#poor estonian dude

[karjalantroll]

Läine Raamat - Fram's father.

He's always at work, always plowing fields…he doesn't have time for life or emotions

[whatsonyourmindbill]

Anton Hansen Tammsaare

Well, it’s been a while, here at WOYMB.  For the last few years, this interviewer has been living in the woods, surviving on mould, screaming, and writhing in filth.  Thankfully, my energies seem to finally be aligned, and as my reward I have here Anton Hansen Tammsaare, Estonian writer, who’s “Truth & Justice”, is considered one of the major works of Estonian Literature.

Wow. 

Here we go.

WOYMB: Whats going down Anton?

AHT:  Honest to fuck, my novel wasn’t even that good. I just kinda of lucked out, and used the cash I made off the book to party.

WOYMB: Truth and Justice, eh?

AHT: That’s the one.  Anyhow, during the party days, one time I was all fucked up on Estonian Coke, and I had been into the pickled cabbage, and the beers and everything.  And I’m playing Badminton.  Bunch of us.  All fucked up, playing Badminton.  Sunny day.  Nice out.  All fucked up.  All day I’m playing in the sun, and I feel a burn on my left nut.  Starts out tingly, and I’m like “yeah”, because it tingled all nice on the ball.  But then, it started to burn.  And it was hurting the left ball, so I looked down, and my left ball was out of my shorts.  Had been all day, poking out like an egg, at the edge of a coop.  Left Ball wanted the sun that day, friends, but he bit off more than he could chew, no doubt about that...

WOYMB: Uhh...

AHT: So, there I am, next two days dabbing aloe vera on my nut sack, like christ, anointing the wounds of the sick in the streets of the holy land.  Fuck me dead.

WOYMB:  Must have been a bad ball burn.

AHT: All day the nut was in the sun.  

WOYMB: And, like, it had never really seen any sun before that.  Bit if a zero to sixty kind of situation.

AHT:  Poor nut management, if I’m honest.  User error, eh.

WOYMB:  You know, I didn’t know they had badminton in Estonia...  

AHT:  I mean, it’s just a net and a fuckin’ couple rackets dude.

WOYMB:  Ok, ya.  Listen, is it OK if I sleep in your backyard for a couple of weeks.

AHT: Sure, but you have to do Estonian Coke with me.

WOYMB: Break it out, Ton’ Ton’.

[southafricagooglesearches-blog]

//Part 1 (I have no idea what to call this, this is the second fanfic i’ve every written

A game. That's all he saw it as. A sick, twisted game. One in which he held the world in his hands. Anyone brave enough to say it to him died on the spot, or so the rumors go...

After Russia was killed at another’s hands he snapped. Killing Russia was HIS job, he wanted to be the one. He wanted his hands to wrap around the Russian neck, watch him beg for his life as the American slowly kills him. “Unfortunately”, that didn't happen. They HAD to join together and kill them didn't they. For “Humanity’s Sake”, what about his sake? He wanted to be the hero that saved everyone. Not the one that came in at the last minute and watch Russia's death. HE wanted to be the one to do it all.

So, he created a game in which countries were his toys, he can use them. Force them to do things to they would never do. Rip families apart like paper, friendships turned to dust. All because he couldn't kill the Russian. It took awhile to set up, first he needed an arena and people to build it. Then again, threatening your boss with their family's lives could cut the cost right? The workers would agree to it as well, he was sure of that. As for the contestants...well, he has been plotting this for awhile now. Every contestant has a partner that they care about, so if they were the only two left they would have to kill each other. It was perfect. Everything was falling into place. Now all he needed was his little lab rats~.

Neds house had people in it for once, The entire family was there. Although he would never admit it he enjoyed their company, It meant he knew they were safe. Looking through the window he couldn't help but feel like something was off. As if something was about to happen that he couldn't prevent. Turning his head he watched his family, his eyebrow twitched as he watched the girls cook. He hated getting his kitchen dirty, so much so he gets take out most of the time. Luxembourg was trying to work from Neds laptop, He always admired his little brother for that. It all felt off. It was all the same yet all different.

the quiet before the storm.

It was quite at Lithuania’s place. Everything was different since the Russian died the Baltic's, Ukraine and Belarus had changed. They were all...Quite. They didn't know how to feel about it all, They were sad, yes. Who wouldn't be sad when someone that was close to them died but, an odd relief washed over them. Like the sins of their pasted were forgiven, maybe Russia dying was a good thing. The sisters were in the worst conditions, Ukraine hadn't stopped crying. Belarus was no better, Every knife she had ever owned was in the was. every gun had run out of bullets. Every window had been smashed.

No one saw it coming.

China's house felt different too, in the crossfire many Nations fell, North Korea being one of them.

South Korea had taken over their land well, what was left of it. So many people died in the crossfire, all that was left was ash and dirt. Most of them were glad, they knew Korea could turn the land into something more useful, like cites or bases. Maybe it was all for the better. Yet it felt wrong, like something bad was going to happen. China felt it too, in fact everyone felt it. If only they knew what was going to happen.

But what's the worst that could happen?

Southern Europe was celebrating. With the Russian dead they gained some profit, enough for Greece to stop mooching off Germany. Much to the Germans relief. The Italian were partying through the streets. Music, food and dancing flooded all that were there. The Italians brothers had never seen so many people in streets with smiles on their faces. Everything felt so perfect, yet so off. Italy watched his brother smile, he'd never seen his brother so happy before. It made him happy and the fact that Germany was there made the street party even better. But, something was telling him that bad stuff was going to happen.

If they would just listen to their instincts...

It was all in place now. The arena, the cameras, the control. Now he just needed his lab rats. He had a plan for that though, in fact it was already in place. He just needed to give the call. “H-hey, America. Do you think that maybe should should uh... come up with a d-diffrent plan?” He turned his head to his brother, seeing him shake was upsetting. All he wanted to do was play a game after all, is that so much to ask for? “Dude, it's all fine, you're not apart of this. It's only a game bro, you don't need to worry~” He acted so...Normal. It was almost like he hasn’t gone insane for power. It was creepy.

He fiddled with his phone, one call and he had the world in his hands... Looking over his brother, he smiled “Don't worry bro, you don't need to get involved. I'm the hero, I can handle this!” Pressing the call button he smiled it was all coming into place.

“It's time dudes”

Puffing the smoke out of his lungs he looked out into the distance, why is he feeling off? He took his pipe from his lips and looked at it, the tobacco chamber needed a clean. He sighed as he went back into the house, They were all enjoying waffles without him. “Oi, save some for me. Munchies worden verdoemd” walking over to the table he prayed that none of the sticky syrup got onto the table. Belgium was glad, for once maybe they could eat as a family. It was always rare for her niece to be up and Lux to take some time off. It was all so perfect.

A mist appeared from the corridor, it looked like it was dancing through the air. “Hey Big brother? How much did you smoke?” Turning his head he saw the it. Sleeping gas. “UIT. NU.” grabbing onto to the girls he ran. Lord, he hadn't ran that fast in his life. “LUX? WAAR BEN JIJ?!” It was too late, the smoke had reached his lungs and had put him into a deep slumber. “Fok.” The South African panted. The grip on her wrist was sure to leave a mark, but that wasn't important right now.  The effort was futile, so much gas had been released into the house. So...sleepy...

Lekker slapp.

Ukraine knocked on her sisters door, she was getting pretty worried about her. “Bela? May I come in please?” The only response she got was silence. Slowly opening the door she saw her sister. She looked a mess, her hair was tangled, Bags under her eyes. Poor girl. Ukraine walked over to the bed where her sister laid, slowly running her fingers through her hair. If only they has noticed had noticed the gas. Slowly Ukraine’s hand stopped in her sisters hair  as they both fell asleep.

Надобраніч

The baltics were sitting in the kitchen waiting for Ukraine to come back down. “She sure is taking her time, huh?” The Estonian muttered to himself, he had become a lot quieter since the Russian was killed. Lithuania placed his hand on the Estonian's shoulder and smiled, “She's probably making sure Belarus isn't too out of it, I am very worried about her...” It was true. All of them were, they had never seen the Belarussian so upset over something. It really scared them.

Latvia looked over to the door hearing footsteps, odd. When ever Ukraine walked that weird drum would play. Maybe it was Belarus? Walking over to the door he screamed and then, he stopped. Lithuania stood up and ran over to his friend, fearing the worst. A strong chemical scent hit his nostrils, it was too much...he couldn't....

Labos nakties

Korea walked around his new land, Its was in a worse condition then he had originally imagined. Not even a trace of life could be seen, not even a plant had survived. A shard of some sort caught  his attention, that was new. Walking over he listened to each footstep, it was all he all could listen to out there. The closer he had gotten the more he could see what the object was. A small ball? Picking up the object he looked at it, twirling the small object between his fingers. He applied some pressure to the ball. Breaking it. A puff of gas sprayed into his face. Knocking him out as soon as it entered his lungs.

안녕히 주무세요

The street party was slowly quieting down, people had returned to their homes for an afternoon nap. Germany was yelling at some of the locals for littering. He couldn't stand the mess as it was already, any more and the poor man would be having a heart attack. “Romano, are you happy now?” Looking at his brother he smiled. He had never shown such happiness, even if it was a light smirk. Germany continued to pick up the litter left by the locals. A small ball caught his attention, putting the rest of the litter in the bin he picked up the ball...Odd this looks familiar. Oh shi-

Buona notte

Let the game begin...

[eurekamagdoteu-blog]

THE WEEK IN NEWS

Catherine Deneuve, from before she was problematic .

By Dora Dimitrova

If you didn’t get that very subtle and obscure reference in the title, fret not! It’s probably good that you’re reading Eureka this week, though, because where else would you be getting the 411 on the juicy facts that matter in a highly condensed format permeated by someone else’s cynicism?

Shithole-gate

“Asteroid of awfulness” is the phrase Emily Thornberry, the UK’s Shadow Foreign Secretary, used to describe Donald Trump in regards to his latest outburst of poor judgement and blatant racism. The statement in question had the US President referring to Haiti, El Salvador and African states as “shithole countries” and questioning why his glorious homeland has to put up with migrants/refugees from these places, apparently adding that he would rather welcome immigrants from Norway. I wonder if he would be able to point out Norway on a map… This new discussion on whether Trump is a racist (I think we can all take an educated guess) comes on the back of a seemingly never ending flood of scandals coming out of the White House. Unfortunately - albeit predictably - POTUS commands a great deal of political clout among the global élite, as shown by recent reports that PM Theresa May will attempt to engineer a reconciliatory meeting with him at the World Economic Forum in Davos later this month, in order to clear the air between the special partners following the cancellation of Trump’s planned state visit to London.

Get your hand off my knee

Awfulness is not contained to the States, however: we have plenty of it here on ye olde Continent, too! France really takes the trophy this week, with a group of French actresses, including the star Catherine Deneuve, denouncing the #MeToo movement in an attempt to defend men’s right to annoy and seduce women, which they claim is “essential for sexual liberty.” To quote or repeat their arguments would be to give these women a platform they simply do not deserve, but one particularly jarring detail I cannot bear to leave out: one of the signatories of the open letter, Brigitte Lahaie, stooped so low as to claim that some women actually enjoy being raped. To answer the question of whether this apologist, “I’m not like the other girls” narrative is politically or culturally relevant in 2018, I would like to point the reader in the direction of 2017, when Deneuve walked a red carpet with Roman Polanski, charged in 1977 with the statutory rape of a 13-year old girl.

#2Corrupt4EU?

The EU has a new President! And surprisingly, it’s not a crusty old white dude! Take a step back Donald Tusk, Jean-Claude Juncker and Antonio Tajani (and let’s not forget everyone’s favourite technocrat, Mario Draghi): here comes Bulgaria! For the first time since its accession to the union in 2007, the small Eastern European state is taking up the task of the EU Presidency, with big shoes to fill given the consensus within the Brussels bubble that the Estonian presidency that just ended was successful. The priorities of the Bulgarian Presidency priorities include youth, the digital economy, relations with the Western Balkan countries, and security and defence. Two major potential disruptors: the country’s apparent inability and/or unwillingness to tackle corruption and mafia ties at the highest levels of government, a relic of the “post-communist” transition era; and the far-right Patriotic Front, the junior partners in the coalition government whose co-spokesman once described Romani as “ferocious apes.”

All in all, it hasn’t been a great week for Europe’s public discourse. Feeling awful yet?... Join the club, and be sure that 2018 has many more horrors in store for us!