#pls nobody ask me to write about dead things like zombies or real vampires

[secret-engima]

Tossing a random thought out there - I'm curious. What would your take on an Oscar+Ozpin centered RWBY vampire AU be?

Uh okay so.

I.

Really Don't Like Vampires.

About the only one I can stand is Alucard from the clips of Netflix Castlevania I've stumbled on and that's just because he's such an utterly rude snarky sad boi and it's honestly easy to just think of him more like a cranky human cat than anything that drinks blood.

But I'll give this a try just this once. This is absolutely never becoming a long running verse on this blog saying that now.

...

-Okay so I know very little about Vampire tropes of any kind so Imma just yeet all attempt to play to any conventions or tropes and say that TECHNICALLY, Vampires do not exist. It's like- an ancient magical curse type deal and thus technically Vamps are not dead, they are just near unkillable, very anemic, extremely sunburnable human beings. The blood drinking thing isn't actually a requirement it's just a craving because Extremely Cursed Anemic and way back in ye olden days it was hard to get any treatment for it beyond actual blood or, you know, lots of meat cooked extremely rare. The curse probably has a part to play in the blood craving as well because the point of a curse is to be cruel, probably.

-Grimm are still a thing.

-Salem is still a thing and is both Vampire and also still Grimm Queen because apparently no, belly flopping into the pool of Darkness will not kill a Vampire it just makes them even more cursed and bonkers and likely in pain a 99.999% of the time.

-Salem, because Salem™ has probably cursed a few people here and there with the vampire curse just to keep people terrified of the concept and also make Ozma's life 100% more difficult.

-Ozpin is, as far as most people know, ye skilled and eccentric Headmaster.

-As far as Ozpin's inner circle knows, he is also the newest in a long line of incarnations for a poor cursed immortal wizard tasked with stopping Salem.

-Only like- one other person (coughGlyndacough) knows that Ozpin technically has *two* curses, the second being Ozma's memories and the first being that nice little complication that comes from poking his nose into something he shouldn't and getting hit with a vampire curse.

-Ozma was not too thrilled to realize he got slam-dunked into a cursed immortal anemic and that means barring a horrible Salem-induced death he's gonna be stuck like this.

-Ozpin wasn't too thrilled either but hey. At least the curse won't pass on to someone else for a while. Now if he can just keep people from questioning the juice bag he's always carrying around and his biochemistry degree that would be awesome (almost as awesome as figuring out how to make his own fake blood to help his curse cravings without doing something as uncomfortable as Drinking Real Blood. He's pretty proud of figuring that out when he was only 20 tbh.)

-Oscar is a young farm boy who is living a perfectly normal life until Hello Curse Time™ because he's just unlucky like that. Now Oscar is a Mistralen farm boy. He has absolutely no clue what the vampire curse really is or where it comes from (looking at you, experimental Grimm that Salem enchanted the TEETH of) or that no he is not actually now some kind of dead monster. All he knows is that he woke up post a Grimm attack thinking he survived it until he got horrible mouth pain, grew fangs within a few days, started sunburning way easier than before, got enhanced senses, and started having a craving for rare cooked beef.

-Not being an idiot, he concluded he was a vampire now.

-Not being educated on actual vampire anything, he immediately freaked right out and ran away from home to keep from possibly hurting his beloved aunt.

-Cue one tired, terrified farm boy running around being terrified of himself and the world until he runs face first into some people trying to kill a nice young woman on the road.

-Cue one tired, too good for his own good farm boy using his enhanced vamp strength and speed to punt Cinder and co across the field, grab Amber and book it in a blind panic, thus yeeting plot.

-Qrow catches up later, but by that point Amber has 100% adopted this poor terrified hungry vampire child and is planning to take him to Oz to see if anything can be done for him.

-Hello Ozpin, meet your new child who needs some fake blood and sunscreen and hugs.

-Hello Oscar, meet your new dad.

-Hello Salem in the far distance, prepare to have your entire centuries long plan crumble to nothing under the combined power of the disaster tired totally-not-vampires-what-are-you-talking-about-James dad-son duo that is the Ozlings.

-There. I'm done.