#poetry;ѕιмρℓу ℓιиєѕ σи тнє ραgє σf му нєαят

[butterflynotes-a]

It is surreal, to feel as if you don’t exist, to float, to be there yet distant, to disappear into your mind or simply to fade.

to cease to exist, to cease being.

eventually, everything fades into background noise and once more, i am here, unsure of how long I will remain.

It is surreal to know you are there but to feel as if you aren’t and to think in halves, as if you are being torn apart by the life that surrounds you and the emotions too distant to grasp.

[butterflynotes-a]

Season’s Past

Fandom: Original Work Theme: Winter/Snow Originally Posted: December 12th 2018

Freshly falling snow    in the middle of the breeze,         winter calling, chiming, coming,     frozen fingers hold mine close.

    ❝Please don’t let me go.❞ The words are quiet,        softly spoken,  too warm for the winter      that holds my soul, not cold enough,      nothing like the biting frost,                         the raging winds that capture every movement,         fallen leaves swirling,  the remnants of a season’s past,            nature’s most beautiful dance.

❝You will never fade from my mind. ❞           I hear within those words such conviction in my voice,          but that is a lie,            a promise so easily broken,  for in the end a wish came true.

All I wanted for Christmas            was to forget about you.

[butterflynotes-a]

You think too much of the right words, I think too much of the worst, so we'll stand together in the grave we dug as we're buried beneath what we wanted to call love.

[butterflynotes-a]

This year I will:

forget about the friends I couldn’t keep tell her I love her (but never that I’m in love with her) spend every moment with the people I love take care of my cats try to write the words I can’t say live every day like it’s my last stop letting my anxiety get the best of me ignore the anger that bubbles up fix every flaw others can see

love myself (even if I know I won’t)

[butterflynotes-a]

❝Follow your dreams. ❞         said the elders,          with their tongues of silver          and eyes of gold.

Of course, they did not mean        the dreams in which you wrote        the dreams in which you imagined worlds        the dreams of your own.

  Follow their dreams,        the path they have laid out        for those who grow        to have cold fingers        and steel hearts.

    innocence lost to false desires     instilled by the way society thinks we should be          (but it is not the way we wish to exist)

[butterflynotes-a]

Fandom: Mystic Messenger Character: Take a guess ^_^ Originally Posted: October 24th 2018

So here’s a short preview of my piece for the calendar @2019loveforallseasons, please check out the project and look out for preorders later this month! 

If the player is careful enough, he can feel it all - the might of legends, the spark of magic through his veins, the blood of gods running within them.

[butterflynotes-a]

A preview of my poem for @saeranzine. 

He changes, another flower, same soul.

He was the kadupul full of hidden self-worth, the pink camellia which is all he wants to say, the lily of the valley with the irritant touch and the red carnation he has become.

[butterflynotes-a]

Change In Stages

Fandom: My Hero Academia Prompt: Change Character Focus: Todoroki Shoto

Happy poetry day everyone!

His life has come in stages, changing constantly with the orbit of the moon, the tides, the stars, the sky, the sun, everything with motion he has changed with,  he has followed whether fast or slow, wanted to or not.

Perhaps it takes a while for things to truly change when his father - a scorching star, one Shoto could not bear to be near - had promised to change to someone he could be proud of could want as a father could grow to care for could learn to forgive

(could, one day, if he dared to believe, be someone Shoto even loved, no matter how far away such a time seemed, small steps to forgiving - but never forgetting - were all he could do).

That is not what it begins with, no, it begins with school with joining U.A and with the sports festival, with anger and fighting with powerful words with care and concern with friendship with peace, it all begins with green and a blinding smile of a future hero - one that, for once in his life, Shoto was sure he would wish to know.

It changes with a murderer, with fighting alongside friends, with saving them, with flashes of green lightning and crimson mixed with blue, with the hottest fire and the coldest ice blending together to protect.

It changes with each day, everything seems to fall into place, and perhaps Shoto knows his life was never the best, but he has friends who care he has a family that seems to love him - a brother he barely knew, a sister he has always loved.

(the only thing that does not seem to change is the shadow of the lost that hangs over him each day, a brother he knew so well, a brother he lost too soon, and a mother he had hurt, who had forgiven him too).

[butterflynotes-a]

Heart and Soul

Fandom: My Hero Academia Character Focus: Todoroki Shoto Originally Posted: October 1st 2018

He was born with a soul of ice, forged beneath the coldest of places, but his heart was fire, passionate, warm, created from the flames of cruelty, but he did not allow himself to be deterred by the fire, leaning towards the ice, cold to the touch but warmer than the fire and kinder to him than heat had ever been.

Perhaps it is this soul that is the reason he cannot accept defeat, or maybe that’s his heart. never fading, never breaking, never falling, and over and over again, the ice of his soul shatters, while a fiery heart burns so much brighter.

There is no love within that heart, simply hatred, the type that consumes until there is nothing less but the empty shell of a cold soul, a shattered heart and silenced wishes of a child for his brother’s return, his mother’s comfort, his father’s love.

However, slowly, he melts, love finds its way to him and fire dies down, ice begins to thaw, coldness disappears, distance seems to fade.

Gentle touches to him, like a thumb wiping his tears away, a hand caressing his cheek, lips on his own - slow, soft, and kisses that were soothing.

Another’s hand in his, fingers interlocked, grip loose but firm, and a lover’s embrace, tight enough to keep him from falling to pieces, gentle enough to stop him from being scared and words quiet enough for only him to hear, powerful enough to comfort, kind enough for disbelief.

The words are what saves him from falling off the edge of the walls he’d built so long ago, which only crumble around the one he loves so dearly.

Perhaps once, his soul was a cold as ice, more bitter than it should have been and his heart was hateful and had consumed him, much like the hate consumed his brother once.

He knows his life is fractured, that sadness comes in stages, that he shouldn’t let himself fall victim to negativity like so many before him.

So perhaps sadness comes in stages, of loneliness, of hatred, of inadequacy, of abandonment, of fear,

but happiness comes as a wave, as gentle touches, as soft kisses, as movie nights and sweets, as words more powerful than the Earth

and he knows, how he knows, that maybe sadness is fading, that happiness is to come, that so long as he lets himself love

he will be fine.

[butterflynotes-a]

Seasons Change (But People Don’t)

Fandom: Mystic Messenger Characters: Saeran Choi Prompt: Seasons Originally Posted: June 5th 2018

@saeranchoiweek

On the wind in the spring, there is pollen and the smell of new life and new days.

The fragrance of a freshly printed book entwined with flower petals which have been pressed in it during the short life the book had lived.

In the summer breeze, petals fly for daffodils begin to wither away and new flowers, summer not spring, take their place.

The summer breeze smells like ice cream with a brother, the clouds he used to see in the bluest sky and memories of leaving, only to return and live a nightmare over and over again.

Autumn smells of petrichor, rain pouring over leaves in shades of red and gold, everything in between.

He remembers days of tears which flooded from his eyes, down his cheeks and thoughts of whether he would live to see the first snow of winter.

The winter is cold, his thawed heart freezes once more, having only just recovered from the way the summer scorched it.

Winter smells like new starts and being forgotten, the taste of candy on his tongue and mourning for a brother he used to love.

[butterflynotes-a]

I Can’t Remember

Fandom: Mystic Messenger POV: Saeran Choi Prompt: Memories Originally Posted: June 8th 2018

Another late one rip-

@saeranchoiweek

I can’t remember if I was anything before, if I was a person or just more than a weapon that believed it was human.

I can’t recall a past that was true, only fabricated lies I refused to see through, words woven by a devil who never saw through the eye of those she forced to break, as they curled up and allowed their old selves to fall apart and die.

I can’t seem to find the memories in my mind, the ones you claim existed before all the hurt and pain that I have endured over the years.

I wonder if they’re true, or if I’m simply a naive child, wishing for an easy way out, knowing that it is futile - no matter how we pretend it isn’t.

[butterflynotes-a]

Do I Deserve This?

Fandom: Mystic Messenger POV: Saeran Choi Prompt: Forgiveness Originally Posted: June 10th 2018

Do I deserve this?

You treat me well, as if I never caused any trouble.

You say you forgive me as if I did not murder the man you call a father, as if I did not try to hurt you and use the woman you love to fulfil - or, attempt to fulfil - my own agenda of ruining your life.

Do I deserve this?

You want me to be happy and smile, you wish for me to accept love and care from people I have hurt, time and time again.

You tell me to forgive myself as if it will help me keep any shred of sanity I have left.

So, I ask, do I deserve this?

I know the answer is that I don’t.

[butterflynotes-a]

Sun, Moon and Stars

Fandom: Mystic Messenger POV: V | Jihyun Kim Relationships: V x Jumin Originally Posted: May 13th 2018

For @jumeowss

You are the sun, moon and stars.

You are the center of all I am, and I am simply the Earth, spinning around you, unable to let go and leave.

You are the moon, for I cannot live without you, and we are drawn together, unable to be apart, for the moon stabilised the tides of Earth just as you are the stability I have.

You are the stars, for you are out of my reach, but I watch for you, blindly grasping, in hopes that I will reach you someday.

You are my sun, my moon and my stars.

Everything I ever wanted, no matter where we are or who we become.

[butterflynotes-a]

True

Fandom: N/A - Original Work Prompt: Truth Originally Written: January 2018 (no exact date known)

This was originally written as an entry to a poetry competition earlier this year. It was not a winning poem, but I’m still sort of proud of it!

What is true?

                                                        Is the life we live true or is our freedom,                                                         so delicately given yet so forcefully stole,                                                         no more than an illusion given                                                         by those who wish to hide corruption?

Are the words we think are ours truly those belonging to us or simply put into our minds by another being which tricks us into believing we speak our minds, even when we know the words are not ours and the true people we are have been caged inside.

                                                        Do our opinions really matter                                                         or are we told they are to give us hope                                                         that we are worth something in this world?

Are we really honest or do we lie to ourselves in a world of liars and cheaters simply because the lies we have told are fewer and less powerful than those others have spoken?

                                 Nothing is true – that is the only truth there is.

[butterflynotes-a]

Feelings

Fandom: Mystic Messenger POV: Jaehee Kang Relationships: Jaehee x MC Originally Posted: June 2nd 2018

How do I put it into words?

My feelings for you, which I should not have, should I?

Should I indulge myself in fantasies of a life by your side, a lover’s embrace and eating dinner in a candlelit room?

It would hurt if I were to allow myself to feel for you the way I do, with cheeks tinted pink and words of adoration on the tip of my tongue, never to be heard.

Is it best if I keep quiet?

It is. I should not speak of such ideals, of wishing to hold your hand and, in the same way, hold your heart as if it belonged to me, while you had mine which is yours.

It will only hurt if I were to allow myself these feelings, these fantasies and dreams of being in love, of valentines dates and red roses, boxes of handmade chocolate delivered with red ribbons, smooth silk, and to think of a life with you is only torture to myself.

[butterflynotes-a]

Live

Fandom: Mystic Messenger Poetry Month Day 26 POV: Saeran Choi Originally Posted: April 30th 2018

What does it mean to live?

He is unsure of the meaning, for some say living is breathing while others claim it is happiness while doing so.

He does not understand the difference that so many claim to exist between living and simply surviving, he doesn’t think he cares - he does.

He doesn’t know what living is or what it means, but he tries, he keeps breathing - forces a smile - while he is trying not to cry, his chest heavy with the weight of despair.

He does not live - not like this - but he isn’t surviving either, he doesn’t think.