#poor dear Minerva who didn't deserve this

[softquietsteadylove]

I was wondering if you could do a toxic AU? One where like they're dating, but really bad for each other (like cheat on each other, make the other cry, or something just toxic) and they just can't let each other go. I know it would be kind if impossible because it's THEM, but because it's THEM, and they're obsessed with each other it kinda makes it possible😭

"She's here?!"

"Will you keep your voice down?" Gil attempted to shush Minerva, which of course only made her more upset.

She threw her purse to the ground. "Are you serious right now, Gilgamesh? First, you have some weird moment with Thena behind closed doors seconds before her wedding. Then, you stand and protest the marriage. And then you follow her after she runs off, and I have to find out she's in my home--our home?!"

"It's still my apartment, Minerva," he hissed at her, hand on his hip, solidly blocking the doorway to their bedroom. "You moved in with me, and Thena is my friend. What was I supposed to do, let her go back to that jackass's place alone?!"

"You don't bring the woman you're obsessed with into the apartment you share with your girlfriend!"

She was still in her wedding attire. So was he, suit still on, tie hanging around his neck loosely. "I am not obsessed with Thena."

But she dug her heels in, pointing up in his face. "You are. I should have listened when my friends told me what a red flag it was that you couldn't let go of her, even when she got engaged. I wanted to believe you when you said you weren't in love with her!"

"I never said that."

She reared back as if he'd struck her. "You what?"

"You never asked if I was in love with Thena, you asked if I was cheating on you with her," he clarified, even knowing what he'd get for it. "Which I didn't."

Her slap held nothing back, cracking against his cheek in the otherwise silent apartment.

It stung. "Okay, I deserve that."

"And more," Minerva choked, tears streaming down her cheeks. "Why the hell would you do this? Why did you agree to move in with me? I thought you were going to propose."

He kept his face passive. She didn't want any more lies, and he was tired of lying to her. "I figured 'why not?', that's why."

She stumbled back again. "Was-Was anything you've ever told me in our relationship true?"

"Yes."

"You fucking liar!"

"I'm not lying," he insisted. "I never lied. You asked if I'm obsessed with Thena, I'm not. You asked if I was cheating on you--if I would ever cheat on you with her, and I wouldn't! And Thena would never do that to you either."

"Maybe that's the worst part," she laughed coldly. "Why did she pretend to be my friend all this time?"

"She didn't pretend," he stated so straightforward he was starting to sound like Thena. "She doesn't pretend to like people, I told you. She wasn't lying when she told me she liked you, which you kept insisting was some mean, backhanded lie."

No, instead it was her boyfriend who was lying (according to her). Minerva swiped at her tears, dragging the mascara off her cheeks. "So, you're not cheating on me, you just brought the woman you've loved your entire life home after her failed wedding out of kindness."

Gil sighed. "That's right."

Minerva's tears began anew. Her petite shoulders folded in on themselves, her dark hair tumbling around her in long curls. "You love her."

She deserved this much--the real, whole truth. "Yes."

"You've always loved her," Minerva continued to ask questions he knew she wouldn't like the answers to. "The whole time?"

He stood up straight, dragging his tie off completely. He didn't really like orange, but Minerva insisted they match. "From the first day I met her when we were kids."

"Then why wouldn't you just go be with her?" Minerva demanded, even pointed to the bedroom door where her unseen enemy was lying in wait (according to her).

But he shrugged. He had asked himself these questions for a long time, the answers didn't have any pain left in them. "Because our lives went in different directions. Because we've always been best friends--too good to complicate it. We knew it wouldn't have worked when we were young so why try and break our own hearts?"

It seemed her tears were drying quickly the colder her eyes became. She crossed her arms at him. "So, you've always been in love with her. And you dated me anyway."

"Yes."

"But not everything you told me was a lie?" she scoffed. "And you expect me to believe that?"

"It doesn't matter if you believe it or not." She flinched again, and he did feel bad. He did care for this woman--they had been together for two years. "I never lied to you, Minerva. But don't ask me to choose between you and her."

Because he would choose her. He was choosing her over his girlfriend standing in front of him right now. "I see."

He crossed his arms as well, still planted in front of the door. "I'm not sending her to some hotel. Her brother and Phastos and Ben are probably helping get her stuff out of Eros' place as we speak. Once I know she's safe and has a place to go, you can come and get your stuff."

"That's it?" She was done--the line was cut, the bridge burned and floating down the river.

"Yeah," he also deflated. He didn't think what he was doing was noble by any means. And he deserved every horror story Minerva would tell about her nightmare ex who was always in love with his friend he had told her not to worry about.

Well, she wouldn't have had to if Thena had gotten married. If she had never told him that she couldn't go through with marrying Eros because she had always loved him. She was guilty of that, but he could bear that sin for the both of them.

"Fine," Minerva stated finally, drying the last of her tears.

"I can leave you the apartment, if you want," he added lamely. He really didn't want to.

"Don't offer me your pity," she spat back at him, and he admired her for it. "I don't need a homewrecker's space."

He was a homewrecker, that would stick with him. But he still couldn't bring himself to regret so long as he knew Thena was lying on his bed, crying.

"Go to hell," she hissed at him, picking her purse up and not even bothering to take anything on her way out. "You and your precious Thena."

"Watch it," he grumbled back at her. She could curse his name for generations to come, fine. But he wouldn't let her speak badly of Thena.

That was the last straw, and she slammed the door behind her as hard as she could.

Two years of his life, down the drain. It was a happy relationship, for the most part. She had always excitedly wanted to advance their relationship, take new steps together (like moving in). But looking around the empty apartment, he didn't care. She could come and take the furniture she had picked out that he didn't like, she could take all the stuff on the walls. She could take the stuff that wasn't hers if she wanted. What mattered wasn't out here.

Gil opened the door gently. Thena was sitting up on the bed, a towel around her shoulders and wearing the old shirt he had left out for her to wear. Her wedding dress was lying unceremoniously and disdainfully piled outside the bathroom. "I didn't like that dress either."

Her voice was hoarse as she looked at it. "His mother insisted."

He sat beside her, taking her hand in his, "forget it. Forget her, and her asshole son--never think about them again."

Thena looked at him, turning those big green eyes on him that always made him forget the entire rest of the world around him. Her eyes filled with tears. "She deserves better."

She was talking about Minerva. But he brought her hand up to his lips, "I know."

"She deserves to hate us," she whispered, her lip trembling.

"Probably," he brushed off, focused on pulling her big, ugly, stupid engagement ring off her. She didn't like it anyway--it was just one garishly ugly stone on a tiny band. It was always getting caught on things, always getting turned around on her thin little finger. She hated the attention it drew.

The ring tumbled and rolled as Gil tossed it away.

"I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," he whispered, still kissing each of her fingers. Either way it was true; no, she shouldn't have said anything, but no, he didn't want her to say that now, either.

"We always said we shouldn't do this," she whispered back, crying freely as he weaved their fingers together.

"I know," he conceded as he finally leaned in to kiss her. It was the worst time to do it. They were both crying, it was the worst day of her life, and both of their lives were about to never be the same because of it.

But Thena kissed him back, and they kissed like they had always been doing it. "Why couldn't you tell me earlier not to marry him?"

He laughed, although there wasn't much genuine mirth in it. There wasn't much in her smile, either. "Why couldn't you tell me you loved me sooner?"

She laughed as well, just as sadly. She tilted her head as he swiped her tears away with his thumb. "We're both terrible. We got this wrong, right from the beginning, didn't we?"

"Yeah," he kissed her again, more softly, more sweetly. "But I won't anymore."

[glitterytrashcan]

Alive

Severus Snape x OC/reader

Severus did not survive the battle of Hogwarts. Roman just barely did and lives with the pain of losing their love and closest friend. Through it all they have been struggling to feel alive. On the anniversary of his death, they find themself at his grave pouring out their heart and hurt and by the end they are ready to live and feel alive again. 

Heavily inspired by Sia’s “Alive”

Looking down on the wet dirt of his grave they take a shaky breath letting the cold rain wash away the tears flowing freely down their face. The grave was one among many who sadly did not survive the battle of Hogwarts, a gravestone marked with their own name and birth date is already placed next to his. Not many had faith they would survive the injuries inflicted, others doubted they would survive the grief and heartbreak of learning Severus was among the dead.

They are thinner now, pale, wearing one of his cloaks to fight off the rain though by this point its soaked through. Their eyes have long since lost their fire. It pains Severus to see his lover mourning him in such a way, watching from afar there is truly nothing he can do but listen. 

  “I got your letter. how dare you.... you lie to me and let me think we would have a future together you bastard... I forgive you.” their voice is heavy as the cloak they wear as told by the way they drop too their knees before his grave. “It's not fair I've been nothing like the person you once loved since you left. They didn't think I'd survive the physical injuries; little did they know it was the emotional ones that have nearly killed me.” 

   Finally, they manage to remove the cloak setting it off to the side. “Harry testified for you, told them all the truth. He let me see your memories to.... I missed you, still do. They have all started to look at me like I'm a ticking time bomb and in a way, I guess I am.... some poor student may never see me the same after saying something disgusting about you. At first, they looked at me like I was fragile now they look scared.” it caused them to laugh a little. “Minerva said i reminded her of you with how I hid my pain with anger, how I snapped at students. She cried with me that night... We all miss you. I'm not alive anymore I miss being alive. I know you wouldn't want this for me but it's so.... so hard to let the pain go. I've been trying so hard to let the pain fuel me every day but it's dragging me down. “ 

    There's a soft sob that manages to force its way out of their chest though they keep talking. “I need to live again Severus; I need to feel alive if not for me.... For you.” several deep shuttering breaths later they look up from the dirt and to his gravestone. “This is goodbye. I can't keep mourning you my love.... I'm going to do my best to celebrate what we had... Minerva offered me potions professor and I think I'm going to take up her offer. Carry on the Professor Snape legacy, in my own way... You deserved better, but so do I. I love you, and for you and myself I'm going to live starting tomorrow, tonight ill love you with all the pain and grief I have...”  their voice trailed off to a comfortable silence where he knows they are crying. Until Minerva walks slowly over sitting next to them rubbing small, measured circles on their back. 

   “Did you let it all out finally dear?”

   “I couldn't say it, no matter what I can't be mad at him...”

    “How does your heart feel?”

   “Raw, open, like a fresh wound... gods above it hurts so much Minerva.”

    “I know it does, now let's focusing on healing that hurt. No more hiding and holding yourself together with thin threads.” her voice was stern not taking No for an answer and for the first time in months they find themself smiling weakly. 

     “Yes mother” The sarcastic tone of voice said volumes of unspoken words. 

(again im not going to reread this or really edit. have my 3 am angst and comfort writing.)