#poor William just wants to nerd out about birds

[a-crimson-dawn]

Mereoleona: Do you guys know anything about chicks?

Yami: Fowl? No. Women? No.

William: *hopefully raises his hand* You're not talking about the birds, are you, Mereoleona?

Mereoleona: What do you think?

William: *slowly lowers hand*

[episodicnostalgia]

Star Trek: The Next Generation, 114 (Jan. 30, 1988) - “11001001”

Written by: Maurice Hurley & Robert Lewin Directed by: Paul Lynch

The Breakdown

The Enterprise is overdue for a software upgrade, and the crew need some downtime, so Picard decides to dock at station 74 and kill two birds with one stone.  While everyone preps for shore leave, Picard and Riker stay behind in case they need to assist the Bynars, who will perform the upgrade.  We Learn that the Bynar people have effectively hooked their brains up to the cloud, and as a result they think and speak in binary, and always travel/work in pairs.  They seem harmless enough, but when Picard explains they need to leave sooner than planned (due to a time sensitive mission), the Bynars starting acting REAL SUS and then bring on a second Bynar-pair to help speed things up.

Not one to be easily distracted, Riker begins to suspect that something is awry, and keeps close watch on the Bynar’s progress.  So they proceed to easily distract Riker by upgrading the holodeck so he can go play in his own little custom sandbox.  That’s right folks! we finally get a chance to see Riker’s deepest desire, which is apparently to play Jazz Trombone in a 20th century New Jersey bar for the benefit of a personalized, sentient, totally life-like, sex doll.  And let me tell you folks, she is AROUSED by Riker, because apparently the algorithm designed her to be, based on our horny first officer’s browser history.  Also, the whole situation it is NOT-AT-ALL troubling, nor should it raise any serious ethical questions.  Thankfully Picard interrupts with an impromptu visit, just as things are getting steamy, and finds himself equally intrigued by Riker’s new companion.  Minuet (her name) then regales both men over drinks, with her lifelike beauty and charm.

Meanwhile, the Bynars have been busy stealing the Enterprise.  Unable to reach Picard or Riker (due to trickery), Data orders an evacuation because of an impending antimatter breach.  The whole thing is revealed to be a ruse orchestrated by little math nerds, and simply wanted everyone off before they hightailed it back to their home planet. They also programmed Minuet to distract Riker and Picard so they wouldn���t leave the ship.  Once Picard figures out what’s going on, he and Riker jump to into action, and beam themselves onto the bridge for the fight of their lives (they even prepare to blow up the Enterprise if need be), only they discover the Bynars are all dying.

It turns out they just wanted the Enterprise to store a back-up of their iCloud account, because a solar flare was about to EMP-the-shit out of their plantary hard drive, without which the Bynar’s brains will overload and shut down.  After realizing the Bynars had always intended for him (and Riker because it’s a two person job) to  upload the Enterprise’s backup into the Bynar systems, he proceeds to do so, and the day is saved just in the nick-of-time.  So why didn’t the Bynars simply ask for help?  Because they believe in “Better to beg forgiveness, than ask permission.” Seriously that’s the reason. They afraid the Federation would say no, so they leapt straight into grand-theft-starship.

Epilogue: Riker goes back to the holodeck to be with Minuet, only to discover that the software upgrades are gone, leaving her a mindless shell of what she had been.  Riker returns to the bridge to a saddened man, and Picard is like “dude it never would have worked,” but since she meant so much to poor William I’m sure she’ll be referenced again frequently over the show’s remaining six-and-a-half seasons.

The Verdict.

This episode is very much split down the middle for me.

The main story is quite engaging, at least right up until the climax where things get silly. The crew having to make emergency command decisions, in the absence of the captain and first officer is pretty exciting.  There’s also plenty of tension built up around the fate of Picard and Riker.  The result is an episode that makes great use of it’s ensemble cast, including those with less screen time.  For starters the performances all feel more casual, and the dialogue less forced (something which I attribute largely to the actors in this instance). The ship feels like a place with real community, and each character gets to show a side of themselves and their interests beyond their professional ambitions. If the reason for the Bynar’s deception wasn’t so ridiculous, I’d be tempted to give this episode a 4 star rating.  Except…

…for the parts with Riker on the holodeck.  We spend a WHILE just watching Riker swipe left on a bunch of holo-models as, as the computer works to construct his perfect fantasy girl. Once he finally gets her (aka Minuet), he constantly pontificates at her about how real and perfect she seems, all while very obviously undressing her with his eyes. It honestly just seems a little... icky. Predatory, even. After Picard joins, the tone becomes less sexually charged, but then the two men spend their time discussing Minuet right in front of her as if she’s not there, or nothing more than an intellectual curiosity.

Perhaps I’m thinking too much about it.  Many of my favourite episodes involve and feature holodeck characters, and similar objections could (and have) been raised there too, but there’s just something about the way Riker and Picard openly objectify an intelligence that, for all they know, is both sentient, and also at their mercy.  I will concede that I don’t think that subplot was intended to come off as creepy, nor does it outright ruin the episode for me.  You win some, you lose some, and sometimes you break even. At the very least it’s mostly fun, just not beyond criticism.

2.5 Stars (out of 5)

Additional Observations

Picard has come a long way in these past 14 episodes. At first he always seemed kinda grumpy, but lately he’s been more relaxed.  In this episode he has nothing but praise for his entire crew, and especially Riker.  As I indicated above, their dynamic feels a lot more natural in this episode, and it’s nice to see Picard develop into a friend and mentor to Riker.

I realize the shots of station 74 are recycled from Star Trek III, but it’s a great visual, and even the Enterprise looks especially breathtaking here.  Visually a very impressive episode all around.

I find Wesley so unintentionally funny.  Riker tells him to keep an eye on the Bynars, and he takes those instructions literally.  Every time we return to the bridge to check in on Wes, he’s standing in the same spot just glaring at the Bynars suspiciously, as if he’s not being super obvious, and it just cracked me up.

Inconsistent technology: This episode makes a point of showing us that Minuet is simply an elaborate puppet without the Bynar’s upgrades. I’m not bothered by later episodes/spin-off-series depicting holograms who are undeniably sentient, as that can be explained as a natural progression of the technology. However, in “the big goodbye” Picard has a conversation with a holo character who expresses genuine concern that he and his loved ones may cease to exist when the program shuts off. All of that sounds something that's selfaware and sentient to me. So then why is Minuet so much less interactive sans-Bynars? The only way I can reconcile this is to suggest that Minuet's file got corrupted after the Bynars left, and any attempt to rewrite the program would result in a new “person”. There, did I do it? Did I save the continuity?

[bayisdying]

Lucky Penny- Chapter Four

A/N: I HOPE Y'ALL LIKE SOME FUCKING ANGST. THIS CHAPTER IS ALL ANGST. SORRY NOT SORRY.

(Okay I'm a little sorry) As always feedback is much appreciated and encouraged 🥰

Dogfight football had to be the dumbest thing Lucky had ever heard of. It made zero sense, and it hurt her brain. Plus while she worked out, sports were not her strong suit. She was however enjoying herself by tackling Fanboy as often as possible.

"Why are you so mean to me Lucky?"

"You make such an easy target!"

She couldn't deny the fact that her man looked damn good running around shirtless either.

Poor Fanboy's brain had short-circuited when he saw Lucky in her bikini top and shorts. He didn't even pretend to look away when she had shed the shorts. Standing there looking like a goddess in her tiny, black bikini. He noticed Hangman staring too, he didn't even blame the blonde. Lucky was hot as hell, but Fanboy knew who she would be sleeping next to tonight and it wasn't Jake Seresin.

As the sun went down the group decided to spread out a couple beach towels to chill on. Beers were drank, jokes were told, and Lucky never felt so close to a group of people before.

----

Now that Maverick was satisfied with their dogfighting skills, they were moving on to actually running the mission's course. After several mess ups, they moved into having four planes in the air at once.

Dagger One was Coyote, Dagger Two was Lucky, Dagger Three was Payback and Fanboy, and Dagger Four was Phoenix and Bob. It was going so well even with Maverick acting like a bogey trying to throw them off their groove. That was until they reached the 10G climb. Lucky watched in horror as Coyote went into G-Lock.

Even when he came back to, Lucky still felt like something wasn't right. That's when the bird strike happened and she plummeted towards the ground.

-----

The last time she had gone home to see her Mom, it ended in the same argument that always happened. Delilah Steele was a strong woman, and she was damn proud to have raised a daughter just as strong as she was. However, she still held a little resentment that her daughter had left her so soon after they had lost William.

Everytime Baylie came home it was the same. They would both play nice for the first few days, filling each other in on their lives. Then her mother would bring up her retiring from the Navy, coming home to settle down, and giving her grandkids.

Baylie wasn't ready to give up her wings, and she sure as hell wasn't settling down in Illinois. Mickey and her had talked a couple times about marriage and babies. They decided that California was only fair, that was where they had met and fallen in love. Plus that way neither of their families would feel inferior to the other.

Baylie had stormed out of her childhood home and flown out to California to spend the rest of her time off alone, in the home she'd created with Mickey. Crying herself to sleep, because she never wanted to hurt her mother.

Now as she spun out of control, she wished she had made up with her mother. Wished she hadn't stormed out, had instead hugged her mother and told her that she loved her one last time.

-----

The last time her and Mickey had been on leave at the same time had been over a year ago. They had only a week until they were both shipped out again and had spent that whole week in New York. It had been around Christmas time so they walked hand in hand around Times Square taking in the beautiful sights, while sipping hot cocoa. They had declared a snowball war in Central Park (Lucky had won, but Fanboy swears he let her win). And they spent every night under the sheets in a hotel room that was far too expensive for the accommodations.

When their week was up it had been a bittersweet goodbye. It never got easier leaving the person you loved behind.

"I love you so much mí amor."

"I know."

"Did you just Star Wars me?"

"I did, nerd."

As the ground came closer and closer she heard that same voice ringing in her ears telling her to eject. She couldn't respond, but she hoped that her nerd knew how much she had loved him for all these years. That if he had ever asked her, she would have said yes.

-----

The very last time she saw her father, she had been saying goodbye. He was so fragile and so pale. The past five months on chemotherapy had destroyed him. She knew it was the end. He wasn't getting better and the cancer had spread too much. It was only two weeks before her high school graduation and she hated that he was going to miss it. That had been his goal, he told every nurse and every doctor.

"I want to see my little girl graduate."

He wouldn't get that wish, but she knew he would be watching from somewhere much nicer than here. A place where he was no longer in pain.

"You can let go Dad, I promise we will be okay." She whispered. "It'll be hard but me and momma will take care of each other."

Then William Michael Steele took his last breath and his daughter's life would forever be changed. She would chase clouds across the sky, knowing that she was as close to heaven as she could get. Hoping that he could see her, and was proud of the path she had forged. Praying for more pennies from heaven.

As she pulled the eject handle, she could almost hear her father's voice.

"That's right, Lucky girl. It's not your time."

-----

IM SORRY FOR ENDING IT RIGHT THERE. BUT ALSO NOT SORRY. ANGST IS THE NAME OF THIS CHAPTER FOR A REASON.

I hope you enjoyed! As always thank you for reading and shoutout to my bestest friends on this silly app for loving these two as much as I do!

The Forevers: @kloofspeaks @notyoursbutlewis @roosterscockpit @callsign-milano @callsignthirsty @callmemana @likelyrowdy

The Discord Loves: @mtnofgrace @callsign-dragonbaron @cycbaby @askmarinaandothers @persephonesportal @callsignscupcake @mrsjaderogers @biehnybaby

[pain-in-the-butler]

The time has come once again

The Bloodbath

“I’m simply one hell of a butler” says Sebastian as he starts cleaning as usual

Okay so Agni’s taking no prisoners

Work Nerd, Science Nerd, and Jock Nerd team up to form the Nerd Trifecta

Team One Brain Cell joins up with Phipps, who is quite possibly their only chance for survival

Ran-Mao remembers how Harcourt beat everyone in the unfortunately deleted round and said “Not in my backyard”

So far, everyone else has simply run away unscathed or grabbed a weapon they won’t use because the game doesn’t record weapons. Rip Tanaka

Day 1

Ran-Mao bringing the canon energy by adding a second weapon to her arsenal

Phipps somehow always turns into Team Dad during these, so I’m glad to see he’s finding time for his favorite hobbies

Undertaker up to his usual Sneaky Antics

It hasn’t even been twelve hours yet. Kind of impressive honestly

Considering Harcourt lost his mace, I’ll just assume the attack Grell “escaped” from was the vicious stabbing of his trim little schoolboy fingernails

Bad vibes

It appears that Lau also brought his canon game

Sebastian in the most recent chapters be like

I’ve actually never had this event come up before and it has to happen between two of the more innocent characters in the series;;;; god Lizzie you deserve better even in the Hunger Games Simulator

Where’s a Safety Nerd when you need one

What’s better than this? Guys bein dudes

This is probably what happened after Ciel left Weston

Sebastian will take care of this for ya, huh bud

Other events:

Agni practices his archery

Wolfram goes fishing

Othello finds a cave

Soma goes ‘splorin

Edward goes huntin

Day 1′s Deaths: Tanaka, Sieglinde, Lizzie, and Macmillan. Someday one of the ladies will win

Night 1

Butler slumber party in the woods, BYOYM (bring your own young master)

It takes a lot of energy to be this blond

I’m happy for her :)

Yeah I’ll bet you probably do Lau

A tonal shift so abrupt I got mental whiplash

Can we go back to when Grell was looking at the sky pls

Thought about science too hard. Got a concussion

Thought about Ciel dying too hard. Got an infection

Aww dad :( Hope you caught some fish tho

Looks like Harcourt won’t be winning this one, gang

I stg the hunger games simulator is misogynist because the ladies always DIE /j

Ran-Mao is hopefully here to prove the previous statement wrong

Other events:

Bard gets a hatchet

Undertaker also passes out from exhaustion

R!Ciel goes to sleep in a tree

Day 2

Oh you five are SO going in my burn book for this. It’s what Grell would’ve wanted

Ahaha just like in the real manga... right guys (;

Idk about you but I’m rooting for her

I don’t think the simulator could’ve picked four people who were less likely to team up than this

I would too if I saw my best friend was palling around with an opium dealer, a grim reaper with a lawn mower, and another grim reaper that the first grim reaper doesn’t like

Other events:

Othello chases Wolfram

That’s the only other event actually

That means today we lost O!Ciel, Mey-Rin, Harcourt, and Grell. ffs, I hope Ran-Mao kills all of you

Night 2

I’ve missed you, rare pair simulator

The “unknown sponsor” was Undertaker and the “fresh food” was O!Ciel

Confirmed: Lau doesn’t get high off his own supply

Once again a ceasefire between the strong hungry boys is formed

Girl, you don’t have to do that

“Did you kill Ciel?” Sebastian asks

“No that was William,” Othello says

Sebastian punches a tree so hard that it combusts. “God damn. Fuck” Sebastian says

Wolfram just realized I put him in the Hunger Games simulator

Other events:

Phipps thinks about “Are you winning son”

Undertaker gazes at space

Ronald becomes Lost Ronald

Soma passes out

Bard gets some water

Day 3

Damn Agni who haven’t you flirted with

Finny sees that Bard has water and thinks Bard cooked it himself, so he wants no part of that (might be burnt)

What did he even have that was worth stealing? A fish?

Well I can tell you who isn’t creating that smoke: Lau

“What’s worse than two young masters? No young masters. Now get over here and make a contract”

Everything about this sentence is a fever dream

Other events:

Undertaker decides he wants a slingy shot too

Edward chases Dad I mean Phipps

Othello gets some ouchies from picking berries

Night 3

When your young master dies, you just get an infection apparently

damn Finny’s playing hardball

I don’t think anything bad has actually happened to Bard yet. It’s just been a grand frolic the whole time

I barely remember reading the first Hunger Games but Ran-Mao’s the Foxface of this journey: she deserves to win and I just know she’ll die in the stupidest way possible

Sebastian’s like a cat that can’t reach the bird it wants to attack, so it attacks the nearest other thing instead. Poor Dad

Two white-haired anime boys and a not-white-haired anime boy talk about who will die tomorrow. Anime doesn’t exist yet so the white-haired anime boys don’t know their hair color automatically spells their doom

Other events:

Edward starts a fire, which means he’s capable of smoking opium

Ronald gets some medical supplies

Othello gets a hatchet

R!Ciel thinks about winning

Lau gets an entire explosive, but he won’t be able to light it, so no it’s no big deal

Day 4

In Soviet Hunger Games, white-haired anime boy kills you

But why murder someone when you could just mess with them

Other events:

Grey scares Bard

Finny goes hunting

Night 4

Have you four even killed anyone yet

The list of “people who didn’t start the manor fire and also don’t smoke opium” now consists of Lau and R!Ciel

The mood is too light now. Someone needs to die and it better not be Ran-Mao

At last, Father Phipps has chosen his son for this round

Agni gushes about all the hot guys he’s simultaneously in love with, giving Ran-Mao a clearer idea of who’s still alive

Day 5

Girl, it’s about time, go claim some trophies

Finny’s easily got the longest kill streak and it’s a little unnerving

Father Phipps finds a new secret fishing hole

Othello doesn’t

Lau continues to put in all the efforts of a kindergarten bully

Oh no. He’s a yandere

Other events:

Sebastian fucks around and explores the arena

Bard fucks around and hunts for tributes

Undertaker fucks around and sleeps

R!Ciel fucks around and picks flowers

Night 5

I’ve never met anyone who ships Sebastian/Undertaker but I know you’re out there

Okay, maybe these four are even less likely to team up than Phipps, Ronald, Undertaker, and Lau

Edward sees I’m making jokes about people who build fires and stays hidden

Day 6

Canonically, that is the only way R!Ciel would win a fight, so

I probably could have predicted this

I hope these are the faces they made when it happened

The “unknown sponsor” is R!Ciel and the “fresh food” is an ear that fell off his own head

I’m not sure if I should be concerned or unsurprised that Bard’s Hunger Games life is more chill than his canon life

the “unknown sponsor” was the fish and the “clean water” was “fish water”

Other events:

Ran-Mao gets her third weapon that she doesn’t want to use, which is a hatchet

Finny finds a river

Agni practices archery again, but he doesn’t kill anyone because he wants this to go on forever

Night 6

Ran-Mao I beg you please. Release us from this purgatory of mediocrity

And suddenly we’re back to canon Bard

I guess not everything can be canon

Other events:

Both Agni and Phipps pass out from exhaustion. It’s 2:50 a.m. so I should really be taking a page from their book, but unfortunately everyone refuses to die

The Feast

Finny has been a stone cold killer this entire match, so I guess I shouldn’t be surprised that the girl I wanted to win would get eliminated by him, but it still hurts ✌️😔

If you cheat on Othello, he will overpower you, killing you

Everyone else decided not to go to the Feast. Honestly, I don’t remember what the Feast is, but everyone who did go either murdered someone or got murdered, so I guess that was probably a good call

Day 7

I’ve had enough of this dude

Jesus Finny I can’t wait to see how many kills you got, I feel like you and Agni were the only two who took anyone down

Bard, Undertaker, Sebastian, and Phipps all hunt for other tributes but they’re useless and don’t kill anyone

Arena Event: Volcano Eruption

In one fell swoop, we lose Sebastian, Undertaker, R!Ciel, and Finny, jeez. But... that means it comes down to.............

FATHER PHIPPS VS. BARD

FATHER PHIPPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Wow... Unlike his manga counterpart, this boy coasted the whole time and won... He basically went on vacation and he actually won... But then again, it’s Hunger Games Simulator and nothing is sacred

Well I hope you learned a valuable lesson today. I hope you did at some point before you read my post, because you sure as hell learned nothing from this. Thank you for wasting precious minutes of your life with me 😏