#ppl to hold me accountable if im hiding in my room and not taking up space. but im afraid to ask anyone to do that for me or follow thru w m | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pepprs · 3 years ago

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damnok im falling asleep sk fast rn which is wild cuz ive been struggling to sleep all week and ofc now it’s hitting when iwwanted to make this post lol ok. basically idkw hat im going to do when im moved in bC i have to take up space which means eating around my roommates and making food / being in the kitchen at the same time as them and talking / singing at a normal volume in my room and sharing a br and shit w them and like. iiiii don’t know if i can do that actually. like i have to but i don’t know if i can

#in brighton i had my own br and t he kitchen was closed off so i jusf hid in my room all the time and kept food in there and barely went int #into the kitchen u less i could hear thru the wall and make sure no one was in there. and it was hell and this time the br and kitchen are l #like open spaces and im. not ready. like i need to be ready for that YESTEFDAY and it’s going to take me so long to be comfortable and if i #struggle im scared i’ll get stuck and solidify that way of showing up. idk ifim making sense im so tired but also waking up from typing this #i think i said it already but only having 7 weeks in brighton and just barely making it out of the homesickness.. having my first experienc #e of independence happen 3600 whatever miles away from home where i knew no one. was like uniquely damaging i thjnk to not get the #gratification of overcoming it like i was supposed to and now i have to start from scratch. and some things are gonna be waey easier but som #some thi ng s are gonna be harder. like taking up soace. i don’t know how to do that. and im scared to like idk if i can call my friends or #have therapy sessions or call home or sing or whatever rin my room and im scared shitless like where do i go if i can’t do it there. and i d #don’t wanna talk for fewer hrs or whatever like i know so much is gonna be different but. aughhhhhh. i was gonna say smth else but i forget #it now i’ll add it if i remmeber OH WSIT OK I GOT IT ACTSLLY. i need like… accountability actually like not to use that buzzword but i need #ppl to hold me accountable if im hiding in my room and not taking up space. but im afraid to ask anyone to do that for me or follow thru w m #my friends offers for me to text them if i need fo do that WHICH.. INVOLVES TAKING UP SPACE to ask that so i can’t!!!!! cuz im scared and st #still learning im worthy of it. ive made good prpgress but not enough yet and im scared its gonna fuck me up. ok im exhasted i think im done #purrs #food #ask to tag

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