#pov when I change my patient because we are losing and the solider has better aim than the heavy

[mearcatsreturns]

can’t help it (falling in love) ch. 2

Look. I didn't mean to write a second chapter. It just happened. It’s vaguely for @somekindofflowergirl, vaguely for me, because I needed it from Luka’s POV too. The softer, gentler courtship Abby and Luka could have had in season 12, even if I love canon. 

Chapter 2: Fools Rush In

Luka drums his fingers against the table, staring over at the little metal rectangle. He’s forty years old, it shouldn’t be this difficult to pick up his phone and call the woman he likes. (More than likes, he can’t even lie to himself.)

He and Abby spend plenty of time together now. It’s not like she won’t say yes if she’s free. In fact, she’d taken him out to dinner for his birthday just the previous month. Originally, a few of the others were going to meet them at the restaurant, but everyone had ended up cancelling for various reasons. It had just been him and Abby, so they’d just ended up staying for appetizers at the nice restaurant before heading to the Polish restaurant he’d loved when they were dating. It had been perfect, and Luka had known then that there was still something between them...at least on his end.

He hadn’t acted immediately. He didn’t want to rush it this time, didn’t want to scare her off or dive into something before they were ready. He’d needed time, and it had been nice, growing back into each other’s lives again.

Lately, he’s noticed a...change. He catches Abby watching him often enough, and if he sees a fraction of the hope he feels...well.

He’s tired of inaction, of sitting and pining. Even her friendship is enough, and if that’s all she wants, he’ll be fine with it. It’s just...if they have a chance to make something more, this time with a solid foundation of friendship and history, he wants that more than anything.

Finally, he musters the courage and dials the number he knows by heart. It rings twice before Abby picks up, and he can’t help but smile at her greeting.

“Hey, stranger.”

“Long time no talk, eh?”

“Yeah, the last 13 hours have been brutal,” she says in that wry way he adores.

“Well, to celebrate saving the girl yesterday and having the day off, I was thinking of making something nice for lunch, if you wanted to come join me.”

“Sure, as long as you promise it’s not that lamb gruel.”

“Heathen,” he says fondly, “but no, I’ll make something you will eat.”

“See you at noon?”

“It’s a date,” Luka agrees, then panics at his word choice. Not that he doesn’t want it to be a date, but if he scares her off, that would be the worst thing. He hangs up before she can react.

&&&

Abby shows up exactly at noon, and Luka tries not to stare or salivate too much at the low vee of her tee shirt’s neckline under her jacket. He’s honestly not very successful, but he really can’t help it. She’s so gorgeous, and it’s difficult not to remember that he knows what she looks like underneath it all.

He needs a glass of ice water. Or a cold shower.

They finish up their meal—a Mediterranean fish dish Abby likes—and Luka finds he’s unwilling for their time together to come to an end. Maybe, just maybe, if he keeps suggesting things, she’ll keep hanging out with him.

While he’s very tempted to suggest they stay in and watch something on TV, he’s not sure he’d be able to keep from jumping on her, or however the saying goes. And he very much wants to, but he needs to make sure it’s what she wants before potentially risking the wonderful friendship they have now. Instead he proposes a walk, and Abby agrees easily, though she seems to have doubts about whether her jacket will be warm enough.

Luka is willing to do whatever it takes to keep her warm.

It’s getting harder not to just reach for her hand when they walk beside each other. He wants to, and badly, and he considers compromising and offering his arm when she leads him onto a path by the lake. Finding out that she’s brought him to one of her favorite places to think, though—that touches something deep in him, fans the flames of hope that they might be ready to open up enough for a relationship.

He decides that if she can chance opening up, he can chance...something, while still not being too forward. He fights the nervousness churning in his gut and gently wraps his arm around her where they sit on the bench, letting out a sigh of relief when after a brief pause, they just continue talking (flirting). After a minute, when Abby leans into his chest ever so slightly, he again has to remind himself that he’s a grown man who might be in charge of an entire County ER soon. And that he needs to keep breathing.

Her light teasing followed by concern about whether he really does want the Chief position just cements what he’s been suspecting since roughly a week after he and Sam broke up—that he’s as in love with Abby as he’s been since she came to him in his hotel room five years ago.

Truthfully, he���s not sure he really does want to be Chief, but he’s far better than Clemente. Definitely better than any outsider they might find. Being Chief isn’t a particular dream of his, but it’s something he can pursue with less...finesse…than he’s attempting to pursue Abby.

It makes him wonder, though. He knows it’s fishing, but he can’t help it. Biting his lip, he asks, “What about you?”

“Well, I’m not in the running to be Chief. I should probably finish my residency first,” she grins.

Now that he’s put his arm around her and she seems okay with that, he can’t stop touching her. Or teasing her. He pinches her arm lightly in faux reprimand. “Okay, smartass. I meant if you had some big hopes, but I can see that you’ve already achieved your dream of always having a...feisty....response.”

She pauses for a long moment, and he wonders if the fabric of their reality is about to shift. His heart speeds up when she leans back further into his embrace and says, “There is one thing.”

“What is it?”

“I really want to see that space cowboy movie with Nathan Fillion. I’ve been meaning to since it came out, it just hasn’t happened yet.”

In spite of the pang of disappointment he feels, he’s still amused. And this? This he can handle and turn into more time with her. “Well, I guess if we hurry we could probably make a matinee. I can make your dream come true.”

If his hand lingers longer than strictly necessary when he helps her up, she doesn’t seem to mind.

&&&

Going to the movies with Abby is refreshingly normal. It’s fun to just relax and be them, but it’s also something they didn’t do much of when they were dating. It’s easier now to just be, to coexist together, enjoying each other’s presence in their quiet way. Luka doesn’t care much about the movie or care very much what happens, especially when the action picks up and Abby grabs at his arm and doesn’t let go.

His stomach growls as they’re leaving the theater, and he shrugs sheepishly as she laughs at him. They head to one of the hot dog vendors and are just starting to eat when the pages and calls come in from County. There’s a crisis, because of course there is.

They take his car, listening with alarm to the coverage of the plane crash. It’s going to be a busy night.

Luka isn’t wrong about that. It is busy, but not as brutal as it could have been. By the time he sees Baxter up to ICU and checks in on him, the ER has managed to get things under control.

He’s tired, but buzzed on the victory of a good night. He worked with Abby nearly the whole time, and it’s amazing how much better that makes things.

She’s his favorite person to work with. That’s been true since she was a nurse, and it’s doubly true now. He’s so proud of how far she’s come. Tonight, she was brilliant, and he can’t wait to see her become the great doctor he’s always known she can be.

He brushes off Clemente—yes, they probably should talk, but there’s no need to sour this night—and heads out into the ambulance bay on the way to his car.

He nearly runs into her, but he can’t fight the smile that tugs at his lips when he sees Abby. Nor can he fight the glow of happiness when she returns it.

“How’s our favorite patient?”

“Huh? Oh, Baxter. He made it up to ICU and will be fine, even if I’m not so sure about his fiancee.” Meeting Baxter’s fiancee had definitely been one of those times where he wished he could just be absorbed into the floor.

Abby snorts. “Good, good. That’ll be...fun.”

“Not our problem, at least,” he says. And thank god. For a moment, he wonders what she’s doing out here, then he remembers that they aren’t in fact the only doctors who’ve had a night. “Is Neela all right?”

“She will be, I was just worried about smoke inhalation.”

“She’s tough.” Neela is, but he’s not thinking about her anymore.

Especially when Abby shivers. His evil brain immediately supplies the image of her doing just that while he runs his tongue between her breasts, and he internally yells at himself. She’s COLD, it’s November and she’s out here with only her lab coat.

He can be a gentleman, even if his brain isn’t convinced. Luka reaches out and rubs her upper arms, trying to warm her while still keeping a respectable distance between them.

Liar, you just want to touch her, he hears. He ignores that voice and smiles down at Abby. “Cold?”

“A little. I forgot my jacket inside,” she says, biting her lip. His eyes follow the movement, and he decides to hell with respectable distance.

Stepping closer to her, Luka trails his hands to her back, holding her in a lose embrace. She can still move away if she doesn’t want this, but he’s tired of pretending he doesn’t. “I’d offer you my jacket, but…”

His eyes widen when she steps closer and grabs the labels of said jacket. “Yeah, that probably wouldn’t work.”

“Might get in the way,” he says, voice hoarse. “And we wouldn’t want that.”

“Nope.”

“We had a good night tonight,” he says, leaning his forehead against hers, brushing his nose against hers, their lips just centimeters apart.

It was a good night, even before they saved people’s lives, and Luka hopes it only gets better.  

So he presses his lips to hers in a slow, gentle kiss. When she responds, he pulls her closer until she’s standing on the tips of her toes, their bodies pressed against each other.

When she deepens the kiss, he can’t hold back a groan. Oh god, this is everything he’s wanted, probably since shortly after he met her, at minimum.

He can’t bring himself to care that they’re in public, at least not yet. Luka walks them back up against one of the stone walls, sliding a leg between hers so he can lift her a little more. He swallows her moan, sliding a hand under her top. He’s about to wrap her legs around his hips and carry her off somewhere, anywhere, so they can be together, when an ambulance zooms past, sirens blaring.

She pulls back and clears her throat, but he is still too undone to function.

“I need to finish up the case notes for Baxter and the, uh, the other patient.”

Abby is so adorable and uncertain, and she looks as thunderstruck as he feels. Luka licks his lips and brushes them across her forehead, letting her step out of the circle of his embrace. “See you tomorrow?”

She smiles, and everything in him sings with relief and joy. “Yeah. See you then. Good night.”

As she turns and walks back inside, he leans against the wall he’d just had her pressed up against, chest heaving. “Night.”

Luka doesn’t know how he’ll sleep, but maybe this once, his dreams will be as sweet as the feel of her in his arms, in his life.

&&&

Over the next couple of days, Luka worries that he’s losing his mind. He bounds back and forth between joy and despair from one moment to the next, and he just can’t. Was she as thrilled as he was? Did it mean more to her, or was it just a kiss? Just...getting caught up in the moment? Should they talk about it? Would this change nothing or everything?

Maybe it would have been easier if they had a chance to talk sooner, but in spite of them having a shift at the same time the very next day, they don’t get to talk. It’s insanely busy, and they don’t even end up working a single case together. They wave at each other in passing, but she’s already gone by the time he gets out of the last trauma of the evening.

She didn’t wait for him, which naturally makes him question everything. It’s not like she agreed to do so. Shit, maybe she didn’t even really want him to make a move the previous day. He desperately wants to call her and ask her if everything is fine, if it’s more than fine, but he gets an attack of nerves and starts sweating every time he types out a message addressing the issue. He can still text her about the normal, everyday things they’re accustomed to talking about, and he’s not sure if her decidedly normal responses are a good or bad sign.

A couple days later, they finally have a shift together again, and when Luka sees Abby in lockup, he shores up his courage. Kind of. He doesn’t need prednisone, but he needs a pretext. Taking a deep breath, he makes his way in.

Her eyes widen when she sees him, and she does that adorable, flustered thing she does when she’s nervous.

He can’t help but smile. “Hey there.”

“Oh, uh, hey.”

“I need to get the prednisone.”

He squeezes by her, and wants nothing more than to take her in his arms. She shivers when he brushes against her, and the sound fills him with hope. He still needs to check to make sure they’re okay, that he hasn’t damaged things with them, but it’s easier than he thought because it’s Abby.

Luka knows words aren’t his strong suit, though, so he fumbles for a moment before deciding to just be as blunt as he can. “Ah, I—well, I just want to make sure it was okay that I kissed you the other day.”

“Oh, I mean, I kissed you back, so...yeah. It’s fine,” she says.

“Good, good.” Initially, all he feels is relief. He hasn’t ruined it, and she did kiss him back. Then he takes in how still she is, how shuttered her expression has gotten.

Fuck. He panics again when she edges toward him, toward the exit. This can’t be all they are. They—she—deserves more than a glorious kiss followed by spluttering.

Then he sees it, and nearly smiles. The uncertainty, the hope, the setting—it’s five years ago all over again, and suddenly, he knows exactly what to do.

Reaching for her hand, he asks, “Abby?”

“Yeah?” She’s looking down at their hands, and he can see the nerves in her furrowed brow and tense shoulders.

“I—do you want to go out? Sometime soon?” God, why are his palms so sweaty?

Then her face transforms, and she smiles at him, pushing back her hair. It’s such a sweet and innocent gesture, and he nearly whoops with glee.

“You mean like date?”

He loves her, he loves her, he loves her. He loves that she remembers, he loves that she’s willing to tease him, and he loves all that she is. “Yes.”

If anything, Abby seems startled at his vehemence. “Oh, okay. Um, yeah. Tonight after our shift ends?”

He’s about to agree, when it hits him. “That’s fine—wait, our shift ends at midnight. Is that…?” He wills all of his blood to not flow south, but it sure sounds like she’s implying their date lead a very specific place. One of their beds, to be precise.

“Well, I don’t know what you have planned. But there’s definitely plenty we could do then.” Oh. Even he recognizes she’s flirting with him.

“Well, I don’t know what you have planned, but there’s definitely plenty we could do then…” She’s biting her lip, and he’s absolutely positive she’s trying to kill him. At least he’ll die a happy man.

Luka tries to take some semblance of control of himself, if not the situation. “We could always go play pool. It is ladies’ night.”

“Is it now?”

“Mmhmm. Unless you were thinking of something more physical.” He can’t help but tease her; he’d nearly walked straight into the admit desk in shock and arousal when she’d said that to him all those years ago.

She turns the prettiest pink and raises an eyebrow, grinning. “Oh, like you weren’t.”

“Always,” he says, and then he can no longer hold back. Taking her face in his hands, he kisses her. With the added clarity of their talk, knowing they’re going to be spending the evening together, and maybe longer (forever, he prays)—it’s better than their last kiss. Maybe better than any of their kisses, ever, though he’s willing to keep comparing.

He’s breathless and very, very aroused by the time she pulls back, running a hand down his chest. “Okay. See you later?”

A nod is all he can manage, but it does the trick. Neither of them want to leave, though, and risk breaking the beautiful spell. He’s seconds away of pulling her into his arms again when Chuny bursts in, sees their...state...and smirks. She talks to Abby, and Luka feels himself blushing. He can’t bring himself to regret anything that transpired, though he hopes Abby doesn’t feel awkward about getting caught.

“Luka?” He comes back to earth at Abby’s quiet question.

“Yes?” It’s a struggle not to tack on “my love” to the end of it, but he doesn’t want her to panic.

She stands on her toes, and presses a chaste but sweet and tender kiss to his lips. He was wrong earlier. That, that, is their best kiss so far, though he hopes they have a lifetime of them. “I’ll come find you when the shift is over.”

“Okay,” she says, and he smiles as he watches her walk down out and down the hallway, nearly skipping.

He can’t wait to see what’s next.