#please tell me thats something i can make my sims do and its not just a thing npcs do to your sims

[two-calicos-in-a-trenchcoat]

Landlord sims pack????????

Like I do like getting to build my own apartments. I did that a lot in sims 2

But theyre also giving you the option to be a shady landlord??????

Theres a new death????

[shadamypositivity]

ok for whoever is interested i just had a wild run in my shadamy sims lore, please advise that i utilize wickedwhims but i'm not going into explicit details necessarily but just wanted to give that disclaimer

so i moved shadow amy and sonic into the same house bc they my favies but also wanted to see what would happen if they were all strangers under the same house. as expected, sonic was obsessed with the pool bc he's athletic, and shadow was chillin bc i forgot to give him a crystal table so he didnt have anything to do lol, and then i mainly played amy bc i like cooking and playing dress up with her. 

i was happy to know that shadow immediately wanted to befriend amy, she was most of his aspirations lol, and sonic was joining clubs and was a pro athlete, but i was still going to play the long slow burn with shadamy.

shadamy had different plans and as soon as they reached good friends, amy was like meet me in the bedroom and I sighed and said well who am i to deny fate, so they had sex.

amy immediately gets pregnant, to my surprise, and i debated whether or not to abort it bc this was moving a little fast for me, i didnt even get to do a date with them, but then i was like well it was leading to this anyway so sure, why not, i love moontoonsey's shadamy fankid so i can finally make her in the sims if i do this so lets go. 

amy is pregnant and tells shadow who is super happy and im emo bc thats so cute stop; she didnt tell sonic yet bc i was like, they would be kind of a lowkey relationship right so i'll do it later-- so christmas comes, i do the whole shebang bc i know amy loves parties and traditions and i try to meet all the criteria, and santa claus has just walked in when !!! amy gets a moodlet thaat says she's cramping and that something is wrong, she has to go to the hospital --

she has a miscarriage which has never in the history of my sims has happened, even for my party girl character i made where i was doing everything under the sun to get her to have miscarriages bc i couldnt afford her abortion rates T T, and the whole damn house sad, shadamy sad, sonic who didnt even know about the baby is sad, SANTA is sad!!!!! i was so upset bc like what?? i even go into amy's mods to make sure she's hyperfertile, and that her pregnancy chances are high.

needless to say i spent the last week trying for another baby bc now this is personal lol shadow has been crying in the bed everyday, i have to fix this! amy never gets pregnant again, has like 2 periods, but i constantly check her fertility tests and its always 0???? like hello?????? what is going on. 

i get on last night after an emotional weekend lol and decide i am playing God, Amy will have a baby today lol i need this. so i try to adjust her mod settings again and then just cheat into a pregnancy bc whatever atp. i move sonic out to live with rouge and knuckles in the city bc i love his homeless mooching ass, and fix up the room bc what could go wrong. 

i put amy to bed, i put shadow to bed when suddenly shadow's task list blows up and im like wtf is there a fire or something - NO ITS ANOTHER MISCARRIAGE ?!?!?!?!?!?!??!

i pressed pause and messaged my bestie bc WHATTTT is going on  lol and she replies back 'WAIT STAY PAUSED' and facetimes me to help me override the miscarriage and send her straight into labor. 

a stressful 5 minutes later, amy has not one, but TWO babies so i had to fix up the baby room again lol BUTTTT it was one boy and one girl haha so i decided to name the boy Silver since i still love the shadamy is silver's ancestor's headcanon, and ofc the baby girl maria and now i gotta make sure two babies are fed smh but genuinely never in my life had so much issues with pregnancies like this!! an emotional rollercoaster and for what

[thatdeadaquarius]

"Oh my gosh do you sound like a sim to them??"

Me trying to place myself in their shoes:

"Why the fuck do I sound like a villager in Animal Crossing-- ARE THEY HEARING ANIMALESE WHEN I SPEAK?!"

(A.k.a I saw the previous ask and thought wait a minute. Two different worlds. Languages so similar but so different....... We're basically speaking animalese in another game/world lmfao)

(Bonus: Creator!Reader knows this and takes full advantage as their payback. Traveller magically understands and speaks back causing further pyschic confusion. Pretty sure soke brains have been melted among linguistic students in Sumeru)

-Vine Boom

VINE BOOM MY BELOVED IM SO LATE TO ATTEND TO YOU!! :'(

It has been a minute and yet, you remain my love!! Thank you for your patience, have a little scenario as my thanks for that and submitting the cool idea <3

Me @ you: ♥ ( ॢᵕ n ᵕ (꒡ᵋ ꒡ღ) mwah! /p

this gif is just really cute thats why its here.

also i have very little to add so its short but only bc im ✨uncreative✨ atm and ur ask alone is funny enough lmao, so once again, a scenario bc vine booms just a genius all on their own ✨️

◇

😭so you mean 😭 as revenge 😭 for this awful deed 😭 done to your speech 😭 you just start EMBRACING IT 😭😭😭PLEAASEEE-

PLEASE the traveler understands it!! 💀

Also if anyone reads this im so sorry ive flooded the sagau tag with language shenanigans LMAO

◇

Ever since you realized that the entirety of Teyvat sounds like Sims to you, (and the subsequent awful reckoning that you sound the same to them 😭) 

You have finally mentally recovered enough courage, and desperately shoved any embarrassment deep into your soul, to try and think of what to do about it

♤

You quickly found that people had 3 types of reactions to your speech,

 

1. They try to understand the nonsense like you trying to understand their Simlish, it really doesnt work, you wish you could tell them to give up and just gesture at you instead:

(ALHAITHAM he keeps trying then giving up then trying again lol, Diluc, ZHONGLI, Sara, Albedo, Candace, Dehya she thinks she’s gonna get it THIS time she swears-, Eula, Gorou, GANYU she feels bad lmao, Jean, AYAKA, keqing, kuki, Nahida, ningguang, AETHER, Thoma, xinyan, XIAO)

◇

2. They act like you when you hear animal crossing characters speak 💀 you can see the “omg so cute” sparkle in their eyes:

(KAZUHA, kokomi, barbara, KAEYA, ZHONGLI again lol he tries to hide it but you can see the tiny smile everytime you walk over and start ranting at him bc ur bored, Faruzan, GOROU, AYATO, YAE MIKO, keqing, LISA, mika, mona, KLEE literally loves you and you can tell shes always trying to get you to say something lol, Ei (archon), Rosaria she always SMIRKS and ur just- 😳, CHILDE the little shit giggles at ur misery, LUMINE AND AETHER U CANT TRUST EITHER OF THEM- , THOMA, SCARAMOUCHE BUT HE’D NEVER ADMIT IT BUT HE ALWAYS IS OBVIOUSLY TRYING TO HIDE A TINY SMILE AND GOES A LITTLE PINK-!! SAME FOR XIAO LMAO)

◇

3. You know that tiktok audio thats like Isabella from Animal Crossing singing, and then someone’s like “uh-huh! YEAH! OKAY!!” yeah like that, but to you LMAO

(ITTO, Bennett, KAVEH, heizou, VENTI, Nilou she like nods after everything you say and makes sure you’re treated well in every conversation aw, qiqi, KLEE, Raiden (puppet) + Ei (archon), SHENHE no explanation needed, CYNO too, LUMINE, YELAN, yoimiya, yunjin)

♧

Alright i got tired sorry not everybody’s there lol^

So no matter the reaction, they all are a little bummed nobody can get you, 

…but then of. Fucking. Course. 

LUMINE/AETHER as ALWAYS get SPECIAL TREATMENT 

(there’s not a single person throughout all the nations, the archons, the allogenes, doesnt matter, who hasn’t felt a LITTLE pang of envy for this- bc as cute as you sound, goddamit they USED to understand you when you weren’t physically here, before you overcame the Universal Barrier AKA the computer screen lol)

AND THEY GET TO UNDERSTAND YOU.

The Sumeru linguistics department is grinding their teeth, Alhaitham straight up glares every time they translate for you lmao, Zhongli’s eye twitches at least once everytime they do so, Kazuha is literally trying to bribe them with cool places he’s seen that the traveler hasn’t so they’ll share the secret of how to understand you, Ningguang gets 10x chillier when they’re helping convos w/ you, Ei looks like she’s fucking pouting-

☆

Aether is just like 🤨?? For what?? I’m helping???

So confused he never gets what’s going on lol

✨

Lumine, on the other hand, is FULLY aware and smirks every time she’s so smug about it LMAO 

^ the embodiment of the cat surrounded by knives meme ^

☆

Ahhhh my exhibition is April 6th u guys!

May I finally rest in peace when that day comes 🪦

Cant wait to graduate and just have a regular job and not academia + deadlines 😭😫

Hope you guys have had a nice week or two!

Look out for more posts after the 6th :>

Safe Travels,

💀♒️

♡the beloveds♡

@karmawonders / @0rah-s / @randomnatics / @glxssynarvi / @nexylaza / @genshin-impacts-me / @wholesomey-artist

Short one but hope its fun my beloved!! :)

[stolaz-the-artist]

Switched Career AU

I’m aware the name sounds like a sims expansion pack I’ll fix it later

AU info below!

So i got this idea when i was thinking about how younger me misunderstood Alice in the first episode.

I thought that when she said “country boy” she meant he was a cowboy. And i thought this for like a whole year.

And then i thought “What if he was a cowboy?” But thats too easy and boring + They already kinda did that in s4. Not really but close enough (i have enough memes of Cowboy Clay locked an loaded anyway so i think I’ll survive) So i continued thinking and remembered from the Knights code how Clay said a certain sword was easy enough a child could make it. And i just started assuming he must have some knowledge in weapon making. Cuz why not? and also! I didnt neglect the other knights for this project! THATS A FIRST!

I gave them minor redesigns, nothing too mayor but still something. (also all of this is pre-knights academy. So they’re like 15 or sum)

Yet again, just playing with the idea that he works as a blacksmith, providing for him an his brother.

I somehow thought out more for Aaron than Clay??? Big things are happening in Detroit ngl

I have a skit planned with Ruina involved, but more on that later

And for Merlok: guess he just never found him. Or he died. Idk I’ll figure something out later.

Oh and since Merlok couldn’t find him he just kinda grew into his powers, and so did Fletch. They dont know much tho about it and just use it as some sort of minor day to day tool. But they haven’t trained it so its just still kinda uncontrollable at times, remaining heavily linked to emotions. (All of this still in very early development dont come for me)

I have no clue what Aaron’s dad works as but i just made him a fisherman.

Aaron still craves danger, but the danger of fishing (cuz that shit can be real fucking dangerous let me tell ya that-)

He’s still too younge tho, but he can’t stop talking about it, and how much he wish he could join his dad on his boat (He has snuck on on several occasions but turns out hiding under deck during a storm isn’t a good idea. The only reason he stopped was cuz he’d miss out on the fun part regardless) Him and Clay are friends, meeting every now and again when Clay and Fletch come and buy fish from his family.

He’s been very excited about taking over the restaurant, already having a plethora of dishes he wants to make (and eat ofc).

He’s friends with Aaron, given they also buy fish from his family. He’s not very familiar with Clay tho. They’ve been at the fish market at the same time once or twice but barely talked. But they still see each other as friends, just not very close

Macy is still, Macy ig? I’m not sure what to do with her. So i just made King Halbert more chill. She takes several combat classes and planning on becoming a fighting queen if anything.

Her and her family are going on a trip through out the kingdom with the Richmonds. On her end its more of a meet and greet thing, but it’s different for Lance.

OG Lance must be quite jealous. He was sent into the acting industry at a very young age. He thrives in it, taking role after role back to back.

However this next one requieres some sort of reference with the commoners. He joins Macy’s family (Bringing his agent and Dennis with him obv.) as they travel through the country sides of the kingdom. He honestly can’t wait to go home and take a dip in the gold pool.

Idk why this thing kinda makes me sad but oh well, it’s the truth after all.

I am planning on writing this. Like fanfic wise.

But whenever that’ll be out is a mystery.

I haven’t written a fanfic since my wattpad days and AO3 still lowkey scares me.

Also other than Fletch so am i not sure what to do with Ava, Robin or Izzy. So if ya have any ideas, please share, i have no clue.

[esotericas-sims]

@thebramblewood tagged me to post my top 24 screenshots from 2024. I only started my blog in March of this year (INSANE btw... how far we've come...) so a few months are going to be getting more than 24. I'm sure many of you have already been tagged, but I'm tagging @crvptydgaming, @j3lly-fish, @grimwoods, and @inlovewithregencyera, I'd love to see your years in review as well!

Long post under the cut. Also it's definitely more than 24 but SHHHH it was hard to choose

March:

back in the days of vintage Spectre Legacy content... I've learned so much since then, but I still really love a few of my old shots. This one I was especially proud of. I felt really proud of the split down the middle, and i think the differing moodlets and the little split did a great job foreshadowing the eventual split in their relationship... i miss my babies :(

April:

this was the month that i discovered my deep and abiding love for landscape photography in the sims.

also something about this shaving shot just absolutely charmed me, george's facial expression plus the candlelight just... i dont know. i still love this one. no notes.

May:

baby lydie.. she was so itty bitty *sobs. i love her little face. not a ton to say about either of these except that i really miss the spectres. someday i will return to them.

June:

it was actually impossible to pick just one or two from this month.. i love loved taking pictures in selvadorada, its one of my personal favorite worlds scenery-wise, and i have sooo many still on my computer from florence's quest there.

July:

july was my first foray into the wonderful world of pose player (never went back) and i think you can see me realizing how many doors it opens for more artistic shots. the scene with julian at the piano is still one of my favorites ive ever made, and although i was really sad to have to pause the spectre family story, i was at least glad to get to end it on a post i was really proud of.

August:

book of manon... :,) another project that i realized was beyond my skillset only partway through making it. i think realistically i should write a book, and not do a sims story about her, but i really wanted to share her with you guys.. i'd like to pick this one back up someday.

September:

i didn't post a lot in september, but i still really love octavia and margarita's wedding, especially this shot. she looks so shocked like??? god forbid your wife kisses you at your wedding??!!?! it was also the beginning of the cash legacy, which is a project i've had so much fun with (and will hopefully continue to have fun with in the new year)

October:

had to do a double feature for october because this is when i started posting a LOT, like daily on both blogs. most of these are just examples of good framing that i liked. u can see my screenshots becoming more and more minimalist i think

the one of victor and rhythm is um. uh... ummm m m mm. *tucks hair behind ear

i just think he's neat

November:

bon riddle my beloved.... idk thats all ive got to say about these. i still find that photo of him in the lake so charming. and my sogue shoot is an honorable mention... i'm also quite pleased with the winterfest party scene, and especially this shot. the separation between angelina/aphrodite and allie/kareem hits me, and the evil little smile on angelina's face.. delicious

December:

the real star of december was absolutely the epilogue montage i did for chapter one of cash legacy. i had soso much fun planning out each shot and playing dress up. as all my friends can tell you, the prom photos were some of my particular favorites. i had a truly impossible time choosing which one to use, and i still have all the others (literally like six of them) saved on my computer.

also obviously the christmas card shoot was super fun, and i've been enjoying getting to show off adult valentine a bit more. he's so special to me.

anyways my skills have clearly grown a ton this year, as has my ability to like.. shoot with intention and artistic vision. i'm still working on my writing and pacing, and i'm sure in a year or so i'll look back on these images and go "gross" but for now, i'm really happy with how far i've come.

[corvidcrowned]

Peeks in

Hi i finished yttd and now i have to ask what exactly is the ai test idiots au? im very curious,,, from what i can tell its a sara ai? who became sentient? but idk abt the others lol im just oh so interested

ok so get this right.

the ai sims- aka where the percentages are from- were disrupted one day when a glitch happened, messing with everything going on in the facility. This happened when the sara ai won, causing her to achieve self-awareness! (Here’s a comic of what happened from red’s perspective kinda)

Before this event, the sims went pretty normally- one or two people winning and all the others dying. Noticeable patterns showed up though! The sara ai and keiji ai were pretty much nemeses, the sara ai killed the shin ai most times, and the anzu ai had a pretty decent win rate, particularly because of her rivalry with the sara ai. ‘PLEASE stop killing people’ ‘ermm.make me?’ You know.

The glitch that made the sara ai becoming self aware led to some other weird stuff happening though. For example the sim itself would glitch often leading to the ais themselves to get super corrupt for short periods of time. Very strange and unusual. Michiru was supervising all this but scientific curiosity was too much to make everything normal again.

Fun fact though !! The Sara ai ends up becoming a lot more different from the original, eventually becoming his whole own person entirely !! He goes by Red, originally a nickname from Michiru because of his eyes. He/it/bite little creature guy<3 the anzu ai clings to being ‘anzu’ longer though, since for a while getting back home because her family needed her was what kept her going. Eventually though, they accepted being an ai, picking out the name ‘Pierrot’ with Red’s help. The two of them won a lot of simulations together! Pier wins some alone too ofc but unlike red’s weird mother-son like relationship with Michiru, pierrot does not like her at all (here’s how they met)

Eventually the simulation is concluded and red gets put into a doll body (which is drastically customized- fangs and his red eyes. He cuts his hair a little bit too hehe) while Pierrot manages to get into the general system at asunaro. The two don’t see each other for a while because of this unfortunately but eventually they do reunite, pier just living in red’s (stolen) phone sometimes. <3

Red and Pier’s funny lil story goes in a few directions depending on things, they show up in a collaborative au between me and some friends (ai guys<3) and some other stuff, I wanna make a comic abt them eventually (the Pluto project..<3) but their ‘canon’ end is them living with the survivors of the death game!! Because. Red’s ass broke into the dg LOL. He was like ‘heyyyy emiri ^^ you know what would be funny..’ and she was like. ‘Get in there boy’. So red ends up hangin around and messing/hanging out with people!!! Like kai(here) and gin(here) but he and sara REALLY DO NOT GET ALONG!!!!

You see… Red is very jealous of Sara. Why did he have to be created just for her sake? How come she got homecooked meals and a family that loved her and friends and school and he had to live through hell every day?? Ofc sara’s life isn’t that great (her father is literally meister after all..) but red does not know that. Sara finds herself disturbed by red. This weird copy of her keeps running around causing trouble and insulting her to her face.. she thinks he was thrown in to make everyone trust her less or something. They’re so messed up…. After the death game though they hang out a lot. Make amends. I ljike them..

ERM YEAH THATS ALL OFF THE TOP OF MY HEAD..!!! Also candy’s here sometimes she’s a cute pink girl who kills<3 (she also is an ai of shin who takes after midori… a lot. Because she was directly under his thumb and had to deal with him she began to associate violence and love until the two concepts totally overlapped in her mind. AND she’s trans!)

[stinkrascal]

hi jaiden. i read your ask and im very sorry about your loss, i've decided to spread some positivity. you are an incredible writer and as much as you cringe at your older posts i find myself rereading it every now and then. its kind of crazy how i'm quite young, and i've been growing up with reading breanna's story - yet i haven't lost interest. there is something so aesthetic about your standstill posts, i dont know if its the colors or the dust, but its so pleasing to the eye. literally everyday after my work i go and i check if standstill has gotten an update. the way your dialogue is written is so natural. like it doesn't feel like this fake poetic or overly descriptive, it sounds like natural realistic dialogue. and ive also been reading your character bios and in my language there's a word called härlig, thats the only way i can describe the little bios. for it being a sim story, its so incredibly clever and i can tell you put effort into it. the poses are always fitting. and your game doesnt even look like sims. i hope you realize that we will always enjoy your story even if it would be with low graphics or vlad would be a 8x8 pixel. so dont ever shy away from taking a break, because u really deserve to take a break. there is so much i could say about standstill,, but i wont for the sake of it already being quite lengthy! i hope your healing, and i hope that you can accept some positivity into your life. <3

wow okay hello anon... i won't lie, this made me cry a lot ;-;. i've been really struggling lately with intense anxiety and honestly just feeling really shitty ha. reading this means so much to me, more than you will ever know. it's silly ik but i put my heart and my soul into my sims, it can be a little embarrassing bc they're literally just sims and here i am pouring every piece of me into them like they're my diary, taking it so seriously. but like........ i do take it seriously.......embarrassed as i am to admit it..... i love them so much. so reading something as kind and reassuring as this makes me feel really appreciated. thank you for your kindness, it's more appreciated than you will ever realize

[red-dyed-sarumane]

what are some cool games u have played? dont matter if u mentioned before. tell me again tell me again :D

uhh hmm.

well okami is my all time favorite the art & the music & the message/story are all just incredible theres not a single time ive finished it i havent cried. i absolutely adore ryoshima coast ive spent so many hours just running around there to listen to music. which fun fact for u i only know about this game bc in about 6th grade i picked up okamiden bc i thought the little doggy was cute & was like fine i'll play as this boy if i get a cool dog and u cannot imagine how excited i was to find out u DID play as the little dog. i was SOOOOO obsessed literally my exact thoughts were 'if issun is ammy's celestial envoy then i am going to be chibis' i have a metric fuck ton of fan art i did at the time bc i thought it was quote "the epic-est game for ds ever" also cried every time i finished it. i was 13 so i didnt know what "being down bad" was but do know i was as obsessed with kurow as i was with d-ne later and now tenshi not a single irl friend was unaware i was in love with him. also fun fact for u bc at the same time i was also getting super into vocaloid i was so convinced my vocap name would end up as chibiP to the point i named myself that in pkmn x chibiP after chibiterasu of course. please enjoy my banger old art which is not even a fraction of my output

yume nikki is my next favorite game specifically the og that changed my brain chemistry as a kid. i adore that game so much its hard to put it into words. its just so unlike anything else. there is absolutely nothing in the game that can directly harm u theres no real health meter theres no way to die during the main play the absolute worst that will ever happen is u get stuck or woken up. in a horror game. which is already just amazing. and the whole horror aspect just plays on something i dont think is often done as well in many other things. ur alone. u wander and wander thru worlds that loop and connect and seemingly have nothing to do with each other. theres no dialogue; talking to npcs just gets u a noise or animation at best. ur entirely alone with just urself. its all dreams so u know everything is of madotsuki's own creation, another layer to the all u have is urself feeling. the art is just unusual i cant even say any of it on its own is in anyway scary. the whole thing shouldnt be scary and yet every time i start wandering in a world i cant help but feel unease. amazing 10/10 no other game will ever have what this gave me.

everyone knows i play pkmn the best is still pmd sky that also rewired my brain i still cant play it without crying.

its been a long time since i was really just playing it as the chapters released & got translated but 1bitheart is so so so important to me too. i dont kin for multiple reasons but if i did nanashi would be my first choice. like- without saying that to her i got my one irl friend to play once & when she saw how nanashi was she turned to me and went "this is just you" hes very important to me even now. absolutely loved the whole friendship sim & the story & its twists & the endings & their implications left me in shambles at 1 am on a school night. my fave charas are nanashi enri & saaya btw. i should replay this.

i also love the etrian odyssey series i love the character portraits (esp with the more recent games' color customization) i LOVE the dungeon art & i think all the monster designs are so cool. adore the whole make ur own map aspect keeps me so entertained to take a step & look around & chart all the walls & path ways. unfortunately i fucking suck at every single one i am not very good at strategy games so i end up stuck at or before the 3rd stratum. but thats okay its still fun to me.

the other one i'll talk about at length is spirit of the north another game i loved the art of. u play as a fox & get a partner spirit fox & i just love it SOOOO much. its also a game with 0 dialogue but theres A Lot going on it if u care to follow along & explore & dig into details & the game play is also pretty fun to me. this is the one game i started learning the speedrun btw thats also a very fun way to play it but ABSOLUTELY play it as intended first it has so much to offer

aaaand special mentions to omori, oneshot, witch's house, mermaid swamp, corpse party, & limbus company

[radiovisual]

are you going to come back?

((I keep telling myself im going to, but im not sure. Im especially unhappy with how this blog was written and how it looks at the moment, bc theres a lot of things id Want to change before getting back into rp here, but I have no energy or motivation to do so 😔 my art block from last year is Still ongoing, im still deeply fixated on other fandoms, and VERY recently I had an epiphany of some kind and haven't been able to stop paying attention to the news, bc anxieties about what's happening in Gaza/the West Bank, Sudan, and Chile, and not to mention this next American presidential election, have me reassessing my priorities in life, ykwim?))

((Im still around technically, i wont be deleting this blog or anything, im just in kind of a tough spot, mentally+emotionally+physically, and that makes it hard to get reinvested in something like this.))

((There's also the factor of... feeling rather restricted in this community. It's not any particular person or group of ppls fault, people are entitled to feel however they want around fictional subjects and themes, but i know that the types of things that i like to write and rp are dark and mature, and this fandom [despite the Nature of the show itself and the topics it covers] tends to attract a lot of very aggressive, very judgemental people -- as im sure youre all aware 😂 i found some friends here, but even still, a lot of the time i know i Can't get into the kind of stuff i ACTUALLY want to write, because most of the ppl in this community would [at least, way back when,] assume that That kind of writing means I'm a bad, dangerous person who wants to engage with those themes in real life 🙃. Which isn't to say anyone is Wrong for avoiding me if darker themes trigger them, by all means PLEASE block me for your sanity if thats what you have to do!! but when most all of those Exact Themes are LITERALLY, graphically present in the show, now, it's like. Idk man whats going on! Why are you here! if sexually abusive relationships bother these fans so much, then Why are they in THIS fandom of all places instead of somewhere tangibly Safer for their sanity, yk???))

(( i don't know. Maybe im just a brat, but ive always felt a little put out by the Hazbin community online. Its extremely self policing and isolating trying to find people i can feel comfortable talk to about my ideas, so ive kind of... given up and moved on, found a nice group of Freaks to be perverted about the Avatar sequel instead lmao))

((So... idk. I guess we'll see. But im very sorry it may have been wishful thinking when i said id come back. I really, truly meant it at the time -- things just changed 💔, both in me And in the community. And maybe theyll change again, idk!but i Do know there's people in this overarching Hazbin Tumblr RP community who don't like me very much (which is Okay), and I don't want to force myself to walk on eggshells anymore -- so I'm won't💪😎))

((I adored my time here while i was active, whuch it why i wont delete it -- i go back to re read threads all the time! -- but unless there's a group of sexual weirdos developing that i could fall in with AND I can find a way to balance this with the rest of my life, im still gonna be on this indefinite hiatus 💀👍 sorry))

((Btw -- Palestinians are in desperate need of e-SIMs to keep in touch with their loved ones and to organize humanitarian aid within the Gaza strip itself -- if any of you have a few spare dollars, please consider getting involved. I know the news is very quiet rn, especially if you're in America like me, but let me make this very clear; We are. kind of sort of Already IN World War Three. Russia and China and the global south are finally starting to hold the west accountable and the west is failing a shitting its pants about it Spectacularly. The world order is literally shifting. There's not one, but SEVERAL major international conflicts brewing right now, as America is sliding into fascism at break neck speed bc Genocide Joe is finally realizing he's probably not going to get re-elected [on account of all the genocide] on TOP of finally seeing the tangible effects of climate change. South America and Australia are on FIRE. Like NEVER before.))

((Never Again is Now. We could be going over the temperature "tipping point" of the planet BY 2030. now is NOT the time to be wallowing in escapism, no matter how much we desperately need/want it. If there is EVER a time to get involved with the real world and to take a step back from the internet and high stress fandom bullshit, it is NOW. No matter what Side of these issues you stand on, EVERYONE needs to be voting, everyone needs to be paying attention.))

(( if you can't afford esims [no shame, i often can't either, money is tight everywhere], then at the very least get This website open in your tabs. It generates revenue with free Daily clicks, the proceeds of which are all sent to UN organizations -- particularly UNRWA, which is VITAL to maintain not only getting aid INTO Gaza, but also retaining Palestinians legal right to return to their land -- without UNRWA, Isreal can begin to LEGALLY, haphazardly "deport" Palestinians, which would take YEARS to reverse through future court proceedings. Do your part, it only takes a few seconds a day 💪🌱))

((Alright, thats all! Sorry if you wanted a short sweet answer, but ive actually been ruminating on all of this, so thank you for this ask, for giving me a chance to talk about it all. Im happy to see this community thriving in the wake of Season 1, even if im not joining in myself -- you all keep up the great work, and keep having fun with it ❤ let it empower you to explore the value of Charlie's message and think of ways to impliment it in your daily life And on the world at large‼))

[beebthatscreams]

You know how I said I had like more for my funny OC based on @altocat’s headcanons? (If you would like to not be @ ed for more of this please tell me I just know you said if we make stuff off of yours you wanna see) Here’s more!

I have a habit of building ocs for videogames with gameplay and how the player interacts with them in mind. Breaks universe emersion? Yes. Do I enjoy it? Yes :) and I wanna keep developing this character so if anyone wants to like yell about Eden with me in dms or asks if you’re shy 👀 I must scream. I was unsure to go for remake continuity or OG continuity so confusion.

CC

Eden, in contrast to what everyone thinks, is not resentful of Sephiroth and actually tries to seek out getting along with him. He however has lot of issues with her (most reasonable some not), that accounts for the dislike between them most think is mutual.

Her brother is important to her and is the only person she feels will care about her without ulterior motives. After her injury it became obvious that in Shinra your treatment is equal to your usefulness. Sephiroth, and to a small extent the other first, is the only person she trusts not to have that mentality. Conversely she’s more than guilty of this. Being friendly and highly personable are little more than a persona and she has very little connections deeper than acquaintances save for those she needs to be close to to be deemed important enough to keep. Her character revolves around meeting the conditions of conditional love. Her frazzled hair and noticeable dark rings under her eyes lend to how hard she pushes herself.

Zack (as the player) has the option to do side quest revolving given by Eden when she’s present in the Soldier floor. A series of 4 typical battle sims followed by Eden asking a small series of questions at the end. Certain answers will trigger different but mostly non-important dialogue changes. You’ll receive an odd materia thats unlabeled as a final reward. Upon testing its a high risk high reward spell of a 2% chance for a 1 shot in exchange for 99% of your health. The health is not taken if the 1 shot doesn’t hit but time and mp is still wasted.

You’ll receive only two emails from Eden and one about her. The silver elite makes mention in one of their emails that they wonder if they’ll ever hear about her again or if she’s gone from SOLDIER for good after their usual Sephiroth based news. One email you receive from her is just a bit of world building about materia fusion and that if he needs any help or wants to try anything strange to talk to her before accidently breaking something. The other email is at the beginning of the Nibelheim mission that only states: “Could you keep an eye on my brother? He won’t talk to me. Tell him I’m sorry for what I said before he left.”. You never get the chance

FF7 (remake)

While the death of Sephiroth has turned Hojo from at least appearing put together to dishevelled and probably twice as crazy Eden as a stark contrast looks more well put together than the last time you saw her in CC with a noticeable change in design.

The once tired eyes, messy hair, and grey clothing under the lab coat, is replaced with a bright demeanor, tight high ponytail and bright pink blouse.

The first time you hear of her is Chadly passively mentioning that his data goes to the materia specialist but “She seems to dislike me for some reason. I wonder if my research isn’t satisfactory.”

Later when Aerith is captured outside the meeting of board directors you can hear her muttering about how Hojo is so obsessive with his personal experiments she handles nearly all actual leadership duties within the department, they might as well just have her take his place already.

This sentiment is furthered by her short conversation with Aerith that happens after the combat with the experiment in which she says: “Hojo won’t be a problem, I won’t let anything too awful happen to you sweetheart”, and nods to often undermining his commands, but its unclear if she actually has the power for her promise. She mentions remembering Aerith's files but feeling like they had met sometime before. Though the conversation doesn't go further as the rest of the party arrives. Avoidant of combat, she lets them take Aerith without a fight. The team suspicious of this press a couple questions she technically answers before they decide that chasing down Hojo is more important. Her behaviour towards most of the party members is strangely casual and she refers to Aerith and Tifa by sweetheart and honey respectively, giving the group a coy wave as they leave and telling them to not kill Hojo but she doesn’t care about his condition past that. Cloud looks back before they fully leave making eye contact but quickly keeps going as the tinnitus commonly related to the illusions of Sephiroth starts. It’s unclear exactly why.

She is not seen again but Red XIII when asked about why she would let them go says: “Miss Eden is just another one of Hojo’s experiments. But she thinks somehow, they stand on equal footing and she won’t face consequences.” This is the first time she is referred to by name in this ‘game’.

[journalofabrokenheartedvirgin]

Page 76 (part 1)

You talked about us being sims and how every version of us as sims paired the two of us up together. I was so happy because I had always wanted the “soul mate”, “in every life”, “in every universe” partner and relationship. You bringing that up made me feel like you saw this as long term and like maybe we were meant for each other. Yet, not a month later and youre ending it. It shattered that vision for me and it felt like you never meant any of it. You told me I was one of your favorite people. Im guessing that wasn’t the truth? You said you were happy I was in your life, was that a lie? I just feel so blindsided, I really liked you and I thought you felt the same but I guess this time our sims deviated from the norm. While I was out looking for maroon lingerie, you were probably figuring pout how to break up with me. I was more invested then you, I liked you more than you liked me and I shoulndt be surprised. Why would I think any differently, I am such a dumbass to think you would actually want to be with me long term, no one ever will be. You say im amazing and worthy of love, I wish you could give it to me, right now, youre the only one I want that from. I hate knowing ill never get to hug you or kiss you or cuddle you, or hold hands with you again. Seeing you last night sitting on the couch made me think when we would sit together on a couch and cuddle or touch somehow and I wanted to do that so badly, to just go over and sit and touch you, but that dynamic is over. It fucking kills me. I felt like I was having a panic attack seeing you. I felt so fucking claustrophobic in my body, I felt like I needed to leave, to go away and get away from you and the feeling of being trapped inside of myself. I wanted to leave the party I didnt know how I was going to make it through it, I felt like it was impossible. And it almost was, hearing you laugh and seeing you smile, I just miss it all so much. And then you went and started joking around and quoting an audio I showed you, that we quoted together. It was our audio, but now you use it with other people. It felt like a gut punch, it was just an audio but it was something we said together. I miss our jokes, and its almost too much to hang out with Wade and Summer because their humor is so similar to yours that it just hurts every time they say something funny, it just all reminds me of you. Its going to be two weeks tomorrow and I just cant believe its been that long already, just two weeks ago we were watching HOHH and I was so excited that you were watching my favorite show and now you may never finish it. And a month ago was Borrego Springs. It was fun but now the memories are tainted because now I know you may have been thinking about if you wanted to stay with me during that trip. And its like we were sharing a bed and making out and spent 3 days together and it all just feels is fake now. That cuddling and kissing in bed felt so nice, it felt so fucking nice to wake up and see your face and now those memories will always make me sad. I miss it. I want it back. But I know I won’t. Why cant i. Can I do something to change your mind? Do you want me to have sex with you? Is that what will make you come back? Probably not. Thats just my own insecurity about sex coming out. But if there is something I can do to make you come back, please, tell me. I miss you so much, I think about you everyday. When I wake up, when im at work , at home, and when I go to bed. I miss seeing you after work, especially on Tuesdays and Thursdays, my longest days, the thought of seeing you got me through the day, and now I dont have that to look forward to anymore. And summer has said we can hang out on those days and I appreciate her and love her and spending time with her, but its just not the same.

[toko-writing-imagines]

Could you please do Chiaki with a s/o who has a fear of men? It’s kinda severe. If you choose to do this it would be comforting! ^^ And this is the same Anon that asked for the link for your rules btw. :>

I didn't know this was an actual thing, but when I looked it up to do some research, I found out its called Androphobia. (or at least thats what I'm hoping you are referring to)

I hope these are good for you, enjoy !! ♡

Chiaki with her s/o who has a fear of men

【Chiaki Nanami】

• Honestly if you told Chiaki about your fear of men, before or after you both started dating, she could be kinda confused. She never really heard of that before, or anything because she gets sucked up in her games and her only relevance to men are either her classmates or virtual guys in dating sims and other video game genres

• She probably wouldn't have even caught on if you didn't tell her. Chiaki isn't the most perspective and usually has her attention on her games

• When you cling to her whenever any of her male classmates seem to come around, she just takes it as you wanting to be close and just pats your head. Or if you ever just wanna stay inside in your room because you actively try to avoid any situations where you might encounter men, Chiaki simply stays with you to keep you company (and so on)

• So yeah, Chiaki doesn't really get it, but that's just because she doesn't fully understand it

• And so, she does do bits of research to try and make herself understand. She even wrote game references to help her remember on sticky notes that she keeps in her pockets

• Chiaki isn't one to truly pry. This means that if you aren't willing to tell her how to developed this intense fear of men, then she won't make you tell her. You can tell her when you are ready, so no need to rush

• She does try her best to help you in any way. Especially on the more coping side of it

• Chiaki always brings and extra hand-held gaming console with her so you can play on it to maybe distract yourself. Or whenever you have those days where the imaginative scenarios of bad men play in your head, which makes you stay inside, she'll keep you company

• If you happen to already see some sort of therapist, or want to, Chiaki will be there every step of the way

• Especially when it comes to Exposure therapy. She always makes sure she is near by (like in a waiting room), or right next to you while you gradually start to expose yourself to men whether it be through photos, voice recordings, videos, etc

• She also told her classmates about this (with your permission of course). So if Chiaki becomes occupied, her female classmates can watch over you and help manage your fear as well.

• Chiaki truly is a patient girlfriend to have, and maybe one day you will become friends with her male classmates. Maybe even lessen your fear of men

• But just go one step at a time, okay?

꒦ ͝ ꒷ ͝ ꒦ ͝ ꒷꒦ ͝ ꒷ ͝ ꒦ ͝ ꒷꒦ ͝ ꒷ ͝ ꒦ ͝ ꒷꒦ ͝ ꒷

↳ ੈ‧₊˚ Finally finally done !! I hope you like this Rule anon ^^

I do apologize if I happen to gotten anything wrong, I'm just going off what I was able to find in my research to if something if wrong then do correct me !!

And if you want me to redo this, I will ^^

take care everyone ♡

~ Mod Toko 💜

[selfcareparker]

(lovely anon) i'm so happy to finally be answering this oh my goodness hi gorgeous human being i feel that it has been too long 🥲 SO MUCH HAS HAPPENED SINCE THE LAST TIME I'VE WRITTEN ONE OF THESE HOW HAVE YOU BEEN

to answer the things you have said most recently- i'm so mad that spring break is over bc now i have to go back to life??? like dancing and school and shit that feels so unnessacry 😭 and like i can't just do nothing anymore? i was so used to it and now...... ugh. i STILL haven't played sims (i think it's because ✨depression✨ be hitting sometimes) lol but MWAHAH IM SO HAPPY FOR YOUR NEIGHBOR!AU AND THAT THEY HAD LITTLE BABY LEO!! i feel the name thing.. i just come up with something that sounds nice? i think leo is a nice name, it makes me think about lea michele and the fact that her son's name is Ever Leo but anyway. i don't name my sims after what i want to name my children irl either... idk why though. (i don't know why i'm telling you this but for boy names i love Liam🥰 and if i had twin boys i think i would do Liam and Peter though i am not married to the name Peter.... anywho)

LMAOOO the therpaist coming made me laugh thank you :)) i hope it's helpful? this may be tmi but i've only really had negative thoughts recently and not many healthy outlets so i'm hoping crossing one thing off this sad list will make me feel better :') i think during spring break my anxiety and my depression really spiked? idk, it comes in episodes but yeah THIS GOT REALLY SAD

i think a lot of things when i read your posts but i never say them hahaha so imma say it now: i googled what bon appetit meant ( i also just had to google how to spell it ) but ur right, i feel like bone apple tea makes more sense than bone apple teeth.. the "th" is throwing me off bc how i say it bone appa (like app-a) teet (like you're saying tit but teet lol) so bone apple tea makes more sense to me lol

i never know really know the time difference for anything lmao but est to germany (that's not gmt is it?) is like 6 hours wOAH so it's like 9pm while it’s 3pm here? wowee

i feel mega weird after watching this show called hollywood (darren criss is in it, so is laura harrier and a bunch of other people) but i don't like it💀 i feel really icky rn and idk why but reading your last response to my ask (?) always makes me feel better :')

i am doing what you said btw, i'm typing this on my computer first then gonna transfer it to my phone's tumblr lol but when you said a digital detox, it's interesting cuz i feel like i've been having one since tom's new project was announced? gOD i don't wanna get into it bc i get so triggered but i've been off of instagram since then bc instagram stans literally stand by tom through whatever even when something ain't right- i’m just gonna leave it there bc i’ll continue the rant, but yeah so i took a break lol

also heard abt your driving lesson thing (?) was it that bad? i can't find the old post but someone asked if you hooked up with your lesson person and i was sOOO CONFUSED LMAOO LIKE OK ARIA GET SOME BUT UHH HUH?

now to address the actual response HAHA the way you touch my heart :') by :') bringing :') up :') halle :') being ariel :') (i honest to God don't remember if i brought this up first, forgive me if i did, it's been a minute lmao) i'm always talking about it and i'm pretty sure my family is so tired of me talking about it lmao, but YEAH when i found out they weren't twins i was so surprised but idk why i always thought they were twins? but YOU ARE SPEAKING MY LANGUAGE WITH THE DISNEY TALK- everyone is always like "tiana is my favorite princess" and yea she's strong and stuff but...... she was a frog. for almost the whole time. it's about time we got another one!! i do agree with some people on the fact that disney should just make another black princess but halle is adorable and i was ariel on stage so it's already really special to me :')

yeah lol there are good times with my brothers but they make me mad for a good portion of the time (there's the 12yo vincent and the 7yo daniel but vincent??? psshhh he is a piece of work and i'm not sure how much longer i can put up with him HAJAH AND YES VINCENT IS THE ONE WHO WAS 👁👄👁WHEN I CRIED AND THE ONE WHO DOESN'T LISTEN TO MUSIC- writing this now makes it sound like vincent is awful. which he isn't... we're working on him ig. not to add to the awfulness but no, he listens to obnoxious loud VIDEO GAME MUSIC and won't stop when we ask him to stop... he gets beat up a lot) anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌

yeah let me know if you end up watching it (wandavision)! i think it's great but if you like it lmk!! tfatws is sooo good like PHEW i am honestly loving it. sidenote: j*hn w*lker makes me wanna jump through the screen and choke him to the ground. i was thinking right, and the falcon and the winter soldier (THATS SO MUCH EASIER FAJHKDAH) would techinally be like a 10 hour movie right? because every episode is an hour long and there'll be 10 episodes? like wow. i get what you mean though, abt the racism in the show etc, like looking forward to it but not like..... no i get what you mean i will not try and give another example lol but you make me wanna learn more languages like really badly (bc of what you said about the german to american translation) & if you end up watching hamilton PLEASE LMK ABT THAT TOO HAHAHA i love it so much, same thing with lion king lmaoo

speaking of germany, i was at lunch on saturday with my mom and her friend and we were talking about my schooling and like-- she planted this idea in my head lol like what if i just got my GED and went around the world (to england probably) to get a theatre experience??? and i think it sounds so cool but no where near practical lol, it's just..... the dream haha and i would then try and learn a language 😉

uh yes we absolutely should order basically a resturant meal at a cinema, how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?

also about cherry (which i still haven't watched yet lol) i got the timestamps from tumblr😌 i couldn't find them anywhere else, but i agree, i probably wouldn't even look twice at cherry if tom wasn't in it? like i liked tdatt a lot, but it's not a movie i would be itching to see ya know?

HAHAHAHA THE 24 HOUR NOTIFICATION- i think i have around 1030 hours on sims? but i've had it since 2019 lmao (reading the screenshots, yes u are 100% a genuis, i take screenshots too but on anon you can't upload them so i just read them and retype what i wrote lmao) i think the university experience in the game is fun, but time consuming and it's all work imo. idk why i do it so often tho 😭😭😭

and agreed!! when you're making good money in the game you have to find other ways to make it interesting. my cousins who play it just continously do "motherlode" and i'm like.... then what do you do in your game?? it just sounds boring to me... my current sims household, i had a famous comedian sim, her name was dylan, aND SORRY IM LAUGHING SO HARD WHILE WRITING THIS BC ITS A GREAT EXAMPLE OF THE UNI THING UNLESS IM JUST DUMB, she went to college for communications when i wanted her to be a comedian and when she graduated i realized that degree did nothing for the career 🥲 so yeah, i think i'm just dumb. but she had a kid in college, guy didn't stick around and she was pretty broke HA but then she got married to this (great) guy named steve, made good bank, had 5 more kids (two sets of twins and one more lol) but then she passed. uhm... yeah that's still an open wound . lol i'm kidding, but when you get rich like that, you have to find a way to make the game interesting and i chose a million kids.

(this was one giant paragraph until i broke it up uhh yeah) i seriously don't pay attention to the sims prices and just end up spending way too much money and not being able to finish the rest of the house😭 but then again, i'm so used to having sims live in apartments... if i end up building a house FIRST OF ALL it'll look like what you explained before lmao but i'll tell you if i actually end up building a house HAHA & planning out your sims game is so fun to me lol, did enisa and michael take in his daughter yet? i may be thinking too far ahead lol and i love that they fucked woohooed (i say woo woo lol) in celebration HAHA but when i was playing with this one couple i had them woo woo every night hoping the dude would have horrible pull out game and they would concieve, but one night they were too tired and i was like why? get back in there man. if i was in college and lived with my partner we would be fucking every night homie. be grateful. i have been talking a lot about sims, and like you said: enough 💀 i just love this game a lot 😭😭

SORRY LAST THING i think the sims romantic and sexual stuff is so nice bc its what i want?? LMAO IDK like the whole hot tub thing you're talking about- puh lease ITS JUST NICE TO SEE OKAY

i'm reading the german section over again and i said aloud "my german friend is so cool" lol (i was saying that to my brothers & i know they don't care LMAO) (& i'm glad the uni zoom call went well!!) so on a form, in german, it could possibily say Einführungsveranstaltungsteilnehmer because you would be a participant to an introductory event? i swear german sounds so cool 😌 but i love reading your german lessons!! it's really interesting, most of the time my brain can't comprehend it tho?? like that word makes sense to you, but i need a translation. like to be able to look at that and know what it says.... its just appealing and seems so cool lol i kinda wanna write something out in german but i feel that google translate will fail me. während googeln "google übersetzen" mein Computer war so verdammt langsam und es fühlte sich einfach wie etwas Gutes auf Deutsch zu sagen. ich bin nicht sicher, welches Wort ist "fucking", aber ich mag es lmao (did it fail me like i thought it would??)

LMAOOO THANK YOU FOR BRINGING UP JUSTIN BC WHILE AT THE RESTURANT THEY PLAYED A JUSTIN SONG AND I IMMEDIATELY THOUGHT OF YOU AND THIS STORY😭 lol i was thinking it's depending on your age but not even that either... i really don't know.... but tom's fans are hollanders💀 i would consider myself one? he's the only person i'm really into like that (like a lot lol) so idk lmao (directioners 💔💔the pain is real)

LMAOOO (both of these paragraphs started off with “lmaooo” smh) "i like my men when they look like they are on the brink of death" PLEASE, i don't like pete's blonde hair... i just don't. i'm not sure if i wasn't watching the most recent snls but yea. my mom thinks he looks like trash, but i think he's okay? like he said staten island people just look like trash LMAO and I STILL HAVEN'T SEEN KING OF STATEN ISLAND GIRL I ALMOST FORGOT ABOUT THAT!! now i'm gonna make plans to watch it lmao, & yes agreed i find pete hot, don't ask why i really couldn't explain it to someone he's just .

my favorite songs from rex are from pony oh my goodness 🥺 anywho i'm gonna go eat cereal (i ended up eating bun and cheese instead) and listen to the Stormzy songs you recommended... aria. aria aria aria. i would like to thank you for introducing me to stormzy i- i don't have any words or any emojis to express HOW GOOD STORMZY IS. i hope he's popular in germany/the uk because i haven't heard of him but GURLLLL

one second - delicious i love it. it's really good. it’s not my favorite from the album, but its great.

superheroes - at first i played the non-explicit one (on accident) and wondered why the words weren't playing but i was reading them in the lyrics??? THIS ONE THOUGH??? IS THE BEST SONG I THINK I'VE EVER HEARD. i am so SO SO into black people empowering songs (like brown skin girl by beyonce) and this song???? PHEW I CRYYYYY ITS SO GOOD.... i was gonna quote some lyrics BUT THERS TOO MANY I LOVE, "i am young, black, beautiful, and brave" "black queen, you're immaculate, it's coming at the world, they ain't ready for your magic yet, and that was never your fault" THAT WAS NEVER YOUR FAULT- I ALMOST CRIED THIS SONG IS SO BEAUTIFUL (i played it twice lol)

lessons is another beautiful one, like its slow and it feels intimate and nurturing and just OO chefs kiss, beautiful . like you can feel the apology and the regret... it’s so good

own it - OWN IT OWN IT OWN IT IS AMAZING!! swear you would catch me dancing to this song, this song is so fucking good i cannot comprehend like this one might be my favorite for real... "it's the way you wind up your waist, i'm so in awe, you never have to worry abt nothing, you know its yours, you know you own it" 🥲 i played it two or three times honestly

rachael's little brother - YES I DID LISTEN TO IT LMAO AND YES I LIKE IT, its a very complex song and it's very layered in terms of emotions i think and i really like that about it. i probably won't listen to it that often, but its really good. i would recommend this song to my "older brother" bc he would just absolutely love this

shut up - i was taking this song seriously (also very good) until i heard him say shu-T up LMAO, this one is good, i probably wouldn't listen to it 24/7 like rachael's little brother but honestly its still fire

before listening to blinded by your grace and vossi bop, i know you brought up the religion bit, i definitely don't mind that, especially because i'm Christian lol and i actually liked that he brought up God in some of his songs like idk i just like it🥰🥰

(i then went to bed after that lol but first thing in the morning i listened to superheroes and... that song is probably my favorite tbh, i was gonna write MORE quotes that i loved from it but, yeah no there's too many. if you want i'll tell you lmao but this is already so long i would just be quoting the whole friggin song)

VOSSI BOP IS A BOP (lol) I CANT EVEN LIE, i love a song that hypes up a dude's girl so the line- i love that my phone decided to fail to load the lyrics, lemme google it, okay the lyric "looking at my girl like what a goddess" i was like AYEEE its honestly just really good. and no one in america says "sauce" like "i've got the sauce" but now i do (thanks to love island and Nas from last season) and now stormzy so (also im gonna watch the music video for superheroes bc it looks great so 😛)

(because this is already so long i feel like i shouldn't finish the rest but . no i'm gonna do it)

now for blinded by your grace pt2 idk why i’m nervous lmaoo PAUSE I'M NOT EVEN DONE WITH THE SONG GIRL THIS SONG IS *chefs kiss* no words, speechless PHEW y'all gon make me start jumping around. why did i not know about stormzy before, he is amazing i- ok yeah i finished the song, all i have to say is that Stormzy is immaclucate. period. i am literally sending his music to all my friends he is..... amazing

you want my song recommendations 🥺🥺 hmm uh okay lol i listen to a lot of old music, whitney houston, marvin gaye, queen, celine dion, i love "more than words" by extreme uhmm okay, but for actual music i listen to on the daily? (this is a lot of different music like.... they do not go together lmao so be prepared) a song about being sad by rex orange county, betty by taylor swift and lover by taylor swift and... most of that album lol, treasure by bruno mars lmao, OOOO and versace on the floor by bruno as well, lazybaby by dove cameron, creep by tlc has been on repeat lol, deja vu by olivia rodrigo (i saw what you said about drivers license and AGREED LMAO but i like deja vu a lot more haha) and two albums that i listen to in general, rare by selena gomez and ungodly hour by chloe x halle 🥰 you don't have to listen to all of them or any of them lol but that's a sense of what i'm into :) so basically everything haha, i'm into literally every single kind of music really so i wasn't too surprised that i enjoyed stormzy :’)

HAHASBSJHAHA your h20 story cracked me up,, like "wow these actors are so dedicated, learning german just for us" 😭 the beauty of overdubbing

once again, math and maths, in my mind maths makes sense because its mathmatics, but saying maths doesn't feel right to me lol, like if i said maths i feel like everyone would look at me like ??? and yea i was taught it as math so its just more natural for me. but yes math/maths is disgusting, easily one of my least favorite subjects so .

mkay. i- the first time i read this i could not contain my laughter when you said the only pollen you know is sex pollen LMAOKOOSHBABJFAJF STOPPP I'M EVEN LAUGHING WRITING THIS,, anyway. wow! that's interesting, my dad (<<< mostly anything else) gets migraines from the sun and the heat and stuff, yesterday (sunday, i was outside for like hours watching my brothers play football, the american kind lol) i was in the sun for like ever and i got a headache😔

summer clothes🥲 i need to go shopping fr fr. for my birthday my mom and dad got me a giftcard like dedicated to a shopping spree and we've yet to go so..... i should bring it up to my mom lol, but!! i went bra shopping (ended up returning literally all of them cuz they honestly didn't work for day to day work? its a long story) and if i could i would walk around in this new "summer bra" i got, i would. it's so fricking cute and its really light fabric (which isn't perfect for my nipples but still) so i don't get hot in it, but that bra and some shorts would be perfect. its the closest thing to being naked so

IS THE BIRD STILL BOTHERING U ARIA, TELL ME NOW ISTG, i laughed really hard that the bird isn't stupid and is really trying to torture you LMAOO like i was rolling, it wants you to suffer, badly

when you said "mensus" it was still close to mens!!! latin speaking queen 😌😌

okay STORYTIME i was reading back your response and started (fake) crying bc i love you lol and my youngest brother (daniel) gon say "oh man, catherine's crying about something we don't care about, again" I--- i swear when i tell you about them they sound awful, but they aren't that bad, just the stuff i say about them is sounds really mean LMAO

but the thing you said about being kind, same, what i always say is: don't be the person that makes people say "i hate people" ya know? like there's no reason to be a jerk or anything.... but its true 🥺🥺🥺🥺 you are really kind and every time i talk to you i would like to personally fly to germany and give you a hug 💖💕💞💗💓💝💖💘

& i'm gonna show my stretch marks some love bc of you 🥺😭 i really hate how men have basically everyone conditioned that you can't love your own body </3 fuck them, y'all beautiful :')

also thanks for what you said :')) you literally are the kindest, sweetest person i think i've ever spoken to and i love you 🥰🥺🥲💓💗

READING YOUR TAGS HAHAHHAHA the spelling errors makes everything so much funnier. once again, i like your german lessons & yea!! i'm gonna play sims after writing this hahah

#catherine's tags are back #i don't think i've told you my name before?? #anyway it's catherine🥰🥰🥰 #i'm typing this on my computer (without emojis) and if i didn't edit this you would be reading shit shite like #heartface and pout and cry LMAO #yeah abt the tattoos #some stuff with my parents i'm like deal with it??? lol #my mom tells me "if there's something you enjoy or you like but i don't have the same opinion on it... why would my (my mom's) opinion matter? #and i love that #like i'm not gonna go and do whatever i want #but if my mom doesn't like that i swear (which isn't true just an example) #its like okay.... #but whatever #and your tattoo ideas sound really cute!! #and yeah @ your parents, i mean you aren't getting something wild #and the tattoo album>>> #i'm gonna look up ariana's butterfly tattoos just so i know what you mean lol #but i'm guessing you don't want something so incredibily simple, but not super like over the top? #correct me if i'm wrong lol #LMAO the tags were in order don't worry ! #and yeah lol ily2 <33 #and once again, again, sorry for this post JSHJS ITS A MESS AND LONG AS HELL #and you don't need to go in order of my post its literally longer than your german compound words #u're fine #also !!! while writing this the birds were chirping outside and i was like 😳 #and one of your fics (i’ve read all of them, i don’t remember lol) that valentine’s day one where y/n had lingerie on (the pancake one lol) #inspired me to buy lingerie #like when i look back on me “growing up” #that fic & basically you lol really helped with that #that made no sense and i don’t know how to make it make sense... but... yeah. like ily

hiiiiiiiiiii <3333

Dear catherine, 😌

(you have said your name before, but it wasn‘t like an introduction or anything i think you were talking about .... was it possibly the incident at the cinema??? And you said something like ‘calm down catherine‘ like you were telling yourself to calm down idkd dkdkkdkd anyway i didn‘t mention it cause i wasn‘t sure if it was an accident or not dkdjd but now i know 😌❤️ Catherine is such a cute and lovely name btw omg and so are your brothers‘s names 🥰

Sorry that I‘m answering this so late, it‘s been an emotional rollercoaster for me since last week but i‘ll get to that in a second lol

Sksklssk girl i haven‘t played sims in like 2 weeks now ekejdkdlldld ok that‘s not that long at all actually but i keep wanting to play but then i end up not playing for whatever reason, so no news about my sims game 😔 but i love the names Liam and Peter and for twins!!! That sounds really nice actually

okay i‘m trying to answer your ask in chronological answer even though i wanted to wait for the depressing stuff and write it at the end or something OKAY so. i thought that i‘d feel so good when i start uni and that i‘ll like... have a purpose in life again and just be happy (cause in the last year i didn‘t do much and i was depressed like half of the time lol).... anyway i kind of feel even worse now? 😭 i think it‘s because in my brain it‘s like: university!!! that means your life will change and it‘ll all be so exciting. and don‘t get me wrong it is exciting butttt..... idk the online thing is so weird cause you‘re not meeting any new people (i‘m introverted anyway but still lol) and it doesn‘t feel like you‘re listening to/talking to actual people cause it feels the same as just watching a video?

also i thought i‘d be busy again but i only have one lecture (90mins) a day and theres one day where i dont have any lectures at all and just one day where i have 3 hours but.... idk i mean i shouldn‘t complain about having so much free time but i just don‘t know what to do all day and in a pandemic there really is nothing to do but i also can‘t relax bc it‘s like during the week and i know i have uni the next day and .... yeah.

There‘s also this one assignment i had to do that took me AT LEAST SIX HOURS AND IM NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING????? so that was the only thing i‘ve been doing besides “going to“ lectures. for this one course we have to read two (really really long) texts (like it literally took me 3 hours to read them) and we‘re supposed to post it on this website that all the professors in our uni use. So after 5 days of anxiety (✌🏼) i posted mine this morning bc last night i realised that i didn‘t even know why i was having anxiety so i just posted mine today. The deadline is tomorrow at 12 and no one except me has posted theirs yet........ so i have anxiety again 🥰 cause idk if i‘m the only one who did it or if i even did it correctly

Edit while i‘m rereading this: my anxiety about uni is a lot better and i‘m not as d*pressed anymore maybe it was just hormones? idk but i‘m better so that‘s good

(I started writing this like 5 hours ago and then i randomly completely forgot lol)

I‘m in a better mood now though so let‘s move on from that (oh wait also, i think i‘m gonna see if i can find a psychiatrist bc with my anxiety symptoms (long story) i need to go to a psychiatrist, and so far i‘ve only gone to like psycholgists and it didn‘t help but i think that‘s just bc i was meant to go to a psychiatrist and not a psychologist so dldjdjsj

n e ways but yes you‘re not alone, ily, things will get better and yes i love you (i‘m not good at this type of thing🥲 but i‘d hug you right now if i could <3)

Yess i think the time difference between est and me is 6hours but gmt is uk time i believe? i think mine is called.... cet? For central european time? I could be completely wrong though lmao

Oof i completely forgot about hollywood, i remember when laura kept posting about it on instagram but i never actually watched it and i definitely won‘t now lmaodkdksjsn

Okay my driving lesson LEBDJDKDK I DID NOT HOOK UP WITH ANYONE AKSJSKSMMLM especially not my 40 or 50 year old driving instructor lol i like her but NOT LIKE THAT, the lesson was really really really good actually and i think i‘ll have my driving test soon, but i don‘t even remember why the anon would have thought that??? Oh wait now i remember okay KEKSKDLDL so during the lesson my instructor was like do you mind if i turn on some music? AND THIS WOMAN TURNED ON ONE DIRECTION I LOVE HER so i made a post about it and i said something about the song up all night and i guess i phrased it in a .... idk in a dumb way 💀 so the anon made a joke that i stayed up with my driving instructor all night and NO. No.

Wait did i read that right? YOU WERE ARIEL ON STAGE? SIALDBDJDKSLMSBDKDMDMDKDJSLSMDJFJJEDMBFEKLEFBJDLDVSIDLESKSKWKDKDJDOWNYUEKWNDUWLNSUFLWVSUDLEHDOENSIDBEISBEHENJELBSIEMWUDNRIW KB WOBE JO ON SBEUU HIII S HWS LV W ICH US KB okay this keyboard smash is getting out of hand but uh please do elaborate on that 💘😌???? Like you can‘t just drop that information and not say more??? I forgot if you‘re in like your school‘s drama group (is that a thing? lol idk anything about acting) or in an independent group? Either way - ARIEL that is so fucking cool

Your brothers loooooool, no i get it though obviously you love them and stuff but esp at their age children are so annoying so good luck with them 😭😭😭lmao

Yeah “anyway i imagine being an only child is really calming.. like you have time to yourself and its just you and your parents 😌“ yeah just me and my parents who constantly fight 🥰 lmao no i like being an only child, like i cannot imagine having siblings but i feel like if i had siblings i would be saying that i can‘t imagine being an only child so? but i do think it‘s quite different like i‘m trying to imagine having siblings and WHAT that‘s just so different omg i‘ve never really thought about it like properly ???

I saw a tik tok the other day that was like “sometimes i forget that my siblings have a life of their own. like i see them as side characters in my life“ and even though i can‘t relate obviously i felt that. lol, like i can really imagine how it feels idk what i‘m talking about like shut the fuck up, daria

(also my actual name is daria not aria but i dont like it, and also i wanted to be more anonymous on tumblr so now i‘m aria lmao. pls don‘t mention it though cause no one knows except for you and mel (peterbenjiparker) dkdkdkdnkdnd. but i‘m starting to identify with the name cause everyone keeps calling me that looool😭😭😭 (but i like the name, more than daria anyway? well it also depends on the accent, cause the way germans say daria is okay. the was Americans say it is also okay, but some of my family in England are from the north of england and i don‘t like how they say my name 💀 no offence to them(?) but yeah pls don‘t mention the name in your ask cause the chance of people seeing it is higher then (or if you want to say something about it just send a separate ask and i just won‘t post it (IDK what you‘d want to say about my name but yeah just in case slsldlldmsndnsns)

I‘m loving falcon and winter soldier so much but when i was watching an episode the week before last week (?) my laptop broke😭😭😭😭 during the scene where the dora milaje came at the end my laptop just shut down? And it had these lines all over the screen and i had to bring it to the shop where i bought it and they said it‘ll take 6-8 weeks to repair 💔💔💔 but at least it‘ll be for free, cause if i brought it back to apple it would cost like 400€ (i think that‘s nearly 500$) so yeah. but it sucks cause now i‘m “going to uni“ on a really old rusty laptop and on my phone which kinda sucks. oh yeah and also i can‘t watch anything on there 😭 i definitely want to watch wandavision but it‘ll have to wait🤧

Yessss you should def get your GED! I googled and I‘m still not entirely sure what it is dldks but from how you described it- YES!!!!!!

Idk if you know this? Like no idea if I‘ve told you this already (hmmm wait i feel like we talked about it actually?) anyway i was originally gonna go study in England, but for loads of reasons I ended up staying in Germany and I‘m def happy with my decision, but I definitely want to go to England sometime even if it‘s just for six months or maybe for my masters or something? And (obviously everyone is different) but i think everyone should go abroad and live in a different country once in their life, no matter if it‘s for school or what, and even if it‘s just for a few weeks. But i think that‘s something that you‘d never ever forget! And combining that with your acting/theatre??? You really would be living the dream 💘💘😌

how about burgers, chips (fries), and a large drink? any time next week works for me, should i pick you up?— sounds good see you soon 🥰🥰🥰

i used to be one of the people who‘d just do motherlode motherlode motherlode and just... what did i do? Why did i do that??? But not anymore lol. Like I said i haven‘t played sims in a few weeks but i‘ve been watching a few legacy challenge let‘s plays and usually i play with the aging off. So my sims just don‘t age 💀 but i could (should) turn aging on so that it stays exciting and i have limited time and everything. and once i get bored with my current sims i can just make them have kids and continue playing as their children when they get older- like recently i remembered that i haven‘t played the acting career in ages? and i haven‘t had a shop in ages? and i think you can even become a vet right??? like those are definitely some things i want to do in the next weeks!!! Also yes sksksjs i have a few hundred hours on sims as well (if not thousands 😭) it was just that one household that i‘d been playing with for 24hrs

AND GIRL SSKSKJD THE UNIVERSITY THING HAPPENED TO ME TOO, it was a while ago so i don‘t remember what degree and what job it was about but i made my sim study something for aaaaaages so she‘d get a better job from the beginning (you know what i mean like get in at a higher level)...... and i apparently studied the wrong thing cause i didn‘t get any benefits from studying and still had to start at level 1 and shit 🥴🥲

Oh also (this was like 2 weeks ago) Enisa and Michael did take in Michael‘s daughter and i think Enisa currently even has a higher/better relationship with the daughter than Michael but um💀💀💀 also i was hoping (since michael and enisa married (in their back yard i think lol) that the daughter (i forget what her name is😭) would have enisa as her step mom? Like you know how you can see the relationship and it says daughter or son or sister.. and i was hoping that it would say step mom but it doesn‘t say anything 🥲 but in my mind (and if the sims had proper family relations) she is her step mom😌 also Leo is a teenager now???? I mean I aged him up lol dkdk he was being too annoying as a toddler but i don‘t like children so i aged him up twice in one day and now he‘s a teen, but that means he can look after his half sister when she becomes a toddler which is good (the game recognises them as siblings tho even if they‘re just half siblings? why can‘t they have step family members in the sims🥲) okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

I‘ve been a bit sick these past few days and now i‘m getting a headache so i have to finish this response tomorrow 😭😭😭 </3

.

It‘s not tomorrow, it‘s 3 hours later but i‘m better lol

oooff when sims are ungrateful and won‘t woo woo (lol i like that) cause they‘re too tired like?? Be grateful that you‘re not living with your parents anymore 🙄 no okay dkdkdkdl idk if you play with mods (i don‘t) but i know there is a mod (or it‘s part of a mod idk maybe wicked whims?) where you can adjust the percentage of how risky a normal woo woo is, like you still click woo woo (3dksksks okay i‘ll say woohoo again— wait is that what’s it called? 😭) but there‘s like a 25% chance that your sim can still get pregnant just like in real life there‘s always a chance of getting pregnant even if you‘re using protection (just not 25% lmao) but yeah i personally don‘t play with mods sksk and you can always just click try for baby but it would be cool if you could add stuff like risky woohoo to the game without mods (i have no idea how to download mods and i play sims on a really really old laptop and sims is literally tje only thing that works on it anyway so—) i repeat my words from earlier: okay i‘ve annoyed you enough with sims ✋🏼

okay i‘m so sorry i‘m gonna watch fast & furious 1 now cause i need to watch f&f 1-5 until the 30th of april cause they‘re only on netflix til then (i mean i could watch them somewhere else but the quality is never as good) so i will finish this tomorrow after all😭

it is now 1 am, i finished the film, can feel a new obsession coming up again (i always have these f&f obsessions for six months before and after a new film comes out)

THE GOOGLE TRANSLATE wkekdjdj tbh it sounds like someone is speaking with some kind of foreign accent i guess that‘s probably because it just is a direct translation and so anyway slsjsj i don‘t know if you asked me what the word fucking is in german? like idk cause the translation is a bit weird but in case you asked lol sidjsjs theres not really a good translation like we just say fuck for fuck lmao, i don‘t know if you typed in fucking in google translate and it came out as verdammt? cause that means damn (or damned sksjjs) ummm yeah idek if/what you asked so imma move on🤧

I‘m not gonna comment on what you said about every stormzy song cause you already said all the important things but SKSKSJSJSKNSNDBDUDOENWBSLSKKHSULSLSKSBSJSKSK I WAS SMILING SO HARD WHEN I READ YOUR RESPONSE FOR THE FIRST TIME BECAUSE AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH finally i know someone who loves him as much as i do 💘💘💘 also since you brought it up, i‘m pretty sure he‘s considered the most successful UK rapper or if not then at least top 3 so he‘s defffffffffinitely big in the uk, in germany more and more people are listening to uk rap too but not as much stormzy cause theyre dumb apparently 🙄 but anywY i‘m sooooo sooo happy that you like him. i think hith came out end of 2019 (i could be wrong but i think it came out on the 13th of december so (in a european way) you‘d write the date: 13.12 and obviously i don‘t KNOW this but i can definitely imagine that he chose that date because ACAB and yes, Michael. Yes. But he hasn‘t made too much music since then so i hope he‘s working on some new stuff 🤞🏼

Also i ordered the stormzy poster😌 also a nicki minaj one bc i decided i‘m gonna have one wall with red-ish posters (i already have two kinda red ones) and one with blue/green-ish posters (already have two) and i can add stormzy to the blue one and nicki to the red one, but i think that‘s it cause if my walls are tooo full it could look cluttered? I‘m not sure how that type of thing works lmao but my room is generally untidy so i don‘t want the walls to look unorganised too so i think that‘s it for now

I really want to finish this now but my brain is getting kinda slow and i need to sleep soon so this will have to wait till later after all 🥺🥴 (not that it makes and difference to you bc you‘ll see this whenever i post it buttttt i wanted you to know that i want to talk to you again but with my slow brain i‘m just taking too long to do it in one day😭😭😭 and i‘m so busy tomorrow hmm but i‘m sure i‘ll have 30 minutes to finish this then <3)

Okay wait I‘m so dumb I didn‘t realise I‘d nearly answered everything i could have posted this yesterday 😭😭

Oooohh that summer bra sounds so nice like if i was confident enough i literally would just wear a top that resembles a bra (or really is a bra lol) cause my tiddies always be looking amazing i‘m just insecure about my stomach sometimes 🙄🙄🙄 but recently i‘ve been loving myself more and more tbh 😌

also i hope you can go shopping for some nice clothes soon ✨😌

I‘ll be honest I haven‘t listened to your song recs YET but only because i wanna take my time with them and i‘ve been so busy and slso AJ tracey‘s album came out last week and I haven‘t listened to that one yet either so ekdkdj (he‘s also a uk rapper like quite popular and successful as well, but i feel like i‘m not gonna like his album cause whenever i‘m looking forward to an album it ends up being really bad and the albums where you weren‘t expecting it turn out to be bangers.... so yeah but i‘ll let you know when i listen to your songs!!!! :)

Omg i keep having to scroll up all the way to see the next thing you said so sorry if I completely miss some of the things you said😭😭

So when you sent this the bird was still bothering me oh my FUCK DKDLDMMDMDMD but now i‘ve been going to bed at like 1-2am so the bird is probably still asleep lool

Okay and for the rest of your ask my response is: 💘💖❣️💚❣️💛❣️💛💕💞❤️💓💟💞💕💕💖💘💝💟💟🧡❤️🧡💞💛💚💓💚💚💚❣️🧡💖💘🧡💝🧡💕💘🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰🥺🥺🥺🥰🥺🥺💘💘💘💘💘 (okay that looked cuter in my head i don‘t really like the green hearts dldkkdksndnd)

[midgethetree]

Hey, its the period hack noob again - so sorry!!! Can you please tell me how to 'make sure not to leave any targets broken'? How exactly do you bypass something? I've been trying Pescado's delete on different things and I've either gotten errors, or periods lasting like 10,000 hours (I've set the min & max to 24 hours in the tuning, thats why I want to get rid of the duration menu for everyone). I also want to remove the entire period menu on anyone not the active sim clicking themselves

Hi! As far as removing the entire menu on inactive sims as I said this can be done by finding “My object id == Param 0x0000″ and change the false target to return false.

As for the rest: each line in a BHAV has a true and false target to tell the game where to go next depending on the results of whatever happens on that line. If you delete a line, any lines that target that line will be left with broken targets, which you can tell because there’ll be a horizontal line leading to a question mark by them. This causes errors in game. Typically you want to change the target to whatever line the deleted line targeted, or if the deleted line had a target of return true/false change to that.

Using Pescado’s delete automatically sets any would-be-broken targets to the line that was right under the deleted line. This is no different from normal deleting when used on the very last line in the BHAV, and it can also cause issues if the line right under it isn’t what should be run next, but if you have the lines in the right order it can be quicker than manually changing the targets yourself.

Bypassing is what I call not deleting the line at all but just changing the targets of all lines that target it so it’s no longer run at all. For example:

Here I changed the target of the selected line from 0x0027 (which if you look at the arrows you can see starts a loop within which the period.../duration.../etc pie menu options are getting added) to 0x002E (where the loop goes after it’s done). This prevents those options from being added. Once you’re done you can delete lines 0x27 to 0x2D, as they are no longer getting used, and once you’re done Local 0x0001 := Literal 0x0008 will be right above Local 0x0001 := Param 0x0000. Then you can use Pescado’s delete on “Local 0x0001 := Literal 0x0008″ for good measure since it’s useless to set local 1 to 8 when it’ll immediately after get changed to the value of param 0. The end result is:

Hopefully that has cleared some things up? I also just realized all my illustrations have been from V1 but you might have V2, so things might look a little different or things like “My object id == Param 0x0000″ might instead be “Param 0x0000 == My object id”, but hopefully you’re starting to get some idea of what I mean so you can apply it to V2 if that’s what you have.

[lizzodorito]

quick vent

because i legit have no where else to put this sort of feeling and just.. writing it in a book or a doc just... isnt as cathartic. Hope this just fades into the void, please dont bother reading it.

Hey. screw proper grammar and spelling I just need to get thihis out.

my name is liz and hoenstly fuck this website because last time i actively used it for something other than mandolorian memes or sims mods/cc my ex boyfriend was fucking stalking me on it and catfishing me and comfort me by sending me those ask lists and i... i dunno if im over that. Fuck you Sven.

not the point, just wha t I have to think about every single damned time I find myself here no matter what.

I am so lonely. I dont have many friends at all and the ones I do are out to use me or not Get Into It with me, thouhg fair because im a shit load of a lot to deal with i guess. other friends i have are pretty backstabbing and they refuse to properly grow up and LIVE and THINK FOR OTHERS AND ALSO THINK FOR THEMSELVES WITHOUT IT HAVING TO BE DEFINED BY HOW PROUDLY TERRIBLE THEIR MENTAL HEALTH IS FUCK

And then i get shit for it

love being used guys hell yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah  no i dont i hate it so much literally when was the last time anyone loved me right outside of my family and even so its not like my parents treat me well. mother you may have improved drastically,  but similar to my self esteem, its still very much BELOW PAR and i hate having to witness both.

I am so lonely.

I go so long without saying any word sometimes, its a wonder i stil breath, although sometimes when i was young id forget to.

why is it that i get more depressed when i come back to the family home

does anyone else understand being family oriented to a family that really for the majority doesn’t treat you the same?

The voice in my head wont stop. it wont stop telling me all  the ways i have potentially fucked my budding friendships with my new friends isha and matt 

how am i a person who shares so little yet so much

BUT MY LORD THANK YOU these are people who... who are considerate and are processing what i am saying and are thinking of me

but how fucked up am i

and will that push them away

im often distasteful but all the same complex and layered and so useful and so interesting

and that’s why often enough it seems people dont put in the effort, or frankly, dont give a shit about me once i requrie effort, though their “care” for me beofre then was only for their own benefit.

im exhausted 

One of my best internet friends was raped and i was the one who revealed that to her and she just didnt realize it yet and i havent been able to fall asleep without thinking about it

i have needed to cry for over a week now and i haVent gotten to still i am so sad i am SO SAD

I am so charming yet cannot help being alone no matter how enjoyable i am for others to have around

Matt

He makes me question if im asexual

But I am only a human

porbably deifntieyl still asexual

but too much all the same 

Im just lonely and touch starved probably (more than usual to be clear) and want to be hugged and loved and he’s so smart and we talk for hoours and comfortably, for me, occupy eachothers’ space we talk for 

hours.

this is becoming poetry.

I feel like i am beginning to sound like a hobo johnson broken record

stop being poetic fuck off liz

he;s so 

I havent been hopeful like this in people for a long time

we went to a museum to support isha (she had to do a project that invovled socializing so ya know the inrovert crew (though i dont know fi matt considers himself one)) and we just were togeter (in rather close proximinity) just speaking in accents, partly hoping to excite the strangers crowding everywhere about “foriegners” being here at the exhibit... but i think it was mostly just for us. for our fun 

because voices is what we like to do

i love voice acitng 

he committed to it, i fell out of it more times than he did and he gets more specific with accents than i do

he likes what i do

he loves the characters and my many talents

he loves my writing

he wants me to join his dnd campaign over the summer with his friends

is it for me?

does he want... me

or just my character maggie that everyone loves

he wants me to join the campign he’s in npw with his friends, as he’s a player character and not a dm as he would be over the summer

he doesn’t quite get how lonely i am

i worry i made him and isha uncomfortable last night... i joked about actually being loved properly

he immediately looked at me strange, me not realizing the joke was taken as truth

“Liz, is there something you need to talk about?”

“Oh! Oh, well, um...” hi i come from an abusive family and you both dont realize how much it meant to me that you wanted me to come and are consitently telling me and thanking me for coming because... you’re telling me im good company and its been so long since i have had real friends or gone out with friends and ACTUALLY FULLY AND COMPLTELY HAD A GOOD TIME OH MY GOSH YOU DONT EVEN KNOW I AM SO SHY ABOUT ALL OF THIS BECAUSE HOLY FUCK I CANT EVEN ASK HOW I BECAME SUCH A BASKET CASE BECAUSE I ALREADY KNOW I ALRWADY KNOW I ALREADY KOW I ALRADY KNOW AND I HAVENT’ GOTTEN TO REALLY TELL ANYONE IN SO LONG WITHOUT THEM LEAVING ME 

its been so long since ive been understood by a peer

(hi my name is liz and i am weepign right now)

“No, not yet at least.”

*isha laughs and it joined by matt soon. I’m smiling comfortably. I genuinely have a soft, contented hope i might get to tell them at least some of it one day.*

“not yet at least! sorry matt you have to be at least a level 4 friend to learn the tragic backstory”

thank you isha for lightening the mood

thank you for making the joke so many people who gave less than a fuck about me got offeneded at and confused when i made it so often years ago.

my comment was laughed off, we continued to watch the critical role espidoe i had missed

soon it was just matt and i. isha was to bed.

just him and i, and i, like id been all night (concious but making the decision to pipe down and trust the people around me), was all curled up, very relaxed and off my posture, sinking into the couch. MAtt was always upright ish. sometimes hed sink a bit or rest his hips on their side curl a little rest his head, but not as intesely as i did

sometimes he’d scoot closer to me, sometimes hed scoot away. sometimes hed move his legs so our knees would touch. i dont mind (not because i was finding it romantic, im not twelve, i just am understadning of the small situation we are in and its a knee for crying out loud) i wonder if i was taking up too much space with the way i’d sit comfortaly. I wonder if he thought so.

i would be lying if i said i didnt imagine us actually having contact with eachother. cuddling platonically.. on multiple occassions.

I have an imagination that thinks of everything and so many scenarios all at once and all the time after all

i was comfortable with the idea but

it would be a bigger lie to say i wasnt absolutely and perfectly content wiht the way it did go.

i dont thiink i will ever know if he was comofrtable on that couch or more so if it was me he was comfortable or uncomfrtoable with. 

I will respect him to tell me.

he;s good at eyecontact and its comfrotable enoguh where i dont have to look away (it’s been a problem i never used to  have recently)

I’d peek up at him when he’d talk to me

i felt young again

when the stream was over he got up to leave.

i dont know if we daudled. dawdled? yep thats the word

i dont know if we did

we made small talk

shitty jokes that he declared wouldn’t be the last thing we said to eachother that evening

i agreed.

the last words that night were goodnights.

me with my raspy evening voice from a day full of talking and him with a look over the shoulder from the hall as the door closed behind him

he was obviosuly very slap happy sleepy as he was talking about the light not being too bright in the hall (to his happiness)

it was a nice night

when was the last time i went to bed so happy? thanking God over and over and praying for my friend i mention way earlier

i didnt even have to drown my insomnia with a youtube video

i just went to sleep

2 am

i hope the weather continues

- jaques cruzio, pink panther

now im just in bed

at the family home

not my dorm

fighting my depression (its been three hours, i was getting exhausted by 9:30 due to it) as i rest

i was curled in a ball, slumped and face planted, arms slumped when i decided i need to talk to someone, or say something mroe than what i vented to my little sister (small bits about how lonely i feel and how i worry ive fucked things up) hours ago

and here we are 

12:14 am

just some broken twenty something asexual with a mind that’s usually over sixty talking about the amazing people i met two weeks ago while in the background i think about the girl i used to be the boss of (online moderator work) and how she’s essentially in love with her idea of me and how i make her feel... and not just for me.

i am mysterious and cool and smart and hot and talented and useful to her.

I want to be complex and dedicated and helpful and pretty and so skilled and hardworking and wanted for me.

i want to  be considered and deserving and im hoping that isha, matt and my other two roommates can help start to fill that hole in my life

because, God, so far they have so much potential for it in my eyes

(so far)

thanks for listening, void.

actually feeling quite a bit better. the misery is still lingering, i wonder if i should cry more. But, i can breathe easier and my eyes dont feel dead. I just am tired and am prepared to enjoy things again.

proabbly will watch claire from BA make jelly beans.

or the Noel Miller guy isha told me about.

I dont know if it’s appropriate if i downloaded matt’s contact into my phone from when isha put us both in a groupchat together and i hope its not weird and i hope maybe he did the same, but by God i dont think i’ll be texting him first.

i like in person better.

with anyone.

always have

i have so much more on my mind

[reverseblackholeofwords]

Jack, you gotta admit giving Anti “a fresh start” does sound kind of sketchy. Especially with that scare you just had. So don’t rush into it, okay?

Jack calls the Egos around the dining room table where Sam settles into the center and casts a hologram into the air between them all. “Sam is able to keep track of you guys at all times. It’s a safety precaution just in case, you know?” Jack points to a cluster of four dots: red, yellow, blue and white. “So this is you guys here with us, and…” Sam zooms out to show a wider view. Thousands of lines appear to map out streets and natural landmarks.

Somewhere in the sea of green lines, a black dot appears. “There he is!” Chase points. “There’s Anti!”

Jack nods. “Sam, can we get coordinates?” The little eyeball flashes some numbers, and Jack writes them down quickly. “And there we have it, boys. Now we can go to this area and look for Anti!”

Jackie frowns. “That easy, huh?”

“Yeah.” Jack pauses. “Jackie, is there something wrong? I thought you’d be happy to find Anti. We have a solution. He can come home.”

Jem hides behind the hero, and Jackie shakes his head. “No, he can’t. Just because he’ll be ‘brand new’ again doesn’t mean Jem and Henrik and Chase won’t have issues.” Jackie squints. “You were the one who said he should live somewhere else, remember?”

Jack laughs and waves his hand flippantly. “Oh, whatever. Fine, so he won’t live here, but he’ll still be free from those glitches. You know how painful they are to him. Do you really want him to have to deal with that for the rest of his life?”

Jackie has to admit that Jack is right about that at least. He would like to see Anti free of those painful glitches, but at what cost? “Jack, I just… something doesn’t feel right about this.”

Jack’s smile is wearing thin, and he looks ready to lose him temper again. “I don’t know what the problem would be, but if there’s anything I can say or do to ease your mind…”

“You know what?” Jackie snaps, and Chase and Henrik begin to look nervous. “There is something you can do. You can tell me what’s going on with you because you’re not acting like the Jack I know!”

“That’s ridiculous. I come here with a solution to Anti’s problem, for you, and this is the thanks I get?” Jack looks to Chase. “Come on, you’re on my side, right?”

Chase shakes his head. “J-Jack, I don’t know about this…”

“Well, you always were the pathetic, spineless one, weren’t you?” Jack snaps, and the room falls silent.

Henrik puts an arm around Chase’s shoulders. “Jack, tell us vhat is wrong. Zis is not like you.”

Jack’s shoulders slump forward, and he sighs deeply. “I’m sorry. I’ve just been… so sick with worry about Anti.” He looks up and tears have filled his eyes. “I should’ve been the first in line to welcome him back, but I made him feel like he wasn’t wanted.” He buries his face in his hands. “So I’ve been working myself to the bone trying to find some way to make it up to him, to fix this. I’m s–I’m sorry, I just can’t take knowing he’s broken without trying to find some way to fix it.”

He turns to Jackie. “Please, just give me a chance to try this. It doesn’t have to be permanent. I just need to try.”

Jackie swallows and nods his head. “Okay, Jack. We’ll try it your way.” He gives Jack a hug, squeezing tight. “Let’s go bring him home.”