#post brought to you by procrastination of my homework and laundry!!!

[livvyofthelake]

list of my favorite once upon a time episodes in each season so tee knows what to look forward to <3 excluding season one and the beginning of 2 because they already watched those duh…

2: child of the moon, idk if you already watched that one or not but i LOVE that episode. slay red!! the miller’s daughter literally slay rose mcgowan. the outsider (belle!!!!). and lacey (again. belle!!!). manhattan (iconic episode. big. huge.). also i personally love the finale although there a pieces of it i don’t vibe with (FLOP villains)

3: the heart of the truest believer (i love you henry….). quite a common fairy slay tinker bell slay soulmates slay regina. good form (i love you killian). going home, episodes that are quite literally burned into my memory forever they affected me so greatly i love you midseason finales i love you memory of frantically rushing home from that goddamn youth group meeting to put this on 20 minutes late i love you season three. witch hunt literally a slay. a curious thing i love you regina. TIME TRAVEL ADVENTURE FINALE I LOVE YOU.

4: white out (a jane classic. she writes all the biggest slays). fall (episodes that make you soooooo excited to see the next one you go crazy insane). shattered sight (episodes that are SO funny and dumb and dramatic and camp). poor unfortunate soul (i love you ursula…). lily (um what if i was the darkness to your light or whatever lol…). operation mongoose is like if a finale was bad but also fantastic and fun and also still kind of bad in a way. its complex

5: siege perilous!!!! (another jane espenson CLASSIC. this it THE episode!). the broken kingdom (slay ouat king arthur i love your well meaning corruption arc swag i love your cuck realness i love how you studied the blade <3 hugeee surprise tumblr user arthurgirl is an apologist for ouat evil king arthur who could ever have seen this coming). NIMUE!! (episodes of all time, also what i always bring up in arguments about the greek mythology stuff coming out of nowhere. she literally reforges excalibur with the flame of prometheus). the bear king (my beloved little filler episode that’s also not filler it’s deathly important). swan song (don’t even talk to me about this one). labor of love (i love you hercules). OUR DECAY. ruby slippers (i love you gay people). firebird (i love you emma). two part finale only you/an untold story is like if a finale was awful and aired on your mom’s birthday which was also mother’s day which was also a sunday and your family went to a marching band related event for your sister and you stayed home because you like hate marching band events and you’re 14 and then you celebrate your mom’s birthday but you’re bummed because this finale was bad but then like six years later you realize it was actually good except it’s also bad

6: the other shoe (what if an episode was bad but it was about your beloved cinderella and also it’s camp actually! another hit from jane!). street rats (what if an episode was good and it was about your friend aladdin…). heartless (i love you snow and charming). ill boding patterns (gideon! what if daddy issues made you insane.) page 23 (i love you regina). mother’s little helper (gideon!! what if mommy issues made you a psychopath). awake (i LOVE you snow and charming!). the song in your heart (musical episode!!). the final battle!!! what if a season finale was the best thing you’d ever seen in your life!!

7: garden of forking paths (what if an episode was kind of bad but your friend cinderella was in it). beauty (slayyy alice!!). wake up call (“sorry i missed your little… avengers assembly” said with sooo much contempt). the eighth witch (it’s like if an episode was a midseason finale but it wasn’t very good but it also slayed). the girl in the tower (i love gay people). breadcrumbs!!! (my episode!!! he doesn’t need a great story he just wants a great life!!!). the guardian (i love gay people!) is this henry mills? (what if an episode did weird time travel and nothing really made sense but it slayed). and then obviously leaving storybrooke is THE finale. what if a series finale was a little bad but it was your favorite show and it aired on your birthday and it made you cry three times.

[mxltifxnd0m]

second week of school recap! aug 31 - sept 6 ↴

last weeks recap: aug 25 - aug 30

⟡⟡⟡

saturday 08/31:

⟡ went to my friends pool party for her birthday and it was so fun and it was good to see my friends after the first week of school!

sunday 09/01:

⟡ drove back to my dads house and just did some housekeeping things like laundry and attempting to write but ended up just binging SPN and i finally finished season 9 and now im on season 10!! gonna try and speed run the last 5 seasons because i need to be done with this god forsaken show

monday 09/02:

⟡ no school today! it was labor day so me and my sister went out and bought groceries for the week and then spent the rest of the day doing homework! i did write a little blurb for sammy but i have yet to post it.

tuesday 09/03:

⟡ woke up in the morning to see that my second class of the day got canceled so i had a 6 hour gap between my first class and last class of the day so i used the time just procrastinating on my homework for the next day loll

⟡ the day was long and i was so tired by the time i got to my car but im glad there was no traffic so i got home in like 20 minutes and after i got home, i immediately got ready for bed loll

wednesday 09/04:

⟡ my sister didn't have her in person class today so i was able to go home early today!! it was so good and im glad i didn't have to be at school longer than i had to loll

⟡ but i did do my homework late bc procrastination is my vice lmao

thursday 09/05:

⟡ oh god sleeping was a nightmare. it was so hot and my entire body was drenched in sweat to the point where i had to take off my shirt in the middle of the night. I probably woke up almost every hour bc it was so hot and i was adjusting and moving so much that around 3 am i gave up on trying to sleep in my room and went downstairs and slept on the couch with a fan pointed straight at me.

⟡ what had helped significantly to help me sleep was some allergy medication that made me sleepy but i did not wake up to my alarms but i was lucky and didn't wake up late for class.

⟡ but it's really hot today and all i want to do is stay in AC filled rooms and not walk around campus 😭

friday 09/06:

⟡ i slept downstairs on the couch again because it was unbearably hot in the house (the AC broke years ago and we would use a portable ac unit my dad bought he hasn't brought it out in a hot minute)

⟡ no school but i had to leave my dads earlier than usual to my moms this weekend because i had to pick out new frames since the new ones i got earlier this summer spontaneously broke on me.

⟡ my optometrist said my frames would be ready the day of or on monday and we were hoping that it would have been the same day because i wouldn't have to wait an extra week for them but alas they were not ready today

thank you for reading this recap even if i forgot to post it on friday bc i was rotting all weekend loll

[frozensriracha]

💙🖤Fluffy Eyeless Jack Headcanons🖤💙

AW YEAH SEXY DEMON MAN TIME YOU GUYS

he’s 6’8, built like a greek god, and could bench press you

also the most well-kept of the male pastas

showers every day, brushes and flosses his teeth 2-3 times a day (likely due to the others’ complaints about kidney breath,) wears deodorant, and does his laundry on the regular

one of slender’s secret favorites without trying

he can play the acoustic guitar! he first learned late in high school to impress a girl, and later joined a band with a couple of his buddies. he’s memorized where the strings and tuning pegs are and still knows a couple of songs, and sometimes he’ll play a song for the pastas

ej, jane, hoodie, and masky are workout buddies! sometimes they go for a run or hike in slender forest together and they occasionally pack a lunch and eat together

in school, he was that one kid everyone asked to copy the homework of

because he’s a good influence, he just helped them with it, maybe let his buds copy a problem or two they were really stuck on

however, if he really hated a person and they asked him to copy his homework, he’d get an extra copy of the work from the teacher, fill it out all wrong, and let them copy that one while his real homework was safely tucked away in his backpack

he’s not very proud of it but at the same time he has no regrets

you guys,,, ej is a big softie for dogs

not only has he joined masky in convincing slender to get some proxy attack dogs to baby and call good boys/girls, but he discovered a female hellhound and started feeding her. he named her artemis, and she’s good friends with seedeater

she recently had a litter of 4 or so puppies, and he helped deliver them, and sally got to name them

on that note, he is very sweet to sally, will 100% scare the pastas into coming to her tea party and wear a tutu for her (and maybe brimg cookies)

he’s not one for pranks and stupidity, but he is passive-aggressive as fuck

once, one of ej’s victims had prepared a lovely rare steak with roasted veggies and buttery dinner rolls, and having not had a home cooked meal in a long time (and living off kidneys, ramen, and black coffee,) ej helped himself and brought the rest home hoping to have it for lunch the next day. well, he’d made the mistake of putting it in the communal fridge and jeff ate it all. come christmastime, ej got jeff for secret santa, and so he made a rare steak, roasted veggies, and buttery dinner rolls and put it in jeff’s stocking since he clearly loves it so much.

moral of the story: don’t touch a broke young adult’s leftovers. we will fuck. you. up.

yes yes ik i’m technically 2 1/2 months away from adulthood but still don’t mess with my leftovers >:((

likes horror, sci-fi, and sometimes mystery novels along with nonfiction books (usually about biology but sometimes cody recommends a good chemistry journal) and has a large collection of them in braille and a lot of audiobooks downloaded onto his phone

he also listens to podcasts, his favorites are ologies and welcome to night vale (both fantastic, check them out!)

he and cody are science buddies, sometimes they conduct experiments together

loves heat, HATES the cold, if slender has a fire in the fireplace he spreads out in front of the fire and will not move until some of the pastas pluck up the courage to move him.

he has three tongues, one main one and two longer, thinner side ones, both of which are bifurcated like a snake’s. the main one is pierced, and he once tried to pierce the others so they matched. it didn’t end great, but it could have ended much worse.

the mom friend and voice of reason among the pastas, usually the designated driver if they go out together

that being said, he does have a rather,,,, feral side

once, toby came down for a glass of water in the middle of the night and he found ej devouring poptarts, wrapper and all. when he saw toby shining his flashlight on him, he hissed and flew up to the top of the fridge

they agreed never to talk about it

uses echolocation to hunt

ok, hot take: ej has a tail. it’s kind of like a cow’s tail, but it’s gray with a tuft of brown-auburn hair at the end and six and a half feet long

he also has pawlike hands and feet with claws, which he sometimes paints black

he can be summoned with “pspspspspspsps”

despite all the paranormal goings-on around him and being host to a demon, he remains stubbornly logical

he has tattoos on his chest and arms that look kind of like this:

he makes nests! he has an ass-ton of blankets and pillows and a few stuffed animals that

if he’s comfy enough with someone, he’ll invite them into his nest and snuggle them ^_^

but only if they’re okay with it because CONSENT IS FUCKING IMPORTANT

he has a few demon host friends in hell that he visits via the hell portal near slender mansion (see slenderman general headcanons +mansion au headcanons to see what i’m talking about), they’ve all bonded over their demons’ mutual bullshit

and speaking of his demon’s bullshit, there’s a rather,,,,,,,,,, interesting crackship i have involving chernabog

you see, the nightwraith is also possessed by a demon: the heart of darkness. after a weird ass roleplay with someone some years ago, i started shipping the two demons. ej and nighty, however, are not together in my canon, and they don’t really appreciate it when their demons make out with each other and they’re both standing there awkwardly like 5 feet away

they’ve tried to break up their demons before, but they’ve not been successful so they’ve stopped trying and just kinda sit there and play go fish or smth while cherna and the heart smooch

god i could go on about that ship but that’s a post for another day

i could also go on about ej but i probably shouldn’t please stop me i’m procrastinating again

or don’t. ej’s amazing

@hell-isnt-that-hot @blue-mask-boii COME GET YALL JUICE >:))

[imagines-dreams]

A New Reality - Zen/Hyun Ryu Imagine

Rating: PG

Warnings: mentions of Zen’s emotionally abusive parents, mentions of Unknown, a take on the reset theory

Summary: It’s just a game, but yet you still fell head over heels for Hyun. When the app starts messing with your head, and you’re offered a choice, what will you do? How will you cope? How will you and the ones you love deal with the consequences of your choices?

Word Count: 1655

Notes: This is a cliffhanger, and I’m not sure if I want to continue… Just an idea, and i wrote it all out, so might as well post it. Right?

You smiled a little as the screen turned golden and happily announced, “Good Ending.” Finally, you could unlock the Secret Endings. You tapped the screen once and, almost without thinking, you pressed the button that lead you the After Endings.

As you always do after finishing and ending, you look to Zen’s profile picture.  You sighed. He was your favorite, and it wasn’t just because he was handsome. Zen was kind, dramatic, and romantic. He was so blunt about his feelings, and even his cheesy lines and nicknames made you swoon.

Suddenly, your screen vibrated.

A call. That was weird. The call from your actual phone, it was from the app. You had just finished a route. Why would…

You pressed the accept button and put your earbuds in again. Maybe it was another promotional thing. Cheritz always gave out hourglasses. Why not give calls?

“I don’t have much time.”

You blinked. English. “Saeyoung?” you gasped.

“Do you want to stay?”

You looked at your screen. There weren’t any options. “I don’t understand-”

“Do you want to stay?”

“Yes,” you admitted. “Yes, I want to, but I don’t-”

“Ok, stay still, and close your eyes.”

“Saeyoung-”

“Just do it!”

Like the crazy person you were, you closed your eyes. Maybe when you opened them, you’d be awake. You’d be in your bed or maybe class. This was all some sort of dream. Cheritz was a Korean company, and they didn’t record any English calls. A dream was the only way it made sense.

You opened your eyes.

“What the…” You turned and turned. Not your bed or class. It was code. Lines and lines of code in green against black.

“MC?”

You blinked. “Saeyoung? How-”

The man looked real. Real red hair and real striped glasses. He wasn’t wearing his signature jacket. Instead, he only had a white tank top, black sweatpants. Did Cheritz ever design that? Saeyoung smiled and rubbed your arms. “Hey, hey, are you ok?”

“You’re not real.”

“Sure, ok. You’re fine. Just a bit of shock.” He glanced at all the coding around the two of you. “Ok, you want to stay, right?”

“Stay?”

“With Zen.”

You froze. “What type of…” You pressed your hands against your head. “I’m going insane.”

“No, you’re not.” Saeyoung lifted your chin so his eyes met yours. “MC, I’m bringing you home. You can be with anyone, ok? You love Zen, don’t you?”

“Home?”

“Yes!” He glanced at the code again. He gripped your upper arms. “Hurry, tell me you want to stay with Zen, and I can make it happen.”

You looked around. The codes began to swirl around both of you at an alarming rate until everything was just a blur of green. You were dreaming. You had to be! It was the only way any of this could be happening. It was a crazy dream conjured by your obsessive mind, and it was going to end soon. You just had to wake up!

“MC!”

“Fine!” you growled. “I love Hyun, and I would do anything to be with him.”

You closed your eyes. That should’ve done it. No more dreams. No more Saeyoung. No more Zen. Just real life and real-life problems.

But, you could still feel Saeyoung, his warmth, his hands on your shoulders, his heavy breathing. Then, he laughed. “Finally.” He cradled your cheek. “(Y/n)?”

You opened your eyes. “What’s going on?” you asked. “Please, I don’t-”

“You’ll understand soon. When you wake up, you’re going to be ok, happy.” The hacker laughed and brushed the hair out of your face. “When you wake up, visit me, and I’ll explain.” He kissed your forehead.

“Babe?”

You groaned. “Five more minutes.”

“You said that the last two times, Princess.”

You felt lips against yours. You inhaled sharply, surprised, before smiling and kissing him back. You held his cheeks and followed his lips. The kisses were addictive, almost like a drug, and you could get enough. You wrapped your arms around his neck and laughed.

“Now, you’re up,” he whispered.

You blinked a few times and rubbed the sleep out of your eyes. “Hyun?”

“Morning, Princess.” He kissed you again. “I made breakfast.”

Dizziness overtook you. Flashes of the real world, your original world, came back too quickly. You remembered your parents, friends, classes. An app. Saeyoung pulled you, somehow, into the world you were in. There were coding and the walls, and-

“Are you alright?” Hyun held your hand. “(Y/n)?”

You took a deep breath. “Yeah, I’m fine.” You cleared your throat. “I need to visit Seven today, though.”

“Oh, for the next party, right?”

“Yeah, for that.” You smiled and kissed his cheek. “Are you staying here for the day?”

Your boyfriend tilted his head. “I’m gonna get some errands done. Can’t have an empty fridge while you’re here.”

You laughed. “You’re too sweet.” You kissed him. “Love you.”

“I love you, too.”

“Arabic, of course.” You tapped your foot repeatedly until the door opened. You looked around. The mess was too familiar. You remembered when it was still digital, a mess of chips and dirty laundry. You laid your hand on the couch and sighed at its touch. You’ve seen everything in this room before, just not the way you see it now.

And Seven was at his desk. As he usually was.

You cleared your throat. When that didn’t work, you tapped his shoulder. “Seven?”

The man turned his head. Then, his eyes lit up. “Hey, you’re back. So, how’s life?”

You tilted your head. “Seven, what happened? I… I feel normal, like this is my world.”

“It is.” Seven looked around. He rolled his chair over the counter, grabbed another chair, and pushed that chair to you. As you took a seat, he rolled back to his desk and leaned his arms against his legs. “So, you want the whole story, yeah?”

You nodded.

“Well, I easily hacked into what you believe is the app, and I found some loopholes, and I brought you here.” He brought his fingers together, put them on the sides of his head, and mimicked an explosion. “Mind-blowing, huh?”

“Uh, yeah, I guess. So what now?”

Seven inhaled through his teeth. “Well, this is only temporary. A few here, then you go back to whatever you call reality. But, I found a way to make it permanent.” He typed a few things out on his desktop. “Well, I mean, if you want it permanent.”

You looked around the messy room. “What about Saeran?” You gulped. “Is he here?”

You didn’t miss it when Seven paused for a second before resuming to type. “Uh, well, you fell in love with Zen, so my route, as you would call, wasn’t done.”

Your heart dropped and cracked. “Seven, I-”

“Don’t apologize. I’ll find him.” He smiled at you. “Now, it can be permanent, but only if you agree to forget your old reality and make this your new one.”

“If I make this a new one, would he-”

“No.”

Your shoulders dropped. “Seven-”

“Don’t feel sorry for me.” He swiveled around to you. “Look, I know you think you know me from my route or whatever, but I’m stronger than I look. I’ll find him.” He turned back to his computer.

You bit your lip, not sure if you wanted to believe him or not.

“Permanent then?”

“Wait, can I change. Routes, I mean.” You pursed your lips. “I could change to your route, and you can have your brother, and everyone would be-”

“You wouldn’t be happy.” Seven’s eyes locked on yours. “Be honest with yourself. If you chose my route, you wouldn’t be as happy as you are with Zen.” You opened your mouth to interrupt, but your friend continued to talk, “(Y/n), I care about you a lot, ok? Take that as you will, your happiness comes before this. I made a mistake, and I need to fix it.”

“It wasn’t your-”

“Even if it wasn’t.” He sighed. “(Y/n), if you chose my route, I'd still have to go through finding him. You chose Zen’s route. Today is the day after the party. If you chose mine, it would still be the day after the party.”

“Seven-”

“Please, just accept this, ok? As a gift.” He smiled. “Without you, I wouldn’t have found the coordinates that will lead me to him.” Seven turned to his computer again. “So, permanent?”

You sighed. “I’ll forget everything. Family, friends?”

“Even this conversation. Whatever happened that connects to your world, you won’t remember.”

You blinked a few times. Both realities were messy. There were people you would miss. “What about my world? What happens to the people who know me?”

“You won’t be there. Just here.”

You gulped. “And if I go back, would I remember this?”

“Most likely. I haven’t a found a way to make you forget if you go back.”

“And you? Would you remember?”

He paused for a while, and he tensed. “Yeah.”

You gulped and twisted your blouse over and over. You went through the pros and cons. The people you loved on both worlds. The people you hated. The threats and dangers. The benefits. Did one really outweigh the other? Then, you thought of Zen. You thought of how he was before you met him. His abusive parents. His relationship with Jumin. If you left, those would stay the same. He would never accept help from anyone with more money, even if it was needed He would never confront the issue his parents and brother. And that time he lost confidence in himself.. Calling himself pathetic even after all his hard work.

Oh god, he would still be like that if you left.

“Permanent.” You covered Seven’s hand with yours. “Make it permanent.”

Seven nodded. “Brace yourself, (Y/n).” He grasped your hand and lifted his finger over his keyboard. “Your new life starts… now!”

I know I don’t post often! I’m so sorry! Hopefully, this kinda makes up for it? I don’t know if I want to continue this, so please give me suggestions and tell me if this is something you’d like to continue reading!

Now, I gotta do homework... that I procrastinated on... Have a wonderful day, guys!

[persephoneandpomegranates]

flashbacks and old posts

I’m consolidating blogs so here’s some fun posts from when i was a senior in high school / freshman in college.

Sunday, July 22nd, 2012

whenever i go to the library

i always find the most embarrassing books at the very beginning so then i have to walk around with them while i peruse the rest of the library.

so then i end up grabbing up bunch of random, potentially interesting books to use as an awkward shield so no one can see that i have a stack of comic books and paranormal research and whatnot.

but then i have to check them out. even though we have self-serve, which i always choose, the librarian is always sitting right there just watching so no one tries anything sinister like stealing library books. and at some point i run out of normal books to check out and then i’m just like. … oh yeah tarot cards? i forgot i grabbed that book. that’s for my… dog… because he can read and he’s really into learning about new… nevermind.

#awkward , #library, #tarot cards, #embarrassing books

Monday, July 30th, 2013

procrastination is an onion

i like to create multi-layered procrastination.

instead of just putting off my summer homework or my online byu classes by watching tv, i like to create mind numbing projects like organizing my gruesome music or kindle collections, or cleaning my room.

but then i don’t want to do those either.

so then i realize that it’s almost august and camp nanowrimo is nearly upon me.

well, i can’t possibly organize my kindle and music collection with less than 48 hours to figure out plot, characters, and most importantly, how about genre.

but then.

it’s really hard to just do that.

so i have to get some creative inspiration, right?

so that’s how i ended up on neopets.

i swear, they used to have the most amazing writing boards and guilds. but now things just trudge along on the boards because there are less users. and i am all about the speed and instant gratification because hey, facebook.

but because the boards are so slow i find myself trying to feed my neopets in the meantime.

and then i’m like, oh i never got the pack rat avatar! i better start finding a bunch of useless items to put in my safety deposit box…

and now i have to work my way all the back down to my summer homework and byu classes by completing everything else first. because my neurosis says so.

my procrastination is an onion.

so many layers and it makes me cry.

#onion  #procrastination  #neopets  #nanowrimo  #camp nanowrimo #layered procrastination  #somebody end this miserable cycle please

Tuesday, December 18th, 2012

captain college

this one time, a girl desperately wanted to go to college.

but then she realized that she would have to do college applications and also ask for letters of recommendation.

that’s a lot of work.

so instead she watched tv and lol’d at the internet.

and spent like half an hour wikipedia captain planet because when i ws younger i thought it was freaking bad ass and captain planet was hot. or something.

the power of heart!

but seriously, can i put this on my application? heh.

#college apps  #applications  #college admissions  #captain planet

Thursday, January 24th, 2013

i am not even a good artist.

cute guy was like oh can i borrow your notes?

so i went to get my notes only to find them covered in doodles.

and not cool ones.

doodles of danny phantom.

…in a slightly suggestive v-neck.

well fuck me it can’t get any worse.

so i go to give the folder to said guy.

and i drop the folder.

papers. everywhere.

i am so slick. and by slick, i mean extremely socially inept.

my only hope is that my doodles are so terrible, that he can’t even tell what i drew.

but somehow, the fact that i also wrote DANNY PHANTOM next to the picture, does not make me feel optimistic.

#danny phantom  #bad doodles  #aww jeez  #socially awkward  #awkward #i like tags almost as much as i liek turtles.

Sunday, September 15th, 2013

Jesus, Marie

My life is a bunch of rocks.

No but really, I’m freaking out. I’m going to college in like three fucking days and its going to be my last day at this amazing parrot sanctuary I volunteer at tomorrow. All I want to do is sit in a corner and play with those fucking parrots and probably get bit at because I am not the best parrot handler but I’m  learning. Beyond the point.

I just feel so unready. All my friends are out there doing that college thing already or they’re like me and have a few days left but they are so ready. They want to meet new people and go to parties and join clubs and hangout with their new roommates. They want to get out and live life like a college student.

And I just don’t.

I just can’t picture it. Me doing laundry, making my own food, sharing a communal bathroom. I can see myself doing all these things, but it’s like watching a movie montage. It’s not actually me.

I don’t know if I can do this.  But dammit I’m not giving up. A teacher told my senior class to look around our classroom and know that while we were all going  to college, at least one person would drop out before they graduated. It wasn’t harsh, it was just a fact. The point was that it’s not for everyone and sometimes people learn that too late.

I’m just terrified that person is me.

But you know what? I love school. I love learning. I love procrastinating by organizing all my notes and color coding them when I could actually be studying which would be a lot more useful. I love commiserating with my friends during all nighters or even just glancing at my Facebook and see that twenty other people in that class are on Facebook at that ungodly hour, doing the exact same thing I’m doing- which is regretting that they put off a giant project or a huge midterm.

I am so excited that I’m going to get  to grow up and prove to my parents they did a good job raising me, despite my flaws: my laziness, my morning crankiness, the fact that I worry about everything.

I think that’s the problem, that last part. I always worry. My worrying has one level: defcon five. I think about how the supervolcano in Yellowstone could erupt at any moment and kill a gazillion people and also me. A heavy fear that wraps around me and my shaking hands inevitably weaves its way through thoughts like my immeninent demise. But it’s also what I do when I think about the scores on my latest math test might be. There’s no panic gradient with me. Just on or off. And it’s rarely off.

But you know what else I’ve learned about my worrying? Even when it is absolutely warranted, like when I get  that math score back-and yep I saw that coming- I hardly flinch.  I mean, “Ouch, I am not so good at this calculus thing” goes through  my mind, but I accept it and move on ridiculously fast, considering how much worry I put into it.

So that’s what I’m doing now. Taking everything and turning into the apocalypse.

College isn’t going to be what movie montage me expected. It’s going to be me figuring out how to talk to my roommate and still sucking at talking to boys and probably using too much laundry detergent and most definitely awkwardly trying to feed myself at 3am because I’m suddenly starving.

It’s not going to be easy. It’s going to be different  than anything I’ve ever done before.

But that’s okay. Because I can’t just spend my life sitting in my room wishing  I was 16 again and my biggest defcon five worry was never getting my license and ending up like my aunt who’s trapped walking and riding a bike or bus everywhere.

I can’t just stay where I am right now forever. That wouldn’t be living; it would just be existing.

What I’m saying is dammit. My life isn’t just going to be a bunch of boring rocks. It’s going  to be a fucking kaleidoscope of experiences.

I’m going to go to a college rager, even though I won’t  drink more than two sips of lightweight beer, just because if I don’t go, I’ll always wished I had. And you know what? Maybe I will get drunk and seriously regret it in the morning but at least  then I’ll know it’s not for me, rather than just being too afraid  to find out.

I’m going to join the pre veterinarian club even though I’ve heard it’s cutthroat and that scares me, I have every right to be there. And I’m definitely joining some nerdy fan clubs. I’ve always wanted to learn how to play D&D.

Who’s going to stop me? Myself?

Not a chance.

#jumbled mess  #college  #fuck yeah  #worries  #i can do this #even if i need to take a few xanax  #i got this

Sunday, September 15th, 2013

Whew

I feel a lot better now. Like I’m fucking capable of being alive or something.

#post rant #much better

Wednesday, September 25th, 2013

First Week of College

Great first week at UW.

So my life is pretty cool and all my worries about college have been unfounded. That being said, I did shrink some of my cotton shirts in the dryer doing laundry for the first time. Also, the lotion I brought for my legs is something I’m definitely allergic too. Oops. I have two little hives on my legs and both my shins are super itchy. Guess who is buying new lotion tomorrow?

I did almost kill myself in the shower today, though. I went to shave my legs for the first time, but because the shower is just a tiny little rectangle, I had to get creative with my acrobatics. Because I went to a yoga class today, I felt like maybe I could put my leg up on the wall and do a modified wall sit type of thing. So I did that and it seemed like a pretty good idea except for the fact my leg was a little lower than I meant it to be. No problem, I can just hitch my leg up a little higher and then we’re in business.

That’s where my shower took a turn for the worst.

As I was lurching my leg up, I lost a bit of my balance and my back slid down a little. Now I’m stuck. Well, shit.

So I struggle a little more and realize there’s no way I’m getting out of this gracefully. But I can hope, so I decide to slide slowly down the wall of the shower until I reach a point where I can adjust myself and stand up.

Of course, showers are fucking slippery when wet.

For a brief moment, I thought I was going to die.

Whooosh. Clunk. Fuck.

So now I’m sitting on the floor of a nasty ass public shower, butt naked of course and feeling sad about myself because that kind of hurt. I missed my head and whatnot so luckily none of my roommates found me bleeding and unconscious and also naked in the shower an hour later, but still. My dignity is bruised.

Anywho, since I’m already sitting on the floor of the gross shower and the five second rule has gone and past, I just decided to wallow in my self pity and shave my legs on the floor.

It actually worked out quite nicely except for the fact I probably have butt herpes now.

#how i almost died in the shower  #slippery bathroom  #college life #don’t shave your legs like i did #also you can’t get herpes like that but you probably can get something else horrible #can you get herpes in your butt