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turtle-writes · 6 years ago

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Moicy drabble

Moicy drabble for @imssavv I hope you like it! It’s a little longer than I intended, but it was fun to write!

Angela Ziegler was a miracle. Moira had thought so from day one when the cute blonde doctor had welcomed her to Overwatch’s research team. Angela had smiled, greeted her warmly with a handshake, and Moira fell hard. The following chat and coffee only made it worse. How could she not love the woman? She was kind, bright, and interesting and she listened to Moira talk about her passions with unfeigned interest. There was no way such a woman could exist.

Moira had never denied her feelings for the doctor. She was quick to accept her crush, hoping it would pass with time, but resigned herself to the facts after a year had passed. She loved Angela, and it was hardly fathomable that Angela could love her in return. That was why Moira was currently giving the blonde a difficult time about the thermal cycler she’d borrowed after her own had malfunctioned.

“Moira, I need it back. I know you’ve finished with it and your order for a new one arrives tomorrow. I have research I need it for.” Moira raised an eyebrow, not looking up from the tissue sample under her microscope.

“Pray tell, Angela. What does a scientist studying nanotechnology need with a thermal cycler?” New cells synthesized within the sample under her microscope. The synthesis had become faster, but not fast enough.

“I’m not using it for nanotechnology. I’m designing a treatment for Genji to improve his sense of taste. The artificial receptors I implemented aren’t working as they should.” Moira looked up and spun her chair to face her coworker.

“I’m assuming whatever treatment you’re designing is genetic? Thermal cyclers aren’t used for much else. Perhaps I could be of assistance?” Moira hoped she could. Since being moved to Blackwatch, she rarely had any contact with Overwatch scientists. Interdepartmental projects in which she got to work with Angela were few and far between. She had no other excuse to spend time with the doctor. Her hope dwindled when a hesitant look crossed the other’s features.

“Are you certain?” The cobalt irises Moira so often admired were tinged with worry.

“You’ve seemed so busy with what research you’ve been working on. I didn’t want to bother you.” Moira folded her hands in her lap, adopting what she hoped was a pleasant smile. She would always have time for Angela.

“Not at all. I could use a break from my current project. I would be happy to offer my expertise if you so desire.” A smile rose to Angela’s face. Moira loved it when she smiled. Her eyes would light up and crinkle at the corners and it made Moira’s heart race.

“I would love that. When can I give you the details?” Moira checked her watch. It was a quarter past four, not too much time before dinner.

Wait.

Dinner.

No, that was a terrible idea.

She couldn’t do that.

Could she?

Before Moira had a chance to change her mind, she straightened her coat and turned to her coworker.

“Would you like to meet me for dinner this evening? Six fifteen perhaps? We could discuss the details then and start work tomorrow.” Immediately after the words left her mouth, Moira was mentally kicking herself. Dinner? Such a request was hardly professional. What had she been thinking?

The circling self-berating came to a halt when Angela nodded eagerly.

“That sounds wonderful! Should I meet you in the Atrium?” Suppressing the heat threatening to take over her cheeks, Moira nodded.

“Brilliant. I’ll see you then.”

If Moira broke into a happy dance after the doctor left, no one was there to see it.

…………………

Moira was radiant. Angela had thought so from the day she’d gone to welcome the research department’s new geneticist. She’d caught sight of the handsome woman in the hall and immediately turned back so as not to be caught like an awkward teenager blushing furiously in the presence of an attractive classmate. And Moira wasn’t just attractive. She had an angular face with sharp cheek bones and a jawline carved by the most skilled of renaissance sculptors. Her eyes, though mismatched, were almost childlike in their expression, and never in her life had Angela seen someone more made to wear a suit. She had a brilliant mind and so much passion for her work that Angela couldn’t help but get caught up in it.

This is why Angela was having a breakdown in front of her closet struggling to pick out an outfit. Honestly, it was just dinner. Dinner to discuss work no less. It absolutely was not a date and Angela had no right to make it one. Still, there was that infuriating little voice that sounded suspiciously like Lena in the back of her head that told her it could be.

Honestly, how could she think Moira would ever consider her as a potential partner? She didn’t even know if Moira was attracted to women. And even if she was, there was no guarantee she was Moira’s type.

Angela sighed, pulling an unassuming, unembellished, black dress from her closet. A girl could hope. She’d like nothing better than for Moira to pull her into those freakishly long arms and hold her close, or to let Angela snuggle into her side on the sofa. She wanted to listen to her talk about her day and watch the fire in her eyes burn excitedly as she shared her latest project. She wanted to love her and be able to tell her she was loved every day. But that was better left as a dream. It was unlikely such fantasy would become reality. Angela had a hopeless crush and could foresee no end to her struggling.

……………..

Moira glanced at her watch for what felt like the thousandth time. She had arrived in the atrium fifteen minutes early, and despite knowing Angela would likely show up in the next ten minutes, Moira’s stomach was twisting upwards and into her chest.

Honestly, she shouldn’t be so nervous. They were just discussing an interdepartmental project. The thought sent a burst of irrational happiness blooming throughout her chest. She loathed and loved that queer little phenomenon. And she knew once the night was over that bout of happiness would be equaled by disappointment.

“Hey! You’re early!” Moira definitely didn’t trip turning around to face the voice. Moira O’Deorain does not trip. But the laugh Angela gives at her startle may change her mind. Her laughter, a catalyst that amplified the pleasant warmth in her chest, would be worth the chip to her pride.

“I’m sorry.” the doctor laughed as her giggles faded to an amused smile. Her hair had been released from its tail and the lithe frame usually hidden under a lab coat now made an appearance cloaked in a well-fitting dress.

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” Moira tried her best to shove down the heat rising to her cheeks. She was too cute.

“No harm, no foul, doctor.” Moira smiled, hoping her expression wasn’t as idiotic as she felt and offered Angela her arm, realizing too late that the gesture was too forward.

“Shall we be going? I am curious about this little project of yours.” The doctor accepted the gesture, intertwining her own arm with Moira’s.

“Of course! I’m very excited to tell you about it!” Moira couldn’t keep the blush from her face.

Little did either of them know, they had an audience, pushing and shoving each other in an attempt to get a better look through the blinds in the office of one Captain Ana Amari.

“It’s a fucking date Morrison! The last time she wore that waistcoat was when your ecologist set her up with that Oasis professor! Pay up!” Jack nudged the Blackwatch commander aside and squinted at the exiting figures of the two women.

“Can’t be. They’ve been walking circles around each other for over a year. At least another month before they get with the program.”

“I know my people, Morrison. It’s. A. Fucking. Date.”

“Hm. I wouldn’t be too sure about that Gabriel.” Both men looked over to where Ana sat, casually flipping through the Blackwatch lab security footage and sipping at a mug of tea.

“It appears as though it’s work related, however,” Ana smirked as she rewound the footage. The holoscreen showed Moira asking Angela to dinner earlier that day.

“I believe it was Moira who extended the dinner invitation. Should they return with plans for a proper outing, I expect my winnings by next Tuesday.”

#moicy #overwatch #moira o'deorain #mercy #drabble #request

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miminorenai · 7 years ago

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CYBIRD Latest Otome Game

【’イケメンヴァンパイア’ 偉人たちと恋の誘惑】

Ikemen Vampire: Temptation of Love by Great Men

Previews:

Story Glossary Characters Napoleon Bonaparte Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart Leonardo da Vinci Arthur Conan Doyle Vincent van Gogh Theodorus van Gogh Dazai Osamu Isaac Newton Jeanne d’Arc William Shakespeare Count of St. Germain Sebastian

キャラクター ★ CHARACTERS

*8 characters translation is due credit to dear Ifa @laurifakristalina

Charismatic x Ore-sama

Napoleon Bonaparte

VA: Shimazaki Nobunaga

“The resolve to do something that can’t be forgiven –– Do you have it……?”

Called as the ‘Hero that comes once every a Thousand Years’, He’s the revolutionary who’s proud about his overwhelming strength. Behind his cool exterior, he’s praying for the people to live in peace forever. But even he himself doesn’t know his reason to be at the mansion…?

Tsundere x Mysophobe (Clean-freak)

Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

VA: Toshiyuki Toyonaga

“You requested for a handshake, but what merit does it have for me?”

The genius musician that once called as a prodigy. He devotes his body and soul for music, He came to this mansion to compose the supreme music. In the depth of the cold, indifferent manner he has, he’s hiding a sensitive real self…?

Genius x Sly Adult

Leonardo da Vinci

VA: Kenjiro Tsuda

“You, are interesting. –– As a ‘research subject’, though”

Called as the ‘Omnipotent Genius’, he’s a thinker that excelled overwhelmingly in various field. Having no concept of ‘normal’ inside him, he’s a bundle of inquisitiveness that won’t be satisfied until he sees everything by his own eyes. He who is a sly, isolated genius, seems to have a huge secret…?

Womanizer x Frivolous

Arthur Conan Doyle

VA: Kimura Ryouhei

“Both women and mystery is full of puzzles, that it makes me want to expose them”

A British Writer. Known as the author of ‘Sherlock Holmes’ series, he’s the genius who built the basic of mystery writings. Even though his perception is excellent, his general attitude is frivolous. Having a womanizer personality, he even strongly approached the MC who he just met. His reason stay at the mansion seems to be related to his own book…?

Pure x Gentle Angel

Vincent van Gogh

VA: Yoshihiko Aramaki

“No matter how I painted it –– there’s nothing that can match your beauty in front of my eyes”

Painted the famous painting titled ‘Sunflower’, he’s a genius painter that loves the sun. He’s the older of the Gogh brothers, and is called as the ‘Gentle Angel’ because of his gentle personality. For he who didn’t know the concept of anger and envy, a big change is coming when he knows about love…?

Ambitious x Sadist Devil

Theodorus van Gogh

VA: Hisanori Satou

“––Follow me, prey. Assist me in my job. I’ll just say this beforehand, but you got no right to refuse”

The younger of the Gogh brothers, he’s a resourceful painting dealer who sells the paintings he himself approves of its quality. Because he’ll use any way if it means he’ll accomplish his ambition, he’s called as the ‘Devil’. To him, there’s a ‘past he wants to forget’ that he even kept secret from his older brother who he respects…?

Con-man x Self-indulging

Dazai Osamu

VA: Taku Yashiro

“To write, has the same meaning as breathing (for me). My meeting with you, too, let me just write it down for the record”

Even with his unprecedented behavior, somehow people can’t hate his easygoing personality. Although he made fun of people without ill will, it causes a discord between him and a part of mansion’s resident, but the person himself doesn’t care about it. He resolutely won’t talk about his past, but there’s a reason for that……?

Contrarian x Hidden Wolf

Isaac Newton

VA: Aoi Shouta

“I feel at ease when I know the structure of the things I see... but you, I don't understand?”

Genius physicist. The story of him which [ I have come up with universal gravitation by seeing an apple falling from an apple tree at the garden ] is having too much fame. The great man with contrarian personality who came to the mansion keeps away his distance. As a person who has his own different rule about his [meal], the other side he will show as a vampire is...?

Beauty x Heresy (of different opinions)

Jeanne d’Arc

VA: Toshiyuki Someya

“Don’t touch me. --You’ll get corrupted”

A great man who wielded the sword as a soldier of French military during Hundred Years War (1337-1453). He has a beautiful face like a doll, but his eyes do not express any emotion as if they were dead. The 'real wish' of him whose emotions you can't read, is a really painful one...?

Mysterious x Yandere

William Shakespeare

VA: Hirakawa Daisuke

“What kind of role will you play on this stage.....?”

A poet, playwright who represents the Renaissance of Great Britain theatrical play. He is also said to be the most excellence English literary author due to his psychological description skill and superior human observing eyes. He has soft demeanor, also a kind gentleman when interacting with you. However, apart from setting up other residence from the mansion, he has another side which is completely different.....?

Noble x Hedonist

Count of St. Germain

VA: Kazuma Horie

“I’m grateful for this miraculous, destined meeting”

An inborn vampire who has a lot of mysteries. He’s the owner of the mansion that the MC has found her way into. Under his hand, the great men found their way into living there as vampires. He usually wears an elegant and classy smile, but somehow (the MC) can see pain in his eyes when he looks at her. The reason for that is…?

Cool (?) x Butler

Sebastian

VA: Morishima Shuuta

“I’ll (humbly) have you looking after the great men in the mansion together with me”

A capable butler who manages the mansion. Although he is a human being, he is obedient in serving the vampires. His manner is always calm, but in the depths of his chest there is hidden passion in regards to history and great men. In his room that is always being locked, secret notebook/notes that cannot be shown to anyone are hidden.....

#ikemen vampire #ikevamp #cybird #mannn it might be localized another 2 years like ikesen lol #I am so aiming for vincent #LOOKING SO CUTE LIKE YASU #for now I just started playing mozart

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fancypantshoodlum · 8 years ago

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ALBUM REVIEW: HAIM ‘Something To Tell You’

The wait is over! HAIM's second album is here, but it's not like they've been completely off the radar.

There was that collab single with Bastille which was fun, 'Pray To God' with Calvin Harris - a leftover from the 'Days Are Gone' sessions that I'm hoping the original pops up on an anniversary reissue in, gosh, 2023, 'Holes In The Sky' from the soundtrack of the 2nd Divergent movie that I wasn't feeling at all, and their cover of Tame Impala's ‘Cause I'm a Man' which is BETTER than the original (sorry Kevin).

While all this was happening, they were making an indelible but overlooked mark on the pop and cultural landscape - which I’ll elaborate on in seven topics

TRENDSETTING

I started hearing their inventive brand of polyrhythmic synth guitar pop crop up in tunes like Shura's 'Touch' (lowkey soulful icy synth HAIM), 'Emotion' by Carly Rae Jepson (Latin Freestyle HAIM) and most recently Paramore's 'Told You So' and 'Forgiveness' (all of the above).

Just like The Strokes East Village thrift was hugely influential back in the day on Mens fashion (what Spin magazine hilariously described as “part Bowery Boys, part CK One hotties”)

HAIM definitely popularized a uber long hair, leather jacket and cropped shorts LA boho look that was practically everywhere in 2014/5 (or maybe just in the hipster places I hang :P )

There is an actual website called What Would HAIM Wear?

DAYS ARE GONE MARK II

Now here we are with 'Something To Tell You' - not a repudiation but builds on 'Days Are Gone' - a sequel and clear step forward that's more confident and audacious in its approach and teeming with new musical ideas and different sonic textures.

While still largely stuck to love songs, the lyrics represent a quantum leap in terms of thoughtfulness and maturity.

THE INTERPRETATION GAME

The first glimpse of this record we got was 'Right Now' which came in the form of a video filmed as they recorded a take - giving an instant impression of muso credibility. a down tempo, foreboding ballad, not really a summer jam but hot on it's heels came 'Want You Back' the euphoric banger if there ever was one.

Lyrically they could be two sides of one story, 'Right Now' a tempestuous rebuke against an dishonest ex whose come crawling back. Like an argument that evolves into a full on row , the song builds and builds with each incrimination like thunder, a guitar squalls, Taiko drum patterns rumble - and then it all explodes. 'Want You Back' the ex, having gone back into the dating world, realises that they miss the narrator, apologises '' I’ll take the fall and the fault in us. I’ll give you all the love I never gave before I left you''.

'Want You Back' has the wistful wisdom of a folk song which makes complete sense when you learn that it was originally written as a much slower song on an acoustic guitar. I remember John Lennon saying on The Beatles Anthology Documentary (or it could've been from Ian MacDonald's Beatles book 'Revolution In The Head') that whatever instrument a song is written on influences the flavour of the song, and its defo left its mark.

I really love 'Night So Long' though. The desolate blend of echoic harmony, ambient guitar twang & weeping melodies gives it a real nocturnal, countrified, dark night of the soul vibe to it. a lovelorn hymn that's really evocative of post break up, being lost in quiet despair, resigned to another crack around the merry-go-round of Love - for the narrator Romantic Love is a Sisyphean act

I could get really SAT English Literature with my interpretations of these songs but I'll spare you the pain lol

STUDIO AS AN INSTRUMENT

One of the common critics of HAIM albums, especially this sophomore release is that it's over produced. To be honest it's no more heavily produced than a classic Neptunes track or Timbaland one a decade before and Trevor Horn back in the 80s.

The Daddy of them all being Phil Spector whose Wall of Sound approach was a dense aesthetic that included an array of orchestral instruments—strings, woodwind, brass and percussion—not previously associated with pop music, characterizing his methods as "a Wagnerian approach to rock & roll: little symphonies for the kids".

Brian Wilson, a huge Spector fan, used a similar recording technique, especially during the Pet Sounds and Smile eras of the Beach Boys, the most recognizable examples being "God Only Knows", "Wouldn't It Be Nice" and especially, the psychedelic "pocket symphony" of "Good Vibrations"

Wilson says "Before Spector, people recorded all the instruments separately. They got great piano, great guitar, and great bass. But he thought of the song as one giant instrument. It was huge. Size was so important to him, how big everything sounded. And he had the best drums I ever heard."

‘Something To Tell You’ (and ‘Days are Gone’ too) is very much in the spirit of Spector but with a modern vernacular. ‘Ready For You’, ‘Want You Back’ and the title song are really sonically dense and defly work in a lot of elements.

The dichotomy of the synthetic, adventurous interpretation of the songs on the record compared to the more reigned in, organic live version isn’t unique to HAIM.

Led Zeppelin live were, as legendary rock critic Lester Bangs described them, 'a thunderous, near-undifferentiated tidal wave of sound that doesn't engross but envelops to snuff any possible distraction' or in Robert Plant's words it was a "very animal thing, a hellishly powerful thing,". In contrast Page's production on the records gave their songs a sense of auditory cinema to what could have been, in a less-imaginative producer’s hands, simply bombastic rock songs.

There’s all sorts of panning and added the effects, echo-chambered voice drops into a small explosion of fuzz-tone guitar, including using Low Frequency Oscillators on tape machines that was really startling to hear at the time.

I had qualms about the use of pitched vocals that are at the start of ‘Little of Your Love’ and in the call back in the chorus of ‘Right Now’, because in the latter I thought it undercut the poignancy by having something so alien sounding in something so human, and the prior I thought a synthetic touch in something so throwback was jarring – like T Pain at the start of Springsteen’s ‘Hungry Heart’ – but maybe not a teenager who hasn’t grown up with sounds being rigidly compartmentalized in genres the way people did in the 20th century.

SIDE NOTE: In fact it could be argued that auto tune / vocal pitch shifting (techniques for deliberate misusing of programs designed for correcting pitch as a way of colourizing the human voice with distortion) is the musical signature of the 2010’s the same way a Wah-Wah pedal makes you think of the 60s or the sound of a Fairlight CMI is very 80s. Which if true makes Cher’s ‘Believe’ ridiculously ahead of it’s time – the pop equivalent of what The MC5 were to Punk?

SPOT THE INFLUENCES

Critics love to play ‘Spot the Influences’: X sounds as if The Reminder-era Feist fused together the acoustic riffs of ‘I Don't Want to Know’ and ‘Never Going Back Again’ – it weirdly reminds me of families gathered around a new-born baby talking about how it has it’s mother’s eyes but grandfathers nose – all these are just cosmetic judgements that are useful to introduce the uninitiated to artists they’ve never heard about but music, like babies, are more than the sum of their parts.

When critics would name check Fleetwood Mac in reference to HAIM in 2013 it always felt tenuous though I knew what they meant – the songs didn’t sound like Fleetwood Mac in the autonomy of the song structure but in the emotional resonance. People hadn’t heard a guitar pop band sing about relationships like that, in a style like that for a long time – since probably Fleetwood Mac and so made the connection – but the fab ‘You Never Knew’ completely pastiches the gossamer textures of Tango In The Night era Fleetwood Mac in its production to its detriment I think because every time it starts I’m half expecting Christine McVie to come on and tell me sweet little lies.

NO GENRES

I once stumbled on a useful insight about art criticism from an article that the writer and journalist Janet Malcolm wrote in response to vitriolic critiques on J.D Salinger's writing made by literary luminaries such as Updike and Didion: ''negative contemporary criticism of a masterpiece can be helpful to later critics, acting as a kind of radar that picks up the ping of the work’s originality''.

Now, I’m not saying this record is a masterpiece - It's really good - but unpacking and investigating the critiques have lead me to some interesting places, like this douchey one from the Guardian.

‘’…Haim were swiftly co-opted by the world of mainstream pop, which seems less interested in their place within a lineage of classic Californian rock than their way with a honeyed melody.’’

From the off this is not true because they did tour with Florence and The Machine and play the big pop extravaganza that was Chime For Change before they even dropped an album. This smells more like a Luddite Gen Xer hang up about transgressing the dividing lines between musical genres.

Music critic Lizzy Goodman on the promo trail for her excellent book ‘Meet Me In The Bathroom’ a thrilling 600-page oral history of New York’s Rock renaissance of the 2000s - brought up a fantastic point on a podcast about the analogue kids of The Strokes generation and their Post Napster successors Vampire Weekend, Grimes and HAIM etc.

Listen to that podcast here (it’s brilliant)

https://soundcloud.com/the-watch-podcast/lizzy-goodman-on-the-rebirth-of-rock-n-roll-in-new-york-city-from-2001-to-2011-ep-153

but here’s the paraphrased version of what I want to highlight:

Interviewer: The time between ‘Is This It?’ and Vampire Weekend’s self-titled debut is 7 years – one was the beginning of something and one was the end of something.

LIZZY GOODMAN: You could imagine The Strokes debuting in 2008 but you could not imagine Vampire Weekend happening in 2001 because there is no Ezra brain without the internet.

Interviewer: When I interviewed Ezra for Spin, I became the most oldest man in the universe! I was so angry, I was like: ‘’how dare you go to an Ivy League school, be white and like Hip Hop’’ says the guy who went to an Ivy League school, was white and loved Hip Hop, but how dare you talk about it (so well) and have fluency in all these different worlds and jump between things and never break a sweat.

LG: He’s literally like ‘I don’t know what you mean?’

This is normal to a Millennial but to a Gen Xer that level of musical sophistication is unheard of because they didn’t have the access to everything ever recorded pooled together in one space that the internet is. This Age of Musical Plenty has freed people up from the rigid lock of genre and toward an eclectic palette which is also reflected in the music they make.

BAND BY IT'S COVER

I LOVE ALBUM ART! (I'm also a keen linear notes reader *did you know there's a Grammy for best linear notes? musicians take note lol*) when done right they're great windows into the tone of the record inside. 'Days Are Gone' & 'Something To Tell You' are really cool to contrast.

'Days Are Gone' was the start of a huge career for the band. The album offered listeners a look into their sunny, romantic lives and the cover art too reflected HAIM's bright prospects. Seated in three fold-up chairs on a big green lawn (suburban kids) the heads of the HAIM sisters are turned to the left, eyes averted and covered in shades (future's so bright, I gotta wear shades)

They followed the Spice Girls’ template of being a charismatic group, whose individual styles all added to the bigger picture - their meshing of high street and storied, thrift store pieces gave them an indie rock relatability. They looked like regular joes with great personal style.

On the flip-side 'Something To Tell You' is the glam fulfillment of that promise. It's like a souped up version where the pastoral suburban LA setting of 'Days Are Gone' gives way to more traditional iconic rock images of LA interspersed with glam fashion editorial-like images and (my fav) the quirkier bold coloured zoot suit-y David Byrne-esque stuff.

'Something To Tell You' is a clear step forward, artistically and career-wise. You can hear adventurous enthusiasm in how they approach every song and from the lyrics you get that too that the uncertainty that was a motif in a lot of the songs from their last LP is gone and not only do they finally know what they want from life but are racing towards it. Record #3 is going to be an exciting listen.

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sesaxton · 6 years ago

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Happy New Year!

Well I survived 2018. As you saw from my year in review it was a very emotional year full of pain, love, learning and new friends. It is funny looking back that I make friends a lot easier than I thought I could. When I was married I would always pray for friends now I have a lot. But right now (as always my closest friends are men). Not sure why, maybe I relate to them more. I honestly try very hard to make good girlfriends when I am so different than most. Like most girls enjoy getting their nails done and spa days. I would enjoy going to look at weapons that were featured in movies and going to different Cons or Renaissance faires. I love dressing up and wear makeup everyday but I don’t enjoy all that girly stuff. I honestly miss playing World of Warcraft and vow to one day go back to Azeroth, hope my character is still there and my dragon.

One of the last group events I went to was at a bar. I was with my brother so I didn’t stay as long as I would have. All the women in the group seemed happy to see me. However I was never included in their photos because I still don’t know them enough. When i'm comfortable around people I get a bit hyper and talk really fast. When i’m still getting used to people I kinda sit in the sidelines and people watch or use my phone as a shield. I am slowly getting better. I try to tell myself that they don’t know me so I don’t need to be shy. They have no idea how it takes everything in me to be social but it truly helps me to be around them. So know if I am my awkward self around you, you must be very special indeed.

This Morning when I woke up I felt depressed. I seriously didn't want to get out of bed. It took half the day and a few encouraging texts from friends to help me. Sometimes it really is hard to get through that. It’s like an overwhelming dread and sadness. I just wanted to stay in bed and cry. Wanting so desperately to be held by someone that loved me. But I had no one that I could feel comfortable to hold me that way. All my friends are too busy for me today so I stayed in bed until noon. Took everything in me to leave the house.

Yesterday I broke up with my boyfriend. I honestly thought it was mutual. He is a wonderful guy with too much on his plate which made him a not so good boyfriend. I know he tried sometimes and I cried to do it. Very few breakups I don’t cry about honestly. I love people and the fact that I was the cause of another person's pain hurts me. So far we are staying friends and I told him I am still here if he needs me. I was just in pain and I have learned that I deserve so much more. I have been mistreated for so long. He never even gave me flowers. (not that that is why I ended it but you know how much flowers touch my soul.) Like if a guy came to me with flowers and asked me out I may just say yes. Especially if it is someone I already know. It didn’t help that this morning he posted very sexy pics of himself. Then part of me was like was it only a physical attraction thing for me? I hope not, he was a very caring person and loves his family. I was just neglected in the process. I wish him well and pray he finds someone that compliments him better than I can.

I’m not going to mention him or the breakup to my daughter. I don’t want to be that mom always jumping from guy to guy. I don’t want her to remember me that way. If and when I start dating someone it will be awhile until I mention it to her. It hurts her too to see me hurt. So when we are together I will smile and keep her busy. The renaissance faire starts in just two months and I have already got my season pass to have eight weekends of fun. I may even take her camping one of them. I am also going to try to plan a weekend where my whole group goes to faire as well. That would truly make me the happiest being where I feel at home with both my group of friends (my fairmly and my single group friends). Honestly I get tears in my eyes how happy that would make me.

Lastly I have been becoming closer friends with one of my favorites in my singles group. Funnily enough he is in high demand with the ladies because of his personality and in my opinion his cute smile. Not sure if he even sees me as more than just a good friend but that is ok if that is all. I have been catching a little feelings for him that I try to keep to myself. Though I blew it and kissed him on the cheek lol. My friends that I call my best friends, seem to have a short place in my life unfortunately. Not sure why, they seem to just slowly fade away and I will get a random text her and there. But I don’t regret it, I am thankful for the part they played when I needed them most. I hope this friend won’t leave. For some reason I feel calm when i’m next to him. Also helps that he has an adorable pup that likes me too. With my brain always thinking a million things and sometimes at the edge of crying, when i’m next to this friend I don’t feel that, I feel happy. Well now that the tabs in my brain are clear I am going to go back to Atheness in the third book of my trilogy. Gonna try to finish it this year. My only realistic goal.

#2019 #friends #breakup #sadness #depression #dontgiveup

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words-cannotdescribe · 6 years ago

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They Call Me Salvation Ch.1

When I was a kid my mom would tell me stories of angels. When I would lay down to sleep the last thing that she told me was that the angels were watching over me as I slept. I remember that terrifying me, the idea of some celestial being just watching me as I slept. It even just sounds creepy.

She was a religious woman and she was in church every time the doors opened. First in and the last out, she was always situated in the front pew. She even taught Sunday school classes for the children of the church.

Needless to say, her life revolved around church, and God and the stories of the Bible.

This would play an important part in my upbringing. I had been raised in church my entire life, being dragged along by my mother. She didn’t read me fairy tales as bedtime stories. Instead, she read to me the lives of Daniel, Joseph, Ruth and who could forget about the big man himself: Jesus Christ himself. I was constantly reminded that I could go to the Lord with any problem I had. All I needed to do was pray and he would handle it.

As I grew older I found myself praying that she would just leave me alone.

I was a teenager when I began to pull away from her religious way of life. Looking back on it now I guess it was really inevitable. Children with my kind of upbringing typically turn out one of two ways; They either become just like their parents and become hyper-religious or they defect from the church and do what they can to distance themselves from their old lifestyle. I chose the latter.

My teenage years would best be described as a massive trainwreck. I fell in with the rebellious cliques at school. You know the ones. The ones that skip class to hang out behind the gym to smoke and talk shit about the rest of the school body. I spent more time in detention than I did at home and my once exemplary grades had fallen to barely passing at best. I dyed my hair and went behind my mom’s back to get piercings. I snuck out at night to go vandalize cars smoke weed with my so-called friends.

One thing remained constant, however, my mom continued to try to fix me. The more I rebelled the more she doubled down on trying to force me into the church. I lost track of how many times she told me that I needed to stop living such a carnal life if I wanted to get into Heaven. That she wouldn’t stand by and watch her only daughter die a sinner and if I continued on this path that was what was bound to happen. At the time I always blew her off; I would roll my eyes or scoff and walk out the door.

I wish I had listened to her.

As soon as I turned 18 I moved into my girlfriend's apartment. I just wanted to get away from my mom in any way I could and that was the quickest possible way. I packed up my things while she slept and by the time she had woken up any trace of me was erased from that house. I remember her blowing up my phone with texts and calls. She was begging me to come home, threatening to call the police to bring me back, asking what she had done wrong. She said anything that she could that she thought might bring me back to her. Finally, I sent a simple message saying that I was never coming back and wanted absolutely nothing to do with her. She didn’t reply.

I thought I knew everything back then. I thought that I was in control of my own life finally and I was elated. I could do whatever I chose, whenever I chose. What I chose to do was drop out of school. I pulled myself out of school as fast as I could and before I knew it my new life was filled with going to parties with my girlfriend and our friends. My days were drunk away and I became very familiar with the burn of alcohol and things were fun. I was having the time of my life. Life was one big party and I couldn’t be happier. Why wouldn’t I be? I finally had my freedom, I had friends that I thought cared about me and I had a girlfriend that I loved. I had everything I had ever wished for, but I guess I should have been more careful with what I wished for. If I had just listened to my mother and saw what she was trying to teach me then perhaps I would have been graduating from college soon. I would have had a chance to have my own career, my own family, and happy life.

Instead, I shunned her and I paid the price for it: my life.

As a child, I remember being fascinated with stories of Hell and Satan. While other children longed to know more of the eternal paradise of Heaven; what with its streets paved with gold and its reputation as a place of peace and life, I was curious about the Underworld.

My main fascination laid within the fact that despite all of the claims that God loved humanity and wanted the best for them that he would allow his creations to go to such a place. Why would he allow that? The scripture states that Hell was created for the Devil and his angels, not for man. Yet it also states that Hell is enlarging its borders day by day. I never understood why God would let his creations fall so low if he truly loved them so much. However, one thing that stuck with me for life: Hell was a place of fire and suffering. I can assure you that they're wrong, about the fire part anyway. I would know, after all, I've become rather well acquainted will Hell over the last decade.

Hell is cold and calculating. Floored with dull gray slate and crags and boulders as far as the eye can see. Rusted chains and countless hallways filled with rooms but never seem to lead to anywhere in particular. Think of the labyrinth, with its channels and unexpected twists and turn, then add the never-ending soundtrack of screaming and the nauseating smell of sulfur then you've got a better idea of Hell than whoever wrote the Bible. I'm telling you after you die the number of inaccuracies become stunningly obvious. At least that's how it was for me. It's not like I had much else to do other than point everything out as I was being escorted to my very own torture chamber. Gee, I felt honored. How nice of them to give me my own personal room to serve out the after-life sentence that I had been handed by the most corrupt judge of them all.

Something else that you'll notice when you arrive on Satan's doorstep is that demons don't look like demons. They don't have horns and wings and the blood-red skin. They don't even have fangs or anything that humans had thought demons may have looked like. You heard me, all of those renaissance painting are wrong. Demons look like anyone else. Your next-door neighbor, a particularly nasty ex, maybe even a sibling or a complete stranger.

For me, my demon was my very own father.

I hardly knew the man in life, he left my mother and me when I was just ten years old but even then he wasn't particularly active in my life. He was always "busy at work" or being "sent on another business trip by the boss". Looking back on it, if I had known what I know now it should have been obvious that all of those business trips were really to his secretary's house to fuck her into the mattress.

I'd later go on to learn that his affair had been going on for three years before he left. Or maybe it hadn't, who knows. That's the thing about demons, you never know when they're telling you the truth or when they're lying through faces of stone. They're creatures of sin, what use do they have for the truth? When it causes you pain, that's when.

You see, abuse isn't just physical and anyone who tells you that is full of shit. Sure there is the immediate satisfaction of hearing screams of agony and moans of pain. There's a rush in watching scarlet red pour from gashes and slits in the poor soul's flesh and nothing could ever compare to watching someone take their last breath, their chest stilling only for it to resume a moment later for the torture to begin all over again. That all gets boring after a time, however, the best feeling is feeding someone the truths- or lies- they had feared to hear for their entire life. Slowly but surely tearing down every single wall and taking a sledgehammer to any small sliver of resolve that they may have been clinging to. When you see that last glimmer of light fade from their eyes that's when you know you have won because it's always about winning. It's about proving to that soul on your rack that you hold all of the cards in the end and nothing that they feel or think can do anything to change that. A demon would love nothing more than to just pull up a chair with a bucket of popcorn and enjoy your demise as if it was a fine film.

They always make you a deal at the end of every day though. A deal that sounds so beautiful sliding off of their silver tongue, a deal that you would have to be stupid to refuse. In exchange for your quasi-freedom, you must become the torturer. Sacrifice whatever humanity you still had left and let the underworld embrace you to become one of its very own. You're already in hell anyway so what's the point in refusing it.

Over the course of my stay here, I've had a few strong souls come across my rack. The rare few that took it on the chin and no matter how many times you offer them the relief they tell you to go hell(which is redundant in and of itself because I'm already there, thank you. That's how we found ourselves in this situation jack ass) and then they go on to endure for another day. These are the ones that no matter how much pain they are dealt they refuse to buckle, they refuse to choose to inflict pain rather than endure it. From time to time I found myself envying them for I was not one of the strong ones. I won't deny I was weak. If I wasn't then I wouldn't have found myself as a cold-blooded demon with a taste for pain and blood, but hey at least I got some cool powers out of it.

Truth be told I don't know how long I lasted on the rack. The thing about Hell is that you don't know what time is. It isn't as if they have clocks hanging around and you can easily turn your head and think "Oh! It's one o'clock, looks like I only have 23 more hours of torture until tomorrow". That's not how it looks. You lose track of everything when you die. You don't know what time it is, what day it is, all you know is where you are at and that's kind of hard to get wrong. I'm getting sidetracked. I tend to do that a lot.

Anyway, however long I lasted doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is that I didn't last long enough. At some point, something within me snapped and I didn't just climb off that rack, I jumped. I was willing to do anything to end the horror that unleashing that same pain on to someone else seemed so small. It didn't matter that I would be putting someone else in my very position. Nothing mattered other than ending my pain. Funny thing, selfishness had actually been one of my sins that landed me in this place. I was never much one for putting others before myself but selfish is a bit harsh. There's nothing wrong with wanting to get ahead while I could and if I had to cut down a few people in the process then so be it.

That's all it has ever been about and all it will ever be about: Getting ahead and winning this twisted game of cat and mouse that I've found myself in. What game you may ask? Well, you're about to find out.

#original #original writing #original fiction #they call me salvation #tcms

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kailasquires · 7 years ago

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In Case You Missed It...2017 In a Nutshell

In 2017 I pulled a bit of a Disappearing Act, and deactivated most of my online and social media presence, which was already pretty limited to begin with. This was somewhat of a cleanse for me, as I gave up drinking alcohol and deleted my Instagram account for the entire year, and deactivated my Facebook for a large part of the year. I must say that life without drinking and excessive social media browsing has forced me to engage in alot more self-reflection and for that reason I’ve decided to re-introduce my blog. I tend to be a pretty private individual, but for my final activity in 2017 I wanted to be open and vulnerable.

There’s no real topic for this post, but it’s centered around personal life, career, faith and relationships. Instead of simply boring you with a long monologue, I’ve chosen to create a list of 50 things I experienced, learned or appreciated this year. I hope you enjoy.

Top 50 List of 2017

1. There’s power in the tongue. Start speaking things into existence ! 2. Time is of the essence, so live your best life while you’re still alive 3. That being said, don’t try to rush things. God willing we have 70+ years on this Earth, and that’s a lot of time to fill with love, laughs, accomplishments, failures and new experiences 4. My year sober taught me to be bold, shoot my shot and take the things I wanted in life. Lesson Learned: If you need help with something, don’t hesitate to ask. If you want something, Go GET IT! 5. Don’t ever rely on another person for your happiness. If you haven’t found your happy place whilst being alone, that just means you haven’t spent enough quality time with yourself 6. My brother wins Dad of the year, and I’ll fight anyone on that 7. I love to receive and give feedback. If we’re not constantly improving ourselves, what’s the point of living? 8. Jesus was a servant, spreading love and salvation to all. In the end, The Word of God will ultimately judge us, so I’m making sure I’m aligned with His Word 9. The way to my heart is comedy and food 10. Maggie is one of the most resilient people I know. Keep shining SB! 11. Applying to business school was one of the most arduous, mentally draining and stressful processes of my life, but I’d do it all over again in a heartbeat :-) 12. Child rearing/parenting is one of the greatest responsibilities a person can undertake, and it often goes unappreciated or unnoticed. No parent is perfect, but it’s important to still say thanks to the ones who raised you. THANK YOU MOM & DAD!!! You did an incredible job with my brother & I 13. If a person de-prioritizes you, don’t get angry or question why. Instead respect their decision and repurpose your efforts elsewhere 14. MLT is one of the greatest organizations I’ve ever been a part of. My MBA prep class is filled with impressively talented, accomplished and fun black and brown folks. I’m forever grateful for the experience I’ve had with you amazing people #BosslandAwaits #CoachJTaughtMe 15. I dated a man with whom things just seemed to click naturally. He was honest, funny, caring, and NOT petty(lol). I believe we both brought out a side of each other that those around us had never seen, and for that I’m thankful. Although this kind of puppy love is exciting and heart-warming it is often times short-lived 16. Chance the Rapper was my favorite artist of the year. He has a God given talent and I pray he never stops shining his light 17. Noise canceling headphones are the best thing to ever happen to a New Yorker who enjoys a quiet commute to and from work. #ThankYouBose 18. I believe in every single one of my friends wholeheartedly and am proud to say that I’m surrounded by incredible people who I am 100% certain will be the industry leaders of tomorrow #WholeTeamWinning 19. Fellas..When I love, I love DEEP and can be a bit crazy at times. Enter at your own risk. *evil smile* 20. But I’m hella fun and you’d have amazing life experiences with me lol 21. I should’ve bought Bitcoins back in the day when I kept telling people to invest. Note to self: Heed your own advice 22. Emotional Labor is real 23. Black women are Dope! 24. People who don’t fit the description in the above comment should NOT take offense to that. I’m sure you’re all amazing as well, I just think that this group of individuals needs to hear it more often. 25. When Isi tells you to wear a life jacket, DO IT!!! Thanks again for saving me from drowning off the coast of San Andres into the Caribbean Sea :-* 26. 🗣Life is too short to waste time dealing with fickle people 27. This scripture single-handedly helped me fight against all the angst I felt while applying to business schools: “Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus” - Philippians 4: 6-7 28. I find it terribly rude when people don’t return phone calls or texts. Like I know you saw my message, the least you could do is say “ok” lol. #PetPeeves 29. I held up an Uhaul distribution center over a disagreement and went on a twitter rant the next morning; Probably the most gangsta moment of my life, and a great showcase of my millennial sense of entitlement #SorryNotSorry 30. Everyone should engage in the self reflective, soul searching elements of the business school application process: it’s always necessary to press pause on life and take an inventory on where you are and where you say you’d like to be in the future 31. Bikram yoga was one of my favorite practices of the year. I always left feeling empowered and rejuvenated 32. I find inspiration in almost everyone I come in contact with. I’m amazed by people’s stories and wish we could publicly recognize everyday people more often. Low key, I wish I could meet every person in the world. 33. In hindsight, not getting my promotion at work in 2016 was the wake up call I needed to grab a hold of my life 34. I would love to work for Bain & Company in 2 years #SpeakingItIntoExistence 35. All Men Are Trash!!!!!!! 36. Good guys of the world, don’t take offense to the previous statement but with the rise of this #MeToo movement it’s become so apparent how many men impose their hypermasculinity upon us women (ie. inappropriate touching, unsolicited peen pics, street harassment etc.) 37. Barbados might actually be paradise, and it took me 26 years and a vacation with my friend to realize it. Moral of the story: some of the greatest treasures in life might be right in front of your eyes, you just need the right circumstance to help you see it 38. I love to see people smiling and enjoying nice hardy laughs 39. I tried Ramen for the first time this year and it blew my mind!!!! Gotta go to Japan ASAP! 40. Never trust when a man says “I can’t” because when he says I can’t, he ain’t a man. Okay maybe I stole this from Love & Basketball, but I’ve learned it’s so true though! lol 41. I want my next relationship to be God-centered. Period 42. Moving to Harlem has been incredible!! I love the culture, communal harmony and overall liveliness of the area. I can only imagine what the place was like during the Harlem Renaissance #RespectTheCulture 43. This year I limited my traveling to save money and focus on the GMAT, but I still was able to sneak in a few new cities: Budapest(Hungary), Salzbergen(Germany),Medellin(Colombia), Albuquerque, Tulsa and Greenville! 44. One of the best things about moving back to NY is being able to minister at my home church again, as the resident saxophonist. I feel so much more fulfilled on Sunday mornings 45. This year i was determined to rid myself of gossip, idle talk, & foul language. I’m hoping to speak peace and prosperity into people’s life from now on #BuildingABetterMe 46. In a relationship, “women cannot go backwards in lifestyle” . Chris Rock taught me… 47. God has been too good to me to just sit on my gifts and talents. Laziness is far from Godliness. Disclaimer: This is not a direct quote from the Bible, just my own interpretation haha 48. This year I tried to be very intentional about the words I speak to myself and others. These days I find it’s so easy to say empty words, make & break promises and to be a “yes woman”. I’m hoping to be more genuine and true to my heart from now on 49. I’ve tried dating apps for a bit this year, and still think there’s nothing like meeting someone organically in a cafe or at a nice bashment. However, I can say there are some gems that are so hidden that you need to mine for them electronically ;-) #CoffeeMeetsBagel 50. By God’s Grace I was accepted into all 3 business schools that I applied to. Next year I’ll either be moving to Boston, Philly or Chicago. See you later NYC, I’ll be back in no time :) #WontHeDoIT

Thanks for listening. Peace n Love

Kaila

#Top50of2017 YearInReview OneYearSober MBA #ThankYouGod

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athertonjc · 7 years ago

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Perennially Yours: Steve Still by Allen Bush

A young Steve Still works a push hoe on the 80 acre family farm in Carlinville, Illinois. Steve sold his vegetables in town.

Garden Rant contributor Bob Hill came to my 60th surprise birthday party some years ago. After a few glasses of wine, he said, “Look around. All of these friends will be at your funeral.” I didn’t know whether to laugh or pray.

I have thought about Bob’s prophetic words since the day of my party. I figured out a plan a few weeks ago. It’s simple. I’ll always love my family and friends. And I will keep gardening with conviction until loved ones gather at my funeral and sing: “He Walks With Me (In the Garden).”

Until the singing commences, I want to take more trips with Steve Still.

College sweethearts at the University of Illinois in 1966.

Steve and his wife, Carolyn, showed up at my surprise party, too. They’re my great friends. I’ve been on more trips with Steve and the Ratzeputz Gang—our peculiarly plant obsessed group—than with anyone else besides my wife Rose. Steve is a co-founder and Executive Director of the Perennial Plant Association (PPA). He never toots his horn, but I will. Steve is a scientist, botanist, teacher and author. Carolyn Still retired as a social worker in the early 1990s to help run the PPA and persuade their four children, and their in-laws, to stuff envelopes and fill tote bags each year at the annual symposium.

Many former students at Kansas State and Ohio State Universities remember Steve’s horticulture classes. Tracy DiSabato-Aust, Deb Knapke, Denise Williams, Laura Deeter, Laura Burchfield and Joseph Tychonievich were all his students. Steve’s Manual of Herbaceous Ornamental Plants was their primer. Steve made his mark in perennials but has cast his net far and wide. Besides his teaching career, he is a past president of the Eastern Region of the International Plant Propagators Society as well as a recipient of the Liberty Hyde Bailey Award, the highest distinction in American horticulture. Steve is the only one I know who has a perennial garden named in his honor. The Steven M. Still Garden, at Ohio State University, designed by Adrian Bloom, was dedicated in 2007.

Dedication of the Steven M. Still Garden in 2007.

Their son Shannon Still, Director of Plant Conservation and Curator of the UC Davis Arboretum, discovered a new California poppy species, in the southern part of the Mojave National Preserve, and named it in honor of his dad: Eschscholzia papastillii.

Eschscholzia papastillii

I first met Steve in 1983 at a gathering in Columbus, OH, for what soon became the Perennial Plant Association. There were more folks there for this first meeting than all the people combined who attended the Obama and Trump inaugurations. It was HUGE!

Never mind my alternative memory.

The meeting was huge, though in its way. I left Columbus feeling that something transformative had taken place. The next few years revealed a renaissance for perennial plants. American gardening surged.

Steve told me a few weeks ago that he had hoped for 50-75 people and needed 100 to break even at that 1983 meeting. 250 showed up. A few months later, four board members of the newly hatched Perennial Plant Association put up $ 250.00 each to get the ball rolling.

The Ratzeputz Gang at Racetrack Playa in Death Valley in early April 2014. Front Row (L-R): Kurt Bluemel, Georg Uebelhart, Shannon Still. Back Row: Dave Schultz, Kirk Alexander, Steve Still, Allen Bush and Pierre Bennerup.

In 1987, elder statesmen Klaus Jelitto and Kurt Bluemel, both of whom had been attending the PPA symposia, recruited six additional trip members for a tour of German gardens and nurseries. I was honored to be asked along. Steve Still, Klaus Jelitto, Kurt Bluemel, Dave Schultz, Pierre Bennerup and I had run into one another over the previous four years but were little more than acquaintances before that trip.

Ratzeputz, our gang name, honors the ginger-based schnapps that we were introduced to one night at the Heide-Kröpke Hotel, near Celle, Germany. By the end of the week we had become close friends, seduced by the peculiar taste of Ratzeputz. We have resumed trips every few years to see nurseries, gardens and wildflowers in Europe, South America and the United States.

(L-R): Shannon Still, Steve Newall, Ed Snodgrass, Steven Still, Steve Still, Allen Bush, Pierre Bennerup, Thilo Uebelhart and Georg Uebelhart.

This year the Ratzeputz Gang was blessed, during the third week of July, with five days of beautiful weather in Wyoming and Montana. Steve Still was on board with his two talented horticulturist sons—Steven and Shannon. Ed Snodgrass, the author and green roof expert, was along for the first time. The great New Zealand horticulturist and nurseryman Steve Newall joined us, too. Ratzeputz veterans—Pierre Bennerup from Sunny Border Nurseries and Georg Uebelhart, my Jelitto Perennial Seeds colleague—were there, as well. Georg brought along a bottle of Ratzeputz and his 14-year-old son Thilo. Thilo patiently put up with a lot of stops so we could photograph tiny, alpine cushion plants. I see a gardener in the making.

Panayoti points the way on the sagebrush steppe near Cody, Wyoming.

Panayoti Kelaidis, the brilliant and fun-loving Senior Curator and Director of Outreach at the Denver Botanic Gardens, led us to the Big Horn Mountains and Yellowstone. He’d been there the month before but the lingering snow pack from the winter’s heavy snowfall had deprived him of spotting any alpine flowers. We hit bloom time perfectly. We drove up and down, back and forth between dry-land steppe, forest montane and alpine meadows—past sagebrush, lodgepole pines, Douglas firs and Engeleman spruce to the tree line. Panayoti knew the good spots. We saw Calochortus gunnisonii on our first day.

Gunnison’s mariposa lily, Calochortus gunnisonii.

I shall not covet, I shall not covet…

We must have looked like an odd group to other tourists who were steering big RVs and motorcycles. While everyone stopped for mountain goats and bison, few paid attention to marsh marigolds. We did. We poked around at every stop, often crawling on our hands and knees for a good photo.

Poking along the Beartooth Highway. (L-R): Thilo Uebelhart, Ed Snodgrass, Panayoti Kelaidis, Steven Still, Pierre, Bennerup and Steve Newall.

Marsh marigold, Caltha leptosepala.

Alpine blooms along the Bear Tooth Highway.

Above the tree line, around 11,000 feet, a day later, the alpine meadows were in spectacular bloom along the Beartooth Highway. I’ve never seen so many different plants in flower. I counted a dozen species in a space the size of a big screen TV. Phlox condensata, Mertensia alpina, Trifolium alpinum, Eritrichium nanum, Polemonium viscosum and Erigeron leiomerus took my breath away—literally. When I stood up, the thin air, and the sheer volume of blooms, overwhelmed me.

Erigeron leiomerus

We returned to Denver for the Perennial Plant Association’s 35th symposium the next week. It was good to see old friends and to meet students and young professionals.

Chasmophyte was the PPA word of the week. Mike Bone, from the Denver Botanic Gardens, in an engaging and insightful lecture, told us that a chasmophyte is a crevice dweller. Mike should know. He’s directing the progress of the most interesting crevice garden in the U.S.

Stunning rock work on the new crevice garden at the Denver Botanic Gardens.

The PPA tours were terrific. If you get close, don’t miss the Denver Botanic Gardens (DBG). I’ve never seen the gardens look better. My hat’s off to Panayoti Kelaidis, Mike Bone and the DBG staff. They’ve got it going on. The new steppe and crevice gardens drew me back twice during the week. Nor should the children’s garden be missed. (It’s always a pleasure to see kids splashing water and getting their hands muddy.) I never pass up Mike Kintjen’s rock garden.

Larry Vickerman has also got some exciting projects going at the DBG’s Chatfield Farms, a short distance from Denver. I didn’t know that you could make blueberry colored dye from the fresh, or dried, blooms of a black-flowering hollyhock. Lauren Springer Ogden and Scott Ogden have designed several beautiful habitat gardens, around the Sinnamon Visitor’s Center. These gardens were planted with over 100 different native species to the delight of butterflies and bees.

PPA Board Chair, Jennifer Brennan, asked me a few months ago to pay tribute to Steve and Carolyn Still at this year’s symposium, for they will be retiring soon.

Steven Still, Sara Still Crawford, Shannon Still, Carolyn Still, Steve Still and Stephanie Still Stockton.

Steve’s daughter Sara shared the stage with me. (All four of the Still children, from Steven, then aged nine, down to baby Sara were at the first PPA meeting in 1983. They have grown up with the PPA. They were all here, 34 years later.)

I choked up trying to size up my friend’s life— his family and career. He means that much to me. Steve Still is loyal, smart, hard working, unassuming, funny, charitable and kind.

The world is a lot better for having Steve Still in it. In the beginning we gardeners paid attention to orderly English gardens. And then the imagination of German and Dutch gardens caught our eye. We matured. The wilder American garden evolved, and still evolves, with regional native plants and sustainability playing a bigger role.

Everyone is welcome inside the PPA Big Tent that Steve Still helped create. I love the PPA and the wild mix of creative people—artists, plantspeople, nursery folks, academics and students—who show up each year. The PPA feels like a carnival. The three-ring circus never bores me. I’m always a little sad when we pack up at week’s end. I take comfort knowing that the Big Tent will be set up again next year.

The bar will always be open in the evening and busy until they dim the lights.

Steve Still, let me buy you a drink.

Let’s plan another Ratzeputz trip.

Perennially Yours: Steve Still originally appeared on Garden Rant on August 9, 2017.

from Garden Rant http://gardenrant.com/2017/08/perennially-yours-steve-still.html

#Garden Rant

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turfandlawncare · 7 years ago

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Perennially Yours: Steve Still by Allen Bush

A young Steve Still works a push hoe on the 80 acre family farm in Carlinville, Illinois. Steve sold his vegetables in town.

Until the singing commences, I want to take more trips with Steve Still.

College sweethearts at the University of Illinois in 1966.

Dedication of the Steven M. Still Garden in 2007.

Eschscholzia papastillii

Never mind my alternative memory.

(L-R): Shannon Still, Steve Newall, Ed Snodgrass, Steven Still, Steve Still, Allen Bush, Pierre Bennerup, Thilo Uebelhart and Georg Uebelhart.

Panayoti points the way on the sagebrush steppe near Cody, Wyoming.

Gunnison’s mariposa lily, Calochortus gunnisonii.

I shall not covet, I shall not covet…

Poking along the Beartooth Highway. (L-R): Thilo Uebelhart, Ed Snodgrass, Panayoti Kelaidis, Steven Still, Pierre, Bennerup and Steve Newall.

Marsh marigold, Caltha leptosepala.

Alpine blooms along the Bear Tooth Highway.

Erigeron leiomerus

We returned to Denver for the Perennial Plant Association’s 35th symposium the next week. It was good to see old friends and to meet students and young professionals.

Stunning rock work on the new crevice garden at the Denver Botanic Gardens.

PPA Board Chair, Jennifer Brennan, asked me a few months ago to pay tribute to Steve and Carolyn Still at this year’s symposium, for they will be retiring soon.

Steven Still, Sara Still Crawford, Shannon Still, Carolyn Still, Steve Still and Stephanie Still Stockton.

I choked up trying to size up my friend’s life— his family and career. He means that much to me. Steve Still is loyal, smart, hard working, unassuming, funny, charitable and kind.

The bar will always be open in the evening and busy until they dim the lights.

Steve Still, let me buy you a drink.

Let’s plan another Ratzeputz trip.

Perennially Yours: Steve Still originally appeared on Garden Rant on August 9, 2017.

from Garden Rant http://ift.tt/2viPsDc

#Garden Rant

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fmlfpl · 8 years ago

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Lineup Lamentations - GW22

Our Transfers, Captains, and Starting 11s.

WALSH

Transfers:

N/A

Will let my double Chelsea attack go on for one last hurrah before I figure out which / how many Spurs assets to bring in next week with two frees. With the positive news on Costa and no huge problems besides Baines' knock which will probably keep him out for 3 months as per usual with him I'm in okay shape to save. Or so it seems.

GK: TOM. Seems like best case 4 pointer with bunch of saves. Meh. After that 10 spot last week he can do no wrong. Maybe he'll stop a pen from Donq. Kill for.

DEF: First three at the back situation for me in a very long time. Alonso and Van Fuck go at home against some shitty ass teams so hopefully there are two cleans there. Van Fuck is on a short leash though - they have been pretty fucking bad lately and it doesn't feel outstanding to have a premium defender spot taken up by someone on a bottom half side. Turning him into a Spurs defender could be great, but we'll see if I have enough money to make it work based on what I want to do in attack. Baines suddenly is a concern. Koeman is a notorious liar about player fitness and it would not be the most surprising thing to see Baines not on the weekend team sheet. Usually when a manager says a player should be fine for the weekend that means he SHOULD BE FUCKING FINE but Koeman doesn't speak clear English and is a little tubby pea coat wearing cocksuck so who knows. If Baines misses out I think I'm going to rip him straight out as I do not want to be dealing with a niggle which could just as well keep him out for a month as had done earlier in the season. We'll see - hopefully he starts and just tits.

MID: This quartet looks ready to fire in some points for me this weekend. Still feel very high on Rambo and the double with Alexis still feels nice. Too bad G is healthy...although Alexis has been returning fairly steadily, there is no doubt that he is less threatening with Donq fuck in there. He will still steadily tick and return as he has done the past handful but an explosion does not feel imminent. Yaya was his usually Yayayay self against Everton playing pretty deep but with Raz in the side City probably have the highest chance of getting a pen of any team in the league. Really big game for City we'll see what Pep does with the lineup. Kinda thinking he will pack midfield, but we'll see. Finally, Hazard is still hanging around in my side. This is probably his farewell game regardless of what he does against Hull. Feels like there is better value elsewhere and he's got a few tough games after Hull. Should tit and tot this weekend though especially with Hull losing Livermore who has been a very steady and solid mid for them. I think they are going to get absolutely battered.

FWD: Crouch headlines my forward group with lesser humans Ibra and Costa fighting over who will carry his boots. I will be watching Stoke closely as Crouch suddenly seems like a reasonably solid start every week forward as long as he is featuring for Stoke. A career renaissance would make it very unsurprising to see this giraffe fuck bonk in another goal this weekend against a fairly short United defense. Hoping for no Fellaini in the team sheet. Costa should slot right back into the 11 for Willy after being declared fully fit by Conte today. Unless he wants to reprimand and bench him to send a message which would be annoying...and sort of a tactic I would expect from a lesser manager. Costa is my insane massive differential this weekend after suffering from I think 6 price drops he better repay it with some puntos against Hull on Sunday.

CAP: Hazard baby. Last time I tipped Hazard cap I took it off him after lineup lambs came out in a sudden rush of madness. I ended up losing points on the switch as often happens with last minute captaincy changes. This time I will not make the same mistake. Even though Alexis is the runaway leader I just don't love him out on the wing, simple as. Yes Burnley are shit away but thinking back to last season Alexis was barely ever a captaincy shout with Giroud in the side and I think the same sort of thing applies now. Hazard does his FPL business at home and I am hoping he flat track bullies Hull. A penalty is very real for Chelsea too as Hull have given away the most in the league which is not something that I am overlooking. A free 10 point spot kick would have me jerking it to a widescreen pic of the Belgian flag on my laptop. Go on Hazzy - do me.

ALON

Transfers:

N/A

Also saving. Saving is just the greatest. Unless you’re getting 0s in your lineup I think saving is a reasonable option whenever you only have 1 FT. It may not feel good, like you’re getting left in the dust by the other more aggressive managers flying into -4s and -8s and shit but no. Calm your tit saving is a beautiful thing always.

I still have Siggy in my team who has had a laser on his forehead for weeks now and I thought that I was finally ready to pull the trigger but I’m not. The maths are hard to do but I was trying in my head to figure out the value of a FT. I don’t know do you? Bottom line is this:

Siggy + FT vs. Eriksen or Alli away at the Ethiad

I’m taking the FT route. I think Tottenham fans and FPL managers are overlooking the fact that City are still a very good team and this match is at the Ethiad. I don’t see Spurs BATTERING them even though they’re probably slight favorites to win. I think I can live w/o Spurs for one more week and then have 2FT next to deal with probably Siggy, Firmino, and maybe one more (ie. if Baines is not fit).

GK: I love Lee Grant we all know this but fuck it feels legitimately awful to not have Heaton. He’s by far the best GK in all of FPL not even close. One day I’ll make that luxury transfer. Not this week though.

DEF: Same ole trio for me protecting Lee Grant starting with newly cemented legend lord of dongs Alonso. Great that he could come out like he did last week and break the hex that I had put on him. He’s golden. Phil Jones keeps his place in my side I just hope that Mou feels similarly because he’s way better then fucking two-footed tackling neck tattoo fuckboi Rojo but I’ll still be sweating the team sheet... United have been very good defensively and I hope they can keep a bundle of cleans in this nice run that they have starting with keeping out Crouch the Giraffe Monster tomorrow.. Lastly Bainesy who yes Walsh summarized nicely above. I’m terrified he’s going to miss and then be in and out for a month which would be classic Bainesy. So terrified that I even toyed with some de Roon transfers and playing my AOA but fuck that. Just have to pray Leighton is fine and can keep being a festival for us both.

MID: Well no transfers so you already know who. Alexis nothing to be said he’s the immutable staple in basically all of our teams and he gives no reason to think otherwise. Stan was a new friend last week and came straight through with a pen goal but he won’t always be on pens with Callum starting every other match basically. Gimme some open play tits Stanny... Stan too like Phil Jones above and Giroud below I will be sweating the fuck out of the team sheet. Usually can rely on Stanislas starting when fit but Howe is the true tinkerman of the league and who the fuck knows what he’s going to do. I got the boy for last week and these two home matches (WAT, CPL) and then I’ll probably figure a way out from Stan because the fixtures turn real bad. And then I have my two assholes who all they do is blank. It’ll be great to start my Saturday at 7:30am watching both Firmino and Siggy blank for fun. Or maybe I’ll get a treat... It would be surprising to see Liverpool score any less then 3 goals and Siggy can always produce a bit of FK magic or just get pen so he’s a tossup to return any week. Regardless 7:30am as both a LFC supporter and owner of both Bobby and Siggy this match kinda totes my mood for the rest of the weekend.

FWD: Heavy hitting fucks. The aforementioned Giroud has been declared fit so that I would imagine means he’s for sure starting. But no matter what Wenger said in the press conference I’m still terrified that he won’t start. Need him to do. Come on Donkey. Ibra loves an away match more then anyone and he has massive returns in five straight. Ibra the man the myth the legend makes it easy to not consider someone like Aguero who is still over a million more expensive. He’ll just keep ticking over. I wonder when United will get their next pen... Lastly Lukaku. Everton have been on the up and up lately playing much better with a change in system and of their next eight fixtures only a trip to White Hart Lane should cause them any trouble. The others being cpl, stk, BOU, mid, SUN, WBA, HUL. Doesn’t get better then that! Three goals in his last four I think Big Rom is primed for a big tit fest of returns over the next month or two which is why I got him. Let’s fucking go.

CAP: Well yeah maybe you could tell by how excited I am to have Big Rom but he’s my cap this week so yes let us go. I hope Walsh isn’t mad at me for capping a player vs Palace but Palace has just one clean all season and 40 goals conceded they are a nightmare at the back to say the least. I think Rom in his form and with Everton as a whole in great form they should batter this Palace side to the tone of something like 3-0. Romelu has played 90′ for 16 straight matches so just need him to keep being him and he should come good in the points. LEZ GOOOOOOO!!!

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