#prob logging off to focus for my finals

[hanrinz]

finals tomorrow ;( im not built for this and my prof just told me today he didnt send my email to the coordinator of my strand like ???

[bumbleberrysky]

alexa, play candyshop (bass boosted) | 02

pairing: gabriel x reader genre: soulmate au, canon divergent around s13, hurt/comfort, humour, future smut (probs) wc: 3.7k rating: sfw warnings: same as before, wounded gabriel & removal of those stitches notes: the fire under my ass burns as strong as ever, hallelujah

You knew there was a reason some divine power brought you to the Winchesters all those years ago, but to this day you still have no idea what that reason is. It’s something you’re destined to find out soon though, especially when you return to the bunker after months away and find not only a new face, but one that belongs to someone who up until that point you’d thought was dead. What does his return have to do with the changes you’re suddenly experiencing in yourself? Will you finally find out the reason you’d been brought here in the first place? Maybe…

Chuck works in mysterious ways after all.

prev. || next

Much to your regret, your plans the next morning to continue being a nuisance to Dean are thrown in the bin at his decision to leave early and meet Castiel somewhere a state over for a case that the angel had found. Something about vamps in a mine or something, you’re a bit hazy on the details. You’d only half-listened when Sam filled you in upon your arrival in the kitchen, a good hour after Dean had already departed the bunker.

While you would like to say Dean is completely to blame, the truth is that once you passed out last night you slept like a log and didn’t wake up until mid-morning today, which classifies as a sleep-in of sorts for you. You love sleep, but your body is wired to wake up not long after sunrise, unfortunately. It’s that hunter lifestyle you love to hate.

Sam had huffed a laugh at your face when you found out you’d missed Dean, but otherwise had kept to himself with his healthy breakfast as you went about making yourself a coffee. You tend to be a bit nauseous in the mornings, so a coffee will be enough for you for a few hours. It’s likely your stomach won’t roar in hunger until a bit after midday, as it is wont to do.

“How is your arm?”

Sam’s question breaks you out of the dissociative state you’d slipped into as you sip your coffee, grip on the mug tightening in reflex. It takes a few blinks before your eyes focus back on him, a small smile on your lips.

“Much better, thank you doctor,” you answer, before mumbling into your coffee as you take another sip. “Despite apparent attempts at making it otherwise…”

Sam snorts, not even bothering to comment on that. “I’m glad. Did you have anything planned for the day?”

A contemplative hum escapes you, your gaze wandering to the ceiling. “No, not really. I kind of went hard for a while there, one case after the other, so I’m due for a break. Not much of a fan of burnout.”

Your eyes move back down, meeting his own. “I’m probably going to just hang back, for a bit. Recuperate. I mean, I didn’t get any injury besides my arm, but I’m just… tired, I suppose. Didn’t get much sleep the past few weeks.”

“Of course you didn’t hurt anything but your arm,” Sam rolls his eyes, taking a sip of his smoothie—you’re not a fan of the green tinge it has, but if he likes it then you suppose it must be alright, at least. “You and your stupid good luck. Dean is still mad about last time, you know. When he got splattered in monster guts that just missed you by a centimetre.”

The memory yanks a giggle out of you before you can stop it, almost spilling your coffee as a result of the abrupt movement. “Oh, that was good. I wish I had a picture so I could scrapbook it.”

Sam laughs around a mouthful of food, swallowing it down before he continues. “Dean would kill you.”

“I know, but it would be worth it.” You place your cup down, deciding it a better course of action than continuing to hold it and risking spillage. “Also, I know you think my luck is really good all the time, but it’s kind of just good occasionally. All other times, it sucks.”

“It kicks in when you hunt, though, so I suppose that’s all that matters,” Sam muses, flicking through an article on his phone somewhat distractedly. He hums to himself before turning the screen off and angling his body to you properly, meeting your questioning gaze.

“I’m… I’m gonna need your help,” he says, appearing somewhat sheepish. “With Gabriel.”

You try not to let your sharp intake of breath show, but from the look that flickers through Sam’s eyes you figure he catches it anyway. Your teeth worry your bottom lip for a moment before you can muster a proper response. “Alright. What are you thinking of doing?”

Sam adjusts once more, pushing his plate away, cutlery stacked on top; it’s only now that you realise he’s finished the meal and the only thing left to consume is his smoothie.

“Well, I’m not… entirely sure yet.”

You huff a laugh, attempting to regain a sense of normalcy. It isn’t that you’d forgotten about the battered archangel hiding in a room a few doors down from yours, but it’s moreso that you’d made it a point not to think about it so early in the morning, lest your mood be ruined for the entire day. Thinking of Gabriel… it kind of hurt. You’re not sure you’re ready to sit down and analyse exactly why you’re having such visceral reactions yet.

“I don’t think we can really plan much, here,” he says, features softening with empathy. It reminds you that when it comes to Hell and being tortured, the youngest Winchester isn’t as unfamiliar as you might hope. A pang of something hits against the confines of your chest at his tone and the passing look in his eyes; as always, there’s the useless feeling, the wish you could take away all the bad memories and experiences and make it all better. You know you can’t, nothing can, but you hate seeing your friends in any modicum of pain.

You suppose that includes Gabriel, if the sensations whirling within you at the thought of him are anything to go by.

“We’ll just have to take it as it comes,” you say, taking your mug into your hold and downing the rest of the drink in one go. “Alright! I’m gonna shower and then… I guess we go see him.”

x   x

 Unlike the Gabriel you were once so familiar with, this Gabriel is decidedly not fond of visitors.

Sam had gone and prepared some things while you’d showered and dressed, and by the time you reappear outside your room you hear shuffling from the direction of the library. Curious, you make your way down the hall, peeking your head in and blinking in only minor surprise at the sight of Sam, his shoulders heavy.

“What’s up, Sam-o-saurus?”

Sam looks up and gives you the closest approximation to a bitch face that you’ve ever received from him, clearly not fond of the new nickname that came to you on the spot like a divine enlightenment. He takes a moment to close his eyes and breathe, though, which is probably for the best considering your mission for the day. It would do none of you any good if he went near Gabriel while all riled up.

“Gabriel is, uh,” he clears his throat, placing down a sterile steel tray in the shape of a bean and small surgical scissors, along with a scalpel. Your gaze strays to the side and sees that it was the first aid box he’d been ransacking as you arrived. “Not very open to visitation from me right now. I think I might be a bit… bit big. He doesn’t really even see me when he looks at me, so I don’t think he realises who I am.”

You wince, trying not to dwell on the information longer than needed to file it away for later consideration. “Oh. Sorry, Sam. You want me to go see if I can bring him out?”

“Please,” the tall man says, gesturing to the tools on the glossy oak table. “I figured we could start by getting rid of those stitches over his mouth, if nothing else. I don’t think he has enough grace right now to stop infection so we should try and reduce the risk.”

His words sadden you, but you know the truth they hold. Your limbs feel a bit heavy as you push away from the doorway.

“Alright. I’ll be right back.”

Gabriel’s allocated room isn’t all that far from the library, and the note on the door sticks out like a sore thumb so you don’t have to worry much about getting lost on the way (ignoring that at this point you know most parts of the bunker like the back of your hand). Once outside his room, something gives you pause though.

Are you ready to see him in that state again? Or is it that a small, tiny part of you fears he won’t recognise you, either?

Ridiculous of you, really. You take a moment to admonish yourself for the thought. If you take a second to factor in the difference in time spent in hell, even without considering all the time he was missing, Gabriel had to have been trapped and tortured for over a century at the very least. Centuries and years might mean nothing to a celestial being who has been alive for millennia, but over a century of fear and torture is a lot even for someone with such impressive mileage.

You shake your head, attempting to clear your thoughts and emotions so you don’t enter his room with an overwhelming aura. Okay, showtime.

A soft knock echoes as your knuckles meet the wood, a moment passing before you speak, attempting to keep your voice as soft and nonthreatening as possible.

“Gabriel? It’s y/n, I’m going to come in now.”

You allow another moment to pass before you ease the door open, blinking in surprise as your eyes are greeted by light—it seems the archangel has every bulb in the vicinity burning its brightest. Understandable, since you presume he wasn’t exactly kept in well-lit conditions.

For a second, you think he’s not in the room. You don’t see him anywhere, and you’re about a split-second away from turning and calling Sam when you catch a glimpse of something shifting in the corner, behind the bulky side of a wooden dresser. You think for a second that you’ve forgotten how to breathe, chest painfully tight, as you realise that the small form huddled and curled in the corner is, in fact, the archangel Gabriel.

You hate that you’d noticed him only because of the filthy scraps of material that stick out against the dark décor of the bunker.

“Hey, Gabriel,” you say softly, keeping the door open so he has a route of escape and moving over as slowly and cautiously as you can. “I’m just gonna come over and sit in front of you, alright?”

You figure that even if he’s not entirely listening to everything you’re saying, it’s better to announce what you’re doing before you do it, for his benefit.

Something painful ricochets off the inside of your chest as you grow close enough to see him around the dresser and you’re confronted with his beaten, bloody and battered figure once more. His gaze is anywhere but you, and the way he presses himself into the corner is like he’s trying to make himself as small as possible. It takes all of your willpower to squash down the unexpected sob that catches low in your throat. What is wrong with you?! You need to get a grip.

“Oh, Gabriel,” you find yourself saying before you can stop. “I’m so sorry…”

The closer you get to him, the lower you try to make yourself in his peripheral. It wouldn’t do any good to startle him by appearing big and threatening. It makes you frown when you remember just who it is that you have to think this way about. It’s sad, you think. The Gabriel you’d known was prideful, glaringly bright and loud in his presence, both as a trickster and an angel, and that he’d been reduced to… well, to this? It made your chest feel heavy.

Slowly and as quietly as possible, you ease down onto your knees in front of him, doing your best not to rush anything. It’s hard—you’re a hunter, used to moving with speed and a sense of urgency. So to take your time and really be in the moment for each of your actions is definitely an odd change from the usual autopilot your brain resides in.

He doesn’t acknowledge your presence once you’re still in front of him, not really. You had expected as much though, and as much as he seems unresponsive you do see the occasional flick of his eyes in your direction before they dart away, like he couldn’t believe he’d dared to look at someone instead of the floor.

For a few minutes, you simply let him adjust to your presence, your company. Ever so slowly, you see the tiniest bits of tension ease from his shoulders, his eyes no longer darting around like a frantic squirrel. You take the opportunity to take in the wounds and sores littering his body, doing your best not to get too upset by what you see. Dirt and grime coats him in layers, and you mentally note that your next goal with him would be to get him in a damn bath.

It can’t be comfortable, sitting in all that grime…

“For the sake of transparency,” you begin when he seems like he will be open enough to listening. “I’ll tell you why I’m here. This is your space right now, and I don’t want to intrude on it unless I really need to.”

He doesn’t meet your gaze, but you sense you have his attention. “Given that right now you’re low on… strength, and not healing as you usually do, we need to take care of some of the worse wounds you have. If we don’t, it’s a risk of infection, and we don’t know how well you would fight that off in this state…”

You clear your throat, attempting to keep yourself on track. “So, if you’re able, we’d really like you to come out just for a moment, so we can fix up some of your sores. I promise that you can come right back in here afterwards, and that unless we have something really important we’ll leave you alone. Sound good?”

He doesn’t nod, doesn’t really move, but the way his eyes move to yours and hold your gaze for a bare second longer than you expect, you gather he’s not entirely against it. You offer him a smile, oddly proud of him. You’d seen firsthand how hard it can be to get out of these mindsets, even just for a moment. Effort is hard and that he’s making it means everything.

“Perfect,” you say, shifting in your spot so you can stand more easily. “Alright, I can help you up, if you’d like, or you can stand on your own if you want. What do y—”

Your hands had already begun to outstretch as you spoke, and you’re taken by surprise when before you even finish speaking his hand is whipping up to grab your wrist in a sort of monkey grip. You’re left blinking as you help him up, moving on autopilot. You expect him to release you as soon as he’s standing, but it adds to your surprise as he wobbles in place and retains his grip, if anything shuffling a little closer.

“Okay,” you say, angling your body and adjusting your grip so that it’s loose and as nonthreatening as possible. “Let’s go. Thank you for cooperating.”

Of course, there’s no response and he’s silent the whole way to the library. You remember that Sam is in there only as you approach the threshold, but unlike what you feared, Gabriel doesn’t seem to react too poorly to him like he apparently had earlier. Risking a glance his way reveals that actually, amongst the frayed and almost manic energy, he seems oddly… grounded, just for the moment.

Well, this is certainly going better than you’d anticipated.

x

“I went to bully Dean this morning, but he woke up before me and left before I could get to him.”

You’re in the process of cleaning the wounds around Gabriel’s mouth and removing the ugly stitches that have been sewn into his lips. As something to distract him as much as you from what you’re doing, you’ve begun chatting idly to the archangel, unbothered by the lack of response. Sam sits a metre or so away, researching for Dean who had apparently called earlier when you were coercing Gabriel out of his room.

Still Gabriel doesn’t hold your gaze, eyes averted as he leans forward in the chair for you to reach his mouth, but you can tell from the way his eyes occasionally flick to you as you speak that he is listening, somewhat. It’s enough of a win that you’re willing to take it.

He winces each time your alcohol swab goes over the entry point of a stitch, but doesn’t flinch away too badly. You’re pretty proud of him for that, actually, because it must hurt like a bitch.

“You got him yesterday, though,” Sam pipes in from the side, amused as he recalls your arrival. “Barely an hour after you got here and he was quitting and heading to bed.”

“It’s hard being so naturally talented,” you say, placing the swab down and reaching for the small scissors and tweezers. “I’m an absolute delight, and Dean should appreciate that!”

“Has anyone ever believed you when you told them that?” Sam asks, presumably referring to the ‘delight’ bit.

“Why wouldn’t they, Samuel?” you ask, giving the massive man a light spritz of stink-eye. “Do you have something to say to me?”

“Nothing you don’t already know,” he snorts in response, turning a page in the tome he currently has in his lap.

You bite your lip to hide your amused smile, turning back to Gabriel. You place your hand softly on his cheek to let him know that you’re about to go back in for the stitches, before raising the other tool and bringing it to the first of the thick threads woven through his flesh. Wincing, you try and snip it as delicately as possible. Now seems like a better time than any for more distractions.

“If you think I’m bad, you should be glad you never met my grandfather,” you inform the youngest Winchester, successfully severing the first stitch and beginning the icky job of pulling it out. Gabriel makes a muffled noise of pain but remains still, and you pat his hand softly in support. “He could stir the shit out of anyone, man. Like, I’m not even kidding. The bastard gene I got from him was actually watered down by the time it got to me, so count your lucky stars.”

Sam makes a noise of contemplation, like he really is taking the time to thank whatever powers that be— those apparently being Chuck, as you’ve heard— that you’re not more like your grandfather. Honestly, you’re not kidding—they really should be grateful. You loved your grandpa but you’d never met anyone so quick to stir whatever pot may present itself before them. An opportunist with bastardous tendencies, one might describe him.

In the silence that follows, you jump to another topic for the sake of distraction once more—you’re about to move onto another stitch.

“So, now that your mother is here, are you guys actually eating like normal human beings?” you ask, tongue pressed between your lips in concentration as you try to snip the thread as painlessly as possible by manoeuvring the small scissors. “Like, balanced meals with vegetables and shit?”

You hear Sam pause in the motion of turning a page, a scoff turning into a laugh as it climbs his throat. “What—homecooked meals? Our mom? Dude, she’s worse than Dean in the kitchen, and I really didn’t think that was possible.”

You pause your ministrations to face the tall man, squinting. “What? No way. No way is she worse than Dean—”

“We’ve had to replace the fire alarms twice already,” Sam says, meeting your gaze with a look that is full of both fondness and exasperation. He lets out a laugh at your flabbergasted face. “Dude, I wouldn’t believe it either if I hadn’t seen it for myself. You’ll see, whenever she gets back with Jack. She can’t cook but it doesn’t really stop her trying.”

“Another terrible chef joins the ranks,” you proclaim dramatically, pulling the stitch you were working on out and going in on the next one. “Oh, to be able to cook. I suppose this Jack kid is our last hope.”

“He’s not even a year old, y/n,” Sam says, deadpan. “I wouldn’t count on it. Also, you can cook, you’re just lazy.”

You shrug, making a face; he has you there. “I will neither confirm nor deny these allegations.”

Once more, you feel Sam roll his eyes behind you—he should get that checked if he’s rolling them so heavily you can feel it yourself. They’re not even eyes that are in your own skull, man.

You proceed to pull shit out of your ass as you take Gabriel’s mouth stitches out, the metal tin to the side soon filled with scraps of thick thread covered in dried blood and muck. The exit wounds where the thread had been have begun to well with blood, the wounds agitated by the removal of the stitches, and you bring a new cotton pad back with alcohol to clean them up. Gabriel hisses at the contact, and you rush out apologies under your breath as you finish up. You’d forgotten to warn him, and it’s only something small but you still feel bad.

“Alright, that’s done,” you announce, mostly to yourself. You look over him, deciding which wound to treat next, when your attention is drawn to the way he seems to be shaking a little on the spot. He’s not as grounded as he was earlier when he sat down with you, and even though you have much more work to do you can tell intrinsically that this is the most he can take right now. Dressing his other wounds would have to wait until tomorrow.

You turn to find Sam already giving the archangel a scrutinising look, apparently arriving at the same conclusion you had. He gives you a nod and you let out a soft breath, turning back to Gabriel and offering your hands should he need them.

“Okay, I think that’s enough for today. Let’s get you back to the room.”

You can only hope tomorrow will offer the same amount of progress as today.

prev. || next

[synoxshots]

Tagged by @sentinelapologist to answer some video game questions and rest assured I am about to give some very embarassing answers! (I wish I was kidding)

GAMES:

First game you ever played: This is gonna date me! Right so. I can’t remember it well but Fifa 98 definitely had an indoor stadium so I must have played that, because it wasn’t on Fifa 99 which I have much clearer memories of playing. But that would have come out when I was like, 3/4 years old so I’m not sure if I actually played it so much as went OOH! at whatever my brother/cousin (because we would have been at my aunt’s to actually have computer games) were doing. Or if we were behind the curve with getting it (also very likely). Definitely played Fifa 99 on my cousin’s computer for many years, also Lego Racers (which heh, I redownloaded earlier in the year as well for the nostalgia kick - no lies it holds up!). I have a lot of nostalgia for late 90s/early 00s video game graphics because of this, and tbh Fifa games probably peaked with 99. 

Favourite game: Honestly I’m so invested in SWTOR so it’s hard not to say that, it’s had the biggest impact on my life like. Open world + Star Wars? the dream. I’m more of a SW fan than a gamer so it was definitely the universe that drew me into it in the first place. Also BOTW because oh my god. And I only got into that once lockdown hit this year but honestly, I cannot say how much I adore it.

Game you’ve played through multiple times: Super super into the Lego games, so Lego Star Wars - to the point we had it on the Xbox, and then I’ve downloaded it on Steam and played through it multiple times on the pc. And I’m a completionist, so that’s like, collecting everything not just going through the story once. Fun story, the prequel games were released before RotS came out so I got the basic outline of the film from that game first oops. Also I’ve played through the Crash Bandicoot GBA games quite a bit too.

Game you hated at first but now you love: Don’t think I have one? Because yeah if I’m hating it right off I’m not gonna stick with it. Which is probs why I’m really fussy about buying games and replay so much stuff instead. I have my comfort zone okay

Game you used to love but now you hate: I spent a lot of hours playing Runescape in my life, and every now and then nostalgia tells me ‘hey log in!’ and within two minutes I realise it is the grindiest game ever. I still have my account from when I was like, 11, though, which is a substantial chunk of my life. Also League of Legends - I joined it because a few friends roped me in and it was great when we could play together but going it alone was pretty brutal because fuck up a tiny bit and boom, toxicity. So then I just played ARAM mode and not SR with others, then just stopped altogether. May be partly why group-finder scares me so much, though also y’know social anxiety in general. But let’s not get into that.

Your favourite game atmosphere/setting(s): BOTW for sure, I can just lose myself in that world forever. The music is fab as well and I’ve been trying to learn a bit of it on guitar, music adds a lot to a game/film/anything for me so yeah. But it’s also visually just so beautiful. There’s a lot of planets in SWTOR as well, Tython, Voss, etc.

Game with the best group/companion(s): I don’t really play a great deal of games where I have companions really so gotta say SWTOR! Smuggler gang is my favourite. Just all out nonsense.

A game with your favourite ending: literally drawing a blank here. I think a lot of things I’ve played have been the type to go on and on. 

A game with the worst ending: as above. maybe I just don’t finish things? That said the final boss fight in I think the second of the Crash trilogy games was super disappointing and didn’t match how insanely hard I found that game. (And I’m talking as an adult hahaha, I got the Switch ones this year). also kinda with you on the end of the agent storyline too, I left that one til last because the internet raved about how good it was but in the end I was...underwhelmed. 

Best character customisation: struggling to actually think of games I’ve played with character customisation as opposed to ones where I’m just given a character/choose from a selection. and it’ll be a real sad indicator if I say SWTOR because I am constantly complaining about the creator. though I do like outfit designer. hmm, pass.

HERO AND COMPANIONS:

Your favourite playable character: does it count if they’re my own? haha. in SWTOR I’d generally say a smuggler because I seem to come up with 5000 different ideas for OCs and playing as a gunslinger is super fun (and I’ve learnt to love scoundrel too!). And then in the Lego games I’d play as Shaak Ti a lot, but that was first because she looked cool though I do think she’s neat generally! But she probably doesn’t count as a video game character. Ooooh Link as well, because I’m getting more and more into Zelda games.

Your favourite companion(s): *cough* Theron. Kira. T7. Risha. Guss. Blizz. Gault. Torian. Felix. Nadia. Vette. Talos. Ugh, loads tbh, I’ll forget them all. *gesticulates generally at SWTOR*

RELATIONSHIPS:

Favourite game friendships: I live for the smuggler crew dynamic, and the BH crew as well. And the Jedi Knight/Kira friendship warms my soul. 

Favourite game relationships: obv I’m super biased but Theron/Knight. Smuggler/Risha. Consular/Felix. BH/Torian. I’ll just list my otps here shall I? SWTOR is the only game I’ve done where there’s been relationships I think. still haven’t finished KOTOR.

Favourite companion banter: smuggler crew probably again. Smuggler just never stops. not sure about between companions though there’s a bit of it with the smug as well.

A relationship you weren’t sure of but loved: I knew going into the Docmance how many people hated it but I really enjoyed it! Suited how my Knight was at that point. 

A character you wish you could romance: Elara with f!Trooper, hoping that becomes more of a thing going forward. Also I wanna kiss Tau. And Anri. Basically I see a cool woman come along and I’m just like...is this a love interest?

FUN:

Shoutout to a random NPC: hey Numen Brock! And Lemda Avesta as the first wlw I got to kiss in game!

A game you love watching playthroughs for and want to play: I don’t really watch playthroughs a great deal so I got nothing here! and when I watch playthroughs they’re normally of games I already know well because I wanna experience them first for myself? So I like watching BOTW challenge/speedrun/trickshot videos and stuff sometimes, and ACNH island tours but that’s because I know the games.

Love watching playthroughs but won’t ever play: as above really, but if I don’t have the intention to play them then I’m almost certainly not watching vids of.

Why do you play video games?: uhhhh. because I enjoy them, but also escapism I guess? like it’s easier to throw myself into another world and focus and fixate on that rather than dealing with the general...stuff. it’s a type of relief sometimes innit. 

anyway if you’ve made it this far down in reading this then consider yourself tagged, because this was a long’un!

[soysaucevictim]

Final week of current stuff~

-

June 20

I woke up before 9AM... somehow. (Itching + heat probs didn’t help.)

I rambled a bit on Twitter about grapefruit, felt a bit risky/curious about eating just a quarter of one this morning. (Was a bit concerned about drug interactions.)

Did some sketches, chatted, did some dishes, and made today’s Hello Fresh meal. Zucchini pomodoro penne bake an enjoyable meal, even moreso thanks to it’s relative ease to make.

I spent a few hours after that- chatting, playing KH, and steaming some leftover zucchini grandma brought us.

(Okay it was late, but I really jumbled up my exercise itinerary today...)

First, Day 25 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. Counts were fast and form wasn’t stellar... but I’ll accept it. That was nevertheless intense. Also, had a few moments of “but wait, what side am I holding for again?“

Second , Day 25 of the MC. 15′ meditation + OM Mantra. I decided to sit against my bed and let my arms rest in lap. It went alright... got interrupted  twice and had a few moments where I think I was dozing off a bit. I’ll call it done.

Third , today’s DD. 1′ tree pose with EC. Out of order, since I barely remembered to get this one done before calling it a day. Breezy and fun work.

Last , Day 25 of the VP. Level 3, no rest. Pretty fun and breezy. Hip flexors felt it a little, too.

I regretted my decision to break out my 2DS... got to bed way too late again.

-

June 21

I woke up a bit before 2PM.

I believe the first thing I did waking up was accompanying brother to get some Subway. After some YouTube, I got started with today’s exercise.

First, today’s DD. 30 side-to-side lunges with EC. Just about manageable.

Second, Day 26 of the VP. Level 3, 30″. Arms needed some recovery time to work with, but got it done.

(After watching Lord of War, Dinner for Shmucks, and chatting with a friend...)

Third, Day 26 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. I debated heavily on rain checking it, since it was past midnight. But I did it anyways. Also doable, but I felt I had to try to be a bit more quiet.

Last, Day 26 of the MC. 1′ equal breathing + 15′ meditation. Got a little impatient at the very end. But I did have a few moments of enjoying some ujjayi-style breathing sounds.

I then repeated yesterday’s mistake of playing more 2DS games, despite sense telling me not too... oh well.

-

June 22

I woke up around 2PM.

Ate dinner, just some Chinese fast food. I spent a few hours watching some YouTube and reading some cool SaSi analysis posts before getting started on exercises.

First, today’s DD. 1′ hollow hold with EC. Still not particular fond of this one, but can still manage.

Second, Day 27 of the VP. Level 3, no rest. A bit of stretching stuff, overall quite breezy~

(After chatting and passing some more time to allow food to go down...)

Third, Day 27 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. That was pretty intense, but it was a good call to stall a bit for more food digestion beforehand. Honestly, quads got a good deal of action with the core/abs. But, consider it done.

Last, Day 27 of the MC. Backup & Restore + 15′ meditation. One thing I always like about B&R is the rush of cool you get after getting out of the second child’s pose. Did doze off a lil during tonight’s session and it took a bit for my right quads to stop trembling from fatigue to stay relatively still. Eventually stopped but did crush my left foot a tiny bit awkwardly (was sitting cross-legged).

After YouTube and some gaming, I decided I would try to actually get to sleep in the green zone. Despite the impulse to play more games crossing my mind. Yay!

-

June 23

... I woke up just shy of 5AM. Had a restless night’s sleep. Got to be PROFOUNDLY itchy. I think ti was because of the heat. =_=

After some deliberation on twitter, I ordered some OTC antihistamines, did some dishes, confirmed an appointment, and followed up on our census response. I then took a nap.

Woke up again at around 3PM.

Tanked my ENTIRE day playing Gemcraft and regretted it.

Got to bed obscenely late again, too.

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June 24

I woke up before 1PM.

After a bit of YouTube and a phone call from my case manager, I started to play catch-up with my exercise stuff.

First, yesterday’s DD. 2′ jumping Ts with EC. Took a false-start trying to find a sustainable pace. But I eventually I nailed an exact 1/sec pace, 120 reps. "Forbidden Fruit" turned out to be a good tempo to work alongside. (As well as in terms of run-time.) :,D

Second, today’s DD. 20 up/down planks with EC. I went at this as fast as I could so I could get through it. Did wear some long sleeves for it. Elbows still had to look forward to doing more tho. :P

Second, Day 28 of the VP. Level 3, no rest. The heat plus those 2 DDs made this harder than it otherwise would be. Notably, especially at the start - doing balanced leg raises was hard and had a few drop-downs (still a self-imposed challenge there.).

(After a bit of time recovering from that with a bit of rest and pickle juice for electrolytes...)

Third, Day 28 of the CSP. Level 3, max rest. Elbows were not the most happy about more up/downs... but I was able to manage. If barely in the last couple sets.

Second, Day 29 of the VP. Level 3, 30″ rest. Arms were a bit tired after that, and this was an arms day. So I started off with that rest period, did think to close it after a couple sets... but eh. Might as well go a bit easier on myself after everything...

(After a bit of debate on whether to do more doubling up...)

Third, Day 29 of the CSP. Level 2, max rest. Accrued fatigue made me feel like Level 3 wasn’t happening today. Neck strain was probs the worst part to contend with here...

(After some dishes...)

Last, Day 28 of the MC.15′ meditation. I did some slow breaths, counting upward for each inhale/exhale. Had a few brief moments losing count, but doing such does help to maintain a bit more deliberate focus.

After a bit of a headache setting things up, I streamed that chibi!Remus drawing. I wound up pulling an allnighter, by the time I finished it.

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June 25

After posting that art and doing a bit of gaming, one of the first things I did was take a hot shower. Sleep dep made me feel my tired muscles more... taking a hot shower just now helped that for a bit.

I wound up staying up so I could get to the laundromat as planned and deal with clothes. Afterwards, spent time unpacking some deliveries, taking out the trash/recyclables, making dinner, feeding/watering dog, and putting away my laundry... honestly was too tired to be saddled with all that. But I did what I needed to do.

Very late, but one of the last things I spent energy on today was exercise.

First, today’s DD. 1′ climbers with EC. 130 reps were counted by the end. Given my food choices, I’m glad this was the only exercise on docket that could aggravate the stomach. And even then, it went without much issue.

Second, Day 30 of the Vitality Program. Level 3, no rest. Honestly, the only hard part here was probably the calf raises - given how sore my calves were getting (after those Jumping Ts and no sleep to recover from them). But this was just manageable.

Third, Day 30 of the Core Strength Program. Level 3, 30″ rest This was pretty breezy by this program’s standards. Was arguably too exhausted to mind how high I was targeting for the leg raises, but I won’t dock any points for it.

Last, Day 29 of the MC.15′ meditation + OM Mantra. Because tired, leaned against bed again. Did have a few moments of drifting focus from the mantra. But I did the best I could and appreciate the activity.

I went to bed in the green zone. Because my wall was hit.

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June 26

I woke up proper around 1PM.

One of the first things I did today was make today’s HF dinner. Hoison-sesame roasted veggie bowls. I was thrilled that dad liked this one, given that he has stated not liking sweet potatoes / yams before. This def speaks to how much of a big deal is in HOW you cook stuff (than only just what's in it).

I then spent time doing dishes, before doing a little bit of exercise.

First, today’s DD. 40 raised leg circles. Just about manageable.

Last, Day 30 of the Meditation Challenge. 20′ meditation. Tried to focus on breathing, but I did have some trouble staying focused on it (was fidgety in thought and with my hands/arms)Observed left leg went to sleep and took a good minute or 2 to normalize sensation. Didn’t stop me from getting up and walking around, KNOWING after the first window where the sensation feels okay you get slammed with weakness/parasthesia. :,D

I then spent some time to clean the kitchen countertops and toilet. Did some logging and video editing before turning in. Pretty late, later than yesterday.

-

Summary of Experience:

I finished both my programs on time, in June 25.

The Vitality Program. was a good warm-up and mostly a breeze to get through! Easily managed Level 3 for the whole program. What I did note was how long I needed to rest between sets.

No rest for 25 days

30″ rest for 5 days (arm-centric days)

The Core Strength Program had a lot of days that kicked my ass a bit. But I’m happy with how far I could take it most of the time. I only needed to knock 2 days down to Level 2 (16 & 29) and did Level 3 for the rest. I also recorded the spread for how long I needed to rest between sets.

No rest for 3 days

30″ rest for 2 days

1′ rest for 5 days

1′30″ rest for 5 days  

Max rest for 20 days

I finished the in Meditation Challenge June 26. This was a good thing to rerun, for many reasons. I did it all to silence. I occasionally experimented with different sitting positions (largely determined by how tired I was). Focused on breath most of the time, counting them a couple times.

[gulescamisade]

Minnesota:  Day 7

[At some point during the night, or day -- it'd be indistinguishable to jake -- a voice speaks to him over an intercom.] ????: hey jami 2.0 u think u can do that pumpkin trick again?

JAKE: -snoring in a bed made of pumpkin patch on the ground. As an unfamiliar voice echoes overhead, he snorts awake. Jolting upwards with leaves in his hair. Also accidentally summoning 3 more pumpkins as he had fallen asleep practicing and all.-

JAKE: Hoosit?? -blink blink. He's AWAKE.-

????: eelmao

????: conchgrats buoy u did it

????: cept i kno u aint even got a grip on whatebber the fuck u doin

????: but i dont need u to

JAKE: -sitting there mouthing the words like eel-aye-em-oh and squinting. He feels... inexplicably chilled to the bone.-

JAKE: (Doh... now i have a bad feeling about this.)

JAKE: I dont suppose... this is all to do with a ploy to get some unmentionable dirty work dished out and done with? But why speak to me now?? Are you to level with me in some sense of the word???

JAKE: Why drag it out like this??? If you could do anything. Why not make me a mindless drone like dear sweet jade and jane?????

)(IC: cuz i dont wanna fuck w u small fry

)(IC: the gills are smart

)(IC: they aint barely need no direction

)(IC: give em a goal and they on cuz they know what the fuck is up

)(IC: u tho? alwaves wadin thru ur lil guppy emoceans

)(IC: makin some dumb ass pumpkins grow

)(IC: the fuck even is that

)(IC: do u even know what yoar capable of sonfish

JAKE: -takes the deepest breath of his life, his heart thudding like an iron clad weight. He can't see her face, he only knows her voice is there. Green eyes wide and fearful as he slowly rises to stand.- Im...

JAKE: I know somehow. Some way.

JAKE: Maybe it wont happen today or tomorrow. But my capabilities say that you are going to pay one pretty penny for the horrible things youve done.

JAKE: Mark my words. Its not me who should be afraid when at the end of all of this... -His face is now screwing up, visualizing everyone this war has ruined. Their wishes, hopes, dreams. The energy seems to charge in his veins, making the air around him hot enough that the pumpkin vines at his feet begin to shrivel.- At the end of all of this....

JAKE: Youre just going to be a scary story people tell their kiddos at night!!!!! A LAUGHING STOCK. HAH. Worse than me and ive never had a dignified moment in my fucking life!!!! And not a SOUL is going to be sorry youre GONE.

JAKE: SO FUCK WHAT YOU MIGHT HAVE IN STORE FOR ME YOU FISH FRIED CURISH VARLOT!!!! FUCK IT THIS WAY AND TO HIGH HELL WHEN ITS WHAT I HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU THATLL BE WHATS FUCKING WHAT.

JAKE: Ill do it for jade! And jane and grandma and--- EVERYONE. Everyone youve fucking ruined with your vile reign of TYRANNY!!!!!! -This FIELD around Jake cannot be contained in this box of a room. Hell. The metal walls are beginning to bend with just these few seconds of intensity. Somebody do somethin'.-

)(IC: -LOW WHISTLE into her mic. she doesn't sound perturbed by his threats, or even by the damage he's doing. there's always more rooms she can put him in... maybe even make his lil friend roxy make him a nice box to hide in. she's definitely got more focus then this one...-

)(IC: im all aboat that reel glowy shit u got goin there

)(IC: but i know i can werk it betta

)(IC: anywave im board and i got shit to do

)(IC: goodnight BITC)(

[SNOP. Unfortunately for Jake, repressing magical/emotional outbursts is easy when she has the concentrated abilities of a cerulean at her disposal. But fortunately for him, she can only really put him to sleep, being a human and all... Also fortunately for him, she has the attention span of a gold fish and intends to let him dangle a little bit longer before experimenting on him as she intends to... Or maybe she's just having fun with him. Who knows.]

JAKE: -A lot of fortunates and a lot of unfortunates. It's always the seed of belief that matters.-

JAKE: -Passes clean out in the center of his cell, totally ready to write this off as some kind of fever dream... if it's not for the melty edges of the walls around him. This was exciting as it was frustrating.-

---

[Today when Jake wakes up, he will find himself redressed in tiny red shorts, red suspenders, and a big red bow tie. ur whalecum jami 2.0 ]

JAKE: -stirs awake before promptly looking down at himself.- ................................... SON OF A BITCH.

ROXY: =She couldn't help but to notice that Jake had gone missing. Which is unsettling for many reasons so she's taking a leap and exploring more even without the invisibility cloak from the void. Roxy blips out of her room, landing in the hallway and silently makes her way down it. Time to snoop!=

[It's quiet in these holding chambers with Jake and the Cherubs gone, leaving on Roxy and James who is presumably still keeping silent. At the end of the hall there is a door, and she'll find it isn't locked.](edited)

ROXY: =WHERES CALLI YOU MONSTERS?? SHE'LL FIND YA CALLI. She opens the door slowly and peeps in... if the coast is clear here comes a stinky, sweaty escaped prisoner. Where's your information?=

[The door opens up to an open room, on either side there are windows show casing labratories of some kind. It isn't entirely clear what kind of work is being done in them from where Roxy is standing. At the end of the room there's another door, but shee can also see more doors inside the labs.]

ROXY: =Hm.... can she see computers in there? She decides to get close to one window and peer in. Nerds might be at work in there...=

[There's definitely computers and lots of mechanical equipment and various tech projects half completed on the tables. The lights are low right now so there doesn't seem to be anybody working at this time.]

ROXY: =SCORE. She doesn't want to waste all her gas there has to be a way to get in there..... maybe this door at the end of the room will get her where she's going. Quietly scampers=

[This door is also open, CONVENIENTLY. It leads to another hall, and to either side of where Roxy stands are, presumably, the doors to the labs.]

ROXY: =BITCHIN, HERE COMES HER. Lab number one she's gonna prob ya! KICKS DOWN THE DOOR..... quietly. With her hand=

[As she enters, the lights TURN ON!! And that's about the extend of what happens there. She'll see all the computers have aquarium screen savers but all the fish are glittery and/or have blingee'd accessories like gold chains and shutter shades.]

ROXY: 😒

ROXY: =This is a lab so she sprays disinfectant on the computer before goin to HACK=

[It just so happens that whoever used this computer last forgot to log out of their account... They have photoshop open and there are photos of Jake. He's in red booty shorts and suspenders and he's lookin' like D8< but whoever was doing this photoshop job is trying to make him look a little happier... Like he's cheering instead of like he's about to punch the photographer in the face.]

ROXY: =Oh well shit..... oh. Well.. she. Snrk. Sorry but also ok. Where was this taken? Does it say anything about that? WHERE'S JAKE YOU COMPUTER=

[Without much looking she will first find a folder full of unedited photos of Jake from his new cell. Dank and dreary, much worse then the cells they were in before. Only a bed and a medical tray table. Another folder with the edited photos reveals these are being used for magazine covers and spreads. It seems Jake is being used as Crocker Corps POSTER BOY. Look at this well fed and obedient (?) human.]

ROXY: =OH HOW DARE!? Are there any OTHER people here computer? Like Dirk or Mom or ANYONE ELSE? WHO ALL AM HERE?=

[The computer thinks Roxy expects too much from it. At least from this account on the server. It's only been used by a humble tech intern who edits pictures in photoshop. His name is Maxwell.]

ROXY: =What a fuckin nerd Maxwell is can she HACK to find out... or would that take too much time.... it probably would so she legs it to the other lab=

[The other lab has lots of cabinets and coolers containing samples of various things... Some of which she might recognize as GLOWING MUSHROOMS and ARTIFICIAL SWEETENER. The kind of research they do in here might be a little more obvious...]

ROXY: =Finally putting Sweet-n-low out of business she sees, good. But she's scrunching up her nose and looking for anything useful or recent? =

[Or perhaps they were behind the Sweet-n-Low game all along! In any case, if she dares to try confiscate some of the mushrooms or any of the extracts lying around, she might be able to try using it for its hypnotic properties. Otherwise, there's mostly just experiments with food and chemicals being done in this lab. Sadly no clues of friends.]

ROXY: =God dammit. Well shucks she blows this popsicle stand and goes on a hunt for Jakey boy or Calliope!=

[Back in the hall, on the other side there's yet another door but it's more heavily sealed then the others with some kind of keycard lock, but with little indication of what's on the other side. At the very end of the hall is an elevator, also requiring keycard access to use.]

ROXY: =this might be where its unavoidable. UNA-VOID-ABLE. She bets this heavily sealed door is something GOOD. She's going to take a quick peek in there if she can poof in!=

[There's a growling around these hallways... sounds like something or someone might be prowling around.]

[The room Roxy has poofed into seems to be some kind of observation room. There's a couple screens on one wall with a panel beneath -- one screen is showing the room Jake is being held in (where he's either sleeping among his pumpkin patch or being rowdy...) while the other screen is shut off.]

ROXY: =zoinks! Growls are bad news. She hurries and tries to see if she can turn on the other screen or find where exactly the room holding Jake is? GO GO GADGET STUBBY FINGERS=

[MAIN SCREEN TURN ON. She manages to get the other screen running, but it's only showing an empty room with a bed... With unsettling stains of red and green on the sheets.]

ROXY: ..... =Bruh tf?? She squints and that can only mean bad news. Does it say where these cameras ARE? She should make her way downtown and quickly!=

JADE: -zaps into the room- BARK!!!

ROXY: !!! =JUMPS= FUCKIN'--- oop.....

ROXY: ..................

ROXY: ..................

ROXY: ...........

ROXY: this isnt the bathroom wtf

JADE: -LUNGES AT HER!!!-(edited)

ROXY: !! =BLIPS, or tries to back for the door. tHESE ARE SOME STRESSFUL SECONDS IN THE VOID=

JADE: -gdi. She claws around the empty space, growling.- ill find you!!!

ROXY: =She pops on the other side of the door really and is booking it down the hall, back the way she came. NAH. NNNNNAAAAAHHHHH=

JADE: -there's the sound of BOOFing and scrambling feet behind her-

ROXY: =fuckfuckfuckfuckfuckfuck, what to do, gotta think gotta think gotta think. Where can she hide? She doesn't KNOW this place. UUGHHHHHHHH! She's doing her BEST here just, SLAPS a pen holder off a desk she runs by FUCK THIS SHIT, YEET!=

JADE: -BORK BORK BORK BORK!! The pen holder jostles her, but not enough to stop her. RIP pen assortment...-

ROXY: =Can she.... throw a stick??? BLIP, pops a stick into existence. A SNAUSAGE STICK chucks it down the opposite hall= FETCh!

JADE: -DAMN IT. HER WEAKNESS.-

JADE: -stops and grrs... her programming is conflicted-

ROXY: =Oh shit..... CHUCKS ANOTHER ONE= go on girl! tasty tasty!!

JADE: grrr... JADE: -RUNS AFTER IT-

JADE: -but a few moments later, she zaps in front of Roxy with a snausage in her mouth, grabbing onto her and zapping again back into her cell-

ROXY: =Fuckin!! YES OK. SO..... she can't find Jake like this or Callie.... what to do.... what to do....UGHHHHGHGH. Just hides in a little corridor while trying to think. She doesn't even know if anyone else is here but now she's doubting it? AUGH. Okay, okay okay... think. Gotta think. Where can she hide? UUUGGGH--= ACK! =DOOF. Deposited on her face in the cell, gdi=

[100miles-and-running-blog]

#RNRNOLA

Well, another marathon has come & gone. It's hard to believe that just under a year ago I submitted my info to get registured for the Rock-N-Roll Marathon in New Orleans. I finished my last full in November of 2016 so I was already in my peak training for this race. The training is probably the hardest part of racing, not the actual race. A lot of late night & early morning runs logged & it is finally done.

My wife & I traveled out to New Orleans on Friday, about a 9 hour trip. Got to the hotel, checked in & went straight to the Expo. One of the nicer expo's I've been to in awhile. I normally don't buy anything other than nutrition but I decided to splurg & buy a collapsable hand-held water bottle. I'm still undecided if I like it our not. Anyway, Saturday morning was a 5K challenge that was added last minute. I don't consider myself a hardcore enough runner to do a race the morning before a full but there was a shit-ton of people who did. So Saturday was spent sleeping in, nursing a sore shoulder. Not sure where it came from but it was a real pain in the ass. After everyone had finished the 5K that morning, we decided to head out & check out the town. I could write a whole other blog about how much I loved NOLA. I literally fell in love with the city & the food & the overall kick-ass'ness of the city. Fast forward to some grub, sites, back to the hotel & a early dinner with one beer to calm my nerves.

Sunday morning rolls around & it's raceday. typical running routine that I do on my Saturday long runs. Get up about 2 hours earlier to poop, clean up & try to consume something before heading out to run. I've never been one that can run longer distances without something on my stomach. We got to the start area & I'm feeling ok! This is my 4th full, so I feel that I'm somewhat seasoned on what goes on. It helps that I have people I know to hang with right up until the start of the race. Corral 1 goes & then I get the oh shit moment... It's happening! Coral 2 goes & there are 2 ladies in front of me who distract me to take there picture. Coral 3 goes & I'm totally unaware! Coral 4 goes & I'm just telling myself that all is good. You had 2 good healthy poops & you didn't eat too much prior to the race. We are walking up to fill in space & it's 10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1... We are off!!!

Nice easy pace, crowd wasn't too bad, I'm enjoying things so far. I look down & because I was bobbing & weaving so much, my watch said I was running at a 7:30 pace!!! Whoa... back it off! After about a mile things thinned out a little & I'm just focusing on the pavement. Parts of the road were pretty beat up & uneven so my main focus for the next few miles would be to not step in a hole & roll my ankle. A few miles of this & we are all good. Out onto a major road & things are going smooth. The next thing I noticed as the race went on is that the temperature was rising pretty quick. I went a few miles thinking that I didn't want to give up my gloves that I've had for a couple of years. I have other gloves but this pair has served me well... another mile goes by & I'm over it, goodbye gloves! Another mile passes & my next problem is my beanie hat. Now I paid a lot of money for this fucker & I was starting to get in my head about overheating. I thought about carrying it for the rest of the race but I don't do well holding things on a long run... Fuck it, it's gone! My last piece of gear to go is my sleeves. Again, same thing... I've had them awhile & they have served me well. 10 miles in & I'm dying... There gone! Ok, halfway point & I'm a little fatigued, I stopped to use the bathroom at the port-o-jons & I'm feeling ok. The course is moving from a shaded neighborhood to a wide open road. This is when it started getting really hot! Around mile 18-20, I decided to start a run/walk method. If I hadn't I don't know I wuld have made it all the way. I feel like a blew through what was left of my nutrition. At one point I was hurting so bad, when I hit the waterstop I drank the water & gatorade way too fast & almost lost it. At this point I could see my 4 hour goal was slipping away, so my goal was to just finish the damn race. I wasn't mad about it, I just wanted to get off the course & enjoy a beer. Lets fast forward to mile 24... I'm doing about the same, keeping the run/walk going. The last couple of miles ended up being in the shade so I took advantage of that. By the time I got to the finish area, I was planning on taking a quick walk break to stretch out my legs really good & finish strong (for the pictures at the end). Well I saw one guy snapping away & said shit! I might as well keeping going before they see me. So the last bit I was going to use to stretch ended up being a awkward looking sprint as my legs had enough at this point. I saw the finish & just kept on trucking!

Marathon 4 was over! I will say that I haven't done many fulls as of today but this one will rank up there at the top as far as my overall experience. I had a blast & the fact that I fell in love with the city of New Orleans helped out as well. I enjoyed the rest of the day with a few beers & being UBER'ed back & forth because my tired ass wasn't walking!

The next day was more walking to keep the legs from getting stiff, & to also enjoy some food. Then a nice long happy hour at the hotel lobby. The next morning was a long car ride back to Florida & fast forward straight into work & here we are. I'm about to go hang my bib up on the bib-wall & figure out where to hang my medal. RNRNOLA kicked my ass & I'm a little wiser because of this race. This will only help me going into my next marathon which will prob be a long ways away. Until next time New Orleans... Run Happy!