#plot twist is they actually just bought the tickets for fun... and were not accompanied by any women

[dogwittaablog]

nolan pulling up to a 1D concert with kale clague, tkaspick and another friend and being posted on a fan update account. rent free.

I really don't think some of us till this day can properly comprehend that crossover... not even going to lie... a bit chapped that he got to see them and I NEVER did... like what the fuck, he lived out every 14 year old fan-girls dream.

To top it even that photo of him/them that was uploaded to twitter lowkey blew up too like??? Nolpat proves to me that he was always destined for greatness.

*I need to know whose girlfriends or sisters convinced them to all show up... I just know that those idiots were actually having the time of their lives*

[clean-bands-dirty-stories]

Clueless ~ Otis Milburn (Part one)

A/n: My goodnes WHY AM I LIKE THIS I AM SO SORRY!!! I’ll try to keep updates regular so I don’t ditch series. I’m so sorry...

Word Count: 3000+

Warnings: violence, attempted rape (not too graphic, I tried), yelling/arguing, hateful people. I tried to not be discriptive because I didn’t want that to be the focus of this. If this upsets you, I did warn you and I’m very sorry.

MASTERLIST

School was already complete hell without Adam Geoff as your brother and Headmaster Groff as your father and Maeve Wiley as your public best friend. Even before Maeve got involved with Otis Milburn and became his partner in Real Sex Education for Pay, Y/n Groff was seen as a complete weirdo. Y/n was known for her complete lack of sexual and relationship knowledge and experience. She had never been in a relationship and had never had sex and everyone knew it. The Perfect Virgin with the Renowned Slut was the most hilarious duo that no one let anyone forget it.

Then Maeve got involved with Otis and Eric and Adam lost his shit completely, making Y/n's life even WORSE considering her brother with the massive dick had dropped his drawers in front of the school. School went from hell to awkward hell to complete Hell.

Through Maeve, Y/n had been brought to form a sort of acquaintenship with Otis, but it was Eric who she really connected with as Maeve and Otis got closer, leaving their original two best friends behind.

Months passed and the four teenagers formed a new dynamic. The same day that Otis finalized that he was completely in love with Maeve, finally giving into all of Eric’s insisting, Y/n pulled Eric aside to tell him that - in a sort of plot twist of events - Y/n was in love with Otis.

“You WHAT?” Eric screeched.

“HUSH!” Y/n hissed, panic on her face. “I’ve had a crush on him forever, really. You can ask Maeve. She never understood until she got to know him, used to tease me relentlessly when I’d talk about the little moments and secret things I noticed simply because I was incredibly hyper aware of him at all times. I don’t know when it started, really, but as I’ve gotten to know him my feelings have only gotten stronger. It’s grown from a crush and hearing him declare his love for my best friend when I know that Maeve is in love with Jackson I feel like- like the whole world was flipped upside down and someone pulled out all my guts and then put them back in the wrong place. Like someone rammed me with a bowling ball, straight to my ribs and broke every single bone. I don’t know what I’ll do Eric... he can’t ever be with her and I can’t ever be with him.” She plopped down on the ground, fingers twisted in her hair as she tried to breathe.

Eric could see the building anxiety attack and kneeled down in front of her. “We’re going to figure this out, okay? For now, just breathe and let it go. If you’re right, then my boy will help Jackson get the girl like he can never stop himself from doing, and then Jackson and Maeve will be together just long enough for him to move on or realize he was wrong as you help him get over her. Or... look we’ll figure it out, okay? Breathe.”

She had managed to calm down but had not managed to get rid of her anxiety. “The closest I’ve gotten to being friends with him was picking you up from the clinic with him because I don’t have a car,” Y/n complained to Maeve one day. “I can’t get him to be friends with me, least of all fall for me.”

Eric and Maeve seemed to agree on one thing. “Stop worrying, let it happen. Get close to him and be there for him and... let nature take its course.”

Then Maeve and Jackson for together and it was a month of Maeve completely forgetting about Y/n and Otis, Y/n, and Eric becoming really good friends. A month of Otis convincing the two that he wasn’t in love with Maeve- he had barely even liked her, he swore it now. A month of Y/n and Otis actually forming a friendship and falling even more in love with him. A whole months that all the pressure and tension and emotion built up for one disasterous night where everything would go from bad to worse.

“I got us three tickets to Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” Otis declared with a grin.

After Eric lost his shit and the two boys had a moment of pure joy, Y/n asked, “Who and the angry what?”

Both boys turned to her with wide eyes. “You’ve never seen Hedwig and the Angry Inch?” Eric asked with horror. Y/n shrugged, smiling sheepishly as she crossed her arms over her chest. “God bless Otis getting an extra ticket so we can all go together,” the boy groaned. “It’s usually a tradition with just us but you’re apart of us now. We dress up and rock out and it’s honestly the best sort of fun.”

Y/n smiled. “Only is you do my make over,” she agreed, pointing not so seriously at Eric.

The boy grinned. “It would be my honor.”

So it started well. Y/b showed up to Eric’s house a bit early and he did her makeup and told her which of the clothes she brought were what she could wear, letting her borrow a jacket of his to perfect the outfit. She had refused to go as Hedwig as well, insisting she go as a man to fit into the kind of cross dressing feel. “That way I won’t be the odd one out!” So she was going as Schlatko, with a brown wig she had bought just for the occasion. The two left the house (Eric’s dad severely eased to SEE Eric leaving with another person who would be accompanying him the whole time) and headed to the bus station.

That’s when everything went wrong.

Otis didn’t come. Time stretched on and on and still he didn’t show. A phone call got Eric and Y/n on the bus before the doors closed and the bus pulled away, the pair watching out the back window as Otis was left in the kicked up dirt as they were helplessly separated. From there, Otis called again to let them know he would catch the NEXT bus because he had missed it again and at that point, Eric and Y/n ended up going without him.

Here the night got a bit better. The pair enjoyed themselves immensely, laughing and getting super into it as Y/n tried her best to fill in the large space Otis left by not being there. When it ended, they went back to the bus station, waiting for the bus. Y/n ended yo taking Eric’s hand to calm him down when he got a bit of anxiety as Otis didn’t show up STILL, the two finding the bus they had to be on as Eric and Y/n paired up to have each other’s backs and keep track of all their stuff. They managed to get back to the original bus stop and begin walking home perfectly safe. After Eric finally allowed Y/n to walk him home (“I’ll get home better as a man than you will as a woman, Eric. The world isn’t that progressed quite yet.”), the two ended up traveling back, laughing and talking about the musical and everything that had happened so Y/n could get all the little details and important momentos she might have missed.

That’s when the fragile happiness the pair were clinging to completely shattered. A car pulled along aside them, the men inside calling them and making fun of them, making them both on edge and scared. Especially when the car pulled ahead, parking to block their path as the men all got out.

Y/n put herself between the men and Eric immediately, hands out. “Whoa,” she eased. “Look, we’re just dressed up for a movie event it’s not what you think. Let’s all calm down, alright?” One of the men laughed, grabbing her arm and ripping her away from Eric, pressing her against his chest. Then his two friends hanged up on Eric and Y/n had to watch helplessly as thy beat him up. “STOP!” She screamed, thriving and riling to no use as the man hold on her locked her down. “PLEASE! PLEASE STOP YOU’RE HURTING HIM! ERIC!” She finally snapped, smashing the back of her head into the man’s mouth. As he stumbled back, letting go of her, she turned and plated her heel as hard as she could in his balls. Then she punched him as hard as she could- three times just for luck. He went limp, unconscious, and she turned to the other two guys.

Both men, just as big as the first, looked at her. She was smaller than them and didn’t have the element of surprise like she had before. She had no advantage. They were already done with Eric, though, who was beaten with his stuff strewn all over the ground, forgotten but scattered as the beaten boy spit blood and tried to catch his breath and keep quiet. Y/n’s has tightened in anticipation for a punch.

Not one came. When the two men attacked her, one pinned her against their car and the other gripped her chest. She screamed, eyes wide as her body shook with fear. They were about to-

Adrenaline like she’d never experienced before kicked in and she went wild, collecting every movie scene and play fight and lesson and piece of advice and YouTube video and ANYTHING she had ever watched or seen to try and defend herself now. She got her knee in one groin and as one man finally fell, the other finally hit her in the face, grounding her. To her surprise, the man that had hit her hit his friend, knocking the dude out in one go.

“I never liked sharing,” He rasped.

Y/n whimpered on the ground, mind racing as she tried to think of what to do to prevent what was about to happen if this man had his way. That’s when Eric stood up, face bloody and eyes wide and wild with fear and pain and dreariness. The man targeting Y/n laughed as Eric stood with Y/n behind him, as if about to offer himself to fight the man in his jean jumpsuit and lipstick, wig long gone and destroyed. “I may not be a threat,” the boy declared, slurring a bit as he held up his phone. “But I’ve called for help. Get your friends, and get lost, or you’re about to have another person to deal with, your buddies already down for the count. Leave.”

The man’s smile vanished as he looked at his friends before hauling them into the car, jumping in the driver’s seat and pulling away as Y/n curled into a ball on the ground, hiding her face as Eric stood firm in his heels. He fell to his knees the second the car pulled away and Y/n took a second before having a full blown panic attack. She cried and shook and Eric moved to her, pulling her into his arms as they clung to each other desperately. A few moments later none other than Otis’ mom pulled up, getting out and moving to collect all of Y/n and Eric’s things before moving to the teenagers. “Let’s get you two home.”

Y/n, barely calming down and still severely shaken up, shook her head. “I can’t see him right now.” She looked at Eric. “I can’t! Not after-“

She cut off but Eric nodded, understanding. “It’s safe,” he reassured with a sort of blank face as he tried to focus. “It’s safe there, I promise. We have to get somewhere. Calm down. Be safe. Please Y/n. Please, let’s go.”

The girl whimpered but nodded and Eric and her made their way into the back of Ms. Milburn’s (“Call me Jean, dear”) car. Jean asked the two questions, spread apart, quiet, gentle, and not at all pushy just to get a general idea of what happened.

When they got to the Milburn household, Eric sat in the couch with a cup of hot chocolate as Jean got Y/n changed into some of her clothes just to get the girl in something that wouldn’t feel or smell or at all remind her of the trauma she had just gone through. “I’m sorry I don’t have anything for you,” Jean apologized to Eric who just shook his head. It was quiet for a while before Otis walked in the door. The now group of four all stood in the living room as Otis asked, “Eric? Y/n? Why are you two here?” His eyes went wide. “What happened to your face?” He asked Eric. “Why are you wearing my mum’s clothes?” He directed to Y/n.

Jean frowned. “Try not to ask too many questions at once Dear,” she directed gently. “I’ll leave you three alone, to talk.” And she left.

Otis seemed to forgive the wounds and the clothes, launching into his day. “I’m sorry that I didn’t make it,” the brunette boy sighed apologetically. “It’s just, Maeve needed me when some things came up at the clinic and-“ Y/n sink slowly to the couch, knees and heart giving in as her eyes watered. While she and Eric had been getting assaulted after Otis had totally ditched them, he had been with MAEVE. “And, man we had this moment! Like, there was an actual moment between us but I totally ruined it-“

Y/n’s breath caught as her ribs caved in, crushing her heart and lungs in one go. “You were with Maeve?” Eric asked, just as betrayed as Y/n was completely heart broken. “You ditched me on my birthday to be with Maeve?” Y/n, who had gotten far too many earfuls about how little Otis was around already because he was so doe eyed and focused on Maeve, both of them expressing frustrations at Otis’ fixation on the girl when they both wanted him to lay attention to them- if, in different ways. To hear that while they had been attacked and could have used his extra hands or maybe avoided the situation altogether if there had been one more of them, Otis was with Maeve of all people... it was salt in the wound. “You left me and Y/n alone, dressed like this, to be with Maeve?”

Otis didn’t seem to sense the severity of the situation. “Well I...” he looked between them. “What happened?”

“You left us to fend for ourselves. You ditched us for Maeve. You... broke tradition. You left me for Maeve, AGAIN, on my BIRTHDAY!” Eric accused, getting heated as his voice got angrier and louder.

Otis got defensive, glaring. “I- it was about the picture going around, for Clinic stuff, I just-“

“Forgot about your best friend on his birthday! Man, we’ve been friends since we were nine and you ditched me for some girl you’ve known for a few seconds! You’re so SELFISH!”

Bristling, Otis rushed to defend Maeve. “I’m selfish? You want to accuse someone of being self absorbed, look in the mirror!” Y/n felt her chest construct even more as Eric gaped at Otis. “The only reason you’re actually mad is because you need to have yourself at the center of attention at all times, and now I’m finding a relationship outside of you and me!”

Eric made a sound halfway between a snarl and a scoff. “I have Y/n, you twat. If it was about attention, I would simply go to her and completely ignore you the same you ignore me.” He stepped back. “But sure. Sure. Yeah fuck off.” Eric turned around sharply, his last straw being picked as he rushed out of the house, leaving behind an aggravated Otis and a broken Y/n as he went home.

Otis turned around, starting as his eyes landed on Y/n. There was a moment of silence as Otis simply breathed, trying to calm down. Then Y/n spoke. “We got jumped. They held me back as they beat the living shit out of Eric.” She looked up slowly as Otis’ jaw clenched. “They tried to rape me.” Otis turned to stone, not even the sound of breath coming from him. “And you were over with Maeve, thinking about a girl who’s in love with someone else. Who’s with someone else.” Y/n stood. “I always thought you were different. Aware and caring and thoughtful and helpful. Good. But in the end, I expected too much of you and you’re going to be stuck going after a girl who you can never have and will only ruin with your affection, talking about her like having a moment with her is a victory. Did you even-“ she cut off for a second, eyes watering again a moment before continuing. “Did you even think about what SHE wanted? How in love with Jackson she is? Stay away from romance with her. Don’t encourage her to ruin this. If you do love her, step back...” A tear fell and she didn’t move to wipe it. “But maybe you’re not the Otis I thought you were. The Otis Eric raves about and claimed to know so well. I... I guess I forgot to look at your flaws too. I do that.” Then she brushed past him, leaving out the door slowly.

Otis exploded, racing to his room and crushing past his mom with burning anger and twisting guilt. He hated himself and he hated Eric and he hated Maeve and he hated Jackson. But that night, it was Y/n and Eric who hated and hurt most. After that, nothing would be the same.

[thepermanentrainpress]

CONCERT REVIEW: “WEIRD AL” YANKOVIC AT QUEEN ELIZABETH THEATRE - AUGUST 19TH, 2019

Like many people, I'm a lifelong Weird Al fan. Watching his videos parodying artists from several decades made an impression on me at a very young age. I grew up listening to every single album he had, eagerly awaiting a new one every few years. I know the lyrics to just about his entire catalogue. The man has a career spanning five decades, and he’s still actively recording and touring; I’ve seen several of his tours in the past and they never failed to disappoint. This one had a twist—Al was accompanied by a full 41-piece local orchestra, bringing a classical twist to his diverse hits. In the past, Al’s shows have included all sorts of wacky stage antics, involving costume changes, physical comedy, and even a Stormtrooper fleet. I had no idea what to expect for the setlist or stage show this time around. In the end, I was surprised and very satisfied.

The night opened with the orchestra playing a few well-known theme songs: Indiana Jones, Mission Impossible, Superman, and Star Wars. It was really impressive to hear these classic arrangements played live by an orchestra as they were originally recorded. They played for about 20 minutes, and it was a fun warm-up and introduction.

After an intermission, Al took the stage in front of the orchestra, joined by his longtime tour band and three female backup singers in black dresses, to massive applause. He wore his classic Hawaiian shirt look, although there were wardrobe changes throughout. 

The setlist included songs from all eras of Al, including some very deep cuts I never thought I`d hear live. After coming out to “Fun Zone” (an original Al instrumental), he began with a montage of early hits. The first was “I Lost On Jeopardy” (one of his best-known songs, and far more popular than the original 1983 The Greg Kihn Band hit “Jeopardy” it parodies), complete with a video of the 1980s host Art Fleming lecturing Al on losing at Jeopardy (“You’re a complete loooooooooser!”) This was followed by “I Love Rocky Road” (a riff on Joan Jett’s “I Love Rock 'n’ Roll”) and the medical Madonna parody “Like A Surgeon.” 

Many people assume all of Weird Al’s songs are direct parodies. In fact, about half of the songs on every album he puts out are original, although still very funny. Many of them are ‘style parodies’ of a particular artist, if not a direct melody. For example, the upbeat “Dare To Be Stupid,” performed complete with helmets, is a take-off of Devo’s musical style, but it’s not to the specific tune of any Devo songs. He really brought out the originals: next up was “The Biggest Ball of Twine in Minnesota” – a folk parody in the vein of Gordon Lightfoot and Harry Chapin telling of a family road trip to visit a true iconic American landmark. This 1989 song is seven minutes long, and I’m not sure it had ever been performed live before – definitely not something I expected to hear.

Weird Al’s talent lies in simply how much musical style he can cram into an album or show. He does folk, grunge, new wave, pure rock, alternative, and even raps quite well all in an hour. He’s up there imitating Robin Thicke and Pharrell’s “Blurred Lines” with amazing fast flow on “Word Crimes,” then he’s quietly singing on the original black comedy ballad, “You Don’t Love Me Anymore.” (“You used to think I was nice, now you tell all your friends that I’m the Antichrist.”) He’s stretching the high notes and dancing, then sitting on a stool holding an acoustic guitar that he never actually plays before smashing it to bits at the end of the soft tune.

Between songs, many video clips were shown of bonus Weird Al material. Some were of Al’s own creation – a mock trailer for the gritty Al biopic Weird (starring Aaron Paul as Al), or his role as Isaac Newton in “Epic Rap Battles of History” (battling fellow scientist Bill Nye). Others were his guest roles on cartoons as himself (The Simpsons, Johnny Bravo) or of characters simply discussing the singer (a clip from King of the Hill showed Hank Hill mistakenly informing his son that “Weird Al Yankovic blew his brains out in the late 80s when people stopped buying his records. He’s not worth getting in trouble over”). These videos were a change of pace and allowed for costume changes.

Al himself had no shortage of stage banter, greeting us and saying how great it was to be back in his hometown of Vancouver (“I’m a proud Canadian citizen, although I spent the last several decades in the US doing research”) – a line he no doubt used with every city on the tour. During his upbeat rap “Tacky” (a parody of Pharrell’s “Happy”) he ran through the crowd, dancing with some, mocking others, and leaning extra real close to smiling awkward security guards. His costumes didn’t disappoint either – viking helmets for “Weasel Stomping Day” (it’s part of the tradition!), a Kurt Cobain wig and electric guitar for “Smells Like Nirvana” (the backup singers even had cheerleading pom-poms!), and riding around on a segway in a hoodie for his biggest hit, “White and Nerdy.” 

He closed the show with “Amish Paradise,” complete with a traditional black hat and long beard, while his backup singers wore bonnets. This song, to the tune of rapper Coolio’s smooth 1995 “Gangsta’s Paradise,” is what fully utilized the talents of the 41-piece orchestra. It’s a very ominous, fast-paced tune with a large string section, and hearing it live with a full symphony backing was nothing short of epic. 

Of course, there was still the encore. After a brief riff of Beethoven’s Fifth, Weird Al came back to the stage accompanied by about ten costumed stormtroopers and Darth Vader himself. The Star Wars songs are a staple of Al’s live performances, and the people on stage were members of the city’s local 501st Legion chapter – a group of dedicated cosplayers. He sang “The Saga Begins,” a six-minute piano ballad to the tune of Don McLean’s “American Pie,” detailing the plot of Star Wars: Episode I – The Phantom Menace. The stormtroopers swayed as Vader (“this here Anakin guy”) swung his lightsaber. Finally, in the very last song of the night, Al brought out his trademark accordion. He finished with “Yoda” (“Lola” by The Kinks) with the whole audience singing along for the chorus before giving him a standing ovation.

Weird Al has been making people laugh for almost forty years. The audience was of all ages – many generations coming together to enjoy the art of a man whom we all got to grow up on. Although I’m sure it was fun for everyone, the set was especially rewarding for diehard fans like myself. Al really brought out the deep cuts and classic material, showing off his career almost to the point of vanity. But you can’t blame him – Al’s music and career has outlasted many of the artists he parodies. He’s still going strong, and everyone who bought a ticket loved him for it. He’s a living legend, the #1 comedy artist of all time, and unique in his status and image. No one does it quite like Al, and I’m sure he’ll be making us laugh for a long time to come.

Written by: Cazzy Lewchuk