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halothenthehorns · 3 years ago

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TLTNLT- THE EYE OF THE SNAKE

Lily eyed the book with worry before glancing to Harry. She wanted to volunteer they stop for the night, at least on the good note of Hagrid's return.

"Don't even Lily," James began pleading at once, recognizing the look on her face as she eyed the book, though it wasn't her turn. "Please, we haven't gotten to hear about the twins revenge yet for what Umbridge did to my boy! After that, I swear I'll back you on calling it a night." She couldn't help but give in quick enough, she wouldn't mind hearing a little comeuppance for that toad as well.

Sirius refused to get up to get the book though and demanded James just throw it to him, it dissolved into an argument of who was lazier, and Remus solved the debate by Summoning the book to him and then smacking Sirius upside the head while Lily did the same to James.

Sirius snatched the book away but waited patiently for Harry's joyful laughter to subside, they knew they were all going to long for that noise too soon again.

Hermione ploughed her way back to Hagrid's cabin through two feet of snow on Sunday morning.

"Dedication," Sirius chuckled.

The boys would have gone with her, but their homework refused to allow otherwise.

"No, I think that one wins," Remus sighed.

It was difficult to concentrate, as someone was enchanting snowballs to fly into their common room window. Ron finally lost his patience after an hour of this and shot his head out, telling whoever it was below that as prefect he'd put someone in detention if one more- then he shouted in pain.

"At least someone around there knows the proper response to that," James chuckled.

He pulled his snow covered face back in to announce it was Fred and George.

All five of them started chuckling, but suddenly Sirius was even harder than before, and he wouldn't stop for several moments until finally he ran out of air and then his shoulders were still shaking.

"You know you're going to have to explain that," Remus said conversationally while watching his friend fall to pieces.

"Think back to the last time the twins were mentioned throwing snowballs," Sirius insisted, now watching the others gleefully for them to get the joke.

"Err, last year, we had a snowball fight with them," Harry offered.

"No, farther back," Sirius insisted.

James got it first, his eyes widening with some fascinating combination of fear and unrestrained humor. "The twins, were pegging Quirrell, with snowballs..." he trailed off in a strange tone of voice, but the twitching smile creeping across his face was threatening the same reaction as Sirius' soon.

"On the back of the head, where," Remus tried, and failed, to finish though the other two realized already and felt their mouth's flop open.

"Merlin's beard," Lily whispered, glancing to the first book and feeling the urge to start praying Quirrell never divulged who it was doing that or the twins would be next on Voldemort's list after her own son.

James couldn't help falling into the same laughing fit as Sirius had now, and Harry joined in uneasily like he was still half fighting back the urge to scream at the idea.

Remus just pressed hard at his temples, now fearing for his friends lives. They may very well start laughing in Voldemort's face the next time they came across him if this crossed their minds at the wrong time.

Sirius kept going with a grin still stuck in place, he hoped Harry had shared that little bit of information with them or he'd be very disappointed.*

Hermione came back around lunch, Ron at once asking if she'd planned his lessons out for him?

"I was surprised she didn't start doing that when he was spending a whole year on flobberworms," Remus sighed.

Hermione admitted she'd tried,

"The sad part is, she's not actually kidding," James chuckled.

before explaining she'd been there the first half hour knocking and he hadn't even been there.

"Why?" Lily demanded of the poor girl. "Go fetch yourself a nice warm cuppa and come back, clearly he was out doing his gamekeeping."

"Credit for determination?" Remus offered weakly.

When he did come back, it was from the Forest, causing Harry to groan in trepidation. That place was teeming with the sort of creatures that would get Hagrid fired.

"Hagrid has to do work in there as well as the grounds," Sirius corrected, "remember the unicorns from your first year? He self obligates to tend to any injured creature in his reach."

"This doesn't automatically mean his first lesson back has to do with something in there," Remus agreed, though Harry hardly looked convinced.

He asked what was being kept in there,

"I'm sure I could spend an hour telling you all the creatures in there, and Hagrid probably has a cataloged book on them," James chuckled.

but Hermione said he refused to explain. She'd still tried to explain to him why it was so important he go over lessons about Knarls rather than Chimeras, while instantly telling the terrified faces of the boys she doubted he had a Chimera.

"Hagrid's disappointing me then," Remus said with a blank face, leaving his friends unsure how much of a joke he meant that. He'd certainly been excited enough about dragons...

Though it didn't seem to be from lack of trying, considering he'd mentioned how hard it was to get eggs.

Remus cracked and began snickering with laughter while the other two rolled their eyes.

He still wouldn't even explain to her how he'd gotten those injuries.

Lily couldn't help but go back to worrying her lip at this, but he was still up and moving so she was at least convinced he was fine. She wished she could know what had gone wrong, to warn the poor dear so this never had to happen to him, but at least he was back at school and away from whatever had happened.

Hagrid's reappearance at the staff table at breakfast next day was not greeted by enthusiasm from all students.

All five of them scoffed, thinking he should have gotten a standing ovation for what he'd been out doing.

The twins and Lee made the event noticeable at least, by running up to the staff table and wringing his hand in a welcoming greeting,

The Marauders began laughing even harder, knowing they'd have done the exact same thing.

though most like Parvati and Lavender exchanged glum looks. The very smallest of Harry's unbiased opinion even understood why, at least Grubbly-Plank's idea of an interesting lesson didn't involve getting heads ripped off.

"Where on Earth has your sense gone?" James demanded deadpan, though not as well as he'd liked as he couldn't help nodding in slight agreement. He adored Hagrid and there was no better gamekeeper, but it wouldn't kill the man to stop putting his son in extra danger like some of his previous creatures had caused.

They trekked down to his first class back with heavy trepidation, with only minimal relief to see only the usual Slytherins present, Umbridge hadn't arrived yet and Harry was not looking forward to how they'd likely act worse than usual with her around.

Sirius was already flush with anger at the thought, in some distant way he almost found it remarkable how he could continue wanting to punch the same person in the face repeatedly, he was more than used to that feeling, and was just having to redirect it.

However, the High Inquisitor was nowhere to be seen as they struggled through the snow towards Hagrid,

"Probably because it goes over her head and she got lost," James said with relish.

"Let's hope she goes wandering into the Forest and never comes out," Remus grumbled.

who was not a reassuring sight, his bruises now turning green and yellow,

"That means they're starting to heal, even if they aren't the prettiest sight," Lily began smiling with relief.

and some of his cuts still seemed to be bleeding.

They all frowned uneasily at that though, but James quickly tried to reassure, "maybe he's just, err, picking at them, you know scratching at the scabs." None of them really believed this, Hagrid should have the self restraint not to, but they couldn't think up anything else.

Harry could not understand this: had Hagrid perhaps been attacked by some creature whose venom prevented the wounds it inflicted from healing?

Sirius practically felt the cold chill wash off of Harry beside him, looking over with worry to see he'd gone ghastly pale and was shivering at the mention of this. He opened his mouth in concern, but Harry was already forcing himself to remain out of the moment, pinching the bridge of his nose and breathing deeply before looking around at them. He did not try to offer a comforting smile, just nodded to show he was fine and turned back to Sirius. There was still something dark lingering in his eyes, washing Sirius with a now familiar deep worry. He hadn't seen Harry this afraid to learn something since the end of last year, when Cedric had died...but no, this must be something else, maybe he was remembering the basilisk too vividly, no one else was going to die!

Sirius exchanged a look with the others, but when Harry felt like the silence was going to smother him he forced himself to find his voice and pleaded, "it's alright, really, I don't know what that was about but it's certainly nothing to do with Hagrid's class," even this small memory he offered made him twitch with unease even as he relaxed for that being true, and Sirius forced himself to keep going for at least that miniscule comfort.

As though to complete the ominous picture, Hagrid was carrying what looked like half a dead cow over his shoulder.

Remus couldn't help but snort in surprise, making Harry smile despite himself.

He gave them the happy greeting of telling them they'd be working in the Forest today.

Lily couldn't help but groan in frustration, she felt like tearing out her hair at her boy now being forced to go back in there again.

"Calm down dear," James placated even as he kept a worried eye on Harry, but though he was frowning his words still seemed to be true, he wasn't afraid of the Forest, much, at least not to the level of whatever memory he'd nearly remembered. "We told you the older students go into the forest for some advanced Care of Magical Creatures classes. Hagrid is doing this a bit early, usually only NEWT students do, but when has Hagrid ever been conventional?" He laughed at the end like something was actually funny.

Lily didn't join in, but she didn't feel like yelling at Hagrid, as much, either.

Malfoy got panicky at once, demanding to know what was in there?

All of the boys couldn't help a dark chuckle for this.

Harry couldn't help but smile watching Malfoy squirm. Ever since his last Quidditch match, anything that caused Malfoy discomfort was good with him.

Even Lily couldn't help a twisted little smile for that. Of all the times she'd detested that sport for multiple reasons, she'd never condone something that made her son so upset, and clearly losing his spot on the team because of this twerp meant he deserved far worse than just a little discomfort.

Hagrid ignored this and beckoned them all to start following him, explaining over his shoulder that he had the only domesticated ones in Britain.

Remus couldn't help his level of interest rise. He completely trusted Hagrid's words on this and was hoping Harry was experiencing something he hadn't gotten to in his own classes with Kettleburn, and was now resisting the urge to snatch the book away from Sirius with curiosity.

Malfoy's voice lost none of its panic as he demanded how sure Hagrid was of this? It wouldn't be the first time he'd brought wild things here.

"I, well I mean the skrewts were," Lily struggled to both disagree with Malfoy and not make Hagrid come off too bad in that, but failed and the boys couldn't one hundred percent back her up either, so they let the awkward silence hang.

Hagrid scoffed of course they were trained, Malfoy countering by demanding what had happened to Hagrid's face then.

"Oh surely that's nothing to do with this," James said at once as Lily lost an extra shade of color. "If Hagrid says he's domesticated them than he did, that means it's been years since he's had whatever this is. No, I'm still convinced those injuries have something to do with whatever happened on the way back from the giants."

"Something that made Maxime come home early and leave him to himself," Lily reminded a little snippy. Even knowing it hadn't been Maxime to rat out Hagrid last year, she was still a little cold towards the woman who'd caused him so much pain in her original down turn of him, though she'd been suppressing it since clearly Hagrid had forgiven her.

"I'm positive that was Hagrid convincing her to do so, which makes me wonder if Hagrid did come across some new creature and he didn't want her to get hurt," Sirius tried.

"Which still has nothing to do with this actual lesson," James finished with conviction, as he felt that had made his original point.

Lily wasn't entirely convinced, but as they had nothing more to go on, let it go.

Hagrid snapped that was none of his business and to stop asking stupid questions.

"I love Hagrid," Sirius chuckled.

They stopped so deep into the Forest there was no longer snow on the ground, and Hagrid dumped the cow carcass in a semi clear patch of trees.

"Do I want to know what happened to the other half?" Harry muttered with unease.

"Was probably breakfast for whatever this is," Remus said with far too much eagerness in his opinion. "Now he's coming out with more, as more than likely they haven't wandered off too far since then."

The class stayed very far back into the trees, peering around as if expecting to be pounced upon any moment. Hagrid hardly took notice of this as he told them they'd soon be attracted by the smell of blood, but he was going to give them a call to let them know it was him.

Remus was clearly listening with the most interest, a smile on his face Harry hadn't seen since they'd been talking about the Skrewts. He was so busy silently laughing at his utter enthusiasm for this, and his friends clear indulgence as they were not so silently snickering at his clear interest at this, his memory pain from before was easily being put to rest for now.

He shook back his shaggy head and gave a shrieking cry like some monstrous bird.

"Oh!" Remus' smile didn't at all dim even as he clearly understood what was going on while Sirius nodded in the same way. "You're going to love this lesson Harry."

"Why's that?" He couldn't even pretend at uneasiness with how happy the both of them were. He glanced to his parents who both shrugged, they didn't recognize the noise.

Remus and Sirius exchanged a look, but then they both smirked and neither would tell Harry, though clearly sure of themselves Remus was right.

Hagrid did so three more times before stopping and smiling at a space between two gnarled trees where a pair of blank, white eyes were shining, and soon a dragonish face emerged followed by the skeletal body of a black winged horse.

Harry gasped in surprised pleasure while Lily and James grinned as well for finally getting the joke.

"You tossers," James happily scowled at the two, "you couldn't have just said it was Hagrid's way of calling the thestrals."

"Where would be the fun in that?" Sirius chuckled.

"It's not like we were one hundred percent sure," Remus batted his eyes innocently. "Kettleburn had to get Hagrid to bring one to our class in our last year, he'd only been trying to domesticate them only a few years previously and we only got to see the one, so we weren't positive that was how Hagrid got their attention."

"You both recognized that noise and you know it," Lily rolled her eyes at them while Harry was now bouncing eagerly in place. Even having these creatures explained to him already, he was still eager to finally have the memory returned from his own time, at least then Ron wouldn't think him crazy anymore.

It watched the class for a second before disregarding them and moving to the cow and eating.

Harry watched this in relief for a real answer of these things, looking eagerly to Ron, who was still looking everywhere else before uneasily asking why Hagrid had stopped calling for it?

Lily fidgeted with a bit of hair as the question occurred to her, but she didn't want to ask as it felt rude. Harry clearly had no restraints as he blurted the question. "Who's Hagrid seen die?"

"His dad," Sirius said, the smile beginning to dim as he recalled, "he explained that to us when he was leading out a rope with nothing on the other end."

"So you can't actually see them?" Harry said in surprise.

"I can now," entirely losing the smile now. "Couldn't then."

Harry felt bad for his question at once, glancing uneasily around and realizing they'd all be able to see them now just from the looks on their faces, and no longer had the courage to ask.

Most of the class were the same, except Neville who was watching with distaste at the gorging, and a Slytherin who was watching the swishing tail with unease.

"Oh," Lily murmured as she brushed her nails uneasily through her hair.

Remus and Sirius nodded without surprise though. Their classes hadn't even been as large as Harry's and half the class had been able to see them.

Two more arrived moments later, Hagrid turning to properly face the class and asking for those who could see them to raise their hand.

When Harry did, Hagrid nodded, saying he wasn't seriously surprised.

"How would he know whether I could or not," Sirius blurted out, then scowled at Remus when he pinched him, but then they all grinned as Harry again laughed at the joke.

Malfoy demanded what exactly were they supposed to be seeing?

For answer, Hagrid gestured again at the carcass. There was a beat of silence, before several people gasped in shock and took a step back. Harry supposed it would be an even stranger sight to watch bits of flesh being stripped away and then vanishing.

"Certainly an interesting experience," Remus chuckled.

Hagrid explained they were called thestrals, causing Hermione to oh in surprise.

"I wonder if you'd told her about this instead of Ron if she'd put it together?" James asked.

"Not sure, depends on if the books do or don't say what's pulling the carriages, otherwise I wouldn't really think she'd make this particular leap," Sirius shrugged.

"If Harry'd described them, I bet she would have," Remus defended.

Parvatie seemed even more alarmed at this, saying she'd been told they brought misfortune to those who could see them.

"That's just superstition, like Muggles and black cats," Sirius scoffed. James looked confused why such a thing would be a superstition, but decided against asking.

"I'm pretty sure by the time you do see them, you've been as unlucky as it's possible to be," Remus grumbled.

Trelawney had told her-

"Why am I not surprised?" Lily rolled her eyes in exasperation.

but Hagrid cut her off to properly explain that was just a superstition. They were extremely clever. These didn't get any work besides pulling the schools carriages though, and occasionally Dumbledore asked to use one to fly somewhere when he didn't feel like apparating.

As he kept speaking more were arriving, one brushing past Parvati who squealed in alarm, though Hagrid insisted they had nothing to be afraid of. Then he asked the class why only some of them could see them?

Hermione raised her hand.

"Those who are surprised, please raise their hand," James rolled his eyes.

Once called on, she said it was because only those who had seen death had the ability.

Hagrid gave her ten points before stopping in confusion upon the hem, hem noise.

Sirius made a guttural noise in outrage, all too willing to feed this owl treat to the thestral, though she'd hardly be big enough to qualify as a snack.

Harry felt a funny little feeling rising in him, the idea of Umbridge in the Forest caused such a huge stirring in him that must be more significant than her studying one of Hagrid's classes...

Hagrid stopped in surprise. Never having heard this before, he looked to the nearest thestral in concern as if coming from it.

Remus threw his head back in laughter, probably a little too amused but unable to help himself.

When made again though,

Now the lot of them were giggling, still more at Remus' reaction.

Hagrid spotted her and greeted her still with a friendly tone.

She took no notice of this, speaking again in the loud voice as if he were slow.

Remus stopped laughing at that, but a smile lingered in place that gave Harry the creeps. He didn't usually find Remus that scary, ironically he found him the most open and friendliest as his dad and Sirius had this way of looking sometimes that made him want to duck for cover. Yet this wasn't the first time he'd seen evidence Remus could be the scariest one of all. It was clear in this instance that though he usually ducked away and tried to ignore what people thought of him though, he wasn't going to let anyone be thinking or doing anything like that around Hagrid.

Reminding him his inspection was today.

Hagrid agreed happily that she'd found the place, asking if she could see what they were doing today?

"Death is scarier than her face, so maybe," Sirius snapped.

Umbridge pretended as if she couldn't hear him, cupping her hand to her ear in confusion.

Lily's mouth popped open in outrage. She'd seen evidence of this the first time, but clearly the woman was going to keep putting on a show, and the thought of ringing her neck was clearly starting to look like a kindness.

Hagrid frowned in confusion as he began explaining thestrals, but as Umbridge kept the charade up, Hagrid flapped his hands and mimed horses hopefully.

Umbridge made a note on her clipboard about how he had to resort to sign language to communicate.

James spluttered with indignation and set the little table on fire, though he hadn't consciously pulled out his wand.

Harry scrambled for a moment to recall a spell to put it out, and Lily realized a moment later that anger wasn't her mind's manifestation but she really did have to wave her wand to vanish that.

Though they all had the understanding of why she was doing this to Hagrid, the fury it pushed them all to for treating him like this was just as bad as what Voldemort had been known to do. How could this horrid walking soulless monster claim to be anything else while treating him like that!

Hagrid clearly heard, but turned back to the class disoriented and tried to think back to what he'd been saying before her arrival.

She made a note of this as well, saying he had short term memory.

Lily wrapped her hands tight around James', both to still her own hands and his from setting anything else on fire.

Malfoy looked as though Christmas had come a month early;

"Great, I got his present all ready, hope he enjoys his new coffin," Sirius snarled.

Hermione, on the other hand, had turned scarlet with suppressed rage.

"She's far more restraint than us," Remus said flatly. "I'd have already given her a fat lip for starters."

Hagrid gave her another uneasy look before ploughing on back to patting the first to arrive, a male named Tenebrus-

"That was the one he brought to your class?" Harry tried valiantly to keep up any tone that didn't promise murder.

"Yep." The one word answer from Remus was not encouraging.

but Umbridge cut him off to ask if he was aware the Ministry classified Thesterals as dangerous?

"They classify anything more than a kelpie dangerous," Sirius' lip curled in disgust, shifting protectively towards Remus, who for once was so angry on someone' else's behalf he hardly recognized the intended slur against him.

Hagrid only chuckled, saying they weren't anything of the sort. Sure they may take a bite at you if you annoy them-

Umbridge made another comment on her notes about how he clearly enjoyed violence.

"Well I guess we all share that trait, and she's perfected it," Lily hissed.

Causing Hagrid to start looking anxious as he corrected a dog would do the same if put in that spot, but thestrals just had a bad reputation.

Remus sighed heavily. He would have quite enjoyed chatting about this, he found it a great way to put into perspective many misunderstood creatures, but as that woman would be classified as more dangerous than a dragon to him, now didn't seem the time.

Umbridge did not respond to that, but instead continued miming out her actions for him too obviously while saying she was going to start asking the students questions and he should continue.

Sirius was white knuckling the book by the end of this, never having been more tempted in his life to turn into Padfoot for the act of revenge from this woman being eaten by a creature. He'd never envisioned using his animal as anything more than a friend to Moony, but this woman managed to taint something he'd only ever seen as a good side of himself.

Hagrid stared at her, clearly at a complete loss to understand why she was acting as though he did not understand normal English.

"It's almost kinder this way, more deniability later when he claims not to know anything about her murder of being strung up in a tree," James huffed.

Hermione had tears of fury in her eyes.

Lily was close to that urge as well, and she couldn't even act on it, so she almost envied Hermione as well as wanted to snap at her to get on with setting her on fire.

Hagrid tried to keep his flow, but was again distracted by Umbridge turning to Pansy and asking how well she understood Hagrid?

James's hands were shaking in fury underneath Lily's grip. He couldn't believe Hagrid was letting this woman do this to him. Then again, he'd also been letting Malfoy get away with this for the past two years. He couldn't comprehend why Hagrid wouldn't stand up for himself and tell this woman to shove that clipboard up her arse.

Like Hermione, Pansy had tears in her eyes, though these were of mirth. Her answer was almost incoherent from her suppressed giggling.

Somewhere in there was a fascinating parallel between these two girls, but it was too clouded with anger from everyone else to be paid much mind by anyone who would.

She still half managed to say no, it mostly sounded like grunting. Umbridge made a note of this while Hagrid flushed beneath his bruises but refused to let himself stall again, telling the class

At least Remus still had the clarity of mind to acknowledge this as the correct response rather than wanting to drown her in a pile of dung like he still wanted to.

about their amazing sense of direction. Just tell them the place you wanted to go, and a thestral would get you there.

Harry felt a feeling buzzing at the back of his mind, frowning for a whole new reason that had a terrible connection to this scenario. In the Forbidden Forest, looking at Thestrals, needing some place to go...even Sirius reading was mounting that feeling into an actual panic at just trying to connect these dots, but then a warning sting had his eyes watering from the pain of thinking about this too long and he was forced to let the threads unravel again. The others were still too angry at what Umbridge was doing to have noticed this time.

Assuming they could understand you, Malfoy mocked loudly enough everyone heard. Umbridge smiled indulgently while Hagrid stumbled off with another blush.

Umbridge turned to Neville then and asked who'd he seen die?

Lily's face gained an extra blanch in fury, it seemed quite the miracle in itself Umbridge was managing to find every way possible to anger her.

Neville answered his grandfather, while Umbridge kept going without a care and asking what he thought of them?

Neville gave Hagrid an anxious look before saying they were okay.

Umbridge noted this by instead jotting down the students were too frightened to speak their mind.

"You're too stupid to realize how little time you have left to breathe," Sirius vowed.

Neville tried to correct her that wasn't it-

Lily made a guttural noise that was probably meant to be sympathetic if it had been less angry.

but Umbridge was now ignoring him as well.

She turned back and mimed one last time she'd send Hagrid his results,

"That wasn't an inspection," Lily howled furiously, "that was a persecution that should have been your execution!"

before leaving.

Hermione was hissing about that foul, lying, twisted old gargoyle,

"I'm running out of insults. Those weren't quite as bad as I was hoping for, but it's good Hermione's keeping it fresh," James seethed.

as they headed back to the castle thirty minutes later after class. Demanding of the two if they could see what she was up to.

"Certainly doesn't take a blind man," Remus huffed.

Answering for herself it was Umbridge's thing against half-breed's! She was going to treat Hagrid like a troll because of his giantess mother! It wasn't fair!

"Nothing in my life seems fair," Harry muttered to himself, his anger bleeding out into something far worse. He was getting scared. Now that Umbridge had come and gone with such a blatant abuse of her power, he couldn't help fearing what was going to happen to Hagrid because of it. She couldn't possibly find a way to send him back to Azkaban could she?

That hadn't even been a bad lesson!

Ron did remind that Umbridge had said they were dangerous.

James actually made the motion like he was going to smack Ron upside the head. "Since when does Ron take anything that lime toadstool says over Hagrid?"

"He was just arguing with Hermione, like he always does," Harry sighed, though he'd given Ron an affronted look for that too at the time.

Hermione impatiently explained it was just as Hagrid said, they were able to take care of themselves, in fact they were really interesting. She wished she could see them.

That cooled most of their anger. While right in line with Hermione's fury, she had no idea what she'd really just asked for, giving them all a moment of surprise. As mature as Hermione acted, they forgot sometimes these three were still only fifteen when this was happening.

Harry quietly asked her if she really did, and she looked suddenly horror struck.

Lily hummed with a small smile on her face, at least Hermione was always quick on the uptake, even her own mistakes.

She began apologizing, saying what a stupid thing that had been to say, but Harry told her to just move past it.

She did by saying in surprise how many could, three in one class.

"I envy the generation where that's the good news," James muttered.

Malfoy came upon them again to ask if Weasley would be able to see the Quaffle if he watched someone snuff it.

"Do you think he could see the Snitch better with two black eyes?" Sirius barked in fury.

He didn't wait for a response as he walked off laughing with his friends, Hermione telling them both to ignore him.

"I hate it when she tries that advice," Harry groaned. "It never actually makes me feel better."

"Doesn't usually stop you when you decide to retaliate either," Remus said grimly, "and this time seemed appropriate."

The holidays were approaching, and the castle was showing it. Ron and Hermione's prefect duties were becoming more demanding, Ron's commentary on them keeping Harry updated, such as the time he'd had to try putting up tinsel with Peeves on the other end trying to strangle him,

"A tradition in itself," Remus at least tried for a friendlier tone of voice, though Sirius still seemed too down to put his usual enthusiasm into the holiday. He supposed it was of some comfort Hagrid hadn't been kicked out of the castle his first day back though.

or when he'd had to watch over the first and second years on their break times and he complained they'd never been such cheeky snots at that age,

"Oh no, you were far worse, as you had more practice at home," James promised.

"He's not even speaking from experience with that one," Lily said with a faint smile, "believe it or not, he didn't give his parents as much hell as you'd think." She told Harry.

"Gave me more credibility when the teachers tried to tell my parents I did something, they thought I was an angel," James batted his eyes innocently while Sirius snorted and rolled his eyes, properly informing Harry, "or they just indulged him and me too much not to think half the stunts we pulled weren't funny."

and of course having to do patrols with Filch who had dung for brains.

"Least some things never change," Lily said wistfully, and students complaining about Filch was always a common one.

Hermione had her own growing problems, worrying about all those poor elves she hadn't managed to free yet and were stuck here over Christmas.

Sirius frowned at the pages, having some real questions for Hermione about all this. Did she really think she was releasing elves, and the castle wouldn't be showing it? That someone wouldn't be investigating this even if her plan was working? Hermione could easily get into big trouble if she even was, he wouldn't be surprised if the Ministry charged her with theft and all sorts of things. He left all of that to himself though, since she wasn't doing a thing, and instead was distantly amused at her worrying over something so foolish to him.

Harry, who had not had the heart to tell her that Dobby was taking everything she made,

"I can see the pro's of that," James chuckled.

"Though I still think that could have been an educational moment for her," Remus frowned.

"Only if she'd listened and realized the way she should have," Lily disagreed, "and I'm not entirely sure she would have yet, if ever," she finished with a fond smile for the girls tenacity.

bent further over his essay so she didn't have to see his face. He wasn't particularly looking forward to this holiday, as for the first time since he'd been here he wanted to spend it away from Hogwarts.

Sirius couldn't help but perk up with interest at that. He hadn't thought about it too much last year, enjoying himself in provoking Harry in the mix of his Yule Ball failings, but now he wondered just what he'd been up to last year at this time. Had he and Remus finally managed to regain one of their own traditions and spent the holiday together? Or had he spent it alone in that old cave with Buckbeak, wondering if Harry would make an appearance and amuse him by ignoring his rules by coming out of the castle to see him.

Between his ban on Quidditch and his worry about Hagrid he was feeling far more resentful than the holiday spirit of this place.

"I don't even blame you," Remus sighed in agreement, thinking the Burrow would be a relief even with Molly and Sirius in one place compared to this storm of a castle.

The only thing he ever looked forward to anymore were the DA meetings, and those would have to stop over break as nearly all the members were going home. Hermione was going skiing,

James opened his mouth curiously in confusion, but Harry promised Hermione explained it to Ron.

which she'd explained to Ron's confusion about how Muggles strapped narrow boards to their feet to go down a mountain.

James's eyes widened in even more confusion and perhaps a little concern at this idea, before Lily began giggling without restraint and promising James it was in fact great fun. Though never having had the pleasure of doing this herself, she was now promising him they could do this together and he would never turn down such an offer.

Ron was going home to the Burrow, and Harry endured several days of envy before asking Ron how he'd be leaving and Ron mentioning in surprise Harry was coming with him, his mum had told him so weeks ago.

Lily snorted and shook her head in exasperation while the boys all chuckled at what they'd felt was implied by this point.

Harry brightened at once at the idea, but somehow felt all the more guilty as he thought of Sirius. He wondered if he could persuade Molly to invite his godfather over.

"But of course she will," James looked scandalized anyone could think otherwise. "Even she couldn't have the heart to leave him alone in that place, I've been half hoping he's been sneaking over to the Burrow just to get some air now and again."

Sirius grinned at his best mate for the overly protective words that he wasn't convinced were true. It was impossible to imagine his life without James, but he had the nasty feeling he was hardly up for leaving his bed to sulk anywhere that wasn't the fireplace in hopes for someone to be around being in that place all alone. He doubted his spark of life would lead him into doing something like James suggested being in that mood, he'd need one of his friends around to give that back to him.

Even though he doubted Dumbledore would permit Sirius to leave Grimmauld Place anyway,

"Dumbledore needs to stop having a say in everything," Remus snapped hatefully. He never in his life would have thought he'd say any such thing, but regarding Sirius being locked away in that place he knew would always be an exception. Just the thought of it was putting a damper on his lively friend!

he couldn't just think of leaving Sirius alone with Kreacher.

Sirius tried for laughter at the idea, but it came out too twisted. None of the others refused to even nurse the idea, there was just no chance Molly was that cold hearted. No matter her feelings about Sirius' personality, even if she did value Dumbledore's rules as an absolute law, she must see what that place was doing to Sirius! No mother could look at him and think what was happening to him was in any way good for him!

Harry arrived in the Room of Requirements for the last DA meeting early, and was glad he had, as Dobby had taken to decorating for the holiday.

"Naw!" Lily cooed at how sweet that was, while the boys just looked confused at such an odd gesture.

"How could you tell it was Dobby though?" James asked in surprise.

"Who else knows where this place is?" Sirius returned with a shrug, all of them missing the slightly appalled but vaguely amused look on Harry's face.

He'd known at once it was the house-elf, because nobody else would string up so many baubles that said 'Have a Very Harry Christmas!' with his face on it.

Sirius blinked slowly at this for a moment, before he tossed his head back in laughter, and began sliding down the couch with mirth. It might have been a touch forced at first, to ease away the bitter taint of thinking of his future again, but now he couldn't seem to stop. Harry wasn't particularly delighted to see no one was exactly trying to get him to either, but rather suppressing their own laughter.

Harry tugged the book away without remorse and kept going loudly over Sirius, who quickly recovered and tackled Harry, pinned him down and easily snatched the book back, sat on it and continued snickering to himself until he decided he was done before going on all while Harry rolled his eyes affectionately at his godfather. Moments like this making him truly feel sad for his own future, that he had no recollection of ever seeing Sirius this happy and full of life, and growing more worried all the time he never would.

Harry had only just managed to get the last of them down

"Why on Earth would you do such a thing, ruining his hard work!" Remus demanded still a bit breathlessly.

Harry just scowled at him without response.

when Luna came in and saw all of them in his hand, asking if he'd put them up.

Harry said no, it had been Dobby a house-elf.

"At least you acknowledged somebody else's work," Lily said through still wobbling lips.

Luna pointed out a few decorations he'd missed, such as mistletoe.

"I think you brought that one on yourself, not being the first thing you took down," Remus told him lightly while Sirius and James fell into renewed giggles.

Harry jumped away from that at once, Luna nodding seriously that was a good idea, it was known to be infested with Nargles.

Little tears of mirth were pouring out of Sirius' eyes, he'd hardly stopped giggling for a line in between getting all this out and this was only making things worse. He didn't yet have his voice back to properly make his joke, but that didn't stop him from trying, though it only came out a garbled mess that the others just shook their heads at, Harry almost looking disappointed when he kept going without repeating himself sensibly.

Harry was saved the necessity of asking what Nargles are by the arrival of Angelina, Katie and Alicia.

"Well now you're just disappointing me," Remus pouted, "I'd have loved for you to ask anyways."

"I'm sorry," Harry actually sounded like he meant it.

All three still had snow in their hair and were shaking their limbs from cold as Angelina announced he'd been replaced,

All of James' humor was wiped clean, looking like he'd been sucker punched in the gut for that reminder. Sirius too lost his sense of fun for the reminder of why no more Quidditch practices had been mentioned, that dower look on his pup could never be funny.

by Ginny Weasley.

"Well, well, well," Lily said in surprises, all the boys looking marginally impressed it was another Weasley to have made the team. Harry's reaction was a brilliant smile, like a proud sibling, but not quite right, Lily couldn't help but notice. He didn't seem at all agitated like she would have thought of learning of his replacement, and she frowned in thought as he began twirling the ring upon his finger yet again...

"I'm not surprised," Sirius smirked in some form of congratulations someone had taken this away from his pup. "Her whole family's got talent, it's only natural she'd get a portion!"

"Do we know if Percy is any good at the sport?" Remus said curiously.

"More important matters, who's broom was she using?" James pondered.

"Not Ron's, he's still using his," Sirius thought out.

"I may have guessed the twins if-" Remus began bitterly, but Harry cut in with an enthusiastic smile.

"I think it was the twins, or I mean, I think the twins bought her a broom, called it an early Christmas gift." He thought back to watching Ginny enthusiastically thanking the twins for something anyways.

"Oh, that was so sweet," Lily enthused.

"Wish they'd thought of that over the dress robes for Ron, but it is good to see them doing so much for their siblings," James fondly agreed.

Harry gaped in surprise as Angelina said she was pretty good, though not her first choice, but they couldn't have him... she trailed off with a dirty look at Harry.

The boys hardly noticed a thing about Harry's lack of the proper reaction he should have had, they were to belligerent for him he wasn't the one on the team and now Angelina wasn't helping anything.

Harry bit back his retort, did Angelina really think he wouldn't rather be there?

"Thank you!" Sirius barked, waving his hand impractically in Harry's face like he'd been saying the same thing in here, though he still had that funny smile in place. The thought had been crossing his mind frequently enough before he relearned Ginny's ability in Quidditch, and this seemed oddly significant to him for some reason...

He asked about the Beaters for a change of subject, and they were Jack Sloper and Andrew Kirkie, neither with much promising talent. Other members began showing up, saving Harry from further response so he didn't have to keep seeing Angelina's reproachful looks.

James scowled and shifted in agitation, thinking that earned Angelina a dung bomb under her bed for this repeated offense against his son. A little sympathy wouldn't kill her.

Harry began by telling them they'd only be reviewing today, no sense in starting something new right before a three-week break.

Sirius sighed, but didn't want to linger on anymore bad, they'd had enough of that already, so picked back up a chipper enough tone while telling Harry, "yet more evidence you took your learning smarts from Moony. Everybody loves the teacher that doesn't assign holiday work like practice."

Sirius' smirk widened as he managed to make Harry and Remus bluster with appreciation for the praise at once.

Zacharias became disgruntled at once, wishing loudly someone had told him there wasn't anything new, he wouldn't have come.

"Well then someone should have informed him," James rolled his eyes with regret.

Fred shot back he was sorry Harry hadn't told him then.

James whooped with delight, beating Sirius to his own joke when saying, "yes, I mimicked a twin, I win!"

"Win what exactly?" Sirius demanded with his own grin.

"Not sure, I'll let you know though," James promised.

"How about the right to tell Sirius he can't make that dumb joke anymore," Remus offered.

"You can make that yours," James waved off, his eyes lighting with something Harry had grown to associate with a Marauder story, "I think I've got something better."

Sirius met his eyes with a challenging stare of his own, going on without fear.

They broke off into the usual pairs and began going over some old spells, Harry doing a few with Neville before breaking off and passing around. When he got near Cho she beamed at him, and he had to resist the urge not to simply hover near her.

"Aw man, you mean she stopped trying to improvise her spell work around you?" Sirius smirked at Harry. "Also, I'm growing disappointed in you pup, I haven't heard one instance of you encouraging those private lessons she so clearly needed."

"Can my reward for not strangling him please be he stop making those jokes," Harry begged his father.

"I would never, this is an endless source of amusement," James snickered while Harry turned pleading eyes to his mum, who could only offer him sympathy at this point.

By the end Harry was swelling with pride as he watched their progress in comparison to the start of this group. Neville's spell only hit Dean rather than his target, a much closer miss than normal!

Harry let Sirius' teasing go, he couldn't seem to hold anything other than pride for those around him, his friends doing so well. He honestly believed they could have been just as great under any tutelage, he already knew they were all capable as Remus had been the start to them all understanding the work needed to go into this class.

Harry called a halt after an hour and told they were doing so well, when they got back he'd even start teaching them Patronuses.

"Ooh," Lily grinned, "now you're getting advanced."

"They've all caught up to all the spells I knew," Harry's smile increased at the idea, ignoring that pesky feeling about something regarding that for-coming lesson. "That was the last one I had preplanned, and it's a really difficult one."

"I know you'll get them through it without a problem," James said like this was obvious. "I am a bit curious how you plan to do it though."

"Hopefully he just starts with getting the spell down first for them, he doesn't need the extreme measures he had to go through, he can build up to that later." Remus offered with a small frown, no one wanted to hear of Harry around anymore dementors, even the boggart kind.

There was an air of excitement as they all left in the usual groups, most shouting a Happy Christmas to Harry as they departed. Harry hung back as Ron and Hermione left though, still hoping to receive one from Cho.

"Uh hu, and maybe a little something more," Sirius persisted, Harry's face turning a stunning new shade of red the others hadn't quite seen before. His memory was raising a flag of warning already for whatever was fixing to happen, and he had the desire to take the book away from Sirius again for a whole new reason.

He realized she was the last one left when she waved Marietta to go on and Harry felt a jolt go through him.

James wolf whistled while Harry pleaded with the ceiling to cave in.

He was watching all this from the corner of his eye as he pretended to straighten something, when he heard a distinctive sniff. He turned in surprise to see Cho standing in the middle of the room crying.

"Wow Harry, you got her crying before you even did anything, that's got to be a new record, even better than myself if you can believe it- ouch!"

Remus whacked Sirius upside the head to get him to stop while Lily's face folded with sympathy. She'd been fixing to snap at both boys to quit picking on her son for this already, now she realized Cho wasn't even trying to make a move back, but looking for sympathy, and she really hoped Harry at least tried to help rather than running for the hills like James' slightly panicky look showed he wanted to now do.

He didn't know what to do. She was simply standing there, crying silently.

Lily rubbed at her temple, confounded how his automatic reaction wasn't to go to her, wrap his arm around her in comfort, ask if she wanted to talk about it or if she simply just needed a shoulder. She knew not all boys were as dunce as hers, but they certainly acted like it sometimes.

Instead he feebly asked her what was up?

Sirius couldn't help a snort of surprise, which he immediately regretted as Lily gave him a blistering look and Remus nudged him hard in warning not a second before he'd done it.

Cho stammered out some kind of apology while saying she'd just been wondering if he'd known all this if he'd still be alive.

"Oh," Sirius whispered like a deflated balloon. There went any humor he could have offered.

Harry felt his heart sink down into his intestines. She wanted to talk about Cedric.

Lily gave a heavy sigh in understanding. Cho was looking for someone who'd been close to Cedric like she had, someone to understand what she was going through on her level, and Harry really was the closest person to that, and yet the worst one. Harry had his friends to talk to about this, even Sirius, but not on the same level Cho was seeking. She no longer could imagine the two together anymore if this was how Cho was going to start trying reciprocating feelings for Harry, she couldn't even imagine this turning out well for the two poor souls in this moment.

He still told her Cedric had known all this, he couldn't have made it to the Cup if he hadn't, but once Voldemort wanted you dead you didn't stand a chance.

Harry was starting to look a little green from being forced to remember this again all while the bubbling sensation of being around Cho alone.

She hiccupped at the sound of Voldemort's name, but kept his eyes as she whispered he'd survived as a baby.

Harry defended while moving towards the door,

Remus couldn't help feeling something cracking at his jaw for that, maybe a smile, as he all too easily envisioned anyone running for the door after seeing a crying girl.

no one knew why that was, it wasn't something he boasted.

Harry met Lily's eyes, the flash of understanding present in the whole room, why Harry wouldn't share how he did know some of the answer to this with just anyone. He'd never even told if he'd shared with this Ron and Hermione, and no one was going to ask.

Cho suddenly realized where Harry was heading and asked him not to leave, again apologizing for this.

Harry tragically stayed in place, thinking he'd have been much happier with just a Merry Christmas.

"Right, it's all her fault bringing this up, we're all in agreement," James was babbling uneasily until Lily nudged him to get him to stop, they all just wanted to change the subject.

Cho admitted she realized this must be hard for Harry, she supposed he just wanted to forget about it all.

He did, but it felt heartless saying so.

"Not heartless," Lily promised him at once. "It's natural love, I promise."

"Does it get better?" The whisper escaped him before the question had even formed in his head. No one had the heart to lie to him and pretend it did, but the full range of that answer couldn't just be covered in a quick chat. Lily had been asked the question though, and she would never just not answer him.

"With the right people around you, you can learn to live around it."

He seemed to relax under her words, his smile easing as he glanced out the window, into nothing really but his own memories. For a while he'd almost selfishly wished he hadn't gained these back, had almost entertained the idea he'd done this to himself on purpose for some ease of a better life, but the peace settling over him at her words convinced him on the spot he could never do such a thing, because she was right.

Cho changed to saying what a good teacher Harry was, and Harry awkwardly thanked her.

"This whole thing is awkward," Sirius muttered, wishing he could skip a few pages already, no amount of mocking Harry at his crush was worth this ball of pain seeing his pup so miserable at the reminder of Cedric.

Harry felt torn in half, his desire to run from the room still prevalent while his feet had no ability to do so.

"Girls," James muttered in agreement. How they managed to cause a never ending conflict inside was their own source of magic.

Cho was coming closer to him now, pointing at another bushel of mistletoe.

"Uh oh," Remus hummed under his breath.

Harry's mouth was going dry, he said the first thing that came to mind, it probably had Nargles in it.

"That's what you lead with eh?" James couldn't help but ask as Harry's face grew steadily more red. He wasn't mocking though, Harry was surprised to hear, more watching him with indulgent curiosity to see how this played out.

She asked what those were, and Harry deflected he hadn't a clue, she'd have to ask Luna.

"I'd have thought it was obvious, you should never bring up another girl at a time like this," Sirius pleasantly informed Harry, who seemed to have lost all ability to speak in here as his mind couldn't grasp anything else now. They'd stopped talking about Cedric, he should be grateful, but oh he'd never wanted to see their reaction to Cho being so close to him!

Cho was almost nose to nose with him now, he could count her eyelashes...

He returned to the common room to find Hermione and Ron sitting by the fire,

Sirius suddenly felt cheated. Moments ago he'd been wanting to skip this just so Harry could at least have this private moment and he'd have much more fun speculating and poking fun at his pup, but now the book actually had gone and cut this off! He even tried to check if pages had been stuck together before giving up and looking to Harry hopefully, demanding, "alright, out with it, what happened next?"

Harry sat there for a long time with a such a look of shock they wouldn't have been that surprised if he'd just announced he'd lost all his memories again for realizing what had just happened. The words that came out didn't even seem to be attached to him. "She kissed me."

Harry hardly registered the whoop of joy from his father or the enthusiastic pat Sirius was giving him, it was hard to think past much of anything really. At fifteen he'd felt more elated than he ever had in his life while also so infinitely confused because of what she'd done after the fact. He couldn't quite bring himself to string those words together yet. All at the same time, some very distant part of his mind was shaking its head at his past, not quite in disapproval, but not exactly happiness either. It took him several more moments than it should have to realize that Sirius was going to keep going.

While clearly happy for him, there was something about this reaction they couldn't put down all to shock. His smile was oddly detached, something clearly lingering in him showing this wouldn't stay a happy memory for long. This couldn't then be the first kiss between him and his future wife, or if it was then something really interesting must happen in between times.

both writing, but Hermione's was clearly a letter so long it was dangling off the table.

Lily started giggling uncontrollably while none of the Marauders even seemed to be giving this a passing thought. They were all ignoring her, thinking it was for an entirely different reason.

Ron was on the hearth doing Transfiguration homework, but both looked up upon his entrance and asked what had taken him so long.

Harry couldn't decide what to say. Half of him wanted to tell them,

"I get the feeling you're not going to get a choice," James said, watching Sirius impatiently to see if what they all knew had happened, really had! This was Harry's first kiss after all, and Harry was still acting too wide eyed to give them much to go on in here.

the other half wanted to take the secret to the grave.

"I honestly can't blame you, considering company," Remus snickered. James and Sirius were acting like this was his Quidditch team announcement and Lily hadn't stopped giggling for several moments, he couldn't imagine Ron and Hermione would react much better when they found out.

Both asked if he was alright, had something happened?

"It's a touch sad by those reactions they're assuming it was something bad," Lily managed to get out, trying to compose herself and stop laughing at Harry's face and her husbands proud smile.

Harry had just decided he wasn't going to tell them anything when Hermione took matters into her own hands,

"I think I'm actually grateful for it this time," Sirius agreed with a touch of impatience, Harry wasn't helping anything in here, they needed a bossy hand.

by asking if Cho had kissed him.

"Hermione needs to read a book on subtlety," Sirius snorted.

"Like you'd be any better," Remus rolled his eyes.

Ron sat up so fast he spilled his bottle of ink while Hermione watched Harry with a slight frown, until he finally nodded.

"Why's she frowning?" That caught Lily's attention.

"Not for the reason you're thinking," Harry told her, blinking slightly and clearly coming back to hear to glance at her with a still benign smile. Whatever had been bothering his mind before had clearly passed for now, and he was willing to at least semi laugh along with whatever they were. "There's nothing between us, I swear." He was now more sure of that than ever.

Lily nodded without surprise, just confusion at the reaction.

Ron gave his friend a triupmhent first pump and began rolling on the floor laughing.

"Padfoot did much the same," James huffed. "Wouldn't believe me for ages I'd finally gotten her to kiss me until she did it in front of him."

"Can you blame me?" Sirius said without remorse. "You'd been going on for ages it was going to happen, woken up from enough dreams convinced it had-"

He ducked as James chucked a pillow at him to get him to stop, but now Sirius wanted to keep going remorselessly because of that until Remus nudged him and reminded, "let's focus on one at a time for now."

Sirius sighed but acquitted.

Hermione gave Ron a look of deep disgust and returned to her letter.

"Ah," Lily finally said in understanding.

"It's not that bad, just because Hermione didn't laugh along doesn't mean she needs to think him childish," James rolled his eyes while Lily pressed her lips together to hide a smile.

Ron came back to himself enough to ask how it was?

Harry considered for a moment before saying wet.

Cue four collective snorts of laughter, Lily couldn't help herself.

Ron made a noise that might have indicated jubilation or disgust, it was hard to tell.

Harry wished it were harder to tell in here.

Harry clarified it was because she was crying.

"That's what she gets for bringing up what she did before she started this," Remus sighed.

Lily was watching Harry critically now, hoping he'd been kind to Cho after all that.

Ron's smile faded a bit as he asked if Harry was that bad at kissing?

Sirius was becoming unintelligible, his voice wobbling as he fought to keep reading around his laughter at Ron's conclusion.

Harry felt his own worry begin as he suddenly wondered the same thing.

"I don't think that's determinable from one peck-" Remus began with a light smile before he was cut off by James' scoff of disbelief.

"Not my son!"

Lily smacked him upside the head.

Hermione scoffed of course he wasn't while going back to her letter.

"Know this from experience does she?" Sirius couldn't resist poking even having expected Harry's eye roll.

Ron demanded how she knew, while Hermione explained Cho spent all her time crying. At meals, in the loo.

"Merlin, you'd think she'd run out of tears," James was starting to look a little frightened at such a thing occurring while Lily smacked him harder. James rubbed at the spot but was suddenly a bit happy that Harry wasn't more enthusiastic, and defensive, of this. If this was Harry's future wife, he'd start to feel a little worried about this.

Ron said he'd think a bit of snogging would cheer her up, while Hermione called him the most insensitive wart she'd ever had the displeasure of meeting.

"Hermione is so eloquent," Lily chuckled.

"I don't see anything wrong with what he said," Sirius grinned, while Lily scowled at him and considered parting some of Hermione's wisdom on him specifically, not that it would do him any good.

Ron asked what she meant by that.

"I found it fairly obvious actually," Remus pointed out.

Harry desperately asking who cried while they were kissing?

"Didn't you take the time to ask her, try to talk to her?" Lily tried to keep the accusation out of her voice.

"I mean, she kind of just took off after the fact, I kind of patted her on the shoulder for a quick moment," Harry struggled and ultimately gave up trying to explain himself as Lily's brows kept rising.

Hermione looked at the pair with exasperation before asking didn't they understand how Cho was feeling?

They both said no together.

Lily rubbed at her temple even while she was thanking the universe for her son having a friend like Hermione.

Hermione set down her quill and began the list of things she knew were upsetting Cho, like her now crush on Harry could be an insult to Cedric's memory and everything that entailed, plus she was performing so bad in her school and Quidditch lately because of all these feelings her place on her house team could be compromised.

"Bloody hell, the girl sounds like a train wreck!" James said, actually yelping in pain at how hard Lily smacked him that time.

"A little sensitivity dear," Lily said acidly.

"It's not like I said it to her face," James defended.

"Has Cho and Hermione been having secret conversations where she learned all this?" Sirius demanded as he kept looking at that list of things.

Lily groaned and rolled her eyes in exasperation, she really needed to go hang out with Alice when this was all over.

"Just be grateful she didn't try to say all that in one breath," Remus remembered from her first appearance.

Both boys sat in stunned silence after that little speech before Ron declared one person couldn't feel all that, they'd explode.

"Honestly," Sirius agreed. He hadn't even found that many of those things that complicated, why was Cho making such a big deal of them.

"Apparently it's even affecting her Quidditch abilities, I think the girl needs some time off to sort herself out," James said with a touch of sympathy, and an apologetic look at Lily, who decided that was as close as he was going to get to understanding that heaping mess.

Hermione told him just because he had the emotional range of a teaspoon didn't mean everyone did.

"Well that's hardly fair," Sirius couldn't help but defend, "Ron's been through some stuff as well, doesn't necessarily mean he can compare and understand how she's feeling."

Lily looked to him in surprise, thinking that had almost been some form understanding on Sirius' part.

Harry said he hadn't known any of that, she'd just started crying all over him and he hadn't known what to do, Ron saying he didn't blame his mate.

"No one really can," Remus agreed, even Lily was shifting anxiously as she wasn't sure of the right thing to say to Cho, one of her real friends would have been better like that Marietta.

Hermione asked if he was at least nice to her, and Harry defended he'd patted her on the back a bit.

Hermione looked as though she was restraining herself from rolling her eyes with difficulty.

"She's more restraint than most," James grinned slightly, as Lily herself lost the fight and did just that.

Then Hermione asked if he was going to see her again, and Harry said he didn't have much of a choice, she was still a DA member.

"That's not what she meant and you know it," James scolded.

"No, not really," Harry said with such a sincere face James believed him, and shook his head at his poor son who kept looking around for some kind of answer no one was going to give him. Then it was clear by the look on his face he'd gotten it, and his face flushed anew as clearly his mind was wandering off.

Harry's mind suddenly set in a whirlwind of being alone with Cho, who may actually be happy and not crying, and his stomach clenched painfully.

Ron asked what if Harry hadn't wanted to ask her out?

"That's fair," Remus agreed, "for all she knew, Harry might not have wanted her to kiss him."

"Well he did, and now he has, so the question is what he's going to do with this next," Sirius said, looking curiously to Harry, who gave no indication he'd heard, and then back to the book curiously.

Hermione told him he was being silly, Harry'd had a crush on her for ages.

"I want to know when she started to notice," Harry muttered. She'd made it clear she knew at the Hog's Head, but how long before then? How long had Cho been planning this? Was he already making a fool of himself by not having done something ages before now! His mind was bubbling with too many questions, and it suddenly slammed into him his real circumstances. At the time, he'd have been aching to write to someone about this, more than likely was going to bring it up to Sirius on his holiday visit...but now he actually did have his dad he could ask. His parents real advice, if he'd so chosen... but for some reason he just couldn't put his finger on, not about Cho...

Harry didn't deny this, but he was certainly feeling wrong footed now after Cho had spent so long crying into his shoulder.

"Oh I'm sure she won't be like that forever," Remus tried to say sympathetically, but he was still too amused by his friend for that to have quite come off right.

Ron changed the subject by asking Hermione who she was writing that novel to.

She simply said Viktor, Ron asking Krum in shock?

Hermione said did they know any other Viktors?

"You know, I actually don't right off the top of my head," Sirius looked honestly disappointed he couldn't mock Hermione for that.

"What a wasted moment," James agreed with a sigh.

Ron finally turned back to his homework disgruntled, leaving Harry to his silent thoughts. He watched the fireplace instead, suddenly wishing Sirius' head would appear there and give him some advice about girls.

James looked like he'd been sucker punched in the gut, again. Who knew that all those years later, Sirius' joke would turn into Harry's only option. It hadn't occurred to him yet this was where Harry's thoughts would head, but of course that made logical sense, no matter how scandalized it made him feel. He glanced over and saw Sirius looking a bit shamefaced to have read that, while Harry was frowning at him and clearly wanting to apologize. James shook his head though, refusing both of them for something neither could help.

Hermione called it a night not too much later, the boys heading up to their own silent dorm, Ron muttering about what she saw in Krum?

"An impartial friend," Lily said with an eye roll. Though it had never been confirmed, she hardly thought Hermione had the time to both travel to Bulgaria over the summer to visit him, and be so in touch with the Order as she'd clearly been.

Harry considered it for a moment before remembering how much older than them he was, and an international Quidditch player.

"Harry, you are not helping!" Sirius said as dramatically as possible, biting his tongue to stop himself adding that Ron would probably pop by and see him as well during break now, though more likely he'd go see his own dad, or maybe one of his brothers.

Ron pretended he hadn't heard while saying the guy was grumpy.

Harry agreed very grouchy, his mind still on Cho.

"There's the proper response," Remus said, looking uneasily between the crackling tension that James and Sirius were suddenly trying to pretend didn't exist. It's not like either of them could help it, neither blamed the other for the circumstances and both would do anything to change them, leaving both completely unaware what was even needed apologizing for.

They slipped into bed silently, the rest of their doormats already asleep. Harry left the hangings around his bed open so he could stare out the window, thinking back and wondering how he'd have felt if just twenty-four hours ago he'd realize he'd be kissing Cho Chang.

"You'd probably have vomited from stress," Sirius told Harry, then suddenly frowned as he watched a bead of sweat trace down his face. Harry was suddenly looking sickly pale, a white hot pain resting on his mind of some memory fixing to return. He'd been far too distracted from Cho and now Sirius and James to notice the oncoming warning signs like before, but they were there now. The tightening of pain around his consciousness, his breaths starting to go shallow. He couldn't sense any oncoming pain though, which meant this would be something even worse...

Sirius exchanged a slightly panicky look with the others, but no one needed to tell him what he already knew. Harry couldn't say what was suddenly making him look so panicky, and the only way to find out was to keep going. Yet just by the look on Harry's face, Sirius suddenly knew he'd rather be doing anything else in the world. He could never do that though, leave Harry in such sickening dispense, so he took a deep breath and forced himself to keep going with the same enthusiasm as before. Harry was going to bed after all, nothing was going to happen to him in his dormitory, they had a bit of time...

He thought about Hermione's explanation, but she'd somehow made this all feel more complicated.

Lily opened her mouth wearily, she wanted to keep talking about this, chat with her son and offer up some more advice, but James wrapped a reassuring arm around her waist and she at once acknowledged that delaying whatever was plaguing her son wouldn't make the blow any better.

He decided he wished Hogwarts offered a class on how girls' brains worked, that would be more useful than Divination.

James gave an uneasy laugh that echoed oddly in the room, all of them sitting tensed as if waiting for a snake to strike. Harry's shaking and pain filled expression promised something bad was coming.

He slipped into an uneasy dream, back in the DA room with Cho accusing him of being there under false pretences. He'd apparently promised her a thousand Chocolate Frog Cards like Cedric always gave her, but he couldn't give them to her. Hermione appeared and said he had promised, and since he couldn't, he should give her his Firebolt instead.

Sirius spluttered in indignation, even as a dream he couldn't imagine saying such a ludicrous thing and he turned to grin at Harry, wanting to see his pup go back to normal for just a second and be outraged at the idea as well, but he was so focused on something that he couldn't understand it was as if Sirius wasn't even there. Yet the tense set of his shoulders made it clear he was still aware enough, waiting for the blow to start.

The dream changed . . .

Remus was picking at his sleeve just for something to do that wasn't waiting for this horrible news, plucking at a loose thread that would soon create another hole he'd have to patch and he didn't care. So long as he kept focusing on that, his mind couldn't go wild and create some horrid scenario that surely they must just be exaggerating, that look on Harry's face didn't necessarily mean...

He was in a long dark corridor with a locked down at the end. His body flew smooth against the floor, everything was vibrant colors around him. He tasted the air with caution and scented the man stirring on the floor. His impulse was to bite, but his work was too important. He tried to continue on, but then the man fully awoke, and he had no choice, he lunged and felt warm blood, now everywhere as the man fell back again, the blood was everywhere, and his forehead hurt terribly...

Sirius had managed to get through that by reading as if yet another odd dream of no significance, because none of that had made a lick of sense. That had sounded like, a snake maybe? It was attacking someone, but obviously Harry was just having some vivid nightmare, maybe about the basilisk or anything else, he couldn't wrap his head around another alternative.

Then he looked to Harry, hoping for some sign of relief, that this nightmare had just scared the dickens out of a young kid like so many others had, but he knew. He was stark white, his mouth had flopped open and his face etched with horror all while his hand pressed into his scar as if holding his head together.

"Harry, Harry breathe." Lily pressed her hands to either side of his face, stroking his wet cheeks and refusing to let go as he kept shaking.

"I, what did I do?! He's dead-"

"No!"

The word crackled like electricity through his mind, he should know that voice, believe that word, but it was impossible. He was trapped between a memory and a fear, it was all his fault!

The book had fallen out of Sirius' sweat slicked hand, but he lunged back for it and began flipping wildly through the pages. He couldn't just sit there and do nothing, he had to know what was wrong with Harry, and he couldn't think of any other way to force him out of this state than to find out what really had happened.

Someone was screaming his name, there was a poker pressed against his forehead, but nothing seemed real until he rolled to the side and vomited.

In some wild part of his mind, Remus had to guess Harry hadn't done that yet simply because he wasn't yet aware enough of his own body. He was still trapped in a limbo of what was and an impossibility that he couldn't rationalize.

Ron was there though, asking what was wrong, and Harry forced himself to breathe past the pain, he had to tell him.

James felt useless just standing there, only on his feet by sheer willpower of hovering over his son when he was so vulnerable despite his shaking limbs. He couldn't do anything, Lily wasn't getting through to him, and no matter how much he kept whispering to Harry they just weren't getting a reaction.

Ron's dad had been attacked.

"No," Lily snarled, her hands tightening around Harry as he began shaking in place, somehow, impossibly, his fright growing by the second. Her sharp green eyes wouldn't leave his face, but Sirius could still feel their intensity spurring him on.

It was serious, there was blood everywhere.

For the first time in his life Sirius didn't even seem to realize he'd said his own name, he couldn't think of anything else but getting to the damned part where Harry realized that wasn't true, it couldn't be. It just wasn't possible, because nothing was adding up. Harry hadn't seen that, he hadn't done it, it just had to be a dream, and he'd realize that any second!

Someone far off said they were going for help, but Harry hardly registered the words, insisting Ron understand even as his friend promised it was just a dream. Harry furiously told it had happened... he'd done it.

Lily recognized the change in his parlor just in time, but not fast enough as he managed to vomit on her as well as himself. She didn't let that stop her for one moment, as finally his lungs had returned to him, but now he was gasping so hard that whatever he was trying to say still held no intelligence. All they were sure of was that he believed that, and they weren't going to stop until they convinced him that wasn't a possibility.

Ron clearly didn't understand, telling Harry to relax, Neville had gone to get help.

Harry insisted it wasn't him they should be worried about, there was a huge snake, it had attacked Ron's dad.

Lily hadn't left his side while Remus banished the mess, still running her hands carefully though his hair, constantly whispering in his ear there was no way this was true of him, but it wasn't giving him any comfort; because he knew deep down there was a part of him that had done this.

He tried to get out of bed but Ron pushed him back into it; Dean and Seamus were whispering somewhere nearby.

Remus considered them lucky he wasn't in the room, and fifteen again, as he was likely to turn around and snap at them to leave already, he didn't need anyone's attitude on top of worrying about his family.

Harry had no clue how long he sat there in a state of suspension, but the next thing he understood was footsteps on the stairs, and Neville coming back with McGonagall.

James wanted to feel relief. He trusted McGonagall to know the best way to help Harry right then when he couldn't, but the feeling escaped him as he kept watching his now panicking son. It was as if they weren't there, his eyes were flickering around the room and the fear wasn't dropping out of him for one minute.

Harry had never felt so relieved in his life to see a member of the Order of the Phoenix, at once telling her Arthur Weasley had been attacked by a snake, it was serious, he'd seen it happen.

Sirius finally hesitated in his hasty need for a moment. He wanted to make his favorite joke, he wanted to see it distract Harry from the horrors of this just for a moment, but for all their concern Harry didn't seem to even be aware of them. Sirius wasn't even sure if he'd heard anything since the news of Arthur's attack. That wasn't going to stop him though, he had to keep going, to find out the truth.

He explained in detail everything, and as McGonagall continued to just gaze at him in horror, he shouted he wasn't lying nor crazy!

"Neither of those things was going through anyone's mind," James promised at once, still watching every twitch of Harry's with concern.

"At least no one important," Remus muttered.

Finally she whispered she believed him, and she was taking him to Dumbledore.

Sirius cursed as he finished his part in frustration. Looking to Harry in hopes some relief would appear, Dumbledore would explain, but if possible this news only managed to make him look worse. They just wanted to understand, what was happening to him?

HPHPHPHP

I've heard that in the original rendition of this book JK was actually planning on killing Arthur, and please forgive me for sounding like a cold hearted monster, but I almost wish she had rather than Sirius. The message still would have been made, anyone close to Harry could die, but the Weasley's still have a parent left at least. It really breaks my heart what happened to Sirius through the course of this series, and realizing that in this moment Sirius might have been saved if someone else had been lost always makes me extra upset.

*I've always seen people realize this at the end of the first book, but I always found this a much funnier callback.

#The life that Never LIved #Harry Potter #fanfiction #reading the books #HP #ootp #Marauders #Jilly #James potter #Remus Lupin #Sirius black #Lily Potter

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