#preachings of metat aun

[aunic-ascendancy-official]

so i should really introduce myself for you all name wise you can preacher I know it’s not a really a name more just what I do technically my civilian job since I work for the Harvesters and Sowers I was actually educated at one of the provincial colleges lady Inshadin will forever mean a great deal to me

[rainbowgod666]

Sonic.exe: (drunk as shit) an' uh- you... y... uuuhhh... honestly? Your girl isss... rreeEALLYy cool actshtually... (demoman noises) aa- at leasth you donth av to let a one offf phrase thefine yu...

SCP-166 Epon: (showing off her eìre goddess side) y- yuyeaahhh... thscanks for teaching her about... th-uuuhh thE SECOND AMENDMENT (she- did she fucking down half a pint of hard liquor like th- IS THAT IN THE "APOCALYPSE KNIGHT" CODE?) WOOOOOOOOOO! thiss... thissum gus shite i tellyahwat...- anyway ye t- think its hardd? Boi lemme tell ye, im suppos' ta be the Foundation's WAIFU! And thossshshshsheee...ff... fUCKs go after... (sighs) the fuckin' furrybait shy girll

Sonic.exe: prEaCh girl, thats... thatsh whut ye learned from whenyou uh... l-lived in a c...hurch

Epon: y-yuh cause like... me father's alto cLef yknow??? He focken döömped me thaer! Me name meansh fucken MEESTÆK in HEBREw! Like???

Sonic.exe: at leASt yer creatorshnot a fuken EDGELORD! HAAAAA

(They both drown the cringe in alcohol)

Herobrine: the top sniper of the Creepypasta Unit and the Second Knight of the Apocalypse everyone. (Disappointment intensifies)

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Tumblr furry: hang on, i get to stay AWAKE and it still counts as anesthesia?

Aubergine Man: its some SCP shit but its actually harmless (turns on red lightsaber) anyway, you said you wanted to transition?

Tumblr furry: yes pls i need the gender euphoria

Aubergine Man: Based.

Aubergine Man: also you get a free blåhaj after gender-affirming surgery and you get three months of hormones free of charge, but then you need a renewal service and depending on the fandom the price can change-

Gaster (from the storage room): afton PLEASE dont advertise during sURGERY

Orochimaru, all the way from the office: yeah! Its annoying!

Aubergine Man William Afton: ah whatever, anyway time for some personalized genital moddding :D

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Eric: so... uuhhh

Kyle: no, i wont tell anybody WHAT you used as the generator for dickinbaus

Butters: you promise?

Kyle: considering that i just saw 30 SCPs taped toghether to generate infinite energy from a taco-bell induced diharrea attack from cartman, yeah

Eric: good.

Eric: so... (looms at butter) you wanna do a nuclear warcrime? I want to staple a nuclear reactor to the dickinbaus

Butters: yeah! Nuclear energy!!!

Kyle: what the fuck is wrong with you two

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Pomni: what is this... white space?

Ink: welcome to the anti-void

Uncle grandpa: its basically an infinite canvas at the bottom of the undertale multiverse.

Dr.bright: its also a physical version of the Noosphere

Pomni:... a- (spontaneous combustion)

I fucking told y'all

(All the charachters that ever canonically knew or had access to a "white space" like the undertale anti-void/uncle grandpa "intermission space" proceed to nod, agree, and talk about how such a simple concept is THIS complex apparently)

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MONIST-1 RA: when i discovered that "Deimos" is also the name of a Madcom Charahcter i... genuinely liked this rock even more

Metat Aun: some people compare me to a scene of an extremely ancient cradle film... "2001 space odissey"... whatever tf that means

P.O.L.L.V.X.: a pilot canonically "pacified" me by having yaoi seggs with me

(Everyone embarassed)

Lancer!Alex (callsign ALPHA): (face bursts from pavement like he got shot from a basement or shit) and i would do it agaaain~

(All NHPs are now currently screaming in abject fear at the UwU NHP-Fucker pilot)

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Collector: why are we in ukraine?

Sonic.exe: i wanna teach you how to use a sniper rifle by killing some REALLY bad russian generals

Collector:... considering my lore, i would like you to define "bad"

Sonic.exe: the one we're "hunting" rn? He kills 10% of his squad every time they lose. And they lose A LOT.

Collector:...

Sonic.exe: were using Alex's "special ammo". This one is .65 BMG, Telekill/Depleted Uranium anti-tank DARPA. And theyre encased in fucking NuclearCraft Extreme Alloy. Because the powder used is so reactive it makes caesium and water look like a fart in a kids cartoon.

Collector:... (realizes that theyre basically launching nukes out of a customized-af barrett) what the fuck is Alex ON when he does these things???

Sonic.exe: the autistic spectrum

Collector: oh yeah right

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(48??u or something idk)

Xian Xiaoli: i need a melee weapon but all i have is the pieces to make a shotgun the size of a Barbarossa!

RA, from a busted radio: then do it?

Xian: how???

RA: let me use my Funny OP-plz-nerf Paracasualty Powers

Xian Xiaoli: (MONIST-1 RA enlightened noises)

Xian Xiaoli: (shudders) whOOH! That actually felt kinda good... thanks!

RA: any day girl!

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Shinji: just so you know, i figured that you didnt wanna do this to "save humanity"

Kaworu: how did you know?

Shinji: Kaworu, we have been lovely breeding each other for 6 hours straight. Its 2 AM and were naked under the covers while we cant feel our S H L O N G S anymore, this is TOO gay to be a "world-saving effort", and honestly?

Shinji, fully embracing kaworu: i wouldnt have any other way ❤️

(They then kept being lovebirds throughout the entire night. Rei was the only one who knew about this but shes based enough that when Asuka asked her she roundhouse kicked her into the wall) (because rei is THUG LIFE BAYBEEEE)

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SCP-096: wait, WHAT

Umbral: yeah, my name is like this because he thought "Number 96" sounded dumb. And one day he goes "actually when I watched the anime i never figured out your name" SO NOW HERE WE ARE!

096: at least its a good name...?

Umbral: THATS THE ONLY UPSIDE-

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Betê Noire betty: please tell me you're joking.

Bright: yep. Were now Alex's OCs because our creatore were associate with Predators

Betty: what

Bright: yeah hes like that

Betty: ALEX IS "LIKE THAT"? HE PHYSICALLY WANTS PEDERASTY TO REMAIN A THING OF THE GREEKS AND NOT A CRIME. Which would be good... IF HE DIDNT WANNA ANTIMEMETICS HUB IT OUT OF THE HUMAN PSYCHE

Bright: yep. He has good intentions, but sonetimes the way he goes about them are... excessively violent.

Betty: and he excuses his mistakes with autism?

Bright: only when its ACTUALLY the autism

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Hank: no you dont get it- Rye is the girlfriend, and Chelsea is the emoticona support pillow

Chelsea: exactly

Rye: (whispers to chelsea) wait so we take turns?

Chelsea: (whispers back) yeah girl, i got the assets but you got the wholesome

Rye: (whispering) aww tysm

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Hunter: honestly nice UNO win there, anyways why are we in your room and what did you mean by "taking your rewar-"

Willow: (stretches Vine like whip)

Hunter: (blushing HARD) oh shit-

(30 mins later, in the living room)

The collector: (staring right at Luz and Amity with the eyes of somebody that is 👌 this close to SNAPPING.) this is what i hear every fucking time i just wanna play pokemon in PEACE, and you two decide to give more material to the "next generation" part of our fandom.

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Monika: ok no seriously Alex, your mom is right- YOU CANT BUY MORE YUGIOH DUDE STAHP

Need content for unboxing. ( ◕_◕)

Monika: (mental breakdown) why are you like this

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Bright: i still feel you did something REALLY stupid

Clef: RE-LAAAAAX. Alex is a literal eigenweapon but he has a moral compass, hes gonna go there and do the job

Shaw: clef. You basically unleashed the only thing that can kill 682 (and then ressurrect it for "natural order" bullshit) on a small CI platoon that managed to get SCP-882.

Shaw: you sent a nuclear bomb eater to recover a nuclear bomb from nuclear thieves

Clef: (realizes that he is gonna be the reason the Veil is gonna be used as a hanging rope for the CI) fuck.

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Epon: why does my "knight" form... excite you so much

Sìgurros: girl, look me in the eyes and TELL me that "fiery war goddes of bare-handed murder with toned abs and large bazonkas" isnt peak waifu

Epon: (teary-eyed from the compliment) t...thank youuuu 🥺

Sìgurrós: exactly :3

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Benjamin kirby Tennyson: i feel like i am forgetting something important

Rex salazar: well you know how the reference goes

Daniel Fenton: if you forgot then it wasnt important!

Ben: u guys are right :3 its probably nothing

(Meanwhile, a few trilion lightyears from earth...)

Alex (Gear5): Ğømü ģòmų ñô...

Divinity: WAIT PLEASE NO-

Alex (Gear5): MÜŁŤÏVĘŘŚÉ ĞÂŤĻĪŃĞ!

Divinity: (cant speak on account of getting fisted from across every fandom ever at once)

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Belos: what.

Luz: yeah so... Alex is about to kill us all

Alex (Gear5) Alex-ULTIMATE FORM : GOMU GOMU NO-

Collector: and its all your fault

Amity: and YOU wanted to join forces with him

Odalia: yeah i know dear daughter, i mean- you get a girlfriend that is a human with less manners than a wild animal? Eh i can survive that. The literal emperor of the boiling isles being not only ugly, misoginistic and bigoted, but also a massive idiot? Oh titan NOPE

Hunter: yeah... considering what he did until now, if i knew he was THIS stupid i would have defected the instant i saw someone else even remotely smart

Alex-ULTIMATE FORM:

DIGAMMA METEOR!

Eda: congratulations, youre a failure

Belos:what-

(And then everyone died in a gigantic HBM mod themed explosion because yes.) (AND there was epic music behind it because here in italy we use sick beats as condiment for explosions)

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Herobrine: between Entity303 using all our internet connection for yaoi, and SCP-4335 basically being kirby but with even less braincells?

Herobrine: better than the screming italians and their constant overkillage anyway

Bill: the what

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Scunt player: what... ARE you?

Alex, omnitrix transformation 250 "team fortress" version SCOUT ultimate form cyberpsychosis scout: im... your upgrade?

Scunt player: that explains the green

Cyberpsychosis scout: those are a ben 10 reference

The entire fucking server: (peeks to see whats happening) what.

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Jax: you know, i get that i need to be nicer to others...

Jax: but INFINITE OVER-THE-TOP ULTRAVIOLENT TORTURING IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED

Talloran: BOO! GROW A PAIR!

Jax: (crying in existential pain)

Lmao get rekt

Pomni:... why do i feel satisfied looking at this

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Pomni: i want to kill.

Caine: what

Pomni: (looks right at caine) you will be the last one to see this place die.

Caine: what???

Ragatha: (blushing) woah uh-

Pomni: (points to ragatha) you shall reign over the aftermath of my fury.

Ragatha:... thats actually kinda hot ngl

Caine: WHAT THE-

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049: im sorry what

1048: ok look we get it sounds weird but-

2295: we want to build an EVA unit!

049: WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME-

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(Downtime action "Go Diving", gain result 6)

ALPHA: what the fu-

SCP-035: so uhm... if you ever need to know, SCP stuff is compatible with this setting but uuuuhhh... NOT the other way around!

ALPHA: i have questions and that wasnt one of them

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Chara: why does the fnaf movie have a scene where a child does MY "eyes bleeding void" thing?

G. Freddy: in that film im the 「stand」 of a little girl and matpat is there to do the "just a theory" line. Dont ask wtf were the producers smoking

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Sonic.exe after hearing about the "pissing on the moon" incident: yeah sure, like eggman actually DID that...

(A few hours later)

Sonic.exe: (traumatized)

Sonic: we told you.

Shadow: seriously, he was drunk, what did you expect.

Sonic.exe: (broken innocence noises)

Tails: is he gonna have that thousand-yard stare for long? I need somebody to debug a program...

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Baby: i excuse the glorified dress-up but i draw the line at tHIS

Afton: (doing the California Girls meme as a mass of wires in the Vanny costume... all while the "proportions" are "exaggerated") this is how its fucken done :>

Gregory: really. THIS is the villain of the series?

Baby: the film removed all the nuance dear

Gregory: sick claw tho

Baby: ty

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Cyana: (looks around)

Cyana:

Cyana:.

Cyana:..

Cyana:...

Cyana: where the fuck am i.

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Susie: kris where the fuck are we

Kris: this is the chernobyl reactor in 1989, we are here because Towa from DBXV wants to stop Boris The Slav Superstar to crawl out of Reactor 4

Susie: oh yeah, side gig at the dragonball time patrol, i remember

Kris: you need some Omega-3 girl

Susie: where the fuck do i find all that fish tho?

Kris: do i LOOK like i would know?

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Herobrine: ma dici che qualcuno ci fa caso che noi due (come tutti) sappiamo l'italiano

Sans: seeeeeeeeh come se qualcuno ci facesse caso

Herobrine: la "libreria" a snowdin si chiama "librerbia".

Sans: ...senti un pò blockman-

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Alex: im 70% sure this is normal

Cross: Alex, Xgaster is getting springlocked

Alex: yeah thats what i said

Xgaster: (suffering for his fandom crimes in an excessively graphic way)

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Astolfo: being in the testosterone squad is actually really based

(postal dude does a terrorism)

Astolfo: i mean, the only reason im here is that all my testosterone went in my Monster Can and im also pretty sure its also a health problem for future me but hey i get to be the sniper because i have the lowest T of all the squad

Astolfo: (another Gmod explosion in the background) which is probably ANOTHER health hazard. but Duke smokes literal kilos of cigars a day, Postal dude heals using crack, and im pretty sure Slayer is like, 1% Biologically Human so im... probably fine!

Astolfo: we get full health benefits (not just dental) and we kill people as the most masculine team ever, so we're not getting bored anytime soon

(another fucking explosion but this time its CLOSER???) (boi wut dhehel boi)

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Cimmerian: i have no idea WHY am i able to kill Alex by telling him hes wrong.

Cimmerian: and at this point? im not fucking asking.

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Frisk: wait, how did we end up like this?

Betty: see, the thing is, Alex rewrote like three AUs toghether and taped them to eachother, and it WORKED. years later we do wacky adventures and right now were fighting plantera

Asriel, currently escaping from the funny omega flowey joke: FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FU-

Frisk: yeah its the last part thats confusing

Chara (flying on a- thats a fucking jetpack): Dimensional Breach. we are going deep into Asriel's Terraria file to grab a zenith and unfuck things up back there

Frisk: ok... still doesnt explain asriel's starter weapon being a funny prism tho

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Massive wave of mindustry drones all ominously chanting the "hamburger cheeseburger big mac whopper" song:

Alex: so yeah, im gonna out-drone robotnik

Sonic:...

Sonic:... compared to eggman, robotnik is fucking insane

Sonic.exe: and extremely pathetic

Sonic: exactly my (technically our) point, but still; Alex. WHAT THE FUCK

Alex: IM GETTING THIS FUCKING SECTOR

IM GETTING THIS FUCKING SECTOR

Sonic.exe: oh no hes doing that thing where hes both in and out of this reality

Sonic: fuck

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Ink: so uhm... should we do something about that?

(SCP-3125 stuck in the threads holding the papers that make the Undertale Multiverse while other SCP gods try to pull him out)

Error: NAAAAAH

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Uncle sam: (turns out to be an immortal sarkic man that genuinely wants to help)

[REDACTED]: let him cook.

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Vriska: 4r3 y0u 3v3r g0nn4 w47ch 0ur 53r135?

Tf do i know

Vriska: FU-

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Shaggy: like zoinks scoob

Shaggy: we fell in the backrooms

Scooby: ruh roh

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Rick:... tumblr is-

Emptier than you expect?

Rick: yeah.

[aunic-ascendancy-official]

mm kay so things that bother me the endless dawn just being complete idiot like oh the Cultivator leaving doesn’t mean their really gone mmkay then what about Os huh they disappear and their a direct link to the Godhead or like the amount they talk about the pure light of Metat it just gets so close to saying if your Demeain or Apollonian go fuck yourself. Rant over ( just cuz I found an endless dawn preacher shouting their shit)

[aunic-ascendancy-official]

I was gonna ask a different question and then I saw what your button was named and uh.

I guess I'm asking about the Harvest now

ah yes the Harvester it’s a simple reference to the high one you see in our tongue Metat Aun is akin to the gentle harvest or a harvest done with care it doesn’t really translate well, often why it’s so hard to get those from union space to understand we aren’t a strange death cult.

[aunic-ascendancy-official]

you know like the ones you use to travel you can go from planet to planet only the beacon worlds really have em in large demand more are being built tho since the Harvester’s return

I thought union had them like a something gate sorry don’t know really know much about union space Just got “promoted” to this job recently

alright apologies for seeming like a country priest but I have to ask how long does it take to travel all your core worlds like I’ve heard it takes a long long time how many do you all have? like most people in Ascendant space travel to most of them by their like mid twenties like I know Union space is big but to think you have so many core worlds?