#please remember to be civil! or else my block button will be upon ye

[neo--queen--serenity]

The Black Butler revival will, of course, in this day and age, be the complete embodiment of pro-ship vs. anti-ship discourse, given the subject matter.

But for those of you who are watching this for the first time in 2024 (which includes myself!), there are certain things about the show you simply must understand, for the sake of media literacy.

The first is that Black Butler is supernatural gothic romanticism at its core. This genre alone should tell you that the relationships integral to the plot will be complex, messy, and toxic, by default. That is not only a huge part of this genre’s appeal, but very much the point of the story.

The themes are dark, the terrible things that happen to the main characters are dark, and therefore the relationships at the forefront (and in the background) will reflect that.

The gothic genre has been alluringly popular for over a century (longer, if you know your history) because audiences are entranced by the macabre, the tainted antiheroes, the monsters who live inside us all. It’s popular for a reason.

That being said, understand that whether you, the viewer, ship Sebastian and Ciel or not is irrelevant. Their bond doesn’t need to be understood as romantic or sexual, but it sure as hell isn’t normal. It isn’t healthy. And the audience knows that. That’s the draw. It’s what makes them compelling to watch.

Ciel and Sebastian’s relationship mirrors many gothic novels, poems, and penny dreadfuls written in the Victorian Era (the very same time period in which Kuroshitsuji takes place). The Victorian folks who read these tales for the first time ate that shit up, because it was tantalizing. It was shocking. It was inappropriate, and monstrous, and violent, and erotic, and went against societal norms. But that was the point.

A huge part of gothic romanticism is the blatant sexualization of the relationship between the “monstrous” characters and their human counterparts in the story. Sex itself doesn’t need to take place for their bond to be sexually charged. The forbidden nature of their relationship—which typically involves layers of social taboos, moral ambiguity, or simple infatuation—is what makes their interactions erotic. Sexual contact rarely ever actually happens in these stories. It’s the taboo nature of their bond that creates the tension.

One of the many reasons audiences love this genre is the constant question of morality in its themes. Who, between them, is the real monster? Could the human character have ever been saved? This genre is often associated with tragedy, because the bond forged between the characters in these stories are destined to end in death and destruction. The reader knows it can’t end any other way. How can it?

But an integral element of these gothic tales is the catharsis that comes with this tragedy. The corrupted human often gets what they want in the end, even if it’s at the cost of their own life. Whether they regret their choice to foster this monstrous relationship varies on the story, but it doesn’t change the trajectory of their descent.

Sebastian and Ciel’s relationship is the whole plot of Black Butler. Their closeness bears a grotesque ick factor, but it is deliberate. It is a constant reminder of how unnatrual their bond truly is. Rationalizing or watering down how abnormal they are about each other misses the point entirely. They will never have a normal, healthy relationship, and that’s what moves the plot forward.

That’s why you’re watching it.

[thrandilf]

The Worst Pirate I've Ever Seen

Ahoy! A Julian Devorak adventure!

AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15748518

Coarse rope swayed under the calloused soles of Julian's feet and his roughened hands as he bounded up the ship's rigging. Ocean waves crashed below him in the darkness, a comforting constant din. He grinned as he hauled himself into the crow's nest, ignoring a disdainful caw of an actual crow kept caged on the lookout point.

This was his favorite part of seafaring- the serene ocean glistening in the starlight. Adventure awaited in every direction, the wild breeze soaring in his ears calling to his heart to wander forever. He gazed up at the sky through his windswept locks and rehearsed his constellation charts, verifying that the ship was headed west as planned. It was peaceful, lovely, stunning-

"I think I have scurvy."

Julian groaned, not even needing to turn around to look at the man behind him. "You don't have scurvy."

"You sure?" The pirate in the crow's nest with him was the picture of perfect somewhat sunburnt health. The only thing Julian could prescribe was rest for the circles around the man's eyes.

"We've been over this. You're homesick."

It earned him a loud sniffle. "I DON'T have FEELINGS!"

Julian was ship medic, which on occasion turned into drinking buddy, comic relief, and unofficial therapist. He wasn't even supposed to be a pirate in the first place, but he'd been plundered from a trade ship and conscripted into a life of piracy, spared for his abundant charisma and charm and he supposed for his (dubious) medical abilities.

The main difference between the spice traders and the pirates was marked increase in personal drama.

"Well I've made damn sure that you're all eating like you live in a tropical pineapple scented paradise, so admit that you're sad and don't have scurvy!"

The sailor sighed. "I might cash in next port we fall into. Take my share, settle down. The sea changes you."

"And people say I'M dramatic."

"You are!"

Julian watched dawn crest over the sea, pleased to see land in the distance, and less pleased when he realized what land it was. "Captain!"

The pirate captain was a younger, respectable man as far as pirates went. He raised his eyebrows under his tricorn hat at Julian, prepared for antics of some kind. "Yes, Devorak?"

"Is there a particular reason we're sailing towards Vesuvia?"

"Sure. It's a small country- but absolutely filled to the gills with gold. Run by some bratty blond no one else will bother defending."

Julian coughed. "Yes, well. I've met this bratty blond. I ah, amputated his arm, in fact."

The captain roared with laughter. "Excellent! You'll have to tell me all about it."

Julian explained it later to the captain and first mate below deck, embellishing only harmless details of the battle- as if either of them believed Julian had truly killed any jaded warriors while simultaneously crouched under cover with Lucio, terrified for his life. He delighted in acting out Lucio's whiny, self absorbed floundering and rage at needing his grievously wounded limb cut off crudely in a war camp tent, sharing a laugh at the concept of a man who denied defeat even at death's door.

The first mate was particularly amused. She grinned at Julian. "I hear Lucio got a real wonder to replace his arm- an alchemical beauty made of pure gold."

The captain laughed. "Say, Devorak- wouldn't it be incredible to take his arm again? Ha!"

Julian laughed.

And kept laughing.

Oh, what a delectable joke!

He finally breathed again and his crewmates were looking at him expectantly. Julian's eyes widened. "This is- this is harebrained even for me. Absolutely bonkers. You can't be serious."

The captain mused for a moment. "Vesuvia itself wouldn't be difficult to loot- quick in and out disguised as a merchant ship as we hustle around the port and terrorize some small fry. Now, Lucio is an idiot. His arm is completely solid gold, magic, and power. It's likely the most valuable object we know of. If we can get inside the palace with you as our In to distract him- forget the city! The palace is full of so many riches they won't notice what's gone!"

"So you want me to infiltrate the palace, let our crew loot to their heart's content, and if possible steal Lucio's arm?"

"Yeah."

Julian stared in disbelief. "That's the worst scheme I've ever heard."

The first mate scowled, disappointment on her tanned features. "So, we're not storming the castle?"

Julian smirked. "I've never looked forward to anything more in my entire life."

-~-

Julian was filled with dread.

It wasn't out of fondness for Lucio. No, if there was anyone who deserved to have pirates ransack their house, it was Lucio. This was the most righteous conquest so far in Julian's life as a professional scoundrel. Lucio was volatile at best and he'd have to tread carefully.

They made port with ease, looking for all the world like honest merchants. Pirates could clean up well if they liked- Julian had even sacrificed the last of his apricot oil soap to the cause. Julian let the majority of the crew do as they pleased in the city and led the first mate and a few more respectable looking pirates to the palace.

The palace guards blocked the gate, glaring at Julian. "Password?"

Julian stood tall, grinning widely. "Tell Lucio Doctor Jules is here to ah, check up on him. I come with greetings for an old friend."

One guard left and the other employee eyed him. "You cut his arm off, right?"

"Yes- our relationship is rather complicated."

The remaining guard lowered their voice to a conspiratorial whisper. "Was it gross? Like blood everywhere?"

"Appallingly so. Gushing blood and torn muscle sinew everywhere. I had to cauterize the wound."

"Ew." They looked delighted.

The other guard returned and waved them through the gate. Julian eyed the moat under the grand bridge to the palace with suspicion. Long curvy shapes drifted in the water and one of his crew members looked over with wide eyes. "Vampire eels?"

"Yeah Aislinn," said the first mate. "Don't jump in no matter what you do. Didn't think this guy was the type to have exotic pets all over."

Right on cue, Mercedes and Melchior bounded out of the palace foyer barking and snarling. Julian put himself in front of his crew, blocking the huge white dogs as they yipped and tried to jump him. "Ack! It's ME! Come on guys!"

Lucio himself followed the dogs, grinning widely and taking his time to call them off. His voice was as raspy and high pitched as Julian remembered- a perfect balance of sinister and annoying with a shot of whiny. "Alright, alright. It's just Jules!" His gold trimmed white blazer was roguishly open to reveal toned muscle under his red decorated sash. Despite the provocative neglect of buttons and regal shoulder cape, Lucio's arm still stood out the most. Typical that he'd want to draw attention to his wealth with every first impression. "Doctor Jules- finally dropped by to apologize?"

Julian had expected this. "I wanted to check in on an old friend when I found out my merchant ship was headed to Vesuvia. May we talk somewhere without my entourage? We've been at sea for months and I'm sure they could use-"

Lucio waved his hand dismissively. "Yes yes, go ask some servants for rum or whatever else it is I don't drink."

This was ridiculously easy. The first mate grinned at waved at Julian. "We'll be enjoying the grandeur and hospitality, see you later!"

Lucio sighed loudly. "You must be so low in life, Jules, trouncing around with sailors who barely have soles on their shoes. Rustic. Abhorrent. Please, have something civilized to drink with me while we discuss your employment."

"My what?!"

Lucio plopped down on a couch in a vast private parlor complete with floor to ceiling windows and a balcony. They faced a huge magical fish tank that took up an entire wall, housing a deadly gorgeous lionfish the size of Julian's torso. Julian busied himself with staring at the vivid coral rock sculptures and swaying deep sea plants in the tank. Lucio poured a glass of wine for himself. "Come on Jules- surely you'd rather work for me. If I travel, it's in class."

Julian held back a groan. Prolonged exposure to Lucio would be a blight upon his soul. "I'm quite content. I booked free passage providing medical expertise and I've seen more of the world than ever before- even took a trip back to Praka."

"Ah, Praka!" Lucio sipped his wine, slouched and uncaring about Julian's tensed posture. "The prettiest girls are from Praka, you know. Goddesses, all of them. Meet any lovely ladies there?"

Julian floundered. This wasn't how he imagined this conversation going. "Er- at least seven."

"Seven? Jules, you've GOT to get out more!" Lucio winked. "Don't you owe me some company? Have a drink, I insist!"

"Ah- coffee, if you please." Lucio snapped his fingers for a servant and Julian's mind raced. His companions were likely already looting what they could get away with like kids at a sweets stall, and he didn't have too much time no matter how smooth and rich the coffee brew. "Do you mind if I take a look at you? I am rather sorry about the amputation- nasty business."

"As you should be."

"I don't delight in harming others!" Julian took a sip of his coffee when a servant brought it to him and stood up, circling behind Lucio. He brought his hands down to his shoulders and squeezed, feeling the joining of metal to flesh under the guise of giving Lucio a massage. "It doesn't pain you, does it?"

"Only my pride!" exclaimed Lucio.

Julian felt around as much as he could without getting caught. There didn't seem to be a catch or release mechanism on it, and it felt seamlessly grafted to Lucio's flesh. "Magic?" he asked.

"Of course- what else would it be?" Lucio finished his glass of wine and poured another. Julian noted that it was barely 9 AM and scowled with judgement, even if he also was prone to bouts of day drinking. "If not now, since you're so inclined to take a slow boat everywhere, then in the future- I insist you'll be my official physician. If I have need of you, I expect you to be here."

Julian wasn't one to turn down future job prospects, and keeping Lucio happy was key as he withdrew his hands. "Of course. I'd be honored."

"Good!" Lucio yawned and Julian's ears twitched as he thought he heard a commotion in the distance. "I have an execution to freshen up for- what's that noise?"

Julian panicked. He needed to distract Lucio and followed his basic instincts. "I must leave!" he exclaimed. With a dramatic spin on his feet he chugged the rest of his coffee and sprinted out a window with a horrifying, all consuming crash of glass as he hurtled through the air to the eel infested moat.

"What the FUCK!" Lucio blinked at the glass shards all over the floor and laughed at Julian's high pitched screams of horror as he fell down into the water. Lucio didn't even bother getting up, shaking his head and drinking directly from his wine bottle. "Typical Jules. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO FIX THIS WINDOW!"

Julian belatedly remembered the pet vampire eels and screeched, flailing in the swirling depths as something sank fangs into his thigh. He managed to kick it off and frantically scramble to shore, running with adrenaline pumping so hard through him he crashed into a street vendor's cart. "MY CABBAGES!" he wailed.

"I'M SORRY!" Julian haphazardly bolted through the crowded streets, soaking wet, limping, and injured with bloodied cuts all over his face and hands. Many people shrieked at seeing him and helpfully ducked out of the way.

What he didn't expect was to be physically grabbed as he turned down a side street. He readied himself to fight but paused as he realized his would be attacker was a small older woman giving him a stern look. "I- I gotta go I'm so sorry-"

She spoke in a strong accent that reminded Julian's salty heart achingly of home. "You've got to be the worst pirate I've ever seen."

Julian laughed nervously. "Pirate? You must be-"

"I'm coming with you."

"Uh, what?"

"I'm Mazelinka." She jerked her head back down the street. "I live down there. You'll need to remember that when you're back."

"I-"

"You are a disaster, boy!" She snapped. "I make a better pirate than you!" She thrust a small package at him. "For your injuries. I knew you'd need them. I see much."

Julian melted under her short glare and led her to the docks, unsure why he suddenly trusted Mazelinka with his life. "Call me Ilya."

She chuckled at him and remained silent. Julian got the bizarre feeling he'd just been adopted.

-~-

The pirate captain stared at Julian with disbelief. The crew gathered around their exquisitely expensive spoils dumped out on the table, already sailing off to another country to pawn off things such as a priceless vase and large amounts of ruby jewelry. "You went to steal Lucio's arm and came back with an entire old woman?"

Julian blushed. "Yes."

The captain grinned at Mazelinka. "Welcome aboard. Devorak's outdone himself! We needed a lookout since Scurvy Boy left us this very morning."

Julian smirked and rummaged in his pockets. "Now, I don't want you to think I'd come back, ah, empty handed?" He held up a piece of carved gold on a short vibrant violet ribbon, a token of the shoulder rub he'd given Lucio. "Think one of Lucio's war metals will fetch a pretty price?"

The gathered crew cheered and clapped him on the back as he tossed it on the table. With luck, Lucio would blame the loss on a blacked out partying episode. Julian excused himself for some fresh air and leaned on the railing, sighing as he gazed up at the cloudy sky.

The first mate lounged next to him, grinning as the wind whipped their hair. "Say, Devorak- ever thought of getting an eyepatch? It'd look good on you."

Julian snorted. "That's HIGHLY unlikely."

[the-tormented-writer]

Stories For Monday pt. 2/2

Catch up here: http://the-tormented-writer.tumblr.com/post/163922695701/stories-for-monday-pt-12

“About time you came back from fishing! I thought something had happened to- Steve?” Sam questioned looking back and forth between the two of you.

You clear your throat, “Oh yeah! Steve came down and decided he wanted to fish after all.” You quickly scan the room evading Sam’s disapproving expression.

“Really?” Natasha eyed Steve then over to you.

“Maybe that’s what the doctor ordered?” Scott spoke eagerly grabbing the cooler from your clammy hands, smiling and making his way towards your stove.

Sams eyes squinted at you then shifted to Steve. ‘What?’ You silently mouthed. You laid the rest of your belongings down against a closet door and went to Sam.

“What is that all about?” He took the fishing poles and yanked the blanket from your shoulders, grumbling looking over in Steves direction once more.

“What’s what? You can’t honestly think… Sammy, as much as that is every Steve Rogers fan dream- no. Hate to disappoint ya but it was just us talking and fishing.”

“Mm hmm. I’m on to you.” He pointed, resting his hands on his hips.

“You know me Sam, that tortured soul thing doesn’t work on me.” You turn to follow the others gathering in the kitchen.

“Yeah she seems more of the wounded animal type, if I had to guess.”

“Scott she literally was talking to me-”

“I know I know! If you want me to butt out just say so.” He puts up his hands in surrender.

——-

“Hey soldier…” Natasha smiled, leaning on the doorway into Steve’s room. “So what was going on with you and Y/n?”

Steve sat up from his bed, rubbing his eyes, “Nat, I really-”

“No, I want to know. I mean, last time I heard you were sucking face with Agent-”

“Don’t go there. Y/n- She- it was nice. For a moment,” he looked up at Natasha. “All of this disappeared. I didn’t have to be on high alert, making sure others were safe and assessing possible threats. At that moment, time stood still. My thoughts were silent, I was calm and enjoying -”

“ ‘Enjoying’? Wow. Steve Rogers you might have a crush.”

“Yes to enjoying but no to the crush. Sorry Nat, you don’t win this round.”

Natasha entered his room, sitting at the foot of his bed, “Steve, you don’t have to be tough all the time, you know. You can let me in. You can let all of us in and help you carry what must feel like a burden to you. You’ve got me, Wanda, Sam… and I can’t believe I’m saying this- Scott. You’re not alone.” Steve glanced over her as she looked away from him, leaving her spot and walking back towards his doorway. “I’ve always told you that you were blind to a woman’s affections towards you. Y/n… she’s something else. I can’t put my finger on it but you’re different around her. We’ve all noticed it and these few weeks we’ve been here, she’s changed the total direction of our team.”

“Really now?”

“You might not want to admit it to yourself, you’re different yet the same all at once. As easily as I can put it- you’re Steve Rogers around her, not this Nomad-”

“Alright. I get it.”

“So what are you gonna do about it?”

“Nat. If things were different.”

“But they’re not. Look at it this way, maybe we don’t go back to what life was before. Barton already proved that any of us can have a successful relationship, start a family-”

“Why would I want to do anything with anybody while I’m a fugitive? Sometimes I ask myself why did I make us leave Wakanda…”

“Because, you simply didn’t like it there. You don’t want others 'protecting you’ or 'hiding out’. This laying low thing was never for you. You want to be out where the action is. How do you put it- 'fighting the good fight’?. ”

“I’m done being okay with everything. I need to be able to scream! And- and hit things and flip tables" Steve sits up, nibbling the side of his cheek. Feeling like this was different like the world was on his shoulders and he was close to dropping it. He lets out a long exhale resting his arms on his knees. “But it’s what was working, I mean for one, Buckys safe.”

“True. Though on the other hand, and you may not admit it but you want to reconnect with Stark and the others as well. I know you, you always have that ancient flip phone on you incase he calls. You know I’ll back you no matter what you choose. Just think first.”

——–

“Hey- do you care for some company?”

You look up by the doorway to the study seeing Steve with his arm propped up on the door frame. “Uh yeah I’m due for a break anyway. I’ve been staring at this screen for far too long.” You lean back in your chair slowly spinning it to face him.

“So what are you writing about?”

“Oh well. That’s a loaded question.” You laugh suddenly feeling shy. You could not believe that Steve Rogers was interested in what you were writing. You had read how he enjoyed drawing but this felt different. “Let’s see. I’m writing about a girl,”

“Of course.”

“and a guy,”

“Naturally.” Steve licked his lips as his sparkling eyes met yours waiting patiently for you to continue.

“And they’ve got nothing in common. They meet unexpectedly actually.”

“Alright I’m listening.”

“Anyway umm… they become close as the story goes on and one thing leads to another and ..”

“And- ”

“it gets complicated, like most relationships do.” You unconsciously drum your fingers against the oak wood table. “I dunno you’ll have to read it when I’m done..”

“Complicated huh.”

“Yes.”

“Well answer me this, when it’s gets difficult for the two main characters what do they do, just give up?” He questions wondering if this was a writing from your own life experiences.

“Oh no. But like I said you’ll have to read it. I’ve just been having a touch of writers block and I’ve been wanting to atleast devote a few hours to it each day while I’m here.”

“Yeah..” Steve turns away from you as it hits him once more that you will be leaving him, them and the feeling of comfort you provided.

“Remember I don’t live here. I’ll have to go back in two weeks. Then I’ll be out of your hair.” You sigh smiling up at him. Steve looks down and his clasped hands. Your concern shifts observing his body language. “Are you ok? You look a little down. ” “No I - was just thinking how will we survive without your cooking.” You laugh as he joins in. He could not possibly burden you with his feelings for you and how he truly felt about you returning home.

“I’m sure you’ll all figure something out.” You say with no real conviction in your voice. The laughter between you dies down. You feel yourself being bought back to reality and the seriousness of his situation. “You know Steve, I know we aren’t close like you and the others..and I’m not really someone who… I just want you to know you can’t run forever, you know this right? At some point you’re going to have to pick yourself up and fight for what you believe in. Wether you end up fighting with or without your team.” You wait patiently for his response as he mulls over the shift in the conversation moving from weirdly awkward to serious.

“That’s what-”

“You’ve tried to do, I know. I also believe that Steve Rogers never backs away from a fight. So while you’re regrouping for the time being, keep that fire burning in your heart for what you stand for. What you’ve always stood for.” You smile and he nods, licking his lips. You let out a soft breath unsure what to say next, afraid the air between you would become stale. Then the most unexpected thing happened, Steve leans in towards you. You can see him drawing closer moving painstaking slow and cautious. You thought about what to do with your hands as Steve Rogers put his lips on yours. You were surprised beyond belief! He was gentle and smooth. His fingers sweep against your cheek, resting a hand on your thigh. Softly you rest your hand upon his shoulder. As you bliss out his motions become needy, he raises both hands to the sides of your face. Letting out a moan he pulls himself back, while you feel a rush of cold air on your moistened lips. When you finally opened your eyes he was gone.

——

“Steve?”

“Wanda.” Steve dries his hair with a towel, letting it rest on his shoulders. He thought taking time in the shower, away from you, would calm him. It just made it worse. His cheeks showed a faint blush embarrassed at the thought that Wanda had heard him in the shower relieving his tension.

“She likes you, you know. It’s like a warm tingling feeling she has spreading throughout her mind when she sees you.”

He took a deep breath, realizing what she was in his room for. Dropping his head he knew he would be unable to avoid the subject at hand. “Wanda I told Sam I- I can’t help it, she’s so-”

“Entrancing? Because that’s how you look. Like you’re under a spell.” She smiled, quickly bringing up her fingers to cover it.

“Trust me Wanda you don’t want to be in my head right now.” Steve chuckles, sorting through a pile for laundry.

“I know the others must see it too.”

“Wanda.”

“It began the night beside the lake you know, that’s when I first sensed it. I just thought you’d like to know.”

He rubbed his hair again, tossing the damp material to the side of his bed. “Thank you. I appreciate you looking out. I believe I’ve got a firm grasp on this, whatever it is and…” He trailed off, looking to the doorway yet Wanda was gone.

————-

You awake to a buzzing sound on your nightstand. Quietly you slide the drawer, containing your phone, open. It’s screen was blinding. You start to have butterflies rising up in your stomach touching the answer button. “Y/l/n, please tell me you’re done with that sacred book!”

“Charlie! How are you?”

“Are you sleeping on the job?”

“Hey it’s five in the morning, and you’re calling me for what exactly?!”

“Do you happen to still be locked up in that Amityville horror?”

“Calm your tits! Yes I’m still here.”

“I can’t calm what I don’t have! Remember You’re suppose to be returning in a few days, refreshed and raring to go!”

“Yeah I know, it’s just-”

“Just what? Arent you ready to rejoin civilization, sweetness?”

“Of course. Yeah.”

“Well I’m glad to hear it!”

“Yeah.” You sigh, “me too.” You begin fiddling with a corner of the bed sheet. You could picture him now, his tall lanky body bent over his desk looking over papers and scribbles of notes long since forgotten.

“Don’t sound so down and out, I’ll be coming out to rescue you Saturday-”

“What? uh…no!” You about drop your phone at his words, “That won’t be necessary!” You fight with your bed covers attempting to dislodge yourself from the mass. “I’ll just trek into town and go from there! No worries!”

“Nonsense! Come on! It’ll be like the good ol days- think of it, I’ll pick you up in my jet….”

“No! Really, I don’t need or want that attention. I like how quiet it is out here. Honestly I have gotten to be one with nature.”

“…Wine and dine you all the way back to New York. Huh? Maybe even throw in-”

“CHARLIE! Listen, ” you took a calming breath fighting the image of his stormy blue eyes and jet black hair. “I’m good. It’s been … interesting here.”

“Really, out in the wilderness?”

You could note the smirk in his voice, you knew him so well. “Yes. And I don’t want your obnoxious mouth and your aura out here.”

Aww I’m hurt sugar..you’ve never had a problem with my mouth before.“

You roll your eyes at the comment, walking around your room as softly as possible.

“Fine! have it your way.” He clears his throat placing a hand in his dress slacks pocket.

“Just let me meet you in town. Ok?” You plead, “you can’t see me but I’m giving you the puppy dog face.”

“Geez so defensive…So on to more important matters, you miss me?” Charlie rubbed his chin clicking his tongue.

“Somewhat..” you look at yourself in a mirror making a gagging face.

“That sounds like a 'yes’ and I’ll take it!”

“Sounds like a plan!” you exhale, tossing the phone into your covers.

“Ok I’ll see you then!” Charlie speaks with a laugh quieting it instantly when the figure who had been patiently waiting in the shadows stood, thrusting a briefcase full of money onto the dim lit desk.

——–

“So I wanted to let you all know, as much of a pleasure it’s been cooking, cleaning and being a mom for you all, sadly all good things must come to an end.”

“What are you talking about? Don’t you live out here?” Scott questions looking to Sam. Sam nods running two fingers up and down his wine glass, “That’s right. I knew you were acting weird. This means you must have finished your book?” leaning on his elbows his eyes shift to you .

“Ha..yeah… actually, I’m on the last chapter BUT my time here is coming to a close.”

“What’s going on?” Steve asks looking from one end of the table to the other.

“God sis. Don’t say it’s Charlie.”

“Who’s Charlie?” Nat asks with a devilish wink.

Scott snaps his fingers, “Oh! Charlie from Charlie’s angels?! I love that movie!”

“My EDITOR, Charlie, Scott! What in the world-”

“ 'The porn on legs’ as she dubbed him the first time she saw him.” Sam huffs rolling his eyes.

“Oh is that so, Y/n?” Natasha lifts and eyebrow at you, you make eye contact with Steve with your mouth slightly agape, then turn towards the others unsure how to continue. “He’s coming to pick me up Saturday. Don’t worry, I’m meeting him in town. So you’ll still continue to have all the privacy you all need. AND your secret is safe with me.”

Wanda glanced over to Steve feeling waves of jealousy emitting from him. 'Are you going to tell her how you feel?’ she projects into his head while the others continue to tease you.

'She’s better off.’ He replies taking a drink, looking back at Wanda.

'Is she really or is that what you’re telling yourself?’

He swirls his drink around, placing it on the table. Suddenly he had lost his appetite.

“So we need to have a going away party right?” Scott changes the topic clapping his hands together.

“No it’s ok. It’s not every day a girl gets up close and personal with super heroes. No matter what Steve says, you all are great and I for one am thankful for everything you’ve done.” You raise your glass to toast the others over the pizzas spread over the dinning table.

———–

“Hey Natasha, is everything alright?” You stay seated at the edge of your bed looking over a few rough drafts.

“Yes, everything’s fine. Um, do you have a second?” She bites her lip rubbing her hands on her hips.

“Of course!” You say enthusiastically stacking the papers haphazardly on your nightstand.

“I wanted to talk to you about Steve.” Natasha takes a seat besides you while you watch her. “Oh, I’ll try my best. What’s going on? Is it about staying here? I mean you guys can stay here as long as needed. I only try to come out here twice a year to make sure everything’s working and hasn’t been damaged. But-”

“Relax it’s not that. You and Sam have been more than accommodating. It’s…He likes you and I think you like him too.”

“Nat-”

“You don’t have to say anything. I know. That and Wanda told me.”

You roll your eyes and Natasha giggles to herself how much you look like Sam. “I’d appreciate you not saying anything to Steve. I mean you’re right I do. But neither of us are in a good spot right now. I mean you guys are - and I am-” your arms flail a bit trying to come up with the words to describe what you were feeling.

“I understand.”

Your heart felt like it was breaking. “Thanks. So yeah, I gotta finish packing.” Looking away from her you get up and make your way towards the closet. It’s not everyday one would hear that someone such as Steve Rogers had taken an interest in little ol you.

“Of course.”

“Goodnight.”

Shortly after Natasha leaves you hear another knock at your door. You get up, placing an unlit cigarette behind your ear. Cracking the door you expect to see Natasha. Steve looks up at you with sad eyes, “Can I come in?” His words are soft and pulling at your heart. He scans the hall, “I need to talk to you.” He shoves his hands into his pockets feeling like a school boy. Unsure of what is happening your mouth drops at the surprise. “Yeah. Sure!” You slowly motion him to enter. You move to the side letting him pass cringing that your space was in such disarray.

“Are you ok?”

“Yeah it’s just something’s I gotta get off my chest.” He states before shutting the door behind him.

——–

“Hey,” Sam waves leaving his other hand on the doorknob. “Steve, have you seen or heard from Y/n? She gets up at the same time every day.”

“Uh no actually.” He nervously clears his throat, pulling up his collar just abit hiding a hickey you left, “Maybe she’s down at the lake?”

“Hey her car is gone. Where would she go without any of us noticing?” Nat questions she begins looking around the kitchen.

“Calm down, I mean I agree but maybe there was a few things she needed to get before leaving.” Steve sighs continuing with his reading.

Scott walks towards the screen door headed to the dumpsters carrying an empty yellow box, “Yeah like restocking the eggos.” The others glare at him.

Sam shook his head feeling uneasiness wash over him. “No she would have told somebody. She knows how I get…”

“Hey, why is y/ns stuff out there by the lake?” Wanda squints taking in Steve’s nervousness. Her eyes glow using her telepathy, 'You were with her, weren’t you?’

'Wanda not now-’

'Did she say anything?’

'She was asleep when I left her room this morning.’ He thought while sipping his coffee.

“There’s more than one set of foot prints out here. Did I miss something?” Scott asks letting the screen door slam behind him.

Steve made his way to Wanda , “Can you sense her?”

“I can’t, she might be knocked out”

Steve is furious now. He knew the minute he let his guard down.. “How was someone up here and we miss it?”

“Let’s not jump to conclusions. Y/n She’s a smart girl. She can handle herself.”

The rest of the group looked at one another. “Sam, when was Charlie suppose to pick her up?”

“That idiot? Tomorrow.”

“How well do you know him?”

“Well he’s an ex of hers and I pretty much hate him. But I’ll tell you one thing, he can’t fight himself out of a paper bag.”

“What If we’ve been found, Steve?” Natasha rests a hand on his shoulder.

“Ok. Let me think.” It had happened all over again, letting his emotions control his choices. Now a woman that he cared about had been possibly taken and it was all his fault.

“There’s only so many places in this town to go.” Sam whispered.

Wanda stands struggling to receive a clear image of you, “Steve-”

Sam begins plucking weapons hidden around the home, “Charlie has a private jet, so if he did take her, which I doubt-”

“Steve-"Wanda tries again getting cut off once more.

"He could have been a lure?” Wanda questions clearly unsure where to begin the search for you.

Scott sips some coffee moving towards the others, “But no one knows we are here”

Wanda yells, “Steve!” Clearly getting the attention of the others. She was afraid of loosing the familiar feeling of you attempting to reach out to her.

“WHAT IS IT?!” He yelled, resting his hands on the counter. Many emotions were rushing through him, he was close to boiling over. Just when he had let go of all his inhibitions with you last night, this proved he was never meant to be happy.

Wanda smiles faintly relieved that you are alive, “I think I’ve found her.”

——–

Your vision is spotty and everything hurts. You weakly move a hand to touch your throbbing head.

“Please y/n forgive me. You’ve got to forgive me.”

You try to turn your head in the direction of the voice. Pain shoots up your spine causing you to grit your teeth.

“Some men saying they were from some government FBI or homeland security- I don’t recall. They found you, they were coming …they said you wouldn’t be hurt as long as you and I …cooperate. They know about the lake house. That damn freaky ass house of yours. What have you got up there that they want? The money the promised me, babe. They only have given me half so far then the rest after this. I will be rich. We would be rich. I could hire those who would protect us, we’d never go through this again. There’s something in that house they want….”

You frown trying to shake yourself out of your daze attempting to remember the last thing you did. Steve. You were with Steve. You had been talking and he kissed you, passionately and hungrily. You blink as flashes play behind your eyes. His hands were roaming everywhere, your clothes thrown haphazardly around the room, his scent filling your senses.

“Earth to Y/n?! Can you get us out of here? Didn’t your brother teach you anything from his military days?”

Your eyes land on Charlie, wide eyed and covered in who knew. “Will I get used to being held captive? I never understood injured birds so well before”, he mumbled. His bottom lip was busted and a purple bruise was forming on his left eye. Tracks of dirt starting at his eyes trailing to his chin let you know at one point he had been crying.

"Where am I?” You manage to ask, groaning from being jostled about the space.

“We are in the back of a truck. I’m not sure how long. My two hundred dollar watch got damaged in the scuffle.”

You set your head against the side of the trailer, feeling it sway from side to side, listening to Charlie ramble on. You began worrying about Sam, Steve and the others, not knowing what would happen next. If this was about them, if they would get out and away before they were caught. You hear Charlie mention something about being bait before you pass out again.

——–

“Y/n- oh god.”

“What happened?”

“Sam- what’s going on?”

“ I don’t know. There’s so much blood?”

“Where is it coming from, Steve?”

“I don’t know? Sam?”

“Is it hers?”

“I DONT KNOW!”

“PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER!”

“I think her legs have been broken.”

“Romanoff she’s not breathing!”

“What?”

“What did he say?!”

“Move!”

“Y/n! Breathe for me baby come on!”

“Fuck, no. She’s not dying like this. Sam-”

“No! You’re going to save her. She’s the only family I’ve got left so the hell with your rules and shit. You’re going to save her!”

Steve switched places with Sam while he did chest compressions on you. Your hands were beginning to feel clammy like that night on the lake.

“Don’t quit on me”, Steve whispers breathing into you. You cheeks fill and deflate with each of his breaths. He gets more irate with every unsuccessful attempt to revive you. “Fuck. I can’t just get a fucking break. Just one break!” That second he lands a punch to your chest you begin coughing. Your hands fly up to the first thing you can hold on to grounding yourself. Steve chuckles breathing heavily. He whispers into your hair, surrounding you with his body holding you tightly, “I can’t loose you, Y/n I just found you.”

You look up at him with a smile. Tears roll off his cheeks as he grins at you, “How could you think I would ever be ready to let you go?”

——–

“How long can we linger around here before people get suspicious?”

“I just want to make sure she’ll be alright. This is my fault -”

“If it’s anyone’s it’s mine. I didn’t know she was at the lake-”

“Stop blaming yourselves, Wanda’s trying to wake her.”

“Is that safe?”

“I just want to say goodbye.”

“We all do, but her body needs to heal. She’s been through a lot.”

“I know I can’t just sit here, Nat! I’ve got to do something.”

“You’ve got to calm down Steve!”

“We can’t tell her where we’ll go, that might put her in-”

“Look she’s my sister ok! You all mean a lot to me but she’s. She’s been with me through everything and I can’t loose her- not like this.”

“Sam- I. Y/n and I, we-”

“Man I don’t want to know about it-”

“You’ve gotta believe me I never intended-”

“I know. Hey You’re a good guy Steve and y/n’s a big girl, I trust you.” Steve shakes his head in understanding, while Wanda and Natasha can’t help but smile. “So what now?”

“You guys, she’s awake.”

——–

“Can we start from the beginning again? I really don’t remember much.”

“Where should we start?”

“Somewhere because I’ve got two broken legs, a black eye and a broken rib… or four.”

“I guess I’ll go first. Somewhere along the line someone tracked down your editor- Charlie. And got a bug in his ear by building up his ego with promises of money.”

“Honestly that’s not even surprising.”

“So with someone knowing where you were they put the two together tracking you then the rest of us.”

“That was quite a shot in the dark they took thinking that Sam would contact me.”

“Desperate times..”

“Who was it and what do they want?” I look around at the group as they avoid my sight.

“They wanted us, remember- fugitives?”

“Riiight.”

Steve breaks in the conversation grabbing your hand, “It no longer matters. What matters now is you get some rest.”

“But I’m worried about you guys. Where are you gonna go now since the lake house has been compromised? What are you gonna do in general! Who’s going to cook for you?!” Scott and Sam laugh. You try to sit up when Natasha and Sam push you back down onto the hospital bed.

“We can talk later, right now we need you to get better alright?”

You nodded thinking about all the questions you had that were going unanswered. Scott hugged you then Natasha. You could not rid yourself of the feeling that this was goodbye. Wanda nodded secretly telling you she’ll be keeping her thoughts open for you. Sam hugged you tightly rubbing your arms. “Sis I love you.” He kisses your cheek, “when I can-”

“When it’s safe, drop me a line this time.” You wink with your good eye.

“Will do.” He licked his lips smiling, dismissing himself with the others.

Steve bit his lip, hearing Wanda in his thoughts, ’ I’m releasing her mind, she needs to rest- without you.’ He shuffled his feet making his way to the side of your bed and picking at the fabric of your blankets.

“I feel like this is you- all of you, are saying goodbye?” You look at him, your eyesight begins to become hazy. “You don’t have to be strong around me, not anymore.” You choke out, wiping your tears before they leave your eyes.

He sighs wearing a steel expression “Y/n you don’t know. You almost. Sam almost lost you.”

You yawn feeling unusually tired. Your mind drifted to the whispers you had heard when they had found you. Steves voice drifting through your head. You look up at him, “Did you almost lose me, too?” He nods, leaning over you he kisses the top of your head, inhaling the smell of your hair. “I’ve lost so many, I couldn’t take- I’m in over my head with you and I really like you and I’m sorry about your ribs.”

“It’s ok. If it was nessary to keep me going, I trust your judgement .” You blink, feeling groggy. “My bones will heal. Everything will be fine.” You run your hands against his check. He holds it kissing it gingerly. As your eyes become heavier, you feel someone tuck the covers around your body. Steve places your hand beside you, when you turn to look at him one last time. “Steve don’t leave please?”

He closes his eyes briefly before facing you. This was already hard enough for him. Hadn’t he put you through enough? You almost died for him.

“Stay.. just for a while.”

He looks around the room before pulling up a chair.

“So you won’t need me anymore?”

“Oh y/n, I’ll always need you.” He feels the familiar chest tighten, forcing himself to stay strong for you, he exhales long and loud. “Go ahead and rest. I’ll stay as long as I can.” He holds your hand in his. The warmth traveled up your arm as the lull of the machines in your room sent you to sleep.

——–

You push open the front door of the Lake house, using your new cane to assist yourself through the doorway of the lake house. You were hoping to be welcomed with open arms at your arrival but you knew better. The house looked empty, everything back in its proper place. Your expression fell slowly making your way throughout the vacant rooms one by one. You finally come up on the study, noticing a nicely folded paper resting on your desk. When you move to sit, a hiss escapes your mouth feeling pain from your healing ribs. You prop your cane against the desk, gliding the pads of your fingers across the front of it. A smile tugs at the corner of your mouth while eagerly you begin tearing at the envelope. You unfold the letter, laying down in front of you.

Y/n,

Words cannot express how much your kindness meant to us. You have kept us together not only as a team but as a family. Our bond is now stronger than before and with our new found strength we must go on and face the trials that lay before us now. To put your mind at ease, we have a place to go. It may not be filled with the caring and compassionate atmosphere that you provided but it will do and we will be safe.

You gave up so much- including your life, to protect our own. There is nothing that I can do to repay you for that undeserving sacrifice. You’ve taught me so much and I wish we had more time. I wanted you to get to know the real me. But I could never live with myself if I put your life in jeopardy again.

I hope you don’t mind but I read your novel, Stories For Monday. It’s pretty good, and I really liked the ending. I hope you’ll sign a copy of it for me- in person, one day.

Till we meet again-

Steve.

———–

T'Challa walks out to greet Steve and the others, keeping along the landing strip.

“Your timing is impeccable, I trust you accomplished what you set out to do in the states?”

“Not really but that’s a conversation for another time. I received your message, Where is he?”

“Barnes is fine. He’s been awake for a day or two and has been well fitted with an vibranium replacement. Clint Barton has come in seeking refuge as well.”

“Really?”

“Apparently you all weren’t the only ones targeted. We have a lot to discuss you and I. There has been a new threat detected…”