#poor jongin

[exoscreamsoda]

"i miss jonginnie" 🥺

[nyasialiveshere]

I think it's deeper than people realize

I just got out of school a few days ago and honestly I was so busy that I was only halfway paying attention to what has been going on. First of all ever since that fiasco with bubble, and his phone breaking i honestly thought that something was up with him cause he was just acting weird...sigh I really didn't want to get into this I wanted to just relax and read or catchup on good trouble or something but I guess I'll Ramble instead.

I didn't know per say that he was leaving at first I just noticed he has been much more clingy with his fans than usual. Really pushing the boyfriend idol thing( which is so unhealthy for both him and them but I digress). He the entire rover promotions has just looked so tired and exhuasted to me. For this reason although I bought the album I refused to keep up with the promotions because of how out of it he looked. He lost so much weight( which isn't necessarily a bad thing its how quickly he looses weight and how he binge eats afterwards its just not healthy) he looked so tired and energetically drained. S.m absolutely sucks at promoting him and he takes on the bulk of the creative reins and stress for every album, so I understand his stress but it's how he deals with it. He is very sensitive and emotional but pretends not to be until he just snaps and lets it all out. Honestly as selfish as it is this is why I will check up on him periodically but thats about all I can do when he's like that.. seeing someone run themselves ragged not even caring if one day they won't be able to walk for the sake of their craft is too much.

I know people are angry at people suggesting that he knew he was going to the military and I dont know for sure but I really think he did. He's such an oddball he hints at stuff. And if you don't pay attention to his little hints you'll miss the irony of everything he, had changed his hair color back to black, was wearing a air jordan shirt with wings and said that he'd be right back.( also he never has worn came before and suddenly he's wearing it way more often) I just assumed everyone knew he meant he was going to the army. So when he did another live having to actually say he was going to the army explicitly I think he did it out of wanting to be a good idol. Good celebrities express their emotions to their audience. It was strange to watch cause in a way it was real I do believe he was hurting but how he be acting sometimes its concerning. I really dont think he has another area of his life to express that emotional, goofy, childlike self which is basically the real him. The military regardless of which part you are going to is no place to express that side of yourself. I really dont think it was kai of exo crying cause he can't sing and dance I think it was his inner child crying. He cares about singing and dancing but honestly not as much as he outwardly says he does. I think he would be just as happy acting, it's simply that fans didn't really respond well to his acting. Its not just exo he won't be participating in, it's also modeling, fashion, whatever else he does that people don't know about.. anyway he's been noticably holding onto, clinging too, trying to get back the youth he lost being an aspiring child star/ kpop idol. People forget he has headshots from when he was like 8 or 9 maybe 10. His parents more than simply wanting him to sing and dance wanted him to be famous. Its alot of pressure for a kid and it's also is a tale as old as time his story is different from what you usually hear in kpop, he didn’t just audition and happen to get in he was definitely groomed to be in the industry. He wasn't exactly doing youtube covers but if you weave the story together a lot went into him being Kai it wasn't just oh I wanted an Nintendo but I commend him for saying so dedicated to the little script. He never ever gives anymore information about his family or his career origins than he did at debut (trust me I've checked). But weirdly he offers the story without asking.most idols do not do this they stay as vague as possible. But he always has given info voluntarily that sounds odd and maybe didn't need to be said. Like how he looked so feminine as a child multiple people mistook him as a girl, and how his mother used to curl his hair and when he went shopping for dress clothes with his parents the people would bring out a dress instead.. Perhaps it is something important to him or he is trying to hint at something I'm not sure.

Gender fluidity is a mark of childhood I think he holds onto that part of his life where he didn't have to be what society deems as a man.

Regardless I worry about the kid cause I think he uses his celebrity as a comfort when he feels insecure. Like at least somebody cares about him, the real him. But I really dont think that's healthy.

It also really concerns me how when he's alone and it's quiet( no lights camera action) the first thing that pops into his mind when he's just speaking into the silence is to say he doesn't have any friends. He says he is a friend to other people yet he has no friends. He's so closed off even when he's close to people.

I know nobody wants to be lectured but this is why I'm so cringe and like why? when he sexualizes himself. Cause it's so..outside of his box..he is naturally a sensual person theres no issue with that but he's reserved in public. But he has to use his natural sex appeal to sell sell sell and look I understand, that's the world its disgusting, despicable and a complete product of colonialism (I'll get into that later). When he ripped up that sign of himself shirtless on inkigayo I was not surprised at all.

It's more and more common that sex symbols are coming out and saying how irl they are super shy and reserved. One day my sister was watching the Kardashians and I was like lemme just watch and see what this is about. It actually wasn't bad and I'm now convinved it's actually social commentary in disguise. So this episode Scott asked Kim to accompany him to an acting class and Kim was actually super shy and kinda nervous about having to introduce herself in front of strangers. People fail to realize people even when someone seems out of this world they are still a person. Sometimes dehumanizing someone isn't putting them down but lifting them up too high.

I think the deification of Kai both helped him yet hurt him tremendously. Jongin went from being a bullied kid who did ballet to a handsome upcoming idol to be treated like a demigod. Yet that's just how people looked at him, where was the inner work between that. It most likely didn't happen. Which is why he still has bouts of depression despite having such a successful career.

More than comments and likes and views the kid needs prayers.

[xiuhunsoo]

me remembering that i should be grateful every single day that i saw exo with tao (and yixing) live :')

[gcholdtrops]

       as  the  door  unlocked  and  the  panic  rose  in  joonwoo,  who  was  otherwise  comfortably  laying  in  his  embrace.  at  the  reveal  of  it  being  the  other's  brother,  seojun  suddenly  felt  his  heart  rise  a  little,  not  having  expected  for  this  to  be  the  first  time  meeting  jongin;  only  have  heard  a  few  things  about  him.   "  nice  meeting  you  as  well,  jongin.  "   head  bowed,  showing  respect  and  the  following  words  made  lips  press  into  a  straight  line,  knowing  he  should  probably  not  intervene  in  this  brotherly  war  there  was  slowly  heating  up  in  the  apartment.  fingers  scratched  at  the  back  of  his  neck,  feeling  out  of  place  in  a  normally  comfortable  area  for  him  to  be  in.

panic  rises  in  joonwoo  when  he  hears  the  door  unlocking,  alarms  blaring  in  his  head,  even  though  he  was  previously  lost  in  his  boyfriend’s  doting  kisses.  the  panic  dissipates  as  soon  as  he  realises  it’s  not  a  stalker  but  his  brother,  interrupting  him  at  the  worst  possible  moment.  “hey  —  how  many  times  have  i  told  you  that  you  can’t  just  barge  in  like  that?  this  isn’t  your  apartment.”  he  complains  with  crossed  arms,  after  untangling  himself  from  the  embrace  and  shooting  seojun  an  apologetic  look.

squinting  to  shield  himself  from  the  sight,  jongin  takes  a  moment  to  gather  his  thoughts.  “i  wouldn’t  have  to  come  if  you  hadn’t  stolen  my  hiking  gear.  plus,  i  texted  you  that  i  was  coming  to  get  it  —  it’s  not  my  fault  you  never  check  your  messages.”  he  reiterates  quickly  before  finally  addressing  his  brother’s  flustered  boyfriend  with  an  awkward  wave.  “seojun,  right?  nice  to  meet  you…  all  things  considered.”  if  only  he  could  go  back  in  time  and  talk  himself  out  of  driving  here  impulsively  twenty  minutes  ago.  “i  hope  you  know  you’re  dating  a  shameless  thief.”

@gcholdtrops

[jongbross]

Hey! Can u do a headcanon reaction with exo: the reader did a pregnancy test and went negative and she was all relieved but the boys deep inside wanted to be positive

the ones who wouldn't say a thing and pretend to be happy as well:

minseok, chanyeol, sehun

they all would force a smile and be like "wow, could you imagine? 😅", even though deep down they could imagine, and they would  love the idea of having you pregnant.

minseok would get really quiet afterwards, head going round and round thinking how bad it would be if you two actually got pregnant

chanyeol would understand that maybe it was for the best, and maybe it wasn't the right time to have a baby - but when will it be?

and sehun, oh... poor sehun didn't know he wanted to be a dad until that very moment, but he knows it's more complicated than just wanting, so he would save that conversation for some other day

the ones who would pout and ask "would it be that bad?":

yixing, kyungsoo, jongin

the pouty line, i would say. they would pout and frown the moment you said you were relieved it was negative.

yixing would probably take it personally, thinking that you didn't want to have a baby with him because he was always busy and stuff, so please take your time to let him know that it's not it

jongin wouldn't be offended, but the poor dude was so excited about being a dad and he felt like that was ripped away from him. he wants to build a family with you, please let him build a family with you!!

kyungsoo wouldn't be offended either, but he would want to know why you didn't want a baby at that moment and, if you do want a baby at all, when would it be the best time to try it? because he wants one, so...

the ones who would tell you how they feel because they believe communication is the key:

junmyeon, baekhyun, jongdae

they would all sit down with you and tell you how they feel.

junmyeon would be the most straightforward one, letting you know that having a baby is a must for him and asking you how you feel about it, because you two probably never had that conversation before (and he would apologize for that, of course)

baekhyun would tell you how he feels, but he would be more careful. he absolutely wants to be a dad, but he loves you a lot so what if you don't share the same dreams he does? how should he act from that?

and jongdae... well, jongdae would be offended just like yixing, asking why don't you want a baby with him, but telling you how the whole situation made him feel; he would try to come to an agreement with you, but know that he would be open to also not have babies - you two would just have to talk it through it

[eomayas]

exo when they get jealous

minseok: our sweetie shoomy.. when he gets jealous, you won’t know because he’s able to keep his feelings and expressions hidden. but when you guys are alone, he’ll bring it up to you

junmyeon: when junmy gets jealous, he gets serious and quiet. if you’re near him, his body will be rigid and tense. it’s not until you talk about it and reassure him that he’s able to relax

baekhyun: hes vocal about it, right then and there. if somebody is flirting with you, they won’t be anymore! you guys might even argue (in hushed tones, of course) about the situation right there. he only feels better when he’s alone with his thoughts and is able to figure out how he feels.

jongdae: he gets mad at everybody involved, which means you too. he won’t say anything in the moment, but when you’re alone he’ll definitely argue you down about it—it’s safe to say he’s a bit possessive over you.

chanyeol: he gets either sarcastic with you, or very fake. if someone is flirting with you and he notices, he’ll insert himself into the conversation with forced responses and too loud laughs. when you confront him about it, he gets upset, not angry but frustrated.

kyungsoo: he gets jealous more often than you’d ever know, because he is good at hiding how he feels. but the times where he does express his jealousy, he is very serious and doesn’t say much (more than he already doesn’t). and when you’re alone, he still won’t bring it up until it truly starts eating him up inside.

jongin: poor baby loves you so much, he can’t stand the thought of you even talking to anybody else. he just gets sad and whiny about it. he needs a lot of reassurance from you in this respect.

sehun: he thinks it’s funny when he sees somebody flirting with you, because he knows he has you wrapped around his finger. but on the off chance that he actually does feel jealous, he addresses it immediately.

[white-eden]

guys help this poor mortal plz :,y

Maybe she will be ignored… I hope not... cross her fingers.

But we are getting closer to Halloween and I would like to know what kind of costumes you imagine the solo leveling characters wearing ;3

Like both E and S Jinwoo, his sister, Jinho, Jinchul, Hae-in, baek Yoonho, Choi jongin, Thomas, 🤔

Sorry for not clarifying before 🙇🏻‍♀️

[elysiangroundsforall]

Relationship Revealed

A/N: I'm working on the new ch of L&W.

Part 3:

Kai (EXO)

KIM KAI! This clumsy pookie bear would 100% reveal it by mistake.

We all know how clumsy this dude is, like a whole 2hr movie can be made of him just dropping things.

So, you guys have been dating for 6 months and you're staying at his house for a few weeks because there is some work going on in your house.

So, the first time people get a hint of you is when he's live and you're on your phone in the next room trying your best to keep your voice down because you're fighting with your colleague because he messed up everything and won't listen to you but at the end you do end up screaming at him. Your voice can be heard in the live just enough for fans to ask if someone else is there. "Is someone else there too?" "It's just noona guys"

The next time the fans get a hint of you is when people see a shadow of a girl clicking a picture on the wall in a picture Jongin recently uploaded.

And alas you're revealed when this poor man drops his phone on the ground while on live and the you're entirely in the frame wearing one of his Gucci hoodies (with the tag on obviously that's how they know it's kai's) .

That's when the entire comment section is filled with "is she your girlfriend?" "are you two dating?" "who is she?" Jongin knowing he has to say something just tells the truth "everyone she's my girlfriend."

[pascaloverx]

FELLINGS — EXO K.J

CHAPTER TWO

Summary: You and Jongin live wanting what you two can't have. For example, he wants to win over your best friend and you want him.

Warnings: This fanfic will describe some hot romantic moments and use of inappropriate language. In the future there may be both smut and moderate use of violence. Readers are warned. This fanfic will feature some members of EXO as characters but they are not part of a Kpop group in this scenario.

CHAPTER ONE CHAPTER THREE

"Engaged?" Luna asks, sounding more indignant than curious. This only confirms what you already suspected; she also has feelings for your foolish boss. Not that you can blame her. Kai is definitely something else.

"What Kai meant is that we're practically engaged. Nothing official yet, but we're about to move in together, and you know... marriage is just around the corner. But this isn't about us. It's about you guys. I just wanted to clear up this misunderstanding. Kai isn't in love with Luna. He's in love with me, but he's indeed a terrible drunk." You say, trying to smooth over the situation.

"So sorry for the confusion. I thought..." Sehun says, clearly embarrassed. Poor guy, he doesn't even know he's being deceived.

"That Kai and Luna had some unresolved romantic issue? That would be ridiculously stupid of them. But fortunately, this was just a misunderstanding." You reply, trying to send a hint to your boss and best friend. Whatever is going on between them, they should just forget about it.

"Darling, I think we should go greet some of the guests. But congratulations, Y/N and Kai. I'm sure your relationship has everything to succeed," Luna says, smiling, as she practically drags Sehun away. You finally feel the pressure of the moment.

"I don't know about you, but that's what I call teamwork. You were fantastic, all that invention..." Kai says, proud of himself, but you're not happy with any of this. So you give him a disapproving look and head out of the party.

"I must be a beautiful and pathetic idiot indeed. What a load of crap. Congratulations, Y/N, you always manage to be a clown." You mutter to yourself as you leave your best friend's engagement dinner.

"You don't need to put yourself down so much. You actually saved my skin back there; I thought Sehun was going to punch me. Not that I was scared..." Jongin says as he tries to keep up with your strides toward the parking lot, but you turn, almost bumping into each other face to face.

"Do you feel proud of being such an idiot, or are you just pretending?" Your question, as rude as it may sound, is sincerely something you're questioning. How can he act like what we did was okay?

"I don't think that's the right way to talk to your boss, Y/N. Even though we're friends, it doesn't give you the right to disrespect me." Kim Jongin says as he looks at you, and you huff in response. You then move away from him and continue heading nowhere in particular. You came to this damn engagement dinner with him, so leaving with him seems inevitable. But that doesn't stop you from looking for any taxi passing by nearby.

"I want to resign. Actually, I'm not just wanting it, I'm asking for it. You want to deceive Sehun and yourself by chasing after Luna? Go ahead, but I won't be a part of it. Enough. Years of anticipating your actions, being helpful, doing my best in the company your family built, just to become the woman who does the dirty work for you. What's the next step, huh? Marry you so you can have an affair with Luna right under Sehun's nose?" You turn to face Jongin, who seems a bit shocked by your words. Maybe until today he didn't know that you could set boundaries. But that's his problem.

"I understand that I may have crossed some boundaries. But I can't afford to lose..." Jongin seems to be trying to figure out how to say something, but you interrupt him.

"Losing your competent assistant, or your love for Luna? Maybe you don't understand things because you're used to having them in your hands all the time, but Kai, you've already lost Luna. She may kiss you in secret, or say she'll never forget you, but she's marrying someone else. And I think it's time for both of us to understand that we're not going to end up with the ones we love." You speak impulsively, only realizing seconds later that you revealed more than you intended. Damn it.

"What do you mean by that?" Kim Jongin questions as soon as you finish speaking, and you take a deep breath. This conversation just turned into a nightmare.

"I mean that while you wanted Luna, I wanted you. Which makes me a huge idiot, I know. But it's liberating to realize and let go of that. You should try it. And I'm really resigning if you're confused. So you better find another assistant, another all-time friend, and another fake almost-fiancée, because for me, I'M DONE." You say, somewhat heatedly, but hey, what better time than now to throw truths in the face of the man you're in love with. 

"You can't just say you love me and walk away. Y/N, can you please listen to me? Or at least stop running away from me?" Kai speaks, sounding tired of chasing after you. You then stop walking away from him. The truth is you didn't know where to go; you were just walking hurriedly towards nowhere. 

"What is it?" You almost shout in his direction. Looking at him, at that moment, seemed to be your greatest challenge. He looked so upset that you almost went towards him to try to console him. But that wouldn't make any sense.

"Stay with me. Don't leave me. I know we need to work out some issues in our relationship, but I don't want to have to replace you, because there's no one who can replace you. Not as an assistant, not as a friend, and certainly not as a fake almost-fiancée." Jongin says as he approaches you. His eyes locking onto yours, his words sounding sincere, almost winning you over.

"I'll give you the chance to take me home. But that doesn't mean I won't leave you. I just don't like to waste time, and waiting for a taxi seems foolish. But nothing has changed. You're without an assistant and friend. Got it, Kim Jongin?" You say as you walk towards his car now.

Continues...

[stormdragon23]

I just had a thought:

Tae-il and Jae-kyung are immune to electricity like their dad! Like, the first time Heeseok discovered it was when Hee-jin was carrying a basket of laundry until she found her two-year-old Tae-il giggling with his tiny finger inside of the socket. Poor woman got a heart attack and dropped the basket, only then to halt in fear she might get electrocuted as well. In the end, Eun-seok alone solved the problem — and he was proud.

They're children of an S-Rank. Of course, they're not 100% normal.

Oh I love this idea! Both kids probably discover they’re immune in ways that scare their mother while Eunseok’s so proud of them (it also probably gets rid of his fear that he might accidentally hurt them with his powers)

Taeil likely learns that he shouldn’t do things that involve getting electrocuted to not scare his mom, but Jaekyung just does whatever he wants, which isn’t good for Heejin’s heart. It also brings up the question of how Eunseok and his kids are with static electricity

I wonder if the other kids would be immune to anything. First thing that comes to mind is Choibaek’s kids being fire resistant like Jongin

[fallloverfic]

Solo Leveling Episode 11 Thoughts

This episode had me screaming in joy! Spoilery thoughts for the anime, novel, and manhwa below:

The job-change portal opening effects were so pretty. Did not expect it to be that neat! Also still love that it's purple (that's a manhwa thing). It's a nice little hint of what's to come >:3

Sung Jinwoo's fights were also really amazing! Just the movements all looked gorgeous. They were fun to watch! Him ripping apart the knight with his hands was amazing. Also really loved the animation on the archer.

And we finally get character art of Yoo Jinsung! Yoo Jinho's shitty older brother at last. He shows up a little in the novel, but doesn't appear at all in the manhwa (other than in reference), so it's neat to see him. Poor Jinho at this terrible meal with people who are awful to him. Jinho looks so sad seeing his brother, with how much is on the line and how awful their relationship is and how their father pushes them to do well. This is really a miserable time for him. I like the extra anime expansion here. It's fun to see more to these characters. I'm wondering if they're moving up a novel-only event (Jinho goes to a dinner party later, where Jinsung also shows up), or if they'll have both? It'll be interesting to see, anyway, particularly given if this is replacing that, it's removing one character who does show up in the manhwa, which is odd, given the anime's tendency to expand on characters.

It'll be cool if we meet Hunters outside Europe, North America, and central/east Asia. So Jinsung's useful for something, anyway.

Yoo Myunghan just watching his older son being a dick to his younger son and doing nothing about it. Great father, there. /end sarcasm

It's fun to see Jinwoo thinking about the pitfalls of his choices in stat placement and what this or that stat might do. Yeah, intelligence might be important <.< For someday <.<

I really love that we get to actually see the investigation for Jeju. They only talk about it afterward in the novel and the manhwa. Also always appreciate more Choi Jongin time XD And we get to see the team early (hey Son Kihoon)! And the women in all their still shitty manhwa outfits :D Like just... why with Gina and Lee Bora's outfits (mostly Gina, Bora is... whatever)? And is there a reason y'all can spend bank on Igris and aren't able to properly draw boobs in shirts (or give Gina actual pants)? (That was rhetorical, I know why.)

I do love the reminder that Jinwoo is still wearing a literal dog collar. We just can't see it cause it's invisible. Bless. Truly, bless. If only any of his husbands knew

Igris' introduction is just -chef's kiss-. The train of his helmet, the slow sweep. His armor is gorgeous. He looks amazing.

The fight is incredible. Words don't do it justice. The sound design, the sudden dash forward, the slow-mo, the destruction after attacks emphasizing just how strong Igris is and what kind of hits Jinwoo is taking/avoiding... It's visually gorgeous. Just the way Igris moves or even stands is beautiful.

The anime kind of switches between very clean and shiny and close-ups that are kind of gritty (not sure how to better explain it), and I like to think it's a nod to Dubu's art (this is volume 3, chapter 8 in the Ize Press release). Igris in the manhwa has that kind of gritty visual look to him.

I think it's just the difference of close-ups and farther away shots, because overall the anime just did this really lovely blend of the manhwa's style and its own thing that just looks truly incredible.

And we get another anime-only scene with Go Gunhee and Woo Jinchul, and some chat with Choi Jongin!

The colors in these outside shots are just really pretty. Choi Jongin looks lovely.

Jeju never ended for Choi Jongin, poor man T-T Love all this extra anime angst, bless.

Meanwhile, the fight with Igris and Jinwoo continues to be amazing. The sound design, the art, just ahhh. It's so good. Love the emphasis on Igris' legs and hips. He leggy boi.

Igris ripping out part of the floor to throw at Jinwoo is my everything. I just love when characters do that lol

For all my criticisms of Dubu's art (and I don't hate his art, he drew wonderfully, he just wasn't perfect), I prefer how Jinwoo sitting on the throne here looked in the manhwa. I think the anime makes it more understandable for why Jinwoo didn't break the armrests/his legs when falling onto the throne, because the chair is wider, and given who was supposed to sit in the chair, it makes sense it's bigger, but still.

(I flipped the anime shot horizontally for better comparison). (Though thinking about it, it's funny to imagine this again as a parallel universe with one Jinwoo leaning to his right, and the other one to the left... so Igris can sit between them aldkjlajda)

Igris just looks so good. I could take a bajillion shots of him standing.

I also love his belt. Just admiring all the little details on him in this art style. He looks amazing.

It's interesting we get these moments with Sung Jinah and Park Kyunghye (Jinwoo and Jinah's mother). Another anime addition, which isn't bad! It highlights just how much Jinwoo has on the line, and that people are waiting for him. Also still love how much Jinah loves her brother T-T She made him dinner!

The music for the attempted beheading is so nice. The soundtrack for this series is incredible, and it's used really well. I love how soft it is initially, and then how it explodes with Jinwoo fighting back (I could barely hear it first watch initially, and that was almost neater, effect-wise, but listening with the volume up, it's also just a lovely track).

There's something really compelling about Jinwoo shoving Igris across the floor, making the metal of Igris' armor heel scrape over the ground. Top/bottom discourse in action aldkjalj

The rest of the fight was also really amazing! The way the style changed during the kill shot is always really fun :3 It works wonderfully here. Igris defeated!

And now... the trial of stamina. While the time for his daily quest ticks down. XD And again, Jinwoo thinking about using something rather than just doing it lets someone knock the teleportation stone out of his hand. >.< Ah well.

This episode was amazing. Just phenomenal overall. Loved it. We finally have Igris, best boi XD So happy.

Looking forward to the resolution of this and the season next week!

More episode thoughts:

S01E05

S01E06

S01E07

S01E08

S01E09

S01E10

S01E11 (you are here)

S01E12

[commajade]

nooooo kai was having a terrible week already https://twitter.com/shoomymelody/status/1653828695797415937?s=46&t=-KWT8ArNrCyH-PFylh3qEw and now missing the comeback and enlisting :(

NOOOO POOR THING. like this is one of the worst weeks of his life 😭😭

he was literally the one keeping exo's name alive and the fans fed for THREE YEARS and this ot8 comeback was supposed to be the victory lap before he enlists but he can't even have that he doesn't get the credit he deserves or the successful cb he's been waiting literally 3 years for like it's so upsetting? because bitchass ravi who kai graciously befriended was too insecure about his career to do his 2 years of public service in peace? ravi drops kai's name often too the government probably picked him first for a reason like he's rly bringing everyone down with him.

jongin is such a sweetheart and serves such high quality work and he's so emotionally open and cries on lives a lot this is literally so painful 😭 and he didn't know his enlistment date until the fans told him or something??? the government and his bitchass company didn't tell him beforehand?? maybe it's cuz his phone was broken but damn that's a genuinely awful week.

[kaisooficpodcast]

Pride by and with yeolimerent

I am Alexio Sospranio and you’re listening to the kaisoo fic podcast!

For new listeners, the kaisoo fic podcast is a space where we discuss literature found in the kaisoosphere. Where we have authors on the show to give them a platform to talk about their writings and journey as an author in the fandom. 

This month we are looking at one fic for two episodes. First part was on the 12th, and today the second episode for the same fic is on the 14th. Special kaisoo dates!

If you, dear listener, have been up to date with the podcast episodes, you will find that there will be similar questions to other author’s sessions. Each author brings in their own different perspectives and experiences. By asking similar questions, we get to see how diverse yet united kaisoo fic writers are.

The sequence in which we will be having this episode is as such:

Firstly we have yeolimerent introducing the fic of the day, followed by some plot based questions, next some questions on their journey as a writer. Then we end with the 3is: lesson learnt; source of inspiration and impact to the kaisoo fic community.

I also got about four questions from an anon on curious cat, so I will be weaving the questions into the appropriate segments of the episode.  

Cover Art

Now, prior to me giving the author of the day these questions, I asked yeolimerent what is their favorite scene from Pride. And when they responded, luckily Lyn was still doing commissions… so i asked her. One more, just one more!

Thank you Lyn for opening up commissions and being accommodating to my requests!

In the podcast cover art… we have kaisoo on a beach. This scene is not a reimagined scene, it is from one of the last few moments of Pride where kaisoo reconcile.

Context from the fic for this particular position kaisoo is in takes almost directly from the fic itself.

Intro to author 

With permission of the author, I have reader Jie with me today, who will be taking the persona of yeolimerent. 

Introducing a bit on yeolimerent:

yeolimerent has been in this fandom since (2013), that’s about (11 years). The pull factor that got her into this fandom was always Chanyeol and EXO showtime in general, when she was in high school and everyone was getting into EXO. Journey with kaisoo started ever since she could remember and had always been inspired by their chemistry. yeolimerent is currently focused on EXO right now. She’s also into a lot of queer artists and media. 

Welcome, yeolimerent, thank you for your time in answering the questions for today’s session. 

Thanks for having me!

Yeolimeret. yes? Shall we dive into the episode! We shall! We start with the fic.

Pride

Pride by yeolimerent has 33 chapters with about 300 thousand words. Set in a universe where Kyungsoo is a chaebol and gets entangled with his driver. Lust, bitterness and heartache develops over the course of several chapters. Content warnings include smut (bottomsoo), I think one scene of dubious consent, and minor character deaths. 

Now, yeolimerent, would you maybe like to start us off for those who are not familiar, what is Pride about?

The initial plan was always to make a Seven Deadly Sins series starring major EXO ships and KaiSoo would be Pride. I just had this big interest in rich-poor au when it came to kaisoo and this felt like the perfect opportunity to do it. Another factor was the idea of a younger Jongin falling for an older Kyungsoo and looking up to him in a way. 

Pride is heavily Kyungsoo’s side of the story and how his world turned upside down in a span of a decade— from being one of the richest people in the country to owing millions of debts and then his poor first love who broke his heart turning into one of the most powerful men in the country who now has the upper hand on him. Here, we see him build and ruin relationships with other people in his life. We see how drastically things can change in a span of eight years, and how a lot of them also stay the same.

It’s basically his very complex journey of self-discovery and well… pride. 

Pride literally starts with a bang. And I love it. The first chapter titled Prologue, readers are met with a very high tension chapter where Kyungsoo is angry and Jongin exudes danger. It is a very gripping scene. I am curious as to why you began the fic with a scene from the climax of the plot? 

To be honest, this was the very FIRST scene that i came up with for Pride. It was my starting point. So what happened here would be the basis for the majority of what I wrote so it was very vital to the story. I guess I wanted the readers to read it first and think “Oh, what could’ve happened between them?” and “where do we go from here?” so it is the perfect prologue for the story.

The prologue scene is indeed very… you can get overwhelmed. And you did warn the readers to say that this is an intense and complicated fic, but I am super thankful that I continued to read and that i​​ stuck through the whole thing. 

Walk us through the chronology of you piecing up the plot. How did the pieces come to play after setting the prologue? Was it a bit overarching idea first or specific scenes coming in slowly piecing it all up?

For the chapter, I wasn’t much of a planner when I was writing Pride compared to how I am now as a writer. So every chapter came to me randomly, no outline and all. I just had this vague idea of what I would want to happen in that chapter and how I wanted to wrap it up, and then things just unfold from there depending on my inspiration. That’s probably a factor why the fic was so long because I couldn’t control it haha!

Wow, chapter coming up randomly with no outline… 

Wait, what about that tiny detail in the chapters before the 8 years apart happened, before the presentation? The tiniest bit of information, the carelessness of Kyungsoo leaving his blueprint in the room without much thought… was that also not fully planned? Because only at almost the very end was it revealed that his carelessness plus Soojung’s sly personality cost him a lot of things. That tiny detail became one of the most important points of the story that pushed Kyungsoo to be off the grid. 

As a reader, we also did not give it much thought because that moment was also brief. I guess my question now becomes… how intentional was your choice to have Kyungsoo not give too much thought to his work?

Yes. I wanted to convey that everyone had some sort of fault for what happened. Kyungsoo as a kid was meant to be careless and impulsive, and thats what got him in trouble. I intentionally made him spoiled and imposing to raise a bit of intrigue because he was, after all, still a chaebol kid. I wanted people to see how he treated people like Soojung unprovoked and think “did he deserve it?”

A question from my curious cat reads: if Jongin and Kyungsoo had met on Kyungsoo birthday in the bar, what would have happened? I was like omg Jongin turn and face Kyungsoo!!! Jongin turn around damn itttt :(

Ohh. I dont think that would be that productive as well because Kyungsoo would do what he did best, which was of course— to run. LMAO.

Surprising moments

Previous episode I asked the readers about the element in the plot that surprised them.

There were generally two main points on how Pride really grabs the reader’s attention. First shocking point for Pride was how readers were shocked at your choice yeolimerent, the writer’s choice. Of having Seonho be Kyungsoo’s buddy as they travel to New York and become the best of friends.

One of my most favorite things about Pride was Kyungsoo and Seonho’s very unconventional relationship. It was always the part that caught people off guard hahaha. I like the fact that when you read the first few chapters, Seonho would be the last person in the universe you’d expect to be Kyungsoo’s rock during the hardest days of his life but it happened anyway. It was also vital to his relationship with Jongin because a lot of jealousy stemmed from his past relationship with Seonho and it was very fun to watch unfold because Jongin was busting a vein while everything between them was platonic.

Seonho and Kyungsoo’s relationship is definitely unconventional. Related is another question from my curious cat for your fic. The question is: did Seonho really get his closure with Kyungsoo? Even though they both moved on with their lives, whenever I read Seonho and Kyungsoo’s part in New York I always had this weird anxiety about what if they cross the line of friendship. But they never did. They kept it cute, I loved it and Seonho’s character development was crazy! I wish I had a Seonho in my life too… So again the question is, did Seonho really get his closure with Kyungsoo?

I didnt really want to be so explicit about it. To me, they didnt have to sit down and have a lengthy talk about their relationship before running away together. I think that scene in the bar where their simple conversation about running away from their families became their closure in some sort because it was definite that no romance was left. Simple a trauma bond and the desperation to live their similarly miserable lives at home.

It also put emphasis on the concept of forgiveness because while Kyungsoo hated Seonho’s guts during college, it showed that he was SOOO heartbroken from Jongin to find solace on his ex and their shared trauma with their dads. It was enough to rebuild their relationship into a different, but stronger one.

Thank you for touching on the point of forgiveness. We see a lot of that here in the many relationships we explore in the fic. I think almost every pair baeksoo, chanbaek, kaibaek, has an element of forgiveness because of how much the characters have each hurt each other. 

A pairing brought up in the previous episode was Baekhyun and Kyungsoo. Right before Kyungsoo leaves, you can tell that Baekhyun felt a void in his heart after their conversation. Then a while after Kyungsoo goes back to Korea, we witness that scene where Kyungsoo talks to Baekhyun and when, i quote: his words tugged in his most fragile spot, chapter 26 titled Make It Up To You, is a sincere Kyungsoo who wants to help Baekhyun. This scene was a nice change of pacing and it feels very honest as well. 

Yes. I think one of the lines I liked there was “we could stop being friends and I’d still know you more than anyone.” because that’s the gist of their relationship. Baekhyun, when he was unapologetically weird and had no other friends in college, was still the realest version of himself and only Kyungsoo really accepted that before Chanyeol came.

Another point of surprise made was how intense Jongin’s love was for Kyungsoo. Seeing as we are reading the fic in Kyungsoo’s POV, it was quite an eye opener to have read Jongin’s. As readers we do get a hint of Jongin having feelings for Kyungsoo. And upon the Jongin’s POV chapters, our impressions are validated, but to such a shocking extent. The previous episode as mentioned by one of the readers was that: they were convinced that Jongin had feelings for Kyungsoo the first time they met, but felt skeptical with their hunch since it always seemed like Jongin was siding with Soojung and setting Kyungsoo aside. But as the Jongin’s POV chapters were revealed, I think collectively, for readers, it becomes very clear that it is without a doubt Jongin loves Kyungsoo. 

You do a wonderful job and I really appreciate you giving us Jongin’s POV. Reading the fic again from Jongin’s POV, it becomes very thought provoking because there is a wider perspective which makes the story more complex. 

The part of the plot that changes to Jongin’s POV is after Kyungsoo is honest to Seonho that he loves Jongin. And with that, i pause for a question to yeolimerent: at what point of writing from Kyungsoo’s POV did you feel like you needed to share Jongin’s?

The part where he stopped tugging the other side of the rope and felt this intense fear of losing Kyungsoo completely when he saw him with Seonho at the parking lot. At present time, of course readers could tell Jongin wanted Kyungsoo back but him as a person didnt really know that or knew where to start. That scene with Seonho was some sort of his wake up call and from then on, he stopped letting his fears hold him back and was definite about winning the love of his life back so it was the perfect opportunity to reveal his side.

Writers Journey

The next segment is on the writer’s journey, your journey of writing Pride amongst other things.

The nature of Pride is that it is very long and dramatic and with that it has a very high intense emotional plot. As a reader, it feels overwhelming at times and i think a point that was brought up in the previous episode was how even upon rereading it the second time, the emotional rollercoaster was as intense as the first reading. And for some, already knowing the twist and surprising parts of the fic, it allows us to analyze every interaction they have before leading to that point. So that is us as readers. But how did you keep your emotions in check while writing?

It is crazy because a lot of people had complained about it being heavy throughout the years and I totally get it, but writing it was so therapeutic to me. I guess projecting a lot on Kyungsoo’s character played a lot of factor in that. He did a lot of stupid things in that fic but a lot of them were something I’d do or a choice I’d make so it felt nice to let it out.

Oh, wow. I see, so what kind of work is Pride to you?

Therapy! That was the time of my life where I had a lot going on and was in the middle of my med school applications so writing was a solace to me.

I did not know what to expect of your answer to my question, but I am definitely quite in awe. 

It sounds like the whole process was very cathartic especially when you say you project on Kyungsoo and it feels nice to let it out. I am in awe mainly because I see it is something to channel your creative energy and in turn, because it is something so unique, very yeolimerent style, readers can really immerse themselves in your words and see the plot developing through your eyes.

With that i am curious, how long have you been writing? Is the reference on ao3 correct to say that you have been writing since 2019 or did you start way earlier on another site?

I have been writing the first Deadly Sins fics in wattpad since 2017 and only moved to AO3 in 2018 for my first BAE fic. I wrote Pride in AO3 but it was also posted in both wattpad and AFF. I’ve also been writing creatively since high school, which was over 10 years ago.

How seasoned a writer were you in writing when you came up with this? What point of your writer’s journey was Pride published?

I definitely had a much better experience writing it compared to the first two because I got better at expressing the character’s emotions. I would say I still got a bit better in fics I wrote after Pride but that was one of my works where I was able to express the characters’ emotions the way I wanted to deliver them.

Somehow that is comforting to know. This really long work has not only had therapeutic aspects for you, but you were able to articulate yourself. And it’s a win for everyone. We get a wonderful story filled with deep human flaws, heartache of first loves, redemption arc and a hope for love to persist. And hopefully you also get to benefit from it by navigating through life with more grit and faith with whatever life hits you with.

Lesson Learnt

Lesson learnt. The points we made the previous episode was that this fic teaches us so many things - importance of honest communication to resolve issues and insecurities. Teaching us about how moving on and forgiveness is important. 

There is so much to unpack, so if there was one or more points you would like readers to take away from this story, what would it be?

Like you said, definitely communication and how important it is in a relationship. A lot of the problems in Pride came from their lack of talking which could be solved if the two of them were locked in a room together. Yes, the long tension was sexy but a lot of time could have been saved if they were well-functioning adults lol. I think forgiveness was also a big concept in this fic, not for the sake of those who wronged you but more on your peace of mind.

So now knowing the lessons you want readers to takeaway and us understanding the kind of work Pride was to you, what was the most challenging part of writing this particular au? 

I did say it was therapeutic but writing it also had me confronting a lot of emotions buried deep when I was writing it. So many aspects in Kyungsoo’s character’s life were heavily based on mine so it definitely was difficult to acknowledge it. I was also in a phase where I aimed to please people so I was rarely satisfied with the chapters I wrote no matter how good the feedback I’d receive.

I see. I suppose it is natural for when things are therapeutic, it forces you to be honest. As a reader, we can see your sincerity. Thank you for writing. 

Examples 

Of course we cannot talk about hardship and forget about good things. So yeolimerent, what is your favorite scene? A scene that so beautifully captures the essence of the fic, a scene that you think about when you think back into this fic? 

The ending on a beach was very heavy, both in good and bad ways. Years of unsaid words had to come out and it was messy, so I definitely remember it first. The scene where they were both sitting on the sand, both tired and hopeless, reimagining what could have been if things were different and accepting there was no way of changing things, so they either leave for good or move forward together. 

Probably just me, but I also love the double chapter with Jongin’s POV on everything because it sheds light on a lot of questions.

I recently reread the scene again and it is easy to feel emotional at that moment. 

I have another question from my curious cat that reads: In the FAQ, you mentioned the emotional scene but I wanna know what was your favorite scene like you read the scene and went “ damn girl you kinda ate”. Would it be the same beach scene or do you have another in mind?

Jongin’s POV was definitely one of my favorite because I had to navigate a completely different character and speak from his view. I also liked the scenes where Kyungsoo was trying to find himself in New Zealand because the parallelisms with his life and something as simple as volcanos was appealing to me.

Yeolimernet, listeners would be so honored to have you read an extract from the scene in the beautiful New Zealand beach, your favorite scene.

The designer looks at the distance where the sun has slowly risen. He bites his lip hard to prevent both a smile and his sobs.

“How could you confess and build all our dreams… in a car, parked on the side of the street?” his laugh mixes perfectly with a hiccup. Soo lets his head fall on his chest when Jongin reaches for his nape.

Inspiration

Thank you for reading your favorite scene. Having you read an extract aloud like this, it just makes me wonder, what inspired you to have this au? 

When I started writing it, I just wanted to see where it would take me. The moment their conflict started as college students, I found myself, even as the writer, asking for more too. I just always had this thrill in me whenever I got to start a new chapter or publish them. I looked forward to seeing what people thought. I guess that was my biggest drive to go on. EXO as a group was also very active when I was writing this story so there were still a lot of ship crumbs that helped me.

I find your trust in the process very fascinating. It becomes a journey of self discovery both for Kyungsoo and yourself.  

And from this inspiration of yours, was this the original idea you had in mind when you first drafted the fic? How much has the story grown or changed while writing?

Nothing particularly different from the final product. It definitely was supposed to be shorter than 300k like the 2 sinners trilogy before it, but I really had fun writing it and felt like the scenes I came up with, no matter how tedious and uneventful they seemed, were vital for the story and the characters’ arcs.

It certainly seems that way, very purposeful and intentional scenes. 

Impact

We are nearing the end of the episode, this next and last segment is on the author’s impact on the kaisoo fic community.

But before that, the last question from my CC reads: my pride yaps are never ending pls don’t mind me but anyway thank you so much for writing the fic really..even though its angst its one of my go to comfort fics. I need to get this off my chest, I felt like Wrath and Pride happened simultaneously in two parallel worlds..there is a thin line as there were lots of similarities but two fics were completely different. The emotions you conveyed, idk how to put it hope you get what I am trynna say..so how did you do srsly?

Ohh yes, they were completely different worlds. Thanks for being kind! I think my sinners trilogy are similar in a way because the sins are somehow still intertwined in other stories. You can still apply wrath on Pride, and you can very much see pride on Wrath’s characters. Idk if that makes sense but i think that’s what made them feel similar. 

I hope that answers your question, anon!

Yeolimerent, what kind of writer do you consider yourself as? For example, what is the one thing you hold dear to when writing? Or what is something you would never write?

Hmm I definitely am the type to write details as vivid and palpable as possible. I’m very visual as a person so I like writing the scene where I can be as clear as I possibly can for the imagery. I also try to write realistic lines or something I wouldn’t cringe at if I hear real Kaisoo say it in real life (key word: try hahaha). I like writing characters that are deeply flawed, and then I like having them reflect on said flaws.

In terms of tropes, I’m very welcoming to a lot of them as a reader. But as a writer, being realistic like I said, I’m not particularly into farfetched or over the top tropes like Mpreg or A/B/O. But depending on the world-building, I have fun reading them and am not closing any doors about writing them in the future.

And upon identifying the things you would like to continue to do, and the things you will never do as a writer, what’s the biggest thing you learnt while writing fics? Anything surprising or impactful or moving? Be it about the storytelling, the language used or the life lessons?

Heck, number 1: it is a thousand times harder to write fics when English is not your first language! TT I’ve had a lot of writing experience outside of the ficdom but it is still a struggle to express certain thoughts in another language. 

Plot-wise, I realized I also like it when my characters admit that they did certain things because they just fucked up and not everything has to have deep reasons. It’s a trend I’ve seen in my recent works and it’s always refreshing to write about people who screw up once in a while.

Thank you for writing despite it being difficult.

With all the things you have learnt yeolimerent, and with your experience, all 7 years of it, what do you think makes a great story?

Write what you want to read! I’ve scrapped a lot of stories because I found that I tried writing them to please a certain crowd but it didn’t really feel right on my part. Writing what you would like to read gives you more ideas and creative juices you didn’t know were there. Allow your characters to have flaws and give them space to grow too. I have a huge preference for slowburn stories, both as a reader and writer, because seeing the characters go through a satisfying arc is what makes a great story for me. 

Ending Ment

Before we end things, dear yeolimerent, do you have any other comments you want to share with us listeners? Any teasers for ongoing AUs or a hint of upcoming AUs you have in your work in progress stage? 

Nothing in progress for me sadly as I am busy with hospital work :( I might have some things in the drafts but I don’t know if they’d ever see the light of day lol. I am definitely reading comments and messages once in a while though, whether I reply or not, and it really gives me strength. I would definitely like to write more kaisoo fics in the future especially once they start interacting again, canon!

I’m happy to have the opportunity to talk about Pride like this after so many years so thank you for doing this and for appreciating the fic! I’m very grateful.

Thank you yeolimerent for taking time out of your busy schedule to be with us in spirit of the episode and my dear Jie voicing over as yeolimerent, thank you for doing this with me on a weekday.

Dear listener, the link to the author’s ao3 and twitter profile will be given below in the notes section. And with that we have come to the end of today’s episode. 

Do keep a lookout for next month’s episode because we will be going through Chasing Summer Skies by rainepaige08. 

New episodes either every 13th of the month or 12th and 14th, special kaisoo dates, of course.

To reach me, i am kaisooficdrunk on twitter and if you want you can drop me questions on my curious cat you can do so with the same username. There will also be another link that brings you to my tumblr blog with the transcription for today’s episode. There you can also find the other scripts for other episodes as well.

Thank you for listening, have a good day, dear kaisooist, and we look forward to next month’s episode. Stay tuned.

[moonycoco-fic-recs]

am I worthy (to bleed dry for you?)

Summary: The prince never expected his soulmate to be a lowlife serving in the castle. More so, Chanyeol never expected Baekhyun to be one of the best things that happened in his life.

Author: chanbaekedt

Ship: Park Chanyeol/Byun Baekhyun

Side Characters: Zhang Yixing, Oh Sehun, Do Kyungsoo, Kim Jongin

Tags/Genre: Royalty, Soulmate, Angst, Rich/Poor, Prince/Servant

Length: 14.8k words

Status: Completed

Ratings: Explicit

Site: ao3

PS: LINK IN COMMENT SECTION

[jongbross]

hey, she's mine! (park chanyeol x reader) [requested]

pairing: park chanyeol x reader (x kim jongin, kind of) word count: 3039 genre: fluffy with a tiny bit of angst i guess? warnings: swearing, mentions of sex. baekhyung being a goofy, jongin being a gentleman, chanyeol being way too jealous, jongdae being, well, me (i'm the one who always mentions the booze). a/n: thank you anon for requesting! it turned way longer than i thought it would lol hope you like it 🥺

you felt life being drained from you as you saw him in front of you. it's been so long - actually it's only been two years, but how many lifetimes can be fitted in two years? -, and he has changed so much.

his hair was shorter now, his arms slightly bigger; maybe he was working out like he always said he would do, who knows. there was something more mature about his eyes now too, something you couldn't quite explain.

"i brought my friend with me, i hope you don't mind", baekhyun said, pointing back at said friend. "this is..."

"hey, y/n", he said, interrupting baekhyun.

"hi!", you tried your best to smile. "oh my god, it's been so long, jongin."

at the mention of his name, chanyeol looked up from the couch with narrowed eyes and a confused expression. what do you mean jongin was there?

as your roommate, and now probably your best friend, chanyeol knew all about jongin. he knew everything about how close the two of you were back in college, how everyone thought jongin was such a cocky guy but, deep down, he was just a shy boy with a pretty face. chanyeol knew how the friendship between you two evolved to something more, to the point where you took jongin's virginity, being his first; he also knew how you two became friends with benefits after that, and how badly it all ended when, at the end of college, jongin told you he was in love with you. chanyeol knew all about how you broke the poor dude's heart, and how bad you felt all of these years because of that.

and also, chanyeol knew very well how you always claimed jongin was the best sex you ever had, which kind of messed with chanyeol's ego because, you know... he was your friend with benefits now.

"oh, you two know each other?", baekhyun asked as jongin walked into your place.

"we... we attended college together", you explained. "jongin is a friend of mine."

"wow", jongdae said, getting his coat off. "i didn't know that!"

"yeah, we haven't talked in a long time, i think", jongin replied.

the awkward conversation was replaced by baekhyun screaming chanyeol's name before entering the living room and throwing himself on top of his friend.

jongdae followed his steps, and you only mentioned for jongin to do the same. as you got to the living room, you saw chanyeol pushing baekhyun off him and onto the ground.

"get off me, you brat", the taller one said with angry eyes even though his lips were slightly curled into a smile.

"ouch! what did i do?", baekhyun got up from the ground. "you know what? no cuddles for you tonight!"

"it's okay, he has y/n for that", jongdae mumbled, throwing himself at a chair and pulling his phone out of his pocket. "what do you guys want to drink?"

your cheeks burned with that comment, and you made a mental note to kick jongdae's ass after - especially when you heard jongin chuckling behind you.

with a little puppy's attention span, baekhyun turned to jongdae to help him pick some beverages. as he did that, chanyeol got up from the couch and walked to jongin, a passive expression on his face.

"hey, how are you doing?", he offered his hand to jongin. "i'm chanyeol."

"hey, man", jongin smiled politely, shaking chanyeol's hand. "i'm jongin, it's really nice to meet you. baekhyun talks a lot about you!"

"he's an idiot", the older one said, rolling his eyes.

jongin laughed. "he sure is. sorry i tagged along without a warning, baekhyun said it would be okay and that his friends wouldn't mind..."

chanyeol only shrugged, eyes fixed on you. you kept staring at him, watching his body language as he interacted with jongin.

"it's okay, don't worry", chanyeol looked at the younger one then, finally smiling at him. "you're welcome here."

as the three of you also took a seat, the night finally began.

it was weird to see your ex best friend and your closest friends interacting. baekhyun seemed - and actually was - the only bond between all of you now, but thankfully everything went just fine. he would crack some jokes and cry of laughter with jongdae, then telling a story about some of his co-workers, to which jongin would comment eventually.

apparently, jongin had been working with baekhyun for a few months now. you found out that baekhyun had told you about him, but he never used the name jongin, only kai - which you also found out was now jongin's nickname, something he earned after leaving college.

jongin (or kai, whatever) was still as sweet as you could remember. funny too, as he made everyone laugh a few times throughout your gathering. at some point you caught yourself staring at him, smiling at how he'd tell a story or laugh at something.

but then, your attention got caught by chanyeol, who were also staring at jongin, but not with kind eyes like you. his jaw was clenched, and even though he'd reply to jongdae and baekhyun whenever they talked to him, it was so clear that something was bothering him. he didn't say a word to jongin, nor mistreated him, but still... something wasn't right.

"hey, the drinks are almost here", jongdae said, looking at his phone.

"what did you order?", you asked.

"soju and beer, because that's what i can afford."

"it's okay", you laughed. "i'll get some snacks for us too."

you got up from your spot, shooting a smile at chanyeol - to which he smiled back - before walking out of the room.

you quickly began to work at the kitchen, grabbing some chips and leftovers from the fridge, deciding what to do with all of that. as your hands worked, your mind traveled back to two important moments of your life.

firstly, you relived the moment you told jongin you didn't love him back. you saw his sad eyes in front of you again, pouting at the way he tried his best not to look at you and how he kept repeating it was okay, even though it wasn't.

secondly, you relived the moment you met chanyeol. both of you were starting a new job at the same company, and as you were the same age you instantly clicked. chanyeol was a tall, goofy guy with big round eyes and deep dimples; something about him just felt so comfortable, so cozy. you felt like he was meant to be your friend, and it was only a matter of time before the two of you got really close and, eventually, decided to live together.

you didn't regret taking a step further, though. back at the pandemic, when both of you were in quarantine in your place, things got hard... quite literally. neither of you was dating, but both of you had needs; neither of you could interact with people outside your doors, but both of you could interact.

"it's just this once", chanyeol had said, before fucking you on the couch. but it started to happen again, and again, and again...

when you realized, you didn't need to be in a relationship anymore, because everything you needed physically you could find in chanyeol.

"do you need some help?", you heard someone saying from behind you, and you jumped in surprise. "shit, i'm sorry! i forgot how much of a scaredy cat you are."

when you turned around, you met jongin laughing. "it's not funny."

"it kind of is", he said, walking up to you. "what are you doing?"

"um... there's some meat from yesterday's dinner, i'm gonna heat it up. we also have some chips..."

"can i make some sauce to dip these chips in?", jongin asked, eyes fixed on you.

"sure", you shrugged. "feel at home."

with a chuckle, jongin started to work too. you watched as he walked from side to side in the kitchen, grabbing what he needed, sometimes asking you where he could find something. he was humming a song the whole time, a song you couldn't quite recognize but that it sounded good on his honey-like voice.

"how's it going, uh?", he suddenly asked. "it's been years since i last saw you."

you licked your lips, getting back to work too as if you haven't just stopped everything to watch him.

"i-i'm fine", you said. "i got into a company after i left college, i'm still there. got a promotion last month, actually."

"oh, congrats! i'm sure you deserved it", jongin smiled sincerely at you, pulling up his sleeves to mix a few ingredients; at this point, you didn't know what was inside that bowl. "are you happy there?"

"yeah, definitely. i feel like there's a lot to learn yet, but i can see myself growing even more. maybe i'll become the boss someday, who knows?"

"that's the spirit!"

you and jongin started to run your mouths. he told you about his life after college - he went back to his hometown when the pandemic hit, so he could be with mom and sisters. he was working at a small company at the time, but it was shut down due to bankruptcy. he told you that, when things started to get better, he came back to seoul to start a new job, which it also didn't work. jongin felt like nothing good was gonna come his way, but then he met a guy named junmyeon who got him into where he was working right now - and that's how he met baekhyun.

"oh, you know junmyeon!", you smiled. "i met him a few months ago at baekhyun's birthday party. he's your boss too?"

"yeah, boss and friend. i owe junmyeon hyung a lot, to be honest."

"he's a great guy, he offered chanyeol a job too when he decided to leave our company."

"oh, you and chanyeol worked together?"

"yeah, that's how we met. it didn't work that well for him, so he left two months ago", you explained. "he's happier now, that's what matters."

"oh, that's great", jongin said with such kindness. "you two look cute together, by the way. i ship it."

"what? oh, no!", your eyes were about to pop off your skull. "we're not together, no!"

he laughed, looking back at you. something in jongin's expression clearly told you he didn't believe you.

"y/n, come on... it's okay if you're dating, don't lie to me. we were best friends."

"i'm not lying to you! we're not together, i swear."

jongin stared at you, and you felt like he was reading your soul. he narrowed his eyes at you, lips pressed into a thin line.

"have you two fucked?", he whispered at you.

"jonginnie!", you almost screamed.

"what?!", the bastard started to laugh at you. "i'm just asking, because you know..."

jongin went back to his task, like nothing had happened. but no, you didn't know.

"know what?"

"ah, you know... the way he looks at you... the way he looked at me when i got here...", he mentioned, dragging his words. when you didn't reply, jongin looked back at you. "come on! it's so clear that he likes you."

you frowned at that. gosh, not again...

"chanyeol doesn't like me."

"he does. he looks at you exactly how... how i did when i was in love with you."

you groaned at his words, resting against the counter and bringing your hands to your face, pressing the palms on your eyes. you could only hear jongin chuckling.

"which, by the way, it's okay!", you felt jongin grabbing your wrists and pulling your hands off your face. "don't worry about it."

"i owe you a lifetime of apologies."

"no, you don't", he shook his head. "you didn't love me back and it was okay, i couldn't force you to do it. i was really heartbroken, but i never blamed it on you. you never, ever gave me any signals that you felt the same, i just... i don't know, i took a leap of faith to see what would happen."

"still...", you groaned again. "i fucked up our friendship."

jongin sighed at your words, caressing the inside of your wrist.

"that's on us both, then. i didn't look for you after everything happened, i felt like if i did, all of my feelings would come back. i should have told you that, i'm sorry."

"i thought you hated me..."

"well, i did, but not because you didn't want me, but because you didn't look for me either", he laughed. "my mom asked me about you every single day, did you know that?"

you laughed too, picturing his sweet mom, who cooked so well and welcomed you into the family with an open heart, worrying about you and missing you.

"i miss her."

"she does too. you should come visit her with me anytime, she's gonna love it", he smiled. "i'll go next weekend with kyungsoo, you're welcome to tag along."

"next weekend i hav- wait, kyungsoo?"

jongin dropped your wrists, smiling brightly at you. he took his phone from his pocket, showing you his lockscreen - which had a photo of him and a bald guy. jongin was laughing, pressing his cheek to the kyungsoo guy's face, who had an annoyed expression on.

"this is kyungsoo, my boyfriend", jongin announced proudly. "he's childhood friends with junmyeon hyung, we met some time ago and, you know... i tend to fall in love easily."

you just knew you had heart eyes at that moment. looking at jongin, you saw how happy he was, how much love was overflowing from his own eyes just at the mention of this kyungsoo dude.

jongin had always been open about his bisexuality to you, but it was something you never felt like he got to explore back at college; so it was really great to see him so happy just for being himself.

"oh my gosh, jongin! i'm so happy for you!", you said, throwing yourself in his arms and hugging him.

honestly, you've missed your best friend.

jongin was laughing with you inside his arms when he suddenly stopped, at the same time you heard someone clearing their throat behind you. you turned around to meet chanyeol, arms crossed on his chest and brows knitted together.

"sorry to interrupt", he said bitterly. "the drinks are here, i'll go get them with baekhyun."

"i'll go, don't worry", jongin shrugged, letting go of you. "just help y/n with the food, please."

as he walked past chanyeol, he patted the taller one's shoulder. chanyeol rolled his eyes, walking towards you and staring at the sink.

"what do i have to do?"

by the tone of his voice, you could tell he was pissed. so you held back a chuckle, standing beside him and caressing his arm.

"nothing, don't worry. i'm on it."

"oh, so you need his help but don't need mine?"

"yeollie...", you looked at him. "come on, don't be like that."

"he's the intruder here, not me."

"you said he was welcome here!"

"and he is", chanyeol stamped his foot like a little kid. "just not... beside you, i guess..."

you laughed, pushing chanyeol. "get out of here."

"no, i'm serious", he said, pouting. "why did he come to the kitchen with you? why were you two hugging? did you two... made up?"

scoffing, you turned to chanyeol again. he had his arms crossed on his chest one more time, and his usually soft, pretty face was now one big frown.

"are you jealous, park chanyeol?"

"well, kind of! this dude has been gone for what, two, three years now? and suddenly baekhyun hyung brings him here out of nowhere, and then he's all over you, helping you cook and then hugging you? what's up with that? next thing i know i'm gonna catch you two banging on your room..."

"hey!" you raised a finger at him, making him press his lips into a line. "stop that."

"i'm sorry", he mumbled, like a spoiled little boy.

"jongin just helped me here because that's what he does, he's just like that."

chanyeol shrugged, pouting. "i can help you too."

you tilted your head to the side, taking a good look at chanyeol. you could almost literally see the little green monster called jealousy on his shoulder, pulling his big ear and telling him lies.

"yeah. yes, you can", you nodded, taking a step closer to him. "you could help me out by coming to my room tonight, what do you think?"

"wouldn’t you rather have jongin on your bed tonight?"

"um... i don't think his boyfriend will like that", you said, and laughed at how chanyeol looked at you when he heard the word 'boyfriend'. "besides, you know me way better than him now. i'm sure you're the only one who can help me with what i need."

chanyeol hummed, relaxing his features. he reached for you, holding your waist and pulling you close.

"keep talking..."

"and maybe, if you do it right, i can take you out on a date tomorrow... test jongin's theory..."

"what theory?"

you sighed, resting your hands on his chest. "he thinks you like me, and that you're jealous of him. he said that you look at me like he used to do, when he was in love with me."

"theory comproved, no need to test", chanyeol said, making you laugh.

"really? just by fucking?", you scrunched your nose. "i mean, you wouldn't be the first..."

"i live with you, y/n, so i know you, through and through. only someone crazy wouldn't fall in love with you", he said, looking into your eyes. "and not everyone can be as heartless as you are when it comes to sex..."

"hey!"

chanyeol laughed, leaning down to kiss your lips. you allowed him, missing the say jongin passed by the door, smiling at the two of you.

"and besides...", chanyeol whispered against your lips. "your sex is amazing, there's no way on earth i wouldn't fall in love with you when you fuck me like that..."

"chanyeol!, you screamed, as a warning, but it only made him laugh.

well, at least you had a date to go to.

[eomayas]

can u do like a fluffy college au with jongin :D!! u could add smut at the end if you’d like too <3

a/n: thank you for the request! i hope you enjoy this :) this is unedited so bear with me

take a break • kji [req]

pairing: collegebf!jongin x f! reader

genre: fluff + bit of angst, bobista!jongin

synopsis: reader is studying for and exam and jongin takes her out for a break.

warnings: sweet, supportive, and caring jongin. reader has a bit of general anxiety & self doubt. mentions of stress and being overwhelmed

a sigh escapes your lips and you cradle your head in your hand for a brief moment, closing your eyes and counting 8 seconds in and 8 seconds out as you take deep breaths. you make a mental list of things you can control: how long you study, what time you go to bed, what time you wake up in the morning, what you eat for breakfast. you use this to focus and ground yourself back to earth, your head pounding and vision blurry from flipping through your notes and textbook for the last few hours.

you sit up and blink your eyes back into focus. glancing around, you are grateful for jongin and his roommates for allowing you their common area to study when you cant focus at your own place. you've been at their dining table more than you've been at your own this week, getting the complete silence that you need since they all have different schedules that work with the times you want to study. well, you get mostly peace and quite, save for the interruptions from jongin asking you to eat with him, or bothering you to take a break.

"y/n?" youre happy to hear his voice, whether you outwardly express that or not.

"hmm?" you push your glasses back into place and flip the page of your textbook, the words blending together and meaning nothing to you. jongin comes up behind you and puts his hands on your shoulders.

"baby, you really should take a break. its been an hour and half," he says and you raise your eyebrows. it feels like you've been studying for weeks, let alone barely two hours. "please? just take thirty minutes with me." he says, bending down to look you in the face.

you worry your bottom lip. its hard to resist jongin in any setting, but your schoolwork is way too important to you. "jongin," you start, reaching out and putting a hand on his arm.

jongin frowns, shaking his head. "y/n, its not healthy to sit here for hours staring at your notes. its not good for your mental," he says, his lips downturned. you could deal with poor mental health if that meant you'd pass this exam in the morning. "just come for a drive with me. we can get dinner." jongin adds, grabbing one of your hands and intertwining your fingers together.

"i don't have money to blow," you say.

"ill pay," he says with a shrug. you start to shake your head and he lets out a whine. "please, y/n! i miss you, i've barely seen you all day!" he slides down onto his knees and throws his head into your lap, his arms circling around your waist.

your heart swells at his words. you haven't been the most attentive girlfriend for the past few days, and he's been relatively understanding of that. hes been accommodating, giving your space and allowing you to study because he knows how important school is to you.

you stroke his head and run your fingers through his hair. "okay," you say and he lifts his head quickly, his eyes wide.

"really?" he asks. when you nod, a smile breaks out onto his face and you cant help but return it. "ill get your shoes." he places a kiss on your forehead before he runs to the front door to retrieve your shoes from the rack.

"can we get boba?" you ask when he comes back and starts helping you put on your shoes, even though you are fully capable.

"of course–i literally work at a boba shop, y/n," he says, like he does every time you ask to go. you blush and smile as he ties your shoes for you. he looks up at you when hes finished, and you swoon all over again. "what?"

you sigh. "i just love you, jongin. that's all," you say, and now its his turn for his cheeks to turn a bright shade of pink.

"i love you too," he says, standing up and placing a soft, chaste kiss to your lips. you hold onto his forearms and let him pull you off of the chair.

you two walk outside and you shiver, your sweatshirt no match for the wind. you quickly get into his car and when he starts it, blast the heat. you then get your music set up, and he takes off into the night.

the ride is quiet, minus the song playing from the speaker. you and jongin hold hands as he drives, his thumb absentmindedly tracing shapes into your palm. you lean your head against the glass and let out a small sigh. "whats on your mind, y/n?” he asks, squeezing your hand.

you shake your head. “nothing, just tired,” you say, but you cant stop thinking about your exam, and the time you’re wasting that could be spent studying.

luckily, jongins work is close to his house, because the drive is short and he’s pulling into the parking lot before you know it. “do you want to go in, or stay here? its gonna be quick,” he says.

“i’ll go in,” you say after a moment of thinking it over. he smiles and kisses your cheek before you both get out of the car.

walking into the shop, jongins coworkers greet the both of you enthusiastically. “y/n! how are you?” his coworker jongdae asks, coming from behind the counter and giving you a side hug.

“i’m alright,” you say, giving him a soft smile. you chat for a bit in front of the counter while jongin busies himself in the back to make both of your drinks. it’s only when a customer comes in that jongdae goes back to work and you go to stand at the pick up counter.

you watch jongin work deftly and snap a few photos of him. he looks so cute and out of place right now; wearing a big hoodie and sweats, a baseball cap and no name tag but efficiently making two drinks like he’s on the clock.

“here you go, pretty lady,” he flirts, sliding you your thai tea with a wink and a smile. you roll your eyes and accept the drink, giggling when he hops over the counter rather than walking all the way around.

“you flirt with all of your customers like that?” you ask, poking the straw through the film of your lid and taking a sip.

“only if they look like you,” he says, taking your hand and leading you to a small table in the back of the store. he sets his drink down on the table and goes to the shelf board games to grab connect four. you guys regularly play connect four, sometimes because you’re both competitive and other times to destress or just chill together.

you help jongin set up the board and slide all of the yellow pieces to him and take the red. “are you ready to get whooped?” you ask, dropping your disk into one of the slots. you entangle your legs between his, pressing your knees together.

“do your worst,” he replies, placing his disk next to yours. you guys shit talk each other as you play, your mind finally drifting away from your exam and allowing you to relax.

“you know i’m about to win, right?” you ask, seeing the three places you can win. you look at him through the holes in the board and he just smirks, his eyes scanning places to block. you watch him, your eyes dropping to the board to see anywhere else that he can win.

jongin drops his disk into a slot and leans back in his chair. “guess not,” he says. you frown and look at the board, eyes scanning every possible combination until you see it. you gasp and pretend to flip the table over. “again.” he says.

and you two play two more rounds. you wind up beating him 2-1, and both times you play until all of your chips are placed on the board. you go to start another round, but are interrupted by jongdae who brings you cajun french fries, gyoza, chicken wings, and a bowl of plain white rice. “oh, we didn’t order this,” you say to him, glancing at jongin.

jongdae shrugs. “it’s on the house. good luck on your exam tomorrow,” jongdae says, patting you on the shoulder and giving you a warm smile. he leans over and gives jongin a fist bump, something unspoken being passed between the two of them.

you look at the food and back at jongin who reaches for a few fries. “eat,” he says, nodding at the food with his head.

you can’t help the tears that come to your eyes. anxiety, gratitude, and stress wash over you. everyone is so kind to you, so accommodating but you can’t even extend yourself an eighth of that type of grace. you pull your glasses up press the heels of your hands into your eyes. “baby?” you hear his chair scoot and then his arms are around you, pulling you against his chest. “talk to me.” he says softly, kissing your hair.

you pull in a shaky breath, flipping your hands around to use the backs of them to wipe at your eyes. “i’m just very overwhelmed,” you say. “and i know it’s just school, and it’s not the end of the world tomorrow. i just want to do well.” you say, feeling embarrassed for crying in public but not caring enough to get up and leave.

“and you will, y/n. you’ve been studying all week, and it’s going to pay off. let yourself relax just a bit, okay? you need to eat,” he says. you lift your head to look at him, and he offers you a small smile. “my pretty girl. i dont like when you cry.” he says, a frown taking over his face as he uses the sleeves of his sweatshirts to wipe underneath your eyes.

you sniff and mumble a ‘thank you’ to him. you wrap your arms around his neck and pull him in for a hug, resting your chin on his shoulder. he holds you tight and rubs your back soothingly.

pulling away, you grab a wing and and start chewing on it, resting your head on his shoulder. jongin pulls one of your legs over his lap and you two eat in silence, his right thumb stroking the exposed skin near your ankle reassuringly.