#pls be nice to me this fandom is scary sometimes 😅

[prosperdemeter2]

Okay so like... I am all for the cut your abusers off rhetoric and fully embrace someone's choice to do that. But there is also value in... stepping back. In mourning the parents you *should* have had, while accepting the ones you did. I don't think the show can convince me (or has tried all that hard) that Buck talks to Margaret and Philip Buckley more than when they're around Maddie and a passive "happy mother's/father's day" text every now and then. I think Buck is doing what he's always done with his family: carefully trying not to rock the boat.

Buck talks to his parents passively because Maddie wants them around, and we were all shown what happens when Maddie thinks Buck and his parents need intervention. He doesn't want unnecessary stress for her, but also like... what's the point? There will always be the little boy in him that wishes his big sister will fix everything he has wrong between him and his parents, but he's being who he needed when he was a kid and just... not engaging.

I think... he acknowledges it even, before the lightning strike when he's talking to Eddie and Bobby (arguably, the two people who know him best (an argument/post for another time maybe)). He *knows* his parents, so he knows when they're just clearly making the peace and trying not to make a scene. Especially where he's involved. He tells them what his mother said and laughs, acknowledging that she definitely wasn't happy with his sperm donation decision, but that she didn't want to look bad in front of Chim's family. The Buckley’s are all about appearances, and Buck is very good at playing his part.

His parents call him Buck, but we've only seen them do that in front of the people who will call them out on it if they don't (namely, Maddie). But during the wedding, it's right back to Evan. Right back to the *tone* switch between Evan and Maddie and everything that entails. And Buck isn't shocked by it. He doesn't expect anything else from it.

And that's... much sadder than the prosect of forgiveness imo. And MUCH more realistic. There's a whole branch in therapy (at least for me there is/was) of understanding and empathizing with the people your parents are. Finding the balance between doing that and not forgiving them, but maybe accepting the relationship you have *now* is difficult and painful and involves so much more mourning than anyone talks about. So I'm choosing the more realistic narrative than forgiveness - I just think Buck knows better than to expect anything else from them than what they've always given him. He HAS a family that will always be there for him now, he doesn't need the ones that can't see beyond the ghost of the boy he failed to save before he was even old enough to understand what family was.

I know everyone is all "I hate that they're pushing the everyone forgives the Buckley parents" agenda, including me, but also I think we're just accepting something at face value that doesn't need to be accepted and missing what could be really good character nuance (and something so much more miserable and realistic in some parent-child relationships): Buck hasn't forgiven them, he's just stopped expecting more than they'll give. Maybe expecting isn't the right word, maybe I mean hoping for.

He's stopped hoping for his parents to be anything more than what they will always be... and that in itself is such a hard, heartbreaking, detail if you stop to think about it.

[writtenonreceipts]

Hi! How are you today? I'm sorry for being once again in you asks 😅 If it's bothering you pls ignore me.

I have this nice idea for a multichapter fanfic that I keep thinking about and would like to post. I started writing it but I never wrote a multichapter fic and I fear that sometime in the future I won't be able to continue it. How did you keep writing FTLOTG? Plus it is about Elucien and I don't know if I would have the patience to deal with comments against it (if it would get any attention at all)... How is your experience with this on ao3?

Thank you for your time!

Hey hey! I am fine, finally feeling like a normal human 😂 last week was rough.

You are not even a bother, don't worry about that! Thank you for asking and reaching out. I hope my words make sense and are helpful. ❤️❤️❤️

Multi-chapters are a fresh form of hell, I'm convinced, lol. In writing FTLOTG, I'd only ever planned on it being 1 or 3 chapters. So in a sense, that kinda gave me a realistic timeline for it. But I soon realized there was a lot more I wanted to cover. And for this particular fic, it meant something special to me with basketball being a center focus and I just kept writing because I wanted to. Alot of my readership dropped off which was disheartening, but I knew what the fic meant for me.

In Amy long term project, I think just having fun with it yourself is so, so important. If your having fun, if you like it, if you are passionate about the story being told--that goes a long way. As well as having several chapters pre-written in advanced. When you have extra chapters ready to post it'll keep you motivated to keep going and actually post them. At least that's whatI've found for me. Like I I have. Few new ideas brewing, but I know if I post chapter 1 without more pre-written, it just won't get done for a while then chapter one is lost to the void.

As for elucien, I haven't had a problem with comments. Not here or on ao3, I've had great reponse and encouraging comments. The thing bout posting to tumblr I that unless you've blocked enough antis and negativity, there is always the possibility of something sneaking through. To that, we just gotta stay positive and realize we like our ship and we have friends on our side. I love elucien and I think we need more of it in the fandom. And you'll find a nice little niche when you start posting and filtering in tumblr. Blocking needs to be normalized when a blog isn't our thing.

It's always scary posting a new fic, especially a multi chapter, it's a long term commitment for you the writer and the reader. And even if you need to take a break THATS OKAY. You are human. Writing is a process and can be frustrating and hard and lonely. You can write as fast a you want or as slow as you want. It's your story, your life, your blog.

You can do this! I'm proud of you and excited for you and the fic! ❤️❤️