#potn ch55

[sometime-in-1995]

💫 When realization hits hard

and they're shookt af 💫

[sometime-in-1995]

Excuse me, Sir?? You're seriously comparing yourself to that four eyes bastard?! I mean, you're not any better but you're seriously wanna level yourself to him?? Are you blind or what?? Have you seen the way Nakyum looks at you? Have you ever even tried to actually look??

This is how he looks at you even when you dragged him to that room and almost subjected him into a gangbang, you dense mf! His eyes is so full of tenderness and affection and so much concern when he looks at you to the point where my heart aches when I look at them! This is how he looks at you even when you don't deserve it!

So next time, don't even speak of yourself against that bastard 'coz that's like a blow of shame to Nakyum.

[sometime-in-1995]

Look at this smol & precious little bean 💕💫💞

[sometime-in-1995]

You're telling me, Seungho's been drinking all night racking his brain analyzing this strange and yet so poignant feelings he has for Nakyum while Nakyum was sleeping? Like, he just sat there, drank all the leftover alcohols and probably inhaled all the leftover opiums? He obviously didn't know how to deal or what to do with his feelings. He's like in panic and yet just stands there doing whatnot.

Nakyum literally just woke up after a circus of a night and the first thing he sees is Seungho being defeated by his feelings, drunk and dazed. And the first thing he hears is Seungho confessing all the the truths he has tried to suppress.

I really didn't expect that we'd actually get Seungho to confess all his frustrations and worries in this week's chapter update. I'm literally baffled and at awe. We barely or even never get to see or hear his emotions out and loud in the open. As a reader, I personally didn't know how to deal with him being open. I literally had to pause every after each panel to hold my chest because it's aching or cover my mouth 'coz hearing him say those words is too surreal.

Fucking Deokjae! 😡 I know you're dead but I'm still cursing you for twisting my precious Nakyum's hand! 😭💔 If his wrist won't work like it used to be and deter his painting, Imma dig your grave and kill you again 😭

My precious son, please, go get that hand treated. I'm so worried 😭💔

None of us know what Seungho went through yet for him to turn out the way he is right now and for him to even think of committing murder & suicide. Although whatever happened to him is still not a valid reason to justify what he did to Nakyum, I wasn't ready to hear that coming from him. It's like a scream for help. He's been desperately trying to kill the bugging feeling inside by living in debauchery but still to no avail. Maybe, if there's anything I feel for him, it's pity. I feel like hugging him last night while reading. Dammit, I'm such a sucker for men like Seungho 🤦

The great and mighty Yoon Seungho could actually fall ill, huh. Dude, how can you look so fuckin' hot even when you're sick? You'd expect him to be okay with everything that's happening but we also don't know and understand the mental toll that this turmoil is causing him. The confusion and the frustration he has with having Nakyum around made him recall all the ugly past he've tried to bury by living in debauchery which probably gave him the feeling of superficial freedom and temporary peace.

The thing is, even Seungho is also denying himself of loving and being loved. If there's anything Seungho & Nakyum has in common, it's self-denial.

Nakyum isn't even mad anymore despite of what they did to him, despite of what he've gone through especially that night. He just no longer have the energy to fight back anymore as if he've given up and surrendered all the authority and consent he has for his own body. He's not mad nor cursing Deokjae for twisting his hand. He just sat there feeling the pain.

He's not mad that Seungho dragged him to that room, and yet he knows that Seungho shouldn't have done that. He knows that this is not how love should be like, this is not how he should be treated if it's love that Seungho feels. And yet he kept telling himself that it isn't true, he kept denying himself, his worth. At the same time, Nakyum asking the sleeping and sick Seungho if he has feelings for him has a tinge of hope. When Seungho nodded and instinctively and unconsciously rubbed is cheeks into Nakyum's hand, it seemed and felt like an unexpected answer which flustered Nakyum.

Seungho told himself that he'll only let his body lead, that they don't have to share what's on their mind. It is true, in the middle of his illness and slumber, his body instinctively responded to Nakyum. Nakyum has so much questions and probably Seungho partially confessing to him made things somehow clearer than it did just last night but he isn't the type to just assume things for his own convenience, not after what he experienced with Inhun.

Seungho mentioning the word 'love' is even inconceivable to me. He might not have said it directly but he've implied his jealousy over Inhun. He's jealous as fuck.

He just wants Nakyum to look at him like the way he looks at Inhun. And it hurts him that he doesn't even after Inhun went away for the Civil Service Exam. What's worse is that he doesn't understand why he's feeling that way when he only brought Nakyum to his residence to be his new plaything. He probably didn't even realize it himself how much he has changed ever since he brought Nakyum into his life not until Min pointed it out to his face. So he tried to resort to his old habits, his old lifestyle, thinking that it'd make things go back to how it used to be and probably it'd also make him feel this superficial freedom and temporary peace once again just like it did before. That one week he tried so hard to avoid Nakyum was to 'save' himself but he ended up ruining his health. He've always been the kind of guy who tries to deal with circumstances all by himself, that he grew so overprotective building those high walls so no one could get in and hurt him. And yet, here comes Nakyum who is unconsciously shaking his walls. Who is as clueless as him. They're both like two little toddlers lost in the dark. Don't know how to articulate what they feel, don't know where to hold to steady there steps towards each other and ended up stumblin' on their way.

Chapter 55 is such a big step into Seungho & Nakyum's development with Seungho opening up about his feelings. The way he did it is still so hazy but still made a bit of release and relief. I just didn't like how Nakyum didn't even have the time and luxury to deal with his own pain but to cater immediately to Seungho's as soon as he woke up from that night. *sigh* When will my precious son see the light of the day for him?

[sometime-in-1995]

Holy SHIT the new potn chapter. And thank you for your take on BJ Alex I loved it. More questions to follow I’m sure lol -WA

Hahahaha Keep it coming 😊

Byeonduck is so unpredictable. I was actually expecting another heartbreak, like my heart was prepared for that but instead, we got hear-wrenching softness and vulnerability laid out in the open. Oh, my heart 💞

[sometime-in-1995]

Soooooooo, I read POTN last night from the beginning till the latest chapter for the first time (didn't get any sleep LOL), and my head hurts thinking of possible happy ending. I want their love story to end up in tragedy (in the current timeline, I feel that there is no way for their relationship to work) and be reincarnated to give them another chance. No more lords and lowborns. To love and be loved as EQUALS.

You read it in one go and I have to commend you for that. Conngratulations! 🙌

But I have to disagree with you. Call me delusional but I'm really hoping for Seungho & Nakyum to find happiness. At least, if not with each other, just for their own self. I want, no, I need them to find closure and peace to the pain and the trauma that they've gone through. After Ch55, I feel like there's hope. It's the first time we've ever seen Seungho being open and vulnerable and that meant A LOT and is actually a big step to some development. It's still gonna be a long way and I hope that you stay with us to see how Byeonduck is gonna stir the flow of the story and see where she brings us, whether it's joy or angst. I hope it's the former. 🙏