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xrprainmaker · 5 years ago

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The Significance of Being Insignificant

What is the value of one life? Do you know? Is it measured in how many people's lives we affect while we're alive, is it quantified by how much money we leave to our loved ones when we eventually all at one point or another die? Is it merely the number of loved ones we know or who knows us? Is it measured by how many likes and retweets and shares we get accumulatively on all social media platforms and when we get to the pearly gates of heaven or in some cases the rusted gates of hell going to be just yet another algorithm of the universe held over our head as either a badge of honor or Scarlett letter of failure in which even in the afterlife we will still be either praised or shunned for all the things we've either done wrong or right.. and God or the Devil Themselves will take turns choosing teams in purgatory & just like in middle school we'll either be chosen first with the "cool kids" or be picked last like the outcasts some of us already feel & we'll spend another eternity pondering the effects and affects of our decisions and thoughts and actions until we literally just become dust underneath their nails? These are the questions I ask myself in a world where killing has now become an open sport and done by people that swore an oath to protect our lives and the lives of the ones we love & the ones we don't. But for George Floyd he's life was no more meaningful for those cops that day, than the ants they probably crushed under their boots on the way to go put their knees in his throat and his head. The watched and continued draining the life from his body like a smartphone addict who just watches his or her phone drain to zero battery but is too lazy to get up and plug it into the wall. Did that police officer think he was playing a level in Grand Theft Auto? Did the surrounding policers officers who also complacently just "followed" orders and also held down & pinned him by the legs and arms and allowed this act to be committed without thought or hesitation did they also think they were "doing a good job " or were they just not thinking at all. You see you might be confused right now why I'm talking so much about the "Evil Cops" and why I'm not raving about "defund the police " or talking in a way that I have lost compassion for the cops, instead of just shooting from the hips and calling them Murderers ( which don't worry, I do believe all of them are and should go to jail, as I believe all of them are 100% guilty) . Because let's be clear - to watch and do nothing for 8 minutes straight while somebody begs and pleas " I can't breath", " I can't breath" " I can't breath" and is not putting up a fight or intoxicated or belligerent or on drugs but is just one human being begging for another human being to take notice & show compassion & acknowledge that that person is seen and heard and valued and to watch that for eight whole minutes is almost an eternity of time for those cops to have done the right thing or as Spike Lee would've said in Public Enemy " Dooo Thaaa Right Thang" and they failed, they failed with flying colors. I don't know what they got on their test scores to get into the Police Academy but to get out of it, they went out with a Bang of F's that's for sure. But I digress, the real reason I'm so interested in why NOBODY did ANYTHING even though they were in the middle of the street, broad daylight and with hundreds if not thousands of people walking by and NOT ONE, NOT A SINGLE ONE except One girl who filmed the whole thing and put it up on Youtube - tried to save this man's life or question the cops that were so nonchalantly breaking the law in plain sight, right in front of everyone's nose and the reason why it happened It's because the value of someone's life in Real life - not the after school special you watched growing up or on the multiple motivational videos you can binge-watch on Youtube or "feel good" movies on Netflix where you watch a movie with 1 black actor in it in a cast of 500 white people and pat yourself on the back because you're not a racist. Or because you don't actually call black people the N-word to their face but lowkey wonder what it would feel like if you did. Like would it be laughs and high fives like on the "Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" or would you get knocked the FUD out like if you were in the ring with Mike Tyson and he's biting off your ear. You see racism never went away or stopped, it just got brushed underneath the rug or the fabric of humanity we like to refer to as the "Human Existence". People like to use the word " I didn't Know" a lot in society - ever notice that - it's like the fewer fuds you give about life or the people around you the more accepted you are. Our world or simulation, whichever way you want to spin it, is built on the combined premise that showing emotion or compassion or crying is something that only "Weak" people do or a sign of weakness. But I call BS, I think that if that's the type of world you want to live in - then DO NOT, I REPEAT DO NOT, be walking in marches, with your fists up in the air, pretending that you have any type of allegiance with those who have lost their lives from racism or police brutality or any type of abuse for that matter where one party was "Stronger" and abused of the situation on somebody they deemed to be weak either because of gender or skin color or because they grew up on the wrong side of the tracks - Do not think that your 1 white fist in the air publically can magically erase the millions and millions and millions and millions and millions of other unknown fists that took that same symbol but in private and in the horizontal position & punched through the walls of the heads or the walls of the ribs of so many other innocent and unsuspecting lives of both young and old, white & black. That so many don't even know about and that, we'll most likely never know about because they did not have the money in their wallets or the special contacts in their phone or special certifications on their walls saying that they were somebody to be respected and thus the fight for their lives and struggle to share the truth will be buried among so many others that " lead quiet lives of desperation" as Thoreau's once said. You see what I'm getting at here is until we stop shaking our hands in frustration and anger and hatred and hostility at this police officer who did this, we will never truly understand what drives a man or men to this point of no return. Where their souls have left their bodies long before they'll ever be declared dead and how they were allowed to not just roam the streets but to rule the streets with a clad iron fist and destroy anything and everything they touched because they themselves, can no longer feel. You see this to me is the even scarier part. I'm not happy that George Floyd is dead or that he had to die this way, but in reality, if those cops hadn't killed him, how they did George Floyd would just be another African American Man that led a quiet life of mediocrity instead and now his face and his name is known all over the world and his legacy that he will leave to his family in some un-ironic, ironic way because of all of this will be of nobility and peace even though he was caught trying to buy things with fake money and that's what led the cops there, to begin with. To me, this just goes to highlight every relevant rule of life of Yin and Yang and that even in the best people there is bad and even in the badest people there is good. To me is this right or is this wrong to say, that's not up to me to decide, but it's the truth and the truth is hard to digest for many because it's not like a placebo, laced in sugar and will slowly rot your teeth and your brain. It's like a shot of Tequila either your system can handle it or it can't but either way, you'll only find out once you try. Try to see things from different angles, try to listen to a different perspective and try to understand, that no one is born 100% evil, I believe that evilness is learned and that even though the absolute last human beings on the face of the earth that you or many others would deem worthy or deserving of compassion right now or a voice or somebody to listen to them, I would say, it's that cop/cops that killed him. Why? Because as heinous as it is what they did, is that I also envision those same cops as young kids, running and playing and laughing and waiting for the weekend to play "Cops and Robbers" and how do you go from that level of innocence to this? Was it a gradual chipping away at their souls like water drop Chinese societal torture device, or did something cataclysmic in their youth or adult years happen like their father or uncle showed them how to hunt a deer when they were just 8 or or or... You see to me " an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure" or in this case and many, many, many other unsolved cases- it's worth a literal pound of flesh and until we as humans and society start truly asking these hard questions, of ourselves and all other people who make up this world, we're just fooling ourselves into believing change is happening or that #BlackLivesMatter - because black lives won't matter until #ALLLivesMatter - including the lives of these horrible - soulless police. Rest In Power Mr. George Floyd

#george floyd #george flyod dead #george flyod protests #defundthepolice #rest in power #rest in peace #xrprainmaker

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starsmuserainbow · 6 years ago

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I’ve been back on my PC for some minutes already again, but I couldn’t work on replies yet since I’ve come across my old videos again through someone commenting on one of them. And just, I feel the need to share.

I really should get back to AMV(well CMV I guess if you want to be picky)-making again sometime.

The oldest one I did, I had the urge to do this one for so long before I finally was able to do it. Here’s one focused on the episode Mad Mod (or Detention how I usually call it, which is a second name for it or something), with the song American Idiot.

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There are some others on the ‘funny’ side that I did,

one to Dumb ways to Die by Tangerine Kitty https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DWKb-svZl-M

one, and probably the only christmas-related I might ever do since I don’t feel like I can do anything good to most common christmas songs, to the Festive Food Song by the Fast Food Rockers https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xmVDI9EJ_YA .

This one was once popping up on one of the RP-blogs I admire the most here. I felt so incredibly giddy to see them showing my video (and commenting something in the tags about it too, I think about that it’s hilarious or something), and though I never approached them and probably never will (we’re not mutuals, after all, and I also might just look up to them too much to ever be brave enough to say ‘hi’ anyway). But yes, here’s one focusing on Kid Flash, to Queen’s song Flash.

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Now one focused on Starfire - I always connected, and will always connect, New Soul by Yael Naim a lot to her since it just sounds so fitting!

https://youtu.be/usBk-Yzf8oI

I’ve seen other versions of what comes next before, so it’s probably a really obvious choice. Here’s Avril Lavigne’s Girlfriend with a video about Date with Destiny!

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And one focusing on Betrothed, to a song from MyLittlePony called This Day Aria - I actually so was into that one that I even gave it lyrics that I would prefer to have (you can see that in the post of the video, they aren’t added into the video or anything).

https://youtu.be/RN7oeCB9MWI

And then two about Terra, one to Kelly Clarkson’s Dark Side:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cXLRE-5DExc

And one to Halsey’s Control:

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One about Raven, to RWBY’s song This will be the day:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JMjNWvfdxag

One (that I attempted to have be) about BB, to Comes and Goes by Greg Laswell:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1EopbZfNDro

A few RobStar ones,

to Owl City’s When Can I See You Again https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GffViuOM9lU , though this one is without the music due to copyright things - and the links I offered in the description aren’t working anymore either, so if anyone really wants to see it properly, I guess let me know and I’ll upload the video somewhere to send it to you (or you try to let the song run parallel to my video or something);

to Dustin Lynch’s Cowboys and Angels https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jW71AQKPWGg ,

to Pretending by Glee https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJgtzcP-2iI .

Then one about Flinx, to Troublemaker by Olly Murs, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8RGjuD3rKtU

I even once made one about Cyborg and Sarasim, to a song from the ESC, Never Forget by Greta Salóme & Jónsi https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4BXytvY0hQ

And last but definitely not least, two more focusing on TT as a whole, taking different characters for focus on each of these,

one to Vocaloid’s Alice Human Sacrifice https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0ZqSHVj8j5M

and one, mostly focusing on the honorary Titans, to Simon Curtis’ Superhero:

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I wanted to embed all of the videos but there seems to be a limit to it, so I just chose some to display and only linked you the others.

Sorry for the post, but I felt the need to show them again!

#✫ Out of Clurblopf ✫ | OOC

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taeminstark · 8 years ago

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Beep - Part 2 [JongTae | R | 5,464 Words]

Part 1

“Hmm, is it really fresh though?” Minho asks. “I mean, you leave and it's nice and clean and simple, but when you get back it's the same as before, gloomy.”

Everything is quiet for now, with his phone on silent, Taemin and the others asleep, it’s just him, and despite what might happen tomorrow, he knows right now isn’t the time to stress over it, but instead the time to indulge in what might be left of their happiness.

He doesn’t know what the future holds, but he knows he wants Taemin and all his friends in it; right now he’s scared, he doesn’t want this to end. So he lays back down and pulls Taemin into a half-suffocating hug, trying to embed the feeling of Taemin’s skin on his into his mind, trying to savour each texture that makes contact with him. He holds him dearly, tears welling up in his glassy eyes. He doesn’t want tomorrow to come, and he desperately wishes that Taemin’s little bubble of quiet and joy could stay the way it is right now- constant as he rests.

He smooths a hand over Taemin’s currently dirty blonde hair and his chest aches with that all-too familiar discomfort. On one hand he’s beyond terrified. What does this mean for all of them? Is this it? Has it all come to an end because Taemin and him weren’t careful? No, if anyone’s to blame, it’s himself. He works at the damn place, and for him not to realize something was off is weighed on him, not Taemin. On the other hand, could this be their chance at freedom? Whether they’ll admit it or not, they’ve been waiting for something like this to happen for a while now, and maybe just maybe, things won’t go horribly wrong, and they might just have a chance at having a normal life.

Hours pass like this. With Jonghyun clutching Taemin like he might lose him- and he really might. With thoughts spinning through his mind, ranging from worst case scenario to the best. He thinks back to his friend’s voice blasting in his ears, his voice sure didn’t sound like a ‘best case scenario’.

He wants to be with Taemin, he doesn’t want anything to change, so he lets sleep drown out his thoughts as he holds onto his only boy, his only one.

Curses and screams are what the two lovers wake up to, still wrapped together under their sheets. With groggy eyes, Jonghyun searches for Taemin in an instant, automatically remembering their current situation and knowing now that his only worries are for the younger. He finds Taemin next to him just as eager to find him; with disheveled hair and puffy lips, Jonghyun almost forgets their predicament as he gazes at the ever pretty, groggy boy.

“Hyung..what’s going on? Why is..everyone yelling? I- I thought today was our day off.” Taemin mumbles, sliding up to lean on his elbow. Jonghyun just blinks, unable to tell him what’s happened, only wanting the blonde to have happy thoughts.

Jinki storming into their shared room breaks their gaze. They freeze and watch as he walks in, panicked and confused and angry. Jonghyun grips Taemin’s arm, wanting to somehow protect him, brace him for what he’s about to hear, because he doesn’t know how the younger will react. Will Taemin cry? He usually doesn’t, but would a situation like this call for it? Will he remain calm and collected? Jonghyun isn’t sure, but all he does know is that he’s going to miss that warm smile Taemin always has on his face, he knows he won’t be seeing it for a while now.

Voices scatter, Taemin shakes and Jonghyun sighs. Everything seems to go in slow motion now as Taemin is turning his head to Jonghyun, asking him for assurance once Jinki delivers the news. All Jonghyun can do is nod in embarrassment.

The first time his chest aches is when Taemin scatters from their bed when Jonghyun tries to touch him. He showers and gets changed, coming back to still find Jonghyun beneath the sheets, unwilling to do anything. His head pounds from the other members arguing in the kitchen and he doesn’t bother saying a word to Jonghyun, just storms into the kitchen. The room goes quiet in a matter of seconds, eyes slowly follow him as he walks to grab some food from their fridge. He hears their whispers and a knot forms inside him, he knows the knot will tie itself into something bigger, and eventually one day break, tearing him apart from the inside out. He lingers there, half hidden behind the door, almost unable to move in fear of them calling him out.

After a long, cold shower and a new outfit, Jonghyun is making his way to the others, head lowered, unable to even look at them. When Taemin sees him like this, he can’t help but regret pushing him away as soon as he heard the news. Now all he wants to do it hold the other in his embrace until he doesn’t look so broken. But he can’t risk that now, not with all the others watching, judging. He sits at the table, not even making an effort to find something to eat, probably too drained to have an appetite.

Taemin understands the members and their anger, but at the same time he doesn’t. The members seemed so fine, so content- happy even, with his and Jonghyun’s relationship, they even admitted once that they all rooted for them to get together a while back. But now rage boils under his skin. Are they backing out on what they said, now that their relationship isn’t convenient for them, now that they’re the ones suffering?

It sends Taemin off the edge like no other, and he knows he can’t hide like this much longer, he knows Jonghyun can’t take the shame either. Taemin knows sooner or later he and Jonghyun will be close again, but right now, there isn’t much he can say to the older without setting the other members off. Thankfully, the maknae is still sneaky.

After hiding in the fridge for far too long, he grabs himself a yogurt cup, and sneaks another into his long sleeve. He makes way for a drawer and shyly pulls out two spoons. Once at the table, he eyes the others. They watch him as he sits and it aggravates him, he wants them to look away, to stop looking down on the two of them and think of themselves for once, because honestly, they shouldn’t be talking, Taemin’s hyungs might not officially be together at the moment, but he knows they’re morons if they don’t think he doesn’t notice the way Jinki and Kibum look at each other, or the way Minho fawns over guys from other groups.

When the members finally grow tired of Taemin opening his yogurt they look down at their food, giving Taemin the chance to slip Jonghyun the yogurt cup and spoon. When the cup comes into his vision his head shoots up, watching the way Taemin gently places the items before him. He can’t help but smile at him, loving the way the younger cares about him. Before he knows it, their hands are linked together over the table and they’re giving each other ‘I’m sorry’ looks even though deep down they both know neither of them are at fault.

“Oh my God, do you two ever stop?” Kibum groans, eyes staring at their linked fingers. They pull away instantly and Kibum scoffs, entirely disgusted by the sight of them. “Just- just stop oh my God, don’t you realize that video is everywhere, and everyone has seen it? We’ve even seen it for Gods sakes.” Kibum shouts, making Jinki and Minho look at the two, disappointed looks over their faces.

“Kibum..” Minho trails off facing his plate, hoping to calm the other down. He fails. Kibum makes a gross noise and then continues.

“You guys did this, not us, and we aren’t going to sit here and pay for your guys’ mistakes, so take the fall!” Kibum yells, fists smashing against the table before he stands and leaves the room. Jinki follows after him and Minho goes to the living room, displeased with what’s happened.

In spite of everything that Kibum said, Taemin takes Jonghyun’s hand and rubs it, hoping to convey his unspoken feelings of ‘I won’t leave you’ or ‘you’re not alone’. He thinks Jonghyun understands him because after a few seconds Jonghyun places a hand over his, leaning ever closer to Taemin.

Days of silence grow into weeks in their dorm. The members don’t even dare to look at the two of them anymore aside from hateful glances. But things are calm, for the most part.

The first week was the hardest; first their manager threw a fit, their other friends, family and relatives were next to throw their hands up, chastising Jonghyun and Taemin for not telling them they were gay, and that they were together, and once their families saw the video, it was all they needed to practically disown the men. Luckily their immediate families were at least a bit supportive, however it wasn’t enough to console them from the rest of the hateful world.

The media was a different story, mixed up and confused, writing articles that shed no light on the truth of their relationship. Tabloids left and right of their secret romance turned into a sort of drama for the public eye. Half the articles they read had absolutely nothing to do with them either, Taemin remembers reading one article suggesting that he was using Jonghyun to get to his sister Sodam, and another guessing he was dating Jonghyun for his money. He almost smashed his desk when he saw the first article, and outright screamed when he read the second.

Jonghyun thinks back to another article suggesting Taemin was pretending to be a man all these years, when in secret he was a female, and no matter how much reading that enraged him, he almost wished it could be true, because at least then- if a video of Jonghyun kissing a girl was released, at least he wouldn’t be reprimanded by the public for being in the ‘wrong’ type of relationship, hell, they might even praise him for finding a girlfriend even while under the tough scrutiny of his company’s rules.

The way things were going, they couldn’t imagine things could get worse, but slowly they did. At first it was just less screen time for them as they tried to pretend nothing was wrong. It was just less and less as time went on. Rumors popped up left and right, the group splitting, the two of them breaking up, and countless more. By the third week they didn’t bother going online anymore, and they reserved their phones for emergency contact. They had hit rock bottom and they didn’t know how they would ever rise above this whole mess.

Jonghyun’s co workers were no help either. They never admitted that it was a technical error that caused their broadcasting beep to go off incorrectly, or that the cameras kept recording even though they seemed fine. They kept repeating that it was Jonghyun’s fault, that he should have known better, that he shouldn’t have been so careless, or that he shouldn’t have even invited Taemin onto Blue Night in the first place when there were already a few rumors of them as a couple spreading around. They also stressed the fact that if the broadcast had gone smoothly and that if they were never exposed, that it wouldn’t change anything, because they would just be lying to everyone right now just as they were, and that they would be exposed one day anyways.

The stress that weighed on them never seemed to end, it was affecting the two of them the most. Over the weeks their touches became sparse, they’d shy away when the other spoke, and they went quiet. It was quiet for such a long time before they spoke again. Slowly, things started to calm down. For a bit, they both thought things could go back to normal, that maybe they could resurface. But their hopes were shut down by their manager soon enough. He told them it was just barely starting to cool down, while they were in hiding, and he told them to imagine what would happen if they went out in public for the first time in a month, all the fuss would just start over again. But they had to start from somewhere didn’t they?

It was a Saturday morning that Jonghyun and Taemin had decided to go for a drive, they weren’t exactly back to the way they were, but at least they were talking again, and thankful that their manager had actually let them leave the building. ‘A drive might clear your heads’, their manager had said. It was something they could handle, and it wasn’t that easy to spot a celebrity during the plain day in a regular car. They both secretly wondered if he was just trying to send them off somewhere so he wouldn’t have to deal with them, or that maybe while on the road they’d get kidnapped or killed, problem solved right?

It was a morbid thought, but they just couldn’t put it behind them, it was definitely possible. Their actions not only affected their own group, but the entire company and the other groups. They had become outcasts to their bosses, coworkers and friends.

So here they are now on this gloomy Saturday, with Jonghyun driving the streets in search of something they don’t know and Taemin waiting in the passenger seat. They cruise down the road and put their angry members behind themselves for a while. The ride is quiet for the first half. They keep their hands to themselves and drive, not knowing exactly where they’re going.

“Hyung...where exactly are we headed?” Taemin asks quietly. Jonghyun’s chest sinks at the sound of Taemin’s voice, hearing it for the first time since they arranged to go for a drive yesterday. He secretly wishes Taemin would call him ‘Jonghyun’ like he used to, when he wanted him to know he really cared, but he knew it was a bit too early for that. He couldn’t blame him, ‘Jonghyun’ was reserved for more intimate moments, but he still used it often when with him. He just has to wait, he guesses.

“I’m..not really sure Tae, I was hoping you’d have an idea.” he admits.

“Well.. we can’t really go somewhere public, so...somewhere secluded..what about those national parks you find all around the place?” Taemin suggests.

“Hmm, that might work, I’ll find a far away one, one that people don’t go to.” Jonghyun says.

The drive never seems to end, and they both grown a little restless. Jonghyun decides to turn the radio and immediately regrets it. ��Press Your Number’ conveniently starts playing and while they both know it’s a good song, it takes them back to the time when it had played at the station, when it had played just before they had just ruined everything. Jonghyun frets, desperately trying to shut off the radio, knowing it just might upset Taemin more than him, being it’s his own song. Taemin sees his struggle and places a hand over his, knowing it can’t be easy to drive while fumbling with the radio controls.

“It’s alright..” Taemin says. Jonghyun’s heart picks up at Taemin’s touch. He pulls back, letting Taemin shut it off.

Jonghyun lets his hand fall to the console and rests it lightly on the gear shift. Shyly, Taemin places his on top, saying nothing.

“I’m tired of this..hyung.” Taemin admits, causing the older to turn his head for a moment.

“I- I am too, Taemin.” Jonghyun answers back almost instantly.

“Can we just-” Taemin starts, not knowing how to finish. He grips Jonghyun’s hand tighter and he gets the message.

“Yeah..we can” Jonghyun responds.

From then on, Taemin grips his hand tighter, and shifts just a bit in his seat, just to be that much closer to Jonghyun. The rest of the ride is filled with light talks and hands brushing and it’s nice and simple, and they both forget everything for a while

The car ride ends up taking about two hours in total, and by the end of it they’re half-crawling out of their car with aching legs. They take a moment to stretch and then walk on and enjoy their surroundings. The park is full of newly greening trees and buds just starting to form. It’s still a little cool out, but it’s nice nonetheless.

“Wow..how’d you find this place, it’s so nice and private.” Taemin exclaims, hesitating on the word ‘private’, he leans just a little closer to Jonghyun when he speaks and they walk like this down cobblestone paths for a while.

“Hey don’t blame me, the GPS did all the work.” Jonghyun chuckles, his fingers at his side, lightly playing with Taemin’s. After a few minutes of their fingers brushing and wiggling, Jonghyun takes it upon himself to brave up and hold his hand, it’s not like they hadn’t done way more than this, but everything just felt a little new to the both of them, but it was nice in a way, it was almost like falling in love all over again.

With their hands now linked, they walk down their path and make way for a new section of greening trees, benches lining the grass beneath them.

They stop at a particularly large, vibrant tree and just stand under it for a while, taking in the view before them. The park is big- and empty. With just the two of them there it’s a bit overwhelming, having this whole place to themselves in all its breathtaking beauty. So they just stand and stand and stand, take everything in and focus on the way the leaves rustle in the trees, the way birds chirp in the distance, and the way their hands always seem to warm up when clasped together despite the weather.

They spend a while like this, admiring everything nature has to offer them, and before they know it, Taemin is clutching Jonghyun’s arm, tightly even though he hadn’t noticed. It’s like magic, they think, they way their bond seems to seamlessly grow even after their hardships, they way they come together like magnets, inseparable and forever. They look down to their arms, half-smiling. It’s when Jonghyun looks up that Taemin’s smile melts away.

“Taemin..” Jonghyun starts. He has this look in his eyes like he hasn’t seen him in a lifetime and it’s Taemin’s favourite look, the look that makes him feel wanted, needed, loved. Taemin knows this look, this is the look that leads to leaning in, to pressing of lips and so much more. “Would it be too much if I..?” Jonghyun trails off, hoping Taemin knows what he means, and of course he does, he knows what the other means before he finishes.

Taemin shakes his head instantly. “Please..” Taemin half- begs, leaning close, nuzzling their cheeks together and then slowly their lips. They meet softly in the warm middle and it’s so slow and so soft, so quiet and delicate, that there’s nothing either of them want to change about this moment. They move slower than seconds, once again trying to remember the feel of the other on their mouths. They pull back, creating a half-wet sound. They smile at each other when they notice they are both starting to flush.

“This, it’s been a dream of mine.” Taemin confesses against Jonghyun’s lips, he looks up to the green leaves above them, and now they’re facing each other. “To kiss you like this, under a tree, it- it’s stupid but..” He says. Jonghyun almost wonders if everything right now is a dream because it’s like Taemin is the same person as him, merely reflecting back his own feelings. It’s like a fantasy, being together like they were before. He almost has trouble breathing, unable to process everything around him.

“For a long time now...I’ve felt like we shouldn’t do this” Taemin says, sending a chill down Jonghyun’s back. “..because it’s wrong.” he says, still holding onto Jonghyun. “But I can’t accept that something that feels this good, and this right, is wrong, and I won’t” Taemin finishes with pink cheeks, noticing Jonghyun is barely breathing. He shakes him a bit and when he doesn’t respond he lets his lips speak for him.

The younger wraps his mouth around the older’s, this time a bit quicker, a bit warmer. It’s so much and so little at the same time and slowly, they’re moving closer starting to grab at each other, holding and gripping their clothes tightly, snaking hands around body parts and swaying hips slowly.

What’s left of the space between them is quickly heating up and their kissing quickly abandons all forms of gentle and slow, and they forget all about the park as they stumble back to their car. Jonghyun fumbles with the car keys and soon they’re falling onto the backseat, shutting the door and kissing like they’ve never kissed before, it’s as if their mouths are the land and they are the explorers, yearning to learn, to search.

Now Jonghyun has Taemin lying on him, heated mouths colliding, hands reaching for what they’ve been starved of for so long. Hardly anything has happened yet and they are panting, heating up the space around them and ultimately, fogging up the windows even amidst the early spring weather.

Now Jonghyun is searching and feeling what he’s missed while the younger seeks out contact with his skin, impatiently ripping off his jacket. As he removes Jonghyun’s clothes, Jonghyun does the same, quickly sliding Taemin’s jeans off his shapely legs along with his shoes. Taemin whines into his mouth, surprised at the feeling of the other touching him like this- it’s been too long.

“Jonghyun” Taemin whines, pulling back from his mouth. Jonghyun moans when he hears his name spill from Taemin's lips. It's definitely been too long.

Taemin wakes up on Jonghyun's chest, albeit groggy and confused. Jonghyun is still asleep and naked under him and he smiles, remembering back to earlier. With a shaky hand he rubs at his eyes, taking in the darkness of the night surrounding their car. He props his hands on either side of Jonghyun's head and sits up a bit, noticing Jonghyun's jacket thrown over his butt. He winces a bit at the soreness in his posterior- but pain was to be expected after this long.

“Hmm?” Jonghyun breathes, feeling Taemin's warm and bare chest leave his. He brings his hands up to wrap around Taemin's arms, pulling him down into a sloppy kiss.

“I just..woke up.” Taemin slurs quietly, brushing a few loose strands of hair out of Jonghyun's dimly lit face.

“What time is it..?”

“Umm, I don't know..it's- it's dark out.” Taemin answers, sticking his head up to peek out their tinted windows. The entire park is nearly pitch black and while Taemin likes the privacy he feels a little nervous, being almost stranded like this.

“Hey..you okay?” Jonghyun asks when he sees Taemin's eyebrows furrow in discomfort.

“Oh, it's just, it's dark out..” Taemin trails off, his pinking cheeks visible in the darkness of the car.

“Hey, it's alright, I got you.” Jonghyun coos, brushing his hands up and down the younger arms, then up to his face.

“I'm here” Jonghyun says, meeting his eyes. It sounds funny, Taemin thinks, but he knows Jonghyun's expression is nowhere near joking now.

“I just...I don't want to lose you.” Taemin whimpers as his throat starts to clench. He lets his fingers graze Jonghyun's cheeks, gazing at him through blurry eyes. Jonghyun leans up to peck his cheek and suddenly Taemin breaks, tears spilling onto Jonghyun's cheeks.

“Hey..why are you? Oh come on, it's okay baby.” Jonghyun coos, cheeks warming at the sight of a flushed Taemin with trembling lips. He kisses him in a poor attempt to stop the shaking.

“Mm hyung, I'm-” Taemin stammers, he tries to continue speaking but is pulled into a tight, skin to skin hug.

“Shh..” Jonghyun whispers as he smooths Taemin's hair slowly.

Taemin nods, taking the other man into his arms. They allow themselves to stay there like that for a while longer. They lay there, embracing each other well into the evening.

A little while later they finally decide to head home. It's a struggle to change into their clothes in their not-so-roomy backseat but they manage.

After a long drive back home filled with tangled fingers and quiet words they reach the dorm. They arrive at the dorm quietly, with interlinked arms. Taemin checks his phone to see it's just past 10pm. They both sigh, wondering if the others are still up or not.

It's Minho padding into the living room that sends their quiet gasps into the room. They both jump and rip away from each other in seconds.

The taller walks into the dark room and when he meets their eyes he freezes.

“You were out...late” Minho starts.

“Yeah um, just getting some fresh air.” Jonghyun explains.

“Hmm, is it really fresh though?” Minho asks. “I mean, you leave and it's nice and clean and simple, but when you get back it's the same as before, gloomy.”

“Minho..” Jonghyun starts, stepping a bit closer to the taller.

“I just wanted to say, that I- I should have stood by your side from the start...yeah it was pretty bad, but I could see your side and I knew how much you guys were hurting and I- I just sat there, and ignored you. I know this is all very random but I’ve had this on my mind for a while, I’ve been figuring out how to tell you two.”

“Minho..it’s not your fault.” Taemin says quietly.

“I could understand Kibum’s anger but, I was silently on your side from the start, but my cowardice prevented me from sticking up for you, and because of that, you guys suffered for over a month.” Minho says, his hand threading through his long brown hair in disappointment.

“Minho...just forget about it, Jonghyun and I are..okay.” Taemin hesitates, linking his hand with Jonghyun’s and showing Minho. Jonghyun nods and the two step closer to the taller man with tears forming in his eyes.

“I- I should have been there, you guys were so alone and I did nothing!” Minho’s voice is cracking now and it’s starting to break both their hearts. In unison they take him into a warm hug.

The three of them stand there amidst the darkness of the living room for a while, breaths shaking and shoulders trembling, and although the context is sad, this is a step forward for them, and they know things are bound to improve. A while later Minho speaks up, still wrapped in the other two’s embrace.

“I know it doesn’t seem like it, but Jinki is coming around too, he’s just- he doesn’t know how to deal with it totally, but I know he isn’t mad anymore.”

“Hmm well that’s good.” Jonghyun mumbles against Minho’s shoulder.

“I don’t- I don’t really know about Kibum though, he’s just always, so mad, and I honestly don’t understand it. He’s gotten better but I really don’t..have a clue.” Minho admits.

“Maybe..” Taemin starts to mutter. “Maybe he’s just a little jealous that Jonghyun and I are finally out, that maybe we don’t have to hide anymore- unlike him and Jinki.” Taemin finishes and it’s more of a guess than anything but the others simultaneously agree with him, saying it makes sense.

“I was...thinking, doing a lot of thinking and, I thought about doing it myself..” Minho said, making the two cock their heads up in curiosity.

“You mean you..would come out?” Taemin asks. “Minho I, I don’t know if that’s the best decision right now, especially after Jonghyun and I are just finally cooling down.” He purses his lips, uncomfortable with the idea.

“Hear me out.” Minho starts. “Maybe if I did, the pressure would be off you guys for a while, right?” Jonghyun and Taemin nod, unable to see his point. “I just wonder, if us three were out, maybe a certain pressure would alleviate and people would stop caring, or say things like ‘oh a SHINee member, they’re all gay, who cares?’ if things could be like that then..”

“I’m not sure.” Jonghyun admits.

“I see the appeal.” Taemin admits, interrupting Jonghyun. “It’s like we all bear the same weight right?”

“Mhm.” Minho hums. “Who knows, I mean, maybe once Jinki and Kibum come around, maybe we could all expose ourselves and become like ‘GAYNee’ or something?” Minho laughs and Jonghyun chuckles.

“I like the idea, but HATE the name.” Taemin whines, wrapping his arms tighter around Minho. Jonghyun heads to the kitchen, leaving the two of them in the living room.

“Thanks Minho, we..we really love you.” Taemin admits, eyes serious. Before Minho can respond Taemin stands on his tippy toes and pecks his cheek.

“I-” Minho says. “I just hope we can all be close again, I really miss that.”

“Well, take it from me, but I think we’re headed there.” Taemin smiles, patting his back to push him into the kitchen for an evening snack with his and his Jonghyun.

A few milk and cookies later and they’re laughing around the counter at 12am, with Jonghyun’s hand curled around Taemin’s waist and smiles that for once aren’t forced.

“Ok..this is gonna sound creepy but- can I just see you two kiss, it’s been ages and I realized I actually missed it. Something about it makes everything seem right. Plus I’m still not one hundred percent convinced you guys are okay again.” Minho huffs, arms crossed at his chest with a smug face.

Jonghyun and Taemin take a moment to look at him in confusion, and then at each other, and for a moment they freeze. They freeze because they really haven’t kissed in front of anyone for ages, it almost feels foreign and neither of them know why they’re suddenly bashful.

“I-” Taemin squeaks.

“What’s wrong, cat got your tongue?” Minho laughs.

“No actually I got his tongue.” Jonghyun retorts playfully, earning a roll of the eyes from Minho.

“I mean, it’s just been so long, in front of anyone else, it’s weird you know?” Jonghyun explains.

“You have to start from somewhere.” Minho says. Jonghyun looks back at Taemin and they laugh for a moment before staring intensely at one another, hoping that if they zone out everything and focus on each other, that they’ll be able to kiss.

Soon enough their lips are moving together and they pay no mind to Minho, who’s just calmly watching, relieved and content. A few seconds pass and they move more fiercely. Jonghyun grabs a handful of Taemin’s ass, bumping him closer. It takes Minho clearing his throat thrice for the two to realize, and then laugh, with pink cheeks.

“That’s nice.” Minho says calmly, grinning genuinely before the blushing lovers.

Epilogue

One thing that definitely cheered up Jonghyun and Taemin in the following days after Minho’s apology, was the influx of thousands of messages, all from Shawols.

On a sunny Sunday afternoon, Jonghyun called Taemin to his desk, he asked him to accompany him in logging back in to all his social media platforms, to offer support in case the fans had decided to abandon them- which they knew was improbable, but still an underlying fear. He sat next to Jonghyun and hoped for the best.

Both their mouths seemed to drop as they scrolled through endless pages of messages on Jonghyun’s Twitter, from long, loving paragraphs about how they were accepted by Shawols, to endless memes about their relationship, the positivity never seemed to end. Taemin shifted closer to Jonghyun, linking their fingers together in joy. Society itself might not accept them yet, but Shawols alone were more than enough to keep them going.

Once Taemin had left the room, Jonghyun sneakily saved all the newly produced JongTae fanarts he could find, and definitely read up on the newest fanfictions of them, created just for them in their new situation.

End

So yeah, hope it was ok n stuff??

#jongtae #angst #smutty #i gave up on that smut tho #rip #part 2 is 5464 words long #1 and 2 overall is 7925 words #also kibum n jinki come around finaly n come out #they joke about gaynee but remain shinee n are even mor popular in korea now #my writing

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locutius · 7 years ago

Text

Locutius Letter #19

Google I/O’s VUI Surprise

In this week’s “HOLY SH!T” moment, Google debuted Google Duplex, an AI system for accomplishing real-world tasks over the phone. It’s already tough to tell a machine from a person on TTS samples (a la Tacotron 2), but Duplex goes more than a few steps further with an AI that can make appointments on your behalf.

First, check out this hands-on video from CNET Then, read Google’s blog post on Duplex: Google's AI blog

Reaction from the tech sector, journalists, privacy experts, and assorted others was a combination of "wow," "oh no," and "oh heck no, I didn't hear any notice or consent in that conversation." Since the demo, Google has clarified that there will be notice and consent (see this CNET article). However, Sarah Jeong (my favorite courtroom reporter) declares No one knows how Google Duplex will work with eavesdropping laws.

S. A. Applin (aka AnthroPunk) weighs in

Motherboard: Google Duplex Puts AI Into a Social Uncanny Valley

Early responses from the Technorati

Google’s Demo Duplex Stole the Show /// Wired

It’s hard to believe AI can interact with people this naturally /// The Verge

Uhh, Google Assistant Impersonating a Human on the Phone Is Scary as Hell to Me /// Gizmodo

Google Duplex will call salons, restaurants, and pretend to be human for you /// Ars Technica

Also, I made a Twitter Moment because embedding tweets in emails is THE WORST: Duplex gets its Moment

Is Duplex classist?

Google not only deceived these people, but turned them into inconvenient interfaces. The woman at the restaurant, for example, had a thick accent, so the implication is you don't need to suffer through the experience of dealing with someone who might not look or sound like you. A machine can do it. - Richard Nieva, CNET

And this...

(If you aren't already, you should be following Kortney on Twitter and you should learn about Appolition, his latest project, which was recently featured in Fast Company's World's Most Innovative Companies 2018 series.)

Here's everything else VUI-related from I/O:

Assistant

Six (or seven) new voices With advances in AI and WaveNet, Google can now create a new voice in a few weeks instead of spending months in a studio. The new voices are already available for your assistant /// The Keyword (Google Blog)

Continued Conversations Assistant was updated last year to let you say “Turn on the kitchen lights and turn on the hallway lights” in one go, but now you can say things like “Turn on the kitchen lights and the hallway lights”. Progress. /// Android Police

Custom Commands Developers can now build custom commands into their products so that instead of saying “Ok Google…ask ______” you can give the command directly to Google (or Assistant running on the device). /// CNET

Google Assistant's Pretty Please helps your kids mind their manners Hot on the heels of Alexa’s Magic Word feature, Google adds a own polite mode /// CNET

Google Announces New Developer Tools for Google Action Monetization, Discovery and Engagement Seamless digital subscriptions, re-engagement via notifications, and better discovery for 3rd party apps? /// Voicebot.ai

Assistant + Home + Smart Displays

Google’s Smart Displays are going on sale in July These displays were...on display…(cringe) at CES in January and you can get one in just a couple of months. I’ve been playing with the LG one and it’s the thing I wanted 10 years ago when I bought a Chumby. Also, if you're thinking about getting one, I recommend getting the Lenovo version. It's the prettiest and has the smallest footprint. /// The Verge

Google says Android Things is finally ready for smart devices Launched to developers at the end of 2016, Android Things will be in the Smart Displays and some Assistant-including TVs, but there will also be Android Things that aren’t Google devices, like medical equipment and public signage. /// The Verge

Google Home Coming to 7 More Countries in 2018: Denmark, Korea, Mexico, the Netherlands, Norway, Spain and Sweden Google Home will be for sale in 80 countries by the end of the year, but these are the next 7 to get localization (Mexico! yay!). /// Voicebot.ai

Assistant + TV

Google partners with JBL for an Android TV-powered soundbar There’s a cute video and it looks much better than my home situation: We have a smart TV at my house. I can use the Google Assistant (via Home via a Chromecast) to turn it on, but not turn it off, which is super awesome and useful /// The Verge (Here’s a hands-on review from The Verge, too - pay attention to those layers - PlayStation + Assistant!)

Google Assistant arrives on LG's 2018 premium TVs Prices start at $900 for the 55-inch SK8000 TV (it's currently on sale), up to $4,000 for the 65-inch E8PUA 4K OLED TV. /// Engadget

Assistant + Home appliances

Google Assistant update makes Whirlpool voice commands a breeze No more “Ok Google, ask Whirlpool to heat oven to 400 degrees” now you can just say “Ok Google, heat the oven to 400 degrees” - Turn your volume down before clicking because CNET has noisy autoplay ads. :( /// CNET

Cars

Volvo will embed Google Assistant and Maps into future cars Your car’s system will work separately from your phone, so I’m curious about how hand-off will work /// Engadget

Google renames Google Research to Google AI Deep sigh. If you know me, you know how I feel about this. I love the photo at the bottom of the stories page because it was taken in one of our most-used visitor spaces on main campus, not an actual workspace. /// Google AI + The Verge

Wellbeing

Android P now includes Digital Wellbeing features (downtime) I get two kinds of notifications on my phone: text messages and phone calls. But if you find yourself overwhelmed by notifications (OMG, that notification overload when you first download a new app, I’M LOOKING AT YOU INSTAGRAM), then this might be the phone OS for you /// The Verge

Google launches a site on Digital Wellbeing “Great technology should improve life, not distract from it.” /// wellbeing.google

Check out the original “Digital Distraction” presentation A Call to Minimize Distraction & Respect Users' Attention by Tristan Harris on Scribd

This email isnt’ exhaustive, so check out 100 Things Google announced at IO

Non-Google News

Microsoft demonstrates Alex + Cortana integration You’ll be able to say “Alexa, open Cortana” and then you can use Cortana to send an email because Alexa doesn’t do email...yet. I don’t know about you, but I <3 asking a machine to get another machine for me to talk to. Microsoft has a site where you can sign up for more info when it goes live. /// The Verge

Microsoft launches a unified API for all of its AI speech services The unified speech service will combine Microsoft speech recognition service, text-to-speech API, customized voice models and translation service. Currently, these are all available as separate services. I know, this article is on TechCrunch and they have that weird scrolling UI. I’m sorry. /// TechCrunch

Self-driving cars are here They’re starting with local, on-demand shuttle routes in Frisco, TX /// Andrew Ng on Medium

You can now set Amazon’s Alexa as your default voice assistant on Android No maps or phone calls, but you can...do a Google Search? Ok, Alexa. /// The Verge

Introducing Project Kinect for Azure Microsoft is moving Kinect to the cloud /// Microsoft's post on LinkedIn

How uncertainty could help a machine hold a more eloquent conversation “Language isn’t really like a decision tree,” Vigoda (founder & CEO) says. “This is trying to be more like a person.”/// Technology Review

Stuff I bought this week

Light up Crocs. Because I'm a mom. If you buy these for your kid, go up a size from their usual Crocs because the back band seems to be shorter and less flexible.

Pour spouts for bottles. I buy olive oil in bulk and decant it into these smaller bottles to keep it by the stove. a) It makes me feel like I'm a chef, and b) Those pour spout things are awesome and I want to use them everywhere.

Until next week!

👋👋👋

Abi Jones Editor, Locutius

Is there something I missed? Want to chat? I’m on Twitter at @jonesabi

Yes, this newsletter contains affiliate links.

Finally, the opinions in this newsletter are mine, not my employer’s (my employer is Google).

#locutius #vui #googleduplex #google duplex #voiceux #Assistant #Google Assistant #Google I/O #Google I/O 2018

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haus-of-wu · 5 years ago

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i’m new to suju ( i started stanning them last year) so i don’t know much about them. what’s sjm?

buckle in kids, here’s the crash course to super junior M ( 📢 cue airhorns 📢 )

(but seriously thank you for entertaining my desire to literally never shut up about the group of talented idiots that have been part of my life for 12? years)

SJM (M standing for Mandarin) was formed in 2008, and was SM’s first group to directly target the Chinese(-speaking) market. Similar to the way other Korean artists had made debuts in Japan and released Japanese content, SM wanted to do the same but in China, Taiwan, Hong Kong, and other Chinese-speaking markets. (yum capitalism)

If Super Junior’s original rotating/graduation concept was the predecessor to NCT, Super Junior M was the precursor to SM’s younger Chinese-facing groups, EXO-M and WayV. The key difference I’d point out is that SJM is perhaps the most intentionally multilingual in terms of their track releases; they always record a Korean version of their mini album title track, and Perfection also had a Japanese version. Meanwhile, EXO-M was separate from EXO-K at the beginning because they had two distinct groups of 6 promoting the same song in two different languages, while WayV only (so far) releases in Mandarin (barring the English version of Love Talk).

The original lineup consisted of Hangeng, Zhoumi, Siwon, Donghae, Ryeowook, Kyuhyun, and Henry. After Hangeng left SJ/SM, they added in Eunhyuk and Sungmin to round the group out to 8 members.

There was a ton of controversy surrounding the addition of Zhoumi and Henry, because they were not part of the original 12-13 members (RIP kyuhyun for not being part of Twins/Knockout LMAO) that made up Super Junior. K-ELFs/OT13s were worried that adding new members would take the spotlight away from current members and hurt the group as a whole. This “conflict” was handled very poorly, which lead to SM drawing a line between Super Junior and Super Junior M membership. Zhoumi and Henry were officially confirmed to be SJM-only members, and would never promote with SJ proper.

I’ve always been OT15 - just because members came later doesn’t mean that the team doesn’t love them any less.

They’re all adults and capable of making lineup decisions themselves, so I honestly don’t know why “fans” get so worked up about individual members and whether they should or shouldn’t be in the group and etc. The ELF fandom can honestly be a shit show in that respect. Cue substitute-leader!Eunhyuk angrily scolding ELFs (and urging present supportive ELFs to record this ment and share online) during SS6 for their disrespectful behavior towards Henry and Zhoumi during their solo stages.

like literally in 2020 all I am asking for is to let Zhoumi come out of the basement and make music with his family g o d

Video/track list for the uninitiated, and for those looking for a trip down memory lane (I’ve mostly picked live performances bc the MVs and lyric vids are fairly easy to find):

SJM’s discography mostly falls into two easily distinguishable buckets: the SJ funky sound (think Sorry Sorry, Bonamana, Mr. Simple, Sexy Free & Single), and (Chinese) ballads.

Super Girl

youtube

You’re my super girl, I’m your super man

He can’t see your beauty, the magic hidden behind your ordinary appearance

I’d do anything for you

If he says he likes you, he would wait on you even if he’s busy

(TLDR SJM said dump your subpar man who doesn’t give you the time of day)

Their OG title track that made me fall in love with them go feral in 2008 - it’s a bop. This video also gives us leader/center Hangeng.

(this is also the same song Donghae was singing during that one clip where suju pretends to forget how super clap goes)

If you watch the MV, you get SNSD’s Jessica making a cameo appearance in the house party scenes.

Perfection

youtube

It won’t do to be too rushed, love with shatter under (brute) force It won’t do to go too slow, so I’ll move at your speed

Just for you, I constantly give and I give Is it right for me to love you like this?

My heart keeps pounding, I want to see you My heart keeps pounding, I like you My heart keeps pounding, it’s all you My heart keeps pounding, I love you

Tell me you miss me Tell me you love me

I really have to thank Perfection for giving us the longest all-English rap in Super Junior history...even if the SM English is quite c r i n g e (it didn’t hit me till recently that Suju’s love for singing “boom” and “clap” started with Perfection)

something about this title track also makes me go feral (is it minor key? is it the ending verse/breakdown?)

Breakdown

youtube

My cold front breaks down for you All of my (facial) expressions reveal the way I worship you

Even if I’m covered in scars, I won’t mind if it’s for you

Maybe you think I’m too crazy (yeah you can call me crazy) In fact, I also agree with this (but I can’t stop loving you)

I specifically picked this performance because it’s the only one where they switched it up and sung the Korean verses with the Chinese chorus (VALID! because honestly...if you look up any of the Korean versions of their songs...they are very obviously subpar because the flow of the phonemes is clunky)

Swing

youtube

The general gist of the lyrics is a “cheer up, you can power through” message that’s fairly similar to Mr. Simple

The latest hit from SJM, all the way back from 2014, because SJM literally has not had a comeback since before Label SJ was an entity.

Even though it’s not my favorite track, Swing is important bc it was the first comeback they had a slew of Korean promos for (music shows, radio slots, variety show appearances), and they also placed first in China’s first ever music show broadcast.

Blue Tomorrow

youtube

By tomorrow, you will have left my side By tomorrow, I’ll be wishing on shooting stars alone Just like the ending of a movie

SJM also released a decent number of very on-brand love ballads. Blue Tomorrow is that lovely bittersweet breakup ballad you didn’t know you needed.

My Love for You

It doesn’t matter, it doesn’t matter, baby I’d give you whatever you’d want Wipe away your tears, the sky would never be dark I’d be by your side everyday

An A+ sappy ballad, 10/10 would listen to again (i’ve run out of video embeds so i’ll leave it to you to find)

🙏 But yeah! I’m gonna continue holding out for an SJM comeback in 2020. 🙏

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