#poor me😢😢😔💔💔

[lotus-pear]

Went to a famous bookstore in Paris and guess what I bought ‼️

CRIME AND PUNISHMENT BY DOSTOYEVSKY😨😨😨😨😨😨😨 yeah so you’re giving that to me when you get back 😐‼️

[roscolate]

YASSSSS MAMA LUIGI GOING TO TOWN ON BOWSER LET’S GOOOOO 🔥🔥🔥

Act 1

Act 2

Act 3 - 1 <<< 19 / 20 / ???

THE WAR I HAD JUST TO POST THIS OMG. AAARRRRGGG Tumblr needs to fix the 30 image thing already GGGRRRR. I’m not the only one with this struggle apparently.

ANYways, the reunion scene is SO CLOSE I CAN ALMOST TASTE IT YAHHOOOOOOOO! I’m IMPATIENT for it that Dimenchant and Viola won’t continue until I have posted the reunion animation!

AHHH AHHHH AHHH EEEEEEEEEE

[sharlsworld]

⋆⭒˚.⋆ i heard - ʟɴ4 ☆

✿ lando norris x influencer!reader (everyone gasped)

✿ lando norris has a crush on a certain influencer and his friends are on a mission to help him get the girl

🝮

yn

📍los angeles, california

liked by pierregasly and 3,935,027 others

yn sun kissed 🌞

landonorris first

landonorris 😍😍😍

⤷ maxfewtrell 3 heart eyes??

flowers444yn what tf is lando norris doing in my gf’s comments?

lando.norizz he’s never beating the norizz allegations

alexandrasaintmleux Let me take you out on my boat babe 🤤

⤷ charles_leclerc You mean my boat?

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux Go away

⤷ yn i’ll be waiting 😉

zendaya stunning 🤩

♥︎ by author

jacobelordi 😍

♥︎ by author

hearts4lando how do the wags know her?

⤷ ynsource ferrari invites her to a lot of races

judebellingham Beautiful 😍

♥︎ by author

⤷ yn 🥰

⤷ landowantsrizz STOP POOR LANDO CANT EVEN GET A LIKE 😭

lilymhe damn girl let me wife you up 🤤

⤷ yn please do 😫

🝮

yn

📍monaco

liked by landonorris and 4,902,528 others

yn monaco will always have my heart

landonorris first

♥︎ by author

landonorris can i have it next?

♥︎ by author

alexandrasaintmleux need your hair 😍😫

♥︎ by author

gigihadid i miss you gorgeous 💓

⤷ yn i miss you more 💘

francisca.cgomes why not the picture of you double cheeked up? 🤤🤤

⤷ yn kika 😭😭 please

pierregasly can i have my shirt that i did not know was missing until now back?

⤷ francisca.cgomes no she wears it better

⤷ pierregasly wow ok then.

michaelbjordan 😍

♥︎ by author

⤷ yn everyone SHUT UP IM GLITCHING

⤷ landolovesyn poor lando 😭😭

landonorris please just give me one chance

♥︎ by author

⤷ yn 😭😭

⤷ landonorris i’ll take that as a maybe 🥰

carlossainz55 I would like to apologize for lando’s behavior

⤷ yn nothing to apologize for, it’s cute

⤷ landonorris 🤩🥺🥰🤤😫😍😎🥳😱

⤷ charles_leclerc Don’t mind him, he doesn’t interact with women much…

⤷ yn i could tell

⤷ landonorris 😕😞🖤💔😖😪😢😣😔

⤷ oscarpiastri He’s actually tweaking right now

🝮

landonorris

liked by danielricciardo and 944,576 others

landonorris 🩷💜🤍💙🩵❤️

yn who’s all those hearts for?

⤷ landonorrris you of course

charles_leclerc Lando looking for y/n

oscarpiastri Lando wondering where y/n is

alex_albon lando wondering what y/n is doing

alexandrasaintmleux lando thinking how to get y/n’s attention

georgerussell63 Lando thinking of y/n

carlossainz55 Lando thinking about all the gifts he’s could buy for y/n

lilymhe lando wondering how y/n slept

francisca.cgomes lando thinking of ways to impress y/n

maxfewtrell Lando wondering if y/n thinks he’s cool

🝮

yn

📍 somewhere in monaco

liked by pierregasly and 3,084,921 others

yn party of 1

landonorris first

♥︎ by author

landonorris can i make it a party of 2? :)

♥︎ by author

⤷ yn i wouldn’t mind ;)

charles_leclerc I heard lando norris saved a family of 6 from a house fire the other day

⤷ alexandrasaintmleux yeah i heard he also saved the family’s 3 dogs too

carlossainz55 Lando norris bought me a new ferrari yesterday

maxverstappen1 Shoutout to my boy lando norris for letting me win all those races your a real one mate

alex_albon I heard lando norris tipped 700 dollars for a 10 dollar coffee last week

oscarpiastri I heard lando norris bought 1000 dollars worth of food for a homeless shelter in Miami last year

⤷ georgerussell63 I heard he also donated a bunch of clothes too

lilymhe i heard lando norris payed for everyone’s meals at a restaurant last month

⤷ carmenmmundt Yeah I heard he does that all the time

⤷ francisca.cgomes i heard he gave 100k to a small business today

danielricciardo Lando norris actually bought me my house

lewishamilton Lando norris bought my dog a thousand dollar blinged out collar

donatella_versace Donatella VERSACE💜

🝮

yn posted a story

replies

landonorris replied to your story

first 😁

yn as always honey

carlossainz55 replied to your story

does that party of 2 include a certain brit?

yn i don’t know who your referring to 🤔

lilymhe replied to your story

that bitch stole my girl

yn like you weren’t helping him 😭

carmenmmundt replied to your story

My little girl is growing up on me 😓

yn omg shut up 😭

francisca.cgomes replied to your story

that muppet better treat my girl right

yn don’t worry kika he will

alexandrasaintmleux replied to your story

ask him to buy you red bottoms i bet he will without thinking about it

yn stop he probably would 😭😭

🝮

landonorris posted a story

replies

yn replied to your story

you’re so cute

landonorris your the cutest 😉

you’re*

landonorris i’m sorry. you’re the cutest*

charles_leclerc replied to your story

Your welcome, I started that whole thing

landonorris thank you mate it’s very much appreciated

pierregasly replied to your story

Don’t trip mate

landonorris to late. i knocked on the door to her apartment and she invited me inside cause she was looking for her earrings and i tripped walking inside. and i did not catch myself in time.

your supposed to have fast reflexes mate 😭

landonorris yeah all that went out the window when i seen her

alexandrasaintmleux replied to your story

you better not let her touch any door handle, pull out her chair, hold her hand, give her your coat, and don’t let her peak at the bill

landonorris i wouldn’t dream of it

🝮

yn

liked by krisjenner and 11,935,776 others

yn i heard he ended world hunger or something?

landonorris first

♥︎ by author

landonorris sum slight yk

♥︎ by author

landonorris your so yummy baby 😍

♥︎ by author

charles_leclerc Once again, your welcome

⤷ yn no thank you

lilymhe damn does he not know how to keep his hands to himself?

⤷ landonorris you wouldn’t be able to if she was yours

francisca.cgomes i could treat you better

⤷ yn come over 😏

⤷ francisca.cgomes omw baby

⤷ landonorris oh!

⤷ pierregasly you get used to it

⤷ alex_albon over time you’ll just start to ignore it

⤷ charles_leclerc At a certain point you’ll have a good chuckle about it

⤷ georgerussell63 You learn to live with it

🝮

landonorris

liked by tomholland2013 and 6,213,095 others

landonorris i like when it’s you & i

yn first

♥︎ by author

yn 🤍🤍🤍

♥︎ by author

yn i like it too honey

♥︎ by author

carlossainz55 You did it cabrón 🥳

⤷ landonorris i manifested this shit

lilymhe cutest 😍 y/n not lando.

⤷ landonorris hatin for what 🤣🤣

danielricciardo Lando norris did it

⤷ charles_leclerc He got the girl

⤷ arthur_leclerc crazy son of a bitch

alex_albon bro beat the norizz allegations

⤷ georgerussell63 I guess it’s time to retire lando norizz 😞

alexandrasaintmleux she was mine first.

⤷ landonorris and now she’s all mine 🤤

maxverstappen1 This calls for celebration!

⤷ pierregasly to the club!

oscarpiastri I already can’t stand you two

francisca.cgomes she curved michael b jordan and jude bellingham for a white guy…

⤷ landonorris stay mad 🥱

mclaren Welcome to family y/n! 🧡

♥︎ by author & yn

[lewisvinga]

my mj | esteban ocon x fem! reader

summary; esteban just wants no way home spoilers from his very own mj

fc; zendaya

warnings; ?

taglist; @namgification @louvrepool @locelscs @thehufflepuffavenger1 @minseok-smaus @goldenmclaren @ollieshifts @lavisenri @graciewrote @xoscar03

note; requested !

masterlist !

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

liked by estebanocon, francisca.cgomes, and others !

yourusername: 🖤

estebanocon: WOW😍😍😍😍 liked by yourusername !

estebanocon: share some no way home spoilers w me ?😇

yourusername: estie you ask me this everyday and my answer is still NO😊

estebanocon: why do u hate ur bf sm 😢

yourusername: i’m not gonna spoil the entire movie for u….

estebanocon: fine 🙄🙄

username: if i was dating THE y/n i’d also be begging for spoilers 😭

username: SLAYED THE HOUSE DOWNNNN

username: ATEEEE

username: 😍😍😍

username: mother is MOTHERINGG

username: this press tour is abt to EAT😫

francisca.cgomes: what a beauty 😍😍😍

yourusername: kikaaa🥹🫶

pierregasly: kika wants to know the ending! how about sharing??😁😁

yourusername: give pierre his phone back, esteban!

pierregasly: dammit - esteban

username:the hair, the dress, MISS Y/N ALWAYS SERVESSSS😫😫

username: whatta woman

username: wow im so gay

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

yourusername uploaded to their story !

[caption 1; what i deal w on a daily basis] [caption 2; got him his burger, don’t worry everybody 🤗🤗]

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆⋆ ˚｡⋆୨♡୧⋆ ˚｡⋆

liked by yourusername, mickschumacher, and others !

estebanocon: my mj, je t’aime❤️😍 ( even if you refuse to make me happy by telling me the ending of no way home before everyone else… )

tagged; yourusername

yourusername: i love youuu💞

estebanocon: liar you don’t love me

yourusername: i’m not spoiling no way home🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️🤦‍♀️

estebanocon: you’re dating a guy w a love for spiderman and you refuse to spoil it for him??💔

yourusername: exactly !

username: poor guy tries so hard😭😭😭😭😭

username: MY PARENTS😭❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹❤️‍🩹

username: she’s everything he’s just estie bestie

username: she’s gorgeous omg

username: goals

username: i love them ur honor ☹️☹️☹️

username: THE PICTURE OF HER SLEEPING KAKDKSKD

username: the way she still looks good😔😔

mickschumacher: yourusername he’s trying to steal my phone again

yourusername: esteban….

estebanocon: stop lying on my name in front of the bad bitches (y/n) mickschumacher

username: LMAOOOOO

[landograndprix]

where your heart truly lies ✾ l.n - viii

❧ in which you and lando are not together, right?

❧ just a lily something cute before the storm ;)

❧ prev part – next part

☆☆☆☆☆

y/nusername posted to their story

☆☆☆☆☆

y/nusername

liked by oscarpiastri, maxfewtrell and 25,781 others

y/nusername papaya friends 🟠⚫️

tagged: landonorris, oscarpiastri

view all 333 comments

dannyricric at this point I'm convinced your McLaren's mascot, girl you're at nearly every race 😭

mclaren don't give us ideas 👀

norry4 imagine y/n working for McLaren?!

papayaarmy how is it to live my dream?

fabyn 'friend' more like bf & friend 💀

oscarpiastri you could have picked a better picture

y/nusername yeah I could've but I chose not to

oscarpiastri I respect that. Thanks for the picture, my mom will still frame it

landoscar I've only have had the y/n & oscar banter for two seconds but I'm obsessed already 🥰

landonorris 🧡

landolando 👀

lanlan not even trying to hide it anymore 💀

mclaren our favorite garage princess 👸

carlito55 and I oooop–

julieeeexo landos gf & lily reading this 👁👄👁

ynnation I mean she's been in the garage ever since lando joined f1, she deserves that tittle no matter what 😂

☆☆☆☆☆

☆☆☆☆☆

☆☆☆☆☆

norrislandofans

liked by yourbestfrienduser and 321 others

norrislandofans the face of a boy who's going through a really difficult break up 💔

view all 150 comments

fewtrelllando guys shut up, he's clearly going through it, let's leave him alone 😔

sharl16 BREAK UP?! WHEN?!

norry4 they announced it yesterday..poor thing's going through it 😢

sharl16 oh no, how will he ever recover from this??

bott_ass 'they' lmao lando made a statement, his ex didn't..and the statement was fabricated as fuck, he didn't come up with that 💀

carlito55 he was such a giggly bitch, haven't seen the guy be like this in a looong while!

landoscar it's alright guys, he's got a REALLY good girl friend to get him through these trying times

fabyn it was all pr I tell ya

dandoo this is so sad, did anyone notify his girlfriend y/n?

y/nlandooo hello @.yourbestfrienduser lurking in the likes again 👀

oscarp81 must be hard on her as well, losing a friend like that 😔

☆☆☆☆☆

☆☆☆☆☆

taglist: @honethatty12 @alilstressyandlotdepressy @spideyspeaches @babyvinnie @summerslike11 @waratah-vroom @beatricemiruna @thecubanator2 @lunamelona @leclercdreams @pedrileclerc @chelseagirl98 @azxulaa @mxsonxmountx @fleetastic @mycenterfold @oliviamarner @18754389 @scuderiahm @saschaa-ff @oscarissacsslut @fluffyspaceprincess @emely-b @chaosamu @livster @dangeroustacoalienbiscuit @celestialams @gentlemonsterjennie1 @fangirl-madz @v1naco @jayda12 @aundercover @maliamoon0219 @blacpiink @ferrariloverr

Names crossed out means I couldn't tag you. My taglist has become huge for my standards so if I forgot to tag you, please let me know!

[brrrkdslek]

ＢＩＬＬＩＯＮ ＢＥＮＥＦＩＴＳ !

❒ bartender! jwy x male! billionaire! reader

❒ violence, threats, abuse, harassment

❒ 50% smau, 50% written, romance, thriller, angsty, comedy if you squint

❒ wooyoung had always dreamed of being in love, but being surrounded by so many fakes made it hard. what will happen when you, an infamous billionaire, stumbles across the bar he works at?

❒ ateez (slay!)

₊ ⊹ ＡＣＴ １ ⎯ ＭＡＴＣＨＭＡＫＩＮＧ !

✦ 000 ⎯ NEPO BABIES😼💸

✦ 001 ⎯ M/N'S RIDE OR DIE👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨🫶🏻🎧

✦ 002 ⎯ OUTLANDERS(LAY)🍾😍💅🏻

✦ 003 ⎯ OTHERS

✦ 004 ⎯ INHERITANCE BABY‼️😍

✦ 005 ⎯ WOAH HOT DAMN🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

✦ 006 ⎯ PREZ⁉️☠️🤭

✦ 007 ⎯ L+UR POOR+RATIOED🥱

✦ 008 ⎯ MY MAN‼️🤬💗

✦ 009 ⎯ WOOYOUNG VS SAN🤾🏻‍♂️💥🤺

✦ 010 ⎯ UM MS GIRL WHUT R U DUIN⁉️😰🤨

✦ 011 ⎯ BARBENHEIMER🎀🤍⌚️

✦ 012 ⎯ WHO ISIT IM LITRALY SAUR BUSY🤬🔪

✦ 013 ⎯ RICH PEOPLE THERAPY‼️🥱🤑

₊ ⊹ ＡＣＴ ２ ⎯ ＢＡＤ ＯＰＴＩＯＮ ＯＲ ＢＡＤ ＯＰＴＩＯＮ ?

✦ 014 ⎯ THREATS TO THE LOML⁉️😡👹

✦ 015 ⎯ HE DIDN'T EAT TODAY‼️😔💔

✦ 016 ⎯ DECISIONS, DECISIONS...🤕

✦ 017 ⎯ NORWAY THIS CAN'T BE😭😫☠️

✦ 018 ⎯ I CAN'T BELIEVE I'M DOING THIS🤢

✦ 019 ⎯ HEART BEEN BROKE SO MANY TIMES 😔💔

✦ 020 ⎯ 4+4=? 😍🤭🔥

✦ 021 ⎯ ONE CHANCE PLZ😫😔🙏🏻

✦ 022 ⎯ CAPTURING HEARTS😍😙💗‼️

✦ 023 ⎯ I'LL BE UR KEN BABYBOY👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨

₊ ⊹ ＡＣＴ ３ ⎯ ＨＥＡＬＩＮＧ ＥＲＡ !

✦ 024 ⎯ DATE⁉️⁉️⁉️🫣

✦ 025 ⎯ NEGLECTED CHILDREN😔🫠

✦ 026 ⎯ GARNET>>>>>>SAN😘

✦ 027 ⎯ I FEEL SMTH KICKING IN🤢

✦ 028 ⎯ NORWAY I SHATTED😭🫠

✦ 029 ⎯ MINGI'S STACK OF $1🫢🫡

✦ 030 ⎯ GANG‼️💝🫶🏻

✦ 031 ⎯ I'M JUS THINKING ABT IT BIG BRO😍😆

✦ 032 ⎯ STAY FAR AWAY FRUM ME🤮😬

✦ 033 ⎯ EARTH TO WOOYOUNG❓🧘🏻‍♂️

₊ ⊹ ＡＣＴ ４ ⎯ ＨＡＰＰＩＬＹ ＥＶＥＲ ＡＦＴＥＲ . . . ＯＲ ＮＯＴ ?

✦ 034 ⎯ KDRAMA COUPLES ERA👨‍❤️‍💋‍👨💅🏻

✦ 035 ⎯ Y IS MY MONEY NOT WORKING⁉️😱

✦ 036 ⎯ WHERE MY HUG AT❓😍😽🙌🏻

✦ 037 ⎯ IS THAT...⁉️🫢🤕🧍🏻‍♂️

✦ 038 ⎯ I'M COMING MY LUV😭🚗💨

✦ 039 ⎯ MOMMY KNOWS BEST🔫🤬

✦ 040 ⎯ I TRIPLED YOUR DOUBLE‼️😈✌🏻

✦ 041 ⎯ TIME IS TICKING😰🫨

✦ 042 ⎯ YOU'RE KENOUGH FOR ME😢☹️🩷

✦ 043 ⎯ OH SILLY ME, LET ME GET ON MY KNEE💍

©BRRRKDSLEK 2023

[fatuismooches]

Hello Smooches i hope that you are doing well! Also Merry Christmas to my one of my fav writers and also everyone here 💞🙏🛐 Thank you for still serving us Harbinger content for more than a year with ur big brain writings (as always) even though we barely have enough info about some of them.. *cries* (especially Capitano.. Mihoyo, where is he?? 😭💔 can we just skip to Natlan now-)

Also, have u seen those sus leaks about Natlan going around recently? 😭 i REALLY hope that Signora will be playable during Natlan's Story Quests

-🥝

(Before i go, do u remember about your post about Capitano taking tips from those love advice books and use them to flirt reader? Imagine that, but he got short-circuited instead bcs reader also flirting him back 💀 bcs it always went awkward)

My lovely 🥝 anon I too hope that you are doing well dearest! (Late) Merry Christmas to you as well, I hope you enjoyed it 💗 And YEAH EDBWDK it's crazy it's been so long since the Lazzo trailer dropped huh? I don't know when we'll get another huge lore drop but. I'm REALLY hoping we do because I'm hanging on by a mere thread.

And no I haven't actually! I'm not getting my hopes up for Natlan leaks so quickly, it'd probably be too good to be true 😭 But I swear, Signora HAS to be playable during Natlan 😢☹️☹️ I expect to see her moth flying in the background in a cutscene!! Or else!! 😡

UGHH I LOVE THAT HC SM!! I imagine Capitano had a whole plan of action for when he was trying to flirt with you (1. Chat with them. 2. Gauge their mood. 3. Flirt. 4. Gauge their mood again. 5. "Go with the flow" <- words from the book) Unfortunately he did not plan for you to flirt back with him. Capitano.exe has stopped working. What did that book say if this happened?! The poor Captain cannot remember, and now poor you are left wondering if he didn't like your forwardness. (He does.)

I've been reading a lot of "Dragon Capitano" Theory that has been going around after the end of Fontaine's Archon Quest and now i can't stop thinking of ur hc of reader teaching him "human emotion" 😭😭 its just so endearingly cute u know? -🥝

DRAGON CAPITANO? I've never heard of that theory before! I know Capitano is said to be an ordinary mortal/human but, I can't help but wonder if that's really true ahaha (the fanarts with the tongue and claws have me... 🤭 but regardless of what he turns out to be, I'll still luv luv him) But omg yes,,, that would certainly make that hc even cuter. A dragon living among mortals but still struggles to fit in!! 😔 But that's okay, you'll teach him all human things related, from emotions to actions to everything in between! And maybe he can teach you about some dragon facts in return :3 (Mhm now I'm imagining him hiding scales and other dragon features under all that bulk 😭)

[officeobject]

But yeah, if one has a fundraiser thing I should post about, I guess one could come to me ...

abedhilles

1h ago

abedhilles asked:

Please don't skip my message 🍉🇵🇸 to our honorable people in the world My name is Abdul Rahman from Gaza.. I lost everything in life.. My wife was martyred and my child and I were injured by a missile that fell on us.. My life was completely destroyed and I was severely injured all over my body especially my legs.. The missile tore my wife apart while she was carrying our child.. I ask for your support to start my life anew and overcome the tragedy I am going through.. Please help me with any amount no matter how small to treat my injury and my child's injury and get out of the Gaza Strip and start a better life.. And spread my campaign and my story so that everyone can see it 🍉🍉🇵🇸🇵🇸

Vetted by 90-ghost

Answer

generalladypeaces

3h ago

generalladypeaces asked:

Hello, I know this is a long shot, but I am a citizen of Palestine in urgent need of help. I have type 1 diabetes and due to the current situation in Gaza, I am unable to get my insulin (Humalog) injection. I’m asking for your support to help me get just one injection today to save my life. I need financial assistance to purchase insulin for this week, and I still need $263. I apologize if I’ve already sent this request, but any amount you can donate would be greatly appreciated. You can find my donation link in my pinned post. Thank you and may you be blessed. ❤️🇵🇸

Answer

ayamohammed2024

3h ago

ayamohammed2024 asked:

https://gofund.me/05039d3d

Hi,My name is Aya. I am 26 years old, I am from Gaza and I have two children Sana'a is five years old and Wasfi is three years old

But then, October 7th came, and we couldn't comprehend what happened to us after that day .we left our homes, abandoning everything, fleeing from death, bombing and terror

My children left their warm room، their toys, their clothes, and their schools, which they miss so much that they look at the pictures on the phone, remembering every detail, their eyes filled with tears. I always refuse to let them see the pictures of the house or the food financial support to meet even or basic needs. the food is very expensive. we survive on poor _quality canned goods _

My children are suffering from skin diseases

and the gas shortage has forced us to use fire for everything _cooking and backing _ using plastic and pipes because firewood is so hard to find

please help us. Every contribution, even if small, will make a difference in our lives

Answer

ahmedomar3

11h ago

ahmedomar3 asked:

Hello my friend, please donate to me. We are approaching winter and we are suffering from diseases. My children are young and we need clothes and treatment, and the prices are high. Please my friend, if you can help me, do not abandon my family and children and if you can send me a message then talk to me. 😭🙏🙏😢💔https://gofund.me/315b0b3c

Answer

alihamdi1973

13h ago

alihamdi1973 asked:

Hello lm hamdi ayyad ,I humbly ask for your support by reblogging this post on your account to help save my family. As newcomers to Tumblr and GoFundMe, we are in desperate need of your kindness and support. 🙏🇵🇸🍉😔Please donate 🙏🏼Let's reach the goal as soon as possible https://gofund.me/4de94fec

[nobodys-saviour]

legitimately cannot move on from moon owl's desperation these past few chapters. nothing is happening the way he plans it to, my lil hoot hoot🌙🦉my poor 😢😭 hoot hoot🌙🦉...my baby 🤰👶 my little🤏baby👼who hurt 😡💢 so much 😣✊ but treats people 👪 with nothing 😤😿 but kindness 🥺🤷‍♀️ forgive me 🤧🙏 for not being 😩💦 able to do more 😟💔..i tried my best 💪💏 i really did.. 😔

[pignipplez]

I’m gonna screech I’m so awkward and literally deaf and with those things combined make the worse mixture ever to be in physical therapy 😭

Like my back is already crippling from scoliosis I don’t need the tiny speck of self worth I have left crippling too 🤕

I’ve gotten lost 2 TIMES AT THE FUCKING THERAPY OFFICE cuz i couldn’t hear the “follow me” like i feel so bad for the man that has to deal with my bullshit 😭

(one time he left for 10 minutes and then came back sadly having to call my name to times to get my attention to tell me to follow) (he has laughed about this interaction like every single session since dude 💀)

so today I went in and was so awkward cuz the guy was ranting to his coworkers about the new reboot of avatar and he was so giddy about it so I just stood behind him for what felt like 20 minutes cuz I didn’t want to erupt him (even though I’m paying for these sessions and he totally wouldn’t have cared if I interrupted him because I was done with my exercises 🥲)

I WAS WALKING INTO THE BACK ROOM TO DO THIS THINGY AND HE SAID “oh excuse me I forgot your towel be right back” AND I SAID “okay” AND HE WENT TO GO AND GET IT AND WE DID THE AWKWARD THINGY WHERE YOU TRY AND GO ONE WAY BUT THEY GO THE SAME AND WE LIKE LYRICAL DANCED IT WAS SO GRRR IM SOBBING THIS POOR MAN 💔💔

And when he tries to tell a joke I never here him and so I always just dry chuckle so I don’t sound rude because if he has to here me say “what did you say” one more time I think we will both set off a bomb 😢 I bet he’s really funny and I would tell you so if I wasn’t so clinically deaf 🤕

Dude and when I’m laying down I always have to do the “suck on my back” turtle thingy to be able to get myself up and dude this is literally going to be the death of me 😔 you know like the old man gripping your knees or back and having to rock a little bit to get the momentum to get up ☹️💔

Yeah so that’s what I have to do to get up 😭🎉

Would anyone be up to do a spine trade with me 🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🥺🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

It would only cost you the stability of the rest of your internal system 🤗💕

If you all this thanks for listening to my disable rant 🤕🥺🫶

Bye ❤️‍🩹

[salehasposts]

Ok, second edit of my babiesss 💕💕💕

(the amount of storage these two have of my phone, went back and forth for this edit to hurry up, oh well, idm for them)

I don’t care if what anyone says about the song, this song fits them like a glove

“it’s been so long that I haven’t seen your face, I’m trying to be strong but the strength I have is washing away” "Why’d you go? Haven’t seen my girl since then, why can’t it be the way it was cause you were my only lover and friend”

“I just want to hold you, tease you, squeeze you tell you what’s been on my mind” “I can’t lie, I miss you much, watching every minute goes by, I guess I miss you much, till I get you back I’m going to try, guess I miss you much cause you are are the apple of my eye”

“Girl, I miss you much, I miss you much”

“I want you to fly with me, want you to fly, miss how you’re like with me, miss how you’re like, wish you could dine with me, wish you could dine, the one that grind with me, the one that grind”

“ I wanna make up right now, na, na, na I wanna make up right now na, na, na wish we never broke up right now na, na, na we need to link up right now na, na, na”

THIS SONG IS DEDICATED TO TARRANT, AS IT SHOWS HIS PAIN, HIS FEELINGS, HIS BROKEN HEART, AFTER ALICE LEFT HIM 2 TIMES IN THE ATTLG AND AIW.

this line hits hard,

"where you go, where you going, baby?!!!"

i feel like tarrant is SCREAMING this line 😔

poor tarrant, he deserved so much better, so much pain on his face, when stupid Alice left him 2 times and didnt meet his family...

all i can think about is that this song really does show tarrant pain, my heart is broken for him

I can imagine Tarrant singing this song, leaning down, depressed, just singing this song on his tea table, he must be dying without Alice, everyone just watching him heartbroken for him, probably mad at Alice for leaving him 🥺💔

btw,

"wish we never broke up right now, na na, na" (broke up, when alice left him in the first one, didn’t care about his heart, his feelings, she just left him, in the AIW and when alice left tarrant AGAIN in ATTLG, they held hands and Alice broke it until she completely went into the mirror and he still held his hand up and looked at it, hoping she would return after she went into the mirror, my poor Tarrant, 😢 so thats what this line means) hope that’s helps

After all these 8 lines really show,

TARRANT PAIN 😩

HOW IT SHOWS HIS FEELINGS

HIS BROKEN HEART🫀

[trentskis]

. 💔My name is Iman from Gaza. 👤 I had a house, and it was completely destroyed. 😔 I am sick with a chronic, rare and dangerous disease (Bahcet's disease). I had full dreams and hopes for the future. I wish for stability and some sense of security to avoid anything that might harm me or my family. Unfortunately, we did not achieve any of that, and now we are suffering in every way possible. 😢 We face hunger, malnutrition, poor living conditions, shortages of medicines, food and even basic necessities. Unfortunately, no one cares about us, and hope is gone. You are our only hope.🙙 I previously had my own business that provided for my family and fed them daily. Today, I lost him. Can you see this tragedy? Without work, we beg God to provide for us. Please, we ask that you donate the minimum amount. Thank you. 💔.

https://gofund.me/aa9e1f74

hi Iman, i have shared your donation page on my blog. i hope you find safety and security soon❤️

[hyperblue]

. 💔My name is Iman from Gaza. 👤 I had a house, and it was completely destroyed. 😔 I am sick with a chronic, rare and dangerous disease (Bahcet's disease). I had full dreams and hopes for the future. I wish for stability and some sense of security to avoid anything that might harm me or my family. Unfortunately, we did not achieve any of that, and now we are suffering in every way possible. 😢 We face hunger, malnutrition, poor living conditions, shortages of medicines, food and even basic necessities. Unfortunately, no one cares about us, and hope is gone. You are our only hope.🙙 I previously had my own business that provided for my family and fed them daily. Today, I lost him. Can you see this tragedy? Without work, we beg God to provide for us. Please, we ask that you donate the minimum amount. Thank you. 💔. https://gofund.me/aa9e1f74

please consider donating if you're able to!

[punkscowardschampions]

Sulu

Sekhmet: 👋🏽✨🌸🧁🩰🎀💝👋🏽 This is like SUCH a bizarre request to have to pose that I can only assume that’s why [the head of drama/this production] is making ME do it, save the cases 💁🏽‍♀️

Sekhmet: But we need your measurements, to start on your costume, can adjust and be more exact at your first try-on, saves me chasing around every cast member 

Lulu: Golly, how potentially triggering 🚩🚩💣 

Lulu: the rest of the cast must be shook, [someone we’re being a bitch about] to her core! 💔😔

Lulu: but as of last night [her exact measurements to a freakishly accurate degree] 😘

Sekhmet: Mhmm… the Diversity, Equality and Inclusivity Society are probably on the case as we speak

Sekhmet: [this poor person] doesn’t need to worry though, there’s not a body that doesn’t suit tailoring over everyone wearing some one-size-fits-all monstrosity 💔😱

Sekhmet: Naturally, I’ll make sure you look extra snatched 😘

Lulu: When it’s giving sack it’s giving opening night screening at the wretched RE film soc instead of stage debut, I could never 

Lulu: 😱  I’d be snatched by any other name 🥀 & to an entirely different degree, naturally 😱 

Sekhmet: 🤪🤭 No but why had no one BC heard of a belt?

Sekhmet: You’re SO lucky, girl, this play is giving high fashion in comparison to last year’s end-of-year

Lulu: They’d heard of bdsm the book’s FULL of it & so is EVERY era painting, priorities be like… 

Lulu: That’s me, in the incapable hands of whatever dyslexic runs the inclusivity club 🙄

Sekhmet: So those are the kind of movies they’re watching in that society… I knew there had to be a reason ANYONE joined

Sekhmet: Thanks for the reading rec 🙏🏽

Sekhmet: What’s your role? I have [the teacher]’s notes but what do YOU want your costume to represent?

Lulu: You’re beyond welcome, it’s a real page turner & not at ALL a dry bore of a 📖

Lulu: Oh, I play [whoever your role is] & [pop off about it because you are a nerd and you clearly wanna do this or you wouldn’t be]

Sekhmet: I know there’s a LOT of incredibly hot fashion that takes from it, McQueen’s A/W 96 Dante collection could never be wrong OR a bore 🥵🥵🥵🥵

Sekhmet: You got it, I’m gonna start sketching immediately

Lulu: Bad luck for that girl Eden who doesn’t live up to her name, do you know her? It’s terribly tragic 😢

Sekhmet: I know most everyone here, to a point

Sekhmet: You don’t like her?

Lulu: I don’t like anyone here, to a point

Sekhmet: Bad luck for us

Sekhmet: Why not?

Lulu: A super long story, you’ve got one to read & sketches to start

Sekhmet: I refuse to believe it’s rivalling the length of the bible but I hear ya 🤐

Sekhmet: What are you doing this evening?

Lulu: I refuse to join you for bible study, however tempting the offer clearly is

Sekhmet: Something tells me we’d fall at the first hurdle and that is not my style

Lulu: Mine neither

Sekhmet: I didn’t need notes for that one

Sekhmet: What’s your horse called? 

Lulu: Kasparov

Sekhmet: Suitably grand, I like it

Lulu: What’s yours called? 

Lulu: [make some fashion related guesses for designers you think it could be]?

Sekhmet: My first ever pony was Coco, I didn’t know much more back then but she was such a sweetheart

Sekhmet: Madame, for Madame Grès, the full title felt like a lot but if you don’t know her, you should look her up, you’d like her style

Lulu: 🥺 I still don’t know much more than that, about fashion

Lulu: to me, grès is a sort of stone

Sekhmet: She was a sculptor, well, she was trained but her family didn’t want her to be one, so she designed dresses like Grecian statues

Lulu: She changed her name for privacy numerous times, I love that

Sekhmet: They called her The Sphinx of Fashion, which could only be fitting for my girl, given how Egyptian mama went with our names

Lulu: She really did that, a BOLD move

Lulu: not that I have any room to talk with how mummy was 🎲🎲

Sekhmet: I know, people learn to pronounce it when given reason though so I’m not that mad 

Sekhmet: Your name is soft

Lulu: But a double - did she have to? Pick one, darling, no one’ll accuse us of being impoverished, it’s fine

Sekhmet: The real question is do you feel you fared better than your sister?

Sekhmet: I know I do

Lulu: Undeniably, as I should

Sekhmet: 🥂

Lulu: In answer to your earlier question, what I’ll be doing this evening is falling further down the 👗 rabbit hole 😍🥰

Sekhmet: You are SO welcome!

Sekhmet: I can’t get any of my friends interested in fashion beyond buying it, which, fair enough but 😩😩😩

Sekhmet: Your evening is shaping up better than mine

Lulu: Buying would prove rather redundant in my case 😩😩😩

indeed

Lulu: but let’s focus on how offensive it is you’re not excited to spend the evening designing my health & safety approved corset!

Sekhmet: No way, you’re like sample size, you should be wearing ALL the couture ALL the time, it’s practically your duty 😍👏🏽

Sekhmet: OMG, don’t get me started 😒😒 like swooning is entirely appropriate, it’s actually the point, hello???

Sekhmet: If I had my way… 😅

Lulu: I escaped Dolly by name but not by nature, my duty is to parade around in whatever monstrosity mummy tells me to 😇

Lulu: sometimes her wild choices do make me feel awfully faint

Sekhmet: Then we have to introduce her to [some designers you are saying would actually suit this girl] as a matter of urgency 

Lulu: Your sense of urgency will have to wait until she’s back from [wherever the hell your parents are because they are always somewhere atm]

Sekhmet: Nice for some

Sekhmet: meanwhile we’re stuck languishing at a school that doesn’t even want to allow heels on stage, for God’s sake

Lulu: Honestly! In what world would anyone but [someone else we’re dragging] fall to her death

Sekhmet: Exactly! I said, if you can’t walk in heels by seniors, what hope do you really have on stage or anywhere, for that matter

Lulu: I’ve been doing the 📚 balancing act since I was practically a toddler, no brag, it’s just, like, a necessary life skill to be able to walk with some poise 

Sekhmet: 🥺

Sekhmet: Girl after my own heart

Lulu: My modelling career was short-lived but all blame to the cringe photographer & his less than thrilling backdrops

Sekhmet: How old were you?

Lulu: [the age range you were when your mother tried to force this but couldn’t make fetch happen]

Lulu: VERY pre glow up 😳💀

Sekhmet: That is so adorable

Sekhmet: I WILL demand evidence when I am taking your mother down the rabbit hole of what to wear

Lulu: OMG make no such demands! I was THE ginger-est child you’ve ever seen! It was horrific 😬

Lulu: 📸 doesn’t just wash me out I’m literally washed away 👋🏻

Sekhmet: Your hair is the most gorgeous colour, I refuse to believe it’s anything but the photographer’s fault

Lulu: [send her the most unflattering pics you can find of the previous play she mentioned like well I’m not gonna get any good ones when we do ours either lol, dragging whoever took these for the school’s website to filth]!!

Sekhmet: 😶😶😶

Sekhmet: I haven’t seen some of those, [naming some of these peeps] will FREAK if they see the light of day 

Lulu: If they don’t get their top uni places they’ll know why, those would actually have a negative impact & I’ve never felt so second-hand embarrassed 

Sekhmet: Never?

Sekhmet: I need to show you around some more

Lulu: Well…

Lulu: okay, every class I’m in is populated with incel boys & pick-me girls, never is a stretch OR I’m growing more & more dead inside from the constant 😳💀

Sekhmet: YIKES, what subjects did you choose? 

Sekhmet: I thought the arty types I was stuck with were tiresome enough

Lulu: Maths, Chemistry & Physics 🤓

Sekhmet: So you’re surrounded by THE worst people but you’re going to be SO rich, I see the vision 

Lulu: Inherited wealth isn’t going to be, not the way my parents blow through it

Lulu: & my daddy’s idea of a jolly good investment is [something which absolutely isn’t and we’re calling him stupid]

Sekhmet: What will you do with yours?

Lulu: That WOULD be telling & you’re far from a confidante for being trusted with my measurements 

Sekhmet: Wait until I’ve measured you in person

Lulu: With no less than utterly bated breath

Sekhmet: Save it for when you’ve got the corset on

Lulu: My faux corset couldn’t cause a swoon if it tried, you said so

Sekhmet: Give me time

Sekhmet: [the drama teacher] can be persuaded

Lulu: Until opening night, that’s everyone’s deadline

Sekhmet: Do you get stage fright?

Lulu: Do I look like a masochist? 

Sekhmet: 🤔

Lulu: 🤭 take your time but I don’t get stage fright

Sekhmet: I won’t stitch a safety net for you then

Lulu: You’ll be too busy attacking me with pins to see how I react now

Sekhmet: No, no, not if you stay still

Lulu: I wouldn’t dream of moving unless you told me to

Sekhmet: You make an excellent Dolly, I remember

Lulu: I’ve had years of practice 

Sekhmet: 📚

Sekhmet: It shows

Lulu: All the world's a stage, to quote [the drama teacher] quoting the only playwright they’ve ever heard of

Sekhmet: It’s giving Coco, truly 🤭

Lulu: No, because that was adorable 🥺🥺

Sekhmet: [send her the content I really have of this horse and you riding it etc]

Lulu: [send her the content I really have of you as a kid on a horse which is literally that one pic]

Sekhmet: 😖 KILL ME

Sekhmet: What a little munchkin

Lulu: My first horse was called Gambit so I totally understand, we were naming in awkward parallel according to our interests

Sekhmet: We were totally precious

Lulu: YOU were

Lulu: mummy would die if she was your mother, she’d kill herself

Sekhmet: Why does that feel like the biggest compliment I’ve ever received maybe?

Lulu: Because it’s the biggest I’ve paid anyone ever

Sekhmet: You’re too sweet 😋

Lulu: I can see her now, doing it in the most dramatic fashion

Sekhmet: I’ll lend her my fabric scissors

Lulu: What makes them different from other scissors?

Sekhmet: Carbon steel, longer blades and sharper edges

Lulu: Wow

Sekhmet: I know

Lulu: Maybe I do care about fashion or I will from now on

Sekhmet: Then my work here is done ✂️💝

Lulu: You’re leaving me? ✂️💔💔💔

Sekhmet: No, no

Sekhmet: This is too interesting

Lulu: You can’t drop the news fabric scissors exist & then dip

Lulu: you’d have to lend them to me

Sekhmet: I see how it is 😏

Sekhmet: I’ll show you how sharp they are at your fitting

Lulu: Okay, I’ll count the seconds until my fitting, that’s what you want

Sekhmet: Is that what I want, are you sure?

Lulu: I know it is

Sekhmet: Do you want me to finish your costume first or last, that’s the question

Lulu: What do you think my answer is?

Sekhmet: I’m in two minds, so perhaps you are too

Sekhmet: You want me to want to finish yours first

Sekhmet: but you want to wait as long as you can to show you can too

Lulu: I’m of the mind what you want matters more

Sekhmet: I’m afraid I can’t bear leaving you any longer than the task requires I do

Lulu: It’s your task, your art

Sekhmet: No one will be able to take their eyes off you

Lulu: What does that feel like?

Sekhmet: Ribbon laced around you, tightening with each glance

Sekhmet: Does that make sense?

Lulu: Perfect sense

Sekhmet: Fabric scissors at your throat sounded too intense but it isn’t wrong

Lulu: Too intense can’t be wrong

Sekhmet: I don’t think so

Lulu: I’ve been labelled as such too many times for it not to fit

Sekhmet: It’s a good thing

Lulu: It feels good or I wouldn’t bother with the thing, I’m not labelled stupid

Sekhmet: You’re a smart girl, your classes didn’t come as a shock

Sekhmet: but neither does this

Lulu: I’m unshockable too

Sekhmet: I don’t think so

Lulu: Why? What are you thinking of?

Sekhmet: We aren’t there yet

Lulu: We’re [the seconds you have counted because maths nerd] seconds away

Sekhmet: 😅 Exactly

Sekhmet: You’re cute, I wish it were time now

Lulu: Can’t it be time for something else?

Sekhmet: What are you doing this evening?

Lulu: What do you want me to do?

Sekhmet: Come out with me

Lulu: You’ll have to dress me, I don’t know how

Sekhmet: Of course, it’s what I do

Lulu: You’re welcome to come here first but I mean it when I say the wardrobes have nothing to pull from, out of my uniform I look beastly

Sekhmet: I’ll show you what you can do with what you have

Sekhmet: Even if it is showing-off, that’s the kind of mood you’ve got me in

Lulu: Pride in the skills you have is valid for every mood

Sekhmet: What clubs do you go to?

Lulu: 😳 …unless you mean after school, I don’t 🤓😇

Sekhmet: 🤯🤯

Sekhmet: So the adorable angel bit isn’t completely one, interesting

Lulu: My parents have lots of parties, I’m not like [someone we’re shading yet again]

Sekhmet: We’ll go somewhere young then, out of your comfort zone

Lulu: If this is an elaborate practical joke, it’s been tried already, most of them have

Sekhmet: God, no

Sekhmet: We’re 17 not 7

Lulu: Tell me about it, I ADORE your school & being the 👽 new girl just because I spoke French instead of English a few times

Sekhmet: You have to teach me, my French is TERRIBLE

Sekhmet: How am I gonna work in Paris without your help

Lulu: Mine’s Swiss which they’d definitely bully you for in Paris but yonks ago I learned what the differences are & how not to trip up

Sekhmet: Were you there for the banking?

Sekhmet: You must miss it, your friends

Lulu: My friends, my boyfriend, everything

Sekhmet: Aw, what’s your boyfriend called?

Lulu: Gabe

Lulu: Gabriel 😇

Sekhmet: So perfect

Sekhmet: Well, we’ll keep you busy so you can’t miss him too bad

Lulu: It’s a top 10 baby name there but we’ll pretend his mother tried harder than my next door neighbour with [the chelsea equivalent of a popular boy’s name] 😅

Sekhmet: When there’s at least 5 [whatever name] per class, it really loses the shine

Lulu: In my class there were only [and the top 10 girls names because girls school, I’m not gonna look them up to make this point when we’re joking and only some of y’all were called that]

Sekhmet: I bet the uniform was RIDICULOUS 

Sekhmet: another picture I gotta see 

Lulu: [send her one of you wearing said uniform because I’m sure you have all your pics from your cult school close to hand because you’re in your hardcore missing it era]

Sekhmet: You look so 😁

Lulu: I was

Sekhmet: Will you go back, are there good Unis there?

Lulu: I can’t, mummy thinks the country is the size of a postage stamp & EVERYONE knows & deeply deeply cares why we left 🙄

Lulu: she’s right anyway, it is ruined

Sekhmet: I know you’re not going to tell me, it’s cool, I’m not going to ask

Sekhmet: You’ll have to bring the energy to wherever you go next

Lulu: I didn’t do anything apart from have my life wrecked, it was my sister’s attention-seeking act

Lulu: & really, what’s to tell? It’s a girls boarding school, pick the most blatant means of getting kicked out, because she did

Sekhmet: I hear the rumours, I just don’t take them in as the truth 

Sekhmet: She really let you be collateral? That’s low

Lulu: She’s the lowest that’s why she’s bringing religion into her bind

Lulu: mummy & daddy aren’t going to forgive her & neither will I, my soft touch grandparents & god are it 👋🏻

Sekhmet: Never?

Sekhmet: You aren’t waiting for a suitable price paid by her or the most opportune moment to play saviour yourself?

Lulu: Anyone else, of course I would be

Lulu: but she was different

Lulu: I trusted only her and she betrayed me as completely

Sekhmet: I get it

Sekhmet: a bridge too far, there have to be some rules that can’t be broken

Lulu: The bridge is in ashes, she broke me & she doesn’t even feel sorry

Sekhmet: I’m sorry, for what that is or isn’t worth

Sekhmet: I don’t know what I’d do in your position, if Hath did that to me

Lulu: I’m sorry you’re here to witness me at my literal worst, I’m a dreadful mess because of her

Lulu: I never anticipated being in this position & I truly don’t know what to do

Sekhmet: I’m not judging you

Sekhmet: Not even a bit, your sister however… 👀

Lulu: I am, I should’ve seen it coming, it’s what I do

Sekhmet: Had it happened before, like lesser aggressions and betrayals? 

Sekhmet: Or was it completely out of the blue

Lulu: It couldn’t have been more out of the blue

Lulu: we were devoted to each other, I still don’t understand how or why she’d do any of what she did

Sekhmet: Crazy…

Sekhmet: There HAS to be a reason there

Lulu: She was willing to make me collateral damage to cause our parents the upset she HAD to

Sekhmet: Oh, teenage rebellion 

Sekhmet: 🙄😬

Lulu: My second-hand embarrassment is back hardcore

Sekhmet: I won’t bother getting to know her now

Lulu: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Lulu: you’re an absolute brick

Sekhmet: Of course, it’s not like we could be friends now, WAY too much drama and no loyalty, what’s to like?

Lulu: True, but don’t you think I’m bringing as much drama?

Sekhmet: No, not to me

Sekhmet: You’ve been hurt by her actions but that’s not your fault, we’ve all got that kind of baggage 

Lulu: I can’t imagine anyone hurting you, not on purpose & not without being the most sorry

Sekhmet: Well, I can make almost anyone sorry, of course 💁🏽‍♀️😘

Sekhmet: People do it unwittingly, more often than not, I’ve found

Lulu: Fall at your feet? Yeah, I don’t doubt you’ve found that

Sekhmet: 😏 Hurt people, I meant

Lulu: Sure you did

Sekhmet: Is that how I seem to you? 🤔

Lulu: Unwittingly means you don’t encourage it, it isn’t a reflection on you, more a light shone on the people around you & they seem fully capable of 😍🥰

Sekhmet: I think I’m flattered

Lulu: Every day of your life, I’m assuming

Sekhmet: Oh, please

Sekhmet: Like you’re totally unfamiliar with that

Lulu: Oh, please

Lulu: I’m not ravishing, I’m just thin & not a brunette bore

Sekhmet: 🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️🙅🏽‍♀️

Sekhmet: Be so fucking for real!

Sekhmet: You’re doing a bit, yeah?

Lulu: I am for real, if I didn’t have those exact measurements I wouldn’t get looked twice at, there’s the trickery

Sekhmet: I know every trick in the 📚

Sekhmet: You can’t fake what you have

Lulu: I have discipline at the dinner table, that’s all

Sekhmet: If this is true, then my new mission is to get you to see the real truth that I’m seeing

Lulu: You’ll over mission yourself, mummy’s fashion faux pas list alone is full time

Sekhmet: I’m productive

Lulu: I’m aware

Sekhmet: You don’t want to like it here, I get that

Sekhmet: but you can like me

Lulu: Bold of you to assume I can like anyone once you’ve been told my intensity level

Lulu: I’m my mother’s child, obsessed or utterly apathetic 

Sekhmet: I don’t see a problem there

Lulu: It wouldn’t be one for you, you’re used to being the object of desire

Sekhmet: But for you?

Lulu: I wouldn’t survive you, not now

Sekhmet: I’m not going to hurt you

Lulu: People don’t intend to, right? Isn’t that what you wrote?

Sekhmet: I’m not people

Lulu: You’re a person, making promises you can’t keep

Sekhmet: I haven’t promised

Lulu: Because you know it’d be broken & I’m already in pieces

Sekhmet: You’re not going to see if I could put even two pieces back together? 

Sekhmet: Isn’t that worth the risk?

Lulu: The risk to me, but it’s too ugly what she did & who I am in the frightful aftermath to subject you to

Lulu: what you think you see, more than flatters me, even if it is a ridiculously false narrative, it’s worth something

Sekhmet: I’m glad

Sekhmet: Seriously, you’re welcome if that’s all that comes of this then that’s worth something to me too

Lulu: I can see how liking you would give people a reason to feel glad, doubly if they were liked back

Sekhmet: You’re adorable, you don’t have to compliment me, truly

Sekhmet: I’m not going to take it personally, this is about your sister

Lulu: Yours is lucky

Sekhmet: I don’t think she’s interested in me these days

Sekhmet: No great fall out or stab in the back, not to say it’s worse but it’s a different type of pain, that’s for sure…

Lulu: 🤯🤯  What or who else could come close to half as interesting? 🤯🤯  Full offence to her 👀

Sekhmet: That’s what I want to know 

Sekhmet: It’s gotta be something/someone 🤯🤯🤯

Lulu: No one from school then 🥱

Sekhmet: Honestly 🤭

Lulu: I thought she’d be coming out with us when you extended that clubbing offer, which you’re free & totally fine to retract after discovering how crazy I am btw

Sekhmet: She likes to go to raves and squat parties, I don’t know if I could convince her to come to a club any more than I could get you there 😅

Lulu: I can’t speak for her, but I’d go anywhere you asked me to

Lulu: vile field & whatever a squat party is?? included

Sekhmet: We’d have to leave Surrey, think [giving London postcodes that are poorer]

Sekhmet: not the direction I aim to go in but you know, that’s her MO, I guess 🤷🏽‍♀️

Lulu: No judgement because my sister’s idea of fun is spending her free time with my grandma exclusively

Lulu: they’re teetotal besties & she isn’t a grandma like [insert someone cool but old from the era], it’s insanity

Sekhmet: SUCH a vivid picture has been painted, I just thought she was shy but okay 

Sekhmet: the judgment of me would be SO real from her, I can feel it 😱🥶

Lulu: That’s what she wants everyone to think & it worked on sir so why not? 👌🏻👌🏻 But ask my grandparents & I’m the manipulative one

Sekhmet: Aha

Sekhmet: 😇 hiding 😈s

Lulu: She’s her father’s daughter, finding it thrilling to be stared at however mortifying the reason if everyone’s looking

Lulu: could never be me, I need praise for how 🤓 or 😇 I am, but go off you two

Sekhmet: What does your dad do?

Lulu: You’re NOT ready

Sekhmet: Now you HAVE to tell me

Lulu: You have to come over, I’ll SHOW you

Sekhmet: Now I know it’s good

Sekhmet: I wouldn’t attempt to lure you over with promises of my dad’s office, it’s truly not that thrilling, we can’t pretend 

Lulu: You’ll shriek

Sekhmet: 😱 or 🤣?

Lulu: Depends on the track

Sekhmet: NO

Lulu: I know! 💀

Sekhmet: Not the rock star, that makes A LOT of sense for your mum actually

Sekhmet: I see the vision

Lulu: They are so gauche, it’s unbearable

Sekhmet: You poor thing 

Sekhmet: It’ll have to be a room makeover next then

Lulu: If only

Lulu: you’re going to be gagged by how wannabe 😎🎸 the house is

Sekhmet: Okay, give me a month to convince them to reno, don’t want to overpromise THAT hard 

Lulu: [write the date a month from today whatever that may be like okay there’s your deadline] 📅💞

Sekhmet: Your parents better make a couple IRL appearances in that time or I’m really going to have to do the 📱💞 work

Lulu: You could do the 🛫🤍🛬 work of meeting them IRL in [wherever they are cos we all know the vibe is they aren’t gonna reappear in that month]

Sekhmet: ☁️💫 sure beats my Young Enterprise classes any day

Lulu: The boys in those classes… I don’t know how you do it

Sekhmet: I just find it cute, how they act as if they’re already top rate businessmen because their dads are

Lulu: Some of their daddies 📈💳💵💴💶💷

Lulu: the others are play acting along with their sons 💼👔⌚️

Sekhmet: Exactly, and how could I do anything but coo at that 👶🏽 behaviour?

Lulu: I’m not that girl

Sekhmet: I figured 😏

Lulu: Oh, you think you’ve got me all figured out?

Sekhmet: Not all, no need to be offended, honey

Sekhmet: I’ll give another 📅💞 for that

Lulu: You’ll have until [whenever their last day of school ever is], [the name of their school] doesn’t give the impression it’d frown on Dolly getting up to her old tricks

Sekhmet: And once you’re done here, you’re 🛫🤍🛬 for good

Lulu: The ultimate 📅💞

Sekhmet: I’m not concerned

Lulu: What are you?

Sekhmet: Confident

Lulu: Used to getting your own way

Sekhmet: That makes it sound undeserved

Lulu: Overindulged if you were someone else who didn’t bring anything but we both know that isn’t you

Sekhmet: Or a 😸

Lulu: I’m not that girl either 🐶💕

Sekhmet: I’ve seen your pup on your socials

Lulu: & now you’ll get to meet him IRL too 😊

Lulu: Monty can’t wait, he adores having people over & besides Gabe’s visits I rudely deprive him

Sekhmet: Awh, he wants the social life moreso 🥺

Lulu: I’m such a bad mother 😢

Sekhmet: When did he last have a visit?

Lulu: [Whenever that was, like if this is September then sometime in the summer hols deffo]

Lulu: poor baby 🥺

Sekhmet: You or Monty?

Lulu: Gabe, most of all, naturally

Sekhmet: That’s what I like to hear

Lulu: I have to hear about what a bore it is for him waiting for his uni term to start like he wasn’t told he could stay until then 🙄🙄

Sekhmet: Boyfriends truly are exhausting, I always want rid when I’ve got one

Lulu: How completely relatable

Lulu: Have you got one?

Sekhmet: Yes, I can’t stand being lonely for long

Sekhmet: he’s not a totally tiresome business baby though, don’t worry

Lulu: [a post she’s pulled from the boy’s insta because has clearly stalked and found him via hers or tags or whatever]

Lulu: Is this who he is?

Sekhmet: 🔎

Sekhmet: That’s him

Lulu: & is he coming out with us?

Sekhmet: How awful to make you the third wheel like that, definitely not

Lulu: Aren’t your friends coming anyway?

Sekhmet: They could

Sekhmet: A girls night is a totally different vibe to me hooking up with my man all night though, that’s so uncool

Lulu: I assumed they were, as a given

Lulu: maybe I’ve totally misread the vibe

Sekhmet: I can put out the call, for sure

Lulu: But you weren’t going to?

Sekhmet: I hadn’t thought to, no

Sekhmet: I didn’t know if that would be too much

Lulu: Because I’m too loony & sad

Sekhmet: No

Sekhmet: because you seemed shy, or at least shyer than all that, I didn’t want to scare you off

Lulu: Anti-social not shy

Sekhmet: Here, yeah

Sekhmet: agreeing to go out with me isn’t necessarily agreeing to go out with a whole group but if that’s what you want, we can

Lulu: I know why I don’t want that, why don’t you?

Sekhmet: Because I asked you out

Sekhmet: I’ve been out with my friends too many times to count, I’m not showing them anything new

Lulu: I hate to burst your bubble, darling, but it’s highly unlikely you’re showing me anything new

Sekhmet: You said you’d not been out like this

Sekhmet: I didn’t say it would be mindblowing, still new, like your altered outfit

Lulu: Okay

Sekhmet: Is it a plan then?

Lulu: Yours & I surrender to it as originally devised, no alterations of my own

Sekhmet: Good

Sekhmet: it’s a great plan

Lulu: If you do say so yourself 😄

Sekhmet: You’ve got to withhold your judgment until you’ve given it a suitable crack, that’s just fair

Lulu: I’ll try and be sporting as though we’re 🎾

Sekhmet: If it’s truly that awful, I’ll let you pair with me next 🎾 instead of [whoever she has been that we’re saying isn’t as good as us]

Lulu: Meaning I’ll have to poker face through the whole night pretending it’s beastly to rid myself of [her partner] & have you play with me

Sekhmet: Now I’m helping you with your acting too, see, told you it was great

Lulu: You’ll feel a huge sense of pride watching me perform knowing you’ve had a hand in it

Sekhmet: Both hands, blood, sweat and tears if you include how you look in your costume and how that’ll make you feel on stage

Lulu: Which one of us is crying?

Sekhmet: I can see now how pretty you look when you cry

Lulu: Daddy’s music would have anyone with taste on the verge of tears, I guess I can show you that too

Sekhmet: What if I can’t bear it?

Lulu: The music? No what if there, it’s ghastly

Sekhmet: 😅

Sekhmet: We’ll go with that

Lulu: If you hate seeing me cry, I’ll stop

Sekhmet: I won’t hate anything you do

Lulu: You’ll loathe my clothes, they’re a crime against fashion

Sekhmet: I’ll adore ripping them to shreds to fix then

Lulu: & I’ll be devoted to watching you

Sekhmet: You won’t believe how much can be done, from the tackiest, gaudiest rags, I swear

Lulu: I believe you

Sekhmet: You will, in me and my skills, completely

Lulu: Mummy & daddy wouldn’t recognise me

Sekhmet: Equally undeniable how fucking incredible you’ll look though, blame me entirely if they still want to disagree

Lulu: They will, the idea of me being incredible is entirely foreign to them

Sekhmet: 🥺

Sekhmet: They’ll need to come back home to witness it for themselves, see you like I do

Lulu: I hope they never do, we’ll be having way too much fun in their absence

Sekhmet: True

Sekhmet: be my girl instead then

Lulu: I can be whoever you want, I’m an actress

Sekhmet: You need to be yourself

Lulu: You wouldn’t like her

Sekhmet: I want to be intrigued, not entertained

Lulu: What happens when you find out I’m not very interesting?

Sekhmet: I show you how to make interesting things happen

Lulu: No one has ever answered a question I’ve asked as perfectly as that was

Sekhmet: You deserve interesting things to happen to you, just like me

Lulu: I need something to change for the better, for once

Sekhmet: This is it

Lulu: You’re being the change I wish to see in the ��

Sekhmet: It’s too big for your ❤️ to be stuck in Switzerland forever, you need to see more with me

Lulu: [give her your address]

Lulu: come & see the garish cage I need freeing from first, there truly is SO much gold

Sekhmet: 🔐🕊

Lulu: He’d love if I had the voice for daddy daughter duets, it wouldn’t at all threaten his fragile ego

Sekhmet: Well I’ll need you to sing, I need to allow for your diaphragm’s full expansion in your corset

Lulu: Pick a song & I’ll be word perfect by [whenever this first fitting is]

Sekhmet: Good 

Sekhmet: I’ll tighten those extra inches I’m not meant to for you

Lulu: I won’t tell, I am good

Sekhmet: You’ll feel it when you have no room to catch your breath

Lulu: I can hold it for yonks, I used to whenever my grandma was being horrid to me

Sekhmet: To scare her?

Lulu: Yeah

Sekhmet: I love it

Lulu: She hates me, she’d have me committed if that was still an acceptable punishment for your relatives

Sekhmet: How awful, why, what’s her problem?

Lulu: Dolly finished the job mummy’s jealousy started of turning her against me, neither of them can do any wrong, so I am

Sekhmet: You’re stuck, aren’t you

Lulu: Every 🎄🎅🏻 

Lulu: but it could be worse, it was every hol when I was younger

Sekhmet: You should be treated like a 🎁

Sekhmet: every hol

Lulu: I’d die if anyone tried now

Sekhmet: By everyone

Lulu: I’m not you, not a 🎁

Sekhmet: You are, you’re mine

Lulu: I can’t tell if you’re going to unwrap me or tie me up in knots

Lulu: but I accept either way 🎀

Sekhmet: TBD, no schedule

Lulu: [send her a picture of you in a dressing gown because ready for this try on clothes sesh, with a ribbon in your hair to keep it out of the way]

Sekhmet: You are so beautiful

Lulu: No, but I’m ready to be made to look it by you

Sekhmet: I can see how ready you are

Lulu: [a goosebumps pic because true]

Sekhmet: 😍 OBSESSED

Lulu: You can’t leave me here alone, even think to

Sekhmet: I’m coming, you promised we’d have fun

Lulu: This feels like a game I’m incapable of winning

Sekhmet: You didn’t realise you could want anything more than a win, right

Lulu: I’m not that girl

Lulu: but suddenly I am

Sekhmet: You’ve only just tapped the potential of the girl you are

Lulu: You’ve tapped into it, we’re blaming you

Sekhmet: Oh, right

Sekhmet: I can handle it

Lulu: Whoever I am?

Sekhmet: Who you are

Lulu: You have to want her

Sekhmet: I’m here, I sought you out 

Lulu: Technically, you sought out my measurements

Lulu: Gabe wants my body & I could throw it at hundreds of boys, I don’t care about that

Sekhmet: That was a reason to

Lulu: Why would you ever need to hide behind a flimsy excuse?

Sekhmet: It was a test

Lulu: How did I do?

Sekhmet: I’m still here, and on my way

Lulu: Grade me, I need to know

Sekhmet: B+

Lulu: Because?

Sekhmet: We got to the right answer but there were a couple of diversions on the way

Lulu: I wasn’t focused enough, I’m sorry

Sekhmet: You seem like a girl who needs a goal to work towards anyway

Lulu: Absolutely

Sekhmet: Then I pass my test in return by not placating with an A*

Lulu: It matters to you whether or not things are deserved, you’ve used the word lots

Sekhmet: No one has told me they’ve noticed that before, I hadn’t

Sekhmet: but I suppose it does, yeah

Lulu: Fair too, I don’t know anyone else who really cares about what is or isn’t enough to bring it up, my family certainly doesn’t

Sekhmet: Does make me sound like a good person, much more 😇 than I am

Lulu: You’ve been nothing but 😇 to me & I don’t make it easy, I know

Sekhmet: I hate to burst your bubble, darling, but you’re not that scary

Lulu: I don’t want to scare you off, believe it or not, this is a toned down version of me, darling

Sekhmet: That’s mutual

Lulu: When can we mutually agree to stop?

Sekhmet: When you stop being scared

Lulu: When you start protecting me I won’t have to do it myself

Sekhmet: What from?

Lulu: Opening myself up again is dangerous & reckless ✂️💔

Sekhmet: So’s shutting yourself off 

Lulu: Touché

Sekhmet: And dying of boredom seems to me about the worst way anyone could go

Lulu: A broken heart is

Lulu: & less fixable than a dowdy hemline 

Sekhmet: I don’t want to see either of us proved right

Lulu: You want fun & it’s been yonks since I was

Sekhmet: You want fun

Lulu: It’ll be okay, won’t it?

Sekhmet: Better than that

Lulu: I want you to still be here, it’s horrifically lonely 

Lulu: I wasn’t even born by myself, I haven’t been prepared for independence in the slightest

Sekhmet: Did you two do everything together?

Lulu: She spent every second with me, awake & asleep

Lulu: it’s like I had to relearn it all after a coma, rewire myself totally, or she’s my phantom limb 

Sekhmet: She must miss you too

Lulu: She doesn’t, I’m the twin she ate or finally got surgically removed from

Lulu: I miss her, Gabe misses her, Dolly’s thriving out of prison 🥳

Sekhmet: That’s as cold as you’ve tried to project

Sekhmet: Jesus

Lulu: Bad luck I’m not as 🥶

Sekhmet: This would be easier

Sekhmet: but you’ll have a life that’s full of ☀️ and 💞 whilst she clearly can’t

Lulu: Wait until you’ve seen my freckles pop in the ☀️

Lulu: you’ll be as overwhelmed as I am right now hearing you say that 🥺😢😭

Sekhmet: But Summer is YEARS away now

Sekhmet: 🥺😢😭

Lulu: It isn’t if we go on a weekend away 🛫🤍🛬 

Lulu: or use half-term hols to our advantage 🧳👙 

Sekhmet: Felix's family has a place in [whatever European country we’re saying here]

Sekhmet: he’s been dying to take me since before we went out 🤭🥰

Sekhmet: We should all go go, make it a party

Lulu: We aren’t guaranteed ☀️ until [whatever month you’ve just googled the info for the place she said] 📅💞

Lulu: but it’s still a yes

Sekhmet: 📍

Lulu: [tell her about your family holiday homes in this era because I’m sure y’all have multiple, but obvs as per we’re saying it in a slagging them off way not as a brag because everything they do is trashy and not it, feel free to include any your grandparents have as well so a potential shoutout to the villa Chlo ran away to when James left her haha because I think it was theirs, hey girl hey, definitely dropping that tea if they still have that gaff like mummy practically lived there when her first marriage ended etc etc because gotta throw in funny flop anecdotes for all of these places as you go, as I know you also will when she shows up and you give her a house tour, because your parents have so many of them]

Sekhmet: [swap your own stories because your fam would likewise have places even though you’re not shading your fam as hard of course you aren’t obnoxiously bragging either but yeah we know you don’t hate your parents so that is what it is lol]

Lulu: [take a moment to be a nerd and gush about wherever the ruster holiday homes are located, talking about the places you love in those destinations or the places you’d love to go to if you haven’t been, we know the vibes, we’re validating her parents making better choices than ours]

Sekhmet: The less-than-six-degrees-of-separation is really hitting rn

Lulu: It’s being almost related

Sekhmet: 🤯

Sekhmet: It’s wild, how close yet how far…

Lulu: Your daddy was mummy’s one who got away for longer than she’d ever care to admit, whilst sober 🤭

Sekhmet: Awh, that’s so sweet, poor thing

Lulu: My daddy gets hilariously sour about it, poor thing

Lulu: she has a frightful amount of past indiscretions for him to fret upon whilst blotto

Sekhmet: Men are so paranoid, it’s the cutest

Lulu: Gabe refuses to stop sulking about the co-ed thing, as if I personally championed the idea

Sekhmet: Your old school wasn’t? How did you two meet?

Lulu: His mother was the music mistress, he was forever hanging around to borrow some instrument or other

Sekhmet: 😏 Wow, original Gabe

Lulu: Honestly, I should invent a better story, but unlike mummy I don’t intend to bore my children with them

Sekhmet: Cliches are that for a reason, it’s a fun story 

Lulu: Options were limited, needs must

Sekhmet: Sure, gotta do what you gotta do

Lulu: How did you & Felix meet?

Sekhmet: He’s on the Rugby team, I was watching my brother play, or we were there for someone else’s boyfriend, I forget

Sekhmet: but he first approached me at the after party

Lulu: Well of course he would

Lulu: How long ago?

Sekhmet: Last year

Sekhmet: some people changed school for sixth form, he was scared I might before we got the chance to talk 

Lulu: He found his courage, bravo 👏🏻

Sekhmet: 🥰

Sekhmet: He’s pretty great

Lulu: But I’m dying to know why he hasn’t taken you to his family’s place yet, what’s he scared of now?

Sekhmet: I don’t know

Sekhmet: I might not be a family kind of girl

Lulu: It won’t be your fault

Lulu: his father probably has a mistress in residence

Sekhmet: 😅 Maybe you’re right

Lulu: Or perhaps he’s taken it a step further & committed to a second family, assuming he’s still able, those must be dreadfully tricky to schedule around

Sekhmet: Do you know any 2nd families?

Lulu: Both absolute secrets & the terribly poorly kept ones, it’s rife among daddy’s school friends, those who aren’t tellingly impotent anyway

Sekhmet: Do you think you could be that, the spares?

Lulu: Secrecy would mean it has its compensations, I’m sure

Lulu: moreso than the spare I’m made to feel when mummy’s eldest joins us

Sekhmet: Well, she is little Ms Perfect

Lulu: Miss only to her students, she doesn’t find it at all amusing if I address her like that

Sekhmet: It’s a shame she doesn’t teach here, that would be entertaining

Lulu: Tragic, isn’t it? What’s the point of her going into teaching if she isn’t eager to at least try & shape my young mind?

Sekhmet: We haven’t had a good student-teacher here in FOREVER

Sekhmet: Surely she’s offered to tutor you?

Lulu: Mummy would forbid it, her sole form of entertainment when she’s at home arrives in the form of her (mostly) imagined rivalry & exaggerated hatred between us

Sekhmet: I see

Sekhmet: What about Dolly, what’s her role in the production?

Lulu: In light of recent theatrics, her role has been axed

Sekhmet: You think your mum would be OBSESSED with it

Lulu: She’s devoted to stage managing

Sekhmet: Not her dramatics, gotcha

Lulu: We’re supposed to make her look good, spinning the scandal into a positive is beyond her

Sekhmet: You are making your sister sound worth knowing again but

Sekhmet: I did promise

Lulu: Old habits die the hardest

Sekhmet: 💔

Sekhmet: You live really close to Tansy, I’m surprised I haven’t seen you on your way in/out before

Lulu: Mummy & Nancy are sometimes close friends

Sekhmet: A love/hate affair

Lulu: Yeah

Sekhmet: At their big age too

Lulu: No wonder I was such a precocious child, needs must again

Sekhmet: You’ve been competing for her attention forever, that explains a lot

Lulu: Unfortunately it does, I’m a ghastly bundle of clichés 💔😔

Sekhmet: Babe, don’t be 💔😔

Sekhmet: Who isn’t?

Lulu: You’re not

Sekhmet: No?

Lulu: Not as yet

Sekhmet: We don’t know each other yet, right

Lulu: I know that much

Sekhmet: Doesn’t everyone end up disappointing though

Lulu: Without holding out hope someone isn’t going to, I’d have 0 to live for

Sekhmet: Sorry, major downer vibes there

Sekhmet: 🤐

Lulu: I’d be a fine one to talk telling you to shh when those are MY vibes

Sekhmet: Yes, it’s totally your fault that you’ve got me thinking about all the ways people are let downs

Sekhmet: Thanks 🤪🥴

Lulu: I’ll easily make it up to you by being anything but

Sekhmet: The confidence is 👌🏽👌🏽

Lulu: It would be awkward if I’d immediately let you down

Sekhmet: You haven’t, we’ve still got 📅💞 for fun

Lulu: 😁

Sekhmet: You’re too cute

Lulu: [send her a pic of you actually smiling like that because you do]

Sekhmet: STOP

Lulu: Sorry, I can’t 😁😁😁

Sekhmet: I’ve not seen you smile in person

Lulu: When was the first time you saw me?

Sekhmet: 🤔

Lulu: [tell her when you first saw her which is giving in school on her way to somewhere whether that was a class or at her locker or leaving/going to an extracurricular activity, regardless she’s being the most gay about describing this obviously]

Sekhmet: I’ll tell you in person

Lulu: Okay, because you’re almost here

Sekhmet: Because you’ve earnt it now

Lulu: I’ll smile for you in person

Sekhmet: You will, that’s my guarantee, not yours

Lulu: I promise it won’t be fake

Sekhmet: I can tell the difference, so don’t bother faking anything

Lulu: I’ve promised, it’s too late for a test

Sekhmet: There’s way too much to be done before we can get to [the club]

Lulu: We’re going to [the club because she hadn’t said which one before now]?

Sekhmet: Yeah, I think [this place] makes the most sense

Lulu: For your vision

Sekhmet: For your first time out with me

Lulu: My first time out, period 

Sekhmet: I did suspect as much

Lulu: I told you!

Sekhmet: Then you turned around and said you were unshockable so I wasn’t sure which I should go with

Lulu: I am, both can be true

Sekhmet: Touche 

Lulu: You’ll never work in Paris if you don’t type out the é 

Sekhmet: I thought it would autocorrect, UGH 😩

Lulu: I’ll be your autocorrect for now

Lulu: until you have so many 📱💞 convos with mummy é becomes second nature

Sekhmet: 🤓😘 with you until I am your mama, naturally

Lulu: If I end up calling you that, remember you said it first

Sekhmet: OMG, well that came out hilarious wrong but okay 😅 thanks for rolling with it

Lulu: Unshockable

Sekhmet: Or into it

Lulu: Mummy issues are a given, it’s hardly my fault

Sekhmet: We’ve established this is a no judgment zone

Lulu: Thankfully just between you & I, because I’ve made no secret of how into judging everyone else I am

Sekhmet: And who am I to deprive you of your favourite pastime?

Lulu: It isn’t my very favourite, but even if it were, I’d let you deprive me if you enjoyed doing so

Sekhmet: What is it you enjoy the most about chess?

Lulu: Golly, I’ve been devoted to chess forever, playing used to be the most intimate & romantic activity I had access to, in some ways it still is

Lulu: you can make someone love or hate you, crawl inside them without being told no & stay there for yonks

Sekhmet: That’s a good answer

Lulu: It’s a marvellous game 😍🥰

Sekhmet: Next time we hang out

Lulu: Have you played before?

Sekhmet: No, but I’m sure I can pick it up quickly

Lulu: OMG I can’t believe I’m getting a first time from you too

Sekhmet: Fittingly fair, isn’t it

Lulu: 🥺🥺🥺🥺

Lulu: I’m fittingly light-headed

Sekhmet: I know, I feel similar 

Lulu: I don’t know how I could possibly have a similar effect on you

Sekhmet: I just know I feel like I’d 😳😳😳 to death if I didn’t learn quick enough for you

Lulu: I’d 😢😭 if it was over too quickly

Sekhmet: I’m not used to being a beginner in front of anyone anymore 

Lulu: It’s fair you let me turn the tables once, I’m a beginner at everything else 🍼

Sekhmet: That’s why I suggested it

Lulu: You knew what it would do to me

Sekhmet: Something like that

Lulu: No, you knew exactly what this would feel like

Sekhmet: Tell me what it feels like and I’ll tell you if I meant it

Lulu: When I was [an age we don’t need to specify] & had [an illness which likewise we don’t] which gave me a fever

Lulu: I couldn’t tell what was real & I thought & said the wildest things

Sekhmet: Like a sugar cube melting under your tongue

Lulu: Yes, because I’d never be allowed to eat a sugar cube

Sekhmet: You’re allowed with me

Lulu: If I earn it

Sekhmet: What about just because?

Lulu: If you say so, whatever you say

Sekhmet: Does free rein scare you?

Lulu: I don’t know, it would be another first

Sekhmet: We’ll slow down

Lulu: Do you want me to have free rein? Everyone else craves control

Sekhmet: I think watching you experience unbridled pleasure in any form would be worth my attention

Lulu: You’re perfectly unusual 

Sekhmet: Hm… is that a compliment or veiled critique?

Lulu: 😅 I don’t veil my critiques, it’s obviously a compliment!

Lulu: I’ve never met anyone else like you

Sekhmet: That’s okay then 😅

Sekhmet: I just want to indulge you, over-indulge, famine to feast

Lulu: I’m NOT okay 

Sekhmet: I can’t ignore how starved you are, I can’t stop thinking about it

Lulu: Welcome to my brain, which doesn’t feel connected to my body right now AT ALL 

Sekhmet: There’s nothing to think about, you feel it

Lulu: You’ll think for me?

Sekhmet: You are all I have on my mind

Lulu: I’ll have nothing on my body except what you put there

Sekhmet: You’re going to see the transformation happen like magic in your mirror

Lulu: I’ll hold my breath until we’re in front of a mirror

Sekhmet: Good girl

Lulu: Will you tell me in person?

Sekhmet: How pretty you look in your new outfit?

Sekhmet: I wouldn’t be a very good friend if I didn’t, not to mention the lack of pride in my work

Lulu: I’ve never felt pretty with my clothes on before

Sekhmet: I hate that

Lulu: He says it when they’re off, naturally, or he wants them to be

Lulu: & I stand there knowing I’m not hideous or anything, but they are

Sekhmet: So many people do themselves a disservice in their clothing choices

Sekhmet: but it’s that it isn’t your choice

Lulu: But it’s the only time she looks at me like it doesn’t hurt her to

Sekhmet: It’s an equalizer 

Sekhmet: to bring you down to her level

Lulu: She’d have to break every bone in my body if she didn’t cover me in the most wretched clothes

Lulu: I can feel how much she wants to when she measures & weighs me

Sekhmet: She isn’t even as big as she thinks she is

Lulu: It’s a thrilling amount of rage, the biggest

Lulu: I get to feel so alive again

Sekhmet: What else makes you feel alive?

Lulu: Praise, knowledge, closeness

Lulu: those are the usual other things, I suppose

Sekhmet: Yeah

Lulu: I’m ruining the vibe, aren’t I? 😶

Sekhmet: No, that was just very succinct 

Lulu: It’s a depressingly short list

Sekhmet: If it was easy, right?

Lulu: You make it seem effortless

Sekhmet: We’re not close enough to give up that secret

Lulu: Yet

Sekhmet: Aim high

Lulu: My secret is, I deliberately aimed to make the list less succinct than it is, they’re all forms of intimacy, really it’s just that one thing

Sekhmet: I think a lot of people would agree with you, if they thought about it

Lulu: Loneliness is a killer

Sekhmet: Okay, now you’re threatening the vibe a little

Lulu: 😅 whoops 🔪s & fabric ✂️ down, I swear! 

Sekhmet: Good or I’d not be coming in at this point

Lulu: You have to, you make me feel the most alive

[etherealising]

i’m so nervy omg…

bestie me too, like what even is this chapter?

like bro what are you doing at my house..

ariana what are you doin here?!?!?

baby 😭

like geeze carmen where are your manners???

aw i feel like he was the type to get nervous when baby would text him she was going over or something like quickly fixing his hair or tidying up his room. they kinda give me lucas and haley vibes but like with crushes on each other lmao if that makes sense 😂 teen baby and carmy 🥲

definitely makes sense like they are essentially haley and lucas if they had romantic feelings for each other lol, but also just imagine how much shit mikey would give him. because like carmy’s doing it unconsciously and mikey’s just like this fucking simp (affectionate) 🫠

AWW NOOO 😭😔😔😔

homies just tryna wine and dine our (his) girl 😔

i need my barby back

bring barby back 2023!

🫠🫠🫠 oh this is gonna be hard

like what a fucking man lemme just say if this wasn’t a serious chapter baby would’ve been on her knees 😅

🥲 oh man

why do i do this to us constantly 😭

omg i’m not ready for this conversation my poor baby 😔

lmaoo neither was carmy 🤪

ahh 🫠😪

carmy was waiting for ashton kutcher to pop out like this was an episode of punk’d 😭

😔

this man is a fiend for that damn tattoo!

… i’m already not okay like this convo is gonna hurttttttttt

and hurted it did!

it’s gonna be hard for him to hear like my heart hurts for them both

like i genuinely could not imagine being in his shoes

baby was too busy making sure everyone else was okay when she herself wasn’t like?? omg

it’s okay to be selfless baby, but like girl please remember yourself!

when all she needed was him 💔🥲

this reminded me of those horrible tumblr quotes from the early 2000s its giving s(he)s br(ok)en 🤪

the other secret… 💔🤍

ditto babes 😢

this is sooo sadddd veee omgggg!! 😭

carmy said i may be dense but i am no himbo! no but you’re right looking back i realize how freaking sad this chapter is : (

yeah that conversation is gonna hurt even worse i’m scared.

i don’t even know how the hell i’m gonna get through writing that!

i feel like you write carmy so well or idk like JAW knows how to portray these characters like lip/carmen i can see this in my mind lmao i never know how to explain this but like i can see him doing this scene and he’s a rlly good actor so like yeah i can see carmen reacting this way

this comment is very much appreciated because half the time i swear he’s ooc. but yes jaw is perfection like if i can’t see carmy saying certain dialogue in my mind i usually omit it but sometimes he’s going to be a bit ooc its a win lose situation lol 😭 (fun fact i’ve never watched shameless because it traumatized me when i was like 11 😐)

my girl 💔💔

someone please give this girl a break

I WANT TO HUG HER SO BAD !!

meee tooo like why did i put her through this?

i’ve ran out of words

my babies 🫶🏻🥲

soft barby really owns my heart

the pendant 😭😭 AHHHH

homie really said i stay strapped! security blanket around my neck!

ok… bring on the baby shower i need my family back together 😭🥲🤍 lol

me too bestie like i need some light in this damn fic. notice how none of us have been happy since mikey’s death 😐 okay but no i know for sure we are exiting aiekoy’s angst era soon i’m talking a couple chapters soon 🤭 because I AM TYAAD also i just need these two in love pronto! 🤍

chapter eight | to see a friend, to see a ghost

masterlist | ↢ previous chapter | next chapter ↣

pairing: carmen berzatto x fem!reader

summary: a secret you’ve been keeping from carmen finally comes to light.

warning(s): grief | death | loss | substance abuse recovery | substance abuse | addiction | miscarriage described as a health scare | miscarriage described as being sick | suicidal thoughts | suicidal ideation | hurt | comfort | crying | make-up | rekindling an old friendship | mutual pining | denial of desires | maturity | mature decisions | carmy finally putting baby’s wellbeing before his own | unresolved romantic tension | re-learning your person | angst | suffering | self-deprecating talk | please let me know if i missed anything!

wc: 8.9k

song inspo: 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 (highly recommend to add to the heartbreak!)

If it was any later and the sky was any darker, you might have been startled by the figure waiting on your porch. But as you approached, arms occupied with bags full of decorations, you recognized that patch color jacket, and the baseball cap not doing nearly enough to disguise his features.

Stopping before your steps you just looked at the person for a minute, the man was obviously zoned out if he hadn’t already been alerted to your presence from the sound of your car arriving and now the slap of your boots against the pavement.

When you left that voicemail earlier, you hadn’t expected Carmy to take immediate action, it wasn’t like him. You also didn’t expect him to show up unannounced but maybe you should’ve waited before sending your address in that group text.

You made your way up the steps, the jingling keys in your hand finally drew the man’s attention, and the speed at which he flew off the chair situated on your porch was almost comical. Your eyes darted to his, taking in what you could see of his figure that wasn’t hidden behind his jacket or hat. He held two paper bags in one hand and the package you had been expecting in the other, sure the delivery driver just left it with him.

The silence stretched between the two of you. You could see Carmen begin to fidget in your peripheral vision; good he deserved to be uncomfortable for a minute or two.

Finally unlocking the door you pushed through, pausing to take your shoes off. The man behind you hesitated, not sure if he should move forward to follow behind you or not. He took a minute before stepping forward, your eyes meeting his as you stood between his only entrance.

“I don’t remember inviting you in,” it was harsh, but it was also the truth.

He stopped for a moment, cheeks flushing pink as he cleared his throat, “Can I uh, is it okay if I come in?”

It would have been easy to deny him access, leave him out here on your porch, or even allow him to squirm more. But you could hear Pete’s words playing in your mind as you thought of all the petty things you wanted to do at that moment.

You let out an exasperated sigh the constant back and forth between the two of you was finally catching up. You nodded before heading to your living room to drop the bags off on the couch, the open door an invitation for the man on your porch. The bags were safely deposited on your couch as you moved to head into your kitchen, stopping short as you spotted Carmy still standing in your foyer.

A chuckle escaped your lips at the awkward man. You made your way to him, stopping in front of him and taking the package from his hand and the two grocery bags. “You can leave your shoes and jacket out here.” You left him standing alone in the foyer, confident he would find his way to you eventually.

Carmen watched as you disappeared further into your house, the man quickly shedding his shoes and accessories, stopping at the mirror by the coat rack to tame his messy hat hair. He felt like a teenager all over again, fussing over how he would present himself to you. Carmy moved in the direction you had gone in, steps slowing as he tried to take in everything he could about your abode, from the decorations to the colors swatched on your walls. It all reminded him of things he missed out on with you, would you have gushed to him about the prospect of owning a home? Would you have asked his opinion on design choices?

The two of you had once gone to each other for everything, and because he was afraid of being completely vulnerable to his feelings for you, he felt like a stranger on the outside looking in.

He found you in the kitchen, eyes locked on the bottle of wine in your hands he brought with him, “You uh…talked about how much you loved it back in New York so I-I thought it might be nice to have it again.”

Your index finger traced the label of the bottle in your hand, memories of that weekend flooding through you, but that’s just what they were; memories. It was the present day now and no matter the itch you felt to let the red wine warm your mouth, drink enough of it to dull your senses, you wouldn’t allow yourself to.

“What are we doing Carmen?” The bottle of red was gently placed on your island as you looked at the man standing in the space just between your kitchen and living room.

Seeing him in a space that had been wholly your own felt a little weird, you didn’t want to think about the times you imagined what it would’ve been like to share such a space with him as you watched him stand in your house like he was meant to be there; like he belonged.

“I got your voicemail,” you leaned your elbows on the counter propping your head up as you listened. “This is me accepting your olive branch, I just…wanna make things right between us..” The explanation pulled a sigh from your lips, fingers tracing patterns into the marble island beneath you. You left the voicemail with the assumption that it would take Carmen a bit to get back to you, he had never been adamant about fixing your relationship before.

“You also have something I need,” Carmen watched as you raised your eyebrows, eyes leaving the spot you were tracing.

“And what would that be?” The scar between your eyebrows felt tight as your face pulled into a frown, your brain wandering to figure out what you could possibly have that Carmen would need.

Carmen sent a small smile your way, “Let’s cook and we’ll talk about it after.” You watched as the man joined you on the opposite side of your island reaching to remove the rest of the food from their bags.

The genuine laugh that bubbled out of your chest filled Carmy with warmth, “Do you always walk into people's houses and try and negotiate?”

Carmy did his best to control the warm fluttery feeling in his chest, the weeks without you were hard and the fact that your laugh could ease his full body ache was enough for him to realize just how much he wanted you as a constant in his life. “I didn’t think I’d make it this far.”

A silence lapsed between the two of you as you helped unpack the rest of the food. This whole situation felt like a bad idea, you definitely weren’t over Carmen’s stunt or the previous incidents where he let you down. But you had been skating through this year on borrowed time, and the time apart helped to calm your anger, you felt like you were in a much more level headed place to finally figure out what the hell this thing was between the two of you. And Pete’s words at lunch helped to give you a new perspective on the whole situation.

“What the hell are we even making?” Baking was your preferred form of cooking, so as you looked at all the ingredients laid out it was a bit confusing to piece the meal together.

The sound of your voice warmed Carmen’s senses, the silky tone danced through his ears buzzing against his brain. “Chicken Marsala.”

You nodded, declining a glass of wine with dinner was one thing, but now looking at the new bottle of Marsala that would be in your meal, you’d have to decline the whole dinner.

“That sounds so fucking delicious but I…I actually can’t eat it.”

Carmen stopped his ministrations with the ingredients, “No you’re good I uh I didn’t get anything you’re allergic to.” His eyes darted across the ingredients double checking that he hadn’t bought any compromising ingredients.

“Thank you, Carm, your consideration is thoughtful.” The extra measure made your heart rate speed up.

It was crazy really how the same man standing in your kitchen swearing up and down he didn’t buy any foods you were allergic to, could also be the same man who came across as uncaring.

“I appreciate the effort I do but…” Your heart felt like it was going to pound out of your chest. How could you admit to your best friend, the person who once knew you most, that almost a year ago you were staring at blank hospital walls as some doctor explained to both you and Natalie just how close to death you were? “Carmy I-”

The hand resting on your elbow helped to calm your breathing, it wasn’t like you weren’t ready to admit your overdose to Carmy, you were just worried about the aftermath. “Baby hey, you with me?” You felt the hand skate down your arm, Carmy’s thumb soothingly caressing your pulse point.

You turned to face Carmen searching his eyes, doing your best to memorize the way he looked at you, unsure if you’d ever be graced with this intimate gaze again. “Carmen I…I’ve been sober for 7 months.”

The silence in your kitchen was loud, You needed Carmy to say something to you, yell at you, call you a hypocrite for blowing up on him all those weeks ago when you had been the one lying to him this whole time. It would be easier if the blank wide-eyed look on his face morphed into one of disgust, hatred, hell any emotion would’ve been welcome. “You fuckin’ with me right?” The apprehension in his voice was the result of not knowing if he could bear to hear the idea that something so heinous could plague you.

The wobble of your bottom lip was enough, Carmen’s eyes skated across your face landing on the three prominent features that had been added to your appearance; the tiny scar on your upper lip, the one between your brows, and the jagged raised one stretching the length of your jaw.

The breath in your throat hitched as his finger slowly traced the long scar, the touch sent shivers through you. Your eyes watched him as he watched you, finger deliberately taking in the pattern on your jaw, his hand unconsciously moved to cup your face in the way he liked, forefinger pressed into your hidden tattoo as his thumb began caressing the corner of your lips.

“What the fuck happened to you, Baby?”

The shower you just finished was much needed, Carmy volunteering to pick up different ingredients while you relaxed before the two of you began this search for the truth. He didn’t say it but you knew he needed some time to internalize the small piece of truth you told him, to rationalize just how much you had gone through in your time apart.

You could hear Carmen shuffling around in your kitchen as you stepped out of the bathroom, steam following you out. Grabbing your moisturizer you moved to sit on the edge of your bed, mind racing to figure out what you were even doing putting yourself in this situation.

These past three weeks without Carmen felt needed, you were thankful for the time apart to focus on yourself and your wellbeing. But it always felt like there was a piece of you missing, it felt like that every time the two of you parted ways. The difference was instead of spending the time apart worrying over Carmy every minute you had finally put yourself first, and began living for yourself just like Tina had advised all those years ago.

And while a part of you wanted to continue this childish charade of ignoring Carmy, only showing up at the restaurant when Richie assured you he wouldn’t be there; you couldn’t. It took too much energy to live your life around Carmen’s especially since the two of you were so much more involved with each other than you had been in a while. Even without Pete’s words of advice, you could see the toll it was taking on the people around you. Natalie was too scared to even mention her brother for fear you’d have a meltdown. Richie’s anger for your situation souring his relationship with Carmen. And Carmen himself, he who had become a haggard sunken-in version of himself, the time apart affected him the worst his patience nowhere to be seen from the few times Richie had offhandedly mentioned him in your presence.

The two of you had been in each other's lives for longer than you could remember and you didn’t want to lose that friendship over your pride. During your time away from Carmen, you had come to the decision that you would be fine if all that was fated to be between you two was a friendship.

More recently you had decided that maybe it was for the best, maybe the two of you were never meant for anything more, anything good. Maybe it was naive to think you deserved anything good with all the hurt your selfish choices caused. Maybe it was best not to take any time and attention away from your recovery. This friendship was just a whole bunch of fucking ‘maybes’ recently.

But one could say that ‘friendship’ went out the window when the two of you crossed that blurred line a year ago.

You paused as your hand reached for the old crew neck you’d usually sleep in, as much as you loved the garment you couldn’t allow yourself to give Carmen any false hope about what would come from this. Walking into your closet you quickly grabbed your oversized ‘The Beef’ crew neck, slipping it over your head before stepping into your sleep shorts and a pair of fuzzy socks.

Exiting your bedroom you stopped by your record player, buying yourself time before you’d have to face Carmen and all the truth that would be exposed in this one conversation alone. You flicked through your vinyl selection before picking your favorite one, needing something comforting for everything that was bound to transpire.

You entered your kitchen seeing Carmy’s back at your stove sent an ache through you. The man cooking in your kitchen was a vision you had more than once, it was almost right, the only thing missing was the small figure you imagined standing in a chair next to Carmy watching from over his shoulder.

“Smells delicious Carm,” you sent a tired smile his way as he looked over his shoulder at you, eyes falling just above his own, no courage left in you to take in the look he was giving you. “What did you end up cooking?” Carmen’s eyes were stuck to you, your words falling on deaf ears, you fidgeted in your spot, the insecurity of being judged by the one person you didn’t think you could handle it from, weighed heavy on you.

Carmen cleared his throat as he watched you sink into yourself. He hadn’t meant to make you feel any type of way with his stare, he was just having a hard time coming to terms with the fact that things had been so bad for you and he had no idea because of his selfish inclinations. “It’s uh Chicken Alfredo, I thought it was safest.”

The air in the kitchen was tense, neither of you knowing how to be around the other at this moment, and you hadn’t even gotten down to the harsh truth of everything yet. “Can you…uh what do you mean you’re sober? I-I know what it means jus-I,” you watched as Carmy closed his eyes, a huff escaping him as he couldn’t articulate what he wanted to say. “Baby, help me understand. Please?”

You could hear the thickness in Carmy’s voice, the two of you watching each other with matching glazed stares. You stood frozen for a minute, your fight or flight instincts kicking in and it took everything in you not to leave the conversation as it was. A sigh escaped you before you nodded your head and hopped to sit on the island, fingers picking at the stray threads on your shorts.

Carmy turned the fire on the stove down before turning to lean against the counter next to your stove, the two of you now facing each other. The distance between you felt like it stretched on for miles, and maybe it did, the two of you didn’t know each other like you once used to. You and Carmy weren’t the same teenagers who shared everything, even the smiles you shared at this point in life held a different meaning.

You never knew where to start this story, was it better to ease the person in, or was it better to just rip the band-aid off all at once? “Now that I’m better I don’t think any reason was good enough for what I did to myself…what I did to the people I love. But uh, Mikey’s death was definitely a catalyst for everything.” You looked up to see Carmy watching you intensely, arms crossed over his chest, you can’t remember a time you’d ever seen him look so serious.

“I was alone, and maybe that’s just an excuse. We…we just buried Mikey, and I was scared to believe he was really gone, it didn’t feel right. I didn’t want it to be true.” You sucked in a deep breath trying to gather your thoughts. “I stayed in Chicago for a long time after that, your mom…gosh she was a mess and I understood why her grief was valid, but I…I just knew Nat couldn’t, didn’t deserve to fix things alone, so I just kept extending my stay.” The small sigh Carmen breathed was lost as you settled more and more into your explanation.

“An-And Richie was doing his fucking best to keep The Beef open but I could tell it was taking a toll on him. Tiff had filed for divorce just months ago and then he was dealing with Mikey’s passing. And I think, I thought if I just helped everyone get better I wouldn’t need to grieve, because I was surrounded by all the people I loved, and their wellbeing mattered most to me.” Carmen’s eyes stayed on your figure allowing your words to settle into him, it hurt knowing how much slack you had to pick up because he couldn’t bring himself to face the music.

Quiet sniffles came from where you sat atop the island. “Carm, you weren’t there…and I promise I’m not blaming you for the decisions I made, none of that is on you. But I just wanted my best friend, and I just needed to know you were okay. And when you weren’t at the funeral my mind went to the worst thoughts first. But then I…I just showed up in New York and you acted like your world wasn’t ending and then I just felt selfish because how was it that your brother just died and I was the one acting like I’d lost the person I looked up to most.” Carmy could feel his chest tighten, your words becoming less and less easy to swallow the more you spoke.

“And for a moment it was like the world stopped screaming like all I needed was your presence to assure me that everything would be okay,” a small sad smile rose to your lips as you thought about your time spent with Carmy in New York. “It-it was blissful and everything I wanted but I knew it was ending, we both knew it was ending you didn’t see a future with me.” You had to stop yourself, a sob sure to be ripped out if you didn’t give yourself a minute, “And I accepted your decision, it was for the best.”

You hugged your knees to your chest, barely beginning to scratch the surface of the worst of what you’d done. The new position provided you the comfort and protection you felt you needed. “I got back to Chicago, and I was only supposed to be here for a few more weeks but then…then I-I got sick and Rich-.” You clasped your hands over your mouth unsure if you could lay all your indiscretions on Carmy at once, unsure if you could mentally handle the toll the two confessions you desperately needed to make would take on you.

Rough palms enclosed your cheeks, moving your head so that you were face to face with Carmy. You could see the unshed tears in his doe-blue eyes, but other than that he didn’t seem to be affected. “Take your time, yeah?” He nodded his head waiting for you to nod along with him so you knew it was okay. The left side of his lips ticked up in a half smile, you let him lean in and place a delicate kiss on your forehead before he moved out of your space. “I’m here okay, I’ll listen for as long as you let me.”

Carmen was making this harder than it needed to be, how could you justify telling him one secret and not the other when he was being so understanding? Carmy made to move back to his original position, your grip on his hand stopping him, a quiet sigh escaping his lips at how fragile you looked. “Lemme turn off the stove okay?” You reluctantly let go of his hand, scared that at the loss of contact, he would take his chance to flee from you.

You watched as he turned the stove off, moving the food he had been cooking to the back burners, you felt bad that he had cooked for the two of you and neither of you would be enjoying it. He moved around the kitchen fear spiking in you as you thought for sure he was going to leave, to wipe his hands of you. He returned to you with a glass of water that he delicately placed in your hands before replacing your legs to their original position and taking his spot between them. Carmy’s finger tapped the glass in your hands “Drink up.” A small nod was your only response as you did as told you before setting the glass down beside you.

Carmy returned his hand to your grasp nodding to let you know he was ready to continue if you were, you took one last deep breath mind made up on how you would handle the rest of this conversation. “He uh Richie, he found me in the walk-in. You know that moment when you know something is wrong but you don’t know how you know. It was kind of like that, like Richie and I both knew I had done something wrong and Carmy,” your voice quivered as your eyes met his, the tears falling at a faster pace as he looked at you so earnestly, hanging onto every word you said. “I’m so sorry.”

Carmen’s brows furrowed, eyes widening as you collapsed against him incoherent apologies addressed to him spewing from your lips. His head came to rest atop of yours as you shoved your face into his chest your words turned to messy babbling as you tried to choke out words through your sobs. For all his social ineptitude Carmy knew there was something you weren’t telling him, something you weren’t being entirely honest about, and he wasn’t sure how it tied into your sobriety. But the way you were apologizing to him made him feel like he was partly responsible.

Your cries were beginning to grow in volume and Carmy was at a loss for what to do. He’d seen you cry before, hell he’d caused most of it but he couldn’t recognize you at this moment. The sobs that escaped you were echoing through the quietude of your house, you had never been an audible crier, usually a few tears escaping your eyes were the most Carmen had gotten. But these cries wracked your entire body, Carmy could feel them rattling his rib cage each sob breaking his exterior down more and more.

He wrapped his arms around you letting your tears soak his shirt, his tears beginning to run down his cheeks. The grip he had on you tightened ever so slightly as you sobbed your throat raw. Carmen needed to know what could’ve caused this reaction, he needed to know what you could ever have to apologize to him for. He felt you moving to get out of his grip, but he held you there as his tears dripped into the crown of your head, quickly wiping his eyes before he pulled back from you allowing you a fresh breath of oxygen.

“Carmy?” Your voice was scratchy as you played with his fingers avoiding any form of eye contact, you raised his knuckles to your lips kissing the ‘ou’ on his middle and ring finger. “Could you hold me for a little bit?” You raised your head to Carmy’s doing your best to send him a reassuring smile, to let him know everything would be okay.

Carmen frowned, he knew that smile anywhere. Even when you were so obviously going through something he couldn’t quite yet understand you would put his feelings before your own. He let out an exasperated sigh your need to put others well being before your own a habit he swore to himself he’d break.

The hand you kissed raised to your face, a light grip on your chin as his thumb caressed the space beneath your lower lip. Carmy leaned forward placing a soft lingering kiss on the scar between your eyebrows, “Let’s take a break yeah?” Carmy watched your body deflate.

He took a step back as you hopped off of the island, the two of you moving to your L-shaped couch. Carmy laid down opening his arms to hold you like the two of you had done hundreds of times while growing up. He knew the gesture would pull a smile out of you, a soft chuckle leaving him as you easily snuggled into him. Your face reverting to its home in his chest, his chin once again resting against the top of your head.

The light atmosphere was short-lived as you relaxed into Carmy, all of your words finally beginning to sink into him. He was happy for the intermission the time would help him to understand what you had told him thus far, to figure out how he could ever make up for the way he constantly held the door open and let you walk out of his life. The way he essentially cut you out of his life because he was afraid to admit to himself that what he felt for you for all these years wasn’t just lust and longing, but love.

Carmy’s fingers had been gently rubbing your scalp for the past forty-five minutes, the position the two of you were in reminiscent of a scene from New York when you visited. Now it was being translated in your own home, Carmy was laying on the couch one arm settled behind his head to prop it up, looking down on you to make sure you were okay. You were settled between his legs, your upper body pressed into his stomach as your head rested on his sternum.

“Baby?” Carmy did his best to whisper, not wanting to disturb you in case you had fallen asleep.

“Hmm?” Your response was so quiet it was easy to miss, Carmy was unsure if you had let out a quiet hum or if you were making noises in your sleep.

He stopped his ministrations on your scalp, his lips ticking up at the soft whine you let out “You asleep?” The question was followed by his fingertips resuming their massage.

“No, your heartbeat is just soothing.” You snuggled your face deeper into Carmen’s stomach, the movement raising goosebumps on his exposed arms. “Carm?” Your quiet voice drew his attention the apprehension clear on his features as he prepared himself for the words soon to leave your mouth. “There’s something that I need to tell you…something that you deserve to know. B-but I don’t think I can do it tonight. And I know that’s not fair to you but I think for my own sake I need to be in a better space mentally.” You shuffled around again turning to lie facedown, one of your cheeks rested against Carmy’s stomach so you could comfortably look up at him.

The confusion in his eyes was evident, whatever it was you couldn’t tell him was making him beyond nervous. It was hard because you had never kept a secret from him unless you absolutely needed to, and when you did it was never for anything more serious than a gift you were getting for him. But he knew he couldn’t force whatever truth you had to tell out of you, a part of him felt a bit relaxed, not knowing how much bad news he could take in the span of one night.

Carmy’s hand reached out palming the side of your face, thumb grazing back and forth in the space just beneath your eye, “You can share it with me when you’re ready m’kay? I’ll wait as long as you need me to.” He pushed a stray piece of hair behind your ear, watching as your eyes closed, a slight grimace on your face as you leaned into his palm more.

“You’re going to hate me, Carmen.” The words left your mouth with so much conviction all Carmy could do was frown, the idea of ever hating you would have never crossed his mind. He wanted to reassure you but lost his chance as you abruptly sat up, the movement caused him to sit up as well, the two of you only inches apart now facing each other. You forced a smile as your side relaxed on the couch, head propped against it as your eyes wandered around Carmy’s features. “Let’s just get through tonight and then we’ll worry about everything else.” You were exhausted. Carmy could tell by the way your blinking slowed, he wanted you to stop, to get some sleep, to put your needs before whatever made you feel like you owed him any explanation.

“Bab-,”

“I was in the hospital for a bit because I…I was sick. But after they discharged me I had been gone from my own life for so long I was so close to not having anything to return to. So I came home and forced the past month into a literal box in my closet, pretended none of it happened.” You were running on fumes at this point, with no regard for whether Carmy was even still listening to you, just this force within you driving you to finish the story.

“There was uh one thing that I couldn’t force myself to get rid of-,”

“The voicemail.” Your eyes shot to Carmy's, his silence easily making you forget he was even still here, that you were recounting these memories for a reason. You nodded eyes unfocused as you looked past him, would there ever be a time you could remember that part of your life without flinching every time you thought about it?

“It started slow, I was just getting back into the swing of things remembering what it was like to be alone after being in Chicago surrounded by people who actually cared about me. I would go out with my co-workers after a shift, drink just enough that I could get myself home, but not enough for anyone to worry about me.” A sardonic laugh left your lips, you were sure nobody would care about you, and you hardly had any strong ties to the West Coast.

“It helped…until it didn’t until I was drinking so much it was almost like my body was immune to the effects. But who needs their liver am I right?” The pinch to your thigh jolted you. Carmy wasn’t welcoming your self-deprecating jokes.

You raised your hands in defense, a humorless chuckle leaving you. “If I’m being honest, I don’t even remember getting that first prescription…not even the ones after it.”

“Wait,” Carmy moved so his feet were firmly planted on the floor, legs spread as he rested his elbows on his thighs. “What the fuck does a prescription have to do with this? Baby?” Carmy wasn’t stupid, he didn’t need you to spell it out for him but the sliver of hope in him was dwindling as the minutes of silence continued to tick by.

You shrugged, moving to sit crisscross applesauce staring blankly at Carmy’s side profile, one of his legs bouncing up and down. “You know they really should make those warnings bigger. About not mixing drugs and alcohol, the font is so tiny how cou-,”

“Stop!” You didn’t even flinch at the loud volume of Carmy’s voice, eyes following his figure as he flew up from the couch. The man was now pacing in front of you, one hand settled on his hip as the other furiously swiped across his forehead. “Why do you…do you…fuck!” The vein on his neck protruded with his frustration. “How do you just sit there and make fucking jokes about this shit Baby! Why the fuck is any of this funny to you?”

The urge to defend yourself was surging through you, in a way you knew Carmy’s reaction was valid. But it wasn’t like there was a handbook on the proper way to deal with your trauma, and you wouldn’t allow him to tell you right from wrong.

“What the fuck do you want from me, Carmen! I did it okay! I drank and I took the fucking drugs and when that shit stopped working on its own I thought hmm why the fuck not mix them because what the fuck could possibly be worse than living. In some fucked up way did I think it would help me understand Mikey? Maybe. It’s not like I fucking planned this shit! I didn’t plan to become addicted okay, that wasn’t supposed to happen I had a system…I had a fucking system.” It was like everything was becoming clearer the moment those last words left your mouth, you may not have planned the beginning, but as you thought back to what could’ve been your last moments you were almost certain some still sane part of you knew what you were doing.

Soft laughter left your lips as the pieces were starting to fit together in your head, the sound only growing in volume as you realized just how fucked up you were. Your eyes were unfocused as your gaze flew to Carmy, the whisper of ‘Baby’ lost in your internal revelation.

“I threw myself through that glass door, not on purpose I can’t even remember why the fuck I wanted to get outside so bad. But I-I remember swallowing those two extra pills and thinking what the fucks gonna happen to me huh, I’ve lasted this long.” Carmen couldn’t recognize you, the tears had started again but he was certain you couldn’t even tell, you looked possessed, your eyes flashing all around the room a wicked smile painted your lips as you spoke to no one in particular.

“Barely made it past the threshold before my body gave out, I wish I could remember, even if only for a second. What it felt like to have your body want something more than your brain did. But you know what the fuck happened Carmen?” Your eyes finally shot to his, you looked like a skittish animal ready to fight Carmy to the death if he encroached on your territory.

A sardonic laugh left your lips, your tongue swiping across them, the saltiness of your tears a shock to you. “I woke up and there Natalie was, right beside me. And you know my first thought wasn’t what happened to me or-or what the hell is Nat even doing here? I didn’t even pay her any attention the whole first two hours, and you wanna know what I was thinking Carmen?”

“Don’t.” The plea escaped his lips in a whisper your heart clenched at how desolate he looked.

“I laid in that hospital bed, and I looked at those stupid fucking fluorescent lights and I thought; Mikey got it right the first time, why couldn’t I.”

Carmen felt numb, like his whole body had been submerged in an ice bath and no matter how hard he fought to get out, it was like his body and mind were on two different wavelengths. He’d seen that stare before, in the eyes of his brother, the same way Mikey looked at Lee at Christmas dinner all those years ago was the same way you were looking at him now in your living room.

He wasn’t sure if there was a proper reaction to the truth you had just dropped. Mikey was dead, that made things easier, but here you were alive and well from what he could tell and he would have his time to mend things with you if that’s what he wanted. But he wasn’t sure he could stand in such proximity as you at that moment, wasn’t sure if he could even look at you. You had been the second closest person to Mikey, presumably knew he was doing drugs, knew he was spiraling out of control, and followed right after him.

Was there anything Carmy could have done to alter your path? Maybe if he had stayed by your side that night after Christmas you wouldn’t be standing here now talking to him about how badly you wanted to end it all.

Carmy drew in a sharp breath a small sob following it as he tried to control his emotions, he began taking small steps in your direction not sure of what he was going to do, but needing you to know his silence wasn’t because he was disgusted or disappointed in you; but in himself. How easy it would’ve been to keep in contact with you after high school graduation, how easy it would’ve been to just let himself love you and take care of you, be there for you. And as much as he wanted to believe you knowing how he felt would’ve changed much, he knew it was naïve, addiction was an illness and even if Carmen had fought harder to keep you in his life there’s no promise that he wouldn’t have been the one to find you floating in the space between life and death.

He slowly reached out to you, hands carefully grasping your cheeks in his eyes, committing your face to memory, mind racing with all the times he took being able to see it daily for granted. “Ba-baby, tell me you don’t mean that,” he waited, eyes rapidly flicking back and forth from yours. His grip on your face was just loose enough for you to send him the saddest smile he’d ever had the chance to see, “Please?” The broken whisper floated between the two of you before your head softly nodded up and down to confirm that indeed he was almost forced to live without you.

And this time it wasn’t his choice.

Carmy sat on the floor in front of your couch, back resting against it, head tipped back to rest on the cushion face pointed toward the ceiling. All he could hear were the soft breaths escaping you and his thudding heart in his ears. It took a while before you had finally calmed down, Carmy held you in his arms on the floor as the two of you cried. Your sounds lashing against his heart over and over again. He was exhausted, more than he usually was, the night far from what he hoped it would be. He was so overwhelmed by all that you had been willing to reveal to him, that the instinct to do something with his hands as you slept took over, the man dutifully cleaned your kitchen and stored the uneaten food away for you to eat at a later date.

And now here he was, back at your side finally coming to terms with everything he learned. Carmy felt like a fool he had prided himself on his friendship with you, always made it a big deal that you were his friend first, his friend by choice. But it had been almost 10 years since he decided to shut you out of his life with no reason, no explanation why and it was selfish of him. Selfish that he had so blindly pushed you away without a thought to how it would make you feel. Selfish of him to always expect your acceptance and open arms when it was convenient for him to re-enter your life.

He let out a small sigh raising his head from its position on the couch, eyes latching onto the dated picture atop your mantle, your cheesy smile staring back at him as Richie and Mikey surrounded you. His eyes poured over the picture, taking in how happy the three of you looked, and how simple everything was when the two of you were teenagers. A quiet humorless laugh escaped his lips as he reminisced, he was lying to himself if he thought your time as teens was simple, but compared to the lives the two of you were leading it sure as hell did feel that way.

Carmy allowed himself a moment longer to enjoy the happiness the picture exuded. He gave it one last glance before he adjusted his position on the floor, turning slightly so his side was leaned into the couch, eyes landing on your face as you slept. It felt like his heart was constantly breaking whenever he looked at your face, it was evident you’d been crying, the puffiness of your eyes easily giving it away. He reached his hand out, hesitating for just a second before he pushed the hair out of your face palm resting on your cheek as he began to softly stroke in back and forth. Since the first time he saw you this year, this was the most peaceful you had looked, he was glad that sleep had been able to bring you that sense of tranquility, but he wanted that for you always, to feel at peace on any given day and as he watched you back moving up and down to signify the breaths your were taking, he promised himself he’d provide that for you; even if it was only as friends.

“What am I gonna do with you, Baby?” The hoarse words left him in a sigh, a small smile making its way to his lips as he watched your nose scrunch up at the sound of his voice, eyelids slightly twitching.

He watched as you turned to lay on your side, lips brushing across his pulse point a small kiss now decorated his veins. “Still be my best friend?” Carmy laughed at your small voice taking up the space between the two of you. Your eyes slowly fluttered open, thankful that Carmy had figured out how to dim the lights in your living room. “Do you remember that promise we made the summer before seventh grade?” Your voice was scratchy from all the sobbing and borderline screaming from earlier.

Carmen nodded his head, a small smile raised on his lips, hand moving from your cheek to cup the back of your neck. “Of course, I do,” the smile only lasted for so long as he was forced to remember a promise he broke with no regard. “That we’d be best friends no matter what, even though we didn’t want each other’s cooties.” Carmy was happy to hear the sound of your melodious laughter, he spent so much time listening to your broken cries he was afraid he’d never know anything else.

“I’m sorry Carmen, I…I didn’t mean to blow up on you. I think telling you about my overdose…it helped me come to terms with it myself.” Your eyes were lidded, all the crying made them feel heavy, if Carmy wasn’t here in front of you right now you were sure you would’ve been dead asleep.

A small content sigh escaped you as Carmy’s thumb ran back and forth across the side of your neck, “You have nothing to apologize for we-I know I haven’t been a great friend to you these past years. And for that I’m sorry. I wish…I wish I could explain to you why I pushed you away but Baby,” Carmy paused heart thudding in his chest, the words were there, maybe not in the way one would expect but it was you; you would know what he meant even if he was speaking in another language.

“I uh I can’t even explain it to myself. But..I would like for us to be friends again if you’ll have me?” Carmy sent a tight-lipped smile your way, he couldn’t do it. He felt selfish for even thinking now was the time to propose the initial idea in his mind. Maybe it was an excuse, maybe not, but he didn’t think it would be fair to put you in that position. You had just told him such a harrowing truth about yourself and if his first instinct after hearing such was to ask to be more than friends it would feel insincere. Carmy wasn’t even sure you would want a relationship with him, you were sober, and recovering and Carmy wouldn’t allow himself to mess that up for you with his presence having been such a soul-sucking and negative thing in your life these past few years.

“I think that’s just what I need right now…a friend.” It was silent for a moment between the two of you, Carmy had prepared himself for the worst on the drive over, and although he could feel a lump forming in his throat and the ache in his chest, he forced a small smile on his lips upon hearing your words. “You kept it on there?” His eyes found yours confusion marring both of your features, at his silence your hand reached out delicately tracing the pendant settled against his signature white shirt.

Of all the times you’d seen Carmy you knew he still wore his chain, it was a part of him. You had caught glimpses of the gold peeking out from his shirt, but you would have never thought he wore the pendant you’d impulsively bought before leaving New York. You remember regretting having left the newly added accessory on his chain when you left his apartment, sure it made you seem like some desperate lover who had never even actually been a lover, just some girl too naive to see all the signs she was being given.

Your eyes flicked between Carmy’s waiting for his response, his cheeks tinting pink the longer you looked at him for an answer. The hand that wasn’t settled against your skin reached up to rub at the back of his neck. “I nev-I… uh never leave home without it.” The admission made your skin tingle, Carmy’s finger subconsciously tracing the lone letter you carried everywhere with you. “It uh, reminds me of you…of us.”

“There were forget-me-nots in the bouquet Willie made me,” you sent Carmy a small smile, although temporary, the sight of that bouquet filled you with happiness the short time you did spend with it. “Also I know you didn’t have shit to do with the flowers Willie put in that bouquet.” Carmy let out a small laugh face warming at the memory of old man Willie’s meddling.

Your thumb on the pendant began tracing the engraved letter, “This was like my form of a forget me not, something that was permanent, would never wilt with time…I just wanted you to have something to remember me by.” Carmen watched your lips stretch into a small smile, he knew what your words meant, but after learning about all you’d gone through it felt like your final words had a double meaning like if things had gone as you wished them to, this would be the only piece he had left of you.

A part of you felt shy sharing the reasoning behind gifting Carmy the pendant, the two of you were barely friends as it was and the flowers had been so personal to you, that you weren’t sure you wanted to let Carmy into that piece of your world even though he played a huge part in it without even knowing.

“Is that what they signify? Remembrance?” Carmen’s thumb ran back and forth across the scar on your jaw, tapping it twice to pull your attention to his.

You gave the pendant one last longing look, dropping it before your eyes finally locked on his, “Something like that.” You shrugged having to swallow the urge to confide in Carmen one last time tonight.

The two of you stayed like that with Carmy’s hand holding onto the side of your face, thumb trying to imprint the jaggedness of your scar to its memory. Your eyes became heavier the longer Carmy delicately stroked your face. The man made no move to wake you as you slowly began drifting back into the world of dreams, the same look of peacefulness he saw earlier had easily returned, the ghost of your past so evidently marked into your skin in the shape of your scars. He felt like he was able to finally release the breath he’d been holding in, his eyes skated across your face; a face he always considered to be a work of art, one he could never perfectly capture on paper.

As he watched you sleep Carmen came to terms with exactly what was left between the two of you now. For all intents and purposes the two of you were friends again, or at least on friendly terms, and as much as he tried to convince himself he would be happy to keep you in his life in whatever capacity you allowed; he knew that was a lie. But the only person he could really lay blame on was himself, you had been ready and waiting for him before he even realized he loved you and now that he was finally ready to take that next step with you there was no longer space in your heart for him.

Carmen watched you for a moment longer, thumb lingering against your scar before he finally had enough restraint to pull himself away. There was a part of him that would’ve stayed planted in that spot all night just to watch over you, make sure the moment he turned his back you wouldn’t suddenly disappear never to be gazed upon by him again. He quietly stood up, careful not to make too much noise and wake you, hand grabbing the blanket lying atop the head of your couch before he gently draped it across you.

He lingered in front of you every fiber in his body, willing him to stay there by your side, to be there when you woke up. But moments like that were no longer his to take; they never had been. Carmy let out a sorrowful sigh before he bent down to your level placing a soft kiss full of love and longing to the indentation between your eyebrows. What could have been, what never was would always stick with him but he would set his wants and needs to the side, and he would appreciate having another moment with you still in his life.

The two of you had seemed to come to an understanding now, and that’s all he could ask for. You said you needed a friend and that’s what he’d be; your needs were his needs.

a/n: in honor of turning twenty-three i present thee with the gift of suffering 🤪, anyway not sure how i feel about this chapter but we shall see. also i know it seems like everything between baby and carmy may have been resolved rather quick, but i feel like everything is very not obviously resolved. happy readings! 🤍

also: huge shoutout to @mr-robot-x for her impeccable song recs when it comes to this fic and the losers i write about. asleep by the smith’s heavily inspired this chapter. (which you would all know if you took my song inspo seriously 😐) just kidding but seriously it genuinely helped me get through this chapter! 🤍