#posts im pretty sure ill regret making later but whatever i needed to say it

[normal-thoughts-official]

Gonna have to be real with y'all, im getting pretty tired of seeing so many posts and comments like "wow, Morocco defeated Spain, what a plot twist!" "Spain, what happened?" and the like

Morocco has only had one goal scored against them their whole campaign, and they're one of the 5 teams that didn't lose a single match in the group stage. They were the number one team in their group. Meanwhile Spain lost to Japan and tied with Germany and was number two in their group. If these stats had been reversed, no one would blink an eye at Spain winning, but because it was Morocco, suddenly everyone is shocked and making jokes about how unlikely it all was and how absurd this world cup is

And yes, I'm aware that most people aren't watching or even following the results of every game, and that Spain started this WC strong with their massive win against Costa Rica, and that Spain won a world cup not that long ago while Morocco never has, and I'm sure all of that has weight on the reactions, but I also think it'd be really naive to pretend that everyone's shock has nothing to do with the ever persistent narrative that European football is inherently superior to third world football, especially African football. Especially since I've seen professional commentators, whose jobs hinge on knowing these things, narrating the game like it was a given that Spain would win

Morocco winning wasn't a fluke or a plot twist, it was a result consistent with their frankly brilliant campaign so far, and very much the merit of their team and players who are extremely talented, their skintight defense and intelligent strategy. Show them the respect they deserve, because they earned that victory

[riftimagines]

Lightbringer Cafe-Ch.1

Ahhh! Its been a while but i return with this random fic im writing! Ill post this on Ao3 and put a link in a bit! You can read it here too if you’d like!

Ao3 link: https://www.archiveofourown.org/works/29356611

Summary: Starting a Cafe is what you wanted to do and you love it! Sometimes though it can be a bit boring and sometimes wish for a little excitement in your day. Well even though the boredom some exciting and fun stuff will happen! These stories are about those days. 

Note: This is a Modern AU

Ships: A variety of ships eventually, even some with the reader. For this chapter Its some awkward, dorky Kayn and a flirty reader!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

New dawn breaks light through the freshly cleaned windows. The smell of coffee just ground for the day filling the air and a slight chill from the cold weather outside that just seems to seep in even with the heater on. Overall, it seems like it’ll be a nice day to day and hopefully the chilly winters day will bring new customers into your lovely Cafe. You walk over to the door and flip the sign that hug on it letting all who walk by know you are open for business. You had just opened this Cafe not too long ago and only recently really started to pick up on business. So far its just been office workers near by and Hipsters that seem to show up. Nothing too interesting yet, not that you’re complaining. Business is business after all. Still, sometimes you wish someone interesting would come through your doors and make your day a little more fascinating, a little spice to your day.

A calm sigh leaves you as you sit on a stool behind the counter, waiting for any customers to walk in. Sometimes it did take a little while for people to come in but with the cold maybe someone will want something warm to drink. Before you have time to get bored waiting the bell on your door chimes to signal you in fact have customers now. You look over at two men walking in. One was and older, seemingly albino man. The other a slightly taller, young man with long black hair. The blue strip in his bangs standing out prominently from his raven locks. The older man walks to the back part of the Cafe where the lights are really not that bright, you really need to change them at some point, and sits down in the corner. He looks to the younger man that followed him and they seem to talk, probably about what to order if you had to guess.

They take a moment more before the younger of the two walks over and grins at you. Looking at him better you have to stop yourself from blushing. He’s very handsome admittedly but you can’t lose your composure over a handsome face now, your working! You just give him a friendly smile back and greet him accordingly.

“Hello, Sir. What would you like today?” You say as politely as possible. He looks up at the menu behind you and mulls over his thoughts. You wait patiently, there was no rush no one else was here anyway. His amber eyes trail back down to you. For a moment you get lost in the honey hues but quickly come back to reality when he speaks.

“I will have a Coffee and a Hot Green Tea, a two sugars and a little milk in the coffee and a little honey in the Tea. You can manage that right?”  His voice was so lovely too until that last quip. You don’t make too much of a scowl at him for that, he could just be having a bad day or something. You just nod for now.

“Of course, One Coffee, two sugars, little milk and a Hot Green Tea with a touch of Honey, coming right up! Oh what name will that be under?” He looks at you confused and scoffs.

“There’s only two customers in here, why do you need to know my name?” You frown fully this time at his rudeness. You walk back up to him and narrow your eyes.

“Because thats just how I do business and I don’t know who the order could be for. For all I know these drinks could be for someone else. That’s why I ask.” He seems a little taken back by the way you talked back to him. He looks like he’s about to say something back when a deeper, gravely voice cuts in.

“Kayn, just give them your name.” The albino man in the corner piped up, effectively shutting up whatever rude remark was coming out of ‘Kayn’s’ handsome face. You are quick to grab a pen and write ‘Cane’ on it just to spite him. You look towards the other man.

“Thank you, Sir. See that wasn’t so hard, sweetie.” He makes a weird face between a pout and confusion and honestly you can’t entirely blame him. You had no idea where that ‘sweetie’ came from but its out there now. You can regret later. With that you turn from him to start warming up some water to seep the Tea, the coffee would be much quicker. Once the water is set to heat up and the coffee cup under the coffee machine you sit on your stool. Good Tea needs properly warmed water and a little patience after all. You sitting there seemed to be an open invitation for Kayn to come up to where you were sitting and pout at you. You look at him and smile.

“Hello there, Sir. Can I help you?” He just huffs, clearly a bit miffed from earlier.

“First, you’re rude to me then you just sit here not getting our order. Are you going to do anything but sit there?” You roll your eyes at him. You have no idea how that guy in the corner can put up with this brat.

“I’m waiting for the water for the Tea to warm up. Im sure your friend over there wants good, hot Tea not cold bitter Tea. There is a process to make fresh tea.” You huff at him and give him an annoyed stare.

“You were so much more attractive before you spoke you know. Maybe you should learn some manners, huh?” He blinks and stares at you for a bit, the slightest dust of pick across his cheeks. So light you could say it was just a change in light. You’re not entirely sure why he’s gone quiet though, maybe you were being rude now. You should probably apologize. Before you can say anything you hear him mutter something very softly.

“You think I’m attractive?” Now its your turn to blink. Could he not see himself in the mirror?

“Yeah, I mean it’s pretty obvious?” He suddenly jumps at you speaking which causes you to jump too. He looks panicked like he just did something terrible.

“I-Uh, Of course I am! Im gorgeous!” You can’t help but laugh at his panic. It seems he unknowingly spoke his thoughts. Rather interesting that he would even think he’s not attractive. To have such doubts when it’s clearly the opposite is a little sad you think. You guess even the most beautiful people must have their doubts. You look at him again and see a much more noticeable redness on him. Perhaps a little mercy will go a long way here.

“Really smooth recovery. Smooth as you hair even.” The redness on his face doesn’t leave but he leans on the counter anyway like he’s the most confident person in the universe. Clearly he’s just a handsome dork it seems. Not that there is anything wrong with that but its kinda nice to know he isn’t a total jerk. You watch the dark haired man cough in to his hand trying to steady himself.

“I thought so. Glad to see you aren’t blind enough to see that.” Ah back to the arrogance it seems. Normally this would put you off but there’s just something deeper to him, like he’s scared of just being himself for some reason. It kinda reminds you of that saying ‘Fake it till you make it’ Its just a ruse to seem cooler then what he is. A part of you is somewhat sad he has to do that, hide what light he has in shadow.

“Even I would have to be pretty blind to miss your pretty face.” He looks away from you for a bit, clearly trying not to look into your eyes. You chuckle a little bit when a whistling sound catches your attention. The water! You get up to go to turn off the heat and begin to seep the tea. Only a couple minutes no more no less. While it seeps you prep the coffee and let it start to brew. A fresh brew took a little longer but you figured maybe you should be a little nicer to Kayn after your teasing. The machine whirs to life and produces a wonderful smelling coffee. The two sugars and a splash of milk is added to it before you place it in front of him. He looks at the cup and can’t help but notice your little ‘Cane’ Spelling on the cup.

“That’s not how you spell my name!” He exclaims. You laugh hardily at his ire and look back at him. You had honestly forgotten about that until just now.

“I’m sorry about that. Though to be fair I did ask you your name and I had to get it from someone else. If you want your name properly spelled next time tell me how to spell it.” He narrows his eyes and crosses his arms.

“Maybe you should learn how to spell.” Oh here we go again you think to yourself. You go back to the tea before you respond and pour it into a cup. Placing it to the side you look at him with a raised eyebrow.

“I did spell it right. That is in fact how you spell “Cane”. If your name is spelled different you should have told me.” He huffs again. You did have a point, he just didn’t like to admit it. While he’s silenced you go back to the tea and grab the honey. Carefully you spoon in just a little bit of the golden substance. The color of it reminding you of the man behind you. His eyes are the same color. You shake the thought from your head and finish up the tea. You place the second cup before him and smile.

“Here you go, honey eyes.” Welp, why you decided to go ahead and say that you’ll never know. The poor man in front of you looks confused and a little flustered.

“Honey eyes?” You want to slap yourself in the head for saying that but it’s too late now isn’t it? You look at him sheepishly and blush a bit yourself.

“Uh, yeah. You’re eyes are the same color as honey. I’m sorry. Thats probably really weird to say, hehe.” Stop being awkward. Oh this just became so much more weird. Why didn’t you just shut up and just take his order? Why do you feel the need to banter? The both of you stand there like sheepish teenagers. It’s Kayn that breaks the silence though.

“I-It’s alright! Uh, you, uh, smell nice! Like this coffee!” As soon as he says that he slaps his forehead and buries his face into his hands. You laugh again at his awkwardness. He was kinda cute when he wasn’t being rude. You decide you like this Kayn much more then the arrogant one from earlier.

“Well I do spend a lot of time around coffee. It was bound to infuse itself into my very being at some point, so thanks.” He peers back at you and openly stays red as he scratches the back of his head. There is an other awkward, flustered pause between you before its broken by the other person in the room.

“Kayn, if you have our drinks then let us leave. You’ll be late to your class, again.” Kayn jolts from his spot as the older albino comes up from behind him so quietly not even you noticed him move.

“Oh! Right, I have them dad. Here’s your tea!” Kayn quickly hands his father the tea and he nods a thanks before heading to the door. Kayn looks to you again awkwardly.

“So then, uh, goodbye. I suppose I’ll stop by again then.” He says. You give him a bright smile and nod.

“I’m looking forward to it, handsome.” You both blush at your boldness and he grips his coffee with both hands before jogging away after his father. The albino looks at him completely confused and Kayn waves him off. The older man looks back at you with suspicion and a part of your soul freezes with that look. Ok then, note to self, handsome’s father is absolutely terrifying. You watch them walk off until you can’t see them anymore. That was quite away to start off the day, you wonder what other encounters you’ll have and if they’ll be as nice as that one.

[caffiine]

A BRIEF PAUSE

From my regularly scheduled content. I’ve got some shit to say, y’all (forewarning for spicy language and spoilers)

I thought about making this post on my fandom subblog but this show and this relationship have been TOO important to me for the past 8 years to not give it its proper place in my life. strap in bc im not sure how long this mf is about to be.

When i started this DUMB show at age 19 tortured soul “empath” dark academia me thought sam winchester was going to be my favourite character. and don’t @ me, i love sam now in his own right (and we deserve some SAILEEN PEOPLE). but after literally less than 5 episodes i KNEW dean’s character and his arc were going to be amazing and beautiful and he immediately became my favourite brother. The nuances of his character i.e. his shell vs his true self were so evident to me even in the first couple seasons. in my humble opinion, he had the most growth of the two brothers.

They all deserve to be happy, but for whatever FUCKING reason dean has the HARDEST TIME OF ANYONE being happy in this show. I know it’s his character. I know it was written that way. But FFS.  I kept wondering when they were going to wrap up his emotional arc and stop torturing the poor dude.

then in season 4 they introduced castiel and 1) I thought the new concept of angels as assholes was super cool and 2) I hardcore SIMPED over misha collins (still do). I watched benignly as cas and dean began to form this relationship that seemed pretty special. I started watching the show when it was in its eighth season and I binged the shit out of it for two weeks until I was caught up. By the time I was caught up I was CERTAIN there were some feelings between them and I LOVED it. I am bisexual and I was ECSTATIC for a potential queer relationship between two masculine-portrayed dudes. I went on tumblr to express my newfound theory, only to find out that this was a real THING. “Destiel” was already an idea that had absolutely and intensely BLOSSOMED in the fandom  for several seasons already. So many others saw what I saw and saw the potential of emotionally tortured/constipated “daddy’s blunt instrument” dean and the unfeeling daddy’s boy cas “crack in his chassis” Winchester being allowed to be happy together. I felt validated and hopeful. For a while.

Then it was season after season of hopefulness for them to be finally happy with each other while still fighting the ills of their world with sam and the other new members of their family that were added along the way, only to constantly have that hope seemingly teased away at the end every single time. By season 11 and the introduction of amara (not bashing, eventually loved her character and her development too) I gave up. I lost hope. I stopped watching the show. I didn’t want to keep watching my two favourite characters continuously abused by the story they were thrown into.

I know not everyone likes destiel, not everyone thought it was real. That’s chill, idc. Stories are so often meant to be (and sometimes inadvertently) left up to interpretation by the person experiencing and consuming them. It’s what’s so amazing about books and shows and movies that are able to make us feel so intensely about them and their characters. And I felt SO strongly about dean and cas. It was honestly really upsetting to me, the way the show was going with their relationship.

A while later season 13 had been going on and I started seeing some things pop up on my dash. Hopeful things. I did a bit of research and accidentally saw THE SCENE from season 12 and I couldn’t help myself. I restarted it. I watched the whole thing from the beginning again AND introduced it to my boyfriend I think partially as a way to ensure I wasn’t imagining shit (it took him awhile and a lot of me internally screaming during many scenes but by season 9 he was like “uh are they in gay love”). Fast forward to me finally catching up as season 14 was starting. I was still hopeful, somehow. And it happened AGAIN. Season 14 and the beginnings of 15 made me so sad. I HATED what they did with their relationship. I HATED the way it ended. I HATED the way dean treated cas and everyone around him. It felt like the show was taking his whole character arc back to day 1. I didn’t understand. I kept watching for a couple episodes after the big argument and cas left but the luster was gone and eventually I just stopped.

I love this show. It has meant so much to me as a story. So many of the characters are/were very dear to me. I know it’s a running joke with this show about character deaths and homophobia but the strength of the bond I felt was between cas and dean gave me a lot of hope. But it wasn’t enough. I felt betrayed one too many times. And for those of you who kept watching, for whatever reason, I don’t hold it against you. It’s still a beautiful and interesting story without cas and dean’s relationship. But I just personally couldn’t do it anymore.

I hadn’t planned on watching the rest of season 15 when it came back after pandemic hiatus, at least not for awhile. So imagine my FUCKING surprise when I was doom scrolling through twitter during election week on Thursday and I see supernatural trending right along with election shit.

What.

I couldn’t stop myself, I looked and literally SCREAMED and made my boyfriend spill his wine all over our couch. I didn’t know exactly what happened as I hadn’t seen the episode but APPARENTLY all my emotions and feelings had been at least partially vindicated. So I BOUGHT season 15 so I could finish watching where I had left off. I watched 8 episodes in less than 24hrs (don’t judge me there’s a quarantine) and I LIKED them. And it might’ve been bc I knew what was about to happen in 15 x18 but I really felt like the show was getting STRONGER as it neared its finish.

I was so excited for 15x19. I read so many posts from fellow fans, destiel and antis alike. There really weren’t a lot of bad emotions running around. Everyone seemed hopeful and excited like me.

I probably don’t need to go over 15x19 emotions but im going to anyway. I was disappointed. I was confused. I was angry. we are in season 15. The last season ever for this show that has had a HUGE following of fans who have loved it, sometimes unconditionally, sometimes even though it wasn’t the best (and sometimes less than good). A season and show that had just announced YES. CAS LOVES DEAN. ITS REAL. And I shouldn’t have to go over the nuances of why we would expect more after this, with two episodes to go before the show is done forever.

But I will bc im mad af.

Like I said in the beginning. Dean’s character arc has been incredible. His emotional growth – as subtle as it might’ve seemed – has been amazing. And dean has always been an emotional, loving person. he just felt like he wasn’t because the world made him feel that way. And that’s sad, y’all. Dean deserves to realize he DESERVES happiness. And in 15x18, we were finally heading basically directly there. With destiel, yes, but even if you’re anti, what cas said to dean about who he is and why he loves him obviously struck a fucking chord with dean. It obviously changed the way he viewed himself (RE: “that’s not who I am, that’s not who we are”).

But for WHATEVER reason that’s ALL we got in 15x19. One fucking SENTENCE about dean realizing maybe he’s not just built to kill people. And then jack leaves without a single mention of Eileen or cas or Charlie or literally anyone they ever cared about and dean rode off into the sunset alone with his brother while we watched a fucking FIVE MINUTE MONTAGE that made me want to hurl my own body into the sun they were driving toward. And cas is STILL DEAD.

BUT THERE’S STILL ONE EPISODE LEFT AND FUCK ME IF I HAVENT BEEN PAINTING ON MY CLOWN MAKEUP ALL WEEK. SO WHAT DO I WANT????

ONE: DEAN DESERVES HAPPINESS. REAL HAPPINESS. What the FUCK supernatural??? Wasn’t this the whole point of his arc??? And don’t get me wrong I REALLY want that happiness to come from Cas and a real spoken relationship of some sort between them bc it also ties in with my second point but tbh just PLEASE let dean be happy. Dean is a loving person and does everything for love as we JUST FOUND OUT. Dean would NOT be happy with everyone he’s ever loved gone for the rest of his life. I just don’t believe that’s fucking true. h elp him pls.

TWO: CAS DESERVES HAPPINESS. I know we got this whole speech about “happiness isn’t in the having it’s simply in being”  but like. Really. Castiel was supposed to be a throwaway character no one was supposed to care about. But we all cared SO MUCH that he lasted 11 SEASONS longer than intended and became a main character and an integral part of the story. Cas has arguably sacrificed more than anyone on this show. His last act was to sacrifice his life to save the man he loved. He knew where he was going. He knew he was finally going to be able to tell dean he loved him and then immediately be taken by the empty where we know now thanks to season 15 that everyone in there just gets to dream forever about their regrets and sadness. HOW IS THAT FAIR. HOW IS THAT A GOOD ENDING FOR CAS. HOW DO YOU EXPECT ANYONE – CHARACTERS AND FANS ALIKE –TO BE HAPPY ABOUT THAT. Its messed up, supernatural. Y’all KNOW it is and I hope to HIGH HEAVENS this is going to be corrected in 15x20.

THREE: give sam Eileen back. 

Well that’s all I’ve got in me, folks. I’m absolutely and intensely dreading Thursday. Im scared and nervous and obviously still angry that this is absolutely going to be the opposite of what they promised – another “game of thrones” ending. Some of y’all are giving me hope with your posts about maybe they’re trying to keep the ending a surprise and maybe cas is coming back and how can they not and why else would they have done the second to last episode like that and I hope yall are right.

Either way, im glad I am not alone with my feelings. Thanks yall for the experience of this fandom and show. Let’s stick together on Thursday, no matter our differences.

 PS stop calling jensen ackles a homophobe or ill hex you. 

[risrielthron]

Who We Were

This took a good long while because there was a retcon in November of 2015 that kinda forced Risri into hiatus. When I brought her back for the paper in 2016, some details changed but still this was an eye-opening exercise of how I’ve grown as both an RPer and a writer. Anything that does not have brackets is the same.

Take a trip down memory lane, pull up the oldest ��about’ post you can find for your character, and annotate what has changed and what has stayed the same in {Curly brackets}. 

(I borrowed this from @alyssa-ward​​ because what a cool exercise)

Originally posted October 4, 2015

Character’s full name: Risri Elthron Reason or meaning of name:  combination of Mother's best friend's name (still alive) and her mother's sister who died - Rislana (best friend) and Kiari (sister). The Elthron family have mostly played a back seat in the history of the Kaldorei. {Both of these origins have kind of changed. Risri’s name became a place that her parents named her after, something that was important to her father’s family in an RP with her aunt. The last name Elthron was chosen by Risri during her exile her original family name is Kal’serrar.} Character’s nickname:  Ris Reason for nickname: just a short form of Risri

Physical appearance

Age: 403 {she has aged 1 rl year each year since 2015 she is currently 408 years old} How old does he/she appear: to a human about 20ish {I actually think now she probably seems a little older to people) Weight: We don't ask ladies this! Though she looks healthy and toned. {I figure she’s whatever the average weight is for female elves} Height: Average for a Kaldorei {This has changed a bit. I have her just a tad shorter than Dragaur in human form so she’s 6’2” which apparently is short for an elf} Body build: She's not a body builder but her activities keep her in shape. Shape of face: Typical Kaldorei {She did not have a face claim at the time nor did she have art.  Her face looks like this art the most.}

Eye color: White {I list it as silver now} Glasses or contacts: none Skin tone: light purplish Distinguishing marks: Claw tattoo (gained during her Druid initiation ceremony) Hair color: Purple Type of hair: Long Hairstyle: up in a ponytail or straight down her back {when I first made Risri I had her in the pigtail hair style. I quickly didnt like how it looks and changed it to the long style she sports now. It has not changed since} Voice: typically soft {I imagine her voice and accent a bit like Gal Gadot’s natural voice} Overall attractiveness: again not really caught up in her appearance so someone may need to tell her and even then she will more than likely blush and stammer a thank you. {This has changed so so much from when I first created her.  She knows she is lovely and she will probably think you want something from her if you flatter her appearance.} Physical disabilities: none Usual fashion of dress: For events: dresses...she has discovered she likes pretty pretty dresses.  For class: simple black pants and a simple shirt  {So this too has changed from when I first created her.  She aims for comfort and style. She most often will be found in one of these} Favorite outfit: Dresses, she found a lovely gold and white dress that has become her favorite {I dont even know what dress this was but Im sure it was something from my early days on wra-I would say her favorite outfit is probably one of the ones above} Jewelry or accessories: She wears a button on a string around her neck. She fondles it every so often. {The button on a string has actually moved to her bag, she now sports a ruby necklace from Dragaur, her bracelet with several charms on it, and always has her camera}

Personality

Alignment: Good {I think I would classify Risri now as more neutral these days} Good personality traits: Loves animals, children, books, meeting new people (even though she can be shy, she enjoys it), giving, loyal  {This is all true except for the shyness, I don’t actually rp Risri as shy. She may be standoffish but thats cause IRL I am shy but Risri most definitely has no fear of talking to people} Bad personality traits: shyness can sometimes stop her from joining in, when she is caught up in research she may ignore others not to be hurtful she just gets caught up  {I think this one goes with the other, as for bad traits today, I usually say she can be stuck in her ways at times and can be over protective} Mood character is most often in: happy {I would say this is still true but she’s had her share of pain} Sense of humor:  silly things make her laugh {Not so much silly things but she definitely has a more snarky is funny sense of humor} Character’s greatest joy in life: running in the forest as a cat {Taking pictures and being a druid are equal} Character’s greatest fear: the death of her mother {This has actually come out in RP as a fear of mind control.  She would fear the death of her mother but mind control tops it.} Why?  Her mother and her are very close (unusual for Kaldorei, as they grow up communally typically), travelling with her mother in her formative years they relied upon each other What single event would most throw this character’s life into complete turmoil? Ris would be devastated if something happened to her mother  {I think the death of Latilda, and then when she thought Dragaur was dead, and subsequently the death of Suzi in the office are three of the most profound things that made Risri change some. Her fel contamination would come a close fourth Currently, if something was to really happen to Dragaur, Sky, or Selise it would mess up Risri for a while} Character is most at ease when: Researching {Funnily enough this might still be true, but I would say taking pictures is probably more} Most ill at ease when: at war {This is true, but as she found out both at Darkshore and recently when there are forsaken involved she has no hesitation in killing.} Enraged when: witnessing senseless destruction of sacred places or artifacts {I completely forgot that I chose that, but I would say it has not changed. She also does not stand for people she cares about being hurt, this one is tricky though and I often have to tame it down because of interactions with others.} Depressed or sad when:  she is a pretty positive individual, depression and sadness are fleeting if they happen at all. {This has matured over time. She gets very introspective at times and definitely will seek alone time when she is sad.} Priorities: Learn about as many cultures as she can, current focus is Treants. {So long ago… Her priorities currently are her studio, Dragaur, and helping the Kaldorei still homeless.} Life philosophy: Learn, Learn, Learn then share it all!  {This was definitely written back in my Stormwind University days. Her philosophy “Be kind. It’s worthwhile to make an effort to learn about other people and figure out what you might have in common with them.”} Character’s soft spot: her Sprite Darter "Flutter" {Also a certain worgen} Is this soft spot obvious to others? Sometimes {while I dont play it up too much she is very attached to Flutter. As for the worgen, yes when they are together it is clear she has a soft spot for the gruff one} Greatest strength: Passion for learning {This is probably still true but I would say she also is a pretty good photographer and a loyal friend.} Greatest vulnerability or weakness:  Naivety of how the world really works even though she has travelled the two main continents extensively she has been sheltered by her mother. {This was one of the things I retconned out of her when I brought her back for the paper. Risri may be unknowing of some human interactions but she is far from naive in most cases.} Biggest regret: That one time at band camp...seriously she is young so right now she doesn't have one but this may play into her development and story later. {HUGE change here... in fleshing her out in RP the biggest regret is and always will be the incident that forced her out of the Sentinels but not the results because it let her become a druid so its a double edged regret} Minor regret: she forgot to tell her mom about the time she ...oh that might not be appropriate for here {Again a change that came about from RP, that she threatened Dragaur with turning him in. She would never do that and she said it in a moment of frustration with him during a fight. It hurt them both too much.} Biggest accomplishment: coming soon  {Running the paper. Opening her studio. either} Minor accomplishment: joining the University! {so many things, her writings, some of her photographs, saving people at Teldrassil, helping the Kaldorei in Stormwind.} Past failures he/she would be embarrassed to have people know about: she was almost not able to become a druid...story for another time {This also changed with the retcon, but I would say the time she spent before coming to Stormwind would be something she would not want others to know about and will probably not talk about to anyone.} Why?  She loves being a druid so not being one… {I have thoughts about what she was doing but its not fleshed out. Maybe someday and I can revisit this.} Character’s darkest secret: She is a pretty open book. Maybe later she will have a "dark" secret.  {So this dark secret is the fact that she killed 10 Sentinels. That also came with the revamp.} Does anyone else know?  {Several people.}

Goals

Drives and motivations: Curiosity unusual for a Kaldorei and need to have answers to questions  { I would say this is somewhat still there and aided her when she was a reporter, but her drives and motivations are deeper now and the result of RP. She wants to make amends and sees her work with the Kaldorei refugees as part of that.} Immediate goals: Make friends with the treant she met at the Grove of Ancients {Keep her business running, aid the Kaldorei} Long term goals: Become an expert in as many cultures as she can {Live} How the character plans to accomplish these goals: Locate writings and interviewing others, spending time with treants ((her contact will be sending her around Azeroth and Draenor to meet with others)) {So her plan for her immediate goals are tied together. She takes a good portion of her profits from the studio and the two books she’s published to fund her relief efforts} How other characters will be affected: may be pestered for any little detail they have about treants  {Most of the people she interacts with in RP would not be impacted.}

Past

Hometown: Darnassus  {God I was such a noob.  Feralas is her home.} Type of childhood: travelled both continents with her mother {so noob. She spent her youth in Feralas, Ashenvale, and Darkshore.} Pets: Sprite Darter named Flutter and a curious little white kitten {I retconned the kitten. Its only Flutter} First memory: Leaves above her (could be why she is fascinated with the treants...) {I think I’ll leave this one.} Most important childhood memory: Her and her mother on a ship talking into the night {This can stay too} Why?  The closeness she felt to her mother {Because of this reason}

Present

Current location: Elwynn Forest, Jazimina Amberstill's "Ranch" {Stormwind City, either Dragaur’s apartment or her studio} Currently living with: Jazimina Amberstill and Ritti {Dragaur} Pets: Sprite Darter "Flutter" Religion: Follower of Elune {no change, add wild gods} Occupation: Researcher {Photographer} Finances: moderate {no change though she has more wealth than she lets on}

Family

Mother:  Kahrysta Elthron  {Oh wow I totally changed her mother’s name.. Its Alistra Kal’serrar } Relationship with her: good {excellent} Father: Brezlin Elthron Relationship with him: vague memories, he died when she was still a child Siblings: none Relationship with them: Spouse: none Relationship with him/her: Children: none {though she briefly adopted Ritti before they found the gnome’s family} Relationship with them: Other important family members: Mother's best friend Rislana is like an aunt  {her aunt Tara, cousins, and another aunt I dont have a name for.}

Favorites

Color: Green and Purple {blues could be added} Least favorite color: Orange {sorry Drag, but I dont think its true anymore} Music: any Food: Chocolate Cookies {See answer here} Literature: Any Form of entertainment: stories {plays, dances could be added} Expressions: "Indeed!" {Its not often I get to use it but I do like it} Mode of transportation: Winterspring Frostsaber, given to her by her mother when she hit adulthood (about 50 years ago) or flight form  {Flight form.  The frostsaber went away in the retcon} Most prized possession: her journal {Camera}

Habits

Hobbies: Dabbles in alchemy {more than dabbles now} Plays a musical instrument? No Plays a sport: no How he/she would spend a rainy day: reading a book, any book {taking pictures} Spending habits: thrifty {for herself this is probably true, for others she can be extravagant} Smokes: no  Drinks: not normally  {no change, but she will drink} Other drugs: no What does he/she do too much of? Read  {Take pictures} What does he/she do too little of?  Socialize just for fun {This is probably more true now since giving up the paper} Extremely skilled at:  Keeping a team alive when faced with challenges when exploring  {Photography, writing could be added} Extremely unskilled at:  a lot of things but she does hate cooking {LIES...I retconned this. She loves to cook. I don’t know...but I am sure there is something. It would probably be something she doesn’t do and has no desire to do.} Nervous tics: not sure someone may need to point that out to her  {She plays with the bracelet on her wrist when she’s nervous. } Usual body posture: relaxed and happy Mannerisms: polite {extremely so} Peculiarities: …  {hmm, I am sure there are some that have manifested over the five years I’ve been RPing her. Perhaps how she will always address a human as their full name unless she has been asked not to and will still use Ms. Mrs. Miss. Mr. with that name unless she feels close to you.}

Traits

Optimist or pessimist: Optimist Introvert or extrovert: Introvert until she gets to know you then she might not be quiet {I would say shes more mixed now.} Daredevil or cautious?: A little of both Logical or emotional: Emotional  {probably more mixed now though she can be emotional she just normally doesn’t let it show unless she is very comfortable with you} Disorderly and messy or methodical and neat: somewhere in between, depends on how wrapped up she is in her research but she does have a habit of cleaning up if there is a mess  { I would say she is very neat. Sky drives her crazy.} Prefers working or relaxing:  working {definitely would say this is still true} Confident or unsure of himself/herself: unsure internally, others probably see her as confident  {a little of this still lingers but unless you are close to her you wont see it} Animal lover: indeed

Self-Perception

How he/she feels about himself/herself: an introvert who is more bookish than social  {This is still kinda true.} One word the character would use to describe self: shy  {Quiet} One paragraph description of how the character would describe self: A passionate learner and studier of peoples, loves animals, enjoys outdoors, and exploring is exciting.  {A memory keeper, lover of animals and the outdoors, her passion for photography as a way to preserve memories is high.} What does the character consider his/her best personality trait? her passion for learning  {her compassion for others} What does the character consider his/her worst personality trait? her shyness ((its all in her head too, she really can be quite un-shy when meeting new races or investigating something though in social entertainment type situations she is at a loss)) {so retconned, she would say her possessiveness when it comes to the people she cares about.} What does the character consider his/her best physical characteristic? She is unaware of her appearance most of the time  {She likes her hair.} What does the character consider his/her worst physical characteristic? She hates her feet...not really  {I’ll keep this if only cause I dont know} How does the character think others perceive him/her: She sometimes thinks too much about this and sometimes it doesn't bother her at all  {She is very conscious of being a Kaldorei business woman in a human society. She strives to show that her people are trustworthy and kind.} What would the character most like to change about himself/herself: her shyness  {Since I retconned the shyness...I don’t know...Risri believes she can be a better person but its something that you work on each day.} 

Relationships with others

Opinion of other people in general: opportunity to learn  {She is still curious about others and likes people watching. She thinks most people are good at heart.} Does the character hide his/her true opinions and emotions from others: hmm, I think this will depend upon the relationship and situation  {Oh most definitely, this was honed during her time as a reporter where she hid a lot of her thoughts about things.} Person character most hates: no one (yet)  {Elyza Morrowbranch} Best friend(s): her mother / Jazi  {Sky Stoneseat} Love interest(s): none (yet)  {Dragaur} Person character goes to for advice: her mother / Dean Crowelley  { Dragaur, Sky, Selise} Person character feels responsible for or takes care of: Ritti  {Dragaur, Sky } Person character feels shy or awkward around: cute boys...oh ok anyone in an entertainment social situation, when she is meeting others for what she calls "research" she emulates her mother's ambassador ways as much as possible  {So such a noob.  She really doesn’t except older Kaldorei...she worries what they know of her past.} Person character openly admires: her mother and Rislana Silverwind  {Who is Rislana Silverwind omg I totally forgot this was a thing. Will have to think of someone else as Rislana is a Draenei now.  As for who she admires?  Her mother, Selise, Sky, Eilithe, Feyawen, Anegorn, and a few others.} Person character secretly admires: Dean Crowelley {I don’t think there is anyone she secretly admires, if she likes you, you know.} Most important person in character’s life before story starts: her mother  After story starts:  Ritti, Jazi, and the university faculty  {Dragaur, Sky, Selise}

If you made it here thanks for looking at the changes of Risri over the course of the last five years.  Its been a long, strange, crazy trip but I wouldn’t change much about it. If you want to do this, I encourage you to! And tag me cause I wanna read!

[crypticarus]

yeah so because of recent events and all regarding sh/adam here comes this:

This is my last post on this topic.

Either way I tag them as #discourse from now on. I know I am personally very uncomfortable with discourse generally and this blog is dedicated to my art and I actually wanted to actively avoid any discourse. But this is a topic that hits closer to home I need to vent it out.

But mt opinion, long story short is: I pretty much despise Adam because he expected Shiro to choose Adam over his own happiness and so far hasnt done anything to redeem himself. Explanation under the cut.

So, as I mentioned in previous posts: fuck Adam. I'm not gonna dip any deeper into how I think Shiro deserves someone who will be able and happy to unconditionally support him and how I think that person is Keith and how much I love Sheith because of it. I'm not even gonna mention what Shiro deserves or Keith after this.

So, I watched episode 1 of the upcoming season and finally i feel better making a post about Adam now.

In the end, though, it didnt change anything on my previous opinion.

Adam's decision of not waiting for Shiro and leaving him because of the Kerberos mission and because he simply didnt have the mental energy to seeing someone he loves deeply suffer, is selfish but understandable. And there's nothing wrong in being selfish. Although even if obviously the stress people who have disabled beloved ones is nothing compared to what the disabled person has to go through, it doesnt change the fact that it's still stressful and everyone, whether disabled or not, has to decide for themselves what is best for their mental stability and health and if they want to put themselves through such stress or cant. Deciding that you cant doesnt make you evil. Wanting your loved ones to be safe and alive and well isn't wrong.

Still I cant go all "I love Adam!!!" and "he did nothing wrong!!" not because I'd be prioritizing Shiro anyway, but because of Adam's ultimatum and how Adam saw one option as the right and one as the wring one.

"Takashi, how important am I to you?". That's what Adam said. I dont remember how exactly Adam phrased it but after that he outright told Shiro that Shiro would have to choose between having Adam in his life or the Kerberos mission. Between someone who Shiro loved and wanted to be with for the rest of his life or a dream he obviously had devoted his whole life to, the dream of his life. Between Adam or winning the fight against his disability by not going down without a fight. Because we know that there was no hope for Shiro no matter how much he rests and all Shiro could do was decide what to do with his remaining time. (I have an idea of what Shiro's disease is, and if it is then I have some experience with it, which makes it all the more personal to me and makes me all the more angry at Adam and anyone who sides with him.)

And I know some people are okay with giving up their dreams or ambitions to be with their loved ones. Shiro obviously isnt that person though.

Shiro was disabled. Shiro knew it was a miracle he had come this far anyway despite his disease (Adam did say Shiro already broke all sorts of records) and he wanted to go further. He didnt want to stop already. To Shiro it probably felt like giving up to his illness if he had stopped. As a disabled person giving up to your illness is the ultimate defeat. Personally, I'd much rather die. Adam KNEW how much value the Kerberos mission had, that this is the last chance Shiro would get. Yes, it was a life-threatening mission, but Shiro would rather die than give up to his disability, or so it seems to me.

Think about what a miserable life that would be to Shiro. Think about how depressing that would be. Adam would rather see Shiro alive but miserable with no real chance of recovery than what? Dead? No, because no one would want Shiro as a pilot if they thought he wouldnt make it back alive enough and able enough to safely pilot them back. They wouldnt even have considered him, but obviously they did. So Adam would rather have Shiro in regret and miserable surrender for his last few years before the disability kicks in full than achieving his ambitions and being happy and proud. And all because of being selfish? All because ADAM didnt wanna be alone? I would get it if Adam's concern would be that Shiro wouldnt pilot them all back safely, but that obviously isnt Adam's real concern here if he starts iff1 with "Takashi how important am I to you?".

That's what rubs me so wrong with Adam, that's why I really hate him, to be honest. I'm not saying he's evil or a person you should hate and demonise. Adam is just human. But honestly? What does it tell me about you if you absolutely adore Adam after thats all we get from him and you think he did nothing wrong in wanting Shiro to give up his ambitions for him? What does it tell me about you that you'd want Shiro to come back to earth to Adam, who gave up on Shiro? That you'd want Shiro to regret leaving Adam, regret not giving up on himself? If you dont think Adam needs to apologise and redeem himself, if you think Shiro is in the one in the wrong-

If it weren't for the ultimatum, I wouldnt hate Adam. If Adam had just said he couldnt bear seeing Shiro suffer then I would let Adam go like that. If Adam had said he thought the mission is too risky and he couldnt bear waiting for Shiro to come back, I wouldnt judge Adam. If we meet Adam again and he apologises for his outburst to Shiro and means it, Adam redeems himself in my eyes. I still wont like him and I still dont think he's deserving of Shiro. I still wont want them to be together because I think if Adam didnt have the strength to be with Shiro with his disability until the end, then how can Adam be sure to be able to be with Shiro now that he's scarred (both literally and figuratively) from a galactic war Adam hadnt been there to experience and therefore couldnt ever truly comprehend the consequences of?

Adam isnt truly evil for what he said. Evil is a much stronger word I reserve for truly evil people. Because people say bad things under stress, say things they dont mean or regret, voice their thoughts in a wrong way all the time. Or sometimes they mean what they say but think better later, realise their mistakes and make things right. Stress does that to you. But owning up to it is what counts. Owning up to the consequences, owning up to people not liking you for that anymore or leaving you or outright avoiding you and despising you, that's what makes you a good person.

You can tell me all you want how Shiro should think about how his actions make other people feel. That he should have considered Adam's feelings and think twice about the Kerberos mission. Amd I hope he did. If not that was wrong of him too. But we all have to make our choices and decide when to be selfish or not. When to prioritise ourselves over other people. When you have to leave people for the sake of ourselves. Being selfish all the time is obviously not a good way to go, but leaving your life completely up to others and only living for other people's sake and be miserable for it isnt either. If you're going to live to make others happy then do it only if it actually does make you happy, too. Shiro wouldnt have been if he had. He knee that. Or maybe he would have been anyway, but neither decision would have been wrong of him.

Shiro risking his life to achieve his ambitions was part of his fight against his disability. It was part of not giving up. Adam couldnt respect that. He disrespected Shiro's struggles not by leaving Shiro but by forcing Shiro to choose between him, or winning that fight. Thats why I think Adam did something extremely wrong. I hate Adam because I hate people who prioritize themselves over people's recovery and happiness, expect people to, and then have the nerve to not even regret it.

In retrospect it wasnt really Adam giving an ultimatum to Shiro that was wrong. It was Adam expecting Shiro to choose him and get angry at Shiro for choosing his own happiness over Adam's.

Again, if Adam regrets it and owns up to, apologises, then I will hate him less. I will still dislike him, but I wont think he's a bad person. But so far that's not what we got and until we see that I wont think Adam did.

So miss me with all your pro-Adam and Sh/adam or A/dashi posts. Miss me with all the "voltron better end with a reunion and a wedding between them!". It makes me truly uncomfortable to see it. Im not bashin on the pairing either, you can ship whatever you like. I dont think people who like Adam or want him to get together with Shiro again are bad people because of that. I dont think people who understand and not dislike Adam because of his actions are either. I wont hate on people if they dont understand why this is my opinion or simply didnt take the step of spending all that much thought on the morality and seriousness of it. But man am I uncomfortable with people who take Adam's side.

[shadowed-moonrise]

ooc: elia and ashka chat logs

[ooc comments supposed to be removed but i might have missed some. there is a Lot of logs bc we forgot to post until now]

shadowed-moonrise

oh my god what is WRONG WITH SOME PEOPLE

shadowed-moonrise

i got some horrifying anons!!! theyre so horrifying!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

hang on let me turn off my blacklist for a moment

uh

uh

quick question: what the fuck

(not directed at you!)

shadowed-moonrise

i just

like

wow????

they sent me a followup ask like 'didnt you read what i said, my gf likes it'

shadowed-moonrise

and............... i dont....... think she does

like that does not sound like a healthy relationship and i hope they just made it up to creep on me

flameofcertainty

"hi i'm a rapist"

"wtf"

"no but she likes when i rape her"

i just

*what the fuck*

shadowed-moonrise

right

WHAT THE FUCK.

shadowed-moonrise

i was just talking earlier abt how i dont actually like that anybody can read my hyper posts but i make them on publicblog for like Awareness right?

shadowed-moonrise

and i thought i meant like abstractly, like maybe theres somebody reading them and cackling bc they dont agree w/ my politics or whatever?

but APPARENLTY

APPARENTLY

people will send me creepy asks about raping their hyper gf

flameofcertainty

some people are just really terrible?

i guess?

what are they even getting out of this?

shadowed-moonrise

i think some people just........ enjoy making other people suffer????

or maybe somehow they thought i would be like "i think this is hot or a good thing to do or whatever, thank you for your service to the hypersensitive community"

i dunno what goes on in these peoples head

shadowed-moonrise

heads

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr just hates hypersensitives or something

it would explain a lot

shadowed-moonrise

like, okay, but what would you hate hypersensitives for

like theres somebody who hates hypos (and IS A NAT THERAPIST, AUGH) for.... not hating pollution enough, i guess

but hypersensitives are boring? we dont go outside much bc the outside is fully of scary?

flameofcertainty

maybe tumblr is just weird like that?

or maybe we're easy targets?

shadowed-moonrise

oh yeah that makes sense

flameofcertainty

most meso folks don't have a button they can press to get a reaction out of us

shadowed-moonrise

if you wanna make somebody suffer its so easy to target people with a big 'make me suffer' button

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

ugh im sort of regretting making it public

i could have just not mentioned it and had a really good blacklist

flameofcertainty

most of the time people aren't that bad

and then there'll be a week or two

where people send you nothing but asks about pollution

shadowed-moonrise

i blacklist some stuff but im generally okay talking about pollution if its like, abstract, so i dont do it that aggressively and then........ sometimes............. people take advantage of that

shadowed-moonrise

i wish you could like, have vulnerabilities without people just randomly deciding to fuck with you for no reason

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

hang on

i just scrolled down

>i’ll put my foreign object ;;;;) in your body ;;;;) ;;;;)

***what the fuck***

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

oh GOD

i just got

another

flameofcertainty

oh no

how bad is it

shadowed-moonrise

bad enough im not sure i should tell you what it says

flameofcertainty

my brain is helpfully providing suggestions

why is it like this

are you okay

shadowed-moonrise

im.... probbly going to be in a minute

fuck

"the last "person" to hide their caste on this hellsite turned out to be red. i bet you aren't even hyper, you're just pretending so people won't suspect. i know what you really are."

thats what it says

flameofcertainty

aaaaaaaa

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

why would anyone send that to you

shadowed-moonrise

i dont know

i dont know

what did i *do*

flameofcertainty

i don't know

fuck

i guess if they think you're red that would explain why they hate you?

but seriously

what the fuck

flameofcertainty

i'm so sorry

flameofcertainty

why would anyone say that

shadowed-moonrise

anon hate doesnt usually get to me like this but

sob

why

the fuck

i dunno if they even really think that or they just want to upset me

flameofcertainty

i don''t

i don't know

fuck i'm so sorry

are you going to be okay

shadowed-moonrise

yeah. yeah.

flameofcertainty

is there anything i can do

shadowed-moonrise

i dont

think so

flameofcertainty

other than not be the sort of terrible person who would send those messages

shadowed-moonrise

thamk you for not being htat sort of person!

im so glad most people arent

flameofcertainty

it's really not hard

shadowed-moonrise

oh i can... go take some eytelia right now

it will only help in 40min but i might still need it then

shadowed-moonrise

brb

shadowed-moonrise

ok back

flameofcertainty

okay

anyways what the fuck

shadowed-moonrise

someday i will have coping mechanisms other than "get high in a way that coincidentally also helps"

flameofcertainty

i mean if it helps

then that's a lot better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it is

shadowed-moonrise

im gonna go curl up and not look at the Fuckening Internet, i guess

flameofcertainty

seems reasonable

shadowed-moonrise

ttyl <3

flameofcertainty

ttyl :)

shadowed-moonrise

hiiiiiiiiiiii im back im not sad anymore because im so high

shadowed-moonrise

i got another horrible anon and i dont even caaaare

flameofcertainty

i'm glad you're feeling better

sorry about the terrible anon

shadowed-moonrise

also did you know art is pretty

its so pretty

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw a video of a yellow playing the yellowest instrument ever and i wanted to send it to you but tumblr messages werent working on my everything

maybe i can find it again..........

shadowed-moonrise

http://theyre-a-geeky-witch.tumblr.com/post/138457594516/ here

flameofcertainty

that's actually really pretty

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

anyways what's up

shadowed-moonrise

i gotta work in a couple hours

by which time hopefully i will be able to handle it

idk i dont HATE it but its hard on the badbrains

flameofcertainty

i can imagine

shadowed-moonrise

like i feel ok now bc hiiiiiigh but im not very excited about leaving the house and going places

shadowed-moonrise

there will be a green party where im supposed to just pretend to be green tho!

i like those

flameofcertainty

that part sounds nice

at least

shadowed-moonrise

ive been thinking & writing a lot about how thinking-on-drugs works and greens always wanna talk about that

shadowed-moonrise

one time a client had me go to a thing pretending to just be green and it was nice and then she *told everyone she hired me* while i was in the middle of talking about my cs paper (my actual cs paper, which i actually wrote, and she implied i didnt even though i CLEARLY THOROUGHLY UNDERSTOOD IT)

flameofcertainty

???

why would she do that??

shadowed-moonrise

i wish i had just walked away but i didnt know what to do

some people....... have a humiliation kink

shadowed-moonrise

and like, okay, ill do that if you WARN ME, but you cant just spring it on me???

flameofcertainty

i am super not a sex worker but "tell people in advance" seems really obvious

shadowed-moonrise

YEAH

shadowed-moonrise

i didnt really say anything at the time bc i was so shocked but later i like messaged her and was like 'thats super fucked up'

shadowed-moonrise

she didnt really get it but she agreed to pay me extra for like, i didnt know what service i was providing beforehand & thats more costly

but she only engaged with it in like, super businessy terms

flameofcertainty

how does she not get it

this does not seem particularly hard to understand

shadowed-moonrise

i think she was like 'im paying you for both sex work and going to a party so i can just like do whatever, right?'

and there was also some like 'greys are toys'

shadowed-moonrise

fucking blues

shadowed-moonrise

i do not usually go in that much for caste solidarity because im so bad at grey + greys are not great about that but in that moment if somebody asked me i would have supported a military government

i could explain 'pay people for services and also lay out terms beforehand' but not 'greys are.... people..... dont be a fucking asshole'

flameofcertainty

i don't think i've ever actually talked to a blue

at least not to say more than "excuse me, can i get through" or "the soap is in aisle five"

huh

shadowed-moonrise

there... exist blues who are okay

there even exist blues who are okay and hire sex workers and do kinky things about castes with them

flameofcertainty

i believe you

shadowed-moonrise

like 80% of the people who hire me are entirely fine?

flameofcertainty

they can't possibly all be terrible

otoh a terrible blue can screw you over a lot more than a terrible purple

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

im not sure what i would do if a blue client did something illegal to me because...................................... im not sure what i CAN do

flameofcertainty

probably depends on how illegal

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

and who they are

flameofcertainty

yeah

there are supposed to be reporting systems in place if they try to pay you to kill someone or something

idk if they actually do that

shadowed-moonrise

nobody has tried that and i havent heard anybody talking about that but im pretty niche and a lot of my family is green, idk

i feel like if somebody wanted to pay a grey to kill somebody theyd pick one who has ever held a gun

flameofcertainty

probably

but yeah, i'm guessing if you made an important blue mad they could screw you over pretty badly

idk

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

ugh sorry ive been talking about my shit this whole time

it has been kind of A Day i swear i am usually better at conversation

flameofcertainty

it's totally fine!

shadowed-moonrise

how is your day anyay

flameofcertainty

it's been okay

mira and i went to check out that social-dancing place

shadowed-moonrise

oooh

what kind of dance is it?

i guess i might not know purple dances??

flameofcertainty

i don't know if the name will translate

it's mostly the kind you do in a group with other people that's really traditional

shadowed-moonrise

group dances are great

if you have... similar amounts of motor skills to the other people

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i haven't done anything like it in years and i'm really bad at it but it's still fun

and i'm not bad at it in a stepping-on-feet way

which is probably good, idk

shadowed-moonrise

im pretty sure not stepping on feet is strictly better than the alternative!

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

omg babybro is home <33

flameofcertainty

baby!!!

shadowed-moonrise

he is so good!!!!!!

he taaalks and he plays with me and ive been teaching him abstract concepts bc i find it really exciting when he knows abstract concepts

flameofcertainty

tell me more about this baby

shadowed-moonrise

he can do numbers up to twelve and circles and triangles and 'many' and 'other' and i asked him what one plus one was and he said 'two ones' which means he *actually understands what it means*

he has adooorable curly hair

and a little nose

and he will boop my nose with his nose if i ask him to

and he loves my weighted blanket

flameofcertainty

baaabbyyyy

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i guess at this point he might not 'technically' be a baby anymore? but hes a baaaabbbyyy

[lemme edit a picture of my irl little brother to have green hair]

https://78.media.tumblr.com/fa8d578702cf6c0ed9269902f535982a/tumblr_messaging_p7ryailotL1vio47i_1280.png

https://78.media.tumblr.com/b8ec991036777a0f24c9ed84a194d921/tumblr_messaging_p7ryanbD931vio47i_250.png

baby!!!! <333

second picture featuring Grey Grandma

flameofcertainty

baby!!!!

baaaabbbbyyyyy

he's so smol

shadowed-moonrise

so small!!!!!

and smiley!!!!

flameofcertainty

happy baby!

shadowed-moonrise

i hope he is happy foreeeeever

shadowed-moonrise

his lil nose is tan bc it gets in the sun more than the rest of his face

bc he has a little baby face!!!!!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

little baby face on the little happy baby!!!!

he's so good

shadowed-moonrise

hes next to me playing with my blanket

i looove him

flameofcertainty

what a good baby

shadowed-moonrise

i told him i was talking a friend and he says hi

although im not sure he really gets the idea of the internet yet

he seemed kinda confused

flameofcertainty

hi baby-sibling-of-ashka

flameofcertainty

he's such a cute baby

shadowed-moonrise

his name is avidik

we keep arguing about whether to use avi or idi as a nickname

flameofcertainty

hi avidik!!

shadowed-moonrise

oh no he spilled water on the carpet

its alright its a pretty waterproof carpet

he ran at me and jumped in my arms

so!!!! good!!!!!!!

flameofcertainty

eeee

flameofcertainty

baby

flameofcertainty

good baby

shadowed-moonrise

oh also have you seen this yellow violinist https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DGhPGH2YROA

seems like your kind of thing

flameofcertainty

wow that's pretty

shadowed-moonrise

oh i could take a picture of avi with my violin

he is not green, technically

although he also does not know how to play even a little bit

flameofcertainty

do you play violin too?

shadowed-moonrise

a little

shadowed-moonrise

im not like good at it

but it is fun

rn i am mostly actually learning to sign but i dont understand how notes correspond to mouth sounds so if i need to sightread i play songs on the violin first and then once ive heard them i can sing them

flameofcertainty

violin is great

shadowed-moonrise

it is!!!

i always felt like i should learn piano bc its easy but i like violin so much

one of my other brothers writes a lot of synth music

its really good

he plays it without telling us it's his to get unbiased answers and then he tells us and were like HOLY SHIT

flameofcertainty

gosh

flameofcertainty

that's really sweet

shadowed-moonrise

ok i’m not really online but I TAUGHT AVIDI A LETTER

HE KNOWS A LETTER

i’m so proud of him

shadowed-moonrise

hi hi

flameofcertainty

hi

a letter!

what a good smol!

flameofcertainty

which letter is it?

i guess it might not be a letter orvaran has

shadowed-moonrise

it's [forcetranslate]a[/forcetranslate]

or uh

[forceliteral]a[/forceliteral]

shadowed-moonrise

idk if that worked

flameofcertainty

yeah

we have that sound but it's written differently

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

it's the last one in my name

[preservecharacter] a [/preservecharacter]

shadowed-moonrise

oh

i wonder if its always the same sound

i think it can make a couple sounds in anitami

flameofcertainty

just one in orvaran

flameofcertainty

maybe two

i'm not sure if they're technically separate sounds

and then there's accents and things

shadowed-moonrise

idk if i should try to teach him to read in valtaz

he speaks some but tbh there is just no situation where you even need to be able to read valtaz

flameofcertainty

maybe someday he'll want to swap to yvalta

for some reason

shadowed-moonrise

.............i really doubt it?

i guess if he wants to retire in the Old Country

flameofcertainty

i hear older people sometimes swap for the weather

flameofcertainty

or something

shadowed-moonrise

there are apps to machine translate physical signs and stuff but i guess theyd be annoying to use all the time

flameofcertainty

yeah

if he knows valtaz he can learn to read it if he ever wants to

right?

i'm not really sure how this works

'how to teach your family foreign languages' wasn't really covered in purple school

shadowed-moonrise

i think i should probably teach him the alphabet but not like focus on it

yeah my parents swapped out of yvalta with some retirees who wanted to go there for the weather and were unaffected by the horrible contract system bc they were too old to have more kids anyway

flameofcertainty

i can't really think why else you'd want to live there

flameofcertainty

lineality maybe

but there are other matrilineal countries

shadowed-moonrise

arent most countries matrilineal?

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i think historically matrilineal was easier because like..... there can be ambiguity about who the father is if you dont have good genetic testing (and a database, in some cases), but you can always tell which person a baby literally just came out of

flameofcertainty

that makes sense for why

we're matrilineal

maybe someone who lived in ceredan would swap to yvalta for lineality, ceredan does permissions anyways

except for blues i think

shadowed-moonrise

how do blues even have kids in permissions countries

shadowed-moonrise

"ashka your family is from a permissions country" its not like they talked to blues a bunch

flameofcertainty

i think they have to impress other blues

probably they don't let you give yourself a permission

because then everyone would just do that

shadowed-moonrise

.....how many kids does the most important blue get to have tho

flameofcertainty

no idea

i think it varies by country

the one with the bears and no greys makes a big deal about the monarch only getting two

shadowed-moonrise

i guess with blues its always more "how many kids is it a good idea to have so that they can give them all a good inheritance" than "how many kids can they literally afford"

aww thats kinda cute

shadowed-moonrise

if i lived in a country where the king had like six kids i would be pretty pissed

flameofcertainty

good inheritances might be less important in permissions countries

i bet the way you impress people is with politics

or maybe real estate if you're bribing people, idk

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

it’s impressive that most permissions countries basically function okay

cuz like it seems like blues having to care so much about impressing other blues would mess with things

flameofcertainty

yeah

i don't think they function as well as most places

but that could just be propaganda

shadowed-moonrise

yeahhh idk how to tell the difference between “permissions countries kind of suck” and “permissions countries are usually small, often ex-oahk, etc, which makes stuff harder on them” and “our governments just don’t like them”

i’m low key impressed that blues in auction countries don’t make too many blue credits so they’ll be cheaper, tbh

i guess they super don’t make those decisions in spring + the international community would not be too happy about it

flameofcertainty

everyone i know from a permissions country says they suck but that's like two people

and if you increase blue credits everyone who isn't blue gets mad

shadowed-moonrise

my parents say yvalta sucks and i believe them but like idk how much it’s yvalta’s *fault*

flameofcertainty

i think the big thing is if for some reason a blue hates you a permissions granting blue can screw you over way more than a credit country blue

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a big deal

idk a credit country blue can probably get you sterilized if they try really hard but it would take them more trying

flameofcertainty

yeah maybe

flameofcertainty

i've never heard of that happening in a credit country but that doesn't mean it never does

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

shadowed-moonrise

anitam is trying out a first child subsidy

which is neat i thin

think

flameofcertainty

cool

are they subsidizing the whole credit?

or just some of it

shadowed-moonrise

noooo theyre starting with like 4%

shadowed-moonrise

and increasing gradually

bc you know how changing laws goes

sooooo sloooowwwww

flameofcertainty

i guess 4% is better than nothing

shadowed-moonrise

but eventually it will be a substantial fraction of the credit i think

flameofcertainty

but probably good not to do it all at once

i know there's some countries where everyone gets one and the rest are auctioned

shadowed-moonrise

first kid free just seems so much more humane? like i understand why credits are useful and stuff but people *just not getting a kid at all ever* is awful

flameofcertainty

summary bank says alavet, av valdin, celenta, fnr, ochero, qoloc

maybe some random tiny countries that no one bothered to include

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

on the list, i mean

and yeah, i see what you mean

i wouldn't want to live in a voan country because i like knowing that if i work really hard i could get three

but it makes me sad to think about people with zero

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

i mean probably some people should get zero, like child abusers, but an auction's not going to stop them

shadowed-moonrise

hm i bet in voan/first kid free systems there’s probably a lot of four and five year olds impulsively having kids that they’re not entirely ready for but idk like maybe that’s just something they get to do

flameofcertainty

okay i'm looking at the summary bank article about the voan system

and the age when the most people have their first kid is five

flameofcertainty

but that's not most of the people

if that makes sense

shadowed-moonrise

nodnod

flameofcertainty

i know when i was almost-four they made a big deal in school about how we should all get long-term all-spring birth control

i bet they do that in voa

i guess i don't know for sure

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i saw someone on tumblr talking about how they usually get the long term birth control and they get went on vacation to the southern hemisphere and just didn’t remember that they didn’t have the birth control and got pregnant

(they were asking if you can still get aftermarket credits in the *fall*)

:(

flameofcertainty

wow

that must suck

:(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i hope they managed to get an aftermarket credit

flameofcertainty

yeah

i bet they're cheaper in fall

since most people aren't getting pregnant

i definitely wouldn't want to have a kid with anyone i dated when i was four but maybe some people get really lucky there

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that’s a lot of what i’m thinking about like.... most people don’t know people who are definitely good coparents for them when they’re four

shadowed-moonrise

because it just takes time to figure that out

flameofcertainty

i'd've also been a really bad parent when i was four but some of that is me-things

shadowed-moonrise

yeah that toooo

i’m four and i’m super not ready to be a parent!!

shadowed-moonrise

i feel like i know how to be a good parent in THEORY but in practice i don’t like have the energy or emotional stability

avidi was born the spring i turned four, which was really good <3

flameofcertainty

that's so good

when i was four i was living with a friend rather than my parents

but if someone had dropped a baby on me i'd have been so unprepared

and my friend was living with their parents

flameofcertainty

so there were actual responsible people in the apartment

shadowed-moonrise

nodnodnod

shadowed-moonrise

fall/winter when i was three i was spending a lot of time with friends in other cities and stuff to get awaaay but then they there suddenly like “you know what, we’re having another baby this spring” so i came back

there are some upsides to the fact that my green mom has grey babies.......

flameofcertainty

i have a little sister

i've never actually met her

maybe someday i'll be able to make myself

shadowed-moonrise

oh wow i’m so sorry

flameofcertainty

it's not your fault

shadowed-moonrise

if you want to talk about it, or be distracted from it, or whatever-

flameofcertainty

if you want the story today's a good day for me to tell it

otoh it's definitely pollution-adjacent and i don't know if it's a good day for you

shadowed-moonrise

i think i can handle it, it is a good hypersensitivity day for me

flameofcertainty

so during the voan food crisis we couldn't afford clean food past the first couple months

you'd think living on a farm would help but it had been a bad year the previous year and none of our crops were coming up that season

shadowed-moonrise

oh. oh.

flameofcertainty

and i tried to force myself to eat the polluted food but i couldn't even make myself touch it

that's not the thing yet

so i was at risk of starving to death

and my mom got one of the neighbors to give her a super sketchy probably-illegal loan

flameofcertainty

because otherwise i might literally die

shadowed-moonrise

fuck

flameofcertainty

fast forward to 3423, the neighbor comes and asks for the money back

actually he'd been doing that for a while but she'd been able to put him off

we were super not going to be able to pay it back

and the loan was sketchy enough that she wasn't really sure what would happen if she didn't

just that it would probably be worse than normal

i

i told her i thought it would be okay

when she asked

flameofcertainty

if she

flameofcertainty

people remember fall 3422 as the introduction of the orvaran system

that was just lathande

spring 3423 was when they rolled it out everywhere

even small farming towns need someone to collect garbage, and the jobs paid really well

they had to, if they wanted to find enough people

i thought i'd be okay

shadowed-moonrise

oh

fuck.

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

i was really really wrong

so wrong

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah wow

flameofcertainty

that's why i wound up moving in with a friend, if i'd stayed there a week longer i'd

it wouldn't have been good

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

flameofcertainty

they didn't try to stop me

which is good

would've been silly for them to go to all that work just for me to end up dead anyways

shadowed-moonrise

hey you survived

flameofcertainty

i did

shadowed-moonrise

it was super worth it for them to do it becuase you survived

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know intellectually she's clean

but trying to be in the same room as dad or my older brother is about the same as lighting myself on fire, brain-wise

and if it's her it's worth

*worse

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

can you talk to them online or does that not work either

flameofcertainty

not really

flameofcertainty

they have my email address

they tell me things like 'you have a sister now'

she tried leaving the job once she had enough money to pay the guy back

flameofcertainty

to see if it would help, you know

flameofcertainty

it. uh. didn't.

shadowed-moonrise

yeah.

i was born in 23, which. is good. because if i found out i/my parents had eaten polluted food when i was a baby

shadowed-moonrise

colorjustice says that almost all unverifiable food was actually not polluted but

shadowed-moonrise

well maybe if i payed them enough i could go through the like fucking six month cleaning process? and maybe after that it would be okay?

but im not sure it would be enough

flameofcertainty

yeah

i know what you mean

if i'd been a year younger and they'd told me it was clean i'd've believed them

if i'd been a year older i'd probably just have killed myself

flameofcertainty

one of my friends from the treatment program

uh

didn't make it

shadowed-moonrise

i had a friend in school

who was hyper, worse than me

way worse

shadowed-moonrise

he was *going to school* but just barely, he had to take a bunch of meds with a bunch of side effects to get out of the house at all

shadowed-moonrise

and he was a year older than me

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

so their class learned about the food crisis? and he left school that day like normal and he took the train home and he got in the shower with his clothes on and took all his meds at once

flameofcertainty

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

they told me he killed himself but nobody would *tell me why* because like i was hyper too and they were worried about copycat stuff

i stayed in touch with his mom, she told me later

she FOUND him

flameofcertainty

i'm so so sorry

shadowed-moonrise

that

shadowed-moonrise

i cant imagine

finding your dead child

it was pretty hard on me but she was really never the same

flameofcertainty

yeah

wow

that's

i don't really have words

:(

:( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

he was an only child

flameofcertainty

:(

:( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :( :(

shadowed-moonrise

i think they were sort of saving for another credit but they ended up spending a lot of money on like, building a room for him where he would feel clean, and stuff

and afterwards, it's not like she was going to have another kid after what happened

flameofcertainty

right

shadowed-moonrise

they wanted to take me out of class for the segment on the food crisis for, you know, obvious reasons, but that was winter when i was three and i’d already found out from like being online and reading stuff so i guessed what it was? and they freaked the fuck out when i was like “are you just worried about me finding out about the voan food crisis”

flameofcertainty

were they hoping to just ... pretend it never happened? forever?

it's not like it's easy not to learn about, if you use the internet

shadowed-moonrise

i guess i was going to Find Out When I Was Older

or something

shadowed-moonrise

i mean i understand the thinking there, like the last time was horrible and i could really just have found out later

shadowed-moonrise

the last time being my friend

flameofcertainty

yeah

i see where they were coming from

flameofcertainty

my school kept me out of class for anything pollution-related but obviously they weren't going to stop me from finding out about the food crisis

shadowed-moonrise

......yeah

i am so sorry you had to live through that

flameofcertainty

thanks

flameofcertainty

my parents thought about having me do online school while it was happening

shadowed-moonrise

it was like really really irresponsible to just tell my friend and i’m like not sure what happened there

flameofcertainty

i don't know

flameofcertainty

mesosensitives can be really bad at guessing what's going to hurt us

shadowed-moonrise

part of it is just that grey schools aren’t that well equipped for..... dealing with....... disability, i guess?

flameofcertainty

i had a classmate who thought it would help me not starve if she vividly described what it was like to eat polluted food

shadowed-moonrise

..........what

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

i mean, i guess it’s good that they tried to help

but. WHAT

flameofcertainty

our teacher moved the seating chart so i wouldn't have to sit next to her

and gave me permission to not go to the cafeteria during lunch

but yeah, i am really not sure how she came to that conclusion

shadowed-moonrise

yeah wow

flameofcertainty

i guess if she thought i was going to starve to death unless she did something

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes i wish i could just live in a hyper colony

shadowed-moonrise

even though like i’m sort of a weird hyper? they might have called it sensitivity disorder nos if i didn’t take so many decontam showers for no reason

but it would still be BETTER

flameofcertainty

there would be a lot of nice things about that

on the other hand sometimes i hear about a hyper person thinking something is polluted and my brain decides 'oh, they must be right'

even though it was fine before

and i bet that would happen a lot more

shadowed-moonrise

oh no

shadowed-moonrise

if we all thought that the UNION of the things we thought were polluted were polluted.......

we would die very quickly, i guess

flameofcertainty

yeah

shadowed-moonrise

“oh this one guy (MADE UP) said water is polluted so uh goodbye cruel world i guess”

flameofcertainty

and even without that we'd need robots or something

to take care of garbage

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i think robots are more of a political problem than a technological one, maybe we could get away with “look we’re a hyper colony we can’t even TALK TO THE OUTSIDE WORLD most days much less murder anybody”

flameofcertainty

i think it's like

flameofcertainty

if people spent a decade developing them then they'd have them

but they aren't mostly, because of the politics

shadowed-moonrise

right that makes sense

flameofcertainty

i'm fine with mesosensitives most days, but then *sometimes* it's like they decided to figure out how to be maximally terrible

shadowed-moonrise

honestly so many jobs should be automated not bc pollution but just bc they could be and those people could then do a more skilled job or live in the country and make art or whatever but we can’t build robots at all bc of the political thing

like assembly lines could go a lot more automated than they are and then we’d just be richer and fewer as a society

shadowed-moonrise

i feel very Solidarity with hypos but sometimes..... they too........ are the worst

maybe we could get nice hypos for our colony to take care of us

flameofcertainty

maybe

flameofcertainty

there are totally nice hypos but there are also hypos who do things like put untagged photos of pollution on the internet

shadowed-moonrise

yeah it really varies a lot

shadowed-moonrise

sometimes talking to hypos is calming bc mesos are like “but MY pollution instinct says this isn’t polluted” and that doesn’t help me at all but i have an amateur theologian hypo friend who can just talk me through the theological position and that helps a lot more

flameofcertainty

it's good that you have that

flameofcertainty

and we're not perfect either

there are hypersensitives who think orvaran system workers need to all be executed

or that if you don't do [insert absurdly specific thing here] you're not really hyper

flameofcertainty

like i can't handle being around mom but i don't want people to murder her

shadowed-moonrise

yeah

i definitely like

think that there’s an objective position on pollution

shadowed-moonrise

and it’s probably not exactly the theological one but it’s closer to that than to my paranoia

shadowed-moonrise

and honestly like... i *get* it but it just takes an insane amount of arrogance to be like, “of all the billions and billions of people with pollution instincts, mine is the objective truth and everybody else, including an entire scientific field, is wrong”

flameofcertainty

mm

flameofcertainty

oh i also saw this one person saying everyone alive during the food crisis needed to be executed

that one was "fun"

shadowed-moonrise

oh my fucking

fuck that person so much

also how are they planning to run society after they’ve killed everyone over four???????

flameofcertainty

i don't know???

shadowed-moonrise

also i feel a lot of people with proposals involving doing lots of murder........... fail to account for the fact that corpses are polluted

flameofcertainty

yeah

flameofcertainty

anyways

how's life been

shadowed-moonrise

a WONDERFUL PRETTY NICE blue hired me and i might maybe have a crush

flameofcertainty

eeeee congratulations!

shadowed-moonrise

i don’t know how to approach this tho

“hey baby...... i would have sex with you for free (on a good day)”

flameofcertainty

uh

if they've hired you a couple times you could ask? or something?

flameofcertainty

i am kind of bad at relationship advice

shadowed-moonrise

yes i think that i will actually do is like

wait a while and see if he contacts me

and then maybe ask him out or something

flameofcertainty

good luck!!

shadowed-moonrise

how’ve you been

shadowed-moonrise

also, i saw you post an out of stock green and purple scarf and i could try to make you something like it

i can’t do literally that but i’m thinking like getting some white silk and waxing designs on it and then dyeing it one color and then drawing on the designs in the other

this might be totally the wrong way to go about it but it sounds fun

flameofcertainty

gosh, that's really nice of you

flameofcertainty

if you ended up doing this i'd have a couple of sensitivity-related materials requests but i don't think any of them would actually make the project impossible

shadowed-moonrise

i think that kind of project would be fun rn, what are your materials requests?

flameofcertainty

the main one is not from [link to list of countries that have done cleaning and integrated ex-reds]

or eles decontaminatable

*else

but i think that might mess up the dyes?

shadowed-moonrise

ok i can do that

yeah i think it’s probably easier to just buy from not those countries than to try to... decontaminate..... dyes

shadowed-moonrise

like most commercial clothes are decontaminatable and........ have colors but they know what they’re doing and i do not

flameofcertainty

yeah

uh

now i want to do something nice for you, help

shadowed-moonrise

umm i really like [space shoenberg], you could record yourself playing one of his pieces? although idk how much you can do that on just violin

flameofcertainty

i'll try my best

maybe i can find an arrangement or something

shadowed-moonrise

that’s so nice of you

you don’t have to, i’ll like, enjoy the project anyway

i’m not sure how to make green and purple work well as a color combo, do you mind if there’s other colors?

[feraldavestrider]

i never check my mentions apparently @alpacalmond and @uiyutrentasei tagged me in a GTKM thing so im gonna do it oh uhhhh 2 weeks later LOL because i cant sleep and i hate myself

i tag @hal-strider if they didnt do it? and @noctiilucent, @kiyumiarashi, @whimsicmimic and @ataliaf uwu and anyone else who wants to do it!!

how tall are you: this is a cryptid question. i get a different result every time i try to measure myself and ive never asked anyone else to do it for me. some people tell me im very short, others have told me im average height for someone who is afab. im gonna hazard a guess at 5′5 tho.

what colour are your eyes: very dark brown

do you wear contacts and/or glasses: glasses. i literally CANNOT see without them. i mean like 2 inches from my glasses-less face is so blurry its unbelievable. i get super triggered by eye stuff tho so contacts are a no go ALSO i look weird w/o glasses anyway.

do you wear braces: no my teeth r p good actually. one is a bit wonky but thats life

what is your fashion style: i mean 90% panties and a sweaty 4 day tshirt because i just spend all day in my room like a goblin. BUT when i actually go out im ur basic ass post-emo trans dude with skinny jeans, converse and a too-big graphic tee. sometimes i spice it up with a plaid shirt because im fuckin GAY.

when were you born: october 12th 1999, babey

how old are you: 18 motherfucker flashes my titties and gulps a bottle of vodka im an ADULT

do you have any siblings: yes. a younger brother and hes a cunt

what school/college do you go to: im at sixth form rn (last yr of highschool technically if ur american but im not and hs finishes at 16 yrs old here deal with it). im going uni next yr tho and this years almost over for me academically since we go on study leave soon for our final exams. uwu overshares

what kind of student are you: the asshole who never studies for tests and does homework at 5am the morning before and still manages to pull straight As to everyones anger. im also the adhd class clown who makes random noises and cant concentrate half the time. ik i hate myself too im so annoying irl even more so than online.

what are your favorite subjects: in terms of actual content of the subject, english lit fs. in terms of classmates/teachers/general atmosphere DEFFO drama we spend half of our time eating cake, singing random shit and just losing our minds while filming it on snapchat which shouldnt at all be allowed.

what are your favorite movies: god idek. um. fuck. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA i cant think of a single movie. ok ok ok i got it: white chicks, premium rush, scott pilgrim vs the world, the cornetto triology too i just love edgar hes such a great director. i like a lot of the marvel movies esp the spiderman hc and thor ragnorok and both gotg were p good. i love a lot of movies my brains just a void that sucks memories up into its fat gob and steals them from me forever.

what are your pastimes: sleeping, crying, used to be rping but i gave up on that, playing overwatch way too much and getting tilted because im shit, reading fanfictions did i say sleeping

do you have many regrets: dude. my guy. come in close. let me whisper in ur ear. are you close? no, closer. ok. 

YES

what is your dream job: whoo boy. im do indecisive and i think a LOT of jobs seem super cool that id never do i.e. be an actor or be in a band. my dream job since i was like 8 was to be a writer which is unlikely since i cant even finish a pwp oneshot. but thatd be cool. id also like to write plays and direct them but thats also wild and v dream > reality. 

would you like to get married: honestly. marriage as an institution? angers me. i dont like a lot of things about it. BUT. part of the reason i hate it is honestly if ur in a long long term relationship with someone ur better off married than not in terms of the benefits so. id happily get married if the other person wanted and/or we felt like it was the right thing to do, i just dont really care about being married or having a wedding tbh.

do you want kids? how many if so: no. hard pass. i might adopt if im long-term with someone who SUPER wants kids but that likely wont happen because i dont want to get into a long-term relationship with someone so desperate for kids since i dont have that same enthusiasm. sorry. ill be ur uncle gabe but im not having my own children im just not well equipped to literally have a full time job of making sure little idiots (meant affectionately) who dont know fuck from shit dont just straight up die. i can barely do that for myself.

how many countries have you visited: shit dude actually ive only visited like... uh... 4??? a lot of my holidays tend to be to the same countries (portugal/america) so i dont have that much experience like i feel like i do.

what was your scariest dream: hmmmm. when i was a kid i had these recurring dreams where i worked at this like. “zoo” where these MASSIVE, i mean ABSOLUTELY MASSIVE string rays that were also pancakes were like. hooked up to make electricity? anyway i hated the job because we all abused the rays super bad to make them generate the power and it sucked and it was all dystopian. there was stuff where like we had to kill the baby rays and stuff. anyway one day it went all planet of the apes and they broke out somehow and could fly and they killed loads of people and i had to go into hiding because they were super clever and could id who had worked at the zoo plant and wanted revenge. its super weird ik but this is pretty tame for my dreams they go HARD and BIZARRE and this one always made me wake up feeling super sick and scared idk. ur welcome.

do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend/significant other: no im lonely but its ok because i need to work on me 

put your playlist on shuffle and without skipping the first 15 songs: ok so i dont really have a “playlist” per se so im just gonna use my top 100 2017 songs on spotify which ignores a lot of my non-spotify non-2017 bangers but whatever.

1) ‘My Songs Know What You Did In The Dark’ by FOB

2) ‘Tuxford Fall’ - Vasudeva

3) ‘Our Lawyer Made Us Change The Name Of This Song So We Wouldn’t Get Sued’ - FOB

4) ‘Fried Noodles: Getter Remix’ - Pink Guy, Getter (listen ive never watched any filthy frank he weirds me out but this is a banger)

5) ‘Brick By Boring Brick’ - Paramore

6) ‘Thnks Fr Th Mmrs’ - FOB (i really dont listen to this much fob this is crazy)

7) ‘Death Note L’s Theme Goes Metal’ - Charlie Parra del Riego (theres no defence for this)

8) ‘Turnstile’ - Vasudeva

9) ‘Idle Worship’ - Paramore

10) ‘Monster’ - Paramore

11) ‘Miss Missing You’ - FOB

12) ‘The City’ - Madeon

13) ‘Far Too Young To Die’ - P!ATD

14) ‘Don’t Stop’ - Nothing More (really this is the band i listen to much smh these results are so skewed)

15) ‘Smile Like You Mean It’ - The Killers

[badrpstories]

Words alone seem insufficient to express the importance of good communication between muns. Nevertheless, I shall make an attempt in sharing this little story. Disclaimer: there’s nothing lurid or inflammatory here. No fictional sex and violence, no controversy bait. I’m pretty sure there’s nothing triggering…just a mention of mental illness and I think there’s a metaphor that involves drowning but, that’s about it. It’s not even remarkably bad. Just sad. So, if you’re hoping for something scandalous, you’ve been forewarned.

Several months ago, I lost an rp partner that I considered a friend. It’s been long enough for me to be capable of writing this but not long enough for me to be truly over it. I’m writing this because the reason I am still not over it is that I don’t know how much of that loss was my own fault and my behavior in response to that loss has probably ensured that I will never know.

Prior to starting threads we spent a couple months chatting, as often as every other day to once or twice a week. Skimming over the chat log to confirm that frequency reopens and rubs salt into old wounds. 

Then, after we started threading, just a few replies in, they went MIA. No heads up, no indication of any problems, they just vanished. This wasn’t their first disappearing act. Roughly a year before this they had done something similar, albeit under different circumstances. 

With the exception of this ghostly behavior, they were everything I could hope for in an RP partner and, from all I knew of them, I very much liked them as a person and would have liked to count them as a friend. Their other partners seemed like a good group of people that I’d be happy to interact with as well. Since I have very limited free time for RP I’m understanding of others in that situation; I’m also very particular (probably a little peculiar), and perhaps more selective than I’ve a right to be, or have admitted to being in the past. I’m a choosy beggar. So, when they resurfaced and reached out to see if I wanted to write with them again I was elated. I was also very concerned that I might have caused or contributed to their previous disappearance. They assured me I had not, that I’d done nothing wrong. They explained what had happened before and insisted that they’d be sticking around this time.

Had they seemed less available, or less enthused, during those two months before we started writing, had they not been initiating chats and responding so quickly, it would have been different. There should have been a better discussion about future activity expectations. At one point they remarked ‘even if we can only do one reply a week each’ (something to that effect) and that sounded perfectly reasonable to me.

The last time I heard from them all seemed well. I messaged them a little over a week later, after I’d posted replies, just to inform them of some technical issues I was having. When another week had gone by without hearing from them I was starting to get worried. I expressed my concerns and said I would appreciate hearing from them, even if they were unable to reply on threads, just to know everything was okay. Early on, when we were chatting, they had offered their cell number. I didn’t take them up on it. I’m careful with my personal info, it felt too soon and, while I certainly don’t like to be left hanging, I didn’t want them to feel like I needed to keep tabs on them. I was fine with tumblr being our only point of contact.

Six weeks went by with no sign of them. Logically, I knew it was possible that something had come up, that real life might have overwhelmed them. It wasn’t as if they were actively RPing with others but, then again, they could have been on other blogs I didn’t know of, so I couldn’t really take anything from that. I also know that for most in rp, six weeks of zero contact would be considered a sure sign that the other mun is not interested. I know there are those who will simply ghost others they no longer wish to interact with, some openly admit to it.

I was starting to dissect our OOC exchanges and second guessing everything, looking for anything I might have done wrong, anything that might have been misinterpreted and taken wrong. I would never claim to be perfect in any way but I couldn’t come up with anything that, when weighed against all of our OOC talks, would seem to warrant them having a serious issue with me. Before their disappearance they’d had me feeling confident that they were comfortable discussing any problems, but after all that time without so much as a quick im or psa post it seemed increasingly unlikely. I was now too nervous and shy to even consider reaching out to their other partners.

Mental illness should never be used as an excuse. I’m not including this next part to garner sympathy, only to state facts. I did go through a period of wanting sympathy and commiseration but that’s not the purpose here, this is for explanation. By the end of that sixth week my anxiety had taken over and I was drowning in a whirlpool of mixed emotions, swinging between worry over their well-being, remorseful self-flagellation and bitter, resentful resignation. Yes, I know: It is only a hobby. It is ONLY fucking RP. But I could not simply shut the feelings off and repeating that mantra to myself, reminding myself how irrational and insignificant this all was only added new layers of misery. I tried to distract myself. I wanted to do the intelligent thing and move on, find some sort of victory in happiness with other partners but, I couldn’t think about RP at all without circling back around to this: Where had I gone so wrong? 

What if I unwittingly make the same mistakes again?

What if I approach another potential partner or group and accidentally come across them on a different account? Will they think I’m stalking them? Should I just stay away from anything remotely similar?

What if I totally misjudged them from the very beginning?

At the risk of sounding really melodramatic, the worst of it was the feeling of being unable to accurately gauge another’s attitude and intentions, the fear that there is something fundamentally flawed in my perception of other people. But that is something I’ve struggled with a long time, in real life, due to experiences.

Desperate for answers, I went trawling the cesspool of salt and confessions, sifting through and inspecting every possible explanation, from the petty and absurd to the grave and severe. There I came upon things that seemed, to my stress addled brain, sure signs confirming my fears and suspicions. Maybe I was right. I’ll never know, and that just might be due to what I chose to do next.

There are more details. There always are, right? There’s more to the story that might give a little more insight but, those might be too revealing, for both of us involved. This is no call-out and those details aren’t critical to the purpose. However, given those details, my state of mind, the history, the timing, all of our previous discussions and traded reassurances, their actions felt almost punitive and mocking, as if they had done this to ensure I’d never even want to interact with them again. So, I sent a curt im and soft-blocked them.

I can still remember the feeling of my fingertip hovering over that block button as it wavered, through tear-blurred vision, in time with my pulse. The guilt was instantaneous. But I didn’t stop there, oh no! I did the same with a mutual-mutual because they were partners first so of course that person wouldn’t want anything to do with me either. I had intended that to be the end of it. I didn’t even stick to my own resolution. I later sent a lengthy rant expressing my hurt and frustration, chiding them for not having the courage to give me a simple, honest, clear rejection. Over the following months I became increasingly convinced of mistakes I had made early on. In random moments of weakness I would message again, attempting to apologize for these errors, although I was still hurt by the fact that they’d never mentioned any problem (assuming there was one to begin with). Eventually, I deleted our threads, changed my url, essentially shut down. Ultimately, I came to terms with the fact that my own behavior had turned toxic. I should have just quietly walked away after a month of no contact. Instead, all I’d done had achieved nothing but piling wrong upon wrong. I messaged again, trying to apologize for that.

I’ve never seen a trace of them since the last time we spoke so many months ago. I have been told they are alive and more or less well, I’m not sure whether or not I should believe everything I’ve heard. Now and then, I worry that there was some wild misunderstanding, or maybe some bizarre glitch. More worrying is the possibility that their real life circumstances actually have been difficult enough to keep them from ever logging on at all for all this time. But I don’t really think any of that is plausible, more like some sort of twisted wishful thinking that only makes me feel worse. It wouldn’t make me feel worse if I hadn’t reacted like I did and now it’s the only reason I haven’t completely gotten over this, because I wouldn’t want to hurt anyone, I never intended to hurt them. As hurtful as what I did do may have been, I was only able to because I believed they did not care at all. But I know that does not make it right, or healthy, regardless of whatever the facts about their disappearance may be. 

So, if you ever find yourself in a similar place, as difficult as it may be, try to avoid making the same mistakes I did. Do not block. Don’t even soft-block. Just drop it and try to forget. Vent anonymously if you must. Try not to say anything you might ever, ever regret. Don’t screw yourself out of the chance to walk away with a clean conscience.

[punkscowardschampions]

Carly & Ali

Carly: last nite was good of you Carly: saying thanks cuz i read my text from last nite & it was Carly: I cudnt read it k thats facts Ali: nah, don't mention it, no bitch left behind Ali: plus, I know the cunt doing the ditching, been there, like Ali: was trying to translate but yeah, you were pretty fucked 😂 Ali: how you feeling this am? 💚 Carly: yea? hes not that bad Carly: im a slag like he said tbh Carly: feeling like i had a decent nite all things considered Carly: you? Ali: Gurl, yes he is and no you ain't! Ali: Probably Ali: Who cares if you are, he is, and the rest Ali: I dated him for a bit, so there's no shady, tryna steal your man on the sly going on, don't worry Ali: much the same, my head feels like someone took my eyes out and shoved 'em up my arse, you know? Ali: standard sunday vibes Carly: aw you're sweet but it's no diss on me Carly: like ive cheated on him a few times Carly: but he does it too you're right w that Carly: hes a good fuck when he's not too wasted tho which you kno if you got it too Carly: you're single now tho? Carly: can have him back if you want Ali: Fair play Ali: why not call it open and call it a day? Ali: Probs 'cos he likes fighting as much as he likes fucking Ali: Meh, yeah, was passable, gotta have some reason to keep him around, like Ali: Nah, going out with the girl that drove us back Ali: Remember? Dark hair, angry Carly: yea Carly: you know Carly: shit my bad Carly: she was scary is what i've got in my head Carly: idk my head is sketch cant trust it Ali: That's a fair assessment, I reckon Ali: She wouldn't hate it either so you good 😉 Carly: pretty tho Carly: call it a trade up Ali: Yeah, she's cute Ali: you need any more of the night filling in lemme know, I'll do my best Ali: it was pretty standard though, nothing too wild Carly: no faking it w her cuz shes too drunk Carly: designated driver be like Carly: last i see i was getting with his friend lowkey and he went off about it im blank from then Ali: its a fucking gay crime to ever fake it, no matter what Ali: I can get behind that one tho, not got the time or energy tbh Ali: yeah i think him and his friend then got in a scrap and then they left Ali: bros before hoes mentality hardcore, like idk, have fun jerking each other off then, if that's ur vibe boys Carly: k that sounds legit from what i caught on his socials Carly: didnt upload the circle jerk bless Carly: gay crimes must of been committed Ali: sad face Ali: coulda spat on his back Ali: protip Carly: ill let him know when he texts me later Carly: how did you kno where i live? state of me Carly: sorry to drag you this way Ali: plottwist, i'm a massive stalker with bad intentions Ali: I truly don't know, but I'll tell Lene she should be a cabbie 'cos she managed and I don't think we got any puke in her car Carly: k big lesbian crush on me yea Carly: ioher lots Carly: stealing her girl and wrecking her car in one Ali: Naturally, you cute Ali: I'll give you her number if you like, or just pass along the thanks and soz Carly: awh you're cuter Carly: probs still drunk tho Carly: giving me those kind words Carly: you handle the now ex if you love me Ali: Hahaha, he'd LOVE that Ali: ghosts of gf past Ali: Let me and I'll love you forever Carly: go for it Ali: let's see if I've still got his number Ali: this contact list is a minefield of mistakes but the real embarrassment would be getting them muddled up, fo'shame! Carly: i can give it Carly: used it more recently than you Carly: up there at my top Ali: won't be tellin' him that Ali: don't need the ego boost Ali: but tah Carly: makes it more fun to fuck him over if you praise him first Carly: but maybe thats me Ali: like a shit sandwich Ali: I get it Carly: hungry for anything but that rn Carly: [Sends the number tho] Ali: wanna come for brunch Ali: now you are newly gay Ali: that's what they do, fucking sex in the city up in dis bitch Carly: yea? weird Carly: not what i thought Carly: awh first date tho Ali: forreal, even the butch ones, don't let 'em fool you, its all fancy fucking eggs and screwdrivers by 11am Ali: you call 'em mimosas tho, gotta pretend you're being classy Carly: wtf is a screwdriver Ali: Babe! Ali: Vodka and orange juice Carly: i call it that Carly: gays and their labels Ali: save it for the rant sesh honey Ali: love you talking about how men ain't shit as well Carly: thats the ones i fuck Carly: cant be bringing no poshos to a caravan Ali: Posh boys are only good for the money anyway, I'm sure Ali: not finding any in 24 like regardless Carly: not gonna find out if they do drive by now im a lesbian wife Carly: sorry lads Ali: they had their chance Ali: unlucky boys Carly: should prob tell me your name again if im taking it Ali: Ruins the mystery a bit but alright Ali: Its Ali Ali: Ali McKenna if we're being formal Carly: k you've got the hot brothers Carly: makes sense Ali: 🤔 Ali: I think you're thinking of someone else, babe Carly: not trying to have our first fight but you coulda told me before we got hitched, bitch Carly: you're still hot tho don't be sad Ali: so you could run off with one of my brothers? i think not Ali: unless you meant Tommy 'cos he's very single but that's unlikely because he's never here Ali: stuck with me for now, hoe 😘 Carly: a slag like me could do worse Carly: has Ali: bitch, same Ali: we can compare notes, see how many regrets we got in common Carly: yea Carly: doing it Ali: Good, save it for brunch 'cos I'm coming forreal Ali: we don't have to deal with a gaggle of gossiping gays tho, bring you a maccies breakfast? Carly: k Carly: be fun Carly: you are from what i remember Ali: I like that Ali: No bullshit Ali: Imma start all interactions like be fun please or I'm out Ali: ✌ bringing the fun and the bacon babe Carly: you're not bringing your gf are you Ali: Nah, how awkward, meet the missus, honey Carly: like there's usually a lad in my trio sorry Carly: still learning this lesbian life Ali: oh, are you bi legit? Ali: she's way too jealous for threesomes, you're good Carly: nah i just know what lads want Ali: Oh gurl Ali: that's why Lene ain't coming Ali: the lecture you're avoiding Carly: idc Carly: youre my wife now bitch Ali: 💍💍 Ali: Productive morning, if I do say so myself Ali: and we're hanging, fuck with us Carly: good influence of you cuz i havent done fuck all this week Ali: Hard work being a bi icon, babe Ali: wait 'til I get you on the yoga hype Carly: wtf Carly: is that a joke Ali: nah, I've already done half an hour this morning Carly: bitch i had my fingers crossed you mistyped yogurt Carly: i love you but its a no Ali: 😂 lets be really into yogurt, not fancy stuff, like fucking froobs Carly: phallic Carly: slurping on my dick shaped yogurt Ali: exactly Ali: what do men love more than a representation of their genitals shoved in your mouth? nothing, is the answer, bar the real thing Ali: so seductive Carly: they don't like food in bed tho, but maybe thats my technique Carly: thinking you could use whatever Carly: k just gonna dump this curry out yea bear with Ali: spicy Ali: imagine the yeast infection you'd get from a fromage frais Carly: like sorry but if i can handle cum in my eye you can deal with some saag aloo boy Carly: googling those symptoms would be a laff tho Ali: ugh, now i want indian Carly: date 2, babe Ali: 😍 Ali: this is all moving so fast Ali: 'bout it Carly: thats all i kno about lesbians k Ali: Its so true Ali: Can confirm Carly: is your gf gonna be mad that im flirting with you Carly: cuz im scrappy but she's scary Ali: 😂 Ali: Probably but when I tell her you're straight she'll have to chill Ali: yeah, we're married BUT SHE'S STRAIGHT, BABE Carly: can't tell her how many girls ive fucked cuz i dont remember Carly: convenient Ali: Best keep that on the DL, yeah Ali: like your blatant gay feelings for me Carly: k Carly: been a secret before no big Ali: Awh babe, ain't nothing dirty about this Ali: I shall tell the world Carly: you're sweet Ali: Probably not if you still wanna be getting that D but you know, noblest intentions, like Carly: im over it Carly: go off Ali: when your pussy's the cure Ali: how can I be humble now? 😏 Carly: dont be Carly: proud slags who fucking love froobs Carly: its a mood Ali: that is a whole ass mood Ali: put it on a t-shirt, babe Carly: earn some bread for my table Ali: solid business plan Ali: we can't be the only ones Carly: independent women who don't need no dick Carly: anymore Ali: hell yeah! Ali: unless that dick wanna pay the bills, in which case we'll let 'em Ali: so we can get more froobs Carly: point Ali: oh no, someone put a pic of Molly Briggs vomming on Insta Ali: 1. gross 2. who hasn't been there, poor bitch Carly: sad Carly: hope she's alright Ali: I'd ask but don't really know her and her phone must already be blowing up Ali: plus she threw a netball right in my face once and I don't forget, bitch Ali: jk, I'll just report the pic 😂 Carly: they all call me a whore cba to keep track of which mollys or other bitches Ali: She is a bit of a bitch, ain't gonna sugarcoat it so probably Ali: not saying Karmas real but posted on that friggin' TallaghtSlags page so 🤷 Ali: grab a froob, darling Carly: her name makes me wanna party with her dad but thats as far as im fucking with that family Carly: or mum i dont know who picked it like Ali: Init, proper old skool ravers, obvs Ali: think I'm out of eccies, sadly Ali: last night depleted me Carly: Watch me call my son Bennie cos I got anxiety, baby Ali: Cute tho, whole medicine cabinet of babies Carly: why not im married now Ali: We'll get on that, date 3, like Carly: where you taking me? Ali: up the wheyyyyyyyyyy Ali: well, we had brunch, indian, obvs we're fat bitches Ali: get on that chinese buffet life Carly: you can get on your yoga mat tho Carly: im fucked Carly: letting myself go so soon my bad Ali: Please, you're perfect Ali: I'll have all the kids if you want Carly: blushing is what i am Carly: how many you want? Ali: how many people names are there for drugs? molly bennie mandy charlie umm Ali: and our preachy child, frank Carly: ha Carly: tina that's one Ali: Ooh, yes, a gay icon Carly: billy, bud our weak child, cosmic kelly who's gonna have to style that out Ali: oh kelly, I hope you have the personality to match or we've really fucked you over there, soz babe Carly: can't forget dimitri, lucy or mandy Carly: sweet sweet mary joy Ali: My fanny hurts just thinking about it Carly: christine and tina are obvs twins thats a relief Carly: how manys that? Ali: 13 Ali: Unlucky for some but my actual lucky number! Ali: Fated Carly: ha Carly: it's love and keeps being proven Ali: can't fight what's clearly so right Carly: true Ali: you want a milkshake Ali: i'm having one Carly: yea Carly: strawberry Ali: 'cos u so sweet 💚 Carly: awww Ali: I shall be right there, with brunch fit for a pair of proud slags Carly: k Carly: my parents arent here no need to break the news of wedded bliss Ali: Would be a weird first impression but I could rock it Ali: new fave in-law? I think so Carly: yea Carly: cant fight fate like Carly: been said Ali: forreal, catch me outside if you got something to say, lads Ali: alone time with the bae is always good tho Carly: you kno Carly: love you bitch Ali: love ya 😘

[verdigrisprowl]

Jan 1 Culture Club - The Land Before Time

Prowl left halfway through because Chromedome showed up. And a good thing he did, because then Trepan showed up.

This may make it difficult to go to future movies.

Welcome to the 'chronosmith' room. Jitter: ((Yeah, im just greatful she's got the other films to at least mix it up a bit)) Windchill: (( Great film, but....my god. I still haven't tried to watch it since. )) Windchill: (( I might be old enough and it's been long enough now that I might be able to try. Been like 14 years so let's hope.)) Windchill: (( *stares wistfully out window.* )) Jitter: (( *Restrains self from quouting one of the Spirit songs*)) Jitter: ((That Soundtrack is.... I kinda overdid it on teh soundtrack as a kid)) Windchill: (( I'm sure that's what my sisters latched onto as well, they still have the soundtrack if I recall. )) Windchill: ((It's a good soundtrack but I, a reasonable person, have limits. )) Jitter: ((v much)) Windchill: (( I can remember parts of most of the songs though pffft. )) Windchill: (( The worst part is it's about horses so you know Windchill here would like it. )) Windchill: (( As for The Land Before Time...this is not going to go over well. )) Jitter: ((I think just about anyone can root for the stalion when he's kicking men off his back)) Jitter: (('GET OFF OF MY BACK ASDFASDF") Windchill: (( IT'S JUST...A REALLY GOOD ANIMATED FILM with barely any dialogue. The animation and soundtrack are the heavy lifters. )) FakeProwl: ((hi folks are we lurkin before the movie)) Whirl: ((yes)) Whirl: ((i am gettin seat up but: I love Spirit Whirl: genuinely good movie Windchill: (( Oh no. )) Windchill: (( I was browsing a random dumpster blog and I found this. )) Windchill: (( http://badcharacterdesign.tumblr.com/post/155040963275/spirit-2002-story-of-freedom-and-independence )) Jitter: ((i'm gonna go grab some party mix snacks) Windchill: (( I'mma make coffee, then I shall return to weep over what I have discovered. )) Jitter: (...) Jitter: (lordy) Jitter: ((We all shall weep) Windchill: (( Someone save us. )) Jitter: https://youtu.be/Zlm4QYeysgE Shockbox: (( damnit i need to see more movies because i do not have the context for your pain. )) Windchill: (( T-the broken horse anatomy in that poster shot help. )) Windchill: (( OH MY GOD. )) Whirl: ((WHAT IS THAT NONSENSE)) Windchill: (( You gotta see Spirit. )) Jitter: "Did you even watch the movie you're spining off?" Shockbox: (( i gotta see a /lot/ of things. but i'll add that to the list. )) Jitter: ((and it appears that 'sprit riding free' is a Netflix exclusive thing Windchill: (( We'll probably tie you to a chair and make you watch this one at some point, just saying. )) Windchill: (( It better stay there where I won't see it. )) Whirl: 9(it's gorgeously animated, had a lovely soundtrack, and is pretty dang overall good)) Jitter: ((its boasted as a "Neflix Original" so it will Jitter: "put that hing back where it came from or so help me Ratchet: [[ *squints at that poster* ]] Shockbox: (( i mean i'll be willing to sit down and see it so long as it's with friends. )) Shockbox: (( or during a livestream. )) Windchill: (( Also: Spirit took place in the late like, 1900's so what's with the modern jeans and T's on these girls. )) Windchill: (( Is Spirit immortal. )) Ratchet: [[ okay but is the dark-skinned girl riding spirit's mom becAUSE THAT GOES AGAINST EVERYTHING THE FIRST MOVIE WAS ABAOUT ]] Windchill: (( Also the horses have broken legs and shoulders. )) Windchill: (( I was wondering if that WAS supposed to be Esperanza but...if so she looks more dudely than her son??? )) Windchill: (( The paint doesn't look at all like Rain either so who tf is this. What's happening. )) Windchill: (( Why you desecrate the Only Good Horse Movie. )) Soundwave: ((aha here we go. is it supposed to still say offline?)) Whirl: ((Ye I've not gotten it set up yet)) starscream: *sneaks in* Whirl: *already up in there, fiddling with equipment* Shockbox: *is, as previously mentioned, officially making a first appearance at this esteemed club.* Shockbox: *such high class we have here.* Whirl: ((i'm having some XSplit guff so gimme a sec)) Windchill: *You will regret, Shockwave.* Whirl: *yes, the classiest. Whirl is muttering to himself and occasionally cursing* Jitter: https://twitter.com/spiritridingfre?lang=en Jitter: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/C0O4YxjXEAAHlGW.jpg:large Ratchet: *pops in* starscream: ((I'm not an expert on horses but I feel like that is impossible)) Shockbox: *he's come so far, regret isn't an option.* Jitter: ((Well its a fanpage so??? Jitter: ((And apparently its based on a book series)) starscream: ((no, no I get that, just making an observation, not hating)) Windchill: (( Horse genetics are pretty straightforward I THINK but I'm not even going to do battle with this one I'm already Done(tm) with this. )) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave comes in with everyone except Zori and Chimera, who would be sparkbroken and sobbing at this film, and sends them scattering. Time for his usual seat.* Jitter: ((I'm just as baffled as anyone else, not trying to bite u Star. We're all confused about this spinoff show) Shockbox: *hm. he doesn't have a usual seat, yet.* Whirl: *pops his head up over the equipment* Do you guys see an image of Heqet, praise be to her, on the screen, yet? FakeProwl: *Appears* FakeProwl: ((there she is. praise)) ItsyBitsySpyers: //Praise! She's right there.// Shockbox: (( she's lovely. )) Jitter: *Out of his storage comes a box nibbles, which Jitter adds to the snackbar* Whirl: FINALLY. Jeez. Sorry we're so late. FakeProwl: *checks to see if soundwave is here/not on a full couch, immediately flops next to* FakeProwl: *he's tired. again.* Rodimus: ((these are in the rec room arnt they? FakeProwl: ((i'm also hearing miscellaneous computer sounds, so clearly audio works.)) FakeProwl: ((and there is music!)) Windchill: (( *nods.* )) Whirl: ((THERE'S YA VALEN HALEN)) Ratchet: [[ OH THERE SHE IS ]] Shockbox: (( glad that wasn't my own computer acting up, jeez. )) Whirl: ((so far, yeah, that's how we've been saying it goes down. The movie room)) Windchill: *Raises hand* You done mucking around yet, mate? Windchill: We gotta fight for the couch. Whirl: *pauses and ZOOPS his neck forward, starig at the new Shockwave* Hey. Shockbox: *stares back.* Greetings. Ratchet: [[ but i still have the loading circle of doom going on. tbh there's a high probability i won't even be able to watch because lmao my internet's been going out every night for the past like. month. ]] Whirl: ...*bobs his helm* Welcome to culture club. Whirl: ((OH NO RATCHET ;n;)) Rodimus: ((so yeah shockbox been here before ItsyBitsySpyers: *His poor ally, never getting all the rest he needs. Soundwave turns himself at an angle to give Prowl a somewhat more comfortable leaning space than a flat arm.* Whirl: ((do you have the film? Wana sync up watching and just pop the chat out? Iv'e done that before)) Shockbox: (( in the general area, but not in the club while in character. )) Whirl: ((But his first time at Culture Club--I think he actually came to Little Shop? But if u want this to be the first time that's ok with me)) FakeProwl: *a flat arm is perfectly comfortable tbh. but he'll take whatever he's offered.* Shockbox: (( yes, i was there for LIttle Shop. fun movie. )) Whirl: *and then trots over and assumes his rightful place on the couch* I'm not fighting you. I'm the host. I'm too dignified for that. Jitterbun: ((please ignore my clone)) Ratchet: [[ i sure do not have the film. i've never seen it remember ]] Whirl: ((I THOUGHT.... U HAD)) Jitterbun: ((REfreshed and got kicked)) Jitterbun: ((FFFFF) Whirl: ((lemme know if the loading goes away aight? We'll try and start then!)) Jitterbun: ((Ratchet I had to refresh to get the loading circle to vanish) Shockbox: *So....I don't suppose there're any takers for being a sitting companion to shockbox here.* Windchill: Dignity? PSSSSH. ItsyBitsySpyers: (txt): Prowl certain this wanted activity? Recharge not desired more? Ratchet: [[ go ahead and start my fren i got two seconds of music followed by presumably freeze-screen and now it's gone black lmao you'll be waiting a long damn time if you wait for me ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy had a decent time in Shockbox's company. He'll plop down nearby again.* Windchill: *Come sit on the Whirl Couch, the violence is free!* Whirl: *he can always try his luck on the Whirl Couch, but goodness only knows how that will go down* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «The Constructicons are still up.» Ratchet: [[ i'm also getting a RIDICULOUS lag on chat. ]] Whirl: ((D:)) Shockbox: *alright, couch buddies with Frenzy it is. not a bad situation. * Whirl: ((It's running pretty smoothly on my end... how is everyone eles'e chat holdin up?)) Shockbox: (( buttery smooth. )) FakeProwl: ((it's fine here)) Jitterbun: ((Your Internet is ill Ratchet.)) ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Understood. Soundwave assists if Constructicons not tired later. Jitterbun: ((Here's hoping the provider is on its case)) Whirl: *he will graciously ignore that slight against his dignity because he is dignified; he also swivels is neck around to look for the usual crowd, some of which aren't here, of course* Whirl: *they, as always, are welcome* Rodimus: *trots in then stops* OH Hey.... There is mecha in here. Jitterbun: *Has already eaten half his snack bowl* Whirl: Nope. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble will sit with Whirl and wave to Rodimus. Yo, mech.* FakeProwl: *slightly skeptical look* @Soundwave «Assist how?» Ratchet: [[ lol nah it's been like this since we moved in april. ]] Whirl: We're all just figments of your imagination. Jitterbun: ((Oooh. Wifi or ethernet? FakeProwl: *rodimus. scoots away from soundwave and sits upright.* Whirl: *scoots to make room for Rumble* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Oh? Oh, yes, he sees. All right then.* FakeProwl: *well, upright-ish. kind of a sleepy slouch.* Windchill: *He's trying to decide whether the couch or the floor is better seating tonight.* Ratchet: [[ wifi. we think the problem might be where the modem is located but there's literally only one phone jack in the house so we're *** ]] Shockbox: *shockwave would welcome the presence of buzzsaw, as well. he wasn't a bad movie partner either.* Rodimus: *couldnt care less* Whirl: *you are also "the usual crowd" doofus, join us on the couch* Jitterbun: ((You can try getting a wifi-booster/extender Whirl: *we can both put our feet on you* Jitterbun: ((My sister did that, and it solved her problems Rodimus: *lazy salute at Rumble* ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Sound, many uses. Certain frequencies encourage system relaxation. Windchill: *But if he sits on the floor, there's more room on the couch.* Whirl: Anyway, yeah, we got Culture Club. Ratchet: [[ idk. our last house was like twice as big but the wifi worked fine all throuhgout. the issue is the One Room With a Phone Jack in this house is actually an extension ]] FakeProwl: *out of all the people in the room, rodimus is the only one who's teased prowl and soundwave. which is saying something, since whirl is here, who will mock anybody, ever. so he's not giving him ammo.* Whirl: *true... and it might be easier to put feet on you that way* Jitterbun: ((They range from like, $30-60 for a decent one. Still a bit pricy if you're paycheck to paycheck,) Ratchet: [[ WE THINK we think that's the issue. so there's a solid brick wall between the modem and the rest of the house lmao ]] ItsyBitsySpyers: *Buzzsaw floats over to hover above Shockbox's helm when Frenzy waves him over. Laserbeak will settle on Rodimus in the hopes he'll give her snacks.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «I might take you up on that, then.» Jitterbun: ((The phonejack is an extention? That souns a bit more like a Wifiemitter, than a booster. A booster doesn't need a phone jack, just a power outlet.) Windchill: *But if he sits on the floor, he'd have to work harder to be a pest.* Rodimus: *smirks at the bird coming toawrd him and waves over to the snacks* Ratchet: [[ what. no. the room the phone jack is in is an extension of the original house ]] Whirl: *well, you'd better make up your mind before someone else takes your seat PFFT LOL J/K IT'S WHIRL* Jitterbun: ((Oooohhh.) Whirl: *NOBODY ELSE WILL TAKE THAT SEAT* Ratchet: [[ and we need the phone jack for internet. no phone jack, no internet. ]] Shockbox: *He looks up when he senses a presence just above him, and relaxes a little when he recognizes buzzsaw.* Whirl: ((Any luck yet ratchet? :( I don't want you to miss your turn at CC...)) Windchill: HMMM. Rodimus: Oh hey! *waves @ shockbox* You are back on the ship again! Ratchet: [[ still a black screen lmao ]] Windchill: *FINE. It is decided.* Windchill: *You'll have to suffer his massive butt being on your couch.* Ratchet: [[ SUCCESS ]] Shockbox: Yes, I am. Jitterbun: ((Well yes, but it sounds like you have a cable-modem/wifi emitter plugged into the phonejack in that room. A Wifi Extender/booster is a different excessory. The way it works is Ratchet: [[ and may i say, a very good musical selection ]] Rodimus: *a squish gel snack for laserbeak~* Ratchet: [[ i gotta go feed charlie he's being a pain but then we're good ]] Jitterbun: by being plugged into a power outlet within range of the current wifi modem, and it 'doubles up' the wifi signal, and sends it farther Shockbox: *he waves back after a few seconds, as if almost forgetting to return the gesture.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Laserbeak stuffs the treat into the beak at the back of her face and whistles happily. Yes. This is a good perch for the evening. Nice and warm.* Jitterbun: https://www.walmart.com/ip/40099975?wmlspartner=wlpa&selectedSellerId=0&adid=22222222227029488055&wl0=&wl1=g&wl2=c&wl3=62898910929&wl4=pla-64746551287&wl5=9007824&wl6=&wl7=&wl8=&wl9=pla&wl10=8175035&w Jitterbun: ((ew sorry for longlink)) Whirl: ((AIGHT LEMME KNOW WHEN u are back!)) Whirl: ((also i need to remember to put this song on the blog whops)) Ratchet: *aaaand Ratchet already did the *pops in* thing but since mun thereafter got caught up in ooc chatter and did nothing with the muse...* Whirl: *he'll also scoot to better accomodate Wiindchill* Ah, yes. My footrest. Ratchet: *pops in* Windchill: It is I, the rest for feet. Whirl: THERE'S our guest of honor! Windchill: *Well if it isn't Ratchet, the guy responsible for what evils will transpire tonight.* Whirl: ((are you ready? 8) )) Whirl: ((....i read that as "what elvis will tanspire tonight")) Rodimus: Hold on... *@LB* Shockbox: (( ready as i'll ever be. )) Rodimus: *he is going to look under the table for one of their ravage's bowls* Shockbox: *guest of honor...? Ah, an iteration of the autobot medic.* Ratchet: [[ is prowl still leaning on slendy ]] Windchill: (( Same thing. )) FakeProwl: *hi ratchet. prowl would greet you but he's half asleep and hasn't noticed you.* FakeProwl: ((he's not leaning on him but he's next to him.)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *What's Rodimus want with one of Ravage's bowls? ItsyBitsySpyers: ((and ready when y'all are)) Rodimus: Shiiiit my music Ratchet: *that's fine ratchet has noticed Prowl and he's going to sit with him* Shockbox: (( read that as 'bowels' and let me tell you i'm glad i misread. )) Jitterbun: *Siddles up to his non-friend but lowlevel associate known as PROWL* Windchill: (( Trying the whole making coffee thing again brb, but feel free to start in my absence I've seen this A Million Times. )) Whirl: *he's gonna rearrange himself and nod at Rumble* Feel free to make use of my footrest. It's simply the best. *e's gonna end up like... lying sideways on the couch. There's enough room in the curve of- ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave is suddenly feeling very surrounded...* Whirl: -his waist for Rumble to be able to remain seated on the couch* Rodimus: *going to show it to laserbeak* You guys use these too or just normal cubes and straws? Rodimus: *its prolly larger its just idw ravage's bowl xD* Whirl: After this song, we're starting. Jitterbun: Wonderful! *Will take the time to roll, strech and crack his joints* Whirl: Also, I can't help but notice how absolutely itty bitty you are, Jitter. It's adorable. FakeProwl: *suddenly someone else? turns on optic to look. oh!* Ratchet. It's been a while. Shockbox: *on the side opposite of frenzy is the couch's armrest. he may start to lean heavily on this as the movie proceeds.* FakeProwl: *there is also a Stranger in the vicinity. will ignore, because he's a Stranger.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble decides to take Whirl's advice and try resting on Whirl and Windchill at the same time.* Jitterbun: *May tumblr over himself, as Whirl calls out his petrorabbit form.* Jitterbun: W-well. Its temporary. Shade stuff. ItsyBitsySpyers: *This mostly ends in his upper back on Whirl's side and his ankles on Windchill and everything else CAREFULLY BALANCED IN MIDAIR* Whirl: *is quite content to be Rumble's Everything Except Foot rest* Whirl: *he won't let you fall, mech* Jitterbun: Now if ya don't mind- start the flick Whirl! Whirl: All right! Let's do it. ItsyBitsySpyers: {{Bird not needing straw, Bird got tube! You give, you give. Bird drinks, yes.}} Whirl: HEY. No bossin around the Culture Club presidents. Windchill: *Seems he's pulling double duty tonight. He's okay with this.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage offers Ratchet a blink from down by Soundwave's pedes, but is too lazy to move much.* Jitterbun: *Too late. He's bounding over to find a chair to sit under.* Rodimus: *grins* Sweet now I know what to load up on! *just starts making snack choices he is hella hungry* Ratchet: Mhmm. Evenin', Prowl. Jitterbun: *Don't mind him Stranger. Just making himself comfortable. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy nudges Shockwave with an elbow and 'whispers'* Whirl: I feel ya. Same thing happens to me. Feel free to call me adorable if *I* ever get changed into a petrorabbit. But, seeing as I was a bird, I figure I've done my time. ItsyBitsySpyers: \\YOU LIKE DINOSAURS? MOSTA YOU GUYS LIKE DINOSAURS...\\ Windchill: Dinosaurs are cool. Windchill: For a bunch of DEAD GUYS. Whirl: *optic expands a bit; this music is already arrestingly good* Rodimus: Ooooooooooooooh we seen this already..... Whirl: I' Whirl: ve never seen it. Shockbox: *He stares at Frenzy for a second.* I have never heard of these 'Dinosaurs' before. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Frenzy grins such a grin.* \\BOUTTA.\\ Whirl: These are dinosaurs. *nods* Jitterbun: *Peeks out muzzle from under somelucky mechs chair* Earth native species- extenict one, but one of 'em. Whirl: ...you want a safe seat, Jitter? Shockbox: ....So they are non-fictional? Whirl: You can come up here. I'm the host. I'll look after ya Rodimus: These are Windchill: *He hasn't seen this film. HE'S READY.* Windchill: *He's not ready.* Ratchet: Pfft. The heck do you think we built the Dinobots off of? Windchill: *Gdi always with eggs.* Windchill: *Somehow, he thinks eggs hatching isn't so cute and pristine.* FakeProwl: *eggs. immediately thinks of tarantulas.* Shockbox: *He's sort of very early in his timeline. Dinobots won't be created in a few weeks in  his time.* Whirl: *aww, look at that one. FIGHTING ALREADY*

Missed some. only a little bit, i think.

starscream: Or it might just be because they are dumb Whirl: Or, y'know, this is a movie and it's all made up. Whirl: Or something. Jitterbun: Organics- they're really amazin' and interestin'. So many different ways they form. Shockbox: To what extent is this movie a work of fiction? Jitterbun: ...but they'realso pretty gross. Whirl: A lot. *HUGELY UNHELPFUL* Windchill: Really convenient earthquake timing, there. starscream: Then why are we watching it Whirl: ((man it must have been so sad for his grandparents to hear their daughter died so far away from them ;u; )) starscream: If it is mostly fiction Whirl: Because it's entertaining. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[From what he understands, dinosaurs were incapable of this form of speech. The creatures are representative of actual species and this event reflects certain circumstances-- ItsyBitsySpyers: believed to surround their extinction.]] Whirl: This is gonna blow your mind, Starscream--but most movies? Are fiction. Whirl: Amazing, I know. Ratchet: We're watching it 'cause I said we would. Windchill: What is this. starscream: I am aware of that, but why are we watching fictional ones Shockbox: Understood. Whirl: Because that's what one of our members chose. Ratchet: *hard glaring at dissenters* FakeProwl: Do we know for certain that dinosaurs were incapable of speech? The Autobos didn't have any agents on Earth at the time. Whirl: Also: they're entertaining. Windchill: *Covers his face.* FakeProwl: I mean, they undoubtedly didn't speak English. But did they not speak at all? Rodimus: *yawns and shoves some more snacks in mouth* Windchill: *Why is he watching this.* starscream: I'm amazed any organics can speak Whirl: I mean, if YOU can manage it, then why can't a bunch of walking meat do it? FakeProwl: *snorts* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[His Shockwave did not report speech as it is commonly understood. That does not mean there was no communication.]] starscream: Shut up ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Body language, scent, territory markers, specific calls...]] Whirl: Nah, I don't think I will. This is, after all, MY culture club. Whirl: Now, I wanna enjoy the movie, so pipe down. Whirl: ...well, okay. OUR Cultue Club. *gestures to co-founder Prowl* ItsyBitsySpyers: {{Little Swoops!}} FakeProwl: *nods grandly* Windchill: *It doesn't sound diabolically tragic anymore, so he's opened his eyes again.* Jitterbun: *Chill rabbit is enjoying the idle crosstalk. Its comforting noise.* Windchill: What is that blue thing? Whirl: *okay now. even whirl is kind of touched by that* ItsyBitsySpyers: *She tugs Rodimus' shoulders with a feeler. Look, organic versions of her missing minion.* Windchill: Besides generous, I mean. Ratchet: *flops across Prowl to peer down at Ravage* Whirl: *the little flying squirt who fought so hard for that cherry giving it to the sad guy* Whirl: *of course, his lack of a face makes it very easy to hide that* Shockbox: Can I at least trust the physical representations of these creatures in this movie to be accurate? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage blinks in confusion and tries to bop Ratchet with a paw.* Rodimus: *was spaced out* Eh what? Ratchet: *and dangles a string of tinsel over the edge of the couch* ItsyBitsySpyers: {{It little Swoops. Rod bot did not see?}} Ratchet: You got that spicy stuff? Whirl: I dunno. Some kinda.... blue thing? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Somewhat accurate.]] Windchill: It looked like a blue potato. That's what I'm calling it. Rodimus: It that what those were? *stupid grin* Rodimus: A leaf matrix Whirl: They really nailed this soundtrack. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage's optics brighten like three thousand percent. He snaps at the tinsel.* Ratchet: *pulls it back* Rodimus: *snickers* Shockbox: *Will have to look more extensively into these creatures later.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *GROWLS* Ratchet: Uh-uh. You already got some. ItsyBitsySpyers: *SWIPE GIVE IT TO HIM* FakeProwl: ((why does he keep not eating his leaves. god.)) starscream: Brilliant Jitterbun: *An ear perks up  twoards the bargoning mechs* Ratchet: There was a deal. Tinsel for spicy stuff. starscream: What a genius ItsyBitsySpyers: //Poor li'l fragger.// Whirl: Yeah. ItsyBitsySpyers: //It ain't a good time gettin' separated.// Whirl: *spares Rumble a comforting nudge* Shockbox: (( how old is he supposed to be at this point? to not be able to tell a shadow from a real dinosaur.)) Whirl: *he, of course, does not know exactly how Rumble feels, but he will sympathize as much as he can* Windchill: *Crosses his arms.* Whirl: She's my favorite. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage's audial dishes flatten out, but he shakes out a little red cube. Spicy stuff. Give him the tinsel.* Windchill: Look at her tail. Windchill: It points straight up! ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble nudges Whirl back. He ain't sad. It's just moody in here tonight. What're you comfortin' him for.* Ratchet: *is THAT all. that little cube.* Whirl: *because you're his friend daingert* Windchill: *He might be a little jealous, as he does not have a tail to signify when he is having an attitude.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *You only have one tinsel strand. What do you expect?* Ratchet: I know Sludge already brought you a delivery. Rodimus: *this soon to be exstint dinos seems alot like Cybertron pre war -.-* starscream: ((People can recognise themself in a mirror at 6 months, I assume something like that)) Windchill: Rude... ItsyBitsySpyers: *Doesn't it though?* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage grumbles and shakes loose another small cube. He doesn't jam his subspace as full of fuel as the others. He can... get his on the run, as it were.* Shockbox: (( hm. )) Ratchet: *two cubes is acceptable. here's ur tinsel, kitty cat.* Jitterbun: ((Lol little parasite relationship. <3)) Windchill: A cretin appears. Whirl: *theatric gasp* Whirl: Windchill... it's you. Shockbox: (( so much brain damage in this movie. )) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage gobbles up the strand and promptly drags himself along the couch bottom with his claws. On his side.* Windchill: WHAT. Whirl: It's you. Windchill: How is THAT. *He points at the screen.* Windchill: ME?! Jitterbun: *Flips back up* That was- I thought the flora was gonna attack 'em. Whirl: *starts SNICKERING MADLY AT THAT LAUGH* Jitterbun: ... Windchill: Besides the coattails. Whirl: The wing shape. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...That looks like most flight lessons he's seen.]] Windchill: Well... FakeProwl: ... Falling? Rodimus: *hands LB the last of his snacks* Windchill: Okay. I can almost see where you got that idea. Jitterbun: This is interestin' behavior. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Nom nom nom! She'll hum Rodimus a little thank-you song.* Windchill: But I don't have a face like that at all. starscream: See?  Stupid. Whirl: Pfft. It's hilarious that some fliers needed FLIGHT LESSONS. *preens* starscream: I told you organics are dumb ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Not every flight model comes out of the well perfectly coordinated.]] FakeProwl: ((if she'd kept going she could've blinded him.)) Whirl: I know. Poor things. Shockbox: (( spooky eye was spooky. )) Ratchet: [[ oh my god sarah you had the perfect opportunity to stab it the *** in the eye what'd you stop for ]] Jitterbun: ((FEAR)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Whirl don't make him come over there* Whirl: *preens more* Windchill: *Never mind. He might be more again to the winged cretin than he originally estimated.* Windchill: *akin wow Whirl: Pfft. Well. This guy isn't gonna grow up to be Chatterbox. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble giggles. Carrier.* Jitterbun: *Stares down the quirky flier, and then windchill. Yeah he sees the resemblence.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «How did you learn?» Windchill: *SNORTS* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave shakes his helm at the screen. This feels like life with his unit sometimes.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Glances at Prowl* Whirl: *but yes. He took to the air like a duck to water. But, he wasn't quite as graceful... on the ground... but nobody needs to know that* Whirl: *spastic baby emu whirl* FakeProwl: *glances back. what.* Ratchet: *watches Ravage for a bit with a little smile, then quietly presents to Soundwave A Large Amount of silver and gold tinsel. Christmas and New Year's are past, the time for undecorating has come.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Nothing, he's just thinking of how to explain it.* starscream: Do they think there is only one? Jitterbun: Speaking like there's only one of 'em. I guess they really are young. starscream: They have family and others of their own kind, why wouldn't the sharptooth? Whirl: *she's such a little theatric ***. The best* ItsyBitsySpyers: //She tells stories like Starscream.// Windchill: *Very entertaining.* Whirl: PFFT. FakeProwl: *snorts* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave is temporarily distracted by the tinsel. He'll stuff that in his subspace before Ravage can make his way back around to the front of the couch and get it.* starscream: Excuse me?  I don't talk like that ItsyBitsySpyers: *He's... not actually sure where Ravage is right now. Hmm.* FakeProwl: *the best part of tonight has been the constant Starscream disses.* Jitterbun: ((The late egg)) Rodimus: Laserbeak Ima bounce, mech now pearch time for you~ ItsyBitsySpyers: [[He will see you are brought more fuel next time.]] Ratchet: @Soundwave ::Don't let him forget he owes me for that.:: Shockbox: (( pfff, spike. )) Ratchet: Heh. Good. ItsyBitsySpyers: {{Aww... okaaaaaay. You come back soon, being more perching.}} Windchill: He's just...eating. Windchill: *Frowns.* Rodimus: *gets up to wander back off* Rodimus: *he isnt at all intersted watching this again* Whirl: Seeya, Rodders. Ratchet: *and now Ratchet will hop off the couch to collect his two cubes.* Jitterbun: Wow- they're lucky they didn't get crushed then! Whirl: That is so. Totally. You. Whirl: *nudges Windchill* Windchill: What. Windchill: I spaced out what happened. Whirl: He was being hugely dramatic. Chromedome: hullo Windchill: Oh. Windchill: Then yeah. Whirl: Like you. Windchill: You got me. Whirl: *IMMEDIATELY TWISTS HIS GHELM AROUND and stares intensely at Chromedome* YOU. FakeProwl: *IMMEDIATELY TENSES UP* Chromedome: oh dang I love this movie Whirl: Hey, Windchill: My teeth don't chatter like that though, unless I WANT them to. Windchill: *Turns to regard the New Guy.* Jitterbun: ((Welcome CD) Whirl: *intense. Stare* Welcome to Culture Club. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rodimus is gone. Chromedome is here. Soundwave interrupts his explanation in progress to ping him, worried* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ping Prowl, that is.* Rodimus: ((I am still here lol FakeProwl: It was good to see you, Ratchet. I'm afraid I have to leave early tonight. Ratchet: ... oh. ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i meant rodimus had IC wandered off the room, lol)) Ratchet: Well... have a good night, then! FakeProwl: *farewell ping to Soundwave.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Let me know if he leaves.» ItsyBitsySpyers: *...Farewell ping/acknowledgment ping.* Whirl: *returns his attention to the film* FakeProwl: *avatar deactivates. prowl is Gone.* Whirl: AGAIN with this soundtrack. Gorgeous. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Well then. He should act like he doesn't know this bot.* Jitterbun: *...and then Jitter starts, staring at where Prowl had been* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Greetings, newcomer.]] Whirl: *oh dangit sop movie, with the sad tiny baby vulnerable little dinosaur* Jitterbun: Wait- he's been a hologram? ItsyBitsySpyers: [[...Yes?]] Whirl: Oh, yeah. Needles, this is Culcutre Club. Culture Club, this is Needles. Or, as he Whirl: s more commonly known, Chromedome. Whirl: He' Chromedome: Dont call me tHAT Whirl: Fine, fine. Ratchet: [[ >sees Needles >wonders why Whirl is introducing Slendy ]] Windchill: *Waves. That's all the greeting you get from him, consider yourself fortunate, not-Needles.* Whirl: ((that cuttof "he's" was meant to explain prowl so I'll elt slendy do it)) Trepan: Organic Predacons? ItsyBitsySpyers: *Chromedome AND Trepan. Oh dear.* Jitterbun: *Disgruntled by his revelation, and being unintentionlly out of the loop, the petrorabbit begins to groom himself* Whirl: *SWIVELS HIS HELM DRAMATICALLY AROUND AGAIN TO STAAARE AT TREPAN* HEY. You. Trepan: OnO Jitterbun: *All these latecomers* Trepan: "Heello Chromedome: :) Whirl: Welcome to Culture Club Trepan: Thank you ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Organic Dinobots.]] Whirl: They're diosaurs, by the way. *returns attention to the film* Trepan: I brought rust sticks and jelly jets as my contribution to the movie FakeProwl: ((what a pretty spider web)) Jitterbun: *Pawing muzzle and ears* Shockbox: *acknowledging the presence of newcomers* Chromedome: *hungrily motions at the rust sticks* Ratchet: *waves to both Cgromedome and Trepan* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Ravage pops his helm over the back of the couch and watches Jitterbox. Prey... no. No not prey don't eat bots in public. Stay. Stay here, claw the couch.* Whirl: *nods* Those of you with mouths, tuck in. Windchill: I refuse. ItsyBitsySpyers: Jitterbun* Windchill: Because... Windchill: I'm a rebel. Windchill: *He has the biggest mouth of all, too.* Whirl: *looking's free, Ravage; if you make a move Whirl is gonna Get Ya* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Chromedome and... who might the other one be?]] Whirl: Some kinda masseuse. Trepan: Suit yourself" Handing them over to Chromedome Trepan: "Yes, Whirl. A 'Masseuse'" Chromedome: Yessss~ Jitterbun: *Calmer now and blissfully unware of the new attention, Jitter settles back down and apraises the group once more* Whirl: *I mean, that's all that Whirl knows him as* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[And do you have a designation, masseuse?]] Trepan: " 'Nimbus'" Jitterbun: a Masseuse? You had those on Cybertron? That's a profession? FakeProwl: ((spike is a treasure)) ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Thank you.]] Whirl: Before the war, yeah. He works off a space station though. Jitterbun: Chromedom' and Nimbus- and they're both Massuses. Jitterbun: Sounds like a popular thing, then. Whirl: Nah, Chromedome's an ex-mnemosurgeon. Trepan: Yes, aren't we Chromedome" Whirl: Full-time junxy now. *snickers* Chromedome: Dont drag me into this Trepan Trepan: :P Whirl: ...*looks at Trepan* You know each other? ..."Trepan?" ItsyBitsySpyers: *Oh, this is delightful.* Trepan: "Thank you, Chromedome" FakeProwl: ((clearly tis isn't lava, it's glowing strawberry jam.)) Windchill: *He prefers the on-screen drama to whatever interpersonal drama you've all conjured up, thanks.* ItsyBitsySpyers: ((the blood of berrycron)) Whirl: *also returns his attention to the--what the heck is that* Windchill: *It's a heffalump* starscream: Well that's different ItsyBitsySpyers: \\BOY, SHE YELLS A LOT.\\ Trepan: Sitting nice and quiet for Whirl to forget Windchill: *You can tell by the trunk* Jitterbun: Littelfoot suddenly got strong. Whirl: *ohoho he is npt forgetting THAT* Shockbox: Reminds me of someone I know. Trepan: is Sara Prowl? Shockbox: *Looking directly at frenzy for but a moment.* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\YEAH? MUS' BE REAL TOUGH BEIN' AROUND 'EM.\\ Whirl: Nah, she's not a damn thing like him. ItsyBitsySpyers: *He's ignoring the glance. Frenzy knows he's loud. He can't help it. She can.* Trepan: Murdersaurs)) Whirl: *HE'S PLANNING TO KILL HIM. WAT A LITTLE CHAMP* Jitterbun: ((I never understood that formation at the top)) Shockbox: *Just milking the irony a bit.* Jitterbun: ((Like 'is it a castle)) Jitterbun: ((Is it a cave)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Littlefoot seems more Prowl-ish right there than Cera ever does.* Whirl: *NOW he's rapt, watching these little baby diosaurs plot to kill this huge horrible creature* FakeProwl: *yknow what prowl might be gone but he still has comm access* starscream: They're going to get eaten Whirl: Hey, but what a way to go--avenging the death of his mother! ItsyBitsySpyers: *Hey, Soundwave's not thinking of it as a bad thing.* Whirl: Might as well give it a shot. Windchill: *Tries not to laugh at the whistling, snorts instead.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Also he didn't say that out loud.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «Do I get to hear about your flight lessons, or did I give up that right?» Jitterbun: Thats- really foolish. starscream: Is he even sure it's the same one? Jitterbun: Its a wothless, silly thing ta do. FakeProwl: ((no no, that wasn't a reply, it was an introduction to a comm.)) Whirl: Yeah, it Whirl: 's got the one eye. ItsyBitsySpyers: ((ohhh)) Whirl: Or, wait. So I thought. Shockbox: (( has the stream started to lag a little bit for anybody else?)) FakeProwl: ((it's ok here)) ItsyBitsySpyers: //This here's how come ya don't underestimaim us little fraggers.// Chromedome: [ nah :v ] Whirl: ((sorry Shockwave :<)) starscream: ((Mine's okay)) Whirl: It was a good death. ItsyBitsySpyers: {{Brave birdsaur.}} Jitterbun: ...see, thats what risky things like that'll do Whirl: That's how I'd wanna go. Locked n mortal combat with something thousands of time my size. Jitterbun: Coulda just kep on their way, made it ba- Jitterbun: ... Jitterbun: Well, Sometimes ya get lucky. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Will explain now. Whirl: It was worth a shot, I say. Whirl: *the lot of them have endeared themselves to Whirl with their homicidal cmpaign* ItsyBitsySpyers: \\DAMN STRAIGHT\\ Raises his handful of snack to Whirl Jitterbun: ((okay thats cute but how did little even get up there) Trepan: her ghost has been avenged )) Windchill: *He's just glad that unlike the creature he's being compared to, he's too big to be manhandled like that by most people.* Jitterbun: (('give me the blood of the sharptooth'00 Rodimus: ((little foot is rodimus Whirl: ((to Whirl?)) Chromedome: [ is Chromedome: [ wow ok meant is mother optimus to rodimus Whirl: ((oh, wait, yes)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((like a hear hear snif, about dying locked in combat etc)) Whirl: *nods to him in return* Shockwave II changed their nickname to Shockwave. Rodimus: ((lol i was thinking the matrix was his mom Shockwave: (( seeing as alder isn't here. )) Windchill: I just noticed. Windchill: Spike has the purple eyes of evil. FakeProwl: ((I like how ducky's family just immediately adopts spike. no questions asked.)) Whirl: ((best family ;u;/ )) Chromedome: *sniffles Jitterbun: ((yes. they're so happy to thave their ducky back and are happy to welcome her friend)) Whirl: That was pretty damn good, Ratchet, Whirl: *definitely liked it more than he thought he would* Trepan: *quickly escapes before Whirl asks questions* Jitterbun: (i killed a sharptooth at 6months old) Ratchet: Hehehe. The Dinobots love it. Jitterbun: (Thats quite the accomplishment)) Whirl: *oh, as if he'd disrupt his beloved Culture Club to do that. He can ask you LATER* Ratchet: ... except Grimlock. He's not a fan. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Many renowned energon seekers joined Decepticons. Private lessons given; Megatron ordered. This, same time Soundwave began front line departure, accepted more... Whirl: PFFT, HAHA! Whirl: I can see wy. ItsyBitsySpyers: *What was a good description?* Shockwave: *This ending has been the most saccharine out of anything he has viewed during these gatherings.* Shockwave: *...considering that he's been mostly watching horror flicks, that isn't saying much.* Windchill: Hmph. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): More... faction supervision, coordination duties? Whirl: All right! Let's see...hm. I guess I could ask Rodders to pick the next on. Whirl: If he doesn't, I can always ask our co-founder. Jitterbun: Thanks for the seat, Whirl. *Nudges him amiably before hopping off and bounding lightly across the room* starscream: ((I would suggest not googling the VAs)) ItsyBitsySpyers: \\KINDA MUSHY, BUT I GUESS THEM SHARPTOOTH FIGHTS WAS GOOD.\\ Windchill: *Shifts, crossing his legs just enough to disturb Whirl's feet A LITTLE* Whirl: No prob, Jitter. *you might be a freaky Velocitronian pervert, but you're basically a friend at this point* Whirl: Yeah! Gotta hand it to those babies. They did good for themselves. Jitterbun: ((Yeah SS, I think many know about poor  Judith Barsi)) Whirl: *shifts his feet in retaliation* Whirl: ((ye... me too. I shant't bring it up here(( Shockwave: *Seems a bit distant. Thinking dinobot-themed thoughts.* Windchill: ((LEt's not. )) Windchill: *Bounces his leg. Let's go, bro.* starscream: ((that's what I'm talking about, was trying to warn anyone who didn't know)) ItsyBitsySpyers: //Woop!// Rumble was balancing on Windchill, down to the floor he goes. Rodimus: ((First Blood FakeProwl: *ping. faction supervision/coordination makes perfect sense to him.* Rodimus: ((thats what rodimus would pick Ratchet: [[ i literally never look up voice actors but now you mentioned it so i have to ]] Windchill: Oops. Whirl: *SIGHS theatrically and lofts his feet up off Windchill* You may go. As I recall, you've got your own egg to look after. Shockwave: ((  i've seen tumblr posts about it. tragic. )) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Oh, good. He wasn't sure about that.* Whirl: Also, have you got to the doc YET Whirl: *? Whirl: *HE WILL CATCH YOU RUMBLE* ItsyBitsySpyers: *THANK* Whirl: *NYOOM DAD REFLEXES ACTIVATE* Jitterbun: *Is more amazed he made it through the film without chewing a dent into the wreckers armor* Windchill: *He was going to lean forward to check on Rumble, whom he just practically MURDERED, but groans and leans back in his seat instead. That's all the answer you're going to get, Whirl.* Whirl: *you have been firmly but gently clamped in a claw. He sets Rumble down on the couch proper* Whirl: Dammit, Windchill. Am I gonna hafta force you to go to one of OURS? Whirl: Do it before you have to deal with a wriggler! Whirl: Cos then you'll have NO time. Rodimus: ((Rambo:  First Blood thats rodimus's pick Windchill: Don't tell me what to do! Rodimus: ((...I dont tihnk i can get more IC than that xD Whirl: ((SO IT SHALL BE DONE)) Whirl: I will absolutely tell you what to do. Windchill: Sorry, little dude. *@ Rumble, he's really bad at names.* I forgot you were sitting on me. ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Most early lessons factual. Introduction data. Part coordination, readouts, other. Later, hovering. Slow, low flights. Whirl: I can come and Get You anytime, so think about THAT and try to sleep easy. Windchill: So? You think you can threaten me, is that it? Jitterbun: *Sits a healthy distance away as he observse the potential roughhousing.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Rumble shakes his helm and gets comfy where he's been deposited* ItsyBitsySpyers: //'S cool. I ain't dyin' from no fall like that.// ItsyBitsySpyers: *Also, Soundwave would not be surprised to hear the Dinobot thoughts if he was allowed to skim and catch them* Whirl: Oh, no, Of course not. FakeProwl: @Soundwave «You can hover? Huh.» Windchill: *Squints.* Whirl: I KNOW I can threaten you. And don't think that I am not a big enougn mech to put aside my differences, swallow my HEALTHY volumes of distaste, brace myself... Whirl: and tell... HIM. Whirl: Your BIG SQUEEZE. Whirl: Your HONEY BUNCHES OF OATS. ItsyBitsySpyers: *Soundwave passes over the short clip from the energon harvester episode where he's doing exactly that over the museum* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Prowl's forgotten already?* Whirl: ((he can hover and he has a Mighty Fine pivot Prowl, you should see it sometime)) FakeProwl: *l o o k. 90% of his attention during that episode was zeroed in on the hot doctor with the seatbelts.* ItsyBitsySpyers: *...Forgivable.* Whirl: ((PROWL. PIVOT.)) Whirl: ((LOOK AT YOUR BOYTOY WHEN HE PIVOTS DAMMIT)) Jitterbun: *...Jitter's come to realize he's unintersted in the direction of public conversation, and so makes a bee line of hops for the snack table, and jumps back on top of it* Shockwave: *Welp. Movie's over. Time to shove three handfuls of energon from the snacktable into his subspace.* Shockwave: *It's starting to become tradition to do this.* Jitterbun: ((Those seatbelts will buckle u in prowl)) ItsyBitsySpyers: *Such a nice tradition to develop, isn't it?* ItsyBitsySpyers: *Eating regularly and all.* FakeProwl: @Soundwave «... Right. It didn't fully register at the time. You don't outwardly appear to have mechanisms to allow hovering.* FakeProwl: **» Shockwave: *it's going to take a lot more work if you ever want to get him sleeping regularly too.* Windchill: Tell him what, eh? ItsyBitsySpyers: *All things in time, if time wishes for it to be so* Whirl: *whirl has no objections to this foreign Shockwave stuffing his face* FakeProwl: ((excuse u those seatbelts are clearly perfectly positioned to act as a leash, prowl ain't the one that's gonna be restrained with them.)) Whirl: *as long as it doesnt turn out he ever hurts, hinders, or otherwise inconveniences any of whrl's pals* Jitterbun: *Wiggles an ear to Shockwave as he passes the snackbar* Whirl: That you're falling the hell apart, and that you need to see a doctor but you won't. I bet HE can make you. Whirl: And not just because he's STUPIDLY HUGE. Chromedome: [ seatbelts are for SAFETY you have been misinformed ] Jitterbun: *Acknowling your prenese, but not looking up from the bowl he's nocked over and started grazing on* FakeProwl: ((YOU HAVE NOT SEEN KNOCK OUT'S SEATBELTS)) ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Soundwave's outward appearance hides much. Where Prowl believes Soundwave's feelers kept...? Chromedome: [ thanks now I'm gonna have to look them up lmao ] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((ko's seatbelts are a precious thing)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((I CAN GET YOU A CLIP HOLD UP)) Windchill: *Crosses his arms, looking altogether cross.* Whirl: ((send it over I'LL SCREEN IT FOR YA)) FakeProwl: @Soundwave «A separate plane of existence.» Whirl: *stares, triumphant. Probably. It's hard to tell with his face* Windchill: That's not how it works. Chromedome: [ *nervoussweating.png ] Shockwave: *he almost wishes his antennae could wiggle back. sadly, that is not how his antennae function. he shows a mite of acknowledgement before stealing from the table.* Whirl: *you have made The Biggest Mistake. You befriended Whirl. He's gonna do everything to keep you in one piece, even if it means turning to people he dislikes* Whirl: You saying that just 1000% convinced me that  it DOES. Whirl: I bet all he has to do is make a face. A SAD FACE. And you crumble. ItsyBitsySpyers: ((https://youtu.be/o_XG1IFyve0?t=1m24s)) Whirl: Because that's what happens when you're all TWITTERPATED. *nudges Windchill with his foot* I know your weakness  now. Jitterbun: *Enjoy your treats, dear scientist. The temporary petrorabbit will bid you more socialization later. Once he's sated this instinctal urge* Windchill: *SNORTS.* ItsyBitsySpyers: @Prowl: (txt): Prowl more observant than most. (amused) Many modifications. All necessary to know. Windchill: That's only like...one weakness. Whirl: ((uh... HM. DOESN'T. WANNA DO SCREEN REGIONS...?)) Windchill: I have several. Shockwave: *Snacks scientifically.* Jitterbun: *...pauses his eating at the sound of music, and looks towards the screen.* Windchill: NOT TELLING YOU what the others are. Windchill: But that's still not how it works. Whirl: ((i dunno wtf xsplit is doin but ol)) FakeProwl: ((i like how my ls is apparently way behind)) starscream: ((dat face)) FakeProwl: ((because the audio only just started)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((this is an ooc thing btw)) Jitterbun: ....what even is this? Shockwave: (( oh, pff.)) FakeProwl: ((put it on slo-mo)) Jitterbun: Whirl- what's yoru facination with Doctor Knockou's neck? Whirl: (9THIS IS OOC)) Jitterbun: ((OH OKAY)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((LMFAO THIS MUSIC)) Shockwave: (( /christ/.)) Whirl: ((WHIRL IS NOT ATTRACTED TO KNOCK OUT0) FakeProwl: ((we're showing chromedome-mun Dem Belts)) Shockwave: (( don't tell me you're gonna pull out the careless whisper next.)) Jitterbun: ((THANK YOU FOR CLARIFICATION)) Jitterbun: (SSSHHHH)) FakeProwl: ((prowl is the one into Dem Belts)) Jitterbun: (THATS JITTERS FAVORITE SONG) Jitterbun: (Or on the top ten)) Jitterbun: (Just, pull and snap 'em. Whirl: I don;t need you to tell me, I'll figure em out in time. starscream: ((I never realised he had those until now -_-)) FakeProwl: ((exactly. grab 'em both in your hands and TUG.)) Chromedome: [ alskdjf ] Windchill: Pffft, then you'd better get crackin.' Shockwave: (( that is so weird. )) ItsyBitsySpyers: *But yes. He can indeed hover and pivot Very Nicely. He may not be the fastest in the air, but he knows what he's doing, and that's enough.* FakeProwl: ((i appreciate the loving pan, snif)) Jitterbun: (((Only if you keep zooming in on it it is)) Jitterbun: ((Also that mouse heart) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((i'm laughing so bad)) FakeProwl: ((this is, admittedly, not the most flattering angle)) Windchill: (( You need help. )) Jitterbun: taht half lidded gaze) Chromedome: [ do you think if you tug on them too hard the air bag goes off ] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((LMAO)) Jitterbun: ((NOT SEXY Whirl: ((NOT SEXY BUT COMEDY GOLD)) FakeProwl: ((what we see here is a direct stream of Prowl's brain when Knock Out is on screen.)) Shockwave: (( ...where are his airbags, in bipedal mode? )) Whirl: ((PUFF IM DYIN)) FakeProwl: ((boob)) starscream: ((I want to see what happens when a tfs airbags deploy now)) Shockwave: (( PFFF.)) Jitterbun: ((There is a comic Jitterbun: Of it happeing to Optimus Whirl: (lemme show you a similar situation but from whirl's perspective)) Shockwave: (( a /canon/ comic? )) FakeProwl: ((no no, fanart)) Shockwave: (( a shame.)) Windchill: (( GOD I remember this. )) Jitterbun: Damnit Gunface ItsyBitsySpyers: ((psst >>   https://youtu.be/NG0ZId6Xiao?t=4m32s)) Shockwave: (( holy ***, i want a face that can turn into a gun. )) Chromedome: [ * shot through the heart plays in the bg ] FakeProwl: ((u kno u can play vids at like 1/4 speed on youtube.)) starscream: ((mmmm watcha say~)) FakeProwl: ((i feel like that would enhance all these clips)) Whirl: ((HAHHAA)) Whirl: ((OKAY MAYBE BUT EXPECT HIM TO ADMIT IT 0%)) FakeProwl: ((nice pivot)) FakeProwl: ((AND LOOK. IT'S THE SEXY DOCTOR AGAIN.)) Whirl: ((hgere we go. for prowl AND whirl's benefit)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((oh my god i'm crying)) Jitterbun: ((I'm happy)) Jitterbun: (SW does the thing)) FakeProwl: ((that's why prowl couldn't remember. like one second after that pivot, DOC KNOCK.)) Whirl: ((whirl never forgets a good pivot)) Chromedome: [ he looks like a slow turning ceiling fan ] Whirl: ((and especially not a gorgeous one)) ItsyBitsySpyers: ((BOY)) FakeProwl: ((CEILING FAN)) Whirl: ((HAHAHA)) FakeProwl: ((g1 soundwave kept hidden by pretending to be a light post)) FakeProwl: ((this is how tfp soundwave kept hidden)) Whirl: All right, you losers/ Time to go. I gotta clean up. *waves a claw* FakeProwl: ((lurking on the ceiling)) Whirl: I'll let you know when I got Rodders's pick. ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Very well.]] Chromedome: [ this was nice :) bye everyone ] ItsyBitsySpyers: ((bye)) Whirl: ((THANKS FOR COMIN ALL Whirl: AND THANKS FOR THE PICK RATCHET)) Jitterbun: //Thanks much. See everyone around! FakeProwl: ((YES THANKS FOR THE PICK sorry prowl vanished)) FakeProwl: ((... i think fabu's gone)) Shockwave: (( thank you for the stream! )) Windchill: *FINE, he'll just get up then.* FakeProwl: ((also thanks for streaming)) Windchill: ((Such a good movie... THANK. )) Jitterbun: https://pbs.twimg.com/media/Cj87FzTWsAE8JVS.jpg Jitterbun: Optimus Prime Faceplant Whirl: Remember what I said Jitterbun: now I bid Adu Whirl: *points at. Severely* Whirl: And, seeya, Jitter. Good luck on the rabbit thing. Windchill: Don't tell me what to do. Jitterbun: Yeah yeah- it oughtta figure itself out soon. Jitterbun: *bounds away* Whirl: *he only does it cos he cares, Windchill. That's why he's gotten so unbearable* Windchill: *Y U NO UNDERSTADN* Whirl: *because he's him, tbh* Shockwave: *he's still here. stopped snacking a bit ago. swears he isn't taking more than a bowl with him.* Whirl: *also Windchill you're basically his best pal and one of, like, two people who genuinely seem to care about him, HE'S NOT GONNA LET YOU GO* Whirl: *SO DON'T DIE* Windchill: *And because someone won't talk about it tbh.* Whirl: *he's gonna hop up off the couch, careful not to dislodge Rumble, and get started tidying* Whirl: *very brisk tonight. he has THINGS to do* Windchill: Goodnight. Whirl: G'night, dipshi t. Whirl: *said affectionately* ItsyBitsySpyers: *They're going to get gathered up and flee. They've got tomorrow to prepare for and that means getting enough rest to field Questions.* ItsyBitsySpyers: [[Farewell, Whirl, Windchill, Shockwave.]] Shockwave: Farewell. Windchill: *He is gone, goodbye.* Windchill: *Time to go stew somewhere else.* Windchill: *You are all safe now.* Whirl: Seeya, Chatterbox! Whirl: And you, too, Other Shockwave. Whirl: *srroy, you're Othe Shockwave forever, now* Shockwave: *He accepts that he wasn't the first shockwave in the friend group.* Shockwave: *And, well. he wasn't in any rush to leave, but being that it would have been just him and whirl otherwise, he figures he has better stuff to do.* Shockwave: *The movie might have inspired him, in a few ways.* Whirl: *Whirl isn't opposed to chatting with new folks, but he's distracetd tonight. He has............ a MISSION* Shockwave: (( heheh. looks like all our muses are busy then. seeya. )) Whirl: ((night y'all!))

[araneaes-order]

In the Bleak Mid-winter Ch. 3

LAST HERALD-MAGE FANFIC

Fix-it…ish. canon mm

Young Stefen, living on the streets, found out someone was looking for him and decided to lay low, avoiding the mysterious stranger in red, so he’s never taken to Haven by Bard Lynnell. It was an unfortunate decision, but in spite of it, he and Van do meet up, just later, and under less kind circumstances. Basically a redo on the ending. ~55k words Finished.

Prologue | Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4 | Chapter 5| Chapter 6 | Chapter 7 | Chapter 8 | Chapter 9 | Visit my master list

Word Count: ~4960

Rating: Mature for, sorry, lots of bad stuff, rape, sexual abuse, child abuse. Canon was pretty dark, especially what I was redoing here, so’s this.

On AO3.

Chapter Synopsis: We see something of Stefen’s life over the last few years. Also this is where we cross with some of the darkest events in canon. Mind the rating and the warnings. 

They rode through the night and much of the morning, Stefen only kept awake by the rough, punchy gate of his little mount. There were mountain passes only the bandits who claimed these woods knew, where only their stocky, sure-footed ponies could climb; once they’d reached them they had little fear of the guards catching up to them even if any of them noticed in time that the Herald and minstrel were gone. Stefen was in no hurry to reach ‘home’ but he couldn’t put it off either.

Rendan’s hall was hardly worthy of the name, but it suited the bastard who’d claimed it. Largely lacking in amenities, and barely more than a tumble-down hovel for all its size, Rendan wasn’t the sort to waste time and men on repairs.

In the winter—so most of the damned year—just like the guard post, they didn’t bother with the kitchen, just roasted meat and stewed up boiled whatever over the fire in the great hall. The boy, Damen, took care of that, though he got little thanks for it. Rendan had tricked the poor thing into coming to live with them while Stefen had been with Master Dark and the kid counted himself lucky if cooking was all that was asked of him when Stefen wasn’t there to keep Rendan and his men off.

“Oi, and what pretty little snow hare did you bring us back for dinner, eh?”

Stefen’s mouth twisted in disgust but he knew Gerth wasn’t talking to him. He slid off the unpleasant pony, dodging both its snapping teeth and its side-stepping attempt to trample his feet. “Back off, you, or I’ll make a blanket of you yet,” he hissed at it.

“Got the Master’s boy, sure enough,” Tan answered, dismounting and hurling the Herald back over his shoulder again with a hollow, meaty thud, letting Gerth take the horse. “Was our sweet Stefen ran him to ground though. He did alright. Might be time we stop leaving the little bugger behind when we go hunting. Good as bait even without Master Dark’s tricks, I reckon.”

Stefen’s hands fumbled at the pony’s reins so badly the ill-tempered beast managed another snap at him. He wanted no credit for bringing the Herald to them and he certainly didn’t want to give them ideas of dragging him along on their raids.

He knew better than to respond though. Instead he wrestled the pony back under control and silently took the reins of Tan’s mount from Gerth and led both animals away.

Stefen let himself into the hall as quietly as he could.

He needn’t have bothered though, Rendan and his men were entirely preoccupied with their guest. Many of Rendan’s boys originally hailed from further south, but had been driven hard into the far northern wilderness beyond the border, Heralds ever on their tails. There wasn’t a one in the lot who didn’t fully deserve to dance a hangman’s jig, but that didn’t stop them from blaming the king’s men, and especially the Heralds, for their sorry lots now.

Stefen winced and broke through the circle gathered around the Herald. They were holding him up like a rag doll, and Heverd was driving his fists hard into the man’s torso like he was just a training dummy. Gods.

He headed for the fire where Damen was turning the remains of a deer on the spit in a slow, mechanical measure, though he stopped first to fill a dirty bowl from the barrel of beer always given the place of honor on the table in the center of the room. Damen side-eyed him as he took a seat beside the fire and tucked his gittern against the wall.

“Want a bowl?” the boy asked, not to be caught shirking, though Stefen wouldn’t cuff him or rat him out to Rendan if he hadn’t.

He just shook his head and reached for the flask in his breast pocket. A small measure added to the beer would make things better. As better as they ever got for him.

Damen didn’t say anything else, not until Stefen had taken two long sips, with a weary, bow-headed pause between. Old Berte—he’d been so prickly towards her and her vices once, but he knew now what peace dreamerie could provide when nothing else did. It went down bitter but the clouded mind it left you with couldn’t mourn for choices made or choices never given. Gods forgive them both.

“They’re gonna kill that ‘un,” Damen said quietly and Stefen groaned a little, pressing the heels of his hands against his eyes. As a liquid instead of smoke the dreamerie was more potent, but he also seemed to be adjusting to it faster. He’d need a double dose to really push the world away and he was running low. The blood price on the Herald’s head should be worth a good size bottle, and spare him having to deal with Master Dark again for a bit, not that he wanted to think about that.

If the boy would just shut up—but no, even if Damen kept his tongue, Stefen would still hear the grunts and thuds and jeering of Rendan and his men as they played with the Herald.

Herald-Mage Vanyel Ashkevron, living legend, savior of the meek and the lost inside his borders and beyond, brought down from grace by a worthless street rat with a pretty voice and a quick hand at doctoring a drink.

“They won’t,” he promised the boy as he stood and moved to the corner and the threadbare pallet that he’d claimed as his bed long ago, before they’d had Damen to tend the fire. “They don’t dare. Master Dark would flay us all.”

He turned his back on the wide-eyed, shivering boy and pulled the piece of cloth that passed for a blanket up over his head.

For a while, between delayed sleep and the little bit of dreamerie he’d portioned for himself, Stefen was able to escape, but he woke to Damen, sniffling now, hunkering down beside him in the corner.

“Wha’s’a matter?” he slurred and yawned at once.

The boy’s expression was haunted but he just shook his head and hid his face against the wall, curled up and looking half his already meager years.

Thrice damn it, they hadn’t killed the Herald after all, had they? Stefen wondered in alarm, panic forcing him to his feet for a better view of what was going on on the other side of the room.

Rendan and his gang had been at the beer too long, the taste of it permeated the air. The Herald was laid out across the bench near the door, tied to it, belly down. The bench. He’d have known what had spooked Damen then even if Rendan wasn’t in the process of undoing his trews and Tan wasn’t holding the man’s head up by a fistful of silver and black hair and crooning in that awful way he had.

Shiteshiteshite. Too far was too far, even for Stefen.

He crossed the room in a heartbeat, weaseling in between the eager observers who hadn’t already crashed into drunken stupor on whatever surface was convenient. He grabbed Rendan’s hand before he was done freeing himself.

“Wait now! No need to waste that ona fucking Southn’r like ‘im!” he tried to purr, but the dreamerie tangled his tongue and made his words come out slurred. It didn’t do enough to dull the pain when Rendan backhanded him hard enough to send him flying, skidding on his arse across the flagstones.

He’d expected it. He welcomed it. He was too old to be of much interest to them anymore, Tan in particular liked them much younger, and they were mostly bored even of knocking him around these days, but he was younger than the Herald and unlike the Herald he was conscious enough to cry out and cower, both definite attractions to this crew.

He crawled back to Rendan’s feet like he couldn’t keep himself away, feigning at being more drunk than he was.

He was also damned good with his mouth, if he did say so himself, and with more than music.

Rendan only shoved him away in disgust one more time—perverted shaych fucker, he muttered, like Stefen was the disgusting one—before he gave in with a sneer and fisted Stefen’s hair to pull him closer.

When the last man wandered away, sated, Stefen collapsed against the bench where the Herald was still bound. He wiped at his mouth, not sure, with his bleary eyes and so far from the firelight, if the wetness he found there was his own blood or something worse. His head spun, he couldn’t catch his breath and he desperately wanted to vomit but he knew it wouldn’t do any good. His hands shook as he set his pants to right.

A darting glance showed him Damen had taken the bed in the corner, hidden under the blanket, facing the wall. He didn’t have the stomach for this life. He wasn’t as practical as Stefen had been, even at his age.

His stomach heaved and his head fell back and he cracked it on the bench, seeing stars for a moment. He licked his lips and the taste made him instantly regret it.

He didn’t know how long he’d sat there before Damen shook himself free of the blanket and his own memories and started scampering around the fire to gather a chipped bowl full of melted snow and a rag torn off a dead man’s shirt.

Stefen closed his eyes, hating the boy and the Herald both. I’ve done this for you more than once too, you damned little git, he thought. He didn’t remember anyone ever taking a punch for him, let alone a cock up the ass. He turned his head and subtly tried to hide his tears against the Herald’s soft, quilted doublet.

He heard Damen’s sharp gasp when he was still a few feet away and opened his eyes to find the boy stopped, chewing at his lip, worry carving lines too deeply in his young face.

“He don’t look good,” he said, eyes past Stefen, on the Herald.

He didn’t look good? Stefen was the one who’d—

But he craned himself around to check the Herald and his breath caught just as Damen’s had. The Herald looked more than half dead. His face, turned to one side against the rough-hewn bench was a mess of bruises and swelling, probably a broken nose, definitely a split lip, but worse, under the rising black and purple he was frighteningly pale, utterly bloodless, and his lips had a blue tinge.

Not daring to breathe at all Stefen reached for the high collar of his shirt, fumbling it aside to feel for the pulse in his neck.

His breath was a shuddering sob when he managed one and then, “Rendan!” he screamed.

Even Rendan had the wit to look a little worried when he felt the Herald’s weak, thready pulse for himself.

“He’ll probably be fine—” he started to say, no conviction in his voice.

“He’s on death’s door, you idiot! What the fuck were you thinking?” Stefen’s words were cut off in a gasp when Rendan grabbed his throat and used that grip to pin him to the wall, lifting him so the toes of his boots strained to find enough purchase on the smooth stone to keep him from choking.

“You’ll mind that sharp tongue, boy. I can do worse to you, right enough,” Rendan growled through gritted teeth, his foul breath washing over Stefen and doing as much as the grip around his throat to make the world spin and darken.

But he’d left him enough leeway to shake his head, a little. “Good! Because what Master Dark’ll do’ll be worse than anything you can come up with. Kill me now and face him yourself!”

Rendan’s own younger brother was a good enough example of that: when the nights were calm enough you could still hear him screaming, and it had been years. Even a painful death was better than one that just wouldn’t come.

He frowned and let Stefen down, but didn’t take his hand away.

“The damned pretty boy needs help,” he mused, looking over at the Herald.

“He needs a goddamned miracle!” Stefen squawked. “He needs—”

“A Healer,” Rendan announced slowly, a smile stretching his lips.

“A miracle’d be more likely. There’re no Healers within leagues of here and with the storms—”

“I have a Healer,” Rendan said.

“You have a…”

Rendan nodded and grabbed his cloak where it’d been flung over a pile of still unsorted plunder. He stopped in the doorway to look back at the frightened circle of his men—and Stefen.

“You!” he barked at Stefen. “Take care of him. If he’s not still breathing when I get back I’ll just see if I can’t come up with something to rival the Master’s tricks—before I hand you over to him. And the rest of you lot, keep your hands off of both of them or I’ll cut them all the fuck off when I get back.”

Every man there turned away as soon as the door closed, not willing to even breath too hard in the Herald’s direction and risk being blamed for worsening his condition.

Not that Stefen could imagine how his condition could be any worse, short of death itself, which would probably be a mercy at this point. He should’ve just let them bugger him to death, saved himself the pain and the Herald the lingering, he thought, using the knife from his boot to carefully cut the Herald loose.

He stared at him hopelessly. He didn’t stir, not in pain or complaint or even just restless dream. But he was still breathing.

“Damen,” he called over his shoulder. “Go grab me some blankets from Rendan’s bed.”

When Damen returned they made a nest of the blankets and a few musty pillows and Damen helped him lower the man onto his back in this softer new refuge.

They stripped him and Stefen was aware of the irony, considering how hard he’d been trying to keep the man in his clothes only a short time ago. The rest of him looked as bad as his face: broad, darkening bruises and a maze of cuts all laid over a whipcord lean body that didn’t look like it had any reserves to spare for surviving such a brutal assault. His hands and feet and head were like ice, but his chest was so hot it seemed to scald Stefen’s hand as he used the rag and the melted snow to try to wipe away the crusting and oozing blood.

Between his pallor and his fever, Stefen would’ve laid odds that he was bleeding internally. He wouldn’t survive the night, let alone being transported to Master Dark, unless Rendan came through with his Healer quickly. Stefen wasn’t certain it still wouldn’t take a miracle, Healer or no, to fix what Rendan and his men had done.

He finished cleaning him up as much as he could do with a rag and water and pulled the rest of the blankets up around him, leaving only his head uncovered so he could breathe.

With his back to the room, Stefen touched the ruined face, under the guise of turning it as gently as he could towards the light for a better look. It would be best if he never woke at all. Stefen could smother him with a pillow before Rendan returned—even if the Healer was good enough to put the broken man back together, Master Dark would surely just rip him apart again.

And it was Stefen’s fault for bringing him here. For giving him to Rendan and his jackels. It didn’t matter that he’d had no choice, that a command from Master Dark was a death sentence to those whose efforts failed, or that he was Rendan’s cur, dependent on him for everything and due for worse than just a beating if he tried to run off again.

He ran his thumb through the air above the swollen, cracked lips, and felt the soft puff of the Herald’s feeble breathing and knew he couldn’t do it.

With a sigh of frustration he sat back on his heels. “Get my gittern,” he snapped at Damen, who hadn’t gone far from his side since he’d returned with the blankets.

If he couldn’t help him and he couldn’t free him, at least he could make sure that if the Herald still felt anything, it wasn’t pain.

“Outta the way, half-wit,” Rendan growled, toeing Stefen away from the Herald with unusual gentleness.

He blinked, scrambling to his feet to allow the stranger Rendan had brought to take his place at the Herald’s side.

“What in the hells did you do to him?” the older man demanded, going to his knees and rolling the blankets partway down the Herald’s chest before stopping to split a glare between Rendan and Stefan.

Stefen didn’t care whether the Healer blamed him or not, he was dizzy from playing so long and his throat was parched.

Gods, and how long had it been? he wondered. His fingers burned and cramped when he flexed them, and he stared down at them as though he didn’t recognize them. They didn’t even feel like they were still fully a part of him.

“Don’t worry none about that,” Rendan said gruffly, but Stefen could still hear the worry behind his words. “Just fix him up neat. Master Dark wants him alive and you’re the one he’ll want to talk to if you botch it.”

It was an empty threat, but the Healer couldn’t know that, and he paled. Or maybe it wasn’t completely; Stefen wouldn’t put it past Master Dark to level the forest and everyone in it for the loss of the Herald, as bad as he’d apparently wanted him.

“Then take yourself off and let me work,” the Healer snapped pointedly and after a short stare-down Rendan snorted and withdrew, filling an old mug with beer and taking it to nurse across the hall, literally kicking one of his lackeys from the seat he wanted.

As soon as Rendan was gone Stefen felt something bump him in the back of the arm and he turned to find Damen standing behind him with a clay goblet full of beer.

He didn’t say anything, didn’t even meet his eyes but Stefen took it gladly and folded his legs beneath him to sit again and watch the Healer at his work. He could mix in another precious dose of his dreamerie, even just a few drops, to take the edge off. But he couldn’t help feeling he’d need to be sharper than it would leave him for whatever was coming.

Because something was definitely coming, he thought, as the Healer put one hand on the Herald’s forehead and one on the center of his chest, and closed his eyes.

The beer did soothe his throat at least, though his fingers continued to ride an uncomfortable edge between numb and burning and he rubbed them absently. Near as he could tell he’d been singing a good six hours; it was a wonder he’d hadn’t played his fingers down to nothing and sung his voice away entirely.

“What’s he doing?” Damen asked.

“Healing magic,” Stefen said, wincing at the way his words came in a croak.

“Will he really save him?”

Stefen shrugged. “Who knows?”

“What happens to us if he don’t?”

“Just don’t think about it—”

The Healer’s head shot up and he pulled his hands back to grab his knees so tightly his knuckles showed white. His eyes blazed and his face was drawn in tense, hard lines. “He’s as near to death as anyone I’ve ever seen. I don’t even understand how he’s still alive. But he won’t be much longer if I—” He stopped, inhaled deeply, and shot a quick look over at Rendan before turning back to Stefen. “I can’t get in to heal him, there’s some sort of barrier.”

Stefen’s eyes widened. The damned powder that was keeping the Herald quiet was keeping the Healer from his work?

“I can take it down—” His thin smile said he had some idea what that would mean, but not enough, if it didn’t frighten him. “—if that’s all right?” he finished. “I can’t do anything for him with it up.”

Stefan looked at the Herald, still and quiet as he’d been since he’d drugged him. Even if he hadn’t been aware of everything that happened since—good, if it meant he wouldn’t remember the beating at the hands of Rendan and his men, or what Stefen had been up to afterwards—when he regained consciousness he would probably remember the last face he’d seen before he’d gone under, which would mean it was Stefen he’d be after.

Demonslayer. Shadowstalker. Valdemar’s Vengeance.

Shite.

Stefen licked his lips and nodded.

The Healer returned his hands to their places at the Herald’s head and chest and closed his eyes again. If he could actually do this…

Stefen snaked around and grabbed Damen’s wrist.

The boy jerked and then froze at the unexpected touch, his expression one of terror and betrayal.

“Go to the storeroom and lock yourself in and don’t come out no matter what you hear,” he told him.

For a moment the boy just looked at him, paralyzed by fear.

Stefen shook him, harder than he’d have meant to. “Go!”

As soon as he released him the boy took off running. Stefen watched him shoving the heavy door of the storeroom closed behind him—the door was still cracked when there was the first sign of movement from the Herald.

A gasping breath, deep, ugly, shuddering.

Rendan and his men took no notice.

The Herald opened his eyes, bloodshot, the silver of his irises standing out even more.

Half the roof exploded, like a giant had reached down from above, torn it off and crumpled it in an enormous fist, allowing the debris to rain down over the hall, dust and snow and sharp bits of wood and stone and mortar. Stefen dove to the side, close to the wall, hiding from the worst of the falling rubble, which was so far mostly concentrated over Rendan and his crew.

They’d been completely engaged in their beer and dice games until then, but after picking themselves up and shaking away the strange, wooshingsound that had accompanied the violence, they’d grabbed their weapons and were squaring up to face their attacker.

The Herald was clambering to his feet as well and his eyes weren’t just bloodshot, they were glowing an infernal red. The Healer had been knocked aside at the same time the roof had exploded and lay crumpled against the wall, unmoving, and Stefen didn’t know whether the brave fool lived or not. Either way the Herald paid him no attention, and neither did he look at Stefen, who kept himself very, very still while the Herald stalked across the remains of the hall to Rendan.

He spoke, but his voice was low and deadly quiet and Stefen couldn’t hear what he said over the wind that moaned across the open roof of the building like breath at the mouth of an open bottle.

Three of the men, Resley, Gerth, and another Stefen couldn’t see, suddenly fell to their knees, screaming so loudly he could hear them even over the wind. Some of the others panicked, scrambling away from their fallen companions, others, hardier or more foolish, stood their ground, but none dared advance.

Then out of the sky above them, still swirling with falling snow and bits of the roof, a finger of lightning reached down like an arrow and struck Gerth, lighting the hall with a terrible glow, leaving a smell of ozone and burnt meat and a smoldering, black pile of refuse. One after another the lightning took out all the kneeling men, as though they were no more than ants being crushed by a capricious child.

Who’s next? Stefen thought he heard the Herald say, but he couldn’t be sure.

Two men, Kef and Jess, tried to make a run for it, stumbling through burning wreckage for the door, but the Herald waved one hand and both of them flew at the wall as though they’d been struck by cannonballs, and they hit the stone and timber with such sickening crunches that Stefen wasn’t surprised that they didn’t rise again from where their bodies fell.

Five more went to their knees, screaming like Resley and Gerth before them, unholy screams, like something was tearing them up from the inside, until the lightning silenced them each again.

Stefen couldn’t find pity for them. Rendan’s men were black-hearted brutes without exception, but he couldn’t stand to keep watching as the Herald picked them off.

Hoping the Herald remained distracted, though he fully expected to face him soon, he shuffled forward along the wall to the slumped Healer. The man was not only still breathing, but he was already stirring, twitching at Stefen’s cautious touch and stretching from his crumpled position with a pained expression.

“God’s, what’s going on?” he asked weakly, blinking and clearly unable to focus on the massacre happening before them.

“Shhh!” Stefen hissed. He’d had some vague thought of shooing the man through the door that was only a few short feet away, but the old Healer was so woozy he doubted he’d make it without help and he didn’t trust that the two of them moving together wouldn’t attract the Herald’s fury.

He couldn’t stop thinking now that the Herald-Mage was accounted a hero in all the songs out of Valdemar—but the songs that came from Karse called him the demon. How could this much power, even if used against evil men, be anything but evil in itself?

Surely the magic wasn’t endless? Surely he would tire soon?

Stefen let himself collapse against the wall. His hands hurt when he used them to brace himself and adjust his position and it took him a moment to remember why that was. Could it have been such a short while ago that Rendan had stopped him playing?

Across the hall there were only three left standing: the Herald, Rendan, and Tan. The Herald could have been the stone effigy of some ancient god, naked and beautiful in it, even with the bruises like blooms of darker stone in white matrix.

It was quiet. Even the wind had calmed. Had that all been the Herald?

Tan moved stiffly away from the two other men and picked up the shaft of a spear, broken at each end by the carnage that had gone on around it. The Herald made no move to take the weapon as Tan brought it back, and held it out between himself and Rendan.

They each took a stiff, unwilling step towards the sharp points of broken wood nearer to them.

He’s going to make them impale themselves, Stefen realized, and turned his head so he didn’t have to watch.

The door of the storeroom caught his eyes—because it was creeping open. He tried to shake his head in warning, but Damen wasn’t looking at him, hidden in the shadows of the wall by the bench, a direction the boy had never liked to look too often anyway. The boy’s eyes were wide on the wreck that had been made of the great hall: the bodies, the fallen ceiling, the scattered fires, the little whirlwinds of snow.

He took a faltering step out into the room, not seeing anything but the chaos the Herald had left, not noticing the danger he was stepping blindly into.

He was closer to the Herald than he was to Stefen and the Healer.

Stefen held his breath, hoping the Herald would remain focused enough on Tan and Rendan that Damen would have the chance to run either back to the storeroom or to the door.

The gods protect fools and children, Stefen had been told, but he’d never found that to be true.

Damen’s shocked gaze finally fell on the strange tableau the Herald made with the robber lord and his man, and he gasped, a sound so loud in the silence that had fallen that Stefen could hear it clearly from his place by the bench.

The Herald whirled, hand outstretched to the boy, a white glow kindling in his empty palm. His face was already looking more like it had when they’d first met, the bruises fading, the swelling diminished. A terrifyingly beautiful face with no mercy in it.

Stefen flung himself to his feet. “Damen!” he shouted, distracting the boy and the Herald both.

Though that glowing, outstretched hand turned menacingly towards Stefen, the Herald’s eyes clearly tracked the boy, who’d immediately started running, even when Stefen himself ran a few paces to meet him and shove the child behind his back.

Stefen was panting with fear, not exertion, so lightheaded he had good reason to hope he’d pass out before the Herald turned his powers on him. Damen was clutching his hands, burying his head in the small of his back. It only struck him then that Damen would probably have been safer if he hadn’t let him come hide behind him. If the Herald called his lightning on him now, Damen would be caught by it.

He forced his breath to steady; forced away the black edges of terror closing around his vision; forced his spine to straighten and his chin up, and stared square into those disturbing silver eyes.

Continued in Chapter 4

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[happyliviin-blog]

i still do

okay so i havent been on here in approximately FOREVER! so just to preface (is that even the right word) this post is about to get pretty dark and dumb, which im sure i will regret later and want to delete but whatever so here it goes...

SOOO i was recently reading through my journal and there were a lot of little snippets of it that really stuck out to me so i though i would share them and maybe talk about them a little bit because im in a mood and this seems like the only way to go about doing it so lets just jump right in 

“im tired of being sad”  wow what a way to start this, one of like the saddest things i think i read of my writing. i never realized before how emotionally and physically draining it is to be sad. it actually takes a lot of effort to be upset and it sucks. 

“i wish i was happier with myself” okay well lets just keep up with the really depressing things in my journal why dont we because that seems to be the theme. its honestly heartbreaking to see some of the things i have written and 100% of the time i dont even know where these feelings come from. 

“i dont know how to be happy” i in NO way, shape or form have a crappy life of any sort so i feel like i have no excuse to be feeling the way i do but i fucking do and it sucks. i guess you dont have to have a reason for being sad, but i personally feel like i have to justify why i feel these things 

“i want to change but i dont know how” alright quick shout out to my girl aubry. i have noticed so much lately how confident and positive of a person she is and it makes me happy everyday to see how much she loves herself and i wish i could be more like her!! teach me your ways babeeee

“everyone says ill be okay one day, but when will that day come” yeahh so i hate being told that time helps and stuff like that (even though im a hypocrite and probably have said the same things to people before) because then i feel like i just sit around waiting for things to change, but thats not how the world works. i just need to get off my ass and do something about it but i guess i dont know how :/

okay this is a dumb one and i feel like a middle schooler putting this on here but fuck it.. “of course the one time i actually make an effort to have a relationship with a guy he leaves in four days” true story, i met an actually really nice guy and of fucking course hes just in town for an internship and is leaving this weekend to go back home/school. just my luck. 

i hate going back and reading these things because it hurts to see that i ever felt these things but mostly im mad that i still do 

its been great and its been fun but my time here is done 

-Erin