#priscillacaddel

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Chapter five, part seven

That night at diner her grandmother suddenly asked about the letter. Deborah stared at her grandmother not knowing what to answer. Did she have to tell them about the lies her parents spread around? Her grandmother didn't asked more when Deborah answered that it was from a friend from church. She only said 'that's nice' and that was it. Her grandfather started talking about something that happend at his job. He always had stories about his colleagues and all the jokes they made. Deborah and her grandmother laughed about all of them. They were so funny.

After diner, when she was reading her book she couldn't really concentrate. She had to think about the letter again and again. The memories about her parents, siblings but also all the people in church went back and forward in her head. Again and again she tried to think about a way to tell people about the time here without letting them know she didn't do a study and that she was in fact pregnant.

She also had to think about another thing Helena had said in her letter. The part about staying for a year. That was something Deborah wasn't sure about. Her mother hadn't said anything about the time she would spend at her grandmother. Her grandmother hadn't said anything either. A year felt long but it made sense that she wouldn't return immediatly after giving birth. Maybe she could ask her grandmother if that part of the information that was given to Helena was true. Deborah didn't have to tell about the lies and could just ask this thing.

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Chapter three, part eleven

Deborah still didn't know what to do when her grandfather walked in the room. He was surprised she didn't already had her book to read. Deborah hesitated to explain why she didn't had a book in her hands. Her grandfather noticed her hesitation and asked what the matter was. Deborah explained she didn't had any books besides her studybooks. Her grandfather notted and pointed behind her. Deborah looked and saw the huge bookcase behind the couch. Her grandparents had a lot of books. He asked her what she liked. Deborah hesitated yet again. She never really had time to read. What did she like to read? He asked if she liked history? Deborah didn't liked her studybooks for history. Scared to say the actually answer she notted. Her grandfather gave her a book and said to read the back of the cover. Deborah listend to her grandfather and read the behind. It was defenitly not like her studybooks. She actually was intrigued by what she read.

It wasn't for long when she was deep in her book.

Deborah barely noticed when her grandmother came in the livingroom and took her own book to read. She noticed the book Deborah was reading and said she had that one too. Deborah and her grandfather both started laughing a bit. Her grandfather said it was her book and then her grandmother laughed with them. She could read any book her grandmother had. It was no problem at all. Deborah thanked her grandmother multiple times.

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Chapter thirteen, part three

At the front door she said goodbye to her grandfather. He had to go to work that day and wouldn't be there at the trainstation. She hugged him and her pulled her even more close. He said that he looked forward to seeing her again. She answered with a little sentence 'I will miss you'. In her head she had though so many things to say to her grandfather. All the jokes he had made this past year that she laughed about but also all the times he helped her. Or the times he was just there. But those four words were the only words she said. He was alright with it as he smiled a big smile and put a kiss on her forehead. Deborah smiled through her tears. He was such a nice grandfather.

At the trainstation she said goodbye to her grandmother. They were both silent during the carride to the trainstation. Saying goodbye wasn't easy for both of them. Deborah had spend so much time with her grandmother. She would miss her the most. Her voice cracked as she said the four little words 'I will miss you' to her also. After that she took her suitcases and walked away. She waved one more time before entering the building were she wouldn't see her grandmother from. Her grandmother waved and Deborah saw tears on her cheeks as they were on hers.

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Chapter thirteen, part two

After she ate her breakfast for the last time at the table in the kitchen her grandparents had a gift for her. Deborah felt it was too much. They already bought an extra suitcase for her to bring home all the stuff she had recieved. Getting another gift after a year full of gifts from the little notebooks she got to study with to the gifts for her birthday and passing her tests. In her head she summed up all the things she got. Two books from her greatgrandparents, new clothes, the game from Phillip&Alicia, all the baking and cooking stuff and the necklace and bracelet from her grandparents.

Once again she got a little box. Maybe it would be another necklace or bracelet. When she opened it, it showed a ring. It had just the same blue stones as her necklace and bracelet had. In the inside was the name Evan Phillip ingraved. Deborah felt tears running down her cheek. She could wear it everyday on her finger and remember her little boy. She thanked her grandparents with just a couple words. More she couldn't say as she was overwhelmed with gratitude for this special gift. Her grandmother said they thought it was important for her to have some thing that would keep him close her whole life. Deborah notted. That was exactly what she wanted.

After she got a hug from her grandparents her grandfather prayed. Deborah shed some more tears as he thanked the Lord for the year he gave them together.

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Chapter twelve, part six

After midnight it was time to say goodbye. She would not only not see Evan for a long time but also Phillip and Alicia and her greatgrandparents. It hurted Deborah to think that they would die without her knowing about it or ever seeing them again. She had loved getting to learn them this past year and wished she knew them longer.

They were as heartbroken by her leaving as she was. They all shed some tears. Deborah was once again touched by how much they all cared about him. She really got to be part of a close family for the last year and she had loved every second of it. They stood by her in her though moments and celebrated her biggest. As she celebrated theirs with them and lived their though moments as they were hers. She was blessed with them in her life. And now she had to say goodbye to all of that. If only she could stay, if only she could come back one day.

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Chapter twelve, part four

Just a week after christmas the family came together again. This time for new years eve. They celebrated the night at Phillip and Alicia's place. Deborah was alright with it but it did make her a bit nervous to see Evan in his home with Phillip and Alicia. With her grandmother she once again was buzy in the kitchen the day before to make all kinds off delicious goods for the evening.

She got once again presents from the different familymembers. In just a year time they got her presents three times. This time it was their way of saying goodbye. Deborah was very touched by their abundance. Once again she got a book from her grandparents. Maybe this was how her grandmother ended up with so many books. Deborah thanked them. Now she had two books to bring home and share with her siblings.

The gift from Phillip and Alicia touched her even more. They made a little photoalbum with photo's of Evan from the past three months. That was how old he already was. Deborah couldn't believe how fast he grew. The album even had a photo of her holding Evan with christmas. Going through the photo's of him made her tear up a little bit. It was such a wonderful thing to have and bring home while leaving Evan behind with Phillip and Alicia. She thanked them over and over again for giving her this gift.

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Chapter twelve, part three

The holidays come closer and closer. Together with her grandmother she started to prep everything for the big day. They would not only cook for their own family but also for the church. There would be a big meal at the church for all the people who were alone or didn't have enough money for a christmasmeal. They baked cakes for deserts for both them and the church. Ofcourse the main meal and all the different side dishes. It was nice spending all this time with her grandmother. She wouldn't easily forget them cooking in the kitchen when she went back home to her parents. And upstairs, in her room, was a bag full of stuff for her to take home to bake and cook at home. She looked forward to show all her stuff to her siblings. They would be so eager to bake with her. Deborah didn't doupt about that.

On christmasday was the first time she held Evan again. Her grandmother handed him over to her to get something from the kitchen. Deborah was a bit overwelmed at first but it felt nice having him in her arms again.

She sooted him although he wasn't crying. His head against her sholder was a very nice feeling. It made christmas extra special that year. Not because of the many decorations but because of little Evan in her arms. Back at home they wouldn't have so much to eat or such a nice room to eat in. Her father didn't like that. Christmas had to be about God, not about food. Deborah was impressed by her grandparents for making it all about God but also having such nice decorations and food to eat.

It was hard to give Evan back to Phillip and Alicia and seeing them go to their own home was a bit extra painful that night. But she looked back on a nice moment with her little boy.

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Chapter twelve, part two

After her grandmothers birthday Deborah noticed she felt less bad about spending time with Phillip, Alicia and Evan. They reinstalled the sundays afternoons together as a family. Deborah kept her distance to them but it was alright to be in the same house and the same room again. It was almost like it used to be.

At nights Deborah started to think more and more about the moment she had to return home. It would be hard to say goodbye to everybody, especially Evan. She didn't know when she would see them all again. Deborah also thought about the lie of her parents, about her studing for a year at her grandparents to hid the lie of her being pregnant. She no longer felt bad about it. If that was how her parents choose to handle it she would tell everybody about it. She didn't feel like talking about her baby anyway. That had to hurt even more when she wasn't around her family here.

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Chapter twelve, part one

The first time Deborah saw Evan again was on her grandmothers birthday. For the occasion everybody came to their house to celebrate her grandmother turning fiftyeight. Deborah didn't wanted her grandmother to not invite her own son and daughter in law because of her. Her grandmother was so nice to ask how she felt about it. Ofcourse Deborah gave her alright. During the birthday Deborah kept her distance from Evan. She sat in a corner watching her grandmother dotting on Evan. It was so sweet to see. Deborah knew for sure Evan had wonderful greatgrandparents. Her grandmother seemed in love with him. He was already loved by so many people. That was the thing that was clear when she laid in bed that night. Not only her grandmother was sweet to him but her grandfather also and her greatgrandparents were so proud. They were so careful around him. Seeing Phillip and Alicia hold him hurted her. Especially when they left at the end of the day.

After they were gone Deborah asked her grandmother if she had held her when she was a baby. Her grandmother looked surprised at her and shook her head. For a moment she was silent. Then she told her about the first time she saw her. Deborah was already a toddler when her grandmother visited. She smiled when her grandmother told her about that one time. It made the pain of not being held by her grandmother as baby a bit less. Ofcourse she understood that it was hard for her grandparents to go visit them when they lived so far away. But it must have been nice.

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Chapter eleven, part eight

Between all the crying she managed to get some sleep after being awake and in labor for so long. She was aloud to go home after a couple of hours. Deborah didn't care if she was in the hospital or at home. She followed the instructions of the people around her. Wheter it was her grandmother or the nurse. In the car back home she looked out the of window but didn't see anything that was going by. Deborah simply didn't care about all of it.

It was weird to get back home. Like she was back to her life but suddenly she didn't have a baby in her belly. The house felt empty. Her grandmother helped her upstairs and to bed.

She wanted to write in the little book for Evan but she didn't have it anymore. It was now with Evan, in the house of Phillip and Alicia. Tears came in her eyes once again. They were his parents and she. She hoped she would sleep but mostly she just stared into the space of her room. Her grandmother came looking by her bedside reguarly. Her grandfather also came and sat at her foot end for a while. He didn't say anything. There wasn't really something to say. It was nice of him to sit there. Even nicer that he didn't try to say anything to cheer her up.

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Chapter eleven, part seven

A hour long she snuggeld with Evan. The world seemed to stop turning that hour. Everything was about her and the little baby boy in her arms. She told him over and over again how much she loved him. Then she talked about the very sweet parents who were waiting for him. That he would be loved by them. From time to time the tears would come down in floods from her eyes. She knew saying goodbye was close. The pain inside her was unbearable. If only she could keep him but it wasn't an option. She had to go back to her parents and they would never accept him.

After that hour was over her grandmother went to get Phillip and Alicia. Deborah couldn't stop crying. She, herself, gave Evan to Alicia who had tears in her eyes also. Deborah didn't care about that. She was only buzy with her own pain and saying goodbye to Evan. When they left with Evan in their arms Deborah hid in her pillows and cried loud and clear. Her grandmother came sitting on her bed and laid an arm on her sholder. Deborah sobbed and everytime she thought the pain was gone it came back again.

The nurse told her to go shower. Deborah listend but cried the whole time. After the shower she had to sign the papers to officialy give Evan to Phillip and Alicia. She did it with tears in her eyes. After that she crawled back into bed. Her grandmother stayed with her every second but nothing could feel the gaping wound that Evan left.

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Chapter eleven, part six

A little past midnight she was told that she was fully dialated and was ready to deliver the baby. Deborah was very relieved to hear that. For a while now she had the feeling she had to poop. Now she could finaly give into that feeling and push. It wasn't that nice though. Every time she had to stop pushing she felt the baby sliding back. Tears came in her eyes. How long would it take for Evan to be born?

The docter at her bed said everything went fine. Deborah listened carefully to everything she said. Whenever the docter said she had to push, she pushed, whenever she said she didn't have to push, she didn't. The moment she didn't feel the head sliding back was also the moment she took all her wishes for it not sliding back, back. It was so extremely painfull. It burned and hurted so much.

A few moments later the docter told her to push again. Finaly Evan was born and was laid on her chest. The baby cried and Deborah cried with him. She felt him move on her chest so much clear then when he was still in her belly. Between the tears in her eyes she looked down at her little boy and saw the little hairs on his head. They were a little black, just like hers. It didn't took long before they said she could lay him at her chest to drink from her breast. She had tears the whole time he laid there. Deborah knew that these were the little moments she had with him before he was taken away from her. She felt his little body. His little fingers and toes, his soft skin. The placenta came and with that the docter left the room. Leaving her with Evan, her grandmother and the nurses.

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Chapter eleven, part five

When she finaly lay in a bed in the hospital it felt like Deborahs contractions were even more close together. She was already so tired. Between contractions she tried to find a good way to lay down so she could close her eyes for a moment and rest. Her grandmother was very sweet. She helped with everything she asked for. Deborah sometimes had to cry because of how sweet it felt. A nurse came looking at her numbers reguarly. Everybody was sweet to her and Deborah felt guilty for not doing something in return or thanking them more. Sometimes she wished her mother was also there. But thinking about the look of her mother that evening she told her parents about her pregnancy made her forget about that wish. When the time went by the nurses started talking about pain relief but Deborah didn't want that. Her mother had always given birth with that. She had to do that too. Her grandmother shook her head and said that she could always have it anyway. Deborah notted her head while closing her eyes again, waiting for the next contraction to hit.

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Chapter eleven, part four

In the morning they went to the hospital. She wasn't far enough along to get admitted so she had to go back home and labor some more there. She sat so many positions she couldn't remember what she hadn't tried yet to get some relieve. Even walking up and down the stairs wasn't bringing her anything.

In the mean time her grandmother had called Phillip and Alicia to get ready. Her greatgrandparents were also informed of her current state. They were all praying for her according to her grandmother. Deborah thought it was sweet of them.

At the end of the day it was finaly time to go back to the hospital and get admitted. Deborah felt relieved that it was finaly time for the actual birth. She was very tired after a night barely sleeping and all that pain. She wanted it to be over.

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Chapter eleven, part three

On tuesday her braxton hicks came more and more regular. When she went to bed her grandmother made her promise to call when they would come even more close together. Deborah felt a bit alone in her bed. Whenever she almost fell asleep she had another contraction. She had practiced so much with all the excersizes she had learned for labor and delivery. Now that it was happening she wished she had done them even more. Maybe the pain would be less if she had done them more. The whole night was filled with contraction.

When she asked her grandmother for help she was allowed to take a bath in the grandmothers bathroom. That bathroom was bigger and had an actual bath. It was nice and made her relax a bit

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Chapter eleven, part two

Before Evan arrived they had her greatgrandfathers birthday. He turned eightythree. They celebrated it at their home to relieve her greatgrandmother from the stress of organising the birthday. Deborah liked this birthday better then the last one, when Alicia her family was there. Deborah felt like huge cow in the meantime. Her grandmother told her to take her rest and not help as much as she was used to. That wasn't easy for Deborah. In the past half year she had learned to take it easy but not helping when there was so much to do seemed impossible. That was not how she was raised. Alicia was so nice to help out more. Sometimes Deborah was jealous that Alicia could have her baby. Other times she was convinced that Alicia was the nicest person out there. Deborah sometimes went crazy from her own thoughts.

Deborah still had to think about her family back at home reguarly. Especially when there were birthdays coming up. Her brother Jacob turned ten just a couple days after her greatgrandfathers birthday. She had missed so many birthdays already. Her grandmother and mother phoned sometimes. It wasn't much. Her mother had told her grandmother that Bernice and Christina both got engaged and were planning their weddingday in january, when Deborah was back with her family. She was relieved to hear that she was able to attend her sisters weddings but it felt so weird not being a part of their lives at the moment.

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