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effervescentslut · 4 years

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how you meet | edward cullen

A/N: wowowow after being on Tumblr for 6+ years I would have NEVER imagined my first published writing to this site being Twilight dnvjdfjaskdlmfkl enjoy!! requests are open :)) I will write for Twilight (mainly the Olympic Coven, except Jasper romantically), Star Wars, and Harry Potter

Pairing: Edward Cullen x Fem!Reader

Category: Fluff

Content Warnings: Reader gets unsolicited attention from teenage boys, swear words

when you moved to forks after spring break because of your dad’s work, you’re unanimously nicknamed new girl™ by all of forks high school’s students

and consequently, you’re the new eye candy for your male peers

Forks boys are, well . . . neanderthals douchebags

the ones you’ve met are egotistical, super immature, and super HORNY

. . . you decide to keep your distance

aNyWaYs

you get smooshed into ap u.s. history

apush, baby, apush HAAAAA

the teacher points you to an empty seat next to some pale blonde dude

he gives off weird kid energy at first but then he politely speaks to you

“i’m jasper. welcome to forks” and gives you an acknowledging nod

his eyes are topaz!!!?? woooooooah that’s so cool is that like a genetic defect or smth??

aaaaand your teacher immediately assigns a PROJECT

a fuckin civil war project

you swear you see jasper’s pupils dilate

you hear a chuckle from behind you

and when you turn around you see a pale dude w a dark brown buzzcut and some blonde girl smirking beside him

you later find out that those are his siblings

his fuckin goofy ass siblings

anyways a few weeks pass

you pop in at your dad’s job @ forks hospital and see him chatting w a fellow physician

yet another pale dude with blonde hair

JESUS HOW FUCKING MANY ARE THERE

you approach them and your dad embraces you in a hug

“heeeeyyyy sweet pea! how’s it goin’!”

the doctor he was talking to looks at you fondly

“hello, i’m carlisle cullen” and offers you his hand to shake, which you do

“y/n, carlisle was just inviting us to his house later tonight for some dinner”

dr. hotpants puts his hands in his pockets and humbly grins

“my son jasper tells me you’re his classmate”

oh god he’s one of those pta dads, isn’t he??

“oh, yeah, he’s my partner in history”

he smiles, “that’s wonderful. my wife esme and i would love to have you both over as our guests. it’s not often we have company for dinner. and i’m sure the rest of my children would love to meet you, y/n”

jesus christ how many kids does this guy have?? he looks THIRTY

don’t worry, in the car your dad tells you they’re all adopted lmfao

✰✰later that night✰✰

their house is HUGE jesus fuckin christ

alice knows (well they all know) about you because of jasper

IMMEDIATELY loves you!!

“hi! i’m alice!!!”

WHOLESOME AS FUCK UGH

i’m EVAPORATING. i’m YODELLING. it’s fine :-)

you thought you weren’t gonna make any pals in forks bc of the weird horny teenage specimens but here we are ;-;

alice envelopes you into a tight hug and you, in shock, grasp her arms to acknowledge this affection

your dad’s chillin near carlisle and esme and he’s silently chuckling

oh . . . they all have black eyes now?? must be the weather

or the fluorescence

you wave at jasper, rosalie, and emmett

you notice the last sibling

he’s very handsome

to you, everything about him was attractive

his soft hair contrasted against his hardened facial features

you could tell he was socially reserved when it comes to new acquaintances, just like you

he physically isolates himself from his family once you and your dad arrived

he was standing alone near a corner away from everyone else

you make eye contact with him and his mental barrier breaks down

he loses his cool

his face contorts

his lips twist into puckered lines

he claps his hand over his mouth and vacates the room immediately, running up the stairs

everyone notices his sudden departure

his family is shocked but tbh not really

✰✰✰ eddy boy is a lil shy around girls sometimes ✰✰✰

carlisle breaks the impending doom of silence

“i apologize for edward leaving us so abruptly. he hasn’t been feeling well as of late; please excuse his absence. . .”

you awkwardly pretend like that never happened

you feel it in your gut that your presence disturbed him

and not only did you disturb him

but you disturbed him so bad that he had to leave

for why?? you don’t know

you then realize that everyone else in the room knows he left bc of you

. . . anyway you all sit down at the table but you and your dad are the only ones who have plates

your dad notices this too

“hey, aren’t you guys gonna eat too?”

esme grins warmly at him

“oh, don’t worry about us. we just wanted to welcome you to town!”

uhhh, ok ma’am

alice talks to you for almost the entire time you were eating ;-; i love her

you’re also talking to jasper, cracking some apush jokes

you, jasper, emmett, and rosalie talk shit about your classmates and teacher

“why the fuck -- *carlisle glares at emmett* -- heck did mr. whatshisface give us a project RIGHT AFTER BREAK???!!”

“and he paired y/n and jasper!! they’re civil war n e r d s!! they’re gonna get the best grade” rosalie chimes in

“not if we--”

alice ❀politely❀ tells them to stfu

you giggle

bonding with your new pals <33

allllllright so it’s a few days later

you’re walking home from school

it’s drizzling, as always, but you know that it’s gonna rain harder if you don’t get home fast enough

and some asshole

some persistent prick from your class

keeps flirting with you

he’s talking about how he hasn’t been able to take his eyes off of you since you came to forks

he’s insisting he has your phone number, that he’s gonna take you out on dates. . .

you hate it

you’re so uncomfortable but you can’t really do anything about it

s u d d e n l y

a car pulls up beside where you and the guy are walking on the sidewalk and screeches to a stop

the window is rolled down and you see a familiar face

it’s edward cullen

with one hand on the wheel, he looks at both of you and clenches his jaw

“get in”

even though he was undeniably weird a few weeks ago, you concede

you never got to speak to him, but you knew that edward was trustworthy

you practically launch yourself into his silver volvo c30™

he shoots a stone-cold glare to the jackass on the sidewalk and drives away

honestly, it wouldn’t take much for anyone (not just a mind-reading vampire) to know how uncomfortable you are after what just happened with that guy

your body language is tense

your arms are crossed tightly

your body is pointed towards the passenger window as your knees touch the door

tears are welling up in your eyes

it would be mere seconds until you fully broke down

you’re embarrassed, to say the least

you’re embarrassed that you were put in a vulnerable situation, like a damsel in distress

and of all people, the handsome and mysterious guy--

the handsome and mysterious guy you began crushing on

--who feels seemingly indifferent towards you swept you off your feet and helped you when you needed someone

that made things even more embarrassing

and the tears started streaming down your heated cheeks

edward immediately sensed your unease (hmm wonder why, but also who wouldn’t sense it???)

he’s pissed.

absolutely livid

that asshole had a d e a t h w i s h

he knew you didn’t want to address your unsolicited encounter, so . . .

*awkwardly clears throat* “are you enjoying the weather?”

you choked

you did not expect him to ask that

nor did you expect him to talk at. all.

you smile through your tears and laugh

you can’t help but laugh

he’s just so awkward and cute

his half-baked plan of indirectly distracting you definitely worked

you started to excitedly talk about the rain and how much you love gloomy, cloudy days

. . . and then the elephant in the room

the inevitable first impression from a few days ago

“i’m sorry for my behavior from our first meeting. i wasn’t feeling well, and i wouldn’t have wanted for you or your father to be affected by my illness”

you’re a little skeptical at first

buuuuut you give him the benefit of the doubt and dismiss his apology

“that’s okay. it’s allergy season, anyway. i’m glad you’re feeling better”

you have no idea how bad i wanted to make a spanish flu joke right there

a small, soft smile lifts the corners of his lips “i’m edward cullen”

you look at him and return the smile

t h e t e a s i n g e n e r g y

“i’m y/n”

the car approaches your house after time seems to have flown by

your dad looks at you both as he walks to his car to go to work

he waves at edward

edward smiles and waves back at him as he enters the car

you gratefully thank edward for the ride, careful not to dwell on the prior circumstances

as you open the passenger door, edward grabs your wrist

!!he grabs your wrist!!

he insists on being your ride to and from school from now on

you object and exit the car

but

b u t

edward smirks, leaning towards the open door

“i’ll see you in the morning, y/n”

your jaw drops

and then he closes the door and speeds off

you watch him drive away and your heartbeat becomes arrhythmic

a garden of butterflies is unleashed in your stomach

blood rushes to your cheeks once more

you smile to yourself before heading inside

secretly anticipating tomorrow morning :’)

#edward cullen #edward cullen x reader #edward cullen imagine #twilight #twilight imagine #edward cullen headcanons #twilight headcanons #edward cullen imagines #headcanons

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skvaderarts · 4 years

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Hiraeth Chapter 19: Informative

Masterlist can be found Here!

Chapter Nineteen: Informative

Note: Sorry for any lingering mistakes. I wrote this entirely on my phone during a road trip with a friend so that it would be done on time. It’s just been one of those busy weeks, you know? Anyway, sorry for any mistakes. I tried my best to spell-check it, but still.

(-~-)

Deciding to leave when they did had been perhaps the smartest thing they could have done, given the circumstances. As if on cue, the weather had taken an abrupt turn for the worst, a thick fog rolling in from the north that threatened to obscure their vision and keep them trapped where they were. The chilly air that it brought with it wasn't so much unpleasant as it was unexpected as the day had been warm for the season up until then.

Leaving their father and uncle to sort out things on their own was a no-brainer this time around. Normally they would take steps to make sure that their father didn't murder Dante, but this time they just couldn't be bothered. Someone had to convince Lucia and Sirrus that they were not a family of savage idiots that only moved to harm one another. Though in Lucia's case, she had probably come to some conclusion in regards to that long before they had met her. She and Dante we're old friends after all.

As they opened the front door to the office and headed towards the van, V stopped for a moment. Despite its abnormal timing, the cool air was a welcome respite from the weather in Lucia's homeland this time of year. It had been humid and got there, quite literally the polar opposite of the kind of weather that he tended to gravitate towards. No, he liked it just like this. A cool breeze and some optional rain or fog. He'll, even some snow was preferable to the humid nightmare that was the more tropical corner of the world that they had just vacated. He didn't even have the right type of clothes for that sort of place, and much like his younger sibling, he didn't exactly tan. That was entirely enough for him.

Just as he stepped towards the lower part of the stairs, a hand reached out and tapped him in the shoulder, taking him entirely off guard. Turning to face whoever had just touched him, he couldn't help but allow his confusion to become evident on his face. It was rare that other members of the team touched him, and it was even rarer that his father so much as came near another person at all, let alone made physical contact with them. And no, using Yamato to impale or otherwise harm them didn't count. What strange Lovecraftian nightmare was this?

Turning to face him fully, V gave him a perplexed look, unsure as to what this could be about. He'd never really seen Vergil make… whatever the face was that he was making at the moment. He seemed almost amused, and that wasn't an emotion that he could honestly say he'd ever really been able to associate with his father. While he was aware that he did, in fact, possess a sense of humor, he couldn’t say that he fully understood it or was able to accurately guess what he might actually find entertaining. But he'd clearly done something that the older devil slayer found at least somewhat amusing, so that was a place to start.

"Did you need something?" V asked calmly, unsure as to how to take this sudden shift in his father's generally calm and somewhat cold persona. He was used to Vergil being more… predictable. And right now, he was anything but that. Despite the fact that he knew this didn’t pose a threat of any sort to him, he just couldn’t shake the strange, insidious feeling that he felt brewing in the very pit of his stomach. It was as if a knot that he couldn’t untangle had manifested within the very depths of his core, and he couldn’t place its location any more than he could understand its underlying cause.

Giving him an almost knowing look, Vergil glanced momentarily in Lucia's general direction, his eyes lingering on her for a moment as he seemed to quietly consider something. V had to turn in her direction to see that his father was even looking at her in the first place since his back was to the van and he was facing the large office doors that Vergil had decided to lean against. After a moment, the Darkslayer crossed his arms, looking at his son with a slightly more serious look than he had possessed a moment ago. It seemed that whatever he’d been thinking, he was about to actually express in words.

"... I've noticed that you seem to have feelings for that girl. Dante's friend. Were you planning to act upon them, or simply pine fruitlessly from a safe distance." Vergil inquired calmly, his slightly humored demeanor resurfacing slightly as he seemed to make a consorted effort to actually hide it. He clearly found something about this very entertaining, but he wasn't going to say as much. At least not at the moment.

V's entire mental process instantly stalled like an overheating car engine. He genuinely regretted the fact that he had not just taken the opportunity to leave and head to the van with the others when he had the chance. Were they actually having this conversation right now? Because it sure as hell seemed like they were. And did this even count as a conversation? Normally it required at least two people for a conversation to take place, and he couldn't will himself to speak a single word. Vergil took that opportunity to continue.

"Because if that was indeed your plan of action, I feel somewhat inclined to point out that it would get you nowhere. Inaction normally has that effect. I would be remiss to not take the opportunity to remind you of that, regardless of the fact that you are intelligent enough to have figured that out for yourself by now." He continued nonchalantly, either not noticing the slightly wide eyes, pupal dilated, utterly flabbergasted expression, or shear and unadulterated horror on his eldest son's normally neutral face or genuinely not caring. Either way, that wasn’t going to stop him from making his opinion on the matter known, regardless of how much he was sure his son probably wanted it to.

The young white-haired summoner attempted to force his brain to conjure up some meaningful response to what would otherwise be a simple inquire for his father, but the mixture of confusion and horror that he found himself in was entirely too strong to allow for that level of cognitive function. How had his father even noticed that? Was it that obvious? Was he actually that bad at hiding his thoughts? In truth, he wasn't entirely sure as to whether or not his absentminded meandering in regards to Lucia was the result of the fact that he found her undeniably lovely, or something more than that, but the fact that Vergil could tell that he felt anything towards her at all was admittedly startling to him. What if Lucia had noticed as well. He didn't want her getting any sort of incorrect notions as to his intentions, especially when he didn't fully understand what his intentions were in the first place.

"Wh… why would you ask me something like that?" V asked breathlessly, unsure as to what else he could even say about the matter. This entire situation was highly irregular. Or was it? Did fathers normally question their sons about matters that pertained to their love life, especially when those sons were adults? Truthfully, V didn't have any prior knowledge as to the legitimacy of that fact. He'd never had any friends to ask or even see this happen to, and it had never been a thought that had crossed his mind. But one thing that he did know was that this was an exceedingly uncomfortable topic of conversation, and every second that he took part in it, willing or unwilling (and it was most certainly unwilling), he could feel himself die inside, aging little by little until he lost all cognitive function and simply ceased to exist any longer.

Seemingly slightly confused as to his son's reaction, Vergil folded his arms and blinked slowly for a moment. Yes, it seemed that V absolutely had no idea what he was getting at, did he? The eldest Son of Sparda liked to think that he had a pretty good line in gauging others’ reactions and body language in regards to trying to find out if they were being truthful or deceptive, and he couldn’t say that he thought that his son was lying. If anything, he seemed genuinely shocked that he had asked him a question of this sort, and Vergil was both further amused and slightly confused by his son's intense mental backpedaling. Was this topic of conversation really that horrifying to him? Because that would explain quite a bit about V's overall reaction to it.

"Perhaps because I noticed that you invited her to your home. And your total inability to stop looking at her with that lost expression or your face or so much as form a complete sentence in her presence. There are several factors at play here. Do not insult my intelligence. I am not blind." Vergil paused for a moment, noticing the fact that V seemed both physically and mentally exhausted by the very concept of having this conversation. Was his oldest child absorbing even a monochrome of the wisdom that he was trying to impart upon him? "And I am willing to imagine that she is not blind, either. It would be a miracle if she hadn't at least clued into your affections for her by this point. It might be best to simply tell her. If you can get your brain to function in her presence for that long, that is. And I have my doubts."

If he had been a slight bit less physically sick from the conversation that he was taking part in at that moment, he probably would have been somewhat insulted by that comment. But instead, he just nodded involuntarily, his subconscious eager to produce some sort of meaningful reaction to his father's advice. He wasn't really sure if it had achieved the desired result, or simply served to make him look even less intelligent than he was willing to assume he probably looked at the moment, but he couldn't make himself dwell on that long enough to care, even though he knew that he should.

"Thank you?" V said in an unsure tone, entirely unsure as to what he was supposed to say in this situation. All he knew was that he wanted to get out of this situation as quickly as possible, and that the others were waiting for him in the van. His absence was probably starting to seem slightly suspicious, and the last thing he wanted to do was have to explain why his father had held him up for this long. "We are absolutely not having this conversation right now, father. We have to go, and I am holding up the others. I must go before they began to question what is taking me so long."

As he glanced towards the van, he felt the need to add something before. "By the way… please don't say anything to her on my behalf until I figure out how to produce. I beag of you. I need time to think, and I would probably die from pure mortification alone."

Vergil looked somewhat frustrated by that statement. "That is not biologically possible. Dying from embarrassment isn't something that you can physically do. And you tend to take longer than they do to arrive at a destination as it currently stands regardless, V. But very well." Vergil cringed internally as he saw the somewhat questioning look on V's face. Sometimes his eloquent thoughts did not translate well to actual spoken dialogue, especially in regards to situations where he wasn't actually trying to sound like a petulant unfeeling cold bastard. And yet, here he was, doing just that yet again. Was this an involuntary action on his part?

The younger man stared at him for a momnet, almost physically combing through his thoughts as he tried to come up with a satisfactory reassessment of himself. Did he actually walk that slow? He liked to think that he didn't. While he was aware that he did in fact walk at a speed that was lacking when compared to the rest of his compartiots, he didn't think that it was that slow. Did the others notice and simply not point it out to him out of a sense of politeness, and his father was the only one who actually had the never to point it out to him? Because now that he thought about it, that was entirely possible. They were all generally quite kind to him, even when making fun of him as Nico liked to do from time to time. But Vergil didn't possess such qualms.

"Disregard my former statement. It was not entirely factual." Vergil sighed, turning to look back through the door that he was behind before looking forwards again. "I would advise you to seek Nero's consol in regards to these sorts of matters. You’re clearly not going to take in anything meaningful that I am trying to imprint upon you, and he has at least made it a bit farther in that regard than you have at present. I may simply be out of touch. According to Dante, I'm "old."

For a moment, V stared at his father. A sympathetic look crossed his face as he considered the ramifications of that statement, and the strange sorrow in his father's tone of voice as he spoke those words. He couldn't be entirely sure as to why, but it seemed that his father genuinely didn't like being considered older. Perhaps it was simply a result of the narrative that he might be out of touch, or something as profound as being a personification of the deep regret that he probably felt in regards to the things that he could no longer experience. His youth was indeed gone, along with the opportunities unique to it, but somehow he knew that this wasn't about that. The younger man had literally no way to know for sure without asking his father, and that was off the table at the moment. But what he did know was that he might be able to say or do something, anything to help.

Reaching out with a mixture of reluctance and uncertainty, V placed his hand on Vergil's shoulder. He admittedly expected him to pull away it react in anger in some way, but he decided to take the risk regardless. After all, he was unlikely to physically harm him over the gesture, and he was used to being rejected in regards to this sort of thing. But to his surprise, all his father did was give him a curious look, allowing his gaze to wander up to his arm, following the thin limb up to his fingers until he seemed to mentally register that V had indeed just voluntarily touched him. He then looked back at V quietly, seemingly unsure of what to really say about the matter at hand.

"... You’re not old. At least I don't think so. I'd like to imagine you still have quite a bit of life left in you. It’s a mindset more than it is a physical condition, at least as far as I am concend. But it’s not my place to say that. You can believe whatever it is that you want to believe. You've earned that right a few times over by this point." He turned back towards the van, taking a reluctant step down the first step as he released his father’s shoulder and allowed the limp appendage to fall back toward his side. "I have to leave now. If you are both still alive come morning, please make your way over. It may be easier to make whatever preparation you wish to make in a place with power. And running water, for that matter. Something tells me that you might not have that, either. Dante seems to fail to pay his utility bills in batches. But until then, have a good night. And please… never bring this topic of conversation up again."

While he understood why his father had done so, he was somewhat sure that he rather die than allow his father to give him "the talk". It was a horrifying concept that literally aged him to the point where he lost years of his life, and he never wanted to revisit it again. He had no idea what had possessed his normally quiet father to make him even r=bring this up instead of watching in the background like he would like to assume he did, but he hoped that whatever that force of nature was, it left and never returned. It wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy speaking to his father, it was that this was far from the topics of conversation that he felt comfortable discussing with literally anyone else aside from the person they were directed towards, and even the, that was a stretch.

Vergil nodded in regards to his son's words. While he was not sure yet if he would humor his request or press the issue, he would leave it alone. He allowed his hand to drift almost absentmindedly to the place where his son's hand had been only a minute ago, letting it linger there momentarily as he watched the van pull off down the street and around the corner, disappearing from sight. He was now starting to wonder if he had been somewhat mistaken in regards to which of his sons was actually the intelligent one. Or perhaps they were just equally unintelligent in regards to romance. But he had to assume that there was a certain charm to that, even it if was somewhat pathetic in nature. But that was enough of that for now. He had tried.

Now to see to maters with Dante. And he had a feeling that there would be a reckoning store for him.

(-~-)

Do you hear that sound? That’s the sound of V dying inside because his dad just tried to bring up his love life in a conversation with him. Poor thing! And we thought that Dante not having power was bad… see you all next week on Wednesday! I hope you liked this chapter! Bye bye!

#Post Devil May Cry 5 AU #V #Vitale #Vergil #Hiraeth #DMC #DMCV #DMC5 #Devil May Cry #Devil May Cry 5 #Devil May Cry V #V DMC #V DMCV

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beepbeeprichiellc · 7 years

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Part 1, Part 2,

The breeze from the sea washed over his face leaving its salty kisses on his skin. The morning sun was rising east, just past the islands. He could feel the push of the tide, the pull of the new day. It was beautiful, majestic even and he loved every second of it. Digging his bare toes into the sand he couldn’t help but smile, burning the memory of it into his mind so that he wouldn’t forget. His small cottage was just along the way but it did not face the sunrise, sunset yes, but not the glories rising day. It had been three months since he had landed back on earth, savoring every second of his new found freedom. Just as promised there were no mortals, not gods, no anything. Just himself and his blossoming garden. It was a dream vacation, the perfect gift and yet when the night settled and the stars overtook the sky he found himself longing for his prior home, for the company that he once had.

Eddie had not expected Richie to visit often, if at all, but he had expect some type of contact. A letter maybe, or even a raven, if the kind of hell still did that. Nothing was what he received, and that was a little disconcerting. Maybe it was selfish to think of himself special, to think that he was important enough for a powerful god to take pity on him and show concern but still he had thought that they had parted on good terms and didn’t understand the cold shoulder.

With a deep breath he attempted to clear his mind, to keep his heart light as the gift of a new day was presented to him. Rays from the sun warmed his skin, allowing the power within him to thrive. He figured today would be a good day to tend to his tulips, they needed his attention.

Once the sun was high enough in the sky he stood, brushing off sand from his pastel sweater. There were things to do, a life to live. No sense of moping around all day about a man who never called. Starting towards his home he began to wander, feeling the waves crash into his feet. A smile satisfied smile curled at the corner of his lips, a tingling sensation running up his leg every time the ocean took back its gift.

His head snapped behind him when he heard a surprising noise, something that sounded almost like a bark. It wasn’t uncommon for wildlife to wander near his cottage, a rabbit here, a feral cat there but a dog? There had never been a dog. He waited to see if he had imagined the noise only to hear it again, the sight of a black canine running towards him finally coming into his line of sight. Eddie let out a surprised squeak as the large animal nearly knocked him over, placing his paws on either side of his shoulder, whining for his attention.

“Hey there big guy.” Eddie laughed, petting behind the dog’s ear. “Friendly little thing aren’t you?” The canine barked loudly, leaning in closer to lick his face. “C-Cerberus?” He choked, again receiving an enthusiastic bark. “Oh my god! It’s so good to see you, even without the other two heads.”

“Wait.” Eddie whispered, pushing the dog off of him. Cerberus whimpered, spinning around in a circle as his feet sifted from one place to another. “If you’re here then-“An excitable flutter over took his heart, making him grin wildly. Without a second thought he began to run, his feet carrying him as quickly as he could back to his cottage, the eager animal following close behind.

Bursting though his door he expected to see a man lounging in his living room but was met instead with an empty room. Confused he began to walk though his small home, worried that he had gotten himself worked up for nothing. With a huff and a curse he nearly gave up, storming back to close his front door nearly jumping out of his skin when he saw a well-dressed man on his door step.

“Well hello there, happy to see me?” Richie’s smirk was just like Eddie had remembered, it’s friendly and charming aesthetic making his stomach flip. “I mean I would have waited for you in your bed if I knew you’d be so excited.”

"Shut up.” Eddie laughed, taking a step forward to embrace the god, his arms moving around his tailored suit. He felt Richie relax under his touch, practically melting into the affection, his long limbs wrapping themselves around Eddie’s shoulders. “I didn’t think you’d come.” Eddie found himself whispering, surprised at how pathetic he sounded.

“Nonsense, I was just busy. Hell doesn’t run itself you know?” He replied playfully, his fingers curling at the nape of Eddie’s hair. “Right.” Clearing his throat, Richie pulled away a sincere smile crossing his face. “Are you going to invite me in or what?”

Rolling his eyes, Eddie gestured for him to follow, “I guess, if I have to.”

“Well you wouldn’t want to be rude would you?” Richie poked, closing the door behind him as he entered. “Bad hosts go to hell, I would know.”

Eddie chuckled, strolling into his kitchen where he pulled a pot from his cabinet. “Tea?” He asked, filling it to the brim with water. “I know it’s nothing like the damned can make but-“

“Tea would be lovely.” Richie said smoothly, his footsteps heavy against the hardwood floors. “I’m not on earth for long, but I figured I’d stop by to see how you were doing.”

“Oh, you sure you can’t stay?” Eddie felt his heart sink, his face falling in disappointment. Trying to hide his upset face as he turned on the burner on his stove. “I was can make dinner and we can catch up. I don’t want you to think I’m pushing you out.”

“It’s alright, I know how much a drag I can be. Even Cerberus needs a break from time to time.” Richie replied, gesturing to the canine who had made his bed at Eddie’s feet. “He sure missed you.”

“I missed him too.”

“So tell me,” Richie cooed, “how much do you love it up here? Are you growing all kinds of flowers or do you grow plants too. What exactly does being the god of spring in tale? I never understood it honestly.”

“Well I’m nothing compared to you.” Eddie snorted, ignoring Richie’s eye roll. “But it’s everything green, plants, flowers, trees, all of it. I’ve really got an array of things in my garden. Oh, you should go look! It’s beautiful.”

There was a sad grin on Richie’s face, his eyes lingering on Eddie’s happy expression a little too long. “I shouldn’t.” Eddie’s heart dropped. “I’m the god of death, I’ll just kill all of them.”

“That can’t be true.” Eddie replied softly, “Not everything you touch dies.”

Richie laughed, his chuckle hallow and a little gloomy. “I cannot touch mortal things without draining the life from them. That’s why nothing grew in hell, why you hated it so much. It’s me.”

"I didn’t hate it.”

“It’s fine, it really is Eds.” Richie brushed off Eddie’s concerned look, shrugging his shoulders and pretending that it didn’t bother him. “Hell is no place for someone full of life like you. It’s for dead things.”

Dead things. Richie thought he had hated his time there because Richie himself was death, the revelation made Eddie sick to his stomach. Opening his mouth to respond he found himself cut short by the whistling kettle, and with a sigh he went to move it. A tense silence settled between them, one that gnawed at Eddie’s tender flesh, making him feel uncomfortable. Richie busied himself with his jacket, adjusting it along his back multiple times until he was handed his cup.

“Thank you very much.” He whispered, winking at Eddie. “I’ve never had anyone make me tea before.”

“Really?”

“Oh wait, there was one man a long time ago who was trying to keep from me. Thought poising my tea would keep me from taking his soul, poor bastard.” Richie shrugged, taking a long sip before nodding in approval. “That did not end well for him.”

Eddie smiled, leaning across from Richie. “So how has it been, you know, without me?”

“Quiet.” He said, his tone soft. “Too quiet really.”

“Oh.”

“But nothing I’m not used to.” Richie bounced back, covering his vulnerability once again. “I’ve got plenty to occupy my time now that I’m not cleaning smashed pots from the floor.”

“Oh did that take up a large chunk of your time?” Eddie nipped, humor interlacing itself with his tone. Richie smirked, his sidewise glance sending shivers up Eddie’s spine.

“Quite frankly yes. Now I have an abundance of pots and I have nothing to do with them. I mean god damn, those things are pretty useless.”

"Melt them, paint them, I don’t know you’re pretty smart, I’m sure you can figure it out.”

“Oh you think I you know me?” Richie replied smoothly, his tongue dancing in his mouth. “You’ve got me all figured out do you?”

“I’m pretty sure I do.”

“Then tell me about myself.” Richie challenged, setting his cup on the table. “Please, tell me something I don’t know.”

Eddie pursed his lips, debating on weather this was such a grand idea or not. Richie’s eyes bore into him, the challenge lingering in his silence. “I know you try and hide your loneliness.” It slipped, falling to the table with a defining clink. It was like vomit coming from his mouth. He willed himself to stop, to apologize but when his lips parted more spilled. “You use humor and your charm to keep people away, to keep from becoming vulnerable. A million years alone in solitude, with only your own mind to speak with, it has to be torture.”

“None of that is true.” Richie quipped, trying desperately to hide his hurt.

“Is that so?” Eddie smirked, trying to ease the pain that had begun to make his heart ache. Richie’s face unreadable. “You aren’t lonely in that big castle of yours? All those empty rooms, all that space just to yourself.”

“I have Cerberus.”

"Richie.” He whined, “Why are you lying to me?”

The king of hells back became ridged, the muscles in his jaw becoming tense. His gaze faltered, dropping to the space between them. Eddie wished it all back instantly, knowing that he had crossed some kind of line. Why had he said all those things to him? To the king of hell, what was wrong with him?

“I’m sorry.” Eddie leaned forward, grazing his fingers against Richie’s cool skin. “I didn’t mean to-“

“I should go.” Richie muttered, standing from the table. “I’ve spent too much time here.”

“Richie don’t-“

“It was nice to see you again Eddie, I hope you enjoy your last few months.” The god motioned to his animal, whistling for him to follow, which he did immediately. “Till next time.”

Eddie followed him out the door, his voice pleading for him to stay but knowing that it was no use. “Richie don’t go, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to-“

But as soon as he stepped a foot outside of the cottage, he was gone, vanishing into thin air. Eddie stood there, looking out towards the sky, hoping for his return. When it never came, he felt tears welding up in his eyes, trying desperately to hold in the motions that had begun to bubble in his stomach. A storm was brimming on the horizon, its harsh greyness becoming thicker and more dangerous with each push of Eddie’s emotions. The god of spring was slipping, causing a rift in the sweetened air.

He cried that night, his tears falling along with the rain. Curling up into a tight ball he allowed himself to whimper and wither into nothing, becoming nothing more than a child. Although he was free in this world, Eddie had never felt more trapped. He didn’t understand why he was so lonely, but knew that he couldn’t take much more of it.

As much as it pained him, he needed Richie.

And as much as it pained Richie, it seemed that he needed Eddie too

@decaffeinatedpostmoon @lizwillstealyourgirl @longlostlove @reddieset @eds-kaspbrak @pretzelstoday @notagoodplace4gods @losersclubreddie @tonitozierprimary @ihavesympathyforthedevil @eds-trashmouth @kyliee827-blog @lolahood @richietozierrrr @bcckybeaver @nocapesyd @lemonaayyee @deux-mille-deux @lonewolfhard @nicoperryy @toziuh @lilgeorgie @reddie-loser @nutellalala @eddieswolfhard @bitchin-eggos-353 @little-miss-hellraiser @kaspbrak-boi @eds2fannypacks @finnwolfwolf @grasshopper @luxluga9 @thecastlebyers @fucking-reddie @missingstanleyuris @finnhardwolf@thatonedramaperson@thatonedramaperson@richiestoziiers @the-sarcastic-wannabe-awakens @lilyridehalgh2 @jem-carstairs-is-perfection @starry-nightflyer @reddietofall @fu-ckinggazebos @tyrror @richietozierrrr @sleepykaspbrak @mohifadcat4life @whyamihere-0s @drunkrichietozier @50slosers @talkreddietome @sunflowerstozier @the-awkward-lettuce-turtle @yalocalemo @keytones @summerxle @hausofnikyhausofu @bcckybeaver@whos-bitch-is-this@derrylossers @thatonedramaperson @yalocalemo @mohifadcat4life

#reddie #hades!Richie #Persephone!Eddie #Richie tozier #eddie kaspbrak #it au #meh

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wanderbitesbybobbie · 4 years

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ANTIQUE: Misadventures and Cold Springs

Antique (An-ti-ke), that is how you pronounce it. My foreign friends were puzzled when I posted my Antique photos on my Instagram Account and wouldn’t stop asking where in the world I was. “It’s Antique, friends!” It’s a province in the Philippines located in the Western Part of the Visayas Region. It’s not “antique”, the adjective that you use to describe something ancient. It’s AN-TI-KE. Please don’t be confused.

I generally had no idea what I’m putting myself into when I decided to travel to Antique by land from Iloilo. But just as they say, the moments of happiness that we enjoy take us by surprise. On a rainy day, I flew from Manila to Iloilo to visit my good friends, Krizia and Mike. I also had some travel writing business to attend to so it was a two-in-one trip. I always stay with them every time I travel to Iloilo. I am very grateful that they receive me in their home very openly each time. I only had a few days left from my vacation in the Philippines. I was scheduled to go back to Sydney in two weeks, so I promised myself that I would make the most out of the remaining days. I have told Krizia that I wanted to go hiking at Mararison Island to take photos of “Rafflesias“. You know, the huge flowers that eat humans. Just kidding. They eat parasites, but whatever. They are carnivores, and it is fascinating to see some of the species up close and personal. I was very excited to see them. Mike was actually thrilled too, as he is a big fan of things like those, plants, animals, and nature. Both of them are animal and nature-lovers which makes them a very compatible super couple. But during that time, Mike was exceedingly interested to see a Rafflesia in person. So over dinner and a couple of beers, we planned our Antique itinerary. For this trip, I spent my “Day 1” just food-blogging around Iloilo since I was invited by a number of restaurants and cafes prior to my arrival. That night we planned my “Day 2”. We googled everything from transportation to activities, and in a snap, we weren’t going to Mararison anymore. There was a better eco-tourist spot in the middle of a lush tropical rain forest. MALUMPATI COLD SPRINGS.

Photo from TripAdvisor

Oh my gosh! The google images were just so captivating that we have to experience it ourselves. No. Actually, WE NEED TO EXPERIENCE IT OURSELVES. It has become imperative now, it’s not just a whim anymore. That was it, the deciding point! We’re ditching Mararison! The planned itinerary was:

Take the earliest bus to Antique, head straight to Pandan (where Malumpati Cold Springs is located)

Stop by Tibiao on the way back to experience the very intriguing Kawa Hot Bath, maybe get a chance to see a Rafflesia somewhere

Head back to Iloilo before night time.

It’s gonna be a one day trip, so we all settled to go to bed early so we can catch the first bus. Another friend was coming with us. It was the first time I have met Kim that time. He went with us for dinner the night before, and he was a part of the “Day 2 Planning”. Kim is years younger than us. He’s a unicorn (well at least that’s what his Facebook Profile says). He’s in his early twenties and this guy has a very contagious laughter. He’s the type of person that will liven up a very boring classroom. It was just at that night that he have decided to come with us. It was a spur of the moment kind of thing, but Kim made everything extra fun – starting from the bus ride.

THE CERES BUS RIDE

If you will google “How to go to Antique from Iloilo”, the first thing that would come up is the Iloilo International Airport. Apparently, Google suggests that the fastest way to Antique is by plane. But, that was not an option for us. We were working on a very limited budget so we all woke up early and proceeded to the Ceres Bus Terminal in Molo. As early as 5:15 AM, we were already out, riding a jeepney from Jaro to Molo to catch the 6:00 AM bus. Based on what we have researched, we would be arriving in Antique by 8:30 to 9:00 AM. We decided to skip shower that morning (we took a shower the night before), since we would be plunging in the cold springs in a matter of two and a half hours anyway. Plus the fact that it was really cold in the crack of dawn. So the three of us were already in the bus, Mike, Krizia, and me. The bus conductor handed over our tickets and reminded us that the bus would be leaving at exactly 6:00 AM. OMG. Kim was still missing in action. We thought he was already at the bus station, but there was no sign of Kim anywhere. Where is he? Is he still asleep? We did not receive any replies via SMS. We kept on calling his mobile, and that was the only time he finally answered. There’s only 5 minutes left, the bus would be leaving, and Kim was running from his house to the bus station. There were no jeepneys in his area, so he was forced to walk (I mean run). The conductor kept on checking up on us and Krizia kept on apologizing in Ilonggo (the dialect in Iloilo). The bus driver started the engine. We were all stressed out so early in the morning. Kim was on loud speaker and he talked to the bus conductor saying that he was only 5 minutes away. We could hear him panting in the background. The driver drove slowly and asked which way was Kim coming from. They explained to us that we cannot wait for him any longer because the bus timetable would be messed up. We cannot be late, otherwise we would be delaying the next bus schedule. OMG. Finally, there was Kim. Running a few meters behind the bus. We started laughing at the mere sight of him struggling to catch the bus with his backpack. He was waving at the bus conductor yelling, “I’m here! I’m here!” in Ilonggo. He was out of breath when he stepped inside the bus. The conductor literally pulled him up from the bus entrance, and all the other passengers started to laugh. Whew! That was a close call. He almost missed the bus!

It was the start of the long bus ride. A ticket to Antique cost us P210 ($7.50 AUD) for a non air-conditioned bus. I chose a window seat to get a hold of some fresh air, and I immediately fell asleep as soon as the bus started running.

In a couple of hours, the bus stopped. I was already feeling the hot breeze on my face, the sun was already up so I was wide awake. It was around 9:00 AM and we have finally arrived in Antique. It was a 3-hour travel. But the thing is, we haven’t arrived at our destination yet. The conductor informed us that it would take another hour before we reach Pandan. We were just stopping by to stretch out a bit and for a quick toilet break. It was the final stop for most of the passengers so there was less than half of the people in the bus. As we headed on, the people in the bus went down one by one until there were only a few left. The bus probably stopped for about 15 times before we finally reached Pandan. It seemed endless. By the time we got there, it was only the 4 of us left inside the bus plus the driver and bus conductor.

IT WASN’T ANOTHER HOUR. IT WAS A TOTAL LIE. It was already around 11:30 AM when we finally reached Pandan Bus Terminal! Like whooooot??? So much for sunbathing at 9! I kept on asking the conductor if we were there yet each time the bus would stop. I probably pissed him off for asking every half hour. I felt so stupid. I was the leader of the pack, how could I miss this part from my google searches? We were just so enticed with the picturesque view of Malumpati Cold Springs, that we just missed that part where it says it’s another 3 freaking hours from the main proper of Tibiao. We were so exhausted from the bus ride. We felt sticky and grouchy from the very humid weather. The sun was glaring at us! Remember, we didn’t take a shower thinking we would be bathing in the Cold Springs by that time. But no. We were in the middle of Pandan Bus Terminal, not knowing where to go next. I took out my phone and started to check out Google Maps to navigate. Signal was on and off. I needed to find a data spot. It sounds like a scene from a thriller movie. No signal + stuck in the middle of somewhere. As soon as my data started working, I instantly turned on my GPS. Good grief!!! Our location pin was at the end of the island, a few minutes away we could already be in Boracay Island. 7 freaking hours of travel by land! We should have just gone to Boracay for goodness sake! What in the world was I thinking? I don’t remember signing up for a 7-hour land travel! Had I known that it would be a laborious travel, I would have pushed through with Mararison. How could this be such an epic fail?

But anyway, Google says it’s another half hour to reach Malumpati Cold Springs. We hailed a tricycle to take us there. We traversed for about 20 minutes. We paid for P50 ($1.5 AUD) per head, so a total of P200 ($6 AUD) for the 4 of us. A signage welcomed us by the entrance.

We paid the entrance fees and to our luck, the road to the cold springs was steep. We all had to get off to help the driver push his tricycle. We were already so pissed at this point. We were so behind our schedule! We were already ranting all the way through, both in Tagalog (Manila dialect) and in Ilonggo. Upon hearing our frustrations, the tricycle driver offered to pick us up for free. It was already past 12 noon and we all agreed to return to the bus terminal at 3:00 PM. You can just imagine how exasperated we were. THE FREAKING LAND TRAVEL WAS LONGER THAN OUR STAY. In the original schedule, we’re supposed to be traveling back to Iloilo by 3:00 PM. But we cannot skip the rest of the itinerary at this point. Not when we’ve traveled a long way already.

MALUMPATI COLD SPRINGS, FINALLY!

Our first look into the cold springs, we were like, “Ito na ‘yun?” (This is it?) We felt like our expectations weren’t met because we traveled all the way from Iloilo just to see what was in front of us. We have all declared IT WAS NOT WORTH IT! The butt-hurts from the long raging hours in the bus, the steep tricycle ride… and this was it? Our point of view has changed however after we settled down, refreshed ourselves, and took another look. All of a sudden, it has become beautiful without any pretenses.

It is true that seeing things from a composed outlook alters everything. I wowed my Instagram followers with a view of the cold springs. Every angle, wherever you look is just invigorating. I badly wanted to jump into the waters as soon as I saw it, but I pacified myself from over-excitement. I have this mentality that if you are too happy, something unlucky would come up next. So calm down! Calm down, Bobbie! The 4 of us decided to have lunch first before we explored the entirety of it.

Since we came in late, we had less to none choices for lunch. We had no right to be picky. There was a small canteen near the life-vest rental shack, and it was the only stall that was open that time. We devoured whatever was left in their food keepers and realized we could have saved a lot more by bringing our packed lunch if we had planned this better. Our 7-hour travel made us really hungry. We haven’t had anything since we woke up at 5:00 AM.

This happens to be our view as a compensation for all the inconvenience. Since we came on a weekday, we had the place to ourselves. Krizia had to warn me every now and then to be careful with places like this. I am a very inquisitive person. Every time I go somewhere, the “travel journalist” in me automatically comes out. But on this particular trip, I was careful. We were visitors, and we don’t know the people (and the creatures) that reside in the place. There are a lot of mythical stories in this part of the country, it is best not to stare at people and mind your own business. The cold springs might be enchanted by some fairy spirits or something. I’m sorry, I did not mean to spook you or creep you out in any way. I am not a believer of myths myself. They are called myths for a reason. But it’s always better safe than sorry.

The 16-feet pristine spring water is very inviting. It looks like a natural pool with trees and wooden bridges on the facade. Aside from swimming, there are other activities that can be enjoyed in Malumpati Cold Springs. You can go “water tubing”, where you ride the inner tube of a rubber tire and steer your way through the gushing waters on the other side of the springs. A guide will help you navigate. It’s like wild water rafting, but it’s not as wild. There’s also rappelling, zip-lining, and trekking, of course every activity has a price.

RAPPEL: P50 ($1.50 AUD)

TREKKING WITH GUIDE: P150-P200 ($5-6 AUD)

ZIPLINE: P200 ($6 AUD)

WATER TUBING: P200 ($6 AUD)

We just decided to rent a rubber tube without fully experiencing water tubing. We had very limited time, as we still planned to push through with our intended itinerary despite the fact that we were already so behind schedule.

We didn’t have any other choice anyway. We were already there. What else could we do but to jump into the turquoise waters and enjoy the view. I even brought my favorite goggles with me and the funny part is… I LOST IT THERE! It was just a pair of goggles, I know. But a little mishap like that, added to all the other misfortunes we went through just to get there ignited our belief that the day of this misdaventure just doesn’t end there.

TO BE CONTINUED…

HAVE YOU BEEN TO ANTIQUE?

WHERE EXACTLY DID YOU GO?

HOW WAS YOUR EXPERIENCE?

I’D LOVE TO HEAR FROM YOU!

ANTIQUE: Misadventures and Cold Springs was originally published on WanderBitesByBobbie

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endlessly-elizabeth · 7 years

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How do I even begin to tell you about my life when I don’t understand it myself? How do I try to put into words just how much pain I’m in, even though I should have expected it? That’s the thing, though. I had never felt so sure of something in my life.

My life changed that day. It might sound dramatic, but it’s true. It all started on Monday when I was eating dinner with my parents. Casually, my mom asked, “Wasn’t today the day?” I looked at her with a puzzled expression on my face. “What do you mean?” I asked back. “You know…for him to finally commit. I think I remember you telling me something about how you wanted him to ask you by his birthday.” I didn’t know what to say. It was true, I DID want him to ask me by his birthday. If I’m being completely honest, I wanted him to ask me two months prior.

“Well…that was the date, but I extended it until Saturday,” I replied.

“Why would you do that? Don’t be a doormat. Haven’t you already pushed the date back for him?”

I was so mad. So embarrassed. I probably turned three shades pinker in that moment, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks and fill them with color. I don’t remember what I said next, but I know I told my mom that I thought she was being rude. She didn’t think so–she told me that she wasn’t calling me a doormat, she was simply reminding me not to “be” one. As if there’s that much of a difference… she had to have thought at some point that I WAS being a doormat in order for her to even say that to me. He’s always been a sensitive topic of mine. She should’ve known better.

It turned into a small family argument, I’m sure you know the kind. One small comment leads to another one and eventually snowballs into something entirely unrelated to the original topic of conversation. I think it ended up being about my dad not supporting my mom enough, but I stopped paying attention. I went upstairs and got ready to go over to a friend’s house for our Monday (and occasional Tuesday) routine of watching the Bachelor(ette)/Bachelor in Paradise. After I changed, I got in my car and carried my sour mood over there.

It was his birthday and he decided to go to trivia. I told myself I was fine with it because, after all, it was HIS birthday and he could spend it however he’d like to. That’s what birthdays are for, right?! I wasn’t sold on whether or not I actually thought he was going to stop by Amanda’s to see me, so before he had a chance to offer, I made it easy for him. I told him I was in a bad mood and that I was likely going straight home after the finale ended. He didn’t seem to mind, and I’m not going to lie. I was bummed. I thought he’d want to go the extra mile to see me on his birthday because, well, it’s ME….I’m the girl he was seeing. I’m the girl he supposedly cares about. Why wouldn’t you want to spend your birthday with those you love? I get it–I saw him the night before for his family birthday celebration. He said THAT was the celebration that was important to him–the one he wanted me to be apart of. So, I pushed all of my anxieties aside, strapped on a smile, and hung out with his family on Sunday night. I mingled with everyone–parents, siblings, aunts, uncles. I wanted everyone to like me. I needed to feel like they liked me.

I think a majority of them do. I’m always awkward at first when I meet people, until I get comfortable. I knew it would be awhile before I felt completely comfortable because his family life is completely different than mine. He’s one of five kids and both of his parents have even more siblings than that. His family is huge. Kind, loud, big, but welcoming. I would’ve been happy to be part of that, because a large family is always something that I wanted. Mine is so different–my parents are each one of three kids and everyone lives in a different state. We see eachother maybe twice a year. I guess this family was not a fit for me. I guess he wasn’t a fit for me.

He told me his friends got second place at trivia on Monday night, and I congratulated him and didn’t see him. He went home to see his family for the last part of his birthday, which I was equal parts relieved and sad about. I wanted to see him and to be a priority, but I realize I shot all hope of seeing him when I told him I was going straight home. I vented to my friend and she told me that I was being silly. She’s such a logical person and helps calm me down because Lord knows feelings makes me act like a crazy person sometimes. (Side note: if a guy were to ever call me crazy, I would deny it and tell him he’s fucking rude).

I laid on her couch after Bachelor in Paradise ended and we did a faux “therapy” session. We did all of the stereotypical things you think about when you hear of therapy–she had her hair pulled back, threw some glasses on, jotted some notes based off words or phrases that I repeated and kept asking, “And how does that make you feel?” Don’t think I’m knocking this whole therapy thing–I believe in therapy and thinks it’s great if someone sees a therapist or a counselor. Hell, I saw one for part of a year when I was in college and I would 100% argue that I would benefit from one now. I have a lot of emotional baggage–mostly regarding body insecurities and self-worth.

After our hour or hour and a half-long therapy session, Amanda told me what some of my most repeated words were. Confusing and commitment seemed to be the most prevalent. I WAS confused. Scratch that, I AM confused. I have no idea what has happened within the last 48 hours of my life. Amanda asked me to describe what my life would be like or how I saw my life without him in it. The only comparison I could come up with was–winter. Fall is my favorite season. I love the change of colors with the trees and how vibrant the world is, despite the fact that the leaves are dying. I love the slight chill in the air, the sweaters, and the anticipation of the holidays arriving. There’s Halloween, Thanksgiving, my birthday, and then Christmas is soon after, It’s one of the most thrilling and beautiful times of year, hence why it’s my favorite. I’m also about that #skyporn y’all, and autumn has THE BEST sunsets.

Then there’s…winter. Me and him not talking is winter. The perpetual grey skies, the blatantly cold air, and the bareness of it all. My life without him is bare. It’s dull. It’s not as inviting. The only glimmers of hope during winter are the Christmas lights, the occasional snow days, and salted caramel hot chocolates at Starbucks. My friends and family are those small glimmers of hope. They are the things that I look forward to about winter, but the rest is bleak. I told her, “Winter is coming.”

I went home and called it a night after that. I hoped and prayed that I would fall asleep quickly and wake up in a much better frame of mind after that fight with my mom. But I didn’t. I still woke up in a mood knowing that the “date” I wanted him to ask me out by was getting uncomfortably close. I calculated it in my head. It went something like, “Okay. He has work and then grad school on Tuesday and Wednesday, so it won’t be one of those days. Thursday is an even number, and he knows that I don’t like them, so he won’t ask then. Fuck…that leaves Friday as being the most logical day for him to do it, but that’s when he’s celebrating his birthday with all of his friends. FUUUUCK.” I checked my phone and saw that I had a message from him wishing me to have a good day even though the weather was bad. Those good morning messages had become a routine of mine over the past couple months. But I still couldn’t shake the mood. I was DYING to not talk to him for a day so he would realize just how important I was to him.

So that’s what I did. I asked him if he’d freak out if I didn’t talk to him much because I was grumpy and felt like I was getting sick. He told me no, and that he was surprised that I even responded to his message. “Why wouldn’t I respond to you?” I always responded to him. It takes a lot of will power to NOT respond to him. He said he wasn’t sure if yesterday was the date or not that I had in mind for him to ask me by. The gears started grinding when he said that. A red flag waved and I was instantly annoyed. Side note: he knew I had a date in mind, but I refused to tell him when it was. That defeated the whole purpose. I wanted him to WANT to do it, and I added a date because it would push him to do it sooner rather than later if it was something that he wanted. I knew it was hard for him to not talk to me, and that would give him a bit of incentive to do so.

I should’ve known right then and there that we had a serious issue. I had jokingly (or not so jokingly) told him that I wanted him to ask me by his birthday. His birthday came and passed on Monday and he still didn’t do it. Dear Eliz, let me repeat that for you: He STILL didn’t do it. He was willing to risk losing me instead of giving me the title.

I challenged him then. I told him I shouldn’t talk to him purely for that reason, and he countered that he wasn’t sure if I was serious or not about 9/11 being the date because I had previously told him that it wouldn’t make sense for our anniversary to be on his actual birthday. (Okay, so maybe I’m realizing that I’m a little coo-coo and contradictory. The important issue is: I wanted it to be BEFORE then). I confided in him that I had pushed back the date multiple times for him. We were going on vacation during the same week, and wanted to be official by the time we both left. It didn’t happen. I grew annoyed and met up with him in the place we shared our first kiss to give him the “shit or get off the pot” speech about a week after we got back from vacation. He told me that we were, indeed, dating and only seeing one another, but weren’t quite in a relationship. We agreed that would be the next step, and that it was what we both wanted. My original intention of meeting up with him that night was to leave the parking lot in a relationship, or done. But he assuaged me that he was going to ask me, but knew I’d want him to do it in some cutesy way. I let it slide and then I got super excited by all of the endless ways he could officially ask me to be his girlfriend! My girl brain was going CRAZY with scenarios that immediately elicited an “aww” reaction and turned my face into the heart-eye emoji. So I waited, and waited, and guess what, waited! We were averaging seeing eachother two to four times a week, so I figured it would be just a couple days away.

I started to get discouraged, and as I previously mentioned, started feeling insecure. Insecure with myself, and insecure without having that title. I started to question his feelings for me. Maybe, just maybe he was lying to me to keep me around because he’s so dependent on me. Side note: I hate to admit that we are, indeed, *codependent on eachother. Or maybe his feelings for me were getting confused with “just friend” type feelings. Maybe it was our codependence that he valued and cherished so much, rather than me. Or he just wasn’t that attracted to me. Mind you, I know he had some level of attraction to me because it’s not like you want to get someone who is sore on the eyes naked. I just feared that he was comparing me to his ex-girlfriend because she is extremely attractive and has a very petite frame that, perhaps, he liked more than my curvy frame.

I was irritated and told him that he should just have fun at the beach with his friends (he had many many weekend trips planned from the get-go), and maybe the time apart would help me get a grip on things. Instead, he said he needed to see me. He didn’t want to leave for four days without us having talked things out and putting the issues to bed. I’m not sure I had ever seen him so tender before. We met up in the parking lot of the restaurant where we went on one single date three years ago. My girl brain thought he would’ve gone into the Harris Teeter a couple feet away, pick up sunflowers, and ask me then and there. It didn’t happen that way, We hugged as soon as we saw eachother and it was one of those “please don’t ever let go” type hugs. We clung onto eachother and held hands to the grocery store where we picked out a couple things for his trip, and then went to Chick-fil-A for late-night food. We parked in the lot (Holy hell I’m noticing just how often we’re in parking lots together), and got down to business. Not the fun kind of business, but the “we need to talk” kind of business. He opened up to me so much that night in a way I hadn’t seen in months. We talked about his ex-girlfriend and how bad they were for eachother and together. We talked about my body/attractiveness insecurities. We talked about our feelings and a future. He took me by the hand and looked me straight in the eyes and told me how much he cares about me and how his feelings had grown exponentially within the past couple months. It doesn’t sound like much to anyone else, but you had to be there. You could hear the emotion in his voice, you could see it in his eyes. Nothing else mattered to me but that very moment we shared there.

We kissed goodbye and he gave me his favorite hoodie for the time that he would be gone. The purple hoodie was always something that was used as a measure of importance. It was known that *I* was the only one who had ever been allowed to wear that hoodie. *I* was the only one who got to keep it for an extended period of time to feel close to him when he wasn’t around. We talked each day that he was at the beach, and saw eachother the very night he got home. We watched tv and he couldn’t keep his hands off me. I had never seen someone be so hungry and dominant and I loved it. We kissed and touched and cuddled until it was just getting too late. We played outside with one of my dogs. I’ve never seen my dog love someone (not even me) so much in my entire life.

That brought us all the way to Labor Day, and I know I saw him a couple more times before his family birthday celebration. I brought an extra set of clothes to work for me to change into. I brought my makeup bag and extra perfume and everything else I could’ve possibly brought to make myself feel pretty and confident. It was no lie that I was nervous–I had heard about family dinners at his house and how they’re a big affair. But everyone was kind and welcoming and assured me that I would fit right in. I had never felt more comfortable in his house or with his family than I did that night. As soon as most of the company left, we sat in the family room with his parents and one of his brothers. Small talk was had, we all just sat together the way you do when you’re in the comforts of your own home. He kept trying to kiss me in front of his mom, we laid together on the couch and I jokingly tried to grab his nipples since he claims he “hates” it. It just felt real. It felt natural. And I knew I was falling.

I gave him his birthday presents–two Vineyard Vines shirts I drove over an hour to pick out for him. I even got him a card with a mustache on it since he knows I don’t like them. I gave him a little PG-13 birthday present after that, too. The night was about celebrating him, and I was glad to be a part of it.

We all know what happened from here. I went home, I went to bed. I woke up Monday morning with a migraine and got called out of work (thankfully), and ate dinner with my parents before going to Amanda’s. The argument ensued. The bad mood was created, and then the next day everything changed.

He and I bickered about whether or not 9/11 was the intended date for him to ask me by. It didn’t matter. He knew that was a potential date and still didn’t ask me. I confessed that I felt like I had been repeatedly shaking a Magic 8 ball asking it, “Is he ever going to ask me to be his girlfriend or am I wasting my time?” He told me he didn’t like me using the phrase “wasting my time” because he didn’t feel like he had wasted any…that our time together meant something. That’s when I boiled it down to the real issue: he didn’t ask me, he was constantly coming up with reasons (excuses?) why he couldn’t ask me, instead of pointing out reasons why he should or wanted to do it. As far as I was concerned, I had put forth as much energy into our relationship as I could have and for what? To constantly be the question mark in someone’s life? I deserve better. I thought he knew that. I thought he wanted ME because I made HIM better.

I waited for a response. Waited, and waited, and waited. I grew increasingly more anxious throughout the day and watched the hours tick by and still not a little (1) message in my inbox. I had a crappy day at work. My throat really started to hurt. I distracted myself and went out with my friend for a pre-birthday celebration. I even did a little bit of tipsy driving to eat up more time and listened to a bunch of sad songs on my way home. I showered, scrubbed my makeup off, and finally convinced myself that I should just take some cold medicine to knock me out and go to bed. I woke up to a start when my fire alarm started beeping and alerted me of a potential fire. Honestly, I think the batteries were just low. I checked my phone at 4:30 in the morning and finally noticed a (1) in my inbox. FINALLY!

I tried to decide if I should wait until the morning to read it or not when I was more coherent, but told myself I wouldn’t be able to sleep unless I knew what it said. I started reading, “I know it’s more than 12 hours later…but after work and class I was able to get away from everything and everyone and get my thoughts out about everything. I know I drive you crazy and my lack of fully committing to this relationship is heart wrenching for you! I just feel like I hurt you more and more with each day I don’t ask you and…” And I knew. My heart sank. My vision got cloudy. I just had that pit in my stomach like something truly awful was going to happen. And it did. He told me he couldn’t be with me. I shouldn’t have been surprised, honestly. He and I have known eachother for three years now. I wanted to date him in 2014 but we both made too many mistakes along the way. We would kiss a lot of 2015 if we had been drinking, but there was never a promise of anything substantial, even if I wanted to date him still. He and I both started talking to and seeing other people in 2015-2016. And then we reconnected at a party and after a month or two of being just friends, we always gravitate in the direction of “more.”

All of those times should have proven to me that we did not belong together. Even in 2017 when we would talk every day and hang out, there were still a couple bumps in the road. But I finally felt like we got things right at the end of May. He told me he hadn’t stopped thinking about me and that he was finding it much harder to get over me than his ex-girlfriend. He wrote me an 11-page love letter when we had a slight hiccup in the road, and in that letter, he wrote me some of the most beautiful words. He told me that I was a once in a lifetime girl, that I was the prettiest girl, both inside and out, and that he knew that loving me has been the best thing he’s done and would only continue to get better. He told me he was ready to put his fears aside and take a jump; to take a leap of faith with me. He even brought me my favorite flowers, and I was on cloud nine. I was completely floored and in awe that someone could say such nice things about me.

When we actually talked about the letter in person and I had written two of my own letters to him, he scared me. He told me that it was equal parts scary to have me or to lose me. In that moment, he opted to lose me. I almost cried in front of him, but I didn’t give him the satisfaction. I forced those tears back and controlled it in my voice. We had the most silent car ride home where he asked me for a hug and I told him no. Apparently he immediately called his aunt and cried to her on the phone about our conversation. I was so bummed that night, all I did was listen to sad songs that reminded me of him and eat pizza in my car. I couldn’t face anyone to tell them that he had let me down. I saw him the next day at a country concert (where we didn’t speak), and he called me the next day to tell me he had a panic attack thinking about us not talking and being a part of one another’s lives. We hadn’t gone a day without talking until now.

I texted my friend and told her to call me when she woke up. She called me and I read her the message. And that’s when it happened. The first tears shed. I cried on the phone with her and told her just how broken I felt. How could I be so stupid? How could I feel SO sure that he was going to ask me to be his girlfriend? I had never been so sure of something, but here I am, single as fuck. Feeling lonely. Feeling conflicted. Feeling confused. And just so fucking sad. I read her the letter I got at the beginning of the summer from him and cried during that–all of my favorite parts. I cried when I read her the text message he sent me at 1:36 am, which consequently, was the same exact time we were sharing our first kiss three years prior. I asked myself how my summer could have started so perfectly and ended so poorly. I asked how he could do that to me, when he said how much he cared about me as a person.

I spent a lot of my day yesterday crying, gaining my composure, only to cry again. I’m not someone who easily cries. I cry a couple times a year maximum. I hadn’t cried this much or this hard since I had to put my dog down last summer. I kept saying “Winter isn’t coming. Winter is here.” The color in my world–the exciting things we had planned, the comfort in knowing you have someone to share about your day with, the joy in having someone who loves to talk to you as much as you love to talk to them–all disappeared. Winter came.

I felt humiliated that my girl brain got the best of me the night before. I took a shower and vividly imagined him going to Target to buy a Magic 8 ball and say, “Ask it one more time” and then have him as me to be his girlfriend. I Imagined him being at my house with flowers waiting for me when I got home Tuesday night. I did NOT expect that message. I cried so hard Wednesday night in the same shower that I almost threw up. For fuck’s sake, even Amanda half expected him to show up to her apartment on his birthday with a single red rose and ask if I accept it; if I accept him.

I played a random country playlist on my spotify and laid in bed. I was doing okay. I was still stalking the shit out of his social media accounts to see if there were any hints of him being as devastated as I felt. But this one song came on and I fucking LOST it.

Chris Young, I love you and I hate you. Because this song BROKE me, and I have since downloaded it and put it on repeat. It’s called “Who I am With You.” The lyrics go as follows:

“I’ve been a rolling stone all my life Flying all alone, flying blind I’ve seen it all, I’ve been around I’ve been lost and I’ve been found But who I am with you is who I really wanna be You’re so good for me And when I’m holdin’ you, it feels like I’ve got the world in my hands Yeah, a better man is who I am with you I’ve got a ways to go on this ride But I got a hand to hold that fits just right You make me laugh, you make me high, You make me wanna hold on tight ‘Cause who I am with you is who I really wanna be You’re so good for me And when I’m holdin’ you, it feels like I’ve got the world in my hands Yeah, a better man is who I am with you Who I am with you Because of you I’m a lucky man You’re the best part of who I am Who I am with you is who I really wanna be You’re so good for me And when I’m holdin’ you, it feels like I’ve got the world in my hands Yeah, a better man is who I am with you Yes, who I am with you”

So as I said, I have placed this on a playlist called “caught in the feels” and also will listen to this song for 10x in a row before I can skip it and listen to another. It’s been my anthem. It makes me so sad, because I thought I WAS that girl for him. I thought I was that person that he looked forward to talking to day in and day out, someone he wanted to get naked with, share his life with, and the whole nine yards. I’m finding myself conflicted because I’ve always stood by the phrase “actions speak louder than words.” He said so many beautiful, kind things to me. Things I will likely never forget. But, I’m trying to be realistic, also. How much of those words were empty promises; were words that he just thought I wanted to hear. I’m torn between the mentality that he cared so much he had to let me go, and he cared, but not enough to have me. Am I hard to love? Was I a fool for thinking that things were actually looking up, and that he and I had a future together? So many times he had mentioned futuristic plans with me. He mentioned wanting to buy a house within the next year and how he could see me waiting for him. (I told him that sounded creepy. That’s when he told me that I would have a key to his place), He told me that a house is just a house, unless you have someone to help fill it with love. I was that person. He told me he could see us running into one another and him whisper to a friend, “I used to be in love with that girl.’ He even told me he loved me. Not to my face, but in the letter. Maybe that was a lie, too. We talked about what we’d say in our wedding vows, we jokingly looked at the many different styles of engagement rings, and even talked about what we could picture naming our kids one day. (Not necessarily OUR kids together, but our future children in general). Everything pointed to him wanting to be with me and exploring that we had even further.

But that text ripped my heart out and I think it’s going to be that way for awhile. In that message, he told me that part of him thinks that we’re soulmates and it just comes down to the wrong timing. I don’t think that’s true at all. I won’t lie to you. I have, for many years now, thought that he and I would wind up together long term. But if there was even the slightest possibility that we could be soulmates, how could you risk it? How could you let it go and hope you get another shot at being together in the future? Again, it’s times like these when I don’t know how much of his words are fact versus fiction. I want to believe in the sincerity of them all. I want to still believe in him. But everything from the past is telling me that I shouldn’t, and that I have no reason to believe that he will EVER value me for all that I am. Value me for my sass, my intellect, my writing abilities, or more importantly, my tender heart. I feel stupid that I’m still half-expecting you to show up at my house with some grand romantic gesture. Hoping that the two days apart have made you realize that you’re throwing it all away over calling eachother girlfriend/boyfriend, which, by the way…if you said you refer to me as your girlfriend in your head, why not just say it aloud? You say you are terrified of commitment, but you still managed to commit to your ex. And you always told me I meant more to you than she did. I’m going to call your bluff on this one and say that a) you just don’t like me enough to commit or b) you just don’t like me enough to commit. It’s as simple as that.

I wonder how you’re coping. I wonder if you feel as empty as I do. I wonder if I’ve crossed your mind at all, or if you’ll read this. I wonder if you’ve cried since we talked. I wonder if you’ve listened to any songs that you once associated with me and feel that pit in your stomach. I wonder if you were in love with me and too afraid to tell me.

I wrote about him years ago on this very same blog. I christened him “Mistake.” M, for the initial of his first name. And “mistake” because of how many chances I gave him. I’m tearing up as I write this, but I’m lifting that title from you. You weren’t a mistake. You’re officially: My First Love & consequently, My First Heartbreak.

#this reminds me of you #didnt even edit this

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winter-gale · 7 years

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Solar Eclipse

Two dozen tips for the August 21, 2017, total solar eclipse Posted by Michael Bakich You know, I’ve served as a tour guide to 10 total solar eclipses. During my conversations and lectures, I’ve given people lots of advice. So, I thought why not repeat some of it here? I therefore present my top 25 tips related to the United States’ 2017 eclipse. 1. Take eclipse day off — now! You may think three years is a bit of a long lead time, and, unless you work for a magazine called Astronomy, it may be. The point I’m making is that August 21, 2017, may turn out to be the most popular vacation-day request in history. If not now, figure out the earliest date that makes sense for you to request August 21 as a vacation day, and mark it on your calendar. 2. Make a weekend out of it Eclipse day is a Monday. Lots of related activities in locations touched by the Moon’s inner shadow will occur on Saturday and Sunday. Find out what they are, where they’re being held, and which you want to attend, and make a mini-vacation out of the eclipse. 3. Attend an event Trust me when I say you’ll enjoy the eclipse more if you hook up with like-minded people. If you don’t see any special goings-on a few months before August 21, call your local astronomy club, planetarium, or science center. Anyone you talk to is sure to know of eclipse activities. 4. Get involved If you interests include celestial events and public service, consider volunteering with a group putting on an eclipse event. You’ll learn a lot and make some new friends in the process. 5. Watch the weather Meteorologists study a chaotic system. Nobody now can tell you with absolute certainty the weather a specific location will experience on eclipse day. And don’t get too tied up in the predictions of cloud cover you’ll see for that date. Many don’t distinguish between “few” (one-eighth to two-eighths of the sky covered), “scattered” (three-eighths to four-eighths), or “broken” (five-eighths to seven-eighths) clouds and overcast. You need to dig deeper. 6. Stay flexible on eclipse day Unless you are certain August 21 will be clear, don’t do anything that would be hard to undo in a short time. For example, let’s say you’re taking a motor home to a certain city. You connect it to power, hook up the sewage hose, extend the awnings, set up chairs, start the grill, and more. But if it’s cloudy six hours, three hours, or even one hour before the eclipse starts, you’re going to want to move to a different location. Think of the time you would have saved if you had waited to set up. Also, the earlier you make your decision to move, the better. I only can imagine what the traffic might be like on eclipse day. 7. Don’t plan anything funky Totality will be the shortest two and a half minutes of your life. All your attention should be on the Sun. Anything else is a waste. And be considerate of those around you. Please, no music. 8. Pee before things get going Yes, I could have phrased this more politely, but I wanted you to read it. And, trust me, you’ll thank me for this tip above and beyond any other on this list. Don’t wait until 10 minutes before totality to start searching for a bathroom. Too much is happening then. Make a preemptive strike 45 minutes prior. Perhaps as much as 30 minutes before totality, someone in your group is likely to have spotted brilliant Venus. 9. Notice it getting cooler? A point-and-shoot camera that takes movies will let you record the temperature drop. Here’s a suggestion: Point your camera at a digital thermometer and a watch, both of which you previously attached to a white piece of cardboard or foamcore. Start recording video 15 or so minutes before totality and keep shooting until 15 minutes afterward. The results may surprise you. 10. Watch for the Moon’s shadow If your viewing location is at a high elevation, or even at the top of a good-sized hill, you may see the Moon’s shadow approaching. This sighting isn’t easy because the shadow is moving at more than 1,000 mph (1,600 km/h). Another way to spot the shadow is as it covers thin cirrus clouds if any are above your site. Again, you’ll be surprised how fast the shadow moves. 11. View the 360° sunset During totality, take just a few seconds to tear your eyes away from the sky and scan the horizon. You’ll see sunset colors all around you because, in effect, those locations are where sunset (or sunrise) are happening. 12. Get a filter in advance Cardboard “eclipse” glasses with lenses of optical Mylar cost about $2. Such a device — it’s not a toy — will let you safely look directly at the Sun. It filters out most of the light, all of the dangerous infrared (heat) and ultraviolet radiation, which tans our skin. Buy one well in advance, and you can look at the Sun anytime. Sometimes you can see a sunspot or two. That’s cool because to be visible to our eyes, such a spot has to be larger than Earth. Another safe solar filter is a #14 welder’s glass, which also will cost you $2. Wanna look cool at the eclipse? Buy goggles that will hold the welder’s glass. I’ve even seen people wearing whole helmets. Either those or goggles serves one purpose — you won’t need to hold the filter, so you can’t drop it. 13. No filter? You can still watch Except during totality, we never look at the Sun. But what if you’ve forgotten a filter? You can still watch by making a pinhole camera. It can be as simple as two pieces of paper with a tiny hole in one of them. (Try to make the hole as round as you can, perhaps with a pin or a sharp pencil.) Line up the two pieces with the Sun so the one with the hole is closest to it. The pinhole will produce a tiny image, which you’ll want to have land on the other piece of paper. Moving the two pieces farther apart will enlarge the Sun’s image but will also lessen its brightness. Work out a good compromise. 14. Bring a chair In all likelihood, you’ll be at your viewing site several hours before the eclipse starts. You don’t really want to stand that whole time, do you? 15. Don’t forget the sunscreen Most people who go outside during the summer know this. Remember, you’ll be standing around or sitting outside for hours. You may want to bring an umbrella for some welcome shade. And if you see someone who has forgotten sunscreen, please be a peach and share. 16. Take lots of pictures Before and after totality, be sure to record your viewing site and the people who you shared this great event with. A Sunspotter solar telescope by Learning Technologies (and sold through a variety of dealers) provides a sharp image of the Sun that many people can view simultaneously. 17. The time will zoom by In our August 1980 issue, author Norm Sperling contributed a “Forum” in which he tries to convey how quickly totality seems to pass. You can read it here. 18. Bring snacks and drinks You’re probably going to get hungry waiting for the eclipse to start. Unless you set up next to a convenience store, consider bringing something to eat and drink. And keep in mind that August is warm. A cooler with ice-cold drinks is a great idea. 19. Nobody you meet will have seen totality. If you’re planning an event or even a family gathering related to the eclipse, consider this: Statistically, 100 percent of the people you encounter — to a high degree of accuracy — will never have experienced darkness at noon. You will be the expert. A telescope equipped with an approved solar filter will help Sun-watchers get the most from the eclipse. 20. Invite someone with a solar telescope In the event you’re thinking of hosting a private get-together (ignoring #3 above), make sure someone in attendance brings a telescope with a solar filter. While it’s true that you don’t need a scope to view the eclipse, having one there will generate quite a bit of buzz. And you (or the telescope’s owner) can point out and describe sunspots, irregularities along the Moon’s edge, and more. 21. Experience totality alone The 2017 eclipse plus the events leading up to it will combine to be a fabulous social affair. Totality itself, however, is a time that you should mentally shed your surroundings and focus solely on the sublime celestial dance above you. You’ll have plenty of time for conversations afterward. A get-together with family and friends after the eclipse will help you unwind a bit and hear what others experienced during the eclipse. 22. Schedule an after-eclipse party or meal Once the eclipse winds down, you’ll be on an emotional high for hours, and so will everyone else. I’ve found no better time to get together with family and friends and just chat. Or, if you’re like me, take a secondary position and just listen to others talking about what they’ve just experienced. Fun! 23. Record your memories Sometime shortly after the eclipse, when the event is still fresh in your mind, take some time to write, voice-record, or make a video of your memories, thoughts, and impressions. A decade from now, such a chronicle will help you relive this fantastic event. Have friends join in, too. Stick a video camera in their faces and capture 30 seconds from each of them. You’ll smile each time you watch it. 24. Don’t photograph the eclipse This tip — specifically directed at first-time eclipse viewers — may sound strange because it’s coming to you from the photo editor of the best-selling astronomy magazine on Earth. But I’ve preached this point to thousands of people who I’ve led to far-flung corners of our planet to stand under the Moon’s shadow. True, few of them have thanked me afterward. But I can tell you of upwards of a hundred people who have told me with trembling voices, “I wish I’d followed your advice. I spent so much time trying to center the image and get the right exposures that I hardly looked at the eclipse at all.” How sad is that? And here’s another point: No picture will capture what your eyes will reveal. Trust me, I’ve seen them all. Only the top 1 percent of the top 1 percent of photographers have ever come close. And — no offense meant — but you, with your point-and-shoot pocket camera or off-the-shelf digital SLR, are not one of them. 25. DO NOT PHOTOGRAPH THE ECLIPSE!!! I’ll state this again for emphasis. Why, oh why, would you even consider looking down and fiddling with a camera when you could be looking up at all that heavenly glory? This eclipse will — at maximum — last 162 seconds. That’s it, my friends. If your camera isn’t doing what you think it should, you’re going to lose valuable time adjusting it. There will be plenty of pix from imagers who have viewed a dozen of these events. So just watch. Watch your first eclipse with your mouth agape, where your only distraction is occasionally wiping tears of joy from your eyes. You will not be disappointed. Reference The Astronomy Magazine

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moderncavepictures · 8 years

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Dispatch From 65˚ South

What goes through the mind of those lunatic Polar Bear divers who jump into freezing waters? I now know. Nothing, because it’s too cold to think. Your thoughts freeze. I was mandated to go big*. Just ahead my friend Rosalee jumped in cheerfully while double fist-pumping the air. Her smile was the width of a three-lane highway as she shrieked with delight. It was the second time that day her and I had pierced the frosty, iceberg laden surface of Antarctic waters (after she had fallen in paddle-boarding, I jumped in for solidarity). She has made me famous by telling the entire ship. Also, Rosalee is a four foot, hundred pound, seventy-four years young blazing comet of good energy. She also just invited me to SoCal to go paddle-boarding, an invitation I’m inclined to accept.

*Went for the backflip.

“Why are you going to Antarctica?” We’ve all asked each other on the ship and it is the most common question I get from friends and family. I admit, my answer has changed. Previously, I had a canned answer or two about visiting all seven continents or having seen a friend’s pictures. Now I can firmly answer. I came because Antarctica is pure fucking MAGIC. Some of you perhaps know about my magic curating prowess. I have at least the desire to find it, harness it, extrapolate its properties to possibly recreate it or, dare I dream, to carry a bit of it with me. If I had a bottle that held magic, I’d fill it a little bit each time like one does with sand from different beaches, until it was on the verge of bursting. Then I’d drink it and a couple of magical hours later I’d shit magic all over everything. Can you do that with a bottle? Perhaps I’d need a lamp (to keep the magic in, not to shit in).

Antarctica could fill a sixer of magical lamp-bottles. The scope of it all, the light, the color palette, the wildlife, are majestic. Life is earned here through a millennia or two of deliberate evolution. They still discover new penguin colonies that no one knew existed, deep in the heart of the ice plateau. Standing on the deck of the ship, leaning over the rail, one’s mind wanders quite easily. What the hell were people thinking? Navigating these coasts in tall-ships with the sun and the stars as guides seems lunacy. Awesome, amazing lunacy I’ll grant, but still certifiable henhouse level crazy. And I suppose we’re all a bit crazy too. I’ll ask Rosalee, though I expect I know her answer.

The first day was just ridiculous. It started with the last minute program change to include SUP — stand up paddle boarding. Our guide Meghan is a super hip West Virginian who owns a SUP and surf shop. Both her and Abbey, driving the support zodiac, were keen to get us out on the water for one of the coolest things I’ve ever done. The peace on a paddle board to experience the wondrous Antarctic panorama is without comparison. Seals came up to investigate and then play with me. We spotted a leopard seal. Rosalee later involuntarily jumped in, I joined. While the rest of the ship explored Mikkelsen Harbour, the eight of us got lost among icebergs.

Later we had a planned zodiac cruise and then a landing. Everyone had their fingers crossed for weather to hold to step on the continent. I couldn’t have cared less after what we experienced in the zodiac. Cierva Cove is a huge area and we lucked out to have Marla and Nick driving us around (zodiacs go out in pairs for a safety and such — so two boats). They took us off the beaten path. Growing up with a woodsman father one apparently gleans certain gifts. I remember a moment in Alaska on a family vacation. I was 11 or 12, I think. We were driving though a forest animal sanctuary and my Pops slams on the breaks and jumps out of the car. Notorious for spotting animals, we all followed suit. There was nothing. My Dad, quitting at the ridges in the distance said he saw a Grizzly Bear. Y’all, there was nothing up there. Other cars were stopping, under the impression we had stumbled upon a find. Anyway, sure enough, a speck about the size of a cane sugar granule was making way across the distant slopes. It was a bear, though the memory that lasts was his sniper-like knack for discovering its presence in the first place. So it was that a glint of tail-flick, a leathery glare of light, a black backdrop in a blue and white world all caught my eye at the exact same moment and I knew it was a whale. I had been projecting it mentally moments earlier (as has been weirdly happening lately, most recently with fried chicken — Ill keep you updated on this). Nick cruised ahead, b-lining for the position I’d witnessed. I had erred, but only in the direction I thought it was moving. Clearing the final ice berg, we found ourselves in the same square nautical mile of roughly eight to ten feeding Humpback Whales. They were extremely friendly, show-offs even, and they hung around all morning surfacing, blowing, flipping their enormous fins. One surfaced roughly fifty feet from our zodiac, throwing us a look that said she (I’m guessing) was unimpressed with our size. Our solitary afternoon with new, fat friends, it was unforgettable.

Days like this come around once in a great while, when every minute is stuffed with activity. And the conclusion of this one came to fruition with the polar plunge. As described earlier, fifty-four of us went for the big chill, and fifty-four came out with faces in burning, existential shock. Without doubt, the coldest water I’ve ever touched was this day. For those who haven’t participated, it’s exhilarating (and apparently good for your heart, lungs and sex life).

The next day we went went on a zodiac cruise and landing to Cuverville Island. It stunk something fierce. Penguins don’t shit magic, they shit guano. It is truly a horrific sensory perception and just a shameful thing to do your nose. And I’m partially smell-blind. I cant imagine what people with full olfactory capability were experiencing. Admittedly, thankfully, after ten minutes it dissipates. My favorite part of this location anyway, was not the Gentoo Penguin colony (still cool), but the ice. The ice was palatial. Opulent blue ice bergs littered the bay and speckled the water as far the eye allowed. They appear as castles, mansions, everyday objects like giant salt shakers and blocks of cheese. The scope is overwhelming. The visual stimulation is demanding. It’s sensory overload. So I meditated. In just ten minutes, I had actualized the moment much more effectively. I heard sea birds above I hadn’t noticed. Caught the soft crackling of the ice - think the sound of sparklers - as air, possibly trapped 500,000 years ago, escaped their tired pockets. I got surrounded by the pitter-patter of chicks chasing their mothers for a snack. No penguins were staring back at me upon completion this time. But there were ten of the yellow humans taking pictures of me, so I felt like a penguin.

Which would be a really funny promotional video for this expedition company. What if people behaved toward other people like they do with rare and isolated animals. Imagine eating dinner and looking up to discover twenty people, all dressed exactly the same, are huddled in a group and all maniacally taking photos of you. Or you’re taking a shit, you hear a guide say “now we must be very quite so as to not disturb the human”, and then the door opens to the bathroom and click, click, click, click, click. The thought continues. We all saw two penguins making sexy time and there were definitely photos taken. Is that penguin porn? Wait, don’t answer.

Finally. we made a continental landing. At Neko Harbour, a former Argentine summer outpost, we touched the mainland of the Antarctic continent. Although, we all consider the islands as part of the continent, I think there was a consideration that being able to walk to the South Pole — if one were so inclined — was a special acknowledgement. The most intriguing aspect in my perspective was that we had to zodiac in three nautical miles to the beach because the ship could not advance to to heavy ice. I love that shit. Antarctica is my JAM in this way. Neko sat surrounded by a cove and a glacial ice shelf that was roaring to be let loose in the water. Each time, a thunderous clamour would rumble from beneath the ice and break off a chunk into the sea. Finally the big shards gave way to a block the size of a mansion releasing itself into the cove, sending decent sized waves reverberating onto our beach and outward into the small gulf. So much power exists in nature here, and it’s simple to realize that only by living with the elements, instead of against them, can one survive.

We’ve had two full days at sea crossing the Drake Passage, seen as a right of passage for those visiting the continent. The fist day was not forgiving. The evening prior, we toasted our farewell and were joined by a squad of Orca Whales, escorting us out of the channel. I was asked to co-DJ the dance party that ensued and subsequently drank way too much (also, they top off your wine at dinner so one never knows how much they are drinking). The next morning ion the Drake was brutal. We had the biggest, hardest seas so far. My hangover intensified, heightening the effects of the “Drake Shake.” I had previously been the model sailor. However, I was able to digest the trip that day, if nothing else. And as my roommate Brian suggested, if I were to go down any day, it may as well have been a foggy sea day. Tomorrow we disembark in Ushuaia, returning to civilization for the first time in two weeks. I’ll be glad for reentry into the lives of friends and family. Nonetheless, I will regard our little ship community as a period to be missed, and to be remembered.

I’m excited to share what I’ve seen to anyone who will want to listen. And what a fantastic feeling that is.

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