#plus i'm trying to wean myself off using it in the event it implodes overnight
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feeling tired and weepy , , , ,
#this really belongs on that hypothetical side-blog i keep saying i'm going to make but#i feel like i need somewhere to vent and twitter is. dubious at the moment.#plus i'm trying to wean myself off using it in the event it implodes overnight#but anyway skjhflgdfj#finally seeing a doctor today after two ER trips and over a month of waiting#and the horror sure has become a horror hh#it turns out i stopped taking photos of it around mid december after i nicked it and started needing to bandage it full time#so my photo album where i was documenting its progress cuts off there#but i took another photo last night on the slim chance anything happens today and just#the gut punch of seeing it go from this tiny pearly red bump#to a massive 3cm wide lump of ever-bleeding ever-weeping flesh#sure is hard to take hh#like if i thought it looked like it'd been rendered by a concept artist for a horror game before#h o o boy does it look like it now#like i'm patient zero in some sort of mutagenic plague hh#i'm really desperately hoping i can get an urgent referral to a specialist#because at this point i can't sleep for more than 4 or 5 hours without being soaked in blood and serum#no matter what i do#not to mention the fact that wearing headphones is basically Completely Off The Tableâ„¢#either way hh#i'm weepy because i haven't been in a proper doctor's office since high school#due to family deaths and insurance fuck-ups and bigger priorities#and also the fact that my last two doctors (who i each only met once) were incredibly fatphobic#one used to act as though i didn't know what a vegetable was#and the other said the chest pains i was having were because i was having ''''silent panic attacks'''' about my weight#this was all back when i weighed a max of 130 pounds wet#so needless to say It Was Very Fucked Upâ„¢#and it has me scared that i'll be lectured again today about my body#or shamed for having the gall to exist over 120 pounds#i'm scared they won't give me the referral i need to have the horror removed
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