#plus now im just gonna go to the library and fix all my settings instead of being remotely productive

[altoliva]

my life is a clown car pileup of errors

[feverwritingandtextposts]

Bad Decisions Are Always More Fun With Friends

Read it on ao3 here: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23730796

This is another OPM fic because im on a filthy binge :( 

It starts, as all things tend to, with Garou’s bad idea.

“I heard that there’s a poltergeist lurking in the Ato High gymnasium,” Garou proclaims, one hot summer’s afternoon, leaning across the messy scramble of tables between them.

“And? What’s that gotta do with us?” Badd asks, after a short silence that indicated Garou was not about to drop the topic, or sit back down on his side of the table. Garou’s grin stretches wider, seemingly nonplussed by the lack of enthusiasm from the other two. “Of COURSE, we’re going to go check it out!”

After all, being young is about making bad choices, break-ins, and chasing ghosts, although not necessarily in that order.

It starts, as all things tend to, with Garou’s bad idea.

“I heard that there’s a poltergeist lurking in the Ato High gymnasium,” Garou proclaims, one hot summer’s afternoon, leaning across the messy scramble of tables between them. He’s grinning so wide; the afternoon sun reflects off his teeth.

Badd makes a non-committal noise in response, not even looking up from his phone. “And? What’s that gotta do with us?” he asks, after a short silence that indicated Garou was not about to drop the topic, or sit back down on his side of the table. Garou’s grin stretches wider, seemingly nonplussed by the lack of enthusiasm from the other two. “Of COURSE, we’re going to go check it out!”

Badd looks up then, eyebrow raised incredulously. “Why?” he questions. Leaning back, Garou fixes him with his own incredulous stare, as if Badd was the crazy one. “Because I want to see it, obviously.” It wasn’t the first time Garou had come up with a completely random, hare-brained scheme to while away the boredom that boycotting most of the school clubs, and most of his schoolmates, tended to bring. Since it wasn’t the first time, both Badd and Genos had enough good sense combined to realise that following through with any of his plans would end badly.

Genos closes the thick mystery novel he’d picked up from the library earlier for some ‘light reading’ with an audible snap. “We are not going ghost hunting,” Genos says, voice as serious and grave as ever. “Ghost?” Badd asks, looking between Genos and Garou quickly. “That pollyte- thing, it’s a ghost? Damn.” Badd mutters, tapping his phone against his chin in thought. “I thought it was some sort of exercise equipment or some shit.”

Garou rolls his eyes, folding his arms. “It’s not ghost hunting,” he says, resolute. “It’s ghost watching.” Behind him, the last remaining stragglers in the classroom were already heading home at the sound of the last bell, filling the room with the cacophony of scraping chairs and echoing goodbyes. The three of them had been sitting there for hours, with the innocent intent to get their homework done before the weekend. A tumultuous ordeal that they had dragged Genos into with the idea of helping them out, which only Genos had managed to succeed in. The other two had instead gotten nearly nothing done, in between snacking, gossiping, Badd being immersed in some noisy phone game, and Garou being immersed in whatever it was that potentially led to this.

Reaching forward, Garou thrusts the phone he’d been cradling in his hand into Genos’s face. Taking it gingerly from him, Genos held it delicately as if worried it might explode, or that the Cheeto crumbs that littered its surface would stain his metal fingers. Badd leaned over in spite of himself to read the article as well, squinting to catch the words written in some tiny scratchy font that the writer probably picked for the best spooky effect.

“This gymnasium isn't even in our high school,” Genos pointed out. “How do you suppose we get in there?”

Garou cocked his head at him, still looking painfully confident. “We’ll just sneak in, duh.”

At that, Genos gives him a flat impassive stare, judgement rolling off of him in waves. “Ato High is an all-girls school. If we get caught, the consequences would be far worse than sneaking into just any old high school.”

Garou smiled, seemingly completely unaffected by the threat.

“Then, let’s not get caught.”

“No way,” groans Badd, leaning back in his chair. “I ain’t gonna get caught sneakin’ around a girls school. ‘Specially not to go look for some damned ghost.”

Garou frowns at that, leaning forward, bracing his hands against the scratched plastic of the table.

“Why? You scared?” he asks. His voice is pitched low and threatening, in that raspy tone he uses when he’s trying to goad someone into a fight, intimidate train station insurance agents from pestering him, or coerce Badd into joining him in his stupid plans. His breath fans hot and wet against Badd’s face, and he resists the urge to lean back.

“I ain’t-“

“You a coward Badd? Chickening out?”

“Who the fuck are you calling a cowa-“

“You a pussy? A little bitch bab-“

“FINE!” Badd yells, half to get him to shut up, half just to stop him from breathing all over his face. “I’ll go find your fucking ghost with you,” he says, softer now, defeated. He realises almost immediately after speaking that he’d been yet again, goaded into doing something stupid. “I ain’t scared of some fucking ghost,” he mutters as an add on, although more to himself than anything.

“Good,” smirks Garou, arms folding in smug glee, clearly pleased that his friend was as easy to rile up as ever. “C’mon Genos, don’t be such a baby, come along.” He reaches over to grab his friend’s shoulder, an action that was supposed to show camaraderie. Garou realises belatedly that most social cues usually go straight over Genos’ synthetic fibre enhanced head. So instead, he pats him on the back a few times, in hopes that it will jump start his motors into saying yes. Genos continues to watch him silently, gold eyes burning with the force of his disapproval. Garou, to his credit, doesn’t even flinch under the weight of Genos’ infamously heavy glare.

Badd, realising that his pride won’t allow him to back out at this point, reaches over to start smacking Genos on the back as well. “If you don’t come and we get caught, we’ll say that you told us to do it,” threatens Badd, with all the barely concealed desperation of someone who doesn’t want to be doing something stupid alone. Or alone with Garou, which was inestimably worse.

Genos lets out a long-suffering sigh, rubbing at his temples. Cyborgs don’t seem likely to get headaches, so Garou suspected he did this mostly for show. “Fine,” Genos says finally looking slowly from each of their faces, “I’ll go just to make sure the two of you don’t do anything too idiotic. But on one condition. We go in, and we go out as quick as possible, okay?”

“Yeah-“

“And we don’t get caught.”

...

They all decided to meet up at the station nearest to Ato High at nine o’clock. Nine, because if they went in any later, they might miss the last train by the time they leave, and if they went in earlier, they might end up meeting some straggling students. As Badd had so wisely put it, “who the fuck would be in school after nine?”.

Garou was easy to spot. Even in the dim of the night, his white hair stood out, catching the streetlights in its luminescent fibers. Genos was no better, with the station’s fluorescent lights glinting off his bare metal arms. And Badd…

“Why do you have a bat with you?” Garou asked, eyeing the glossy aluminium bat Badd was carrying as he hurried past the station gantry to join them.

“Ah? This?” Badd held the bat aloft. It seemed strangely at home in his hand. “It’s for self-defense.”

“Against?” prompted Garou.

“The ghost.”

“You intend on hitting a ghost… With a bat?” asks Genos, who possessed an uncanny talent of making even the mildest inquiries sound reproachful.

“I ain’t gonna hit it with my fists, am I?” challenged Badd, tone booking no further arguments.

The notion that a physical attack of any form will likely do no damage to a ghost, is a fact that Genos graciously decides not to mention.

The three of them set off towards the towering cluster of buildings that make up Ato High, guarded as it was, by the large wrought iron gate that snakes its way around the school’s perimeter. After a quick jog around, they decided on a spot to scale the gate, obscured safely from any prying eyes by a particularly dense crop of trees.

The silence of the deserted school grounds weighed heavily on their ears. Even on the soft grassy ground, wet with dew, their footsteps seemed loud. Genos gave the area a quick scan, sending the other two a furtive nod after determining that the grounds were truly, empty.

“Alright, let’s go Mystery Hunters!” Garou says, jumping up from the crouch he’d landed in.

“Dude,” groans Badd, “don’t call us that, that’s lame as fuck.”

Immediately, Garou’s face contorts into that particular scowl he wears whenever his creative brilliance is in question.

“It is not lame,” he hisses, and it’s only from sheer force of will and a natural predilection to uphold his pride that prevents him from outright whining.

“I agree,” says Genos, from behind Garou’s shoulder. Twisting around to him, Garou’s scowl turns smug.

“You see,” he says triumphantly, “Genos a-“

“I think its lame,” Genos agrees, voice flat and gravely serious as it ever is. “Why would we even need a team name? We already have our own names.”

Garou groans loudly, putting his face in his hands.

“I know we have names, Genos. It’s just cooler if we have a team name isn’t it? Plus, its like, useful in emergencies.”

“So, you pick Mystery Hunters?” questioned Badd incredulously.

“What exactly would be an emergency that requires a team name?” questioned Genos incredulously.

“I don’t know!” snapped Garou folding his arms in annoyance. “Maybe the ghost might attack us and one of us needs to tell everyone else to run or something.” Genos seemed to consider that situation seriously for a moment, metal hand coming to rest beneath his chin.

“Wouldn’t it be more prudent then,” he says, “if we call out the names individually to better direct-“

“Alright, alright fine, forget the names,” Garou says loudly over him, pinching the bridge of his nose. They’ve only just stepped in the school grounds and he’s already reached his limit. “Lets just go find the damn ghost and go home okay?”

Armed with a startling lack of direction sense, they trudged around the school grounds idly peering into dim windows, searching for the infamous gymnasium. The warm night air beaded sweat on the back of their necks as they ducked into the shadows of buildings and trees.

They soon found that every single building in the school was indiscernible from the last, especially in the dark. Ato High was an old school, and most of its architecture seemed to stand unchanged from its original build. Unmarked and paved in dreary red brick, the buildings were spaced far apart, linked by simple grey stone pavements. Its old and borderline dilapidated structure made it seem especially primed for hauntings.

After a while of aimless wandering, punctuated by the occasional offhanded comment and Genos’ complaint of the grass staining his shoes, Badd spoke up.

“Is that the gymnasium? ‘S fuckin big. Why ain’t our gymnasium that big?” Badd asks, pointing his bat in the general direction of one of the dimly lit, nondescript school buildings. There’s no indication of why he would claim that particular building to be the gymnasium, other than the fact that there is a door, which gymnasiums need, and a seemingly high ceiling, which gymnasiums ought to have.

“Our school doesn’t have the funds for it,” Genos supplies helpfully, “considering our school is a common neighborhood school in comparison with Ato High, which is considered an upper-class high school, it can be expected that their budget would far exceed ours.”

“Huh,” Badd supplies in response, having already stopped listening to Genos after the fourth word in. Beside them Garou rolled his eyes, squinting at the building.

“That’s the main building idiots. The gymnasium’s gotta be behind the school.”

“How do you know that?” questions Badd, voice dripping in an unnecessary amount of suspicion.

“Because no school has their gymnasiums at the front?”

“That,” interjects Genos, “is statistically unproven.”

Garou taps his foot on the ground, well and truly annoyed. “Well, do you have any suggestions Genos?”

Genos nods once, sharply. “We enter the main building and check the layout of the school through the signboards. They surely have them inside the buildings.”

As much as Garou hated to admit it, it was a sensible plan. The doors in the school were locked, as expected. Although they could easily have forced it open by hand, they were doing their best to remain undetected, and any broken locks could be incriminating evidence.

Trying to get into a school furtively held all the enchanting mystery that all high school students secretly desired, even overpowered teenagers like themselves. In the end there was just something infinitely exciting about clambering through a window, into somewhere they really shouldn’t be going, rather than just busting through a door.

The three of them tumbled into a hallway, where Garou immediately leapt forward like a cat in search of his new prey. Genos and Badd brought up the rear, Badd flicking on the light on his phone to use as a torch.

The hallways inside the school seemed just as creepy as the outside, walls painted a drab grey, lined with past accolades and framed newspaper clippings. The light from Badd’s phone reflected off the dark classroom windows, briefly illuminating rows of worn tables and chairs from inside the rooms.

“Do you hear anything? Huh Genos?” questions Badd, his raspy whisper ringing clear against the stark silence of the empty school. Genos pauses mid stride, eyes darting quickly about the empty hallways. With a soft whir, Genos expands his focus, concentrating his sensors.

“No, I didn’t hear anything,” he says after a conclusive scan of the school.

“Then maybe there ain’t no ghost at all,” Badd decides.

Garou turned from where he had gone to stalk (scout) ahead, frowning back at him, one hand propped on his hip.

“How do you figure that?” he asks, the hint of a challenge already leaking into his voice.

“In like, those ghost huntin’ shows don’t they hear the ghosts through like a radio or some shit? If Genos can’t hear anything then it means there ain’t no ghost, is there?” Badd reasons, waving his hand airily.

“Genos, isn’t a radio,” says Garou.

“Well yeah but, he’s like sorta… Right?” Genos certainly was not.

“I am a cyborg, Badd,” Genos says, with all the weary countenance of a man who has had this conversation far too many times for it to be healthy. “I cannot hear anything that a normal human or cyborg is unable to.”

“Huh,” Badd says, obviously stumped. “You can’t like, change the channel or-”

“No.”

“Not even-“

“No.”

Badd considers this for a long moment. Garou considers leaving them to it and going on ahead.

“That’s kind of lame,” Badd says finally. Genos says nothing in reply. His stony face betrays no clues, but his palpable annoyance hangs in the air between them. Garou wasn’t an expert, but he’s pretty sure that if they didn’t find the ghost soon, this entire outing would end up in a night time brawl. One that would surely result in a hefty amount of collateral damage.

And that would definitely ruin the whole ‘let’s not get caught’ part of the plan.

So instead, he changes the subject.

“I found a sign for the gymnasium. It’s down that hallway.”

Their steps echo down the empty corridors, impossibly loud in the silent air. Garou had already taken the lead, striding on ahead as if he had any clue where he was going. Genos walked slower, gold eyes scanning every imperceptible mote of dust that hung in the air, looking for clues, or any sort of sign of life.

Behind them Badd strolled leisurely, content on leaving the heavy thinking to the other two.

"This way," orders Garou, pointing out the sign above a door to their left. It led out to an open-air corridor, linking it to the gymnasium. To their mild surprise, and Garou's growing enthusiasm, it wasn't even locked.

"Suspicious!" Garou proclaimed, voice a cheery sing song that contrasted oddly with the mood of the room.

Bads could reason that someone had simply forgot to lock it, but decided that he'd rather not start that argument.

The infamous gymnasium was less impressive than Badd had hoped. It was smaller than some gymnasiums he'd seen, and the floors and benches looked scuffed and aged. It looked much more... Normal, than any of them had been expecting. Large high windows bleached the room grey with moonlight, making the room far brighter than the wandering hallways they were in before. Badd felt more like he was here for a training camp, rather than to catch ghosts.

Garou, evidently, did not feel the same. The minute he stepped in, he turned to sniff around the room, climbing up on benches, and scoping out every corner, as if sure the ghost was about to jump out from behind the trashcan.

After a second, Genos pulled out his phone, tapping furiously on it. Perhaps he had already lost interest in the situation, but Badd wasn’t going to call him out on it. Badd was getting pretty bored, pretty fast.

"Do you think its a female ghost?" questioned Badd aloud, mostly to start a conversation before he fell asleep standing up.

"It’s a girls school so, I would imagine so," deduced Genos. He had started dutifully reading the edgy occult post Garou had shown them earlier that day, the light of his phone casting ominous shadows on his face. Badd watched him, tapping his bat to his side mindlessly.

"Is she hot?"

"Is she hot?" spluttered Garou. He turned from where he was perched like an over-sized gargoyle on a crate of basketballs, trying to read the text over Genos' shoulder. "It’s a ghost Badd. Of course, its hot."

Never one to miss an opportunity to be judgmental, Genos paused his reading to give Garou his most withering stare. “Really?” he asked, voice dripping with derision.

"Should’ve known better than to ask," muttered Badd, rolling his eyes, although his twitching lips betrayed his amusement.

They milled around some more, before Garou probably reached the end of his patience, and demanded that all three of them split up. The post itself had no clues on how to summon the ghost, only that it regularly made a mess of the gymnasium in the night. Any passers by outside would hear the vicious clanging of overturned crates of sports supplies, and harshly rebounding balls, bouncing around the echoey chamber. Overall, not a lot to go on.

Garou reasoned that the ghost was probably just shy, and if either of the other two had any concern for their friend’s sanity, they decided not to voice it. Instead, Genos volunteered to check out the storage shed, Badd the perimeter, and Garou on stakeout in the gymnasium.

...

Badd milled around the front door, scuffing his shoe against the pavement. If the ghost wasn't going to turn up, he doubts any amount of 'searching' is going to make them turn up. So instead, he bided his time until he was sure enough time passed for him to return without raising suspicions of slacking off.

As Badd turned to the door, a soft voice spoke up from behind him.

"What are you doing here?"

Badd jolted, body freezing in shock. That, was definitely not a male voice.

"You obviously don't go to school here. What are you doing?"

Badd felt the sweat start to bead around his collar. He can't believe they've been caught already.

Turning slowly, he met the accusatory gaze of the young girl standing behind him. Clad in the grey Ato High school uniform, the dark-haired girl stared him down, arms crossed. Badd might have considered her to be pretty, if he wasn't so worried out of his mind.

"Um," he said, intelligently. "We're here to-" and here, Badd paused. He could, simply tell the truth, but aside from her finding him extremely creepy, there was the other more pressing issue that she simply wouldn't believe him. He was well aware that he looked intimidating enough for people to start making assumptions about him, and the other two didn't have any better. Trying to move as subtly as possible, Badd hid his bat behind his back.

Before Badd could bluster through some sort of cover up, the girl cut in sharply.

"You shouldn't be here, it’s dangerous," she says, crossing her arms. From where she was standing in the shade of the balcony, Badd could barely make out her features, but he just knew she was frowning.

"Dangerous?" Badd repeated, confused.

The girl nodded her head. "Didn't you hear about the monster that lurks here?"

Was she talking about the ghost? Badd wondered.

"You mean the haunting?" Badd questioned, eyebrow raising.

The girl nodded leaning forward a bit as if excited. It was still too dark to make out her features, and Badd could only hope she wouldn't be able to identify him either.

"I heard its even killed someone before! So, you have to go home!"

Badd blinked. He certainly didn't remember Garou or Genos mentioning that little tidbit of info. But it would make sense for the story to get even more blown out of proportion the closer to the source it is.

In any case, he wasn't going to argue with her. He didn't need any more reasons to get the fuck out of this place.

"Alright man, I’m gonna go tell my friends," Badd hesitated before turning back towards the gymnasium door. "Also, uh could you… not tell anyone you saw us here?"

The girl said nothing, continuing to watch him impassively. Eh, thought Badd, it was worth a try.

...

When Badd entered, he found that Garou and Genos had already convened down by the bleachers, Garou with his head in his hands, trying and failing not to look disappointed, and Genos not even attempting not to look bored.

"Guys," Badd called out as he swaggered in, "gig's up, its time to go."

Garou didn't even look up from where he had slumped over on the bench. "We're not leaving till we find something," he snapped.

Badd rolled his eyes. "Yeah, but someone caught us. Some girl saw me and told me to get the fuck outta here."

That caught attention. Both their heads swivelled up to stare incredulously at him.

"There's someone here? At this hour?" questioned Genos, his face twisting into a grimace.

"Yeah man," said Badd, folding his arms. "Don't think she was gonna report us though. She seemed pretty weird."

"Obviously," Genos said, tone sharp. "What kind of normal person would be in school at this time of the night?"

"Nah, like, she seemed pretty worried about us?"

"Like, worried about reporting us?" asked Garou, tone flat with dread.

"No, like she really thought the fucking ghost was gonna eat us or some shit."

For a second, the both of them stared at Badd, before the implications of his words truly sunk in.

Garou leapt to his feet, bringing himself up to his full height, a renewed fire in his eyes.

"That’s amazing," he hissed out, his infamously manic grin already back on his face.

He strode past Badd towards the door, renewed jump in his step. "Where is she? I'm gonna go talk to her. Maybe she knows how to summon it."

"What?!" snapped Genos, stomping after him to grab the back of his shirt. "She told us to leave. I suggest we do what she says so we don't end up in even more trouble."

"Why?" asked Garou, twisting in Genos’ iron grip, grinning so hard he looked nearly shark-like. “We found someone who knows about the ghost! We need to get more info.”

Badd missed the rest of what Genos fired back with, instead throwing open the door and walking out. Outside, the courtyard was empty, the girl nowhere to be seen. Did she already go home? wondered Badd. At least she’d be spared from whatever Garou was going to try to wheedle from her.

Behind him, he heard plenty of shuffling and the sound of scraping metal, before Garou’s head popped up beside his own, and after a second, Genos’ popped up above his own. All three peered out into the empty courtyard, searching.

“You’d think,” piped up Garou, after a moment of wordless staring, “that if a bunch of weird guys turned up at your school to hunt a ghost, you’d at least stick around to see how it went.”

“Not everyone is as free as you,” said Genos, a little too venomously to imply that he’d escaped the scuffle unscathed.

“I thought you said we weren’t doing any hunting,” asked Badd, warily.

“We’re not,” protested Garou, clearly ignoring Genos, “but… If the opportunity arises…”

Genos clicked his tongue impatiently while Badd groaned out loud. Badd rolled his shoulder, shoving Garou and Genos away from where they had chosen to crowd around him at the doorway.

“Luckily for us then, there’s no ghost to hunt.”

“Yeah, lucky,” muttered Garou under his breath.

“Too lucky,” another voice commented, sarcastically.

Garou turned to Genos, annoyance rolling off of him in waves. “Do you ever stop rubbing it in?”

Genos’ eyes widened a fraction, his permanent scowl only growing more pronounced. “I didn’t say anything.”

“Then who the fuck-“ But the group didn’t get to hear the end of Garou’s tirade, as they turned to notice a figure standing in the middle of the gymnasium floor.

Badd slapped Genos’ arm in alarm, and Genos slapped Garou, and Garou slapped Genos back quickly as if any of them had missed the newcomer’s sudden arrival.

Tall and lanky, the figure stood stock still illuminated by the moonlight streaming in from the gymnasium’s high windows. Features completely indiscernible, it seemed nearly fuzzy around the edges as if they were peering at it through a frosted window. Although none of them made the identification out loud, all of them decided that the person was decidedly, not human.

They stood in awed, disbelieving silence for a full three seconds marveling at the apparition that, just minutes ago, was mere hearsay. Garou was trembling with either fear or excitement, Badd couldn’t tell, and approached the figure eagerly calling out as he went.

“HEY! Ghost, hey, just wanted to say, BIG fan here.”

The figure did not respond, instead, its form which seemed fuzzy at best, distorted even more the closer Garou got to it. It was starting to look like a badly rendered picture now.

Distantly Badd recalled the girl from before telling him how the ghost had caused at least one confirmed casualty, setting him with mild unease as his friend trawled ever closer to the thing.

“Dude, don’t go so close to it man,” he called out, stepping forward alongside Genos to reel Garou back.

“I doubt that that thing is safe to approach,” muttered Genos, hands clenching at his side. “I’m getting a high energy reading from it.”

As Garou turned to address his friends’ complaints, the figure behind him shuddered violently, and stopped all motion with a low beep, like a paused video.

At Badd’s frantic pointing, all of them watched as the ghost seemed to crack like an eggshell, expanding as if its previous form could contain it no longer.

“This is it? This is the ghost?” Badd asked, rather unnecessarily in Garou’s opinion, waving around his bat in the direction of the growling humanoid figure rapidly growing in size in front of them.

All three of them stood there, watching the monster swell and grow in front of them, its face ripping open to reveal rows and rows of razor-sharp teeth. Ever the one to fixate on a point completely irrelevant to the situation, Badd turns to Garou again.

“Garou… Do you really think this is hot?” questions Badd, a touch of concern in his voice.

Genos, never one to turn down the opportunity to be rude, says, “he’s always had questionable taste.”

Garou decided to grace neither of them with an answer. Truthfully, he had seen a monster on last week’s episode of Justice Man that looked pretty similar to this one. He had thought it looked pretty cool. He wisely decided upon keeping that tidbit of info to himself.

In front of them, the beast let out a terrible growl, the tremor from it sending pieces of plaster raining down from the ceiling.

“That, is definitely not a ghost,” concludes Genos decisively.

“Yeah?” asked Garou, sarcastically, “how’d you tell?”

“I am getting an analysis reading that determines it to be a ‘monster’,” informs Genos primly.

Both Garou and Badd were spared from answering as one of the monster’s hands shot out, causing them both to leap out the way to avoid it.

The monster was now large enough to block out the light from the windows, towering over the three teenagers. The monster’s cry was deafening, the very sound of its voice causing the window panes to tremble violently. “Little children!” it snarled, rearing itself up to its fullest height, head brushing the top of the gymnasium’s tall domed ceiling. “I will grind your bones and eat you whole!”

Garou nodded sagely at that. “Grinding bones is a very textbook level monster thing to do, I’m impressed.”

With dexterity uncommon to a thing of such size, it swung its arm down with surprising accuracy towards Badd, nearly flattening him, and obliterating the chaffed wooden floorboards beneath his feet. Narrowly avoiding the hit, Badd turned and smacked the offending massive hand with his bat. A dull thud rang out in the gymnasium, loud enough to still be discernible over the monster’s roars.

Behind the beast, they could hear Genos yelling something that could have been an inquiry as to their wellness, or just a plain insult. With Genos it could go either way, really. Badd’s hit seemed to cause some effect on the monster, as it snatched its hand back quickly, cradling it as if injured.

“Alright, just hitting it works!” called out Badd.

“Great,” answered Garou, sounding no less excited even as he flitted to the side to avoid another massive swing of the arm, “lets beat the shit out of it and take down this monster, Mystery Hunters!”

Even from different corners of the gymnasium, Garou could hear the other two groan.

“Fucking stop trying to call us that!”

“We are not calling ourselves that!”

The sound of the monster’s thrashings thankfully drowned out Garou’s bitter grumbles at their response. Ducking forward, he slid under an outstretched arm to deliver a few swift, powerful blows to the creature’s knee, causing it to roar loudly in pain and stumble back. All three of them converged on the creature, raining it with blows, confusing it with an onslaught of pain from all directions.

The moment of its lack of focus was all they needed. A low hissing hum filled the air before a blinding pillar of light shot out, blowing perfectly through the back of the monster’s head, and right through the ceiling. It took a while for Badd and Garou’s eyes to readjust to the dim light of the room after that incineration flash, but what awaited them made them wish halfheartedly that they never saw it.

Beyond the singed gaping hole in the now still monster’s head, was a clear view of the night sky, viewed through the giant, still smoking, gaping hole in the ceiling of the gymnasium.

“I thought you weren’t allowed to use that?!” called out Garou, over the din of hissing steam and crumbling debris.

Genos gave a non-committal grunt in response. “My mentor allowed the use of my incinerator cannons for dire occasions. This seemed like one of them.”

Badd gave an understanding grunt. Garou shook his head.

“We destroyed like, half this place!”

“Eh,” says Badd, shouldering his bat nonchalantly, “I don’t think its that bad.”

Just as those words were uttered, the winds outside picked up, causing the body of the huge, dead monster to sway, before it fell over with a ground shaking boom, taking out the entire back wall of the gymnasium.

The three of them could only stare in horrified awe at the shambled remains of what remained of the supposedly haunted room. Quietly, they turned to make their way back out of the school in total silence.

...

“So,” says Mr Saitama, rubbing his face for what had to be the fifth time in the last ten minutes, “you’re telling me that you destroyed an entire building, because you had to?”

“Yep,” says Badd taking care to pop the p.

“Yeah,” Garou agreed, shrugging.

Genos said nothing in response, instead staring down his knees with all the weary resolve of a samurai waiting for death.

Mr Saitama groaned loudly, leaning back in his chair. All three of them were sitting crowded around Mr Saitama‘s desk, after being called out of their classes. There were plenty of curious glances thrown their way from the other teachers bustling around their cubicles in the teacher’s office, the warming smell of freshly made coffee and early morning chatter contrasting oddly with the anguished expression on their homeroom teacher’s face. Unsurprisingly, the officials at Ato High had called the police after finding the carnage, who then checked the security tapes, and then somehow managed to identify them.

Perhaps the fact that this was not the first time they had been involved with the police for what Mr Saitama had coined as “various shenanigans”, had made them all the more easier to identify. Personally, Garou believed that the only reason the police found them so quickly was due to a biased belief that they were behind any and all teenager-based incidents. Of course, in this case they were right, but still.

Mr Saitama sighed dramatically, yet again. “Were you aware that the buildings in Ato High, including the one you destroyed, are all historical buildings?”

“No shit?” asked Badd.

“No shit,” repeated Mr Saitama, gravely.

“Aw c’mon man,” whined Garou, slouching in his hard-folding chair, “there was a monster there! You couldn’t just expect us to leave it there!”

“You aren’t supposed to be fighting monsters! That’s the Hero Association’s job! You’re just students! Also,” snapped Mr Saitama, hand slamming down on the table with a bang, “you’re supposed to call me Mr Saitama, not ‘man’!”

“It tried to eat us!” protested Garou.

“Then you should’ve run and called the authorities!”

Beside him Badd rolled his eyes. “As if they’d come in time,” he muttered darkly under his breath.

Saitama pressed his hand back to his face as if to calm himself. Badd wondered if he’d end up flattening his face by the end of this session.

“Why were you even in Ato High that night?”

“Ghost hunting,” answered Garou immediately.

“You,” started Mr Saitama slowly, “went to a girls school… At night… To look for ghosts?”

All three of them nodded.

Mr Saitama sighed, for the umpteenth time. “Should’ve known,” he mumbled softly.

Turning to the table, he shuffled his papers around nosily, seemingly deep in thought. As they fidgeted in their seats, Badd casting pointed glances to the clock, Mr Saitama finally paused in rearranging his table, setting out three identical forms.

Turning towards them, he leant forward, resting his chin on his clasped hands, looking the most serious he’d been since this meeting begun. Sandwiched uncomfortably between Badd and Genos, Garou squirmed uneasily under the intense stare.

“Anything else to say for yourselves?”

No answer.

Mr Saitama tried again, “Genos,” he said, singling out the only reputable student out of the three, “anything to say?”

“I,” blurted Genos, speaking for the first time since being called to the room, “was dragged into it by these two, Mr Saitama!”

Beside him, Garou scoffed. Badd narrowed his eyes, incredulous.

“You throwin’ us under the bus, Gen?”

Genos turned to him, gold eyes flashing. “I told you we shouldn’t have gone there!”

“Genos,” Mr Saitama cut in, voice weary, “it was your incinerator cannons that caused the blast wasn’t it? You’re the one on thinnest ice here, dude.”

Genos shut his mouth with an audible clack.

Under the stares of everyone at the table, he finally continued, “it was necessary to dispose of the monster, Mr Saitama. I was merely doing my job as a vigilant member of the community.”

Mr Saitama deadpanned him a look as if to say vigilant members of the community don’t break into schools at night but said nothing against it.

When Genos made no move to say anything more, Mr Saitama shook his head despairingly, handing out the forms.

“I want all three of you to fill out these. Its an apology letter, something I’m sure you three are already familiar with,” Mr Saitama said, eyeing them meaningfully, “five thousand words. No less.”

He went on, amid cries of protests from mostly Garou and Badd, “AND, one full month of detention.”

Garou choked on air. “One entire month of detention?!”

“You’re lucky they’re not suspending you.”

The three of them wilted, grumbling half hearted protests as they held tightly to their forms.

“Okay,” said Mr Saitama, waving them off, “get back to your classes you lot. I still need to call your guardians.”

The boys kicked off amidst groans and halfhearted apologies.

“I want those apologies on my desk tomorrow morning!” he called after them as the door to the office swung shut.

“Were you talking about Ato High? Ah, that brings back memories,” smiles Miss Fubuki, leaning over her desk divider to Mr Saitama’s desk.

“Hm, did you go to school there?” questions Mr Saitama, swatting her hand away as she reached to pluck the case files from the table.

“Oh yes,” replies Miss Fubuki, finally giving up and leaning back in her chair with a nostalgic smile. “I had a lot of fun there. Sadly though, we never had any camps because there used to be this terrible rumor that a monster lurked the halls at night.”

“Oh?” asked Mr Saitama, looking bored.

“Yes,” says Miss Fubuki, eyes unnaturally bright, “we all thought it was just nonsense, but one day, one of the girls in the year below me turned up missing. Everyone was so sure it was the monster that ate her.”

Mr Saitama gave a noncommittal grunt, fiddling with his fingers.

Miss Fubuki smiled knowingly. “You’re starting to feel really thankful that they came back safe, aren’t you?”

Mr Saitama sighed, sending her a rueful smile. “I’m starting to feel really thankful I never decided to teach there.”

...

“Do you know what the worst part is?” Garou asks, as they trudge back up the staircase back to their classroom, “we never did get to see the ghost.”

Genos shot him a withering glare. “That’s because there was no ghost. People just caught wind of the monster and started the rumor.”

Badd grunted in agreement, shoulders hunching as he thought about the scolding his mother was sure to dole out once he got home.

“By the way,” a familiar voice called out right as he reached the top step. “I wanted to thank you.”

Turning slowly, Badd met the smiling gaze of a girl standing a few steps behind him. Squinting, he recalled the girl’s black hair and grey uniform.

“Oh its you,” Badd said, sending her a lazy wave. After all that drama, he’d just about forgotten about the weird girl from the school. “What are you doin’ here?”

The girl’s smile widened, her brown eyes glittering with an emotion Badd couldn’t discern. “I came by to see you. I have to go really soon, but I wanted to let you know I’m thankful for what you did.”

Badd huffed. “You mean breaking one of your school’s buildings?”

“I meant killing that monster but…”

“Eh, was nothin’,” he muttered, strangely uncomfortable under her stare.

“Tell your friends I said thank you as well,” the girl said insistently, climbing another step up towards him.

Badd cocked an eyebrow. “Tell em yourself,” he said. Poking his head around the staircase landing, he was surprised to see Garou and Genos already standing still on the upper steps, staring down at him.

“Who are you talking to?” Genos asked, eyebrows furrowed.

“C’mere man,” Badd called, waving them over, “this kid wants to talk to you guys.”

Garou peeked his head over the side of the staircase railing, looking wholly confused.

“Who?” he asked, gold eyes flitting around.

Badd groaned, annoyed that they were choosing to be so blatantly rude. Turning around impatiently, he was met with a clear view of the empty stairwell, illuminated by the large windows. Confused, he ran down the steps, peering over the railings just like Garou to see where the girl had went.

Looking back up, he met the strangely concerned gazes of his two friends, peering at him with raised brows.

“Did Mr Saitama set you so much work that you already went crazy?” Garou asked, shaking his head.

“What,” Badd spluttered, face colouring in spite of himself. “Fuck off man, didn’t you hear me talking to her?”

“To who?” Genos questioned again, face pinching in exasperation. “We only heard you talking to yourself.”

Badd stared at him, mouth agape. His head whipped between his friends and down the stairwell, as if unsure who to believe.

“But I- But you-“ Badd stammered, feeling increasingly uncomfortable by the second.

Climbing back down, Garou snatched him up by the arm, half dragging him up the stairs.

“There, there,” he said, patting Badd’s back in a manner that was supposed to be consoling, but came out mildly condescending. “Let’s get you to class, and you can take a nap at your desk as usual.”

Genos sighed, positioning himself on Badd’s other side and gripping his shoulder with a bit too much force to be comforting. “Maybe after your usual illegal naps you’d feel better.”

Despite his own irritable protests, Badd allowed himself to be dragged off bodily to his classroom, secretly agreeing that maybe a good nap was exactly what he needs.

[boymeetsweevil]

For science 1/7 -  (NSFW)

Grouping: Reader x Nerd!Jungkook

Word Count: 6.1k

Warnings/Themes: masturbation (vaginal) & voyeurism, unrequited feelings, eventual sex. is this crack yet? lol there’s a plot i swear.

Summary: Jungkook asks you to let him watch you get off. For science.

A/N: posting this now because I’ve been working on it on and off for like a month and im tired of looking at it and jk’s bday is coming up HAPPY BIRTHDAY JK and i’ll be too busy with school plus im almost 7k into the second chapter so..

part 2, part 3, part 4, part 5, part 6, part 7

Your eyes burn in protest as you scroll to the top of your terminal window once more to search for the error that is fucking your code up. It’s been hours of work and you still haven’t managed to get your program to run even though the homework assignment is easy in theory. In fact it’s just like a problem that Jungkook said the professors would probably give you in your sophomore year, and here you are in your junior year seeing such an ‘easy’ question. With him, it had truly been easy, though. Jungkook was a better computer science teacher than any professor you’d ever encountered. Thinking back to early high school days has you smiling softly to yourself. 

You miss sitting closely together, heads sometimes touching, as you both bent over a problem while he explained why it looked hard, but was actually something you could do in your sleep. The wide smile he would give you when you completed competition questions in minimal time would always set your heart fluttering.

Your phone vibrating brings you back to reality. The caller ID reads ~JK~ and you swoop in to answer the call. If the time in the corner of your computer is right (and it is) he should have already opened his decision letter from the PhD department.

“Hey, what’s the verdict,” you ask as soon as you accept the call. You know there’s no other reason why he’d call you when you were supposed to meet up in a few hours for weekly game night.

“I got in,” his voice is soft, but you know him well enough to be able to hear the joy mixed in.

“Congratulations, Kook! That’s amazing, I knew you would get in, they’d be crazy not to accept you. Oh my god, we should celebrate.”

“Yeah, I was thinking maybe we could go out for drinks before heading back to mine to play tonight. You in?” Now you can practically hear the smile in his voice.

“Of course I’m in. Let me just pack up and I can meet you. Where are you--the department lounge? I’ll come over.”

“Actually,” his shy tone has you sitting down slowly, returning your jacket to where you had it slung over the back of your chair. “You don’t have to leave right away. I was gonna try and call Yoori. You know, to tell her the news. And then tell Tae and Hobi, of course.”

“Oh. Yeah, no, that makes total sense. I should probably finish this code for Choi’s class anyway. It’s due on Sunday, but I’m almost done. Might as well turn it in early once I find this error.” Your hand scrapes at the sides of your jeans, looking for something to grab at.

“Well then I guess I have time,” he chuckles, “Your typos are always so tiny that they take hours to find. Let’s meet up at the bar in 2 hours then?” 

You wince. Although it’s not at all a mean-spirited jab, you’re no longer in the mood for the friendly banter at the mention of Yoori, Jungkook’s long time unrequited love.

“Sure. See you then,” you hang up before he has the chance to say goodbye formally like he always insists on doing.

You put your phone down and berate yourself for getting distracted. If you were the brilliant Yoori, you wouldn’t have even made the typo in the first place. But you weren’t Yoori because you didn’t have the fortune of being born four years earlier and four times more beautiful, elegant, or intelligent. And you didn’t have the luck of being so much of a genius that you could skip years ahead of school like Jungkook either. So instead you would just have to chug along, always watching Jungkook chase Yoori.

You go back to scrolling through your code only to find the error a third of the way down. Jungkook was right, the typo was tiny--a misplaced equals sign. You sigh and run the code to make sure it’s perfect this time, and when it is you send it in to your professor to be graded. You consider heading home and using the extra time to make yourself look nice. Not that there was anything wrong with your oversized university t-shirt and jeans, but suddenly you think maybe things would be different for you with regards to your love life if you tried a little harder. You’re about to leave the library entrance that’s closest to your dorm, but you get a text from Jungkook.

6:41 - I called Yoori and she said she heard about my deal with RealiCorp and she wants to link up when she gets back on campus!

You narrow your eyes at the text. Jungkook had recently sold some software he developed to an up and coming gaming company that was supposed to make the imaging on immersion headsets better. He had made a pretty penny and was covertly offered a position at the company, but it was also a large victory for the computer science department at the university and his picture had been circulating around the department website for weeks. You suppose she finally saw it while she was taking a break from her research project off campus and decided to answer his calls for a change.

You text back what you hope sounds like a cheerful congratulation and decide to just go to the bar instead. What’s the harm in a few rounds before the rest of the crew arrives?

The harm would have been miniscule at most if you hadn’t been in your feelings, but when Jungkook, Tae, and Hobi arrive, you’re three rounds in and a little bit sloppy.

“Woah,” Hobi shouts, giving you a too strong pat on the back when he sits in the chair next to you. “Someone started a little early. What’s the occasion, are we celebrating something for you too?” Jungkook shakes his head with a sheepish smile and goes to sit beside you, away from Hoseok.

“Nope. Just getting ready for an evening with your loud ass.” He gives you a pretend pout and flags the bartender over. Tae sits next to him and gives you a little wave and smile.

“Two whiskeys, make mine a sour and make his straight. From the high shelf.”

“Hey now,” Taehyung’s eyes widen comically, “Are you forgetting that payday isn’t until next week? I’ll take the regular whiskey down there, please.”

“Don’t worry. Kookie said he was paying with his RealiCorp money,” Hoseok stage whispers into your ear, “He’ll probably cover your round too.”  You swat him away and turn to Jungkook, raising a questioning eyebrow.

“You know I’ll cover yours. The rest of them, I don’t know.”

“What? Come on, you’re the youngest,” Tae whines, less than satisfied with his cheap whiskey shot.

“Shouldn’t that mean you guys pay for me?”

“N-no! Because you’re actually our senior now. You’re graduating this year, I’m the oldest technically but I’m not graduating until next year. We know these two aren’t graduating until the year after that,” he points to you and Tae, “Plus, you’re going to the PhD program next year. You should definitely be paying for us.” Hoseok has a point, you and Tae nod sagely to back him up.

“Fine,” Jungkook sighs, pushing his thick glasses up the bridge of his nose, “I’m in a good mood, so why not.”

“I bet you are,” Tae’s grin is big and catlike in the low light of the bar. His gaze a little lewd. “I would be too if I was one step closer to finally bagging a girl like Yoori.”

You look down into your beer bottle, the green glass suddenly much more fascinating than the conversation at hand.

“Did you hear,”Hoseok turns toward you,”Yoori is gonna come back soon and when she does he’s gonna make her Mrs. Jeon.”

“I’ll be sure to throw rice during the wedding,” you snark. The bartender brings you a new beer without another word. Taehyung howls at your comment.

“I’d kill to have a wedding night with her.”

“Hell, I’d kill to have a bathroom stall night. With anyone,” Hoseok sighs, “It’s hard out here for a comp-sci major. Right, guys?”

You hum in agreement. It had been a while since you’d last gotten laid.

“You’re right. I can’t even remember that geology minor’s face. Do you remember her? What was her name? Mara? Kara?”

“Sara,” Hoseok provides with a grin, “I think she has a thing for comp-sci majors. Kook, you ever hook up with Sara?”

Jungkook shyly traces a finger around the rim of his empty vodka class. “I haven’t hooked up with anyone.”

“Ever?” You try to keep incredulity from bleeding into your question.

“Ever,” he nods. He hiccups a little and all of the sudden you totally believe that Jungkook is a virgin.

“Dude, wait, I thought you hooked up with that one chick at the music festival last spring. Am I the only one who saw her?” 

Tae nods in agreement. “Yeah, she gave you her hotel room key and everything.”

“It wasn’t like that. She told me her brother was there for a robotics tournament and I asked her if I could see the bot.”

You smile despite your sour mood. If there was one thing you loved about Jungkook it was his blind enthusiasm for STEM. Even if it made him a little oblivious to other things at times.

“Well, you better fix that whole virgin thing fast, bro. Chicks like Yoori probably want someone with experience. In more ways than one, if you catch my drift.” Hoseok nudges Tae with a wry smile.

“That’s not just a Yoori thing, most people don’t want to have to coddle someone in bed unless that’s, like, their kink or something,” you take a large swallow of beer.

“Wait,” Tae says, eyeing you like he’s had an epiphany, “You’re a girl--”

“Didn’t we establish this 2 years ago? When we met?”

“No, no, I mean you can help Kookie so he doesn’t drop the ball with Yoori.”

“Yeah, right,” you snort, “Help him how? Give him a sex-ed lecture?” You turn to laugh with Jungkook, but he’s looking at you seriously. Or as seriously as he can when he’s tipsy with unfocused eyes and blushing cheeks.

“You…don’t want to help me?” His voice sounds pathetic and small, making you feel bad instantly.

“Oh, Kook, it’s not that I don’t want to help you. But think about what that implies.”

“Is it because I’m a virgin?”

“Oh my god, Kook, there’s nothing wrong with being a virgin don’t listen to us. We’re idiots.”

“Then why don’t you want to help me?”

Because I like you. You swallow hard, your throat suddenly dry. You obviously don’t say that, though. Instead you sit back in your bar stool.

“I-I would if I could, but I don’t know how to help you,” you finally say.

“It’s fine. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I guess the thought of being with Yoori makes me a little stupid.”

Desperately you search for a solution. Instead of finding one, you call the bartender back and order a round of tequila shots. Jungkook gives you a sad look but doesn’t ruin the mood by not taking a shot. You order two more rounds because somehow, even though he’s drunk, he still looks dejected. After your third shot you can’t stand the way his shoulder slump.

“You know what,” you slur loudly, drawing three pairs of eyes to your face lazily. “It’s getting late and we might not get to play Fortnite this weekend. Let’s all get to bed so we can be up early tomorrow to play.”

Tae points a wobbly finger in your direction, eyes suspicious. “When you say early, you mean after 2pm right?”

It takes twenty minutes for everyone to get their shit together enough to leave the bar. Tae and Hoseok keep losing each other in the bathroom. Jungkook keeps forgetting that he has to pay and tries to ask the bartender what he thinks about sub-atomic particle physics. Even though you’re drunk off your ass, you somehow manage to keep yourself responsible enough to wrangle Tae and Hobi out of the bathroom and guide Jungkook through the motions of swiping his card and signing the bill. The four of you then squeeze into the back of an uber. Hoseok whines about being lonely while sitting in the passenger’s seat. Jungkook’s bumps his hand against yours until he can firmly grasp it and get your attention before you pass out.

“Hey, can I sleep on the couch,” he whispers in your ear. His breath smells like alcohol and limes. You turn your head to chase the scent away and rest your head on his shoulder. You yawn.

“Sure. No problem, buddy.”

Your apartment is the first stop on the route and you launch yourself out the car and run up through your lobby and to the elevator to escape the cold of the air conditioner and the fluorescent lights. Jungkook lingers in the car until Tae pushes him out to make room for Hoseok.

“Kook,” Tae calls out as he helps Hoseok pour himself into the back seat.

“Wassap?”

“The only way to get good at sex is losta—lotta...lot’s a practish. Okay?”

“But-but…Who am I gonna practice with?”

Tae merely whistles and points a finger upward, gesturing to your illuminated window. The car pulls away and Jungkook sways unsteadily up onto the sidewalk with nausea clawing at his throat. Thinking of the stairs he’ll have to climb—because there’s no way in hell he’s taking the elevator, even in this state—he regrets not just going to his own first floor dorm. Does he really need to get sex counseling from you? There’s always porn, he muses before remembering the rant you’d gone on blaming porn for making a guy you’d been hooking up with try to do weird things in bed involving a summer squash. Looks like he’d have to rely on the real deal to get anywhere with Yoori. Oh, Yoori.

A shimmering vision of the beautiful girl with elegant eyes and an ever-painted smile floats in front of his hazy vision and gives him the strength he needs to hobble forward towards the lobby door with dedication.

Minutes ago you couldn’t wait to go to sleep, but as soon you unlocked your door and made it to your room, you were wide awake. Even brushing your teeth and stripping out of your jeans didn’t to tire you out.

“Fuck,” you groan. You throw yourself onto your bed and hope that the way the room spins will lull you to sleep but when the spinning stops, your eyes still won’t stay closed.

The clock resting on your desk across the room reads 1:48am. It’s already clear that you’re going to be hung over, but knowing that it won’t be cushioned by a nice long sleep before you have to go to yoga at 12 makes you want to cry. You desperately wrack your brain for all the remedies there are to make you sleepy. You just canceled your cable last week to save some money, so you can’t veg out in front of the TV. You’re lactose intolerant, so warm milk isn’t an option. You’d take a warm shower but you washed your hair already and if you go to bed with wet hair your mother’s voice will haunt you all night with stories of the cold coming your way. Kicking your feet in frustration, you toss yourself over the edge of the bed to hang. Maybe all the blood will flow to your head and you’ll pass out.

You’re about to risk passing out and landing on your neck the wrong way and dying when a bright pink shoebox under your bed catches your eye. Of course, you think, how could you forget your precious vibrator. Luckily for you, a good orgasm or three always managed to knock you out like a light. You reach over and scoot the box forward with your outstretched fingertips until you get it close enough to reach inside and grab the petite tiffany blue bullet. Giddy laughter leaves your mouth as you heft yourself back onto your bed and fall back on the pillows with a contented sigh. Orgasms solve all your problems. You flick the device on to the lowest setting and ghost it against your clothed mound.

Jungkook is completely breathless as he leaves the center stairwell and finally arrives on your floor. The stairs were a bitch and a half, but your door is only two down from the floor entrance. He can practically hear the siren song of your pull-out couch. When he turns the knob to your front door, it doesn’t budge and he wonders if you must have locked it on instinct. There’s no way you forgot that he was staying over, he thinks to himself. Reaching above the doorjamb, he hunts for the spare key you left there especially for him. The door unlocks easily and he smiles to himself as he locks the door behind him and toes off his shoes. He’s about to face plant into the couch when you call his name faintly from your bedroom.

As he stumbles through the hallway slowly to your room, he thinks over what Taehyung said to him before driving off. To Jungkook’s drunk mind it makes sense, so it must be a good idea to seek sex practice from you. You’re the only girl he knows and he’s known you so long that he can already tell there would be no awkwardness. The sad look in your eyes as you listened to his predicament in the bar tells him that you want to help him, but you didn’t know what route to take. He flexes his hands by his sides and figures he’ll just tell you what Taehyung told him and get to coming up with a curriculum.

The door to your bedroom is half-open and the lights shine through the opening, so he figures you must be up and waiting for him. He can still hear you calling his name, but it still sounds oddly soft from where he is. He pushes the door open but freezes in his tracks when he sees you.

The first thing he notices is obviously the frantically moving hand you have between your legs and the loud buzzing sound that comes from it. He takes in more details the longer he looks. He realizes belatedly then that you’re not wearing pants. Thanks to the high prescription strength of his glasses, he can also see the way your hand and thighs shine and the huge dark spot in the crotch of your panties in the light of your table lamp. Your toes are curling and he can just make out the way your lower stomach clenches underneath the very same sweatshirt you’d been wearing to the bar. Technically he can’t see your other hand but he has a pretty good idea of where it is and what it might be doing with the way it disappears under your shirt. You can’t see him, though, because your head is thrown back and your eyes are closed. The only thing you’re probably at least partly aware of is the cacophony of wet sounds that come from where you work the nose of the toy over yourself. The last thing he notices is the way you call his name in a soft whining tone that has him stepping forward without thinking.

“Fuck, Jungkook,” you whine as the slippery heel of your hand bumps against your covered clit a little roughly on an upstroke.

“Yes?”

“What the hell,” your eyes snap open and your head whips around to see him leaning on the door frame as he watches you.

His eyes are heavy with alcohol and his cheeks are just as pink as the lip he releases from the grasp of his teeth. He reaches out and stumbles forward, causing you to scramble back to distance yourself from him. You bring your knees up to hug to your chest before you realize that you’re still very much on show.

“Jeon Jungkook, what is going on here,” you shriek, bringing your hands to cover your eyes only makes you feel a little bit better.

He sits down on your bed like it’s any other day and he’s just chilling in the room like you invited him over. And then you realize that you did kind of invite him over as fragmented memories of the recent uber ride you took together spring up.

“You said you wanted to help me, but you didn’t know how. But Tae told me I just have to practish.”

“Practish?”

“Practice,” he corrects himself.

“Practice what?”

“Practice sex. Duh!”

“Jungkook, no!”

“Please? I wouldn’t be asking such a huge favor if I didn’t think it was absolutely necessary.”

“Why can’t you just go to a frat party like everyone else?” 

Your heart is beating rapidly and you think maybe you’re not drunk anymore. Never in your life did you think you would turn down sex from Jungkook, but then again you never pictured it happening this way.

“Because I,” his head hangs and he starts to pick at a loose thread in your duvet, “I guess I missed out on this kind of thing when we were younger and I don’t think I could get very good results in a basement party. Plus, I know you’d…”

“I’d what?”

“You’d be good to me.” He lifts his eyes to lock with yours. His gaze is oddly sharp despite the fact that his skin is still clammy like it gets when he drinks.

Your breath hitches and for a moment it does feel like the fantasies you have almost every other time that you settle into your room, lonely and horny. Jungkook laughs bitterly to himself and you can feel your resolve crumbling as something selfish rears its head in the back of your mind. He tries one last time. 

“Please?” 

You crack.

“Okay.”

“Really?” His eyes light up once more as he gives you a blinding smile. “Great. Let’s start!”

It feels as though you’re having an out of body experience as you watch him clamber closer onto the bed with you. Your legs naturally open to accommodate him and he scoots into your space, his hands falling to naturally stroke with the soft skin of your ankles. Even though he lacks experience, Jungkook has a leg up in that he’s naturally on the affectionate side. Something you can’t teach with any amount of practice. Even still, the idea that Jungkook will be sitting between your naked thighs makes your stomach do flip flops.You barely start formulating something to say that will sound educational when you hear him get ready to interject once more.

“God, what is it?” You worry that if he interrupts you one more time you’ll lose your nerve.

“I need a visual aid. And, uh, I won’t be able to see because of your, uh, undergarments.”

You’re certain that you’ve never taken anything off faster than you do in that moment. The panties fly into some far corner of your room and you can only hope that they don’t land in a clump of dust bunnies.

“Alright,” you stutter, “I don’t have to give you an anatomy lesson, right? Please tell me you at least know where everything is.”

“We took anatomy together in 7th grade,” he says like that’s a decent answer.

You roll your eyes. “Right, okay. Anatomy lesson it is.”

“What’s this,” you point at yourself.

“That’s the uh…entrance to the vagina?”

“Ok and?”

“It’s where the pleasure comes from?”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes?”

“Partial credit.”

“Isn’t that where the…phallus goes, though?” You decide it would be best to ignore his word choice for now.

“Yeah, I mean stuff goes in there but that’s not where all the pleasure comes from. For some people that’s not where any of it comes from.”

His eyes widen nervously. “Then where does it come from if not from penetration?”

You gesture again. “This is the clitoris.” His sweaty bangs flop over his lenses as he nods enthusiastically. Finally something he remembers.

“The clitoris,” he chirps affirmatively. You side eye him, but keep going.

“This little thing is basically there for the sole purpose of pleasure.”

“How do I activate it?” Again you blink at his terminology. Although you’d been a STEM freak with Jungkook for years, somehow he managed to baffle you with his nerdiness.

“Uh, you can stimulate it by touching it.” You draw a small circle in the air around the nub to demonstrate. “Like that, for example. You can also use your hands or your mouth.”

“Or that little blue thing you were using earlier,” he chimes in, reminding you of the embarrassing way this whole thing started.

You sigh. “Yeah. That too.”

“And that’s it?”

“No that’s definitely not it. We haven’t even touched the other places of pleasure or technique or foreplay. But this is a pretty good cheat code.”

“So what about the inside? Like the tubes?”

“There’s really not that much you need to know involving the actual reproductive organs themselves. We can just focus on the external bits for now.” You wince at how uncomfortable the discussion is.

“That makes sense,” his brows furrow seriously. He’s slow to blink, partly so he doesn’t miss anything and partly because he’s still fighting off tendrils of sleep.

“I mean,” you wring your hands anxiously, “that’s all you really need to know for now. It’s mostly learning on the go, anyway. You’ll be fine.”

“But what if I’m not fine. Don’t you think you could, you know, show me?”

“What is there to show?”

“How about you just continue…what you were doing when I came in.”

“Masturbating.”

“What?”

“I was masturbating when you came in.”

A hand flies to the collar of his shirt and he tugs on it sheepishly. “Yeah, that’s what I meant.”

You try not to focus on how weirdly awkward the mood is now that your lust has calmed down to barely even a simmer. You reach for the discarded vibrator that jumped out of your hand and landed by the edge of the head of your bed, but he stops you with a raised hand.

“Can you, uh, maybe do it the old-fashioned way? For the first time at least?”

“Right, I guess I’ll get to it.”

Jungkook sits back on his heels patiently and watches closely as your hand trails a path down your torso to the apex of your thighs. The first touch, though you know it’s your own hand, has you twitching a bit. You bite your lip hard to focus and circle your entrance to coax out more moisture, then you move back to circle your clit. You close your eyes in hopes that not being able to see Jungkook’s gaping expression will help. It does, a bit. After a few moments, you let out a breathy sigh and sink further into the pillows. You plant one foot more firmly on the mattress to give yourself some leverage and push yourself more into your circling hand. The slight increase in pressure has you moaning and your eyes fluttering. You peek through heavy lids to see Jungkook’s expression has also changed. His eyes, clear just a second ago, look glassy again from behind his lenses, his mouth slack and shiny. The rise and fall of his chest is a bit heavier. You let yourself think it’s because of you and go back to collect more arousal to increase the slip.

Apparently, you’re more turned on than you thought. When your middle and ring fingers wander down to your hole they come back pleasantly slick. Something in you suddenly feels rebellious, so you use your free hand to spread your lips further and bring your coated fingers up to Jungkook’s face. You flex your fingers and separate them to show crystalline streaks of arousal connecting them.

“Just so you know, this is a good sign.”

Jungkook swallows hard. Somehow, even though you’re still wearing socks and a baggy sweatshirt, you’re hotter than all the completely bare, busty women he’d watched moan and writhe wildly on his computer screen. He reaches out and delicately grabs you wrist before redirecting your hand back to your dripping center.

“Keep going,” he rasps.

You whine and begin to rub your clit more earnestly, lewd wet sounds fill the room. He can practically see your lips getting wetter and wetter as you redistribute your arousal with every rough swipe of your fingers. Your wrist is moving fast, but it’s clear that you’re becoming frustrated with all that you can do with one hand. Your other hand quickly moves to take over making tight figure eights around your clit while the one already coated in your juices moves back down to your entrance once more. This time, you crook two shining fingers and shove them into your hole. Immediately your back bends and a drawn out moan leaves your mouth. Jungkook gasps quietly. You pump your fingers in and out roughly, then withdraw them to add a third finger.

He watches you like that for a while before you get fed up again. It’s been a while since you’ve been so needy and you feel like you’re on fire. Your toes curl impatiently on either side of Jungkook and he realizes you’re looking for more. On instinct he scoots further until his own legs are brushing up against the undersides of yours. His hand reaches out to pet your quivering thigh in a sympathetic effort to help with your plateau. He looks down at your hand, twitching feverishly in and out of yourself. His hands are much bigger and suddenly he moves like he’s about to replace your fingers with his own.

When Jungkook’s hands start to approach your center your breath hitches. You’re not quite in the right state of mind to reject him if he offers to finger you, but you don’t want to take advantage of the situation and make it any more emotionally complicated than it already is.

“Not yet,” you offer when his hands get too close for comfort, “Next time, maybe.”

He seems to be thinking the same thing and averts his attention to the forgotten vibrator. His grip on your thigh disappears, and you sigh quietly, but it’s hidden under the slick sounds you make each time your fingers get sucked into your heat and the low moans you make every time your pinch your clit just so.

“W-what do I do?” His voice is small and his sudden worried look has you wrapping a hand around his and bringing it to show him how you click the toy on and circle it around your entrance.

His hands are sweaty, shaky, so when your hips start to circle on their own, they move to find a resting spot on your thighs and squeeze to deal with the tension rising in his own belly. He grits his teeth, clenches his hands, does anything he can to keep from overstepping and making this about him. As obviously cliché as it sounds, seeing you sweating and moaning underneath him lets him see you in a new light. You’d always been around, but your presence as a woman in his life was backgrounded at best. Now, with Yoori momentarily not clouding his mind, he wants nothing more than to ravage you. He’s almost certain that if he tried, his lack of experience wouldn’t matter too much. He’s sure his body would be able to act on baser instinct and give you the what you wanted. If you wanted.

Your moans change in pitch and soon he’s aware that this will be the first time he’ll have been privy to someone else’s orgasm in real life. His dick is painfully hard and straining against the jeans he’s wearing. But he forgets the discomfort fast as he watches you grind yourself down against the toy in a way that is absolutely filthy. Your bottom lip, shiny and reddened, is pulled taut between your teeth in ecstasy. Your eyes flutter open and lock with his own. You focus and notice his blown-out pupils look huge within the depths of deep brown irises. There’s no denying he’s turned on once you flick your gaze down to his crotch and see the large tent in his pants.

“I—I think I’m gonna…Oh!” Your leg kicks out on its own like some electric current runs through you. Your voice breaks as the waves of your approaching high begin to take over you. One of his hands inches upwards a bit and strokes the tense muscle near your groin softly, at a loss for words. “Oh god, Jungkook, you—” keening, your eyes roll into the back of your head.

One of your hands reaches up to squeeze at his bicep as he’s leaning over you. He wonders in the back of his mind when he got so close to you. Your leg hooks around him like it has a mind of it’s own and tugs him down, forcing him to topple over you. That’s the last straw and you sob from the intense pleasure. Meanwhile your warmth and proximity and your words prove to be a deadly combination and within seconds he’s spilling over himself in his boxers, untouched. He lets out a low groan that puffs against the side of your neck.

You both sit there and breathe for a long while, catching your breath and coming back down to earth. He sits up eventually and pulls away from you, leaving you cold. Your legs flop from around him heavily. You’re a bit irritated when you realize you won’t be able to walk normally for a while. He discretely wipes his hands off on your duvet while you wipe at the sweat soaking your hairline.

“That’s it, that’s the show,” you finally say.

He shoots up and looks at you anxiously. It’s cute. “You mean until next time, right?”

His eyes are wide and imploring as he hovers over by you. He looks a bit like a turtle from this angle. A cute one, though. One that you want to play with again next week. You nod even though he might have all that he needs to do well with Yoori, being the fast learner that he is.

“I guess so. Same time, next week. Do some research for next time maybe. Make sure it’s from something not involving the medical library.”

“Got it!” He turns and waits until you’re not looking to adjust his pants.

You notice his hair is sticking to his forehead when he finally stands up. And there’s a cowlick sticking up in the back that reminds you of middle school Jungkook, before he met Yoori. The idea of the other girl, the girl he’s really in love with, dims your post-coital glow. Although, you suppose you have her to thank for this evening’s events. How else could you have ever managed a one-sided romp in the sheets with your long-time crush?

Both of you take turns using the bathroom to clean up. While he hums in time with washing up, you slip panties on and debate about whether or not to throw your sweats back on. You decide that if you’re going to play this off like it hasn’t changed your relationship, you should put pants back on.He comes out looking pink and clean and you want to pull him back into your bed and wrap yourself around him. 

To protect his glasses from the dangers of the bathroom, he left them in your room. Squinting, he walks with hands out to collect them. When he puts them on he doesn’t look at you and instead pulls his phone out of his pocket and swipes around while leaving the room.

“Heading out,” you ask with a quasi-disinterested tone.

“Yeah, I remembered I have to run the Saturday tutoring session this week. So I might as well go home so I can get ready for that. You should come, you know. Your test scores dropped 2 points this week.” Typical Jungkook. He couldn’t ever fully leave TA mode.

You roll your eyes. “Thanks for the reminder, but that’s still an A.”

“Maybe we can try this again next week the same time?”

“Yeah, uh, okay.”

“Cool, I’ll put it on my calendar.” He lifts his phone to his face to tell the digital assistant to pencil you in for next week. You try not to grimace at becoming a date in his calendar app.

“Get out already, you nerd.” You push him out after he puts his coat back on, but you do watch out the window to make sure his taxi comes.

[rogue-rook]

many highlights from The Stolen Century from a first-time TAZ listener (here there be spoilers)

oh hot damn a flashbacks episode!!!!!

“everything begins, and i mean that quite literally, with the light of creation”

the IPRE has some real nostalgic space exploration nasa vibes to it

travis: “i would like to state that, canonically, magnus calls him “cap’nport” because magnus, like I, loves portmanteau”

suggested names for the ship boat thing: boaty mcboatface, spinnaker (which just means boat), stinky spinnaker, laser spinnaker, hyper spinnaker, flying boat, tail spinnaker, fighting spinnaker, lightbringer, sky spinnaker, sky boat, sky weaver, star dancer, starblaster! the winner! starblaster!

the way they arrived at “starblaster” was such peak mcelroy Creative Nonsense

the reporters at this IPRE press conference have had increasingly silly names

justin: “taako and lup go to a bar and do what they always do at a bar, which is hustle people at pool” i love them so much! i didn’t love taako all that much for the majority of this story but now i think he’s cool as shit

I’m so SO SO SO SO SO EXCITED for lup to be a part of this and be a real character and not just a fucking GHOST haunting taako’s umbrella

magnus wants to go train with the bear of power and that’s the most on-brand thing for him to possibly want to do

travis: “magnus doesn’t kill animals if he can help it” not animals, but of course he has no problem killing dwarves, elves, liches, wizards, ya know, all those PEOPLE he’s killed

justin: “taako and lup are gonzo, they're out of here" magnus: “i’m like checking on bear cubs and making sure everyone's okay" merle: “im like increasing everybody’s speed with spells’ very on brand of everybody here

travis: “okay griffin i have a very important question that i should have asked before-” griffin: “is about your fucking hard candy supply?”

the entire set up of this arc is so fun and good 

justin: “yeah i've got a fucking genius plan and I'm gonna fix everything! come close, griffin, because I'm about to blow your game wide open. I’m going to make a fake light of creation. I’m gonna spend this year like a survivor contestant on their last legs, crafting a false hidden immunity idol. I’m going to craft, to the best of my ability, a fake light of creation. a decoy, if you will!” THIS IS GENIUS

taako: “okay, that’s all well and good but lup and i are going scrapping. this is the most civilized- this is the most technologically advanced place that we’ve been to yet, and I wanna load the ship up with all the valuable mechanical components I can find, so I’m going fucking looting, I’m gonna destroy as many robots as it takes, I’m gonna take these motherfuckers apart piecemeal, so I can take whatever cool magic is powering them. I’m going to loot this motherfucker to brass tacks, I’m gonna just loot and pillage” merle: “burnt earth” taako: “yes exactly”

lup: “i believe one of these times we’re going to get this right. and we’re going to find a way to defeat the hunger and save everybody inside of it. I have to believe that to keep doing what we do, becasue I have to believe that I’m going to get those 15 dollars back from greg fucking grimmaldis” lup is as cool and funny and DOPE as I was hoping she would be

one of these eps, they just kicked it on a beach for 35 minutes and were shitheads about merle’s attempt at gifts. the literal goddamn definition of a bottle episode. im only like 75% sure davenport was even in this fucking episode

travis has named magnus’s fish, magnus’s father-in-law, a rando reporter at the IPRE press conference, and a kid at one of the stolen century planets “steven”. all of those people/fish are called steven, because apparently travis has a thing for that name

clint just called lucretia “lucinda”

well now i understand why merle’s died 50 million times

taako: “i got bad news for everybody. our arch-nemesis is MORRISSEY”

magnus gets excited to learn to carve wood bc its something he could do with knives and weapons and shit and im like oh THATS the most magnus thing he could possibly do!!!

hey cool so barry and lup’s adorable love OWNS MY ASS

that was the sweetest falling-in-love story ive ever heard and it was like 5 fucking minutes. @ fanfiction writers throw all your barry/lup friends-to-lovers fics directly at my head PLEASE

davenport: “lup can you blow it up?" lup: "can i...blow up a mountain?....well, YEAH! but lets save that for a last resort" the legato conservatory person: “i'm going to firmly request that you don’t blow up our sacred mountain”

taako: “hey I’m taako, from TV” griffin: “uh okay-” justin: “what?” griffin: “you haven’t been on tv yet” clint: “it’s aspirational” justin: “yeah, its aspirational. hey I’m taako from TV. you’re all pretty wanged. you’re pretty fucked. there’s good news and bad news, and the bad news I’ve already covered, with the fucked-ness that you are”

jesus, shit got DARK

oh my god the voidfish that magnus saved in the stolen century is the same one on the bureau of balance base. that’s some heart-tingly shit. that’s that GOOD STORY SHIT

griffin: “your adventures in the back half of these cycles are more fraught than the first half” OH IM SORRY? MORE FRAUGHT??? REALLY, GRIFFY?

griffin’s judge character dude: "magnus, you have fought with others your entire life, throughout your adolescence you celebrated strife. i didn't mean to make that rhyme"

one of the future crimes accused of the IPRE crew is “cruelty to a child who loves them” and im like oh. maybe i shouldnt have wanted somebody to call them out on being mean to sweet ango

oh man i wanna hug lucretia so bad and take care of her and make sure she’s okay

griffin: “she wouldn’t go on to found the bureau of balance for decades, but this horrible lonely year, that’s when she became Madame Director” okay, yep, i love her, and i just remembered i was worried for SO LONG that she was hoarding the relics for her own gain and jesus christ IM SO SORRY I THOUGHT THAT, EVERYBODY, I REGRET IT SO BAD

magnus reading fisher the voidfish a story more like GREAT JOY AND HAPPINESS

justin: “taako like walks by [the voidfish] and you just hear him shout ‘give him the complete works of nathaniel hawthorne next!” griffin: “YOU FUCKING HATE THAT GUY!” justin: “fuck that guy” clint: “what do you have against nathaniel hawthorne???” justin: “he is the worst writer and everybody has to read him and it makes kids HATE reading” clint: “last of the mohicans???” justin: “thats- not him, thats james fenimore cooper” griffin: “BOO-YAH!!! [singing] take him toooo schoool” justin: “yall i know the name of TWO authors from that time period, and he did the ONE pull, that’s gonna sound so fucking smart” oh man maybe I really need to reevaluate my ranking of Favorite Mcelroys, justin just reached for the Deepest Cut To Make Me Love Him

magnus: “i don’t find anything useful in this library, so let that be a lesson, kids, you’ll never find anything useful reading books” yeah take that, you punk ass book jockeys

griffin: “I base it on just how much i like the scene, right? so take plus two bond” whoa what GRIFFY DOESN’T EVEN HAVE A SYSTEM FOR THIS SHIT?? HE’S JUST HANDING OUT BONDS AND ASSETS WILLY NILLY????

magnus: “oh, could i have been learning magic instead of feeding books to my buddy?” griffin: “your scene was really good though” magnus: “oh man i could have become a wizard” yeah and break the continuity of THE ENTIRE GODDAMN SHOW

this Lup and Taako’s Greatest Day chaotic destruction is the most fun shit that’s happened in this show

taako: “I pull off her blindfold to reveal this planet’s ONLY DMV. there’s one DMV on the entire planet” this planet has no people and no animals and no living anything besides the 7 ipre crew and yet there’s a DMV leftover from whatever civilization used to be here. UH UH UH SURE JUSTIN

jesus christ i can’t believe lup’s lich form dabbed in the goddamn middle of this ritual

travis: “griffin, i know this wasn't in the instructions you sent us, but I want to make a lightsaber, can I do that?" griffin: "absolutely not!"

the KrebStar is a dope name

griffin: "so like a lotta bear stuff, then, huh?" travis: "look im leaning into it"

travis: “I’m going to name the helmet BearFace- ya know, naming stuff isn’t magnus’s strong suit- and I’m going to call the pendant 2th Necklace”

griffin: “and she’s holding an umbrella” justin: “fuck you” THIS MOMENT IS SOOO GOOD

justin: "I think i speak for the rest of us, and like the entire audience, when i say I cannot wait to see what these fucking 7 items are"

“that was the last conversation you had with your sister” hey griffin. fuck you

“not all exits are equal” HEY GRIFFIN. REALLY REALLY FUCK YOU

oh man lucretia. i can’t believe you did that to everybody. man that’s. that’s rough

this is heartbreaking holy shit. barry begging his bestfriend TO KILL HIM so he won’t forget the love of his life is SOME GUTWRENCHING SHIT HOLY SHIT

this is a really amazing story and I’m so impressed with the way it evolved from a goofy mcelroy joke podcast into such an amazing compelling story