#ppl just get so tilted when you dare to have emotions. now that I’m not a powerless kid I get to tell them to suck it

[aromantic-shadow]

Still thinking. Maybe this is influenced by the fact that I’m a real life goth with grief and mental illness and Angst and past emotional neglect but the way Most People have treated Shadow since Shadow the Hedgehog 05 has been so dismissive.

Like, yes, he is a edgy motorcycle-riding PTSD-ridden teenager with almost no communication skills beyond hitting the problem until it goes away. And that’s the point!

It feels redundant to say on Tumblr where we’re all mentally ill and love a dysfunctional edgelord(/affectionate), but the fact that he is a dysfunctional edgelord is the point and doesn’t mean he isn’t worthy of respect. Honestly, so much of the writing I hate seems to be the writers having a lack of respect for Shadow, and vice versa.

Let’s look at some examples. Sonic 06? Deeply respects him, acknowledges his character arc, his insecurities, and his strengths while also letting him be a loose cannon with no communication skills who gets himself Stranded In the Future for almost no reason. Rouge spends almost the whole game shaking her head at him, but when he’s in turmoil she says “even if you believe the whole world is against you, know that I’ll always be by your side.” Omega and Rouge take his fears seriously, and they both have his back in the finale.

Forces? He’s… there. Honestly so little focus is put on him that they couldn’t really screw up. He’s in character, for the little time he’s around. The other characters don’t seem to acknowledge his existence though, besides a brief “why would Shadow help the enemy” speech right before they reunite with no feeling behind it.

Boom (specifically the show)? Don’t get me wrong, I find Boom Shadow hilarious. Watching him beat up Team Sonic can always cheer me up. But despite being mandated not to make jokes, he somehow manages to be the butt of the joke. Watching it leaves you with the impression that he’s an idiot (/derogatory) with no understandable emotions who exists to beat up Sonic and be a Problem for no reason. He’s not intimidating (well he is when compared to everyone else but in a Broader Context), he’s an Edgelord that we’re supposed to point and laugh at.

Prime? He spends the entire show pounding Sonic into the ground while telling him to listen. His motivations are clear (get answers, get his frustrations out, find a solution, get revenge), his emotions are justified (even if his response is a bit overboard)- Sonic introduces Shadow as “a real buzzkill, and also, he rollerskates!” He’s allowed to be cool. He’s allowed to be a little shit. He’s allowed to be a foil to Sonic in every way I’ve been missing.

IDW? I actually have little problem with his introduction. The first peal of doom comes from Rouge’s treatment of him; when he runs off, she talks about Shadow like an unstoppable force that cannot he reasoned with- which he is, but she and the Chaotix talk about those character traits like they’re an annoyance or an obstacle. Rouge treats him like a tool to manipulate- and Rouge is a manipulator, don’t get me wrong, she’s selfish, but she also cares about Shadow, even when he’s being an edgy 15 year old (just look at 06).

That’s all of IDW- Shadow is an annoyance, a loose cannon “getting in their way”, messing up the plan by being reckless and independent and violent. The scene in issue 19 bothers me for a lot of reasons, but that’s the main stickler. Rouge and Sonic talk about him like he doesn’t care about the survivors (you could argue this point, but I’d say that while Shadow tends to use violence, he’s doing it for what he considers good reasons, not just for his ego). Shadow’s stupidity in the fight is treated as, well, stupidity- which, fair. I think the scrapped idea of him taking off his inhibitors would have at least let him be cool, go out with some dignity. But his “death” isn’t a tragedy, it’s a problem. Rouge is the only one who mourns him.

Idk- as someone who grew up as the bullied outcast, whose emotions were an inconvenience and an annoyance, who, if he tried to be himself, was just “too much”- it hits close to home.

(I haven’t read the newest IDW issues (I love my local library but could y’all PLEASE get the latest issues???), but from what little I’ve seen, the difference seems to be that Shadow is treated with dignity. Yeah, he’s mean to Sonic- of course!- but he’s also angered by the clones- “they don’t deserve to wear my face”- and that’s treated as legitimate rather than “ugh, Shadow’s ego causing us problems again.” And they let him be cool.)

TLDR: some of y’all really don’t want teenagers to have inconvenient emotions and it is not a good look. People are messy, stupid, take up space, and often don’t make sense, and they still deserve to be treated as people.

[sidespromptblog]

Blank: Part 4

Summary: Logan is logic no more, now all that is left is Apathy.

One, Two, Three, Five, Six, Seven, Eight, Nine, Ten, Eleven, Twelve, Thirteen, Fourteen, Fifteen, Sixteen

“I want to try talking to him next,” Roman said before anyone could say a word to him, they were all huddled back up into the kitchen, as Apathy had seemingly made it his purpose to take up the couch any second that he wasn’t asleep, or they weren’t on it.

“Are you sure that’s such a good idea, Ro? I mean it hasn’t been that long since…” Roman grimaced at Patton’s words, the memory of every happy feeling, let alone any feeling being leeched right out of him like Apathy was some feelings sponge was all too real in his mind. It still made his skin crawl just thinking about it. Yet...he couldn’t just give up and do nothing about all of this, if Logan was..if he was really gone and Apathy in his place then...then he needed to do what could be done in order to make sure things weren’t so tense around here.

However, if Logan really was somewhere deep inside of Apathy, just laying in wait for whatever reason, then he was absolutely certain that he could be the one to get Logan to come out again as well.

“I’m sure,” He firmly stated with a serious nod of his head, “I’ve at least got to try something.” With that said, he left the kitchen his back as straight as an arrow, almost as if he was marching off into war, and Apathy was his great enemy that needed either slaying or befriending.

The emotionless side in question had remained in the living room for a good amount of time, his lanky body stretched out over the couch, with his legs hanging over the armrest of the couch as he dragged his pencil across a pad of lined paper. Something which Patton would have scolded any of them for, and yet...Apathy really didn’t seem to care about what Patton said to him. If anything, Apathy consistently acted like Patton wasn’t there, or as if anything he ever said fell on deaf ears. It was downright disrespectful, to the moral side, who had looked after all of them for such a long time.

“Hey...Apathy.” Roman nearly cursed himself right there for almost slipping up and saying Logan’s name, if he wanted to get through to the guy he at least had to play along for now. “What are you doing?”

Apathy’s eyes slowly trailed from his pad of paper to Roman’s knees, before slowly and almost with the pace of a snail, started slowly inching their way up before settling on Roman’s face. His upper lip twitched just the tiniest amount, and that was all Roman needed to see in order to figure out that Apathy, in his own strange kind of way, wasn’t pleased to see him, much less so than the others at least. Then again it wasn’t exactly like Apathy could feel disgust...right?

“Creativity.” Apathy intoned blankly, he looked almost bored as he stared back at the princely side, not even bothering to sit up as Roman inched forward little by little.  “What is it that you want Creativity? Can you not see that I happen to busy at this time?”

The cold words made Roman recoil just the smallest bit, before he beamed down Apathy. “Well I’d hate to disturb you, is there any time that you won’t be busy?” He offered, trying somewhat to be nice, and yet a blank stare of rejection stared back at him with the emotions of a plain unused cotton ball.

“No, if it involves you Creativity, then I am always busy.” And just like that those black dead looking eyes trailed on back over to his pad of paper as he moved the pencil around a tiny bit more, now back to ignoring Roman for everything that he was worth.

“What are you drawing?” He instead tried to ask, not allowing the sting of rejection from Apathy of all people to reach his heart, as he tilted his head trying to get a good look at whatever Apathy was attempting to sketch. What would Apathy of all people be so interested in drawing? What would he want to get down on paper?

A tired sigh left Apathy, a sound that seemed almost too much like Logan when he had been working way too hard and they wanted him to stop, when Logan was so worn to the bone that couldn’t bear to keep up niceties in the slightest.

“If you aren’t going to leave…” Apathy grumbled, finally sliding his legs off of the armrest of the couch, finally sitting up and leaving Roman just enough room to sit down next to him. Even sitting up he was still so much shorter than Roman, with his hunched posture he almost seemed smaller than even Virgil. “Here.” Apathy muttered almost sourly in a way, before he threw the pad of paper over to Roman, before the creative side could even think to reach over and possibly touch him of all things.

Roman fumbled with it for a moment, flipping to the page that Apathy had been working on, and he felt his heart drop into his stomach.

“W..why…” Roman found himself choking on his very words as he stared down at the sketch, “Why would you draw Logan?” He was finally able to ask once his tongue was no longer in a knot. The glasses, the neat swept-back hair, the tie that was perfectly in place, and..and the smug smile that lit up Logan’s face. It all looked so astonishingly real, Roman traced his finger over the sketched jawline of Logan. A well of emotions rising up inside of him like a volcano that was ready to explode at any given moment.

“I didn’t wish to forget his face,” Apathy’s words both confused and surprised him all at once as he too stared down at the picture, although unlike Roman, he only stared at it with the utmost critical eye. Like a critic surveying someone else’s work for themselves, he didn’t understand why Roman got so emotional over a simple sketch. “He is important, and as such who he is should not be forgotten….not like how the three of you forgot him before.”

The words took on a sudden edge now, like an arrow that aimed for any spot that would kill or maim the creative side. That arrow too easily found its target right in Roman’s heart, as he flinched acutely at those words. His head lowering just for a moment as he bit his bottom lip.

Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

Roman repeated to himself over and over again, taking in a shuddering breath and holding it for what felt like hours before he suddenly released it. When he was ready, he glanced over to Apathy, meeting the heartless cold stare head-on, or...at least as head-on as he could at this moment. As if he was meeting a challenge of some kind, a challenge that Apathy didn’t even know he was participating in, but was still winning.

“Apathy,” Roman slowly began scooting around a little in his seat, swallowing thickly in order to keep the well of emotions down. “You..you know that we’re sorry right? We’re sorry for the things that we said to Logan, and..and we all really want him back. We’re sorry.”

Apathy’s lips curled upwards revealing his teeth in a definite snarl, “You aren’t sorry, none of you are really that sorry…” Apathy spoke slowly as he stood, plucking the sketchbook from Roman’s hands without daring to touch the other. “But you all will be.” And with that, Apathy was gone leaving Roman feeling significantly colder than before, and feeling somehow even worse about things.  

They didn’t deserve this...did they?

Tagged:

@neko-ereri

@seas-space-and-stardust

@estraevelyn

@katatles-the-fish

@greeneggsandham1998

@ibelievewhatsontv

@sleepyssnail

@thats-so-crash

@serious-ppl-wear-neckties

@secretlyanxiouspersona

@nerd-in-space

@blue-wolfbane

@cats-vetal-miking-vomit

@ab-artist

@moonstonefox12

@echomist13

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@temmiecupcake

@nyamafriend

@cyberpunkjinx

@noahlovescoffee

@iaminmultiplefandoms

@entpscarleharrrr

@punttonsanders

@unikornavenger

[misstinfoilhat]

I have a prompt if you like it :) I'd LOVE to read some parental Roy or Havoc where Ed or Al start wondering or already know but struggles with accepting or having people know he's not straight, and him going to the parental figure to talk about it or "subtly" "asking for a friend". I feel like this could work even tho they're not that close, similar to how many ppl choose to come out to s/o they're not that close to first (yk bc if they mind at least it wasn't s/o very close to them to lose)

All right! My first prompt. I’m gonna try to write it- I’ve had some time to think about it now, and I hope it’s what you want!  The door to Colonel Roy Mustang’s office flung open, slamming into the wall behind it, leaving yet another imprint telling any visitor that Edward Elric had been here.  Roy growled silently, pinching the bridge of his nose while assessing how much the damage would cost to fix once he finally moved his way up the ranks and left this office to the next stringed puppet.  “Report,” Edward announced obnoxiously, hurling the crumpled paper onto the desk in front of the exasperated man and immediately turned to march back out. Instinctively, Roy reached out and grabbed the red coat that floated in front of him, and was able to drag the brat back. Edward grunted in annoyance, and crossed his arms defiently, while Roy picked up the paper to look it over.  “Fullmetal... Is this crayon?” Roy exclaimed in disbelief.  “What? I didn’t have a pen!” Edward complained in response.   “But you had a yellow crayon?”  “I borrowed it from some kid on the train. He said I couldn’t have the red one.” Roy had no idea how to answer that. Instead, he covered his expression with his hands, dragging them down his face wearily. “I can’t... I can’t send in a report to the Fuhrer, barely legible in yellow crayon, Fullmetal. Even that tiny brain of yours has to understand that.”  “Hey!” Ed shouted angrily.“That’s what you get for demanding the report the second we’re back in Central, bastard colonel!”  “How naïve of me to think that you somehow would be able to access a pen on a four-day train ride.”   Edward pouted and blew raspberries at his superior. With mismatching arms still crisscrossed, he turned his face away and pointed his nose towards the ceiling in obstinance. He shot a quick glance towards the door, and Roy realized that he seemed to have a worry knitted in his eyebrows.  Roy pondered for a moment, suddenly realizing what was missing.  “Edward, where’s Alphonse?”  Edward froze up, only seeming to hold his arms tighter. Roy couldn’t help but notice the inner turmoil probably raging inside the fifteen-year-olds brain at his questions.  Damnit. He didn’t have time for this.  “Fullmetal, talk to me or I swear I will have you court marshalled for wasting my time.”  “You can’t do that,” he retorted but didn’t look entirely sure. He did a double-take, watching the exit longingly before groaning loudly and collapsing onto the chair in front of the messy wooden desk.  Roy didn’t say anything, just folded his hands and waited for the vertically challenged teen to spill.  “We had a fight,” he finally muttered, defeatedly.  Roy wanted to roll his eyes. This wasn’t some kind of school counselling office. Talk about wasting his time. He was not paid to sit and hear about two young brothers having a quarrel. But then again, if this was any other teens, they probably would be in school, and having this conversation with an actual counseller. He had made damn sure that didn’t happen.  God, he hated karma.  “Go on,” he heard himself say, settling in for a tedious recital consisting of “he said, she said”.  “I don’t know... He’s just been acting really strange ever since we left Xenotime. I mean, it was a pretty strange mission, but he’s just been really quiet, or irritable and unreasonable when finally speaking, ever since.”  Roy swiftly glanced across the report for clarification.  “Ah, yes. Where you met those two brothers that pretended to be you two,” he confirmed.  “Yeah,” Edward sighed silently. “I don’t know what’s going on with him. He snapped at me when I tried to ask and went straight to the library once we arrived here.”  Edward looked absolutely beat by this. The sorrow in his golden eyes twinged something in Roy’s heart, and he tried to get rid of the useless pain he felt for his depressed subordinate. But, he already knew that he wasn’t going to be able to concentrate on his work for the rest of the day if he didn’t at least try to help. He exhaled deeply to be overly dramatic. “To be fair, you are pretty insufferable,” he murmured with a cheeky grin. Some of the well known Elric-fire could once again be recognized in the kid, as Ed reacted to his words But as quickly as it appeared, it disappeared again.  “I can try to talk to him if you want?” 

Even Roy was shocked by the words that left his mouth. That was not what he was going to say. He was just kinda trying to lighten the mood with some... ill-timed jokes. Shit. That karma again.  “I guess you could try,” Edward sulked, slightly unwilling to admit that he was, in fact, very relieved. If Roy demanded to know what was going on with Al, Alphonse wouldn’t dare to react the same way as he had done with him. 

The small hallway between the offices and library was way too short. Before Roy had even figured out what his opening line would be, he was standing only a few feet from the boy.  Alright, Roy-boy. You can do this. Think like Maes. What would Maes say? Whatever you say to a fourteen-year-old boy’s soul stuck to a giant suit of armor of course... This is gonna be a shit-show. 

“Alphonse,” he greeted carefully, closing the distance between himself and the suit, seated crosslegged on the floor between a tower of books. Alphonse looked up from the text he was reading.  “Oh. Hi, Colonel Mustang.”  Edward was right. The kid seemed different. His voice, which was usually so cheery and sounded so energetic, was just a flat mumbling. Also, it always seemed so important for Alphonse to greet the Colonel properly with respect. Now, he was already back into the pages of the book he was reading. 

“Are you... reading something useful about the stone?” he tried instead, hoping that would trigger the boy’s talkative side. That didn’t happen. All of a sudden, Al startled violently, slamming the book shut and hiding it behind his back.  “I- no, no. I- that was the wrong book. I was gonna get the one next to it,” Alphonse blurted out, fidgeting around- making sure the book was safely hidden behind him and a couple of the rest of them lying with spine facing him, obscuring their titles.  That was certainly strange... Wait, did they have porn in that library? Gosh, maybe that would make research slightly more... No. No, no, no! Focus. “Is anything the matter?” Roy tried instead, shaking himself out of his curious musings.   “No,” Alphonse replied way too quickly, desperately starting to bag up the shielded books. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m just tired... or, err... you know. I just need some peace and quiet after the long mission.”  “Your brother said you two had some kind of fight. Is that what’s been bothering you?”  Alphonse visibly paused, his arm still tucked inside his small brown leather bag. Maybe, just maybe... He could talk to the colonel about this... No. No, he couldn’t talk to anyone. Nobody could know. His brother would hate him if he knew he had these strange... he wouldn’t call them urges- he wasn’t actually sure if he was even able to have those- but feelings. Feelings he shouldn’t have towards someone he definitely shouldn’t.  “You know, for a suit of armor, you’re pretty expressive,” Roy chuckled, leaning lazily on the door frame.  “What?” What had he expressed? Did he know? How could he know!? “It’s your body language. Which, I guess is expected. You don’t really have too many other ways of showing your emotions.”  “I... I guess not. What,” he needed to be careful of what he was saying. One slip up and his life would be even more over than it already felt. “...what do you think I’m I portraying right now?”

“Honestly? You look terrified.” 

Oh. Fuc-freak!  When Alphonse didn’t answer, instead only kept staring at his book-bag, Roy took it as permission to continue. 

“You know, your brother is pretty worried. He couldn’t even think of any good retorts to my short jokes.”  Alphonse tilted his head towards the colonel for a moment, before lowering his gaze again, clearly guilt-ridden. “I didn’t mean to hurt him,” he uttered finally. “But he was just pestering me- going on and on about how I was acting strange and I just... didn’t want to talk to him about it...” “He’s not mad, he’s just wo-” “...I mean, I didn’t hit him that hard anyway.” “...rried. You punched Fullmetal?” 

“I- The bruise on his cheek wasn’t me, that was this... other kid. Russel, his name was. Mine didn’t leave a mark, I don’t think...” 

Roy slowly blinked, trying to digest all of this information. If there was anything in the report about Ed being in a fistfight with some other kid, Roy hadn’t been able to decipher it from the colorful chicken-scratches on the piece of paper on his desk. 

But, that was not what this was about. 

“Listen, Alphonse. I get that this...whatever it is that is bothering you, is hard to talk about. I’m not sure if I’m the right person for you to talk to anyway. But it’s clearly bothering you a lot. I just think you’d maybe feel better if you talked about it.” Hesitant, he got closer to the hulking armor and lay an awkward hand on his shoulder piece.  Alphonse went silent and stayed silent for a long time.  Roy was starting to worry if he had hit some kind of off switch when Alphonse finally met his gaze. 

“How... how does it feel like to be in love?”  That was not what Roy had expected. He wasn’t sure just what he was expecting, but this would probably be one of the absolute last things. But, he had also been a fourteen-year-old boy with a crush once upon a time, more years ago than he liked to think about, so this should be within his comfort zone. Somewhat. 

“Uh, well... I guess it’s different for everybody but... I guess the first thing I usually feel is a tingling sensation in my stomach.”

“I... I can’t feel that,” Al sulked. Something in his voice had turned more desperate, which only made Roy feel panicked.  A different strategy, then. 

“Well, that’s not the only thing do. You... you enjoy her company and want to spend more time with her than other people in your life I guess. She’ll make you feel accepted for who you are, hopefully. You... usually find her physically attractive too.” 

Thoughtfully, Alphonse nodded, unfortunately not seeming any more uplifted. 

“Anything else that’s on your mind?” 

Alphonse hesitated. “And... what if the person you... you love... isn’t a she?” 

Roy wasn’t able to hide his surprise at that. Al visibly recoiled and waved his hands frantically. 

“N-not me. I’m talking about... about someone else. Someone I met at the mission.” 

Roy looked at him skeptically. “Uhu,” he murmured. He wasn’t about to point out the ‘I can’t feel tingles in my stomach’ part. If this was how Alphonse needed to handle this, it would have to do for now. “And this someone, is he afraid of these feelings?” 

“Very,” Alphonse answered immediately. 

“Well,” this was definitely out of Roy’s comfort zone. “You should tell your friend that he probably has a lot of accepting people around him, who’ll love him unconditionally. And that... the people who don’t, don’t matter. It will be hard at times. There will be people who’ll discriminate against him and make him feel small and unimportant, but he’s not. As long as he remembers that, I think he’ll be okay.” 

Roy had Alphonse’s full attention now. In his awe, Alphonse hadn’t realized that he had froze in motion. The last book, the one he’d hid behind his back, was clutched in his left hand, while he was holding the bag in his right. 

The title of the book read clearly “Understanding sexuality”. Roy had seen the book before. It was one of the books recommended in the academy. There was a readlist for those who chose to pursue interrogation techniques and profiling.

Roy nodded faintly towards the book. “That’s a good read. I read it during my time at the academy. You should recommend it to your friend too.” 

If Al could blush, he would have. He quickly stuck the book into the sack. “Y-yeah, I’ll do that. Thank you, colonel. I feel a little bit better now.” 

“Good,” Roy said honestly, aware that this would not be over anytime soon. But it was a start. 

“And Alphonse...” The helmet perked back up. “I’m pretty sure that your friend has a brother who loves him very much and will not think any less of him if he shares what on his mind. I think he will be proud.” 

Alphonse replied with a couple of rapid, shaky nods and wrapped the strap of the bag over his shoulder and got up from the floor. “I hope so. Thank you. I should probably take brother home now. I think I need to apologize to him for acting irrational. And for punching him.” 

He started walking, and Roy quickly matched his pace to walk beside him, holding a reassuring, much sturdier hand on his shoulder. 

“Don’t worry about him. I’m sure he deserved it.” 

“Al!” a shrieking voice yelled from the open door in Mustang’s office. Edward stood, annoyance and uneasiness rivaling as his main expression.  This time, Roy noticed the faint, yellowing bruise on his cheek. He also had a clear, starting black eye which must have darkened in his time waiting in his office. 

“I’m okay, brother,” Al exclaimed with a prominent lightness in his voice that hadn’t been there before. Roy smiled. 

Edward looked unsure, chewing on his bottom lip as he contemplated about if he believed him or not. 

“Okay, I’m glad. Let’s go home,” Ed decided and walked over to where the two considerably taller figures stood, just outside the office. He shot a questioning glance towards Roy. 

“Yeah, you probably should,” Roy agreed easily. “Fullmetal needs to re-write his report so it’s ready at my desk at nine tomorrow morning.” 

Before Edward could get to physically attacking his superior officer and risk actually getting court marshaled for giving Mustang a matching black eye, Al quickly caught him and carried him gingerly under his arm out of the offices, leaving an echo of curses and other profanities behind them as the disappeared out of the HQ.  Roy wasn’t actually expecting the report in the morning. If Alphonse decided to wear his heart on his sleeve and tell Edward about what he was going through, the brothers had a long night ahead of them. 

Good thing they had each other. If it was anyone else, things might be a lot more difficult. It would still be, but a child that had offered up his arm after already having lost a leg to save his little brother from dying, wouldn’t make that sacrifice go to waste. Al would still be Al. And Ed inevitably would keep on being Ed.  Nah. They would be alright.