#pretty impressive if i do say so myself
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final tally: in five and a half days, we watched
- 13 episodes of gilmore girls
- 3 movies
- 36 episodes of glee
@faithdeans
#pretty impressive if i do say so myself#no one does laying around better than us#rain.stuff#isaac tag 🌿
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oh I weighed myself recently for the first time in A While and I won't mention the number but it was almost the exact number I guessed it would be, somehow.
#wwaffles bein' an idiot#pretty impressive if i do say so myself#it was slightly under but only by a couple points#not while numbers. points.
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Biting the bars of my enclosure about autistic ford tonight. There's something about him using vocabulary and turns of phrase that seem "outdated" or "pretentious" that feels so painfully genuine to me. When people say he talks like that just to "try to sound smart" I wish I could explain what it's like to be so ostracized from your peers growing up that you spend all your time reading instead, to the point where you pick up your way of speaking from books instead of from people. And then what it's like for people to call you out for "talking weird" over and over again, not able to wrap their heads around why the fuck you would choose more archaic or technical or formal words than the simpler ones that surely come to everyone's minds first. What it's like to have to dedicate a sizable chunk of attention to filtering through every single word you say out loud in real time before you say it, to make absolutely sure that it isn't a word people will judge you for using or make fun of you for using, just so you'll have a chance of being taken seriously. Learning through trial and error how to filter out the words that other people don't think are normal or casual enough for the conversation, even though for you, the word choice that's "natural-sounding" enough for them is the third or fourth word you came up with when searching for the right way to phrase something in your head. I wish I could explain just how long it takes to say fucking anything after spending a lifetime doing that during every single conversation, and how repetitive and long-winded you end up being when you spend so long coming up with alternative ways of saying every little thing you ever think. And I wish people realized that, at the very least for autistic people and autistic-coded characters, speech that's seen as pretentious is really just the way they talk when they're not putting in the extra effort to filter through every word they say just so others will take the time to listen.
#ford meta#actuallyautistic#everyone go read the wikipedia page for 'stilted speech' right now#long post#ford isnt very good at masking. he doesn't have the kind of (unintentional) autistic coding that is Palatable To Neurotypicals.#definitely looking-too-deeply-at-a-kid-cartoon right now but in *some* ways. a world where the majority of people think its easy to like an#-understand ford is a world that would feel safe for me to unmask in.#i truly truly hate that fully explaining my thoughts on ford requires me to say so much about myself. but god is it such a crime-#-to use a fictional character as a lens through which to try and explain to people how to be more understanding and accepting-#-of things like this.#making fun of stilted speech is so normalized that people don't even realize they're making fun of someone for being weird.#people think its Someone Thinking They're Better Than You but its something people lay awake at night wishing they could stop doing.#and yet they still end up using the Wrong Words and being labeled a Pretentious Asshole just for talking differently than the norm.#maybe there really are people out there who deliberately use big words to try and sound smarter than everyone else. I don't know.#all I know is. in a world where its pretty obvious that people who use a discongruently complex vocabulary get made fun of for doing that.#why would someone deliberately trying to impress people do something that would only get them laughed at.#sorry for being genuine on main. as if its my fault </3
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Only about 7K more to go regarding the outline...do I think I can do it? Easily
Do I think this outline for this oneshot might end up being 20K? Here's to fucking hoping
#sass talks about her writing#i think i can make it to 20K#if the outline doesn't make it to 20K then i know the fic itself will be 20K#which will make this oneshot the longest oneshot i've ever written#beating out the current longest oneshot i have “the red-light district” at 18K#pretty impressive if i do say so myself
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so i'm finally reading master & apprentice and apparently claudia gray is my BEST FRIEND because disney was like, "hey, after the successes of the other books you've written for us, do you wanna maybe write a prequels book?' and she was like, "oh abso-fucking-lutely. here's 430 pages of qui-gon being a dick to babywan and making him feel like absolute shit about himself xoxo ❤️❤️❤️" and the good people of disney star wars were like, "that's great john you can go ahead and order it."
#literally i'm OBSESSED#it is BY FAR my fave disney era book i've read#granted i think i've only read padawan and the padme series for disney canon so far so the bar is pretty low#but she is hitting it out of the park#for me personally#qui gon my detested 💚#master and apprentice#sw novels#star wars#pt#qui gon jinn#qui gon x obi wan#anti qui gon jinn#lmfao#babywan#i actually really do like the book i find the way she writes really pleasing#so many star wars books DRAG ON and i find myself skimming through entire sections#ESPECIALLY the OCs like i'll get to end and have no idea who any of these bitches are nor do i care#but not claudia!!#i find all of her OCs to be genuinely engaging#i'm interested in all of them and want to know what happens to them#plus she's set up a pretty compelling mystery#i have to say i'm very impressed i expected the worst cuz so far i've been very underwhelmed by the new books#so it's been a pleasant surprise
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people?? being niceys to me???? for no reason except loves me?????????????
it's more likely than i think, apparently.
#this post brought to you by Grandparent i was forcibly estranged from most of my life suddenly being in it lots more than#the other side of dad's family AND my mom's family combined and like?? actually doing things??? to help me???? without asking for anything#except that i give him a personal update about my life so he doesn't find out on fb#which i can get behind even if my logic makes perfect sense to me as to why i don't do this#(easier to reach a wider crowd of people who can disseminate the information from there + don't have to repeat myself especially if it's#like stuff i'm still really tender or emotional about + keeps me from spilling all the beans about my private life because fuck FB + i don'#tell ANYONE specifically - everyone is getting the news the exact same way so i'm not running into any favoritism nonsense#though i'm getting the impression the fact that a large portion of my life was avoiding looking like i was picking any particular side migh#not be the way a vast majority of people go through life#much to ponder wow my family really is fucking toxic as hell#i can't even accept help offered to me without making sure they know i don't want to inconvenience them at all#which like???? idk which culture THAT'S originally from but boy did my family come from that one#i'm pretty sure i'm supposed to completely reject any assistance completely but like#a bitch got no money i'm not saying no if my granddaddy wants to send me some because of reasons#hilariously learning that this side of the family also has all of the same symptoms and issues i have#and that i had noticed that my mom's side of the family has rampantly which just like#of fucking course my genetic makeup was a perfect storm of Fuckery#i got loose joints and heart problems on BOTH sides on top of pain issues and audhd and mental health issues just smothering the damn tree#i have so many complex emotions regarding my biofamily i s2g lol
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Yeah you could say i have pretty good music taste (my bitb playlist on spotify has 8 saves on it)
#bitb#vamposting#for having literally never posted it anywhere publicly?#8 saves is pretty impressive if i do say so myself lol
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stopping for the night, but I just accidentally started working on my first costume, an upcycle of an old size 4X colorful suit that I never even got to wear, so if I fuck up there’s no harm done. im gonna have to basically reconstruct the ENTIRE goddamn thing. like taking in the sides, chest, shoulders (still keeping the ridiculous shoulder pads tho), arms, and back. like, significantly. AND I’ve gotta cut off half of it to look like this reference that im trying to recreate:
#when I say it’s massive on me I mean MASSIVE#like u could fit two of me in it#and im tiny as fuck now and have to deconstruct AND reconstruct the entire thing pretty much#have I ever done any major alterations on any piece of clothing ever? no#especially a whole ass suit? definitely not#im honestly expecting to fuck it up pretty bad#but I might surprise myself since im taking it slow#since I haven’t been contacted about any bookings yet#so im not putting a deadline on it#if it DOES come out rlly good then I’ll plan a number around it for my first booking#if I can pull this off then I can do ANYTHING#it would be a pretty damn big serve if I can pull this off#and I’ll impress everyone even more#realistically tho it’s probably not gonna be good enough to wear#but I have motivation and a dream. and sometimes that’s good enough
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boy howdy, I am working myself into a full panic over this. if I get an hour of sleep tonight it will be a miracle.
#like this is an INTERVIEW. do you know how many job interviews I have had in my life????#compared to how many jobs I have had???????#I GOT REJECTED BY WALGREENS FOR CHRISTS SAKE#I just. this man is holding my entire plan for my future right now in his hands#if he doesn't want me. If he decides I wouldn't be good in his lab I don't know what I'll do#like yeah yeah life will keep going and the world will keep turning and stuff#but I am not joking I will be devastated. and then I will have to TELL people about it#and like I still have yet to hear back from the other school and none of the professors there have talked to me#so idk if I could do what I want to there either (they do have the classes I want so I'm assuming one of the professors does what I want)#and everyone keeps saying it'll be fine and I'll do good and anyone would want me in their lab#but I DONT THINK IM IMPRESSIVE. I compare myself to other scientists and eh. I don't measure up#like sure I have good bench skills and I can learn pretty much anything you set me to#but I don't know how to come up with research proposals#I don't know how to ask good questions about papers I read#I don't have good ideas for further research#like. I did library prep at work for 3 years and we recently hired someone who has more or less taken it over#and he actually understands and talks about the actual molecular processes in a way I never learned#idk I just feel like yeah I'm good at science. but I'm good because I'm good at following directions#I am not actually inovative or creative or increasing understanding#point is I am stressed and people keep telling me not to be but I don't believe them and I am scared that I have got myself too excited#and I am about to be let down very hard very fast#and I don't really have any safety nets in place if it doesn't work out
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Where've I been all day? Finishing stuff.
And also getting the word count for The Storyteller Teller and The Mimic instead of reading Tiger Rock lmao
I can't seem to just get a direct word count I literally have to copy and paste this things into a document, then fix the spacing issues manually so I can get the word count. So yeah spent longer than I thought I was going to on that lmao laptop died before I could get past the first break on the Mimic so I only got the one.
If you're curious: The Storyteller is 16570 words long.
From what I could see, The Mimic is probably around the 18000 mark? Not sure though cause ya know... Not done spacing ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#that's a pretty nice chunk of text to get absolutely fucking nowhere!!#that's impressive!!#lmao nsksndi#YES I'M STILL BEING A PRICK ABOUT THIS SO SUE ME#anyway yeah this was just for the curiosity#because of that idea of getting the exact word count and rerwriting the story myself#with the exact same word count to see if i could do it better lmao#like... 16570 is doable.#I hit a stride once and did that in a few days before!!#not saying i could again but ya know#in terms of quantity of words I've done way more than that for one thing before#that's a big number yeah but like... its so doable??#I'd start with the Mimic first though#then the storyteller#for obvious reasons#and then I'd post the storyteller first and the mimic second in the order they're intended#it'd be a cool challenge!!#I'll think about it!!!#just wanted all the facts first before i made any decisions ya know?#I'll get the Mimic wordcount and then read Tiger Rock if the wiki doesn't consume me again lmao#seriously though#'oh I'm not gonna go crazy! just the animatronics cause they're cool!'#and then i saw the wiki for the water park.#and then i thought 'well while I'm here-'#and then added to Roy's page...#but like... the humans are easy those are just ctrl f and an interpretation of character#easy! not what i was intending to do with my time though ffs lmao#nah though they're easy i might power through them and then finish it off with Zeus#NO I HAVEN'T DONE THE MOST IMPORTANT GUY'S PAGE YET SO SUE ME#bdjdbdkd anyway.
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Got some modeling clay for xmas so naturally, the first thing I did with it was make donnie.
#Please note that this is literally my first time actually attempting to sculpt anything#and all i used was my finger and a toothpick#So all things considered. Pretty impressive if i do say so myself#rottmnt#donnie rottmnt#rise of the tmnt#my art
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You know, despite being a pretty big grιmmjow fan, I almost never talk about him, because most gj fans are insufferable. But, like, what's with the absolute dogshit takes on him lately? Lately meaning more like the last 5 years, but bleach is an old enough manga for that to be a small enough amount of time. No, he's not the renji of HM arc. No, he's not a kenpachi copy. No, he's not a misunderstood woobie looking for community. No, he's most certainly not an ιchihιme shipper. Where were all of these born from?
#I think the answer is just that a big part of fandom largely does not care for the#Hm. More violent let's say. Aspect of characters#but two characters with vaguely punk attitude are not similar just based on that#I saw like four of those in the past week so I'm testy I guess#and mostly posting this as a reminder to myself to do a proper post on him. analysing him narratively#because shocker wow he had a narrative purpose and that's why he had so much panel time#On second read this sounds so condescending LMAO sorry that wasn't the initial impression I wanted to make#it's just something that leaves me very confused and I saw a pretty mean take with nothing to back itself up and I felt defensive
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The fucking audacity of this man to tell me he's never cared about me, then ignore me when I say that it was unfair to lie to me when I've clearly been in love with him for years, only to come back almost 2 months later asking me how work is. I can't do this shit. I'm too stressed as is. Too few spoons for my own day to day.
#leon bitches#I'm ignoring him until i can think of something to even say. if i ever do.#all i asked is clarity on what he wants from me because I've wanted nothing more than to worship at his altar for years#that i was the saddest most groveling mutt to ever be born and he was the hand providing sustainance to me#literally everything I've done since i met him was to try to impress him. every job. every achievement. just to get his attention.#and it was so fucking obvious that he has to be lying when he says he didn't notice#and he just thinks it's ok to ignore me when i ask tough questions. just ignore me and pick back up in a month#once I've had time to cool down or whatever#but i haven't cooled down. i can't.#he's hurt me so badly and so many times#and yet i continue to come back to him like the addict i am. and he's the drug.#i want nothing more than whatever scraps he can bother to toss my way. yet i know this will be my downfall.#my ultimate perdition#and i know i should wisen up and tell him to go fuck himself... but i can't bring myself to do so#because losing him is losing the person I've been for so long now. i don't know who i am without his influence..#if he had just wanted something physical he should have said so to begin with#I'm a pretty understanding person. i know how people work and some people just want to fuck. that's fine.#but instead he made it sound as if he wanted to date me. and then didn't talk to me for over 3 months.#this cycle has been going on for almost a year now. i can't even begin to guess at how many years the stress of it has sheared from my life#so I'm ignoring him for now. perhaps in perpetuity. i haven't decided which will hurt less.
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soft pastels are funny cos they always send me into a creative frenzy whenever i use them from which i emerge an hour or more later with very colourful hands and a mediocre piece of art
#i just find them so so satisfying to blend#i was drawing jonmartin with new hozier lyrics#because what else am i supposed to be doing at the moment#and i decided to colour them in with my pastels and it was very fun#i’m not saying it looks good#but it was fun💀#no tbf the reason it doesn’t look great is because jon’s position’s just a bit stiff#frankly i impressed myself with martin’s position looking pretty good#two in one drawing would be too much to ask for at this stage#but i had no reference and my only properly good art i can make as of now is literally just copying pictures#well drawing a subject that i have in front of me#you get the point
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#so like I thought I was being presumptuous and blowing things out of proportion but after taking some tests#and conferring with friends I am starting to get the distinct impression that I might not be allistic#like certainly I might not be but the tests seemed legitimate enough and so much of my own experience with well life in general seems to#overlap with that of neurodivergent people who talk about theirs#I scored pretty high as well like high enough that statistically acording to the rsult explanations anyway nt don't score that high#but I mean it could always be that I am an outlier but on the other hand it would explain so much about myself#like on the one hand things I have struggled with might have led me to develop those behaviours but on the other it would make sense for#autism (or rather nt social systems vs my autism if there is) to be the reason I struggled to begin with#also like I would like to know but I don't think I necessarily want to get a formal diagnosis#like sure it would be nice to know but I don't know the potential repercussions and#as someone generally perceived as a woman misdiagnosis could very well be within the cards#like I do belong to various groups which are more statistically likely to be autistic but again I could just not be despite this#it still feels somewhat presumptuous to say I am because what if I'm just stereotyping but#it also feels irregular to dismiss the things that point towards it (and there is plenty that does) just on a lack of#professional diagnosis#anyway if anyone has any advice on this or has dealt with something similar and come to a conclusion I'd be happy to hear
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nobody should have to read and write abt papers it’s inhumane
#I have to talk abt this one paper and it seems like a fine paper#pretty well written and decent experimental design from first impressions (I gotta go Deeper into the method section bc they put a big one#at the end)#and it even seems to have a pretty well balanced argument that’s actually considering their problems (will report back on that one)#they seem cautious enough with what they’re saying anyway and the points are well phrased#but GOD. I need to turn that into actual writing and there are so many dumb little details I gotta think abt#bc they did some fancy complicated stuff and it’ll take a while to figure out#also writing is evil <3#I’m not made for academic writing I should be listening to music and thinking abt the little gay people who live inside my head#anyway yes this was actually helpful in gathering my thoughts on this paper. sometimes I’m good at manipulating myself#gonna go write things down now god help me#luke.txt#also adding I wanna draw SO bad. sosososososososo bad rn. it’s so unfair I haven’t been excited abt drawing in a while#and now I want to and I have too much to do >:(#it’s fine it’s fine I’ll write this dumb essay and then tonight. tonight I will try draw#murder for professor for setting this annoying essay#and keeping me from DRAW. cruel. evil. unspeakable torment.
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