#priorities on the island of sodor

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Whenever I remember that on at least one occasion Edward went all the way to Anopha Quarry—meaning that at some point he was definitely running tender-first on a goddamn tramway—I have to concede that the dick policeman may have had a point.

[greatwesternway]

Diesel Does It Some More

A thing I think is sort of overlooked about Diesel is that he is one of the few characters in the series who gets genuine development over the course of the show. Some characters get that over the course of two episodes, particularly if they are a one-off, but Diesel is the only one who got development slowly - so slowly - over the course of several seasons.

I have a longer, different post coming about his early history on Sodor so we're not gonna talk about Duck v. Diesel here. This post concerns what happens after the point at which we can assume Sir Topham Hatt finally gave in and bought Diesel outright, securing his place on the NWR's roster.

Effectively, what this means is Diesel is no longer in danger of being sent away, but it also means he has to invest more in his relationships with other engines because it's a small island.

He's not been well prepared for this on the Other Railway. Luckily he has tons of time to learn.

The first few seasons after his acquisition are rocky. Diesel needs to show he deserves his place on Sodor, but he usually tries to accomplish this by undermining other engines which is not conductive to getting the work done ("Fergus Breaks the Rules"). He's also still telling them that steam engines will be scrapped ("Thomas to the Rescue", "Squeak, Rattle and Roll"), which is obviously not true on Sodor but is often an effective way of achieving his first method. (It's also, I think, important to note that the punishment for the thing with Fergus was being sent to work at the smelter's, which is where 'Arry and Bert work, but that's an entire other post too. It set him back, let's just say.)

From here on out, though, Diesel is sometimes treated by the narrative neutrally rather than as a villain. In "Respect for Gordon" he's making fun of Gordon, but so is Emily so that's not really a comment on him so much (also he does this by facetiously wishing Gordon well which is an interesting and funny twist on that). He's the villain in "Emily and the Special Coaches" but it comes about that he's behaved this way because his accomplishment of shunting the most trucks in a day has been overlooked and he's acknowledged for it by the end of the episode.

In "Thomas and the Billboard", Diesel is actually the victim of circumstance (and his own reputation, let's be real). During a photoshoot for a billboard, Diesel is directed by the photographer to move forward and he accidentally obscures Thomas from the shot. Later, when Thomas sees the billboard, he assumes Diesel blocked him on purpose. Shit happens, the billboard has to be redone anyway, but this time, Thomas deliberately does not tell Diesel about the rescheduled shoot. Thomas keeps stalling the reshoot to keep Diesel from finding out about it, which in turn keeps all the other engines off their jobs as well. It later turns out the Diesel was doing the priority stuff they were all supposed to be doing and was now late to do his own jobs.

So to sum up, Diesel is the only one doing his fkn job today and Thomas is trying to fuck him over all unbeknownst. Fascinating! Thomas does apologize eventually and everyone gets to be on the billboard.

Then you got "Don't Go Back" where Diesel keeps goading Thomas into - more or less - friendly races that end up causing confusion and delay. The episode concludes with them setting out on another race so the takeaway isn't that Diesel was actually out to make trouble so much as just show he was better than Thomas.

These are all from the model series. I don't necessarily think there was any sort of organized effort to make Diesel more friendly here. One might even attribute this to the show seemingly forgetting who certain characters were. I'm pretty sure the show bible at this point specifically said he was a villain. Still, there's a cohesion to it and they're doing interesting things with the expectations. (Also, as an aside, Diesel being the only one doing his work also happened in "Diesel Does It Again" so that's not exactly out of character, hilariously enough.)

Diesel gets sidelined to cameos for a while as the show transitions to CGI, but he does have one notable outing in which he's desperate for the approval of children and commandeers a bunch of other engines' seemingly better freight to get it ("Diesel's Special Delivery"). This episode is sort of ??? but I do like the end where Diesel's boring utilitarian freight (slate to repair their school's roof) is actually what the children want. It's not a full treatise on steam/diesel relations, but most people probably think the Class 08 is boring compared to steam engines so if you're choosing to see this as a metaphor, then it's nice the functional freight got the appreciation in the end.

And this is where shit starts getting real interesting!

Day of the Diesels is... it's not a good movie. I won't lie and tell you that. But it does do very interesting things with the diesel vs. steam concept. It points out things that would happen on Sodor as a logical conclusion of dieselization on the mainland (things that look much more unfair than they are in a show that prefers to disregard that part of the lore) and I love how they re-conceptualized Diesel 10 from his Thomas and the Magic Railroad debut. That stuff deserves its own essay, but the important thing about Day of the Diesels today is that it's the first time we see a steam engine really giving Diesel the benefit of the doubt.

The engine in question is Percy and he's ideally suited to extend this olive branch. As far as steam engines go, he's got the least status among them. He pulls the mail train, but even the Pride of the Line is treated as beneath most of the other steam engines. He also lacks a pedigree. Granted, most of Hatt's early acquisitions have dubious claims to lineage but Percy's just a straight up mongrel with no discernible builder. And most exploitable, many the other steam engines don't treat Percy with much respect either. Even Thomas is blowing him off in the movie, which is what gives the diesels their opportunity.

It's no accident that the diesels choose Percy as the target for their appeal and it's no accident they enlist Diesel to reel him in. Diesel is convincing, persuasive, and knows the motions of sympathy even if he doesn't quite manage empathy.

Unfortunately, the second Percy arrives at the Dieselworks, they literally put Diesel on a shelf and Diesel 10 takes over.

But the point is, Percy is now an ally of diesel equity and he's got a sort of acquaintance with Diesel himself (aside from it undoubtedly being Percy's idea to strike rather than work with Diesel, who he'd only just met at that point). And it comes back around later.

In "Percy and the Calliope", Percy and Diesel are tasked with taking a busted-ass calliope to the smelter's, but Percy wants to see if it can be fixed. Diesel disparages the operation the whole time... but he does go along with every single thing that Percy wants to try too. Even after Percy insulted him by mistaking his squeaking axles for the Monster of Brendham six episodes earlier.

"Disappearing Diesels" is when the effort to actually develop him starts in earnest. Up to now, things have just been kind of moving along in a lazy and convenient sort of way. Diesel gets to approach the possibility of being cool as a matter of deus ex machina. This episode marks the first time they actually put a specific thing in that they reach back for later to show he's learned something.

In this episode, Diesel convinces all the other diesels to hide from Paxton. And Paxton, not being too bright, comes to the conclusion that all the diesels on Sodor have disappeared. He searches all over Sodor until he happens upon Diesel at the docks. Diesel runs from him but because he spends so fuel evading Paxton, he runs dry on the line. Paxton then shunts Diesel to the next station to get refueled which Diesel does not understand because this is surely not a thing that he would do.

"That's what friends are for," says Paxton.

That evening, Diesel takes the berth next to Paxton's and, though he cannot bring himself to say thank you, he does give him a pained little smile.

The next season, we've got "Wild Water Rescue", in which Diesel commandeers a job Percy was given because he thinks he's going to get his picture in the newspaper. He sends Percy to an abandoned quarry instead where Percy runs himself into a pond and puts out his firebox. Later, Diesel (after finding that the photo was only of Search and Rescue vehicles) goes to find Percy and tries to pull him out, only to flood his own generator too.

And as they are sitting there in that pond, Diesel makes a valiant effort to actually apologize to Percy. He can't quite get the word "Sorry" out of his mouth and he's interrupted by the entire Sodor Search and Rescue before he could manage it. Unlike the thank you he owed to Paxton in "Disappearing Diesels" though, he's actually making an effort here for Percy.

And Percy knows what's up. Percy knows what's good! The next day, he visits Diesel in the Dieselworks to thank him for trying to rescue him (even if Diesel tricked him in the first place) and to show him that he did get his photo in the paper.

Couple seasons later, there's "Springtime for Diesel" where he bumps Daisy so hard that her springs sprong. She has to go to the Dieselworks and it takes so long to get replacement springs in for her that rumors start circulating that she may have to be scrapped. Diesel feels terrible about this and goes to visit her. She pretends to be asleep though, which permits Diesel to actually say that he's sorry this time. With the words and everything!

He's then quick to excuse his behavior by saying that he's mean to other engines because they're mean to him and they blame him for everything, but that he likes Daisy and wishes he could make everything right again. He's resigned though that after this, she's probably not going to want to be his friend.

When Daisy does get her new springs, Diesel is the first to meet her on the tracks. She doesn't directly acknowledge his apology because I think she does get that's a big step for him and she doesn't want to call attention to it. She does tell him though that if he wants to be friends, he has to change his ways.

And he does!

...until literally the next episode where he's trying to start shit between her and Harvey, but Diesel is as Diesel does.

Finally - finally! - in "Sonny's Second Chance", Diesel comes full circle and takes responsibility for his mischief in order to save Sonny from being sent away.

In this episode, Sonny (a steam engine who arrived in the company of a pair of thieves) has been offered the chance to stay and work on Sodor, but only if he proves himself trustworthy and Useful. He finds however that though he tries to be helpful, his actions are interpreted in bad faith by other engines, leaving him ripe for exploitation by a certain engine who knows that song and dance by heart.

Diesel tricks Sonny into hauling his cars to the dump, but they're actually having fun together.

But Diesel fucks it up 'cause of course. On his next job, he brags to Percy that he tricked Sonny into pulling his fish cars, but Sonny overhears. He storms off to deliver the cars and Diesel, realizing he's fucked another friendship, chases after him, but gets switched onto a siding, derails, and almost falls into a Class 08-sized grave. Sonny (who has notably quick reflexes demonstrated both here and earlier when he bumped James out from under falling watermelons) is able to hook a tow chain on and pull Diesel away from the hole. He accidentally derails his own fish cars by backing up so fast, but he catches Diesel before he falls in.

And Diesel thanks him for it! No hesitation, no hemming and hawwing. And. AND! He also admits that he did not deserve to be rescued. Look at my boy! Look at him GO! And Sonny! Sonny tells him straight up, "No, probably not." Which, gangster. "Consider it a second chance." A second chance! For Diesel! No one's ever actually given him one of those before.

Then Sir Topham Hatt rolls up and - in form we've not seen Hatt Bullshit in for quite some time - looks upon this scene and focuses his attentions on clearly the most pressing and important thing: "What's going on here? And what are those fish doing on the tracks?"

Sonny takes responsibility for the fish, and Hatt is all "Well, you've had your chance. I did say you'd have to leave if-"

"No!" interrupts Diesel. And he begs Hatt not to send Sonny away. And admits that everything was his fault. And tells Hatt that Sonny saved him.

"Is this true?" Hatt asks in his blithe Hatt Bullshit way. And it is, so Hatt declares that Sonny can stay and word gets around that Sonny's a hero.

Then they cancelled the show so we never get to see him again!

I'm real fuckin' mad about it honestly because not only was Sonny's episode the culmination of a seasons' long character arc for Diesel, but Sonny is such a uniquely perfect character to give Diesel a proper friend, which I'd argue he never got. Paxton is too trusting, Percy has better options, Daisy obviously isn't going to be BFF's with this guy.

Sonny was so uniquely positioned to be a good friend for Diesel. He's new so he doesn't have existing relationships to interfere with or a long history of previous slights to overlook. He's already committed to giving Diesel a second chance at getting this friend thing right, but he's not forgiving or naive the way Percy and Paxton are. Sonny suffers from the same problems of reputation that Diesel does but is determined to overcome them, which Diesel has never had motivation or incentive to do before. They'd be good accountabili-buddies that way. And perhaps most importantly, Sonny is a steam engine so he'd be closing that old diesel vs. steam gap once and for all.

That Diesel actually fessed up to keep a steam engine on Sodor is something on its own. The implication is that Diesel has found something compelling and resonant about this guy that copping to his bullshit is preferable to Sonny being sent away. If you're keeping dieselization in the back of your mind, you perhaps know there's not many other places anymore for such an engine to go.

What a turnaround for the guy who first arrived on Sodor bragging about how revolutionary he was.

[biggsodorcitystories]

Doctor Victor Minaz

Here we have one of my absolute favourite cgi series additons: the steam engine's resident 'doctor,' Victor.

Victor Minaz was born in Cuba, the only son of Anton and Novia Minaz. His father - who Victor frequently describes as "a living Cuban stereotype" - was a drug baron whose illicit income allowed his son and daughter, Safia, to grow up in relative comfort. He was also a progressive and indulgent father, pushing not only Victor but also Safia to pursue the best educations.

As he grew, Victor developed an interest in medicine and expressed a desire to become a doctor. His parents - understandably thrilled at the prospect of having such a respected profession in the family - encouraged Victor enormously and were able to fund his progression through expensive medical school.

His experiences while he became qualified as a doctor taught the already kind Victor the values of kindness and compassion, along with a desire to continuously improve medicine and practices. He worked at the hospital for a few years, where he worked hard to improve and add to his knowledge and experience.

When he was offered to move to Sodor as the only engine doctor of the developing Nort Western Railway in the United Kingdom, Victor jumped at the chance despite not speaking a word of English. This came back to haunt him when the language barrier resulted in him suffering a nasty accident and being unable to effectively communicate with the people at the works.

Learning the language of his new home became his first priority, which he worked very hard to become fluent in. This show of effort, along with his medical skills, left a positive impression on all who met him. Within a short time, the Works was an enviable operation, and Victor was one of the most respected figures on the island of Sodor.

Victor was unsatisfied by the use of Welsh/Special Coal to treat engines due to the hallucinogenic side effects - Henry spent a week suffering daily bouts, convinced he was an apple tree and Edward fled Wellsworth shrieking that the platform was melting - and developed his own concoctions which removed these effects entirely. With the arrival of the diesels, Victor showed no discrimination and took the time to study their physiology and was able to provide medical care until the diesel-works was built. Even then, he remains on hand as a consultant and, as such, has an excellent relationship with Den and Dart.

Some time later, Victor learned of the whereabouts of Luke - the little green engine who had been involved in his accident - at the Blue Mountain Quarry on the Skarloey railway. Having never blamed Luke for this, he was happy to be able to communicate this at last. As such, the two became friends, but after Luke's neglected health meant regular visits to the steam-works, both were surprised to find their relationship developing in an unexpected way...

Victor is always busy at the Steam-Works but handles everything with a professional smile and perfect bedside manner, from Henry's struggle with hypochondria to the many accidents on Sodor, even helping Duck's struggle with gender dysphoria. He is helped by Kevin, an orphaned and clumsy crane, who often causes more work. Victor is often frustrated with Kevin but views him as a surrogate child of sorts and is rarely angry with him. He has expanded his medical understanding to cover all vehicles and stock on the island - including the cranes and boats - and even has some limited human medical knowledge, though he wouldn't want anyone's life to depend on it.

Victor is one of the few engines on Sodor who can grow thick body hair, which seems to have added to his attraction by others on the island, and some envy from certain parties!

[rygoespop]

Thomas and Friends: Tales from Sodor (Story 51): George and Bulgy

Title Card: George and Bulgy

Scene opens to Knapford Station, where it was busy with Edward and Emily pulling Freight Cars

Narrator: While Sir Topham Hatt is away, the engines got to work hard when Mr. Evans is around, even passengers are a priority

Scene transitions to Bulgy rolling down the Road

Bulgy: Hmph! Silly Mr. Evans, he can't make me go slow *he was behind Caroline as he honked his horn*

Caroline: *crossed* Patience Sugar cube! I'm going as fast as I could!

Bulgy: Well, your going too slow!

Caroline: Ouf! How rude!

Bulgy over took Caroline and raced away

Caroline: That mean ol Double Decker bus has no manners!

Scene transitions to George, working on a New Road

George: Rippin up rails, what a life! *he blew his whistle*

Bulgy: Oh great, that sounded like- *sees George and stops* Oh, hello George

George: Hello Bulgy! What are you doing?

Bulgy: Delivering Passengers, I prefer to do it because roads are faster than rails!

George: Oh no way! I despise the Railway! Although I am in a group with 4 Diesels and the Horrid Lorries

Bulgy: Take me to this group

Scene transitions to Diesel 10 and his Posse, all having a meeting at Diesel 10's Mountain

Diesel 10: Alright my posse, today we will- *notices George isn't here* Hey, where's George?!

Arry: I don't know boss!

Bert: Maybe he's late!

George: Wait, here I am! *he rolls down the road*

Diesel 10: There you are, where were you?!

George: No time to explain, but I got someone who is willing to join our Posse

Diesel: Oh, like who?

Bulgy: *rang his bell* Me

Diesel 10: Oh, who is this?

Horrid Lorry 1: Bulgy?!

Horrid Lorry 2: What are you doing here?

Bulgy: Thought you needed some help, so I'm offering to help you dealing with those Steam Engines

George: Yeah! Bulgy despises those Steamies as well

Diesel 10: Including the Steam Team?

Bulgy: Oooh yes, well despite the fact I work on that same line as Thomas

Diesel 10: That puffball! Alright Bulgy, it's settled, you are one of us!

Bulgy: *chuckled* Oh thank you

Scene transitions to the next day, Bulgy was at Ffarquhar Station

Bulgy: Alright, time for some trouble *sees Rosie puffing with Milk Tankers*

Rosie: Oh hello Bulgy, are you here to take some Passengers to Knapford for Gordon?

Bulgy: Oh yes, I am

Rosie: Oh, well ok! *she puffs away*

Bulgy: Now here comes to fun

Scene transitions to Rosie puffing down the line

Rosie: I gotta hurry, I gotta- *sees a cart of Milk Churns ahead* Oh no stop! *she slams on her brakes but she crashes into the cart*

The Milk Churns flew on Rosie and the milk splashes on her

Rosie: Ugh! That's not how a sundae is suppose to look!

George: Heh heh! Watch were your going you silly steamie! *he rolls by*

Scene transitions to George arriving at Ffarquhar

George: We got one engine! Who's next?

Bulgy: I wanna go after Duck, he caused me to have a silly accident!

George: Very well, but Duck is on the other side of the island!

Bulgy: You got a point, how about James? We can spoil his Red paint

George: Very well, James it is then!

Scene transitions to James arriving at Knapford with Coaches

James: Here's James- whoaaaaa! *he stops but crashes into a flatbed of paint as green and yellow paint splattered on him* Oh no! My beautiful paint work!

Mr. Evans: *saw the accident* What is going on!? *he raced outside to see the accident*

James was unhappy that his paint was ruined, Mr. Evans inspect

Mr. Evans: How can this happen?

Rosie: *puffs in as she was still covered in Milk* Not only James, but I too as well

Mr. Evans: How can two accidents happened in one day?!

Bulgy and George chuckled at their plan

Bulgy: This is going well

George: Yeah! Let's go for more!

Scene transitions to a montage, such as Henry puffing down the line but the Coal Hopper was on and Henry was covered in Coal, followed by Edward getting mud sprayed on him, evenly followed by Emily getting fish dropped on her

Emily: Oh my!

Scene transitions to the 5 Members of the Steam Team, all at the Washdown

Narrator: The 5 Engines all needed a washdown, as their job was unfinished

Bertie: How can all these accidents happen? I need to know who is responsible for this?

Suddenly, Bertie heard a conversation going on behind the bushes

Bertie: Huh? *he rolls over there and heard what's going on*

George: Alright, 5 down, now 5 more to go! Who should we go after next? Gordon? Percy? Toby? Molly?

Bulgy: Hmmm, I wanna go after Thomas next, Diesel 10 did say he will stop us!

George: Right! Thomas it is then!

Bertie: *gasp* I got to get Mr. Evans! *he races off to Knapford*

Scene transitions to Mr. Evans in Sir Topham Hatt's Office

Mr. Evans: Oh bother! I knew these Five Accidents would happen, but I couldn't- *heard Bertie's horn* Huh? That sounds like, Bertie!

Bertie: Mr. Evans, Mr. Evans!

Mr. Evans: *racing outside* Bertie! What is it?

Bertie: Mr. Evans, I found out who is responsible for these accidents!

Mr. Evans: Alright Bertie, take me to them! *he enters in Bertie*

Scene transitions back to George and Bulgy

Bulgy: Once we are done with Thomas, Diesel 10 won't have to worry about him stopping us!

George: Yeah! Let's go to Thomas!

Mr. Evans: Ahem!

George and Bulgy: Huh?! *gasp*

Bertie: I won't let you two get to Thomas!

Mr. Evans: I should've known! George and Bulgy, so you two were responsible for the accidents on Rosie, James, Henry, Edward, and Emily! You both have caused a lot of serious trouble!

George and Bulgy: Yes sir, and we're sorry sir!

Mr. Evans: Now, back to Work, both of you, and I don't want to see another Accident made or planned by you!

George and Bulgy roll away in disgrace

Mr. Evans: Thank you Bertie, you truly are a hero

Bertie: It was no problem Mr. Evans

Scene transitions to later at Evening, The 5 Members of the Steam Team (Edward, Henry, James, Emily, and Rosie) were all cleaned

Narrator: Later that evening, James and the others were cleaned, so they told Thomas, Gordon, Percy, and Molly everything

Edward: So, after Bertie showed Mr. Evans who are the culprits, George and Bulgy got punished!

Thomas: Serves them right! Hopefully we don't have to deal with them!

Gordon: Agreed! I do praise Bertie for preventing anymore accidents caused by those two

Scene transitions to Night, as the 9 members of the Steam Team were all asleep, unknown to them, Diesel 10 rolled up to the side of Tidmouth Sheds

Diesel 10: Alright Pinchy, time for a bit of a wake up! *he clamps Pinchy*

Diesel 10 uses his Claw to Smash a window and broke part of a wall, waking up the engines which left them in shock

Thomas: *shocked* Oh no! Diesel 10!

Diesel 10: *cackling* Hello you miserable steamies! I'm surprised that two members of my Posse got in trouble thanks to that Bus Friend of yours!

Thomas: Well, Bertie did the right thing and got Mr. Evans to stop George and Bulgy!

Diesel 10: Well you got lucky this time Puffball! You and your friends will pay, but the next day won't be pretty, it'll be ugly! *he clamps Pinchy and oiled away backwards*

Molly: Does he mean by the next day?

Thomas: I'm not sure, but he damaged Tidmouth Sheds!

Percy: Well, might as well get Judy and Jerome first thing in the morning

Thomas: Agreed

Camera pans out and pans up to the Night Sky as the Scene cuts to black

To be Continued

Story End

[jobey-wan-kenobi]

To continue the Larry=Dennis parallels, of course at some point there were calls for them to just replace the latest bozo pol with Dennis.

Now, this isn't quite as much of a joke as it is in real life, because, you know. The engines can talk and stuff. Isabella once ran for office, Trevor has served as an alderman, etc.

Sudrians have also, of course, been seriously talking about drafting railway vehicles into their government for years. For one thing, they have great name recognition. For another thing, Skarloey, Rheneas, Duke, Edward, and Toby have all been discussed, at various points, as perfectly reasonable candidates for mayors, MPs, etc.

Now, usually this gets no further than (at most) the Thin or Fat Controller feeling the need to make a statement reminding everyone that their respective railways could not possibly spare the potential candidates in question.

Dennis, though. After a memetic press conference photobombed and then taken over by the laziest diesel ever built, the island starts clowning about just replacing Exiting Disgraced Politician with Dennis.

And FC3 is all like, "Yes, we fully support Dennis if he chooses to pursue a career in government service. 🙃 Please. Do it. He'd be great."

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

It's not developed but as it is essentially a Manx variation with some admixturing from other languages (maybe Welsh? Norman? i can't recall off the top of my head) it wouldn't actually be toooo too hard to flesh out. Like we wouldn't be starting "from scratch, but with some place names." We would just have to make some decisions about sound changes and which vocabulary was adopted.

So apparently Thomas the Tank Engine has an entire fucking conlang called Sudric. That's sure something!

[ghostbellies]

Earthworms

(SFW SHORT STORY)

(A story I wrote about Engines. Yes, it’s Thomas and Friends, Get off my ASS. If you like it, drop me a comment! i love writing but don’t do it often! ALSO bear in mind that this is NOT my usual content, i’m just using Tumblr to post this to world lol)

It was a warm, drizzly day on the Isle of Sodor.  Rain fell in shimmery sheets over the island, the smell of new greenery and rich earth mixed in the air with the scent of petrichor. The sun shone through breaks in the clouds, spilling a golden light on the awakening countryside.

“The devil is beatin’ his wife”, Some Sudrians would say as they lifted their eyes skywards.

The engines on the Fat Controller’s railway hardly had time for such meteorological observations - they were busy at work as always, the Spring season bringing eager tourists from the mainland looking to enjoy the milder weather; trucks laden with paint and fresh thatch for Spring cleaning; and of course, lots of post.

Percy The Little Green Engine found himself pulling an additional afternoon mail train on every Wednesday, bringing priority post from the mainland. Although eager Percy would have rather blown his throttle valve than complain out loud, he couldn’t help but be a touch grumpy over the additional load, as it was always a rush job and always just shy of ‘absolutely bloody late’.

On that wet Spring Wednesday, Percy was hauling a particularly heavy priority mail train, running 8 and red-faced as the gentle rain became stinging needles against his plump cheeks.  Percy offered meek praise to the Maker when the mail depot finally appeared on the horizon. The porters were already racing around with carts in anticipation of the mail delivery, but he could also see a tall lady waiting patiently on the platform. She was wearing a lumpy raincoat, dirty overalls and muddy green boots.  Her brassy blonde hair was grimy, plastered to her forehead in the humid air.  As soon as Percy labored up to the platform, wheezing with the effort of hauling the laden trucks, the woman waved to him.

“Hello, Little Six!” she said in her big, brash northerner’s voice. Percy beamed, immediately feeling ten cars lighter. “Hallo Miss McColl!” He chirped brightly.

Amelia McColl was Farmer McColl’s eldest daughter. Only a few seasons prior she had taken over a good deal of the farm duties that pertained to the growing of crops, and she took it very seriously.  She was rarely seen without a healthy dusting of dirt on her clothes or a big box of seasonal produce and flowers to share with her neighbors. Percy liked her. She seemed to genuinely enjoy talking to the engines; sharing stories about troublesome crows in her corn or photos of her army of barn cats. 

Amelia stood aside as the porters hustled to unload Percy’s freight. One of them rushed over to her. He nodded to her curtly with a mumbled “ma’am” and handed her a clipboard, which she scrawled her signature on and traded back for a smallish crate. It was stamped with blue ink - RUSH DELIVERY: KEEP COOL.

“Thank you, Percy!” She said, bringing the crate ‘round to Percy’s front so she could look into the green engine’s earnest face.

“You’ve no idea how excited I’ve been for my worms!”

Percy raised an eyebrow as he watched the dirty farmer tear into the crate like Christmas morning.

“Worms?” He said incredulously. Suddenly he realized he had little to no idea what a worm even was other than the most basic wormy-understanding. He’d barely even seen a worm. Even as the smallest of the engines at Tidmouth, they were simply too far beneath his line of vision to see.

“Those little squiggly things??” 

Amelia laughed a big barking laugh - “I’ll have you know these are pedigreed squiggly things! All the way from Scotland!”

Percy’s furrowed brow communicated his absolute bafflement.

She pulled off the lid of the crate with the edge of her pen-knife and thrust her hand inside; she pulled up a handful of rich dark earth and held it up close to the curious engine’s pug-nose. She sifted the dirt out between her fingers, and as he peered closely, pale pink somethings twisted and writhed in her hands.

“These little beasties live their whole lives underground, eating dirt and keeping the soil loose and airy so the roots can breathe. They’re wonderful for a vegetable garden - a farmer’s best friend!” Amelia said it with a touch of pride, pleased with her purchase, clearly thinking the engine would agree. 

But Percy’s eyes were wide as dinner plates. He couldn’t look away from the strange things squirming desperately, as if the light burned their slick skins.

Suddenly he heard the sound of the mail truck doors creaking and slamming shut.  The porters had almost finished their frantic dance, and he would need to carry on with his daily duties. Amelia replaced the worms in their dirt bed, then patted Percy’s cheek affectionately. “Right! I better let you get on with it! I’ll bring you a bright bunch of posies for your cab once they sprout - all thanks to your hard work, and my worms!”

Percy smiled half heartedly. “Thank you Miss McColl, I certainly would love to see the flowers.”

But not so much the worms…

He thought to himself as he pulled away from the station, feeling a queasy rush of cold in his pump injector.

***

Later that evening, the engines were all bedded down at Tidmouth Sheds. They’d had the clinker cleaned off their grates, their flues brushed, and were cooling comfortably in their berths. The nightly indignation session was in full swing.  

“…I’ve had an ache in my flank since this morning…Driver says it was nothing but oh, I KNOW it’s a loose rivet…I shall come apart at the seams…”

“… A whole filthy team of footballers, all jostling and climbing in MY coaches!!! I could just DIE…”

“…I want racing stripes! Bertie says they’ll make me go faster…I’ve no idea how paint can do that but you bet your buffers I’ve GOT TO HAVE IT.”

Edward The Blue Engine listened patiently, the grumbling chorus of engines providing a familiar backdrop to the rain that was pattering on the tin roof. But one voice was missing.  He turned his gaze to his left where Percy sat silently, letting Thomas’ inane chatter about paint rush past him like a countryside view.

“It was Wednesday today, wasn’t it? Priority Mail day. Anything extraordinary?” Edward prompted gently, watching Percy’s eyes refocus as if he had been staring a thousand miles down the track.

“Worms.” Percy said hollowly. “I brought Miss McColl a crate of Scottish P..Peppertree worms…”

“Worms?” Thomas blurted out, a touch of jealousy piping up. “You’ve hauled a load of worms?! I’ve never hauled so much as ONE worm!”

Percy’s chassis rattled. Now that the seal was broken, he blurted the rest of his story out in a torrent.

“No you don’t understand…they…they looked so horrible! All pink and strange and slimy! She had a crate of smelly wet dirt, and they came packed inside in a horrible tangle… She said they live their whole lives underground…in the dark…”

“Ugh!” James The Splendid sniped, turning his bulbous nose up in disgust. “You wouldn’t catch ME living in the dirt!” 

“No respectable engine would have anything to do with worms. Pitiable tiny things. They haven’t even any arms.” Gordon huffily contributed to the worm deriding.

Once again the shed was ringing with cantankerous voices as the engines, big and small, provided their expert opinions on the merits (or lack there of) of worms. Percy seemed to shrink in on himself as the others talked over him.  Thunder shook the shed, and Edward seized his chance in the ensuing silence. He raised his voice only slightly.

“Oh, I don’t know. This reminds me of stories from the mainland about strange trains.”

All that could be heard was the soft tick-ticking of cooling fireboxes, and the air was thick with the engine's collected curiosity. Edward’s lined face crinkled with his gently mischievous grin. Now I’ve got them.

“Edward, I don’t like such frightful stories before bed!” Henry groused, screwing up his face in a look of distaste.  Edward just continued, knowing they’d all be hooked by the time he took his first pause.

"Driver told me on the mainland there are cities built over vast, gloomy tunnels underground. They tried to explore the tunnels, but they were so long and dark that anyone who set foot in them was swallowed up by the great yawning black, never to return.  So many were lost trying to navigate the tunnels, that they realized something had to be done. So the Great Controllers on the Mainland and the Makers got together to create a  plan.  They would tame the dark. Yoke it for their use as they have the great expanses of Sudrian countryside.  They brought in builders and iron workers and brick layers and engineers, but it was still so utterly alien and foreboding that they realized they had only one choice…to build engines to help.”

Thomas blinked in confusion.

“Engines? Underground? Away from the sun and fresh air? What kind of an engine could stand that misery?!” He knew the dark was not a friend to a locomotive.  Unseen hazards lay in it, waiting to derail an engine who carelessly rolled into it without their lamps, or worse. Tunnels had their own hazards, flooded lines or bad track that lay in wait. To The Iron Horses of the rails, the thought of a dank, endless dark was as unpleasant as a cold water washdown.

Edward cleared his throat of a bit of soot, and continued as his friends leaned in as if trying to breathe in his words.

“Underground engines.  Strong as the greatest LNER, and as fast as one as well. Great big beasts with wide, luminous eyes, though they are blind as a dead end. They haven't any fireboxes, because they do not need to eat…."

"Not eat?!" Muttered Gordon with a huff, already fuming over the implication of a faster engine than he.  "Nonsense. no proper engine could run without coal!"

 "...Or diesel!" Henry piped up helpfully, fully invested in this strange tale.

Edward continued quietly.  "Not a single lump of coal or drop of petrol. No - these monsters get their power from cables and coils…electricity.  They pull trains so long their tails are like rivers.  The Makers created the perfect engine for these inhospitable depths…the subway train. Never sleeping, stopping only to pick up passengers. They hurtle down these subterranean tracks, screaming into the dark like banshees, searching constantly for someone, anyone, to relieve their toils.”

Thomas spoke up with faux-bravado.

“Oh Edward. You’re yanking our Johnson Bars! No controller would allow their engines to be treated so unfairly! Afterall, if they are strong and fast and pull such huge trains, they must be really useful!” His tone seeked affirmation from his fellow engines, but they seemed to doubt his conviction.

Edward just smiled, another rumble of thunder punctuating his artfully crafted pause.

“When the Makers built the engines, they only knew to make them really useful for the underground.  And no man, brave or strong, can live in the tunnels with them all the time.  As a matter of fact…Driver told me he witnessed a subway train break down.  The poor engine had been rushing through the foul tunnels at full speed when it derailed on a length of uneven track.  It lay on its side, bellowing in pain for days before they finally found it. They had to use a huge crane to pull it through the tunnels and haul it above ground to the works….”

“Did…did they fix it?” James squeaked fitfully, the trio of big engines shook like shivering trucks on a shaky track. Henry rolled backwards as far as he could go into his berth, hiding his face completely behind Gordon’s bulk.

Edward’s voice dropped to a low rasp.  The dying embers of the engine’s smokebox cast strange shadows behind him, making his careworn face seem hard and angular in the low light.

“They drug the pitiful thing up to the surface slowly, carriage by carriage. The whole time they could hear it’s soft, mournful moans. At last they arrived at the head… But those poor fools, the lot of them - they didn’t know, just couldn’t know…once the engine was in the full light of the sun…”

Edward SHOUTED in a manic voice!

“PUT ME BACK! PUT ME BACK UNDERGROUND! MY FACE! MY FACE IT’S BURNING!!”

The shed erupted in noise. Thomas startled back like a nervous horse, giving a fearful wheesh of steam. The Big Engines hollered, Gordon’s whistle blasting a strident, hectic shriek. 

Throughout the whole ordeal… Percy had been staring tightlipped with mounting panic. As the others turned their ire to Edward for startling them, the old blue engine looked at Percy…and winked cheekily.

Percy’s face finally broke into a wide, genuine grin. He giggled, realizing suddenly that he and Edward had shared a brief moment of solidarity. He was grateful to his old friend.

“So there you are, Lads” Edward said, chuckling at his rioting comrades. “You see, Percy was rather brave to face those worms unprotected!”

***

The Engines on the Isle of Sodor always work hard and want to be really useful…but every so often, when the rains come and they care to look downwards to the wet soil where strange pink snouts poke out of the earth…They remember the alien worlds of the subways and their fireboxes cool a degree or two…

All except Percy of course, who now knows that pedigreed worms really do help grow wonderful flowers!

[houseboatisland]

Is Elizabeth on your island, and if so how has she adjusted after decades abandoned?

She is! And here's my headcanon for her:

Topham Hatt I, (The Fat Director,) had by 1926 accumulated a small fortune as General Manager of the North Western Railway. Reputed as a workaholic, (or boss-aholic,) Topham had sunk considerable amounts of money into his sprawling Wellsworth estate, Topham Hall. Topham was inspired by the undertaking of his sometime friend Sir Robert Walker, the Baronet of Sand Hutton. Walker's estate utilized war surplus one foot and three inch gauge locomotives to carry distinguished guests, agricultural produce, and coal to and bricks deriving from the nearby brickworks of Claxton.

The resulting pet project, the Topham Hall Railway, is where Elizabeth's story begins.

The T.H.R. was laid to what had essentially become the Sudrian "standard narrow gauge," of two feet and three inches. The line started from its Exchange Siding with Wellsworth Station, and made several crossings through the streets of that town's suburbs, before reaching the estate grounds. Hall Station brought passengers within a stone's throw of the mansion itself. Moving on, the line dove into the woods through a magical tree tunnel, with a spur at its opening for the engine and carriage shed. Crossing a brook over a three-span wooden trestle bridge, another station and a few sidings known as "Orchard Station" served the fruit and vegetable orchard. Another mile or so, and the railway stopped again for "Bowler's Station," where the Hatts and any guests could detrain for the estate's cricket pavilion.

Another half a mile, and the railway terminated at the Wellsworth Brickworks. This had been a puny operation before the THR linked up with it, employing only three men or so. After the railway's arrival, it expanded to employ a few dozen, and three more kilns were added. Throughout the Great Depression, Topham kept the Brickworks open and its employees onboard out of his own pocket, even as the bricks accumulated unsold. This was far more humanitarian than his treatment of NWR employees and three of his engines!

The railway had one locomotive, a royal purple Kerr Stuart 'Tattoo' class, named "Little Barford," technically a brother of the Mid Sodor Railway's No. 4, "Stuart." Little Barford arrived also with several v-tipper wagons, a dozen ex-War Department bogie wagons, four-wheel trucks and two ambulance vans. The ambulance vans were thoroughly rebuilt by the estate's woodshop to become an elaborate passenger coach, and a "Dining Car," which was quite identical save for the fewer seats and teeny gas cooker. The passenger coach saw constant use, but the Dining Car mostly sat in the siding at Bowler's Station as it cooked. The line was so short, it never could've done more than boil an egg while moving to timetable!

Capping off this complement of rolling stock was one Sentinel DG4 "Overtype" Steam Lorry, quickly named Elizabeth, after the Duchess of York's newborn daughter. Elizabeth was absolutely coveted by Topham, though he wasn’t exactly a steady hand at the wheel. Elizabeth was kept polished to perfection, even when her work involved carting such grubby loads as soil, clay, and coal. She was in every respect a "father's princess," but she worked dutifully and loved Little Barford like a twin brother. She also learned from her Victorian old master her favorite catchphrase, "We are/are not amused!" depending on the context.

The Second World War began in September 1939, and this national shift in priorities turned Elizabeth’s devil-may-care youth on its head. The Wellsworth Brickworks shuttered as many of its men volunteered or were called up, and housing construction all but ended. Little Barford was kept on at the Hall as the Ministry of Agriculture and Fisheries set to increase production on Topham Hall’s farms. Elizabeth on the other hand was, for the first time, moved away from her only home. As the civilian petrol rationing situation tightened, and private motoring was eventually banned, Elizabeth was suddenly very valuable as a coal-fired road vehicle.

She was commandeered and relocated to Tidmouth Harbour, working night and day as a dockside lorry. This was a very stressful period for her, for she was utterly friendless and out of her element. Although Sodor was never bombed, the routine blackout drills and stories of other ports destroyed, such as Liverpool, took their toll on her mentally. At some point however, she "bucked up." Elizabeth realized she was no longer an aristocrat's toy. For all she knew, Topham had probably forgotten her. As the military lorries she came face to face with daily were almost all of the internal-combustion type, who was to say that when, if ever the war was over, that he'd want her back if he remembered her?

In these circumstances, Elizabeth adopted her more familiar, stiff-upper lip personality. There was no time for polish or quaint little rides to the cricket pavilion, there was a war on! She became grubby, and liked to be grubby. She worked like the devil, and loved that even more. Her posh accent never left her, but she was now in every respect out to be a working girl. Elizabeth would never admit it to herself, but this huge change of self owed much to her upset at being removed from her only home. Did she legitimately like being a working lorry, rather than an estate owner's princess? Certainly she did. Was it an easy and completely voluntary change of character? Of course not. But it was done, and Elizabeth spent many nights assuring herself that it was the right path, the only path to have taken.

1945, the end of the war. Everyone was so jubilant. Elizabeth was cleaned and polished like a crown jewel, decked out with flags and bunting, and allowed to participate in the Tidmouth Victory Parade. In several colour newswreels of the event, you can spot her amid the cascade of tickertape and throngs of soldiers, nurses, longshoremen, civilians, tanks and lorries. It was no doubt a fun day for her, but now she thought a great deal about the future.

The war, which had been everything to her for six years, was over. Soldiers were being demobilized and coming home. Industries were retooling for the postwar world, to make consumer goods rather than several airplanes an hour. The Attlee Government, in conjunction with the devolved Sudrian Parliament established in 1946, had a grand vision for The Mainland and Sodor, where the welfare state for the long-suffering people and machines was vastly expanded, their jobs would be increasingly unionized and their bosses answerable to them, rather than the other way around.

Despite the historically harsh winter into the New Year of 1947, Sudrian workers, bouncing back much quicker than their Mainland counterparts, were delighted with PM Attlee's "New Jerusalem." Tidmouth Harbour was still very busy, as Sodor's biggest gate in and out for the world, and Elizabeth kept calm and carried on as time marched on. She was much busier than she had first feared, and that winter was her time to shine as so many petrol lorries were out of commission with "head colds." Elizabeth convinced herself, somehow, that these thousands and thousands of war surplus petrol lorries wouldn't take over. If so many had taken ill in these conditions, maybe Sodor, or even the whole world, would consider turning back the clock and restoring steam to the roads completely.

She feared and resented petrol lorries something terrible. When the petrol ration which had enabled her life all this time, was finally ended, she was heartbroken. Every worry she had seemed to come to pass all at once. First, the Tidmouth Harbour Authority decided it would be much cheaper to stack its fleet with war surplus lorries, and she was out of a job. Her next owner, a furniture mover, didn't keep her long, and neither did the next, a man who planned to fit her out as a bus and ran out of money.

By 1956, when the now-knighted Sir Topham Hatt I had died, Elizabeth had already been accumulating dust in a shed for two years. She never saw her last owner, who by now had failed to pay rent on her storage. Anopha Quarry, who owned the tumbledown little shack, seized her to make up the difference, but never once came to inspect the lorry who was now their property. Eventually, the Quarry forgot about her too.

It wasn't until 1961, when a little blue puffer deputizing for Toby on the Quarry Tramway carelessly had a coupling rod failure, that she reemerged. She made a heartstopping journey down the line for the necessary spare rod, pins, oilpot and tools in Ffarquhar Sheds, where she stirred up quite a scene, before an even more uncomfortable journey back. Elizabeth's Sentinel heritage thankfully preserved her for the whole ordeal, when Thomas' Driver, then at her wheel, worried that she'd explode and take him with her.

Back into the shed she went after this good deed, for how long, if ever to come out again, she didn't know. Until of course, that same night, a man very like her old Master, named Bertram just like his son whom she had given so many rides through the orchards and to cricket games, came to make a visit...

You can guess the rest :3

Sir Bertram Topham Hatt I was reunited with his childhood friend, and his father's favorite lorry. He immediately sent for her with his own money to be restored, and at once moved her back to Topham Hall, where she was herself reunited with the closest thing to a brother she'd ever had, Little Barford, who this whole time had been working as well as ever, and wondered why no one had ever gone to look for Elizabeth despite all his questions. It had been assumed, wrongly, that Elizabeth had perished on war service. That's how the Tidmouth Harbour Authority wrote it, after they pocketed her sale money! (Sir Bertram was LIVID not to get his hands on the now deceased Harbourmaster responsible.)

Elizabeth is now back to her childhood home hauling farm produce and any visitor willing to get dirty, for she still insists on carrying a bit of grime as a testament to her labours. The Wellsworth Brickworks has reopened, on a much smaller scale, as a "living museum," and Elizabeth takes great joy in carrying clay and coal again. Her, Little Barford, and Sir Bertram are now tighter than they've ever been, and Sir Bertram is the only man allowed to polish her. He's a much more sedated force at the wheel than his father, she notes, and quite often!

We ARE amused to see her <3

[funky-boat-zone]

i think i’m gonna elaborate a little on the prank war between the clay pit twins and the logging locos twins in my au because the idea is funny as hell to me

[[MORE]]

there’s been some debate over who actually started the prank war, but the most widely accepted theory is that bash and dash managed to anger the clay pit twins with their antics (what they actually did to make bill and ben so annoyed is still a mystery).

bill and ben are very surprised when they start work the next day only to find logs scattered all over the tracks. in all their years of pranking people, very few (if any) have actually retaliated against them! of course, this only inspired them to find a way to prank the logging locos again.

as for who has an advantage, it’s hard to say. bill and ben know their way around sodor and have plenty of experience in pranking, but the logging locos have the element of surprise and being almost completely unpredictable.

needless to say, it was only a matter of time before other people were getting caught in the crossfire. because bash and dash aren’t completely sure of the clay pit twins’ routine (not helped by bill and ben erratically changing their schedules specifically to throw them off), it was inevitable that other workers would end up on the receiving end of pranks meant for them or end up delayed/in trouble because of pranks taking priority over work. bill and ben weren’t much better in this regard.

the breaking point should have when a prank meant to merely inconvenience anyone using the misty island tunnel ended up rendering it unusable for a few days, but the actual breaking point was the retaliating prank meant for bill and ben accidentally screwed over everyone working at the clay pits. at that point? everyone but the twins unanimously decided that this needed to stop.

ferdinand didn’t take that much of an issue with bash and dash’s part in this until bill and ben decided that, by proxy, he was technically fair game for pranking too. when edward, boco, and timothy took him aside to tell him “hey, we’re working on getting bill and ben to stop, but that means you need to tell bash and dash to stop too”, he took their side (much to bash and dash’s dismay).

despite promising to never start the prank war up again, both sets of twins were eventually permanently banned from ever working near each other. technically, this agreement doesn’t apply when they’re not on the job; they’re banned from working together/near each other, but that doesn’t mean they can’t bother each other as long as they’re not working and keep their pranks at a smaller scale. and thus the war continues to this day.

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Funnier if they’re unfazed, though. Sodor shenanigans and all. “Yeah, yeah, the murder conspiracy on a train, we’ve all had that one happen 🥱”

Imagine if the train from murder on the orient express came to sodor and told everyone that the story of the murder that happen inside one of couches.

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

okay, i'm not gonna reblog the whole post coz it's quite long and at most 4 people will be interested, but for people like my Charlie Sand's pigeons anon, here's a very informative tumblr post about a hobby i didn't know a damn thing about

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

engines are funny

why are you guys like this (affectionate)

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

for anyone who wants a pdf copy of Awdry's The Island of Sodor: A History of Etc

it's out of print, can only be bought secondhand for an arm and a leg, i don't feel bad about this. free to reblog share far and wide.

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

Hello! I love your blog and I was just wondering if you had any LGBT+ headcanons for Pride Month?

Happy Pride 🌈

Hmm, let me tackle human characters first.

Earl of Norramby is gay. Obviously.

Nancy is bi and demi.

Also... in classic "at first I was joking, but now I really like it" fashion… I HC the first Fat Controller as trans.

No one ever named their child Topham Hatt OK????

But a sufficiently ballsy dude might choose it if they were forming a new legal identity. And we know Hatt I was ballsy indeed. He stole everything that his neighbors didn't have nailed down and some things they did. He bricked up a gauntletted line even though it shut down his railway. He told the LMS to pound sand. He drained Tidmouth despite the fishermen wanting his head on a platter. You'd have to be a VERY strong personality to be such a successful, powerful transman in the early 1900s but you'd have to be a strong personality to be him anyway???? I'm serious. An ADHD transman with zero chill who literally made his own world. I'm tempted to write a fic of the Young Topham days, who knows. Those old British schoolgirls could be tough birds and I love reading their bits whenever they break through conventional history. I like to think the first Lady Hatt used to be a roommate of him at the girls' school they attended. Jane probably helped him the night he ran away to get a job at the GWR shops. And then maybe she didn't see him again until after he transitioned and became successful and he wooed her for a little while before the reveal that it was her old friend, Euphemia or whoever.

And Jane was soooo pissed off. (Luckily she was also in love.)

I also absolutely adore the idea of an FC5 (not sure Richard will ever get a chance to be FC4, at this rate) who is a woman. But butch. Everyone calls her "sir" but she is also she.

Okay, vehicles! This is where I've hesitated, unsure if I can make myself clear.

I don't particularly vibe with putting human gender and sexual labels on them.

This is not because I want to erase or minimize the diversity of human gender and sexuality.

It's because they are not human.

I mean, okay, I do have my old 'conversion AU,' so I do mentally play around with them as human every so often—to catch most readers up, my notion was that sometime within the 2020s-2040s a large portion of our cast is turned into humans as a fancy alternative to maintaining or retiring them as engines. But even in this AU the whole point is that they adjust to being human but are still rather 'alien', so, like many fans, I kinda take it that they are pansexual by default. There are some more specific things, though (incomplete because, again, I don't think of my human AU very often, so I still have a lot of question marks):

Thomas, I think, would be aromantic

Bertie -> also aro

Edward -> intersex (specifically XX male)

Henry -> gay gay homosexual gay

Gordon -> some sort of greyscale but also he has no clue about this and pursues (straight) dating because it's the 'normal' thing to do (good luck, dude)

James -> will figure out his human gender identity only if given another hundred years to experiment

Percy -> fine with identifying as male but also quite gnc

Toby -> straight and demisexual

Duck -> agender

Stepney -> nonbinary

Donald -> asexual spectrum (unlike Gordon he does know this about himself)

Emily -> lesbian lesbian homosexual lesbian

Philip -> multigender

Harold -> pan. i know i said pan is kind of the default for ex-vehicles but Harold merits a special mention for being, uhh. how shall we say. very sex-positive. a big gallant flirt.

But, again, I'm not too interested in forcing myself to figure out everyone's full identity profile in my human AU because I find the concept of 'gender' and 'sexuality' in them as trains to be far more interesting.

From a creative standpoint, it's actually a lot of fun to play them 'straight' but to use their experiences to explore the whole concept of gender, to push the idea of sexuality to its limits, and also to play around with metaphors for human identities...

Again I know it looks like LGBT erasure but, well. It feels very queer to me.

Here's some of how I see engine gender history. The allegory to real-life stuff is not intentional; it just sort of naturally sprung up when I played around:

At the period (RWS) canon begins, the normal, "natural" order of things is for an engine to be romantically bonded with their coaches.

This very much has a similar status to human heterosexual marriage. It appears to have the seal of tradition. It's acceptable. It's expected. In general (subject to the approval of your manager) it's allowed. (Yes, there is the obvious difference that the union is between one engine and several coaches but it was rare that the convention was for you to exclusively commit to one among the rest. Basically... harem culture I guess.)

If you were built to privilege—if you actually had some coaches you regularly handled, and you did feel this sort of special bond with them—then you might fail to have any occasion to start asking some otherwise very... obvious questions.

Such as:

What if you and your coaches despise each other?

What if you develop particular feelings about just one or two of 'your' coaches, which are increasingly impossible to hide? Like... do you have to?

What if you feel absolutely neutral about your coaches, but your firebox starts to burn with the heat of a thousand suns when you catch sight of that smart tank engine runabout at the end of the line?

What if your line is so big and busy that you don't have coaches that you pull 'regularly'?

What if your railway grows so big that you hardly see any coaches consistently?

What if you are strictly a goods engine and you've only ever exchanged five words in your life with any coach? Okay, so you're just... condemned through no choice of your own to solitude and abstinence, with no hope of happiness? Sounds like horseshit, doesn't it?...

... Say, what's this whisper you hear from the old wheels that fifty years ago the managers didn't approve of these kinds of relationships? That Back In the Day this sort of romantic attachment that is now considered 'the norm' was actually considered scandalous and beyond the pale? What?

'Fifty years' is just an average; different regions and railways progressed at different rates. But, in general, the earliest period of rail history saw an insistence that Useful Engines don't have any such attachments at all. For all its pomp and status, the model of 'passenger engine and coaches' was itself considered quite unnatural before it won acceptance.

But for a good period circa 1900 it was The Thing That Was Done. It became the norm by which rail romances are still rather judged. And it's telling: although humans tended to assign engines human gender (at first usually female; as the idea of a romantic bond between engine and carriages became normalized, humans started to see their engines as male, in a reflection of human marriage), probably the best analogue for vehicular gender remains type. Powered vehicles are one gender; unpowered stock is another. There are also gradiations within those two poles, of course.

And, when freed from human surveillance and control, vehicle sexuality tends to express its preferences in that way. So, to take engines: They very rarely give a rat's ass as to whether a potential mate is male, female, nonbinary, whatever. They recognize the distinctions among themselves but they are seldom relevant in matters of attraction ever, really. Instead, an engine might have an attraction to rolling stock or other engines (or of course both! but 'both' is definitely not a given). Then, within those categories, they are very likely to instinctively be attracted to a subcategory pool based on vehicle type.

I feel like I should give examples but I actually feel more comfortable using my OCs to illustrate:

Joscelyn — a female engine who is attracted to coaches exclusively (she is also absolutely terrible at forming any such connections so she is effectively maidenless)

Skimmer — a male engine who is attracted to both coaches and other engines. This does saddle him with the stereotype of being kind of slutty. (I mean he is kind of slutty but he is judged as such based on his 'sexuality' rather than his actual history.)

Poppet — at the risk of spoilers... she is attracted exclusively to trucks and lorries (which, in her era and culture, is definitely one of the more transgressive "sexualities" for an engine!)

Lizbet (she was formerly Lillibet but I didn't realise at the time how that nickname is not quite so rare and quirky for Brits as it is for us) — attracted to other engines exclusively (which—of course!—means m, f, and nb engines; no meaningful difference from an engine PoV). She is old enough that this 'inversion' caused her significant trouble with her humans back in her day. (She never exactly repented, albeit she did act circumspectly to preserve her friendships with the engines she lived with.)

Araby — male engine who has a hopeless thing for ships. When he worked a landlocked railway this didn't matter. When he was sent to Sodor for a while... oof! did our boy have an awakening...

Columbine (this is a real-life engine, of course) — the equivalent of human 'pansexuality'; she is potentially attracted to anything with wheels

Coppernob (same; sue me) — the loco equivalent of 'asexual'. He does know how to play the role of gallant beau to lovely coaches (which he had to learn late—it wasn't tolerated on the F.R. during his first couple of decades) but I reckon he just thought everyone played it as a role and will be endlessly baffled as engines over the years assert their rights to form bonds with each other because why do you all care about this so much? it was just a bit we had to do for a while for respectability... innit?

Because a vehicle's build is essentially their "gender," that means that I have long kind of viewed rebuilds as having strong metaphorical ties to gender reassignment!

Absolutely horrifying when imposed upon you against your will, of course.

But I imagine there are lots of cases where it wasn't. You can usually tell by whether or not the engine (or whatever) thrived after the rebuild. While I consider 'human AU' Henry to be cis, I read 'engine' Henry's history as very much a trans allegory: he was originally made wrong. I mean his builder canonically had no idea what he was doing! The form he got later at Crewe at last made him into himself. There are plenty of real-life cases that I like to see as similar in an RWS universe. The SECR 'Rivers' had endless problems and angst in their original form; being converted into tender engines felt right for them. Some of them had been consciously eating their heart out wanting such an impossible change for years. The 'Queen Mary' type brakevans I consider to be similar, or at least some of them: unhappy as locomotives, never really feeling right as an engine, perhaps even pestering the engineers for ages to make them into brakevans...

Of course, I don't consider all such transitions to be successful. Some engines, like poor No. 62768 of the LNER., found themselves much unhappier after their rebuild (he was just chosen at random when he was in the shop for repairs, it's not like he wanted it!) Then there are situations like the GWR autotanks who were given panelling to disguise their locomotive nature so they could pass as coaches. Do I read this as cross-dressing, or a sort of cosmetic transition? You bet I do! 😇

Can an engine be assigned a human gender but later determine that it was given to them in error? I mean, it's possible and it happens that engines choose a new human gender but it's quite rare, rarer by far than in humans. They are much more preoccupied with the engine dimensions of their identity. What is much more common is actually what I suppose we'd consider genderfluid or multigender: Various owners (or, if they are unnamed, drivers) over the course of their career might assign them different genders and in virtually all cases the engine (to forgive the pun) rolls with it, untroubled by being a 'he' one decade, a 'she' the next, and perhaps later again being a 'he' even while he answers to the name Lady Eleanor or whatever. To them human gender is very arbitrary and they tend to be perfectly content to just go with it. Often they wish to choose their own name, but even very early in their lives their builders or owners have already gendered them and they seldom care to change that because, again. That bit is all very arbitrary and meaningless to them. The humans seldom treat their engines differently no matter what gender is assigned and therefore the engine sees little distinction.

Soooo, yeah. As for some of our characters, well... this is also very unformed and embryonic still, but...

I do think a lot of our classic lads would have thought they had No Romantic Feelings Whatsoever. Some genuinely were! Neville and Donald spring to mind (Donald is also Duck’s queerplatonic partner, natch.) But for most of them, this was just because they didn't care for coaches, nor indeed other engines of their own type.

However, I reckon as the decades went on their complacency was shattered. (I call it complacency not because acephobia isn't a thing but because for engines in this universe 'asexual' would be considered a positive trait. Useful Engines Don't and all that. So there is some privilege there.) For instance, Thomas may find that he is attracted to non-rail vehicles? And Percy definitely has a thing for flying vehicles, poor chap... (Percy also has long been comfortably attracted to engines, coaches, and ships too. But whirlybirds, man. Kinda ruined/enhanced his life.) James and Gordon found that they weren't "above" such ridiculous things as "playing at" love; they were just diesel-sexual. Henry liked other engines for a long time, so he is open to steam and diesel; he did however get knocked through a loop of his own within this century when he encountered his first electric car and was absolutely useless for the two hours afterwards...

Anyway. God it's late and I hope this makes sense. In any case I don't see the engines as 'gay' or 'straight' or whatever but I do think they have as much gender and sexuality diversity as we humans do; in fact they probably have a good deal more! I also think that they have had a long struggle for most of these identities to be accepted. So they get it. And, most of all, engines would absolutely not understand homophobia at all. Human gender is such an arbitrary thing! Why anyone would get so hung up on policing something like that is baffling to them. They are keen to be of service to all humans, they really love seeing all humans happy, and apart from that they don't have any opinions on humans' peculiar romantic or sexual lives (they barely understand what human sex is!)

Now, how humans board trains or polish an engine or mend their fences or behave in any way even remotely connected to the running of their railway or yard... well, that they have opinions on. Strong opinions. That they will argue with you about. That matters. ;)

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

NWR Social Media Feed, 1923:

if you don't recognize the inspiration (below the cut), you should probably go and follow @\localairport right now

[mean-scarlet-deceiver]

did the engines get anything special on their anniversary, 25th, 50th, etc- centennial perhaps, for edward- ala cake chucked in the firebox? any little ceremony?

I've been completely turned 'round on this. Engines definitely get cake via firebox. Like, no excuse for a cake is too flimsy <3

Major birth-years on Sodor (for engines, birth-days aren't a big part of their culture—many of them don't know theirs) are celebrated with revenue, baby! Often there's a throwback repaint. During the summer and/or holiday season the railway promotes a series of special trains for the engine. Usually the proceeds from these specific tours are wholly or partially donated to a cause of the birth-year engine's choice—it's pretty common for them to use these occasions to raise funds for the restoration of a friend or relative on the mainland.

Ceremonies are more the Skarloey Railway's style, with celebrations in the style we've seen in the RWS books. On the N.W.R. the only similar ceremonies were for Thomas, Percy, and James and it had a lot to do with drawing in the "Thomas and Friends" fans tbh, so the boys were roasted for this. But usually a birthday celebration is a more low-key and personal thing, between the engines and crews, behind-the-scenes.

Gordon actually did a series of mainland charters for his centenary this summer.