#possibly her asking to be smuggled into the QZ?

[baronessvonglitter]

Pretty Please

QZ!Joel Miller x f!bookworm!reader

Word count: 2.7K

Summary: your roommate Joel Miller is stressed out, and you offer a creative solution to ease that frustration

WARNINGS: 18+ Only! Mature and Explicit, slight bullying (name calling - from Joel), reader is a bookworm and wears glasses, no age description for reader, Boston QZ, friends with benefits, oral sex (f receiving), soft!Joel, sub!Joel, dom/sub themes, edging, rough sex, unprotected p in v sex, Joel loves nerdy girls, reader is *shaved*, no use of y/n

Author's Note: I know that we all love a good strong DOM Joel, but I wanted to wade in the waters of the Ocean of Possibilities and see what a more submissive Joel would be like. Just like those CEO/investment banker types who visit dominatrices at the end of a long workday just to be treated like lesser than and hand over the reins of power for a bit. Maybe there's a part of Joel that likes being put in his place 🤫

JOEL MILLER MASTERLIST | FULL MASTERLIST

It's just past curfew in the QZ and you're curled up with a good book. The new (to you) apartment you live in came with a great collection of literary masterpieces and your only delight in this cold, cruel world is reading by flashlight, at least until your surly, sourpuss roommate Joel Miller comes home.

The front door opens and slams shut loudly, making the thin walls vibrate. You sigh. He's back.

Joel walks in, looking tired and cantankerous as usual. You quickly shut off your light but not before he sees it. "What have I told you about wastin' the batteries?" he puts his hands on his hips, glaring at you.

Not in a mood to argue, you mumble a quick "Sorry" and scurry past him, but he catches your shoulder. "Just 'cause I can get stuff doesn't mean I will. You need to be more careful with our supplies.. what's this stuff you're readin' anyway?" He makes a grab for your book which you quickly hide behind your back.

"Just some Shakespeare," you lie.

Joel narrows his eyes as if detecting your fib. Suddenly he pulls you toward him and takes the book you're hiding. Eyeing the cover, he visibly blushes and swallows hard. "What's a nice girl like you readin' trash like this for?"

You find it impossible to meet his eyes as your heart roars in your ears. He has your copy of romantic erotica, an old book written decades ago about a woman who trains her lover to be her sex slave. You think to yourself there's no way you can finish it now that he's judging you.

"All right, Bookworm. Out," Joel says, nodding towards the hall before he settles in with a stiff whiskey drink.

Sighing you go to your room. Ever since you moved in a couple months ago after your former QZ was abandoned, Joel has treated you like little more than an imposition. His seemingly affectionate nicknames of "Bookworm" or "Four Eyes" on account of your fondness for books and your need of eyeglasses, respectively, has you wondering if he even cares to remember your real name.

Putting your book away you contemplate another existence. In your story a young woman brings a powerful man to his knees. Had the world not changed so irrevocably, would you have had the fortune of living a life like the characters in your books?

A shower is in order. Once you wash your hair and shave your legs (with shampoo and razors that Joel begrudgingly smuggled for you when you'd politely asked) your spirits are lifted. Hair towel-dried, you put on an oversize tee and some panties and start down the hall where you bump into Joel. He takes a look at your sleepwear and you can see the blush creep up his neck. "Can you put somethin' else on? I can see right through your shirt."

You look down and see your nipples, two puckered points through the cotton of your tee. "I'm just going to bed. Besides, I can wear what I want," you say in an unusually defiant tone.

Joel gets quiet, his body language clearly showing he's getting annoyed. "I just don't want to see you half-naked, Four Eyes." His frustration comes through clear. "Don't you have anything else you can wear?"

You sigh and walk past him to your bedroom closet and pull out a thick flannel shirt. You change with your back to him, feeling his eyes on you like two burning holes in your flesh. His breath hitches, eyes glued to his old shirt he'd let you borrow a time or two. Something primal awakens in him, which he quickly squashes.

"I'm all out of clean pajama pants," you shrug.

"Find some," he says sternly. "That shirt's gonna ride up on you. It's inappropriate."

"No." You stand your ground. "I'm not changing again." You take a moment to look at him, really look at him. He looks stiff, the veins prominent in his neck and forehead. You imagine his warm flesh beneath your kiss, and part of you softens towards him. "You really need to relax. You look stressed."

"Yeah, like you really give a shit," he mutters, looking away.

Studying him more intensely you realize he's not frustrated because you're not obeying him. From the bulge in his jeans it's evident he's turned on by you. Joel Miller is a good-looking guy when he's not being a full-on jerk. Hell, he may even be good-looking then. You take the situation into your hands and approach him, your tongue gliding over your lips. "I could help you relax.. if you want."

Joel freezes and you notice his breathing quicken. "What.. what do you mean by that?"

"You're upset with my lack of 'decent' clothes because I'm a distraction to you. Even if you don't like me, you're still attracted to me."

He gets flustered and it gives you satisfaction to see how much power you have over him. "Maybe.. no. I don't want to. I mean it. I have no interest in anything like that with you."

"Really? Your jeans are having a different reaction."

He looks down quickly, embarrassed and a bit surprised. "It doesn't mean anything," he looks askance.

"Do you want to touch me, Joel?" You start to unbutton your flannel shirt.

"You're my roommate. It's wrong," he says, yet his large, strong hands are reaching into your shirt. His fingers are rough and calloused but damn they feel like heaven as he cups your breasts, runs his thumbs slowly over your nipples.

"Don't think anymore, Joel. Just feel. Just be here with me."

He's unused to following his purely bodily instincts, having to live on his survival instincts for so long. But your skin is so soft and you're so warm and clean from your shower. "God, I want you," he whispers.

You take the lead and kiss him, filling in the space between you. Joel doesn't hold back, cupping your ass in his hands and pressing you to his need, his bulge in direct contact with your clit. Your panties dampen in response. Realizing how far he's taken it, how far he wants to take it, he mumbles an apology. "S..sorry."

"No. No apologies. I want this. Don't you?"

"God yes," he growls, meeting your eyes. He watches, rapt, as you slowly unbutton your shirt and remove it. He's speechless as you go to sit on the edge of the bed, knees parted. You beckon him with one finger.

"I know you've always wanted this," you tell him. "You fantasize about eating me out, how good I taste on your tongue."

As he comes to you he wonders where the shy, docile woman has gone. But he likes this new version of you. "How do you know what I think about?" he asks as his fingers curl into the waistband of your panties. You lift your hips as he eases your panties off. What he sees makes him growl with yearning. "You shaved."

You rest on your elbows, satisfied with the look of sheer gluttony on his face. "A girl's gotta have some luxuries in these trying times.." you smirk and run your fingers delicately over your clit and your smooth folds. Joel moves your hand away. Keeping his eyes on you he laps his broad tongue over your delicate womanhood, then swipes his tongue side to side over your sweet little clit.

You moan loudly at the intimate contact, threading your fingers through his hair. Joel devours you, and the little moans he makes reverberate through you, fill you with vibrations. While he's sucking your clit he slides two fingers in, crooking them so they rub your G-spot, and this combination makes you squirm with delight until you're pushed over the edge. He doesn't stop there, lapping up your honey, holding your thighs as they quake around his head.

"I've wanted this for so long," he growls against your belly, kissing his way up, divesting himself of his clothes. He feels your body heat radiate against him and teases your opening with the tip of his cock, spreading your slick onto him. He kisses both breasts, nuzzles your neck before claiming your mouth again, lining himself up with you. Out of habit you remove your glasses but he stops you. "Leave them on," he whispers. "You look so damn hot, like a naughty schoolgirl.." He watches as you put them on again, your eyes big and bright behind the lenses. Keeping his eyes on you he lets himself sink into your heat, slowly, letting you get accustomed to his size.

"Fuck," you whisper in awe as he fills you, starts to move against you.

He revels in the feel of your soft body underneath his, the snugness of your cunt that dares to take every inch of him. "You're so beautiful," he whispers, taking in the clean scent of your freshly washed skin, the natural fragrance of your arousal. With each press forward he elicits moans, sighs, gasps. Your heart thunders within when you feel how deeply you're joined.

"I need more," you tell him. "Please.."

"More?" His voice is shaky with desire.

"Harder," you gasp.

A dark growl gathers in his throat as he sees this new side of you begin to reveal itself. "You sure you want that from me?"

You nod. "I want you to release all your stress out inside me. Just use me. Please." You look up at him with innocent eyes. "Just for tonight, Joel. Tonight I'm yours."

His body looms large over you. "That's a big request, y'know."

"And I can handle it. I'm a big girl."

He nods, excitement flowing through his veins. "If anything becomes too much, you tell me. Okay?"

Your heart flip flops when he tells you this. Despite this random hookup, he's proving to be a caring gentleman. "I'll tell you, I promise."

Joel can't help but smile and he kisses your forehead. "Good." With heavy breaths he uses all his strength to fuck you into oblivion. He takes out his frustrations on your willing, eager body, his thick, large cock plunging into your tight cunt. "I'm gonna fuckin' tear you apart," he mutters.

His rough way with you takes your breath away, makes you tremble. Joel doesn't hold back, ruts against you, mouth watering as he watches your breasts bounce with each thrust. "God, you're gorgeous," he mumbles, leaning in to kiss you.

You whimper as your mouths meet again, tongues dancing against each other. "Joel.. you're so fucking good."

Grunting in response, he presses against you deeper, harder. You gasp, your body accepting every movement, stretching you more than you thought possible. "You feel too good," he moans.

"You're in.. so deep," you sigh. "Just a little more, I'm gonna--"

"Wait!" he groans, pulling himself away from you. "You're making me.. almost.. I can't hold back," he breathes heavily.

"Shh.." you climb onto his lap. "Let me help you. I'll do all the work," you promise. "All you have to do is grab my hips or touch my breasts," you instruct him, lining up his cock to fit into you again. Joel watches himself disappear between your swollen pussy lips.

"God.. slow.. please," he grunts, grabbing hold of your hips, moving his hands all over your body, exploring every inch of you.

"Yes," you agree, sighing sweetly. "You feel so good.. I like seeing what I can get out of you, Miller."

He lets out a short moan, gripping your hips tightly, running his fingers up the insides of your thighs. His touch is ubiquitous as you ride him slowly and thoroughly. "Please don't stop.. please don't stop." He tries to make it a command but he's so caught up in you that it comes off as begging. "God I want.. please, I need.." he can't even finish his sentences for how much his lust and need has taken over him.

"I know what you need," you moan, moving faster, slamming your hips down on his. The sounds of your colliding flesh fill the room.

"God damn it!" Joel grunts, unable to continue his line of thought. He starts to growl and groan, gritting his teeth.

You smile, biting your lip as you watch him coming apart, completely helpless beneath you. "I'm gonna tame this beast," you tell him boldly. "No one else can do it but me."

"I won't let anyone else handle me," he growls, trying to say something more meaningful, but his brain is overwhelmed. He's just handed over all control to you and it's making him crazy. "Just.. please.."

You stop moving altogether, staying still. "Please what?" you tease him from finishing.

He's about to blow but he can't even get a full sentence out. "Please," he repeats, shaking now just from the feel of you. "Don't stop.."

You remain still. "Say, 'pretty please.'"

"No," he groans. "You.. you won't get me like that." But there's a hint of a smile on his lips.

"Oh," you pout. "That's a shame. I was getting so close and I know you were, too." You start moving slowly and teasingly.

Joel's breath is faltering, pulse dangerously rapid. "Not like this.. wait.. I'm gonna.."

You stop again, a stern look on your face even though you're utterly enjoying dominating this big strong alpha male. "No. You're not," you command him.

Only able to communicate in grunts and groans, Joel thrusts upward, needing the relief that would make you both find release. You gasp, your cunt clenching around him. It would be so easy to just let him keep going, but you hold your hips firmly in place. "'Pretty please,'" you remind him.

"I'm gonna cum. Please let me cum," he whines, desperate now, his fingers tightening on your flesh.

You remove his grip and pin him down. "'Pretty. Please.'" Your lips are millimeters from his, and you can see tears start to well in his dark eyes.

He's losing it now. He's right on the precipice, pain and pleasure mixed as one while you edge him. "All right, okay, I'll say it.. pretty please," he grunts out, voice cracking.

"'Pretty please with sugar on top,'" you smirk. "Say it."

Joel shuts his eyes in frustration. "Pretty please with sugar on top."

You give his lips a tiny lick. "Good boy." Sitting up again you start riding him. You've won but you're both going to reap the benefits.

"God, keep goin'," he moans, eyes still shut, breath labored as he pushes against your hips.

"I'm gonna fucking break you, Miller," you growl, riding him at top speed, without mercy.

Joel is at a complete loss of self, having lost any semblance of control. "Do it.. please," are the only words he can manage among incoherent sounds and grunts as he rises up to hold you.

You feel the friction between you like lightning as you satisfy yourself on his generous cock. "Joel Miller, you're such a good boy for me!" You move against each other in desperation, seeking the moment that will bring you to cum together. You feel him start to twitch and just then your climax hits like a tidal wave. You scream his name as you feel his copious release inside you. All Joel can say is your name, your real name, uttered in an entreaty of gratitude as he buries his face in your neck.

"Sorry if I got a little rough with you before.." he mumbles into your skin.

"I like your roughness," you tell him as you ruffle his soft grey hair with your fingers. "You had a lot that you needed to let out."

He lifts his head and softly kisses the side of your mouth. "Just so you know, I don't intend on stoppin' at just tonight. I have a lot of stress that needs releasing."

"Stressful times we're living in.." You trace his beard with your fingertips and he quickly moves in to kiss your palm.

"Damn right. And it looks like you did tame this beast."

You grin. "Does that make me Beauty?"

"Maybe that's what I'll call you from now on.."

"It's a lot better than 'Bookworm' or 'Four Eyes'."

"I'll still call you those things, from time to time," he grins, and your entire body is warm from his smile.

You are delicate with him now, knowing this man will probably steal your heart just as you've already stolen his.

divider by @saradika 👑

[viridescent-din]

Hope

Joel x reader. Smut, 18+ only Fingering, age gap.

~

There’s no hope for you.

You don’t take it personally. There’s no hope for anyone anymore. But it still stings, knowing it will probably never get better. Knowing that in spite of everything, even though you and everyone else that’s left has been given the worst hand fate could have dealt, you can’t ever have what you want. What’s right in front of you. 

Joel, leaving you for weeks on end to smuggle God knows what. Angry when you come, angry when you don’t. Short tempered and mean, hurting under all those layers of pain and experience and grime. When you met Joel, you promised yourself you would dig into him, make your way through those layers and burrow under them. Warm him from the inside out. You wanted to know him.

Now you do, and it hurts more than ever. It’s a nicer pain than feeling nothing at all, but it’s still heavy. The lingering glances Joel gives you make you feel truly alive, but they make you ache too. The wandering eyes, the brushes of his arm, the death grip he holds you in on the runs when you stumble across infected. You know Joel well enough to understand they mean something. To you and him. He doesn’t touch other people like that. He doesn’t care for them. Protect them. 

If he’s felt the way he does for you this long and hasn’t done anything about it, he’s never going to.

It’s possible that Joel doesn’t want to make the first move - doesn’t want to be the one that really changes the comfortable (almost, almost domestic) closeness you two have. There’s lots of reasons he wouldn’t: he’s older than you, for one. There’s also FEDRA and the Fireflies and anyone else who keeps an eye on Joel, looking for a weakness. The lack of confirmation between the two of you as to just what you are bleeds over to anyone who watches you interact. If something changes, if Joel really admits this is real, it won’t stay between the two of you no matter how much he might try. They’ll notice. Joel can’t afford to lose anyone else. 

It’s hopeless, you and Joel. So you try not to think about it, and you never, ever push him. 

-

Joel can’t take this much longer. Can’t take you. 

It’s killing him. Everything is: his job, his age, his sorrow. Everything is wearing Joel down, making him drag his feet and look for the nearest somewhat safe spot so he can collapse and finally rest. For just one fucking minute. 

He only feels rested when he’s with you. And Joel hates himself for that. Hates putting that amount of responsibility on you - to burden you with him. You’ve never asked for that. 

Of course, you’ve never asked because you’re scared that if you do, Joel will leave. He doesn’t blame you. He’s not entirely sure that he wouldn’t.

You’re so good. It blinds him sometimes, your goodness. Sometimes it’s like the sun, shining down on Joel as he overlooks the ruins of whatever given city he’s in. But sometimes it’s like the light on the soldier’s gun twenty years ago, forcing Joel to realize everything he holds dear is devastatingly fragile. 

If Joel let you give yourself to him the way he knows you want to, all he would do is take. He would envelope you, trap you in his chest. He’s cold and gruff and he would expect you to just deal with it. More than you already do. 

~

“Should be an easy run,” you finish telling Joel late one night. You try not to notice how nice he looks in red, even if the shirt he’s wearing is dusty and beat up. “I’ll be back before morning.”

“I’m coming with you.” Joel responds gruffly. You purse your lips.

“I know you had something planned with Tess,” you say. “It’s just the mall. I’m not even leaving the QZ.”

“It’s boarded up for a reason.”

“I trust the people that say it’s safe -”

“Tess can handle herself. Ain’t no thing for me to go with you.” You still.

You don’t mean to be upset with Joel, but stings anyway, the lack of faith he has in you. It’s times like this that make you feel young. Stupid and incapable. 

Needy.

“Tess can leave the QZ on her own but I can’t even make a quick trip to the mall?” You manage to keep the accusation out of your tone, but it’s still implied. Joel knows. 

“Hey,” he says, short. “That’s not what I’m sayin’.” You swallow.

“I know, Joel, I just -”

“Tess has experience. She’s been doing this shit practically since it all started.” You nod as you look away, nails digging into your palms as you clench them. Your heart jumps when you feel Joel take your hand, prying it open. “Quit doin’ that.” He murmurs. Joel’s hand is warm, spreading waves of heat throughout your body. You unclench your fist, and Joel rubs his thumb over the lines of barely broken skin. “It’s different with you,” he says, barely audible. “You know it is.”

For a second, you think this is it. The walls are coming down, and Joel is admitting. Confessing, even. You look at him, eyes wide and hopeful. 

He drops your hand and walks away. 

“I’ll be back tomorrow night. Be ready.” He says. The door slams shut behind him. 

~

“What are we even here for?” Joel only thinks to ask once you’ve led him into some sort of breaker room. You shine your flashlight at all the light switches and levers, looking for the right one. Joel frowns at himself. He should have pressed you for more information about this. It’s not like him to… not. “If I’m just here to take you shopping, we can leave now.”

“Yeah, Joel, you’re here to take me shopping. Prom is right around the corner.” You say. Smart ass, Joel thinks. He lets himself smile while you aren’t looking.

“Think you’re a little old for that.” Joel shines his own flashlight overheard, looking at all the decay. Water drips onto his face, and he wipes it off. 

“I’m not that much older, you know. I am twenty f-”

“Don’t finish that sentence.” Joel stops you. You grin at him before lifting a lever. Machinery whirrs around you both, and the lights slowly flicker on.

“Whatever you say, old man.” Joel rolls his eyes, but secretly, he’s relieved to have you teasing him again. Joel doesn’t like how he left your place last night, how real it felt. How for a moment, he was the cause of the hurt that flickered over your face. “This way.” You tell him, leading him down the maintenance hallway and into the actual mall. 

Even Joel can’t help but marvel at it, even in ruin. It’s massive, and all the stores are reminding him of brands he had forgotten existed. His chest clenches at the sight of some of them, the models that would have Sarah’s age.

The last time he went to a mall was with her. 

“Holy shit,” you breathe, eyes wandering. “Look how big it is, Joel! Everything is -”

“Are we gonna be here all night?” Joel demands, suddenly gruff and impatient. Your face falls. “Let’s get what you want and leave, alright?”

“Right,” you say, excitement gone. “It’s um - I just remember my mom going to the mall whenever one of us got sick. I know there’s… there are like, pharmacies or whatever. I thought it would be good to stock up on medicine.”

Joel pinches the bridge of his nose, angry at himself for taking his shit out on you. It’s not your fault he insisted on coming. 

It’s a good plan, too. Joel is surprised he or Tess didn’t think of it. 

“That’s good. Smart.” He tells you, trying to ease the tension. “Do you remember how to find your way around a mall?” You shake your head. “It’s called a directory. It’s a map, usually on the first floor.” Joel spots an escalator a few feet in front of you. “Let’s go look at one, yeah? Better than wandering around the entire night.”

“Okay.” You agree. “Lead the way.”

~

The pharmacy is on the second floor, so you and Joel head back the way you came after looking at the directory. You start rambling about how there might not even be anything, how a mall probably doesn’t have as much as a CVS or a Walgreens. Joel stops you. 

“Even one bottle of antibiotics is better than none,” he tells you. “This was smart. Good job.” You give Joel a small smile. 

“Thanks,” you say. 

The pharmacy turns out to be well stocked - you and Joel jump over the counter and find practically everything full. Joel watches you look at the labels of everything a few times before you take to dumping things in your backpack. Joel is more careful, on the lookout for penicillin and any other helpful meds he can remember. He falters when he grabs one prescription and reads it: cryselle, low ogestrel. Birth control. Before he even realizes what he’s doing, Joel glances at you.

“You ready?” You ask. You’re standing on the counter, looking down. Joel shoves the pills in pocket. 

“Yeah,” he says, swinging his backpack over his shoulder. “Let’s -” Joel doesn’t even hear the growling until it’s too late, until a rotted hand grabs your ankle and pulls, the crack of your ribs on the counter bouncing off the walls and the look of surprise on your face permanently searing itself onto Joel’s brain. 

~

“Joel!” You scream, the infected chomping at you, practically ripping the skin of its neck to reach you. Bite you. You let out another scream, one pure terror and pain. Your torso is throbbing, a blinding pain that’s making it harder and harder to keep the infected off you. You thrash, kicking its legs in an attempt to get it off, but you only make its knees collapse so its weight falls on you even more. You let out a frustrated sob. 

This is it, you think to yourself. Even if I get out of this, Joel is never letting me do a run again. Your arms start to weaken at the thought, subconsciously giving in. 

The shot fires so close to you it makes your ears ring. The infected stops growling, slumping on top of you. You push it off, dazed. 

Joel is on you in an instant, hands running over every inch of bare skin you have. Hands, wrists. Neck. He hooks his fingers under your chin and forces you to look at him, distress written all over his face. You cough, wincing as it rattles your ribs. 

“Good,” you manage. “I’m clean.” Joel sags with relief, his forehead pressed against yours. He smells scared, stressed and acrid. You close your eyes and breathe it in. 

“C’mon,” Joel says, standing. “There could be more. There’s always more.”

~

He takes you to his apartment. His, not yours. You drop your bags at the door, kicking off your shoes. Joel leads you to his bedroom, and you sit on his sheets, wincing. When you pull up your shirt, your skin is raised and bruised. You tug it back down. 

“Does it feel like a clean break?” Joel asks. You shrug, not knowing what he expects you to say. He leaves, coming back with a bottle of pills and a glass of water. “Ibuprofen.” He explains. “Nothing fancy for a few broken bones.” You thank him. 

“Should we wrap it?” You ask. 

“Don’t know. Might make sleeping on ‘em the first night easier.” Joel watches you. “Can I see?”

You swallow as Joel stands over you. Slowly, you lift your shirt.

To Joel’s credit, he doesn’t freak out. It dawns on you that he might be thinking you’re making a big deal out of nothing. You don’t know what Joel’s life was like before you were in it, but you know it was worse than a few cracked bones. Embarrassment creeps up your face. 

“It’s nothing.” You dismiss it. Joel nods. 

“Nothing.” He agrees. He doesn’t sound convincing, though. 

~

It’s not even that bad. Joel knows that.

He watches people die every day. He’s seen the worst of death and then some. He’s seen people stumble into the QZ holding their innards in their hands. He’s watched people rip their tongues out as the virus infects them, trying to rid themselves of the spores they can feel invading their bodies.

You have a few cracked ribs. You’re strong. You can handle it. 

But the thing is, Joel can’t. He’s worn down, he’s exhausted and scared he just can’t keep himself from caring so much. 

He’s making this a bigger deal than it is. Joel thinks you feel the same - you’re waving him off, saying you’re fine. Saying it’s nothing. The wound is, sure. But the terror Joel felt when he saw you disappear behind the counter in less than a second? That isn’t nothing. It’s everything. You’re everything.

“You wanna stay here for the night?” Joel asks you. Splashes of black and blue spread over your torso, painting your skin. It makes Joel feel sick. He shouldn’t have let this happen. 

“Yeah,” you say. “If it’s okay.” Joel shrugs in response, hunching his shoulders to ward his paranoia away. You give him a small smile, tugging your shirt down. Joel turns around, walking over to the small dresser near the door and digging out one of his flannels. He knows you like them, and you know Joel likes seeing you in them just as much. He tosses it to you on the bed. You catch it smoothly, laying it next to you. Joel faces the wall, letting you change your shirt. 

And then he hears it. 

It’s a small noise that you make. It probably isn’t even one of pain, you’ve been through worse than this, it’s just a hiss of discomfort as you raise your arms above your head to take your shirt off. 

And Joel is rushing towards you, brow furrowed, hands outstretched and mind telling him no, no, no, just like it has for years. 

Joel’s been silently telling himself no to you since he met you. He’s older now. 

He can’t bring himself to listen anymore. 

Joel kneels in front of you, grunting as his knees protest. Your eyes are wide, and you’ve frozen. Your hands are gripping the hem of your shirt, holding it just above your navel. You watch as Joel’s eyes flick towards the bareness of your stomach, and even though he just saw it so he could look at your ribs, Joel can tell you know he’s looking in a different way now. He swallows, leaning forward.

“Let me help you, baby.” Joel says. You draw in a breath.

“Are you sure?” You whisper. You know what this means, what Joel’s thinly veiled statement implies. Joel returns your gaze. 

Joel reaches forward, grabbing the hem of your shirt and lifting it carefully over your head. A small ‘good job’ tumbles off his lips when you raise your arms without making another sound of discomfort again, and Joel sees what his praise does to you. 

He leans back on his heels, looking at you sitting with your breasts exposed on his bed, bones cracked and in need of repair. He watches you wait for him to really promise something, to show you that this is finally happening. 

You’ve been so patient. Joel can’t make you wait any longer.

-

“Joel,” Joel’s name comes out a gasp as he lays you down, 

Joel props himself on the wall, sitting on the pillows. He pulls your back against his chest, arm over your collarbone while his other hand dangles between your legs. He massages your thighs and your eyes slide shut. You grip his forearm, nails biting into his skin. 

When Joel’s fingers have finally worked their way up and are tracing your slick entrance, you whimper. 

“I know, baby. I’ve got you.” Joel licks the shell of your ear as he murmurs, and you feel so safe. He’s capable and willing and wanting, you can feel his hardness against the small of your back. 

If it were anyone else, this would feel sudden. But it’s Joel. You’ve been waiting so long. You’d be lying if you said you understood why it was now that he finally decided to do something, but you don’t care. You don’t care why this brush with death was the one that made the walls come down. You just care that it did. 

Joel kisses your neck, sinking his teeth into the muscle of where your shoulder meets your neck, and you gasp, keening against him. 

Teeth marks on your shoulder. Bruises on your hips. Joel is trying to make up for the fact you’re battered from today’s supply run. You’re about to say something about it when his fingertip pushes into your cunt. Your mouth drops open, and you moan so loud you almost slap your hand over your mouth instinctively. 

“Fuck, you’re so tight,” you hear Joel say as he slides his finger further in. Your thighs tremble, and Joel stills. “Hey,” Joel says your name, serious. “How long has it been?” He asks in a whisper. He runs his thumb up painfully slow over your clit, the same way you would to someone’s back or shoulder if you were trying to comfort them. It makes your head spin. “I gotta know how slow you need it.” He explains. You open your eyes, and Joel is staring at you. 

“I,” you feel your cheeks burn. “I haven’t ever…” excuses build on your tongue before you even finish your sentence. I haven’t had time. I was the only survivor I knew of for years. I was only a kid when this all started. I can’t trust anyone around here. I’m younger than you. You don’t say any of them. You can’t bring yourself to. 

“Oh, baby -”

“Please don’t stop,” you plead. Joel doesn’t move, his finger still inside you, gaze piercing. “Please, Joel. It’s not - it doesn’t have to be a big deal. I need this.” You can’t reach Joel’s lips from here, not with the way he’s holding you, so you drop your head and drag your lips across his forearms instead. “I need you.”

Joel closes his eyes, screwing them shut like he’s upset. But when he opens them, there’s no trace of anger. Just affection. 

“I’m not gonna stop,” he promises you. You nod, relieved. “I’m taking care of you, darlin.’”

When Joel pushes another thick finger inside you to prove his point, he chases away any doubt you had remaining. 

-

“I’m not going to use my cock on you tonight,” Joel tells you after what feels like hours of him working you open.Your disappointment is obvious. Insecurity begins to set in on you, but Joel won’t let it. “Not tonight,” he repeats. “Another time.” It takes a second for you to believe him, but eventually you murmur a quick ‘okay.’ “For now, I want you to finish with my fingers. Think you can do that for me, baby?” You nod, and Joel rewards you by curling his finger. “Good girl,” he says, and you clench around him. Joel smirks, amused, and rubs the thumb he has on your shoulder up and down soothingly. “Relax,” he tells you. “I’ve got you. Let me in.”

You try to wrap your head around the fact that this is happening, that after years of pining after Joel, he’s finally here. He’s sturdy and strong and present - you can feel all of him, his heartbeat against your back, his breath on your neck, his fingers so deep it’s like you can feel him in your stomach. His smell grounds you, filling your senses. You’re so full, so full of Joel. You have been for a long time now. 

You take a deep breath, letting yourself inhale Joel’s scent. Your exhale is shakier as Joel presses in deeper. Your gaze flickers down to where his fingers disappear, and you whimper at the sight. You’re never seen yourself like this, swollen and puffy. You’re transfixed by Joel’s fingers pumping in and out of you, shiny with your slick. He suddenly finds a spot you’ve never had touched before. You moan as he massages the spongy place, trying to find your breath. When Joel keeps at that and rubs at your clit again, your vision starts to blur. 

“Joel,” you gasp, the feeling foreign and overwhelming. “Joel. Joeljoeljoel -”

“Shh. You’re okay. I’m here,” Joel slows. “Do you want me to stop?”

“No!” You exclaim. Your mind is spinning as the corners of your eyes begin to go white.

“Okay. Alright,” Joel soothes you. “I know, darlin’, I know. Feels so good it’s almost scary, isn’t it?” You screw your eyes shut, your chest heaving as you pant. Joel presses on, his confident voice pushing you close to the edge. “But you don’t need to be scared. You can let yourself have this,” Joel takes a breath in, his voice getting distant. “You deserve this, alright? Let me give this to you.” Joel almost sounds like he’s begging. “Please let me do this for you.”

All you can do is clench around him in response. 

~

Joel knows, Joel knows he shouldn’t be doing this. You’re better than him. You should have someone more handsome, someone younger, someone kinder.

Someone with less blood on their hands. 

But Joel is selfish. He’s a selfish man, he has been since he lost Sarah, and he wants this. Wants you. He wants to give you something, make you feel good for just one second in the shitty world you have to live in. He needs this. He needs to know you’re getting some type of pleasure. 

He hesitates when you say this is your first time.

It shouldn’t surprise him - you don’t have the resources people before the virus did. No internet, no sex ed, no parents or older siblings to ask. 

You don’t like new things. Joel knows you don’t like being inexperienced. You’re too good at what you do, it makes your tolerance for being out of depth very, very low. And this is so much more personal than anything else. He can feel your embarrassment when you confess to him, unable to even finish your sentence. 

“Oh, baby,” he murmurs, and it isn’t because you have anything to be ashamed about, it’s because Joel is pretty sure you’ve barely even touched yourself and you still find it in you to trust him to do it. To beg. Joel is a sick man, because it goes straight to his dick, your trust and desperation. 

He wants to give this to you, and he doesn’t care if it also feels like taking. 

When you cum, sweating and writhing in his arms, you clench tighter around Joel’s fingers than he knew was possible. He can feel your fucking heartbeat, and his hand isn’t even on your chest. 

You’re far away when Joel eases his fingers out of you. He manages to lay you down on the bed, cautious of your ribs. He starts to stand to get a washcloth to clean you up, but you grip his hand. 

“Please don’t go,” you tell him, vulnerable. “Please, Joel.”

Joel hates himself. Hates that he’s ever acted in some type of way that would make you think he would leave you when you need someone.

When you need him. 

“I’m just grabbing something to clean us up,” he promises, rubbing your knee. “We made a mess, darlin’.” You sag, relieved. 

Joel caves once he’s in the bathroom and out of your sight. He presses his fingers to his tongue, savoring your taste. He sucks his fingers off like a starved man, and can’t wait until he gets it straight from the source. 

~

There is hope after all. For you and Joel. You can tell because of the dull throb in your core. Joel’s half hard cock against your hip. The medicine in your packs by the door, the softness of Joel’s lips over the skin of your ribs. 

There is hope - always was. Even though you had to wait for it. 

[sunshineblondiewrites]

The First of Us - Chapter 3

We Got Divorced *Not Clickbait*

Joel Miller x f!reader (no use of y/n)

Series summary: you and your father meet Joel and Tommy 6 years after outbreak day. You join their group trying to make it to the Boston QZ not realizing all that joining would entail. You eventually make it to the QZ but not without suffering many losses. Tommy decides to join the Fireflies and you and Joel are left with your smuggling partner, Tess, when years later you meet a teenage girl that will bring you and Joel across the country, and maybe together.

Chapter summary: You and the Miller brothers enter the QZ. Then after a few months of figuring everything out and meeting a woman named Tess, Tommy is itching for something new, and he wants you to come with him.

Warnings: death, outbreak day, friends to lovers, reader has a sister, minor physical descriptions of reader, grieving, FFM threeway (does not include reader, cannon typical violence(if I miss any please lmk)

a/n: CHAPTER THREE WHAT?! I'm so excited that people are reading and liking this little series of mine :) This is honestly one of my favorite chapters! I hope you all are liking the fun chapter titles too haha I wanted them to be fun and interesting despite whatever the actual chapter content was, anyway I will stop rambling, enjoy!!

Word count: 3.8k (a lil shorter haha)

masterlist Ch2

It had been about a week since you departed from the rest of the group and Tommy and Joel were on better terms than before. Tommy was still mad at Joel for reasons you couldn’t explain because what Tommy was mad at Joel for, Tommy had done… and so had you.

“Well, there it is,” Tommy said looking at a similar concrete wall to the Philadelphia QZ after you came out over a slight hill. There was a very obvious road into the QZ that ended at two large double doors. 

“Are we seriously gonna knock on the fucking door?” Joel questioned. You turned your head to look at him.

“Yes we are,” you said confidently. “You’re welcome to stay here and see if I get shot but you have a better chance of getting in with me than by yourself.”

“Unless we die,” Tommy grumbles.

“I don’t hear a better idea,” you retort and continue over the hill. You were getting into this QZ. You heard their footsteps behind you as you all headed closer to the concrete walls that seemed to grow as you got closer. Just before you reached the door, two soldiers took notice of your trio.

“STOP! PUT YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR AND ANY WEAPONS YOU HAVE ON THE GROUND,” one of the soldiers shouted. Well, he didn’t shoot you so you’re starting off better than the others. 

“Okay,” you said calmly, slowly lowering your gun to the ground with your hands in the air. “We’re not looking for any trouble.” You could tell this soldier was scared more than anything else. He was young, possibly younger than you so you decided to follow his orders quickly but stay calm. The less freaked out he was the more likely he was to listen to you. You nodded at Joel to set his gun down and Tommy as well. Joel hesitated and you shoved his shoulder a little. Raising your eyebrows as if to say come on man, I don’t wanna do it either but also want to get into this QZ. He glared at you and wordlessly set his gun down. The other soldier walked forward and confiscated your gun…s. 

“You have any other weapons on you?” the second soldier asked.

“No, sir,” you said quickly.

“You the only one here who talks?” He said, slightly raising his gun at Joel, who only increased his usual resting grumpy face, which wasn’t helping.

“We talk,” Tommy said, “just sounds better coming out of her.” You’d discussed this earlier– you would do the talking because your voice combined with your looks was your guy’s best shot at getting into the QZ compared to the Miller brother bitchiness. 

“We just wanna do whatever you need us to do to get us into the QZ and away from out here,” you said with a soft smile. This did something to the officer because from behind his helmet you watched his eyes drift downward slightly to where the tops of your breasts were exposed out of your black tank top and he backed up to whisper with his partner. After about two minutes of negotiating, one of the soldiers ordered you three forward over a wooden bridge of sorts where there were stop signs on either side while the other went over to a repurposed traffic light in the wall. When it turned green, the large doors opened slowly and you were pushed inside into what you assumed to be a quarantine zone inside the quarantine zone. The soldiers push you past some plastic tarps and through a makeshift plastic door and into a chair and tie you down. Your heart rate quickens and Joel and Tommy resist slightly before giving in. You were inside, you can’t fuck this up now. A new, third soldier enters the dim room you’re in with a large black box.

“This is gonna pinch,” she says coldly. She stabs a needle from the box into your neck and you hiss quietly from the pain. Yeah what a fucking pinch that was. Joel tensed in his chair slightly. The screen on the box lit up green and the soldier moved on to Tommy, who also grimaced when the needle stuck him. The screen lit up green again. Joel, being Joel,  didn’t even flinch when getting tested, his face remaining as stoic as always.

“They’re all clean,” the soldier says.

“We removed anything possibly harmful from their bags, but we’ll still pat them down before we get their paperwork done and let them in,” responded another new soldier. A wave of relief washed over you. 

It wouldn’t take a genius to put together that this had to be FEDRA. Two soldiers undid Tommy and Joel’s restraints and began patting them down. Another soldier took off your restraints and really took his sweet time feeling you up. This in no way shape or form could be considered patting you down. Joel scowled slightly, but it didn’t look all that different from his usual facial expressions. You just rolled your eyes, a creepy man feeling you up in exchange for being in a QZ was one of the better hands life had given you.

“You could at least buy me dinner first,” you muttered after a particularly lengthy pass over your ass.

“What did you say?” the soldier said, who you recognized as the second soldier from outside. The one who stared at your tits. 

“Nothing,” you said quickly and before he could say anything else the soldiers were called away, leaving you and the Miller brothers to be ushered into the processing room. Inside was a table with a stack of papers and one singular woman. She was well into her 60s, but still looked like she’d kick your ass with her purse or some shit. Tommy went up first. She asked him some basic questions and some more particular ones. Every word she said was monotone–zero emotion whatsoever. Then she gave him a paper for the job he had to do tomorrow and a few ration cards to start. She explained his papers would be how he was identified.

“There is a mandatory curfew from 6pm to 6am. If you are caught out on the streets without a specific job or FEDRA approval you will be arrested and placed in lockup until your crime is deemed punishable by law or if you are simply let go. Remember to always report signs of cordyceps infection, coughing, slurred speech, muscle spasms, and mood changes. Safety begins with you… NEXT.” Joel walked forward and went through the same thing.

“Full name?”

“Joel Joseph Miller” he said gruffly.

“Location pre-outbreak?”

“Austin, Texas.”

“Birthday?” 

“September 26th, 1967,” the woman hesitated and looked up at him. Her emotionless gaze on him cracked into one of pity.

“Outbreak day? Jesus.” Joel’s birthday is outbreak day? Jesus is right. She finished her questions, handed Joel his papers and repeated her speech from before.

“There is a mandatory curfew from 6pm to 6am. If you are caught out on the streets without a specific job or FEDRA approval you will be arrested and placed in lockup until your crime is deemed punishable by law or if you are simply let go. Remember to always report signs of cordyceps infection, coughing, slurred speech, muscle spasms, and mood changes. Safety begins with you… NEXT.” 

You walked forward. She asked your name and where you were located pre-outbreak. You hesitated only slightly before you said Hazel, Kentucky. You and your father had an unspoken rule to never talk about them, which he broke before he died, but you hadn't said her name out loud in months, maybe over a year.

“Birthday?”

“May 19th, 1989,” you said and the woman looked up again.

“Happy birthday”

Jesus

—

Life in the QZ was not all Ryan and the posters made it out to be. Here in Boston you weren’t fighting for your life from infected, nature, raiders, and slavers–you were fighting FEDRA, the fireflies, and just some batshit crazy people. There were some good ones, and you’d made a few connections so far in the two months you’d been there, your favorite being a woman named Tess. She came here from Detroit and had staked her claim in smuggling operations in and out of the QZ and after your arrival she saw an opportunity to gain muscle in her operations. Mostly from Joel. You could tell she also thought he was hot. Joel was either oblivious or didn’t care, you couldn’t quite tell.

The apartment three of you were given already only had one bed propped up on cinder blocks that Tommy and Joel shared and you slept on the couch. Not the most comfortable, but better than the floor or sleeping with Joel or Tommy. Your smuggling with Tess took up most of your free time. You’re not sure how you all became a quartet of terror so fast, but Tess fit in nicely to your group. And smuggling got you more ration cards, which got you more supplies. Tess had gotten you all guns within the first 2 weeks you all agreed to work together. Tommy, however, despite how much better off you were than before was still restless. Smuggling and what you had done in the QZ definitely did not right your wrongs with God– there was a reason people were afraid of you. You could tell Tommy wanted out as soon as he got in, and when business had slowed down, he was nowhere to be fucking found.

You were out later than you should have been one night but Jake, the guy you’d starting fucking semi regularly, had dragged you away for what was supposed to be a quickie. Unsurprisingly, it went a little long. You knew he liked you, but you just saw him as a stress relief. That clearly wasn’t going to plan, though, as you had never finished with him. 

As you were walking back to the apartment rushing to meet curfew, you were suddenly pulled out of the street into an alley. You started to fight back when a hand went over your mouth but then you heard a voice you recognized. 

“Shh shh shh, it’s me, Tommy,” Tommy whispered. You wriggled out of his grasp and turned to look at him.

“Tommy?! What the fuck are you doing? Why aren’t you back at the apartment by now? It’s almost six? You’re late again and Joel will fucking kill you and then me because I was with you!” you whisper shouted at him. He and Joel got in a pretty heated argument the other night about Tommy not being back in the apartment by curfew. Something about how he always used to have to bail Tommy out of jail and blah blah blah brotherly quarrels. But you still didn’t want to be on the receiving end of Joel’s anger.

“Look I wanna take you to meet someone, just trust me,” Tommy said, you immediately started to turn back onto the street.

“Absolutely not.”

“Please?” He grabbed your arm. “Trust me.” 

You cursed God for coming up with Miller brother puppy dog eyes and sighed. “Fine.”

After a bit of walking Tommy took you to an abandoned corner building in the QZ. Tommy went up to the door and gave the guards standing there a code.

“I swear if you took me to a fucking brothel,” you trailed off when you noticed a large, red symbol on the wall, a firefly. You took in a sharp breath, “Tommy” you said slowly, “what the hell is going on?”

“He didn’t tell you on the way here?” a woman said coming out of a room in the hallway. She had tanned skin and calculating brown eyes that matched her brown curly hair that was tied back in a low, loose ponytail. She was wearing a simple gray tank top and army green cargo pants with a gun holstered at the hip. You’d heard of her, but now that you were actually looking at her, it all made sense.

“Clearly not, but I’m guessing you’re Marlene?” you said coldly. You didn’t like being the only one out of the loop. 

“That would be me,” she smiled, “and Tommy here is going to join us.”

“What?” you questioned angrily.

“Yeah and I was thinking you should come with us,” Tommy said.

“What?” you questioned again. You were so confused. Tommy? Joining the Fireflies? Where is he going with them?

“Look, you know the things we’ve done, the things we’re still doing. I can’t stand it anymore, Joel’s too far gone and he’s getting older and Tess would never, but you? Come on sugar, this is a chance at redemption, to help people instead of hurt them.” 

You looked at him in bewilderment. What the hell was he talking about? Sure, you still had to do some not-great things while smuggling but it was nowhere near the level of dark with Ryan and the group. You only did what was necessary. It was different. Right?

“There’s a squadron of us going out west. Tommy has agreed to be one of them. We have a base out there that’s doing some real good work to benefit the world, not just in the QZs, and from what Tommy’s told me we could use a woman with your mind and skill set,” Marlene says.

“What, you mean like a cure?” she nods, and you laugh, “Tommy, you’re gonna leave us hell you’re gonna leave Joel for what? A chance? Some ‘good work?’ You know how long it took us to get here, and-” you sharply inhale, “fuck I know it isn’t the most glamorous thing but it’s still fucking better than having to live out there. Plus, you’d have to make it through the open city and then past that”

“Good thing I won’t be alone,” Tommy interrupts, frustrated, “and everytime we leave we’re at risk of hanging. Come on sugar, do you really want to stay here for the rest of your life shoveling shit, dumping bodies, and taking orders? And not just from FEDRA. Tess? Joel? They’re making you do what Ryan made us do just under a new name. It still makes us bad people, it still makes you a bad person. Do you really think your family would want that for you?”

That made you pause. Would they? Your dad’s fucking dying wish was that you find a better life and keep thinking of others, but you couldn’t help but feel you’d only half accomplished one of those. Were they looking down on you from heaven, or up from hell, with disappointment? Would it be better if you left with the Fireflies? With Tommy?

“You’re my closest friend, sugar. I just want what’s best for you. We can be heroes instead of villains.”

Villains? You weren’t fucking villains. And then it all made sense. After about a minute of organizing your thoughts you grinned at Tommy and you watched his eyes flash with a glimpse of hope before you said, “On today’s episode of Tommy Miller’s Hero Complex, he’s joining a new and cool rebel group to ease his conscience about the things we did to survive, not because we wanted to,” you watched his face fall at your biting remarks. 

“There’s no moral code in this world anymore Tommy because if there was you’d see that Marlene over there is no less guilty than either of us” you spat.

“I beg to differ,” Marlene interjected.

“Well you’re gonna keep begging because I didn’t fucking ask you,” you snarled. “Tommy, listen, let’s just go back to the apartment and talk about this.”

He sighed, “I’ll go back to the apartment to say my goodbyes, we leave at dawn tomorrow,” he said, refusing to meet your eyes. You blinked back tears of betrayal, frustration, and sadness. But if this was the road he wanted to take, fine.

It was about a 20 minute walk back to the apartment, but it took even longer because you and Tommy had to silently dodge FEDRA soldiers every few minutes. Luckily Tommy had it down to science and you assumed all those nights he’d been late he had been doing this.

When you reached the apartment it was 7:15. You unlocked the door and walked in to find Tess sitting on the couch and Joel pacing the floor. As soon as he turned and made eye contact with you both the fight began.

“WHERE THE HELL HAVE YOU TWO BEEN?”

“Ask Tommy,” you said glumly as you walked over to the kitchen table and slung your bag onto it and flopped into a chair, putting your hands on your face. This was gonna be a long night. 

The three of them argued all night, while you listened from the kitchen table, like you always did. They’d ask you for your two cents occasionally, but would start arguing again before you could answer until Tommy tried to pin some of the blame on you.

“Look, she almost decided to go with me! Why aren’t you mad at her?”

You stood from the table and walked towards him swinging your finger up in his face, “Yeah I thought about it for a split second until you called yourself a hero and us villains and then I realized you don’t actually think this will help, it’s just to ease that little hero complex you have. Sometimes heroes do bad things to save the people they care about, but clearly you don’t care about us enough to get over it.”

“I never said that I didn’t care about you guys,” Tommy shot back.

“No, but you’ve been complaining for weeks that what we’re doing is bad and that it makes us bad people, hell you tried to win me over by using my dead family as a bargaining chip. I killed my father and you don’t see me moping about how horrible of a person I am. No, I took it and use it as fuel for my fucking fire and to keep my promise to him. Your little Star Wars Rebels group isn’t going to change anything.” 

“She’s right,” Tess said. “What? Do you really think joining them is going to change anything about you?”

“I’m gonna fucking help people instead of blackmailing them for information, supplies, or ration cards. I’m gonna stop FEDRA’s abuses instead of supplying their officer’s addictions. I’m gonna negotiate and listen instead of killing.” Tommy shouted and then looked at Joel. Something about Tommy’s last sentence softened both of them. Like it reminded the brothers of a memory they shared. 

Joel fiddled with the broken watch on his wrist, “I can’t protect you out there,” he said softly.

“I know, but I won’t be alone,” Tommy put his hand on Joel’s shoulder, “I’ll be okay, I’m a man now, I’m not just your little brother anymore.”

“You know the radio communication codes here?” Joel asked.

“Yes,” Tommy said.

“You’ll check in?” Joel said firmly, it was more of a demand than a question.

“Promise.”

“Okay,” Joel breathed. “Dawn you said?”

“Dawn.” You all looked out the window, there was still a few hours before then.

“You need to get some rest, you have a long journey ahead of you,” Joel said walking over to the bed. “Just stay here Tess, it’s late,” he said without turning around. You could tell this hurt Tess, but she didn’t say anything. She never did. So you took your flat pillow and blanket to one end of the couch and curled up there, Tess headed to the other end and sat down, but to your surprise Tommy kneeled next to you.

“I’m sorry for trying to force you into that, I shouldn’t have used your family like that, it wasn’t fair. You’re like a little sister to me, I didn’t mean to hurt you,” he confessed.

“It’s okay, I know why you did it,” you said softly and he hugged you from the side of the couch. “Just be safe out there, okay?” you said into his shoulder, to which he responded with a squeeze.

“I will.”

And at dawn, he was gone.

—

The second leg of your life in the QZ started after that. On a smuggling run not long after Tommy left, Tess, Joel, and you came across Bill and Frank on the radio, two men living in a gated, safe haven, private neighborhood resort of sorts. It took a little convincing but eventually Bill agreed with Frank that they should partner up with you guys. Trips there were rare, but cherished. You and Frank especially got along. You were young and he loved to doll you up just for a day and make you feel like a girl again instead of just a woman in a broken world. You protested at first, but when you saw how delighted it made Frank it reminded you of how much Hazel loved to get dolled up, so you always let him. You’d receive a compliment from Tess, showers of praise from Frank, a comment or two from Bill– less for you and mostly for Frank’s handiwork, and stares from Joel. It was easy to forget about the end of the world there.

Tess moved into the apartment about a year after Tommy left, but you hadn’t minded the brief time it was just you and Joel. You’d grown fond of your little conversations with him as he slowly would open up to you about his life as a contractor and as he learned bits about your short life in Hazel. 

You two decided to just share the bed and it was way more comfortable than the couch so you were grateful the awkward tension there had broken, but when Tess moved in to make smuggling operations easier, you were moved back to the couch not so subtly by her. 

The first night Joel came over to the couch, but before he could open his mouth you reassured him it was fine and that the elderly needed the bed more than you did. 

It went on like this for years. You’d hear from Tommy here and there, go on a smuggling run, trade around the QZ, see a hanging, watch the fireflies fucking destroy everything, and work. It wasn’t great by any means, and it honestly really sucked most of the time, but you had food every night, protection, and a couch to sleep on, so if this was what the rest of your life was gonna be, you hoped your dad would take this as a better life. 

You were gonna have to keep working on that thinking of others thing.

tags: @orcasoul @who-has-my-green-banana

thank you for reading and wanting to be tagged :) 🩷

[acaciusbride]

Unconditionally: Joel Miller x OC (Part 2/10)

Summary: Lucy loves Joel Miller unconditionally. A cross country trip to escort an immune, bad mouthed teenager to safety might just prove it.

CWs: canon typical violence / unsafe sex / age gap / language / spoilers (if anyone cares) / canon divergence / mentions of attempted sexual assault / themes of previous suicidal tendencies

Note: this work is intended for adult audiences only. It is not strictly canon compliant, and was originally posted to A03 when I first ventured into the fandom.

Chapter Index: 1 /

Lucy kicks at a stone as she walks along the row of abandoned vehicles, jerry can in her left hand, swinging slightly.

As far as days go, it’s a nice one. Clear sky, a slight breeze. No people, no infected, just her and Joel and Ellie in Bill’s old truck, pulled over at a rest stop for gas.

It just doesn’t last as long as it used to. Twenty years has watered it down. It’s still usable, but nowhere near what it once was.

Ellie’s gone inside to use the bathroom, to try and loot anything that might still be useful. It’s possible; they’re in the middle of nowhere, it’s likely there’s still some decent loot in there. Lucy doesn’t bother to check. She’s got her backpack full of bullets, MREs, and a change of clothes. A couple boxes of tampons. Some tylenol. She’s set, as far as she’s concerned.

Her new rifle is slung over one shoulder, her handgun at her hip. Oh, and she can still feel the heat of Joel’s mouth on hers as he fucked her like the world was ending, whenever she takes a moment to close her eyes, even though it’s been days. Yeah. It’s a good fucking day.

Lucy crouches down by the fuel tank of an old wagon, pops the cap, and inserts the drip hose. The whole process takes about ten minutes, but the result is a full jerry can. She has to resist the urge to whistle as she practically saunters back to where Joel is crouching, draining the remnants of another vehicle.

“Got some gas.” She drops her bounty carefully. “Where’s Ellie?”

“Waiting in the truck. She found some god awful pun book.” Joel sighs, as he straightens up. “Good thing you found gas too. This shit isn’t gonna last like it used to.”

“We’ll make do.” Lucy bends to pick up her own can, then gives him a fleeting smile. “We’ve got this.”

“Since when were you such a damn optimist?” He asks, one eyebrow raised in amusement.

“Who knows? It’s a mystery. Maybe my entire outlook has changed.” Lucy laughs, leans up and presses a light, brief kiss to his lips.

They can’t get distracted, not here, not now, but it’s just a soft affirmation that she’s there, that she sees him, that she cares. He tastes like gasoline, but she doesn’t care.

“Yeah? Can’t say I mind.” Joel takes her can from her, leads her back to the truck, a small smile on his face as he fills the tank with the contents of one, placing the other in the back for later use. “Fair warning, Ellie’s pun book might kill that.”

Lucy laughs as she swings herself into the passenger seat.

“We’ll see.”

Joel just shakes his head and starts the engine, leaving Lucy to ride shotgun and keep an eye on the road.

She remembers the first handful of times she ever met him; the way she’d been the middle man for those in the QZ who needed medicine, the one doing the brokering, until Joel kept bringing back the wrong drugs. Not on purpose, of course, but he wasn’t a pharmaceutical expert, he didn’t understand that one sort of antibiotic may not be the right kind.

So Lucy had bartered her own ration cards, her own resources, for him to take her with him out of the QZ to collect the drugs herself. He’d been stoic and grouchy about it at first, until he’d seen her shoot.

They’d done a handful of runs like that, where she’d paid him to take her out, to watch her back. On the maybe seventh time, he’d just shown up at her door and asked if she was coming. No payment exchanged. No mention of it ever again. They’d just slid into an easy routine, Joel smuggling in whatever he was paid for, Lucy bringing in medication for the poor of the QZ, watching each other’s backs whenever they ventured out together.

She never asked about his relationship with Tess; they worked together, they were close, that was all she knew. All she wanted to know. She’d gotten along well enough with the older woman, but they’d never clicked the way she and Joel had.

Lucy almost felt guilty that she had lived, that she was the one making this journey, that Tess hadn’t made it, but she knew it was in no way her fault. She found herself wondering whether Joel wished it had been the other way round, even with their newfound intimacy. That wasn’t something she wanted to dwell on, knowing it would overwhelm her if she allowed herself to think on it too much.

She and Joel had ventured out of the QZ together, fought together, protected each other. When a man in the streets of the QZ had threatened her, Joel had beaten him within an inch of his life; that desperate, primal need to protect taking over. Lucy thought she might have been attracted to him before, but that moment had been the defining moment for her, the moment she knew she was desperately in love with the older man. The moment he’d cradled her in his arms, knuckles bruised and bloody from his vengeance on her attacker.

She could still hear his voice as he carried her home.

“I got him for you, darling. He’s not gonna hurt you. Nobody’s gonna hurt you ever again.”

How could she not love him?

She took a deep breath. Then another. Opened her eyes. They were still on the open, abandoned road, the late afternoon sun fading slowly into what promised to be another chilly night. She turned her gaze to Joel, her eyes taking in his side profile, a small smile on her face.

“Want me to drive for a bit?” Lucy offers, forcing herself to look back to the road. She could have looked at him for much longer, but she knows it’s silly; she’s too old to be lovesick, but Joel drags it out of her.

“Nah, we’re stopping soon.” Joel nods to the forest on their right, before he makes a turn into the field, cutting across it to get to the forest.

“Making camp for the night?” Ellie leans forward from the back seat, “Cool.”

“Put your seatbelt back on.” Joel grumbles, drawing a groan from Ellie and another small smile from Lucy.

He drives them into the thicket of trees, keeps going for a few miles before he finally pulls the truck to a stop.

“This will do.”

Joel grabs his rifle and slides from the truck, beginning to unload a few supplies from the back. Lucy stares after him for a moment before Ellie thumps the back of her seat.

“God, you two are fucking gross. Quit staring so we can eat.”

Lucy hates that she blushes as she slides out of her seat, leaves her rifle in the cab but checks her handgun at her hip.

“Shut up.” She manages as a retort, before she moves to help, leaving Ellie snorting with laughter behind.

The trio sit around the portable camp cooker, tin plates of canned ravioli on their laps. Ellie eats like she’s never seen food before, like she’s not sure where the next meal will come from.

Lucy can’t say she blames the kid, honestly. She knows what it’s like to be hungry.

“Slow down.” Joel admonishes, looking up from his own plate to stare at Ellie.

“This is slow.” Ellie retorts. “What am I even eating anyway?”

“This is uh, 20 year old chef boyardee ravioli.” Joel pokes at the food.

“That guy was good.” Ellie enthuses.

“I actually have to agree.” Joel admits; many a night when he couldn’t be assed cooking were saved by the canned meals. Not the best in terms of health, but hey, it tasted alright.

Lucy smiles, picking at her own plate.

“Personally, I preferred the beef stew.”

“Bet that’s hard to find now.” Ellie sighs, wraps her coat around herself. “Can we make a fire?”

“Now why am I gonna tell you no?” Joel asks, not with any heat to it, more in the sense of a father teaching his daughter a lesson.

“Cause it’ll attract infected?” Ellie hazards a guess.

“Nah.” Lucy says.

“Fungus ain’t that smart. Besides, we’re too far out for infected. It’s people you gotta worry about out here.” Joel scrapes the remnants of dinner from his plate, grimaces at the thought.

“People? Why? They gonna rob us?” Ellie sounds somewhat amused, “You guys have big guns.”

“They’d do more than rob us.” Lucy says, exchanging a dark look with Joel. She knows he’s thinking of that night in the QZ once more, of the man who had attacked her.

Ellie takes the hint, her expression dropping into one of concern before she masks it behind cool teenage indifference.

“No fires, then.” She seized a sleeping bag from next to them, unrolled it and sniffed. “Huh, this actually smells good.”

“You got Frank’s, then.” Joel quips, surprising both of his companions with his humour.

“Yeah, yeah. You two can share, right?”

“Don’t see why not.” Joel’s expression betrays nothing, even when Ellie stares at them, her expression loaded.

She’s almost disappointed she doesn’t get a reaction, huffs, settles into her sleeping bag, rolls with her back to the adults. Lucy assumes it’s their ward’s way of giving them some privacy.

Out here, in the woods, there’s no chance of taking off shoes, of sneaking any sort of true intimacy. Lucy double knots her bootlaces before she slides into the sleeping bag, and, even more enticingly, Joel’s waiting arms.

She wasn’t sure what she’d expected; perhaps him to pretend nothing had happened, in spite of his promises. She’s glad to have been wrong, rests her head on his chest, inhaling the gasoline gunpowder sweat scent of him.

“Hey, Joel?” Ellie calls from a few feet away.

“Yeah?” He’s instantly alert, tense against her at the call.

“Those people… there’s no way anyone’s gonna find us out here, right?” Ellie asks, trying so hard to be nonchalant, but her anxiety is peeking through in her tone.

“Nobody’s gonna find us.” Joel affirms, and Ellie sighs in relief.

“Cool. Cool.” She flops back down into her sleeping bag, rolls over again.

Joel sighs, still tense. Lucy immediately understands his plan.

“Wanna take turns keeping watch?” She whispers.

“No, you get your sleep. I might need you to drive tomorrow, okay?” He presses a soft kiss to her lips, then her forehead.

“Okay.” Lucy nods, tries not to look too pathetic as Joel slips from her embrace and wriggles from the sleeping bag, getting to his feet and collecting his rifle.

She wants to stay awake, truly she does, but it’s easy to fall asleep knowing the man she loves is watching over her, knowing he’d never let anything happen to her or their ward.

And so sleep she does, whilst Joel keeps vigil over both woman and child, a one man army against the silence and still of the night.

——

Joel’s exhausted, but he tries not to let it show as he packs up the truck the next morning, waiting for his coffee to brew. Lucy wakes first, sits up, crawls out of the sleeping bag. Her expression is one of half awake, regretful alertness as she surveys their surroundings, rolls up the sleeping bag and crosses to dump it in the truck bed.

“Did you get any sleep at all?” She asks, her eyes roaming over him.

Her concern might have once irritated him, but now? It’s endearing.

“Not really.” It’s a half truth - he gave up any hope of sleep and spent the night on guard.

“Joel…” she reprimands, might have gone further in telling him off if he doesn’t have other plans; he leans in to kiss her instead of talking.

Instantly she melts into his touch, leans in closer, her hand cupping his cheek.

“Don’t worry too much, baby.” He says softly, “I’d rather you were both safe. Besides. There’s coffee.”

The smell of the brewing coffee wakes Ellie; the young girl shuffles over to the camping stove still in her sleeping bag, gingerly sniffs the coffee pot before opening it and swiftly recoiling.

“What the FUCK is that?” She exclaims.

“What? You don’t like coffee?” Joel asks, straight faced.

Ellie pulls a face in response, complains about the smell the entire time they load up the truck, even when the coffee is poured into a sealed thermos.

“Is that really what those Starbucks in the QZ used to sell?” Ellie asks once they’re on the road, Lucy in the back this time.

“Well, it was fresher than the stuff Bill hoarded, but yeah. That’s what they sold.” Joel nods, glancing over at the map on Ellie’s lap.

“Smells like… burnt shit.” Ellie comments, nodding in satisfaction at her own assessment.

Joel’s response is to give her the side eye and loudly gulp from his thermos, leaving Lucy shaking with silent laughter in the back seat.

“Just read the goddamn map.” He says finally, somewhat unsettled by how normal this all feels, how easily they’ve settled into an almost family unit type feeling.

He doesn’t dislike it, but he dislikes having something - someone - to lose.

——

Lucy’s never been to Kansas City before, never planned on going, let alone planned on crouching in an old abandoned building, hiding from a full blown militia whilst Joel shows Ellie the correct way to hold the gun she took from Bill and Frank’s place.

The gun she fired to save Joel’s life, when Lucy had been powerless to help him, trapped six feet away. She owes the teen a life debt, in her eyes. They’ve had close calls before, but nothing like this. She never, ever wants to be so powerless to help him ever again. Turns out he’s not the only one with a deeply protective streak.

“What’s the plan?” Ellie says finally.

“Head for that big apartment building. Get a good view of the city, try and spot a way out.” Joel answers.

Lucy looks at him briefly, the way his hair is mussed, the small blood spatter across his face from where he’d put that young man out of his misery. It hadn’t been comfortable to watch, to watch a man barely above a child beg for his life, but Lucy can’t say she isn’t used to Joel being violent. It’s what he does; he has a violent, feral side to him that comes out when the people he cares about are threatened, and somehow, somehow, she and Ellie have made that extremely minuscule list.

“Cross the city, with those guys out on the street?” Ellie stares at him in disbelief.

“We’ll wait them out, then sneak through. It’ll be fine on foot.” Joel assured her, shifts his backpack onto his back.

They’ve lost a fair amount of supplies with the loss of the truck, but thankfully they were all smart enough to heavily stock their backpacks, just in case. The damn things are heavy, but at least they have a few basics to get them through.

“If you say so.” Ellie shrugs, then, “it’s gone quiet out there.”

“Time to make a move.” Lucy says, checking the ammunition clip for her rifle.

“Absolutely.” Joel turns to Ellie, “put your gun in your pack.”

As they move out, Ellie slips her handgun into the pocket of her sweater instead.

——

“C’mon, get up, you lazy ass.” Ellie sticks her hand out to Joel, who’s sitting slumped against the wall of their pilfered apartment.

“Lazy ass? I’m fifty six years old, you little shit.” Joel grumbles, but nonetheless takes the teenagers hand and allows her to haul him to his feet. Lucy returns from her sweep of the apartment, lowering her gun when she reaches them.

“All clear.”

Thirty three floors up, and his legs are killing him. His legs, and his lower back.

“Fifty six? No fucking way.” Ellie snorts, then turns to Lucy, “are you that old too?”

“Do I look that old?” Lucy asks, without rancour.

“No, I’m just fucking with you. How old are you, anyway?”

“Thirty six.” Lucy admits, as the trio cross into the living room, pull cushions off the couches to sleep on. Makeshift beds will do just fine.

“Fuck, still ancient.” Ellie snorts, throwing herself down onto her makeshift bed whilst Joel spreads broken glass onto the carpet by the entryway.

Lucy doesn’t argue; she can imagine how old she must seem, to a fourteen year old. Remembers how old grown adults seemed to her at that age. The only thing that prickles her is the reminder of the age difference between herself and Joel; twenty years separate them, even if they don’t acknowledge it. In this new world, it doesn’t seem to matter too much, but she still doesn’t like to think on it too much. In case it reminds him, and he decides he’d prefer someone older and wiser.

She had always worried he’d prefer Tess, but that seems like an unfair fear; he chose her, after all, and she doesn’t want to compete with a dead woman. That isn’t fair.

“Hey, Joel? Are you gonna hear if anyone comes in?” Ellie asks as Joel flops himself down beside Lucy, draping his arm around her waist.

“Why wouldn’t I?” He raises an eyebrow.

“Noticed you don’t hear so good out your right ear.” Ellie shrugs.

“I’ll hear it just fine.” Joel frowns, turns away from her, makes a big show of laying on his other side. Lucy takes the opportunity to rest her head against his back, wrap her arm around him. It’s nice to be the big spoon for once.

There’s silence for a few minutes, then…

“Hey guys?” Ellie’s voice fills the silence.

“Yeah?” Both adults respond immediately.

“Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?”

“Huh?”

“Yeah. It runs in your jeans.” Ellie says, deadpan, then cracks up laughing. It takes a moment, then Lucy joins her.

Joel can’t help it, he starts laughing too.

“That is so goddamn stupid.”

“You laughed, motherfucker.” Ellie says between laughs of her own.

“Yeah…” Joel admits, still laughing, “guess I’m losing it.”

“You’re absolutely losing it.” Ellie agrees.

“Shut up and go to sleep.” Joel grumbles, but he’s still laughing; Lucy can feel his body shaking slightly against her, buries her own smile in the back of his shirt.

It’ll be nice for them all to grab some sleep, considering Joel went without last time.

Secure in the knowledge of weapons within arms reach, being thirty three floors up, and the glass on the floor, the trio settle in for the night, exhausted and desperately in need of rest.

——

The makeshift bed made from couch cushions is soft, and Lucy’s body heat is warm and comfortable against him; it’s no wonder Joel manages to get a decent sleep, the best sleep he’s had since they crashed at Bill and Frank’s place. At some point, he must have rolled over, to face Lucy and Ellie. Almost subconsciously wanting to be closer to them, to not turn his back.

Unfortunately, Ellie’s observation had been right; he can’t hear shit from his right ear. Which leads to him sleeping through the intrusion, right up until…

“Joel… JOEL!”

He jolts awake, sees Ellie knelt across from him with a gun to her head. Sees the kid standing over him, gun aimed at his chest.

“Don’t.” Lucy’s voice is ice beside him. “Don’t point that fucking thing at him. Point it at me.”

The kid ignores her, glances to the young man who has a gun trained on Ellie.

“Don’t move. Don’t reach for your weapons.” He instructs. “You don’t hurt us, we won’t hurt you. You good?”

Joel just glares. Ellie rolls her eyes. Lucy doesn’t move, but her gaze is murderous.

“Be cool.”

“Oh, yeah, this is great.” Joel snaps, “totally fine.”

The kid - he’s barely older than Ellie, to Joel - keeps his gun up.

“Dude!” Ellie turns her head slightly to face the older kid, “he just has an asshole voice. It’s cool.”

The kid lowers his gun, then frowns.

“You guys got food?”

Lucy feels a little better the moment there’s not two raised guns in the room, but she probably still would have been explosively angry had the kid not asked that question; she’s venomously defensive of Joel, that’s a plain fact, but the question throws her off, really makes her look at the two boys - because that’s all they are, kids - who have taken them by surprise. The younger boy would barely be ten. The older of the duo, maybe nineteen or twenty, tops.

“We have a little to spare.” She says finally.

It’s not the weirdest situation Joel has ever found himself in, but it comes sort of close; him, Lucy, and three kids sitting around a lantern, passing round food.

“I’m Ellie, by the way.”

“I’m Henry. This is Sam.” The elder of the brothers introduces them both, as his younger brother points to himself and signs his name.

Ellie nudges Joel with her foot.

“I’m Joel, this is Lucy.” Joel considers for a moment, then passes another food package over to Sam. It’s almost unconscious, the way he treats kids that he comes across. Even if he doesn’t want to admit it, the paternal instinct is still enormously high in him, just buried.

——

“So that’s your genius plan?” Joel raises an eyebrow at Henry, arms crossed, clearly unimpressed.

“No, that’s my dicey as fuck plan, but it’s all we got, so.”

Lucy smiles in spite of the situation; she has to hand it to the kid, he’s got guts.

“I think we should go with it. Henry’s right, it’s all we got.” She offers, giving Joel her best reassuring look.

She knows it’s difficult for him to trust anyone; she’s much the same, but in this scenario? It’s probably best the five of them stick together.

“Yeah, alright.” Joel relents, hoists his backpack onto his shoulder. “Better get going, then.”

——

As Henry predicted, the tunnel is empty.

“See; what did I tell you?”

“We literally just got down here.” Joel says, exasperated, before turning to Ellie. “Get your gun out.”

Ellie nodded, pulling her weapon from the pocket of her hoodie. Joel stared at her; he was absolutely certain he had told her to put it in her backpack. Oh well. What’s the point in arguing about it.

“Keep your eyes open and your mouths shut. We don’t know for sure that it’s empty down here.” Joel said finally, taking the lead.

“Man, your dad’s such a pessimist.” Henry said, looking to Ellie.

“He’s not my dad.” Ellie responded, at the same time as Joel affirming the same thing.

“Huh.”

“Guys, look at this.” Lucy nodded to the walls, painted by children as they walked further into the tunnels.

“There were people down here?” Ellie stared as the group headed towards the door.

“Once, yeah.” Joel frowned, then threw out an arm to stop Sam from heading through the door first. “Absolutely not.”

“I’ve got it.” Lucy stepped in front, pushed the door open, gun raised.

The room beyond was clear; it had once been what looked like a school room, with paintings and posters and children’s activities still lying around.

“Can we stay here for a bit?” Ellie asked, watching Sam head for the drawing table.

Joel almost said no. Almost. But there was something about letting the two kids just… have a moment to be kids… that appealed to him. Give them a moment. Let them be free of the burden of this world for a moment.

“Yeah, alright. May as well wait it out until it gets dark, get some cover.” He flopped down into a chair, fine with being beaten for once.

——

The group emerged onto a darkened street, completely deserted. No people, no infected. Just quiet. Too quiet, for Joel’s liking.

“Not much further.” Henry said, “we just go across the river embankment, then we’re out.”

“Where are you guys gonna go? We’re going to Wyoming.” Ellie said, ignoring the look of irritation from Joel. “What? Wyoming’s got room for two more people, surely.”

Joel just shook his head.

“He’ll change his mind.” Ellie informed the two boys, “he always does. First he’s all, Ellie, no, not ever ever ever gonna happen.” She mimicked Joel’s gruff tone, “but then I just ask him like… a million more times and - SHIT!”

A bullet went whizzing past her head.

“Get down!” Joel dragged both Ellie and Lucy behind the nearest stationary car.

“Sniper.” Lucy peeked over the hood of the car. “One, coming from over there.”

“Thinking what I’m thinking?” Joel’s voice was grim, “we sneak round the back and take him out. Clear the way for these three.”

Lucy nodded.

“Wait; hang on. You can’t go out there, you’re gonna get killed!” Ellie protested.

Joel scoffed. “It’s dark and his aim is shit, he’s not gonna kill me.”

“Then he’ll kill us!”

He sighed. “You trust me?”

After a moment, Ellie nodded.

“Okay. Then stay here, with Henry and Sam. We got this. I’m not gonna let anyone hit you, ok?”

“Okay.”

“Okay. Lucy, let’s go.” Still crouched, the adults crept away, behind cars, dodging errant bullets as they went.

It was relatively easy to find the house, to creep up the stairs and find the sniper who was laying siege to them.

Lucy hadn’t expected an old man. She hadn’t expected him not to surrender. It was almost with great regret that Joel shot him in the head, before taking up the sniper rifle.

“Hold them in position! We’re almost there!” Came through the radio beside the fallen enemy.

Joel and Lucy exchanged panicked looks, peering out the window to see the approaching convoy.

“RUN! RUN!”

All hell broke loose.

——

Lucy was still shaking as they crossed the river; she had seen infected before. Plenty of infected. But one like that? That hideous, terrifying giant that had come out of the ground like a beast from hell itself? Yeah, she’d be having nightmares about that one for a while.

Joel, at least, had stopped shaking the moment they’d reunited with the three kids; she was so incredibly proud of him, of how he had silently gotten to work clearing the way, sniping any infected that got close to Ellie.

It was a side to him she had never seen; of course, she had seen him be protective. Been on the receiving end of it, too. But that? That sense of parental urgency to protect one’s child? She could only imagine that was how he had once been with Sarah, and now, reluctantly, Ellie.

Nobody spoke as they left Kansas City behind, finding an old motel a few miles out. As Ellie and Sam made themselves somewhat comfortable in the double bedroom, reading their comic books, Joel, Lucy and Henry checked the windows, barred the door, before finally sinking into chairs and allowing themselves to breathe.

“What an absolute fucking nightmare.” Lucy said finally, leaning her head on Joel’s shoulder.

“Gonna have to agree.” Henry commented, head against the wall, exhaling.

Joel said nothing, just watched Ellie and Sam huddled up together over a book, the latter teaching the former some of the sign language for the words.

“Look, I don’t know how we’re getting to Wyoming. Probably walking. But… if you want…”

The invitation was clear in the words, plain as day, even if Joel didn’t actually say it.

“Yeah. Yeah that’d be cool… it’d be nice for Sam to have a friend.” Henry looked over to the bedroom too, a small smile on his face. “I’ll tell him in the morning. Let them get some sleep first.”

“Good idea… you can tell them it’s bed time then.” Joel managed a small half smile, which Henry returned, getting to his feet.

“May as well get some sleep ourselves.” Lucy said, stretching out onto the floor, tucking her coat under her head. It wasn’t very comfortable, but it would do.

It would be better in the morning, when they could hit the road. Maybe, just maybe, they could be something resembling a family.

——

The comfortable, still, silence was broken by a piercing scream. Joel, Lucy and Henry jolted awake just as the bedroom door burst open, Ellie scrambling out before being tackled by…

“He’s infected…” Lucy’s voice was strained, aghast, as she backed up.

“Joel!!!” Ellie yelled, terror plain in her voice as she tried to wrestle her former friend off her, “help me!”

Henry turned his gun onto Joel as he stepped forward, horror plain in his features; for a moment there was a tense, horrible stand off, Joel and Lucy unable to move to help, Ellie struggling and screaming on the floor.

Almost in a trance, Henry turned the gun on what had once been his brother, and fired.

Ellie screamed again; Joel moved almost on instinct, to move to comfort her.

“Are you alright?” It was a stupid question, and he knew it; before he could get any further, Henry turned the gun on him.

“Whoa. Whoa.” Lucy held her hands up just as Joel did the same.

“Don’t… come on, Henry, give me the gun. It’s okay…” Joel’s tone was strained, but somehow still soothing, still empathetic.

Henry turned his gaze to the growing pool of blood on the floor.

“Sam…” his voice was almost a whisper as he lifted the gun to his temple and pulled the trigger.

Both Lucy and Ellie screamed together this time as he hit the floor. Joel said nothing, an aghast look across his face.

——

Joel doesn’t bury his dead; it’s not the world he’s used to. It’s harsh, yes, but you leave a comrade where they fall. That’s not the world he wants Ellie to know. It seems too cruel, after everything she’s already been through.

It’s for that reason that they wrap their fallen friends in bed sheets and carry them outside, to the dirt and grass opposite the motel, and dig graves.

It’s a stark contrast to shovelling ashes and dumping bodies into mass fire pits like back in the QZ, but it reminds him that they’re human.

Ellie places Sam’s writing pad on his grave; for some reason, she’s written “I’m sorry” on it. She doesn’t say anything else. Just picks up her backpack and dumps Joel’s at his feet, then starts walking.

“Which way’s west?”

“That way.” Lucy pointed.

“Then let’s go. There’s nothing here for us anymore.” Ellie turned away, not wanting to cry in front of the adults.

Joel sighed, took one last look at the graves, squeezed Lucy’s hand.

“Let’s get going.” He agreed, regret filling his voice as they followed Ellie onto the deserted, open road.

[tightjeansjavi]

Hiii!!

Idk if you do requests and I know you have a lot of on going stories but I wanted to share an idea with you!

Reader is Tommys girlfriend in the QZ and lately they’ve been fighting a lot about him wanting to join the fireflies. (Obviously reader also knows Joel and they do get along well) and eventually Tommy just leaves without saying goodbye (bc he’s a little shit lmao) and of course reader is a bit sad but mostly she’s absolutely pissed at him. Especially once he never reaches out the her, even once. She only knows he’s even alive bc Joel checks up on him. But reader is a badass so she’s like “alright, fuck you too” and starts working/smuggling with Joel to get ration cards and all of that. And they kinda become a good team and reader starts to like Joel. And at first Joel is like “nah I can’t.. she’s tommys girl” but when Tommy never even asks about her on the radio he starts to warm up to the idea. They flirt a lot, like cheeky winks and little grins and little make out sessions. They’re both hesitant to label anything bc issues ya know? 😂 but they clearly really like each other.

When Tess and Joel meet Ellie, reader isn’t there with them. So when they get to the apartment Joel is like “I gotta get someone bc I’m not leaving without her” (Ellie like ooop- 👀) so they all leave the QZ together and everything happens blah blah.

And when they get to Jackson Tommy is obviously like “oh shit 😳” because he thinks reader is there for him and wants him back and he’s obviously with Maria and got her pregnant. And reader is like “lmao you wish. The second you walked out that door you were dead to me. Hell, you did me a favour!” And basically like fuck you Tommy. You’re an asshole. And he’s a bit of a dumbass and doesn’t realise it’s reader and Joel now until Ellie is teasing them about something and then he’s like “😳 my girl Joel really???” And Joel is all like “she’s not your girl anymore, you didn’t give a shit about her. And she’s the only one that gave a shit about me the last few years” and he’s fighting for her and putting Tommy in his place for doing what he did. And then obviously they leave again and Joel gets stabbed and the hospital and all that. But when they get back to Jackson, Joel and reader don’t give a shit and just life happily ever after 💕💕💕💕 with Tommy glaring at them in the distance

(If you can’t tell, I don’t like Tommy lmao 🥰

and I know this is kinda long but I just wanted to share my idea with someone and you’re my favourite writer but you absolutely don’t have to do anything with it!!! It’s just been stuck in my head and I needed to get it out of there lmao)

Ummm this itches my brain in the best way possible?? I will have to throw this on the back burner with all my other WIPS laughing at me rn but I think we can definitely make this happen ;)

Thank you for sending this in! 🫶🏻

Joel really said yeah I fucked your girl. What’re you gonna do about it? 🤨

[tempesttragedya]

@relentess​ liked for some early Celia!

" Already choking on my pride, so there's no use crying about it .” The first words spoken after a few minutes of silence had lapsed between the two. Whatever thought had preempted the commend had lingered for long enough that Celia had absentmindedly taken out a cigarette, slipped it between her lips, and taken a long drag.

Smoke curls past her lips as she speaks, pointedly aimed away from the other woman, but the carton is offered with one hand. Just in case.