#please what am i supposed to do?? put it in the freezer?

[just-slightly-chayotic]

why is it that prime kimchay writing time is 5am. it’s not that i don’t appreciate the braincell working i just think it would be neat if it didn’t fuck with my sleep schedule so much

[lerclan]

movie night (pt.2 to orange) | lando norris

type: smau + written

pairing(s): reader x lando norris, reader x f1 grid (friendly)

summary: after you and lando officially announced your relationship, you didnt realize that charles and george were actually sad about the news. to make it up you invited them for ice cream and some movies (except they werent the only ones that showed up)

warning(s): a little bit suggestive 😘🙈

fc: random girlies off of pinterest!

---

"are you sure thats gonna be enough ice cream, babe?" lando asks as you turned to look at him confused

"yes??? why wouldnt there be enough? i only invited the two of them for some ice cream and to watch movies." you respond to lando as his eyes widen, "what did you do, lando."

"i swear–no i promise i didnt know it was just supposed to be those two..." he explains as you look at him more, "i may or may have not invited more people besides the two..."

"lando norris!" you yelp out in disbelief, "go."

"go?? go where??" he asks confused.

"go buy more ice cream for the friends you invited." you tell him as he sighs, "quit standing around, go before they come!"

after a few minutes of you stressing out, lando finally arrived with more ice cream in his hands.

"who else did you invite?" you finally ask as he puts the ice cream in the freezer.

"carlos, oscar, max, alex, and lewis." he states their names.

"oh, well thats fine. sorry for getting snappy with you, love." you give him a peck on his cheek, "you know how i am with planning things."

"trust me i do, dont worry about it babe." he tackles you onto the couch as you scream for help.

you and him wrestle each other for a bit until you end up on top of him, straddling his waist.

"i could so do you right now." you blurt out as he cheekily smiles.

"please do." he says as you lean in for a kiss but it gets interrupted with a doorbell.

"awhh, too bad." you pull away as you give him a sly look to which he rolls his eyes at.

---

ynnn posted on their story !

👁️628,183

amayamoore replied to ynnns story

amayamoore WHY IS EVERYONE THERE

amayamoore I THOUGHT IT WAS J GONNA BE CHARLES AND GEORGE??

ynnn GIRL I THOUGHT SO TOO BUT LANDO INVITED MORE PEOPLE 😭😭😭

amayamoore LMFAOOO

lilymhe replied to ynnns story

lilymhe tell alex to buy some carrots after you guys are done w your movie night

lilymhe that cute idiot forgot his phone 😔

ynnn LMFAOAHHS OKAY

ynnn he said "understood" with a salute

lilymhe thanks girl lets hang tmrw xxx

ynnn GIRLS NIGHT!?&:

lilymhe YESSSS

---

"did she ask for anything else, y/n?" alex asks as he takes a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth.

"no, but i am stealing her from you tomorrow night." you answer as you take a spoonful of ice cream into your mouth as well.

"girls night?" max asks as you nod your head in agreement.

"yep, pretty much." you answer verbally, "anyways, were you two shocked when you pulled up here seeing all the other guys?" you laugh as you see charles and george nod their heads.

"obviously. i thought me and george were gonna get closure and therapy after the announcement, not a whole party." charles answers as he laughs, "but i think this is better."

"the more merrier they say..." lando says as he scratches his head.

you give him a peck on the lips as you laugh.

"you guys are lucky charles cried all of his tears during the announcement or hed be bawling right now." carlos says as everyone laughs and looks at charles.

"hey, still quite sensitive to that..." he says as he eats down his ice cream and chokes.

max instantly gets up to pat charles on his back as he keeps on coughing.

"DONT DIE ON ME." you yell as you ran out of the room to get charles a glass of water.

"RUN BABE RUN!!" lando yells out as he slowly panics at how much charles was coughing.

"HERE.." you come back with a glass of water nearly slipping on the way, but it gets to charles safely.

"charles dont die yet, you have to race in monaco." max says as he still pats his back.

"i wo–" he coughs, "i wont." he finally takes a deep breath and stops coughing.

"almost lost a dad there for a sec by his own ice cream brand" oscar says as everyone laughs especially charles.

"you almost really did." he says as he finally eases down, "anyways, what are we watching tonight." he asks as you chuckle at his attempt at changing the subject.

"you can pick since you almost saw the light." you say.

"yeah mate, youre lucky max got your back. like quite literally." lewis says max laughs.

after a few minutes of thinking, charles finally picked a movie that he thinks everyone would enjoy.

---

lando.jpg

Liked by ynnn, landonorris, maxverstappen1, and 528,924 others

lando.jpg my love ❤️

tagged: ynnn

View all 45,818 comments

---

user3 y/ns first jpg feature 🥹🫶

lando.jpg wont be the last thats fs ❤️

ynnn you better be for sure.

user3 NOT THE THREAT GNNN 😭😭😭

maxverstappen1 mates gonna pretend like we werent there...

alex_albon got lost in the sauce

lewishamilton real

georgerussell63 real

oscarpiastri real

carlossainz55 real

charles_leclerc real

lewishamilton wheres my photo creds @??

ynnn real, like he ate that last pic of us up

lando.jpg creds @/lewishamilton for the last photo 😒

ynnn gosh hes being sassy again 🙄

lewishamilton i literally just asked for creds 🙄🙄

ynnn ikr??? 🙄🙄🙄🙄

mclaren now you know what we have to deal with 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

ynnn gosh i could never 🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄🙄

lando.jpg GOSH YOU GUYS ARE BULLIES ☹️

---

charles_leclerc

Liked by landonorris, ynnn, lilymhe, and 1,271,182 others

charles_leclerc feeling better now 😎

tagged: ynnn

View all 157,713 comments

---

ynnn I SWEAR YOU PUT A FRICKING BRICK IN YOUR PILLOW. GOOD LORD CHARLES.

charles_leclerc LOLLL IM SORRY 😭😭

ynnn THAT HURT MATE 😭😭😭

landonorris THE SOUND IT MADE LMFAOOO 😭😭

ynnn SHUT UP LANDO.

alex_albon ive never laughed so hard until what happened on the last photo 😭

lewishamilton FR 💀

lilymhe COUNT YOUR DAYS ALEX.

ynnn YOU GUYS ATTEMPTED TO MURDER ME I SWEAR.

ynnn MURDERERS. ALL OF YOU.

user3 NOT Y/N ACCUSING THEM OF ATTEMPTED MURDER BYEE 😭😭

scuderiaferrari dont hurt our future driver charles ❤️😘

mclaren nuh uh i dont think so ☝️ shes taking landos seat

scuderiaferrari we will see 🙈

ynnn THAT WAS AN UNFAIR FIGHT WAIT TILL I HAVE MY GIRLS W ME GOSH

lilymhe FR

amayamoore REMAAATCH

maxverstappen1 its so on

oscarpiastri REAL‼️

alex_albon REAL‼️

landonorris REAL‼️

carlossainz55 REAL‼️

lewishamilton REAL‼️

charles_leclerc REAL‼️

georgerussell63 REAL‼️

user4 THIS FRIENDSHIP IS TO DIE FOR I SWEAR

---

georgerussell63

Liked by ynnn, charles_leclerc, landonorris, alex_albon, and 876,173 others

georgerussell63 we totally won in girls vs boys pillow fight.

tagged: charles_leclerc, ynnn, alex_albon, landonorris

View all 99,173 comments

---

ynnn FOR THE LAST TIME: GIRL (SINGULAR) VS BOYS (PLURAL)

user4 poor girl is fighting a whole team 😭

ynnn NOBODY HAD MERCY 😡😡😡😡

charles_leclerc youre just a sore loser

ynnn STFU LECLERC.

alex_albon i swear i literally almost peed myself seeing her screech, run away, and slip 💀

landonorris FOR REAL. I NEARLY HYPERVENTILATED SEEING THAT HAPPEN I WAS CRYING 😭😭

carlossainz55 it actually had me in tears too i couldnt believe she slipped because of her slippers😭😭😭

maxverstappen1 i may have bursted a lung.

ynnn WHAT IS WERONG QITH YOU GUYS QUIT EXPOSING ME

user22 I CANT BREATHE 😭💀💀💀

oscarpiastri 😭😭😭

ynnn im gonna crash into you guys if i see you in the roads.

amayamoore THE THREATS 😭😭😭

mercedesamgf1 how do you feel about joining us next year. we will have a seat open for you 😁

redbullracing no she seems to have a redbull driving style 😘

scuderiaferrari FORZA FERRARI!!! also we dibs first 🙄

mclaren shes already driving for lando next year 🧡🧡🧡

landonorris WHAT

yn.jpg you didnt know babe?

landonorris #landofoundonthestreetsjobless

yn.jpg GOODBYE LMFAOO 😭😭

landonorris look at my loves bunda 😻😻😻

ynnn id humor you if i wasnt holding a grudge against you.

landonorris it was too funny babe i could not 😭😭

ynnn WTV OPP WTV.

landonorris there she goes again 🙄🙄🙄

---

yn.jpg

Liked by landonorris, maxverstappen1, lilymhe, and 35,263 others

yn.jpg welcome chat

tagged: landonorris, charles_leclerc, georgerussell63, carlossainz55, oscarpiastri, lewishamilton, alex_albon, maxverstappen1

View all 9,173 comments

---

yn.jpg look at all the photos i took of them

yn.jpg my favs is alexs 😭

user3 WHAT EVEN HAPPENED

yn.jpg nothing...just an inchident. (tried running him over in his own car)

lilymhe LMFAOO GNNN 😭😭 HE PROBABLY DESERVED IT

yn.jpg HE DID LILY HE RLLY DID

alex_albon OKAY WHATEVER 😒

charles_leclerc hey...😔

maxverstappen1 best quote from you ever.

lando.jpg such a copycat 🙄

maxverstappen1 mate didnt you beg her?

georgerussell63 didnt you go down on both knees?

oscarpiastri didnt you weep on the floor?

alex_albon didnt you massage her back?

lewishamilton didnt you yell loudly for her to make this account?

carlossainz55 didnt you roll AND weep on the floor if she didnt make it?

charles_leclerc didnt you also massage her feet?

yn.jpg didnt you beg for months for me to make it?

lando.jpg GOSH I GET IT OKAY. 🙄

user22 omg look at oscar hes such a cutie 🥹🥹🥹

charles_leclerc my child is cute 🥹

oscarpiastri thanks dad 😆

user3 that looks like the best movie night ever omg

user4 NO CUZ FR??

yn.jpg #facedented #charlesfault #hehadabrickinhispillow

charles_leclerc haters gonna stay losing 🙄🙄🙄

lilymhe lets get them next time since they wanna talk😒

amayamoore real 😒

yn.jpg real 😒

ynnn real 😒

lilymhe not the double confirmation 😭😭

ynnn i want revenge babes 😭🫶

lilymhe youll get them back babe 🫶😘

amayamoore @/alex_albon she just stole your girl

alex_albon #usedtothis

lilymhe HAHAHSJW ILY BABE 😖🤍

alex_albon love you too 😻🙈

ynnn ew i hate couples 🙄

landonorris im literally on the other side of the couch from you babe 😔

ynnn how about you come to my side then babe. sit on my lap 😻😻😻

landonorris yes maam 😻😻😻🙈🙈

amayamoore GET OUT OF HERE

georgerussell63 TAKE THIS SOMEWHERE ELSE.

charles_leclerc THEYRE DOING IT AGAIN

mclaren i was never here 😨

---

authors note(s): did a little part 2 to orange since it felt like it needed a part 2.

i also wanna thank you guys for giving me massive support on orange 😭🫶 i genuinely thought it was gonna flop since it was my first time writing a smau and i thought that you guys wouldnt find my humor funny, but reading the comments made me feel better 😘😘😘

thank you sm again xxx

[orikiys]

✿ ✿ 〞 voicemails with minho before death knocks

✰ pairings: sick!minho x gn!reader

✰ genre: angst, romance, grief

✰ warnings: major character death, mentions of alzheimer’s illness, lots of what ifs and unsaid thoughts, forever isn’t for ever.

✰ word count: 1.2k + words

MINHO | chan | changbin | hyunjin | han | felix | seungmin | jeongin

one 𖨂

hey, uhm i honestly don’t know what to say but i’ll try. so it’s five forty in the morning and i’m sending these to you. the doctors– they said i won’t be able to m-make it. . . and i want to reassure you that whatever happened wasn’t your fault. at all, my kitten. we didn’t know i had this terminal illness, and i think now is the perfect time to say those things i never said. firstly, i love you so much. more than you can imagine. and yes, even more than that tv show of mine. there’s honestly so much to say, but there’s so little time. i have only 2-3 more hours, i suppose? and i begged the doctor to not call you before i’m gone. i know this isn’t fair to you my little star, but i don’t want to see you in pain because of me, or anyone else. which is why i’m afraid of letting go of your hand. afraid that if i go, you will try to follow me blindly, do the wrong things, walk down the wrong paths and will end up losing yourself. i don’t ever want that to happen. ever. so, please don’t cry when i’m gone. i guess you can cry a bit. . . but not much. what if you end up getting a sore throat? if you do, take the medicines from the second drawer in the bathroom, okay?

two 𖨂

i’ll miss you. your goofy faces that you make, your cute little squeaks between your laughs, your beautiful eyes that always shine when you see chocolates and you. all of you. i’ll miss all of you so much. how about you? will you miss me too? will you bake your cinnamon rolls that i love so much at the funeral? or on my birthday? will you? i’m not even sure what happens after death. whether i will even remember you or not, i don’t know. but what i know is, that i’ll watch over you from up there. i’ll always watch. so don’t be afraid to step out of the house after it gets dark. and if you do, carry that pepper spray with you, okay? doesn’t it feel so surreal? me becoming a star, when i always call you my little star? i guess that’s why i’ll have to watch over you from afar. me, a big star. you, my cute little star. i’ll shine bright in the sky, i’m sure of that. so don’t you dare lose that shine on you as well, alright?

three 𖨂

it feels weird and- and scary. i’m so nervous, love. i didn’t want to die like this, never! i wanted to live a long life with you. live with our three little cats, and maybe a few mini versions of ourselves running around our house. i wanted to see you grow old. and i want to keep loving you even when you put hair brushes into the freezer and dishes in the bathroom, i want to be with you. right by your side. and even when you forget to brew your evening coffee, i want to hold your hand and guide you. and even when you keep repeating the same words three times a day, i will pretend it’s new. so that you don’t have to remember that you’re forgetting. yeah, i know it. the doctors told me you can have alzheimer’s over time, it’s highly possible. but i’m afraid i won’t be able to take care of you kitten. and i’m sorry– i really am. i wish it didn’t have to end this way.

four 𖨂

i know you. you were looking for forever. i couldn’t give you that. but i can at least take the batteries out of the clocks so that we’ll be stuck inside this moment as if time had really been stopped. so that i’ll almost get a million extra seconds to spend with you, except here seconds do not exist. it’s only the two of us. you and i. in our forever. and when i die, you can crank your watch– restart the clocks and begin the time. and know that we were infinite the moment you were mine. i’ll always be yours. always. i promise. but i want you to move on. i want you to experience love again while you’re still young. i’ll support every decision of yours from up there, and i’ll cheer on you. i don’t ever want to hold you back. nuh-uh. i want you to move forward, and even though you can look back, i don’t ever want you think you could’ve changed the past. you need to walk on a different road now. one without me. and though it hurts to say this– you need to live without me. live for us. live for the future you always wanted. live to complete those bucket lists of yours and even mine, since i couldn’t complete even a single of them. live. just live happily.

five 𖨂

it’s ten minutes past seven, and i feel sick. pain scale infinite/100. my whole body feels on fire. my hands– they wouldn’t stop trembling no matter how hard i try. my lips have turned pale, and i feel it coming. i can sense it. i can sense death waiting on the door. waiting that the moment i finish it’s going to snatch me away from you, from this world. and i’m trying to stall time. but my body doesn’t listen to me anymore. it’s become weaker and more. . . stubborn. my love. i wish i could call you that more often. my little star. my kitten. all these nicknames are the only way i survived my nights admitted in this hospital. i used to think of you. think of what you would do after i’m gone. think of what you would feel. think of who else would cry for me. and i don’t know what to do. i really don’t. i feel just so helpless. i don’t know what to do anymore. i really don’t. i hope you’re not sad because of it. please don’t be. take care of our three beautiful children okay? tell them that their father has gone to a beautiful place, show them your love, sing to them at night and take them in your arms when you feel sad. and if you ever miss me, look at the rain, or the stars or the clouds, i’ll always be here to listen. always. just as i promised.

six 𖨂

i hoped that death would be a bit kinder. i hoped she gave me some more time, some more years i could spend loving, admiring and memorizing every bit of you. but it’s always unexpected. she comes in unexpected ways and takes away our loved ones in the blink of an eye. i’m talking like a true poet now, aren’t i? give that pink letter to my parents, green one for each members and blue one for you. tell them to open that after a week, it applies to you as well, missy. be kinder to yourself. love yourself. look at the mirror and think of my compliments. felix gives the best hugs. hug him if you feel low. if you ever feel drained out like me. i’m tired now. just– so so tired. can i rest now? please? i’ll always love you regardless of whatever may come. and i’ll always be in your heart. i’m about to be a star, my love. s-signing off, yours forever.

taglist: @taeriffic

for anyone who wants to be added to the taglist either send me an ask without anon (cause it’s s taglist) or fill the form linked in my masterlist <333

[cyanoticfireflies]

Hazbin Group Chat Fic, pt 2

(Part 1)

PurpleFemale: All right, which one of you hos put a carafe of blood in the communal refrigerator?

SeXXXySpider: Objection!  I’m the only certified ho here and it wasn’t me

Alastor: Ah, guilty as charged, I’m afraid.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Why the fuck would you even…

WhiskeyWhiskers: Nope.  Nope, I’m good.

SssirP: Why would you put blood in the refrigerator?

SeXXXySpider: Christ, Pentious, read a room….

Alastor: To keep it from spoiling, of course

CharChar: Alastor, listen.  We are a ~totally accepting~ group of people who are okay with each others… quirks.

Alastor: Why thank you.

CharChar: But maaaybe please don’t leave blood in the refrigerator like it’s a carton of milk?

Alastor: Perhaps I’m misunderstanding your logic, dear girl.  Why is it okay to store the mammary extractions of a cow in the refrigerator but not the vascular extractions of a deer?

PurpleFemale: Oh thank god.

SeXXXySpider: Okay, I’m not the only one who immediately assumed it was the blood of a sinner, right?

NaNaNaNiff: Not this time at least!!!

SeXXXySpider: (ㆆ _ ㆆ)

SssirP: But… we keep food in there.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Apparently so does Alastor.

PurpleFemale: Gross.

Alastor: I must say, I’m feeling very singled out right now.

CharChar: Oh, no, Alastor, nothing like that!  We’re just all still adjusting to the little quirks from living together.  Right, everyone?

Alastor: Yet here I am, being publicly judged for what I choose to put in my mouth and yet no one says a thing to the effeminate spider.

SeXXXySpider: *WHEEZE*

PurpleFemale: Kill me.  Please.

WhiskeyWhiskers: I hate every single one of you.

Alastor: Really, half of the freezer is taken up by the boxes of popsicles he keeps in there.

PurpleFemale: …

WhiskeyWhiskers: …

SeXXXySpider: …

SssirP: Alastor does have a point, actually.  We’re supposed to share the space, but Angel Dust takes up more than his fair share.

PurpleFemale: I’m simultaneously so relieved and so disappointed.

SeXXXySpider: I was actually going to be really proud of the radio freak

SeXXXySpider: And was then going to go bleach my brain

WhiskeyWhiskers: Alastor, do you even hear yourself when you say things

Alastor: Sorry?

CharChar: Um, I think everyone else might have drawn their own conclusions about what you were making an allusion to….

NaNaNaNiff: They definitely thought you meant dicks!

Alastor: I did not.

PurpleFemale: Well we know that NOW

CharChar: Actually, that gives me an idea for a get-to-know-everyone exercise!

WhiskeyWhiskers: Of course it does.

CharChar: Everyone should tell the group what their absolute favorite food is!

CharChar: I really like apples.  I know it’s cliché with my dad and all, but I remember being really little and him conjuring up some for me to snack on and they were always so good!

PurpleFemale: That’s actually really wholesome, babe.

Purple Female: I guess chicharron for me.  But, like.  Good chicharron.  If it’s shitty, then it’s worse than no chicharron.

SeXXXySpider: Lasagna ((っっ˘ڡ˘ςς)

SeXXXySpider: But if you get the sauce from a jar, you deserve to be shot

PurpleFemale: Wow, Angel.  You actually… participated.  And answered.  And the answer wasn’t a sex joke.

SeXXXySpider: Hey, I’m happy to talk about sucking the cream right out of a long thick cannoli if you want me to

PurpleFemale: And there it went.

WhiskeyWhiskers: You should know by now not to tempt fate

PurpleFemale: Yeah….

SssirP: I actually quite like a good chamomile tea and biscuits, myself.

NaNaNaNiff: Hehehe, you don’t like scrambled eggies?

SssirP: … I do like them hardboiled on occasion

SeXXXySpider: Damn, hardcore, my guy

SeXXXySpider: I guess there really is a kink for anything in Hell

SssirP: I didn’t mean my Egg Boiz!

SssirP: I would never!

CharChar: How about you, Niffty?

NaNaNaNiff: I like chocolate!

PurpleFemale: That was a surprisingly normal answer.

NaNaNaNiff: Chocolate covered ants, chocolate covered crickets, chocolate covered silkworms

NaNaNaNiff: Chomp chomp!

WhiskeyWhiskers: Again, Vaggie, tempting fate…

SeXXXySpider: I’ve never regretted less not having a gag reflex

CharChar: That’s… that’s all right!  Some people do eat, um… chocolate covered bugs.  Everyone has their own tastes!

CharChar: Husk!  What about you?

WhiskeyWhiskers: Macallan

CharChar: What’s that?

PurpleFemale: Husk.  No.

WhiskeyWhiskers: Glenfiddich

PurpleFemale: No, Husk

WhiskeyWhiskers: Balvenie

SeXXXySpider: Daaaaamn, daddy only drinks the top shelf shit

WhiskeyWhiskers: Call me that again and see what happens

SeXXXySpider: Don’t flirt with me in public, baby

PurpleFemale: Brands of whiskey can’t be your favorite foods, Husk

WhiskeyWhiskers: No one else was told their answers were wrong

CharChar: I mean, no, but everyone else’s answers were technically food, sooooooo

WhiskeyWhiskers: All right, fair enough, I guess.

WhiskeyWhiskers: I mean, shitty bar food?

WhiskeyWhiskers: I don’t know.  It’s just kind of nostalgic?

CharChar: Really?

WhiskeyWhiskers: I think my first vegetable was celery from a bloody mary.

SssirP: Aww.  That’s kind of sad.

SeXXXySpider: Newsflash, P – if we weren’t all walkin’ tragedies we wouldn’t be here

CharChar: Alastor, I guess you like venison?

Alastor: Indeed, my dear!  ThE RaReR ThE BeTtEr

SeXXXySpider: Hey, Niff.  Can I be your best friend if I bring you, oh, say, a 10-foot or so chocolate covered moth?

PurpleFemale: Please don’t make that sexy.

WhiskeyWhiskers: What did you say earlier about bleaching your brain?

SeXXXySpider: No, but seriously.  Chomp chomp, sister, just like you said!  No sexy.  Just crunchy.

NaNaNaNiff: Ehehehehe, that’s a LOT of bug!

SeXXXySpider: I’ll see what I can do, toots

WhiskeyWhiskers: If we’re actually killing Valentino, I want in

CharChar: … I mean… me… too?

SeXXXySpider: ╰། ╰། ◉ ◯ ◉ །╯།╯

PurpleFemale: Whoa.  Really, babe?

SssirP: Goodness! 

Alastor: That doesn’t sound like you at all, Charlie

CharChar: Angel’s boss is a jerk

SeXXXySpider: Bet

(Part 3) (Part 4)

[resowrites]

Jurassic Park - drabble request (scheduled upload).

Summary: Henry’s parenting skills get a brush up…

Pairings: AU!Dad!Henry Cavill x Wife!OC/Reader

Warnings: fluff, parenting/family life, banter/British humour, pet names, dialogue heavy, nondescript OC body type/appearance, hastily written/lightly proofread.

WC: <600

A/N: Got a request for more dad!Henry fluff, not sure if it’s supposed to be based on my previous series or not but either way, thanks and please enjoy. **This is a scheduled upload, while all interactions continue to be appreciated, they can’t be responded too at this time.**

Remember, this is pure fiction (as in completely made up), and not in any way meant to reflect reality. My work must not be copied, reposted, or translated elsewhere. Gifs/pics not my own. I hope you all enjoy and thanks for visiting.

Jurassic Park - drabble request.

She'd just come down to fetch the new novel she'd hoped to read in the bath, when a commotion sounded from the other room. "MUMMMMMMMY!!!" She sighed, tucked the book under her arm, and headed for the kitchen.

"What? What's going on?" Their son Hal was sitting at the table with his arms crossed and a thoroughly annoyed look on his face. Henry's eyes batted from him, to her, and back again.

"Mummy, I let Daddy have little bite of To… to… cerpops," both adults bit back a smile, "cos you say it good to share. But Daddy ate the wing! How it sposed to fly now?!"

"It can still fly! Just in a circle--"

"Daddy, shush--"

"But it's not like I ate the head! If I did it wouldn't have been able to fly at all--"

"Daddy, be quiet! Then what happened, Hal?"

"I say 'naughty Daddy,' and he laugh!" Henry quickly looked down, only just disguising a giggle.

"How did that make you feel, darling?"

"Cross!"

"And Daddy, how do you feel?"

"Honestly? Still a bit hungry--"

"HENRY--"

"What?! Besides, I shared half my peas--"

"Did Daddy apologise, Hal?"

"I was about to!" But she looked straight into his eyes and he immediately fell silent. Henry turned towards their boy. "I'm really sorry, Hal. Sometimes Daddy gets greedy and eats what he's not supposed to. Can you forgive me?" Their son smiled and patted him on the arm.

"That's okay Daddy, sometimes I greedy too." Hal stood on his chair so he could lean in for a cuddle. She couldn't help but smile.

"Right, Henry One, Henry Two, can I go back upstairs now?!"

"No! Mummy stay and have ice cream!" She struggled to know how to respond when Henry got up from the table.

"Not tonight Hal, Mummy needs some time out--"

"But she no in trouble!" Both adults laughed.

"Of course, not! Mummy's just tired, she's been very busy and taken care of us all day." Hal thought for a moment.

"But who take care of Mummy?" Henry smiled as he lifted him onto the breakfast counter.

"We do! And that also means giving her a break when she needs one. Now, what flavour would you like?" He opened the freezer drawer and pulled out a tub of Neapolitan ice cream.

"Silly Daddy! Want them all!" She quickly took the tub from his hands.

"You can both have two scoops each--"

"That's not fair!" They chimed. She shot Henry an exasperated look.

"Hal, clear your plate for Daddy then go play with Copper and Kal. I'll be in with your ice cream in a minute." He sighed but did as he was told, getting kisses on the head from both of them as he plodded off to the living room.

"Don't think you're getting an extra scoop just for that…"

"As if that was my intention!" They smirked at each other. "And why am I always Henry Two if I'm your husband?!"

"Because Henry One happens to be our son! And just how many dinosaurs did you eat off his plate?"

"Just half a Tocerpops!" She gave him a knowing look. "… As well as a rogue Pterodactyl and a couple of T-Rexs." She rolled her eyes.

"God help me. And if you eat any of his ice cream as well, God help you." She put the lid back on the tub and made for the stairs.

"Hey, there's no need to take it with you--"

"Course there is, otherwise I'd get none!"

To be updated on when I post please follow @resowrites and turn on post notifications.

@elizabetharegina @fanfictionaddiction99 @luclittlepond @caffeinatedfestivalsheep @summersong69 @ushijimbo @livesinfantasyland @jackjanira @geralts-yenn

[noellie-writes217]

Proposition (Pt 1)

Pairing: mcu!spiderman x blackcat

Warnings: post nwh, lonely Peter Parker, alterations to canon comics, mature themes, violence, mentions of death, maybe smut? Minors dni

Summary: after infiltrating the avengers records, Felicia finds out Spider-Man’s identity after the memory wipe, and offers to help him in exchange for…

“Fucking hell!” Peter groans as he enters his apartment through the window. He crawls over to his freezer to get something to use as an ice pack. He sets it on the counter and shoots a web to turn on the light and pulls off his mask with a sigh. He flinches once he hears an unfamiliar voice. “You know you really should think about getting a better lock for your door… or at least a deadbolt. It was way too easy to get in here.”

The Intruder was a woman with white hair in all black. She had a mask on (which barely concealed anything— in Peter’s opinion at least).

“Who the hell are you?” As she stood up he shot a web at one hand to keep her where she sat but it ricocheted and got his hand on the fridge. “Struggling with your webs, Parker?” He clenched his jaw.

“Just the only person who really knows who you are… but don’t worry; I won’t tell.” She walked to him and slid one finger along his jawline.

“What do you want?” She spun around to grab the pack of frozen vegetables and wrapped it in a towel, afterwards turning to get a rag and running it under cold water. “How do you know where everything is?” Peter asked. She shrugs, “I’ve been here for a while, a few porn videos worth- not that I’ve been watching porn! That would be totally unladylike.” She starts to ramble, admittedly, Peter thinks it’s cute.

She shakes her head and gets back to what she was originally talking about, “That’s not why I came here— look, I know who you are. Peter Parker: attended Midtown High, orphaned and raised by his aunt May who recently passed— my condolences, by the way, she seemed amazing— you also are extremely intelligent, inventive, kinda nerdy, thinks of classic movies as old, mentored by Tony Stark, asked to join the Avengers at only 15– somehow Tony wasn’t charged with child endangerment— but refused the offer, you’re also the primary reason Tony Stark agreed to help the Avengers ‘unblip’ everyone, but most importantly: you are Spiderman.”

Peter’s mind spins, “how do you know that?” Strange casted the spell only a few months ago, but there’s no way she could have figured out his identity that quickly. “Does that really matter?” She tilts her chin. “Yes!”

Peter runs his had through his hair with a sigh, “Sorry… I just… How do you know who I am?”

She straightened out her hoodie, “I hacks into the Avengers secret files. And I’m not a bad guy…” she sighs.

“Could’ve fooled me.” Peter scoffs and puts the bag of frozen peas on his brow.

The girl hesitates, “Please Peter, I need your help.”

“You gotta funny way of showing it.”

“Desperate times.”

“Why are you so desperate?” Peter pulls a beer from his fridge. No, he’s 21, but the guy he got the fake ID from was perfectly willing to give him one in exchange for an autograph from Spider-Man for his kid.

“Aren’t you 18— never mind,” she starts, “I want you to put my dad in jail.” At that, Peter nearly spits out his beer.

“And why should I do that?” He asks as he sits at his table with the girl quickly following.

“Because he’s a criminal!” She pleads. “His name is Walter Hardy and he’s not a pleasant guy. He’s a burglar.”

Peter looks her up and down skeptically, “I suspect the apple doesn’t fall far?”

The girl groans, “Peter, please! I can’t keep living with him! If he makes me hack into one more security system I might die— or worse— I won’t be able to graduate!”

“How old are you?”

“I’m supposed to graduate high school this year, and I’ve been saving up for college but if he finds out he’ll take it from me! Please!”

Peter remembers that desperation to get to college, all the work it takes to save up— and he knows what it’s like for all the hard work to be worthless. So he’s thinking about it. “What did you say your name was?”

“Felicia.”

“Alright, Felicia Hardy. Why haven’t you called the police?”

She rolls her eyes, “The police have been after him for years— at least since my mom went back to Russia… or England— I’m not sure where she ran to, but that’s besides the point.” She tangents quite a bit, Peter notices.

“Your mom left?”

Felicia nods, “During the blip. I started learning to code and Dad got the bright idea to use my newfound skill to break into the Starks’. Mom said that was the last straw and left. But I guess she forgot about me or something…” It’s silent for a moment. “I was 15.”

This girl and Peter had led two very different lives. Hers was full of lies and red since she was young; and even though Peter was an orphan, before and after his parents death he always had someone there for him to help him out.

“Please just think about it. I’ll do anything.” She begs with her hands together.

Peter just takes another sip of beer. He still thinks beer is absolutely disgusting but he’s not gonna let his face show that.

“I can’t make you a new suit— one that doesn’t get ripped up so easily, o-or give you leads on over criminals— like scorpion! Or Jackel, or Rhino, or—”

“Or some other animal?”

“Peter, please.” She grabs her bag and pulls out a ripped piece of paper with a phone number scribbled on it and some cash and puts them on the table. “Just think about it.” And with that, she gets up to leave.

“I’m not gonna do it for money!” Peter calls out as she opens the door

“It’s not for that, it’s for you to buy a deadbolt.” She winks before shutting the door behind her.

Peter goes to lock the door and uses his web shooter to seal it shut before grabbing his glasses, one of the few things that survived Goblin’s attacks.

“Edith?”

“Hello Peter. How can I help you today?” Edith asks.

“Give any information you have on Walter Hardy.”

[linahopeeeee]

Hi babes❤️ since your request are open I was wondering if you could do one where Todoroki forgot about your anniversary dinner even after you worked so hard to make everything perfect but he makes it up to you later that night if you know what I mean😜😜👀

ღ Pairing: Shoto Todoroki x reader

ღ Words: 1400

ღ Notes: first of all i truly apologize for this taking so fucking long😢 but here it is, and hopefully you dont hate it. i also think this is the longest request i've ever written so please let me know if you enjoyed it!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

9:30

Your eyes glance over at the clock once again, shoto was supposed to be home hours ago so that the two of you could spend your anniversary together.

Your eyes move down to the phone on the table as, yet another text message goes unread, your calls all being sent straight to voicemail.

And at first you were worried, thinking that maybe something had happened and shoto was injured, but then a notification on your phone told you that that was most definitely not the case.

No, why you were at home working so hard to make sure you and your boyfriend’s anniversary was perfect, he was instead hanging out with Izuku, doing what ever the fuck it is they do on their own time.

A sigh leaves your parted lips, eyes watering before you force yourself to blink away the tears. You are not going to cry.

No, what you are going to do is put all of the food away, and then take off that uncomfortable ass dress that you put on in order to make this night feel special, then you’re going to take off your makeup and throw on your favorite pair of shorts and one of Shoto’s hoodies and you're going to eat an entire tub of ice cream while watching shitty reality shows.

An hour later and you’re halfway through the list when you hear the sound of your front door opening and closing, the sound of shoto’s footsteps get closer and closer as you take off the last remaining makeup, throwing the used wipes into the trash. You look through your makeup bag for your favorite lip balm, applying a bit to your lips.

Your force yourself to not look towards the door, knowing Shoto is there watching you, as you grab your phone and start carelessly scrolling through your socials.

You’re completely still as Shoto wraps his arms around you from the back “I’m so sorry” he mumbles against your head

His apology goes ignored as you stand and walk out the door, determined to finish your list, you head to the kitchen, taking the ice cream from the freezer and grabbing a spoon before flopping down on the couch.

The couch dips under shoto’s weight, and you can feel his eyes on you, burning holes into the side of your head but you just ignore him, turning the volume on the tv up louder incase he tried to talk to you again.

“I’m sorry” he tries again, moving closer to you. He takes your face in his hands, gently turning your head so that you’re facing him. “baby, I know you’re upset, and you have every right to be but I’m going to make it up to you. I promise” he tells you before releasing your face and standing from the couch.

You watch as walks away, going into your bedroom. He’s in there for a couple of minutes before the door is being pulled open and he’s standing in front of you, this time with a bag in his hand.

“I know this doesn’t make up for me missing our anniversary but I really am sorry” he says holding the bag out for you. You eye it for a few moments before your hand is reaching out for it.

You can’t help but gasp as you stare down at the piece of jewelry in front of you, the same diamond bracelet that you couldn’t take your eyes away from at the mall sits on your lap.

You didn’t even think he was paying that much attention that day at the mall, every time you looked over at him, he seemed to be engrossed on his phone.

“thank you sho, I love it” you say sitting the box down on the table before throwing your arms around his neck, pushing your lips into his. He kisses you back instantly, tongue swiping over your bottom lip.

“I want you” you whisper against his lips, and he groans, hands finding your thighs and your quick to jump into his arms, legs wrapping around his waist as he carries you towards your bedroom.

He gently places you on the bed, quickly taking his shirt off before crawling in between your legs, lips back on yours as he fingers sneak under your hoodie.

“take this off” he mumbles against your lips as he tugs at the bottom of the hoodie, he helps you pull it over your head, throwing it off somewhere to the side.

He’s surprised to find your chest completely bare, your nipples hardening as the cool air hits them. “fuck I love you” he tells you before taking one of your nipples into his mouth, tongue swirling around it for a couple of seconds before taking it into his mouth and sucking on it.

He releases it with a small pop before moving to the other one, hand palming himself through his shorts, trying to give his aching member some sort of relief because he knows he’s going make you cum multiple times before he even thinks about cumming himself.

“wanna taste you” he says as he pulls your shorts down your legs, your legs instantly parting as he takes you in.

Your folds puffy and glistening with slick, clit peeking out, just begging for attention.

One swipe of his tongue through your folds leave him desperate for more, your arousal coating his tongue and he’s quick to swallow it down. “fuck you taste so good” he mumbles against your pussy, the vibrations causing you to moan loudly “you always taste so sweet for me baby”

The words force a whine from you, hips rolling as you grind yourself further into his face, coating him in your slick.

You can feel the familiar tightening in your stomach, as shoto moves from your clit down to your hole, tongue prodding at your entrance as more slick continues to pour out of you.

“ ‘m cumming” you whine out as you fall over the edge, shoto helps you through your orgasm, slurping up all of you, making sure not to waste a single drop.

Shoto doesn’t stop, even after you’ve came, tongue continues to swirl around your clit as you try to push his head away from your sensitive pussy. You fail miserably, both of your hands are being pushed away from Shoto’s hair.

Two of shoto’s fingers are being pushed through your walls, curling instantly as you let out a strangled groan as he finds that spot within you that has your eyes rolling to the back of your head, tongue poking out to wet your dry lips.

Two fingers turn into three as he fingers you open, getting you ready to take his dick.

Your second high hits you like a ton of bricks, it leaves your legs shaking, heart pounding in your chest.

You’re a whining, whimpering mess by the time shoto finally finishes licking you clean, you can barely keep your eyes open and your body feels gross and sticky with sweat.

But you don’t care

All you care about is getting sho inside of you as quickly as possible. The need to feel him stretching you out is all you can think about as your run your hands through his hair and pulling his lips down to yours, moaning as you taste yourself on his lips.

You’re not sure when he took of his pants and you don’t really give a fuck when he runs the tip against your folds, gathering up the slick that’s already began to gather at the thought of shoto stuffing you full of his cock.

He pushes in slowly, the two of you moaning together as he stretches you out, the feeling of him filling you up inch by inch.

You already feel yourself getting close and he’s barely even started thrusting yet, walls clenching down around him

“fuck, if you keep clenching down on me like that I wont last long” he hisses out, rolling his hips against yours, eyes glued to where your bodies meet, where your sucking him in so tightly.

He pulls out, leaving just the tip in before he slams his hips back into yours, quickly picking up the pace as he fucks himself into you, loving the way you cry out for him.

Its like his name is the only word you know, as you repeatedly moan it out.

“Sho! Sho!” you cry out as he angles his hips up and hits that spot, all it takes is his thumb rubbing circles on your clit.

The feeling of you cumming around him, walls tightening around him is all shoto needs, with two more thrusts he’s emptying himself deep in your walls.

He doesn’t pull out right away, instead choosing to leave kisses along your neck and jaw, still muttering out apologies for missing your anniversary and promising that tomorrow the two of you will have the entire day to do whatever you want.

its hours later when you and Shoto as cuddled together in bed, limbs tangled together when you remember that you never put your ice cream back into the freezer.

[ask-the-t-sanders-sides]

ARC ENDING: Cronus' POV

[TW: this part features talk of neglect and lack of self worth, if this triggers you, please skip this part, its not more important than your health.]

This part is connected to Logan's. read that one first.

enjoy :] <3 (you can find all the other parts on #arcend on this blog)

Logan's crying... What do i do? This is exactly why i didn't take care of Virgil, im not built for this. What am i supposed to do?

"Lo..?"

"im- im fine.. i just need a moment"

He's definitely lying, if he really was fine he wouldn't be closing his eyes to avoid crying

"are you really? You can tell me, I'll listen. You know i will."

"I- I dont know... I dont know what im feeling anymore"

"do you... Want to.. talk about it?"

I hope im doing well, i want him to understand i care about him

"i just dont know what im feeling. Ive had to suppress all emotions in order to be taken seriously- or well, attempt to be taken seriously. And then i had to suppress my sadness and anger when that didn't work, and i was only ignored and pushed out. And now-" he puts his hands out, like he's holding a big invisible bowl, "-i dont even know what feelings feel like anymore."

I wish i knew what that felt like, burning rage is probably worse than feeling nothing. It still sounds like hell, not knowing what you feel, if you feel.

"that sounds awful..."

"and ive sacrificed all that for nothing, too. Its not like its any better. They still wont listen, whenever anything happens it always ends up back in square one. There's no progress, no indication of a reason to keep trying."

I have nothing to say, ive never knew it was that bad.. i mean, i knew it was bad, he asked to FUSE with me. But i didn't know just how deep the cut was. The least i can do is keep listening.

"its frustrating, knowing im just a side character in their stories. And all I'll ever be is a support character thats only there for a moment, never my own character who's at the center of the story."

"thats not true.. you're your own main charact-"

"im not! Even in my own plot, even in my life, my WHOLE EXISTENCE, im still the side character! All i do is help Thomas! No matter what or who, IM ALWAYS JUST SUPPORT."

I place my hand on his shoulder

"Logan... Main character or not, people still care about you."

"who? Remus only cares about me because no ones cares about him, and you only care about me because i brought you back. No one cares about me."

"thats no true! I care about you, more than i care about myself.. you're THE MOST IMPORTANT side. Without you none of us would be here. You deserve to tear them to shreds, yet you choose again and again to make sure they're okay instead. You might not see it but YOU are the reason we're all still here."

Logan is speechless, but he knows im right, i hope.

"you really think so?"

"i know so."

"now come on, we both need calm down time. There's some ice cream in the freezer"

He smiles, a genuine smile. I did it. We both did it.

[pawnshopbleus]

Ice Ice Baby

Robin Buckley x Fem!Sinclair!Reader 

summary - Erica walks in on you and your girlfriend. In order for her to stay quiet, she requests a simple treat.

authors note - Anon requested this like a million years ago and I am turning seventeen in two days so I wrote it as a little treat for myself. Sorry for going awol for so long and I hope you like it.   

warnings - lesbians kissing, Erica being Erica, cursing 

YOU THOUGHT you were home alone once you entered your lovely home. The TV was off, the curtains were drawn, and most importantly there was no noise in the kitchen.

“The coast is clear,” you whispered.

“Why are you whispering if no ones here?” Robin whispered back.

“Oh sorry,” you took your coat off and hung it on the brown coat hook by the front door. Robin followed suit and took off her jean jacket.

“I will never understand why you wear that thing. It barely provides enough protection,” you commented.

Robin scoffed and wrapped her arms around you, “I wear it because I like it.”

Robin let you go and slumped on the couch. She grabbed one of the cheetah print throw pillows your mom bought last summer.  

“Where is everyone?” she asked.

“Mom, dad, and Lucas went to grandma's for the weekend, and Erica’s staying at her friend's house.”

“Why didn’t Erica go with them?” Robin mumbled into the fancy throw pillow your mom bought last spring.

“Because she’s Erica and always gets what she wants,” you sat on the floor right next to the couch and threaded your hands through Robin's hair.

“If you keep doing that I’m going to fall asleep,” she grumbled.

“Maybe I have something that’ll wake you up,” you smiled.

“What?” Robin looked up at you with eyes that would make even a puppy melt.

“This.”

Your thumb caressed her bottom lip, begging for permission to enter. She obliged and opened her mouth just enough for your thumb to slide in. Her tongue circled your thumb as you pushed it further into her mouth. You retracted your thumb from her mouth and straddled her hips. Her hands found their way to your hips as you reached down to her level.

You kissed her cheek and you let your lips linger. You trailed kisses all around her face and stopped once you got to her chin.

“You're kissing me everywhere but my lips,” she whined.

You laughed, “If you are impatient I can go and do something else.”

She puckered her bottom lip, “Fine.”

Your lips finally pressed together and her hands squeezed your hips slightly. Your bodies pressed together as the kiss got heated. The kisses got longer with each passing moment. Both of you were only focusing on each other that you didn’t realize that your little sister, Erica, had come down the stairs.

“Oh my god,” Erica gasped as she covered her eye.

“Holy fuck,” you fell off of the couch as you were startled by your sister's presence.

“I didn’t know you were gay,” Erica tilted her head to the side, “you don’t look gay.”

“Why are you here? You’re supposed to be at a friend's house,” you asked Erica who was standing in the archway that separated the stairs and the living room.

“It got boring so I walked home. I got in through the back,” she shrugged.

“Mom is going to kill me,” you whispered “Please don’t tell anyone,” you pleaded.

“I won’t,” your shoulders dropped, “for a price.”

“Name it and it’s yours,” Robin promised.

“If I remember right, she,” Erica points to Robin, “still owes me ice cream.”

“We have ice cream in the freezer,” you sighed.

“I want new ice cream.”

“It’s fine. I’ll pay for it,” Robin put her arm around your shoulder.

“Come on,” you pushed yourself off of the floor and headed straight for the door.

The cold winter air hit your face as you shuffled into your car. Robin and Erica followed you into the car. It took a while for the car to heat up but eventually, you were on your way.

“Erica, why do you need ice cream in the middle of December?” you looked through your rearview mirror to see your little sister still buckling up her seat belt.

“Less questions, more driving,” she huffed.

The drive to the ice cream shop was long but you had your Fleetwood Mac CDs and your girlfriend to accompany you. You were so focused on driving and the feeling of Robin's hand on your thigh that you almost forgot Erica was in the back seat.

“Are we almost there yet?” Erica whined. You rolled your eyes as you pulled into the parking lot of the ice cream shop.

“We’re here your majesty,” you parked your car in the only empty parking space.

“It looks like it’s packed. Why is an ice cream shop so packed in the middle of December?” Robin asked as her eyes scanned the inside of the shop.

“You tell me,” you took your keys out of the ignition and took your seat belt off.

Erica jumped out of the car and ran into the shop, slamming the car door behind her. You and Robin walked in after her.

Once you enter the shop, you were met with the sound of children screaming and the scent of sugar cones being baked.

Erica pushed her way up to the counter while you and Robin stood behind her. Once Erica orders her ice cream, you and Robin decide to share a cup of vanilla with rainbow sprinkles. Erica then spots a group of friends from school and runs over to them, leaving you and Robin alone.

Robin and you sit in a booth in the corner of the shop, it’s not as secluded as you would like but it’ll do.

“Thank you for paying for that little brat's ice cream,” you took Robin's hands into yours. Her hands were cold from the condensation on the ice cream cup.

“It’s no problem. It was worth it because I got to spend time with you,” she kissed one of your hands with her soft lips.

Robin and you spent the rest of the day eating ice cream, telling stories, and laughing your asses off. Although the day didn’t go as planned, you still had a really nice time.  

[cosmicanamnesis]

he tastes like chocolate pt. 11 (end)

[part 1] [part 10] [read on ao3]

December 31st, 3 hours to midnight

“Oh, come on!”

Erica had beaten not just Dustin, but almost everyone else at the party at Mario Kart at least once, and Dustin was tired of it. In a huff, he passed his controller off to Grant and made a beeline to the kitchen to break out the harder stuff.

As he wrestled the bottle of vodka out from underneath four bags of pizza rolls - thanks Jeff - Steve came around him and leaned against the counter, arms crossed, looking at him expectantly.

“You want some?” Dustin asked, shutting the freezer door.

“What are you and Robin playing at here?” 

“Uh, Robin’s playing Mario Kart,” Dustin tried to play dumb as he pulled a jug of lemonade out of the fridge. “And I’m playing Let’s See How Drunk Dustin Can Get Before Midnight. I’ll make you a drink too if you want, since you didn’t drive here.”

“Don’t play dumb with me, Dustin,” Steve sighed. Dustin just shrugged and continued to work around him, pulling the biggest cup he could find out of the cabinet. “You and Robin coordinated something, didn’t you?”

“No idea what you’re talking about, dude.” Dustin eyeballed an amount of vodka that was definitely more than standard into his glass. “Last chance if you want me to make you a drink.”

“Ugh, fine. Yes please.” 

Dustin shot him a confused glance as he grabbed another cup. “Since when do you have manners?”

“Whatever. Quit meddling with my love life. Both of you.”

“What love life? OW!” Steve at least had the decency to wait for Dustin to put the vodka down before smacking the back of his head. “The hell was that for?”

“For you’re a smartass and I’m being serious. Now what did you say to Eddie?”

“Uh… What did he say I said?”

“Oh, no, I’m not falling for that. He covered your ass, if that’s what you’re worried about.”

“Look, just…” Dustin sighed, and topped off both glasses with lemonade, handing one to Steve. “Please don’t set fireworks off in my bed, okay? Robin tried to convince me it was an empty threat but I am getting some distinctly pyrotechnical vibes off you right now.”

“Damn it, Dustin, you told him?”

“Told who what?” Max joined them in the kitchen, bag of cheetos in hand. “Don’t put that away yet, I want some.” She gestured at the jug of lemonade still in Dustin’s hand. As if she hadn’t interrupted anything, she moved around them casually, grabbing her own glass out of the cabinet to make herself a drink.

"I… may have told Eddie, um… about Steve," Dustin stuttered as Steve stared him down.

"Did he really need to be told?" Max laughed. 

"What's that supposed to mean?" Steve huffed.

"Please, Steve. Eddie is neither blind nor stupid. I would hope he wouldn't need Dustin to tell him about your frankly very obvious crush."

"Is it that obvious?"

Dustin and Max looked at each other then back at Steve, nodding. 

“For what it’s worth,” Max continued. “You don’t have anything to worry about. Eddie’s so in love with you even my mother knows.”

“Wait, how does your mom know?” Dustin asked. Max took a sip of her drink, winced, and poured a little more lemonade in. Apparently she and Dustin had similar disregard for the hangovers they would have in the morning.

“We live in the trailer park, dude. Eddie’s my neighbor… Kind of. His uncle tells my mom and… Oh, what’s his name… Marvin?” Max stared off to the side for a long moment, thinking. Finally she smiled and snapped her fingers. “No, Murray! Wayne tells them everything about Eddie and that includes his crush on Steve.”

“Well… That explains some things,” Steve muttered.

“Yeah. My mom’s got ten bucks on him suffering in silence about it forever.” Raucous noise erupted from the rest of the party in the living room, suggesting another victory for Erica. "I think that means it's my turn next. You two idiots have fun." Max took a long drink and grabbed her cheetos again, heading back to the living room.

"Y'know what this is like?" Steve asked once Max was out of earshot. "That one play you guys dragged me to."

"What?"

"Y'know, where they hate each other and then their friends try to set them up?"

"Please tell me you're not talking about Much Ado About Nothing."

"Yeah, that's the one."

"Okay, key difference here, Shakespeare," Dustin said incredulously. "You two don't hate each other. In fact, you're so in love with each other it's not even funny. At the risk of being eaten by a tarrasque, let me assure you that Eddie is trying so hard to make you like him."

"What's a tarrasque?"

"Not the point, Steve! Jesus…" Dustin shook his head and downed about half his drink in one go. He leaned back against the counter, staring at nothing for a while. 

"You guys really think he likes me?" Steve glanced back to the living room, watching Eddie sitting cross legged on the floor, leaning side to side with his tongue pressed to his upper lip in unwavering focus. God he was adorable.

"Think? No, Steve, I don't think he likes you. I know he does. We all know he does. Pretty sure at this point the neighbor’s stupid cat knows! And if you tell him I told you, I'm gonna set fireworks off in your bed."

It wasn't that Steve didn't believe them. He did. But it had been so long since he tried to make a move on anyone, he wasn't sure how to proceed, and for that matter Eddie wasn't like anyone he'd ever dated before.

How different could it possibly be, though? Flirting was flirting.

December 31st, 2 hours to midnight

It wasn't as scary with two beers and the concoction Dustin had named the Lazy Man’s Lemon Drop in his system. Turned out, with a little booze, the Harrington Charm came back to him as naturally as riding a bike, which was also something he hadn’t done in years but probably wouldn’t be aided with vodka.

It was easy, really. He stuck close to Eddie as much as he could, found excuses to touch him, even shared a cigarette with him to Robin’s disgust as the party started slowly migrating out into the garage. Oddly enough, packing almost twenty people into one floor of the house and giving them all alcohol made the living room unbearably hot very quickly.

They probably should’ve seen that one coming.

As the boys leaned against the side of Eddie’s van in the driveway, passing a cigarette back and forth, Nancy and Barb stepped out into the open garage.

“Hey Steve!” Nancy called, quickly tying her hair up in a haphazard ponytail. “Come shotgun a beer with me!”

“The hell-? Why?” Steve yelled back.

“For old time’s sake,” Nancy shrugged, smiling wide. She took the beers from Barb and held one out to Steve, beckoning him over. He looked at Eddie and laughed, passing the cigarette back to him.

“I don’t even know if I can do this anymore, Nance,” he laughed, leaving Eddie back by the van as he took the beer from her.

“Me either. Just figured I’d help you out,” Nancy replied, lowering her voice. She pulled a couple butter knives from her back pocket and handed one to Steve.

“What do you mean, help me out?”

“I know how you flirt, Steve, you’re not very subtle. Besides, this impressed me.”

“In high school! I can’t believe this,” Steve laughed, making direct eye contact with Barb. “I’m getting wingman-ed by my fucking ex-girlfriend.”

“Want me to hold your glasses?” Barb asked, holding her hand out. Oh yeah. No one was teasing him about them, he almost forgot he was wearing them. He blinked hard a few times to clear his vision, carefully passing the glasses off to Barb.

"Can we get a drum roll?" Nancy called to Gareth, sitting behind his drums talking to Will. He rolled his eyes, but obliged as Steve and Nancy lined up their cans. Steve looked back at Eddie, shooting him a look that said pray for me as Eddie hid a smile behind his hand.

By some miracle, they could both still shotgun a beer. The small crowd around them answered them with laughter and scattered applause as their empty cans fell to the ground

"Oh my god that's so much harder than I remember it being," Steve huffed, trying to catch his breath. Nancy doubled over, coughing or laughing or maybe both. "Oh, why did I let you talk me into that? Evil. You're evil."

Steve turned to look at Eddie again, still leaning against the van, giggling behind his hair. The only thing Steve could think to do was bow.

December 31st, 1 hour to midnight

Up and down the street, parties were in full swing. More than once, the boys’ neighbor across the street, an old woman with an aggressive outdoor cat and a permanent scowl, peered out her front window to glare at anyone who looked like they might be having fun.

“Keep it down out there!” she yelled, letting her cat out for the night.

“Isn’t it past your bedtime, you old hag?” Dustin yelled back. Eddie, sensing the opportunity to piss off the entire neighborhood, cranked the volume on his amp all the way up and strummed something discordant, making sure she could see him while he did it.

“Cranky old bitch,” Max muttered to no one in particular. Everyone was outside now, and all the alcohol and snacks with them, milling about the front yard and the driveway as the band did their final checks. The idea was simple: don’t stop playing until midnight. A cooler full of bottles of cheap champagne sat ready and waiting on the porch next to a giant pile of firecrackers. 

Jonathan was snapping pictures left and right of the band and the guests, but mostly different combinations of the boys and Max spelling dirty words with sparklers.

Once Corroded Coffin really got started, their party started attracting the neighbors to the yard.

Steve didn’t notice. Steve was sitting in the back of Eddie’s van with El, a blanket wrapped around the both of them, watching the band with rapt attention. Well, watching Eddie at least. Mostly watching his hands as he played, and his hair whipping wildly around his face as he danced and sang.

It was mesmerizing.

He was an incredibly skilled guitarist and he performed like it was the only thing keeping him alive. Steve could feel his heart practically beating out of his chest in time with the music. One song blended seamlessly into the next, a mix of covers and their own music. Suddenly Steve found himself becoming a metal fan, or at least a Corroded Coffin fan. Maybe just a fan of their frontman. Eh. Same difference.

As the show went on and the crowd started yelling requests from the lawn, Steve decided something. If Eddie liked him as much as everyone said he did, then it was foolproof.

He was gonna kiss Eddie at midnight.

December 31st, 10 minutes to midnight

Eddie knew he was hamming it up a bit more than the venue called for, but if there was one thing he loved it was working a crowd. He hadn’t expected the entire street to congregate in the boys’ front yard, but you wouldn’t hear him complaining, especially since his favorite audience member was front and god damn center, and couldn’t take his eyes off Eddie.

Well, not center so much as slightly off to the side, but definitely front. Steve and El in the back of the van were closer to the band than anyone. And it was hard not to be constantly looking over at them. El was curled up on the floor of the van, smiling wide with her head resting on Steve’s lap. She was definitely hogging the blanket but Steve didn’t seem to notice or mind. Getting to see how bonded Steve was to these kids he’d apparently known forever gave Eddie visions of a future he never thought he’d get to have. Soft and domestic and… Get it together, dude, you’re playing a show.

“Anybody got the time?” he said into the microphone as they played the outro to one of their own originals, voice now a little hoarse. Singing for an hour will do that to a person. 

“11:51!” a stranger in the crowd replied.

Perfect.

“Friends, you’ve all been a wonderful audience tonight, I hope you’ve enjoyed the show. I’d like to give special shoutouts to Dustin, Lucas, Will, and Mike for loaning us their garage,” he pointed to his friends in the crowd and paused to relish in the whooping and hollering for a moment before continuing. “To my boys, my band, especially Jeff and his six bags of pizza rolls!” Another pause, and Jeff dipped into a bow, one arm spread wide, the other keeping his guitar from sliding off over his head. “And to Mrs. McAdams across the street, rot in hell you joyless fucking harpy!”

Riotous applause and laughter broke out as Eddie began the next song. And, if he timed it right, the last song.

The beginning of Master of Puppets was fairly iconic, and the band picked up on it right away. So did Steve. Out of the corner of his eye, Eddie could see Steve perk up. It spurred Eddie on that much more, and this time he let himself pay a little more attention to Steve and El than the rest of the crowd.

Will stood by the door back into the house, diligently checking his watch as they played. 

December 31st, 1 minute to midnight

At 11:59, Will waved at El. That was their cue. Quickly, El sat up, pulling Steve along with her again as she hopped out of the van and towards the champagne on the porch. This was it. Steve steeled his nerves as he ran with her, trying not to chicken out of the plan.

They met the rest of the guys at the porch, diligently unwrapping and passing around firecrackers and pulling the foil off the bottles of champagne.

10 seconds to midnight

Just as the song was ending, someone in the crowd yelled 10. Eddie decided to cut the song off about eight bars early.

9 seconds to midnight

“Thank you everybody!” Eddie yelled, quickly and carefully ditching his guitar. As El, Steve, and the rest were all on the porch, the band had to take an extra second to put their instruments up, except for Gareth who set his sticks down and ran to the front of the van to find the box of cheap lighters they brought.

8 seconds to midnight

“Okay, who's got fireworks?” Gareth asked, milling through the crowd, passing lighters out to anyone who needed them.

Steve caught Eddie’s eye from across the crowd and waved him over.

7 seconds to midnight

“If you don’t know how to open a champagne bottle, pass it to someone who does! Jesus,” Dustin yelled over the countdown.

Eddie pushed through the crowd as fast as he could. He told Lucas to make sure to save him a Roman candle and by god he was going to get it.

6 seconds

“You know how to open champagne?” Steve asked once Eddie made it up to the porch.

“No,” Eddie answered honestly, shaking his head. Steve laughed.

5 seconds

“Nance!” Steve yelled. She wasn’t far, but the crowd in the yard drowned out most other noise. Nancy came up behind Steve and tapped him on the arm. He held a bottle out to her. “Last one, you wanna do the honors?”

4

“Sure,” she shrugged and took the bottle, running down the yard to the sidewalk where a vanguard of strangers who knew how to open champagne was lining up, hoping not to hit anything.

“Lucas, you got my fireworks?” Eddie asked, leaning in close to Lucas.

3

“Yeah dude, here, hurry up!” Lucas passed the tube to him quickly, almost fumbling it in his hurry. “You’ll have to find Gareth for a lighter though.”

“Thanks man, you’re the best!”

2

“Wait, Eddie!” Steve caught Eddie’s shoulder before he could walk too far away. Eddie spun, smiling at Steve with such childlike glee that Steve almost wanted to give up on the plan and let him have his fun making things explode.

1

“Yeah?”

Shit. Okay. Now or never.

January 1st, midnight

“Happy New Year!” cheered the crowd, and a cacophony of popping corks and firecrackers erupted all around them.

It wasn’t as romantic as Steve had hoped for, but given all the hustle and noise, it probably went as well as it possibly could. 

He stepped up close to Eddie and wrapped his hand around the back of his head, threading his fingers into the man’s wild curls. Eddie’s smile faltered just for a second as he realized what was happening.

He didn’t stop it. He let Steve pull him in close, watching intently as Steve’s gaze flicked all around Eddie’s face and landed on his lips. And he whined, just a little bit, when Steve finally, finally kissed him, but the noise got lost in the crowd.

It wasn’t a soft kiss by any means, or slow, or sweet. But when Steve pulled back and looked for a reaction, Eddie couldn’t help but giggle. He bit his lip and bounced in place a few times, and if Steve looked at him like he was crazy, it didn’t matter, because maybe he was, and Steve was laughing too. Maybe they were both crazy.

All around them, couples were sharing their own New Year’s kisses, oblivious to Steve and Eddie until Eddie bounded away, nicked a lighter from Gareth and lit his Roman candle, pointing it at the sky triumphantly yelling “Steve Harrington kissed me!” loud enough that folks at the end of the block probably heard.

“Fuckin’ FINALLY!” came from two separate voices behind Steve and he turned to find Robin and Dustin above everyone else on the porch, high fiving. 

“Oh, fuck you guys,” Steve laughed.

“Hey Max!” Dustin yelled down to where Max and Lucas were lighting sparklers by the fistful.

“Yeah?” 

“Anybody have money on Steve making the first move?”

“Actually now that you mention it, I think Murray’s weird Russian boyfriend had that bet!”

“Well, tell your mom she owes him ten bucks!”

Max gave him a thumbs up and went back to focusing on not burning herself with her sparkler bouquet.

Laughing, Nancy walked back up the yard, champagne in hand, and grabbed a styrofoam cup out of a bag on the porch.

"So did you kiss him or did he kiss you?" she yelled, pouring Steve a cup of shitty champagne. They watched as Eddie bounced around in the street, somehow still managing to not launch fireworks directly at anyone.

"I kissed him!" Steve answered, sipping his drink. Nancy took a swig right from the bottle and smiled.

"He's been talking about you for months!"

"So I've heard!"

"Well, I'm glad one of you finally had some sense!"

"Oh, yeah, thanks Nance, really uh… Really feeling the love!"

"Anytime!"

Once Eddie's Roman candle emptied, he bounded back up the yard to Steve.

"So, uh, we should probably… Talk, right?" he said, tugging his hair into his face. "I mean, unless you wanna just keep grabbing me and kissing me, I'd be okay with that too."

"C'mon," Steve laughed, taking Eddie's hand to lead him back into the house through the garage. "Nancy, keep an eye on everybody!"

"Will do!"

"We're not children, Steve!" Dustin complained as they walked away.

Eddie's hand was warm in Steve's. In fact, Steve could feel the heat radiating off of Eddie despite how cold it was. Steve was freezing, and in that moment wanted nothing more than to wrap himself in Eddie's arms and forget the weather, the holiday, the party raging on out in the street.

There was no one left in the house when the pair ducked inside. In the kitchen, Steve dropped Eddie's hand and turned to face him. After the show he had just put on, it was a bit of a shock to see him look almost shy. His head was down and he was looking at Steve through his bangs, hands shoved in his back pockets, shifting his weight from side to side like he couldn’t stop moving. He was still smiling.

“So,” Steve said, leaning back against the counter, acting way more nonchalant than he really felt. 

“So…” Eddie repeated.

A moment passed in silence. Then another.

Then they burst out laughing.

They laughed until they were breathless, distance between them shrinking to nearly nothing. Eddie pushed his hands into Steve’s hair and Steve balled his fists in Eddie’s shirt, leaning their foreheads together while they caught their breath.

“I want to kiss you again,” Steve breathed.

“I think I’m gonna die if you don’t-” The last of Eddie’s laughter died in his throat as Steve tugged him closer and captured his mouth, both still smiling through the kiss.

The giddiness of it all morphed into three months worth of insatiable need and suddenly Eddie understood what it felt like to be a firecracker. Steve slipped his hands up under Eddie’s shirt, fingertips skirting gently over his skin leaving white-hot glittering trails everywhere he touched, and Eddie felt his heart pop and spark with every brush of their lips and slide of Steve’s tongue. He felt a little bit like he might explode.

As far as Steve was concerned, he was dead and this was heaven. The boots Eddie had worn for the concert made him just a bit taller than Steve, enough for it to be easy for him to lazily wrap his arms around Steve’s neck. He’d spent three months hoping for the chance to feel Eddie against him like this, and other than the fact that it was happening in Dustin’s kitchen, the real thing lived up to the dream and more.

“Oh, ew you guys, get a room!” 

Neither of them had heard the garage door open, but they broke apart quickly as Mike walked past them to the bathroom, holding a hand up by his face, blocking the pair from his sight.

“You offering yours?” Eddie yelled after him, expectedly met with an exaggerated gag and a slamming door. Eddie rolled his eyes and rested his forehead back against Steve’s as they both laughed quietly. “Your face is so red,” Eddie teased.

“So’s yours!” Steve retorted. “I’ve been drinking Dustin’s stupid vodka war crimes all night, what’s your excuse?”

“I just spent the last five minutes kissing the hottest guy I’ve ever met.”

“Oh, well,” Steve nodded. “That’s a pretty good reason… Wanna do it again?”

They heard Mike leave the bathroom and watched as he walked back outside, still holding a hand up to block his view.

“Don’t go in there!” Mike yelled as he crossed back into the garage. “Steve and Eddie are defiling the kitchen!”

“You’ll never get it clean!” Eddie chased after him and leaned out the door to make sure he got the last word in, leaving Steve cackling behind him.

“Shut the door, you’re letting the cold in,” Steve laughed.

Eddie came back inside, shutting the door behind him, and crossed the kitchen back to Steve. “You sound like my uncle,” he said, putting his arms back up on Steve’s shoulders. “And here I was gonna kiss you some more.”

“I do believe I was the one kissing you, asshole.”

“Wow, maybe I was wrong. Maybe you are a mean girl.”

“Eat me… Oh, don’t look at me like that, you know what I meant.”

“I do,” Eddie smirked. “But also, y’know, if you’re offering…”

“Depends. You gonna be weird about sharing a bed again?”

Eddie threw his head back laughing. “Oh, never again, I regretted it immediately the first time.”

“So… are we…?” 

“Yeah, I mean, if you wanna be. I wanna be.”

“I do… I really, really do.”

Eddie looked like he wanted to kiss Steve again but he never got the chance as Gareth poked his head in from the garage.

“Eddie!” he yelled. “Quit being gross and come help us pack up!”

“Yeah, give me a sec,” Eddie turned slightly to glance back at him without letting go of Steve. 

Gareth just huffed and rolled his eyes, muttering something Eddie couldn’t quite make out but he was sure it was something along the lines of god damn lazy motherfucker never helps reload the van after a gig. 

“You want me to come help?” Steve asked. Eddie sighed, smiling at him warmly, and pressed a kiss to his cheek. Guess he might as well, y’know, go act like he’s in the band or something.

“Sweet of you, Stevie, but no. We got this. You just stand there and look pretty.”

Steve crossed his arms as Eddie stepped away from him, immediately missing the warmth. “‘S what I do best,” he joked. Eddie rolled his eyes, trying not to smile, and stepped out into the garage.

January 1st, morning

As it was, anyone too inebriated to go home spent the night in a blanket nest in the boys’ living room, Steve and Eddie included. After blasting through the breakfast of champions that included three full pots of coffee, two packs of bacon, and the last bag of pizza rolls, everyone who didn’t live there or wasn’t dating someone who did started to head out. The band made sure all of their instruments were secure in the back of Eddie’s van and driving duties were passed along to Jeff. 

Steve hugged Robin goodbye after assuring her, repeatedly, that he wasn’t abandoning her for Eddie and he would be back at the apartment later that day, they just needed to get the bike back to Eddie’s weird neighbors and wait for Jeff and Grant to come back with the van.

Steve didn’t know why he didn’t expect Murray to be outside smoking when they got back, but there he was, standing on his porch in slippers and a bathrobe just as he had been the other day. He smiled at Eddie as he passed the borrowed helmets up to him but didn’t say anything. That was… Almost more unsettling than his regular cryptic commentary. It didn’t help that he just kept staring at them as Eddie dug his keys out to let them into the trailer.

“Hey Murray!” Steve yelled, doing the only thing he could think to do to break the weird tension. Eddie looked back at him confused. “I think you guys all owe Alexei some money! He won your stupid bet! I kissed him first!”

“Bet? Steve, what- what fucking bet? You guys had a bet??” Eddie raised his voice as he spoke, the mission of getting into the house as quickly as possible all but forgotten and Murray cackled across the way. “YOU GUYS HAD A BET??”

“Congratulations, boys!” Murray laughed and stubbed his cigarette out.

“How’d you know they had a bet?” Eddie finally opened the door so they could get out of the cold. 

“Oh, Max’s mom got in on it I guess.”

“Susan.”

March 12th

"You have GOT to be kidding me-"

"Eddie, please, it's not that ser-"

"Not that-? Like HELL it’s not that serious!"

"Eds, come on, I'm at work, can't this wait?"

"No! No, Steven, it cannot wait! You just said, OUT LOUD- Y'know what? I'm texting the guys."

"Oh lord… Don’t you have anything else to do right now?"

“Not for twenty minutes, I’m on my lunch break.”

i need you guys to help me settle an argument

Garebear: With who?

steve

Microwave: oh god, whats he doing now?

this man. just looked me in the eyes. and with FULL CONFIDENCE said that brennan lee mulligan is a better dm than matt mercer

Dustpan: I mean, not to add fuel to the fire but… I'm with Steve on this one.

of course you are you little traitor

JIF: Hold up

JIF: Absolutely not

JIF: Brennan's good but he's not THAT good

THANK you

Leia: what was steve's argument?

that brennan is "more entertaining to watch"

literally said critical role was boring

Dustpan: well yeah, Brennan's a comedian. that's literally his whole job.

Wildred: I think he just likes Emily Axford lol

EVERYONE LIKES EMILY AXFORD

Garebear: Tru

Garebear: But

Garebear: I raise you all: Marisha Ray

Garebear: Anyway he's wrong

Grandalf: Well I kinda see where hes coming from Ed. I wont say hes right because they are two very different DMs and they have such wildly different play styles you basically cant compare them

JIF: Dude that's Matt's WIFE be respectful

Leia: damn you got grant to say something in the gc

Garebear: Who are you and what did you do with my bassist

explain

Grandalf: Well it makes sense that Steve would like Brennan more. Like Dustin said he is a comedian and hes entertaining to watch even if you dont know very much about the game. You dont have to know what a stealth check is to know that the box of doom means its important

Microwave: and. he really doesnt know anything.

Grandalf: But Matt and Critical Role as a series are harder to get into and really enjoy without a decent working knowledge of the game. Part of the appeal of the show is Matts skill with the medium and thats totally lost if you dont know D&D

JIF: Grant's got OPINIONS today

Grandalf: And even the way the shows are set up makes Dimension 20 way easier to get into. Theres like 500 hours of Campaign 1 alone. Its intimidating. D20 episodes are shorter and theres way less of them

Grandalf: (End rant)

Wildred: Wow

Garebear: That was really well put, man

Grandalf: And anyway Aabria Iyengar is the actual correct answer

Dustpan: god damn it I knew there was a catch

none of you are any help at all yknow that?

Garebear: I vote dump him. He lacks culture

Dustpan: absolutely do not dump him. Robin and I will never hear the end of it.

… So it was going well.

--------------

aaaaaaa this has been a blast to write thank u everyone for following along! sorry this last chapter took so long to go up, i'm not gonna lie i've been procrastinating editing it nd working on other stuff instead lol

tagging: @original-cypher @avacrebs @dangdirtydemons @rainydays35 @changenamelater @phantypurple @alienace @renaissan-vvitch @krazyperson @steddiereid @kittsu-makes-glass @i-must-potato @jaywhohasthegay @henderdads @mightbeasleep @straight4joekeery @sharingisntkaren @micheledawn1975 @thehumblefigtree @goodolefashionedloverboi @xxfiction-is-my-realityxx @potentialheartofdarkness @dreammetheworld08 @steveisabicon @biatcgh @alittlegreyfish @r0binscript @estrellami-1 @shitnshit @little-gae-shit

[sequinsmile-x]

Stained Glass Windows - Chapter Twenty Six

Life was complicated, but they wouldn't have it any other way.

-x-

Hi friends!!

As always, thank you so much for the love on this fic! This chapter is much softer than the last couple, giving our favs a well earned break from what I am putting them through in this story!

Please let me know what you think, your reactions genuinely mean the world to me!

-x-

Words: 3.2k

A full list of warnings for the fic can be found on the Series Master List and will be updated as we go along.

Read over on Ao3, or below the cut

“I remember when our girl's days started with shopping and then ended in a bar, not the McDonalds in the mall’s food court,” Penelope says, smiling as she pops a fry into her mouth.

Emily chuckles, “It’s in the rules that the pregnant woman gets to choose where we eat.” 

“That’s true,” JJ chimes in, having a sip of her soda, “I always got to pick when I was having Henry.”

“See,” Emily says turning back to Penelope, “If you want to pick you have to have a baby of your own.”

Penelope visibly shivers, shaking her head, “No thank you, I am more than happy being the cool Aunt to Henry and Nugget.”  

Emily frowns, scrunching up her nose as she smiles at JJ before turning back to Penelope, “Why are you calling my baby ‘Nugget?’”

“Well since you refuse to find out what you are having I’ve had to improvise,” Penelope replies, nodding towards the box of McNuggets in Emily’s hand, “Plus chicken nuggets seem to have become one of your main food groups lately.” 

Emily clears her throat, her cheeks red with embarrassment, “I’ve been craving them.” 

“All I ever wanted to eat when I was pregnant was this one particular taco from Taco Bell,” JJ says sympathetically, smiling wryly, “Poor Will went out to get it for me so many times in the middle of the night.” 

Emily laughs, “Aaron has half-filled our freezer with nuggets, Jack is always delighted when he comes over.” She knew that Aaron was, at best, a few weeks away from hiding vegetables in her food just like he did for his son.

“Did you get everything you needed, Em?” JJ asks, looking at the bags of clothes on the spare chair at their table.

Emily nods in response, “I got a new bra and a couple of pairs of pants,” she says, scrunching her nose up, “None of my actual clothes fit me properly anymore but I’m going to try to put off buying maternity clothes as long as I can.” 

“Just think, before we know it we’ll be throwing your baby shower,” Penelope says, her excitement clear, and Emily chuckles wryly, “Which reminds me, I’ll need your mother’s number so I can contact her about that. I tried looking for it but it’s listed as classified.” 

Not for the first time, she finds herself grateful for the way she was raised, the way she can hold herself together in moments like this. It had been just over a week since she had seen Elizabeth, and it still stung when she thought about it, about how everything had gone south so fast. She was grateful that her mother had, so far, stuck to what she had asked and not contacted her, but it also hurt. An unspoken confirmation from her that she had chosen alcohol over her daughter. Over her grandchild. Despite everything, she still didn’t want anyone else to know, her need to keep it private, even from the people she considered her extended family, overriding anything else. 

She supposed, on some level, it was probably a good thing she’d never seen her mother that often anyway. It would make things less suspicious, but she’s sure questions would come further down the line when the baby arrived. 

When she and Aaron decided to finally get married. 

She twists her engagement ring around her finger and smiles at her friend, “That’s not really her kind of thing,” she says before reaching for her drink and taking a sip before she expertly, switches the conversation “I’m only 17 weeks Pen, let's not wish the time away. There's a lot to do before then,” she finishes her fries and sighs, the salty food taking the edge off of her rising panic for everything she and Aaron needed to organise before the baby was born, “Like finding a place to live.” 

It was a discussion that she and Aaron had started having when they found out she was pregnant. She loved her apartment, it had been her home for longer than anywhere ever had been before, but she knew it wouldn’t be enough for their growing family. Whilst the baby would be sleeping with them for the first few months after they were born, she didn’t want to eventually force Jack to share a bedroom with his sibling when he was with them. 

She wanted a house, a home. Somewhere her kids could grow up and run around together. Somewhere they could get covered in mud in the backyard. Everything she’d watched in the movies when she was young and convinced herself she’d never have herself. Aaron, despite having moved into her apartment less than a year ago, agreed, and part of her wondered why they hadn’t just bought a house then. If she was honest with herself, she knew it was because a part, a very small part, had still wanted some kind of control of the situation. 

“Have you still not found something?” JJ asks, well aware of the difficulty, and stress, of finding somewhere to live when pregnant. 

Emily groans, shaking her head as she places her hand on her stomach, her almost constant indigestion bubbling away, “No. Aaron is insistent on splitting everything down the middle which is insane,” she exclaims, blowing out a breath, “I have all of this money just sitting in my trust fund.”

They’d been disagreeing about it almost as long as they’d been talking about buying a house. She wanted to use her money, to buy them somewhere they could live forever, but Aaron was hesitant. She could never quite figure out if it was incredibly misplaced machoism that made him feel like he had to be the provider, or if he was just uncomfortable with the amount of money she had, or if it was both. 

Either way, it was frustrating, and she knew this was something they would likely run into a lot over the years. 

“And you have how much in that trust fund?” Penelope inquiries, making both Emily and JJ laugh, the question a regular one on every girl's night since she’d first confirmed their suspicions that she had a trust fund at all.

“Pen, if you can’t get that information out of me when I’m drunk, you have no chance when I’m sober.” 

___

Emily sighs as she slumps back on the couch, rubbing her hands over her face as she takes a break from looking at real estate listings. 

“It can’t be that bad,” Aaron says as he sits next to her, handing over the ice cream she’d requested after dinner. She sits up, making Sergio who had been curled up in her lap, his head on her bump, jump up, meowing as he walks away. 

Emily grumbles as she takes the bowl from him, narrowing her eyes as she takes a bite, moaning at the taste of chocolate, “It is almost impossible to find a house that has everything we want within the budget we have.” 

Aaron sighs at the mention of it, familiar dread that what had so far only been a disagreement between them could easily transform into a full-blown argument, “Em-”

“I have the money, Aaron,” she says, placing her bowl of ice cream down on the table in front of them, her appetite for it gone.

“It’s your money, sweetheart.” 

She scoffs, shaking her head at him. “We’re having a kid. We’re going to get married. What happened to ‘what’s mine is yours?’” 

“I don’t know if that applies to literal millions of dollars,” he replies, remembering how he’d had to sit down when she originally told him how much money she had, a fearful glint in her eyes that it would change the way he viewed her. He sighs and places his hand on her thigh, squeezing it gently, “It’s just…I spoke to Dave and-”

“You listened to Dave about this?” She asks incredulously, cutting over him, “He’s been divorced four times, I don’t think he’s exactly the person to go to for relationship advice.”

“Three times,” Aaron corrects, a wry smile on his face, “And he’s the only other rich person I know.”

“I’m richer than him,” she grumbles under her breath as she crosses her arms over her chest. She looks at him and sees the flicker of amusement in his lips, the way his eyebrow arches, and she clears her throat, “Right, not helping,” she sighs, “Why are you so hesitant to do this my way? Is it some macho bullshit that you need to be the provider? Because if it is-”

“No,” he replies, squeezing her leg again, “I promise you it’s not that.” 

She stares at him for a moment, desperately trying to see if he’s lying to her, but she’s satisfied he isn’t and she places her hand over his on her leg, “Then what is it?” 

He doesn’t want to upset her, to make things harder on her than they had been since what small part of the relationship she had left with her mother had collapsed around her, but she deserved the truth. 

“I’ve been divorced once already, sweetheart,” he says carefully, hating himself as her eyes go slightly wider, “I need to be practical. If you buy us a house-”

“It will be our house,” she says, cutting over him, “Not mine. And if anything happened between us,” the thought of it alone makes her breath catch in her throat, “It would still be our house. We’ll have both of our names on the deeds. I wouldn’t just screw you over like that.” 

“I know,” he assures her, squeezing her hand, shaking his head at himself, “Why is this so important to you?”

She sighs, “That money in my trust fund came from my parents, and their parents, and the jobs they chose that meant we were never really a family,” she blows out a shaky breath, the wound from the conversation with her mother the week before still fresh, “And I always told myself that if I got married and had kids I’d use it to buy my family a home, to make something good out of the very thing that made my childhood miserable,” she places her hand on her bump, “For a long time I convinced myself I’d never have this and that I’d end up donating it all to a charity that would make mother furious, like a cat sanctuary or something, but now I do have you and Jack and Nugget.”

“I can’t believe the Nugget thing is catching on,” Aaron says, and she smiles at him, her eyes soft and full of love. She’d told him about their friend's nickname for their unborn child the moment she got home, and the confused look on his face had made her laugh so much she’d started to jokingly use it herself. 

“What can I say, Pen is persuasive,” she replies. She cups his neck, her thumb brushing over his jawline, “Please let me do this for us. If it makes you feel better you can pay all the bills when we do find somewhere, or we can keep this place and rent it out and that can go into an account for the kids, but…just let me do this.” 

He looks at her, and he isn’t sure he’s ever seen her so raw, so torn open. Her honesty a gateway that let him see the parts of her she still hid even from him sometimes. He picks up one of the more expensive listings she’d been looking at, far outside o the budget they’d tentatively agreed on and looks it over. 

“You like this one?” He asks, and she nods, her lower lip in between her teeth as if she was trying to keep her hope contained. It was a beautiful home, a large colonial-style house with a brick facade, the interior was largely open plan on the first floor, with large archways separating the rooms, letting natural light filter throughout the house. The bedrooms and bathrooms were all a decent size, especially the master bedroom and its adjoining ensuite, and there was plenty of space in the backyard for Jack, the baby, and any other kids they may have to run around. 

He finds himself mostly drawn to the huge, immaculately decorated, kitchen and he can picture himself making pancakes on a Sunday morning in there for his family.

“It’s a beautiful house,” he says, smiling at her and raising his eyebrow, “5 bedrooms?” 

She rolls her eyes at the suggestive tone in his voice, hearing exactly what he hadn’t said, and pats his chest, “Easy there tiger, at least let me have this kid before you start thinking about filling up the spare rooms.” 

Aaron chuckles and pulls her in for a kiss, “Let’s go see it.” 

The way her eyes light up tells him he’s made the right call, that putting aside any deep-rooted concerns and misplaced fear about letting her do this for them, for their family, is exactly what he should have done weeks ago when she first brought this up. 

“Really?” She asks, her smile wide, any ability to hide her emotions well and truly lost in the first trimester of her pregnancy. 

“Really,” he confirms, kissing her again, “I can see our family growing up there.” 

She throws herself at him, wrapping her arms around him tightly as she kisses him, the action lost in her wide smile, “I love you so fucking much.”

He chuckles and wraps his arms around her, pulling her so she was straddling his waist, her knees on either side of his hips, “I love you too.” 

“I’ll call the agent in the morning.” 

He nods and pulls her in for another kiss, smiling at the feel of her bump pressed up against him. “We won’t be able to do this for much longer,” he says, moving to kiss her cheek and then her neck, “We won’t have room.” 

She pulls back and smiles at him, and she runs her fingers through his hair, “In that case,” she says, leaning in to kiss him again, “We’d better make the most of it before we’re regulated to just the bed.” 

___

Cases with children were always harder. 

The desperation to solve the case, to find the bad guy who was doing the worst of things possible to the most innocent, more intense. She’d always felt great empathy for the parents in these situations, but now she could put herself somewhat in their shoes, her love for Jack, for the baby in her belly, enough to make her feel sick at the mere thought of something happening to them. 

She watches Aaron from her desk, her focus on her paperwork limited at best as she keeps looking through the blinds in his office, desperate to go check on him. She knew he found cases like this harder too. 

There were survivors this time, a little girl and a teenage boy reunited with their parents, the recovery from all that they had endured only just beginning, and that was something they could cling on to. Evidence that they all needed sometimes to remind themselves of why they did this. That didn’t make it any easier, and she knew they’d all remember the wails of one of the victim's fathers when he realised his son had been alive only one day ago. 

She blows out a breath and looks back at her paperwork, determined to get a little more done before they headed home, when she is distracted once again, but this time it wasn’t out of concern for her fiancé. 

It feels like tiny bubbles. Bursting against the inside of her belly, as if tiny butterflies were floating around, their wings delicate. She places her hand on her stomach and gasps, choking on a laugh. 

“Are you ok, Em?” Derek asks and she turns to look at him, nodding as she laughs again. 

“Yeah. I…I think I just felt the baby move for the first time,” she says, her hand still on the bump as she continues to feel the movement on the inside, “It feels weird.”

Derek smiles at her, his eyes soft as he nods towards Aaron’s office, “Go tell Hotch, we all need something good after today.” 

She nods, not needing any other encouragement, and she stands, almost bounding up the stairs as she approaches his office. She knocks on his open door and waits for him to look up. He looks exhausted, the lines in his face deeper than usual, as if they’d been carved in. 

“Do you have a minute?” She asks, and he smiles at her, already standing up from his desk.

“For you, always.”

It makes her smile, and she knows it’s one of the things he’s learnt from his past mistakes with Haley. He always made time for her, and in turn, she knew that was because she understood the job, the work that could sometimes consume them both. It was yet another way that, if she believed in fate, would make her think they were made for each other. 

She takes a seat on the couch in his office and waits for him to sit next to her, his arm automatically around her shoulder. She knew they couldn’t be seen from the main bullpen here, only if someone was on the walkway, but she was sure no one would begrudge them this after the last few days. 

“I just felt the baby move,” she says, her throat closing up as she says it outloud, her hormones getting the better of her as she fights back tears. 

“What?” He asks, his voice full of wonder as he presses his hand into her bump, and it makes her laugh.

“It will be a while before you can feel anything from the outside honey,” she says, resting her head against his shoulder. She feels the movement again, and she smiles, placing her hand over his, “I wish you could feel it though it's amazing. And really fucking weird.” 

Aaron laughs and kisses her temple, keeping his lips against her skin, “Nugget is the size of a pomegranate this week.”

She snickers at his use of the baby’s newfound nickname and pulls back to look at him, “I know, I’m reading the same book as you,” she says softly, “Spencer told me today that the baby weights as much as a mozzarella ball,” she crinkles her brow, her stomach rumbling at the thought of food, “Which, strangely, really made me want Italian food.” 

Aaron kisses her, eternally grateful for her, for the life they were building, “Sweetheart, I’d go to Venice to get you pizza right now if you asked me.”

She chokes on a laugh, but it comes out as more of a sob, her happiness overwhelming in a way she didn’t know was possible. “That’s sweet, but I’m totally content with that place down the street from our apartment.” 

“Whatever you want, Em,” he says, kissing her again, wiping a stray tear from her cheek, “Whatever you want.” 

-x-

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[attackradish]

Hello my mental health is the worst it’s been all year. If not longer

I could verify this by going through my vent tag but I am not going to because that takes time. This trait of mine is part of the problem but I’m not in a place to fix that right now.

ANYWAYS why am I like this. I have some inklings as to why.

Work is now opening an hour sooner. Meaning I have to wake up earlier and I have been losing sleep as a result. This is not good for the Mental Health

Current drama with a coworker that I am not going to go into that because it’s complicated and rather stupid.

Today was supposed to be my Tax Day where I did my Taxes but I was hit by dread this morning so I didn’t get around to it until like 5PM and then realized I don’t have one of my W2 forms and I can’t go looking around for that because my dad will tell me how stupid I am and how I never care about anything and am doing this on purpose. And I actually can’t care about anything I feel, but it’s not like I’m not trying it’s just that I have no soul.

I cannot give my friends the attention they deserve. I am burnt out I have no energy left for being a friend and yet there are people who miss me. And I can’t be there often enough for them not to miss me. I am neglecting them and I am a terrible person but I need to be alone.

I really do feel that I have reached my full potential. There is simply not enough caring or gumption or whatever it is I’m missing in this body of mine to achieve anything further. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to move out or date or even get a job I like better than DQ. I’m done being closeted in my parents house and I’m ready to quit early.

I can’t quit early. Firstoff I have friends who care about me, and I can’t imagine what it’d do to them. I’ve got a baby niece in the house too who smiles when she sees me so I gotta live for her too. And that’s not mentioning how difficult and impractical non-painful methods of dying are. Seriously. Best option I have is locking myself in the walk in freezer with a CO2 canister, but I learned from a cool book I read that high concentrations of CO2 will make you feel like you’re suffocating, and the best gas for that purpose is Nitrogen. Which costs money and is very conspicuous.

I also don’t want to die. I just want the suffering to be over, and death really seems to be the only way out aside from Miracles like universal housing passing within the next year or two, or I attain Godhood and can just do as I please. I think about dying and it makes me want to cry. Being on the verge of tears for long periods of time really does something for my perception of my mental health, being that I haven’t been like this since the family dog died. Maybe crying would do me good.

I should probably get a therapist but I don’t have time or energy for my friends, scheduling these things takes time and effort and I don’t want to have to talk to my parents about it. I should probably get antidepressants. Also my laundry basket from yesterday isn’t even all the way filled up and it’s 9:58. And I have work tomorrow but no uniforms. God I just need to rest.

BUT HERE’S THE THING ABOUT REST. I’VE ALREADY HAD A WEEK OFF OF WORK BECAUSE OF THE FEVER. MY JOB IS UNDERSTAFFED AND I CANT MAKE THEM SUFFER THROUGH THAT AGAIN AT SUCH SHORT NOTICE.

Anyways I have been putting no effort into finding a place since like last year, or finding a therapist. Or really anything. I’m not sure if I can even do that. I have reached my limit. I’m simply not much substance. I’m nice to have around and talk to but quite frankly I don’t have it in me to actually survive on my own. I don’t have it in me to die either. So who knows what is going to happen. I’m going to rot forever. Dying a slow death with nothing but fantasy to dull the edges.

I have a friend who’s offered to let me crash at their place, but I can’t take them up on that offer because I’ll just be the same lifeless rock that I am. Forever. And I can’t do that to them. If I can’t break free on my own then I’m afraid I never will. My chrysalis will just stay gathering dust. Sapping resources. I need to grow wings but I don’t know if I can.

So here I remain. Closeted at my parent’s house. Probably forever. The brain does not engage. I’ve been dead for years but the body still breathes. This is all I am and it is not enough. I’m gonna pretend I live in Star Wars now until I forget the useless thing that I am. I have work tomorrow.

[e7y1]

Hurricanes

Okay so! I hear there is a hurricane hitting something other than the East coast and in all honesty, I don't know how normal that is. So! I want to make a post to help.

First thing to note is what level of a hurricane it is. If it's a tropical storm to 2, you will need to prepare a bit but in all honesty, it's more like a strong storm. You just need to take some precautions. 3-5 is more concerning and in all honesty, I don't know what to do for 4-5. I've prepared for a 3, not the other two.

.Power outages: Tropical storms - 2 has a lower chance of having power outages but they are not unheard of. 3 - 5 is almost a guarantee of having them.

These power outages tend to depend on where you are, and what has happened. I've lost my power from 12am to around 4pm. In that same hurricane I had friends who didn't lose their power, and another friend who had her water out for a week. A good thing to do is have a basket or something together of all of your flashlights, candles, book lights, whatever light source you have that does not use an outlet. Some people get generators, I don't know anything about that. .Water: If your power is out, your water probably also is. This is pretty much why a lot of people stock pile water around this time.

If you have a 2 or higher coming, a good idea is to fill plastic baggies with water and put them in the freezers to keep them cool. In an emergency, this can be water.

Big tubberware of water is also a good idea.

Another thing is to fill your bathtubs with water. This is good for the toilets.

.Flooding:

Alright so, I have not had to deal with this but this is something to think about for 2 and higher. Also if you are at a flooding risk area, live on the coast, or in a mobile home. I am just going to put down what my family did in preparation but please know that I have not dealt with flooding.

We all made go-bags. This is the stuff we said "if we need to leave, I want to take this." This had some of my electronics, pictures, drawings, irreplaceable things. I would probably also put a change of clothes in there.

Again, I have not actually dealt with flooding but my family stored our important documents in the dishwasher. These things are supposed to be water tight.

Please also look up hurricane evacuation routes as well as where is hurricane shelters.

.The day before the hurricane:

You want to prepare the week beforehand (everyone goes nuts) but the day beforehand is when you actually see signs of this storm. The times you get on the trackers is the times when the eye is over you (about the middle point).

The day beforehand you want to make sure that everything outside is secure. Lawn chairs and the such needs to come inside.

Is there branches hanging low on the trees? Such as ones that can touch your house or are close to windows? Trim them.

Make sure that you have a room set up to hang out or sleep in that is not near a window. If you live in an area that gets tornadoes, it is the same sort of concept.

This is also the time to get your water into the containers, baggies, and tub.

If you are staying somewhere else during the hurricane, this is a good day to leave.

.When your home is not safe to stay in:

Some people actually cannot stay in their homes during a hurricane. I don't know if it is 4-5 that means you need to leave but I do know that even in lighter hurricanes, some houses just aren't safe.

If you live near the coast, are in a mobile home, or are in a higher level area, you should spend the hurricane in a hotel, or at a friend or family member's house. Also look up if there is hurricane shelters in your area.

Make sure to have a go-bag also.

.Day after the hurricane:

When the rain and wind is calming down, you have officially made it through the storm! There is still stuff to be done though. Such as check to see if you still have a fence. (I still don't know where my old fence went.)

If you have a tree, there will be branches everywhere. Do research to see if there is a "hurricane clean up" service. There might be some people that will swing by one day of the week to pick up your branches if you leave them by the side of the road.

If there are any damages, see if you can fix them yourself or if your insurance will take care of it. I don't know anything about the insurance thing though so... yeah.

Please remember to keep an eye on your roof. You will most likely lose shingles. If your are concerned about your roof. Check it out.

.Fun things to do in a hurricane:

I just thought to add this because why not? I know this might be a crazy time and that some people get anxious during storms so yeah.

.Hurricane parties: Some people go and spend the hurricane with others and have "hurricane parties." They play games, eat snacks, watch movies, just have a party.

.Games: This is a good time to have your board games out and to finally play that one game that your family got for Christmas but never seem to have the time to play. Also look into D&D.

.Reading/drawing/hobbies: Hobbies are a good thing to do at this time. This is something that is going to last a whole day so you will have time. Plus, you get rain ambience.

.What not to do during a hurricane:

.Don't drive unless if it is an emergency! Even then, call 911 if someone is hurt! The winds will push your car around!

.Do not go outside! It looks like a thunderstorm but the winds are not a joke. If you must step outside, be careful dang it!

.Be near windows in 3 or above. Winds be wimdy.

.Conclusion:

In all honesty, I would take a hurricane over a tornado but then again, I haven't dealt with a tornado. If you take the right precautions though, this should be okay.

Dang it though, if your weather station tells you to do something, do it.

If anyone has questions or other things they want to add, reblog or comment! I want to try to help.

[makemeanangelpure]

March 22, 2024- again.. I’m chicken shit to weigh because I know there’s no progress.

I have to start somewhere.

I threw up this morning because I ate again after throwing up last night, so drunk, I just ate with the full intention of purging after because I knew my partner was passed out. I’m hungry now obviously because I threw up again, and I’ve had 4 saltines, a green monster and bread and butter pickle juice. I want to eat to make the feeling go away, but I’d feel like a fatass for eating. I made them macaroni and grilled chicken from the freezer because they’re hungover today and that’s what they wanted so I scooped a ton into their bowl, and just now put the rest in a tuba-ware. I smelt it like 4 times, made myself think I didn’t want it but typing about it, thinking about it I want to go over there so bad and just eat it cold. They kept putting their hands under my shirt to warm their hands and eventually I had to say “ please don’t touch my stomach right now.” Which lets them know where my brain’s at even though I already assured them I was fine today. I know if I eat that, I’ll want to throw up again and won’t be able to, so it’ll be better to be hungry and sleep in a few hours rather than eat it, because they can eat it. Because they are off the next two days and I shouldn’t have any because it’s theirs now, I made it for them.. and I ate all the croissants this morning and purged like a moron. I feel so guilty.. I love been drawing since I cooked, trying to organize an old playlist and distract my brain, finish my monster, I tried to go over and kiss them while I was cooking and be affectionate.. but I’ve been very introverted today since they’ve been home.. they said they missed me and I got slightly annoyed because I’ve literally been over here for an hour just doing my thing- one night we haven’t watched something on tv together and suddenly you need attention when you said if I need time, I need time.. I don’t know and I put away my stuff like I was gonna go sit with them and stop drawing and now she’s asleep. Which they need to be to rest from the hangover.. god dammit I still want to eat it. Kill me I hate the way the saliva builds in my mouth.. I hate being a binger.. it’s being weak. It’s being fucking weak.. and tomorrow we’re supposed to go to this cafe with board games and I already don’t really want to go because I want to wear clothes but I don’t look the way i want in them and over half my closet doesn’t fit.. I can’t wear bras or panties or skirts or shorts or certain shirts without being reminded of how fat I got. They want to invite friends and I said no so fast because 5 years later and I’m still not seeing my friends because I’m trying to lose a crazy amount of weight first. And I keep thinking I should just eat today to give myself something to go off of.. start tomorrow.. I’ll have coffee.. I WONT order anything to eat at the cafe.. I can’t I don’t have money.. I’ll appreciate a coffee.. that’s what I get.. FUCK AM I EATING IT..

I ate it.. I hate it.. half way I wanted to be done but I’d put Cajun and pepper all over it and they eat it if I do that . So I also ate all of the lemon bread they got me and left one so they can have it.. and of course I’m full and feel sick and gross and horrible and god bad shivers.. so nervous the whole time they’re gonna wake up on the couch and they just did for a second while I’m eating bread..

I’ll get something tomorrow that keeps me under 42 for the day.. and for dinner I’ll have 2 cucumber slices and plain tea. Fuck.. it’s so hard to pick something a cappuccino or a latte are both gonna be about 100-150 as well as a cold brew.. I could just have a cup black and bring my own zero sugar sweetener and have pumpkin flavour like that.. might do that.. then I could have milk in my tea or something or maybe there’s creamer singles I can grab in there hell I don’t know.. anyway fasts started wooo

Staying under 50 cal I’m sitting for 44 hours should be easy especially with these first two days being 42’s.. and I can do it.. I’d rather drink slightly more bitter coffee and keep under my limit than have foam and OR OR OR I could do my fix it fast out of order and do a 442 tomorrow

ALRIGHT and I work 4 days coming up,, so in accordance hereS how it’ll be ( moons for work days )

Sat: 442

Sun: 742

🌙Mon: 42

🌙Tues: 42

🌙Wed:42

Thurs: 742

Fri: 742

🌙Sat: 42

Sun: 742:

Mon: 42

Tues: 42

Wed: 42

Okay after next Sunday I don’t know yet if I work on mon or Tuesday but either way it doesn’t matter cause work days would be 42 and ITS PERFECT TO END THE fix it fast because will be burning so much fat on 4 days at 42 cal.. ughhahahahajaajaj

Okay okay.. this will be good.. tomorrow rises a skinny bitch and soon my body will show for it.. especially after this.. I don’t know.. guess it makes sense to try and aim for losing 7 pounds soo assuming I’m 113, goal is 106 on April 4. 113 is probably where I’m at since after purging I’m weight 115 ish.. and a day or two of fasting would put me at a more accurate 113.. alright 106 in 12 days. And 12 is soul’s number… it’s PERFECT. I’m doing closing shifts so that’s perfect too. I work right through dinner, and I can come come and make it a ritual to have green tea or the peppermint one.. I’ll write down my stretches and mini workouts to do.. maybe on my off days I’ll wake up steadily earlier and earlier.. and go on morning walks for 42 minutes.. ah I’m excited! This will be good. I can do this.

Oh my god I estimated and by his birthday June first by keeping all this up and togther I’ll be 93.. 1 pound below my old low weight.. after all this time.. and for his birthday! PROGRESS progress and by my birthday I’ll be 87 a pound under my old UGW before it dropped to 84 and 84 I’ll hit a week before July ends!.. I’ll be getting so skinny through spring.. and spend the beginning of summer, going from 89-84 pounds.. good god.. I have to do it. I don’t care. I don’t care. I’m ready to be toned and strong again. I’ll put in the work on my own to strengthen my core, and being consistent with work will help with that too. I’m going to be able to pay for things and make it everyday without b/p because I’m above that. I’m an Angel, I’m going to make my partner the best death weapon.. 3 months and a half we’ll have victory. I have to be strong, pure and sound, if we’re going to be the best we can be. By example it’ll inspire soul to work harder too. Match wavelengths. My hair will be back longer again too.. by end July it should be back down to my collarbone.. which means my hair should be long enough for pigtails again! I’ve missed them so much!

[bakafox]

The thing is, there are probably 'decent' arguments to be made about how I do not *need* an in-home caregiver.

Which has been preying on my mind, because I have recently been warned that if somehow the caregiver who is here today doesn't work out, the insurance company will take all my hours, as they are starting to wonder if I need a caregiver.

There have been very few people looking for a caregiver job since COVID started. So for the last couple of years, the agency has had almost no one to try placing.

One or two they tried placing vanished or quit.

One didn't speak enough English, and I didn't speak enough Spanish, and it was so hard to try and communicate with her using Google Translate that I was in tears by the time the day was at an end, so I asked if they could please find me someone who speaks more English.

One didn't like that I was having a hard time figuring out what days/hours to have her here, working around her hours with her other client, and quit after just two days because I asked if she could come on different days.

One turned out to be a Republican and I nearly had a nervous breakdown and did have minor panic attacks once I realized a motherfucker who voted to basically seriously harm me, and almost everyone I care about, was IN MY HOUSE for four hours 3 times a week and I had to be polite to him and count on him- and asked for a different caregiver please.

...I need caregivers who only work 3 or so days a week, because my disabilities are mental illnesses, and having someone I do not personally know very well and such here multiple days in a row, I will actively hit a point where I will spiral into serious anxiety and depression.

These people are supposed to help me, but making me go into downward spirals or anxiety and panic attacks are the opposite of helping me!

BUT... because in the last 2 years only about a half dozen possible caregivers have been found, and none of them worked out, and more than half the time it was a problem on THEIR end... well:

As far as the medicaid provider thinks of things, if I have 'been fine' without the help, if I have been willing to refuse to retain a caregiver rather than put up with whoever is on hand no matter how unsuitable, then that proves I do not need a caregiver.

And without caregivers helping me, it's true, I have not died.

My house has been messier and messier and messier over time, because I can't keep up and there are specific tasks I usually cannot force myself to do around executive dysfunction and exhaustion, but I haven't died or been hospitalized for it.

My diet increasingly became fast food burgers, toaster waffles, and microwave taquitos because trying to cook for myself all alone is exhausting, but I didn't die or get hospitalized for it.

I had entire days of being almost in tears because I knew I needed to go grocery shopping, but the idea of being in the store alone, or dealing with putting groceries away alone, was incredibly daunting and depressing.

But it's not like I died.

I am almost in tears today, because there is a new possible caregiver here, and she has taken out recycling I've been too tired to take out this week, has cleaned the kitchen sink that squicks me out to go near or clean so hadn't been for weeks, helped put dishes away so they didn't just sit on a counter or in the washer and reload the washer.

...She is cutting up the chicken I bought, which is something I actually have anxiety about doing, because chicken is so SLIPPERY and I'm always terrified of cutting myself, and putting the cut chicken into the freezer so that all I have to do to make taco meat or soup is pull it out and cook it.

But, yeah, it's not like I'd die if she wasn't here. The chicken would just wind up in the freezer as whole breasts, and every time I wanted to cook any, I'd stare at the frozen chunks of chicken and have to decide if I felt up to defrosting/cutting it. And sometimes I'd have to say 'no', and just eat more toaster waffles.

But that wouldn't kill me.

And I guess in the US with the current system of healthcare and feelings about who is worthy or whatever. I guess.. that means there's no need. Because quality of life has been declared to be not a fucking need.

[i-just-wanna-be-fuckin-happy]

Food Rules for Eating Actual Food That Nourishes Me and Makes Me Feel Good, Not Gross

The following is a set of rules I developed after reading the excellent book Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual by Michael Pollan (which I highly, highly recommend), flipping through a million cookbooks, heavily googling, watching other families eat in a (mostly) noncreepy way, and just paying attention to my own eating experiences. Note: This has NOTHING to do with losing weight or being “skinny.” I’m really tired of people talking about being skinny like it’s some achievement. You didn’t climb Machu Picchu, you didn’t complete your master’s degree, you just subsisted off of celery and hummus for a week while being the most stressed-out version of yourself the rest of us had to suffer through.

No diets. COME ON! You know this! There is no miracle cure for weight loss. No special pill or juice or cleanse that is going to give you the body you want. I’m so sorry! I wish there was! I would do it. Don’t drive yourself crazy with something that’s never going to work. Also: Food is a good thing. We are lucky to have food. Please, let’s not stress about every bite.

Eat food. Not low-fat, low-sugar, “lite,” protein powder, it-came-in-apackage-that-said-“natural”-so-that-means-something-right? Food made in a lab is not food at all. It’s science. You are not a lab rat. No need to run an experiment on your stomach. I have an exception to this: I keep a (simple) protein bar in my kitchen and at my office for emergency situations. Nothing is worth a hangry version of me.

Eat food that makes you feel good, not sick. Again, simple, but it took me YEARS to learn this one. I stopped eating almost all fried foods simply because I always felt sick after eating them. There is no discipline to this other than realizing that I always, always had an upset stomach after eating fried chicken and deciding I didn’t want to feel that way anymore. Listen to what your body hates. Let your body’s hate be your guide. Namaste.

If you are having trouble figuring out what your body likes, keep a (low-key) food journal. It took me a while to figure out what foods felt good and what put me into a food coma, so I kept a little journal in my purse of what I ate and how it made me feel. Salad with tofu for lunch: HANGRY THE ENTIRE FUCKING DAY. Salmon and lentils for dinner: pleasantly full and energized. Special doughnut for a colleague’s birthday at four P.M.: crazed with sugar, like a baby who just had her first bite of cake and wants MORE NOW, unable to pay attention in a meeting when I really needed to pay attention. Write down for just one week what you eat and how you feel; you’ll be floored by what you learn.

Don’t make food choices when hungry. Have you ever noticed that if you go grocery shopping on an empty stomach, you’ll leave with a basket of ice cream, carrots, and a block of cheese? How are you supposed to make dinner with that? Seriously, can you tell me? Because I’ve been there so many times and have never been able to find the answer. I am incapable of making any choices about food when I am already ravenous. I also tend to get into arguments around this time. “No, what restaurant do you want to go to??? If you have a preference, just say it!” Try to make your food choices when not on the verge of eating another person.

Make your freezer a precious miracle solution from the heavens. Keeping a freezer full of healthful meals, or meal components, is one of the best ways you can make sure you are nourishing yourself. When I roast chicken, I always make a little extra so I can dice some and put it in the freezer. Same with soups. If I make a chickpea stew, I make a couple of extra servings, pour them into ziplock bags I decorate with Sharpiedrawn hearts, and freeze them. My freezer is stocked with fruits, spiralized zucchini, muffin-tin frittatas, turkey meatballs, and other real food. This way, I’m not tempted to buy a box of microwaveable mac and cheese and call that dinner. Tho, occasionally, there is nothing better than a box of Annie’s mac and cheese.

It’s okay to go on a cleanse, but it’s not okay for that to become your personality. I’ve done a bunch of the juice cleanses. I’ve had the charcoal water that costs twelve dollars and “detoxifies” your blood. I’ve done the whole fasting thing. These drastic changes to your eating habits can be good for shaking things up every so often, sort of like the food equivalent to cleaning out your closet, but they are not a long-term solution. DO NOT BECOME SOPHIE. Sophie is the girl standing in front of us in line at the wedding buffet talking endlessly about her juice cleanse and how it “totally and utterly” changed her life and how she “never really liked full meals anyway.” You “never really liked” meals, Sophie? YOU’VE NEVER FELT THE ECSTASY OF STRAIGHT-UP DESTROYING A FULL PIZZA, SOPHIE?! YOU HAVEN’T LIVED, SOPHIE! Never be the one who is endlessly talking about some cleanse, some cure-all, your new diet, the new BEST food trend, etc. You have more interesting things to talk about than what you eat.

Keep a yummy, healthful treat around. At the end of the night, if I want something sweet, I have a few dried mango slices. They are delicious but not something I want to demolish in one sitting. What about a whole-grain toaster-oven waffle with a little honey? Three dates with a cup of mint tea is an elegant and tasty treat. The point is, always have something you ENJOY around you. You’re less likely to binge on things you don’t like when you have something that does satisfy you around. I’m looking at you, can of Pringles I don’t even like but I can take down in three minutes flat. How did you even get in my house?