#poor soap having bad luck with animals

[wittymanatee]

I like how Soaps scared or (doesnt like) dogs but like I feel like he just doesnt like any sort of animal or pet. Like he had a lot of pets growing up but they all hated him, so he learned to dislike them back.

Parret- Poke soap/scratched him

Cat- Hiss/Scratched him

Dog-Barked/Bit him

Bunny-Bit him

Lizard-Bit him then traumatized him when the lizards tail fell off

Mouse-Kept dying when he got close

Fish-hide every time he got near/killed itself so much(Poor mama Mactavish, buying so many fish for soap)

Snake-Bit him/lost the snake (Had to move out)

He’s telling Gaz all this and he’s just laughing non-stop at Soap, making fun at his bad luck with animals. Price just shaking his head at this, and Ghost, going out of his way to find a mouse and show Soap it, while Soap is screaming bloody murder at it and running away.

[starboykel]

Pretty tears... 💧 Pt.1

Vladimir Makarov's daughter! Reader x Kyle 'Gaz' Garrick

!!warnings: angst then comfort, manipulation, kidnapping, violence, threatening, reader is russian or partly-russian, reader is 21 years old

English isn't my first language! I apologize for any gramatical mistakes

part 2

Gaz was used to this. To the mission, go somewhere, kill some bad guys, do what he needs to do and go to a party to celebrate after, but...this is completely different.

The Task Force 141 had found out that Vladimir Makarov had a daughter, (Y/N) Makarov. She lived in Moscow, in a small apartment, she wasn't aware of what her father was doing but even like that, the TF141 thought they could get some kind of information about her father. Where he is? Where he went? What were his plans? Maybe she knew something...

The plan was: Gaz would seduce her and make her fall in love with him then they would kidnap her and interrogate her, easy, isn't it?

The first part of the plan was easy, she was protected her whole life by Makarov and was unaware of the bad part of the world, she knew it existed but never saw it, so when Gaz first approached, talking in a broken russian and trying his best to talk to her, she found it cute and quite charmous but for his luck, she knew English.

The plan was suppose to be just one month long but they were already in the second month and just now, they managed to get a date. Gaz convinced her to go to his hotel, so they could have a time alone together...and she accepted.

Now they're here, in the interrogation room, she was cuffed to the chair. It was heartbreaking to see. She was crying, scared and even shaking a bit while Price was trying to get some kind of information out of her...

"Tell us! Where is your father?!" Price yells, at an angry tone. The captain was never a patient man when it came to interrogation and she was getting on his nerves.

"I don't know! I don't know..." She cries, her voice shaky and shaking from fear. Gaz felt the urge to interrupt, he knew her better than anyone in the room. He saw her smile, cry, get angry, scared and maybe, just maybe, he had started to genuinely like her...

"Captain, stop, she doesn't know anything, it's obvious." Gaz says in a softer tone, putting a hand on Price's shoulder. Price takes a deep breath and sighs, they weren't going anywhere with this interrogation.

"Two months goin' to the trash, how amusing." Soap rolls his eyes and snorts. "Do you really don't know anythin'?" The scottish asks, frowning slightly. She shakes her head, still crying. Ghost was indifferent, he knew the plan wasn't going to work since the beginning but no one listened to him.

"What do we do with her now? We can't just let her go, she'll tell her father." Price crossed his arms and looks to the rest of the team. Gaz gets closer to her and wipes her tears, she was heartbroken, he was too, he felt bad for manipulating her. She was so gullible and naive, she fell so easily on his trap, the littlest amount of affection made her fall in love and feel like a high schooler again. Poor girl.

While the other operators discussed, Gaz stayed on her side, trying to distract her from her hand cuffed and her situation. "Hey, what's your favorite color?" He asked in a softer tone, putting his hand on her head and caressing it softly. "W...what?" She asks, her voice shaky, confused, she saw the soft and warm smile on Gaz's face and nods. "Uh...pink?...no, blue....? I don't know..." She says in a low tone.

Gaz chuckles softly and nods. "Those are great colors, my favorite is blue...and what's your favorite animal?" He asks, again in that soft tone, trying not to scare her. "I like...dogs...and cats..but, i think sheeps are cute...i had a sheep plush when i was a kid.." she smiles weakly and Gaz smiles back.

"Oi Gaz, we decided that we're done here. Put her in a cell, we're going to the cafeteria." Price says and throws the keys to Gaz, Gaz grab them and nods, he still feels bad so he uncuffs her.

He make sure to pick the best cell...well, one that wasn't destroyed and moldy, he picks the softest mattress and the fluffiest blankets and pillows.

"I'm sorry, alright? I was just following orders." Gaz says, guilty on his eyes as he looked at her. She nods and rubs her watery eyes.

"I understand..." She says, her voice now back to normal but the sad tone was still there. "You were...my first kiss, you know?" She says with a weak smile. Gaz feels even worse now and nods, embarrassed of his acts. "It was nice while it lasted." He says and looks downs, she nods and looks away.

"I have something for you." Gaz says and takes a phone out of his pocket. Her eyes lights up slightly as he gives her the phone, it was old yes, but it was something. It was tracked and he could see everything she did, so no contact with Makarov. "Don't tell anyone i gave you that, my contact is already on it." He says and smiles weakly, looking back at her. She grabs the phone and nods. "It's our little secret." He says with more playful tone, making her chuckles softly. He sighs and leads her inside the cell and he locks it.

They exchange one last eye contact before he leaves. Were they still in love with each other? Only time will tell.

┄┄ ︰ ┄୨୧┄ ︰ ┄┄

🌸

[dascarecrow]

The Failed Raid - A Gentle Recovery III

“Fluff your pillow?” “Sure.” Eri grabbed Izuku’s pillow, the boy having leaned forward a bit so she could grab it. “A fluffy pillow is a happy pillow.” The young girl was happily trying to fluff the pillow to soften it as much as she could. She finally seemed content with her work after a bit. “There you go Papa. One nice fluffied pillow.” Izuku just smiled indulgently at his daughter. The young girl was rarely so cheerful or outgoing. It was a sweet surprise to see her so happy. 

Izuku wasn’t the only one to think so. Uraraka looked at her cheerful unicorn daughter and it felt like her heart was fluttering on wings. Of course that might have had something to do with the fact she was spending time alone with Deku, her not so well hidden crush. Not that she would admit this to anyone of course. Mina teased her enough on the mere suspicion of her having feelings for the green boy. She’d have to deal with it from all of the girls if she ever actually said it out loud. No thank you! 

‘Still this is nice. Just us three.’ She loved spending time with Eri and Deku (platonically she would say) but all they ever got was brief fleeting moments when it was just them. Their dormmates always were part of nearly everything the unicorn and her declared parents got up to. The energy of their dorm was a comfort in some ways but there were times she wanted to be just them. ‘Just me and Eri... and Deku.’ The girl’s embarrassment was at odds with her wish for personal time with her daughter and... good friend. Yeah that was it. She had mostly been standing off, letting Eri act she felt was needed to be a good nurse to her Papa. Uraraka stood watching, turning away whenever Deku looked at her. She couldn’t bring herself to let him see the gentle eyes and loving smile she had at the thought of their little family having time by themselves. 

She quickly shook the look off of her face, focusing on her task at hand. “Time for your medicine Deku.” Uraraka had managed to wrangle some level of very rudimentary medical training out of Recovery Girl. Just enough to genuinely help Deku instead of being just a familiar face spending time with him. Medical knowledge would be indispensable in hero work. And besides if she was going to act like a nurse she would do it properly! 

Izuku made a face at the thought of the medicine. He was far more familiar with the horrible taste of that stuff than he wanted to be. “Just my luck. I wind up here and I have to take that stuff again.” “Now don’t you complain Deku. You’re a big strong hero. You can handle some medicine easily.” The boy still grimaced. “You wouldn’t say that if you had to take it as much as me.” Now Uraraka was feeling a bit mischievous. “Oh someone is being snippy right now. My patient isn’t trying to act up now is he?” Then she gained a sly look in her eyes and minus the spying eyes of her classmates she did something she would normally never do. “Maybe you’ll change your tune if I give it to you mouth to mouth.” And that made Izuku blush so much he looked like a stop light. “Would a kiss from a pretty girl help you take your medicine?” 

“That’s not healthy Mama.” The unicorn had spoken like her words were the most obvious in the world. Uraraka stopped her flirting, though no one in the room knew that was what she was actually doing. “Open.” Izuku sighed but complied. He downed the medicine and the water Uraraka gave him with it helped slightly but he still didn’t care for it. “Blegh.” “Now that wasn’t so bad was it?” Izuku just shot her a slightly betrayed look. He really did not like that medicine.  

Eri had sympathy for her father and decided to cheer him up. She didn’t blame him for his mood. Nobody liked taking bad medicine. “Oh cheer up Papa. Now that medicine time is over it’s Fun Time. And today’s fun time activity is Bubbles!” Eri brought out some bottles of bubble soap (Thank you Yaoyorozu for the drop off). “I have my nice special scented bubbles. Why don’t we spend some time blowing them? We can do that until it’s Cookie Time!” 

Izuku was in a better mood with the bubbles flying around, Eri holding up the wand so he could blow some. These particular bubbles they were blowing were special. They were dyed, making the bubbles carry the color corresponding to the bottle. They were also scented, again relating to the color of the bottle. Eri had chosen the green one, making green bubbles that smelled of apples. Izuku was blowing red bubbles, all carrying a cherry scent. Uraraka looked at the scene adoringly, happy that nothing would interrupt this time for the family that they had put together. 

Izuku looked over at Uraraka and smiled even more than he was. “You’ve been standing for a while Uraraka. Why not sit down for a bit?” The girl was taken off guard by Izuku’s offer and quickly shook her head. “No that’s alright. I’m here for you after all Deku. I’m supposed to be your nurse. I have to stay vigilant.” Izuku frowned at her refusal. “Well you spending some time with us would certainly put me in a better mood. And that would definitely help my recovery.” “Yeah Mama. You work really hard. Why not sit around blowing bubbles with us for a bit?” Eri said her bit with a wide smile. The kind that tended to demolish anyone’s resistance to the little unicorns wants and wishes. Uraraka was no exception. 

Sighing at the fact that her daughter had yet again somehow pushed her out of her comfort zone Uraraka went along with her daughter’s game. “Alright then.” After taking a seat she picked up the pink bottle and was soon blowing bubbles that smelled of strawberries. The three spent some time like this, just blowing bubbles without a care in the world. The only change throughout was the color of the bubbles. Raspberry blues, lemon yellows, cotton candy aquas, it was a prism parade accompanied by an assortment of aromas. 

[For your bubble blowing enjoyment we present this lovely rhythm  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLZpW7fzRJs]

Things finally came to an end when Izuku’s stomach growled. He had the decency to chuckle a bit. “I guess all these fruit smells made me hungry.” Eri put the wands she was holding away. “Poor Papa. You haven’t a decent meal since you left have you?” She stopped to think a bit. “Well it’s not Cookie Time yet. But I do have something nice and sweet you can have.” The young girl brought out a basket filled with fruit (again thank you Yaoyorozu). “How’s about a nice red apple?” Eri took out one such fruit. “Do you want it cut up like a kitty or a bunny?” She’d also grabbed a paring knife to cut up the fruit. Uraraka, her motherly instincts triggered by her daughter’s proximity to a sharp blade, blurred over and took the knife from her. “Why don’t you let me handle that sweetie. Now Deku what little animal did you want your fruit cut into?” 

While the little family was sitting around, trying to get a decent snack ready for the injured boy, they had no idea they were due for several interruptions in their time together. 

[galactic-melodies]

I have been in love with the idea of a poor MC with Jumin Han for a while, so I decided to write a full on fiction about it. I’ll do it in parts, and maybe for the other characters routes. But I reaaalllly wanted to do Jumin. So enjoy the introduction!

Money is something everyone in the world wants, it is a huge motivator and there never seems to be enough for those who actually need it. You were no different in this situation. You had grown up without a father, and a gambling addict, alcoholic for a mother. Between the two, any money earned was immediately thrown out. From a very young age, you had to figure out how to survive. Through sheer luck and willpower, you somehow managed to attend higher education and complete the degree. Being fresh out of university, you had more bills and debts to pay than you knew what to do with, and no place to live. Perhaps it was this desperation to not move back in with your mother that led you to do what you did.

UNKNOWN: Do you mind going to the address?

You weren't sure how to respond to this. As an educated young lady, surely you were smart enough not to go to a random strangers address. Obviously this was a scam and you would be murdered… or worse. Still, there was something about this stranger. Who knows, maybe by doing a good deed some luck would come out of it.

MC: Fine… I’m leaving right away if it feels sketchy.

And so, you went. You knocked on the door and no one answered. After little convincing on Unknown’s part, you entered the apartment. It was bigger than your entire house growing up. Slowly, you peaked around the hallway, praying someone wouldn’t come out and shoot you. The apartment appeared to be upkept, despite the lack of evidence of life. The plants were flourishing and there was barely any dust. You walked around, not being as careful about your steps, to explore the rest of the apartment. The bathroom had a shower and a bathtub in it and was fully stocked with make-up and soaps. The kitchen had all the utensils needed to cook, but thankfully no food to rot away. For the bedroom, a queen sized bed sat in the center of the room. There was a walk in closet, but not much else in the room. You sit on the bed, surprised at how comfortable it was.

“This feels so wrong to be here,” you muttered to yourself.

The apartment felt way fancier than anything she had ever experienced. It was also someone else's. Oh gosh, I’m in someone else's house. Flipping your phone, you went to text Unknown back. You blinked in wonder at your screen. A chat room seemed to appear with multiple people in it, none of whom you recognized. Possibly the most perplexing part was how a chatroom got on your flip phone. Were those things not smartphone specific? You read from when you entered in. Maybe it’s a game? Skimming quickly, you caught up, realizing they were addressing...you. Notagamenotagamenotagame.

MC: Hello…

You smacked yourself on the head mentally for such a stupid greeting. They were freaking out, you were breaking and entering into a private chatroom and someone else’s house. The phone buzzed quickly as responses filled in.

JUMIN: Who is it?

YOOSUNG: Find out what it is!

JAEHEE: How did you find out about this place? Where did you download the application?

This is it. You were going to jail. Most definitely. Goodbye dreams. So much for doing a good deed.

707: I traced the IP….it’s from Rika’s apartment.

Fuck.

707: Anyways, someone must have broken into her apt.

Fuckfuckfuckfuck-

YOOSUNG: Who are you?! How did you get into Rika’s apartment?!

JAEHEE: Username “MC”, I recommend that you confess.

JUMIN: MC...who are you?

You sighed, deciding to just explain what happened. You would probably be going to jail anyway, maybe they would take pity on you. You began typing your plea for ignorance and mercy.

JUMIN: Reveal yourself, stranger. If you do not reveal yourself, you will pay.

“What!” You exclaimed, mouth agape. With a hmph, you erased the half paragraph of begging.

MC: Reveal yourself first. I’m the most confused one here…

You smiled a tad, crossing your arms happily. Your phone rang again with more replies.

JUMIN: How fierce.

That’s more like it.

After a little bit of conversation and some mentions of 707… “hacking”, they started to introduce themselves one by one. Zen, age 24 came first. He had the most striking eyes on anyone you had ever seen and was just all out gorgeous. If love at first sight was a thing, perhaps this was it. He seemed super kind and thoughtful too. Although, you had never seen him before, despite his apparent fame. 707, age 22, went next, no picture, no real name. Despite him apparently hacking something involving you, he seemed kind as well. Yoosung, age 21, went next. He was probably the most adorable boy you had ever met. High school you would’ve had a major crush on him from appearance alone. He mentioned he was a college student and you suddenly wanted to ask him about his struggles.707 took the liberty to introduce Jumin, Jaehee, and Jumin’s cat to you. Jumin, 27, had seemed rather cold right off the bat. Jaehee, 26, also appeared to be as cold. However, there was something about seeing Jumin with a cat that made you feel less hostile towards him. Animal lovers are rarely bad people, right?

Following introductions, 707 asked you some questions that you answered honestly. Afterall, you weren’t much of a liar, and something told you honesty was the only answer in this situation. 

707: Lookedintoownerofdevice

707: she’scutelol

You looked around the room, squinting. Were their cameras around? How did he know what you looked like? You had no social media.

707: thohowdidyougetanapponaflipphone

MC: I was redirected from the text message...I honestly am just as puzzled as you lol.

Then, their “leader” named V appeared. He explained that the chat room was for them to discuss information for their charity organization, which explains why everyone panicked. The apartment you were in held top secret information on a lot of important people. A cold sweat broke out on the back of your neck, your breathing quickened. I’m so lucky that they aren’t just calling the police oml. The rest of the members explained who Rika was and that you were in her apartment. She had long passed, but apparently V payed the rent. Then he left, telling everyone to calm down and leaving Jumin to deal with the rest of things.

JUMIN: MC, will you join the RFA?

You could say no. Leave this all behind and go back to your normal life of struggle. You could go find a job and look for a home and wait until you either moved back in with your mother or her with you. And you almost did. It seemed to be more trouble than it was worth. All of these guys seemed rather passionate with their work. They threw fancy parties with really important people. That was a type of classy you could never hope to be. But. You could join. They would let you live her, maybe rent free. You could not worry about being destitute and focus on doing things to help a lot of people for a really good cause. You could even search for a job you genuinely liked in your degree. You could make some new friends. Perhaps you could even help people out of situations that you came from. What could it hurt?

MC: Alright. It looks fun. I’ll give it a go.

You smiled slightly, reading the responses from the others.

YOOSUNG: That’s a fast decision.

JUMIN: Ha. I like it.

JAEHEE: I wonder if you have thought this through.

ZEN: Welcome MC.

You put your phone down, laying on the bed with a genuine smile on your face. You hadn’t felt as confident in a decision in a while. You had a really good feeling about this group of people. Who knows where this had the potential to take you.

[ilistenedin]

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans?

Soda cans

2. chocolate bars or lollipops?

Lollipops

3. bubblegum or cotton candy?

Bubblegum

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

Smart but lazy.

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups?

Soda cans

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear?

Tomboy

7. earbuds or headphones?

No preference

8. movies or tv shows?

Movies

9. favorite smell in the summer?

Fresh cut grass or when it’s about to rain

10. game you were best at in p.e.?

Basketball in elementary, dodgeball in middle, and sitting in high school

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day?

Nothing

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I don’t have one

13. lanyard or key ring?

Both

14. favorite non-chocolate candy?

I don’t think I have a favorite candy tbh. I don’t do sweets often. Starburst are alright?

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment?

La Casa de los Espíritus

16. most comfortable position to sit in?

Knees apart, ankles crossed

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes?

Birkenstock’s, baby

18. ideal weather?

If staying indoors; rainy and gloomy and cold.

If going out; cold with lots of clouds where the sun occasionally peeks thru

19. sleeping position?

On stomach, hugging pillow, one leg hiked up

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Lately, in my notes app.

21. obsession from childhood?

Sharks. Horror. Cats.

22. role model?

I don’t really have one. But I do hold a special place in my heart for Gerard Way.

23. strange habits?

I don’t think I have any strange habits. I’m pretty boring.

24. favorite crystal?

Amerhysts, opal, moonstone

25. first song you remember hearing?

I have bad memory

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather?

Stay indoors lol

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather?

Just be outside. Maybe go chill in a park and drink some tea and smoke a cigarette/joint

28. five songs to describe you?

I don’t have the brain capacity for that rn.

29. best way to bond with you?

Interests. Asking questions.

30. places that you find sacred?

Book stores.

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names?

I don’t lol

32. top five favorite vines?

Oh god I don’t know lol. I love the “Adam!” one. “Two dudes chilling in a hot tub..” the one where the girl is about to play Mozart and the keyboard is on the wrong mode. And I can’t think of any other ones rn

33. most used phrase in your phone?

Probably lol

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head?

Oreilly auto parts for sure.

35. average time you fall asleep?

It varies way too much

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

Probably the forever alone dude

37. suitcase or duffel bag?

Duffel bag

38. lemonade or tea?

Tea

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie?

Lemon cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

Ummm weird is a choice of word I guess. My sophomore year some poor girls home made sex video w her bf got leaked and it was pretty fucking bad.

41. last person you texted?

Lauryn

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets?

Pants

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket?

I am incapable of choosing. I’m a slut for all of them.

44. favorite scent for soap?

I like mint, citrus, patchouli, and lavender

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero?

Tie between sci-fi and fantasy

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in?

Sports bra and boxers

47. favorite type of cheese?

It’s impossible for me to choose. I’ve never met a cheese I didn’t like.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

My friends used to call me Apple in HS so I guess an apple

49. what saying or quote do you live by?

None

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have?

I laugh hard too often

51. current stresses?

My life as a whole

52. favorite font?

Times new Roman

53. what is the current state of your hands?

I’ve stopped biting my nails and instead I file them (I wonder how long that’ll last) and they are a bit dry cause of the changing of seasons; this always happens. They get like, cracked and peely. It’s gross, don’t judge.

54. what did you learn from your first job?

How to drive stick shift. I was a valet.

55. favorite fairy tale?

I don’t think I have one tbh

56. favorite tradition?

Every year for my grandmothers birthday and death anniversary we go out to this famous church that over looks the Miami Bay Area and we throw sunflowers into the ocean for her. I’m not religious or anything, but the church location is great and it’s extremely important in my culture (Cuban).

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?

I haven’t overcome shit

58. four talents you’re proud of having?

I don’t think I have any talents per se. I used to drum. I have been told I can sing. I like to write. I doodle.

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?

“Sorry, can’t help it, I’m gay”

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

Horror

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?

Brain too tired to think of anything

62. seven characters you relate to?

I’m too tired to think lol

63. five songs that would play in your club?

Bad Bunny’s discography.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

Lol. Rotten dot com

65. any permanent scars?

One on my knee.

66. favorite flower(s)?

Peonies and roses and pansies

67. good luck charms?

I have un azabache on my wrist

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

Don’t like cucumbers or raw carrots. Oh and recently I tried pickles that have been pickled in moonshine. Fucking no.

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?

Head empty

70. left or right handed?

Right

71. least favorite pattern?

My patterns in my love life 😁

72. worst subject?

Math for sure

73. favorite weird flavor combo?

Idk. I will literally put an egg on everything.

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?

8

75. when did you lose your first tooth?

No idea

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

Mashed probably

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?

Succulent

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store?

Publix has decent sushi

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?

I don’t have a school I’d anymore, but it was pretty fucking bad. But my license one is also pretty fucking bad.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

Earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs?

Aren’t they the same? I call them cocuyos

82. pc or console?

Console

83. writing or drawing?

Writing

[chiimmchiimm]

❝𝖒𝖔𝖓𝖘𝖙𝖊𝖗 !¡ 𝓉𝒽𝓇𝑒𝑒 ❞

CHAPTERS “  01 - 02 - 03 - 04 - 05 - 06 - 07 - 08 - 09 - 10 -  11  - 12 - 13 - 14 - 15 - 16 - 17 - 18 - 19 - 20 - 21 - 22 - 23 - 24 - 25 - 26 - 27 “  

The northern jail was the most dangerous in the country, social scum, thousands of criminals were locked behind their bars. Who would tell poor Blair that he would end up there because of his father’s mistake. The problem was not the lack of hot water, but that inhuman obsession that many of the prisoners had for “new toys.” Rookies had two options; be submissive and abide by veterans’ orders or suffer the dangerous anger of those disturbed minds. It all started one night when Blair had the bad idea of ​​going to shower alone.

𝒫𝒶𝒾𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔: Jungkookoffender au x (female: Blair) 𝒢𝑒𝓃𝓇𝑒:  smut.(later), offender au, fluff, angst. ��𝑜𝓇𝒹𝓈: 3.8 k 𝑅𝒶𝓃𝓆𝓊𝒾��𝑔:  +18   𝒲𝒶𝓇𝓃𝒾𝓃𝑔:   abuse, violence, , sadness, psychological abuse, dirty lenjuage, half-naked, impressive backs, muscles. 𝒜𝓊𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓇’𝓈 𝓃𝑜𝓉𝑒:  Well, I am very grateful for the love you are giving him. I’ll upload the next one later. Delicate scenes and some morbid ones that will increase the tension are coming.

I didn’t keep an eye on the whole night because of the weary thoughts that gathered in my conscience. Akame would not sit idly by and I was sure that my boldness would pay her sooner or later, however, a hope had stuck in my chest from the bathroom scene. That stranger had been so kind. It had saved me from the atrocities that Akame had surely thought for me.

I didn’t even know who I was but I felt indebted to him. 

In all the years I had been living in Los Angeles at any time I could see someone the same. I did not speak only for the physique so suffocating that it had left me petrified when I navigated it, but for the direct look I had. As if his dark eyes will only focus on one thing downplaying the rest of the world. Without hesitation, her beauty had left me without valid descriptions.

Currently, I was sitting in the large leisure space under the stairs. My legs in Indian position while I leaned forward to hold my head with one hand. Solé was in front of me with a wad of letters. I was thinking of the best strategy to end the smile so triumphant that Dallas scrubbed with superiority. Then, as if all his neural connections had agreed to get the best idea, he threw a letter to his opponent and immediately undid his smile.

“Shit. He cursed under his breath as he threw the cards on the table. “Old lady, who taught you how to play like that?“ 

“When you live with a Ludopata whore for thirty five years, you teach yourself to play even if you don’t want to,” he muttered completely calmly as he ordered his wad of cards. But as I managed to emphasize earlier, Solé was a person who could not hide his pain. That is what I saw in his eyes. One so big and dangerous that he got his positive attitude to vanish as fast as lightning strikes. Dallas watched her for a moment. Finally, she sighed resigned to living with her unhealthy memories and looked at both of us with a half-done smile. “Never let someone humiliate you and denigrate you as people.” Don’t make the same mistake as me, girls.

Sole rose from his seat and climbed the stairs in silence. Dallas lost her gaze among the pile of cards on the table while I kept looking at her until the metal of the stairs completely prevented me from following her.

“She burned her husband and her lover’s whore.” She commented between dramatic pauses. With his voice mired in his thoughts as he sighs and lifts his head to bump into my surprised reaction. Then he smiled. “I threw them three liters of gasoline and set them on fire.”

“Fuck, you don’t know how much I admire her for that. She had the ovaries to kill that son of a bitch who was mistreating her for so many years. That’s what it’s worth, Barbie.”

I put aside my annoyance for that stupid nickname to give way to my curiosity about the subject. Everything that had to do with Solé mattered to me.

“To burn someone?” I asked confused by his last sentence.

“No.” I denote the adverb with a short chuckle. “To have the courage and do what you want.”

In that aspect I was a little short. Throughout my short and boring existence I had done nothing but follow the absurd norms of society. I had never been allowed to go crazy because immediately the scandal would close around my family. Thanks Dad. In short, towards everything that was known as “politically correct” from not cursing in front of people to not saying what they thought. A young lady had to keep her composure and show submission to those of greater age range. If I thought about it, the true and only time I had done what I wanted had ended up being threatened by a crazy Asian girl and saved by a penetrating stranger.

“Do you know thirteen?” The question came from my lips without thinking of the consequences it would have. Dallas between opened her lips when she heard me. His red nails were embedded in the leftover fabric of his jacket to calm his tremor. I was really surprised how the simple pronouncement of a name could cause him so much fear. And of course, curiosity increased a hundred percent.

“Don’t go near him if you know what’s right for you.” In the depths of his tone there was a warning. He had leaned forward and raised his eyebrows in compass with the grin of his mouth. Between I closed my eyes trying to understand his attitude so evasiba. Then Dallas analyzed my face with a rather alarming curiosity for me. “Why do you ask me about him?”

“Because everyone talks about him and was curious, nothing more.” I answered with my great ability to really hide what I wanted to say. I was good at lying as long as the person in front of me didn’t intimidate me. Dallas made my homework quite easy since her attitude was far from the outgoing girl I met the first day. “Hey … I didn’t sympathize with Julia.” I didn’t know her but I’m really sorry.

Dallas’s ironic smile left me speechless.

“Dallas was not my friend.” He replied, raising his tone compared to the lazy voice he had used with the previous talk. His safety was something I did not understand. When he saw the confusion reflected in the wrinkles of my face as he frowned, he took a more relaxed sigh and curved his back as before. “We don’t have friends here, Barbie.” We only have partners to tell our shits to someone and not feel completely alone. I will not deny that his death has impressed me but from there to fuck my humor for an aunt I knew just a year ago, well no.

His lack of sensitivity did not surprise me being honest. That quality seems not to be around here much. Those who did not shout and beat stayed in corros watching as the others did. Practically this place was the jungle where the animals most likely to survive either by their strength or power ruled over the weakest others. The problem was that I didn’t know where it fit because my character was strong and considered me, as humanly possible, brave and decided only that the physicist was never on my side. I was not short but I was not tall and my thin body is not that it will help much in the fight for survival. In clearer terms, I was in shit.

My talk with Dallas didn’t last long after that. Now I was inhaled the suffocating vapors of the showers while I waited patiently for one to leave. I picked up my towel and soap. Afterwards, I got into a ucha and opened the water that was not very hot but at an almost pleasant temperature. Clean all the dirt that had accumulated when matching the library shelves. When I thought I was clean enough to finish my shower session I turned to the hanger to pick up my towel, the problem? That had disappeared. I was no longer hooked on the small hook, I even looked on the floor in the hope that it would only have fallen but for me bad luck I realized soon after. Someone had taken my towel. So, taking a long breath to calm down I left the marble plate and walked towards the white where my things were. What looked like a fucking high school girl joke became something more serious when I realized that my clothes were also not where I had left her.

“Have you seen my clothes?” She looked crazy asking something like that in the midst of so many deranged women but they had given me no choice. Fortunately the tone did not shake me and I could pronounce the words quite firmly. I was upset and my face was a vivid image of it. I adjusted my hands more to my feminine attributes when a girl passed by me and I whistle like a dog. The maniacal laughter soon drilled my head. Getting more nervous at times I decided to hurry into the bathroom cubicle. I clenched my fist and hit the wall with rage. Then, when I had my forehead on the cold plastic of the wall, I could see that a towel stood out from the upper edge of the bathroom. I didn’t even take the time to know if I had or didn’t own it, I caught it quickly, I got involved with it and ran out of there.

The bruised smiles of those women was the last thing I saw before going out the door of the locker room.

With the hand firmly holding the ends of the towel so that it does not go down a centimeter. The main plot seemed crazy. I met two guards in my race to the bedrooms, each one more stupid for his sexist comments that shouted in howls of dogs in heat. My misfortune had a name and it was Akame’s. I had no proof of my accusation but that is, wasn’t it obvious? What surprises me is that it has been lowered to make this kind of funky and childish jokes.

“London!” What does he do for god’s sake?

The governor shouted at me when I raised myself in front of the closed door of my module. And far from looking like a woman who had intentions to help me, I kept seeing my outfit as something scandalous that to judge with her annoyed grimace I would not hesitate to say that I thought I was spoiled. And of course it wasn’t at all.

“Dress up!” His insistence made me roll my eyes.

“That’s what I’m going.” I commented without grace at his repetitively tired attitude.My comment seemed to dislike him too much since he immediately closed his annoying eyes. “My clothes and towel have been stolen.” This one you see here is not mine and I have no idea who it is. Believe me, I don’t want to be that way either, but I don’t lie to him when I tell him that I have nothing else to cover myself with. Can you help me please?”

The governor cabildo a couple of seconds the answer until he turned to the guard and took a good look to open it. I gave the woman a forced smile to feel my gratitude. He approached me and touched my shoulder before entering the module. I followed her behind without expecting that each and every one of the prisoners would find themselves in their leisure time and that they would end up impacting on one’s chest by mistake.

“But what is this little thing we have here?”

A disgusting whisper made him take a small leap backwards. I squeezed the ends of the towel at the moment two men stood in front of me. I toured their tattooed bodies with some disgust but my act only caused them grace. There was a pale redhead who played with his mouth piercing while running through my bare legs. The other, a pretty intense blond who didn’t take his eyes off my scared eyes.

“Hey you bastards!” If you want to make a straw go to the bathroom like everyone else does! ”Out of nowhere a voice that I recognized instantly came between us when he placed himself in front of me covering his disgusting glances. Dallas lifted her chin and with an unfriendly look persuaded them there among more insults that I would not dare to repeat. Then, he turned around and looked at me with a raised eyebrow. “You want to die, right?”

A grotesque whistle intervened in my reply.

“Pigs!” Dallas turned to the upper railing and extended her middle finger. The man shook his head at us as he laughed with his companions. Dallas took my arm and dragged me up the stairs to our shared cell. He pressed the button to close the door with his fist clenched. I ran to my bed to put the shed under the pillow. “What did you want to do a model step? Those bastards wouldn’t have hesitated to rape you if there were no cameras …”

“I know, fuck!” exhale exasperating me at times. Shaking my hair in a nervous act. The asphyxiating pressure of my chest did not end until I completely covered my body with the uniform. A rather perverse shiver went through my body when I recreated his eyes on my bare skin. Disgusted, it was the feeling that perfectly described how I felt about those depraved. “But Akame was in charge of reminding me that I owe him a favor with this shit …”

“What?” My answer seemed to surprise him. He opened his eyes erratically when he heard that he pronounced the name of the Asian psychopath. His fingers clenched my forearm madly making me groan at his impromptu act. “You can’t owe anything to Shanghai, for your sake. Solve it.”

Without saying anything else he left me confused. Was he afraid of that woman so much that he began to hyperventilate just by hearing her name? I had no more than a cheap copy of the typical high school thug. I had encountered several throughout my life and the only thing they transmitted to me was a huge shame. They always followed the same pattern were so predictable. First, they were looking for the weak prey to strengthen their security against other people. Second, they believed themselves with sufficient will to rule over others that were not up to it. I had already become accustomed to fear living with my father. So, that woman did not transmit anything to me except a chill session.

The patio sun was falling on my eyes causing what will close them to protect my retinas from light overstimulation. I was breathing the little oxygen that came with the air. I had to calm down if I didn’t want to commit any madness.

He watched with boredom as a pile of ants clustered in a hole in the basketball court, and as they subsequently entered it and disappeared. What envy I had at once, as I would also like to disappear and that the earth swallowed me. Not even Dallas’s whining attitude seemed funny to me when Sole won her hand skillfully.

“Are you Barbie?” A sharp voice startled me instantly. I lifted my head from the ground and watched the girl in front of me. Between I closed my eyes annoyed, not because of the poor girl who had done nothing to me, but because of the stupid nickname with which she had called me. My mother gave me a name for something and not for two brains to come up with a nickname as ridiculous as the nickname of a doll. And by the way, I still don’t understand its origin. “Take this is for you.”

I leave a folded paper on top of my legs and disappeared in a small race. I frowned confused by her shy girl attitude. He was younger than me but not too much. I saw her blond hair disappear when she got inside the building. I grabbed the paper note with my fingers and watched it as if it were an archway that was totally unknown to me. Unfold the note with care not to crack it and read its contents:

Cell 345. At 18 hours.

“What is it?” Dallas’s sudden voice scared me. I closed the note when I noticed that his eyes were directed towards her with curiosity. His body bent so much towards me that his arm was attached to mine. I didn’t understand your attitude, why now

did she behave as if we were friends? I have not forgotten his first day teasing yet. Keep the note in my jacket pocket and get up. Dallas followed me with her gaze.

“Nothing.” Raise your eyebrows in unison so that you drop the subject.

Suddenly, my neck suffered a recreated puncture to alarm me. Then, I looked away at the benches that were hiding at a corner of the great courtyard. I immediately found a feline look that had not stopped looking at me even when I realized that it was. I wrinkled my lips inertia.

His look flooded with hatred didn’t make me turn away from mine. As I said before she didn’t scare me.

Akame got up from the bank slowly. Activate my survival instinct and consequently I took a step towards his direction. However, the brunette turned her gaze a few seconds towards another direction, undid her step and entered the building.

But what?

I followed the direction of his gaze. Dark orbs cut my breath when they noticed my attention to their person. There he was. Giving me a half smile to perceive the redness of my cheeks. I talked to a blond shorter than him, however, he didn’t look away from my agitated body. The intensity of his gaze was so penetrating that incalculable cramps squeezed the mouth of my stomach. He looked in a relaxed position while resting half a body on the wall. The sleeves of his jacket were rolled up leaving his tattoos in sight of any curious who stopped to admire them. And I was. Because my gaze could not stop only on his features. The light reflected on his face and I could better appreciate its appeal compared to the few bathroom lights. It was beautiful. With the perfect proportions to make anyone rave.

His lips gleamed hypnotizingly when his tongue slipped slowly over his handsome ones. I could perceive a glow of mischief in the depth of his dark pupils.In short, he was the man who had most aroused my curiosity, not even the stupid of my ex boyfriend had made me tremble as he did.

Why was everyone afraid of him? Who was? Why do you help me? Millions of questions gathered in my head producing an exciting headache that would end up disappearing when I met them. Was he the one with the mysterious note? I wasn’t crazy, I thought that because the last thing he told me before he disappeared was exactly that, that we would see each other tomorrow.

I don’t know if it was curiosity that controlled my actions or whether Thirteen really demanded my presence. For some strange reason I couldn’t deprive myself of seeing him again. So, I climbed the stairs of the male module while holding my breath for a long time. Clenching the little note into a fist inside my jacket pocket every time I met a couple of nasty looks that surely hadn’t forgotten the incident this morning.

A few minutes later, I reached the corresponding cell, however, when I went to knock on the door, it swung open, leaving me with my hand hanging. A brown boy with his hair down welcomed me. His square jaw moved slightly to the side when he saw me. Its height prevented me from feeling small. Why were Asians so tall? Fuck, it barely reached the middle of my city. Then, I began to suggest with my restless eyes that he will turn away observing in a short period of time what he would find behind him.

“I’m leaving, Thirteen. See you later,” he announced in a soothing tone. He raised his lips to recreate an impromptu smile that resulted in the sweetening of his manly features. At first glance you could see that it was not so intimidating if you took the time to analyze their gestures. Without much more to say, I turn aside to leave the cell. Then, I dare to enter and …

“Oh my god!” I cover my eyes immediately when I visualize the impressive muscles of his back. “P-sorry!” I stutter between abnormal sighs from the scene that deprive my little hands. I hear a hoarse laugh in the background which causes my hands to start to sweat. I should have knocked on the door or just asked if it was available for a talk.

“You know? Many women would pay to see what you now cover with your hands.” I’m not even sure if what I heard was a low moan or simply that her voice is too provocative. The only thing I was aware of was the annoying cramps that accumulated in the lower area of ​​my belly. His fucking voice was such an appealing melody that he would lose his sanity if he lowered his tone that way again. “I know you want to look and it doesn’t bother me.”

How can it not bother you to look at a stranger? And how can he have the nerve to propose something like this if we have barely met only twice? Only something could make it clear and it was the little shame this man had. In addition, the great security he had for his physique, and it was not for less, if I had his, I would also be proud.

“Can you put something on, please?”

My vision was still covered but I could materialize a smile under his glossy lips.

“Do you feel uncomfortable?” He asked through a mischievous attitude. I was not aware of his closeness until I noticed how his breathing warmed my ear. Listen to the wet sound of your lips as you wet them with your tongue. Swallow sharply. By now I should have noticed everything that caused his intimidating attitude in me. Then, his lower lip moistened the shell of my ear when he leaned in to whisper. “Where are you uncomfortable, Blair? Down there maybe?”

My face began to burn under the surface of my palms. My irregular breathing to take a distant rhythm to healthy. God, what a shame. I held a gasp when his big hands slid around my waist, pulling my body toward his. Touching with my knuckles the compaction of his warm and soft chest. The laugh that landed on my fingers was completely disastrous for me, unfortunate tremor. Then, he confidently inhaled my hair just before puffing into my ear.

"It’s time for you to return the favor.”

                                                            ✞

NEXT 

[loopy777]

If you were told to write a spiderman series, with the regular high school/college love triangle shenanigans involving the usual ladies of Peter's life, only with the twist that in the end Spiderman/Black Cat would be the actual couple of the series, how would you go about writing them? Also what do you think the good and bad things about a series focused the ship would be?

(Sorry for the delay. The most recent chapter of Traitor’s Face insisted that every single thing I wrote for it needed to be completely rewritten at one point or another.)

Huh, now this is a new idea. It reminds me of how the 90’s animated series started with Felicia Hardy, no Black Cattiness at all, as the main love interest. And for some reason she was a cheap knock-off of Gwen Stacy for something like four seasons. I can only guess that they came up with the character first, and then stuck a random name on her from the comics.

However, if they *did* start with the idea of using Felicia, I understand how they wound up having to add so much to the character. The first big problem with the concept is that she essentially doesn’t have any character besides being the Black Cat. So anything that tried to make her the winning Love Interest would either need to bring Felicia into Peter’s civilian life and flesh her out as something more than a costumed adventurer/criminal/hero, or make the focus of the stories on his life as Spider-Man. You know, maybe do something like the Ultimate Spider-Man cartoon and make him a pro-hero all the time.

The second big problem is the Black Cat’s weird status with her powers. If she doesn’t have any powers, she’s just a Catwoman knock-off. For a short while she had generic Cat powers, but that’s nothing that’s going to put her on the map. Her ‘true’ power, as far as I’m concerned, is her Bad Luck thing; it plays well on her full theme, it’s fairly unique, and it’s something that can be presented in a dynamic way, with her opponents continually encountering ridiculous bad luck as they try to impede her. But there’s no real origin for those powers, is there? She got them from Kingpin (in a story I haven’t read) and as far as I know the exact method by which he gave her those specific powers isn’t known; it’s incidental to plot point of her going to Kingpin in the first place. So a full, meaningful origin would have to be invented for those powers, too.

The final thing that needs to be created for the Black Cat is a reason to stick around long-term. She dips in and out of the comics because, when she isn’t romantically involved with Spidey, there’s really no reason for her to be in the story. She pursues her own goals, which can take her away from Spidey’s drama.

With all that in mind, here’s a possible scenario I came up with to answer the question.

Set during college years, Felicia and Peter are childhood friends, once being part of a Three Amigos thing with Flash Thompson before Flash became a bully. All three came from messed up histories, with Peter being the orphan raised by his aunt and uncle, Flash having an alcoholic father, and Felicia having something more complicated that we’ll get into. What Peter doesn’t know is that Flash turned against him because Flash fell in love with Felicia, but she had feelings for Peter. Peter never noticed because in high school he was a total nerd who didn’t feel lovable, and after that he was too distracted by Spider-stuff.

Anyway, Felicia’s backstory is that her family was super-poor until her father started working for the Kingpin as a spy, enforcer, and coordinator/boss of Kingpin’s thieves. Their family had to hide that Daddy was involved in organized crime. After Felicia got into college, though, things became more strained, as her father couldn’t deal with all the super-heroes who have been chipping away at Kingpin’s empire, especially that insufferable Spider-Man! But Kingpin has made a deal with an evil scientist (maybe Norman Osborn, maybe the Jackal, maybe even Doc Ock) who has developed a counter for Spider-Man: a 'Bad Luck’ power that’s actually an unconscious psionic defensive ability to alter the immediate future. It’s a direct counter to Spider-Man’s Spider-Sense, which is an unconscious precognitive defensive ability.

For reasons, this can only be given to one person. Perhaps having too many Bad Luck people around compounds the effect? Or maybe Kingpin fears the power’s subtle nature, and doesn’t want to pass it around too much. Perhaps a few other limited people are given the power, but they only come into the story on rare occasions, like when Felicia needs to deal with a Shadow Archetype.

So Felicia becomes the Black Cat, and becomes an apprentice to her father. She battles Spider-Man, but isn’t entirely committed to the idea. She’s a good person, and doesn’t like the Kingpin or the way his empire hurts people. But she’s loyal to her family, and if she doesn’t do something about Spider-Man, her dad will be killed. She’s also juggling her college like, because she wants to eventually get out of being a criminal.

This all gets complicated when Felicia’s Bad Luck ability sets into motion a sequence of events that end with her finding out that Peter is Spider-Man, with Spidey unaware.

So we settle into our storytelling engine, where Spidey encounters some crime or adventure. If it doesn’t involve the Kingpin, then Black Cat helps him out because she wants to protect her buddy Peter. If the Kingpin is involved, Spidey and Black Cat can find themselves on opposite sides; in those cases, Black Cat obviously is trying to hold back against Spidey, and because he can sense this, he holds back against her, too. He even becomes rather taken with her.

This frustrates Felicia to no end, for obvious reasons.

Throw in the complication that, in their civilian lives, Flash is dealing with his family history and trying to be a better person as he goes through college. He tries again with Felicia, who both feels bad for him and is frustrated that Peter is more interested in her alter-ego. And there’s the outgoing Mary Jane Watson who seems interested in Peter, and he in her.

A change in the dynamic can happen if Peter discovers Black Cat’s secret identity. Perhaps he doesn’t realize that she knows who he is, and she doesn’t know that he knows about her in turn, so hilarity ensues as they’re both unaware that they could end all these complications with a very simple conversation.

Another 'end of an era’ switch-up can happen if the Kingpin gets taken down, but not necessarily Felicia’s father with him. I like the idea of replacing Kingpin as the big bad with Norman Osborn, and Osborn discovering Peter’s identity can mess around things. Perhaps Felicia’s father even teams up with Osborn, dragging her into the conflict. The love triangle could be messed up by Harry Osborn getting involved and pursuing Felicia or the Black Cat- or both!

I’m thinking we also need to eventually do something for the Black Costume Saga, so that Flash has the opportunity to become Agent Venom and get involved in the super-heroics that his childhood friends are perpetrating. It would be interesting if Agent Venom is working for SHIELD or somesuch government agency, and both Spider-Man and Black Cat can be wanted felons by that point, so they’re both fighting Flash without realizing it. Bonus points if Flash’s superiors include a corrupt character who is running a criminal sideline.

I’m keeping to the spirit of this idea as a comic book, so I don’t have a definite endgame. Obviously, Peter and Felicia would have to become fully aware of each other’s identities and knowledge. Perhaps Flash’s death is what inspires them to finally try to commit to each other, or else the defeat of a major villain, which might wind up being Felicia’s father as their ultimate enemy. I don’t think I’d have them give up their superheroics afterward, but it probably depends on all the drama and trauma they’ve suffered through at that point. Since the speculative scenario is that I’m writing a real comic book with this storyline, I need to keep my options open for either getting canceled after twelves issues or going over a hundred.

The main appeal of this kind of series, I think, is that the female lead gets to be involved in both the civilian soap opera stuff and the superhero drama. It’s always hard to get the love interest involved with the superheroics, Lois Lane being the exception to prove the rule. In every other case, I loathe it when the Reporter job is used, because it feels so derivative of Lois.

The main weakness of this series, I’m thinking, is that excuses have to be generated to keep Spidey and Black Cat from just talking things through and teaming up. Their relationship needs to remain in a constant state of volatility, although sometimes at a low simmer, and that can become contrived.

Also, as shown by my plans here, the end-ship is going to be telegraphed from the start. I think it’s futile to try to make the Black Cat a dark horse in the romantic race like Mary Jane was, because MJ’s success was an accidental result of many contributing factors, including the transition from Stan Lee to Gerry Conway as the primary Spider-Man writer, and then the promotional mandate that had the newspaper comic strip’s marriage between Peter and MJ forced on the main comic line.

Also, I’m not one for real love triangles in fiction. Done right, it just seems like a good way to alienate at least half the audience at the end, while being done poorly is just going to make the ending obvious anyway. It’s fine to throw in spoilers every now and then, but any romance I write is going to end in a predictable way, and the audience is just there to enjoy the ride.

[benniebenniebenniebennie]

klimt (august 2018)

like a pearl

like the sexless voices

that flood the throats of cathedrals

i am the one you touch

at the bottom of the night

the loom that holds me

deeply in your sight

i am shallow

like breath in fog

sea without moon

the light in the jar of your dull summer night

the one who softly coaxes sound from a bell

behind my eyes

i pluck the secrets billowing

within the skirts

hinged between the forests we shared

the perfect moment comes

debris piling up at the feet of an angel

my father digs the snuff from his cheek

i am shooting bullfrogs

mining the mystery

from each lake

each dream is drowning

in the ponds behind your eyes

you in the passenger seat

and i drunk as a poet

beneath streetlights listening

to suicide with windows down

the dark racing through my hair

like minnows like birds evading death

the same way the brush

dances across a broken smile

o schoolgirl from whose thighs the moon draws blood

o pretty memory

i am going to die

i did not want to know

the summer is an illusion

of childhood seeing

figures in the dark

dancing in the shed light

what goes on between your thighs

o godless plane

o children of dust incest & death

men want each other to suffer

hear an ear popping crush

the distance between the stars is full of many nothings

this was the childhood i was given

delusion, selfishness, the grand scheme, cancelled plans

how many loves does it take to end all suffering

i think about every one

and the murderous few

i am staring you in the eyes

the crumbling statue i love

i fill the couches of each friend’s home i do not know when to leave

my shadow in the cushions and my body moving homeward beneath

the streetlights disappearing into the past

some loves are a forest fire others are rain

after you see yourself replaced & realize you’re nothing at all

feel free to be an insect inside yourself

wading through backwaters

to be the secret you keep from your friends

there are children asking to be born

i am running toward the future

between your lips where i will stay

there is a lust beyond anything known

tucked between dreams like the body and sleep

i have touched the bottom of the ocean

i’ve prayed to god

i’ve wasted my life

there are days when life’s strangeness stares you in the face with a mask

i have taken money from people i love

i have felt water in my lungs

here’s the point of no return

i have stuck my tongue where it doesn’t belong

honey dripping down the legs

from the corners of the mouth

a burning in the soul of instant regret

don’t just stand outside the light

become the nothing you’ve been hurried to since birth

a sick dream of drowning love

time is a capitalist tool

besides the suffering nurtured in cathedrals and in loveless beds all things erode

shadow and anti-shadow

the algae tended to by dragonflies within the sinuses

transcendence

yearning

aching at thought of being a woman

a gold leaf to eat

to starve the poor

every child drowned in a bathtub

every stillborn pried from a mother’s arms

there is a light that never goes out

there is a smothered dream

driving into the opposite lane

it plucks the innocence from every thing

longing to bury its ship in the delta of dreams

calling you in my sleep

my body is a well of discomfort

i want something to hold

the sound contained within a still string

there’s infinity in every thing

i know you can grow fond of me it takes some loneliness

and everything will level like stars forcing through the crescent

moon of the outhouse

death strikes like a snake

there is no regret it is a disease

not every thing is meant to be perfect

there is fire behind my eyes

there are stones in the riverbed

created and stacked like bricks

there is not a world where advertising and art coexist peacefully

the best things drown us transcend existence

everything must have its negative

the shadow and anti-shadow the body and the air i am expelling my brain

onto the corpse of a tree roaming through the words

theyre better with fermentation like the age of automatic death

o when i reach

my hand

into the water

and pull out

a clump of pearls

am i polluting the world with pain

avarice forcing upon the innocent my human game

the morning is cool coals painting in shadow

all these young girls in flower

the past is culture at the bottom of a can

pain is taken lightly

violence is picking fruit from a tree

we are to expect and accept this death

my love with your face sleep-swollen

the embodiment of memory

thunder softly boiling the sky

our fingers moved through the forbidden world

beyond being and time

my ancestry belongs to words

the soap of thought a secret place

i want to know

is each tear a different sadness

do you exist beyond the confines of my brain and its inability to understand

that one can love once and not again

do we want to be free or do we want to beyond the cycle of our sad brains

every day not with you is not a waste

time loses value without a tether to real

reality is a drug

a relationship between hand eye soul brain  

in a single line the sun bursts through

rain storm

solipsism like eating the meat of an animal you never saw live

each christian is dipped in blood i am not a machine

for no reason walking between rows of sunflowers

moving between shaved legs

there is a flowery hillside

lying in the future in which i was your enemy

between the fences of time i lie in wait

carrying a lavender bough

my insides is bubbling

i have seen films where men die for no reason

when reason’s there it makes no difference  

love nestles its head between the thighs of morality

none of my ancestors saw these films

they had real life, a broken mirror, bad luck

laws of the land: suicide, money

mercy, weakness, violence

if you allow me one more chance

i will carry your love for you

& kneel in the field history tends every day

[crowned-ladybug]

Marvin from the rivals au for that character thing or just in general bc I love him so much and I want to know more about him

This got so long, I’m so sorry. This is like 2k words bc if allowed to talk about this boy then i could talk Forever. Oops

(With the meme it’s here btw)

Occasional sleeptalker. Usually just incoherent babbling, andJackie finds it hilarious to listen to if he's awake for it

Can braid his own hair perfectly without any trouble. Fear him

Shows his love of certain ppl by buying them lil gifts but hatesthe confrontation and awkwardness of giving them to them so heusually just leaves them in places he knows they'll find them,usually with no indication that they're from him either

Colour codes Everything

Has his own way of organising things that makes sense to Him okaybut he can't really explain it to anyone else. It annoys poor Jamesonto no end bc he organises shit to help with his anxiety and MarvinKeeps Ruining It

His reaction to Chase and Jackie wanting to get up to impulsivefun shit is "sure, go ahead, just don't hinder whatever I'mdoing" (or sometimes he joins them) and Schneep is sodisappointed in him for not helping him keep them in check instead

Has a fuckin perfectly figured out skincare routine and he'sdragging all the others up with him

Generally v good at lazy/spa day kinda self-care

Has ADD (tho all the egos have ADD/ADHD tbh)

Chase has absolutely compared him to Mettaton X at some point andMarvin doesn't know how to react to that

Gets cold super easily and Hates It. Is an absolute lil bitchabout it and won't stop whining until he can get warm again(favourite way to do that is to cuddle Jackie, and he just goes allhappy and melty from it, but I still wouldn't try to talk to him if Iwere you. And Jackie is a good bf who puts up with Marvin's stupidcold hands and face)

Has two modes when cuddling btw, he either just lies peacefullywith someone (mostly Jackie) while having an arm draped over them orholding their hand or pressed up against them, or he turns into afuckin octopus. Good luck trying to get up, you won't succeed

Which has led to multiple instances of someone needing Jackie forsomething, only to find him unavailable bc he's completely trapped bya sleeping Marvin even if he himself is wide awake. But he enjoys ita lot too bc Hell Yes Affection and would never have the heart tomove him and wake him up

He's also p damn pointy so he's not really the most comfy personto cuddle but Oh Well

Also wakes up slow and says a lot of bullshit in the process (orstuff he'd normally filter out and not get to say, like sappy shit)

A flirty lil bitch

Knows Jackie blushes super easily and enjoys the fuck out of it.Constantly trying to figure out how little it'll take for him to beall red in the face (And he knows Jackie doesn't mind and he backsoff when he's told to. Don't worry. Consent is still there)

He on the other hand doesn't blush often so when he does it meanshe's Super Flustered

Ik i said this last night too but he knows how to dance and doesit p well tbh?? He used to dance a lot when he was a kid/teen butdropped it when he realised he was trans bc then he tried to be AsMasculine As Possible bc he felt like if he didn't he'd be "fakingit"

(Grew out of that eventually. He's so glad he did)

Insecure about more stuff than he would ever let you believe

Once he starts really caring about the other egos he tries So Hardto be good to them and secretly beats himself up sometimes for stillbeing an Asshole when he messes it up. Yeah it's angsty. He'd takehimself apart just to make it up to his friends for having been anasshole to them before

Not a morning person but he can still function if woken up early,he'll just make sure you know that he's Not happy about it

Very rarely gets dysphoric, really only if continously referred towith the wrong pronouns/gendered terms or if called his deadname

At some point he started shooting Jackie flirty looks while sayingbullshit in French (Jackie doesn't speak French) to fluster him butit got to the point where Marvin realised that if he wanted to keepdoing it he'd need to Actually Learn French instead of just spoutingthe same limited amount of bullshit all the time. And that's thestory of why he started studying a Whole Other Language

Likes flowers but knows fuck all about them

I don't think I'll ever properly type down how he got his scar sohere: before Marvin pledged alliance to the other egos, Anti alreadyassumed he would, and so he captured him and threatened to torturehim to get information out of him/possibly force him on his sideinstead. Marvin called his bluff and told him to fuck himself. Antigot angry, waved his knife a lil too close to Marvin's face duringone of his threats and ended up actually cutting him. Anti was superhappy bc holy shit I Did Something, and Marvin decided that he's hadenough and since he'd been saving his energy all this time, blew up acharge of electricity in Anti's face. He then proceeded to teleporthome (with the chair he was tied to still attached but uhh. That partof the story is a lil less dignified so shh)

Anti has had a special place in Hell for him ever since (and withthis I'm realising that Anti is actually p fuckin bad at his job??Wow)

Says he doesn't like his hair messed with. He's lying.

But you gotta be Special and Important To Him to have permissionto touch his hair (or a hairdresser I guess). But Jackie is one ofthose ppl so he can mess with Marvin's hair all he wants (he evenlearned how to braid hair just to surprise him and lemme tell you,Marvin was Absolutely v surprised) Stroke and pet his hair longenough and he'll go all melty

His teeth are a lil bit pointier than average (and Jackie is sofucking gay for that and I'm shaming him)

Used to write poetry as a teen. Don't bring it up, he'sembarrassed.

Shoves all his feelings and problems in a box and hides them inthe attic bc He Doesn't Want Them

Can sing okay but doesn't do it often bc it's not Perfect so it'sBad. Hums more often tho

He's scared of a bunch of stuff in horror movies (and triggered bysome) but No One is allowed to know that. He's glad most of theothers don't much like them either and thus they don't watch themtogether anyway. He really doesn't want others to see him scared bche thinks it'd make him look weak and ridiculous

(Yes, he double-standards himself vs other ppl a Lot. Being scaredor having bad mental health or messing up is only bad if he does it.But you didn't hear that from me.)

Pokemon is one of his biggest and longest-lasting hyperfixations

Holy shit I've never drawn him in a suit but my dudes he looks SoPretty in a well-fitted suit, Holy Fuck. Give him a lapel flower andit'll be Perfect. No one can resist that amount of charm

Knows how to walk (and even run and dance) in high heels but can'tfucking stand them (no pun intended, he just finds them reallyuncomfortable)

Will be stunned silent if anyone assumes he doesn't absolutelyAdore Jackie, both bc How Dare You and bc he's trying So Hard to be agood bf is he really That Bad at it?

Pressure is not his main stim but it's the best way to bring himout of a panic/anxiety attack and just ground him in general, espwhen he can't use his magic or doesn't think to use it. (He doesn'thave any weighted stuff so in others words: lie on him.) Once hecalms down enough he'll hopefully start doing his vital-readingmagic, which should help calm him more

(Also yeah, the whole vital-reading that I've probably talk aboutjust Way Too Much already but jic I'll mention it again anyway: hecan use his magic to read other ppl's vitals. It calms and comfortshim. He mainly does it to Jackie, who has given him blanketpermission for it)

Favourite stim is fondling with squishy things (like those foamanimal keychains??) and scraping stuff like candle wax or soap (itwould probably be chewing if he actually realised that that is aValid Stim but he Doesn't)

Has his own apartment for a while still after moving in with theother egos bc he doesn't expect it to last. He sells it about a yearlater

His job is being a magician too and doing his shows that bring inAbsolutely enough money for him to not have to get another job or doshows like every other night. Ppl don't know he has Actual MagicPowers which makes a lot of things easier for him

His masks are all self-made bc he didn't wanna chance lettinganyone else do it, and he's had many less fabulous ones before bc healways wants Better. The gold patterns on the one I've drawn him withbefore are covered in glitter. He has a couple other ones he usestho, all different styles and shapes and colours for the sake ofvariety. He always wears matching make-up (mainly eye make-up andlipstick) for his shows

The scoreboard on the fridge (a piece of paper where they trackevery time him and Jackie defeat each other in Anything At All) washis idea, but it was Jackie who drew the stick figure renditions ofthe two of them on it (so it was a joint effort, really. Yeah,ironic. Or typical)

Has no shame when it comes to PDA as long as it isn't suggestive,but Jackie is a lot less sure about it (esp when out in public) soofc he respects that

That also means that if Jackie decides to hold his hand in publiche gets So Fucking Giddy you have No Idea and also you wouldn'tbelieve it even if you saw

Speaking of giddy. If you manage to get him to start talking aboutJackie (not a hard thing to achieve tbh) he will get so happy andgiddy and excited and Will Not Shut Up okay. Or at least it'll takehim a While to realise that he's rambling and has completely shed hiscool exterior. He just really loves his bf okay and he kinda justwants everyone to know how great he is

Can remember names and face p well but numbers and dates? Nah son.You better believe he has to make memos and calendar entries on hisphone for Everything. He's glad he can remember his own birthday,almost everything else he just kinda remembers (so only as specificas season or month). He feels bad about it tho, esp when he has tocheck like twice a day coming up to an important date that yes, it'sstill two days away, he didn't miss it

Has the kinda handwriting that's v pretty to look at but is anabsolute Pain to try to read

[miyotesse]

Every day

Make sure you wash every day. (don't use palm oil soaps though. Or cruelty tested ones. Or any shampoo in a plastic bottle)

Brush your teeth. (Fluoride is the devil's work and will rot your brain, so be careful of that. Also, no plastic)

Eat a meal in the morning. (Organic food, buy it from local shops not the big corporations otherwise you're contributing to the world's downfall. Also, no plastic wrappers)

Make your bed. (Synthetic fibres have microplastics so don't buy those cheap ones. Also, avoid anything made for less than minimum wage by someone not in a union)

Put on clean clothes. (Again, synthetics, expensive and unions. Also, nothing that came in a plastic wrapper)

Go to work. (Your car needs to be on at least 60mpg otherwise you personally are killing the planet. Just buy a brand new electric car instead, but not from Tesla because a billionaire owns it. Also, no plastics involved in the car at any point. If you do insist on driving a planet killer, make sure to turn it off whenever you stop moving otherwise you're needlessly pumping pollutants into the air)

Arrive at work. (Be sure to be nice to everyone, regardless of wether or not they deserve it. Every customer is always right and deserves your full attention even if your boss, who is always right, has told you to do something else. Make sure you don't work for an evil corporation and that you're not doing anything that could offend anyone. Also, you need to be in a union, or not in a union because they're evil or good, no-one's really sure)

Do your work. (9+ hours a day on your feet, running here there and everywhere, lift the heavy things, move the bulky things, carry the hot things, remember where everyone is and everything goes and KEEP SMILING and always be polite and never ever ever ever let out that you might not be happy with this situation because not being happy means you're not a T E A M P L A Y E R and that is the worst thing)

Eat your lunch. (Don't eat any animals because they have feelings. Don't eat any plants because they are needed for the planet to survive. Sustainable, locally sourced, line caught, home grown, home made (OH YEAH DON'T FORGET TO MAKE YOUR LUNCH BEFORE YOU LEAVE THE HOUSE). Never let the cracks show, keep on SMILING)

Finish work. (An extra 15 minutes today, unpaid, to sort everything out. And yesterday. And tomorrow. And every day. Never paid, never acknowledged, never THANKED, never rewarded. Don't slouch, don't stop, never rest for a moment or focus on anything other than work. You're here on the company's dime!)

Do you need food at home? Did you check? (Whoops that's another thing to do, how could you be so forgetful?)

Arrive at home. (Alone? Too bad. At your parents? Too bad. Living with someone else? Don't forget all THEIR needs too. Kids? HAHAHAHA good luck fucker)

Spend some quality time doing the hobbies that you love. (Gamer? Ridiculed. Anime fan? Ostracised. Artist? It's just drawings, do it for me for free. Writer? UPDATE UR FIC NAO WHY HAVENT YOU POSTED IN EIGHT HOURS? Tired from work, tired from SMILING, tired from living, tired of existing)

Organise a rally. (Politics? Haven't your heard? Signing petitions, being worried, that's not enough, you have to be active, you have to BE the change you want to SEE. No-one's going to do it for you, no-one's going to rescue you. Why aren't you doing more for the community? Why aren't you doing more for the town, the state, the country, the world? Lazy. Idle. Layabout. Good for nothing. Malcontent, worthless, poor, disabled, marginalised, OTHER)

Relax with some quality entertainment. (Who did that man hit? What racist thing did she say? Is the corporation that owns the corporation that owns the studio that owns the warehouse that this show was filmed in secretly burning babies for fuel? If you don't know, you're a villain for laughing when that thing happens. Want to discuss it? IF YOU DON'T SHIP MR a. WITH MR q. YOU ARE A HOMOPHOBE AND DESERVE TO DIE. Send death threats to the creators or you're not a true fan. Why aren't you angry? Why aren't you outraged? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?)

Get ready for bed. (Turn off the lights when you leave the room, Las Vegas is lit up like a Christmas Tree but the red dot on your TV is killing the planet. Sort the rubbish, plastics, cardboard, glass, paper, compostable, burnable. Prepare for tomorrow, why are you crying, everyone does it, everyone is better than you, everyone is coping but you're not, why bother?)

Curl up in bed, and get some sleep. (Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why? Why?)

.(Why am I alive?)

[livvywrites]

the curse that failed (or, the witch’s guide to true love, part 2)

so while i get some outlining done in prep for Camp NaNo and also to keep myself from tearing my own hair out while writing, i’ve also decided to try my hand (once again) at short story writing.

this is based on a prompt I found here, which i’ll reply to or @ once I actually finish the damn thing. 

However, the prompt itself was: 

A princess accidentally wrongs a witch and is cursed so that no man shall ever love her. Fortunately, the princess is a lesbian, and is overjoyed. When the witch finds out that her spell backfired, she is furious, and goes to confront the princess. Except now that she’s a little calmer, the princess is super cute? Sparks fly, and not because of a magic spell. 

The ‘part 2′ in the title actually refers to the idea for a prequel I got as I was writing it, so.

Anyway, I strayed from the prompt A LOT but here’s a snippet of what I have so far!! 

this is also one of many fairy tale-esque stories i have in the works, oops

Annalise didn’t know the woman was a witch. Which… in some cases, wouldn’t make it better to have offended her. But in this case, she was rather sure she could be forgiven.

Witches were so touchy, you see. Offended by the smallest slight. From being offered a pink rose rather than a yellow one to being seated by a fairy at dinner.

Though that last one did have political connotations, at the very least. Bit like sitting two nobles locked in a blood feud next to each other. Poor cousin Marjorie. A hundred year old oak table, gone. In an instant. To say nothing of the—quite excellent—meal. Oh, and those lovely dishes. Quite the tragedy, insofar as material possessions went. No one was hurt physically, at the very least, as the fight was broken up by an excellent diplomat. The two were even close friends now, imagine that.

Anyway.

You never could tell what would set them off. And Annalise had been having a bad day that day, so it wasn’t as if she was paying attention.

And. Well. Alright. So maybe she did a little more than just “offend” the witch. But she really didn’t mean to knock the bucket over! Especially not on the day the servants were replacing the wards on the castle walls. Especially, especially not on a magic-born witch.

That was just… Well, that was just plain old bad luck.

But the witch didn’t see it that way. It was always a personal insult with that bunch, and when faced with such an insult, they were generally act-first, ask-questions-later.

So when the witch screwed her face up and pointed one talon-tipped finger in Annalise’s face, she was fully prepared to be turned into a frog. Or something. Instead she just felt tingly all over. And not in a good way. A, bugs-are-crawling-all-over-my-skin way. Very unpleasant.

Imperiously, the witch spoke.

“For this attempt upon my life I decree That no man shall ever wish to wed thee For your sins, you shall pay until your last breathing day.”

Suddenly, it was all Annalise could do not to grin.

Kali had been told since the day she cast her first spell that her temper would get her in trouble one day. She’d always brushed these warnings off, despite her mothers’ best intentions. Until one summer’s day, when she was visiting the palace in [kingdom] and Princess Annalise, only child of the king and queen, knocked a bucket of water in her path.

Water mixed with soap, lemon juice, and powdered golem’s teeth. Not an easy thing to come by, these days—making golems was an art falling to the wayside, since they were immune to magic once created. Or—well, that wasn’t entirely accurate. It was more like they took these spells and then added them to their own power source, like a constant source of recharging. At any rate, they could be a drain to keep up with, constantly needing to be fed, and what with most witches and wizards working with the general populace—and each other—these days… Well, it was just a pain. Not to mention the effort that went into building them in the first place.

Much easier to use a temporary animation spell—perhaps combined with an enlargement charm.

At any rate, golem teeth made an excellent tool for dispelling magic. Excellent for wiping away old wards to be replaced with new ones. Not so excellent when you were magic-born. As in. Literally made of magic. Created by her mothers, in an act of their love for each other. (And what love it was, considering they had been together for the better part of 200 years now.) A dispelling charm would just cause her to need reforming, but a dispelling liquid? Now that could kill her.

So of course, she freaked out.

Her mothers would say that was no excuse to go around cursing people, especially not before you double checked their intent.

But, what was done was done. Curses could be broken. It was done all the time! Generally by true love’s kiss, but, in this case, her mothers would probably make her do it. If they found out.

…When they found out.

Nosy old crones.

To say Annalise’s parents weren’t pleased was an understatement. Especially considering they had just finished brokering a deal for Annalise to be married off to some wealthy youngest prince of some neighboring nation. Annalise hadn’t been impressed from the get go, honestly. Prince Theodore sounded like a lovely man on all accounts, don’t get her wrong, but honestly… Annalise simply had no interest in him. Or anyone like him. By which she meant men. In general.

They made excellent friends. Annalise slipped out of the castle pretty regularly to go drinking with a few of them. (Specifically a knight-in-training; an apprentice smith; and a silver-tongued bard. Wasn’t that just the cast of a good adventure story?) Romantically, however, Annalise simply had no use for them. And she had never quite understood why there always had to be a king and a queen… or why each had their own separate duties. Why not divide them up as they were suited for them—and not by some archaic definition of suited either. Suited as to the individual.

Annalise had always believed her mother was more fit to lead an army than her father. And her father—oh, he was much better at planning seating arrangements than her mother could ever hope to be. Yet, tradition dictated that her mother be the one to arrange parties while her father barked orders at tin soldiers. It was sad, really.

But Annalise’s ideas were too “wild” to be entertained. (“Centuries of tradition cannot be wrong, Annalise.”  Her parent’s favorite reply. Annalise had once bitten her tongue to bleeding to keep from reminding them that, centuries of tradition had been broken by a princess before, and had resulted in a lovely peace between humans and magical creatures. Which had advanced medicine and technology to heights that would have been unthinkable a decade ago.)

“If I didn’t know better, I would swear you had done it on purpose,” her father said, face flushed with irritation. His beard twitched as he scowled. “After all that work. Do you realize how difficult it was to find you a husband, Annalise? Especially after that… that scandal!” Her father narrowed his eyes at her, bushy brows coming together.

He was, of course, referring to the time when visiting monarchs had caught her wearing men’s practice clothes in the yard and dueling with her knight-in-training friend. To be fair, it was the yard furthest from the castle, and the one hardly ever toured. The odds that they would be found were extremely low. But found they had been.

Her father had been furious. Annalise had been under guard for weeks before he finally deemed her contrite enough.

Thank goodness for her acting lessons.

Or, rather, her lessons-in-how-to-be-polite-when-you’d-really-rather-not.

Or, rather, etiquette.

(Now they held their practice sessions in the woods, and got their blades from the apprentice smith.)

Her mother cleared her throat, face placid as usual. “Your father raises a good point, darling.” Oh, no. Her mother breaking out the pet names was never a good sign. “You didn’t do this on purpose… did you?”

Annalise had to curl her fists to keep from scowling. “Of course not! Prince Theodore is a lovely fellow. It would be an honor to marry him.”

Her mother raised an eyebrow. “Dear, I think your father and I both know you better than that. You’ve been sullen ever since the marriage was first set upon the table. And don’t think we haven’t noticed how much cheerful you’ve been since that curse.”

Annalise’s mouth twisted. “Mother, I swear, I didn’t do it on purpose. I don’t even know any witches. Except for the castle apothecary, but, she’s from the order of alchemists. They don’t do curses. And she’s far too proper to ever have a hand in something like this!”

Her mother scrutinized her for a moment more, before humming to herself. “Yes, I suppose if you had truly sought to get out of the marriage, you would have simply run away.”

Annalise thought about the plans she had made with her friends—plans she had called off, not long after the curse was cast. And the bag she had yet to unpack, beneath her bed. “Ah. Yes. That… would have been more my style.”

Her mother let out a long, drawn out sigh.

Her father simply stared at her. “Annalise.”

“What?”

He pinched his nose. “Running away is not acceptable behavior for a princess. Particularly not for the sole heir of the throne.”

“I haven’t run away!”

Her mother put a hand on her father’s arm. “Know which battles you should leave alone, love.” She cut her gaze to Annalise. “This is going to make your ascension that much more complicated. You only have a few years before you’ll be expected to take over. The kingdom cannot be without a king.”

“Then why not just make it a title?” Annalise asked.

“It is a title,” her father said wearily.

“No, that’s not what I meant! I meant a title that… well. Anyone could wear. Regardless of their sex. As the true-blooded heir, I could be king, and whoever I married could be queen. If I can’t marry a man, then, well. There are plenty of suitable princesses, right?”

Her parents exchanged a glance.

“My dear, centuries of tradition are in place for a reason,” her father said.

Annalise crossed her arms. “I bet that’s what Queen Irzabel’s parents told her, when she wanted to establish a treaty with the magic folk. Peace wasn’t easy to find between us, that’s undeniable, but think about how much better things are than they were a decade ago. Plagues don’t wipe out kingdoms, or even whole villages anymore! Communication between kingdoms is near instantaneous. And if a magic-user goes rogue, we have wards to paint on the walls and shield spells that can be activated. And that’s just the start. More and more things are being implemented daily.

“Now imagine what could happen if we started something new. A woman becomes king. Suddenly, she’s eligible to marry princesses. How many times have kingdoms had to be absorbed into others, losing whole bloodlines and family names because monarchs could only conceive girls? A man becomes a queen—and suddenly middle sons have another fate then being sent off to be knights or settling down with noble girls of lower bloodline.

“Not every tradition needs to be abolished, but… Sometimes change is good.”

Her parents exchanged a look, and while her father looked incredulous, her mother looked contemplative.

Annalise bit back a squeal of glee.

Her father might have been called an immovable stone by their people, but they had never seen him bend beneath her mother’s gaze. Annalise had. Her mother could topple mountains with a look alone, and her father was helpless to it. All these months of biting her tongue had been worth it.

Pick your battles indeed.

“Kali.” Ma’s tone was honed with a finely sharpened edge, and Kali had seen her draw blood with it before anyone even realized that it was poised to strike. As such, Kali was always wary when it was turned on her. “Do you know what I was treated with this morning?” She didn’t wait for an answer. “A very, very irate couple claiming that you had cursed their daughter! What have we said about throwing around curses?”

Kali winced. “Ma, I swear I had a good reason. It was ward-cleansing day. She almost splashed me!”

Ma’s stern edges wavered for a moment. “I’m sure that was terrifying. But, you should have made sure it was an honest attempt on your life before you throw around curses. Particularly ones that affect an entire kingdom.”

Kali’s wince deepened. “I’ll dispel it, I promise. I need to finish a new batch of protection amulets for the store tonight, and then tomorrow, I promised Petra I would head over to hers first thing in the morning to perform a purification ritual. I’ll head back to the castle tomorrow afternoon. The next morning, at the latest. Surely they can wait a day.”

Ma pursed her lips. “Let me guess. Petra’s precious plant absorbed another curse, didn’t it?”

Kali sighed. “Yes. This one was meant to make all of her teeth rot, I think. Or maybe her fingers were supposed to shrivel? Whatever it is, the poor thing is losing vines left and right.”

Ma shook her head. “Mum will take care of it. She can probably set up a renewal charm, to keep the poor thing from almost dying to every minor curse someone casts. And perhaps figure out the source of them. Finish the protection amulets tonight, and then first thing tomorrow morning, you make reparations with the king and queen. Your mother and I are not moving again, do you hear me? We finally have a nice place set up, thanks to that treaty. Don’t go infuriating the monarchy. Bad enough your mother makes a habit of pissing off dragons.”

“Ah. Did she…”

“Steal another trinket from a wyrm? Yes. This one barely has any magical value.” Ma scoffed. “An enchanted coin that glows in the dark. A child’s first enchantment. There was no value in it!”

“That’s where you’re wrong, my dear!” The chimney exploded with light, and Mum ducked out of the fireplace with a beaming grin, soot staining her face. She pulled a vial of flickering flame from her belt. “Dragon’s breath! Not the plant, mind, but the literal thing!” She cackled in glee. “The coin itself was worthless, I’ll admit that—I threw it back on the hoard, by the way, the one I pulled out was just for story purposes. But this. Now this is priceless!” She tucked it back into her belt.

“Couldn’t you have just asked them to breathe flames.”

“Not if I’m translating this spell right,” Mum said airily. “Now, what’s got you all bothered? Other than my usual shenanigans.”

Ma huffed. “Kali cursed the princess. Her parents are more than a bit upset.”

“I’m going to undo it!”

Mum snorted. “The king and queen are a reasonable bunch. More’n you can say about these pesky hoarders. Long as Kali undoes what she started, we’re all in the clear.” She eyed Kali. “What did you curse her with, anyway?”

“Ah. I… might have made it so that she’ll never find a husband. Or a man to fall in love with her, romantically, at all?” Kali winced.

Mum, however, started laughing. Uproariously.

“There’s nothing funny about this!” Ma scowled harder. “That is the kingdom’s future she’s playing with.”

Mum grinned. “Haha, dear. Haven’t you heard? Little Annalise is… haha… gay as they come!”

Ma blinked. “What.”

Mum wiped at her eyes. “Oh, boy. I needed that.” She wiped soot off her cheeks. “It’s all very hush-hush, mind. But sweet little Annalise was caught kissing a baker’s daughter, ‘bout a year back. This was right before she was caught swordfighting on castle grounds. The girl was shipped off to a good culinary school, and Annalise was reminded of her duties as heir to the kingdom, but. Ah. I doubt she was too unhappy about your curse, Kali.” Mum considered a moment. “Her parents, on the other hand, did just finish brokering a marriage for her. Jokes on them, though, cause Theo’s as gay as their daughter is, and I’m pretty sure he’s involved with that knight of his. Being the youngest prince, I wouldn’t be surprised if he just ran off and eloped, to tell you the truth. Your curse will probably give him the nudge, so. Excellent matchmaking, I suppose.”

Ma groaned. “Don’t encourage her!”

“I’m only pointing out the positive happenstance of a bad decision,” Mum retorted, because she had never been one to fear Ma’s wrath. Or much of anything at all, really. Kali thought she’d had too many run ins with dragons. Now everything else seemed mundane in comparison. “Kali, you can’t go around cursing people willy-nilly. That’s how our kind ended up with such a bad reputation to begin with. Time’s done a lot to change that, but I’d rather not regress any, yes?” Mum paused. “Besides, that’s just bad magic casting.”

Kali recoiled. “Excuse me?”

“You heard me, daughter-of-mine. What’s the number one rule we have for casting spells? Particularly long-lasting ones.”

Kali frowned. “Do your research.”

“Exactly. Research your spell, especially if it’s one you’re just cobbling together, as most curses tend to be. Research your target. Make sure that the spell is suited for their life—and in this case, it most definitely was not. Or was, in some ways, I suppose. Make sure there isn’t a way you could cast it better, stronger. If you’re going to use magic for it, at least make sure it’s worth it.” Mum flicked her fingers. “Otherwise it’s just a waste of time and mana. And you know how I hate wasting mana. You’re a witch of no little talent, my dear. Don’t squander it because you have a bit of a temper and some power.”

Kali sighed. “Yes, mum. I really am going to undo it, though.”

Mum was the one to hum in thought this time. “Don’t give it any rush. Word on the street is, pretty little Annalise has some lovely ideas for reformation that I would love to see come into play. Would be good for the nation, I think. By all means, go and make your best attempt, but, don’t rush it. Take your time. Make up excuses for why you’re doing so.”

Ma sighed. “This is why we never get invited to the coven meet ups,” she said flatly. “You always want to get involved.”

“What’s the point of having ears if you don’t listen?” Mum wondered. One of her favorite phrases. “I hear things. I put them to use. Longevity has little point if all you do is watch the seasons pass. Are we supposed to stop doing things once we turn fifty? Eighty? I think not! A bit of encouragement here and there is good for the world… so long as you know which things to encourage. Or, rather, which battles to pick.” Mum winked.

Ma rolled her eyes. “And the issue of the matter is, that both of you pick far too many.” She looked at Mum. “Stop picking fights with dragons. You’re going to piss one off enough to attack, and we’re going to be blamed. Ten years is not enough time to get rid of prejudice.” She looked at Kali. “And you stop casting curses every time someone looks at you funny! Turning people’s tongues blue is funny the first time. It’s not funny the second, or any time after that. Nor is it funny to mess with the fate of an entire kingdom. Restraint. Both of you.” She whirled away, presumably to go tend the herb garden, as she always did when she was miffed.

Mum cocked her head to the side.

“Correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t your ma once piss off a king by insinuating he was little more than a giant baby unfit for his throne?”

“Yeah. That was ma.”

“I thought so.”

[pendragonfics]

Don't Care (But I Do)

Paring: Rocket Raccoon & Reader

Tags: gender neutral reader, anxiety disorder, Rocket Raccoon POV, Momma Rocket Raccoon, self care, tooth-rotting fluff. 

Summary: The Reader hasn't been taking care of themselves, and Rocket takes it upon himself to do it for them.

Word Count: 1,840

Current Date: 2018-02-08

Rocket the Raccoon was not a very compassionate creature. He did not put the light out at night when the others wanted it off. He often left things laying around, where others could hurt themselves. If it wouldn’t help himself, then Rocket did not help. It was quite a simple philosophy, and he stuck to it. Until he met a very stupid human. He thought a lot of humans were stupid, and yeah, he only knew two (but that didn’t stop him from disliking humans).

_______ did not take care of themselves. They sometimes went days without eating, showering. In battle, they were clumsy, sometimes ignoring the battle plan designed by the Guardians. They rarely got of the Milano when the team docked into a planet, and if they did, they never strayed too far away from the group.

It was all these very things about _______ that made Rocket decide. He had to make sure this stupid human took better care of themselves. After all, it was to make sure the team would work better, right? Not that he cared about this hairless ape.

He noticed one day that _______ had not gotten up. Sure, it was their day off, but even Drax got out of bed, and perhaps showered on days allocated for himself. Rocket wrinkled his nose, just thinking of how disgusting _______ smelled after a day without self-care and took it upon himself to intervene.

“Okay, you need to go.” He barged into the bunks were _______ lay, not caring if they were asleep or naked or worse. He threw their blankets off and wrapped a hand around their wrist. “You smell so bad. Go. Shower. Use soap.”

The human quirked an eyebrow, reluctantly getting out of bed. “What is this, are you the shower police?” They asked with a groan. “Can’t I go one day without showering?”

Rocket made a noise. “Not when you smell like that!” He led them toward the ship’s bathroom and barged in there too. He climbed up the sink to the medicine cabinet, and threw a vial of toothpaste at the human. “And brush your teeth, while you’re at it. You smell like an animal.”

“So, I smell like you?” _______ questioned.

Rocket hissed. “Just have a shower, smelly bones.”

---

Rocket Raccoon was not a patient creature. He was a blunt speaker in the first place, with a quick fuse to boot, and yet, somehow this trait got worse when he was left waiting. But unlike the usual way he was left angry after a delay, today, he was silent. No snark. No swear words in any alien languages. No passive aggressive gestures.

He’d been waiting for the remote to the entertainment console for three hours while _______ slept on top of it, flopped over the couch like slug, but with human skin. He sat there, in the other chair, arms crossed, staring at them.

Drax approached the other chair and sat. He looked at the empty screen of the entertainment console, to Rocket, and then to _______. He frowned. “Why are you not playing your inane shows, little beast?”

Rocket growls under his breath. “_______’s hogging it.”

Drax goes to stand. “I could lift _______, and get the remote for you,” he offers.

“No!” He says, and thinking quickly, Rocket shakes his head. “I mean, don’t bother.” He says, “It’s not like it’s the only thing we can do for fun on this piece of junk ship.”

“Hey! The Milano is vintage, not junk!” Peter Quill claims, somehow always in earshot.

Rocket rolls his eyes, and waves off Drax. “Whatever. Want to play cards or something?”

Later, when the game of poker ends with him taking a handful of credits from Gamora, he sees that _______’s still on the couch. He notices that _______ is asleep in a ball, huddled in for warmth. He stands there, looking at them, wavering. Then, he fetches a blanket from their room, placing it over his friend.

Rocket isn’t a creature of patience, but for once, he’s learning that sometimes, it’s okay to wait. Even if he missed a show he liked. He sees the remote for the entertainment console peeking under _______’s shoulder. It’s right there. He could catch the tail end of that show.

He turns to his quarters instead. He tells himself it’s been a long day.

---

Rocket Racoon is not a creature that goes out of his way to make things happen, unless it concerns him. Not enough wires to rip out of the wall to use for his bombs? He’ll make Quill turn the Milano around to buy supplies (or he’ll poop in the other guy’s shoes and hide them). If Groot does something stupid, sure, he’ll make sure the tree won’t get seriously maimed, but he won’t just magically become someone he’s not and mother the tree. Groot is growing up, now. Back into the moron he was before, just the way Rocket liked him.

But when he hears _______’s stomach making noises for what must be the third time in an hour, he puts down the manual he’s reading.

“Ugh, would you shut that thing up?” He motions to their midsection, “Have you eaten today?”

His fellow Guardian of the Galaxy considers the question, putting down the novel they were reading. In between missions, they liked to catch up on copies of Nancy Drew that somehow made their way off Earth. “What time is it?” They ask him.

Rocket motions to the holo-clock in the corner. “Mid-afternoon, if we were planetside.” _______’s eyes widen. That’s enough of an answer for Rocket; he scoots from his chair and runs a hand through his fur between his ears. “What is it with you and not taking care of your damn self?” He growls under his breath.  

_______ shrugs. “I guess I forgot. Why do you care, anyways? Thought you were Mr. Tough Raccoon.”

Rocket turns to the stupid human who didn’t eat lunch. “I don’t. Your insides were bothering me with all the noises.” He grabs something from the nearby food storage area and tosses it to the human. “Eat it. Now. I’ve got to focus on this bomb.”

---

_______ turns to the Guardians of the Galaxy later that day. Rocket is off tinkering or bothering Mantis. You don’t care, you just don’t want him to overhear you talking to the rest of the team. There’s a blanket over your shoulders, and the team are sitting with various beverages – mostly alcoholic, except for Gamora, who has the other mug of hot chocolate you made – waiting for you to speak.

“I’ve only been with you guys for like, what, six months?” You start, cradling your mug. “But I’ve come to notice, ugh, Rocket, he’s…”

“Foul mouthed and furry,” Drax interrupts, raising his glass of beer.

You consider those words, and despite their accuracy, shake your head. “Um, well, no, not to me. He’s rude, sure, but…he’s always on my case.”

Peter chokes on a sip of his drink. “Don’t tell me he’s in Mom mode on you.”

Your eyes widen. “Mom mode?” You question.

Gamora nods sombrely. “After our first battle as a team, against the Kree radical Ronan the Accuser, Groot sacrificed himself in a brave move to save us all when a ship we were aboard crashed into Xandarian soil. Rocket was quite close to Groot, having known him for quite a time previously.”

You nod. “I know this story, it’s why Groot’s growing up.”

Peter nods. “Rocket was obsessed the whole time about Groot when he was in his, uh, infant phase. Always was on his case, tailing the poor tree around like he was his Mom. Made sure we let Groot grow up in peace, didn’t take him on many battles…especially after the fiasco with the button.” He runs a hand through his hair. “I mean, sure, my Dad was trying to kill us, but Groot alone was stressful!”

Drax nods. “I too think Rocket is mothering you.”

Gamora throws her marshmallow at him. “We already made that point.”

You take a sip of your hot chocolate. “I’m only like this because I’m transitioning into those meds you got me, Pete. I’ve always had my anxiety under control, but now I feel it’s just…not. I’ll get better, that’s what the pills are for, but…how do I get Rocket off my case?”

They’re all silent.

“I suggest that you should engage in combat,” Drax says.

“Tell him to leave you alone,” Gamora suggests.

“I’d go along with it,” Peter stands, placing his finished drink on a shelf. “Y’know, to me, you don’t seem like you hate it all too much, _______.” He pats at his pockets and gives a wan smile. “It’s your best option, so give it a try. Unless you want to go with those two ideas,” he says, and disappears toward the cockpit. “Alright good luck, bye!”

---

Rocket Raccoon didn’t care to be touched. He claimed publicly that it was because he was a tough guy and didn’t need any physical contact with anyone to feel better. He didn’t tell anyone that it was because of what happened to him in that lab, all those years ago. He didn’t tell anyone that he felt so horrible at himself that sometimes he considered just ejecting himself into space when the thoughts in his skull became too much.

But he had a team he was on. A team of ragtag aliens and two smelly humans that he belonged to, and if there was anything in the universe that he hated, it was their asses being kicked, and him not doing it.

Sure, it wasn’t the greatest of things to live for, but it was his reason.

When he sees _______ next, he chucks their book to him. It’s a graphic novel, something called Nimona and when he flicked through it, he thought it had too many pages to be a picture book. But he tosses the book to _______, while they’re on the floor in a weird pose, on a foam mat.

“Hey,” _______ says, body contorted as if they’re pretending to be a triangle. “Thanks.”

He shrugs. “Don’t leave your stuff in my room,” he says back, going to leave _______ to their weird poses. But before he can take a step, _______’s freakishly long human arms scoop him from where he stands and gather him in close to their body. “Ugh, you smell so bad!”

_______ laughs, “Toughen up, Rocket, it’s just a hug.”

He squirms. “For what, dingus?” He winces.

“For taking care of me, Momma Rocket.” They say and place back him down upon his feet and go back to the contortion on the mat. “Okay, you’re free to go. Don’t tell anyone I hugged you.”

Rocket shakes his body, trying to get rid of the sensation of the hug. “Wasn’t going to. Later, loser.”

But Rocket walks away, he smiles. Momma Rocket. That doesn’t sound too bad. He’ll ask Quill what a ‘Momma’ is sometime later.

[italicwatches]

I Couldn’t Become a Hero, so I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job - Episode 01

I regret nothing. …Well, I say that now. I’m not entirely sure if this show will be any good, but it’s one whose title has had me curious for a while. Will it be silly and fun, or will it, I don’t know, turn super rapey or something? You never really know when you go down this road. So join me, won’t you? it’s I Couldn’t Become a Hero, So I Reluctantly Decided to Get a Job, episode 01! Here we GO!

-We begin with fire and brimstone. A volcano erupting! And then, to a temple ruins! It’s a scene right out of an incredibly anime version of Jason and the Argonauts, as our armored hero fights against a batch of skeleton w…knights, only for a harpy to come swinging in! He’s saved by a woman…in…

-Okay it’s one of these.

-Because that wouldn’t even qualify as Sexy Samurai in a decade-old shitpost video. So our hero, Raul Chaser, is willing to rely onYUP THERE GOES HER ARMOR. So she’s like Darkness but without the joke that she’s into this kind of treatment. A small army of skeletal archers pour on the arrows…When lightning comes down from the skies, brought by their other companions! Fight, war, and reach the giant leading this army! Strike him down, and they pass the exam! The woman races in, sprints up the giant’s arm, rams her fucking sword into his EYE…

-And Raul backs her up with his RAUL SLASH, carving deep through…

-Hard cut to the light of day. The hero school has been shut down. Demon Lord got defeated(probably by some fucker from another world), sooooo they don’t need to keep training brave heroes. They’re all fucked. They’re fuuuuuucked.

-Episode 01: I Couldn’t Be a Hero, so I’m Working the Register

-Hard cut to the Leon Magic Shop, where Raul has to sell suburban couples on enchanted washing machines. Magically guaranteed to remove even the most stubborn stains! But they’re not interested.

-TITTIES.

-Meet a perky bubbly young lady, Nova, who does not realize how sexualized she is. I’m sorry. Anyways, Raul is in a bit of a bind, too, since he hasn’t gotten a raise and his credit card bill is coming up this week…When a nerd comes in looking for some vintage cassette tapes. You’re in luck, they have some…! And suddenly the store is mobbed by vintage audio enthusiasts here to buy out the entire stock. Then they’re gone as fast as they came…

-And you know what, I don’t think those tapes are super vintage. I just spotted totally-not-Kodak film behind the counter. I think this is just set in the 80s-90s equivalent of this world. Plus, after a hoodie-clad blonde comes in, the CRT television in the corner plays Conveniently Timed News about how the cassette maker I-ONE has gone out of business! They just couldn’t hold their own against cheaper, ‘good enough’ cassettes and equipment from the competition while still making a profit. It’s a legitimate tragedy whenever that happens.

-And the blonde is getting mad and wants them to get the manager right now…Which is when Nova runs off to handle inventory. Escape, Nova, escape while you can! So Raul is forced to do it…Which is when the blonde slams a resume down. And is here for an interview. When the blonde forgets the resume…And so Raul’s able to read it, and holy shit.

-Raul bursts into the interview room with the resume, because you cannot seriously be thinking of hiring the demon lord’s child, right boss? HOW DO YOU KNOW THAT?! You literally wrote it on your resume. W, Well, you’re supposed to tell the truth on those, aren’t you?! Anyways, busty lady boss has decided that Fino here will be joining the shop. It’ll be a good experience! Fino, Raul. Raul, Fino. Please get along.

-So soon Fino’s in the store, looking at all the stuff, and there’s some really cool things that humans have made. Like magicvision, and magic cassettes, and magic…You know what I’m just going to spoil it for you now. It’s 80s-90s level tech, made with magic. I’m not going to bother to specify anymore. It’s a fuckin’ TV, it’s cool that it works because of fairy dust or whatever but I’m calling it a TV. Anyways Fino never had a personal TV growing up in the Demon Castle, and is all oooooh and aaaah.

-Well, you know what else you didn’t have growing up in the Demon Castle? A broom. Get sweeping, rookie. …Yes sir! And then Convenient News comes back on to talk about the anniversary event for the demon lord’s defeat two years ago. Quick flashback, to how that day totally fucked Raul’s life. A young man, two steps away from a degree in a job that literally no longer existed overnight. His entire party was shattered. They’re stuck in dead-end jobs and with crushing college debt, and nothing to show for it except broken dreams and a bitter envy of those who actually benefitted from the changing order…

-…Damn. That’s…Damn.

-Eventually it’s later in the day, and Raul is continuing to struggle with getting Fino to, you know, work like a proper employee…Also shocking twist Fino has long lovely hair. And that’s when a rough, tough…Dirty old man comes in off his slick dragon-pulled hotrod. And he’s here to peek up Nova’s skirt and grope that ass. Fino immediately decides this shit has to be stopped…When the old man reveals he’s gonna be buying a lightbulb. One lightbulb. Every time. The perfect excuse. And now Fino is…Shall we say, confused. Are humans like dogs? Is butt stuff just part of the communication?

-Does Fino need to bend over? Fino stop bending over. FINO NO. FINO PUT YOUR BUTT AWAY. NOVA DON’T ENCOURAGE THIS.

-Lunch break, at last. Raul is able to sit down and have some food from the convenience store…A place with some old friends who worry about the dork, and look after each other.

-Back in the store, the boss is talking to her assistant manager, Viser, and trying to explain her disinterest in bringing in another company into the shop…When they spot Raul working with Fino at the register, over the security cameras. And cut down to the actual register, where Raul’s decided that the actual core of Fino’s problems is a lack of respect. Rethink everything. Back to zero. This job means they are lesser than the customer. Yeah it sucks. Deal with it.

-…Fino doesn’t know how to do that. Well try on Raul. Okay! …Fino you’re being demonic again. This isn’t a battle, you stupid dork. Are you a chuuni or just stupid?

-Fino is just trying to copy how Dad used to talk! Your dad was, literally, a demon king. THE demon king. There is, quite literally, no worse example you could mimic for this lesson! …You know what, start with the manual. But first, come on, to the repair room. They also do repair work.

-Oooh, what’s that? It’s a toaster oven. And that?! A humidifier. And…And Fino touches the humidifier, and causes a surge of water, electricity and magical energy that knocks the poor idiot into the far wall! Raul’s stuck carrying Fino into the break room to figure out a plan that doesn’t involve calling a doctor and getting into trouble, and oh, great, a note from literally everyone else who works today listing their reasons they’re not here right now. Awesome. Just awesome.

-Right, first step, get these ruined clothes off of Fino. …Fino was not wearing anything under that hoodie. And that’s how a pair of big, bountiful, ladylike breasts come wobbling out.

-And that’s when Fino wakes up.

-So.

-This isn’t great for either party. And both of them are having a freakout, until the actual events that happened get all laid out. …Please put some fresh clothes on, Fino.

-And eventually, it’s the tail end of Fino’s first day, and she gets to have a uniform! Now sweep the walkway. By hand. With this broom. Welcome to working life, kid. When a sweet old lady passes by praising her hard work, and Fino thanks her, and the kid might just do okay in this world. Maybe.

-Night comes, and Raul stops at the convenience store for dinner, having a brief chat…But as he walks by the shop on his way home, the lights are on?

-Because Fino is in the back, washing down by hand in the sink?! What are you DOING?! She’s got no house, so this is her house now. …That’s not…That isn’t…You can’t just…Do you have any idea how terrible dish soap is for hair and skin? I’d question focusing on that angle over all the other things Fino’s done wrong here, but at the same time, I mean, there comes a point where you just have to find the smallest bite of the elephant.

-And as Raul helps her dry and generally make herself presentable, they end up talking about their own pasts. Raul, who came from a tiny village only to see all the great marvels of modernity in the city, and Fino who lived an even less modern life in the castle…Despite everything, there is a connection of friendship there, and Fino’s starting to learn human society. She might just do okay here yet.

-Credits!

-Aftercredits! Fino touches the turbo button on the hair dryer and…Uh…It makes a biiiiig boom. She has a scary amount of magic in a world that runs on the stuff.

Hmmmm. Well, it’s not so bad that I’m gonna drop it, but man, the fan service in this one is dense…And a lot of it is pure camera-work, too, not actions actually willingly undertaken by characters. It’s honestly a shame. There’s a lot of interesting conceptual meat in this. It really didn’t need big bouncing tits and panty shots everywhere to be a good show.

Oh well. Sometimes I watch super amazing stuff and my job is just to show that amazingness to you. Sometimes, I watch not-so-great stuff and my job is to separate off the good stuff and bring it together into a better piece. If this one’s more the latter, that’s fine. We’ll just have to get a better vibe on it next time, in episode TWO of I Couldn’t … Job! Wait for it!

[live-laugh-loverpool]

Shave Your Cruyffing Beard, James Milner!

Here we go, @millythegoat7 and @millythegoat! In today's story, we will also have a little twist to the situation

Tags: @alissonbecksfan234, @moomin279, @robbothegoat

It was supposed to be a normal Thursday in Kirkby for Jurgen Klopp. In any other alternate universe where football existed, it would have been a normal Thursday in Kirkby.

Except football was postponed.

And there was nothing else going on.

And Klopp had a day off.

For Klopp, days off were so rare, he’d almost forgotten what to do with them. He managed to work household chores, such as shopping, into his already-busy schedule, as well as quality time with the others. 

So now he sat in his office, with no idea what to do with himself. In any other alternate universe where football existed, he’d be reviewing Chelsea highlights to prepare himself for the upcoming fixture against them.

He poured another cup of coffee, staring into the dark brew like it held the answers to his boredom. “Should we take a class together, Ludger?” 

“Whoo!” Ludger hooted from his cage, turning his back on his owner. Ever since the previous Thursday, the barn owl had been giving Klopp the silent treatment. He had refused to eat, fly or even sleep near the German, and it had been driving Klopp crazy.

“You really aren’t helping, you know that?” Klopp reshuffled his papers again, glaring at the cage. “Well then Ludger, you can just be boring by yourself. I’m gonna take a class—but what?”

The German opened his drawer, taking out a sheet of paper. Scrawled upon it were multiple hobby names that he’d always wanted to try but never got to doing: fishing, making balloon animals, gardening.

“Let’s see…balloon animals would be interesting, but that’s a bad idea for somebody who has a barn owl. Clock-making, surfing, soap-carving…wait a minute, disco dancing? I think that’s still from my Linda G. Thompson phase,” Klopp chuckled as he crossed it from the list. “Maybe I’ll start gardening later, but not now.” 

“Whatcha up to, Jurgen?” Lijnders ran in, slamming the door behind him with a sigh of relief. “Thank goodness I’m out of there!”

“Out of where?” Klopp dropped his list, attention fully captured by Lijnders’ statements. The Dutchman was known to be very calm, almost never losing his cool. “What’s going on out there, Pep?”

As soon as Lijnders managed to catch his breath, the laughter pounced upon him before he could even say anything. Klopp asked him if he was alright several times before he finally answered.

“It’s James,” Lijnders managed to get out between chuckles, dragging himself to a seat. “They’re trying to get James to shave his beard!”

“What? WHY?!” Klopp personally thought Milner’s beard, which he had grown over the summer, looked excellent on him.

“I have no idea.” The assistant manager turned on the coffee machine, shrugging as he took a paper cup from the stack. “All I heard is that it’s some sort of bad luck.”

*

It was supposed to be a normal day in Kirkby for James Milner. Unfortunately, “a normal day in Kirkby” was never even an option for the poor Yorkshireman, who was currently running for his life in the training ground.

“Come on!” Calvin Ramsay had an electric razor in hand as he darted through the halls. “You’ve got to shave it, it’s pure logic Jamie!”

“First of all, you’re supposed to be injured!!” Milner gasped for breath, hiding underneath a table and yelping as Kostas Tsimikas appeared out of nowhere. “And second of all, nobody calls me Jamie!”

“Ali used to call you Jamie when he just met you,” Andy Robertson counteracted, swinging from a rope he’d just attached to the ceiling. “Didn’t he, Jamie?”

“Yeah.” Milner huffed, quite annoyed with how things were going. “And then he stopped when I told him to, unlike you! Plus, YOU were the one who made the bet with me!”

“Never mind that, laddies!” Caoimhin Kelleher leapt on top of a table, wielding a pair of scissors. “We must fulfill our solemn duty! Edward Lear!”

“Shave the beard!” The others stood on tables as well, holding various cutting tools. Alexander-Arnold had an enormous pair of gardening shears, which he had been struggling to keep hold of the whole time. They fell from his hands, clattering onto the floor.

“What’s going on, boys?” Of course it would be Klopp who opened the door of the office, finding his players on top of and under tables, wielding all kinds of scissors and knives and heavens knew what else.

“Why, a meeting of the ancient saviors, Lord Klopp!” Robertson showed off his steak knife, lowering his soldier hat. “We are the Knights of the Balbis Table, and we come to thee with a noble mission!”

Lijnders had taken to hiding behind the office walls, able to see the players but still out of their sight. “What are they doing, Jurgen?”

“I don’t know,” Klopp admitted with a shrug. “King Arthur? Lord of the Rings? All I know is that I very much plan to join them on their mission…whatever it is.”

“Our Germanic lord.” Ramsay jumped off his table, seizing a very annoyed Milner by the collar and leading him towards their manager. “This peasant hath brought us a hex of the most villainous and sorcerous variety. He bringeth us…” The Scot lowered his wizard hat, narrowing his eyes. “The Curse of The Beard!”

“I see,” Klopp nodded, eyeing the six in front of him. “I see your cool costumes and weapons, and I have no idea what the heck you’re talking about.”

Milner pried Ramsay’s hands off his collar, rolling his eyes. “Alright, King’s English translation. They think my beard is bad luck and they want me to shave it.”

“Your beard? Bad luck?” Klopp shook his head in amusement. “I don’t think so. If any beard would bring bad luck, it would be mine!”

“But my lord.” Kelleher unrolled an antiquated scroll, letting its gilded edges touch the ground. “We haveth evidence of immeasurable quality and relevance, signed here by ‘our most invaluable and holy Lord in His Kingdom Robbie Fowler’ that the sooner this peasant shaveth the beard, the more favorable and pleasurable it is for the masses of our most noble Empire of Liverpool.”

He rolled up the scroll, sealing it with a waxen seal. “Edward Lear!”

“Shave the beard!” the other four answered, while Milner rolled his eyes for the billionth time that hour.

“Help me, gaffa,” Milner whispered, taking the opportunity to try and sneak into the office, away from the five “knights”. “It’s a free country, no? We have the right to grow our beards.”

“Well…” Lijnders sighed, finally appearing from behind the wall. “I will admit Milner, they have a point. Ever since you grew out your beard, we’ve been having this bad run.”

“Oh no. No, no, no.” Milner held his hands up in the air, a panicked expression on his face. “Don’t say that you’re falling for this nonsense, too!”

“Correlation does not imply causation, Pep,” Klopp warned the Dutchman. He then took Milner’s hand, studying him intently. “But for the team? I’ll do anything.”

“Boss…”

“Don’t call me boss! Call me Lord Germanic the Elder.” Klopp exchanged a look with Lijnders, a small smirk creeping onto his face. “And he is Lord Holland, and we are the leaders of the Knights of the Balbis Table.”

Milner groaned, facepalming. “Oh no, you too?”

Klopp—no, excuse me, Lord Germanic—paid no heed to the complaint. He raised his ashwood bat, the wooden weapon sparkling in the sun thanks to its varnish. “Edward Lear!”

The other five knights, along with Lijnders, responded with resounding shouts of “shave the beard!”

*

Later, Milner had mentally listed this as the stupidest thing he’d ever let happen to him. How stupid was it?

Let’s just say that if he had a choice between enduring this and holding hands with Harry Maguire, he would have seriously considered the hand-holding.

“Alright, James.” Klopp held a can of shaving cream in one hand, and a paper towel-roll sword in another. “You know the procedure, right?”

“You’d better not give me a mohawk on top of my head, moron,” Milner spluttered indignantly, trying to rip off the apron. He failed miserably—it was attached to the chair itself.

“Now then, don’t look like that, most Excellent Wizard Milner.” Robertson handed Klopp a comb, quickly returning to his position. “For I am Sir Andrew the Lionhearted, knighted by this most noble sword, and I hand Klopp the shaving cream of soporific qualities!”

“What?!” Milner shot up, glaring at the Scottish knight. “Hombre! Are you going to go give me a shave like that while I’m sleeping?”

“Why of course!” Kelleher exclaimed. “As long as I have been knighted by our almighty and holy lord Robbie Fowler, I am Sir Caoimhin the Clever. And the best way to achieve a clean and even cut is to put the lad to be shaved to sleep!”

“And you seriously think lavender shaving cream is going to work?” The stockiest man in the room huffed, shaking his head. “Fat chance!”

“Ah, but Sir Calvin the Cunning thinks so!” Ramsay, who had disappeared from the room about five minutes ago, came in again, holding another cardboard sword. He was followed by a brown haired man, around his late twenties, who was holding a red electric guitar.

Wait a minute…

“JAME WEBSTER?!” Milner jumped back in surprise, glaring at Klopp, who was already busy with the shaving cream. “How did JAMIE CRUYFFING WEBSTER get here!”

Robertson’s jaw dropped. “Oh, so that’s the gentleman’s middle name!”

“Pray shut the Cruyff up, Sir Andrew the Lionhearted!” Lijnders handed Klopp a razor, facing Milner. “As for Jamie the Bard, he is here to lull you to sleep, Wizard Milner.”

“Well, Jamie Webbed-Feet can waddle his way out of here!” The vice-captain snorted, tossing his head and almost disturbing the mound of shaving cream covering his jawline and chin. “He can’t even bring the proper guitar for the Middle Ages!”

“His name is Jamie Webster,” Klsosner corrected Milner, although with his German accent it sounded more like he’d said “Jamie Vebstar”. “And he can hold a tune perfectly well.”

To make a long story short, that was how Milner ended up falling asleep to the fifth reprise of the Mo Salah song. The last thing he heard was Ramsay reminding Klopp that their mission was to shave Milner’s beard, not dad-dance to Jamie Webster’s music.

*

We shaveth the beard!

Knights of the Balbis table!

Though we stumbled and feared

Somehow, we were able!

Milner slowly opened his eyes, to see a bunch of blurry figures in front of him. Upon blinking, he realized that it was the “Knights of the Balbis Table,” sitting in a circle with Jamie Webster in the middle of it. Curious, he strained to see what they were talking about—only to cringe upon realizing that they were singing.

Gentlemen and damsels fair

All adore thy facial hair

Alas, a hex is growing near

Thus we shaved his beard!

All this pagan blasphemy,

Churchless rites and heresy

All add up to sorcery

Thus we shaved his beard!

Shaving cream like woolen sheep

Pulls him into slumber deep

When he rises from his sleep

We’d have shaved his beard!

“Excuse me?!” Milner spluttered, crossing his arms at the ridiculousness of the song. “In case you’re curious, I’m awake.”

“Ah, Master Milner has awoken from his slumber!” Klopp flashed a grin at Milner, sticking to thumbs up. “Welcome back to the kingdom!”

“Enough of this medieval nonsense!” Milner slid off the chair, tossing away the apron. “This is not a kingdom. You are not Lord Germanic, Robbo is not Sir Andrew the Lionhearted, Jamie Webster is not a bard! This is utter—”

Milner paused his rant as he glanced at his reflection in the mirror. The top of head was intact—exactly how he’d left it that morning. His nose and mouth were normal too, so they hadn’t performed plastic surgery on him either. But wait—what was that below his mouth?

Melin gasped as he felt his chin. It was completely clean-shaven, except for a strip in the center. Upon further inspection, he saw that it had been dyed red—the exactly wrong type of red.

“Evil! You evil sons of sorcerers!” Milner raised a fist, glaring at the entire group. “Which one of you dyed my beard?!”

“Why dear wizard.” Robertson grinned, raising a can of Irn Bru. “I thought you shan’t be offended with some color. It is quite red, no?”

“Yeah, UNITED RED!” The vice-captain glared at the group, clearly furious. “Which one of you devils did this?”

When he didn’t get an answer, Milner decided to inspect for himself. He glared straight into the eyes of each one of the members of the circle, one by one. Each one pleaded innocent, as if to say “not me, not me”. But when he got to one particular member, the slightly mischievous glint gave him away.

“JURGEN NORBERT KLOPP!!!”

Not like I'm superstitious, but JAMES MILNER SHAVE YOUR FUCKING BEARD!!!!!!!

[kingofswedenyass]

answering every question by walden west

200: My crush’s name is:

I have a gf..

199: I was born in:

1776

198: I am really:

gay

197: My cellphone company is:

vodaphone

196: My eye color is:

Monika green

195: My shoe size is:

6

194: My ring size is:

idk

193: My height is:

5 foot 5

192: I am allergic to:

some soaps and asprin

191: My 1st car was:

never lol

190: My 1st job was:

professional weeb

189: Last book you read:

the curious incident of the dog in the nighttime

by Mark Haddon

188: My bed is:

blue!

187: My pet:

a cat

186: My best friend:

see above

185: My favorite shampoo is:

pantenne

184: Xbox or ps3:

ps3

183: Piggy banks are:

cute but unnecessary

182: In my pockets:

a pound coin and some chocolate

181: On my calendar:

2nd January 2018

180: Marriage is:

dank

179: Spongebob can:

go fuck himself little twat

178: My mom:

is great<3

177: The last three songs I bought were?

I don’t buy songs lol

176: Last YouTube video watched:

comment awards

175: How many cousins do you have?

1st cousins: 4

2nd cousins:3

3rd cousins: 11

174: Do you have any siblings?

4

173: Are your parents divorced?

yup

172: Are you taller than your mom?

yup

171: Do you play an instrument?

nope lol

170: What did you do yesterday?

went to the beach

[ I Believe In ] 169: Love at first sight:

sure

168: Luck:

mathematically

167: Fate:

maybe

166: Yourself:

lol nope

165: Aliens:

could be but probably just like bacteria

164: Heaven:

nope

163: Hell:

nope

162: God:

nope

161: Horoscopes:

nope

160: Soul mates:

like intense love?

159: Ghosts:

eh nah

158: Gay Marriage:

yes dad

157: War:

nope

156: Orbs:

why

155: Magic:

uh

[ This or That ] 154: Hugs or Kisses:

kisses

153: Drunk or High:

high

152: Phone or Online:

online

151: Red heads or Black haired:

black haired

150: Blondes or Brunettes:

brunettes149: Hot or cold:

hot

148: Summer or winter:

summer

147: Autumn or Spring:

autumn

146: Chocolate or vanilla:

vanilla

145: Night or Day:

night

144: Oranges or Apples:

oranges

143: Curly or Straight hair:

curly(mine is straight)

142: McDonalds or Burger King:

burger king

141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate:

white all the way!(that sounds wrong)

140: Mac or PC:

pc

139: Flip flops or high heals:

flip flops fall off

138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor:

sweet and poor cuz i’m morally obliged to

137: Coke or Pepsi:

coke me up dad

136: Hillary or Obama:

obama

135: Burried or cremated:

cremated

134: Singing or Dancing:

singing

133: Coach or Chanel:

coach

132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks:

idk who they are.

*googles them*

ok kate mcphee that taylor dude looks like that guy from bake off

131: Small town or Big city:

big city

130: Wal-Mart or Target:

im from the uk but target

129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler:

same difference

128: Manicure or Pedicure:

manicure

127: East Coast or West Coast:

well in Britain the west is scummy af so east

126: Your Birthday or Christmas:

christmas duh

125: Chocolate or Flowers:

flowers

124: Disney or Six Flags:

diseny

123: Yankees or Red Sox:

i don’t know baseball lol

[ Here’s What I Think About ] 122: War:

expensive and pretentious

121: George Bush:

idk was in the simpsons once

120: Gay Marriage:

yaaas

119: The presidential election:

a mess

118: Abortion:

pro choice

117: MySpace:

im not from 2009 thx

116: Reality TV:

trash! I watch REAL entertainment

( anime)

115: Parents:

they could have like not fed you so thanks i guess

114: Back stabbers:

ugh 113: Ebay:

helpful

112: Facebook:

mom

111: Work:

leads to productivity and self worth and stops me from starving

110: My Neighbors:

nice people

109: Gas Prices:

what is this gas you speak of? I only fill my car with petrol

108: Designer Clothes:

it costs more because it has somebody else’s name on it

107: College:

hard but yay

106: Sports:

no

105: My family:

seem like nice people

104: The future:

scares me

[ Last time I ] 103: Hugged someone:

yesterday

102: Last time you ate:

about 20 hours ago

101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile:

I live in a tiny town, I see every body I have ever met like every day

100: Cried in front of someone:

two days ago

99: Went to a movie theater:

like in July

98: Took a vacation:

October

97: Swam in a pool:

like in June

96: Changed a diaper:

a month ago

95: Got my nails done:

never whats nails idk

94: Went to a wedding:

2015

93: Broke a bone:

2015

92: Got a peircing:

lol never i am a soft boi

91: Broke the law:

a couple weeks ago

90: Texted:

like ten minuets ago

[ MISC ]

89: Who makes you laugh the most:

cats

88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is:

the fridge

87: The last movie I saw:

the titanic

86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most:

death

85: The thing i’m not looking forward to:

the end of the holidays

84: People call me:

gay

83: The most difficult thing to do is:

breathe

82: I have gotten a speeding ticket:

never i don’t drive

81: My zodiac sign is:

leo! (rawr)

80: The first person i talked to today was:

myself

79: First time you had a crush:

princess tiana

78: The one person who i can’t hide things from:

nobody lol

77: Last time someone said something you were thinking:

i was thinking about good morning vietnam

76: Right now I am talking to:

nobody

75: What are you going to do when you grow up:

nevr speak to anybody again other than the pizza delivery guy

74: I have/will get a job:

crying professionally

73: Tomorrow:

I am going to paint my nails

72: Today:

literally did nothing

71: Next Summer:

sleep

70: Next Weekend:

cry

69: I have these pets:

a cat and a dog

68: The worst sound in the world:

my fucking voice

67: The person that makes me cry the most is:

my sibling

66: People that make you happy:

my gf and keira nightly

65: Last time I cried:

two days ago

64: My friends are:

nobody lol

63: My computer is:

an acer windows 7

62: My School:

some Christian bs

61: My Car:

don’t got one

60: I lose all respect for people who:

are mean to others

59: The movie I cried at was:

none

58: Your hair color is:

brown

57: TV shows you watch:

the big bang theory, steven universe

56: Favorite web site:

tumblr

55: Your dream vacation:

month long festival

54: The worst pain I was ever in was:

I had a really bad asthma attack

53: How do you like your steak cooked:

i’m a vegetarian

52: My room is:

a fucking mess

51: My favorite celebrity is:

me

50: Where would you like to be:

spain

49: Do you want children:

lol no

48: Ever been in love:

yes. my cat

47: Who’s your best friend:

nobody lol

46: More guy friends or girl friends:

girl cuz I'm a ladies man

45: One thing that makes you feel great is:

coming home after ages

44: One person that you wish you could see right now:

Alexander Hamilton so I can hug him

43: Do you have a 5 year plan:

fuck no

42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die:

nope

41: Have you pre-named your children:

i hate kids but of course I'd name them daddy and senpai

40: Last person I got mad at:

myself

39: I would like to move to:

new york

38: I wish I was a professional:

sugar daddy

[ My Favorites ] 37: Candy:

Reese’s buttercups

36: Vehicle:

attack helecopter

35: President:

aLexANder hAmiLtOn amirite

34: State visited:

the solid state of matter

33: Cellphone provider:

Ajit pai

32: Athlete:

Jake Paul

31: Actor:

Jake Paul

30: Actress:

Jake Paul

29: Singer:

Jake Paul

28: Band:

steam powered giraffe

27: Clothing store:

ebay

26: Grocery store:

tesco

25: TV show:

black mirror

24: Movie:

Ferris Bueler’s day off

23: Website:

tumblr

22: Animal:

Totoro

21: Theme park:

Diseny land

20: Holiday:

Halloween

19: Sport to watch:

Quiddich

18: Sport to play:

professional nose nuzzleing competition

17: Magazine:

tube nooz

16: Book:

the portrait of markov

15: Day of the week:

saturday

14: Beach:

Benidorm

13: Concert attended:

Time travellers

12: Thing to cook:

anything Mexican

11: Food:

stir fry

10: Restaurant:

my kitchen

9: Radio station:

smooth

8: Yankee candle scent:

human flesh

7: Perfume:

unicorn kisses

6: Flower:

red roses

5: Color:

gold

4: Talk show host:

ellen

3: Comedian:

Russel Howars

2: Dog breed:

cats

1: Did you answer all these truthfully?

fuck no

[sdmn-edits]

1-200

200: My crush’s name is: I don’t actually have a crush anymore😂😂199: I was born in: June198: I am really: weird197: My cellphone company is: Vodafone - it works where i go on holiday so it does me just fine 😂196: My eye color is: it changes - like sometimes its blue, green, grey and a mixture of blue and green - it’s weird .195: My shoe size is: 3 or 4 (5 at a push)194: My ring size is: I’ve never actually had it measured so idk 😂😂193: My height is: 5ft 5 - I’m growing lads!!!192: I am allergic to: waterproof plasters, bee/wasp stings (only mildly though - like i won’t die but just turn into a massive red ball), some soaps, most makeups, chalk and face paint.191: My 1st car was: I can’t even drive yet 😂😂190: My 1st job was: I don’t know if you would class this as a job but for my work experience, I worked at a cafe for two weeks. 189: Last book you read: Jane Eyre (one of my faves)188: My bed is: single - like me😉😂187: My pet: (s) two cats, (which my mum named) one called Mike and the other called Matt. I also have a pony called William (Billy for short)186: My best friend: @paigexxixo @sdmn-md @minibaeminter @wroetoredman @line-sidemen @mintersmini @wroetojill and a girl from irl called Catherine - i couldn’t choose one so have a few of my faves185: My favorite shampoo is: John Frieda Frizz Ease184: Xbox or ps3: PS3 cos I haven’t played XBox183: Piggy banks are: expensive bacon182: In my pockets: by Morrie (who kinda sounds like Marzia which is kinda scary?)181: On my calendar: is my exams😂180: Marriage is: okay? I haven’t had my wedding yet so I don’t know?179: Spongebob can: dance the best.178: My mom: likes to name animals weird names. 😂177: The last three songs I bought were? A candle, some chocolates and a shock absorber.176: Last YouTube video watched: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aSAeOhCrv_s175: How many cousins do you have? About 14 give or take 😂 174: Do you have any siblings? One - my sister (she’s 17 - 2 years older than me)173: Are your parents divorced? Nope.172: Are you taller than your mom? I’m the same height maybe a lil smaller 😂 171: Do you play an instrument? Not currently, no. But I can play the drums, recorder and piano/keyboard (not perfectly but alright)170: What did you do yesterday? I played in two tournaments and had a back massage.[ I Believe In ]169: Love at first sight: Idk 😂😂 168: Luck: Yeah I guess.167: Fate: Yeah. 166: Yourself: Mm not all the time 😂😂 165: Aliens: Yeah.164: Heaven: Yeah.163: Hell: Yeah.162: God: Yeah definitely.161: Horoscopes: Some.160: Soul mates: I guess? 😂 159: Ghosts: Yeah.158: Gay Marriage: YES! UNFOLLOW ME AS I DO NOT CARE, I BELIEVE IN EVERYONE HAS RIGHTS TO MARRY WHO THEY WANT, WHEN THEY WANT FIGHT ME IF YOU WANT!!157: War: Definitely not! 156: Orbs: Yeah I guess?155: Magic: Some 😂 [ This or That ]154: Hugs or Kisses: Hugs153: Drunk or High: Neither - I don’t do either of them.152: Phone or Online: Depends.151: Red heads or Black haired: Both are equally as cute150: Blondes or Brunettes: Both are equally as cute149: Hot or cold: Warm.148: Summer or winter: Winter147: Autumn or Spring: AUTUMN! IT’S THE BEST SEASON EVER!!!!!!!146: Chocolate or vanilla: Both together cos I’m a weirdo like that 😂😂 145: Night or Day: Night - I love looking at the stars tho I do like to cloud watch from time to time144: Oranges or Apples: Apples.143: Curly or Straight hair: Straight142: McDonalds or Burger King: Maccy D’s all the way😂😂 141: White Chocolate or Milk Chocolate: Not really a fan of chocolate if I’m honest 😂😂 140: Mac or PC: PC for generic stuff, Mac for editing139: Flip flops or high heals: Neither.138: Ugly and rich OR sweet and poor: Ugly and rich so I can give money to charity etc137: Coke or Pepsi: Neither136: Hillary or Obama: Obama135: Burried or cremated: Either, I don’t care I’ll be dead 😂134: Singing or Dancing: Neither 😂😂133: Coach or Chanel: ??132: Kat McPhee or Taylor Hicks: ??131: Small town or Big city: Both130: Wal-Mart or Target: Neither 😂😂129: Ben Stiller or Adam Sandler: Both are hilarious 😂128: Manicure or Pedicure: Neither 😂127: East Coast or West Coast: ??126: Your Birthday or Christmas: Both?125: Chocolate or Flowers: FLOWERS!!124: Disney or Six Flags: DISNEY!!123: Yankees or Red Sox: ??[ Here’s What I Think About ]122: War: shouldn’t be a thing.121: George Bush: needs to grow up.120: Gay Marriage: I FULLY SUPPORT IT - UNFOLLOW ME IF YOU WANT!119: The presidential election: irdk? I don’t watch it.118: Abortion: it’s people’s choice117: MySpace: ??116: Reality TV: don’t watch it115: Parents: some do a lot more than others to provide for the kiddas114: Back stabbers: fuck you, ain’t nobody stabbing me in the back113: Ebay: it’s cool, you literally can get anything and everything off of it112: Facebook: it’s okay?111: Work: as in job? do what you wanna do, not what your mum or dad says.110: My Neighbors: very funny. 109: Gas Prices: you make my grades jealous - going up.108: Designer Clothes: i don’t really where designer 😂😂107: College: i like the look of the one I’m intending to go106: Sports: I LOVE THEM (except netball, benchball and basketball - please don’t hate me, i’m just short and i struggle 😂😂)105: My family: they are okay, just fam really.104: The future:i don’t tend to think much of it, i just let it happen 😂😂[ Last time I ]103: Hugged someone: like 10 mins ago102: Last time you ate: like an hour ago101: Saw someone I haven’t seen in awhile: A guy called Daniel (I didn’t see him until last week but I didn’t see him since November)100: Cried in front of someone: Idk 😂 99: Went to a movie theater: Last year - to watch Finding Dory98: Took a vacation: idk 😂 97: Swam in a pool: last year 😂 96: Changed a diaper: never 😂 95: Got my nails done: last august for a wedding - never again94: Went to a wedding: the same wedding 93: Broke a bone: two years ago 92: Got a peircing: two years ago91: Broke the law: never 😂 90: Texted: half an hour ago[ MISC ]89: Who makes you laugh the most: lots of people 😂😂 88: Something I will really miss when I leave home is: my bed 😂 87: The last movie I saw: Cloudy With A Chance Of Meatballs 2 - Ik i’m a kid at heart, don’t judge 😂 86: The thing that I’m looking forward to the most: leaving school85: The thing im not looking forward to: my exams and tomorrow84: People call me: lodes of shit, I ain’t gonna name ‘em all but some people know what they say.83: The most difficult thing to do is: waking up in a morning82: I have gotten a speeding ticket: nope81: My zodiac sign is: Cancer80: The first person i talked to today was: Mike - the cat but if we talking about people - my dad 😂😂 79: First time you had a crush: 3 years ago78: The one person who i can’t hide things from: nobody, i’m very open 77: Last time someone said something you were thinking: idk 😂😂 76: Right now I am talking to: @paigexxixo  about bridge to terabithia 75: What are you going to do when you grow up: hopefully a graphics designer74: I have/will get a job: hopefully soon73: Tomorrow: school72: Today: sleep71: Next Summer: be fit70: Next Weekend: hopefully ask one of my friends from tennis their details69: I have these pets: cats and pony68: The worst sound in the world: nails dragging on chalk board, people smacking lips, people clicking pens, people shouting, people crying, people laughing, gun shots, explosions etc67: The person that makes me cry the most is: nobody 😂😂 66: People that make you happy: I could list forever65: Last time I cried: earlier - i was watching a vid of these boys crying and it just gets to me64: My friends are: lodes of people - most i have listed before63: My computer is: an acer62: My School: ??61: My Car: Audi A3 2010 model 1.6l?60: I lose all respect for people who: are homophobic, transphobic etc, people who hurt animals and people etc59: The movie I cried at was: ?? 58: Your hair color is: blonde57: TV shows you watch: that 70′s show, merlin, sherlock, heartland, doctor who, phineas and ferb, spongebob, tom and jerry, loony tunes56: Favorite web site: idk 😂😂 55: Your dream vacation: Guernsey, Jersey, Rome or Geneva54: The worst pain I was ever in was: when i either broke my arm,  or when i fell off a horse and dislocated my knee and cracked two of my ribs or when i fell off a different horse and almost broke my back53: How do you like your steak cooked: i don’t eat meat or fish 😂😂 52: My room is: 8 year old me’s bad desicion51: My favorite celebrity is: Johnny Depp50: Where would you like to be: some place else49: Do you want children: not particularly48: Ever been in love: nope47: Who’s your best friend: lodes of people46: More guy friends or girl friends: guy friends45: One thing that makes you feel great is: people44: One person that you wish you could see right now: @paigexxixo or @sdmn-md43: Do you have a 5 year plan: nope 😂 42: Have you made a list of things to do before you die: nope 😂 41: Have you pre-named your children: nope😂 40: Last person I got mad at: *people: Looserpool 39: I would like to move to: either Guernsey, Jersey or Geneva38: I wish I was a professional: tennis player or sleeper 😂 [ My Favorites ]37: Candy: Caramac36: Vehicle: Car (Tesla Model S P100D)35: President: Obama34: State visited: none - I’ve never left England33: Cellphone provider: Vodafone32: Athlete: Jessica Ennis-Hill31: Actor: Johnny Depp/Leo DiCaprio/Patrick Stewart30: Actress: Emma Stone29: Singer: ??28: Band: ??27: Clothing store: ??26: Grocery store: ??25: TV show: I have lodes24: Movie: I have lodes23: Website: I have lodes22: Animal: I love them all21: Theme park: I’ve only ever been to Flamingo Land20: Holiday: Yorkshire Dales or Whitby19: Sport to watch: Football (Soccer)18: Sport to play: Tennis17: Magazine: ??16: Book: Either Jane Eyre or I Capture The Castle15: Day of the week: Saturday14: Beach: idk 😂😂 13: Concert attended: I’ve never been to one 😂 12: Thing to cook: I like to cook all sorts 😂 11: Food: I like all sorts 😂 10: Restaurant: ??9: Radio station: ??8: Yankee candle scent: idk 😂 7: Perfume: idk 😂 6: Flower: Rose, Lily or blossom5: Color: Red or black4: Talk show host: ??3: Comedian: Michael McIntyre, Jack Whitehall, Peter Kay or Russell Howard2: Dog breed: Border Collie1: Did you answer all these truthfully? Yes!!!!