#pretty cure week 2016

[lets-steal-an-archive]

And yes, the Trump campaign is pretty clearly committed to stealing the election by crying foul about voter fraud, declaring victory on election night, pretending that the slow process of counting all the votes is somehow illegitimate, and working with his co-conspirators in the GOP House to steal it away in some sort of post-election coup that Trump couldn’t help but teasing as a “little secret” of theirs.

Luckily, the Democrats seem to realize these things will assuredly happen and have said they’re ready to respond and push back immediately when they do. 

But things would be even better off for the Harris campaign, obviously, not just if she pulls out a clear win, but if she pulls out an overwhelming win. The larger the margin of the popular vote nationwide, the harder it will be for Trump’s lackeys to pretend the election was “stolen” from them. And the broader the electoral map is for her, the harder it will be for Trump’s lawyers to subvert the results. (When it all hinged on Florida in 2000, it was relatively easy to flip. When they had to reverse several states in 2020, it became impossible.)

So that brings us back to what you can do this weekend. And that’s do whatever you can to help get out the vote, to make sure the Democratic ticket runs up the numbers and not just wins, but wins convincingly. 

In general, check out the Harris-Walz campaign GOTV page which has a number of links for checking registrations, volunteering, canvassing and phone banking. Even if you can just do a day or an afternoon or an hour, that’s better than nothing, and I mean that in terms of helping the campaign but also channeling your nervous energy into something useful. 

[…]

Anyway, check out state and local resources. For instance, here’s a ballot curing operation in Pennsylvania that starts up [today]. And here’s another for Michigan that targets absentee ballots after the election. And North Carolina. This is an incredibly important role and one you can do from home. Look for places to help out here.

I keep thinking about how I felt the first week after the 2016 election, a bit dazed but mostly angry with myself for feeling I hadn’t done as much as I could have to keep a psychopath out of the presidency. I’m sure you felt something similar. Let’s do what we can to make sure we don’t go through that again, and a whole lot more.

Run through the tape.

Stop worrying about what might happen. Make the future you want actually happen.

[megpricephotography]

Feb 9th 2016

These were taken on Flynn’s first “big walk” after his operation in early Jan of 2016, to remove the abscessed kidney which had caused him so much pain & misery & very nearly cost him his life. 

Poor guy, he’d been suffering most of his life at this point - Flynn was about 2.5yrs old when he had the kidney removed & we believe the abscess developed when he was around 5 months old. He showed few physical symptoms until near the end but the first owners told me that was when Flynn’s behaviour switched from being a sweet,cuddly puppy to being terrified of even gentle touch & responding with pretty extreme aggression when “threatened”. 

I’d adopted Flynn in Feb of 2015, with no clue he was actually sick & spent months baffled by what was going on. Flynn was clearly capable of being a really affectionate, biddable, dog - he tried SO hard to work with me... but then something seemingly inconsequential would happen & Flynn would react with complete terror, flipping into wildly aggressive behaviour. I remember one instance, when Flynn came to sit beside me while I was reading a book. I moved my hand, just to turn the page but Flynn saw the movement, thought I was going to try to pat him & bit my hand repeatedly, before bolting to hide in his crate. The entire situation was heartbreaking & scary. I had no clue what was fair to Flynn, or physically safe for me to endure - how long do you keep trying, when do you say “this is too much”? 

Then, finally, finally, we convinced a specialist vet to properly investigate. When they told me they’d found an abscessed kidney, my emotions were all over the place - horror that he’d been suffering for so long & utter relief because here was an explanation for the behaviour & it was something we could, hopefully, fix. I vividly remember the day Flynn came back after surgery. He must’ve been in a lot of pain - it’s no joke having a kidney removed but Flynn was... happier, lighter, softer. I can hardly describe it but I knew then, we’d be OK.

Post-op recovery was... interesting... Flynn thought he was definitely, completely, 100% better pretty much from day 1 & he could not understand why he was restricted to leash walks for a couple of weeks! He was unbelievably happy when I finally took him up the hills again in February. I watched him run about & play & couldn’t quite believe we’d effectively been given a new start together. Already, Flynn’s behaviour had settled & improved.

The past 7 years haven’t all been easy, Flynn’s issues weren’t completely cured once the pain went away - it took time & work to help him overcome some pretty ingrained fears. We’ve had many setbacks but it’s 3 (4?) years since Flynn last bit me & these days, if I move my hand near him, Flynn doesn’t snarl, or flinch & cower - his eyes go soft & he wags his tail & gently sniffs my fingers for treats. There are days that still amazes me. The glimpses of a sweet nature, which I saw even during his worst weeks & months were the real Flynn... & I am so unbelievably glad we got another chance with him. 

These pics were the start of the rest of his life.  

[moonmagix24]

My Thoughts on the PreCure Leaks (Along with Some Hopes)

Okay, so earlier I posted a TikTok on my thoughts on the PreCure leaks but the TikTok was obviously a bit rushed and I couldn't put all of my thoughts in a cohesive way. So, here's a more comprehensive list of my thoughts and feelings about the Wonderful PreCure! leaks. These leaks are the ones that were recently confirmed to be real by some preorder listings on toy sites. I won't say who revealed them for their privacy but it's pretty easy to find who.

Also, Toei, please don't come for me. It's your faults for letting the initial leaks happen. However, I do wish that these leaks came closer to the season release because in a way that would up the hype. Though, I can imagine some hype still being there with waiting for the designs for the items and plot.

Spoilers below the cut!

So, normally, leaks of the designs and merch usually would come out multiple weeks after the trademark was made for the season. The trademark was made on November 29 (in EST) and the leaks started coming out on December 3 (in EST). That's only a few days which is insanely fast lol. For Hirogaru Sky, we started getting the actual design leaks in January which was over a month after the trademark was issued.

So I was super skeptical with these images because that's insanely early. That was until today when I saw a post sharing that there was indeed preorder listings for some merch that confirmed the names which by extension confirms the leaks. It's crazy because the leaks happened a month earlier than normal. Normally, there might be talks of what the season could involve and everyone is waiting with anticipation for majority of the month of December until eventually some silhouettes are seen. At this point in the "leak season," the most we'd get would be names for the Cures and some toy preorders.

I was insanely floored upon seeing thing and yes, the listings seem to be legit. Before we go on, please know that these are my opinions, it's okay if you disagree or agree. Just don't get aggressive, for the love of God. (I doubt anyone would get aggressive because the PreCure fandom is mostly chill like that but since I'm basically new to using Tumblr for PreCure and other fandom since the last time I used this site for posting about fandom was years ago on deactivated accounts)

Ok, onto actual thoughts now!

I really like Cure Nyammy's design, as well as Cure Friendy's. Cure Wonderful's design needs to grow on me a little more because something about it just feels off.

Cure Nyammy probably has my favorite design out of them all.

Cure Lillian looks like one of those bootleg designs for Cure Spicy. Y'know like the ones you'd see on a bootleg toy. Though, I think it honestly might just be the hair and overall silhouette. Her design is--unsurprisingly--better than Spicy's in some aspects.

When will Toei finally give us a proper green cure instead of the teal/turquoise greens? The last time we had any form of green cure was back in 2019 with Cure Milky (though I thought she was a blue cure at first because of how blue her color palette was). It appears that Lillian will be like Cure Milky in that she looks more like a blue than Green. However, her color is supposed to be green judging by two of the purses putting a green heart next to her. She looks incredibly blue, though, but that can be brushed off as the photo quality because the photos aren't the best qualities. Last time we got a proper green cure was back in 2016 which was almost 8 years ago. Please don't make Felice the last proper green cure. We deserve more than just a few proper green cures.

What the heck is "Friendy?" I'm praying to every higher power that it was just a typo like when they put "Cure Rhythem" instead of "Cure Rhythm" on the DX3 promo.

Nyammy is a cute name considering the origin of it being a common cat name in Japan. Think of it like naming her Cure Kitty or Cure Mimi. It also can be something like Cure Meowy.

Are we finally getting a white/silver haired PreCure after years?! I'm pretty sure that the last time we got a white or silver haired PreCure was Cure Moonlight which was almost 14 years ago. So, I'm pretty pumped about it.

I'm bummed that we're getting yet another compact for transformation. It's also the hundredth time we've had an item called [main part of season name] Pact... Though, it's good for collecting but I'd like for us to get another transformation watch or bracelet or they could do something original like with HUGtto's transformation device. The PreHeart was inventive because it sorta doubled as a phone and compact in design. (It also had a use outside of transforming or attacking)

A potentially unpopular opinion but I like Friendy's hair. I think she's the first time we've gotten a blond purple cure? And before someone says "Cure Finale is purple," let me point you to Toei stating that she's a gold cure.

Personally, I see both Wonderful and Friendy having sort of dog ear motifs with their hair? It's more obvious with Wonderful but I think the reason why both have some version of twintails or pigtails is to imitate dog ears.

It's pretty obvious that Nyammy and Lillian are supposed to represent cats.

It also appears that Toei is once again doing the team where there's two duos thing that Hirogaru Sky did. Not really a fan of it unless they can execute it well like they did for Hirogaru Sky.

Not a fan of yet another mirror pad. Hopefully they'll add some sort of fun twist to it such as it eventually doubling as a weapon.

Just a prediction but I think if there is a midseason, they'll be gold/yellow/orange. I'd like to see another duo like Amour and Ma Cherie, though... It would be really fun to have a yellow/gold/orange and red duo.

If there is a midseason, I hope that they aren't another dog or cat theme... Perhaps a fox theme?

Though, I don't really want a midseason because we have enough of them and it'd be nice to have a season like Smile or Splash Star in that regard.

At least the names are sorta fitting. Unlike Cure Spicy and Cure Earth. I'll never understand why they named the blue PreCure "Spicy" and I already explained the nonsense that is Cure Earth.

I kinda want the compacts to be used for their attacks. Not like Kira Kira A La Mode... Just they use them for their finishers like in HUGtto.

I think it'd be really funny if Cure Friendy was actually the lead cure but I doubt she will be LMAO

I am once again praying to every higher power that Toei does more with the theming of animals.

I just realized that this post is like an essay LMAO. I'm so sorry about infodumping about this but lately these leaks have been all I can think about and I had to get it out of my system. I am so sorry to whoever read this entire thing, all 5 paragraphs and 20 bullet points.

[drinksumtea-blog]

A Dreadful Week

By: Aravellah Cervantes

          Weak body. Redness of the skin. Vomit. Rashes. One of the many fever-related symptoms I never thought I'd encounter during high school. How would you imagine if you found out you only had a count of 44 platelets left in your body, but you survived? Every time the word 'dengue' appears, it takes me back to the past, still vivid in my mind. Dengue, the fever that made me dread whenever I stopped by the hospital and that I desired would never return.

          I recalled that it was July, and the weather was sunny with a mix of chilly air caused by recent rain. A typical day at school except for the afternoon, when a headache suddenly struck me. My mother initially thought it was just an ordinary headache that could be treated with rest and medication. After one day of observation, the headache remained constant, making me significantly weaker and tired, and my temperature remained at 38 °C, and Mom brought me to the hospital. The doctor initially suspected dengue because most patients handled at that time were suffering from the virus. Even the ward where I was confined had all dengue virus patients, with two teenagers in the intensive-care unit (ICU).

          According to the World Health Organization (WHO), Dengue is a viral infection transmitted to humans through the bite of infected mosquitoes. The primary vectors that transmit the disease are Aedes aegypti mosquitoes and, to a lesser extent, Ae. albopictus. Dengue commonly appears in tropical and subtropical climates, mostly in urban and semi-urban areas. Sometimes it is hard to believe how a tiny insect like a mosquito leeching off human blood could have a tremendous effect on the body.

          According to data from the governor's office, there were 9,392 annual dengue cases in the province of Iloilo in 2016. It was designated as the third year in the three-year cycle of the dengue upsurge. The doctor informed my mother that I only have 44 platelets in my body, which means that I'll be prone to bleeding, which could be fatal. Afterward, he advised me to refrain from brushing my teeth and to avoid foods with hues (such as brown and red) that may be mistaken for blood when I have my discharge. I'm still relieved that I did not have a blood transfusion, as this is something I never wanted to undergo.

          Several symptoms appeared during my stay, including headaches, rashes, muscle pain, and lethargy. To monitor me, the nurses had to draw blood every six hours. While fighting dengue, I also had a menstrual period and a potassium deficiency, which was undesirable. I've lost my appetite; the soft meal my mother buys for me, and even the hospital ration, aren't helping because I vomit between every bite. I depended primarily on the dextrose drip. My mother was very concerned about me; all I could do was lie in bed, hoping and praying that I would recover quickly. It was my first time experiencing that phenomenon, and maybe the fear and anxiety of thinking that I may be on the verge of life added to my burden. It was pretty frightening because, to this day, there is no cure, only prevention, and alternatives. The doctor advised that because a patient suffering from dengue fever would lose appetite and vomit frequently, especially when ingesting, it is best to drink plenty of fluids to prevent dehydration.

          I was stressed out every day during my stay, a depressing situation. I can see why some people despise staying much longer. In my case, I had to spend time in the hospital for around ten days due to some circumstances, but I surmounted them all. My body also underwent significant changes. When I finally returned home, it took me at least three days to regain my strength, particularly in my legs, which had been unable to walk due to muscle pain and discomfort impacted by dengue. According to WHO, "Recovery from infection is believed to provide lifelong immunity against that serotype. However, cross-immunity to the other serotypes after recovery is only partial and temporary. Subsequent infections (secondary infection) by other serotypes increase the risk of developing severe dengue" (Dengue and Severe Dengue, 2022). Although I had acquired antibodies from dengue, I am still prone to three more dengue viruses. The more times the virus appears in a person's body, the more dangerous its effect is on the body. Indeed, it was a tough battle.

          Dengue fever is still a significant health concern and a threat to humanity. It is globally widespread and appears as a disease outbreak in almost all tropical regions at reasonable times and locations. Getting dengue fever wasn't what I had hoped for during my first two months of high school, but it changed my life. It made me more aware of my surroundings and made me take extra care of my body because I never know what lies ahead. Dengue fever may be different for some people than it was for me, but it is a fever that I would avoid for the entirety of my life. It took a toll on my physical, emotional, and mental health. It gave me a new perspective and made me realize that this virus is no small matter, especially since there remains no cure.

______________________________________________________________

REFERENCES:

Balita Halin Sa Kapitolyo. (2022, March 3). Gov. Arthur Defensor Jr. issued Executive Order No. 190 placing the entire province of Iloilo under Alert Level 5 Kontra Dengue. https://www.facebook.com/100064830275341/posts/pfbid023CsR84X9K9QXxLXfQrZKXZd3rTb6AY4YNjnvvms7CRTgvXVJYiqPhENwZcSWMeQMl/?mibextid=cr9u03

Dengue and severe dengue. (2022, February 14). https://www.who.int/news-room/fact-sheets/detail/dengue-and-severe-dengue

[jacquelinemerritt]

Diamond is Unbreakable: Episode 10 Review

Originally posted June 7th, 2016

Poor animation brings down a clever subversion.

I tend not to bring up the formal elements present within the shows I review, primarily because there is very little to talk about beyond just stating that they “work,” since they usually do and I find talking about the narrative much more interesting. I bring this up because “Let’s Go Eat Some Italian Food” is an episode with a fascinating narrative that is unfortunately brought down significantly by its weak formal elements.

The prime formal element that brings this episode down is its stilted animation that pervades almost every single shot. Characters become completely motionless when another character is speaking or performing an action, and there is very little use of the techniques Diamond is Unbreakable has used in the past to keep their limited movement dynamic; instead of using split screens and character overlays, David Productions hold on simple ensemble shots, bringing attention to their limited movement rather than drawing our attention away from it.

The episode, as a result, feels particularly slow when compared to other episodes of this season, and the only thing carrying the energy of the story is the solid performance by Wataru Takagi, who shows just how wonderful Okuyasu’s experience at this restaurant is. The only shot in the entire episode that matches Takagi’s energy is the one where Okuyasu slurps up an entire plate of spaghetti in one smooth motion, and the strength of the animation in that shot leaves me wondering how much better the entire episode would be if given that same attention to detail.1

And that’s a damn shame, because “Italian Food” is one of my favorite stories in Jojo. At this point in the story, we’ve been so heavily primed by Araki to suspect any situation involving a potential Stand user to be dangerous, and he uses those expectations against us, slowly building to a reveal that Tonio meant no harm to anyone and genuinely just wanted to use his food to make Okuyasu feel better. It’s a clever subversion of the very expectations we’ve been trained to have over the course of the entire series, and it deserved better use of animation to tell that story.

Rating: 3/5

If you enjoyed this review, consider supporting me on Patreon.

Stray Observations

1I understand that David Productions has a limited budget, but honestly I would much rather that budget be spent on more frames of movement than watching them “perfectly” translate each character’s looks from the manga. As pretty as that attention to detail looks in a screenshot, it does not look good when it’s stiff and stilted.

Okuyasu and I definitely have crying over The Champ in common. That film is just so sad…

I wanna go to an Italian restaurant that cures all my ailments with gourmet food. Why is that not a thing?

I am very excited that next week we’ll get to see my favorite Jojo back in action.

This is my 100th post! I am very excited to have made it this far :) Here’s to 100 more!!!

[cruger2984]

The Pretty Cures and its Saints: Fresh Pretty Cure!

2009 is the year of something incredible things - from the Miracle on the Hudson, Obama's inauguration as the Commander-in-Chief, Alexander Rybak wins in Moscow, Greenland gains self-rule, to Rio de Janeiro won the right to host the 2016 Summer Olympics. And so, here are the Fresh Quartet with their birthdays corresponding with feast days that is honored and recognized by the Roman Catholic Church!

July 19 - Love Momozono (Cure Peach)

St. Bernold of Utrecht: 11th century bishop that shifted from the domain of the lay Lords in the churches and monasteries in his diocese, founded new churches and introduced Cluniac customs in the monasteries.

January 11 - Miki Aono (Cure Berry)

Pope St. Hyginus: 9th bishop of Rome who reigned for four years. Tradition holds that during his papacy he determined the various prerogatives of the clergy and defined the grades of the ecclesiastical hierarchy. He instituted godparents at baptism to assist the baptised during their Christian life, and also decreed that all churches be consecrated.

February 15 - Inori Yamabuki (Cure Pine)

St. Claude de La Colombière: 17th century French Jesuit priest who assisted St. Margaret Mary Alacoque in establishing the devotion to the Sacred Heart. He was her confessor, and his writings and testimony helped to validate her mystical visions and elevated the Sacred Heart as an important feature of Roman Catholic devotion. He was appointed court preacher to Mary of Modena, who had become duchess of York by marriage with the future King James II of England, and he took up his residence in St. James’s Palace in London. Falsely accused by a former protégé of complicity in Titus Oates's 'popish plot,' he was imprisoned for five weeks and, when released, was obliged to return to France, where he died an invalid under the care of Margaret Mary. Canonized by Pope St. John Paul II on the Feast of the Visitation in 1992, his major shrine can be found in Paray-le-Monial.

June 13 - Setsuna Higashi (Cure Passion)

St. Anthony of Padua: Franciscan Portuguese friar and priest who is noted by his contemporaries for his powerful preaching, expert knowledge of scripture, and undying love and devotion to the poor and the sick, he was one of the most quickly canonized saints in church history. Although he is known as the patron of lost items, his major shrine can be found in Padua, Italy. In January 1946, he is proclaimed a Doctor of the Church by Pope Pius XII, and is given the title of Doctor Evangelicus (Evangelical Doctor).

[dealgemeneverwarring]

De Algemene Verwarring #118 - 16 September 2024

Episode one hundred and aightteen of De Algemene Verwarring was broadcast on Monday, September 16, 2024, and you can listen to it by clicking on the link below that will take you directly to the Mixcloud page:

Pictured below is Nashville based punk band Snôôper. By the way what the hell is "egg punk" ? Can everyone just be normal and not start to corner punk bands into small categories? Jesus. Anyway, I called them "fitness punk" in the show. And since I'm having a terribly busy week here, I'll be very short. Go see this band live, they were pretty sensational last weekend at the Leffingeleuren festival. Actually they were the energy boost that made my weekend and that I needed to get started with this busy week. Which makes me think once again that seeing a good live show is always inspiring and gives you the much needed energy to get through the working week. Oh I also play a Cure track in the show and you know what? THEY ARE RELEASING THE NEW ALBUM. Now if that's not a reason to get completely pumped up, than what is? I am completely ready for a two hour double album full of long slow depressing songs OH YEAH.

Other music in the show: well read the playlist ok. I'm lazy. And you can actually find it beneath the photo. Enjoy!

Playlist

Rixe: Tir Groupé (7” “Tir Groupé” on La Vida Es Un Mus, 2024)

Snooper: Music For Spies (LP “Super Snooper” on Third Man Records, 2023)

Split System: Force Field (LP V/A “Born Bad Record Shop 25 Years Anniversary” on Born Bad, 2024)

A5: Spruch (7” “Erst Ausgabe” on Mad Butcher Classics, reissue 2023, originally released in 1980 on No Fun Records)

Oblivians: Let Him Try (7” “Strong Come On” on Crypt Records, repress 2013, originally released in 1996)

Swell Maps: Ammunition Train (LP “International Rescue” on Alive Records, 2016, reissue, compilation originally released in 1999)

The Wedding Present: Getting Nowhere Fast (LP “ George Best” on Cooking Vinyl & Vinyl Lovers, double lp reissue 2010, originally released in 1987)

The Cure: Forever (LP “BBC Sessions 1979-1985”, not on label , unofficial release, 2020)

Aroma Di Amore: Moeder Gaat Neer (12” “De Sfeer Van Grote Dagen” on Onderstroom Records, reissue 2022, originally released on Play It Again Sam in 1985)

The Prunes: Meet Dik… (LP “Lite Fantastik” on Baby Records, 1988)

Bound By Endogamy & Jupiter: La Tour Dieu (LP V/A “Born Bad Record Shop 25 Years Anniversary” on Born Bad, 2024)

Wiseblood: Prime Gonzola (LP “Dirtdish” on K.422, 1987)

Swans: Half Life (LP “Cop” on K.422, 1984) - RIP Roli Mosimann

Alastair Galbraith: Bakunin (LP “Lagash” on Nice Music, 2024)

Eftergift: Linjen Bryts (LP “Vatten Över Vatten” on Discreet Music, 2024)

Jack Rose: Tree In The Valley (LP “Luck In The Valley” on Thrill Jockey Records, 2010)

Roy Montgomery: Soundcheck (For Adrian Borland) (LP Island Of Lost Souls” on Grapefruit Records, 2021)

[arwainian]

Reading this week (final week of 2022!)

holiday week with Plenty of travel and variable reading habits. it pleases me a lot that the new year starts on a sunday just so like, the weeks will be all night like that when doing weekly recaps like this. i'm a few hours out from midnight where i'm writing this right now, but a happy new years to my friends and mutuals in earlier timezones who have already made it to 2023. here's hoping its a good one and i read many amazing things in the new year

Started and Finished:

Ruin of a Rake: A Cure by Cat Sebastian

in this year's collection of Holiday Epilogues from the author! Sebastian (re)releases a collection of epilogues/vignettes for her various books every year around this time, most of them previously published but still fun to read. out of the collection this was the one i felt interested the most in reading bc of it's cool premise: its not actually an epilogue, but instead a short story "written by" one of the heros of her romances, where he inserts himself and hs boyfriend as the main couple of a vampire story. WHAT a premise, and it was good. (also, i imagine its kinda mortifying for Courtenay to read that his Julian wrote his [Courtney's] pov for this)

recently published comics handed to me by my dad:

Nightwing (2016-) #99 Batman/Superman: World's Finest (2021-) #10

the comics my dad knows to pass along to me when he's finished with them. i am just loving World's Finest, but i found this recent issue pretty hard to follow visually (though there Was some super cool stuff like when Superman dragged Batman and Robin across Gotham mid-sentence)

Critical Role: Vox Machina Origins, Vol. III written by Jody Houser, illustrated by Olivia Samson & J.P. Massa

worked for me better than vol. 1 but not as good as 2, also getting this out of the library (on libby) was a crazy hassle bc there was something wrong with kindle downloading an individual issue from vol 2 instead of (literally any) of volume 3

a LOAD of Fire Emblem: Three Houses fanfic (all authors listed by ao3 handle):

a fool's dance by ohroses Summer by shenyun5000 Lament by grayimperia like a house on fire by acronymed my fellow passerine by Schistosity Moonrise by Schistosity halcyon days by 0shadow_panther0 The Red Pen by Pardra no archive warnings apply by rime

i have been Playing fire emblem three houses and that means diving into the ao3 tag a bit looking for the good shit. this is what i've read this past week (i'm almost certain there's stuff from previous weeks that i forgot to record) and i patently refuse to talk about every single on of them

Dragonsong by Anne McCaffrey

okay. i need to check out more McCaffrey sci fi/fantasy, this was great and gentle while still exciting and new. also an amazing read for a plane ride

She Who Became the Sun by Shelley Parker-Chan

believe the hype about this book and go read it. it's fantastic. i could gush about it forever. the GENDER DYNAMICS AT PLAY in this book. wow it feels so well thought out, and also Zhu is such a clever protagonist. at several points i started like... grinning in distress? like as "WOW that is such a clever plan from Zhu and also. horrific. what a move"

"Toward a Trans History of Abortion" by Jules Gill-Peterson on her substack

this has been sitting open in my phone internet browser tabs for a little bit and i'm so glad i got around to reading it today! Gill-Peterson seems like a great source for me looking into trans history research, and I loved her insight in this as something that she's beginning to look into for conenctions and history

almost right by unchosenone on ao3

reread this one bc i saw a post recommending based-in-comics-batfam-fic, and in all honestly my family is on the precipice of a bit of reckoning right now, so reading this felt... Apt

Started and Ongoing:

Teen Titans: The Silver Age Omnibus, Vol. 1

my dad got this Behemoth for himself this year and i am happily reaping the rewards of his splurge. i love the og 60s titans so much they are my CHILDREN. super goofy and cute and i look forward to reading more once i am back home and not travelling and thus able to sit down with this 800 page tome of comic (in... 1ish week)

The City of Brass by S. A. Chakraborty

another rec from my dad. i read the first chapter today and it's intriguing! i'll probably save reading more of it for flight heavy days coming up

AND THAT CLOSES OUT 2022 for reading! (barring if i read any more fanfic before going to sleep tonight and don't feel the urge to come and add it here) GOODNIGHT

[aftgficrec]

any new sickfics? old recommendations? fluff?

We got you, friend! Some of our favorites are in the previous recs, and there are some of the more recent sick fics as well as a few much older ones for that good old-fashioned hurt/comfort fun. -F

Foxes with headaches/sick fics here

Sick Andrew here

Nicky takes care of sick Aaron here

‘on quietness and the refuge found within it’ here

‘Those That Broke Us’ here’

‘Fake it ‘til you make it’ here

‘Home’ here

‘Pause and Restart my Heart’ series here

‘Wrecked’ here

‘your love is the cure’ here

‘Crash Course in Feelings’ here

‘Crash course in feelings…remix’ and ‘Hospitals and Anesthesia’ here

‘N for nebulous’ here (now complete)

‘Back to the Start’ here

‘Because our hearts are heavy burdens…’ here

Tummy Aches and Home Remedies by divadrab [Rated G, 1882 words, Complete 2021]

Andrew got food poisoning. Neil and Aaron take care of him.

(tw: vomit)

250% by keirarosexx [Not Rated (we say T), 1942 Words, Complete, 2020]

“Your eyes are very pretty,” Andrew continued, completely oblivious, “they’re like ice. But nice ice. And I love your hair too, it’s like a pumpkin. A dark pumpkin.” Neil glanced over his shoulder to see Kevin watching on, wide-eyed.

“Jesus, he’s definitely got a fever,” Kevin muttered, walking toward the bed.

Andrew comes down with the flu and Neil is there to look after him.

The case of the fever by Eli_Writes [Not Rated (we say T), 1961 words, Complete 2021]

Neil gets sick and doesn't know what to do with himself, Andrew is there to take care of him.

(tw: implied/referenced child abuse)

let all be quiet in your head by feuertatze [Rated M, 5894 words, Complete 2021]

"It had been a particularly shit day so far, even for Kevin Day’s standards."

Four times Kevin obsessed about soccer instead of facing his ghosts and one time he didn't need to.

(tw: panic attacks, tw: alcohol, tw: blood, tw: nightmares, tw: implied/referenced abuse)

Cough Syrup and Cuddles by 03Foxes10 [Rated G, 2666 words, Complete 2021]

Andrew never got sick, but suddenly he contracts a cold. After ignoring it for a week it develops into the Flu. Andrew battles the medication’s affects while Neil makes the situation run smoother.

(Basically Andrew’s sick and Neil is comforting him. Sort of)

i scared all my friends away by cybergore [Rated T, 3076 words, Complete 2021]

then he glanced up at kevin—handsome, talented, ridiculous, pompous kevin. the kevin who played video games with aaron whenever he asked, and made fun of aaron’s chronic bedheads by ruffling them up and making the whole mess worse.

fuck it. he was going to do this.

(tw: vomit, tw: alcohol, tw: internalized homophobia, tw: implied/referenced child abuse)

I Ain't the One by conniptionns [Rated T, 4784 Words, Complete, 2017]

After retiring from exy, Neil is faced with an illness and Andrew realizes that his life isn't worth wanting without Neil. When Ichirou comes to exact his final payment, how will the men respond?

(tw: blood, tw: fainting)

headcanons for what the foxes are like when sick by @toosicktoocare [Tumblr, 2017]

Do you have any headcanons for what the Foxes are like when they're sick?

Neil being sick prompt fill by @foxesbettingpool [Tumblr, 2016]

In which I hit Neil being sick and Andrew bonding with the cats

(tw: vomit)

[awsugar]

Are you still into fall out boy? I remember following your blog when you were big into them!

omg you've been here a lot time! i do still love fob. saw them for the 9th time over the summer at hella mega! i just don't post about them that much anymore. mostly bc i switched like overnight to being an mcr blog again at the beginning of 2016 but also like ALL of my fob mutuals are gone. i follow a couple fob blogs now that i met on a discord server and thats pretty much it, everyone left, deactivated, or possibly changed fandoms. so you won't see much fob on my blog except for maybe like once a week but yea i do still listen to them! i don't have pete derangement anymore tho i actually was cured of that.

[washymylifeaway]

KyouHaba Fanfic recs

Hiya! How much do I love KyouHaba? Yes. This is one of my favorite ships and one of my comfort ships <3 KyouHaba has got some amazing fics, so even if they aren’t really your thing, you should still read this :D Anyway, onto the recs!

As always, pls check WARNINGS, TAGS, and SUMMARIES for fics before reading (esp since KyouHaba usually deals with darker topics and not all of them tag/warn for it!) and make sure you’re taking care of yourselves (since mental health is key!) Stay healthy loves <3

CP:

Close to the Chest by darkmagicalgirl (T) 61.1k // THIS ONE man anyway I just love the progression of their relationship and the way this fic is written! The way we really go into who Yahaba is really what makes this fic great! Also there's some slightly ~angsty~ IWAOI so look out for that hehe.

Police Dog by surveycorpsjean (E) 34.9k // if you’re super against like any *furry* implications, pass this one LOL. But TBH I don’t like furries, but this one was pretty great (hence why it’s here LOL) and they make me laugh. Also I really like some of the head cannons for Kyoutani in this one and the writing style is super freakin’ good, so it’s definitely worth the read~~~ Pls CHECK TAGS AND WARNINGS cause there are a couple REAL spicy scenes in this one ;)

Team Mom by All_My_Characters_Are_Dead (T) 2.7k // so as I was going through this tag (because that’s what I do LOL), I remembered this fic and I love it. Like yes Yahaba is the fear factor and yes Kyoutani is the DAD. I really like the team dynamics in this one, and the first years make me laugh pls.

Camellias by kiyala (T) 1.9k // I love this fic and when I starting looking for this ship, it was the first one I thought of hehe. I really love magic and their interactions are so cute and the PLANTS ARE DOING THE MOST. Pls read both in the series, cause domestic KyouHaba is best KyouHaba ngl LOL. I love the plants, and if you read the second one, someone tell the trees to stop bullying Yahaba.

Sixth Time’s the Charm by tsumekakusu (T) 2k // ok THIS was SO FREAKING funny, please Yahaba how dumb can you get LOL. The number thing made me facepalm so hard, but the ending was cute and that’s all that matters, right?

Sleep by GangstaCrow (T) 5.5k // the plot twist…. omg…. I had to pause and take a moment of silence for the people suffering because of LL… Poor Kyoutani….. But this is a really funny but cute fic at the same time :D

a little bit funny, this feeling inside by postcanons (G) 5.4k // PLEASE THIS ONE omg crow matchmaker ftw. Like I said, I really love magic and this one is just so freaking funny. Also, very informational curtesy of one Kyoutani Kentarou.

meet me at the fucking pit (and let me hold your hand) by anyadisee (T) 5.4k // IF THE TITLE ISN’T MAKING YOU LAUGH ALREADY WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING????? (JK but am I really?) This was SO funny and it KILLED me,,, like all the conspiracies and how everyone was so seriously invested in it. Yes, CHAOS.

if not, winter by knightswatch (M) 54k // YES THIS FIC. THIS ONE RIGHT HERE. I love the development of their relationship,,, IT’S SO GOOD. Like when our boy Yahaba goes on that really friendly field trip and Kyoutani takes matters into his own hands? UGH YES. And when they visit? CUTE OMG. Yes this fic is it.

Isolated Parts by darkmagicalgirl (T) 3.3k // I love this fic cause old men KyouHaba are funny (fight those refs) and I love the nonlinear plot. It really adds another layer to the fic itself, and slowly unraveling the plot through the different years was SO IUAHFJF. I really loved it and piecing everything together :’)

Magicked by HoneyBeeez (T) 8.4k // CHECK TAGS, I love KyouHaba Hogwarts fics, and this one is SO good! We do love some slightly oblivious Yahaba and fake delinquent Kyoutani LOL. Though there is some violence and homophobia so if that puts you off, steer clear of this fic :)

stardust by InkCaviness (G) 1.4k // like I said, in love with KyouHaba and hogwarts fics, anyway,, this one was so short and sweet! It’s full of fluff, and honestly, if you like KyouHaba, read this entire series cause I really love these KyouHaba works :’)))))

New:

knightswatch // GREAT writer, but most of their KyouHaba works are explicit/mature, so be careful as you go through their works! My fav T one? all you have is your fire by knightswatch (T) 6.4k, but they’ve written some of the best KyouHaba I’ve read (they’re just mostly M)!

kiyala // another amazing writer and their works usually alternate between G and E LOL. But, all of their Gs are amazing, and rn my favorite was between Room To Grow by kiyala (G) 50k or Cost by kiyala (G) 1.1k cause it was either secret doggy relationship or magic LOL. But all of their fics are worth reading, and there’s a large variety of AUs!

snoqualmie // I love this writer, but they don’t have much KyouHaba (enough that I would put them here though LOL) My favorite? Mixed Signals by snoqualmie (T) 7.8k // it’s a really cute fic and I love the hc that Kyoutani has the good family! It has like a semi continuation (I think it’s in the same verse as it), but Jan. 6 features the sisters again! (Also yes for veggie fiend Kyoutani,)

tale as old as time by crossbelladonna (series) 30.2k // AHH this series is fully of such good KyouHaba fic!!!! I really love all of them but my favorite is through open doors by crossbelladonna (T) 4.3k // I love soulmate AUs and salty Yahaba is best Yahaba. Also at the end when the coffee incident happens, I love Kyoutani :’)

Words Not Spoken by Dogsocks (series) 51.5k // this is a continuous fic series (meaning all the fics are in the same verse and related to one another), but it’s so FREAKING good and I love reading it!!! It’s got some mentions of ABUSE, and things like that so please read the tags carefully!!!

kyouhaba week by InkCaviness (series) 6.7k // I loved KyouHaba week (all of them are just such AMAZING fics and tropes) and my favorite from this list was stardust by InkCaviness (G) 1.4k // I mentioned what I loved from it above, but it truly is a great fic :D

Kyouhaba Trash Week 2016 by HoneyBeeez (series) 28.9k // all three of these fics are SO good. I literally cannot choose a favorite because I loved all of them :’) Like no joke, just go read all of them because singing Kyoutani? Yes please. And also like the tattoo one was SO ajksdhfkjshdfjkln I LOVED IT AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON THE HOSPITAL ONE. I loved loved loved the ending, and her going to the school? UGH ADORABLE. These fics were some of my absolute favorite KyouHaba fics!

Venom and Vulnerability by darkmagicalgirl (E) 48.3k // OAAJKSFNKJ I LOVE THIS ONE YES. The concept? AMAZING. Execution? FLAWLESS. This is a GREAT fic and it’s done SO WELL,,,, I realllllly loved the plot in this and their teamwork is making the dream work! WARNING check the tags and warnings cause there’s smut, (non kinky) bondage, and death!

it's tradition. by hicsvntdracones (T) 5.5k // this fic made me want to die from second hand embarrassment. GOD, the awkwardness and really the way they went HARD on those dares PLEASE. If you don’t mind feeling embarrassed (and even if you do) go read this fic cause it’s V funny and the comedy factor cancels out the embarrassment LOL (does it? That’s what I’m tellin myself LOL).

An Equivalent Exchange by Chibs (E) 14.5k // PLEASE THIS WAS FUNNY,,,, like chill Kyoutani, Yahaba is trying his hardest okay? BUT NOT HARD ENOUGH anyway it’s a happy ending in the long run and no one dies :D how nice is that <3 (but the baby agenda? yessssir.)

The Wall Thing by rideahorse (M) 6.8k // THE TENSION :0,,, but I love how many fics go based on that one KyouHaba wall slam in the middle of the Karasuno match LOL. Also, I love the dynamics they have in this one and the way fighting ~is their communication~ Some smut is here so WARNING and they do something about the tension LOL obviously :))) Constantly curing KyouHaba is good, happy Kyouhaba.

Sixteen by surveycorpsjean (E) 13.4k // Yahaba is a basic btch and Kyoutani does football LOL. Honestly, I think that’s a pretty good summary (jk) but what’s a fic without some good tension ;) Also, cheerleader Yahaba lives in my brain rent free and I would like to propose it live in your head as well :D Aren’t I such a kind soul~

Safe in Your Hands by shions_heart (T) 8.9k // um soft KyouHaba? I think yes,,,, this also do be a common trope in the KyouHaba realm, but I’m not complaining,,,, it’s a good trope :) There IS ABUSE in this fic so big warning here! Check the tags and warnings! But the real mvp is the girl on the bus and points to Yahaba for playing spot the difference unintentionally.

The Sweetest Smile by FindingSchmomo (T) 6.6k // cake making! Yes! Bakery! Yes! It’s a great time and think about it, Kyoutani, our baby, working in a bakery making cakes? UGH my heart :’D Yes Oikawa is right, a cute grumpy puppy making flowers (CUTE VERY CUTE) and it doesn’t help that Kyoutani looks like a total bad boy in this fic too :DDDDDD

wear your love like it's made of hate by parenthetic (renaissance) (T) 3.3k // we are starting this off with the alt title totally worked and I would’ve read it either way LOL. Also, the ending was funny and thinking about why everyone was wearing it would’ve been so confusing to the other teams (also shout out to Yahabas line and Kyoutani calling his eyeliner a whore). But yes to random sexual tension, this is KyouHaba nation.

captain's orders by whitemiists (G) 3.7k // okay we love Watari in KyouHaba nation (surprised I haven’t talked about loving Watari yet but better now than never right?), but also Yahaba being messenger for Kyoutani (baby first years are ajhsajdfh). I love this trope and also I love rooftop lunch crew is yes :D

Running In Place by cleiioo (T) 33.3k // GUYS OMG THIS FIC. CAUTION ABUSE AND RUNNING AWAY AND BAD PARENTS SELF DEPRECATION I COULD GO ON BUT BOTTOM LINE IS BE CAREFUL READ TAGS! This fic is UGHHH YES. First, twenty questions make another appearance, and DUCKS. Yes, ducks. But this fic is just written really well, and honestly Kyoutani might be a tad bit ooc, but it’s okay, you don’t even notice. Distracted by the amazing writing :)

Something About Fate by patteh (T) 4.6k // SOULMATES! And then they were soulmates :D I love a good soulmate denial AU, and this is no exception. I loved Yahana’s backstory in this, and I think it set up a great framework for the plots progression! Also, the ending was really cute (and we all know, I’m a sucker for a cute ending :D)

toeing the line by masi (T) 2.7k // the mcDonalds cause WE’RE LOVING IT! But this was a fun read cause a. it goes pretty fast and b. communication exists? ANyway, I like the ending cause Yahaba is one smooooooth btch! It’s just a lot of banter (playful and not), and I’d read tags jic for this fic :)

bumblebee by shizuoh (T) 1.5k // he got sht on by a bumblebee. Points for creativity Yahaba, points. But this is just a fun, random AU where pepperoni on pizza is a universal aggrievance (esp the infused on cheese kind,,, I feel you Yahaba), we disown furries (for good reason), and you confront people staring at you! This IS a flirting 101 textbook. (also yes Yahaba, murder Mattsun!)

The art of fighting in heels by boxofwonder (T) 8.7k // yeah don’t question this fic. It’s like,,, you just kinda,,,, well,,,,,, I mean who doesn’t want to read about Iwa fighting in heels? Like you’re not thinking about magical guy Iwa? Maybe you should. (the way the summary has nothing to do with KyouHaba, I swear they’re a main component, but no thoughts just Iwa in sailor moon cosplay.)

yahaba vs. the miyagi captains by blessings (T) 3.7k // I love this hc and I wish there was more of it because Yahaba picking fights with everyone is fun and I like the chaos :D Like honestly, the creativity of some of the burns? Just amazing, it filled me with serotonin. I’m not kidding :0 But like, Kyoutani having to make sure that he doesn’t go overboard was askfkahf.

Love the One You Hold by shions_heart (T) 3k // f tough KyouHaba, I’m here for the soft, loving KyouHaba. Like mushy feelings KyouHaba, the kind which makes me feel singler than I already am single. Reassuring of feelings and ajsfdhla KyouHaba. The ending is KYAAA!!! Caution for implied bad parents!

a thousand and one roses by rorarot (T) 3.4k // I love florist Kyoutani and it’s honestly a crime I didn’t recommend more florist Kyoutani fics :( Points for the pun, Yahaba, points. Also, the progression of their relationship was YES, and this fic was SUPER cute :D

It Takes Two by Poteto (G) 24.1k // IT’S COHESIVE KYOUHABA WEEK! I really loved this fic and I enjoyed how they incorporated each prompt into each day! There is homophobia and running away so be careful when reading this fic, and check the tags!

So I Like Your Dog by helloyesIamtrash (G) 4.8k // FIRST, this is within a series of soulmate AU fics (all in the same verse) and SECOND, this was really good! I loved the way Yahaba’s family are a bunch of late bloomers and how YAHABA DIDN’T LET THE MF RUN AWAY. Yes communication, WE LOVE AND STAN.

but tonight i'll need you to stay by InkCaviness (G) 2.2k // the feels were strong with this one :’( Pushing my SOFT KyouHaba agenda. But I LOVE this one for the feels and also because they don’t dance around it. Just straight forward, random a confessions. It’s a great time. But also, I can’t believe he slipped LOL.

Down River Road by carafin (G) 4.4k // I love list fics, I think they’re great and I think I might just have a thing for lists in general (LOL). But also, I love the growth both of them undergo over time and the interactions with Oikawa in KyouHaba fics are always fun :)

I (Heart) You by darkmagicalgirl (T) 3.6k // I really like this fic. Like REALLY like/love. Maybe it’s the ending where Yahaba goes ham on that one guy. Or maybe it’s the magic. I think it’s just cause it’s written spectacularly. But no seriously, it’s a great fic and I really loved the AU :D

Five Times Kyoutani Failed to Say 'I love You' (And One Time He Didn't) by patteh (T) 3k // a 5+1! Yes! TBH I don’t understand the importance of saying ily to your significant others (maybe it’s just because I don’t understand romance very well LOL someone explain it to me), but if it’s important to them, IT’S IMPORTANT TO ME. Also, Kyoutani is dog agenda, full force ahead.

Baby steps (or 'Yahaba's guide to applying eyeliner on a grumpy puppy') by ghostsgf (G) 1.5k // more Yahaba and eyeliner fics! Of course :D If you can’t tell, KyouHaba nation and I really love Kyoutani + eyeliner, so yes. Eyeliner. But also, fractured arms and toilet adventures!

baby don't hurt me by orphan_account (M) 4k // LET ME BEGIN THIS WITH THE A/N AT THE END. YES I AGREEEE. Also SMUT alert but like nothing really happens? And again, while I don’t 100% get the ily thing, this one makes more sense to me and I can see why Yahaba got angry. We love crying boys though ahaha.

Retrograde by dreyars (T) 19.5k // AJFJLSFJLASD ANGST THE ANGST AND I- I love amnesia fics, they have such GREAT angst potential (which was totally used in this fic YES!) and UGH this fic. The feels you go through while reading this but ALSO THE ENDING! YES I LOVE. IN LOVE. THEY’RE IN LOVE YOUR HONOR.

restless by Crawlingthroughashes (T) 2.4k // PLEASE the petty Yahaba agenda is back and the way I ajfhdjkadshlf when he started his plan. BRB CRYING (of laughter ofc). Also the CONFRONTATION. Smooth Yahaba, oh so very mf smoooooth (very much so nailed it). Sugar high trick-or-treater in bunny slippers.

The Time Yahaba gained a boyfriend by sammysosa157 (T) 3.8k // PLEASE I saw the post for this fic and it was SO funny! I really loved this prompt, and the execution of it was done really well. Boo for weird food combinations, though ig if you’re in college and you’re broke, you gotta do what you gotta do :/

wanna give you a kiss by Slumber (T) 2.8k // kith give kithes muah muah (omg I’m so sorry you had to read that no regrets tho ahaha only shame). But this fic is SO cute and boyfriend chicken is fun :D Like the fluff in this fics is just so AJKKJAF and like Watari knows best.

Touch by tetskuroo (T) 2.4k // aihdjk PLEASE. This is SOFT! KYOUTANI! and non a hole but pushy! YAHABA! There is HUGGING cause WHY NOT! But the soft Kyoutani agenda is getting pushed hard today LOL. I mean the mans starts to turns the waters works ons. What more could you possibly need? (other than a cuddle session cause why tf not >:( and me to write normally LOL)

what the night does to the day by deathbyglamour (G) 9.9k // AHH HOGWARTS! I realized I forgot to add this fic to the Hogwarts list and I was so angry at myself. The potion version of our get along shirt :) I loved this fic and their relationship development was lovely :DDDD

Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought it back by Asimi_Shadowborn (T) 30.6k // I love magic AUs and this was ahdjsjjfjs. The trope was amazing, the execution was flawless, and the communication? Nearly nonexistent just how we like it :’) it’s a great read and you’ll regret nothing.

Baby, I bought a dragon by tetsuskitten (T) 1.1k // AJKSFHKJ WITCHES. I love them being witches/warlocks cause IT’S AN AMAZING TROPE DUH. But like the dragon made me laugh, the conman Kuroo is KJAFN. But yes, THERE’S ANOTHER FIC AND IT’S AJSHKJASF YES READ <33333 (why didn’t I just put it as a series, cause I forgot and then I got lazy, leave me be.)

Thorne-blessed by fish_wifey (T) 19.4k // (again, another that HAS ANOTHER FIC but then I was too lazy to transport it up to the series section deal with it.) But THIS YES. First tattoo artist Kyoutani is a sight to see. But also, Yahaba is baby. And like the ending of how it all got resolved was so satisfying and the conflict execution was really creative :D CAUTION FOR THIS ONE, some bullying and violence-ish!

what a wonderful kind of day by qingting (G) 1.2k // PLEASE. I love it when Kyoutani talks to animals, it fills me with joy. But also, ofc points to Yahaba for the new nickname, dog whisperer. Cute and I like it more than Mad Dog chan. Also, Kyoutani’s thoughts on Yahaba were funny and are worth the read LOL. I like pats too, Shiromaru.

what becomes of broken hearts by plumtrees (T) 8.1k // OOOOF some angst right here. Like I’m in paiiiiiiin. But you should read it so we can be in pain together :’D Like the way we had to witness the falling out AND the break up to be happy again. UGH. Just don’t think too much and jump in.

we both know what we know by Slumber (E) 4.7k // UHH EXPLICIT FOR A REASON LIKE WITHIN THE FIRST SECTION I THINK BUT THEN IT CONTINUES AHHAHA. But also, riling Kyoutani up and just teasing him in general? Fun times (at least Yahaba thinks so LOL). But like also, random thought but the comments on the (fake) IwaOi divorce made me laugh LOL.

new constellations by thealmostviki (G) 4.3k // reincarnation AU, but it’s like non linearish! It’s really good and the writing is very eloquent :D I really loved this fic and the ending was UGH adorable! I love references and the way they still feel things in the next lives :’) Milk and honey guys, milk and HONEY.

FINALLY DONE. WHEW. I hope you all enjoyed these fics, and ik my commentary got/was super bad but pls just pretend like you’re not seeing it. I swear once upon a time it was informational but now it’s just me writing random sht down LOL. Again, I love KyouHaba so this honestly was a lot of fun to make (even if I kept complaining about it) and I ended up not splitting the list hence why it’s so long! I hope I made all of you into KyouHaba lovers cause it’s one of my favorite ships :D

[liskantope]

After a couple of months or so of soul-searching, I've decided to seek help on something that a lot of people out there in Tumblr land might be able to weigh in on. (Not just another hopelessly complaining post, I promise.)

Several times lately on this blog I've brought up this thing (closely related discussion here) about never being able to complete professional tasks in anywhere near as efficient a manner as I feel I "should" or I see professionally successful people doing. While a certain sort of slowness at certain tasks has plagued me my entire life, it's only since the start of 2020 that this has come to a head. The reason for this makes sense in the context of the timeline of my professional life. My first postdoc (which lasted a long time) had no teaching requirements and in the end I managed to get substantial research done (fast enough in "better" months to sort of make up for my inactivity in "worse" months and the entire year of 2016). When I took up my current job in fall of 2019, after an unusually productive early 2019, I fully let myself off the hook research-wise so that I could wig out the entire fall over teaching three courses at a new university while trying to settle myself in a brand new city (literally the busiest period of my adult life*). But 2020, right from the start, was a semi-disaster for me in terms of research despite a lighter teaching assignment in both fall and spring, no teaching in the summer, and forced isolation in a quiet, drama-free apartment alone with no social involvement in anything to distract me. Somehow having a job that requires substantial amounts of teaching, at a quality higher than what I held myself up to in grad school (which felt more like following orders anyway), has set me Perpetually Behind.

Where I feel my life is now is that my career hopes are hanging by a thread (a lot depends on this summer going better than last summer did), while my personal life feels almost entirely hopeless. Actually I should be happy that I and many of the people around me are getting vaccinated now (first shot down, one to go!) and can look forward to social things beginning to revert back to normal in the summer. But as long as my persistent state of Being Hopelessly Behind on research continues, I might have trouble finding time for the (unfortunately rather daunting) task of building a social life from pretty much nothing.

So I'm coming to feel that the only thing I can grab onto at the moment for hope that I can turn just about everything in my life around is to somehow deal with this executive problem. And that since my recognizing it as a chief personal issue for more than the past year still hasn't resulted in me finding a way to cure it, I suppose it's about time to take off the high-agency goggles and put on the low-agency ones. Ironically, sometimes this is necessary for getting up and actually doing something about one's problems.

For Reasons that I have trouble understanding myself and would take a much longer post than this to examine out loud, I've stubbornly refused to ever really confront the neurological issues I've had since early childhood, to the point of pretty much never even discussing them on Tumblr, home of pretty close to the most open-about-neurological-issues subculture that exists on the internet. So I don't think I've said much about being aware I have ADD (as it would have been called when I was getting examined for it in childhood) or ADHD, although I may have mentioned it in passing. I've never bothered to actually research this cluster of conditions or to ask my parents for details of my diagnosis as a kid (although the latter is partly because this diagnosis happened in the mid-90's and I've always assumed this whole area of science has been practically revamped since then). But -- and I don't know why this took me so long -- I came to the realization some weeks ago (and not until after writing the above-linked posts!) that maybe this is the crux of my current issues. This came specifically from pondering how other mathematicians I've closely worked with on research or studies don't actually seem any faster than I am when I'm focused on figuring something out over a several-minute period, but that somehow most of them magically get both research and teaching work done at a far faster pace than I do, and that I constantly space out when trying to focus on just about anything (I think often without realizing how many times I'm spacing out almost like little microsleeps). Well, that plus about a dozen other issues I've been consciously aware of for years, relating to my ability to pay attention to shows/films, listen when someone is talking to me in a monologue, etc. There is pretty much no doubt in my mind that I have some clinical level of something in the ADHD cluster (the attention deficit part, not the hyperactivity part and definitely not the impulsiveness part) as an adult.

So now I'm steeling myself to seek out a diagnosis for this and see if there's hope of some kind of treatment, and I'm finding the prospect rather daunting at the moment. But I'm telling myself to investigate this as if my career (and general prospects at happiness) depends on it, because I have a feeling maybe at this point it does.

What really daunts me the most -- once I figure out the logistics of getting a psychiatry/neurology appointment and if/how this would work with my insurance -- is researching and weighing the risks of medication. I've never taken medication for any kind of brain thing before (unlike, I imagine, a lot of Tumblr); my parents were always somewhat against it and decided against putting me on anything as a child (I don't know if it was Ritalin they were suggesting or something else?) mainly on the grounds that side effects would be scary and I seemed to be doing well in school anyway; I went through all of K-12, college, grad school, etc. without any kind of accommodations. Now my parents seem to like the idea of me trying something but they seem to assume that the options are different now 25 years later, and that surely there are better substances available without the risk of terrible side effects. Now that I'm finally bringing myself to Google this stuff, I'm finding no evidence to back up their optimism, though -- it seems that the main medical solution is still Ritalin which is still pretty heavy-duty, side-effect-heavy stuff that could permanently change my brain or maybe even my personality.

Anyway, I imagine this as more like a two-paragraph post, and I've gone on pretty long about it, I guess at this point I'm curious if anyone here has some advice they could lend from direct experience or at least better knowledge in these matters than I have, especially about the diagnosis process and even more especially about medication options. (I assume there is no widespread "cure" for life-affecting inattention issues through a therapy program or anything else other than a substance... so gaah.)

*But, case in point, I have a friend who had essentially my exact job in my department prior to my arrival, and she managed to do it alongside a completely separate second full-time job (I mean, I doubt she had to deal with things like furnishing a new home alone at the time, but still). This is what I mean about some people seeming to be capable by a whole-number factor of doing more things than others.

[echidnapower]

EP’s FanFiction Master Post

So this is something I should have done a long time ago on my previous account, but better late than never. For those of you who find me, this is going to be a place where you can find all the fics I’ve written over the years. This will be added to over time as I fight to revive my muse.

It’ll be categorized by fandom, so you can quickly find what you do or don’t want to read. Here we go.

Pokemon

A Valentines Dream Come True -  It's Valentines Day, and a certain redheaded Gym Leader is finally getting to enjoy it with the boyfriend of her dreams. During their time together, they get into a little discussion about dreams, and Ash doesn't wanna tell her his! So to get him to spill, she tells him her dreams...when she finally learns Ash's dream...will both their dreams come true? - Based on a drawing from @miyatoriaka​, which can be found HERE.

AAML: Diamond and Pearl Version -  Follow me as I remake the DP episodes in order and in sequence, all so I can add the biggest star besides Ash himself. Misty! Watch her and Ash's love grow as they go on their journey. The absolute LONGEST story in my portfolio, and you will see my writing evolve the longer you go on. Be prepared for a massive read that even now is STILL going.

All I Want For Christmas Is You -  It's Christmas time and the Ketchum household is hosting a party with all of Ash's friends. But while Ash and Misty dance around their feelings for each other, another Sensational Sister is about to find herself in a situation she never could have expected, but she'll be darned if she lets it slip through her manicured fingers. (Spinoff of @hollylu-ships-it​‘s "A Christmas in Kanto" comic which can be found HERE.

Best Friend -  "Why? Why did I have to be so stupid as to make the mistake of falling in love with my best friend?" - Story told in Misty’s POV.

Blessings From Heaven -  I'm Ash Ketchum, and I'm getting married today! But how did this come to be? Through God's devine planning is how. Here's my story: I'm marrying Misty. - Warning for religious themes, told in Ash’s POV.

I Miss You -  Misty misses Ash terribly, and it's affecting her emotionally as she's more irritable than usual, if that was even possible. But Daisy has a plan to get Ash to come and see Misty again. Will her plan have the desired effect? Or will it cause something she never could've seen coming? - Based on a trio of drawings from the long lost Simply-Nicole. The old art can be found on my dA page HERE, HERE, and HERE.

I’m Misty, and You Are? -  Misty tells the story we all know and love...literally. She's telling the story. Based on artwork from the long lost Simply-Nicole, which can be found on my old dA page HERE.

Keep The Faith - This time it's May and Drew getting married, and it takes place in the "Blessings From Heaven" universe. Warning for religious themes.

Looks -  It's Ash's birthday and all of his friends have gathered together in the woods to reminisce on the time they spent traveling with their favorite Pokemon Trainer. But something's about to happen that could change the way that Ash and Misty look at each other forever…the question is, is it for the better?

Lovesick -  Kenny is feeling strange...he feels like he's sick...but is he really ill? Or is he just lovesick?

Madam Zara -  When Misty decides to get experimental with her appearance, she finds herself in the hands of a world-famous beautician named Madam Zara. With most of Misty's makeovers ending less than ideally, will this be the one to shatter the mold? And how will Ash react? - Based on a drawing and idea from @hollylu-ships-it​ which can be found HERE.

Our Own Sunset -  Ash and Misty watch the sunset together, but Misty's bothered by it. - Set in the AAML: Diamond and Pearl version universe.

Pokeshipping Week 2015 - My first time participating in Pokeshipping Week ever, hard to believe it was five years ago.

Pokeshipping Week 2016 - This year of Pokeshipping saw me collab with @hollylu-ships-it​, you can see the art she put together on her Tumblr page.

Symptoms of Love -  Ash and Tracey are hit by a Vileplume's Stun Spore, and Misty has to fend for herself in order to find a cure. But once she gets Ash back to health, Ash still feels many of the same symptoms from before. Why is that?

Tell Me I’m Pretty -  It isn't easy being the youngest sister, especially when your oldest sister is getting married and you're the only one without a date for the once in a lifetime event. Misty can't help but feel like she doesn't measure up somehow, but a surprise visit from her closest friend is sure to make her feel pretty once more. - Inspired by THIS piece from @hollylu-ships-it​.

The Road Not Taken -  When Ash gets some bad news from home, he goes into a depression and starts doubting both himself and the choices he's made. But luckily, someone is there with him to remind him he's loved and cared about. - Based on yet another drawing from @hollylu-ships-it​. Look at it HERE.

Warmth -  It's New Years Eve, and the recently married Ash and Misty Ketchum are ready to host their first ever holiday party at their home together, but when a snowstorm makes it so no one can arrive safely, Misty is saddened. But will they really end up spending their New Years Eve alone? Or will surprise visitors warm their hearts?

Super Robot Monkey Team Hyperforce Go

Iron Girl -  A robot girl who hates the fact she's a robot...will she realize just how important she is or will she continue to simply wallow in self-pity?

War Between the Living and the Dead -  The war between the living and the dead has begun, and the Hyperforce has to go up against their biggest challenge yet. But with help from their allies across the galaxy, they can triumph! Or can they? This is my take on what Season 5 would've been, plugging plotholes and making sense out of a series that left us all hanging.

Buzz Lightyear of Star Command

Reflections of a Legend -  Buzz Lightyear Personal Log - Stardate 92893.81. I don't quite know how to explain this, or what I'm feeling, so I guess I'll just start talking and tell you what's on my mind. There's someone I just can't get out of my head, and truthfully, I'm not sure I want to. - This is a first-person dive into Buzz’s character.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Kim Possible

Angels Watching Over Me -  Kim and Ron are going down a dark path that could eventually end in their own destruction...literally, not figuratively. When the Sloth dangles over a cliff that holds their fate in the balance, who will come in their time of need? How about...someone they never could have dreamed? - Based on a true story, warning for religious themes.

Busted -  Hana wants cookie, Hana tries to get cookie, Hana gets caught trying to get cookie.

The Running Back -  All-star Running back Ron Stoppable is about to face the biggest challenge of his life. He's got just a few seconds to win the championship for the Middleton Mad Dogs, but more importantly to him, he's got just a few seconds to make his girlfriend proud.

The True Meaning -  Both Ron and Kim are well aware of the true meaning of Christmas, and that's why they're volunteering at a church's Bethlehem Revisited event to spread the word. Kim's happy to help and all, but...why is Ron calling her such a weird name? - Warning for religious themes.

Trick or Treat -  Kim is pulling a trick on Ron, will it be a great treat, or is he about to suffer the wrath of Kim Possible? He has no clue, yet.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Fillmore!

A Promising Tomorrow -  Takes place immediately after the end of the episode "A Forgotten Yesterday." Fillmore's lost two of his old friends now and needless to say, he's tired of losing people to the darkness he was lucky enough to escape from. Luckily, Ingrid's there to show him that his efforts to rehabilitate his delinquent friends haven't exactly gone to waste. There's one person who's benefited.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Miraculous Ladybug

You’re Loved -  Adrien Agreste, Chat Noir, different identities but more alike than he would like to admit. No matter who he becomes at any given time, there's always something very important missing in his life. Will he ever find what he's looking for? Or is it possible he's always had it and never realized it?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Beyblade

We Are One -  Kai gave it his all battling against Brooklyn and his bit-beast Zeus. Now, after his close brush with death, Kai must summon the strength to go and support Tyson before disaster strikes the world. But there's no way he's strong enough to do it on his own...but thankfully, he won't have to, which is what Kai is about to learn. Sister story to "I Can't Lose You."

I Can’t Lose You -  A week after Tyson's battle against the evil bit-beast Zeus and his trapped blader Brooklyn, the world is slowly making its way back to normal. Kai managed to survive and is recovering in the hospital, and Tyson is getting some much-deserved rest. But when Kenny comes to tell Tyson that Hilary has quit the team, he loses it, and goes to find out why. My first Beyblade story.

Save a Dance For Me -  With the all new BBA launching with a gala to celebrate the occasion, Tyson finds himself in the uncomfortable position of needing to ask someone to be his date. He has someone in mind, but will his greatest beyblading rival get in his way and turn out to be his greatest rival in love?

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Teen Titans

Healing Touch -  With several Titans pairing up, the lingering emotions are taking a toll on Raven's empathic senses and causing her to lose control of her own feelings. When she gives in and does something completely crazy, it's up to Beast Boy to pull her out of a dark place and bring her back to the light. - There is accompanying artwork from @hollylu-ships-it HERE and HERE.

More Than a Hero -  I've learned a lot of lessons under Batman, he taught me everything I would ever need to know about being a superhero, about being Robin...but Starfire taught me how to be Dick Grayson, and she taught me how to fly. - Story from Robin’s POV, accompanying artwork from @hollylu-ships-it​ is HERE.

Robin Rising -  Life is good for Dick Grayson, he's the leader of a team of superheroes he's blessed enough to call his family, and he's about to turn 18 which he figures will open up a whole new world of possibilities for him. But when his old mentor and "father" calls in, showing that he captured a criminal that had eluded the Titans forever, things get flipped upside-down. - Multichapter fic which is part of a much larger universe, plenty of accompanying artwork can be found over on @hollylu-ships-it​‘s account. Go give her a follow and fav.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Sonic the Hedgehog

A Light in Darkness -  A small band of heroes go back in time to try and prevent a cataclysmic event that would eventually destroy all of creation as they knew it. But what is the nature of this threat? How dangerous is it? And how far will they have to go in order to stop it from viciously destroying all they hold dear? Features a deep cast of Sonic characters, and a very special OC owned by @e-vay​

Anonymous -  For Shadow the Hedgehog, Christmas doesn't mean what it means to his friends and the rest of the world. Instead, he has a self-appointed mission he needs to carry out. But this year, he may find something that he's never really had before, and it could change the way Shadow sees Christmas for the rest of his life.

Christmas Wishes -  For ten years, Amy Rose has only wanted one thing for Christmas, and she's finally come to accept the reality that she'll never receive it. But a conversation with Rouge rekindles her hope and her Christmas spirit. Will she be let down again? Or will her one wish finally come true this year? Read to find out. (Sister story to my other story titled "Anonymous")

Comfort In the Storm -  When a thunderstorm strikes and leaves Cream quivering in fright, it's up to Tails to find a way to alleviate his crush's fears, and maybe even give her a reason to enjoy thunderstorms instead of fearing them.

Cream Adventure DX: Author’s Cut -  A redo of an old story. Cream finds a strange statue in the meadow, and she knows just who to go to to figure out what it is, but she gets more than she bargained for when she goes looking for him. What happens?

Dreams of an Absolution - Silver lays awake at night and reflects on his life in this apocalyptic world Iblis has destroyed...but most of his reflections revolve around a certain fire girl with lavender fur. He wants to be happy with her, but a warzone is a bad place to kindle love, and so every night he lays awake, and dreams of an absolution.

Relations -  Knuckles has a problem. He's in love...but...that presents a very unique problem...or does it?

Running to the Point of No Return -  Sonic is the fastest thing alive, and Amy is told that that's the biggest obstacle keeping her and Sonic away from each other. But what's she supposed to do to keep up with him, when there's NO ONE fast enough to keep up with him?

Scars -  Some things that happen in life leave scars behind that go with us for the rest of our lives. For Miles "Tails" Prower, such a thing happened to him in the depths of space many years ago...the loss of his first true love...though the pain weakens and the scars fade, they never go away completely, and Tails has learned to live with and embrace that fact.

Seven Rings and Five Fingers In Hand -  A redo of the final battle in Sonic and the Secret Rings, Sonamy style!

The Heart of Chao - Chao are adorable little creatures, and they make great pets for anyone who's looking for something to take care of. But there's more to chao than just being cute, they're filled with more heart and love than anyone can imagine, and that can sometimes lead to bringing others closer together. Here are just a few stories of that very thing happening to our favorite characters.

Trapped In This Machine -  Sonic has seemingly fallen madly in love with Amy, but is this sudden romance truly sincere, or is it only skin deep, hiding something sinister underneath? - Inspired by a drawing from @e-vay​, found HERE.

[drprettyboyspence]

Memory Lane

Dr. Spencer Reid/reader

Summary: Reader just can't seem to get to sleep one night so she decides to walk around the house she shares with her boyfriend, Spencer Reid. As she travels around the house she remembers significant moments in their relationship.

words: 2.9k

warnings: season 12 spoilers, mentioning of mental illness, nothing else to my knowledge! (just a lot of fluff) 

a/n: This is my first Spencer Reid fic and I kinda went off the rails with the word count, let me know if you enjoy it :)

I turn myself over in bed for what feels like the four hundredth time this hour, facing the ceiling now. I can hear the rustling of leaves outside and the distant sirens of the city, remembering how those sounds used to bring me some sort of comfort as a child, now all I can think of is the death and tragedy being an FBI profiler has brought me into contact with, the horrors at the end of the trail of sirens. Mostly noticeably though, I hear the steady breathing of the man lying next to me in the king bed, glancing over at my boyfriend of almost 4 years I smile warmly, his unruly hair draped over the pillow, glad to see him in deep sleep. Recently he hasn’t been sleeping well, suffering from PTSD from his time spent in prison as well as all the trauma the poor man has been through in the last 10 years of his life. I quietly get out of bed, making sure not to bother him, he deserves a good nights sleep and we have to be at the BAU in a depressingly minuscule amount of hours. My feet hit the cold wooden floors and I wonder for the uncountable time “Why did we decide on wooden floors?” A memory of an argument with Spencer answers my question,  

“Because silly, don’t you know that carpets can hold up to 200,000 bacteria per square inch, this room is 100 square feet, 144 square inches per square foot, that is 28,800,000 bacteria in our bedroom alone.” I remember shaking my head at him, he’s always been such a germaphobe. In fact, when we first met, he shook my hand, and later when I confided in JJ and Penelope that I had pretty intense feelings for the resident genius of the BAU, they mentioned that he usually hates shaking hands, is known for refusing to shake the hands of many people the team comes into contact with on cases. He shook my hand right away, it’s one of the things I love about him and we always say we knew right away that we had a special connection. I glance at Spencer’s sleeping frame one more time before leaving the bedroom and making my way down the hallway. There are pictures there, pictures of me and Spence, him and his mom, pictures of the team at work, Spencer won’t admit it often, but he wakes up every morning scared that he won’t remember those he loves, his mother’s dementia and schizophrenia have impacted him greatly. I stop in front of a picture of me and Spence, it’s the first picture we ever took together, Halloween almost 5 years ago now, at the FBI Halloween party.

October 2015

“Come on Y/n! How can you not love Halloween!”

“Spencer, what’s so great about Halloween!” I had asked laughing while filling up a plastic cup with punch. The party is fun, but all this dressing up just seems silly to me sometimes.

“It’s a uniquely American holiday! I mean, despite its obvious origins in the Celtic festival of Samhain and the Christian All Saints’ Day, it really is a melting pot of various immigrants’ traditions and beliefs. It became a little more commercialized in the 1950s with trick-or-treat, and today it rivals only Christmas in terms of popularity!” I catch JJ’s eyes from across the room, she gives me a sympathetic look as I’m stuck in another of Reid’s constant statistics rants. Frankly, I don’t understand how the rest of the team can cut Reid off when he’s like this. He’s so genuinely excited by this holiday it makes my budding feelings for the man standing in front of me even stronger.

“Aw you guys look so cute! Say cheese!” the always-hyper voice of Penelope Garcia shouts from across the bullpen, snapping a quick picture of me and Spence before running after Derek. I glance down at my phone and see a text from Penelope “It doesn’t take a profiler to realize how gone you are for him Y/n” I blush profusely before continuing my conversation with Spencer.

Present day

Tearing my eyes away from that specific picture, I continue walking to the end of the hallway, painfully aware that the floorboards are squeaking with my every step, hoping Spencer’s just-finished-a-case level of exhaustion will prevent him from waking up. I pass the threshold into the kitchen and see the dim light of the clock over the stove, the red 2:15 blinking back at me through my tired eyes, I just can’t seem to get to sleep tonight, I’m sure Spencer would say something like

“Chronic insomnia is usually tied to an underlying mental or physical issue. Anxiety, stress, and depression are some of the most common causes of chronic insomnia but even if you do not suffer from chronic insomnia, 35% of Americans report their sleep quality as poor or only fair.” Dating a living encyclopedia definitely has its perks I suppose. I walk towards the fridge and glance at the refrigerator, my eyes traveling to a postcard held up by a doctor who magnet. Houston, Texas the postcard reads.

February 2017

Me and Spencer had been dating for less than 6 months but as we had known each other for over a year I was falling head over heels in love with him. The last few months hadn’t been easy, Spencer learned that his mother had been diagnosed with dementia and not a day had gone by where he didn’t try and find a cure, he had been traveling to Houston,Texas to talk with his mother’s doctor, he then brought her to live with him in Virginia, it had been difficult to say the least. My fingers traced the edges of the postcard I had received in the mail this morning, then flipped it over and saw Spencer’s familiar scraggly handwriting, it read

Dear Y/n,

I was able to speak with my mother’s doctors today, I feel as though there must be more I can be doing, she seems to be responding to the medicines but I am looking into new methods of treating the disease. I miss you so much Y/n, and I miss the rest of the team as well, tell them I will be back as soon as I can, I hate the thought of you putting yourself in danger on cases without me there, not because I doubt your ability to protect yourself, but because I doubt my ability to handle being 1,402 miles away from you. Please do not worry about me, if you’re anxiously awaiting my return, stop looking at the clock because remember, when looking at a clock our brains anticipate what we’ll see faster than we actually see it, so the clock seems to stop, Ill be back before you know it Y/n.

With all my love, Spencer Reid.

I giggle quietly at the added facts, only Spencer would describe the phenomenon of a clock appearing stopped when glanced out. I’m concerned about Spencer though, I’m not sure what is going on, but there is definitely something not right with him and if I didn’t trust him so much I would consider asking Garcia to do a background check to check the legitimacy of his travels to Houston.

Present Day

This postcard is extremely bittersweet, the next week we were all rushing to Mexico, responding to a call that Spencer was in jail, I was a nervous wreck, we all were, it was an extremely rough 6 months, truly showing me how strong the man I love is. I push some of those harsh memories out of my brain, choosing to focus on the happy memories if I ever want to fall asleep tonight. There’s a coffee machine next to the fridge, if there’s one thing Spencer loves more than me, its coffee, or rather coffee flavored sugar with the amount of sweetener he puts in his cup every day. Spencer smells like coffee, almost always, he struggles to sleep most nights and therefore is always hyped up on caffeine. It's actually played a huge role in our relationship.

August 2016

Dr. Spencer Reid and I are walking to the BAU together as we do every single day, we live close to each other, close enough that he walks about 5 minutes before arriving at my house, we then walk to the coffee shop on the way to the train station. We’re best friends, but I’ve been secretly in love with him for months. Walking into Quantico, we get the daily glances from Penelope, Derek, and JJ who are sitting together looking at pictures of Henry. Penelope always teases me that we’re both so in love with each other that everyone can see it but us, it’s ironic actually. As much as I don’t believe Pen, I have been noticing small changes in Spence’s behavior the last couple months, prompting me to, in the deepest corners of my mind, hope that maybe he feels the same way, our friendship is worth too much to risk him not feeling the same way though, so I’m forever stuck. We aren’t on a case right now, so there’s a lot of paperwork to be done, at one point during the day I get up, asking Spence if he wants another cup of coffee before walking to the break room. I return after a brief 5 minutes and am surprised to see Derek sitting in my seat, arguing with Spencer.

“Come on Pretty boy! We both know you’re in love with her! Just ask her out man, she’ll say yes!”

“Morgan, quiet down, she’ll be back any minute, besides I’m 35 and Y/n is 32, I’m not saying there would even be a chance that we would get married but the marriage success rate in the United States is only 50%, the worst it has ever been, that therefore shows the state of relationships in the country as well, I don’t want to ruin our friendship, I could never lose her. Besides, I’ve never been good with women.”

“But that’s the thing pretty boy, you don’t have to be good with women, you’re already good with Y/n, she’s the one who matters, just ask her out man, you’ll regret it if you don’t.” With that Morgan walks away and I take a deep breath, its now or never, walking over to Spencer and setting down the cup, whispering in his ear,

“You never know how good with women you are until you try, Spence” He looks up at me with wide eyes and licks his tongue across his lips, something he does often.

“Um, Y/n, y-you heard all of that?” I nod and I can see Spence take a deep breath just as I did before walking over, “W-would you like to um- go to dinner with me Y/n?”

“Hmm I don’t know…” Spencer’s face starts to fall as I quickly continue “Of course I would love to go to dinner with you silly, what did you think?” His smile lights up the entire room as he pulls me into a deep hug.

“Well finally you two. You couldn’t have waited just a few more months though, I assumed you lovebirds wouldn’t get it together until after Spencer’s birthday” Rossi says from behind us, passing a pretty hefty stack of bills to Penelope.

That was the day that started the greatest adventure of my life.

Present Day

I leave the kitchen and walk to the living room, a chilly breeze blows my hair slightly askew, its June in Virginia, warm enough that all I’m wearing is one of Spence’s oversized MIT shirts with pajama shorts, but the night air causes slight goosebumps on my skin, sending me into my memories once again.

August 2019

Spencer and I are sitting on the couch, participating in yet another Doctor Who marathon on the tv, it's a rare day off from work and the hot summer air fills our living room even with the fan blowing through the house. I lie my head in Spencer’s lap as we watch the tv and his strong hand strokes the back of my neck, causing goosebumps to pop up all over my arms. I giggle and glance up at him causing him to pointedly look at me asking me with his eyes “What is so funny that you dare distract from Doctor Who?”

“It’s just strange, its 95 degrees outside but your hands on my neck give me goosebumps like its a crisp fall day, isn’t that funny baby?”

“Of course the most common cause of goosebumps is cold weather, but when you’re experiencing extreme emotions, the human body responds in a variety of ways. Two common responses include increased electrical activity in the muscles just under the skin and increased depth or heaviness of breathing, resulting in goosebumps.” I roll my eyes at him and playfully swat his hair out of his eyes.

“Only you, Dr. Spencer Reid, would take a romantic statement and turn it into statistics, and I love you for that” he kisses me and well, the Doctor Who marathon was quickly turned off after that.

Present Day

As I turn the corner into the living room I smile warmly, it’s the room that Spencer and I like the best. There are book cases lining the back wall, Spencer loves books, I’d ask him what made his books so special and he’d tell me stories of his childhood, his mom reading him 15th century literature, I loved when Spence told me stories about his childhood.

December 2017

I knocked on the door of Spencer’s apartment, it wasn’t like him to be late for our daily walk to work especially because he had been on probation after his time in jail. I received no answer, prompting my concern as I unlocked the door with the key he had given me. I walked into his living room and saw him, Spencer was sitting in the middle of the floor surrounded by books, running his fingers up and down the pages as he does when he’s reading at his top speed.

“Spence what on earth are you doing! Where did all these books come from? We aren’t on a case are we?”

“This year in the United States alone there have been 328,259 new books published, I read at 20,000 words per minute but at an average of 100,000 words per book, it would take me 27,377 hours to read all those books!”

“Oh Spencer how I love you, you don’t need to read every book ever published, are you going to start reading romance novels?” I tease while picking up a copy of 50 Shades of Gray from the ground at Spencer’s feet.

“Okay maybe you’re right, I just feel like I missed so much time when I was incarcerated, all that reading I could’ve done when I was trapped in that place, it's time I can never get back.”

“Spencer, I can’t imagine how difficult it must be for you, but this is not going to help that feeling go away, let’s go to work.” Spencer nodded and began to tidy up the floor before following me out the door.

“Wait, Y/n, I have to ask you something that I’ve meant to say since I’ve gotten out of jail, and I might as well say it now, will you move in with me?” He’s chewing on his bottom lip again and I jump into his arms in excitement, kissing his hair as he caresses the back of my head.

“Of course I’ll move in with you! I love you, Dr. Spencer Reid.”

“And I love you Y/n Y/l/n.”

Present Day

I’m coming around to the opposite side of the living room now, sitting down on the couch in front of the fireplace. I love the fireplace in our house and I think secretly Spencer does too. We argued for days over the safety of having a fireplace in our house, Spencer of course supplied with enough knowledge of house fires to last him 5 lifetimes, “But Spencer it’ll be so cozy, doesn’t it sound romantic to cuddle up by the fire?” I had pleaded with him the day we toured the house for the first time.

“Y/n, there were an average of 357,400 residential fires per year in the US between 2012 and 2014, an average of 22,300 of those fires were caused by a fireplace or chimney!”

“But Spenceee, that’s only 6.24% of the residential house fires during that period, 43.9% were from cooking equipment, are you going to forbid us from having a kitchen too?” Hey, don’t underestimate how useful a cellphone calculator and a quick google search can be in winning an argument against your genius boyfriend. Obviously, we had ended up agreeing on the fireplace, but Spencer was still overly cautious whenever it was in use. As I stood in front of the fireplace I became hyper aware of the floorboards creaking in the hallway just as they had done when I left the room earlier, I felt a presence enter the room and the 6’1” frame of my boyfriend wrapped his long arms around me from behind while burying his face in the hollow of my shoulder.

“Hi, baby, what are you doing up so late? Are you feeling okay? Can’t seem to get to sleep?” I nod back at him and recline my head so it rests on his strong chest.

“I was just taking a trip down memory lane I suppose” I say before smiling up at the love of my life.

[atc74]

Soul to Souls - One

Square(s) Filled: None for this chapter

Warnings: Mentions of death, wolf hunt, Sassy OC, Guilt Ridden!Dean, so many more to come

Summary: Since she was four years old, Annaleigh has seen the same boy in her dreams. For twenty-five years, she grows to love the boy that has now turned into a man. Dean Winchester just lost the only family he has ever known. The guilt drives him to work harder than ever before. He works to forget the pain, until he meets Annaleigh and she turns his world upside down. What she learns changes both of their lives forever, but what will he do when he discovers the truth? Will he accept it or run back to the only life he has ever known?

Pairing: Dean x  OC Annaleigh (evenutally)

Word Count: 1974

Beta’d by: @amanda-teaches​, @katehuntington, thank you both for being my guides! Dividers by the amazingly talented @talesmaniac89​.

A/N: This was my very first series I ever wrote four years ago in September 2016 and I am so happy and proud to bring this back home. 

Like Dean’s scent? Buy it here from @scentsfromthebunker!

There are things that go bump in the night. Monsters, demons and the like. This isn’t about human monsters or the fact that we all have our demons. No, this is about real monsters. Vampires, werewolves, black-eyed bastards; things you have nightmares about. If your kid says there is something in his closet, don’t go look. Grab your family and run.

Dean Winchester and his brother, Sam, hunt the non-human monsters of the world. They were raised to be hunters. Their mother was killed by a demon when Dean was only four. Sammy was still a baby, six months old at the time. That night, their dad packed up and moved the family from town to town, doing his best to eradicate the evils that plague our planet. Heaven and Hell, angels and demons, God and Lucifer; it’s all real. 

Since the age of four, the constant moving and fighting evil was the only life Dean can remember and the only life Sammy has ever known. This isn’t just what they do, it is who they are. 

Their dad was killed by a demon about four years ago, when he made a deal to save his eldest son's life. That was the turning point for Dean; he finally understood his father’s need for vengeance, for justice. It had just been Sam and Dean ever since. The only family they had left was Bobby Singer - hunter, lore expert and surrogate father - to keep them on the not so straight and narrow path through this life. 

It had been just the two of them, until Sam inadvertently started the Apocalypse and ended up in Hell, in the cage with the Devil himself. Now, Dean was flying solo, feeling like he was losing his way. Dean chastised himself for not doing more; not being able to save his brother. Everything was written in the Heavens many millennia ago. Dean didn’t know that there was nothing he could have done to save his brother. 

Dean spent days, nights, weeks on the road; for months he drove. He followed one hunt after another, never stopping. Wherever Bobby needed him or whatever he could find on his own, he went there to keep busy. It didn’t matter how big or small the threat; Dean took it without question. He needed it. He needed the action, the danger, the adrenaline. Anything to keep his mind off Sammy. Anything.  

Ever since Sammy was taken from him, Dean had felt empty inside. The adrenaline of the hunt felt good for a moment, until he finished and remembered he was all alone once more. He wished he couldn’t feel anything, well, most of the time anyway. Until he met her. That was three months ago.

Bobby had asked Dean to look into a possible werewolf case on his way back from another hunt, so there he was in a sleepy little podunk town in Idaho. The view wasn’t bad, but he really wanted out of there as quickly as the hunt would allow. He checked into a run-down motel and quickly went in search of food, beer, whiskey, and pie, not necessarily in that order. He could already smell the rain permeating the mountain air. He just hoped it held out long enough. 

Not far from the motel, he found a bar with only a few cars in the lot. Walking through the front door, he noticed three guys shoulder to shoulder watching something mindless on the bar television. One bartender, one waitress. Easy, Dean thought to himself, as he slid into the corner booth where he could keep an eye on both entrances.  

The waitress approached his table. She was short, cute, and curvy. She had a nice smile, the bluest eyes he had ever seen, and straight red hair, up to her chin. Dean looked away quickly before her eyes met his. 

“What can I get you?” she asked, not too sweetly, just a little bit of an edge to her voice, like she had had enough tonight.

“Whiskey, neat. Beer, bacon cheeseburger, fries,” he replied without looking up.

Without a word, she walked away. She returned soon enough with the whiskey and a bottle of beer, setting them down sharply on the table. “Sorry,” she mumbled and turned to walk back to the bar. 

Dean sat in the booth, scrolling through his phone while he waited for his meal, looking at pictures he had of his little brother. He didn’t need this down time, thinking about Sammy rotting in Hell. It was a new form of torture, one he was a little too intimately familiar with. 

A chuckle escaped Dean’s lips when he saw the picture he had snapped of the drool hanging out of Sam’s mouth during a case in Utah. Dean kept scrolling through the pictures, landing on one he didn’t remember. He was standing next to Baby, his pride and joy, a 1967 jet black Chevrolet Impala, with Sam by his side, both of them with a cold beer in their hands. Sam was laughing at something without a doubt hilarious that Dean had said. When was this taken? He thought. Then it hit him: this was after Dean was cured of the ghost sickness and they all thought he was a goner. Bobby, that sneaky bastard, must have snapped that photo, Dean thought to himself. He kept looking at Sam in the picture, how happy he looked, how happy they both looked. Was it because he said something funny or was Sam just glad that he was able to save Dean for once? Dammit! I was the big brother. I was supposed to look out for Sammy. And I let him down. Again, Dean thought to himself.

A soft hand on his cheek startled him, bringing him back to the dingy bar. Slowly and gently, the waitress with the piercing blue eyes wiped away a tear he didn’t even know he had shed before she sat down across from Dean. “Why so sad, Handsome?” It was just one simple question but he couldn’t even answer her. Where did he even start?

“Oh, nothing you need to worry your pretty little head with, Red.” Dean took the plate she offered and went to pick up his burger. She continued to peer into his soul as if she knew exactly what he was thinking, that he was a failure. 

“You carry the weight of the world on your shoulders and you don’t have to. I can help you, Dean, but only if you let me,” she said quietly, as she looked around the bar as if someone would overhear her words.

He dropped the burger and reached into the back of his pants, his hand on the pistol he had concealed there, finger already on the trigger. 

“Who the fu--” was all he got out before she reached a hand across the table and gripped his wrist lightly, interrupting his anger. 

“Bobby called me last night and told me you were on your way. I was just about to give up and leave.” She continued to gaze at him. “My name is Annaleigh Newmiller. I am a friend of Bobby’s. And, I know what you are going to ask. No, I am not a hunter, I’m just his eyes and ears out here in the boonies.” She let go of his hand, but he could still feel her touch lingering on his skin. 

Dean was more handsome than Annaleigh remembered; a little more rugged and much sadder. But, the same devastating smile and green eyes were there, with just a few more crinkles around them. The same, yet so different. 

Dean collected his thoughts as she looked at him, her gaze never wavering. He did not put the gun away but kept it next to him in the booth. One glance towards the bar indicated the three stooges didn’t even know they were in the back and wouldn’t be interrupting anytime soon. 

He had to get answers from her right now, he didn’t want to walk away to call the old man and risk her skipping out. “Bobby didn’t tell me he had someone out here in the mountains. He didn’t tell me someone would be waiting for me. How do I know you are who you say you are?” 

Slowly, she took an iron knife and a flask out of her apron. She took a sip from the small silver bottle then handed it to him; he checked to make sure it was holy water. Next, she wrapped her small hand around the handle of the knife and slid the blade through the soft flesh on her left forearm, letting a bit of blood bead up on the surface. Not once did she take her eyes off of Dean’s. She removed the purple bandana from its home around her neck and wrapped it around the fresh wound on her arm. 

When she was done, Annaleigh reached over with her right hand, grabbed a french fry off his plate and popped it in her mouth. “Field to fryer... good, aren’t they?”

Dean continued to watch her, slack jawed, while she ate more of his fries. Finally, Dean picked one up and brought it to his lips, taking a bite. She was right, they were good. Hold on, what the hell? Fries!? She’s distracting me from who she really is. He leaned forward in the booth grabbing her wrist with his free hand as she reached for another french fry.  

“Why don’t you start by telling me who the hell you are and what you know!” He didn’t exactly yell it, but it was loud enough that it brought an unwelcome glance from the bartender, who looked at Annaleigh, sternly, but she just nodded to let him know she was okay, and he turned back to the TV on the wall.

“Like I said before; my name is Annaleigh. Bobby was a friend of my brother’s. My brother... Well, he’s dead now, but every now and then Bobby calls, asks me to look into something for him. I have lived here in the mountains most of my life and I work here at the bar for extra cash. I’m a massage therapist full time and I work from home.” She was giving Dean the whole nine yards. He asked for it, so he just sat there, listening. And, boy, she had a lot more to say. 

“I am 29, I’m a Leo, my middle name is Grace. I enjoy strong men and stronger coffee. I like country music and classic rock. Yeah, an odd combination, I know. I do not and will not put up with other people’s bullshit. Anyway, a couple days ago, a body turned up in the woods behind my house. The heart was missing. I called the sheriff, and he said it was an animal attack. Animal, my ass. So, I called Bobby. I already figured it was a werewolf from all the research I have done in the past for my brother, but I needed him to send someone, because, while I know about the life and the lore, I don’t hunt. He said you were on your way back to his place from Oregon. How did you like the drive through the mountains? Can I get you another round?” 

He mulled over everything she had said. She didn’t seem like she was bullshitting him, but maybe just a little reluctant to get into the thick of it. He finally let go of her wrist and put his gun away. Dean picked up his burger and took a bite before speaking, ignoring the questions she had asked him. “Well, Red... looks like I have a wolf that needs putting down. Why don’t I finish up here and you show me where this body was found?”

Did you like it? The nicest thing you can do for a writer is reblog their work and tell them, and others, how much you like it! 

Soul to Souls tags: @emoryhemsworth​ @flamencodiva​ @iwantthedean​ @jensengirl83​ @deanwanddamons​ @smol-and-grumpy​ @waywardbeanie​ @whatareyousearchingfordean​ @princessmisery666​ @spnbaby-67​ @shy-violet-soul​ @lastcallatrockysbar​ @winchesterxfamilybusiness​

[the-pen-pot]

Changes.

Before I begin, I'm pretty sure you guys all know I'm unemployed and have been for yonks. I was self-employed running an online jewellery store and a SAHM until Brexit. Since then (about 2016) I've been privileged enough to be able to adjust family finances so my spouse brings in the money and I keep the house ticking over. Sort of. Just to give you some idea of why an actual JOB never seems to feature in my ramblings)

As some of you know, I battle with depression. It hit me hard after finishing Gilded Cage back in about 2015, and while I've been medicated and had therapy since (both of which I no longer have access to), it's not the kind of thing that is ever really cured. One of the areas of my life that it's had the biggest impact is in my creativity. Writing is hard. Not while I'm doing it, but just getting started. I've developed a few different coping mechanisms, but the problem (which in my head I call inertia) is pretty persistent. It exists in other areas of my life too (tv shows, games etc): just finding the energy to *start* the thing is hugely challenging. Most days I manage it, but some days I don't get out of bed.

I think I've spent the past five years trying to get back to "normal". At first, it seemed a sound enough strategy, but it's pretty much time to admit that maybe I need to ditch that idea. This year in particular has shown everyone, I think, how much of an illusion normal is (and probably given us all an intense hatred for the phrase "new normal" which I hear all the time and it makes me want to beat someone's face in.)

So, I need to stop comparing what I'm doing now to what I've done in the past. I've been collecting fears because they're pretty excuses ("You'll never write anything as successful as Gilded Cage again. You've peaked; give up. No one will like it so why bother.) and I do like to cling to them as I give myself another reason to stay in bed all day. I need to acknowledge that different tactics worked for me in the past, but they'll no longer cut it, and I really need to find new strategies. Which, of course, is a mess of trial and error, some success and probably a dollop of crash-and-burn failure too.

So what's the plan?

Good question. I've already implemented some changes in my life to help since finishing The Riven Crown in 2017. (That was pretty much pure escapism and denial of my issues fic and I love it to this day because it let me completely ignore the issue for 18 months and didn't turn out too badly).

I started my patreon to help boost my self-esteem. To prove people were listening/caring/wanted what I write and were also willing to pay. (One of the neuroses from my upbringing is if you're not earning any money doing the thing, then that thing (and by extension you) is worthless. This is UTTER BULLSHIT and I know it but my psyche doesn't do logic). Patreon's been successful beyond my wildest dreams. Not only does it provide a good argument to my internal whinings of worthlessness, it provides my writing life with some external pressure. Before, all of my pressure came from me "You gotta update every week." which was challenging because I am simultaneously a hard-ass and a soft touch. I'd let myself miss my self imposed deadline and then loathe myself intensely for doing so. Not cool. Patreon allows me to externalise that a little bit more, which helps.

It also gives me fresh ideas, opportunities, and is an excellent way to connect with people who really, really like my work.

I also started using 4thewords to help with the inertia. It didn't. Not with the inertia bit, anyway. I still struggle to START THE THING, but what it does do is keep me going and keep me coming back, because by gamifying my writing, I'm giving myself other, smaller goals than "finish the chapter/story/thing" which, as we all know, makes a big goal easier to achieve. I'm not staring down the barrel of "Write 8 chapters and a smutty epilogue". I'm staring down the barrel of "Write 700 words to kill the critter and get cool gear" which is infinitely more do-able and also, I get cool gear. It feeds the positive reward feedback monkey brain and monkey brain likes that.

I need to do more, though, and mostly I think that comes down to trying out new strategies in the way I live my life to find a happy balance between getting things done and feeling worthwhile, and also getting the rest/downtime/whatever my neurochemistry needs to function. This is especially hard right now because I recharge through solitude. Like, utter solitude. Ideally, an empty house. Which has not happened since lockdown began in March. My home is currently also my husband's work and my kid's school, and that's not changing until at least September. I deserve a medal for not murdering anyone in the depths of an introvert-forced-to-socialise-constantly fugue yet, if I'm honest.

So next week (July 20th to 26th-ish) I'm taking a week off writing. (Sounds dead simple, doesn't it? But actually it's not.) What that means is I won't write during that week unless there's a project that's really captured my imagination and I'm compelled to do so. Will I still be posting? Yep. I'm angling this so that, hopefully, there'll be minimal delays to any scheduled postings.) After that I plan to gently increase the amount of writing/editing/actual "work" I do during the week. At the moment it's a bit hodge podge. I normally write a bit in the morning. 2000 words on a great day. On a not great day, maybe 100. I'd like to build that into something more consistent and productive, Monday to Friday. The idea is that roughly one week in every four, I'll take off from writing. 

It seems excessive. Even me looking at it right now, I'm like "that's a LOT of time off", but I think I need it. At least to start off with. I need time to just lie in bed and read fic if I want to. Time free of the constant, internal nagging of: "You should be doing x". Pre-planned, guiltless, time-off.

My hope is that it will help stabilise my productive/not productive patches into something workable that leads to a happier life for me, and more fic for you guys =D

Thanks for listening to me ramble!