd ever had. You take him into your hands and start pumping him eliciting a string of moans and grunts that only fuels you more. He’s wanted this for so long and it was about to happen. He takes himself from you and looks at you with a question, are you sure? You nod wanting nothing more. He smiles and kisses you again. He hooks a single finger around your panties and moves them to the side. He slides himself along your slick folds, relishing the feeling.
He slightly pushes the tip in and moves in and out slowly giving you time to adjust. He's panting and gasping at the tightness. You're grasping at his shoulders and loving the sensation. He pushes in further and you're singing his name in praise. He starts to move and then moves feverishly. You both have wanted this for so long you can't get enough. Youre hand are running everywhere over eachothers bodies and hes holding you in his strong arms as he fucks you. You can feel yourself unraveling and judging by the slight sloppiness of his thrusts, he's almost there as well. You tighten around him and cum which seems to set him over the edge and the next thing you feel is him spilling out of you.
You're both a mess and simultaneously rest your heads on each other's shoulders trying to catch your breath.
“That was-”
“Amazing” he cuts you off and picks himself off your shoulder still breathless and gives you a quick kiss. Neither of you move, unsure if you ever wanted to leave this bathroom, this moment. You just stay in eachothers eyes for a bit.
“We should get going” you say with a smile crossing your arms around his neck
“So eager for round two?” he replies with that signature smirk grabbing your waist and pulling you off the sink to stand. He holds you there.
“If that's what it takes to get us out of this place faster than absolutely” you say with a laugh and it earns one from him as well. You both redress yourselves, helping each other along the way. You’re both smiling and giddy and it's just comfortable.
You both go to walk hand and hand out of the roadhouse bathroom and as soon as the door opens you're both greeted with an embarrassingly long line of skeevy bar patrons, all shooting daggered stares you and Dean's way.
“Worth it” he says while looking at you, dare you say lovingly.
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