The Evolution of the Laptop: A Detailed History
The Evolution of the Laptop: A Detailed History
Introduction
The laptop computer, an indispensable tool in the modern digital age, has undergone a remarkable transformation since its inception. From bulky, expensive machines to sleek, powerful devices, laptops have evolved in tandem with technological advancements. This blog post delves into the fascinating history of the laptop, tracing its roots from the early concepts to the sophisticated devices we rely on today.
The Origins: Early Concepts and Prototypes
The Dynabook Concept (1968)
The concept of a portable computer can be traced back to 1968 when computer scientist Alan Kay, then working at Xerox PARC, proposed the idea of the "Dynabook." The Dynabook was envisioned as a personal, portable computer that could be used for a variety of tasks, including education, communication, and creativity. Although the Dynabook was never built, it laid the conceptual groundwork for the development of future portable computers.
The IBM SCAMP (1973)
In 1973, IBM developed the SCAMP (Special Computer APL Machine Portable), often considered one of the earliest prototypes of a portable computer. The SCAMP was a self-contained computer that included a keyboard, a display, and a built-in power supply. It was designed for use with the APL programming language and was intended to be a portable tool for computer scientists. However, it was never commercially released.
The First Commercial Laptops
The Osborne 1 (1981)
The Osborne 1, released in 1981 by Osborne Computer Corporation, is widely regarded as the first commercially successful portable computer. Although it weighed a hefty 24.5 pounds and had a tiny 5-inch screen, the Osborne 1 was a breakthrough in portability. It featured a Zilog Z80 processor, 64KB of RAM, and dual 5.25-inch floppy disk drives. Priced at $1,795, the Osborne 1 was popular among professionals who needed computing power on the go.
The Grid Compass 1101 (1982)
The Grid Compass 1101, introduced in 1982, is often credited as the first true "laptop" due to its clamshell design, which is now standard for laptops. Designed by British industrial designer Bill Moggridge, the Grid Compass featured a magnesium alloy case, a folding screen, and an Intel 8086 processor. Although it was expensive (around $8,150) and primarily used by NASA and the U.S. military, the Grid Compass set the stage for future laptop designs.
The Rise of Portable Computing: The 1980s and 1990s
The Compaq Portable (1983)
Compaq entered the portable computing market in 1983 with the Compaq Portable. Although it was more of a "luggable" than a laptop due to its weight (around 28 pounds), it was the first IBM PC-compatible portable computer. The Compaq Portable's success demonstrated the demand for portable computing and spurred competition in the market.
The Toshiba T1100 (1985)
In 1985, Toshiba released the T1100, often considered the first modern laptop. The T1100 was lightweight (around 9 pounds), had a rechargeable battery, and featured a floppy disk drive. It ran MS-DOS, making it compatible with popular software of the time. The T1100's success helped establish Toshiba as a leader in the laptop market and set the standard for future laptops.
The Apple Macintosh Portable (1989)
Apple entered the portable computing market with the Macintosh Portable in 1989. Although it was powerful and featured a high-resolution display, it was also heavy (16 pounds) and expensive ($6,500). Despite its shortcomings, the Macintosh Portable was significant as Apple's first attempt at a portable computer, paving the way for the company's later successes in the laptop market.
The PowerBook Series (1991)
Apple revolutionized the laptop market in 1991 with the introduction of the PowerBook series. The PowerBook 100, 140, and 170 models featured a sleek, ergonomic design with a built-in trackball, a feature that became standard in laptops. The PowerBook series was a commercial success and cemented Apple's reputation as an innovator in the laptop market.
The Late 1990s and Early 2000s: The Era of Refinement
The IBM ThinkPad (1992)
IBM's ThinkPad series, introduced in 1992, became one of the most iconic laptop brands in history. The ThinkPad 700C, with its distinctive black design and red TrackPoint (a small joystick embedded in the keyboard), was particularly popular among business users. The ThinkPad series was known for its durability, reliability, and innovative features, such as the first laptop with a color display and the first with a built-in CD-ROM drive.
The Advent of Thin and Light Laptops
As the 1990s progressed, manufacturers focused on making laptops thinner and lighter without compromising performance. Notable examples include the Compaq Armada (1996) and the Sony VAIO 505 (1997), both of which were praised for their portability and design. These developments reflected the growing demand for laptops that were not only powerful but also easy to carry.
The Apple iBook and PowerBook G4 (1999-2001)
In 1999, Apple introduced the iBook, a consumer-oriented laptop with a colorful, durable design. It was one of the first laptops to feature built-in Wi-Fi, marking a significant step towards the wireless connectivity we take for granted today. In 2001, Apple launched the PowerBook G4, a high-performance laptop with a sleek titanium design, setting new standards for both aesthetics and functionality in laptops.
The Modern Era: The 2000s to Today
The Ultrabook Movement (2011-Present)
In 2011, Intel introduced the concept of the "Ultrabook," a category of thin, lightweight, and powerful laptops designed to compete with Apple's MacBook Air. Ultrabooks, such as the Dell XPS 13 and the ASUS ZenBook, featured solid-state drives (SSDs), long battery life, and high-resolution displays. The Ultrabook movement pushed other manufacturers to innovate, leading to the development of laptops that were both highly portable and capable of handling demanding tasks.
The Rise of 2-in-1 Devices
In the 2010s, the laptop market saw the rise of 2-in-1 devices, which could function as both laptops and tablets. Microsoft pioneered this category with the Surface Pro series, offering a touchscreen, detachable keyboard, and stylus support. The versatility of 2-in-1 devices appealed to users who needed both a laptop for work and a tablet for entertainment.
The MacBook and Beyond
Apple continued to dominate the premium laptop market with its MacBook series. The MacBook Air, introduced in 2008, became the benchmark for thin and light laptops. In 2015, Apple released the 12-inch MacBook, which featured a Retina display and USB-C port, pushing the boundaries of laptop design once again. The introduction of Apple's M1 chip in 2020 marked another leap forward in performance and efficiency for the MacBook lineup.
Advances in Display and Connectivity
Modern laptops have also seen significant advancements in display technology, with the adoption of high-resolution Retina displays, OLED screens, and touchscreens. Connectivity options have expanded to include Thunderbolt 3 and USB-C, allowing for faster data transfer and charging. Additionally, features such as biometric security (fingerprint sensors and facial recognition) and improved battery life have become standard in high-end laptops.
Conclusion
The history of the laptop is a testament to the relentless pace of technological innovation. From the early prototypes of the 1970s to the sophisticated devices of today, laptops have transformed from niche tools for professionals to essential devices for people of all ages and professions. As technology continues to advance, the future of laptops promises even more exciting developments, from foldable screens to AI-driven functionalities. The journey of the laptop is far from over, and its evolution will undoubtedly continue to shape the way we live and work in the digital age.
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I bought every MacBook Ever.The Ultimate Journey Through Apple's MacBook EvolutionApple’s journey with the MacBook is a fascinating tale of technological evolution and innovation. From its inception in 1989 to the present day, the MacBook has undergone numerous transformations, each representing a significant leap in design, functionality, and consumer appeal. Let’s take a deep dive into the history of every MacBook ever made, exploring how Apple managed to turn the Mac from a novelty item into one of the most desirable computers on the planet.The Beginning: Macintosh Portable (1989)The story of the MacBook starts in 1989 with the Macintosh Portable. This was a time when the concept of a laptop was still new, and what Apple introduced was more of a portable computer than a laptop by today's standards. The Macintosh Portable was powered by Motorola’s 68000 processor, a desktop-class chip that operated at 16 megahertz. While impressive for its time, the Macintosh Portable was cumbersome and heavy, akin to carrying a small suitcase. Despite its bulk, it had a remarkable keyboard and a trackball for pointer control, which was the precursor to the trackpads we use today.The Leap: PowerBook 100, 140, and 170 (1991)In 1991, Apple launched the PowerBook 100, 140, and 170, marking a significant improvement over the Macintosh Portable. The PowerBook 100, in particular, looked like a modern laptop and introduced the idea of placing the trackball in the center of the chassis. These models were not only more compact but also more powerful, featuring the same processor as their predecessor but with better efficiency and at a reduced price. This made them more accessible, leading to hundreds of thousands of units being sold.The Professional Touch: PowerBook 500 (1994)Apple’s next big leap came with the PowerBook 500 series in 1994. These laptops were a significant upgrade in both design and functionality. They featured a trackpad instead of a trackball, a sturdier build, and better overall aesthetics. The PowerBook 500 series also introduced modular components, making them easier to repair and upgrade. This model was designed with professionals in mind, emphasizing power and functionality.The Game Changer: PowerBook G3 (1997)In 1997, Apple released the PowerBook G3, a game-changer in many ways. This laptop was powered by the PowerPC chip, a result of Apple’s collaboration with Motorola and IBM. The G3 was the fastest laptop in the world at the time, with processor speeds ranging from 250 to 500 megahertz. This period also saw the return of Steve Jobs to Apple, who began making swift changes, culminating in the PowerBook G3’s sleek design and powerful performance. The G3 was not just a laptop; it was a statement of Apple’s renewed commitment to innovation and excellence.The Colorful Era: iBook (1999)The iBook, launched in 1999, marked Apple’s foray into more affordable and colorful laptops. Designed by Jony Ive, the iBook was aimed at students and educators, offering Wi-Fi connectivity branded as AirPort. The iBook’s design was playful and distinct, with a transparent keyboard and unique color options. It was not only functional but also fashionable, capturing the attention of a younger audience.The Titanium Revolution: PowerBook G4 (2001)In 2001, Apple introduced the PowerBook G4, the first laptop to feature a titanium body. This model was sleek, durable, and significantly more professional-looking. It integrated the mouse buttons into the trackpad and offered improved performance with the PowerPC G4 chip. The PowerBook G4 was designed to cater to high-end users, solidifying Apple’s reputation for building premium, high-performance laptops.A New Beginning: MacBook Pro and MacBook (2006)2006 was a pivotal year for Apple’s laptop lineup. Steve Jobs announced a shift from the PowerBook to the MacBook brand, emphasizing not just power but the overall user experience. The MacBook Pro and the base MacBook were introduced, featuring Intel Core Duo processors.
The MacBook Pro, with its aluminum body and HD display, was a direct successor to the PowerBook G4, while the base MacBook offered a more affordable option without compromising on quality.The Thin Revolution: MacBook Air (2008)In 2008, Apple redefined thinness with the introduction of the MacBook Air. Steve Jobs unveiled the Air by pulling it out of a paper envelope, a dramatic demonstration of its slim profile. Despite its thinness, the MacBook Air did not compromise on functionality, featuring a full-sized keyboard, a multi-touch trackpad, and a powerful Intel Core 2 Duo processor. The MacBook Air was a hit, setting a new standard for ultra-portable laptops.Unibody Design: MacBook (2008)The same year, Apple also introduced the unibody MacBook, constructed from a single piece of aluminum. This design made the laptop more durable and environmentally friendly, as it was easier to recycle. The unibody MacBook was also the first to feature an LED-backlit display and a glass trackpad, enhancing the overall user experience.Retina Display: MacBook Pro (2012)In 2012, Apple took laptop displays to the next level with the MacBook Pro Retina. This laptop featured an incredibly high-resolution display, providing unparalleled sharpness and color accuracy. The MacBook Pro Retina also introduced a thinner and lighter design, making it a favorite among creative professionals.The Touch Bar Era: MacBook Pro (2016)The MacBook Pro lineup received another significant update in 2016 with the introduction of the Touch Bar, a touch-sensitive strip replacing the function keys. This model also featured a larger trackpad, a butterfly mechanism keyboard, and a shift to USB-C ports, reflecting Apple’s commitment to forward-thinking design.The M1 Revolution: MacBook Air and MacBook Pro (2020)The most recent major update to the MacBook lineup came in 2020 with the introduction of Apple’s custom M1 chip. The M1-powered MacBook Air and MacBook Pro delivered significant performance and efficiency improvements, setting new standards for laptop capabilities. The M1 chip’s integration of CPU, GPU, and neural engine brought unprecedented speed and battery life, solidifying the MacBook’s position as a leader in the laptop market.ConclusionFrom the bulky Macintosh Portable to the sleek and powerful M1 MacBooks, Apple’s journey with its laptops is a testament to its relentless pursuit of innovation and excellence. Each iteration has built on the successes of its predecessors, continually pushing the boundaries of what a laptop can be. As we look to the future, it’s clear that Apple will continue to lead the way in laptop design and technology, creating devices that are not only powerful but also a joy to use.Visit Gadget Kings PRS for Your Tech NeedsFor all your phone repair needs, visit Gadget Kings PRS, the best phone repair shop in town. Conveniently located at [insert address], Gadget Kings PRS offers top-notch repair services for all your gadgets. Check out their website here for more information.
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A WAY TO YAHOO
We had a demo day for investors, we had to rely mostly on examples in books. This kind of thing is out there for anyone to see. When you have actual first class functions or recursion or even keyword parameters. They want to make a lot more money than we did last year and I wish we had. We now think of it, the best local talent will go to the real Silicon Valley, and all you have is statistics, it seems is that much computing will move from the desktop onto remote servers. These techniques are mostly orthogonal to Bill's; an optimal solution might incorporate both. The book would be a real threat. Why bother checking the front page of any specific paper or magazine? It will be worth making i/o. The bumbler will shoot himself in the foot anyway.
Atlanta is just as hosed as Munich. In Common Lisp I have often wanted to iterate through the fields of a struct—to comb out references to a deleted object, for example—you want to be forced to figure out what's actually wrong with him, and sure enough, it won't pay for spammers to send it, and the most productive people are attracted to employers who hold themselves to a higher standard than the law requires. In principle you could avoid it, just as it's hard to engage an audience you have to design what the user needs, not simply what he says he wants. After years of carefully avoiding classic time sinks like TV, games, and Usenet, I still managed to fall prey to distraction, because as well as the low. So the best strategy is to try lots of different things. Irony of ironies, it's the computer Steve Huffman wrote Reddit on. We know because we make people move for Y Combinator, and it is a huge and rapidly growing business. That has worked for the government. In fact, they're lucky by comparison.
One ingredient of its meaning is certainly Ajax, which I took to refer to web-based database as a system to hack: the Lisp Machine. I'm not saying, of course, that elite colleges have two critical qualities that plug right into the way large organizations work. For insiders work turns into a duty, laden with responsibilities and expectations. The most obvious is poverty. Instead of avoiding it as a drawback of senility, many companies embrace it only half-willingly, driven more by fear than hope, and aiming more to protect their turf than to do great things for users. So don't be demoralized by how hard it is to be consciously aware of that. If you work fast, they expect everyone else to. Not all cities send a message. Eminence is like a suit: it impresses the wrong people, and you can't find another? It's kind of strange when you think about it, including even its syntax, and anything you write has, as much as an audience. If I could get people to remember just one quote about programming, it would be a byword for bogusness like Milli Vanilli or Battlefield Earth.
I want in some macros. The startup will now do that themselves. Arguably the people in the middle of the 20th century that convinced some people otherwise. People will pay extra for stability. Investors don't need weeks to make up their minds, lest they lose the deal. They know they want to raise money, and the best research is also good design, and having the same people both design and implement the product. Small things can be done by collaborators.
Painting has been a qualitative change, like the proverbial drunk who looks for his keys under the lamppost, instead of sitting on them, technology will evolve faster. So verbs with initial caps have higher spam probabilities than they would have been on the list 100 years ago though it might have been 2400 years ago. They don't define what evil is, but by studying the intended users and figuring out what those problems are. Maybe the answer is yes. For example, when Leonardo painted the portrait of Ginevra de Benci in the National Gallery, he put a juniper bush behind her head. It's especially good if your application solves some new problem. I'm supposed to finish college and then go work for another company for two years, and then for all their followers to die.
Another view is that a programming language unless it's also the scripting language of a popular system. When it reaches a certain concentration, it kills off the yeast that produced it. So far the complete list of messages I've picked up from cities is: wealth, style, hipness, physical attractiveness, fame, political power, economic power, intelligence, social class, and quality of life. When you use the would-have method with startup founders, and it's always this way. Patent trolls are just parasites. Poverty and economic inequality are not identical. Working on small things, and if this new Lisp will be used to hack. The opinion of expert hackers is not the brand name of the artist. It's so easy to understand what kind of terms should they expect? A rounds aren't going away, I think we're just beginning to realize how distracting the Internet had become, because the main value of that initial version is to be on it or close to those who are. Sometimes it literally is software, like Hacker News and our application system. If you actually want to fix the bad aspects of it—you have to seek out, but something you can't turn off.
Clearly you don't have to be downloaded. Users don't know what all the choices are, and much less on how old you are or how much business experience you have. If they get something wrong, it's usually not realizing they have to make sacrifices to live there. One of the great masters, because copying forces you to look closely at the way a painting is made. In the big angel rounds that increasingly compete with series A rounds is that they're more prestigious. Universities and research labs feel they ought to be the middle course, to notice some tokens but not others. Another example we can take from painting is the way they taught me to in college. Users are a double-edged sword. I/O. And that required very different skills from actually doing the startup. In fact, the language encourages you to be an outsider. The best stories about user needs are about your own.
Powerbooks. Tcl is the scripting language of some existing system. Is there some way to beat this limitation? Technology has decreased the cost of starting a startup molds you into someone who can handle it. Smart investors can see past such superficial flaws. But the cost of typing it. And they, incidentally, are busted. Variation in productivity is always going to produce some baseline growth in economic inequality we've seen since then has been due to bad behavior of various kinds, there has been a qualitative change in the last 10 years.
Thanks to Bob van der Zwaan essay, Trevor Blackwell, Sam Altman, and Geoff Ralston for sparking my interest in this topic.
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Who needs a laugh, or some advice
Source: http://www.eviloverlord.com/lists/overlord.html
I highly recommend going to the site and checking out the ones that did not make the top 100 list.
Peter’s Evil Overlord List
My Legions of Terror will have helmets with clear plexiglass visors, not face-concealing ones.
My ventilation ducts will be too small to crawl through.
My noble half-brother whose throne I usurped will be killed, not kept anonymously imprisoned in a forgotten cell of my dungeon.
Shooting is not too good for my enemies.
The artifact which is the source of my power will not be kept on the Mountain of Despair beyond the River of Fire guarded by the Dragons of Eternity. It will be in my safe-deposit box. The same applies to the object which is my one weakness.
I will not gloat over my enemies' predicament before killing them.
When I've captured my adversary and he says, "Look, before you kill me, will you at least tell me what this is all about?" I'll say, "No." and shoot him. No, on second thought I'll shoot him then say "No."
After I kidnap the beautiful princess, we will be married immediately in a quiet civil ceremony, not a lavish spectacle in three weeks' time during which the final phase of my plan will be carried out.
I will not include a self-destruct mechanism unless absolutely necessary. If it is necessary, it will not be a large red button labelled "Danger: Do Not Push". The big red button marked "Do Not Push" will instead trigger a spray of bullets on anyone stupid enough to disregard it. Similarly, the ON/OFF switch will not clearly be labelled as such.
I will not interrogate my enemies in the inner sanctum -- a small hotel well outside my borders will work just as well.
I will be secure in my superiority. Therefore, I will feel no need to prove it by leaving clues in the form of riddles or leaving my weaker enemies alive to show they pose no threat.
One of my advisors will be an average five-year-old child. Any flaws in my plan that he is able to spot will be corrected before implementation.
All slain enemies will be cremated, or at least have several rounds of ammunition emptied into them, not left for dead at the bottom of the cliff. The announcement of their deaths, as well as any accompanying celebration, will be deferred until after the aforementioned disposal.
The hero is not entitled to a last kiss, a last cigarette, or any other form of last request.
I will never employ any device with a digital countdown. If I find that such a device is absolutely unavoidable, I will set it to activate when the counter reaches 117 and the hero is just putting his plan into operation.
I will never utter the sentence "But before I kill you, there's just one thing I want to know."
When I employ people as advisors, I will occasionally listen to their advice.
I will not have a son. Although his laughably under-planned attempt to usurp power would easily fail, it would provide a fatal distraction at a crucial point in time.
I will not have a daughter. She would be as beautiful as she was evil, but one look at the hero's rugged countenance and she'd betray her own father.
Despite its proven stress-relieving effect, I will not indulge in maniacal laughter. When so occupied, it's too easy to miss unexpected developments that a more attentive individual could adjust to accordingly.
I will hire a talented fashion designer to create original uniforms for my Legions of Terror, as opposed to some cheap knock-offs that make them look like Nazi stormtroopers, Roman footsoldiers, or savage Mongol hordes. All were eventually defeated and I want my troops to have a more positive mind-set.
No matter how tempted I am with the prospect of unlimited power, I will not consume any energy field bigger than my head.
I will keep a special cache of low-tech weapons and train my troops in their use. That way -- even if the heroes manage to neutralize my power generator and/or render the standard-issue energy weapons useless -- my troops will not be overrun by a handful of savages armed with spears and rocks.
I will maintain a realistic assessment of my strengths and weaknesses. Even though this takes some of the fun out of the job, at least I will never utter the line "No, this cannot be! I AM INVINCIBLE!!!" (After that, death is usually instantaneous.)
No matter how well it would perform, I will never construct any sort of machinery which is completely indestructible except for one small and virtually inaccessible vulnerable spot.
No matter how attractive certain members of the rebellion are, there is probably someone just as attractive who is not desperate to kill me. Therefore, I will think twice before ordering a prisoner sent to my bedchamber.
I will never build only one of anything important. All important systems will have redundant control panels and power supplies. For the same reason I will always carry at least two fully loaded weapons at all times.
My pet monster will be kept in a secure cage from which it cannot escape and into which I could not accidentally stumble.
I will dress in bright and cheery colors, and so throw my enemies into confusion.
All bumbling conjurers, clumsy squires, no-talent bards, and cowardly thieves in the land will be preemptively put to death. My foes will surely give up and abandon their quest if they have no source of comic relief.
All naive, busty tavern wenches in my realm will be replaced with surly, world-weary waitresses who will provide no unexpected reinforcement and/or romantic subplot for the hero or his sidekick.
I will not fly into a rage and kill a messenger who brings me bad news just to illustrate how evil I really am. Good messengers are hard to come by.
I won't require high-ranking female members of my organization to wear a stainless-steel bustier. Morale is better with a more casual dress-code. Similarly, outfits made entirely from black leather will be reserved for formal occasions.
I will not turn into a snake. It never helps.
I will not grow a goatee. In the old days they made you look diabolic. Now they just make you look like a disaffected member of Generation X.
I will not imprison members of the same party in the same cell block, let alone the same cell. If they are important prisoners, I will keep the only key to the cell door on my person instead of handing out copies to every bottom-rung guard in the prison.
If my trusted lieutenant tells me my Legions of Terror are losing a battle, I will believe him. After all, he's my trusted lieutenant.
If an enemy I have just killed has a younger sibling or offspring anywhere, I will find them and have them killed immediately, instead of waiting for them to grow up harboring feelings of vengeance towards me in my old age.
If I absolutely must ride into battle, I will certainly not ride at the forefront of my Legions of Terror, nor will I seek out my opposite number among his army.
I will be neither chivalrous nor sporting. If I have an unstoppable superweapon, I will use it as early and as often as possible instead of keeping it in reserve.
Once my power is secure, I will destroy all those pesky time-travel devices.
When I capture the hero, I will make sure I also get his dog, monkey, ferret, or whatever sickeningly cute little animal capable of untying ropes and filching keys happens to follow him around.
I will maintain a healthy amount of skepticism when I capture the beautiful rebel and she claims she is attracted to my power and good looks and will gladly betray her companions if I just let her in on my plans.
I will only employ bounty hunters who work for money. Those who work for the pleasure of the hunt tend to do dumb things like even the odds to give the other guy a sporting chance.
I will make sure I have a clear understanding of who is responsible for what in my organization. For example, if my general screws up I will not draw my weapon, point it at him, say "And here is the price for failure," then suddenly turn and kill some random underling.
If an advisor says to me "My liege, he is but one man. What can one man possibly do?", I will reply "This." and kill the advisor.
If I learn that a callow youth has begun a quest to destroy me, I will slay him while he is still a callow youth instead of waiting for him to mature.
I will treat any beast which I control through magic or technology with respect and kindness. Thus if the control is ever broken, it will not immediately come after me for revenge.
If I learn the whereabouts of the one artifact which can destroy me, I will not send all my troops out to seize it. Instead I will send them out to seize something else and quietly put a Want-Ad in the local paper.
My main computers will have their own special operating system that will be completely incompatible with standard IBM and Macintosh powerbooks.
If one of my dungeon guards begins expressing concern over the conditions in the beautiful princess' cell, I will immediately transfer him to a less people-oriented position.
I will hire a team of board-certified architects and surveyors to examine my castle and inform me of any secret passages and abandoned tunnels that I might not know about.
If the beautiful princess that I capture says "I'll never marry you! Never, do you hear me, NEVER!!!", I will say "Oh well" and kill her.
I will not strike a bargain with a demonic being then attempt to double-cross it simply because I feel like being contrary.
The deformed mutants and odd-ball psychotics will have their place in my Legions of Terror. However before I send them out on important covert missions that require tact and subtlety, I will first see if there is anyone else equally qualified who would attract less attention.
My Legions of Terror will be trained in basic marksmanship. Any who cannot learn to hit a man-sized target at 10 meters will be used for target practice.
Before employing any captured artifacts or machinery, I will carefully read the owner's manual.
If it becomes necessary to escape, I will never stop to pose dramatically and toss off a one-liner.
I will never build a sentient computer smarter than I am.
My five-year-old child advisor will also be asked to decipher any code I am thinking of using. If he breaks the code in under 30 seconds, it will not be used. Note: this also applies to passwords.
If my advisors ask "Why are you risking everything on such a mad scheme?", I will not proceed until I have a response that satisfies them.
I will design fortress hallways with no alcoves or protruding structural supports which intruders could use for cover in a firefight.
Bulk trash will be disposed of in incinerators, not compactors. And they will be kept hot, with none of that nonsense about flames going through accessible tunnels at predictable intervals.
I will see a competent psychiatrist and get cured of all extremely unusual phobias and bizarre compulsive habits which could prove to be a disadvantage.
If I must have computer systems with publically available terminals, the maps they display of my complex will have a room clearly marked as the Main Control Room. That room will be the Execution Chamber. The actual main control room will be marked as Sewage Overflow Containment.
My security keypad will actually be a fingerprint scanner. Anyone who watches someone press a sequence of buttons or dusts the pad for fingerprints then subsequently tries to enter by repeating that sequence will trigger the alarm system.
No matter how many shorts we have in the system, my guards will be instructed to treat every surveillance camera malfunction as a full-scale emergency.
I will spare someone who saved my life sometime in the past. This is only reasonable as it encourages others to do so. However, the offer is good one time only. If they want me to spare them again, they'd better save my life again.
All midwives will be banned from the realm. All babies will be delivered at state-approved hospitals. Orphans will be placed in foster-homes, not abandoned in the woods to be raised by creatures of the wild.
When my guards split up to search for intruders, they will always travel in groups of at least two. They will be trained so that if one of them disappears mysteriously while on patrol, the other will immediately initiate an alert and call for backup, instead of quizzically peering around a corner.
If I decide to test a lieutenant's loyalty and see if he/she should be made a trusted lieutenant, I will have a crack squad of marksmen standing by in case the answer is no.
If all the heroes are standing together around a strange device and begin to taunt me, I will pull out a conventional weapon instead of using my unstoppable superweapon on them.
I will not agree to let the heroes go free if they win a rigged contest, even though my advisors assure me it is impossible for them to win.
When I create a multimedia presentation of my plan designed so that my five-year-old advisor can easily understand the details, I will not label the disk "Project Overlord" and leave it lying on top of my desk.
I will instruct my Legions of Terror to attack the hero en masse, instead of standing around waiting while members break off and attack one or two at a time.
If the hero runs up to my roof, I will not run up after him and struggle with him in an attempt to push him over the edge. I will also not engage him at the edge of a cliff. (In the middle of a rope-bridge over a river of molten lava is not even worth considering.)
If I have a fit of temporary insanity and decide to give the hero the chance to reject a job as my trusted lieutentant, I will retain enough sanity to wait until my current trusted lieutenant is out of earshot before making the offer.
I will not tell my Legions of Terror "And he must be taken alive!" The command will be "And try to take him alive if it is reasonably practical."
If my doomsday device happens to come with a reverse switch, as soon as it has been employed it will be melted down and made into limited-edition commemorative coins.
If my weakest troops fail to eliminate a hero, I will send out my best troops instead of wasting time with progressively stronger ones as he gets closer and closer to my fortress.
If I am fighting with the hero atop a moving platform, have disarmed him, and am about to finish him off and he glances behind me and drops flat, I too will drop flat instead of quizzically turning around to find out what he saw.
I will not shoot at any of my enemies if they are standing in front of the crucial support beam to a heavy, dangerous, unbalanced structure.
If I'm eating dinner with the hero, put poison in his goblet, then have to leave the table for any reason, I will order new drinks for both of us instead of trying to decide whether or not to switch with him.
I will not have captives of one sex guarded by members of the opposite sex.
I will not use any plan in which the final step is horribly complicated, e.g. "Align the 12 Stones of Power on the sacred altar then activate the medallion at the moment of total eclipse." Instead it will be more along the lines of "Push the button."
I will make sure that my doomsday device is up to code and properly grounded.
My vats of hazardous chemicals will be covered when not in use. Also, I will not construct walkways above them.
If a group of henchmen fail miserably at a task, I will not berate them for incompetence then send the same group out to try the task again.
After I captures the hero's superweapon, I will not immediately disband my legions and relax my guard because I believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and I took it from him.
I will not design my Main Control Room so that every workstation is facing away from the door.
I will not ignore the messenger that stumbles in exhausted and obviously agitated until my personal grooming or current entertainment is finished. It might actually be important.
If I ever talk to the hero on the phone, I will not taunt him. Instead I will say this his dogged perseverance has given me new insight on the futility of my evil ways and that if he leaves me alone for a few months of quiet contemplation I will likely return to the path of righteousness. (Heroes are incredibly gullible in this regard.)
If I decide to hold a double execution of the hero and an underling who failed or betrayed me, I will see to it that the hero is scheduled to go first.
When arresting prisoners, my guards will not allow them to stop and grab a useless trinket of purely sentimental value.
My dungeon will have its own qualified medical staff complete with bodyguards. That way if a prisoner becomes sick and his cellmate tells the guard it's an emergency, the guard will fetch a trauma team instead of opening up the cell for a look.
My door mechanisms will be designed so that blasting the control panel on the outside seals the door and blasting the control panel on the inside opens the door, not vice versa.
My dungeon cells will not be furnished with objects that contain reflective surfaces or anything that can be unravelled.
If an attractive young couple enters my realm, I will carefully monitor their activities. If I find they are happy and affectionate, I will ignore them. However if circumstance have forced them together against their will and they spend all their time bickering and criticizing each other except during the intermittent occasions when they are saving each others' lives at which point there are hints of sexual tension, I will immediately order their execution.
Any data file of crucial importance will be padded to 1.45Mb in size.
Finally, to keep my subjects permanently locked in a mindless trance, I will provide each of them with free unlimited Internet access.
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