#pretty sure I'm pmsing

[rainbowcolored7]

FIRST OF ALL! Honestly?? Draw some bad art and throw it out there. It's so, so cathartic and it's gonna end up being someone's favorite piece for nondiscernable reason.

SECOND OF ALL! Your art is majestic and if anyone has said otherwise, fuck 'em. Seriously. You are an incredibly talented artist and I will bite anyone who disagrees.

Mort, my darling, my dearest, my sweetest pumpkin pie, this wasn't the assignment!!! But thank you, really and truly. Thank you. 💖💖💖

Nobody has said anything bad about my art. It's the lack of much of anything that's getting to me (again). I've lost so much in these past three years, my art is all I have, it's all I've ever had when things get hard, and I'm pmsing and feeling like shit, and I need so much therapy. I just want people to see my art the way I do, but I can't control that. So... I stew and stew and second guess myself.

Guess I'll go try and peel off my perfectionist suit and draw something shitty. Hopefully it helps. ilu.

[julesbranddt]

Let's slide into the new year with a cocktail of mood swings y'all

[jujutsutrash]

this fic is kind of a part two for Nanami face fucking you and is followed by the much requested Nanami aftercare, check these two out too! there sure is some correlation between me pmsing and me wanting to be used in the nastiest ways. anyway, I'm pmsing so have more Nanami using the reader in nasty ways. cause just the face fucking from last post wasn't enough apparently. congrats mapp, you won.

Nanami x Reader. 1.2k NSFW, minors fuck off. tw for: rough sex, unprotected sex, piv, painful sex, creampie, crying, overstimulation, face fucking, anal sex, kinda cnc in places, sorta freeuse

Thinking of Nanami who sometimes arrives at your door overworked and stressed beyond breaking. the minute the door opens he mutters "need to blow off some frustration" - and it's like an unspoken agreement, you hear those words and you already know what comes after. its like a light switch flips, he isn't kind and gentle like usual. He is aggressive, uncaring, desperate - it's like he is more beast than human, acting purely on instinct like a primal thing.

The minute Nanami has his hands on you he isn't going to stop unless you use the safe word - anything else will be disregarded. all your whimpers and cries will be ignored, there is only one way out - though, he has never heard you use it yet. Nanami is going a pull your hair hard, grip your throat until his fingers leave prints, he is going to manhandle you in whichever way he sees fit. he is so strong that your body feels light on his hands, and he isn't afraid to use that strength to pin you down so he can use you.

Nanami is going to overstimulate you until you are crying and trying to push him away. you've orgasmed so many times you don't think you can resist any more but he doesn't care about what you think - you aren't supposed to be thinking - all he cares about is getting his fill. when he is done you are oversensitive, just the way he wants it, so you can feel everything once he hammers his massive cock into you.

He doesn't take it slow, just putting you on all fours and then shoving his cock all the way in on one go. his cock is huge, and he knows it, he knows the stretch can be too much and make it hurt, he knows he should take it slow at first and but fuck, you feel so tight right now, it's so good he doesn't want to slow down. Nanami just starts thirsting into you at full power, enjoying your tightness, how your muscles tense up and he has to push himself inside forcefully with each thrust.

Nanami is shoving himself into you at a brutal pace, heavy balls slapping against your pussy with every thrust. he has your head shoved against the soft mattress, holding you in just the angle that makes his cock feels the best. you are crying, mumblimg things his mind barely register. " 's too much, you're too big, you're stretching me," your voice is so weak, whimpers almost muffled by the mattress below. your small cries don't stop him, he knows the stretch will probably leave you sore, but your pussy feels too good and he needs this too much to even slow down.

In time his body starts tensing up, cock twitching inside your tight cunt, balls feeling tight and heavy and oh so full. Nanami cums inside you with a guttural growl, an animalistic sound that doesn't even seem like him. he pushes himself deep inside, burying his cock all the way to the base. his orgasm rocks his body making him shoot a fat load into your pretty pussy, stuffing you full of his thick and sticky cum. though, that's only the first load he blows into your body that night, he still isn't satisfied.

Nanami just fucks his cum into you, riding his orgasm and your oversensitive body. he is ready to go again pretty fast, churning up a sticky mess into your pussy, pushing your knees against your chest while one hand grips tight around your neck, the other pinching your nipple. he pushes you into a mating press fucking you like an animal, wiping the tears off of your face with his lips as he kisses your cheek, grunting almost incoherently - "so good, you are such a tight little thing."

The second time he cums into your pussy it's all spilling out, leaking in the bed and staining the sheets. he loves to see it, to watch your abused cunt dripping his seed. it's not enough tho, and pretty soon he is fucking your mouth, cock dripping with your saliva as he uses your hair to control your movements. it's nasty, Nanami pushes himself all the way in, burying your nose in his soft, short pubes. he has you gagging on his cock, kneeled on the floor, hands clutching his thick thighs.

You take him so well, it's unbelievable how he can bury his whole cock in your pretty mouth. sometimes he can see a bulge in your neck, a visible indication of where his cock reaches in your tight throat. when that happens Nanami likes to grip your neck, rubbing the bulge along with his thrusts. at this heightened sensation it doesn't take long for him to pump his cum deep into your throat, making you swallow everything. sometimes, tho, he prefers to cover your in it, shooting rope after rope of his thick white cum over your pretty face.

If he still isn't done by then, Nanami moves on to fucking your ass. he throws you back on all fours, pulling you by the hair as he pushes his cock into your tight asshole - he pumps himself into your pussy a couple of times before, coating himself in your juices and using them as lube. he loves watching how your pretty little ass stretches so wide for him, gripping in his cock every time he pulls out. you whimper, saying that he is just too thick for you ass and Nanami loves it - that's exactly what makes everything feel so much better. "I know, pretty thing, but that's what makes it feel good for my cock, so you gonna just have to take the pain for me, huh."

Your tight ass has Nanami grunting and moaning, pulling out midfuck just to watch your tiny hole gaping wide for him, stretched to the size of his cock. it's the hottest sight and it drives him insane. he hammers into your ass, moving towards his peak faster and faster. it's like he could never get tired, but you can, and when your legs give out he just holds you in place by your hip, pulling them into his like you were weightless. when his orgasm finally hits him, he moans as he floods your guts with his jizz. though, his favorite part is when he pulls out and he gets to watch the white cum leak out of your gaped asshole.

Through hours Nanami fucks your holes like a fleshlight - using your body to milk his cock and relieve his stress. truth is, masturbating just hasn't been cutting it. he doesn't feel satisfied unless he is fucking you. the feeling of your body plaguing his mind. So it's only fair that he gets to use you like this, to blow off some frustration by abusing your holes until they're gaped and overflowing with his cum. And you take it, never once has he heard you use the safe word. So when everything is done and Nanami is finally relaxed again, he goes back to being the gentle, caring man you know - and you get the longest, softest after care session.

[ckret2]

i know this is like a weird and terrible question😨😨 but does bill get periods?? and how would that look like??

You're not only not the first person to ask, nor the second person; you're also not the first or the second person to insult yourself for asking a common question about a basic reproductive function. And I'm pretty sure I've got another menstruation question or two that I didn't manage to dig up.

Don't insult yourself for asking a question. I didn't call you weird or terrible.

Anyway, tl;dr: he quickly figures out what's going on because he's been closely stalking humanity for thousands of years; steals Mabel's pads; tells no one because he doesn't want sympathy or help. It's not a big deal to him. Just another fluid excretion to manage.

Due to the fact that I'm writing this fic in the dubious style of "what could the show slip past the Disney censors if S&P were really stoned that day," Bill's periods will not be explicitly discussed in fic; but for my own amusement I am mentally keeping track of his cycle.

He's PMSing in chapter 39 and bleeding in chapters 40-42.

This is a contributing factor to his behavior.

You're welcome.

[adamnablelittledevil]

Reacting to The Vampire Lestat - Part II (with a bit of spoilers)

I found out my problem with the narration and description isn't with Anne, but Lestat. That dude sometimes focuses on the most useless stuff instead of telling what is happening or what he's feeling. I'm like, Lestat de Lioncourt, get your priorities (not) straight? But it's not much of a problem anymore now, because it gives me a better idea of who he is and how he thinks, so I appreciate that. I enjoy the immersion, even with someone as chaotic and as distracted as he is.

Turns out when Lestat FINALLY gives me a good picture of things, it's with the WORST event possible.

Remember what Louis said about the little drink? That's the whole experience from the moment Magnus kidnaps Lestat, turns him, kills himself before his eyes and leaves him completely alone. Multiply your worst case scenario by a trillion.

Not that I would want Magnus to stay, God forbid, but the next moment is still pretty bad. You might believe it gets better after his death, but it's not immediately.

Lestat goes from being too frozen to move, to fighting with every fiber of his being and then trying to take it as a positive thing? Which, well, it's a realistic reaction to it, but also heartbreaking.

It's not exactly "rape", but it has pretty much everything a rape can have without penetration? So it basically felt like the same thing to me.

It's quite a long chapter, it's considerably graphic (at least for me), took me over 2 hours to finish it (maybe it was even closer to 3 hours, I don't remember anymore, but I struggled a lot), I kept taking pauses, whenever I thought it was over it kept going and kept getting worse.

It is well-written in the way that makes sense, that moves the story, that narrates and describes what's happening with details, that you can really picture it in your head, that is extremely intense and emotional... But it's obviously not an exciting part.

I feel bad for the way Lestat immediately shifts afterwards and tries to make the most of it. Not that I wanted him to be miserable and feeling sorry for himself, but I'm like, something terrible happened to you and it's okay to take time to deal with it. I'm not even sure he understands how traumatic that was? If he does, he doesn't acknowledge it, let alone admit it. Not even to himself. And it's just frustrating.

Even after I read it, it stuck with me and took me more than a day to get over. I kept remembering it even when I was doing totally different stuff.

It's cool to navigate through things with him as Lestat finds more about how his body and powers operate.

When he went to the village and began to experiment with his powers was fun. Him jumping, cutting trees and whatever the other silly things he was doing and I can't fully remember... It was like an ADHD child high on sugar and sort of cute.

Is that presence... Armand?

You can take the man out of the church, but you can't take the church out of the man (or the vampire), apparently.

This probably isn't necessary, but I want that scene that he sees the house with the family and reads their thoughts? The idea of seeing the thoughts of babies is so sweet... It's not even for him, it's more of a me thing, I guess. I would just like to see it. I don't know. Maybe I'm being too sensitive and PMSing lol. Don't @ me.

Lestat has kissed so many people at this point and he hardly gives details, so I'm like, what are you kissing? A cheek? A hand? A mouth? Is it a friendly peck on the lips? Is it tongue-kissing? Elaborate? I mean, I don't care because the way he does it feels as trivial as a fart lmao. The only one he really has a deeper relationship with so far is Nicki, so I only kind of care about Lestat with him. It's not really a problem, but I just find the whole thing vague and ridiculous lol.

It's not even Lestat that has BPD, but BPD has Lestat at this point. The man is intense, has crazy mood swings, has extreme reactions to things, engages in dangerous behavior, is highly irresponsible with money, has a chronic fear of being alone... I know one when I see it. And vampirism didn't fix it, it only made it worse.

A bit off topic, but there's something about France that is so enchanting? I've always been obsessed with it in some ways, some places, the architecture, the language, the art... It's not like I'm a big nerd or anything, I can't barely name stuff to save my life, but just looking, hearing and thinking about it... There's just some charm to it. I've realized that the simple fact of stories being set in France makes me excited for some reason. I would love if they filmed there and in some of my favorite spots (cough Sainte-Chapelle and Carcassonne cough), for the mere reason it would look gorgeous and they should because I said so. Maybe in a past life I lived there or something, but I've always had that fascination, God knows why.

"Why the hell did Anne write and word it like that?" moment #1, I guess. At least it was fast and I can erase it from my memory.

The book has gotten quite faster and more eventful now, it's definitely better than when I first started it. I hate when it takes too long for things to happen, so this pace is good. And crucial moments happen pretty early on, which I appreciate. It's nice to know I've read some of the most important events by now, even as disturbing as they are. One of the downsides of being in this fandom is not having the full information, so already knowing part of the big events is satisfying.

P.S. Nothing is permanent, opinions might change and this is based on Lestat's narration, which can be unreliable. I'm reading the books so I can find out more about the characters, what potential events might happen in the show, what I can expect etc. This is my favorite show in the universe, so I want to be as informed as possible. I have no idea if I'll become a legit fan of the books or not, but so far I'm enjoying it. I'm posting these comments only for fun.

[cbk1000]

Health update: so, I've finished my first week back at work. It went really well; Mr. Jenn and I rigged up my desk so I would be able to recline and still see my monitors and work if I needed to lie down during the day, but I haven't actually felt the need to use the reclining chair at all. I'm PMSing and about to start my period, which is usually when I backslide a bit and some of my symptoms flare up/get worse, but mostly this week I've just had a bit of chest pain and tightness, and it's not too been too bad. Wednesday I had a bit of chest pain but by the end of the day felt well enough to try a very short, five-minute HIIT workout. I did manage it, though it was a pretty sad showing. lmao

The last couple of days I actually really haven't had any chest pain, and today I felt well enough to try out a seven-minute HIIT workout, with the plan to do a separate, five-minute ab HIIT workout if I felt able to continue after the first workout. I did; of course I did not go nearly as hard as I used to and paid close attention to make sure I really felt I could keep going and wasn't just pushing myself out of sheer stubbornness, but I was able to finish both workouts (with a few minute break in between, to be on the safe side). My chest and throat still feel a little tight and I was slightly lightheaded afterward, but very mild symptoms overall. I'm eager to see how I feel once I get through my period, because that's when I start the slow, uphill battle again, and I've already felt almost normal the last couple of days at a time when I'm usually feeling my worst.

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

WIBTA for shooting my shot with someone, after our previous potential "romance" went sour?

I (F22) am friends with a guy who we'll call M (M21). M and I play the same game, so a few months prior, we ended up getting to know each other better and becoming flirtatious. M gave off a lot of signals he was very interested in me, and I reciprocated. I live in Canada and he lives in Italy; he expressed interest in being my tour guide at one point, so I asked if he'd like to go on a date with me if I went to Italy on vacation (as I have the money and time to do it over my school break). M backtracked, and said that distance meant we couldn't ever be "serious".

I felt very wounded, because he'd been very affectionate with me over the course of several weeks, and I admit it, I was a little emotionally volatile because I was PMSing. We got into a fight where we both said some goofy things, and it ended with us not talking to each other for a month. Over the course of that month, I came to realize I really missed him in my life, and I ended up reaching out to M. We both apologized and patched things up.

Another month has passed, and we're still friendly, though the nature of our relationship is a bit more impersonal now. Here's where things get awkward; I was pretty sure for a long time my feelings for M were mostly just friendship and sexual attraction. But M casually brought up that he was trying to get with a girl he knows IRL, and how jealous I got really surprised me. I was encouraging about it, but I did some soul-searching and realized that what I thought was just sexual interest was actually deeper feelings for him.

M's attempt to date this girl were pretty short-lived as she more or less led him on and then ghosted him (karma?), so now I'm left to think about what to do next. He's given the impression he's pretty stressed and busy because of school, and he's not as responsive to my messages as he used to be, which leads me to naturally overthink "oh my god, he must hate me forever".

Thus, I'm concerned I WBTA and be putting him on the spot if I admitted to him "hey, I still have a big crush on you". If I asked him on a date again if I vacation to Italy, I'd want to make it clear that even if I do have feelings for him, I'd be okay with just a brief vacation fling, but that still changes the context of a lot of our relationship. Also, he sort of already rejected me on the basis of "we're an ocean away"; does it make me an asshole if I try again with different conditions?

What are these acronyms?

[of-mutts-and-men]

pretty sure I'm PMSing right now and it's making me so horny and sensitive it's unbearable! If a big, hairy, horny monster wanted to lie on top of me and press all its weight on me, or better yet, press me between itself and its equally big and hairy and horny friend, pushing against all my sensitive spots and stretching me impossibly wide around them while they fill me up with load after load of sticky, satisfying cum, I'm sure it would fix me.

Need someone or something on top of me like a weighted blanket right about now.

[femmesandhoney]

I don't mean to be intrusive but if I remember correctly you have pmdd and I was just wondering if you have any recommendations on how to deal with it I don't have pmdd but I'm PMSing like crazyyyy right now and I can't take it I feel near suicidal

Normal PMS shouldn't make you feel suicidal. While it's not always "omg its PMDD" you may want to double check if you're doing things or around things in your life that is disrupting your cycle and hormones. For me, I just have to remind myself that my anger/irritability stems from my PMDD and doesn't actually accurately reflecy my emotions or what is happening in a situation. I usually make sure I'm taking my multivitamins as well tbh, I already am pretty consistent but I like triple remind myself the week before my period should arrive. Sometimes its smaller things that can help curb some of what you feel and make it more manageable. I try to stay away from caffeine, work out, and just do calming activities if I really feel like shit. Like I like to doodle and listening to my music to distract myself, sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't but its never not worth trying lol.

Tbh the best "cure" is to hang out w my friends or go socialize some way. Sounds so lame as advice but distracting yourself w people you legitimately like being around usually makes me feel better and calm down, and I regulate my emotions better around my friends than say my family who we most all are primed to be mean to when feeling like shit. Less likely to have outburts w my friends. You seem like you get a bit low on your period, so maybe you could do more chill activities w someone or even by yourself, just go outside and reset where you are mentally that way.

[thecraftybear]

Reminds me how my wife said "i compared the effects of male and female hormones and i finally get why men are like this. You guys are permanently pissed off!"

Yeah, i guess that would fix low blood pressure 😂

Going on T fixed my low blood pressure jsyk!!! Kfjfjdjdndn

😭🤞

[surrogate-fawn]

I've been told (not sure if its true) but how you act on your period is a very small scale on how you'll act when your pregnant, i get super super clingy to my partner so i wonder if that will be the case, either way, i enjoy getting to pretend to be pregnant around that time of the month

OMG SAME! When I actually bleed my energy tanks for a day and then actually shoots right back up -- it's the PMS that does my head in. I get *hella* moody when I'm PMSing, like I could drop a pen and wanna cry about it. Buck's gonna be dealing with a looooooot of tears from me when I'm carrying our baby (but he's literally helping me through grief right now, he's used to it).

I already know when the time comes to try for a baby, I'll need to speak with my doctor about changes in my anti-depressants. I have MDD and post-partum depression is pretty much a guarantee for me. My mother had it and a good piece of wisdom she gave me is to seek help ahead of time. I know her not being around will be a big contributing factor to PPD for me, but Mom taught me well enough to take that into consideration and speak with my doctor.

Yeah, I already know pregnancy is gonna fuck with my mood *a lot* but pretty much every pregnant person deals with that on some level.

[fragileizywriting]

"you know plagg, i think what makes this super scary— okay, no, hold on, it's not actually that scary; i'd say that you're 'pretty scary'— why am i bothering to use quotation marks there? it's not like you can even see me—"

"—i can see you."

huh. okay. "you can?"

"well, yeah." same old plagg, even if this isn't his same old form. "that's the whole point of this. it's just that you can't see me."

yeah, no kidding! instead of a ceiling in her room, there's a giant black void, and in this void comes out fog. it's the world's most strangest augmented reality, perfectly suited for the exact space of her room— the void is flush, right up to where the ceiling meets the walls, black-ink fog slowly drifting down and meeting her peachy-pink walls like there is cotton falling from the sky. light refuses to permeate from there, black and dark and horrid, and if it weren't for her hanging plants still hanging from where she'd hooked a long rope from, she'd assumed that her roof had completely been torn off by a black hole.

"actually, what is the point of this?"

"to help you in fights."

"up there?"

"i'm containing myself in your room so that i don't scare the citizens of paris. but yes."

"huh," she says, rather simply, climbing onto her chaise and looking up, up, up. "so you're seeing a birds-eye view."

"correct, princess." his voice is the deepest thing known to mankind. it rumbles like a cinema theatre would, fitting for what must be the biggest entity in the entire universe, hiding on the other side of the portal, but she doesn't expect to hear a: "you forgot to make your bed today," out of him when she continues to pace around the room, trying to spot anything in the void. he sounds like an old man. deep chested. but also very loud.

"it's like the sims," she tells him, ignoring the quip about her bed. he can see that? but that's above her... so he's telling the truth. "or like a dollhouse."

"essentially."

"how is this supposed to help me in a fight other than scare someone shitless?" she brings a finger up to her chin. "you can see me, so you have a physical form, i'm assuming. unless you are just like, a ceiling rug."

"are you scared shitless?"

wow, it's really funny to hear that voice say a curse word. it's got her giggling. in fact, it breaks tension; she can tell, because she knows plagg really well, that he's nervous— he'd mentioned something about this numerous times throughout her life, saying things about protecting her at whatever cost, including using his form that he doesn't enjoy using— so here they are now, acclimating her to this, so that if there's ever a need for it, she won't panic. but tension still bleeds into the room, because plagg is no longer a cute little tiny kitten that fits in both of her palms, but rather something else entirely. and plagg, poor plagg, is terrified. probably because he’s scared of her reaction? that seems the most logical explanation.

"not really," she replies, rather simply. "it's you, plagg. you've seen me when i'm PMSing. that's pretty scary."

he laughs. “i guess you’re right.”

“now, explain to me what i’ll be looking at.”

“i’m not going to show you my face, or any of that stuff. let’s take this slow.”

“like a new fish acclimating to a new fish tank.”

“your metaphors need some work,” he drawls, a laugh curved into the end. “but sure. anyway, i’m a giant cat god. which is why i don’t want to alarm you with my face, or anything. or my body.”

“like the great sphinx?”

“not exactly. but i’m pretty big, just like it.”

“do you have a tail?”

“i do.”

“awh. and cat ears, too?”

“and cat eyes.”

“you sound cute. like a giant cat? why is that so scary?”

“because i am scary. when i want to, i’ve got six paws.”

six? jesus. ah. oh. hm.

“what do you need all those paws for?” she teases, even though her heart is racing and she’s doing her best not to make a face.

“to deal with you,” he replies, right back, and she imagines that he’s leaning on his folded palms with his chin, just like he always does, whenever he’s fascinated with something. “i’m gonna reach out with one of my hands. don’t freak out. i’ll go slow.”

“you got it, little chef.” then, she stops, before finding herself blurting out: “wait!”

“yeah?”

“i wanna see your left hand.”

“why?”

“i want to have at least some choice.”

he snorts. “will that actually make you feel safer? or are you just pulling my ear?”

“i don’t know. i’m just trying to make you feel better.”

“okay. left one it is, then. let me scoot a bit because i’ve been leaning this entire time on it.”

the two of them go quiet; her, waiting, anticipation stringing her up like a puppet, baited breath stuck in her throat. him, apprehensive, no doubt worried about her reaction because she knows that he has a soft spot for her, try as he might even attempt to deny it. the two of them love each other for a reason. and maybe she feels a bit of pride every time she recalls that he’s told the other kwamis that she’s the best holder he’s ever had, no questions asked.

the void starts to move. she blinks up at her ceiling golden pothos, the vining thing that shifts on her ceiling every time there’s a slight breeze from her humidifier. from the darkness, something emerges, reasonably far away from her and where she stays next to her desk, falling from the void like a puff of the fog.

it’s massive.

it’s massive.

the thing about it is that it’s not even a paw. a giant, almost-barely-translucent, fog-like hand reaches out and rests against her chaise. the arm is thicker than a tree. almost as wide as a car. it— him— he wouldn’t be able to fit through her door. he dwarfs the poor chaise like he’s playing with a miniature dollhouse. oh, oh oh oh— and the fingers— the fingers are that of a human, broad-palmed and kinda proportionately thick fingers? at the ends are claws. just like hers whenever she’s in her hexleather, plagg has talons.

“holy shit!” she eeps, jumping in surprise. giddiness bubbles out of her like carbonation, eyes wide and lips peeled in a grin. “whoa,” she exclaims. and then: “whoa. whoa, whoa whoa!”

“you’re freaking out.”

“you are so much bigger than i thought!”

“princess, you’re freaking out.”

“why do you have human hands?” she blurts out. “you’re a cat god. why human hands?”

“i’ve always had them.”

“but not in your kwami form?”

“i don’t really need fingers at that size.”

“i thought i was going to see a giant cat paw.” even though instinct is telling her to flee, flee, flee, she’s hotwired her brain to deal with whatever is giving her heart palpitations head on. the beauty of fighting akumas every week for the past ten years, of course, and yet even plagg himself seems tense— or as tense she can possibly tell based on a single left hand and strong forearm— when she walks close. “i was ready to see some cute toe beans! toe beans of a cat god! how cute would that have been? but you’re telling me you actually have a hand?”

his thumb is bigger than her. just his thumb. it’s about the same size and stature of mister bug— christ, no, she’s completely wrong, mister bug is the size of plagg’s pinky finger, claw not included— she touches him on instinct, and plagg doesn’t tell her no, so it must be safe. she knows it is. plagg loves her. plagg cares about her. he’d never hurt her. she can feel it.

she faceplants into the webbing between his thumb and forefinger before she starts screaming bloody murder.

“you’re a god,” she mumbles. his skin is cold. physically there, even though he’s slightly transparent. she can sort of see the chaise. the floor. the other side of her room from this angle. she screws her eyes shut before she panics about seeing right through his skin.

“yeah.”

“oh my god,” she wheezes. “this is… wow. plagg, you’re incredible! i always forget that you’re not actually my cat kitten thing but an actual god!”

“i can show up like this even when i’m inside the ring,” he murmurs, or at least tries to, because he’s a massive cat god hiding inside a portal that occupies the entire real estate of her ceiling. “if there’s a sentimonster giving you an actual issue, we can open this gate.”

he says nothing about how she’s purring, nuzzling into his finger, replying with a: “it’s a gate?”

“it’s a portal. gate. whatever. i’m just saying that i’m here for you, okay? always. even during a fight. hey, are you even listening?” he lifts her chin up with the very middle of his finger pad, knowing better than to use the actual talon that adorns the tip. she has the ridiculous sensation of being a polly pocket. “hey. pay attention. the ring takes me to another dimension whenever you power up— it’s a long story, it’s not necessary to explain that— but that means i’m able to come into this dimension whenever there’s a fight, too. i’m pretty fast at grabbing things. maybe i can grab a sentimonster and hold him for you, or something.”

“we’ll work something out, i’ve definitely got some ideas. hey, are you hungry? do you wanna, uh, shrink back a bit to come eat food? i don’t know if you’ll get through the trapdoor like that. i don’t think you even want to get through the trapdoor like that.”

“okay. sure.” and then, just as his hand slowly retreats, still scared to make her scared, she hears him say: “thanks for not relinquishing the ring right then and there, princess. i was… pretty nervous.”

[icedmetaltea]

Health anxiety: something is wrong Me: no dude lol you're being dramatic everything is fine Body: randomly develops a nut allergy (?) Body: blood pressure consistently 130-150/80-110 at night for some reason Body: suddenly can't tolerate yogurt- including lactose free Body: Mysteriously loses 1-2 lbs per week when not on diet past month Body: constant anxiety even when not pmsing Health anxiety: come on man Me: EVERYTHING IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE EVERYTHING IS FINE WE'RE DEFINITELY NOT GETTING CANCER OR HEART DISEASE OR ANYTHING AHAHAHAHAHAHA

(incoherent venty stuff below, tw for suicidal thoughts and just... idk weird psychosis type stuff ig)

I can't even go to the doctor cause agoraphobia and like... even then they just blame everything on anxiety. Even when my BP is this erratic, anywhere from 110/60-156/110, and I can't make a telehealth appointment for some goddamned reason that they won't explain

And I don't know if they'll sign that form so I can get ebt and ya know not starve (I sent it via email but I got said email from a static-filled call so I don't even know if it's the right address or if they'll do it digitally)

And from the sounds of things they won't make me a note to file for a tuition appeal so I'll be saddled with a $700 fine that'll go to collections if I can't pay it by december WHEN I HAVE $600 IN MY BANK and I need it to pay for basic living essentials till I can get approved for SSI IF I even can which will take at LEAST 6 months

and everything adds up, toothepaste, paper towels, laundry soap, dish soap, sponges, trashbags, pads... the list goes on and it adds up so fast

And nobody aside from the therapist has shown any goddamned empathy for me when I've made calls, it reaaaally feels like the doctors and nurses just hope I kill myself, cause it'd be easier for them, cause I'm a burden, cause it's easier for me to die than for them to make me a telehealth appointment or sign a goddamned 1-paper form so I can fucking feed myself and not be saddled with debt

it'd be so much easier for everyone

I've been thinking about blowing my brains out all day. it used to be just when I was pmsing but it's been pretty much all month when my imaginary friend isn't distracting me with stupid shit and/or age regressing to cope

I just think, sure the gun would be expensive but then I wouldn't have to worry about money anymore, or panic attacks, or being a financial burden to my mom, or being a disappointment, or PMDD, or sleeping till 4pm when the depression gets bad, or anything

Nothing at all. Just blackness. Or maybe there's something after death, idk. Maybe I'm going to heaven or hell, but either way hopefully things just... are different there. No more capitalism. No more mental health shit. No more jobs and school and people working just to work and then die, no more of your worth getting judged by how smart you are or how valuable you are as a wage slave

No more heart pounding, no more gasping for air for the 20th time as I try to sleep, no more walking around in dreams where I feel like a ghost (and yet I look forward to it bc at least it's... different. It's somewhere than isn't here) no more waking up disappointed that I even woke up

No more thinking about how my parents are gonna die someday and then I'll really be alone

No more thinking about how my sibling left me

No more thinking about how my best friend left me

No more anything

I don't expect to make it to the end of this year. I don't know when I'll do it but it's kinda a given. I should've just let myself freeze to death back in December like I'd originally planned. At least I could die to something I loved. Why'd I bother sticking around? What have I gained? I'm just living to live

What, to finish all those books? I have hundreds, I'll never finish them all

To finish that game? I'll never finish that either

To get on SSI? I probably won't even be approved before trump takes power (be honest with yourself, you know he will. A war's coming and it ain't lookin good for people like us. He wants people like us dead)

It's so dark and lonely tonight. I have a billion thoughts in my head and it's supposed to be better now bc it's not my luteal or follicular phase... I can't even have the one good week I'm supposed to have PMDD-wise

I just can't stop thinking about how much better everything would be without me. And idk I feel kinda in a way like said imaginary friend is like... idk shutting down my body somehow. Cause even they know it's for the best. I know that's just psychosis brain talking cause they're not real but at times like these I wonder

But man, I wish if that was the case they'd make it quick and painless. A gun would be easier, just saying. Oh but it'd be too loud, make too much of a mess, blah blah blah... it's quick and effective. Sure it might not work and turn me into a vegetable. Prolly wouldn't though. It works more often than hanging/blood loss/jumping. I know they don't want me gone but even they have to admit it's about time. They've known it for a long time. I should've frozen to death. It would've been quick in 0 degree weather. We could've listened to music. Mom and dad wouldn't have found us till morning.

But no. Just had to chicken out

Ugh

[little-miss-selfships]

I'm pretty sure I am pmsing ugh

[smegopolis]

good afternoon, happy wednesday

feeling a little stressed this week because i have a bunch of stuff going on, and some stuff that i MIGHT get going on soon:

my fall classes are starting this week and i usually like to do assignments & such ahead of schedule

i should be hearing back from the unpaid internship this week... if i do get it, then i'll just be a lot busier. but if not... i gotta keep looking for something

i have my first mentorship session with someone today. i'm a bit nervous because i'm not sure what to expect from it, and i'm wondering how much it will really even help me? (i think i have a pretty good grasp on my career moves)

i have been working on a side project for several months now, but it is only now getting to the point where i actually need do stuff for it. i need to create some wireframes with another girl on the team

i've been working on my new portfolio for the past few weeks and it takes a lot of time, especially because i'm creating new graphics for my case studies... so far i've probably spent like, i dunno, 20-30 hours on it, and i'm only halfway there

and on top of all that, i still am working part-time at the start-up as i usually am

i feel a bit overwhelmed and it probably doesn't help that i'm probably pmsing right now 😂

[darklovecat]

other glow up tips?

My Experience with Lasik Eye Surgery (Trans-PRK).

Investing in laser eye surgery was one of my most important parts of my physical glow up. My eyes are my best features, they're pretty, big round, dark brown, but didn't exactly work (5 dioptries). Either way, you couldn't tell because they were either hidden behind a frame of glasses, blodshot and half-closed due to lenses, or covered by extremely unnatural looking bright blue color contacts (God please forgive me). I ditched them all, got them lasered and look and feel 100% better.

Lenses.

I hate them. All the times I dropped and lost them, all the times my eyes would turn watery the moment I put them on, and the one time it got stuck in my eye and I couldn't find it and almost had a panic attack. This is my own experience, I'm not an ophthalmologist, so take this with a grain of salt (or two) and do your own research please. I'm here to share my own personal experience. My eyes used to start tearing like crazy just with soft breezes of wind and at times it was hard to keep my eyes open even though I followed all instructions. Lenses made my eyes look hooded as well and after getting my eyes lasered they don't have that droopy look, my eye area looks so much more open and awake now. I hated the discomfort, the redness, the sensitivity, having to put them on, having to put them out, having them. There could be a million explanations for these but it was just easier for me to get my eyes lasered and call it a day.

The surgery.

You put on your surgical gown and a hair cap, you lay down, they give you local anesthesia so you can't feel any pain in your eye. Laser beam for 10 seconds (felt more like 10 minutes). The surgery itself does not feel painful, just extremely uncomfortable, you can't close or move your eyes for 10 seconds, my surgeon counted back from 10 but I swear it felt like an eternity. I cried while they were lasering my eyes because I always do and I kept pinching myself and shaking my legs because I felt very nervous and was probably PMSing, but there is no actual pain, just intense discomfort and pressure, the actual pain only comes after the anesthesia wears off after a few hours, I would say it is a 7.5/10, you wear black goggles for 2 weeks, your eyes sting like crazy, it's like having dry eyes 24/7 for 2 weeks. And then 2 weeks later you wake up and your eyes actually work (miracle). I remember taking them off for the first time after weeks and being absolutely shocked about how well I could see (and at how terrible my eyebrows looked).

1 year later...

I wake up, I have 10/10 vision, and I love it. I feel like I can see better now than ever, I don't have to deal with eye sensitivities due to lenses, or worry about accidentally sitting on my glasses, I feel prettier too. There's another thing that feels very hard for me to describe, but I feel like I am directly living in the world, I feel more in touch with the world, my lenses and glasses always felt like a barrier. After your surgery, you need to wear sunglasses for 6 months. Not an issue, you should protect your eyes in any case and protecting them from the sun's UV rays has always been essential for me regardless. They need to be big especially on the sides so your eyes are protected.

To sum it up, here are my tips:

Go to a very reputable doctor at a specialized eye clinic. My doctor had 25 years of experience and over 50 000 cases.

Take all the medications that you are prescribed post-surgery and follow all instructions, focus on healing after your surgery.

Invest in a pair of high-quality UV blocking sunglasses. No, that chewed up pair from H&M you got 2 years ago won't cut it.

Reduce screen time, blue light blocking filters are your best friend. Make sure you have a support person.

You need to go to a highly reputable place obviously, you can't cheap out unless you have another pair of eyes, your doctor needs to be very experienced and good at what he does, use what resources you have to read up on your doc and his work, his ratings should be very high and of people who are happy with their results. My mom, my aunt, my grandpa all got LASIC eye surgery 20 years ago so naturally, I followed in their eye steps because they were all happy with their results. You need a support person, my parents were right with me during and after the surgery, my mom picked out the hospital and doctor for me and I could not go out of bed for 2 weeks so make sure you have some good podcasts ready and take at least 2 weeks off.

Feel free to message me or drop an ask if you have any questions.