#plus in beast dazai says theirs is the only universe in which things turn out that way. meaning it was literally his only chance
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i can't stop thinking about it. head in hands
emerges from the day i picked up dazai novel covered in blood
#i'm genuinely insane i need an outlet so if you care about spoilers stop reading now ⛔⛔⛔ ->#i'm in pieces. side B is devastating on its own but the back to back placement with side A is so ARGHHAH. oh my god.#it’s so genius for giving us beastzai’s perspective like that. just like him the reader knows what could've been and what he can't have#dazai lying there for days gravely injured unable to speak or show his face because he can’t let oda recognize him#without sabotaging the rest of his plans. and then later he has to listen to oda be tortured. unable to intervene#forced to manufacture that entire situation with 48 to make oda despise him. so that he never joins the port mafia#knowing that if he just tells him the truth they'll head to the bar together and he’ll get to feel at peace for the first time in his life#because he remembers it all!! he has happy memories of that future he'll never experience!!! all because oda surviving is more important!!!#plus in beast dazai says theirs is the only universe in which things turn out that way. meaning it was literally his only chance#and he still nearly gave that chance up at the station if it meant he could be with an oda who cared for him. my god#the tragedy of your most treasured person being destined to die in every universe except the one where he hates you…#someone take asagiri's pen away he clearly can't be trusted with it#AND THE ART MAKES IT SO MUCH WORSEEEE. WHY IS DAZAI SO SMALLLLLL HES A TINY CHILD. IM SICK. harukawa you're also accountable for this#oh to be a tiny boy rewriting the fate of the world around his only friend that he loves so so much
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