#pre-transition... but that’s not the case for everyone

[soup-mother]

do wish there was more trans media acknowledging that like.... when you probably didn't even grow up as a feminine boy (although in my case compared to a lot of guys I was cus i like....cook and clean and tidy up and stuff) and so the trans feelings kinda just come out of nowhere and overwhelm you and all the realising stuff is in hindsight. like in hindsight i always wanted to dress a certain way or be called a girl but i absolutely didn't know it at the time. like not everyone is that stereotype and a lot of the time you were basically a bit of a lifeless husk before realising you're trans and that makes it so difficult to navigate. like you have no aspirations, maybe 3 friends all of who suck and suddenly you're realising you wish you were a girl. semi related to how vitriolic people are about the very concept of trans girls who used 4chan and stuff. it's like... I guess a lot of people's ideas of what trans women are and were like is very different to a lot of our lived experience.

like a lot of the time, pre transition gender and personality looks like a mattress on the floor, instead of cute feminine always wanted to be a girl always played with the girls sorta thing (again, complicated in my circumstances and a lot of it was essentially not being raised as a Patriarchal asshole)

[phoenixyfriend]

HELP I have a silly plot concept and IDK what to do with it Just holding it like. an potato

Basically I saw a "not like other girls" type of thing and it included a ref to the "because I am not like most people (I am a literally not human/I was raised by an assassin program/I am now a dude)" variant where the gimmick is that the reason they're not like other girls actually is really, really rare.

Aaaaaand now I'm thinking of what the best AU would be for Ahsoka to be Genuinely Not Like Other Girls and I've done "I'm not like other Jedi; I'm a soldier" time travel stuff where she is Kind Of Unnerving to pre-war Jedi so many times that it would be more fun to do it the other way.

Which is! Modern AU! Ahsoka is either:

1) A Red Room style assassin who escaped the program and is now Trying To Blend Into A Normal High School while being raised by Obi-Wan (dad mode) and Anakin (college student doing his best to older brother) and keeps having Confusion when her new school friends take her out for ice cream or shopping or something. (This is present in a lot of media but the immediate example in my mind is Season Three of Stranger Things with Eleven and Max going to the mall)

OR

2) Still an alien, but in a less cohesive galaxy, who crash-landed in Anakin and Obi-Wan's backyard and has a Special Watch that can make her look human and they just keep introducing her to people as their Cousin From Abroad, and hoping people are too polite to ask why she's poking the apples like they're going to bite her.

In either case, they may also try to excuse Ahsoka's lack of familiarity with the wider world as Grew Up In A Cult type shit.

Trying to remember who's actually her age that could go to school with her and I am blanking on basically everyone except Korkie? I think maybe Barriss could be a senior while Ahsoka's a freshman. Attempts to Big Sister at Ahsoka and it only sometimes works, tutors when Anakin is busy or bad at the subject, etc. Whoever Ahsoka's friend is, they're walking down the street together and someone tries to mug them and the friend is like oh! Must protect the innocent new friend who grew up really sheltered in a cult and doesn't know the ways of the world! And then she kicks the ass of the person trying to mug them and Very Carefully Does Not Kill.

New friend has stars in their eyes.

In the Assassin version, Plo Koon is her therapist/handler for transitioning into normal life. Government-assigned psychologist that she goes to see at least twice a week. He hands her plushies to hold during sessions, and A Plushie ends up being one of the first things she actually asks Anakin or Obi-Wan to buy for her that isn't purely practical (green owl).

[deanstead]

Mistaken

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Reader, Rhodestead

Requested: no

Summary: As Will finds himself dealing with an unwelcome presence in his life, you disappear in the middle of shift.

Word Count: 5.3K+

Tags/Warnings: established relationships, stalking, kidnapping, hostage situations

A/N: First time I'm trying out writing for Rhodestead so I put this as a double pairing fic. Wasn't sure I was going to let this fic see the light of day but bestie @sheetsonfire gave her stamp of approval (and I haven't posted in a while) so here goes! Kinda (read: very) nervous about this so let me know what you guys think!

JAY HALSTEAD MASTERLIST

“Hey, you wanna grab dinner?” Will asked as he opened his locker next to you.

You glanced back at him, your eyes betraying the mental exhaustion from the day. Losing children was never easy, everyone knew that.

You gave Will a small smile. “No date with Connor?” You lightly teased.

Will chuckled.

Will and Connor had been dancing around each other for almost forever and it had taken you an unbelievable amount of self control not to literally bonk their heads together. Thankfully, they’d gotten off their asses before you had to.

“Connor got pulled into a surgery so I got stood up.”

You let out a small laugh, closing your locker. “Your brother’s on a case so… dinner’s on you.”

Will laughed, nodding. “I got you.”

The both of you ended up in one of the eateries you frequented that was near Med which opened late exactly for this reason - a place that had saved all of you from many late nights. Be it when Jay came to get you from a late shift, or when you, Connor and Will needed to eat after a shift before going to crash. All four of you had even been here together shortly after the shift in dynamics - you and Jay had just gotten married, while Will and Connor had finally started seeing each other officially.

In an effort to steer both your thoughts away from work, Will started a conversation about Connor, and you watched a light in Will’s eyes as he talked about Connor, a light that had finally let its way out into the world.

“What?” Will asked, angling his eyebrows at you before you realized you were smiling cheekily at him.

You shrugged. “Just nice to see you so happy.”

Will smiled, reaching over to ruffle your hair.

“You know you transitioned into this annoying older brother role way too smoothly.” You growled playfully, your eyes narrowing at him.

Will laughed, retracting his hand and chuckling.

“Y/N?”

Jay’s voice reached you first before you saw him but it still made you smile.

“You said you were going to be late?” You said but you were already looping your arms around his waist and pressing yourself into his embrace.

Jay let out a small chuckle. “Sorry, I know things have been a little crazy.”

You shook your head, burying your face deeper into his shoulder. “I just missed you.”

Jay leaned back before leaning back down to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “Shall we stay in tonight?”

You grinned back at him. “Sounds perfect.”

It felt like it had been a while since you and Jay had done this, just stayed in, the television turned on while the two of you had a cozy meal before cuddling on the couch with the wine glasses sitting just a little precariously on the small coffee table Will and Connor had gotten the both of you as a wedding present.

“Everything at work okay?” Jay asked quietly, his arms resting around your waist.

“You know, same-old. We have the bullies, the overbearing parents, but there are also families that remind me why I became a doctor.”

Jay rested his chin gently on your shoulder, his cheek resting lightly against yours before he closed his eyes.

“I think that if you’re here, if I know that I get to come home to you at the end of any day or case, I’ll be able to do about anything.” He whispered.

You knew that voice, the voice that told you he'd had a hard day.

You took his hand gently in yours. “I’ll always be here, Jay. At the end of every difficult case, or day, no matter what.”

Jay pressed a kiss to your cheek lightly and you leaned further back into his embrace.

“Dr Y/L/N, someone’s asking for you in the waiting room if you have a few minutes.” One of the nurses came up to you as you were studying a patient’s chart.

You looked around the ED, it was a quiet sort of day but you weren’t in the best of moods since you’d lost your card holder. Just thinking about having to replace your credit cards already made you feel tired and anxious. Regardless, you nodded with a smile at the nurse, thanking her for letting you know.

Putting on your best professional smile you headed towards the waiting room, scanning the crowd for someone who looked like they’d be waiting for you.

A woman who was about your age made eye contact with you, giving you a small smile. “Y/N Y/L/N?”

You frowned just a little in confusion although you kept your expression mostly neutral and nodded. She seemed a little familiar to you even though you weren’t fully certain where you’d seen her before.

The woman just smiled, handing you back a card case that was most definitely yours.

“I think you dropped this, this morning at the coffee place. I got your name from one of your cards and luckily the cafe said you were a regular so they knew you worked here.”

You felt the relief flood your system, the anxiety that had been clawing at you the whole morning finally seeming to let up.

“Oh my god, thank you.” You could even hear the relief in your voice bounce back at you but you weren't even embarrassed. “You saved me a lot of trouble and well... stress.”

You paused as you looked at her. “I feel like I’ve seen you somewhere before. Have we met?”

The woman just smiled and shook her head. “Maybe in the mornings, I get my coffee there too most days.”

It didn’t feel like a correct answer but you let it go, reminding yourself this was not the time to obsess over unimportant details.

“Look, you did me a huge favor today. Is there something I can do to thank you?”

The woman just smiled. “Maybe you can just buy me a coffee. Tomorrow morning?”

You studied her for a bit and then nodded. She smiled, extending her hand. “Grace.”

You smiled back at her and shook it, agreeing to see each other the next morning at the cafe.

As you watched her walk back out the main door with a friendly wave, you felt that weird feeling again, like something wasn’t quite sitting right with you.

You definitely knew her from somewhere.

As agreed, you’d met Grace the next morning at your morning coffee stop and it had gone better than you'd expected, so much so that you’d talked yourself out of that weird feeling in your gut, putting it down to that tinge of social anxiety you had with new people.

You’d almost caved and asked Will or Connor if they could come with you but decided you didn’t really wanna be a wuss. Besides, the rational part of your brain was telling you that your anxiety was being irrational once again.

Grace had been easy to talk to though, so you were glad you hadn’t overreacted.

But when you opened the door to the doctors’ lounge armed with coffees for both Connor and Will, you sensed something was off.

Will was sitting on the couch, his head ticked up just a little as the door opened and Connor’s arm was around Will’s shoulders, Will gently pressed up against Connor. Even though it was no secret, they didn't usually behave much like a couple at work.

“What’s wrong?” You asked, frowning as you quickly put the coffees down on the table and headed towards them.

Will glanced at Connor. “I’m fine.”

Connor gave him half an exasperated look, even though you could still see the frown lines tinged with worry.

Will might be your brother-in-law, but way before you and Jay had gotten close, the three of you had always been great friends so it wasn’t surprising you could tell they were holding something back.

You raised an eyebrow at Connor. “Someone better tell me what’s going on.”

Will exchanged a look with Connor before he gave him a small nod.

“She’s back.”

She.

You knew exactly who Connor was talking about. That was the part that really made you feel like shit.

Will had been reluctant to call it stalking at first, reluctant to put Jay on this even though the laws on stalking had already greatly improved the past few years. But now it seemed like Will was getting concerned too.

“Will, maybe we need to tell Jay about this.” You said gently, even though you understood why Will didn’t want to tell Jay and make it all official.

Will just nodded. “Maybe. I’ll talk to him.”

Connor glanced at Will before squeezing his hand gently. “I’ll see you later, alright? I've got a surgery."

With a quick kiss, Will and Connor parted and you nodded at Connor to assure him that you were here anyway.

Will had told himself that if it persisted he'd go to Jay but she'd suddenly stopped showing up. The notes stopped and the street was empty when Will left the house.

“Maybe she finally gave up. Like she had one last look and she left.” You said, even though just saying it sounded stupid.

Will just smiled back, asking everyone to stop worrying.

“Y/N, you’re wanted in the waiting room.” Maggie called across the ED and you nodded, patting Will on the arm before heading straight out, shrugging at Maggie.

You’d barely stepped out of the automatic doors when you saw her.

“Grace?”

She looked a little frazzled, like she was startled.

“Y/N, thank god. I didn’t know anyone else and…”

You frowned, stopping her with a hand on her arm. “Okay, slow down. What’s going on?”

“My friend, she got hurt and I don’t think I can move her. It’s just at the next street. Can you…”

You frowned. “How is she hurt, Grace? What happened?”

Grace shook her head. “I don’t know, can you just…”

You took a glance back at Leah, who nodded at you quickly disappearing back into the ED.

Feeling certain that whoever it was that Leah alerted would be able to catch up to you quickly, you let Grace lead you out of the ED, so preoccupied that you didn’t notice the shift in the look in her eyes.

“Anything?”

Will asked, jogging up towards Ethan who shook his head.

Having just gotten a bit of time between patients, Will and Ethan had come out after you almost immediately but somehow you were nowhere to be found.

Will already had his phone pressed to his ear but while it had been ringing earlier, it was now dead.

“Are we sure…” Will’s voice trailed off as his eye caught on something right by the side of the sidewalk. “Wait.”

Will bent down, picking it up. There was no mistaking it, Will thought, as the key-shaped pendant from your necklace lay in his palm. “This is hers. I better call Jay.”

The ringing in Jay’s ears hadn’t stopped since he’d heard from Will.

With no hesitation whatsoever, Voight had sent Jay and Hailey along to Med, while Kim went straight to try to track movements from traffic pods.

Jay frowned now as he leaned over the computer in the security office with Hailey, watching as you spoke to a woman in the waiting room, her face not fully visible from the angle she was standing at.

Hailey glanced at Jay. “She knows where the cameras are.”

Jay nodded absentmindedly, his eyes locked on the image of you leaving the hospital - the last time any of your colleagues had seen you.

Jay ran a hand across his face as he tried to empty his brain to think. Nothing made sense. It didn’t make sense why anyone would want to take you. There’d been no violent patients that you had mentioned recently and everyone Hailey had spoken to earlier couldn’t think of anyone from the past few months either. Sure, there’d been difficult patients and family members but no one that jumped out as being dangerous.

Which meant they had no starting point. And Jay was worried that his brain was too clouded with worry to even think straight. He felt like he was missing something.

“Jay. Here.” Will said, his voice quiet as he put the necklace in Jay’s hand.

Jay’s eyes lingered for a while on the pendant now and Will glanced at his brother worriedly, unable to even imagine being in Jay’s shoes right now.

“Jay, if you…”

Will was interrupted as Jay’s phone rang, his eyes wandering towards the screen of the image capture.

What the hell?

Will glanced up again where Jay was still talking on the phone, before his eyes found the screen again, feeling the knot in his gut seemingly grow in size.

“Will, I just heard.” Connor’s voice broke Will out of what was almost a trance, turning to look at Connor.

Connor registered the look in Will’s eyes almost immediately, his eyes flitting to the screen before he glanced at Will. “That’s…”

“What?” Jay asked now, joining them again as he finished talking to Kim.

Will could barely look his brother in the eye as he glanced up.

“Her name is Grace. Grace Turner.”

Jay frowned. “You know this woman?”

Will exchanged a look with Connor, who merely squeezed his hand. “She's been stalking me."

The room was still spinning but at least it seemed to be slowing down.

Grace had her back to you as she fiddled with something on her table. You knew you should have trusted your gut.

From the beginning, something had felt off about her, like she was being too friendly. But then you’d put it down to your social anxiety, swallowing it down like a bad pill.

Yet now, as you became more aware of the ache around your shoulders from your arms being pulled towards your back, feel the rough material of whatever she’d used to tie your wrists together, you knew your gut had been right all along. You should have just listened to it.

Just as you were trying to figure what the hell you were supposed to do, Grace turned to look at you.

Her lips curled up into a smile that you’d never seen on her face before, something that made the feeling of unease balloon up in the pit of your stomach.

“You’re awake.”

You frowned, your eyes scanning her expression for more clues.

“Grace, what’s going on? What… is this?” You asked, trying your best to keep your voice level and calm, as you’d done many times in the course of your work in the ED, regardless of what you were feeling.

Grace looked back at you, blinking. “I’ve been trying to figure out why he likes you. There’s nothing truly outstanding, you know?”

You frowned.

“What?”

You weren’t sure if she wasn’t making sense or if your head was still kind of spinning from inhaling whatever drug she’d soaked that cloth with before she’d pressed it against your mouth and nose earlier.

Grace turned back to look at you now and you didn’t like the glint in her eye. “I’ve been trying to figure it out for weeks, why he's been keeping his distance. And then I saw you with him, and then I knew. It was you. You’re the one standing between us.”

You frowned, your mind spinning as you tried to figure out what she was getting at. Jay hadn’t mentioned anything in particular and you were sure if there’d been someone following the both of you around, he’d have said something or changed up the routine for the both of you.

“You… what? Listen, if there’s…”

Grace didn’t seem to be listening though. “Is it because you’re both doctors?”

Both…

“You.” You couldn’t hide the contempt in your voice as you realized this was her. She was the woman who’d been stressing Will out.

Nervous as you were, your gut still feeling like it was flipped inside out, you also felt annoyance and the extreme urge to protect someone you cared about despite the situation you were in.

Even with the ache in your arms, you glared up at her. “If you really cared about him, you wouldn’t be doing this.”

Grace turned back towards you, the anger in her eyes more pronounced now. “No one cares about him more than I do!”

You didn’t avert your eyes, the anger you felt bubbling over in you overtaking the fear and uncertainty that was still hanging over you.

“Not even his brother?” Your voice was still even, as you looked at her. “You took me because you thought Will and I were seeing each other?”

Grace didn’t say anything, just narrowed her eyes at you.

“If we really were seeing each other, did you think taking me here was going to solve anything?”

Grace exhaled loudly. “I’ve been watching you with him.”

You studied Grace, feeling your thoughts swirl. She’d been so obsessed with Will, that she saw you when you were with him but she didn’t watch you any further. She didn’t see the times that you went home or on dates with Jay. You were actually more surprised she didn’t know about Connor.

“So what do you actually want?”

Your eyes flicked to the scissors she had in her hand as you finished your question, before she stepped towards you.

Jay was quite literally going out of his mind.

They’d matched the woman’s identity, and went straight to her last known address but the apartment looked like it hadn’t been lived in for months judging by the layer of dust that had settled on the furniture. What they did find was a bunch of photos of Will scattered along the walls and other corners of the apartment.

Jay could feel the anger building inside him. Even if this crazy woman hadn’t taken you right under everyone’s nose, the fact that this was somehow connected to his brother was pissing him off so much it was taking all his effort not to punch something.

The sounds of fingers dancing across keyboards, as well as the sound of rifling papers reminded Jay that he needed to keep his head in the game.

“Hey, Jay.”

Jay glanced up to see Connor heading out of the pantry where he’d been with Will, his eyes flicking towards the back view of his brother before he nodded.

“Listen, I was thinking. Will mentioned he’s seen her around his apartment a few times, so couldn’t we…”

Jay froze. “Wait, what?”

Connor frowned. “He didn’t say anything to you?”

Jay’s eyes flicked back in the direction of his brother. “He should have told me about this when it happened.” His voice was slightly reproachful but Connor could hear the tinge of worry as well.

Connor just nodded, realizing he needed to tell Jay almost everything.

“So, can we…”

Jay’s mind was already there as he nodded, leaning back down over his computer, trying to run matches between Grace’s known family and acquaintances with recent rentals near Will’s apartment.

Jay’s eyes scanned the screen in front of him quickly before he paused. “Ruz, what did you say her sister’s name was?”

“Kayla.”

Jay frowned. “I have a Kayla Lloyd here.”

Kim was right on it. “I think you’re on the right track. Kayla Turner married Nash Lloyd three years ago.”

The team exchanged looks. Hailey nodded. “It’s the best we got so far. I say we go.”

Voight was already standing at his office door before he nodded. “Let’s go.”

Connor glanced at Will from where they were sitting in the back of Jay’s truck.

Will was glancing out, his fist curled into a ball as it rested on the seat between him and Connor. It wasn’t that he was that affected by this woman, but the fact that he hadn’t done anything which ultimately got the people around him dragged in was really eating at him.

Jay glanced at his brother through the rear view mirror before training his eyes back on the road. He didn’t have the capacity to think of anyone else but you right now. He didn’t know how to. But he could feel the fear clawing at him, but he just exhaled slowly, turning the corner towards the address they’d found earlier.

You exhaled, hearing Grace pacing outside the bedroom she’d put you in.

Your eyes darted around the room, your brain feeling like it was finally clearing up enough for you to form thoughts that were coherent enough for you to take in other details you hadn’t noticed earlier, like your phone sitting on the dresser.

Grace had been a little out for it for a while, alternating between mumbling to herself or ranting at you about Will. You hadn’t exactly pointed out the fact that you weren’t Will’s girlfriend, like she’d been thinking when she’d grabbed you. Other than the insinuation that had seemed to pass right over her head, you weren’t sure if it was going to make things worse if you pointed out that there was nothing going on between you and Will.

But you needed to do something.

You struggled a little to get to your feet, especially considering that your hands and feet were bound together but you managed to stand a little shakily with minimal sound, feeling a bead of sweat travel down the side of your face.

Gritting your teeth to try not to make any other sound, you gently hopped, grateful that at least she’d put a carpet on her bedroom floor. You angled your body, wobbling backwards as you neared the dresser, your hands finally closing around your phone. You fumbled with your fingers trying to at least turn it on so that Jay could somehow find you. You felt like it was forever, trying to wait for the stupid logo to disappear and for the phone to start but you’d just turned around again to peer at the screen when the door opened.

You froze as you watched the look on Grace’s face shift to one of rage as she took in the scene before her.

She lunged and you threw yourself out of the way, your eyes not missing the fact that she was still gripping onto the scissors in her hand. Your phone slid out of your hands and onto the floor with a thud and you felt your heart sink with it as you tried to reposition yourself on the floor, trying to ignore the shooting pains from the shoulder you’d landed on.

But you knew it was useless, especially as you heard her frustrated breath and a low growl before you felt yourself get yanked up by the hair.

She was freakishly strong for a woman her size.

That was the thought that entered your mind as you tried to regain as much balance as you could. You felt your breath catch in your throat as the threatening cold metal blades hovered near your neck right before the door crashed open.

You’d never felt such a sense of safety overwhelm you until you saw your husband’s face now, his gun ticked up high, his eyes betraying a mixed look of relief and worry at the same time, if that was even possible.

“Y/N.��� Your name left his lips like a reflex, his eyes locked directly on yours, even the unspoken words putting you slowly at ease.

Jay was here.

Jay’s eyes flicked towards the woman standing behind you who looked as startled as a deer caught in the headlights of an oncoming car.

“Put the scissors down.”

You heard the effort it took for Jay to keep his voice steady, knowing that it would just take something small for Jay to lose it. So you locked your eyes on his, even though you felt the anxiety once again eat at you.

Grace hadn’t reacted and Jay kept his gun raised, his trained eyes looking around the room.

“Stay out of this.” Grace forced the words out through her clenched teeth. “I wouldn’t have done this if she didn’t…”

Her words trailed off as your body froze, your eyes catching the flash of ginger at the door.

“Will.” You felt the jolt of worry hit you, interrupted only by a growl from behind you, the scissors that inched dangerously closer towards your neck reminding you that maybe you shouldn’t have said his name.

Will’s eyes lighted on yours and despite the predicament you found yourself in, you wanted to smack him upside the head for that guilt swimming in his eyes.

Your eyes moved back towards Jay’s and he nodded discreetly at you.

“Grace. Listen to me. Put it down and we can all talk, alright?” Jay said quietly, lowering his gun just a little as a show of faith.

Grace frowned, her eyes flicking up towards Will before she spoke. “All I needed to do was get rid of her, right?”

Will’s frown deepened just slightly as he absorbed what Grace was saying.

“I was just getting rid of the obstacles standing in our way.” Grace said, her voice cracking just a little. “I see the way you look at her, but if it wasn’t for her, we'd be together!"

Will glanced at you and you frowned just as his eyes flicked back to Grace, his head shaking slowly. “I need you to let her go. Can’t you see you’re hurting everyone?”

You heard Will’s voice crack softly, Jay’s eyes flicking towards his older brother as well.

“She’s my… she’s my sister. There’s nothing… You… you’ve misunderstood.”

You could hear how much it was killing Will to keep his voice even and steady, when he was just as close to losing his cool as Jay was.

You felt Grace’s hold on you loosen just a little as her focus shifted entirely to Will. “Your…”

She shook her head, her shaking hand once again inching closer towards you. “I’ve seen the both of you… you don’t have a sister, don’t lie to me!”

“It’s true.” Will said quietly, glancing at Jay who nodded, now lowering his gun even more, Hailey stepping just half a step forward in case.

“Grace.” Jay said quietly. “Look at me.”

As Grace turned her attention to him, Jay exhaled gently. “You know me, don’t you? If you know Will as well as you do.”

Grace nodded slowly. “I just want my wife back.” He said quietly and you heard the quiet crack in his voice, one that only you would have picked up on. “Just give her back to me, please.”

“Your…”

Grace angled her head back down to you and you nodded. “I tried to tell you.”

Caught off-guard, Grace looked like she wasn’t sure what to do next. In her hesitation, her hand holding the blade moved slightly away from you, hovering off to the side and Jay nodded at you.

You threw yourself in the opposite direction, falling back down onto the ground with a crash, the pain in your shoulder causing you to groan. Jay lunged towards Grace, the metal blades of the scissors clattering across the ground as she lost grip.

“Y/N, are you hurt?”

Will’s voice reached you first and you opened your eyes, the groan escaping your lips. “My shoulder. I think…”

Jay was back at your side as Hailey took over the arrest, slicing through the cables around your wrists quickly. The relief was almost immediate and a quiet sigh escaped your lips as the pressure of your arms being pulled behind you was released, even though your shoulder still gave a small throb.

“Are you hurt?” Jay’s voice was quiet but you could feel every single emotion that pulsated through those three words.

You winced as Will’s fingers applied pressure on your shoulder but Will glanced up a little guiltily at his brother, shaking his head. “It’s a little strained but I don’t think it’s a serious injury.”

“Chloroform I think.” You told Will, glancing a little worriedly at Jay for an impending reaction.

Instead, Jay just leaned in, pressing you gently into his embrace, as if worried you’d disappear right out of his arms.

You felt tears well up in your eyes as the adrenaline still pumped through your veins, the anxiety from everything that had happened pulling to the surface, a quiet sob escaping through your lips.

Putting a gentle hand on your head, Jay pulled you deeper into his embrace, soothing you quietly and as you felt your heartbeat slow, you didn’t feel like crying anymore.

The only time Jay had let go of your hand was briefly in the ambulance when the paramedics needed to put a line in, as well as when Ethan had asked him to wait outside and you’d nodded quietly at him with an encouraging smile.

But the moment Ethan had let him back in, Jay was once again next to you almost like a bodyguard while Ethan assured him that everything seemed to be okay except that your shoulder was slightly bruised from the fall and that you were getting an ice compress and they’d examine you again after.

As Ethan left the both of you alone in the room again, you leaned your head against Jay with a soft sigh.

“You doing okay?” Jay asked quietly.

You didn’t answer immediately before you nodded. “You heard Ethan.”

“You know that wasn’t what I was asking.” A reproachful tone crept into Jay’s voice despite his efforts to hide it.

You pulled away to look up at him and Jay took the opportunity to lower himself down towards you, sitting at the edge of your bed so he could be close enough for you to remain snuggled into his side.

“I remembered where I knew her from…” You’d barely begun when your eyes caught Will hovering at the entrance of the room.

Jay glanced up, nodding at his brother who was closely followed by Connor. Connor had Will’s hand protectively clamped in his own, which only made you want to smile.

“Hey, you doing okay?” Will asked. “Ethan said whatever she gave you was probably just a sedative and that other than a busted shoulder you’re…”

You smiled. “I’m fine.”

Will glanced at Jay, which made you look at your husband as well.

“Look, Y/N. I’m sorry. This is all…”

“Will Halstead.” You snapped, interrupting him. “I swear to God, if you take all the blame for this one I will smack you upside the head. Hard.”

You narrowed your eyes at him as Will looked a little startled, even though a smile was playing on the corner of Connor’s lips.

“How the hell were any of us supposed to know this was her? Or that this woman following you around would actually think I was your girlfriend and kidnap me in broad daylight?” You said, glancing over at Jay as if this was directed at him as well.

Jay just nodded at you before looking at his brother. “Will, I wasn’t blaming you, I just…”

Will nodded. “I know. I kept thinking if Connor had disappeared…”

Connor gave Will’s hand another reassuring squeeze.

“We done?” You asked, almost accusingly at Will.

Will’s eyebrows bunched together in slight confusion as he nodded.

“Now, get over here. I need a hug from my older brother.” You snapped.

Will let out the first real smile that day and stepped forward to pull his arms around you. “I’m sorry.” Will whispered.

You shook your head. “All of you came to get me. That’s what matters.”

Will pulled away and Connor reached for his hand once more. “Told you so.”

You smiled, leaning back into Jay’s embrace. “You almost induced a heart attack today. Don’t ever disappear on me again.” Jay whispered, pressing his lips onto your temple.

You just closed your eyes, letting out a soft hum of satisfaction at being safe with Jay, accompanied by Will and Connor, the ache in your shoulder barely even bothering you anymore.

THANK YOU FOR READING!! PLEASE TELL ME WHAT YOU THOUGHT OF THIS!!

If you want to support me, buy me a coffee!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for accidentally outing my fiance?

I (27F) am engaged to a 24M guy. He is trans, but he doesn't identify as trans anymore - he's post-everything, passes 100%, lives stealth/as a cis man, and no one who didn't know him pre-transition knows him as anything but a cis man. I know keeping that up is very important to him, we've had a lot of conversations about how happy he is just being seen as cis and being able to pass. I know getting outed and 'found out' is also a big worry of his, for example for our upcoming wedding he's rushing around trying to make it clear to his family that they shouldn't mention him being trans or refer to him as she/her at our wedding because he has so many friends coming who don't know he's trans. It's not that he doesn't trust them or he's ashamed of being trans or anything, he's very supportive of his trans friends, but he just doesn't publicly live as trans.

We're in a big Discord server of friends that have been quite close for about a year now, enough that we've met multiple of them in person and two of them are going to be in his wedding party as sort of 'best man' equivalents (we're not really sticking to bridesmaid best man stuff just our mixed gender friends). He has kept his Facebook very private for as long as I've known him, the only people on there are IRL friends and family because he has in the past posted trans stuff on there, like transition updates, it still has old pictures of him pre-T or in early transition, etc. I knew he didn't want this found. He also hadn't told any of this group aside from the people he was especially close with and had invited to the wedding his surname and location in case they looked him up and found something.

People in the server were sharing their Facebook profiles and I shared mine so people could add me. My fiance messaged me right after pointing out that me sharing mine would dox him as I had him in my relationship status and friends list, but I unfortunately didn't see this message for a while as I was distracted and doing other things. By the time I saw, everyone in the group had already clicked and gone through my profile and found his.

He tried to go through and speed-delete everything he could find that was public that mentioned him being trans or showed him pre-transition, any comments from family referring to it, etc but pictures that were set to friends only were still popping up in previews on the side and some of his family have public profiles that show cover images with him pre-T and things like that.

Our friends were making jokes about finally knowing his surname, going through his whole account down to the time it was first made back in 2018, commenting on old statuses of his, so they definitely saw his profile and went through all of it. He was panicking because he had no way of knowing if they'd seen that he's trans or not and got super upset and freaked out about the possibility, and he couldn't ask without outing himself or making them suspicious.

I apologized and deleted the link but obviously by then it was too late.

I do think it's not a huge deal as much as he thinks because I know our friends would be supportive and wouldn't think of him differently, but I know it was still important to him. I'm not sure they did see because some of our friends are the type to have just blurted out "You're trans?!" in the server without thinking about it (not because they're malicious or judging it, but some of them aren't as online and don't really know how to talk about it sensitively if that makes sense) and they didn't say anything. However he thinks they did because they were talking about statuses older than the ones he managed to get to deleting in time.

Like I said i did apologize but I feel like he's still upset with me for not thinking before sending my profile. On top of that I have kind of a habit of doing things impulsively and without thinking (I have bpd and bipolar) and not always taking into account how it will affect him or what consequences it will have,which I've been working on for years but I worry this is just adding to that which I know already wears on him.

What are these acronyms?

[anonymous-ace72]

Slightly back on my bullshit in regards to roman portraiture but also linking it to Trials of Apollo because why tf not.

So, quick recap for those who don't know: Roman portraiture is to be taken with a grain of salt; especially Imperial portraiture. These are not realistic pictures of the people they portray, but rather carefully crafted, idealized images that would have been pre-approved by the subject before they were shown off to the world. They might include some individualized aspects (Pompey's portraits are a good example) but we really don't know what they look like.

On the other side of things, we can't really trust written accounts from people like Sutonious either, because in the case of the Julio-Claudians, he wrote about them some hundred years after that dynasty ended, and whatever sources he might have used in his describing of these people have long since been lost, and probably greatly embellished. Really, we have no clue what these people looked like. We don't even have remains to do facial reconstructions of because I'm pretty sure most imperial Romans would have been cremated.

So, what does this have to do with ToA?

I know within the universe of the books, the triumvirate is described in ways that look very similar to their surviving portraiture, it makes sense, these are the only images of these men we have left, but I thought it would be kind of cool if they only started looking more like their portraiture, after they became minor gods. Stay with me for a second.

These portraits were widely circulated, usually made as a means for the emperor to stand in during official events where he would need to be present, as well as just to remind everyone who's the boss. Most people in the Roman empire probably never physically saw the emperor himself, only these portraits, so this is the image of him that they would have known. I doubt, with the triumvirate being only minor dieties, that they have the ability to change their appearance at will like a major god can, but maybe one of the things that happened from transition from mortal to god is their appearance changed to fit more in with the widely circulated images around the empire. With some individuality sprinkled in as well.

Just an interesting thought I had.

[onesidedradiostatic]

Do you think Vox arrived in hell with a color or black-and-white tv head? (And would his color vision be the same as his screen output?)

If one of his upgrades was to color, I can imagine both him and alastor geeking out over it together like mad scientists, before the friendship sank. The infatuation/obsession fuel of Alastor being one of the first things Vox sees in color in his afterlife… slo-mo bishie sparkle vision (“why is everything here fucking red?!”)

Or maybe Alastor wasn’t impressed by “living color” at all and it was the beginning of the end. A final dealbreaker would have been the upgrade from film cameras to electronic video cameras in the 70s/80s. Around the time Vox would have buddied up with Valentino. As if Vox’s devaluing of music and audio over video wasn’t already enough yikes

Oh no let’s get poetic, maybe that was the last time Vox saw Alastor without distortion, and MAYBE he still can’t see Alastor unless he’s looking at an image of him captured in the pre-digital days. Wait that’s a bit too angsty actually. Alastor literally being like ‘you have lost the privilege of perceiving me’… oof maybe as a deterrent if Vox got uncomfortably distracted/focussed on Al’s looks instead of the Art of Radio (reminds me of a time a guy I’d never spoken to asked our art prof to ask me if he could photograph me because I’d become his “muse”, and I shifted my setup so a column blocked his line of sight. Vision denied, Martin, no more perception allowed. jesus christ)

hmmm first colour tv came out in the 50s so it's entirely possible that when vox died it was already invented, so entirely possible he just spawned with colour already. idk if I want to begin to understand how vox's sight and his screen correlate with each other, does he KNOW what's on his screen when it's not his face???? I mean he knew velvette was calling when that came up on his screen. what the fuck does he see when his screen is not his face. I don't. I don't know. but I haven't actually thought about it necessarily correlating. but I do kind of like the idea of like him transitioning to colour for the first time and seeing alastor in the bishie sparkle filter that's so funny ksjdfghllf. honestly you can buy me with any context of vox seeing alastor in the bishie sparkle filter it's so funny.

typically I don't think vox's vision counts as video when it comes to alastor, mostly because I just NEED him to see alastor without distortion for the first time in 7 years. but it's definitely a sad idea if it did apply to him especially cause everyone else around him would be able to see him in-person without distortions cause they're not video LMAO, so he'd be essentially the only person unable to see alastor normally. NOT in my usual hcs because damn that's too sad even for me.... but it is something to think about if it was the case

[gwydpolls]

Time Travel Question 34: Medievalish and Earlier 3

These Questions are the result of suggestions from the previous iteration.

This category may include suggestions made too late to fall into the correct earlier time grouping. Basically, I'd already moved on to human history, but I'd periodically get a pre-homin suggestion, hence the occasional random item waaay out of it's time period, rather than reopen the category.

In some cases a culture lasted a really long time and I grouped them by whether it was likely the later or earlier grouping made the most sense with the information I had. (Invention ofs tend to fall in an earlier grouping if it's still open. Ones that imply height of or just before something tend to get grouped later, but not always. Sometimes I'll split two different things from the same culture into different polls because they involve separate research goals or the like).

Please add new suggestions below if you have them for future consideration. All cultures and time periods welcome.

[thegayhimbo]

This is something that's been circulating in my mind ever since they released these photos of Jamie and Nell together at the Creel House:

I speculated a while ago that Vecna would target Mike based on how it would hurt both Will and El (who both have personal connections to Vecna and Mike) and based on the title of the second episode for Season 5: "The Vanishing of ***** Wheeler."

While I still believe it's a possibility Vecna could come after Mike, it's looking more like Holly will be the Wheeler who vanishes in season 5. The pictures released imply Vecna either lures her to the Creel House, or he's targeting Holly using mental manipulation like he's done with his past victims:

I find it interesting Jamie (Vecna) is wearing a suit that looks like it's from the 1950s. I'm still up in the air about whether the show will introduce time-travel as a plot point (which could potentially explain the nature of the Upside Down), so it's currently unclear if this a hallucination, or if Vecna somehow transported Holly back to the 50s with him. For the time being, I'm ruling out time-travel and leaning towards the former idea until proven otherwise.

I also thinks it's noteworthy in this scene that Vecna appears as his normal human self pre-1979 as opposed to how he was post-Upside Down when he was attacking his victims in S4 (lending credence to the idea that this is likely a vision/hallucination from Vecna). The insinuation is he isn't trying to attack or kill Holly at this point in time the same way he did with Chrissy, Fred, Patrick, and Max. Instead, he's putting on a friendly facade for Holly and persuading her to trust him the same way he did with El at Hawkins Lab back in 1979.

Considering the tweet mentions "extras" in this scene, there's the possibility Vecna might also be luring other kids like Holly to the Creel House, or mentally targeting them.

I doubt he's going after Holly or these kids to open more gates since he already done that. Instead, I think his interest in Holly (aside from her being Mike and Nancy's sister) may have to do with Holly's interest in drawing and childlike creativity. By this, I note that one thing both Holly, Will (who was also taken by the Demogorgon under Vecna's control in 1983), and Henry/One/Vecna as a child all have in common is their interest in drawing, creativity, and imagination, and how they channel all 3 of those traits in dealing with their personal lives. In Vecna's case, it lead to him designing the Mind Flayer as a kid, which eventually transitioned to him forming it from the Upside Down environment 20 years later.

I've mentioned several theories in the past about the Upside Down and why time froze the night Will was taken in 1983, as well as why Will was targeted by Vecna, and one of those theories is the idea that the Upside Down is impressionable: It can be terraformed, manipulated, transformed, and have its reality altered. Vecna, for instance, could have been terraforming the Upside Down in the years he was trapped there, but that process stopped in 1983 when El opened the gate and Will was kidnapped. Now, Vecna's looking for a way to restart it again, whether through Will, Holly, or any other kid he can get his hands on, and plans to mentally manipulate them through their imaginations into altering the reality of the Upside Down to his liking.

Best comparison I can make is with what the demon Tak does to a boy named Seth in Stephen King's The Regulators: In the story, Tak possesses Seth as a vessel and begins to alter reality in Seth's hometown by bringing things from his imagination to life, such as transforming Seth's hometown into an Old Western landscape based on a movie called The Regulators that Seth really loves. This ends up creating a dangerous situation for everyone in Seth's neighborhood, especially as Tak's power manifests through Seth's imagination and people start dying because of it.

Likewise, this could be why Vecna is interested in Holly, Will, and other kids like them: He plans to use them by channeling his power through them, and mentally manipulating them through their imaginations, to alter the landscape of the Upside Down to his liking, as well as possibly create something horrific enough to wipe Hawkins and its residents off the face of the earth. Using them as a source or a battery to expand his reach to other parts of the Earth.

This is a theory in development though, so we'll have to wait and see how things turn out.

[elminx]

April is a “3” Universal Month [4 (April) + 8 (2024) = 12 = 1+2 = 3] in an “8” Universal Year. 3 months are about connection and building – three can be a party OR a crowd, depending on your perspective. With all eyes on Aries season and the Sun, Mercury, Venus, Mars, Chiron, AND the North Node in Aries over the month, it’s more likely to be the latter. We’re focused on independence and our own journies during this time.

The Set Up

We begin the month with the Sun, Mercury, Chiron, and the North Node in Aries; Venus, Mars, Saturn, and Neptune in Pisces; Uranus in Taurus, and Pluto in Aquarius. That’s a huge cluster of planets all in sequential signs overstretching the last two and the first two signs of the horoscope. This shows that this is a fundamental shift and ending going on – likely in the world around us and our own lives. We’re also deep in between eclipses and entering retrograde season.

By month’s end, all of our personal planets except Mercury will have changed signs. The Sun will have moved on into Taurus, and Venus and Mars will have moved into Aries. Additionally, Mercury will have retrograded and stationed direct again.

The Nitty Gritty

All eyes are on the sign of Aries as it will be involved with most of the major astrological transits of the month. Ten of the fifteen total aspects in April are conjunctions and all but two will be found in the sign of Aries. That’s a lot. Expect the energy to be fast, dry, hot, and ornery all month long. Aries is a sign of endless ambition, or, at least, endless energy. Aries need focus (given by their ruling planet Mars) and an unobstructed pathway to be at their best. Neither of those two things will be in ample supply.

This is to say that this will be a rough Aries season. Everyone will want to be doing, going, and accomplishing but getting nowhere fast. There is a major culprit here as the energy of each astrological season is augmented by the planetary ruler of its sign (in Aries’s case, Mars). For most of the month, Mars will be mired in the watery depths of Pisces. While Aries is sign #1, Pisces is sign #12. Pisces has seen and done it all, or at least that’s what they like you to believe. Pisces doesn’t move fast, they abide like The Dude – they’d rather spend their time daydreaming and fantasizing than accomplishing much in the tangible world. Mars can’t find any solid footing in the sign of the fish and we all may end up feeling like we are treading water (or drowning) if we try to maintain too much control.

This is going to manifest as a shitstorm of epic-level temper tantrums.

Let’s be real here: Aries isn’t known for being the most mature sign.  That’s not what they are here for.   Astrology teaches us that all sign energies have a place and Aries’s is to be the trailblazer.   As Sign #1, Aries is SUPPOSED TO step out into the world on their own.   It is their cosmic design to run ahead and scout things out.   Part of emotional maturity comes from the ability to stop and consider how your actions affect another – although it’s a powerful skill, it naturally inhibits some types of growth and innovation.

Aries tends to keep its blinders on for a reason.   Nobody gets to the top of the mountain if we all slow down and keep pace with the person who can’t climb.   The mature Aries knows that they are wearing blinders and when to take them off.   

Most actual Aries types (Sun, Ascendant, Moon, or Mars in Aries, at least those that have lived long enough to have experienced a Saturn return) have learned this lesson.   The problem comes when EVERYBODY ELSE has to stew in this thwarted Aries energy.

I’d say pack your patience, but I doubt there will be enough patience to go around.

April won’t begin with a bang but with a liminal whimper as Mercury stations retrograde at 27° Aries on the first. We’re already deep in this story – Mercury has been in Aries since 3/10 (in its pre-retrograde shadow since 3/18) and will remain there until mid-May. This is a very long stay for our fast-moving planet which normally takes 2-3 weeks to transit a sign. This shows us that there is work to be done around Mercury in Aries themes: notably owning our voices and speaking up for ourselves. You can read more about the Mercury retrograde here.

Important dates involving the retrograde: 4/1 Mercury retrogrades, 4/11 Sun conjunct retrograde Mercury, 4/15 retrograde Mercury conjunct Chiron, 4/19 retrograde Mercury conjuncts Venus, 4/25 Mercury stations direct It’s worth noting that from 4/15-4/17 and even a bit beyond that, we will be experiencing a major Aries stellium between retrograde Mercury, Venus, Chiron, and the North Node. These dates will be a big hit on your Mercury retrograde story, however that shows up for you.

Standard Mercury retrograde advice applies from 4/1-4/25 but most especially on the above dates: check your work twice, save often, think before you speak/send, and enjoy the strange winding path rather than worrying about your destination. Apply the above advice metaphorically and physically in equal measures. Mercury retrograde is a good time to focus on work you’ve already started: practice the words that start with re: review, revise, rethink, retrace…

As if to deepen the mood, Venus will conjunct Neptune on 4/3 in late Pisces. Que the mists and probably some waterworks, too. Even your emotions seem unreal. Neptune is considered to be the higher octave of Venusian energy – while Venus focuses on human love, Neptune can tap into universal love. Both are at home in the watery sign of Pisces (Venus’s exaltation and Neptune’s home sign). It could end up being a sweet day in amongst the muck. This transit will pass quickly.

On Thursday 4/4, Venus enters Aries and takes on her mantle as the Starlett.   Venus is in her detriment in Aries which is a fancy way of saying that the natural (giving/receiving) energy of Venus is at odds with the aggressive cardinal fire energy of the Ram.  Whereas Venus – especially in her rulership of Aries’s sun-sign opposite, Libra – is focused on connection and togetherness; Aries is focused on the self.   If you want to get along with Venus this month (work in the arts, fashion, or need to get along with people at all), maybe throw here a little something-something on and around this date.   Roses and red wine would do nicely.

Since we’re counting: Mercury isn’t at their best in retrograde, Mars isn’t at his best in the waters of Pisces, AND Venus is not at her best as she’s in detriment in Aries. We can presume that we will face some personal challenges with all our personal planets afflicted in some fashion.

Venus in Aries may make you want to make your mark or step out into the limelight. Spoiler alert: nobody is watching.

This leads to our total solar eclipse on Monday, 4/8 at 19° Aries. This is our major pain point of the month as it will be exactly conjunct to Chiron and closely conjunct to the North Node. This may be our major pain point for the entire year. Chiron is the Wounded Healer which shows that the pain can be healed but this comes with a major caveat: the way out of Chironian pain is THROUGH the pain. This isn’t the kind of situation that can be laughed away or repressed easily and there’s a huge danger here in trying to put a bow on a pile of shit and call it your new pet. Truth be told, with the North Node so closely involved, you may not be able to look away even if you want to.

This won’t apply to everyone, of course. And I don’t mean to be scare-tacticy here. If you don’t need deep soul healing, the above obviously doesn’t apply. But in this “post-pandemic” world, I’m not sure that I believe there is a person who doesn’t need some deep soul healing. This lunar event could really work for you, you just need to work for it.

As always, standard eclipse advice applies: eclipses occur on the nodes of fate – what happens in and around the dates of the eclipses should be weighed at least slightly more heavily than what happens during the rest of the year. If something suddenly enters or exits your life, pay attention and BELIEVE IT. This is our second to last eclipse cycle on the Aries-Libra axis and that puts a lot of strain on the dichotomy of selfness vs. togetherness. Stay aware of where you and your Others naturally fall on that scale. Retrograde Mercury is widely a part of this stellium (Sun, Moon, Mercury, Chiron, North Node) so try not to fight about it because there is no common ground to stand on right now.

If you’re traveling in the US to view the totality, stay safe out there and try not to travel on the interstate within 24 on either side of the event if you can. (and keep in mind retrograde Mercury rules travel so things may take longer than normal)

I wish I could say that we will get a reprieve but the consequences of whatever has just occurred are coming in hard on the back end with a rough Mars-Saturn conjunction at 14° Pisces on Wednesday 4/10. Saturn doesn’t mean to be nasty about it, but without lessons, you would never learn a thing. This will be a great cosmic pause. One of Saturn’s domains is time in the sense of limitation. As time passes, some choices become off-limits. Existence is fleeting.

Note whether that stokes fear or wonder (or both?) in your heart.

Situated in Pisces, the ruler of the 12th house, Saturn is working to reexamine some of our deepest-rooted trauma stories. The twelfth house rules the unconscious (where we store all of the things we don’t want to look at) and Pisces can sometimes be said to have accumulated all of the baggage of the signs that have come before it. This ties in with the pain point of Chiron in Aries which is getting triggered by all of our personal planets transiting over it.

The way to overcome some of Saturn’s inertia repeats the month’s themes: you’ve got to get into the shadowy bits of it and do that weeding. Saturn stops you so that you can dig into the ground and find the roots you have grown that are holding you back.

Cut them and grow new roots.

We won’t see another aspect for the rest of the week which is probably a good sign that we need to think about what we have done. (that doesn’t have to have a bad connotation)

There is a twisted-up knot that has something to do with the pain of aloneness that’s aching to come forth. A boil of some kind, even. On the week of 4/15, it comes to a head. The Sun has pulled away from Mercury, Chiron, and the Nodes but Venus has moved up to join them. In this way, that mid-Aries stellium stretches from 4/8 through to 4/19 as our personal planets apply stress and pressure to Chiron and the North Node. Or better said, Chiron and the North Node apply pressure to our personal planets.

Aloneness means a lot of different things to different people. An Aries type can think of nothing better, most Libras can think of nothing worse. That is the pressure we will be sitting under all month long. Aries and Libra are alike in many ways but, in this, they are divided. Errevocakly so. This will put a huge stressor on relationships between people with very different attachment needs and styles. I would expect some relationships to end permanently, especially those with one or more of the partners involved who have a personal planet Libra. Possibly Aries as well. I wouldn’t count out Cancer or Capricorn, either.

If it ends on the date of the eclipse, there’s no saving it. If it ends after that in the month, you may have a second or third chance. But what is happening right now has a reason. I think that is important to remember.

Spoken like a true Moon in Aries native: sometimes love ISN’T enough.

Sometimes you just need some space, yo.

it seems like everybody needs a healthy dose of empathy for their others but there is zero empathy to go around. Venus will be directly conjunct to the North Node AND Chiron this week – expect some theatrics. As I mentioned earlier, she’s in her Starlet form and let me tell you, she is not getting the attention she wants or deserves. Watch out. Venus certainly isn’t at her most vindictive in the sign of Aries, but she won’t think twice before slashing a few tires to get her point across.

The Sun enters Taurus on 4/19 which may be somewhat of a reprieve. It depends on how far you’ve pushed Venus though because she IS the natural ruler of Taurus, the Bull. Don’t wave any red flags for the rest of the month, okay?

Mars in Pisces sextiles Jupiter and Uranus in Taurus as well which is…interesting. Somebody could hit it big – Jupiter and Uranus form an exact conjunction on Sunday 4/21. If you need Chance to be on your side this month – on and around 4/19-4/21 are the days to choose. Watch out for overspending or overindulging during this time though, high reward tends to come with a lot of risks.

The Sun will be square to Pluto. Things are changing. If they are changing in your favor will depend on a lot of your perspective and your ability to duck and roll as the towers fall.

The rest of the month is a downward slope and as we shift out of eclipse season it may begin to feel quite pedestrian. It’s a much-needed break.

On Tuesday 4/23 we have a full moon at 04° Scorpio that may seem dark and dramatic, but it pales in comparison to the edgy eclipses. Just don’t actually tell Scorpios that I said they weren’t the best, okay? Stay aware of vindictive bitches, you know who I mean. Scorpio full moons can bring out the worst in people who are looking for somebody to blame. Mars, the ruler of our Scorpio moon is just barely still in Pisces, too. Expect it to be both heavy and wet. Maybe even a washout.

The rest of the month just rolls downhill as the energy finally begins to right itself. On 4/25, Mercury stations direct at 15° Aries. On 4/29, Mars enters his home sign of Aries. On 4/30, Venus enters her home sign of Taurus.

May will be a much easier month. We just need to get there.

The Details

4/1 – Mercury retrogrades 27° Aries 4/3 – Venus conjunct Neptune 28° Pisces 4/4 – Venus enters Aries 4/6 – Venus in Aries sextile Pluto in Aquarius 4/8 – Solar eclipse 19° Aries, Sun conjunct Chiron 19° Aries 4/10 – Mars conjunct Saturn 14° Saturn 4/11 – Sun conjunct retrograde Mercury 22° Aries 4/15 – retrograde Mercury conjunct Chiron in Aries 19° 4/17 – Venus conjunct North Node 15° Aries 4/19 – Sun enters Taurus, retrograde Mercury conjunct Venus 17° Aries, Mars in Pisces sextile Jupiter in Taurus, Mars in Pisces sextile Uranus in Taurus 4/21 – Sun in Taurus square Pluto in Aquarius, Venus conjunct Chiron 20° Aries, Jupiter conjunct Uranus in 21° Taurus 4/23 – Full moon 04° Scorpio 4/25 – Mercury stations direct 15° Aries 4/29 – Venus enters Taurus, Mars conjunct Neptune 28° Pisces 4/30 – Mars enters Aries

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[cl0ckworkqueerness]

hmmm today i think i shall break apart the notion that any trans person is harmful to the existence of other people (cis, trans, anyone really) simply for existing or talking about their experiences. this message is directed at you @staff

i promise your head won't fucking explode if a trans woman talks about her experiences and transition. i promise your head won't explode if a trans man shows his pre/non-surgery chest. i promise you won't die if a trans person. Exists on your website. so stop acting like it will kill you and everyone around you if you don't immediately suspend them

for those unaware a lot of trans people as of recently have had their accounts removed simply for just. posting about being trans or posting about staff's transphobia

looking into this, most of the posts i can find on this topic are regarding trans women and transfeminine people in general, i.e. any trans person who's perceived as amab (whether or not that is actually the case is irrelevant). although I should also mention that i have seen this happen to trans men and transmasculine people, but it does not get nearly as much coverage, so take that for what you will, but that doesn't at all negate the disgusting shit the former groups have to experience, it just adds to the awfulness of what staff is allowed to get away with

anyway if your account has been unjustly taken down by staff simply for existing as a trans person i love you. you have a right to a safe space, you have a right to build a platform, and i hate the people who have stripped that of you, deeming your mere existence as "mature content" and not "advertiser friendly". you should not be boiled down to human pornography simply because you exist in a way that defies sexual norms.

happy fucking pride month. pride was a riot

[sergeifyodorov]

please disregard if this isn't for you, and my apologies if that's the case, but if not. hello! i would like your opinion on what would be in the leafs' (or other hockey players if you wish!) scent profiles in the omegaverse

first couple lines of that scared me WHEW ok ok. im not like. an a/b/o Guy as in. like. it's not entirely my thing but ive been known to dabble occasionally if the going's good. that to say i'm taking "scent profile" to mean like. a) what "designation" they have (a/b/o) and b) what like their Smells are. if that's not the commonly accepted meaning of the terms that's ok but it Is the question i am answering

am34: to me in my beautiful world am34 is an omega BUT not in a standard way... he's transgender but re: a/b/o designation not gender. like a/b/o is essentially just a second sex class (there exist in the a/b/o universe 6 "sexes" (not accounting for intersex people in the normal way/intersex people in the a/b/o way): alpha male, alpha female, beta male, beta female, omega male, omega female) and auston is transitioning/has transitioned from alpha to omega. in my mind this works basically the exact same way transitioning does irl, but with different hormones, because obviously a/b/o hormones are diff from m/f hormones!) anyway he would smell similar but different pre- and post-transition: sharp, hot and chemical, like jet fuel and citric acid. eating grapefruit at the airport. it gets sweeter as his transition goes on. lemon slushy by a construction site. they're putting tar on the sidewalk.

mitch marner: mitchy's alpha thru and thru... the leafs uncles do Nawt enjoy this because why isn't he using his ALPHA VIBES to intimidate the other goaltender into sucking... ah well. anywhay... mitch smells animal. sticking your face into a cat. wet dog. wool. locker room, but how you imagine the locker room in gay porn fantasy smells. a little bit of light petrichor when things are getting Really weird.

william nilliam: ALSO alpha. when the leafs drafted am34 ppl were suddenly Weird about this realization there were 3 alphas on the team... were they gonna fight? for a while there was really only the one alpha (phil kessel) and now all of a sudden the big three prospects were all alphas. there was concern! they should trade the little swedish brat! and then auston transitioned and the core was balanced (2 alphas, 2 omegas, and morgan <3) and everyone was like. ok. okay. mitchy and willy (and auston pretransition) were all fun and cool with it they WERE. it's harder now that am34's an omega and they have to regularly resist challenging each other over him but it's all fun and good! they're friends! anyways william nilliam smells like open sky. the wind off the water. wild grasses and night air. ozone.

john tavares: jt has been bonded to his alpha wife since his isles days and understandably as a result he smells Super bonded, but also like leather and rubber and polyester. blue jeans. ironic for mr kombucha man but what can you do

matthew knies: OMEGA !!! two arizona omegas wrow! sidenote for the readers in this a/b/o world a's and o's aren't like. A huge section of the population but they also don't entirely tend to get filtered out of or into the nhl... alphas exist in the nhl at similar or higher rates to the genpop, and omegas at similar or slightly lower rates. if alphas and omegas are each 10-15% of the population (combined 20-30%) that means that there's usually ~4-6 alphas + omegas combined on any given nhl team, give or take a few because percentages don't usually work that way. leafs have 5 alphas (mitch, willy, max, benny, dewar) and 3 omegas (am34, jt, kniesy). kniesy is one of those handful of people who is randomly like super educated about a/b/o biology etc etc. like dude paid attention in sex ed class??? i guess??? he smells a little bit like cheap tequila and a Lot bit like breakfast food, scrambled eggs and that very specific diner toast smell and those maple breakfast sausages. don't forget your orange juice!!

max domi: max is an alpha, like his father. and he smells alpha like his father, salted caramel and bitter coffee and sour apple.

connor dewar: pine tar and unscented soap and smoke and a bloody steak. a lot of people don't always clock him as alpha because he doesn't have the often like. strong or dominant scents of a typical alpha, but he's just a Nervous Guy. get the right omega around him and you WILL be able to tell he's an alpha lol

simon benoit: also coffee like max, but much less of a cheap cup made by someone trying to stay awake and much more of a seven-dollar latte made by someone with a nose ring. a bowl of ramen noodles with the highest spice level they'd let you pick. spring onion. farmer's market in a big city with food you've never seen before.

[burningvelvet]

Let me tell you about John “Foul-Weather Jack” Byron, Captain James Cook, a doctor named James Lind, and also a different doctor named James Lind, and how they all knew each other, helped to cure scurvy, and inadvertently helped to inspire Mary Shelley's novel Frankenstein (1818) and Bram Stoker's Dracula (1897) -- a long-winded history ramble

John Byron next to a first edition copy of Frankenstein.

John joined the Royal Navy at 14 and by the ripe old age of 17 had proved himself by surviving a deadly shipwreck off the coast of Chile. The voyage was part of George Anson's famous circumnavigation of the globe done to seize Spanish ships. Only 188 men of the original 1,854 crew members survived; several, including Byron, were taken as prisoners by the Spanish. Recollections of the voyage were sensationalized and it was depicted in stories like William Cowper’s poem The Castaway. John Byron published his own successful memoir, The Narrative of the Honourable John Byron (1768).

The novel's full title deserves attention for it's 18th century pre-Byronic melodrama: "The Narrative of the Honourable John Byron (Commodore in a Late Expedition Around the World) Containing an Account of the Great Distresses suffered by Himself and his Companions on the Coast of Patagonia from the Year 1740, till their Arrival in England, 1746. With a Description of St. Jago de Chili, and the Manners and Customs of the Inhabitants. Also a Relation of the Loss of the Wager Man of War, one of Admiral Anson's Squadron." I can only imagine that had his grandson Lord Byron's memoirs been published instead of burned, their title would have borrowed from his grandfather's by including something similar to "Containing an Account of the Great Distresses suffered by Himself . . ." but I digress.

I do not digress. The beginning of his preface opens with this gem (I've swapped the 18th-century "long s" for a regular one):

"But here I must say, I have been dubious of the partiality of my friends; and, as I think, justly fearful lest the world in general, who may perhaps find compassion and indulgence for a protracted tale of distress, may not give the same allowance to a luxurious imagination triumphing in a change of fortune, and sudden transition from the most dismal to the gayest scenes in the universe, and thereby indulging an egotism equally offensive to the envious and censorious."

Which brings to mind Francis Cohen's criticism of Lord Byron's Don Juan: “Lord B. should have been grave & gay by turns; grave in one page & gay in the next; grave in one line, & gay in the next. And not grave & gay in the same page, or in the same stanza, or in the same line… we are never drenched & scorched at the same instant whilst standing in one spot" (letter to John Murray, 16 July, 1819). And (not the most entertaining part, but to keep things brief) part of Byron's retort: "I will answer [Cohen] who objects to the quick succession of fun and gravity — as if in that case the gravity did not (in intention at least) heighten the fun. His metaphor is that ‘we are never scorched and drenched at the same time!' Blessings on his experience!" (letter to John Murray, 12 August, 1819).

John went on to be considered one of the greatest naval commanders of his era, commanding several ships as captain during the Seven Years’ War and beating the French as leader in the Battle of Restigouche. He later set the record for fastest global circumnavigation at the time while commodore, became a notable explorer, became a commander at multiple Royal Navy stations, and was appointed Governor of Newfoundland in Canada for three years. According to Wikipedia, “his actions nearly caused a war between Great Britain and Spain.”

It seems like he basically just did whatever the hell he wanted. We can see that the apple really doesn't fall too far from the tree. Everyone in the Byron family was kind of crazy. See: psychologist Kay Jamison's Touched By Fire, a novel on the mental illness of famous writers, half of which is focused on Lord Byron (as it should be) and includes an extensive psychological analysis of his whole family tree, which in a short summary brings me back to my previous point: everyone in the Byron family was kind of crazy.

John's health declined after sustaining storm-induced injuries and an unsuccessful attack against the French at the Battle of Grenada. He died at 62 with six living children. His grandson, the poet Lord Byron, borrowed inspiration from John's life and the shipwreck descriptions in his memoir while he was writing the shipwreck sequence in his magnum opus Don Juan.

In an epistle to his half-sister (Epistle to Augusta) Byron mentions their grandfather thus:

"A strange doom is thy father's son's, and past / Recalling, as it lies beyond redress; / Revers'd for him our grandsire's fate of yore— / He had no rest at sea, nor I on shore. / If my inheritance of storms hath been / In other elements, and on the rocks / Of perils, overlook'd or unforeseen, / I have sustain'd my share of worldly shocks, / The fault was mine; nor do I seek to screen / My errors with defensive paradox; / I have been cunning in mine overthrow, / The careful pilot of my proper woe."

On to the Scottish doctor James Lind! He's important because he developed the theory that citrus fruits treated scurvy, and in attempting to prove so he conducted the world's first ever official clinical trial. In his tests, he used the survivors from this famous shipwreck. This likely included Byron himself, being one of the few survivors and having reported the healing effects of citrus in restoring men who were on the verge of death. Needless to say, the discoveries and implications of Lind's clinical trial had an unprecedented impact on the fields of nutrition and medicine, and all of history, particularly in the Caribbean. In 1753 he published his Treatise on Scurvy.

Lind's theories on scurvy influenced the famous Captain James Cook, who implemented these ideas and proved their efficiency by how few men he lost to scurvy compared with every other Captain at the time. When Cook circumnavigated the world on his first voyage, no one died of scurvy. This didn't help with malaria and dysentery, which nearly wiped out his whole crew at one point on a journey to Indonesia. Aside from Anson's shipwreck, Cook's voyages were the other major instance of what I would call "social experiments at sea, or, fuck around and find out: scurvy edition" which led to the development of scurvy research.

As an aside, there is a famous town in Australia named Byron Bay. That town was named by Captain Cook in 1770 as a tribute to John Byron. Cook was sailing around on the HMS Endeavour doing even crazier colonial shit, and he likewise died as the result of his sea travels. He was killed in a scuffle on Hawaiʻi Island which transpired after he had casually tried to kidnap King Kalaniʻōpuʻu-a-Kaiamamao in broad daylight, planning to ransom him out of revenge for the theft of one of his boats, although Cook himself had stolen their sacred wood first after they had been so nice to him. This is what I've gathered from reading a bit about the confusing affair, but the main point is that Cook got what was coming to him. The Journals of Captain Cook were published to major success, contributing to the history of English travel narratives. But Cook is a pretty well-known historical figure so I can't go into his chaotic life any more than this, lest I be writing forever.

Lord Byron in an Albanian oufit he bought while traveling for 2 years, & Captain Cook thinking about navigation. The backgrounds make them look part of the same painting, no?

Back to the Linds: interestingly enough, the scurvy-studying physician James Lind had a younger cousin who was also a physician named James Lind, as well as a scientist/philosopher/teacher. While teaching at Eton, this Lind became a tutor and mentor of a young Percy Bysshe Shelley, and had such an impact on him that Shelley refers to Lind in several of his works. Shelley especially enjoyed Lind’s experiments regarding galvanism - the study of bringing things to life with electricity. It is widely believed by scholars that Shelley’s conversations and rememberances about Lind at Lord Byron's Villa Diodati were some of the primary inspiration for Mary Shelley’s novel Frankenstein (1818).

For further reading on Shelley's Lind: The real Doctor Frankenstein? by Christopher Goulding via Journal of the Royal Society of Medicine. Lind's Wikipedia page has a section devoted to Frankenstein.

Percy Shelley described his Lind:

". . . exactly what an old man ought to be. Free, calm-spirited, full of benevolence, and even of youthful ardor: his eye seemed to burn with supernatural spirit beneath his brow, shaded by his venerable white locks, he was tall, vigorous, and healthy in his body; tempered, as it had ever been, by his amiable mind. I owe to that man far, ah! far more than I owe to my father: he loved me, and I shall never forget our long talks, where he breathed the spirit of the kindest tolerance and the purest wisdom . . ."

A tie-in to vampire literature: Lind is also thought to be an influence on Bram Stoker’s Dracula (1897), which was influenced by (Lord Byron’s doctor) John Polidori’s novel The Vampyre, the first ever vampire novel, which was inspired by Lord Byron’s short vampire story Augustus Darvell, which was written at the same time as Frankenstein during their infamous ghost story competition at Villa Diodati. Augustus Darvell was inspired by Byron's travels through Eastern Europe, and was likely in part inspired by (another famous Romantic poet) Samuel Taylor Coleridge’s gothic poem Christabel, which Byron terrified Percy Shelley with after reading it aloud at the Villa Diodati, and which Byron loved so much that he helped Coleridge publish it through his own publisher. Christabel began in 1797 but wasn't published until 1816 for this reason.

To continue on vampires: Byron's enemy, the famous poet Robert Southey (who Byron roasted in Don Juan, among other works, and basically cancelled him as a result) also wrote a poem called Thalaba the Destroyer (1801) which is sometimes considered to be the first true depiction of a vampire in English literature. He also wrote it while traveling. Shelley (and Keats) both loved this poem, and so it also *could have* inspired some of the conversation at the Villa Diodati if Shelley had related the vampire theme to Christabel or Darvell. Southey is also the first English writer to write on Haitian zombi folklore, which would later become the zombie of modern horror. Southey was also reportedly in love with Mary Wollstonecraft Godwin, the mother of Mary Shelley and philosopher who wrote A Vindication of the Rights of Woman (1792), one of the most influential proto-feminist texts.

I relate these connections to demonstrate how small the literary world was at the time; so small that all the writers pretty much knew each other. In 1801, the English population was about 11 million, and in 1899 had grown to around 37 million due to industrialization (source: Black, Joseph, et al. "British Literature: A Historical Overview." The Broadview Anthology of British Literature, Broadview Press, vol. B, 2010, p. 70).

That's nearly the current population of London alone, but around 75% of that 11 million English population in 1801 was rural, whereas at the end of the century the national population was about 75% urban (source: same as prior), again due to industrialization. London in the early 19c was much less populated than today, and the amount of people who were educated or even merely literate was also much smaller than today. So really, it makes sense that all of the artists/writers/scientists/aristocrats knew each other. But it's still insane to see examples of how small the world really is and always has been.

The front-facing portrait is of Scurvy Lind, the shadow portrait is of Galvanism Lind.

The Shelleys: the King and Queen of Romanticism.

Southey, Coleridge, Polidori, Stoker: some early Kings of Vampirism (as represented in popular British literature).

[byoldervine]

I've been writing fanfic for a long time, but now I want to write real stories. Do you have any tips?

First off, fanfics absolutely are ‘real stories’ - just because you’re not starting from original grounds doesn’t mean it’s not valid writing. That said, I’ve written plenty of shitty fanfic in my time, so I can definitely help out here

1. The full transition. I once wrote a fic and realised “Hey, if I change a few names here and there, I’d actually have an entirely original story”. Now I’m 73K words and counting into Byoldervine and you’d never guess that it was ever inspired by that specific fandom. You really can just take your fics and tweak them into something original

2. New everything. In fanfic, the world and the characters in it are already pre-established; if you’re reading fanfiction about a piece of media, you’re almost definitely gonna be familiar with said media. You don’t have to introduce new characters or explain the world to us, we already know, so we can just get straight in - but this doesn’t work in original stories, where the reader is new to everything. Remember that you have to do more explaining and add more descriptions in original writing than in fanfic

3. Action-packed. In fanfic, everyone is already emotionally invested in the characters, so slice of life and downtime is much easier to get to without it feeling boring. In an original work, however, the reader needs a balance of high and low tension in order to emotionally connect to the character. Looking into internal conflict (the problems that are going on within your character's mind or within their social circle) vs external conflict (the problems that are directly linked to the plot) can help you with this, but in general you need to balance high tension that shows us the excitement and the suspense and the fun stuff with low tension that shows us why we care about all of it beyond it just being cool

All in all, though, there isn't a huge ton of difference between original and fic writing, as far as I've picked up on. Mostly just cases of more blatant tropes or cliches or something like that, and it's not necessarily a bad thing for those to pop up in original works. Just have fun and put your heart into it like you would with your fics and you can't go wrong

[fantastic-nonsense]

hey i saw your answer to the ask about alfred making damian robin in battle for the cowl. while i 100% agree that is not what happened in bftc, outside of that comic i think alfred has a lot more involvement. im not sure if this is a post-crisis exclusive blog, but in secret origins (2014) #4 we see alfred's feelings on damian and his conclusion that damian would listen to no one else except his father. so alfred forges a letter from bruce that asks damian to be robin. the end of the comic shows that dick knows alfred forged that letter but imo leaves it pretty open-ended as far as dick's decision. if you ask me, i think dick talked to alfred about damian being his robin or alfred picked up that things were going to way and decided to pull this to make that transition easier for everyone. sorry is this is weirdly nitpicky or contrarian im just really a sucker for alfred and damian's relationship.

[referencing this response on how the transition from Tim to Damian as Robin was handled]

Preface: I am not a post-Crisis universe exclusive blog (far from it), but since 1) the New 52 era's attempts at dealing with the Batfamily are a mess and a pain to deal with for a variety of reasons, and 2) the post-Crisis universe was and remains the definitive interpretation for most of the Batfamily's history and the basis for their interactions with each other, it's what I tend to default to when writing meta...especially in cases where the events under discussion originally happened in post-Crisis continuity. The exceptions to that tend to be characters introduced post-Flashpoint (ex: Duke), who have no previous continuity bogging them down, and characters who have had the majority of their stories and development take place post-Flashpoint (ex: Damian).

That being said, while I am aware that Secret Origins (2014) and particularly that story exists and have read it, I tend to default to ignoring it for a few reasons:

One, it's a story whose events make little sense within either post-Crisis continuity or post-Flashpoint continuity as they otherwise exist; minimally, the timeline doesn't match up in either case.

More specifically for the purposes of writing a meta about the transfer of the Robin mantle from Tim to Damian, it rewrites Damian into the pre-Reborn era Batfamily very awkwardly by pretending he was always there. It shows a League clothes-clad Damian taking on Victor Zsasz and Professor Pyg (which he did not do until he was already Dick's Robin) while pretending that Bruce had time to try and connect with him before he "died" (which, he didn't; Damian appears in two stories prior to Battle for the Cowl—Batman & Son and Resurrection of Ra's al Ghul—and his interactions with Bruce are fairly minimal in Resurrection).

It is a clumsy attempt to integrate Damian into the pre-Batman R.I.P timeline that ignores all of the ways in which Damian's early relationships with his father and the rest of the Batfam (particularly Dick and Tim) are directly informed by the fact that he wasn't there during that time period:

[Alfred, Dick, and Tim watch The Magnificent Seven in Wayne Manor in the immediate aftermath of Bruce's death. Damian is not present, as he was still living with Talia. An empty chair between Dick and Tim marks Bruce's usual 'movie night' seat] -Nightwing #151 (2009)

I thus find it very unhelpful to use in any capacity when discussing and analyzing interactions between those characters in the aftermath of Bruce's death.

Two, while I have no love for Battle for the Cowl, Tomasi effectively ignoring it completely beyond "Gotham was in chaos following Bruce's death" doesn't sit right with me either, especially since it was referenced (even obliquely) in several other New 52-era books.

Three, I love Alfred and Damian's relationship. I think it's one of Damian's most important relationships and we should talk more about it. But I also love Alfred and Dick's relationship, so I'm not particularly enamored with a reimagining where Alfred is the one who orchestrates Damian's takeover of the Robin mantle largely unilaterally. That's not his call to make beyond a suggestion to Dick that it might be good for him. I also think it takes a lot of agency away from Dick in the one transfer of his mantle that he canonically actually has control over and undermines a big aspect of Dick and Damian's relationship development to take those decisions out of Dick's hands and give them to "Bruce."

Four, and probably most importantly: that story is never referenced before or after that issue. That origin for Damian is long gone. Its portrayal of his childhood was revamped in Robin: Son of Batman. Its reconceptualization of Damian's entrance into the Batfamily has not been acknowledged since. DC's larger refusal to acknowledge Dick and Damian's time as Batman and Robin beyond subtle references ended during the Rebirth era. New 52!Tim quite literally wasn't Tim Drake and was only restored to being himself again post-Rebirth, so 99% of the interactions between Tim and Damian from 2011-2016 have been effectively discarded as non-canon. And whenever Damian becoming Robin is referenced after Secret Origins #4, it is nearly always referenced as Dick choosing him as Robin rather than him becoming Robin "at his father's request." So there's little incentive for me to acknowledge it given that it generally appears to not be canon beyond the scope of the New 52 era of post-Flashpoint continuity.

I'm sorry that this probably isn't the answer you wanted to read, but I hope this gives you a better idea of why I specifically choose to stick to post-Crisis and post-Rebirth continuities when discussing the transfer of the Robin mantle from Tim to Damian.

[lukabitch]

It's me, the Trickster obsessed cunt again.

How would he react to a transmale reader getting un-stealthed?

(In case you don't know what stealth means; Stealth= when a trans person passes so well everyone thinks they're cis and they don't come out.)

So the reader passed well when he arrived in the entitys realm, but after a few months someone found out about about them being trans and then tells people their deadname and shows pre-transition photos ect.

(You can also do it with characters of your choice ofc as long as Trickster is one of them).

I’ve actually had a similar situation happen to me once! My resentment for the people in said situation might be showing a bit. Thank you so much for the request! :)

Tw: Transphobia and violence(towards the transphobe of course)

Killers: Trickster, Wesker, and Ghostface.

Trickster:

Was he expecting you to be trans? Not exactly. Will he tolerate the bull fuckery that is happening? Fuck no!

He would firstly make sure who knew about it to be respectful. How? A small bit of broken bones.

Hey it got them to shut up right?

The next and most important thing is making sure your okay.

He would hold you, rubbing circles on your back. He’ll just be there for you.

He might even be so inclined to put on a performance to make you smile.

After he has you pretty stable he’ll ask some questions.

Nothing invasive just ways he can help next time.

“I’m so sorry this happened songbird. You’re a man, my man okay?”

You’ll stay by his side until you fall asleep. He’ll make sure your safe no matter what.

Wesker:

This man is the king of damage control. He also happens to be really good at psychological mayhem.

He’ll round up everyone that knows about it. Though it was only few that really hated who you are he was going to make his point crystal clear.

Some threats and mind fuckery later he’ll start looking for you.

He’ll find you out in the woods crying. Seeing you like this breaks his heart.

He’ll hold you telling you that he got the person to stop.

He’ll tell you stories of some of his life before the fog. He makes sure to tell the funny ones.

Once he has you laughing and smiling he’ll get a bit serious.

He’ll explain that if anything happens to come to him first.

“You’re the best boy I’ve ever known. Please don’t forget that love.”

He’ll hold you until one of you have to leave. He is going to give you a kiss goodbye.

Ghostface:

He stopped it very early. The asshat could only tell a few people before he put a pin in it.

He’ll threaten the others to not say a word and have his fun with the asshat.

I think you know what I mean by fun. I’ll spare you the gory details.

He’ll find you off by yourself looking destroyed.

He walks up to you and calmly sits down. He’ll pull you into his side.

This man is surprisingly good at making up stories. He’ll do anything to get you to smile.

He’ll spin stories about outcasts and mysterious murders. It somehow helped soothe you.

Once he has you calm he’ll tell you how much he cares about you.

“Sweet thing you mean the world to me. You’ll always be my good boy.”

He’ll give a little note and told you to read it when you have dysphoria.

Dwight: Don’t worry it was just that one dick head. We’ll always accept you now matter what. We got to stick together right?

Reader: :’)

[forcemasculinisation]

Hey I don’t know if this is really a big issue among trans guys but I constantly find myself questioning my identity due to the fact I can’t find any clothing or looks on men that I like. This with the fact I’m a poc makes it like weird to look for clothing styles I enjoy. Like I keep going “am I really a man if I prefer feminine clothing? Am I just lying? Should I stay feminine?” So long story short I was wondering if theirs any like styles that look good really on men or tips for when your not feeling masculine? Or just tips on feeling more masculine pre transition in general?

Thank you for your ask, anon.

I myself am pre-transition, medically speaking. I don't necessarily do much in the means of "passing" for reasons I don't feel the need to share. My opinion may not be as valid to some of you because of this, but I'll share things that my male friends do that I've observed.

My major piece of advice in terms of clothing is don't go rushing to the men's section of a store and pick up all the large, body-covering garments you can find. Playing to your body type is important, and you should probably aim to go for a size down of what you initially assume you want in men's sizes.

Brands I usually go for are general sports brands like Nike, Adidas, Reebok etc, as well as second-hand SuperDry and H&M. (Also, if you buy something and it's too big, throw it in the wash and dryer several times.)

Dark tones are traditionally masculine as well if you want to stay safe, however there are a lot of men who wear light tones, it just depends on the style.

Layering also works in my case, but it's only helpful in winter. I find when I wear a coat over a hoodie over a t-shirt, I tend to pass a lot better. (Puffer jackets are really good for emulating this, especially North Face or similar dupes.)

Also, if you wear glasses, order some more boxy-looking prescription glasses with darker or more muted frames. These generally appear more masculine at first glance, but you can ask an optician or your friend for an opinion of what looks more masc on your face. Spend a lot of tine on this, because you obviously wear your glasses more often than certain outfits.

I'd also say that it depends on the "type" of guy you're looking to present as. I have a lanky build with longer legs, so I wear straight-legged jeans to only discreetly hide curves.

Overall, it just takes a bit of experimentation. This post may not be that helpful to everyone, because I'm using my own life as an anecdote, so I apologise in advance. There is no right way to pass, and a few people warp the meaning of passing to looking more western-centric, however I've learned that this is poor advice.

As for feeling more masculine, you could:

Buy male deodorant, shower gel or aftershave and shave with a razor marketed towards men

Buy male underwear and pajamas

Try skin-tone coloured transtape (if you can find it, it's a horror to find dark brown trans tape)

Work out every day (don't rush into this, and consistency is key)

Experiment with masculine hairstyles.

If any of you would like a separate post with specific resources for any of these, or my own personal recommendations for products and clothing, I'd be happy to share.

Sidenote: passing ≠ feeling masculine. You're doing this for yourself, not for others.