#possibly I am procrastinating instead of writing my own first page

[marlynnofmany]

Happy NaNoWriMo!

May your words be plentiful and any errors be next month's problem!

[pepper-up-potion]

l’amour de ma vie (Sirius Black x fem!reader)

Summary: when Sirius teaches reader French it turns into a confession of love.

A/n: this is cheesy, like maybe to the point of cringe. I think I got cavities just from writing it so read at your own risk. I wrote this really quickly this morning while I procrastinated watching my bio lecture so it’s not my best writing sorry.

Warnings: fluff like pure fluff. Mention of stress but it if you blink you won’t see it. There’s some crying but it’s happy tears. I can’t think of any others but please let me know if you do.

Word count: 1647 words

“Coucou mon amour.” He smiles as his girlfriend (y/n) walks into the gryffindor common room and sits next to him on the sofa.

“What did you just say?” She asks, nose and eyebrows scrunched in confusion.

“I said hello my love.” He pushes a strand of her hair behind her ear before cupping her face and giving her a short kiss.

“Can you teach me other French words?” She asks as she stretches her legs out onto the couch and lays her head in his lap.

“Okay. Let’s start with an easy one. Bonjour.” He articulates. She attempts to imitate the unknown sound as best as possible. Her accent is thick but she still succeeds to pronounce the word. “That means hello right?” She asks and Sirius nods with a small smile. “I’m impressed.” He states.

“Here’s a harder one.” He licks his lips before saying “Beauté.” She tries her best to repeat the word having trouble with the last bit. The “é” sound is new. She can’t think of any English sound that resembles it.

“What does that mean?” She asks after several attempts. “Beauty.” States Sirius while pushing a strand of hair behind (y/n)’s ear. “Like you.” A deep blush covers her face. This has taken an extremely cheesy turn and she feels she should be displeased but butterflies fill her stomach and chills run down her spine. She covers her face and giggles a bit.

“Another word please!” She says rather loudly trying to diffuse the tension.

“Intelligente” The word flows from his mouth easily. She looks at him in shock.

“That’s a long word, how am I supposed to say that?” She throws her hands in the air to emphasize her point.

“Well, it’s quite similar to an English word. Just think about it.” He squeezes her shoulder encouragingly as she stops and thinks for a bit. He repeats the word for her a couple times and finally it clicks.

“intelligent.” She looks at him for confirmation and he smiles proudly.

“I knew you would figure it out. See you’re very intelligente”. He caresses her cheek as she repeats the word several times, trying to get the right pronunciation.

“Okay how about merveilleuse.” He suggests. She looks at him doubtfully. The word is long and sounds very little like any English word. He gives her an encouraging smile and repeats the word for her one more time. It’s completely butchered on her first attempt but after five or six more tries it sounds much better.

“What does that mean?”She asks once she’s satisfied with her pronunciation.

“Wonderful.” He smiles a smile she recognizes from times he’s done something devious. “Like you.” His voice has a flirtatious tone and he gives her his best smirk. She rolls her eyes but her smile betrays her as it pulls on her cheeks. She tries to cover it up but she knows he’s already seen it from the look of pride and success on his face. It’s the same look he has when he’s able to talk himself out of detention.

“Okay give me something else. Something that isn’t cheesy!” She says giving him a light push.

“L’amour de ma vie.” His face softens as he says the words. Certainty laces his eyes and he looks at (y/n) with absolute admiration. She blushes under the intense stare. He slowly runs his hand up and down her cheek. His hands are soft and warm. It’s a calming feeling, she feels comfortable and the stress of the day washes away.

“What does that mean?” She asks, dropping all attempts of saying the words.

“You.” He whispers simply before bending down and pressing a short kiss on her lips.

When he pulls away he sees (y/n) with thoughtful eyes and brows knitted, an absolute look of confusion. “That’s a little long to mean you. Don’t you think?” She finally asks.

Sirius raises his brow and puts a hand to his chest. “Are you questioning my knowledge of French?” He has a pretend look of shock on his face. She can’t help but smile and laugh it off but even after the subject has changed, she’s still running those four words through her mind.”

—————-

The next day (y/n) goes to the library early in the morning. She takes the piece of parchment where she had attempted to scribble down the words from last night. The most important were the last four words Sirius taught her. L’amour de ma vie. She was certain it meant something more than what he said it was.

She finds a French to English dictionary in the Muggle section of the library and starts looking for the words. She starts with l’amour. It takes a little while since she first thought the word started with an “l” but she eventually finds out the l’ stands for the.

She moves onto amour which she first thought was writing as amoor but she eventually finds the word a little ways down the page. The word means love. She writes it down next to the that she got from the “l”.

Next is de which was easy to find, it means of. She writes it down and moves onto the next word, just as easy to find. Ma is French for my which she once again scribbles down.

Finally she looks for the last word, vie. It takes a little while because of the silent “e” at the end but she finally writes life down on her piece of parchment. She looks down at the five translated words.

The love of my life.

She reads it over and over again. Her face feels hot, her hands feel numb and slightly sweaty. Her head is spinning a little and she mentally thanks her chair for holding her up because she isn’t sure her knees would work at the moment.

She thinks back at what Sirius said the night before. “L’amour de ma vie.” “You.” She is the love of his life. She sits at the table in the almost empty library staring at the piece of parchment for a very long time. Letting the words on the page sink in. A couple tears run down her cheeks. Her boyfriend, the man she has dreamed to spend the rest of her life with, thinks the same. He loves her and plans to love her for the rest of his life.

“There you are.” She hears a distant voice. It’s like it’s coming from behind a door or from another room. Sirius stops in his steps when he sees her state. She’s a table away, a motionless figure with tears running down her face. He speeds his pace and squats next to her chair.

“Hey” he says softly while gently squeezing her arm. (Y/n) jumps as she finally realizes Sirius’ presence. Her eyes widen when she sees him. She opens her mouth to say something, anything, but nothing comes out. Only a tear runs down her cheek again. Sirius reaches up and wipes it away with a concerned look on his face.

“What’s wrong (y/n)?” He asks. He tries to sound gentle but it’s a little stern. He hates seeing her like this and sometimes he jumps too quickly to solving instead of reassuring her.

She looks at him unsure of what to say. He looks at the table hoping to get a clue to the problem. He sees a big book laying open on the table, an ink bottle with a quill and a piece of parchment. He stands and grabs the parchment. He quickly makes sense of the situation and his eyes soften. He pulls out the chair next to (y/n) and sits to face her.

“It’s true you know.” He states. “I mean it.”

(Y/n)’s eyes glisten with fresh tears that she tries to hold back. A slight panic runs through both their minds as he thinks she maybe didn’t want to hear that and she tells herself she needs to say something before he starts worrying. They both open their mouths to speak and both close them when they see the other has done the same. Sirius chuckles lightly before placing his hand on (y/n) knee.

“I was going to tell you last night but I got too chicken. I was worried you weren’t ready to hear that. I’m sorry you had to find out like this instead of through me.” There’s a silent pause. “Might I add that I am thoroughly impressed in your research skills. I’m amazed you were able to figure that out.” He looks at (y/n) with absolute admiration as he shakes his head in disbelief.

(Y/n) finally musters up the strength to say something.

“I-“ she tries to look him in the eyes but it feels too intense. His love for her is written all over his face and it’s overwhelming for (y/n). She takes a deep breath and looks down at her hands as she plays with one of her sleeves nervously. “I love you. It feels right when I’m with you and I don’t want to experience that with anyone else so I guess you could say - she finally looks at him - that you are also l’amour de ma vie.”

Her pronunciation is terrible and they both know it. They laugh a little, (y/n)’s cheeks are rosy from the confession and the embarrassing French. Sirius has a smile from ear to ear as he thinks how cute she is.

They lock eyes again and fall silent. “I love you (y/n). Now and always.” It sounds like a promise. She takes his hand as she gets up, pulling him up with her. They both have tears in their eyes as they hold each other in a tight embrace.

“Me too Sirius, now and always.” She muffles into his chest. They both smile, feeling incandescently content holding l’amour de leur vie.

[saphirered]

HIIII! It's me again (Eldritch knight reader) sorry I kinda dipped out but I hope you are having a great day! I was wondering if you could do one last request for that mini series of requests, where Essek finally asks reader on a real date and it's going great (Knight could notice some figures following them *cough* M9+verin *cough*??) there's some flirting/teasing but sadly the date comes to an end and reader walks essek home, they say their goodbyes for the night but not before reader finally kisses Essek and whispers a goodnight!

Hi! Welcome back. Now of course this wouldn't be me if halfway through writing I realised this was turning way too long so it'll be a two-parter again to keep it readable. Hope you don't mind. Any way, here's the first part so I hope you enjoy! 😘

-

A long day of disasters with the Nein returning just in time to be thrust into more relentless hours of study with Essek wasn’t exactly how you envisioned to spend your day and luckily for you Essek is a merciful soul, when it comes to you that is. Seeing how battered and bruised you were, and mentally exhausted he refused to let you touch his precious tomes or even scribble a single note on paper. He had even gone as far as making said smaller items disappear into the nothingness. Damn wrist pocket spell. Essek was determined. You needed rest. He’d make sure you got it.

So instead of hours upon hours spent at Essek’s home he opted for staying with you retreating to the upstairs of the Xhorhaus and finding the both of you a comfy spot to spend your time in a more relaxed environment. Essek sits, back against the tree while you lay sprawled across the floor next to his outstretched legs eyes closed as the wizard reads to you. He may not have allowed you to read for yourself as to not overwork yourself but the compromise you convinced him to was agreeable. More than agreeable if you’re honest.

It’s no secret you like spending time together as you do so a lot. You may be a little more affectionate with each other than say for example with Caleb or Jester. It doesn’t go unnoticed Essek likes you, if anything the man’s made it pretty clear and vice versa. Neither of you have just ever acted on it. With everything going on in your lives, how could you? You’re a ragtag adventurer with no allegiance to kingdom or country. He’s the bloody spymaster of the Dynasty. It’s not exactly a conventional prospect of a future, nor is it likely to succeed with the kind of lives you live. Could you really afford that kind of struggle? Maybe, if you were willing to take the risk but lately things have been hectic and this moment of relaxation beneath the tree at the top of this tower is the first moment of peace either of you have known in a long time.

You swear, you’re paying attention. You might still have to reread the whole book again as you’re just entranced by the sound of Essek’s voice. The man could make anything sound interesting. Give him those pages from that Iva lady back at the Chastity’s Nook in Zadash and Essek could make even that sound like a master piece. Though in hindsight, maybe best not as you think he might not be able to get past the first few sentences himself. The cringe.

“Are you still listening?” Essek’s reading voice breaks in favour of the question as he watches you drift off with a smile on your face. He’s almost afraid to ask the question but is unsure if that’s because you’ve grown tired or the subject bores you too much.

“Hm?” You perk up turning your head to the side and looking at the wizard. The exhaustion is written over your face but doesn’t diminish the content smile you present.

“Perhaps that is enough for the day?” Essek suggests closing the book and sits up a little straighter. He places the book by his side as you sit up and go to reach for it. Essek’s quicker and places his hand firmly on top of it and prevents you from taking it. He’s very sure you’d have no trouble retrieving the book if you really wanted to and maybe he’d like you to try, just a little, but you’re tired and need rest. Not fill your mind with pages of knowledge attempting to cram in the words. You’re a good study but even the best of studies cannot combat the banes of exhaustion.

“It is getting late anyway.” Essek says as you roll back and find yourself, head leaning against his thigh, looking up at the drow with a pout as he insinuates he’ll have to leave soon. You catch him off guard but he’s not opposed to the sense of affection and comfort you radiate. Physical affection is rare between the two of you especially since he’s very new to it in such contexts. He’s still getting used to it and he’d be lying if he said it’s unwelcome.

“If you say so.” You stay like this for a few more minutes before the ruckus downstairs pulls you out of your moment and you’re reminded Essek needs to head back to his own home. He still has business to attend to, business he’s been procrastinating in favour of spending more time with you. You sit back up, swing your legs beneath yourself and rise to your feet offering Essek a hand to help him to his feet.

“Essek, do you have a moment.” Caleb calls over as he enters the living space. The drow looks at you as if to ask if you know what this might be about or more like your permission to allow himself to be whisked away by the wizard interrupting your goodbye. You shrug.

“I should probably try and prevent this kitchen fire waiting to happen. I take it Cad’s still out getting groceries?” Caleb nods and you sigh shudder preparing for the oncoming disaster rushing into the kitchen like a valiant hero, albeit a little more domestic than your usual adventures, valiant no less.

A conversation between two wizards in one room and a homemade fluffernutter dismantled in another you reunite with Essek. There he is floating in all his glory, cloak back around his shoulders you see him off. Essek seems a little… nervous? Is that the right word? So you give Caleb a look but he acts all innocent. You know better than to trust that. Nevermind, you’ll have an easier time getting it out of Essek than Caleb if you need to. Caleb sends the others off to their own business persuading them to clean up before Caduceus returns and finds his precious kitchen in disarray or any other state he didn’t leave it in before he left. The firbolg is quite protective of his pride and joy. You lead Essek over to the hall but interpose yourself between him and the door crossing your arms and tapping your foot expectedly.

“So is this where you tell me what you and Caleb talked about or am I going to have to work for it?” The look you give Essek makes him want to spill all the beans right then right there but he wants to do this the right way and not be a blabbering incoherent mess. He has to do this the right way. You deserve that much; if not for the way he feels then simply for every effort you’d put in your actions to do with him.

“It’s to do with you.” Oh? Now you’re curious. “I asked Caleb for some advise.” What in the worlds would he need to go to Caleb for to get advise on to do with you? Essek’s not one to admit lacking either skill or knowledge when it’s about people and even less so to confide in another in such a way because by all means, his little side bar with with the redhead was anything but an interrogation to get information about character, motives and possible leverage like he would have navigated a political encounter.

“And what, pray tell could Caleb be lecturing you on?” You grin with he gentle stroke at Essek’s ego. If you know one thing, sweet-talking will get you everywhere with this man. Not that you’d minded. Not that you were lying. You’d never lie about such things. But you’re also not against using your opinions to gently persuade the drow in revealing what he’s hiding.

“Matters of heart. It seems I am at a disadvantage when expressing them to the subject of my affections.” Essek admits and you watch the skin of his cheeks to become a darker shade of purple. Damn, this is not going the way he envisioned it. Like a rock being tossed into the elemental plane of water, sinking into that eternal ocean.

“Oh really, now? It seems to me you’re doing perfectly fine.” Essek laughs awkwardly and looks to the floor to gather his bearings but when he feels your hand rise to his cheek and lift his gaze to look you in the eye, when you step in a little closer to him. He knows you’re teasing, or at least partially teasing. He also knows best to rip the bandaid off quickly and hope you’ll be merciful in your answer.

“I was wondering if you’d join me on an outing, tomorrow if it suits you?” Essek feels the words leave his lips. He doesn’t blurt them out like some lovesick fool and is thankful for that at least.

“Of course, will we be going to the library again? Or another shopping trip? Need me to carry more of those heavy papers again? Please can we do this time without any assassins sent to kill you? I think we could both do with a break for once.” You laugh and it becomes quite clear to Essek his phrasing might have been a little off so he’ll have to correct himself. Great. Just what he needs. Make this more awkward and difficult for himself than it already is. Maybe he would have been better off blurting out the words like a lovesick fool.

“What I had in mind would be more like a planned outing, a break from our usual lives and away from the responsibilities we both carry.” Essek clarifies and the copper drops for you.

“Essek, are you asking me to go on a date with you?” Yes. Yes. For the love of the gods, the Luxon and all that is sacred thank you for speaking the words correctly instead of leaving him to go in circles until he can’t anymore and dies from embarrassment. Why does he always turn into a mess when it comes to you? Because he likes you, a lot, maybe even more than just like. Definitely more than just that.

“That is exactly what I have been attempting and failing to convey, yes.” He admits ashamed. Your laugh makes for a good consolation though, no matter your answer. Up until now the possibility of your answer whichever outcome, had never been a bother to him as he never really gave asking you a thought, for his own sake or this may just have gone much worse with his tendency to overthink. In suspense he awaits. Not even the powers of dunamis at his fingertips could make the passage of time before your answer feel like less when in reality you barely missed a beat.

“Of course. I’d love nothing more.” You caress his cheek. Your smile grows from amusement to joy and Essek couldn’t be happier. He felt himself slipping into a smile of his own. Essek let himself go in that joy and relief you accepted rather than the stress of the actual date tomorrow. He’ll worry about that one later.

[logically-asexual]

Hold me like you mean it

summary:

Logan’s feelings for Virgil and the fact that now Virgil barely notices him are stopping him from getting any work done. Janus offers a way for Logan to cope, by disguising himself into Anxiety. but is this really what Logan needs? and what’s in it for Janus, anyway?

alternatively, an angsty story about rejection, denial, and manipulation.

note: this fic is completely written with a total of 9 chapters and 9k words, but I will be posting the chapters every couple days in hopes to build up hype. this is my first time writing something longer than ~1k and also my first time writing in A While. but I tried really hard and I’m very proud of it so I hope you like it.

note 2: please don’t take this as a guide to learn about unhealthy relationships, it's a theme in the story but it’s not meant to be educational in any way.

warnings: (for the whole fic) unrequited love, rejection, manipulation, unhealthy relationships, gaslighting, dependency, dubious consent and non consent for kissing, sad ending, depression (vaguely described), angst in general, nightmares. let me know what else i should add.

Read on AO3

Chapter 1

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words: 1,217

Logan sighed as he tossed another paper ball into the bin. His eyes were starting to burn from the strain, but he was determined to have the plan finished by tomorrow. He had started typing his ideas into his computer, but the light began to hurt as the sky became dark, and he couldn’t risk anyone seeing his room’s light on from the hall, so he had turned on a small lamp and tried again with pen and paper.

He pulled another blank paper sheet and started over. It was kind of ridiculous, when he thought about it long enough, to spend this much time trying to figure out the best way to talk to Virgil in the following days, but he had identified his lack of communication with Anxiety as the most important and urgent issue to resolve in his table of priorities. After all, Thomas had become more anxious in the past weeks. So, in order to be heard, he needed to be able to collaborate with Virgil, which would also keep Thomas’ mind clear and stop him from procrastinating so much.

Another list of ideas had almost filled the page when Logan was startled by a knock on his door, followed by the sound of his pencil dropping to the floor. He hurriedly turned the paper over, stood up, and went to open the door, hoping to end whatever interaction that was about to happen as soon as possible. He was surprised to find Janus standing on the other side. At least it wasn’t Virgil, but Logan knew either of them could easily detect the smallest sign of nervousness, and Logan was definitely nervous. It was late and he shouldn’t be working.

“Good evening Janus, is there anything I can do for you?” Logan greeted from where he stood, poking his head out of the barely open door. The sooner this conversation ends, the better, he repeated to himself. His hand tightened around the doorknob as he waited for Deceit to say something, while the other was staring at him with a slightly amused look on his face.

Just when Logan was about to tell the other to stop wasting his time, Janus spoke. “I came here to ask for your opinion on an idea I had, but I can tell you’re trying to hide something,” he said as he crossed his arms and looked into what was visible of Logan’s room, before turning his gaze back into Logan’s eyes. “So spit it out already.”

Logan glanced quickly towards the papers on his desk and back at Janus with an expression as neutral as he could manage. “I am trying to hide the fact that I am working late at night, because I must be an example to the rest of the Sides and keep a strict, healthy schedule to encourage them to do the same. Happy?”

“Of course.” Janus said, apparently satisfied, but he only gave Logan a second to feel relieved before he pushed past him into his room. He walked directly towards his desk and, out of all the objects laying on it, he picked up the one Logan dreaded the most.

Janus looked the paper sheet over as a wide grin formed on his face. Then, he held it high and began reading out loud. “Strategic Plan to Communicate Effectively with Anxiety. Updated version 5.2. Step one: approach Virgil (gently) after our next discussion and point out the arguments he made that were helpful. Step tw-”

“That’s enough.” Logan interrupted, as he snatched away the paper. “What do you want?”

“Oh you know me, I just love it when you all insist on hurting yourselves and Thomas in the name of irrelevant lies.” Janus said with a sarcastic tone, increasing Logan’s discomfort. He continued, with a mocking smile. “If you’re going to hide things, I’d prefer you do it for something useful instead of some crush.”

Logan blinked rapidly and felt heat rising to his face. “What? What are you talking about?” He took a moment to look at Janus’ unimpressed expression, while he pieced together what the other Side was implying. “You think I have a crush on Virgil? No, no. See, I have a table of problems that hinder my productivity and therefore Thomas’ that I need to address and lately Virgil hasn’t been listening or interacting at all with me, which has stopped any of my other projects from being considered, so the most logical solution is to fix that as soon as possible through effective communication with him.” He had to take air in once he finished his explanation, realizing he had uttered it all in one breath. He watched expectantly as Janus raised an eyebrow.

“Right...” Janus said, as he once more took the paper from Logan’s hand. “And what role exactly do Step six, “partake in movie nights when Virgil chooses the film,” and Step eight, “stand closer to his position on the stairs when the twins are making him uneasy” play into this… productivity thing?” Before Logan could defend his reasoning, Janus went on, now with a slightly softer expression. “Listen, Logan. I know you have a selfish motive behind this, you don’t have to hide that from me. I’m not Patton. I won’t judge you.”

Logan swallowed, embarrassed to admit this feeling, both to himself and to Janus, and replied with a whisper. “I just… miss him, and I want us to be friends again.”

“Is that all?”

Logan nodded, looking down at his shoes. After a moment, he added “we used to understand each other well, and I had an easier time working then, with him, with the rest of the Sides, and by myself.”

“Very well. If that’s the case, I think I can help.”

With the intention to ask what kind of help he meant, Logan turned his gaze back up, only to be shocked by the sight of Virgil standing in front of him. He inhaled sharply and took a step back, not moving his eyes from Virgil’s tilted smile. Once his mind caught up with what happened and what was being offered to him, he immediately refused. “No, Janus.” (Saying the name out loud helped him remind himself who really was in front of him) “I want to make things right with the real Virgil. Staying in denial and pretending things are fine won’t help anyone.”

“But it will help you, L.” He heard in Virgil’s low voice, but with Janus’ usual intonation, it didn’t match well. ��You said yourself that you can’t get any work done because your mind is occupied with missing me. This way you can work on our relationship while taking the edge off.” Janus took a step towards him and put his hand on Logan’s shoulder.

Logan considered it for a second, before settling on the same answer. “No. I’m sorry, Deceit, I’ll follow my own strategy.”

Janus’ expression fell, and he shifted back into his usual appearance, but he kept his posture straight and his head high. “Fine, but my offer is still open for whenever you are ready to accept it.” With that last statement, he gave Logan his notes back. Then he walked out of Logan’s room, shutting the door behind him, leaving Logan alone in the dark.

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notes: (yes, i just talk a lot, sorry) welcome to the journey! hope you enjoy :D and if you like it pls leave a comment.

also the title is from Four Tequilas Down by dodie, (which is a big mood for the story)

[literaticat]

Do you have any advice for enjoying writing again? When I was a teen (I’m 25 now), I wanted to follow all or most writing rules because I was annoyed with people assuming I was a bad writer without having read my work based solely on my age. I developed quickly and am now feeling burned out. I love writing, but I can’t write for fun anymore or without overthinking my prose to death. My writing isn’t bad, but I also wonder about every word and whether the reason I’m using it will come across or if I need to write a ten page essay to justify my choices. It feels like everyone else enjoys their writing and they feel confident in themselves AND the rules. They don’t feel stifled or anxious about them at all, especially not when writing a draft. When I bring this up, people only say how important the rules are and how you can ignore them but your writing might not be any good. This only stresses me out more. I have even tried several critique groups and aside from plot suggestions or small errors, no one has found anything Wrong with my writing. Why can I not enjoy writing anymore?

My advice to this was going to be, like, “don’t do things that make you unhappy".... but maybe you need more inspiring advice than that. So I asked my client, genius author and Friend of the Tumblr Martha Brockenbrough to answer it. Because she loves to procrastinate, she was happy to oblige, so without further ado, here’s Martha’s reply: 

“Dear Young Author,

Oh, I feel for you. This line, especially, punched me right in the place that my heart used to beat.

It feels like everyone else enjoys their writing and they feel confident in themselves AND the rules.

I revised it for you.

It feels like everyone else enjoys high school and they feel confident in themselves AND the rules.

But wait, you say! My friends and I were definitely on the same page about high school. That there were good parts and all, but most of our lives were doing what other people told us to do while ridiculing the dress code because who cares about shoulders and honestly, the adult obsession with leggings and girls’ butts is a good indication that generational therapy is needed.

So here’s the thing. If the so-called “rules” of writing were all it took to succeed, then robots could literally do it. But they can’t. Not yet, anyway.

If obeying rules were the sure way to success and happiness, well, that would make authoritarian regimes and the very worst people in them admirable.

If you’re hanging out with people who are singing the praises of rules, then I would suggest broadening your circle a bit. It is very true that beginning writers internalize a lot of rules that aren’t rules—don’t end a sentence with a preposition! Love triangles are OVER! Love at first sight is wrong! Tropes are for dopes!

But this is usually something you get over with more experience in life. You can see that, oh, yeah, sometimes a preposition is a good word to end a sentence with. That a compelling love triangle  be a great way to get a reader to turn pages—something books must do. That sometimes love at first sight happens, and it’s a writer’s choice and work to make it meaningful to a reader. And tropes? There’s fun to be had with them. Fun!

Experience in life is often independent of age, by the way. Some people never let themselves have any. They are too busy with rules.

I’m not telling you to wait until you get older before writing feels fun. I am telling you, though, that to be a writer, you need to live, question, observe, think, and engage, something that takes time. You need to focus on how it feels to be in your very own human body, consider what it must be like to be in someone else’s, understand that while someone might look confident on the outside, on the inside, they are a peeled hardboiled egg in a baggie of broken glass just hoping to keep it all together.

And isn’t it interesting that people can seem one way on the outside and look another way on the inside? And how and why is that possible? And as you start thinking about all of these things, and how much of our power we give away by caring what some Old Fart thinks about writing instead of writing what we, in our tender and threatened yolks, know is the truth?

Once you start thinking about the complexity of the human experience and the challenges of seeing each other for who we are when we can’t even rightly see ourselves all of the time, when you start thinking about the world that gives some people power to make up and enforce rules and expect everyone else to follow them, when you start to think about how some people are always going to hate what you love and vice versa, well, you will start to see more possibilities with writing than you ever did before. The world keeps getting wider and more interesting.

And you might come to understand that the purpose of readers and friends isn’t to find anything Wrong with your writing any more than their job is to find something Wrong with you as a person. The purpose is to have the benefit of someone else’s eyes and mind and heart on something that you care about, inviting them to see it and share with you how they see it so that you can see whether you achieved what you set out to do. Along the way, you both will learn from the experience. This is what quality friendship is about, too.

And all of this matters. Writing is a way of having a conversation with someone about what it means to be alive. To wonder. To love. To suffer. To triumph. To laugh.  

The more you think about these things, the more engaged you can be in life, and the more open to things that are beautiful and things that are ugly and heartbreaking. The more you read, the more you will understand how other people convey this, and how really skilled writers put down sentences that make readers want just one more.

There are no rules, not really. There are conventions and expectations, any of which can be broken or played with when there’s reason to.

There is a whole lot of hard work in writing, and the writing that is easiest to read very often has the most sweat and suffering behind it. Whether people have fun and feel great doing it is kind of beside the point. What they look like from the outside is almost never the measure of how they feel on the inside. The fun is that we even get to try.

So just keep going. Keep paying attention to the world and to all of the wonderful books, and look at them as friends instead of user manuals. They are friends, and they are waiting for your work to join them.”

[hariosborn]

james potter fic recs!!

lily evans, i see you, hear you, and i respect you... but we’re gonna forget about you for a hot minute

no please don’t say that... by @hello-everyfandom tag yourself, i’m sappy james :(( i just want to attend at least one gryffindor party in my lifetime. thinking of shifting realities :// jkjk i have no free time on my hands :(( but if i ever did, i would for sure visit the marauders and hang out w them in the common room 🥰 hashtag gryffindor pride!

match made by @slytherinquill who is y/n and why does she get all the guys 😔i would hate to have to choose between two boys who like me, but lucky for me no one likes me! as much as it squeezes my heart, i love the fake dating trope with all my heart bc of all the emotions it puts me through - and this one was so well written! love that for the writer, could not be me, i suck at writing <3

too late for love by @futurewriter2000 just the right amount of steam and heartbreak ;( fun fact: i used to only read and write on w**tpad and that was where i read my first hp fanfic after 2 years of being on the app (i had promised myself hp was off limits) and like i was looking on google to see the marauders fancasts and i saw a gif of aaron taylor johnson and i accidentally clicked on it and it took me to a oneshot on this writers page, and i was like “oh well, might as well” and i read it and i was crying and then for a month i was going on incognito tabs to try and read everything on her masterlist and then i caved and got a tumblr and here we are! so shoutout to @futurewriter2000 for being the writer to suck me into this lovely whirlpool that is harry potter fanfiction heehee

numb love by @heloisedaphnebrightmore i love non-cannon stuff because lets face it, my existence is not cannon. but this! this right here! wow! yes! it hurt, but it was worth it! i love how i could still have my own harry potter uni fantasy, but still have it line up with the cannon timeline 🥺

jealous by @writingfortoomanyfandoms short and sweet but dang! my heart did that little b***rflies thingy 😳i think best friend!remus is the best thing ever, and sirius’ little jabs at lovesick james were *muah*

nightmare by @marauder-exe more butterflies! i won’t spoil it - but when the prompt was mentioned (like james used it) i melted onto the floor. i became a puddle of puddy on the floor. i went so soft. i felt like i was in my natural soft girl state. romantic hari was activated :0

summer revelations by @pregnant-piggy YESSS!!! YAAAASSSS!!! SUMMATIIIIME!!! i live in ~la~ and its that kind of nasty hot rn (and during the summer) bc we’re having a heat wave, and i just wish with my entire being, that i could instead spend my summers in the english countryside in a cute french style house with cute boys dancing around their feelings for me. thats the dream right there. y/n has it lucky. i bet she takes that sh*t for granted 😒 jkjk love her! i am her! also i had in mind the exact dress i would be wearing, and bc of the humidity, i’m imagining my curls would be ~activated~ and so my messy bun would just be at peak cuteness <3

pushing the right buttons by @heloisedaphnebrightmore i don’t know why (actually i do) but the word “waist” and the action of “wrapping his arm around your waist” makes me feel something amazing. i’ve learned that my love language is physical touch + affection and this fic has that, and then paired with the idea of someone appreciating my waist just makes my brain go into overdrive. and then shirtless james is obviously a plus as well. 5+ points for that alone. 

uncontrollable wandless magic by @heloisedaphnebrightmore ooo imagine having powers 😏eleven typa beat. (OMG WAIT THE CHARACTER FROM STRANGER THINGS, NOT THE AGE AJKABVKJ)

schemes series!masterlist by @futurewriter2000 OOOO YESSS! this series broke my heart, but like in the best way possible, so its all good. also this fic introduced me to the idea of fantasizing abt mulciber, so i am not complaining. love me some remusxreaderxjamesxreaderxsiriusxreaderxmulciuberxreaderxplatonic!regulusxreader

potter by @mellifluousmalfoy relative of ernie mcmillan??? james potter??? soulmates??? the answer to all of those questions is yes. yes i do. yes i am. yes i is.

a golden lion and the pale blue bird by @remusishotterthansirius im not saying i agree with this authors user, but i a*ree with this authors user. back to the scheduled programming - i love study buddy!remus. like period bestfriend. introduce me to my future mans. you go do that remus. you play matchmaker. go ahead, i give you full permission 😌 

just go by @jamesmydeer i don’t even - i just - when - AGHHH. maybe its like a disease, but i love putting myself through pain via heartbreak stories on tumblr. it gives me a rush. pretending i’m actually in love. its nice ya know? its definitely an obsession, but i think its a healthy one! 

Y’ALL I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE DOING MY HOMEWORK BUT I PROCRASTINATED AND MADE THIS LIST! AHHHH

but its okay bc its been a looong time since i made my first post - which also, ty for the nice messages from all the writers mentioned 🥺

hope you liked these recommendations! i’m sorry if you’re a writer and get tagged in like ever single fic rec list i post, i just really like your stuff 🥺

ANYWAYS I HAVE TO GO, I HAVE SO MUCH HOMEWORK TO DO AND SO LITTLE TIME BYEEEEE

happy reading! 

[lucysuniverse]

Critical Beauty

Am I the only one who thinks Jo Jinho is perfect just the way he is? Probably not. :D

To be honest I incredibly miss this man so I just wanted to feel him a bit closer while I am writing this story and he is serving in the military.

Happy Birthday Jinho! We love you all. 

Pairing: Jinho x OC/reader

Genre: comfort, romance, angst

Word count: 6081

______________________________

I messed up. Like totally. My dad and those idiot colleagues of mine totally washed my brain. But after all I was the one ruining our relationship completely. And I could not blame him for having the will to break up with me because If I was in his shoes I would have done the same.

-|-

I knew it wasn’t right this way. We lived together for almost a year by now, and I couldn’t tell him. I couldn’t tell him that I was lying to him continuously in order to protect him from pain and save his self-esteem. Or at least this was my intention through-out the years.

We lived in a small flat. This is what we could afford. I just graduated from high-school and he was going to auditions. One after another. He was determined, and he was good. Insanely good. I couldn’t understand what is missing. What do you need more to become a singer? Didn’t he have outstanding vocals? He did. Didn’t he have a bit shy but loveable personality? He did. Didn’t he have sense of humor? HE DID. And on top of that he was handsome. WHAT WAS MISSING THEN???

As his girlfriend my heart was aching to watch all his efforts go to waste after so many years passed. We had a relatively big age gap between us. Well as long as you’re a teenager or young adult even two and a half years difference seem a lot. But later on, it doesn’t really matter. Especially not when you like someone. Because you like them for the person they are.

I loved him so incredibly. Because he was great. He was caring and cute but sometimes surprisingly masculine and very hot. I couldn’t wish for a better man. There was only one thing missing. Actually, not was but were. 5 more inches.

Because although we were quite far from each other in terms of age, we were all the more so close in terms of height. To be honest I guess I might have been smaller than him, but it never felt like that. And every time I thought about this I felt ashamed. Because that was the only thing which gave me hard times. I wouldn’t say I didn’t like his height. I liked everything about him. But sometimes I just wished he was a tiny bit taller, or I was even smaller (if that was possible).

Sometimes I found myself wondering about this: this couldn’t be the reason of him failing all those auditions, right? They can’t be so mean right? If you’ve ever heard a good singer than you would know that Jo Jinho was one of them.

This is why I always told my father to wait just a little. He was really opposing our relationship. I would have understood his concerns if he had real reasons, since I was his only daughter. But what he always said was ridiculous, narrow-minded and I just resent him for that.

“When will he finally stop this stupid joke of becoming a singer. Didn’t he have enough throughout these years?”

“I am fine dad. How about you?” I said as a reply. I was so fed up listening to his bullshit all the time. He heard Jinho singing. And even though he would have never admitted, he knew Jinho was born to be a singer. Anybody could tell. But sadly, in his eyes only those are real men who are lawyers or doctors. When they divorced with mom, he even found me a real man… My dad thought I should go on a blind date with the trainee of his divorce lawyer. He even complimented his ears! Like what the heck! My always logical and strict dad tells me to date the trainee of his divorce lawyer because he has nice ears.

Don’t get me wrong I’ve never thought about leaving Jinho, but my dad nagged me all the time so I checked the guy’s social media pages. Funfact: he was born on the freaking same day in April as Jinho. Am I freaking joke?

“Little woman… I am your dad no need to act like this. But think about your future kids. Will they be also minions?”

“Bye dad it was good to talk to you.” And I hung up. I didn’t want to ignore him. After all he was my dad. But we never had a good relationship. Well a relationship at all. But the irritating thing was that even if I tried to ignore all these comments he made me angry. I couldn’t stop myself. I should not marry Jinho but we are already expecting kids?! And minions? And these are my dad’s words when he himself isn’t a giant either. ARRGGGGHHH!

“Hi babe! Is everything okay?” Jinho asked. And as always, I put on a nice smile and said “yeah, all good.” And I hated myself for that.

-|-

“What is that?” He asked curiously. I didn’t know he was still at home. I wanted to put the box back under the bed as soon as possible but it was too late he saw it.

“Oh this? It is just something stupid. It is not important. Did you leave something here?”

“Yeah, I left my phone on the charger. But don’t change the topic. It must be something important if you were staring at it so dearly.”

“Oh no. You misunderstood.”

“Okay, enough of this. What’s that? Do you have something to hide from me?” And even though he didn’t say this in an offended way there was edge in his voice.

“It’s your birthday gift.”

“My birthday gift?”

“Yeah.” I knew this couldn’t work. But I couldn’t come up with a real acceptable reason.

“It was last month. And procrastination is your middle name so it can’t be for my next one, I am not buying this. So, what is that?”

“I will bring this back okay? I don’t know why I bought this. I must have lost my mind. I just …”

“Oh show me finally.” And before I could give him the box he took it out of my hands.

“You must be kidding me, right?” He asked after 3 minutes of torturing silence.

“Look I am sorry. I know we should be saving money and …. but I can ask for refund and also…”

“You created such a big scene just because of this?” And he was laughing. He was LAUGHING!

“What? Aren’t you mad?”

“Why would I be? Should I?”

“Oh… yeah. I mean no. No. I just thought… I just…”

“You thought I would be upset to found out that my girlfriend is secretly buying a pair of high-heels for herself to feel pretty? I am getting more upset now that I know you felt like you should hide this. Also, why did you think I didn’t want to see your pretty legs in this? I thought you knew me better. If that’s all I am off for work. Bye babe see you in the afternoon.” And he gave me a light kiss on my forehead. And I felt on my skin he was smiling. “And I hope next time I see you, you’ll be wearing these.” And he casually left the room.

I made a fool out of myself. I really thought he would be offended by this. I mean it wasn’t a big deal to give up on high-heels. They weren’t very comfortable anyway and we really had to save money. But I was young and for the first time in my life I felt getting more feminine. Maybe I was already but this time I started to realize.

I thought it was selfish of me having these secret desires to put on a bit tighter clothes and wore high-heels especially when he is not really taller than me, but after having this conversation I was even more encouraged. I knew he didn’t have problems with it and that was all that mattered. I was happily tiptoeing to the office. My colleagues even complimented me.

The girls were jealous for having those nice shaped legs, and the boys… let’s not talk about them. If you think they will become serious once they grow up… Well friend you are totally mistaken. Boys will be boys. But they didn’t cross the line, in their own way they complimented me as well. And I felt confident and happy. All thanks to my sweet boyfriend whom I could always rely on.

I was in a really good mood until the point I let some idiots ruin my day. I couldn’t say they ruined it. I was the one let them do it. I just wish I never overheard their conversation.

“I was wondering why she is never coming to the year-end parties but now I see. The company is not yet prepared for those legs.”

“That was a good one bro. But they say she is just staying home all the time with that hopeless guy. I feel sorry for her to have such a boyfriend.”

“What really? Why aren’t they coming together?”

“Another rumor says it the guy is a dwarf. So, she is rather staying home with him.”

“Wow. How do you know so many things?”

“Resources…”

“Which girl then?”

“The blondie in the red jeans.”

“Mmmmmh.”

“Stop it she is mine.”

“Until when?”

“Tonight. Then you can have her.”

“You are disgusting man. Well done.” And they laughed.

“Ah but that sweetie. I really feel sorry for her. Having that boyfriend can be very burdensome.”

“Oh yeah. If I was her boyfriend, I would make sure she feels good in every situation.”

“You mean every position.”

“Exactly.” And they laughed again. “You know me so well.”

I felt dirty. It’s not like they did anything specific to me. They were just fantasizing. But I felt fucking dirty in that moment. I wanted to erase this conversation from my head but instead I heard their words repeatedly in my head.

I heard my shoes making that irritating sound on the street while I was going home. With every step I felt smaller and smaller. I regretted wearing that stupid high-heel… So as soon as I arrived home I put them back in their box cleaned, ready to bring them back to the shop. I would want to throw them away instantly but then suddenly I thought about Jinho.

We need to spare money. He needs to buy some nice clothes for the next audition. And also, we barely manage to pay the bills since I just started studying in the med school and next to collage it is quite hard to work. Sometimes I thought maybe I should just quit dreaming about becoming a doctor but there was a senior doc, my supervisor who inspired me a lot. Last month he helped that well-known celebrity couple. He said the lady had some complications while she was giving birth to their little girl but the doctor helped them and finally the little Daisy was born healthy. Some of my fellow classmates said he even resembles Jinho…. I don’t know why.

Talking about Jinho, he was quite clueless when he found me eating the third bowl of ice cream and watching Lovely Complex.

“You are still watching this?”

“Anime is not only for kids. And well I’ve just become an adult anyway, meaning I am still a kid. Let me be. Oh and if you go to the kitchen can you bring me the last Ben & Jerry’s? I know I shouldn’t be buying these but I just felt like having a pajama party on my own. Thanks babe. ”

“Look.” And he sat down next to me and slowly took away the Ben and Jerry’s from my hands to put it on the table. “Can we talk about today morning?”

“Sure. But what is there to talk about?”

“I hate it when you act like this. And the funny thing is that you know I do.” He smiled bitterly. I was aware of it. None of us were stupid. Well… we both were very clever to be honest. When I acted silly it was either out of fun or I was trying to hide something. Just like now.

“Okay. Sorry.”

“I feel like you are kind of disappointed in me. And I just wanted to let you know and thank you for enduring all these days and months together with me. I know that even if you don’t tell me that it is hard to tell your parents that I still didn’t make it.”

“Jinho it’s not your fault.”

“That is showbiz, I know. The only thing that hurts me is that when I started this utterly long and unpredictable journey, it was me and only me. But since then we found each other, and me failing all the time is not only an individual concern. We are a team. And I am not a good team mate. You just graduated and want to become a doctor. And I should support you.”

“Jinho you’ve already done so much for me, you can’t even imagine. And you do every single day. Even today. So, don’t just please don’t say you don’t support me, when you support me the most.”

“But then what’s wrong?”

“What do you mean?”

“Even after so many years I’ve never met your colleagues and I hardly ever meet your dad. I know you are working part-time and you are tired from doing college and your job at the same time but these parties could help you relieve stress a bit.”

“I don’t want you to meet those idiots.” And well, this was true. Not only because they would make a joke out of us, but after today I was kind of ashamed of working with those bastards.

“But I guess not all of them- oh what’s this? I am sorry babe but I need to pick this up, we will catch up on this okay?”

A producer called him. Or should I say the producer? The one who just became a dad. The one whose wife gave birth to the little Daisy in our hospital with the help of my professor. That producer. I was insanely happy. Finally, good news. I couldn’t bear anything bad any longer. But the worst was yet to come.

-|-

We were walking hand in hand on the streets. Finally, a promising audition. It was on Saturday so I could go with him to the company and show some support as I should. Once the audition was over Jinho shook hands with the producer. I could imagine them working together. I even found cute how they were both quite small.

Jinho said they would contact him later, but he had a good feeling about finally making it. I was so happy. I’ve never saw him so hopeful after an audition. When we were leaving the company there were six model like people nearing us. I was sure they just walked out of Vogue. The two most likely European girls alongside the four men suited each other very well. But not all the boys were Korean. One boy’s appearance shouted “Shanghai Prince” the other’s “Nagano Prince” but don’t ask me why. I just had this feeling.

I don’t know how Jinho felt but I was in awe. They looked stunning. Flawlessly chitchatting about a Flower Shop in the nearby. I always thought models have other topics to talk about. Well the owner of that shop must have done something very well then to become a hot topic.

“They were cool right?” He asked suddenly.

“Yeah.”

“Just wait a little longer. I will become one of them anytime soon.”

“I know.”

And I really knew that he would succeed. He was supposed to be a singer. I even imagined myself becoming his manager. I loved helping people. And I was determined about med school, but for him I could have given up on it. I knew with his music he may be curing more people in his life than me as a doctor. So after all our goal was the same.

              As we were nearing home familiar faces were getting closer. The two guys that bullied me in high school. They always had something against me. If I had red nails I was a slut if I wore a turtleneck they called me a nun. They ate my lunch, stole my notebooks etc. Same old thing. Bullies are so uncreative.  

              “Oh hi dear. Long time no see.”

              “Hi guys.” And I started to panic but wanted to grab Jinho’s hand and leave as soon as possible.

              “Hey its Saturday, why such a hurry? Knowing you, you don’t have any plans or invitations, do you?”

              “I am sorry boys, but we will be leaving.” Jinho said firmly.

              “Oh, did you see someone? I heard a voice but I don’t know where it comes from.” One of them said.

              “I don’t know man. Maybe our favorite girl can tell us.” And now they were both looking at me challengingly.

              “You guys are still not tired of the same old shit, are you?” I asked with a bored face but deep inside I was startled. I hated seeing them again, I hated the fact that even after graduation they can do this to me and Jinho as well.

              “Same old shit? Look at you. Are you talking about yourself?”

              “It was enough. Get lost.” Jinho said again.

              “It is strange I keep on hearing things but I don’t see anyone.” One said.

              “Poor girl. You should have higher expectations. Are should I say taller?” The other added. And they laughed. I was about to cry. Why is this happening to us, when finally, things seemed to become better.

              “Is he the best you could end up with? Oh god your still so low-class as you used to be… or is he not your boyfriend? Correct me if I misunderstood.”

              And that was when I fucked up. I didn’t say anything. I hesitated. There were no good answers. I knew them so well, no matter what I was about to say, they would turn it against me. But even that should have been better than this.

              “I am sorry guys, but if that’s the problem, I can tell you we are not together. Look at her. Is she someone to mess around someone like me? Definitely no. She is better than that. She has a taller, funnier and richer guy next to her. He has just entered that building at the end of the corner. I guess you both know which building I am referring to.”

              “Is that true?” They asked at the same time.

              It was our only chance to finally escape from this nightmare situation. They could stop us if they wanted any time. We were both too small to resist if they were up to something.

              “Yeah, that’s right. He works there.”

              And as if the curse was broken, they nodded with respect and were no longer blocking our way.

              “If that’s the case, we are sorry about what we said. We knew you are going to make it. And who is that lucky guy? Yanan? Shinwon? Yuto? No waaaay. Oh my god are you dating Jung Wooseok?”

              I had no clue what they were talking about, but I had this gut feeling that my dear ex-classmates became fanboys throughout the years. FANBOYS! It was ridiculous. I couldn’t help but smile out of embarrassment.

              “I am sorry, but you also know that we should respect the artist’s privacy. I cannot say more.”

              “Okay, so its Wooseok. Oh my god. He is a legend. Could you please get his autograph?”

              “I am sorry but we should get going. Jinho has- wait… Jinho?”

              “Oh the small guy? He left couple of minutes ago when it turned out you are dating Wooseok. Is he jealous by the way? He might have some feelings for you. But don’t mind him girl. You are dating the great Jung Wooseok. What else can a person ask for?”

              For a forgiving boyfriend I guess. I left these two idiots there and I started to run after Jinho as fast as I could. Did he say he is leaving I just didn’t notice? Was he upset? Did he leave something at the audition? I called him several times but I couldn’t reach him. After going back to the company and checking the possible places where we were that day I decided to finally go home. I just hoped he would be there.

-|-

              He was at home. And he didn’t seem upset. He told me to take a shower after this tiring day. It was his tiring day though. If only I had the audition today.

              We spent the afternoon calmly he was practicing and I watched a movie. The male protagonist kinda resembled the divorce lawyer’s trainee. Yang Hongseok. And wait a second, he is at the same agency where Jinho had the audition. Nice. I was so happy and excited I really hoped they will call him back with good news.

              Jinho was practicing for hours. He only did this when he was determined and wanted to prove himself before an upcoming audition or when he was hurt. I started to have a bad feeling. There isn’t any upcoming audition. Shit.

              I prepared some nice food and I cautiously knocked on his door to tell him we can have dinner. He didn’t seem angry or anything he just casually nodded and we started to eat.

              “About today… thank you for saving me. These two were always bullying me and if you weren’t next to me today I might have ended up crying and hurt again.”

              “At least YOU are not hurt.” And the way he said ‘you’ was different.

              After minutes of awkward silence he thanked for the food and was on his way to go back practicing.

              “Wait Jinho.”

              “Yeah?” He asked indifferently.

              And I couldn’t ask what I wanted.

              “There is dessert for you in the fridge.”

              “For me? Aww. That’s nice. I thought it is for someone else. Maybe for Jung Wooseok.”

              Bingo. I knew something was fishy…

“I don’t even know who that guy is. And you are well aware of this. Look, I know those two are disgusting and resentful but it was you who stopped them. It was thanks to your made up story that they finally stopped.”

“Oh right. You are so right. What if we just pretend not dating anymore? Maybe it will solve other worries too?!”

“What? Do you want to break up?”

And I saw that he kinda froze at this question. He didn’t mean it.  But if he was mentioning break up he must have been hurt for real.

“No. Of course not. This is why I was kind of avoiding you. I wanted to talk about this when I have calmed down. But fine since it’s out it can’t be helped.”

I was getting nervous. The thought of losing him was more than painful. I didn’t want to live without him. I couldn’t live without him.

“I always thought we are a great team. Even if there are things we should work on we were always open about concerns and we solved the problems together. But I am worried this situation right now is not something we can change even if we work together.”

“We can solve everything together, okay? I want to solve it. Jinho please. I understand and realize that I must have hurt you with my words. And I am so sorry about that. I never wanted to hurt you. I should have told them the truth.”

“Do you know how much happier you looked when I said you are dating this illusionary taller, funnier and richer guy? Do you realize how relieved you were when they showed you respect for dating an idol? Do you get it finally? I love you so incredibly. But this is me. Only this much. I cannot give you more. I am working hard to get there. I might be there someday. But it won’t change facts. I am Jo Jinho, I am 5.6. I don't look like a model. I don’t have money. But I love you. That’s all I can give. But I am not sure it is enough. I am no longer sure I can give you the things you need. I am not sure what I can give you is the same as you want me to give you.”

“What?”

Is this really how I behaved? Is this really how I made him feel?

“I am not saying we should break up, but I am asking you to reconsider what you want from me and from this relationship. I want you to be honest. I promise you even if you say ‘I am sorry but I only date guys above 5.8’ it will hurt and I will be broken, but I will accept it. As long as I know you made the right choice in order to be with someone who can make you happy, I will accept your decision.”

“No Jinho. You totally misunderstood. I don’t want to date anybody else. Who cares about those stupid inches?”

“You. It was only you. Always. Did you ever hear me complaining about it? This might sound cruel but I learned to accept myself and love myself in this way. And it was a hard and long journey. I won’t pretend it is only about you. I don’t want to lose this confidence. I don’t want to become that insecure man I was before. But you make me feel like someone who needs to be protected, someone who should be hidden. I don’t want to feel like this.”

“I never wanted to hurt you.” I said while my tears were falling.

“I know you never did. It was unintentional. But you’ve hurt me. I just want you to realize a lot of things can be improved and changed, but my height is not something I can modify. Please just think about it. If you still want me this way, just let me know. I would be happy to stay together.”

And he left me there. I would want to hug somebody, and I needed his presence but, I was kind of glad he didn’t see my ugly crying face.

He was so damn right. And I could totally understand the way he felt. If you love someone you shouldn’t make them feel like trash. And it was always and only me who had those concerns. The rumors spread by the colleagues and my dad’s stupid words. I am not sure how I really felt. Maybe I was just influenced by them but I was worried I might have cared too much about his height.

Everything was up to me now. He was waiting for my answer. Even after I hurt him so bad, he didn’t want to break up. It was up to me to choose an average life with a divorce lawyer’s trainee type of guy, or choose a different type of life with him. A life with Jo Jinho.

-|-

We’ve slept separately. It was better this way. I was suffering alone but it just made me realize how much I needed his presence, how much I wanted to see his face when I woke up and how badly I wanted to feel his arms wrapped around me.

I prepared a nice breakfast. I wanted to clear things as soon as possible, but food is important too. Kids, don’t forget to eat breakfast!

“Hi! Good morning!”

“Good morning! Wow. So many nice dishes. Is this a compensation?”

“It’s an ‘I am sorry for being a bad girlfriend’.”

“Oh thank god it’s not an ‘I am sorry for breaking up with you’.” He said with a smile. But I couldn’t laugh at it. I know he was hurt. And him trying to make a joke out of it meant that he was hurt more than he showed.

“I am not gonna leave you Jinho.”

“I am sorry I didn’t mean it.”

“Look. I… I… messed up okay? I understand that even if I had good intentions I’ve hurt your feelings. But I think we can solve this too. I wanted to say thank you for finally saying what I should have heard. The thing is that you were right. I was the one obsessed with your height. And the saddest is that not specifically because of you. I thought if I am almost as tall as you I can not be a fragile, small woman. I wanted to be smaller, I wanted to be the one who needs to be protected. And I couldn’t accept myself in this way. I didn’t see me the way I wanted.”

“I wish you would see yourself with my eyes just to understand how beautiful you are.”

“I am sorry to make you feel bad when I was the one who couldn’t love myself. If you could help me to accept myself as you did back then, I think we would be able to stay together. And if you still love me I wouldn’t want anything more than this. I want nothing less and nothing more than you, Jo Jinho.”

-|-

Magic Bra. I was raising my eyebrows. Did she really make a successful business with such a company name? But when I checked on the internet the reviews were praising her insanely.

Lucy_1127 wrote: I was invisible before. But when my longtime best friend saw me in this red bra, he finally realized we were supposed to be together. I love this bra. It is indeed magical. My only regret is that it is more times on the floor than on me. (Moderators please don’t erase my comment *begs*)

Hoetaekie828 wrote: when the owner told me that this lingerie has magical power I was sceptic. I am 27 you know. I don’t believe in fairytales anymore. But when I saw her (my back then best friend now girlfriend)... Wow! She was indeed a beautiful princess from a fairytale. Since than I couldn’t thank the owner lady enough. We are regulars at the shop. I totally recommend it for couples, and for those friends who are shy to admit the truth.

              Jinho didn’t tell me why I got this. He just told me this is a gift from him to me and also a part of our therapy. We didn’t apply for real therapy. But we agreed to rebuild our trust and change things. As a first step he told me to wear these. I was kind of surprised. Jinho wasn’t really a shy type but we were both so stressed recently, having a time dedicated to ourselves was so rare like a leap year.

              When I put on the ‘magic bra’ I checked myself in the mirror. I wasn’t totally satisfied but I looked so different in these. I finally saw someone who is brave and confident. For the first time I thought if I work a bit harder, not only on my body and carrier but on my behavior and inner values, I might become someone who is worth of Jinho’s love. I really hoped so.

              “Okay, so where is my lovely and concerned girlfriend who cannot see herself as a fragile, feminine woman? Because I only see a stunning, confident lady here. I am sorry miss, but even if it is so hard to send you off I will have to ask you to leave because I already have someone closed in my heart.” He said when he suddenly appeared behind my back. Our eyes met in the mirror.

              “Oh is that so? That’s a shame then. Are you sure she wouldn’t allow this one? As long as you are happy I think she wouldn’t mind it.”

              “Do you think so? Am I that kind of lucky guy? Well… let me see.” And he is seductive gaze was wandering all over my body. “No. I cannot do that to her I am sorry.”

              “Why not? Is she so nice?”

              “Yeah. She is a precious someone to me. And I promised something to myself. I wanted to show her how beautiful she is. I need to keep that promise. So even if your affair offer is very tempting I have to say no.”

              “What a pity. I think she doesn’t even know how lucky she is… Is she more beautiful than me? That can’t be true. Mister you must be lying.”

              “No, I am not. I love her and she is beautiful. What if I prove you?”

              “Fine. If you prove me than I’ll be leaving and won’t seduce you. If you don’t prove me you’ll have to have an affair with me.”

              “Okay.”

              “So, how will you prove me?”

              “Just look at yourself in the mirror.”

And even if I was confident pretending to be another lady for fun looking at myself in the mirror while he was watching me from behind was kind of embarrassing.

              “You know my girlfriend is a bit insecure and even if I tell her she won’t trust me when I say she is beautiful. You have some similarities. You both are stubborn and don’t trust my words… bad girls…”

              And I couldn’t help but laugh a bit. He was cute. I was grateful. And I loved him incredibly.

              “So, for example if I would say I love how she puts her hair behind her ears she would be like: but it is nothing special.”

              And as he said it he put my hair behind my ears and put a soft kiss on my neck. And then looked back at me in the mirror. And I started to get the taste of this whole thing. He was so freaking hot. He decided to show me how he loved each and every part of my body. He put soft kisses on my shoulders and wrapped his arms around my waist without taking his eyes off of me. And this excited me. For the first time I realized it was really not about being small or tall, fragile or not. He loved me and I loved him back. And we were perfect for each other just the way we were.

-|-

              “Sorry but could you please go to the hall? Someone passed out. Oh god these fans these days…”

              “Sure, I’ll be there in a sec.”

              It wasn’t the first time in this week. Fans were crazy about him. And it was good to see that he finally received this much of love after working hard for his dream for the past years.

“I am here. How can I help? Where is the patient?”

“He is here.”

“You two?” I asked a bit shocked.

“Oh! Our favorite girl. Please save him!” Member 1 of the bully duo said. I am sorry but after what they’ve done to me throughout these years I don’t bother calling them on their names…

I just gave him first aid and after he woke up I made sure he is fine.

“You’ll be fine now.”

“Oh my goodness. Thank you. You saved him.”

“You saved me. Thank you. I have never thought one day you’ll be saving my life.”

“Trust me, this is not something I’ve expected either. But what are you two doing here?”

“We are fans!”

“I am sorry to let you down but Wooseok is not present today. This is Jinho’s solo concert…” I said a bit offended.

“Silly. We knooow. We came to support him.” They said.

“Oh, if that’s the case… I am glad. I think he would be happy to see your faces. But promise me you won’t faint in front of him okay?”

“Yes doctor!”

“Good.”

“Also… we are sorry… for everything.”

And I just nodded. I was happy that they apologized even if it happened after so many years later. But in a way I was happy that we met them on that day. I guess I needed to meet them to realize being critical about beauty is just so unnecessary. Beauty is so subjective, and is not only about visuals and heights. And when I looked back on Jinho talking happily with his fans signing the albums, I knew that in my eyes he was the most beautiful person, and nothing else mattered.

[serialreblogger]

some of your post/reblogs were so relatable to me that more and more I think I may have ADHD (I'm like, at least 70% sure of this and the 30% is me searching for a psychiatrist/therapist that I can trust/afford, anyway) so, since your how to essay post Im talking myself to ask if you have some study tips or tips to focus, anything to help, really. I'm in college and I can't focus to read 2 paragraphs which makes me anxious and makes me procrastinate because I can't study and I HAVE to study so I avoid everything but then I think NOW I have even less time to study and I got stuck in this circle. And because I can't read anything I also cant bullshit my way writing papers that I have to so I don't do this too, so I'm just spiraling more and more with this which also doesn't help with the depression. And I'm so, so SORRY to dump my problems on you (this isn't my intention here) but if you have some tips or don't mind talking about what you do to study I really appreciate it with all my heart.

oh friend, i’m so sorry to hear you’re goin through that, it’s EXTREMELY relatable tho. everything you just wrote basically sums up my entire first year of university (just add in a couple dozen spiralling panic attacks on the basement floor and you’ll be me), and while i wish i had advice i could promise would solve the issue, i don’t... know? that i would recommend doing exactly what i did? because while i made it through university with ridiculously good grades, i also exacerbated a pre-existing anxiety disorder to the point where i literally could not bear being alive for a while there.

but for whatever it’s worth, and bearing in mind that you need to prioritize your own well-being WAY above whatever grades you get on a stupid piece of paper, here’s some tips on how to get through course readings, based on what i’ve learned through blood, tears, trial and error:

don’t read the full two paragraphs, to start. ADHD makes reading academic articles hell, but (and i genuinely don’t know if this is possible for anyone else, the chemical cocktail of debilitating anxiety that was my brain at the time made me do things i otherwise couldn’t and definitely shouldn’t) i did manage to finagle a way to make it work for me.

See, the thing about academic papers is that they’re very nicely organized. every paragraph is dedicated to making an individual point, which is introduced at the beginning and summarized, more or less, towards the end. this means you can get a very handy-dandy trick, because here’s the thing about ADHD brains: we’re VERY GOOD at making connections.

so here’s the trick: you don’t actually have to read the paragraphs. Not the full ones, anyway.

Let’s break it down:

First, what is the overall reading meant to address? What’s the title of the book or article? Is there a heading or subtitle to provide you with extra information?

Second, what is the thesis statement in your paragraph? Yes, every essay has a thesis statement, but every paragraph also has a specific point to make, which is stated in a sort of mini-thesis, typically right at the beginning.

Once you know this thesis statement, the rest of the paragraph is just fleshing out and providing evidence for that statement. You can keep reading if you need more information to understand what the author’s getting at, but once you’ve got that thesis statement, the rest is just there to get in your way.

For neurotypicals, I think, it’s maybe necessary to read this stuff all the way through? I don’t know. What I do know is that, for ADHDers, we tend to be very, very good at making extrapolations from very minimal information, based on all the surrounding context.

You don’t need to do the full readings. You just need to read the first sentence, process what it’s saying, and skip over the rest.

(if the first sentence of the paragraph is nonsense to you, don’t panic. often the first sentence or even the whole introductory paragraph is intentionally confusing, so if there’s something you don’t understand, disregard it and move on to the second sentence, or the next paragraph.

this happens often, because a lot of academic writing is just a power play on the part of the writer. “Look How Smart I Am Compared To You, You Have To Work So Hard To Figure Out What I’m Saying,” etc. Don’t buy it, tho--the true measure of intelligence isn’t how thoroughly you can confuse someone else, it’s how effectively you can share the knowledge you have. Intelligence is useless if you can’t share it.

Do whatever you can to make it through essential readings, but don’t be intimidated by them. If you can’t understand them, it’s not because you aren’t “smart enough,” it’s because they’re badly written.)

Final notes: this process is meant to walk you through reading papers, but it also lowkey applies to a lot of insurmountable tasks in academia.

You look at a 5-page paper, look at your attention span, and immediately despair because yeah, that’s impossible. The solution is not to expand your attention span, because that’s also impossible. So, instead, don’t look at the 5 pages.

Look at an impossible task, and break it down into its smallest pieces.

Don’t look at the 5 pages, don’t even look at the first two paragraphs. Make a plan for how reading a single paragraph might be possible for you (in this case, break the paragraph down into its own components, and skim over most of them in favour of reading only the most necessary portions). Then focus on finding those one or two sentences you need in the very first paragraph. That’s doable.

You do that, and then you move onto the next.

It’s extremely difficult, especially for ADHDers, to limit your mental vision to the most immediate task and stop looking at the big picture, but it’s also necessary. If you can find a way to make the smallest tasks possible for you, you can break the big, impossible ones down until they’re made of tiny chores. You can do tiny chores. You can read one sentence, take five minutes to process it, but you can read it. That’s all you need to be able to do.

Read one sentence. Skip the rest. Move on to the next paragraph. Repeat.

That’s the real secret, the one that got me through university. It’s impossible to complete a biology lab, it’s impossible to read this entire interminable textbook, so don’t think about the impossible tasks. Think about the single step directly in front of you, focus entirely on that, and eventually, the impossible tasks will be done.

(The other thing I recommend is not taking a full courseload. Please, please, please make sure that in addition to getting your schoolwork done, you also have enough time left over for you to truly relax, and not feel guilty for doing so. If you’re getting intrusive thoughts halfway through an essay, but instead of terrible things you’re thinking about your latest favourite TV show and feel like your brain is thirsty to watch it? You’re working too hard. Take it from someone who ignored their own mental needs until it wrecked them past the point of continuing--burnout is not fun, and you deserve to protect yourself from it. Take it slow. Your wants are just as important as your needs, and both are way more important than your schoolwork.)

[news4bees]

Things I do to make my ADD/ADHD slightly more manageable.

Full disclosure: everyone is different and non-neurotypical behaviors are not a copy-paste situation. What works for me might put others in the exact opposite head space and that’s okay. I just wanted to share what I’ve learned works for me over the years. I’ve been really struggling with my ADD/ADHD lately and I need to remind myself of the healthy coping mechanisms I’ve developed so I can implement them again.

1. Have a morning routine.

Working from home as a freelance editor / publishing consultant, I have a lot of autonomy over my day. Which is great… if I make the most of it. I learned a long time ago that I am most productive in the morning, so it’s important for me to get myself into the right head space as soon as possible. I set an alarm to get out of bed at 7:00am every day, I try and go on a walk around the neighborhood first thing (weather permitting—we don’t mess around with rain or snow), I eat breakfast (usually including either coffee or tea for caffeine purposes and warmth) and take my supplements, and prep for my day. It sounds super simple, but it’s really all about inertia. A body at rest will want to stay at rest. I’ve had just as many days where everything goes according to plan and I’m able to have a productive day as days where I don’t get out of bed until I have to drag myself to my service job in the afternoon. So having that morning routine and sticking to it can honestly be a night and day difference for me.

2. Make a schedule for my day.

I have a terrible concept of time. I can look at a task, assume it’s going to take several hours, and abandon it before I even begin. Or I can see a gap of time in my day (such as the two hours between lunch and when I have to get ready for work) and be worried it’s too small of a window to accomplish anything so I lie around instead. By creating a schedule, literally an hour-by-hour layout of how I want my day to progress, I have a tactical roadmap for how to achieve my goals. I also make sure I schedule little breaks and time to eat, walk around, shower, etc. into my day so I don’t forget. It doesn’t have to be perfect, and I have to remind myself not to get upset if I end up deviating from the schedule for one thing or another. It’s mainly supposed to help me look at my day in a way that makes more sense to me and how my brain processes time. I fully understand that there are others that might see my hour-by-hour schedule and be completely overwhelmed—that’s fine! Find what works for you.

3. Set attainable little goals.

This one goes hand in hand with making myself a schedule. If I have a giant task I need to complete at a future date, I really struggle with conceptualizing it as something I need to get started on now. I see that future date, feel overwhelmed, try to calm myself down by thinking, “It’s okay, I have time,” and will sit on that task until the last minute when I have to scramble to get it done. It’s procrastination, yes, but it’s also not feeling too overwhelmed to act on something until there is that “go go go!” anxiety-inducing pressure to get it done. So I break it down into smaller pieces and set little goals. A 352 page manuscript I have to create an index for by March? Scary. But indexing one or two chapters a day? Much more doable. This also helps me accomplish non work-related tasks, such as calling the bank or scheduling appointments or canceling a subscription—things I would have trouble accomplishing on my own otherwise because my I have trouble differentiating between “important” and “immediate”. Goals don’t have to be solely task oriented either. Set a goal to reach out to a friend you haven’t connected with in a while; set a goal to meditate for fifteen minutes, or be intentional about doing something you love like reading or art or exercise. Personally, the more things I can check off my “to-do” list the better, so I write out everything I want to try and get done, even if I would have done it regardless.

4. Keep distractions out of reach.

This one is extremely tricky for me since I work exclusively out of my room since I moved back home. I’m always surrounded by distractions, from my phone to my bookshelves to the dozens of internet tabs I constantly have open on my laptop. I have little tricks I know work for me: keeping my phone on the charger in a different room (but close enough that I can still connect to the Bluetooth), leaving the book I’m currently reading and the journal where I write my fiction in my work bag downstairs, blocking YouTube and other distracting sites from my laptop, and making my bed each morning so I’m not tempted to crawl under the covers when I’m feeling burnt out. But knowing these things will help eliminate distractions and actually implementing these techniques are two very different things for me. As I write this, my phone is on the charger next to me, my fiction journal is within easy reach and I have corresponding document opened in another tab, none of my site-brokers are enabled, and my bed is a mess of cozy blankets—all major distractions for me that I’m blatantly ignoring. So what can I do about this? Set a new goal: move my phone and journal out of the room, close unnecessary tabs, re-engage the site blockers, and make my bed. Little things to reset my headspace and get back on track.

5. Have an accountability buddy.

While freelancing gives me a lot of personal freedoms, it also means I function as my own boss. Some people might enjoy such responsibility, but I personally really struggle when I’m not constantly checking in with someone and showing them my progress. An accountability buddy doesn’t need to function like a micro-managing boss, but they should be someone you can go to and say, “Here’s what I set out to do today and here’s what I accomplished.” Currently, I do not have a good accountability buddy (my ex was my accountability buddy when we were together during my last semester at college, but he often criticized me for only working in short sprints and needing to take a lot of breaks, so I’ve been really hesitant to trust another person in that role ever since), but my mom often lets me inform her about my goals and will share some of her’s in turn; my dad and sister on the other hand get uncharacteristically angry when I ask about goals, so I’ve learned to steer clear. Mirroring is also a common strategy for ADD/ADHDers. The visual stimulation of seeing someone else working can often be a bit of a jumpstart to my brain that says, “Okay, it’s time to do things.” In the old days, this meant I would spend hours in the library or at coffee shop doing my homework instead of my apartment because I was surrounded by others with similar tasks. Now, if I find myself needing a mirror I’ll move my operation to the kitchen table so that I’m closer to where my mom works and I can feed off her productive energy, so to speak.

6. Give myself grace.

Whenever I have an unproductive day, my first instinct is to be angry or upset at myself. What kind of person spends the entire day in bed and doesn’t get a single thing done? This would lead me down a self-deprecating path of calling myself useless and a garbage person, which is a big trigger for my depression and I can easily find myself spiraling. ADD/ADHD means my brain functions differently, but at the end of the day my brain still works. It doesn’t mean I’m stupid or lazy, and a bad day doesn’t mean I’m a bad person. My schedule and my list of goals are a template to help me focus, but if something happens that gets me off task, whether intentional or unintentional, I have to remind myself that it is not the end of the world. I have to give myself grace and forgiveness, because things happen.

I’d be really interested to hear what other strategies people have developed to manage their ADD/ADHD, especially in the midst of a pandemic that might have altered the way we approach our days. Keep being awesome!

[akabluekat]

writer’s ask game, all odd numbers, please! :)

1.     Do you listen to music when you write? I have on occasion, but in general, I don’t. I’ve found that I have a hard time filtering out background noise when it’s conversations or music.

3.     Computer or pen and paper? I used to be a little bit of both, but it’s more computer these days.

5.     How much writing do you get done on an average day? It varies a lot. Maybe a couple hundred words?

7.     Standalone or series? Both, I think. 9.     Current WIP Delicate and Playing With Fire. I suppose you could count Burning Bridges, though it’s not posted yet. I’ve been working on it more lately because figuring out Bea’s side of things is integral to a few plot points that are coming up.

11.  Books and/or authors who influenced you the most Meg Cabot, specifically Princess Diaries. Tamora Pierce (Alanna quartet).

(this next question got long, so I’m gonna throw in a page break out of consideration for your dash)

13.  Describe your writing process from idea to polished 1. Have an idea while I’m supposed to be doing something else. 2. Open a Word document. Depending on where I am/how much time I have, write down some brief notes on the concept, possibly a few scenes. Give the Word document a vague filename. Working naming convention is Untitled HP [number]. 4. Attempt to write the first chapter. 5. Promise self that I will not post chapter until I’ve written a few more chapters. 6. Get ideas for scenes not in that chapter. Put into a document titled Nonlinear excerpts. 7. Write more of first chapter. 8. Finish rough draft. Rough draft may be mostly complete or be a hot mess of text that includes helpful notes like ??????? to remind myself where I still need to figure out plot issues or write giant chunks of text. Select all, cut, and paste into new document. 9. Do a line by line edit, gradually moving my rough draft from Document B back to the original document. Delete or smooth out ????? sections as I go. 10. At some point, my computer will crash or I’ll forget to charge it and it’ll shut off. 11. Say a bunch of swear words. 12. Recover document/lost work. 13. Vow to stop writing like this because I should know better at this point. 14. Continue with editing. 15. Repeat steps 8-15 an undetermined number of times. May not always need to do the cut/paste method, especially as chapter gets into later drafts. 16. Get excited about fic and decide to ignore the promise I made to myself back in step 5. 17. Comb through Taylor Swift discography trying to find an appropriate title. 18. Repeat step 18, but for the chapter title. (Alternatively, come up with a chapter title right away and still not know what the damn fic is called.) 19. Spend approximately 40 earth years trying to figure out a summary. 20. Come up with a summary that is 2 characters over FF.net’s character limit. Spend another 40 earth years trying to reword it so it doesn’t. 21. At some point, create an image for the fic, probably when I’m supposed to be doing something else. 22. Post fic. 23. Obsessively refresh inbox to see if people liked it or not. 24. Start chapter 2. Wonder why I did not write it before posting chapter 1. 25. Any one of the above steps can be replaced by getting distracted by Tumblr, other fics, daydreaming, scenes in my current WIP that are not in the chapter that I’m working on, the news, or pretty much anything else.

15.  How do you deal with writer’s block? Lots of staring at my word document and sighing. Daydreaming. Working on other projects. 17.  What writing habits or rituals do you have? the copy/paste edit method described in question 13. My fanfic is always written in Times New Roman (Calibri is for work). I have no explanation for this. 19.  How do you keep yourself motivated? Strategic guilt. And honestly, the fact that people seem to care about the story is hugely motivating.

21.  Who is/are your favourite character(s) to write? Fred and George, probably. The banter is so fun. 23.  Favourite author I have to pick one!?! 25.  Favourite part of writing I love telling stories and exploring different worlds/possibilities. 27.  Favourite line/scene I think it might be Bea saying “I refuse to apologize for who I am!” in response to being asked if she had bacon in her pocket.

29.  Favourite villain My fics don’t really have villains other than Voldemort. And angst, I suppose.

31.  Least favourite part of writing Transitional/connective parts always seem to trip me up.

33.  Have you ever killed a main character? Nope. 35.  What scene/story are you least looking forward to writing? Right now, Chapter 14 of Delicate haas been giving me trouble. I know what needs to happen, but writing it has been a challenge.

37.  First sentence or your current WIP PWF: I knew I would have to dance with one of them before the thought even crossed McGonagall’s mind. Delicate: Alicia and Lee could have gotten married in London. Burning Bridges: I’m reluctant to start this account with the story of a shitty boyfriend. 39.  Weirdest character concept you’ve ever had. A Squib who owns a pub in Diagon Alley.

41.  Any advice for new/beginning/young writers? You will make mistakes and that is okay. 43.  What do you do if/when characters don’t follow the outline? Fred Weasley has little respect for my outlines, so this happens a lot. Sometimes, I try reworking the scene a bit; on other occasions, I’ve been like “you know what, you’re right this time. Scrap the outline, let’s explore this path instead.”

45.  How much world building do you do? I tend to fall into little world building rabbit holes as I write--it’s very unpredictable, so I don’t know if I can answer this question properly.

47.  Best way to procrastinate Writing or falling down weird internet rabbit holes.

49.  Which character would you most want to be friends with, if they were real? Of my characters, Bea Pierce. In the wider world of fiction, Leslie Knope and Gandalf.

[oboevallis]

Hi! Hope you’re doing well. Can u write something about Amelia and Link going to perform a long surgery when Amelia is pregnant and Link is like let Tom do it so they kind of fight in surgery and before but then they fix things or something thank u ;)

talk to me

“Can someone page Koracick?” Link asked as he prepped his patient to be taken up to CT.

“No need, I’m here.” Amelia responded as she walked into the trauma room.

“Oh, okay. Well maybe it’s best if we let Koracick take this case over though.” Link politely said as they got onto the elevator with the patient.

“Do people really prefer him over me? My own boyfriend?” Amelia questioned getting offended that this was coming from Link.

“No, not at all. It’s just this isn’t looking too good, so we’ll be in the OR for god knows how long. So it might be best to let Koracick take over.” Link immediately regretted his statement once he saw his girlfriend glaring at him.

“I am perfectly capable to operate.” Amelia bitterly said.

“I know, and you are. It’s just time to slow down though. Don’t you think? Your almost near your due date.”

“Nope I don’t think so.”

“I’m here what do ya need.” Koracick greeted nonchalantly.

“I’ve got a probable subdural hematoma, that I need you to evacuate.” Link responded cautiously, hoping his girlfriend wouldn’t lose her mind.

“Ah, sound like fun.” Koracick commented, pushing Amelia over to the side so he could get a better view of the scans that just popped up onto the screen.

“I’ll do the procedure, I’m chief of neuro. So I call the shots.” Amelia bit back, moving herself so she could look at the scans again.

“And I’m chief of chiefs sooo, go do that pile of paperwork you’ve been procrastinating on all week. Your off in 10 minutes anyway.” With that Amelia dramatically sighed and exited the room.

“Your welcome.” Koracick cockily said to the orthopedic surgeon.

“Yeah thanks, but we all know this isn’t over.” Link nervously chuckled.

_________________________________________________

A little after 3am Link was done in the OR and Koracick assured him he’d monitor the patient. He let himself into the apartment, that he had recently started sharing with his girlfriend.

The first thing he noticed was that his girlfriend left two cabinets open in the kitchen, he chuckled to himself. He could hear Amelia telling him it was a tedious act to close them. After he had made himself something to eat he quietly snuck into their bedroom to get some much needed rest.

“What the hell do you think your doing?” Amelia abruptly asked as Link draped his arm around his girlfriend to get into their usually sleeping position.

“Going to sleep?” Link was confused to what Amelia meant.

“Your not welcome here, go sleep on the couch or something.”

“Please Amelia you can be spiteful in the morning. I’d really like to sleep.”

“And you can do that on the couch”

“Mils, come on. I’m sorry I shouldn’t have paged Koracick.”

“I’ll go sleep on the couch then.” Amelia responded, taking the blanket that was on the bed with her as she got up.

“Amelia, absolutely not.” Link responded as he begrudgingly got up to follow his girlfriend into their living room.

“I don’t want to be around you right now. You were mean to me.” Amelia said with a pout on her face as she slowly lowered herself down to the couch and covered herself with the blanket.

“My intention was not to be mean and you know that. I just worry about you, and you need to slow down. I just don’t understand why you don’t.” Link counteracted as he laid down on the chair across the room from the couch.

“Just go to sleep Link.” Amelia said closing her eyes.

“Whenever you start taking more shifts and working non stop. Your avoiding something.”

“Link, go to sleep. I was sleeping peacefully before you came home.”

“At least you back to our room. Your back has already been killing you, so the couch won’t help.”

“Can you stop? Just leave me alone.”

“Amelia, you possibly can’t be this mad for me giving the case to Koracick. Just talk to me.” Link said as he got up and kneeled next to the couch.

“I miss Christopher.” Amelia softly said. “I’m sad and I don’t want to feel it so I work.”

“Oh Amelia.” Link moved onto the couch to hold his girlfriend while she cried. “It’s okay to be sad, it’s not okay to drown yourself in work and pretend your not sad though. You need to feel it.”

“It works fine.” Amelia sniffled. “I just feel like I’m going to forget him, or like I’m replacing him.”

“Have you? Forgotten about him?” Link asked.

“No, of course not.” Amelia shook her head.

“Because you won’t. You love him, and nothing going to diminish that. Your love is just going to grow.” Amelia nodded in response.

“But really, Koracick? I’m ten times better and you know it.” Link chuckled.

“You needed sleep, and by the looks of it you still do.”

“Let’s just sleep on the couch I’m to exhausted to move.” Amelia said situating them so they could fit on the couch, draping the blanket over them.

“I love you Amelia, and you can talk to me instead of drowning yourself in work.”

“Hmm.” Amelia hummed before falling asleep.

lol sorry i don’t really know what this is, i usually write when it’s 3am and im half asleep and don’t care to proofread i hope you like it tho, also i’ll never forgive vernoff for not going more into amelia’s grief this past season with her baby i think she realized she wasn’t gonna be able to get walsh back for an episode and was like screw it let’s do some baby daddy drama thanks for coming to my ted talk

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi guys! I I'm an ENXP and I was looking for some advice about knowing myself better. I saw the mods are ENPs and maybe you guys could help me. I recently noticed a pattern regarding my own actions that is basically ruining my life. I seem to rely too much on my Ne, specially about my future and my career. I'm ruled by a need of pursuing anything that catches my attention in a determined moment. I obsess over it for a while and then move on. I've changed my major 4 times now. Every activity I do is temporary. And if I don't find something I can obsess over I get depressed and bored. Anyways, I think this has led me to not trust myself anymore, since I can't commit to anything because I lose interest in everything and I'm always looking for new possibilities. I have reached a point where I can't allow myself to pursue everything I want and I have to make decisions and commit. But I'm too scared to become trapped and take responsibility for my own decisions. I think this would be easier if I knew myself better, but I don't think I know who I am besides my own random interests, which is weird I guess. How can I develop my own Fi? Or Ti? How do you guys deal with your dominant Ne? How do you commit to things? I'm 23 by the way. Shouldn't I have developed some Fi or Ti or something by now? I turned to mbti because I wanted to gain a better understanding of myself but holy shit this is hard. I could only recognize my dominant Ne. All this self analysis seems useless if I don't really know myself, I realized I'm not self aware at all. So anyways, as fellows Ne doms how did you guys developed your auxiliary functions? Any advice will be amazing! Thank you guys for everything you do here!

The first thing you need to do is recognize is you are an Enneagram 7 and all of this is ‘normal’ for them in lower health levels. To overcome this, you have to ‘grow up’ as a 7 and stop allowing fear of commitment or quick loss of focus from dominating your life. You have control over yourself, you are not utterly helpless to your whims (said the Fi user who has a moral tone of ‘you make your own choices and messes and you have to get out of them’ ;).

7s have to learn to be open to the scary idea of commitment to reap the dividends of hard work.

Read the 7 profile and see how allowing yourself to ‘run away’ from commitment (which includes not finishing or devoting yourself to any project) can hinder your life. Once you recognize WHAT you are doing, and WHY you are doing it, you can develop the power to STOP YOURSELF from doing it, or from allowing ‘excuses’ or fear to run you away from good things.

ENTP Mod. : Charity is right. Here is also where the judging functions come into play. With Fi, you can eventually weed out that which you aren't personally passionate about/ those goals which don't align with your personal values. With Ti, you can see a chain reaction of the patterns in your life, and determine the most effective path to help yourself using logic to streamline your processes, make it more elegant.

Slow the hell down. Force yourself to stop running toward the future and live right now. Repeat the mantra of ‘right now is all that matters today’ a 100 times an hour if you have to. Be present. Be invested. Bring yourself into ‘now.’

My co-mod is a 7w6 ENTP who suffers from a lot of the same issues; I will nudge her to offer her two cents to this post, in regards as to what she is currently doing about it. Basically, she had to talk herself into getting a permanent job rather than talking herself out of it. Once she got into it, she realized it didn’t suck as much as she feared. Her brain is her own worst enemy.

I had to talk myself into this job. I gave myself lots of reasons why I would love it. It might sound a little unrealistic going in with pre set expectations but at least you will not go in blind. Making a pros cons list is always a good idea. It helps to sift through your multiple ideas, and narrow down the ones which can really work. Test out the feasibility of your ideas, opportunities before hand. Talk to people, do your research. Just remember that things will never be as bad or boring as you think them to be. This is a cliche but something which helps me in the mornings when I know I have boring work to do is "Get up, dress up, show up. Never give up." Also it helps to live from day to day. Don't worry too far into the future, you never know what variables might upset your plans.

Work-wise, a 7 needs to travel, get the ‘high’ of meeting new people, and not to be involved in sheer detail-driven grunt work. They need challenges to work toward and obstacles to overcome. Pick a career that offers you all of that. If you do not, you will have a string of 6 months at ___ jobs that do not look good on your resume. Find a career in something that you feel passionate about, that offers some kind of mental stimulation.

ENTP 7 co-mod is an attorney who loves to find ways to ‘get around things’ in the law.

ENTP Mod. note: Always try to remember the root of your passion when you feel like defecting from one option to another. If you must leave, leverage what you have learned in one place and how you can dress that up to make your hopping about look good. That's what I did, and it worked for me. Some of the reasons I love my job are the constant intellectual stimulation, creative aspects of it, my love for criminology pays off, meeting interesting people. Sure there are sucky days when you have to deal with the bureaucratic demons. But that won't be every day. Unless your role requires you to do something like it. In which case I would suggest that you avoid picking up detail heavy, low Si or adherence related work which will make you feel miserable and frustrated. Try to pick something that plays to your strengths, improve your weaknesses. Compete with nobody but yourself. Every day you are better than you were, yesterday. Even with a little effort. It is important to not give up. It is so hard for 7s but we have the gift of rationalizing. So instead of using it as a mechanism to justify dropping things, use it to tell yourself why you should stick around. You as a 7 can make most things fun. So find little tricks and ways to make the work day fun. Whether it is achieving small, impactful targets or making games out of small, low stakes things. Also, having money and being able to live nicely is fun. Nobody is gonna pay you if they think that their money will be wasted on training you if your pattern is just leaving jobs. It took me a long time to develop this perspective but I am glad I did.

I (ENFP 6w5 sp/so) chose a career in magazine editing, because it gives me time to do what I actually love, which is write novels. I’m afraid I can’t give you advice from my own life that would work for you, because a 6w5 sp/so is far more focused and driven to finish their projects than a 7w6, which means I push through ‘the boring, tedious bits’ of projects regardless of how ‘excited’ I am. It’s not fun to edit a book 7 times, but I still do it. I force myself to show up to work, to sit there for 3 or 4 hours, and commit to X amount of words, pages, etc.

Do you think it’s “fun” for me always to keep this queue stocked, or to type up characters at the end of a long day because the queue is low? Or go back and update old profiles and move them from this blog onto wordpress? No. I hate it sometimes. It’s boring as hell. But I committed to it, I will see it through, even though looking into my “to update” folder makes me want to scream. I tackle huge projects one step at a time. I’m disciplined but I can procrastinate at work, rather than doing whatever needs doing.

Which really is the bottom line. You want to finish things? Just do them. Force yourself to show up and do the work, even if it’s “boring.” Most of life isn’t fun. Paying the bills isn’t fun. You do boring stuff to make a living, so you can have the money to do fun things. If you do not learn to do it, whether or not it is fun, you will wind up ‘stuck at home this month, because I have no money.’

That frustrates a 7 even more than being bored at work.

Accept that your fear of commitment is a fear-driven lie.

You are not going to get trapped by committing to something or someone. Head types massively over-think things and allow fear – in the 7’s case of “missing out” on better things – to dominate their life. Admit it’s fear. Admit that allowing fear to ruin your entire life is stupid. Then do something against the fear. Do the thing fear tells you not to: commit and work at it. Fight the urge every day to leave. Stick it out, and prove you ‘can’ to yourself.

Middle functions. You’re in college so you should be seeing either some Ti analyzing or Te “buckle down and set goals and get this schoolwork finished by the deadline” kicking in. Are you more inclined to self-doubt and beat yourself up like a young FiTe user after ‘failing’ to organize your time efficiently or to make excuses and blame external circumstances like a young TiFe user?

My Fi has always been strongly evident, though I didn’t know what it was at the time. Things that set off a NOPE response in me vs. the ‘rest of everything, which I don’t care about.’ The intense sensitivity as a child. The compassion for other people and especially for small animals. The understanding of emotional dynamics and how people ‘feel.’ The constant angst between caring too much about people’s feelings and being low Te blunt or rude when I’m having an off day. The ‘going away from everyone’ to deal with my feelings in private. I have always fiercely, Fi-ishly known what I like and do not like, and have no ability to ‘tolerate’ things that I do not like. Once, I didn’t like half the people seated at my table at a public event, so I shut down completely and did not say a word to anyone at the table for two hours. My Fe friend also hated them, but smiled and charmed them all. Lucky girl. She can fake her feelings. I can’t.

- ENFP Mod

[mrsren]

👀🤓

I’ve been sitting on this since the end of July, and I’m determined to get to the end of it and post it all this year! There just aren’t enough Remus/Hermione stories out there. 

Chapter One

October 29th, 1998

Hermione exhaled, blowing her stubborn bangs from her face as she made her way through the castle. Of course, Harry and Ron wanted to leave their assignment for the last possible moment. That was so like them, wasn’t it? Though when she stopped to think about it, there was a falter in her step. 

After everything they’d been through, weren’t they owed the chance at a regular year in Hogwarts? A regular year—not that any of them had ever had one—would include procrastination when it came to assignments, Quidditch, and breaking curfew. They had done the last one quite a few times, but only when it came to underhanding a psychopath. 

She heaved another sigh. Apologies could come later, which her two friends would milk until the novelty of it wore off. A part of it was a result of her own issues, ones that could hardly be placed on their shoulders. 

It wasn’t as if Hermione had been reasonable, and just talked to them. That would have been too simple! 

Ginny passed her in the corridor with Luna’s arm looped through hers. “Hey, Hermione! We’re headed down to the pitch for a while if you want to come by later. I know it’s not as entertaining for you... “ She trailed off. “Is something wrong?”

Hermione shook her head. “Not at all. I’m going to work on a Charms assignment, but I’ll try to make my way down there soon.” She smiled. “Hi, Luna.” Ducking around the two girls before the more eccentric half could say something, well, eccentric, Hermione escaped through the nearest entrance of the library. 

There was something to be said about the way her heart pounded during the simplest interactions with the classmates she considered friends. As if there were something just below her skin, itching madly until she escaped, it was all she could do to hold a conversation or half of one. 

Shouldering her bag, Hermione made her way down the shelves, dragging her finger along the ageing spines, until she landed on the book she needed. It was a ragged copy, the spine collapsed, and the cover was about to fall off. It would completely fall apart within a few more terms, and magic wouldn’t be able to stitch it back together, she imagined. 

Carefully holding it together, she spotted a slip of parchment sticking out from the front. A student probably left their notes. She settled into the chair she always used, crossing her legs at the ankle as she opened the cover. “Mother of Merlin,” Hermione gasped. 

It was well of six hundred years old if the title page was to be believed. Surely it was the oldest tomb in the Hogwarts library, or close to it. Why wasn’t it kept in the Restricted Section for safekeeping? Madam Pince was overbearing when it came to her books…

She chanced a look at the librarian, half expecting the woman to notice the tome she held, and rip it from her hands. For some reason she didn’t understand, Hermione hated the idea, and angled herself with her back faced toward the front of the librarian. 

The spine gave a low creak, and her eyes widened. She would just need to be very careful to not damage the book anymore. As was her habit, Hermione pulled the parchment from between the dusty pages. It was curiosity that led to it. Sometimes she found meticulous notes, or other times a girl had doodled on the edges of an assignment. 

In second year, Hermione found a note that was a love letter addressed to Harry, from one Ginny Weasley, and she’d set it on fire. It wouldn’t have done anything but cause a dilemma had Harry received it. 

Hermione unfolded it, laying it on the table and flattening it with her hand. 

Do you believe in this rubbish? was written in a messy script, rivalling Harry’s. 

Yes. The reply was written in cursive, the loop of the first letter neatly looping into the second, and Hermione lingered on that. Just because you only believe in getting into a girl’s knickers and leaving doesn’t mean everyone else does, you ponce. Though the parchment was aged, it was clear that the one to write the second had been pressed down roughly, the ink bleeding furiously from their quill. 

It was interesting. 

I don’t just leave them, Moony. 

Sixth year. Prove me wrong. 

SIXTH YEAR WAS DIFFERENT. YOU SAID YOU UNDERSTOOD!! 

About that mate…. I lied. 

Hermione’s hands shot to her mouth to stifle her laugh. She wondered who the two arguing were. Moony was clearly a nickname, and one she’d heard before, but evidently, someone else had thought of it too. 

You’ve taken one or two tumbles in a broom cupboard. Don’t pretend that you’re any better than I am. 

Yes, I snogged my girlfriend—a key word missing from your vocabulary—in a broom cupboard after patrols. You wouldn’t know what those are, but when a student is very, very good, they get a shiny badge. It gives them powers to take points from you for being such a dumbarse. 

That’s shite. Where’s my shiny badge then? 

You’ve never been good in your life. 

Neither have you, shitehead. 

Yes, well, I’m better at hiding it. Just this morning, you openly flirted with McGonagall. 

She was giving me detention. Minnie loves me. 

Hermione’s eyes widened. Minnie? 

Sure she does. That’s why she gave you three detentions instead of the one. 

Hermione folded up the parchment, her lips curved into a wide smile while her shoulders shook. She set to writing her notes, fact-checking the information she’d already learned as she went. 

As she scribbled a soulmate charm can transcend time and space and it can invoke itself without a caster, Hermione neglected to notice the pages sparking below her left hand, hidden by a curtain of riotous curls. 

October 30th, 1978

“Moony…” Sirius sang. 

Remus buried his face in his pillow, covering his ears as he bent the pillow around his head. “Go away. It’s Saturday.” 

His bed dipped below a sudden weight, probably Sirius’ knee. “Wake up, you said you’d come with us today. James and Peter are already downstairs.” 

He groaned. “I don’t want to go.” 

“Are you mental? Marlene McKinnon and a bunch of other birds are doing yoga by the Great Lake. How can you not want to go?” 

Wearily, Remus lifted his head just long enough to glare at his friend. “I don’t want to watch them, Sirius. It’s a bit too creepy for my taste.” 

“Creepy?” Sirius echoed, looking aghast. 

“Lecherous, whatever,” Remus waved his hand. “Why is James going? He’s already won Lily over.” 

“Lily is also doing yoga, and we both know James isn’t going to give this chance up.” Sirius shook his shoulder. “Come on, you can have a lie-in anytime!” 

“No, I really can’t Not with you lot always waking me up for something. Leave me be.” Remus ripped the blanket over his head. “I’ll meet you later, but not before noon.” 

Sirius grumbled under his breath, calling him several colourful names, but the door swung shut moments later. 

Finally, Remus thought. He’d been running behind on sleep since the full moon and had yet to catch up. It was already difficult to drag himself through classes in the week following, but why Sirius thought he was going to tag along to watch yoga, he had no idea. 

As he was on the edge of sleep, dreams skirting around him, the bedside table seemed to be...vibrating? Remus shot up, his eyes narrowing as he took in the sight. His glasses tipped over the edge as the entire table rocked back and forth. Opening the drawer warily, Remus found the book he’d checked out yesterday was glowing. 

He ought to not pick it up. It would be better to involve a professor since he didn’t know what could happen, but Remus stretched out his hand anyway. The book written on soulmates was decrepit, a few users away from disintegrating. At first glance, it didn’t appear to be particularly interesting. 

At a later glance, considering it was glowing around the edges, it might have been special. 

He picked up the book, magic pooling around his fingertips as they made contact. Remus sat crosslegged, rubbing his eyes, as he opened the book. Curiously, the parchment that held his and Sirus’ squabble had vanished. 

There was a set of notes in place of it. “What?” Remus quietly mused while he lifted it. The notes were much like the ones he had in his own bag, detailing soulmate charms, the causes, and effects. Only they hadn’t come from him. The writing was feminine, the i’s dotted neatly, and the t’s crossed with a straight line. 

He stared at the parchment for a long moment, several seconds passing as he searched it. There wasn’t a name, but he found the initials H.G. and there was a date in the upper corner of 29/10, the year left off the end. 

He’d checked the book out yesterday morning, just as the library opened. How could someone have put their notes inside of it, and taken his when it had been with him since? 

Between the next two pages, he found a short paragraph. It seemed to be a journal entry, and dread filled him as his eyes focused on one word: war. 

I’ve decided not to meet Harry and Ron at the pitch even though I know I’m acting like a coward. Something has shifted since the end of the war. They make the effort to remain friends, but I know they’ve moved forward, and I’m… I’m stuck. I remember everything, a sick replay in my head, and I can’t forget. I don’t know how they can adjust to being back at Hogwarts where everyone—

I can’t even say it to myself. I don’t know how they can stand to walk into the Great Hall. I’m not sure I’ll ever reach that point. 

Parchment was thin, light, but as he held it, he found himself with a weight that only grew heavier. The war was ongoing, current, just outside the castle walls. Remus didn’t know where all of them would go after school, but he was certain that all paths would lead to violence, one way or the other. 

She spoke as if the war were over, as if Hogwarts had been ground zero. 

Remus didn’t know why he pocketed her thoughts. They weren’t his, but he found that he was unable to help himself. Reaching for the table, he plucked a quill and scrap of parchment from inside. 

Who are you? He shut the book, trapping his words amongst the pages, and waited. 

October 31st, 1998 

Hermione stared at the note for twenty-four hours, opening the book several times throughout the day to be sure she hadn’t imagined it. Her paper was gone, and her stomach was in knots ever since. Everywhere she looked, she wondered if she was looking at the student who had nicked her words for themselves. 

Over the day, nothing happened. No one stared at her in her classes, and not one person approached her. 

“‘Mione!” Ron yelled. 

Her head snapped up and she slammed the book shut, wincing immediately at her harsh treatment of a book that was already going to fall apart. She didn’t need to speed up the process any. “What is it?” 

The corner of his mouth twitched. “You didn’t hear a thing, did you?” Ron laughed. “They’re throwing a party in Hogsmeade for Halloween.” 

She knew that, she just hadn’t planned to go. “It’s for Samhain, Ron. There will be rituals for it.” 

He’d already tuned her out, as soon as her tone switched to the one she used for academics. “Yeah, yeah. Adults will be doing that, but we’ll be up to our ears in Firewhisky in the Three Broomsticks.” 

It sounded like a time that would result in her throwing up for the majority of the next morning. “I’m not getting drunk.” She muttered, and Harry bumped her shoulder without breaking his conversation with Ginny. “I’ll come, but I’m bringing my book with me.” 

Ron sighed, but let it go since it was the only way she could be coerced into going. 

How did you get my book? I’ve had it since yesterday. 

Hermione finally swallowed her pride, unsure of what would follow, but one thing was for certain: it was a mystery, and she wanted to unravel it. The Three Broomsticks was a flurry of chaos around her, her friends clinking their tumblers together, and booze sloshing from the edges. She cast a water repelling charm to keep the book from being ruined. 

After sixty-nine agonising seconds--she had counted while the contents of her dinner rolled over in her belly--Hermione watched the paper she’d just slid against the spine vanish. Squeaking, she lifted the book, her high regard for keeping it in pristine condition slipping as she held the book by the cover and shook it. 

Nothing fell from the pages beyond dust. 

“Hermione?” Ron said from beside her, arching an eyebrow. “What are you doing?” His speech wasn’t slurred, not yet, but his breath smelled of booze. 

She swallowed. If Ron had noticed her odd behaviour, it was likely everyone else would too. “I lost my notes. I just didn’t want to rewrite them.” 

He laughed lightly. “I’m sure they’re in your dorm. Why don’t you have a drink? You’ve been on edge, haven’t you?” 

Her eyes widened. “You noticed?” Hermione breathed. 

Ron looked offended. “I know I used to have the emotional range of a teaspoon, but I’ve got at least the range of a tablespoon now.” He slung an arm around her shoulders, squeezing her. “Come on, just drink something. It doesn’t have to be firewhisky.” 

Surprising him, but mostly herself, Hermione ordered just that. She sipped it slowly, the liquid burning a path down her throat. 

She couldn’t be sure when the reply appeared because Hermione had been too busy talking, or drinking, or some combination of the two. Still yet, there was a folded piece of parchment tucked inside where hers had been. 

I ought to ask you the same thing. I checked this out days ago, and no one has had it since. Who are you? 

Hermione glanced around her. No one was watching her, too busy minding their own business to notice that while she always had her nose in a book--they thought that, but she hated that she was put into one category--this was no normal book. 

My name is Hermione. 

Then you don’t go to Hogwarts. The reply appeared instantly, and Hermione rose from the bar after downing the rest of her glass. 

“I’m going to head back to the castle.” Hermione whispered to Ron, apologetic as she interrupted his retelling of Gringotts. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

He nodded. “Do you want me to walk you back, or are you okay?” 

Hermione murmured that she was fine before stealing out of the building. Off the path, she sat on a bench that was halfway to the castle, sitting cross-legged. 

Pardon? I’m currently a student here. 

What’s your house? 

Gryffindor. 

Impossible then, because there is no Hermione in Gryffindor. I would know. 

Since you’re a prefect? It seems to me that you’re slacking then. As Hermione replied, and the note vanished, a stone sunk in her stomach. She didn’t fancy herself as popular, far from it, but there wasn’t a witch or wizard in Wizarding Britain that didn’t know her name. You don’t recognise the name, Hermione Granger? 

Should I? I’m a seventh year, and I can assure you that I’ve not once heard of you. 

Seventh year. Seventh year. 

That didn’t make any sense. Hermione picked up the self-inking quill, scribbling a reply that would either force the other party to admit this was a far-fetched joke, or that--

She gulped. The other option was that she was toying with magic she didn’t understand at all. 

Have you ever heard of Harry Potter? 

Seconds turned into minutes, and Hermione thought she’d won. It was all just a juvenile prank, nothing to work herself into a tizzy over. It wasn’t as if--

The only Potter I know is James Potter. There’s his parents, Charlus, and Dorea, but. I’ll ask him if he knows a Harry. 

Her screech echoed in the trees, forcing several birds from them. She scribbled furiously, digging her quill into the parchment. DO NOT DO THAT. 

Why not? He’s right beside me. Granted, he’s pissed, but he’ll remember the names of his relatives. 

Please don’t. Hermione couldn’t breathe. Her heart pounded in her chest as something vicious twisted her stomach. Can you tell me the date? 

It’s Halloween. 

No, I mean the year. I need to know the year. Do you have a newspaper clipping you could place inside the book? 

You’re very strange. Her worst fears were confirmed as a clipping of the Daily Prophet appeared to her. She lifted it, panic clawing its way up her ribcage. 

31. 10. 1978. 

DARK FORCES GATHER IN THE WIZARDING WORLD

She vomited, the firewhisky burning her throat as she heaved in the brush. A cold sweat broke out across her forehead, her hands growing clammy. Twenty years. 

There were twenty years between the two of them. The realisation that she could be speaking to someone who was dead now weighed on her, and she glared at the book, still open on the bench she’d abandoned. 

Hermione? 

What is your name? She had to know, didn’t she? Speaking to someone from the past could have devastating consequences. What if it changed the timeline and the war they had gone through was for nothing? 

Yet she still asked, still had to know, and she didn’t look away when a familiar name landed in front of her. 

Remus. 

She slammed the book shut as if it burned. 

This wasn’t happening. 

It couldn’t be allowed to happen. 

[hyperfixonthis]

LONG POST | personal vent thing feel free to skip

Tbh I think I'm coming down with an eating disorder. I have noticed how for a while I've done nothing but eat one thing after another, even if I just finished eating.

I'd be like "alright time to get to writing, I ate my lunch and put off writing for long enough. Time to get to work" and then my mind would be like but what about desert?? And then I'd want ice cream. I tried to write, knowing myself well enough that I should give myself time to digest my other food because it was at the tiping point of "one more bite and you'd feel sick"

So I tried writing, but couldnt focus because I couldn't think of anything but food. Sitting there mentally squirming to get up and grab a ice cream bar. I eventually gave in, but felt bad afterwards because I, once again, didn't get any work done and just consumed more calories to procrastinate.

After that ice cream, my sister made mozzarella sticks and she made some for me so I ate those... then later I finished off a family sized bag of sun chips. And THEN I ate yet more ice cream but this time my pint of Ben and Jerry's. There's also some fudge rounds thrown in there between large snacks whenever I thought about the possibility of getting to work on some of my drawing and writing ideas.

Every time I thought of being productive... my brain just shut down and would only think of food. As if being creative made me extremely stressed and I was using the "I can't, I'm eating rn" excuse to get out of it (which is frequently used in my household to get out of having to put the cats outside, to do various little chores, and to avoid dealing with any small children who are visiting, etc)

Which, I guess, when dissecting my own brain about it- is because I've done nothing but sit on my ass for so long, that doing something feels too big of a challenge or hurts my self image when I see what I actually produce VS the idea that I had, and my way to avoid that feeling and yet still not feel like a total lazyass anymore... is to say "I'm eating. I'm not doing nothing, I just can't do that thing right now because I'm eating" so... I kept eating.

Once I REALLY realised I was doing this (like a few days ago) noticing how all my favorite foods have been eaten and I don't have them to distract myself with anymore... I tried to deny myself food from then on. Of course, this made me feel like shit, so I kept giving in anyways.

I felt like shit if I ate, I felt like shit if I denied it. It went on like this for about 2 or 3 weeks, maybe even 4 since I might have not noticed it.

But, yesterday, I limited myself on the chips. It was another day of one snack right after the other. I was eating them late at night and I was like... No, I need to type. I don't want greasy chip fingers on my keyboard, so I can't eat too many. And, though it had a slow start, I got another page done within only about 2 or 3 hours and ended up just leaving the chips open next to me the entire time. It wasn't much, but it was something. I felt better and I wasn't as scared or stressed to write than I was when I had spent a solid 5 days away from writing. Also the motivation to not eat in order to keep my keyboard nice and tidy was a smart move, bravo to myself on that.

Today was a busy day or driving back and forth from place to place so that helped me deny cravings... But, guess what? I didn't stop and get a Dairy Queen blizzard like I usually do. I am proud of myself for that, because even before this I would usually get one. I felt shitty at first, until I finally drilled it through my head that it's for my own good, I shouldn't feel like shit because I made this choice and I should respect that. There's no reason to feel like shit, it's just ice cream, a temporary fix, and not having it isn't hurting me. And there's a legitimate, warm lunch waiting at home for me (Because I was hungry for real). I also thought about that time I got a wonder woman blizzard and only like the top 2 inches had any toppings blended in >.> Which made me kind of dissapointed-mad

Ah, and guess what? Today I ate my lunch, and haven't had a snack since! Thanks to the busy day.... but, it's setting me on a better path! And right now I am legitimately hungry, not just bored or procrastinating (well, I'm always procrastinating but that's beside the point!) So... I will make myself some actual food, and NOT get a snack or ice cream!... If you would call Ramen noodles actual food.

Maybe I'll just make a sammich instead. Idonno if the meat is old. And I kind of feel like something warm to calm my bleeding uterus. So probably noodles. Though, the sweetness of the ice cream (Ben and Jerry's phish food, the best one) is calling me... But I deny it! I must save it for another day, as celebration for putting out another chapter update! I will. The ice cream bars are for dessert only. They're best when I can see them melting in the warm daylight as I sit with my back to the sun, proof reading what I've written so far through my shadow on the screen.

Hm, yes. I think I got this. Both this story and my possibly newly developing food addiction. Stopping it before it gets to the diagnosable point.

Anxiety is a bitch. I'm going to run my constantly freezing cold hands up anxiety's back and grab it by the neck, and tell that little bastard that I DON'T care, I'm going to write shit and have fun with it and once again for the self consciousness in the back, I D O N O T care I'm having fun with this and going to YEET those who try to douse my fun time right outta my brain. I need to make room for better things like drawings I'll never make because I have yet to reach this level of... whatever I'm typing here... to say all this about my drawing ability. Not yet.

The end.

[jclie]

— && guests may mistake me as ( elizabeth olsen ), but really i am ( jolie madison + cis female + she/her ) and my DOB is ( 7/29/1992 ). i am a ( musician ) and would like to stay in suite ( 314 ). i won’t be much of a bother because i am ( driven, audacious, & charismatic ), but i can also be ( perfectionistic, reticent & self-sabotaging ) at times. personally, i like to ( paint, hike, try new recipes & sing karaoke ) when i have the time to relax, and my favorite snack is ( chai sugar cookies ) to have in my suite.

hi everyone! i’m red, and the only excuse i have for this dropping so late is that Work Sucks and has held me up, but i am here and ready to love u all! rlly, what better to do with the remaining bits of summer ( and being awake, tbh ) than join this super cute group and put my intro post together? so yes, here is the 411 on jolie, with a more *~cohesive~* bio and stats page on their way — i am so excited to get to know all of your muses and begin interacting! i promise i do not bite so if you’re feeling brave, pop over in the ims, or, just wait me out, because i’m sure i’ll be appearing in them soon enough :~)

general info

full name: jolie drew madison

nicknames: j, jo, jojo (calling her this is a bit of a death sentence unless you have explicit permission), mads

date of birth: july twenty-ninth, 1992 (27)

zodiac: leo

sexual orientation: bisexual

birthplace: chicago, illinois

occupation: musician

hogwarts house: slytherin

mbti: enfj

suite #: 314

tw: drug use

past

born on a wednesday in chicago, illinois to a set of parents who had a very “informal” relationship to say the least — to make a complicated situation as cut and dry as possible, jolie’s parents were best friends with benefits. her mom wound up pregnant and decided to keep the baby. instead of jumping to some rash decision like getting married solely for the sake of their child, they decided to simply remain friends and split custody in the best way they knew how that didn’t require a mediator in the form of a family court judge. her parents remained close friends (and still are) once jolie was born; custody was weirdly split with jolie spending the majority of her time with her mom. they were an unconventional sort of family but a family nonetheless. dad does something with numbers (yes, think chandler bing), and mom is a local business owner.

as a kid, jolie never knew a stranger, and therefore had no trouble making friends once she hit school age. she was the kid who never found her niche group or “clique” because her feet were wet in several of them. school was not a miserable time for her. she had her friends, was a solid a/b student. jolie was a big perfectionist though, it not uncommon for her to beat herself up over something incredibly minute and self-sabotaging herself as punishment or because she didn’t know how to adequately process her feelings of anxiousness — she’d procrastinate, cut people off or drive them away, things of that nature.

music was always in her life, but it was a very casual thing in her world, situated on a backburner. it was something that she was able to bond over with her dad more so than her mom; her dad was a massive music junkie, loved sharing his favorite songs with her, bought her her first vinyl player when she was twelve and supplied her with every album under the sun, whether it was one she wanted or one of his favorites or just one he thought she might enjoy. she was in dance classes as a preschooler (this was an epic fail, because not even her rhythm could save her from the generally awkward disaster she is whenever she dances) and took piano lessons in elementary school, but she didn’t love either? she felt very restricted when it came to formal lessons, and almost needed the freedom to explore and learn it on her own terms — she ended up teaching herself guitar on her dad’s guitar on the weekends she spent at his place. there was also the 6 month stint her junior year of high school when she and some friends started a garage band (which jolie represses to a certain degree because the embarrassment it invokes is on another level) but it was mostly just an idea formulated from boredom and was something to pass the time, nothing really serious. 

jolie found herself at a bit of a crossroads after her graduation. most of her friends were off to college but college did not seem like the kind of environment for her. she didn’t know what she wanted to do with herself or her life, but she knew she had to do something. so she pretty much copied and pasted what one of her close friends was doing at the time, decided to go to northwestern and share an apartment with her and pray that something would speak to her along the way. spoiler alert: nothing did. her first year quickly fizzled and faded for her and most of her time was spent going to parties, embracing the social scene, the like. nothing of real educational value.  

she was still fucking around when it came to music; she’d met some people in one of her creative writing classes (the only class that she legitimately finished and enjoyed) and would go to open mic nights or other gigs around town. never meeting a stranger meant jolie was good at networking, making friends with other musicians — the more she spent time immersed in the world, the more she felt compelled towards music. she began writing songs that weren’t just the product of teenage angst (see: that awful high school band), even took a few music classes at northwestern. 

by the time she hit her junior year, she was over classes and was pretty much only taking filler classes still, wasting her money while she bar tended at one of the bars close by. but she’d never felt more creatively charged; she was putting her nose to the grindstone in writing songs, recording songs in her bedroom so she wouldn’t wake up her roommates, playing gigs on her nights off work literally anywhere that would take her, and using those new-er friendships to her advantage. she had gained some local traction but things really didn’t explode until she started posting original songs online and got contacted by a few record labels. jolie was hesitant to sign with anyone but she got one of her friends in pre-law to help her look over contracts and pretend to be her manager and eventually signed. subsequently, she dropped out of college and went to work on the music thing full time.

from 21-23, jolie was pretty much doing nothing but playing festivals and clocking in hours at studios. most of her time was spent on the road and she absolutely loved it  — she loved the music festival atmosphere, loved the crowds, loved meeting other bands and fans. she was pretty much touring on the few songs she had released, covers, and unreleased tracks from a wip, but it worked for her and it worked for the fans. she released her first album, ultraviolet on her 23rd birthday, and hit the road again. 

jolie missed her “college” life with the parties and socialization at her fingertips, so she started elbowing her way into that scene while she was on tour — at first, it wasn’t anything to bat an eye at, but jolie’s limits were very fluid. being on tour was draining and the perfectionist in her would always find something to berate herself about, and getting out of her head was the only way that she felt she could truly enjoy the whirlwind success that was happening to her. the drugs started as a one-time thing, just to try it, and then she was using regularly, and then it got to a point where she couldn’t go more than an hour without a line of coke. the drugs stripped away a lot of what made her jolie and left her with a more miserable, grouchier version of herself where her highs were almost normal and likable and the lows were hell to be around. 

she came off of ultraviolet’s tour and essentially jumped right back into the studio (she was beginning to break through in mainstream music, with her last promotional single off ultraviolet hitting mainstream radio and doing fairly well) for album #2. it was finished and ready to go, but by that point, the drug use had gotten to an all-time high and the constant turning a blind eye to it from her team was no longer possible. she ended up od’ing and that was it  — there was an intervention in the hospital room, and it was off to rehab for jolie. album got postponed and she basically fell off the radar.

she didn’t really make a “comeback” until she was knocking on 26′s doorstep, and by that point she’d been in rehab, getting sober, and then laying low for nearly two years. by the time she was releasing her first single for the new album cycle, she’d all but scrapped the record she’d made before rehab and had something else put together entirely. she released wonderland, which did very, very well. she toured for it and it was wildly different than anything she’d done prior — venues were bigger, more fans, just a whole different circus all around. 

probably the one thing she was more proud of than the music was her sobriety, and going on two years of being sober, not much else was important to her. she knew had a pretty black and white view of was good for her and what wasn’t, so after the tour wrapped, she decided to come home. she never pegged herself for the type to get “homesick” because her spirit was very much the wandering type, but she knew she needed to get out of la and nyc. back to chicago it was — which is how we get to the malnati. 

present

she’s in what she’d aptly describe as “professional limbo” — she’s not actively working on any one project, she’s just kind of floating until she can find something to tether herself to, whether it’s a single song or an album or something else that appears on her radar. she’s just taking things easy for the time being.

career wise, think marina, l*na —  more of a cult favorite than a mainstream artist. not going to get mobbed when she goes out and about, able to fly under the radar for the most part. as far as her music goes, i don’t necessarily know if i’ll claim any one artist’s discography and adopt as her own; in my head, jolie’s alt pop. think somewhere along the lines of hayley williams, st. vincent, tove lo, splash of the 1975.

personality wise at this point in her life: will charm the pants off of just about anyone she comes into contact with. flirty. a little goofy, hella sarcastic. there’s method to her madness even if no one else gets it. is still a little guarded when it comes to talking about herself. doesn’t mind talking about what’s happened to her but when it comes to the feelings and emotions as to why those things happened, she shuts down. it’s why she’s a musician: why talk about your feelings when you could just write them into a song and pretend they don’t exist beyond that, lmao. is the passive aggressive type, bottles things up and simmers. 

being in the kitchen and cooking has been a tactile sort of therapy for her, especially in her hiatus years. she loves trying new recipes, baking at random (all) hours, sometimes likes to pretend she’s on an episode of master chef. she’s a dork, your honor.

has a thing for polaroids. she has a blank moleskine notebook that she has put through a total ringer, gluing polaroids and other little mementos onto pages as a journal of sorts.

has a stick and poke tattoo (among other professional ones) on her ribcage that she gave herself when she was sixteen. it’s a tiny smiley face. 

her middle name came from her dad’s middle name (andrew).

if you want someone to go out with you at night (or during the day, she’s not picky) and just aimlessly wander around the city, letting things find you, she’s your girl. she loves a good adventure.

i headcanon jolie as predominantly dirty blonde/brunette lizzie? but she is also the type who has ruined her hair over the years over all the impromptu dying so... welcome to close your eyes and pretend hour.

plot ideas

this is by no means a comprehensive list of plots, just stuff off the top of my head that i’d like to see? again, i promise i don’t bite, so pls hmu if one of these appeals to you or if you just wanna brainstorm, i live for that shit!!

jolie’s a chicago native, went to college here, so 👀

meredith to her cristina — basically her best friend (not gender specific, either) who tells it to jolie like it is, doesn’t mind if she laments about how the world sucks every now and again, the person she’s calling if she needs help with a body

physically and/or emotionally, somebody who checks in on jolie and that she checks in on as well. we love a solid support system

exes — jolie’s a little bit (a lot of bit) of a player?? so i’d love to see exes that maybe didn’t end too hot, ex fwb or ex flings that never made it official, people she ghosted, exes that don’t want to get back together but don’t like seeing each other with anyone else, anything under that sun

jolie also is a Lowkey (read: highkey) commitment-phobe, but i’d rlly love for her to maybe have an ex that she was so In Love with that she was willing to push through it bc she saw herself with them forever..... and then, for reasons tbd, it ended, and it absolutely crushed jolie

someone who, on the occasion of needing to scratch an itch, is very good about getting the job done. it’s casual sex. there are zero romantic feelings involved, there is no getting jealous when the other person finds a relationship, the two are just good friends who have seen (and will probably continue to see) each other naked #yeehaw

maybe someone who was at one of jolie’s gigs when she was still playing bars that she bought a drink and kept in touch with or smth? or someone she met when she was still predominately playing small sets at festivals? idk i’m rambling someone stop me

a “muse”??? like, someone jolie is fascinated with / inspired by and she finds herself writing songs about / for

gimme someone who’s like an acquaintance at best, they’ve maybe got mutual friends and therefore they hang out a bit but they’re always arguing with one another for whatever reason (they both probably annoy each other) but they’ve got mad sexual tension going on? maybe they act on it, maybe they don’t, but either way, they lowkey enjoy the bantering and being at one another’s throats even if they act otherwise

jolie is a night owl, so... gimme someone who she can turn up at their room at some unholy hour (or that turns up at her room at said unholy hour) and watch a movie with or make a mess of the kitchen from fixing a premature breakfast

maybe someone who knew jolie when she was not in a good place?? and things are still v much tense / unresolved between them for whatever reason

and stuff for the event omg PLS *makes grabby hands*

[makeste]

BnHA Smash!! 01 and 02: Smash!!Might is a Fucking Menace

okay, so. I have about a million other things I should be doing instead, including (1) responding to asks and/or finishing in-progress metas, (2) reading Vigilantes, and last but not least, (3) actually making a dent in the ever-increasing backlog of Actual Work That I Really Should Be Doing Instead.

so naturally I’m procrastinating by taking my first stab at reading BnHA’s cute 4-panel omake spinoff series, BnHA Smash!! IT JUST MAKES SENSE. look, I have exactly one thing I felt like actually doing and not procrastinating today, so I might as well do the thing. basically it’s my attention span’s world and I’m just living in it.

anyway! so apparently this series was scanlated by good ol’ Fallen Angels. that’s right; prepare yourselves for some very creative cursing, fellas. other background info for anyone who, like me, is unfamiliar with this spin-off: this series debuted on November 9, 2015, a little over a year after the original series. said original series was currently at chapter 66, meaning the Final Exam arc was just wrapping up.

so now that we’re all properly oriented, let me go over a few disclaimers real quick and then we’ll get started!

all comments are my unspoiled reactions from my initial readthrough of the chapter. I did a quick edit for grammar and clarity afterward, and added a few ETAs in the process, but aside from that there are no changes.

I’m aware that not everyone may be familiar with Smash!! even if they’ve read/watched the original series, so I’ve tried to make this recap comprehensible even if you haven’t read the spin-off. that being said, it’s probably more enjoyable if you have, so you can either purchase the first volume from Viz here, or read the chapter online (I don’t want to link directly, but the spin-off is available on most of the usual sites. literally just google “read mha” and you’ll find some good options).

this readthrough contains a handful of sorta-kinda spoilers for the BnHA manga, although there are no direct spoilers. just an indirect reference to a joke in chapter 242, as well as a reference to a theory which as of now is in no way canon. but just to be on the safe side I’m posting a heads-up.

and I think that’s it! so here we go.

so we’re opening with a brief summary of the series. people have superpowers and shit’s nuts. you know the drill

there’s also a brief description of the way that the superhero economy works, complete with Mt. Lady’s employees unionizing and demanding better pay

...what

guys I keep staring at this and thinking that surely, SURELY it doesn’t say what I think it says. sidekick... what... manager??

you know what? Viz unfortunately doesn’t include this series as part of their subscription package (WHAT AM I PAYING YOU FOR, VIZ), but it does at least include a free preview of Smash, and I bet you that this, the first fucking page of the series, is a part of that preview. so... let’s see...

okay, see, this actually makes sense! so did the FA scanlating team collectively all have a fucking stroke?! just, what??

this is one of the reasons why I had difficulty reading Vigilantes too, tbh. those early chapter scans were, uh. but at least Vigilantes has a Viz scanlation too. I don’t want to spend 10 bucks just to read one volume of this, but we’ll see. anyways

so now there’s a strip about baby!Izuku watching his favorite clip of All Might saving one hundred people from a bus accident or whatever

lol Inko you should not have left your shrewdly calculating four-year-old son unattended omg

TWELVE MONTHS’ WORTH OF TEXTBOOKS HOW CAN THIS EAGER YOUNG MIND RESIST

and this is why you don’t leave your credit card info saved on the computer when you have kids. life lessons learned today

this is the first indicator we have ever had that baby!Izuku wasn’t perfect and was, in fact, capable of being a little shit and giving his mom plenty of gray hairs in his own special way. ngl, I fucking love it

also 12,800 yen is about $118 USD, which is honestly a really good deal for a year’s worth of textbooks. he got three boxes of books! I just googled the average cost of college textbooks, and the google article said the average student spends about $1200 a year. so this is a fucking steal tbh

OH MY GOD INKO HOW MANY TIMES MUST HISTORY REPEAT ITSELF BEFORE YOU LEARN

at least install a fucking adblocker ffs. you’re lucky quirk supplement ads are the worst of the ads he’s getting! PARENTAL CONTROLS

now we are cutting to a comic about baby!Izuku defending another boy from my problematic fave, as seen in page one of the original series!

lmaooo

I’m not clear on how much of this spin-off can actually be considered canon. my understanding is that it is Horikoshi-reviewed and approved, even though he doesn’t actually write it. but it’s obviously a humor series, so a lot of it is just going to be jokes. that being said, I think my approach is going to be “if it’s not completely ridiculous and doesn’t contradict the actual manga, go ahead and consider it canon”

(ETA: I might change this up after reading the first two chapters. most of these strips would have terrifying implications if they were actually canon sob.)

anyhoo, this actually does contradict the manga in that we saw this encounter play out very differently. but I kind of wish it was canon regardless because looool. these cocky preschoolers and their fucking Battle Tears

the next comic is Mt. Lady accidentally stepping on a guy’s face and the guy being way too fucking happy about it (read: having a fucking nosebleed and taking an upskirt shot). we’re just going to skip this entirely. this is another problem I was having with Vigilantes too. you know, for all my complaints about Mineta and such, BnHA as a whole is so much tamer than it could be, and I need to give Horikoshi credit for that. he mostly knows where to draw the line, and to his credit he’s also much, much better about this kind of thing than he was when he first started. maybe Mineta’s standings in the character poll results are helping to clue him in

anyway, I’ll mostly just skip past the iffy stuff because I don’t have patience for it and there’s still plenty of other stuff to cover. so on to the next strip

which features a bunch of reporters fawning over Mt. Lady’s flashy quirk while Kamui Woods laments in the shadows

and yet we know this kid will have a prominent rise within the next six months. it’s so strange to revisit the start of the series and see how much things have changed in such a short time

oh my god

no one who dresses up as a giant mushroom could possibly have good intentions. I. just

and look at the fucking disappointment in Deku’s eyes. KAMUI WOODS HE BELIEVED IN YOU!

now some strange man is coming up to Deku and is all HEY YOU, YOU’RE A HERO OTAKU, TELL ME WHAT TO BUY MY SEVEN-YEAR-OLD SON FOR HIS BIRTHDAY. better not ask him unless you’re prepared to shell out $120 bucks for some fucking textbooks

hey, what!!

WE DIDN’T EVEN GET TO SEE WHAT HE BOUGHT HIM? unless it’s the action figure the kid appears to be holding? but I’m just going to go ahead and assume Izuku recommended the number one best gift that any seven-year-old child would love, i.e. a giant sword

now it’s a sludge monster omake!

so Izuku is trudging home all depressed after CERTAIN INCIDENTS, and Sludgey is glooping his way out of a sewer towards him

oh no All Might

my biggest takeaway from this is the fact that the entire second half of chapter one takes place after All Might has emerged from a fucking sewer. I forgot all about that somehow. or maybe it never fully processed until just now. but omg. this entire chapter must have smelled so fucking bad. these poor kids

wow All Might

sure called that one wrong. ah well nobody’s perfect

looooool

lmao, Smash!!All Might appears to be quite a bit more vain than the original. wow dude

btw, friendly reminder (and I think this is something that was actually pointed out to me after one of the recaps; that’s one of my favorite things about doing these) that All Might, after saving Deku, actually read his notebook before signing it. super-fast, I guess, because he’s the best. but yeah, so he knew exactly how smart and observant Deku was, and how much he wanted to be a hero. his decision to pick him as his successor didn’t just come out of the blue; even before the “my body moved on its own” thing, there was a lot Deku had going in his favor. this is one of those little details of which BnHA has so many, and which I love

lmao what the fuck

ngl this version of the series would have been amazing in its own way. but yeah. so this is why we clearly can’t assume everything in Smash!! is canon lol. but I can already tell I am going to enjoy the shit out of this series

now we’re cutting to Deku running at Sludgey in order to save Kacchan, oh shit. the most dramatic part of chapter one. clearly no moment is sacred

sob what

I don’t understand this strip at all. is this supposed to be a serious moment inserted unexpectedly among this multitude of joke strips? or did I miss the punchline? heeeeelp

(ETA: okay so. my best guess is that All Might wrote all over Deku’s life-saving advice, and so the joke is that Deku no longer knows what to do when assaulting sludge men because HIS NOTES ARE RUINED. idk. what does 25 P mean??)

now All Might has Done The Thing and saved my boys, and now Mt. Lady is helping with the cleanup. scooping up all the bits of sludge and putting it in trash bags

oh my god

nope nevermind. nope. nope

-- shit. okay, you know what? this first chapter has been a real in-your-face reminder of the fact that the sludge monster was not made of cute sparkly 2018-trending-fad slime, but was in fact composed of RAW FUCKING SEWAGE. (ETA: to be clear, I’m pretty sure the joke in this strip is that she accidentally picked up dog-doo during her clean-up. but still, the fact that it was indistinguishable from the rest of the gunk speaks for itself.) I think I forced myself to gloss over this fact originally due to the nope factor. but just. Izuku and Katsuki were both choking to death on this shit?? and just, how the fuck did they make it out of this not traumatized

and also, like. All Might was straight up going to leave Izuku alone afterwards, just, “well enjoy your autograph, fine citizen” and blasting off out of there. and everyone fucking saw Katsuki almost suffocate to death later on, and after giving him a pat on the back they fucking let him go off on his own too? and you can’t even make the argument that this was Just Another Day In Quirk Society either, because more than a year later, Katsuki is still a bona fide fucking celebrity from the media coverage of his attack. it clearly was not something that happens every day. in conclusion, these kids are resilient as fuck, and thank god for that because people apparently just do not give a shit, holy christ

anyway. at least Mt. Lady had gloves

OH MY GOD

I FUCKING KNEW IT OH MY GOD. THE ROIDS. MUSCLES LIKE THAT DON’T JUST GROW ON TREES, I DON’T CARE HOW MANY LBS OF GARBAGE THIS KID HAULED OFF THE BEACH. THIS BOY BEEN HITTIN THE JUICE

Smash!!Might is so fucking shady omfg. probably sells cheap counterfeit electronics on Amazon

oh shit and that’s the end of the fucking chapter lol. that’s it?? that was only eight pages. fuck it, let’s read another. but first here’s Horikoshi’s note on the spin-off

so he really feels that Neda gets the spirit of the series and understands him. that’s very encouraging. the best spoofs and parodies are done out of love. I really think I’m going to enjoy this series

so! onward to chapter two

so here’s All Might dressed as Mr. 2 Bon Clay from One Piece, I guess??

“you know what’s funny? dressing a man in girl’s clothes LOL.” guys can we grow the fuck up. and also acknowledge that All Might can look good in anything, so this questionable gag wouldn’t have even landed anyway. you work that tutu All Might

lmao check out the past users of OFA here

All for One for All theory fucking confirmed lol. just look. that’s him in the back of the conga line. clearly

so Deku is all “hell yes why would I possibly say no??” but then

HIS LIMBS. lmao. sign here

in all seriousness, given the shit this kid has been through since the part of the series, All Might probably should have gotten him to sign a liability waiver of some sort. not that it would have stood, since Deku is underage! anyways Deku you totally have grounds to sue the shit out of the Symbol of Peace should you ever choose to do so. and the trend of Smash!!Might being shady af continues yes please give me more I love it

so now All Might is giving Deku his fitness plan which has a really elaborate name

given that this is Smash!!Might, I can’t help but wonder if this plan is in actuality some sort of MLM scheme. All Might are you trying to get Deku to do Herbalife

lol what in the fuck

the original series skipped right over a hell of a lot, it would seem. like the time Deku traveled to Arizona and fought coyotes in a poncho

I’m starting to suspect that Neda-sensei might be on some sort of substance. “let’s see what jokes can I make about chapter 2 of BnHA. I know, I’ll send the protagonist to a fictionalized version of the American Southwest in a sombrero, and then turn him into a 65-year-old oil tycoon.” naturally

lmao that’s really it, that’s the strip. moving right along. okay??

now Izuku is staring at the intimidating piles of Beach Trash and is all “I HAVE TO PICK ALL THIS SHIT UP?”

omg Deku no

somebody call Marie Kondo. Deku none of this is salvageable. not even to reuse in a color page photoshoot spread four years from now

OH SHIT

PROVED ME WRONG OH SNAP. SHOWED ME RIGHT WHERE I COULD PUT THOSE SASSY TAKES. MY BAD DEKU I’M SORRY

anyways I don’t know what Smash!!Might is so upset about. he probably wove some kind of clause into the contract Deku signed that allows him a percentage of the profits. unless Deku already spent it all on textbooks

what the fuck is this fucking series lmao

time for a round of “what is All Might casually crushing in this panel?” is it (a) a cardboard box, or (b) like, a mini-fridge or some fucking shit. IT COULD BE EITHER. IT MAKES EQUALLY AS MUCH SENSE EITHER WAY. “HEROES THESE DAYS ARE [FLEEEEEEX] OBSESSED WITH BEING FLASHY” 

holy shit no wonder he ran away to the Sierra Nevada. it’s only a matter of time before this freak fucking kills someone

NOW WE’RE CUTTING AWAY TO KAMUI WOODS DRESSED LIKE A DAFFODIL, IN THE SAME FUCKING COMIC STRIP, BECAUSE REASONS

my jokes about the mangaka being high as a fucking kite when he wrote this are gradually becoming less jokes and more serious inquiries??

lol so he coincidentally just stumbled across All Might and Deku at this exact moment

AND IT WAS A FUCKING REFRIGERATOR OH MY FUCKING GOD

do you guys remember during the final exam when All Might beat the everloving shit out of Deku and Kacchan, and everyone was all “JESUS CHRIST WOULD YOU LEARN TO FUCKING HOLD BACK A LITTLE THEY ARE CHILDREN YOU MANIAC.” but now we can see plain as day that he was, in fact, holding back. anyways Smash!!Might is terrifying as shit and if this had been the main series I would have already pegged him as the final villain by this point

here he is now wearing an old-timey bathing suit but looking more like an escaped convict than anything else

this panel is actually canon. I’ve decided. this 100% definitely happened at some point. especially the swimsuit

now two bikini babes are walking up and they’re all “IS THAT ALL MIGHT??” with excited sparkly eyes because they don’t know that he’s actually a deranged con artist who crushes refrigerators like empty soda cans. this spin-off has truly opened my eyes

LOOK AT THIS SKEEVY FUCK. JUST LOOK

AND NOW HE’S RUNNING OFF AND LEAVING DEKU TO DROWN IN EXHAUSTION, SON OF A

“SUDDEN BUSINESS” KSJLDKF SMASH!!MIGHT IS A FUCKING MENACE TO SOCIETY AND ALSO DOES NOT GIVE ONE SINGLE FUCK. NOT ONE!! HE’S OUT THERE FUCKLESS, AND NO ONE IS SAFE

now Deku is approaching his mom all serious and says he wants to change up his diet

and she’s looking at the menu he prepared all impressed and thinking that she might join him. as long as it’s for your health, Inko. if this manga starts making jokes about your weight, I will beat it over the head with Deku’s textbooks

OMFG

THIS WENT IN THE EXACT OPPOSITE DIRECTION I WAS EXPECTING, AND THIS IS THE MOST AMAZING THING I’VE EVER READ WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK. the whole fucking family is on the juice. and the fucking mangaka is on some special juice of his own oh my stars

now we’re cutting to Mt. Lady stomping on a car

thank fuck no one was actually in there. also does she not wear shoes

and also, it only just occurred to me that she must be another person with a special quirk costume, because her suit shrinks and expands along with her. Hagakure and Momo are really getting shafted by the costume design team here. they need to fire some people

anyway so Mt. Lady slipped on this carelessly placed vehicle and fell down and crushed an entire building whoops

bruh, you think you’re “ow.” let’s hope that building was empty too

and now she’s toppling another building just fucking because, I guess. and saying she can’t do urban areas

lmao and now the sidekick [CENSORED] manager from chapter one is back to guilt-trip her omg

I need this man to show up in every freaking chapter. please. respect my wishes

and now Izuku is standing on top of his collected pile of garbage screaming in victory

I only just realized that there’s still a big old Pile O’ Trash on this beach, though. someone needs to haul all of this junk away. or else get All Might and Mt. Lady to crush it all with a combined effort

oh shit here it comes y’all, the famous “eat my hair” scene. potential comedy gold right here omg

lol what the fuck

this man is a fucking billionaire and he’s out here clipping coupons and deleting pictures of his son in order to make room for them smdh

okay now we’re doing the hair scene

oh. oh no. I know where this is going sob please keep this comic rated PG for the children Neda

motherfucker they really --

Smash!!Might is a straight-up felon. this man has no fucking scruples. that’s okay Midoriya-shounen, if you don’t want to eat my hair we could just try some REDACTED, jesus christ I am going to need some bleach for my eyes after this

OR LET’S JUST STRAIGHT UP GO THERE WHY NOT

lmao sob. well, two chapters in and we’ve established that no territory is off-limits here. it’s a brave new world. wow

 so that’s it! our introduction to BnHA Smash!! I enjoyed it a lot and I will definitely be reading more! I’m not sure what kind of schedule I’ll keep, but this is a really good procrastination manga thus far, so knowing me I might actually work my way through this relatively quickly. especially since the Manga At Large is on break this week. anyways my deepest apologies to the many people who have been requesting for me to start Vigilantes instead. I just need something lighter right now, and this is a good fit. one of these days I’ll get my shit together with the other two spinoffs as well.