#posting this at 4am friday bc i was toddler sitting all afternoon and then Wiped Tf Out w a pain & fatigue wave all evening

[charliespringverse]

iwbft — thursday: a brief summary of my annotations

all highlighted quotes: 135

· ouch/ow/owie: 7

· real/felt/relatable/so true: 0

· aroace: 0

· ☹/☹☹/☹☹☹: 3

I like knowing that I've been there since the beginning. — lol hipster... me w BiT tho

I can't stop myself laughing, trapped under the cape, and I catch a glimpse of Lister grinning at me, a soft smile, one that reminds me of years ago, back when this was all new and exciting and fun, back when we really were children. — god i love this bit . it is so gentle and tender

People are coming up with some hilarious explanations for the Jowan photo and the Rowan/Bliss reveal, such as it's a ploy by their management, out to stir up some extra publicity to keep attention on The Ark [...] — devastating phrasing for rpf shippers everywhere

it didn't destroy me in the way I thought it would when the news eventually came that Jowan, love itself, wasn't real.. Maybe I sort of knew it was a lie all along. — 10 points for recognising that rpf ships aren't real, -2 for the nihilistic depressive worldview . get therapy x

Unpleasant phone call? Yesterday morning? I heard nothing about that. — well u definitely heard Hints but i'll let u off due to the autism x

Playing our songs when the entire audience is empty is always a laugh, because we're just playing for ourselves, and we can deliberately get stuff wrong and play games like Lister trying to get us out of time and Rowan adding in harmonies where there aren't normally and me changing the lyrics of our most famous songs. — i'd die for them fr LET THESE BOYS HAVE FUN MORE OFTEN

every time the laughing stops his expression drops and he looks like he's about to cry. — me when i leave my friend's house & the mental illness comes back

He just leans in and kisses me. My stomach lurches. Not because I'm excited, but because I'm shocked and I'm getting flashbacks of the last time I did this. Never my idea, is it? I want to, I want to kiss a boy in some dramatic way but I don't too, not when it doesn't feel right. — ☹ bad parallel

You think you've got it all sorted but you don't! You're just the same as me. You're both just as bad as I am. — ,,,,, he's not far wrong tbf

'You don't have to... like me back,' he says, and his voice breaks but I can't tell whether he's laughing or trying not to cry. 'But please don't hate me.' — AGONY (note: this is written in huge letters)

I thought the three of us would be friends forever. I can't deal with these unsaid feelings. I don't want to know about them. I don't want to think about them. — kick me in the cooch it'd hurt less

'Everything's bad.' 'Nothing bad is going to happen to you.' But it feels like it is. 'I am not afraid,' says Rowan softly. 'Remember?' — KILL ME OFF (note: this is written in huge letters)

I'm gone, I'm already gone, I'm up above the three of us and gazing down at the three bodies and wondering who on Earth decided that these three pathetically flawed human beings deserved so much worship. — i wanna write an essay on depersonalisation in jimmy's narration

Jimmy's smile is so wide - a youthful, dreamlike grin - as he gazes over the crowd — to the tune of the maybelline jingle: maybe it's a youthful dreamlike grin, maybe it's dissociation

There is something inexplicable tying them together. — it's trauma

Most fans would defend them until their last breath, form an army to keep them from harm or discomfort. — can't speak to how deliberate this was but . army in the bts sense is a fun connection

I didn't get to meet The Ark. I didn't get to tell them anything. — give it a day luv x

I am dragged into the flood. — BORN TO SURVIVE THE STORM BORN TO SURVIVE THE FLOOD

He doesn't look like himself without the airy smile that I always see in the photos and videos. — false! he looks more like himself then you've ever seen!

Of course he looks impossibly beautiful too. I desperately want to hold him. — NOT THE TIME

He's afraid of me. Me. Me. The human embodiment of a caterpillar. — something something self perception vs other ppl's perception, parallels the fandom vs celebrity experience something something

His eyes are wide and fearful. The beauty that I'd admired there has gone. — he's becoming real...

It just makes me feel like I'm really here. Holding this piece of me in my hand. — depersonalisation & grounding .......

God, I want to hug him. I want to hold him and let him cry gently into my shoulder. — not the time for a wattpad self-insert y/n imagine queen

I just stop registering what's happening around me. It's not really happening to me. It's all just happening to this body that people call Jimmy Kaga-Ricci. — depersonalisation!!!!!

It's funny because it's true. — TORI?

'I'm not in here any more,' I say, pointing at my chest. 'This is all happening to someone else.' 'Are you... okay?' I laugh at him again. — depersonalisation (note: this is in big letters and double underlined)

I'm sure that when The Ark arrive, I'll feel happy. I know that when The Ark arrive, I will feel happy. — ow . it's almost like relying on external factors to fix ur mental health is like a plaster on a bullet hole

I'm sure that when we start playing, I'll feel happy. — they're so nsync

Why do I feel like he's died when he's right there in front of me? — because you loved a fantasy and now reality has kicked in amen

I just turn back and stare up at them, waiting, praying for something good to happen, something good to make me feel okay again, just as it always has until today. But I don't feel anything. — yeah yeah the emotional void we all know it

— future college/uni essay idea: religion vs fandom with a specific focus on the osemanverse/hstv fandom w iwbft & rs as backup