#please let me distract myself with something in peace without thinking about it too much 😔

[doctahchang]

okay class i may not know lots of context of the american history but isn't it an insane thing to say to a native american character

[slvthrs]

ALL THE THINGS WE NEVER SAID | vinnie hacker

— MINORS PLEASE FUCK OFF FOR UR OWN GOOD —

after 3 years you finally reunite with vinnie but it's not how you would like

OLD BSF!VINNIE X FEM!READER

WARNINGS: NSFW CONTENT MINORS DNI, ANGSTY, + some fluff, sex, alcohol ment, drug use (weed), making out, grinding, praise kink, emotional cheating idk, slight possessiveness

word count:  2.5k <3

The air is so salty on LA beaches.

It burns the inside of my throat whilst chlorine fills up my nose and salt in my eyes but the waves are nicer than Seattle. Warmer too.

I can feel the sand bed on my toes and shells scraping the sides of my legs as I float out peering and the sky and the way the shades of orange and yellow melt away at the baby blue and how the sun looks so majestic at this time.

I’m still slightly tipsy from the drinks we had earlier but I'm not incapacitated, it's just a nice buzz, it reminds me of when I lay my head down in the grass and I can hear the tiny shuffling of ants.

But apparently I’m still drunk enough to not hear my friends shouting from shore for me to come back until I feel a hand on mine pulling me out.

“Jesus, I thought you were gonna drown out there.” It’s Harvey, I love Harvey. He always smells like strawberries and smokes with me without judging.

“I wasn’t, let me like the ocean in peace you guys are assholes.” I retorted but I didn't stop walking with him back to the shore with my friends.

I fall back onto the plush of the towel as Harvey joins everyone else in a game of beach volleyball.

Well everyone except me… and Vinnie.

Vinnie, the same guy that I was inseparable for 10 years, now seeing him for the first time in 3.

The same guy I fell in love with at 13 and who broke my heart at 17. 

That Vinnie.

He’s sitting right in front of me in his shorts leaning back looking at everyone playing.

He has tattoos now and is much bigger. His hair is darker and face is more aged. He dresses better now and looks a lot happier but besides that he's still the same Vinnie.

I tuck my legs into my chest and rest my head on my knees, letting myself take in everything that changed about him to distract me from the cold wind tangling up my hair.

He finally looks back at me and something about it makes me still smile after all these years.

“M’ sorry I didn’t know you were gonna be here.” I mumble and then look away from him.

“Why are you sorry? I love seeing you.” He still has that same warmth in his voice that I fell in love with all those years ago.

“Just… I don’t know, I figured it’d be weird for you and her.” There's a maliciousness in my voice that I didn’t even know I could muster.

“Right… Allison.” He takes a deep breath, “ She likes you, don't worry!”

Allison, Vinnie’s new girlfriend of two months, she’s really sweet and a genuinely kind person but I can’t bring myself to like her.

I feel so pathetic, being in love with the same boy who hurt me all those years ago and who was able to move on whilst I stayed where I was. The same 17 year old stuck in bed the night Vinnie told me he loved me.

“Do you wanna go smoke?” 

I don’t think I’ve ever said no to that question from Vinnie but now it’s different.

“Shouldn’t you ask her first?” I say averting my gaze from him and playing with my nails.

“She hates when I smoke so probably not,” He gets up and walks to me giving me his hand, “Get up.”

…

“Get up!”

“Vinnie fuck off this shit is broken.” I stand up and shove the skateboard into his chest.

“C’mon you barely even tried it’s actually very fun, please I wanna teach you!” He says beaming in the sun and smiling at me whilst I try to clean the cuts on my legs.

“You're a shit teacher, Hacker!”

We’ve been at this skatepark for four hours and the only thing I can do is go in a straight line and wiggle a bit and Vinnie knows how much I hate things I don’t get the hang of quickly.

“You're torturing me Vinnie, I’m gonna leave here with a cut off leg or something!” I cry out

“You're gonna be fine, I'm not gonna let you get hurt.” He pouts in a faux puppy dog face

“I hate you so much.”

“Stop being a pussy!”

…

“Stop being a pussy Vin.” He’s been dragging me to this secluded part of the beach for 5 minutes

“My girlfriend hates smokers, I really don’t wanna get into another fight tonight.” He sighs

Another?

“Why don’t you try to quit? I know you want to, you hate smoking.” 

“It’s easier said than done- See we're here, you're just lazy!”

“Tell me something I don’t know, genius.” I half-joke

The view is nice, like really nice. It's so much quieter and less people means you can see the ocean without any distractions.

I lay down on the sand forgetting about the fact I'll be covered in it when I get up- That's a problem for me in the future.

He takes out a mini bong and packs it whilst I lay there and close my eyes.

This is nice, it reminds me of when we were younger. I was actually the first person to introduce Vinnie to weed and it kinda became our ritual, he would get the bing ready and I would wait patiently for him.

I can hear the bubbles and turn to look at him as he turns his head up, flexing his jaw and blowing the smoke out. 

He always looks so pretty smoking.

“Do you ever miss it?” I ask, purposefully vague.

“Miss what?” 

Us

“Seattle?”

“Yeah, especially during the summer. It’s hard to miss it that much when I come back every month to see my family.” He replies by passing the bong to me along with the lighter as I sit up.

“But you never come visit me?” I turn my head and he looks away into the ocean

“I know… I wanted to but everytime I mustered up the courage something would get in the way… Plus whenever I saw your pictures you looked happy, I didn’t wanna fuck that up.” 

“So your solution was to invite to to the beach with your new girlfriend and all your old friends instead of I don’t know, talking to your fucking bestfriend instead of ignoring her for 3 years making her feel like she fucked up?” It come out in a condescending tone

Every sour emotion that I held against Vinnie is bubbling up. Every emotion I felt when I saw a picture of him with his new friends, when he got his first girlfriend in LA, when he won that stupid fucking match and didn’t even reply to my dm congratulating him. 

“I know I fucked up trust me,” The bong is still in my hands, lying their idly like a forgotten childrens toy, “But even if I did talk to you whenever I would come back I wouldn’t even know what to say to you.”

“Oh fuck off Vinnie, you could have said anything, I was waiting for you to say anything. Apologies are two words but you couldn’t even muster that up? God I hate you so much.”

I don’t.

“I’m sorry,” He breathes in, “I’m sorry I stopped talking to you, I’m sorry I fucked everything up, I’m sorry I never actually told you how I felt, I’m sorry I made you feel like it was your fault, I’m sorry I ruined the friendship, and I’m so sorry I never said this earlier to you. Your my favourite person and I fucked everything over cause I was to scared of loving you.”

He breathes out.

We both just sit there in silence, I’m getting colder by the minute but I don’t move. The apology I waited 3 years for finally arrived but I don’t feel any better. I just wanted Vinnie to say something to make all the pain feel worth it and then everything to go back the way it was.

“It wasn’t entirely your fault for ruining the friendship.”

…

“You promise this won't ruin our friendship Vin.”

“I promise you, and you trust me so relax.”

His lips slot in between mine, he pulls me closer to him as my hands thread through his hair. 

It’s rough. I should have bought him new shampoo for his 18th.

“Your lips are so soft, I love them.” He whispers to me in between kisses as I lay my body over his and he guides my hips over his dick, rutting into him.

“You suck as dirty talk.” I giggle before going back to make out with him.

I let my lips trail down to his jawline leaving faint kisses there as he holds me close to him so I can feel the way his chest rises and falls. My hands drag down his torso and then up inside his shirt. My kisses falter as they reach his neck and I start sucking love bites into them and hear his hiss and whimper above me.

“Feels s’ good baby.” He breathes out, letting his hands rest at my waist as his thumb circles the area soothing the skins there.

When I’m done he flips the two of us over so now he’s above me with my hands pinned to my sides. 

He locks his lips into mine again, my whole body melts into the kiss, I lean into him, shutting my eyes, letting myself save the memory. I moan into his mouth as he pulls the kiss closer to him in a tantalizing fight for more dominance. 

As he pulls back, his eyes meet mine and I get lost in the honey brown, I study the features on his face at this moment, intent to not forget a thing. He looks back at me with a small smile.

His hands free mine and let me hook my hands around his neck. I pull him closer to my body as he kisses down my neck whilst his hands go under my shirt.

“Say you want this baby.” His gasps 

“Please, I need you so bad, I want you bad.” I beg

His hand undone my pants pulling them off leaving me in just my shirt and panties. 

Vinnie lifts himself up to take off his shirt, letting my hands graze through his body as he undoes his belt and pants and throws them on the floor, then taking his dick out of his boxer, pumping it up in his hand whilst reaching over into his dresser for a condom.

I lean my head back and stare into the ceiling waiting for him before he pulls my panties to the side and slowly lets his cock stretch me out as I arch into his touch.

His pace is relenting, I clutch his shoulder for stability and cry out into his neck, his thumb is circling my clit, his free hand holds us up and his eyebrows are knitted together in focus even though his lips keep kissing my body to make sure I’m okay.

“Feel good, you're not hurt angel?”

“No, fuck, god no, feels good Vin.” I say, barely able to make any full sentences.

It’s not long until I cum under him, I drag my nails across his back and scream into his neck to make sure I’m quiet enough and Vinnie rides me out through my high as a gasp and falls back into his bed. 

It’s not long after Vinnie comes and places a kiss on my forehead before getting us a towel and me some water to clean up. He gave me my favorite sweatshirt of his, a red Seattle shirt that I ended up cutting the collar off so it wouldn’t stay on my shoulder. 

“I love you.” He whispers before laying his face into my shoulder.

I end up falling asleep in his arms as he pulls me closer to him.

In the morning I’m alone in his bed and in his house and I end up going back to my own, lying saying I was with a friend.

It wasn’t until that night until I got a call from Reggie telling me that Vinnie had left for LA last night.

I ended up giving Vinnie’s sweater back to Reggie.

…

“It might not have been my entire fault but I still left in the middle of the night, in my bed, in my shirt, without telling you.” He reminds me, snapping me back from reality.

I lie back down into the sand taking a hit of the forgotten bong and then placing it on my side, Vinnie copies me.

It’s quiet, I like it. 

Back home me and Vinnie would always sit in the same room doing our own things, he would game whilst I’d play with Poncho or message my friends. Being in the same atmosphere was relaxing for each other.

Now it’s just tense.

“Vinnie,” I look at him, “Do you ever miss me?”

He laughs.

“Everyday, every time I go to the beach, every time my friends talk about love, every time I remember home you're always there. I don’t think I could ever not miss you.” He turns his head to look at me.

I really do miss him. I miss going to his house after a long day, I miss skipping classes together and smoking weed, I miss telling him everything. I miss him so much it hurts.

“Everything could have been so different.” I chuckle

“Yeah, we could have both still be in University together, we could have both still be in Seattle. Hell could have actually gotten together.” He laughs but I finally look back at him.

We fall back into our comfortable silence letting the ocean waves wash over us. It's dark out now and you can see the moons and the stars. It’s calming.

It’s a short lived calm however since his phone rings and he jerks up to pick it up.

I don’t listen until I hear him call the person on the line ‘baby’. It’s Allison… his girlfriend.

Our time ’s up, so I pick up my things which are just myself and a bong whilst Vinnie ends the call and we walk back to where everyone is in silence.

We get back and Allison runs into Vinnies arms placing kisses all over his face and tugs him down to sit at the bonfire. 

I lean my head on to Harveys shoulder as I zone as I eat the burger he made for me but as I look up I see Vinnie staring at me but as soon as he sees me looking back at him he looks down at his plate.

Before we realize it turns to 1 in the morning and I’m ready to go to sleep. Harvey is dropping me off and Chloe is coming with us. 

Vinnie is leaving with Allison as she drags him away but he stops as he sees me.

Before Vinnie leaves he gives me a bag with something inside and hugs me without saying a word. 

It’s a hoodie. The hoodie. A red Seattle crewneck with a cut collar. The hoodie he gave me the night he told me he loved and then left. And he left again. Leaving me with nothing but his stupid hoodie and all the things we never said.

[daenysx]

HELLO! i'm so happy to share this with you, i really hope you like it. uni kinda messes with my head but i'm hoping to keep writing, it really helps me distract myself. i love you all, thank you for being patient with me ♡

"hello?"

"i think your boyfriend's gonna kill me."

"you mean your brother?"

you can almost picture aegon frowning as he holds the phone and talks to you. he must have done something to annoy aemond, now he's calling you. classic.

"for the record, it's not my fault. i didn't do anything, he just got angry for no reason."

you smile, knowing that's not true. "are you sure?"

"yes. maybe. he needs to be nice to me, okay? i'm older than him."

"yeah, but why don't you say this to him?"

"wha-have you seen him getting angry? he can actually kill me, my life is in danger right now."

you huff quietly. "what can i do for you?"

"thank god, you finally asked. okay, he is in his office now, can you come here to take him out for lunch? we have a lot to do, and everyone here is stressed out because of aemond."

"everyone? i thought it's just you-"

"yeah, literally everyone. they are terrified that he's gonna snap again and we need a peaceful hour without him, please? just make him go back to normal, calm him down for the rest of the day and i'll get you your favorite wine-or a car-whatever you want."

you nod even though he can't see you. "fine, i'll be there in 15 minutes."

"thank fuck."

you do as you promise, 15 minutes and you see aegon's figure. you wave at him, he exhales with relief when he sees you. "he's inside."

you smile, knock the door. you hear aemond's stern voice, "aegon, don't even bother to come in, i'm not gonna-" he stops when he sees you by the door, wearing a pretty sundress. "can i come in?" you ask with a sweet voice.

he stands up, leaves his chair. "of course, sweetling, don't even have to ask."

he opens his arms for you, and you wrap your arms around his waist as he holds you close. he inhales the scent of your hair, and you are more than happy to be surrounded with his air. "i wasn't expecting you."

you take a step back, his hands in yours. "i thought i'd make a surprise to you."

"mhm, that's not the truth." aemond targaryen can be a human version of a lie detector, other than the fact that he knows you so well.

"aegon called. he is afraid you'll kill him." you say with a chuckle. "where is your tie? you left home wearing the black one."

he huffs, "i threw it out somewhere. he made me so angry, do you even know what he did-"

"no, i don't, but you can tell me all about it when we're having lunch."

he cups your cheek. "baby, it would be perfect, but there are so many things i have to do, he made a mess of everything i've been working on."

you look at him with a hopefully charming look. "please? don't you have just half an hour to spend with me?"

you know it's working with the way his lips curve into a subtle smile. you kiss his chin, his bottom lip. your hands cover his neck, his shoulders still stiff. your hand finds his hairline on the back of his neck and you scratch his scalp with your nails, knowing how much he likes it.

"you're too tense." you whisper as you kiss the skin under his ear. "let me distract you."

"i thought you offered lunch. if you keep kissing me like this, we will be doing something else."

you shrug, lips curved into a sly smile. "anything works for me, handsome."

he kisses your forehead and looks back at the papers he has to work on. he leaves your side for just a second to close his laptop and put the papers neatly on the table. he takes his phone and comes back to you, a hand on your waist as he leads you outside.

aemond doesn't spare a single glance at aegon as you leave. you can swear his assistant takes a deep breath when she sees you walking out of the office. aegon winks at you, you offer him a slow smile. it's funny how everyone in the office is intimidated by your boyfriend when you know he's an actual sweetheart for you.

he pushes you against the side of his car when you leave the office completely. there's no one else in the parking lot other than you. aemond cups your cheeks and kisses your lips without breathing. "have i told you how pretty you look in this dress?"

you shake your head with a shy smile. he pushes your hair back from your face, thumb rubbing the highest point of your cheek.

"that's a shame." he kisses your upper lip. "you look so pretty, making me forget about everything just by showing up at my room."

"just wanted-" your breath catches in your throat as he kisses the tip of your nose. "just wanted to make you feel better."

"yeah?" he asks. "you're the best thing ever happened to me, hear that? a perfect girl, only for me."

you decide to try something else. "do you think you could skip going back to work for the rest of the day? we can spend some alone time after lunch."

he pauses for a moment, presses his forehead against yours. "i think i can do that."

you get excited for having your boyfriend all to yourself for a day. "really?"

he smiles at your cheerfulness. "of course. anything for my girl." he kisses your forehead. "also i don't want to see aegon's face again for today."

you smile. "i know you're mad at him but we should be grateful for him calling me. thanks to aegon, we'll have all day to ourselves."

he chuckles like you make the funniest joke. "yeah, all thanks to aegon."

[save-the-villainous-cat]

I have voluntarily thrown myself into the horny jail. Therefore I am here to request for a severely hurt villain who shows up at the hero's doorstep nearly passed out. Then villain wakes up a few hours later with hero flirting with them but the villain just does not care because they've been wanting this since forever. And then they have a big ol' make out scene-

“What are you doing?” The villain’s eyes were closed but the smell of hot coffee and cooked bacon wasn’t something they could ignore.

“I made you breakfast,” the hero answered softly and the villain opened their eyes laboriously to find a sleepy hero sitting and yawning on the bed.

“Hotel service?” The villain smiled and closed their eyes again, already exhausted from opening them. Everything hurt, not as bad as yesterday, but every muscle, every bone, every tendon tugged them apart.

God, it was like their whole body wanted to tear at them until there was nothing left.

“Pff, dream on.” The villain looked at them again and to their surprise, the hero laid down next to them, head on their pillows. As their messy hair fell over the bedding, the villain was almost certain an angel was getting comfortable next to them. Something, the villain didn’t know what but something about the hero killed their anxiety. The villain was an anxious person, always had been. Restless and a stranger to peace. However, the hero made them believe in something very close to serenity. “How are you feeling?”

“Drained,” the villain said. They studied the hero’s face as so often. Why them? Always them.

As if the hero was the only language the villain could speak. As if the hero was the answer to everything. As if the hero was the only thing that kept them alive.

Somehow, that was the truth.

“Ugh, poor villain. Thank god I know how to take care of you.” The hero stretched out their arm and let their fingers go over the villain’s cheek. It was impossibly soft. “Always getting in trouble.”

“You’re always there to take care of me, so I’m not worried.” Sometimes, the villain would lose themselves in their anger and anxiousness, smashing things and freaking out like a child. It made them feel weak and they were ashamed of it. But sometimes, they’d think of their hero, would think about how simple they made their life look. That worked. That made everything easier.

“I could take care of you in many different ways,” the hero said suddenly and grinned.

Christ. The villain wanted to forget about the pain. They wanted to forget about last night. But that wasn’t easy when just existing was enough to hurt. When everything had to be considered, when everything was a threat, an attack, a possible enemy.

“Could you?” they asked, sitting up in bed. Apparently, the hero hadn’t quite realised what they’d said. Their eyes widened and just like the villain, they sat up in bed.

“Oh my god, sorry, that was so inappropriate.” All the villain could focus on was the blush and the gentle cracking of the hero’s voice. They were embarrassed and the villain couldn’t help but find it intriguing. “I wasn’t thinking, I’m sorry.”

“I don’t care,” the villain whispered, much too distracted by the hero’s lips. It astonished them how sweet the hero was. How they had stitched the villain’s wounds, made them breakfast. Their soft touches and their kind words…the villain certainly didn’t deserve it and yet, the hero gave it to them.

“What?”

“I don’t care. Get on top.” And then, softly. “Please. Please, sit on my hips.”

For a moment, the hero didn’t move and the villain was truly afraid they’d asked for too much, had demanded without thinking about it. But in the next moment, the hero got up and sat down, looking at their stomach and doing their best not to touch any wounds.

“Are you alright?” the hero asked. They were clearly worried but the villain couldn’t give them a satisfying answer. All they could feel was their heart pumping in their chest as the hero’s hand slipped under their shirt.

“Yes, I’m…actually, I don’t know. I’ve never been this close to dying. I feel like all I do is waste my life.” And I’m trying to ignore the only good thing in it. I’m trying to distance myself from you because that is easier, because it hurts but it hurts more to lose you.

The villain didn’t say that, they were too much of a coward.

“Hey, it’s alright.” The hero put a hand on the villain’s chest, right where their heart was, and the many thoughts liquified, became unimportant and made the villain calm down. “You survived. We can take it easy. Nothing needs to be rushed. All we have to focus on is healing right now, understood?”

The villain nodded.

What if this was it?

What if the hero was their person? What if they were made for each other? And what if the villain continued to avoid them? Would they grow resentful? Would they continue to treat them kindly? Would they turn against each other again?

The villain swallowed. Why on earth did the hero make it so easy to feel loved?

“Can I kiss you?”

“Huh?” The villain looked at them, more than a little shocked.

“You look stressed and every time I touch you, your muscles relax. So, can I please kiss you? I feel like you need to stop thinking for a second.”

“Yes.” The villain didn’t hesitate. “Yes, please do that.”

Please save me from myself.

And the hero did exactly that. They saved them very softly, every day a little more.

[mysicklove-main]

A/N: Tanjiro writing to his long distance partner bc thats so cute and im in love with him

My Beloved,

I feel as though a part of me is missing without you by my side. I find myself constantly looking for you, even though it’s no use. Oh how dearly I wish you were here. But even so, I feel at peace knowing you are at home and well rested. Safe from harm.

I can’t contain my questions. So please make do with my ramblings.

How are you? Are you sleeping well? Do you feel lonely at home? Have you been keeping busy? Has Shinobu been visiting you? Where Has your hair grown out since my absence? You haven’t been going out at night, right? Is your finger still bare?

I’ve been growing quite worried with the time apart. I feel as though you may find another if I leave for too long.

I’m sorry, I know you would scold me for thinking these things. I wish desperately that I could hear your scolding. But I can’t stop the thoughts that creep on me in the night.

Nezuko is doing fine. She’s getting stronger by the day. She misses you immensely. It’s strange to see how uneasy she is without you. I don’t blame her. I wonder, if you were

Inosuke and Zenitsu are also getting stronger. I hope I can keep up with them. I train day in and out hoping to not fall behind. I think I am getting stronger. I have been working on Hinokami Kagura. It drains my body, but still I push forward. I have to master it, even if it is such a slow process.

At night I find myself daydreaming. Maybe one day you could call your husband lover a hashira. Would we live together peacefully? Or would I be gone on missions like these? I don’t think I could bear to leave you for long. It’s so hard t But I am getting ahead of myself. I am only doing this to save Nezuko. And of course to protect you! I don't need to become a hashira.

I hope my crow has been delivering the gifts properly. I wish I could see the way your eyes light up when you receive them. I’m trying not to let the separation get to me, but when I think about these moments it’s always so hard.

I’m getting distracted again, I apologize my love. The crow should have delivered you the jewelry box. A kind woman sold it to me, and please don’t worry! I promise that it was fairly priced! I hope through its journey that it didn’t get chipped. But I know you don’t care about those things. Either way, I hope you use it well.

My beloved, I do have a favor to ask of you. I hope this is not too much to ask, but the same woman from the market told me about something that cannot seem to leave my head. She explained that many soldiers from the Meiji period used to tie fabric from their lover's kimono around the hem of their sword. It was a symbol of good luck, and that they will always be together no matter the distance between them.

I thought it was…romantic. It made my cheeks burn at the thought. I really I would love if I understand completely if you don’t want to tear a part off. But I can’t explain the joy I would feel if you did. I would treasure it dearly.

I have been avoiding the real reason I wrote this letter and I can’t go on without saying it. Oh, my love, I miss you dearly. I miss the scent of you. I miss your smile, your laugh. I miss waking up to you every morning, that vision never seems to leave my mind. I miss your voice, your touch. I desperately crave it.

I’m sorry. A man shouldn’t act like that. Tengen left his wives for months, and was completely fine. I wish I could do the same. It’s been five weeks and the fight seems to dwindle in me without you here.

I’m trying though. I won’t give up. I will make it home to you and then I swear I’ll never leave you again.

A couple more weeks until I am home. The thought of you in my arms once again makes me feel dizzy with need. I will come back safely for you.

So please, my everything, please take care of yourself. I can’t bear the thought of you being unwell. Please stay safe and don’t walk alone at night. Please eat lots and sleep well.

I will write to you next week with more updates. I promise the next one will be less about me and more about you. I want to hear everything about how you are doing.

I await for your reply, and hopefully the fabric.

I love you more than words can describe.

Forever yours,

Tanjiro

[babybatscreationsv2]

Daddy, Look!

Marvel | Starker

Tony was just trying to give Peter something to keep him busy on the long train ride, but brats can't stand to be ignored.

Rating: Explicit

Warnings and tags below

For Aech <3

Warnings/tags: public sex, D/s, daddy kink, remote control vibrator, brat!Peter, femboy!Peter

The train rattled along the tracks. Open countryside rolled by bringing a peaceful sort of energy to the passengers on board. Except for Peter who couldn't quite sit still. He clasped his hands in his lap and squeezed his thighs together. He was grateful that the sound of the train covered the buzzing sound coming from his lap. Their car was open to the twenty or so other passengers who sat and relaxed or wandered around stretching their legs. A man sat across from them reading a newspaper. Across the aisle was a group of three women who chatted excitedly. No one was paying him any attention, but it sure felt like everyone was watching.

Tony's hand dropped onto his thigh. He coaxed Peter's legs apart, not much, but enough of a suggestion. His fingers teased his skin for a moment before settling in place. The man seemed otherwise enraptured with the crime novel he was reading.

Peter took a deep breath. The vibration was constant and that meant he was slowly getting used to it. He could tolerate it now. He watched out the window and couldn't help bouncing up out of his seat as a herd of black and white cows came into view.

"Tony, look! Cows!"

"Cute," Tony said. His fingers trailed up the back of his thigh and palmed his ass. The toy inside him changed settings to something pulsing and hard to ignore. Peter leaned back into Tony's hand, moaning quietly before he remembered where they were. He gasped and jumped back into his seat where he glared at the man. Tony only chuckled.

"Excellent view don't you think?"

Peter swatted his arm. "I hate you."

Tony gripped his chin, eyes narrowed. The vibration increased until Peter's eyes rolled back and his mouth hung open. "You what?"

"Please daddy," Peter gasped. "Daddy please please please-" he panted. He couldn't stop. Stuck begging and squirming, completely helpless.

The toy slowed, then stopped. "Oh, but you hate me." Tony faked a pout. He turned away to look out the window. Peter climbed into his lap and kissed his cheek.

"I'm sorry, daddy. I didn't mean it."

Tony looked at him, seeming to debate if he would forgive him or not. He gave him a quick kiss. "It's alright, baby."

Peter settled back in the seat, but the toy remained off. Only now he wanted it on. He waited patiently as the train kept rolling, but his patience didn't last forever.

"Daddy?" he whined.

"Hm?" Tony barely acknowledged.

Peter glared. He wasn't going to tolerate that at all. He picked himself up and sat on Tony's lap, squirming in an effort to make himself comfortable until Tony had to grab his hips and stop him.

"What are you reading?" Peter asked innocently.

"You wouldn't like it," Tony answered.

"Tell me about it. I'm bored."

"You should have brought something to do."

"I should do you," Peter said simply without bothering to lower his voice.

Tony was phased. "Then you should behave better."

"I was only showing you cows." Peter crossed his arms over his chest. "I'll keep 'em to myself next time."

"Don't be a brat."

Peter stood and turned to sit on the opposite bench. He didn't even look at Tony as he slid next to the other man.

"Reading something interesting?" he asked with a smile.

The man smiled back, looking up from his paper as if from a dream. Or maybe as if he were falling into one. Peter let him tell him all about a mayoral election in his town while he slowly spread his legs apart and let his skirt ride up. He wasn't even sure Tony had noticed when the man decided to join their conversation.

"That's very interesting," he said and when Peter looked at his face the toy clicked back on. He was too distracted to catch the rest. But the stranger started talking so Peter went back to nodding politely at him, hiding his disappointment when the toy stopped.

"I've heard about him. He has some big opinions on food taxes," Tony commented. Peter looked at him again, brain melting as his eyes met his face and he realized the game they were playing. The conversation faded away as he looked at Tony and the toy buzzed higher and higher as if rewarding him for forgetting anyone else existed. He didn't have any control over it when he came. Only the tiniest squeak escaped him. They both looked at him, one concerned and the other smug. The toy died down and then stopped.

"Are you alright, young man?"

"Yes, sir," Peter choked out. "Excuse me." He went back to his seat, pressing into Tony's side like a frightened puppy.

Tony carried on until the conversation died naturally. The other man went back to his newspaper.

"You get what you wanted?"

Peter considered the trouble he'd get in if he told Tony he hated him twice in one day. "Yes," he admitted instead.

Tony only chuckled and gave him a kiss.

[lostfracturess]

"You're really pathetic, you know that?" she spat. "You talk about caring, but in the end you threw everything away. Because you are too terrified to let yourself love me. Because apparently your own damn peace is worth more than me." SHUT UP YOU KNOW NOTHING???? SHE'S BASICALLY VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS GOJO 😭😭😭😭 why is he so pathetic 😭

"Don't you dare tell me to shut up," she snapped back, her voice rising. "You don't get to play the victim here. You did this. You ruined everything." my beautiful strong girl i love you so much and i fucking know how bad and destroyed she feels at the moment, betrayed and broken 😭😭😭

"But I also wanted nothing more than to fuck that attitude out of her right then and there" nuh uh use your fucking mouth for purpose for once in your life or i swear to god gojo-

"Perhaps I was only meant to love her in silence" yeah like you're able to keep your hands to yourself when it comes to her

He sighed. "You're the absolute worst patient ever." THAT'S SO FUNNY 😭😭

"I want you to take her with you," I said quietly. "She likes aneurysm clippings." such a romantic ❤️

"Every day, it felt more like I'd made the biggest mistake of my life. Letting her go, pushing her away, I—" FINALLY! FINALLY A DECENT THOUGHT! YES SATORU WE ARE ON A RIGHT WAY

"Finally, gasping for breath, I stumbled to a halt outside her apartment building" HOORAY FINALLY LET'S GOOOO

"She sat on the windowsill, book in hand. My future wife. Even in the dead of night, she was studying. How I loved her" my future wife??? i am sorry???? WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS HEART WRENCHING STUFF???? i knew it would end like this gojo.

"She was staring down — right at me" is this a Shakespeare's scene or what 😭😭😭 romeo and juliet 😭😭😭

"Don't give me that look. You know damn well you deserved it." i love her so fucking much gojo you better apologize on your knees or she will be taken.

"Save it," she spat. "You know what your fucking problem is? You can't stand being alone. Alone with your thoughts, with yourself. So you run. You run to pills, to whatever distraction you can find, anything to fill the void." the way she's exposing him EVERY TIME.....she knows him so well and loves so much it hurts

"Keep going," I insisted, moving closer. "Let it out. Yell at me, tell me how pathetic I am. Make me feel something, anything other than this damn emptiness." gojo i love you so much but please don't act as you're not the one to blame for this emptiness 😭😭

"Because it was prove she still cared, even if it was just to hate me with every fiber of her being. It was better than the void, that terrible chasm that had opened up between us after I'd pushed her away" the way he craves every emotion from her and validates it, i think at this point there's nothing wrong she could do in his eyes😭😭😭 he just can't be without her

"You're a fucking hypocrite, you know that?" I leaned closer, my mouth close to her ear. "You hate who I am, but you crave this, don't you? Giving up control, being at my mercy. Admit it." NO PLEASE PLEASE IT'S HOT VERY HOT BUT I AM BEGGING YOU TO COMMUNICATE 😭😭😭😭 IF THEY WON'T TALK AGAIN AFTER IT I THROW MYSELF DOWN FROM THE CLIFF

"You really are a fool, for wanting to fix something so broken it'll cut you to shreds the moment you get close and then you cry afterwards—" why does he think he can say such a thing 🤨🤨🤨 is he immortal or what, and here i thought he really would be apologising

"My future wife just spit in my face — what a good anecdote on our wedding day" dummy 😭😭

"Weren't together anymore after all" EXCUSE ME??? YOU'RE DEEP INSIDE HER, ALREADY PLANNED YOUR WEDDING DAY, AND NOW SAYING YOU'RE NOT TOGETHER.... he's driving me insane

"Without warning, she reached forward, gripping my throat with surprising strength as she leaned down, her hair falling like a curtain around our faces. I couldn't help but smile" that's SO HOT 😭

"My lips twisted into a smile again. "Admit it. You love the chaos as much as I do. The thrill, the way it makes you feel alive." actually i don't feel this way 🧐🧐🧐 she seems very composed yet she's reckless but not to that case, i feel like she might be up to something, but not to the extent of satoru

"Why else would you be here, like this, with me?" I countered. "Face it, we're addicted to each other—the highs, the lows, the constant push and pull. It's exhilarating, isn't it?" and that's true 😭

"It's alright, I love you enough for both of us." my knees are weak 😩

this whole scene made me feel Something ™ the the tension, their exposed emotions, their... everything 😭😭😭 finally he gets choked too

but his messy head??? one time he's calling her his wife and then saying we're not together anymore...i feel so confused, WHAT is he thinking 😭😭 gojo get a therapist i swear 🙏🙏🙏

the scene in his office's bathroom is definitely one of my favourite, so beautifully and thoroughly crafted, you're really a master 😭😭😭 just i thought the writing couldn't be better you amaze me!!!

thank you again for the chapter, sending you a lot of love and inspiration, have a nice nice vacation!!!!!

hello and welcome to part three !!

SHUT UP YOU KNOW NOTHING???? SHE'S BASICALLY VOICING YOUR THOUGHTS GOJO 😭😭😭😭 why is he so pathetic 😭

gojo panicked pretty quickly there as she was lying bare his worst behaviors traits haha !!

nuh uh use your fucking mouth for purpose for once in your life or i swear to god gojo-

gojo logic be like, can i silence her with a kiss? no? ehhhem then ... probably fuck her to silence her?? also no?? ehhemmem then i'm out of options 🤷‍♂️🤷‍♂️

such a romantic ❤️

the romantic doctor we all need hehe. but also i think this is such a cute thing of him?? like okay this girl hates me like crazy right now, but she would love to do this insane surgery, so i'll talk suguru into it so that she would have something to be happy about again 😭😭

my future wife??? i am sorry???? WHAT ABOUT ALL OF THIS HEART WRENCHING STUFF???? i knew it would end like this gojo.

he's in heavy denial 😂😂😂

the way she's exposing him EVERY TIME.....she knows him so well and loves so much it hurts

she really is like, okay you fucker, you want to got there again?? then let me tell you how stupid you are, i'm not getting tired of this 😂😂 but yeah, she really sees through his crap and all that and wants to make him see it too.

the way he craves every emotion from her and validates it, i think at this point there's nothing wrong she could do in his eyes😭😭😭 he just can't be without her

he's a SIMP !! and you're right, there is really nothing she could do that would make him not love her 💔😭

NO PLEASE PLEASE IT'S HOT VERY HOT BUT I AM BEGGING YOU TO COMMUNICATE 😭😭

idk i just love how they are insulting each other at this point, like they're both insane 😂😂

"You really are a fool, for wanting to fix something so broken it'll cut you to shreds the moment you get close and then you cry afterwards—" why does he think he can say such a thing 🤨🤨🤨 is he immortal or what, and here i thought he really would be apologising

it's really just a defense mechanism of him, but yes, he was really into the moment lol, and probably overdoing it A LITTLE BIT 😩😩

"My lips twisted into a smile again. "Admit it. You love the chaos as much as I do. The thrill, the way it makes you feel alive." actually i don't feel this way 🧐🧐🧐 she seems very composed yet she's reckless but not to that case, i feel like she might be up to something, but not to the extent of satoru

he definitely senes something from her but no omg she's never on the same level as gojo, that would be wild 😂😂 but she definitely changed a bit while being with him.

this whole scene made me feel Something ™ the the tension, their exposed emotions, their... everything 😭😭😭 finally he gets choked too

so glad it landed well for you !! i think i was expecting the scene to hit more, because i never wrote smut out of the male pov but apparently it did not so much for me but maybe it's just me being critical about myself again idk. anyway, glad you enjoyed !!

the scene in his office's bathroom is definitely one of my favourite

you mean when he overdosed? lol i actually envisioned this scene in his APARTMENT 😂😂 but apparently i never really wrote WHERE they are so it also makes sense for him to be in his office lol. 

because in his apartment it would be clear that she comes to his home after the whole mess to check in on him or like talk or whatever and that would be sweet but also make it more heartbreaking for her to find him so lifeless and all, but apparently i fucked that up 😂😂😂😂

but really girl, reading your reactions to the chapter is really so funny for me !! thank you so so much for taking your time to do that, and thank you for your well-wishes. have a good day or night and a lovely week dear ❤️❤️

[gyu-dloml]

To Wonu, who's my sun, moon and all the stars ☆

Jeon Wonwoo. How are you so calm? Maybe you're not. Maybe you're just lazy and very unbothered. But I like to think you're calm. Calm like the sunrise. I've always thought sunsets were blazing and distracting. So you're like sunrises Wonu. Beautiful, still and peaceful to look at.

But when the sun is rising, it emits so much heat and scientific stuff when you look closer. But we don't see it. You don't let us see, Wonu. And for that I think you're incredibly strong. And it is very selfish but I'm glad, glad that you've been a constant and a pillar for a year and more of my life. Although I hope you have someone to lean on too sometimes, and I'm sure you do, it's the least what the world could give you.

Realistically speaking, I can't really give you anything. Nothing even close to the comfort and love that you and your members have always given me. Yes, some might argue that I could give my love. And trust me when I say this, seventeen already has all of it. But the love my clenched fist sized heart could give won't be enough, would it?

Wonu you're also the moon, like everyone says. You're my favorite thing in the sky. Tonight as I was trying to see the moon, I realized I can't see it properly, that's because I didn't have my glasses on. I still couldn't see it with clarity with my glasses too :( Well, that's a depressing story for another time, we're getting off topic.

You don't really need me to say anything. I don't even think I'm entitled to say anything, but something I'm sure of is that, you're a great son. I'm sure you always have been and always will be. Not only that, but you're also a great friend, a great idol and a great everything actually. You're also such a smart-ass. I always say it, but I mean it everytime that I hope you receive all the happiness and love that the world and I can give. It's impossible to always smile but I hope you smile more than anything else.

Oh my lovely Wonu, where would we be without you? I don't know and I don't want to know. So I'm ending this although I feel like I could say more. But you're not a sappy guy who'd like to hear me rant about how much I adore and admire you. So I'll shut up and try to keep this overflowing love contained all in my relatively little body. (Just kidding, I know our Wonu is very kind and would let me chew his ear off.)

Thank you and I love you Wonu <3 Please take care and do whatever makes you happy. You make me happy and giddy. I cry when you do, I'm a sensitive human :') You guys have always kept your promise - we cry together, we smile together.

Sincerely, with all my love,

Tia :3

To be honest, the feelings were very different than what I've written before for the other members. I wrote every members letter (or whatever this is) feeling very love sick kinda and admiring. But Wonu's was something else, I can't even find the word to explain it. I genuinely just hope in my heart that the world makes him happy. And it may be because of certain events that have made me view him in different light. A lot of us have faced loss, and so have I so it just feels like I want to give comfort to whoevers gone through what I have. If you've been having a rough time lately, although it's a shitty thing to say - this time will pass and you will heal. I wouldn't say this if I hadn't experienced it myself. So to my lovely peeps reading this, thank you so much for coming this far. I wish the best for you and trust me, happiness finds it's way. Keep holding on to that strong person you are, for Wonu. It's going to be very hard but it's nothing you beautiful being can't handle. Take care and eat well, my loves! Until next time <3

[bita-bita]

Tried to make Erwin and meee

Perhaps a princess and her personal guard whom is from a noble house?

Being a queen is too much work but a friendly, sweet, yet irresponsible princess would fit me well lol

She isn't really in any sort of danger but gets bored a lot so this capable warrior aka Erwin serves mostly as a companion rather than a guard.

At first he'd stay quiet as he follows her around, only speaking when necessary, not that he's shy it's just that he wishes to remain professional, but as a little time goes by, the princess would quickly reassure him that it's alright for him to drop the unnecessary professionalism and hold conversations with her. it takes some time to convince him as he believes he must not get distracted from his duty and blah blah but eventually the princess's comforting nature helps him to relax a bit.

They grow to have so much respect for one another, enjoying the intellectual conversations they have from time to time, exchanging their view on life.

Erwin would teach her some basic self defense even though she's already been taught, duh. But she definitely needs them since she never really took them seriously. Not that she's not good at the basic stuff, it's more of a mindset problem. She walks around without being aware of her surroundings and surely isn't ready to put what she knows to use. Too optimistic to think it would ever be needed. Which makes Erwin's job all the more important.

I don't think anything romantic would happen between them, at least not for a long time since she's not looking for love and Erwin is too professional to let himself get carried away. But did they develop feelings for each other? Maybe. Nothing that could be called love yet. But a sense of care and respect, a protectiveness that goes beyond duty. A tenderness and THE SEXUAL TENSION, like please!

Will it ever become something more? I don't think so. She would get scared and pull away. If Erwin ever lets himself pursue her, and if he's gentle yet sure enough about it, maybe there's a chance.

And no there won't be any of that "no you can't marry him, he's not a prince" bs. The king and queen don't treat their daughter like some peace treaty. Princess Bita can marry any man or woman she desires. And so she lived happily ever after 👸🏻♡

That was my bedtime story for myself. Nighty. Muah. zZZ

[elonama]

monday, 8 january 2024 —

I’ve noticed that whenever my mother and I argue, whenever she scares me, I open the fridge and look inside, and close it. Then I open the pantry and look inside, and close it. I am not hungry and don’t want to eat anything but I do this. I look for my cloth mother, I only find a wire mother in different places.

Today I woke up and it was raining. I haven’t woken up at 6.30am for a while, it doesn’t seem appropriate. I have angels and guides and a guardian and a goddess all behind me and I don’t want them to watch me go in circles. It is maybe the only instance of people pleasing that is working in my benefit.

But on today’s rain - it’s the type of rain that makes you want to watch old movies, because you know it would be better with the sound of weather in the background. It’s the type of rain that makes you want to open the window. It’s the sort of thing you want. It reminds you of the rain you used to feel ten years ago, but it’s been longer than ten years now. It makes you remember that even though the past felt so distant, you didn’t feel it was quite that distant until you thought about it just now. You realise that your days of being a wild child are finally expiring that ten year mark, even though you’ve been an adult for a long time. And as you recognise the feeling of your eye, gluey with antibiotics, and the twisting in your gut you’ve had for three days, and the impulse to move around that probably got you here in the first place, you realise those days might’ve destroyed you. Or, maybe it was what happened before that; the torment you underwent that made you seek those thrills to drown out the residual pain in your body that is sending you to the rheumatologist in 15 days. Maybe it was that. Maybe it was that it never really ended.

Open, close. Open, close.

My cure now is to wear big soft clothing and be very quiet. I don’t know much about buddhism even though I’ve tried to study it a bunch of times, but I feel like the monks have the right idea. I am making friends with the quietness in my life. I didn’t always like them, because they highlighted the noisiness I brought forward from within me. You get spun around for so long you’re dizzy and nauseous for a long time after. But I used to like spinning. I’d wear my heels out on my shoes just twirling in place wherever I was. There’s a difference, though, between spinning, and being spun. And for now, I choose to be quiet and still, and not spin lest I be spun. And just let it all wash over me.

Like the rain outside right now.

Maybe the discomfort I feel when I eat is my body trying to tell me something. When I eat, I go through waves of anxiety and fear and anger and sometimes even sadness. I worry I am enjoying the food too much, or not enough. I think of things that I’ve heard or seen that have bothered me recently and realise I’ve been swallowing down food quickly without even thinking about it. I slow down and I get a pull downwards in my chest remembering how I used to starve in senior year. There is a lot to process. My only comfort is in reminding myself that I am only just beginning to make peace with this silence at mealtimes, that with time, I will have processed these things and be able to eat in peace. I only have to press on, continue to not distract myself.

To feel, fully, and deeply. Knowing I have angels beside me.

[nyxopenjournal]

Life seems very unmanageable when you have no idea what you want or are supposed to do with yourself anymore. I feel like I already did all the things you're "supposed" to do. I went to school. I got the grades. I got my diploma and my degree. I've had a job in my field & experienced that by the time I was 22. Well what the fuck am I supposed to do now? I don't have a purpose. I don't understand what anything is or who I'm supposed to be or what I'm supposed to do now. And I have no idea how to figure that out. If it were up to me I'd park my car somewhere and sit there until I rot. Or run it into some deep body of water. Or crash it into a building. I want to. Everyday I consider it. It wouldn't be hard. Because honestly what's even the point of me being alive? I don't have a reason to live or wake up. Nobody fucking cares if I'm around or breathing. I'm extremely replaceable. It doesn't matter. I wish it weren't that way. I wish I mattered. I wish I had a place somewhere and meant something to anyone and could find my person and live happily with them. But it's just not realistic for me. It's just not in the cards. I'm not worth that. I've been thinking about "bc you have a piss poor self view" since it was said to me lol. It's true. I fucking hate myself. Bc I'm worthless. There was a time where I actually did like myself and who I was as a person. It seems so far away now and it seems impossible to feel that again. I don't know what I did to get there. I don't know how to get it back. This is so frustrating. Feeling like this everyday. If I could just die in my sleep I think it'd do more good than harm. There wouldn't even need to be a funeral because I'm not important enough for anyone to pretend they'd miss me. I wish I wasn't such a coward. I'd have been gone in 3rd grade and wouldn't have had to experience any of this. I would've been gone instead of being such a burden on anyone I come in contact with. I wish I was dead. It seems so peaceful. Today has been a shit day I woke up feeling like a piece of shit. But that's what I am. It should be normal. I always think I'm starting to be okay until I don't have a distraction in front of me. Going days without work makes me remember what a fucking useless garbage nothing I am. At least then I have a few hours to distract myself from the thinking and then by the time it hits it's too late because I'm too tired to let them simmer much. But then there's the weekend and I remember that I have nothing. And no one wants to be around me and I'm just stumbling around because I have no idea what the fuck I'm doing or what I want to do. I want to give up so bad. I don't know what keeps me here. I think it's fear of the unknown more than anything because everything I've come to know here just hurts. I really do want to die. I just can't bring myself to do it myself. Not yet at least. Maybe one day. I hope. I can finally stop wasting space. I didn't mean to cause so much damage to anyone's life. I leave a mess wherever I go. I'm always the problem. Even my own family believes it and left me. Why would anyone else stay. It makes sense that they leave and find others better than me. There's always going to be someone better than me. I'm not a good person. I don't deserve good things. That's the only thing that makes sense. I don't really know what I did to cause this existence on myself but it had to be awful for me to be suffering this much. I can't do anything right. Please just take me out so everyone can get on with their lives. It's for the best. No one needs me. And I have to be okay with that. I just wish I had one thing to grasp on that was a glimmer of something worth living for. But this tunnel has no light at the end. It's just running blindly in the darkness until I eventually hit a brick wall and die. There's no way out of this. I don't have any worth. Good for nothing piece of shit waste of space. That's all I am. And no one should have to put up with that. It's fair they leave. Find someone worthy of their time and effort. I'm not worth it. I get it.

[lesbicerealkiller]

this summer is killing me.

which i'm fine with the fact that something is killing me but i hate summer. nothing leaves me more destroyed (except my own thoughts). i wear 6 t-shirts a day and can't find any place where i can rest in peace.

i have to travel almost every day and i'm starting to panic about germs and everything that many people have ever touched, because, think how many people have grabbed something that you are grabbing right now in public and what have they touched before?! people are very dirty and no matter how much you clean you will never be free of germs.

this summer is killing me, sometimes i have low blood pressure and i'm going to pass out and then i have to eat something i don't want because otherwise i'll be in front of a lot of unconscious people. i eat a lot because i don't feel full and i instantly think of everything i shouldn't have eaten, but i can't, because it was what i wanted.

people make me nervous, i think a lot about how they see me and if they talk about me behind my back, i don't like it. i smoke a lot and i don't even like the taste. i stopped smoking weed like i used to because i don't like feeling numb, because i constantly feel that way without even consuming anything.

i don't want people to think i'm a good person if they do and i hate when they let me think i'm bad at doing certain things just because they don't confirm it to me, although i know that if they told me, i would be destroyed. because i know i'm not good at anything.

i don't like being spoken to in a bad tone because my head takes me to a stage where i have to relive all the moments in which i witnessed being yelled at with contempt and i had to make a lot of noise to shut them up.

i'm old and i cry every time i remember that i keep getting older. and i have responsibilities, but they shouldn't let me have them!

this summer is killing me.

every day i get off work, i want to go in another direction than home and go far away until i find a high bridge and jump from there. but i think about my cats and my dog ​​and my grandparents and i go back to my house. but i'm not even there or here or with me.

i don't like the look of people, they leave me a lot to think about. i prefer that thousands of animals look at me, that if they judge me, that's fine, they have the right to do so.

i was never further from me than every current day of my life, if someone asks me who the hell i am, i'll probably tell some bullshit or maybe say i don't know.

i don't think i'm someone, i'm tired of looking for a way to be. i have no purpose, i just want a lot of material things, probably if i buy them later i'll tell myself why the hell i spent that money. but hey! life is one and it's too painful to deprive yourself of things you want to distract yourself from how you're disappearing.

this summer is killing me and there are a lot of people in this world every day i go out and everything is a lot.

i hate summer and i like to burn myself with unfinished cigarettes. i have to find every part of my body that isn't exposed so people don't tell me i shouldn't do that because i don't give a shit if i should or not, it's my body and i hate it, so i can do whatever i want.

sometimes i want to hug some close people but they scare me.

my mother says that she listens to me and sees me as fine, but i don't know how to tell her in the least ridiculous way that every day i am closer to finding a way to not think about anyone else and throw myself off that bridge so high and far away so no one knows what happened to me.

i'll listen to what they say if they know where i ended up, probably some of them had pretty high expectations for me. but please, i've always been a living waste!

and sometimes i feel sorry for my little 8 year old self who used to dream a lot and plan for her future.

i'm sorry honey, we'll never be who we wanted, you're too weak and everything affects you. you were never someone who deserved a good future, because you didn't come here to be happy or to be somebody.

this summer is killing you and of all the promises you made to yourself you have never kept any. because you are a waste.

but i want my pets to have a better life and lots of things i can spoil them with so i will spend all the money on them, they deserve it because no one has more trust in me than them.

this summer is killing me and i'm not asking for help. but promise me my pets will have a good life.

this is a nightmare, this is a fucking nightmare!

there are a lot of people who know me and i hate that they can think about what i should have done and said or show how much i hurt them. i'm sorry it's not an excuse but it's all my fault because i hate myself and i do not want to accept that there are people who think that i am worthy of their affection. i'm not! so fuck me!

[buckyownsmylife]

You and I - Henry Cavill smut

The one where Henry comes over to fix your computer

Warnings: reader is a henry fan, pandemic theme, lockdown and quarentine-ing, little bit of second-hand embarrassment?, heatwave, henry is feeling deprived in this one, oral sex (f), masturbation (f), dirty talk, brief hairpulling, the name of God in vain, Henry’s monster dick,  laughing and teasing while fucking, hand over throat but no actual choking, orgasm control, p in v, unprotected sex

Word count: over 3k, ‘cause I got no chill

A/N: this was inspired by a tik tok someone requested me to write a fic about it. Obviously I took it in a different direction because can I ever follow guidelines? No. I do love this fic, though. Thank you to @lokiscollar​ for giving this a read for me!

Y/N’s P.O.V

Driving to a secluded location to spend lockdown in felt like a wonderful idea. There was a working wi-fi connection, so I could work remotely from the seashore cabin without any problem whatsoever, and the view was obviously to die for.

I did not expect someone else to have the same idea as me. The cabin next door had been occupied on the same day that I arrived, and much to my surprise, I recognized my new neighbor as someone I never expected I’d come to meet in my entire life: an actor. An actor I actually had a crush on.

Thankfully, the situation didn’t exactly call for mingling. I ran off to hide inside my cottage as soon as I realized who he was, occupying myself with fixing everything for the next day instead of daydreaming about the man next-door.

There would be time for that later, once I got in bed. But weirdly enough, that was the only time I really thought about him during those first weeks of quarantine. Every once in a while I’d get the random wave of curiosity about what he was doing - what did Henry Cavill get up to while spending lockdown by himself? But that was pretty much it.

I woke up every day, had breakfast, worked and then went to bed. Sometimes I’d sit by the balcony and watch the birds fly, taking in the scenery and breathing in the salty water. Even as a kid, I’d always loved the sea. It was comforting, so it made sense for me to turn to it in such a stressful time.

Sometimes I’d hear a bark or two, reminding me of the man who was staying in the other cabin, and it made me smile. I always did like his dog, whenever I saw pictures of him.

I hoped they were alright and that the absence of any human contact wasn’t getting to them, even though it was getting to me. I could feel my own social abilities - which weren’t exactly stellar before - slowly becoming decrepit, and I was scared to think of what my first human interaction would be like once lockdown was over.

I just hadn’t anticipated it would be come so soon.

The morning began as it usually would. I took my shower, I had my breakfast, and I sat in front of the computer with my coffee in hands, ready to start working for the day.

Only the computer wasn’t ready for it, too.

“What?” I talked to myself - something that had become more usual the longer lockdown went on. “Oh, no, no, no…” The situation was looking drearier the longer I stared at my lifeless screen.

Looking up at the clock, I considered my options. Even supposing I could get someone to come to this middle of nowhere to fix it, there was no way I’d be able to get it done before work started.

Sighing, I pushed away from my designated desk to call my boss. Thankfully, he understood and I was left to repair the damn thing and come up with a solution for the next day.

My heart ached at the prospect of having to abandon my refuge because of an electronic malfunction. And that is, if there even was anyone willing to fix the damn thing, considering the pandemic and the rules of social distancing. That’s when suddenly, an idea popped up.

I remembered all the fuss a few months back over a video of Henry assembling a computer all by himself. There was no way someone with that much hardware prowess couldn’t at least know enough to fix this simple laptop.

With that thought in mind, I gathered all of my courage to leave my little shack and make my way to the neighboring cabin. I took a deep breath before knocking on the door, and after a few seconds of silence - he was probably surprised and certainly not expecting anyone - a voice sounded from within.

“Who is it?” Now, I had thought this through. If this man came as far as I had come to this damn forgotten town, it was because 1) he wanted peace and quiet and 2) he was as terrified of the virus as I was. So I knew what I needed to say - what I would like to hear if the roles were reversed.

“It’s your neighbor. My name’s Y/N. I’m so sorry to disturb, but my computer broke and I need it to work and you’re the only person I’m 100% sure has been socially distancing for long enough not to put my life in risk.” After all, I would have seen if someone had come to visit him. I didn’t need to say this because both of us knew it. “Would you pretty pretty please come and check it out?”

Silence followed my question and I sighed, rubbing my sweaty forehead as I knew this was a long-shot. “I understand if you’re unable or uncomfortable doing so, I just figured I’d ask. Thanks anyway!”

I had already turned my back to his front door when I heard it swinging open, the pitter patter of paws following close behind. My eyes took in the man in front of me for only a second before looking down at the dog at his feet, head tilted in interest as he analyzed me.

Immediately, my eyes lit up. “Kal!” I exclaimed, kneeling down to let the animal sniff me so I could pet it. My heart stopped working for a second when I realized what I’d done, though.

“Sorry!” I looked up at him from my kneeling position, trying to ignore how awkward it was, considering what I was close to. “I-I do know who you are, I’m not gonna lie about that.”

I straightened up as he kept looking at me in a way I couldn’t quite define. Neither could I determine how it made me feel, just that it made me avert my gaze so I’d stare at my feet.

“So… Are you gonna help me?” He chuckled at my question, closing the door behind him and taking a step in my direction, making me fumble as I instinctively stepped back.

“Sure.” It was the first thing he spoke to me, but we walked back to my own place in silence. He had his hands in his pockets as Kal followed us closely, his tongue hanging outside his mouth as he happily explored the outside for this little while. “Come on in.”

The way the cottage was set up left little space for him to wonder where he should be helping me. The desk in which I had prepared my set-up stood right by the wall to our left, and there he went without me having to point it out.

I watched a drop of sweat roll down the nape of his neck and fall under his tank top, distracting me as I licked my lips at the sight of it. Then his head turned to look at me and I realized that he was waiting for an answer to a question I hadn’t heard.

“Yeah, huh?” He chuckled again, making my face feel warm - an not (only) because of the overwhelming heat.

“Is it okay if I disconnect the wi-fi?” I wave my hand dismissively, shrugging.

“As long as you’re able to fix this, you can do whatever the hell you want.” I got the impression that I amused him, but he didn’t say anything else as he got to work on my (seemingly) dead computer.

Minutes went by of complete silence, safe from the sounds of typing and metal as Henry worked on the machine and I tried not to bite my nails. Finally, he pulled away from the screen and put his hands on his hips as if assuming some sort of decided stance - but if it was a good or bad thing, I couldn’t tell.

“Tell me, doctor.” I asked, pushing myself away from the sofa to approach him. The smell of a man’s sweat really had no right to be this arousing. “Is it life or death?” Henry turned to stare at me with a quirked eyebrow, and in the seconds it took for him to answer, I was once again distracted by just how hot he was.

“Sorry, what?” I asked when he became silent and I realized he’d asked me something I hadn’t heard once more. His smile said he was annoyed and entertained at the same time. “Sorry, you’re hot, it’s hot, and I can’t think straight,” I sighed, brushing the hair away from my eyes as I pressed my palms against them, trying to pull myself together.

“I swear to God, I’m not crazy.” I tried to look him directly as I said that, but was surprised at what I saw when our gazes met. There was a peculiar sense of yearning that he exuded, something I couldn’t quite place but that took my breath away all the same, especially when he took my silence as an invitation to invade my personal space.

“If you want me so badly, all you have to do is ask.” Silence fell heavily and I was out of breath just from his words - not a good sign. My throat felt dry, too dry, so I swiped my tongue over my bottom lip as I struggled to say something.

“W-why, though?” He tilted his head to the side, eyes inscrutable while he judged my question, trying to understand where it came from just like I was trying to understand his interest in me, when he suddenly smiled.

“I figured it’s a nice way for you to pay me back.” It took me a second to understand what he was referring to, and then my eyes darted from the computer to him, my mouth falling open in offense until he started chuckling. “I’m joking!” But even so, the question remained…

“Sweetheart…” He spoke, voice low and velvety as two strong hands suddenly enveloped my hips. “You’re seriously underestimating how hot you are.” I didn’t know what to say, so I had to make sure I’d hear him right.

“M-me?” A predatory smirk took over his face, slowly. I gulped under its intensity, feeling much like prey as he started to back me against the couch. I fell on top of it with a gasp, and another one escaped me when he used my ankles to pull me closer.

“I wanna eat you out.” It was all I got as an answer, but I can’t say that I minded it. As he dropped to his knees before me, pulling down my underwear before spreading my legs for his eyes to take in, it felt like I got a response from the gesture in itself.

“Do you know how long it’s been since I ate pussy?” The unexpected question made me choke on my own saliva, as he chuckled darkly in amusement at my bashfulness. I could only breathe through my mouth when he leaned down to run his tongue on the edge of my lips, slowly acquainting himself with my taste, making me moan softly.

“I-I definitely and decidedly don’t.” He seemed to like this answer, understand that it delimited exactly the type of fan that I was: the kind that knew what he was and what he liked - his dog, his computer - but not someone who was obsessed with his entire dating history, eager to know his every secret.

The longer Henry ate me out, the clearer it became just how long it’d been since he’d done this. It was obviously something he liked - the way he buried his face against my cunt and engulfed it entirely with his open mouth showed so. And the fact that he licked me and sucked me like he was a starved man? This was a man denied of a pleasure he genuinely enjoyed, that much I was certain of.

“Do you like this?” He asked once he inserted one of his thick fingers inside of me, already stretching me beyond what I could do with my own hand.

“How could I not?” I managed to moan a response, making him chuckle.

“Show me how to find it,” he instructed, eyes sparkling with determination. “I want to find your sweet spot.” I’d never had someone I was with so interested in giving me pleasure before.

Hypnotized, my fingers circled his wrist as best as I could, slowly moving him to run his digits over the top of my channel. He knew when he found it because I cried out for him, closing my eyes momentarily.

“Cum for me,” he ordered, and how could I deny him that, especially when he was looking at me with those darkened eyes? He milked my orgasm until my pussy had stopped clenching around him, but the second that it was done, he growled, getting up to his knees. “Gonna fuck you now.”

He pulled me by my hair, making me moan out loud as he slowly inserted his monster cock inside of me. “Oh, God!” His groan had me panting, cunt clenching around his thickness. I couldn’t understand how I was able to take it, but I was glad that was the case. “So… tight…”

Through his grip on my hair, he pulled me to deposit quick kisses down my jaw. “You take me so well, darling.” It was a compliment I was proud to receive, even though I wasn’t too sure how I managed to earn it in the first place.

“I honestly don’t know how,” I admitted, gasping when he slowly dragged his cock out to slam it in me, but I instinctively pulled my hips away, earning an amused chuckle from him.

“Come back here,” he ordered, already pulling me back to spear me with his painfully hard length. I’d have to be inhuman not to cry out at the feeling of his bulbous head bumping against my cervix. “Are you scared?” He joked as I bit on my bottom lip not to give in and laugh. “You think I’m too big?”

“You’re more than enough, I’ll tell you that.” Now, that had his own laugh escaping his chest, making my body tremble underneath his, inadvertently getting some friction between the both of us. It earned me a moaned out, “Yes…” that got his attention back to where I hoped it would be, and as his eyes settled on me, I briefly wondered if I was prepared for what was to come.

“But now that you got all of me inside of you, do you really want to go?” The whispered question made me shiver. I never expected him to be the type to talk dirty, but then again, I never expected I’d be fucked by him, either.

“No.” It was all the permission he needed.

“Then let me fuck you hard.” And hard he did fuck me. He was hard inside of me, it probably would have been painful for him if he wasn’t so desperately trying to alleviate it by frantically fucking me against the couch.

It was the most deliciously torturous experience I’d ever gone through. I had to bite my lip while I held onto his shoulders for dear life, trying to stop my moans from escaping because I was sure that for once, I’d become a screamer.

Unfortunately, it seemed like Henry didn’t appreciate my efforts to keep his ears from deafening. “What’s wrong?” He questioned, fingers tightening on my hips. “I thought you wanted this.”

Confused, all I could think to say was, “I-I do.”

“Then let me hear you,” he insisted. “You know you can scream all you want. We’re all alone up here on the coast.” Well, he wasn’t wrong. And with that reassurance, I allowed my head to fall back and my mouth to fall open, my moans flowing freely from my body as Henry kept fucking me.

“This is so much better than touching myself in search of a release,” he mumbled at some point, like he was talking to himself. “I was so damn lonely and you have such a tight little pussy.”

Being fucked by him felt like a religious experience. Henry somehow knew the map to my pleasure, easily bringing me to the brink of bliss before I had even managed to wrap my head around this turn of events.

My moans grew louder as I climbed higher and higher, but before I could fully tip over his hand curled around my throat, not constricting any air, just calling my attention.

“Ask for permission, baby.” Just the order had me clenching around him, prompting him to release a moan of his own. All the while, I was groaning in frustration, trying to control myself or say what he wanted me to say, but all that came out of me was, “Goddamn! You can’t say stuff like that.” Henry’s laughter flowed freely once more, making my heart skip a beat. “Why not?”

“Because you’re a fucking movie star and I am not up to fall in love with you.” That had his eyebrows raising in surprise, the smile disappearing from his face before it came back as a teasing smirk.

“Oh, so this is a one-time thing.” The taunting manner in which he said it surprised me in turn, so I hesitated before nodding. I mean, of course it was, right? He didn’t even know me. This was strictly sexual and physical, I would not be fooled by my own hormones. “My cock is not enough for you to want to get to know me some is that it?” … Was he testing me?

“Yes.” His smirk only grew at the word. “This is a one-time thing.”

“We’ll see about that.” His fingers ran down my body to graze over my clit. I sucked in a breath, trying to keep it in, knowing I was going to lose. Eventually, as my thighs began to tremble, I gave in altogether.

“Please, let me cum, please.” His eyes softened at my broken and desperate plea, hand gripping my cheeks as he finally nodded.

“Keep staring at me as you cum,” he commanded, still just as bossy. “Show me how pretty you look when you cream all over my dick.” That was all I needed to succumb to the pleasure he was subjecting me to.

I felt his cock, still hard as it pumped rope after rope of cum inside of me, and by the time I was able to open my eyes again, he was panting over me, sweat dripping from his forehead onto my face.

I didn’t have the time to think about what I should do - push him away, try to pretend this didn’t happen - because the second I began to adjust on the couch, he pulled me to rest against his chest.

“Let’s stay here for a little while,” he quietly asked me. “Then we’ll figure out if there’s enough room for me to take you in your bed.”

[quindolyn]

General Relationship Headcanons || James Potter

Request: “Please can you do a general relationship for james potter? xx” -anon

Word Count: 5,835

Notes: This is kinda slow burn, I’m a little sorry. The ones I did for Remus and Sirius were not canon so this won’t be either which is a little easier because no Jily. These keep on getting longer and longer, but part of that is because Jamie is definitely my favorite marauder.

Warnings: Smut, angst, lots of fluff, dom and sub James, momma’s boy Jamie

Masterlist

You were something special

James had known that since he was 4 years old

It just took him a long time to realize exactly how special you really were

James Potter was an idiot

That would become increasingly apparent to him as he grew up

Your family and the Potters were great friends for as long as any of you could remember, meaning that you and James were practically attached at the hip

And who could blame you? He has such nice hips 

The both of you are heart broken when he leaves for Hogwarts leaving you behind because you wouldn’t start until the following year.

All throughout his first year you guys write back and forth sharing every single detail of your respective days, down to the color of the plate you ate your lunch on

You can’t help but feel envious

There’s your best friend in the entire world, in fucking Scotland

Making new best friends

When the next year rolls around and you get to finally join James on the Hogwarts Express you want to hate Sirius and Remus

You really do

But how can you? They’re Remus and Sirius 

You guys spend the entirety of the train ride laughing and talking and the other two boys tell you embarrassing stories from the year prior about James

When they hear your nicknames for him (Jamsie, Jamie, J), they make fun of him relentlessly

He calls you an assortment of cheesy nicknames too but his favorites, before you guys get together, are “Sweetheart”, “Sunshine”, and “love”

If you get sorted into Gryffindor James screams his head off for you, making room for you to sit next to him at the table in the Great Hall, opposite Sirius and Remus.

If you’re in a different house then James gets sad, really sad, like that night he cries into his pillow and Sirius has to climb into bed with him to give him hugs and tell him that its okay even if the two of you are in different houses. That doesn’t have to affect your friendship if you don’t let it.

The next day James would find you before you got to the Great Hall and engulf you in a hug in the middle of the corridor, not caring that there were people streaming past the two of you in either direction. 

“We’re gonna be friends forever right (Y/N/N)?”

“I hope so Jamie.”

Even though you’re in different classes and potentially different houses you guys are around each other all of the time

You sit with him and the other boys at their place at the Gryffindor table

They sit with you in the library

And by the end of your first year you’re having sleepovers in their dorm

You sleep in James’ bed of course and Remus and Sirius do. Not. hesitate. To mock you relentlessly

“You and your girlfriend getting comfy over there Jamie?”

“Go to hell Siri, let me cuddle James in peace!” 

These jokes continue through your years at Hogwarts and you and James take them in jest

As you guys get older the physical affection you share never dwindles

After someone made a crude comment in the hallway about the two of you he talked to you making sure that you were okay with the arms he would throw over your shoulders, the arms wrapped around you waist, the kisses to your forehead before he left the Great Hall for class, holding you in his arms in the Gryffindor common room as the two of you drifted to sleep.

You assure him that its okay, that its not weird because you guys have been best friends since forever and that you love how affectionate you are with each other

You don’t start to realize you feelings for James until he starts pining after Lily, you don’t know what you have until its gone, right?

Watching him stare at her in the Great Hall

Writing her little notes that even though he’ll go up and ask her out in front of everyone, which you’re not too fond of either, he’s too shy to actually give her

Listening to him go on and on about her, her hair, the cadence of her voice, the beautiful color of her eyes, how intelligent she is, and on and on

Sirius picks up on this instantly

And he does not hesitate to make fun of you for it all the time, obviously not enough for James to pick up on it because he’s a prick not a complete asshole, but still enough to make you blush uncontrollably

You can’t say anything to him though because he’s your James and there’s absolutely no way that he returns your feelings, you’re like a little sister to him

So, much to Sirius’ chagrin, you swallow your feelings and sit there by James, trying to listen to Remus as he tries to explain to you your Charms homework while James watches Lily on the other side of the Common Room laughing with Dorcas and Marlene

And a little piece of your soul dies

The summer between your third and fourth year, his fourth and fifth, you were excited to finally have your Jamsie back to yourself again.

It went without saying that the two of you would alternate between each other’s houses over the summer

There would be no Lily Evans to distract him

No exams to stress over 

Just you and James at the Potter estate, exploring the woods that, in all honesty, didn’t change all that much from summer to summer, and swimming in the bioluminescent pond on the edge of the Potter property, simply floating next to each other on your backs, one of his hands grasping your forearm, making sure you didn’t float too far away from him

But apparently this year it didn’t go without saying.

Instead, a mere month before the end of the term, James regretfully tells you that he and his family are going to Spain for the summer to be with his aunt who lives there and he really wants to take you but its the entire summer and his parents nixed it

“I’m so sorry sunshine, I really want to take you but-”

“It’s okay Jamie, I get it if you could you’d take me, but you can’t so its fine. I’m not going to hold it against you.”

And you can tell that he’s genuinely upset about it but that doesn’t mean that it doesn’t hurt any less when you hug him goodbye at King’s Cross knowing that unlike years prior you weren’t going to see him in a few days.

You spend a good chunk of the summer wallowing, not necessarily because your crush isn’t there with you but because your best friend isn’t

James writes you every day just like he did during his first year at Hogwarts but its not the same because you can’t see him

You can’t hold onto his arm when you’re tired and set your head on his shoulder

So when September 1st rolls around and you finally get to see him again you’re down right giddy

But on Platform 9 ¾ you’re looking for a wiry, lanky boy, with a nose a little too big for his face, and a squeaky little voice

Not the 6 foot man who approaches you, with broad shoulders and budding facial hair along his jawline.

“Sunshine!”

Oh holy shit

His voice

He no longer sounds like a dog toy, a very cute dog toy but still

You must admit that you’re a fan of the change, as the word leaves his lips you imagine resting your head on his chest and feeling the vibrations as he spoke with whomever

Its not a single day that you’re back at Hogwarts before James is fawning all over Lily again and you’ve had enough of it

You’re not going to let yourself to keep on pining after a boy who doesn’t love you

Not even doesn’t love you

But loves someone else

Sirius finds you a couple weeks into the school year, sitting with your back against a wall in an empty corridor trying to hold in your tears.

“What’s wrong, love?”

“I-I can’t believe I let myself fall for him. I’m an idiot Si!”

Sirius holds you in that hallway, rocking you back and forth while he murmurs to you that James is the idiot, not you, and that you deserve so much more than him

He helps you concoct a plan to get over James, he pitches to you going out on a date with someone else

Doesn’t have to be anything all that serious, just something to get your mind off James and remind you how hot you are, and how many people are lining up for you to give them so much as a moment of your time.

It doesn’t take too much on Sirius’ part to get you to agree to let him set you up

His name was Sullivan, he was in your year, a year younger than Sirius, with sandy blonde hair and chocolate brown eyes 

Sully, as he insisted you call him, took you for a butter beer at the Three Broomsticks

You had a good time, Sully was smart, and attractive, and you and he shared similar interests 

And all though he was lovely, and he insisted you were too, the both of you agreed that you would be better off as friends

You spent more time with him in the following weeks and less with James, Sirius, and Remus

The latter two were very happy that you were trying to move on because watching you stare at James was a little sad

James is confused, and hurt, and jealous

Though he adamantly refuses to admit that last one

Instead he just watches you. All. Of. The. Time.

To the point where if it wasn’t James it would be disturbing

And even though it is him it gets touch concerning

Sometimes before you go and sit with the Marauders at their spot in the Great Hall you’ll stop by where Sullivan sits with his friends and give him a smile, talk for a few minutes before hugging each other and walking away

It made James’ blood boil

Who did this kid think he was, you were his best friend he didn’t get to just waltz in and take you, or Godric forbid date you

One day you’re sitting outside with the boys when you see Sullivan on the other side of the court yard, excusing yourself you walk up to him and chat for a couple minutes before Sullivan’s face goes pale and there’s a shadow looming over you.

James throws an arm around your shoulders, tugging you into his side while extending his hand to Sully

“Hi, I’m James, (Y/N/N)’s best friend.”

James is standing there with you guys maybe 2 minutes, being the most passive aggressive petty person he could possibly be, dropping not so subtle hints about his distaste for Sully before he’s tugging you back to the tree where Siri and Remmy still are, their hands resting dangerously close to each other’s 

“What the fuck James!”

He plays dumb because if there’s one thing James Potter is good at its being an idiot, but eventually he relents

“I just don’t like the way he looks at you, it's like he’s trying to get into your pants!”

You start cackling

Borderline manically

“You’ve got to be kidding me James we’re just friends!”

Sirius being the eternally helpful human being he was added in his two cents, “Maybe you’re projecting Potter!”

And the laughing stops

James goes beet red, you feel all the blood drain from your face before collecting yourself and murmuring a quick apology before racing off for the castle 

You and James don’t talk for 2 days

It's the longest either of you have gone without some form of communication

You’re both so embarrased and you don’t want to hear James tell you that he doesn’t actually like you and that it was just Sirius being an asshole

Of course he would say this to make you comfortable but that’s not what it would do

It would crush you

You don’t have classes together so it's easy to ignore him there, and if you’re in separate houses it's even easier

Meals

Now that’s a different story

You can’t just eat somewhere else and the prospect of facing James after what Sirius said has you running for the nearest toilet

So you scrounge up what you can in the kitchen after meals

It kills James that he’s only seen you on the other side of the courtyard or disappearing behind corridors 

You’re supposed to be his Sunshine, he can’t stand that you’re hiding from him, he misses you so much

And at first he’s a little angry when you don’t sit with them at meals, but after scanning the Great Hall, he realizes you’re not there

His stomach drops, have you not been eating?

So dinner the second night he collects a plate for you with all of your favorite things and determinedly sets off for your dorm, balancing a plate in one hand and a glass of pumpkin juice in the other

He has to knock on your door with his foot

“Jamie, what’re you doing here.”

He gently pushes past you letting himself into your room to set the plate and glass on your desk

“You haven’t been eating.”

And despite yourself your heart flutters, because he’s right you haven’t been eating as much as you should’ve not wanting to get caught in the kitchens you only swiped what you could easily get your hands on

But then you have to remember, it's because you’re basically his little sister, not because he reciprocates your feelings

“I’ve missed you Sunshine.”

And you lose it

“Stop! Stop it Jamie I can’t take it anymore, you can’t keep calling me Sunshine and Sweetheart and Love and cuddle with me on the couch and then turn around and declare your undying love for Lily fucking Evans. I can’t do it anymore! I like you, differently than you like me and I can’t do this anymore!”

Poor Jamsie has never felt like more of an absolute asshole

You’d be lying if you said you didn’t revel just a little bit in the look on his face, didn’t feel a little triumph that maybe he felt even a fraction as bad as you did.

He’s an idiot and he realizes it

You’re both very quiet for a minute before he walks up to you so that you’re a mere inch from him before he gulps and leans down to press his lips to yours

“I’m an idiot.”

“Yes you are.”

“But I’m your idiot, right?”

“Always Jamsie.”

It's not as though much changes between the two of you on the surface once you’re together

You’re a bit more touchy feely with each other, kisses usually pressed to foreheads or temples often find themselves brushing at the other’s lips

He holds your hand a lot more freely now and more often than not it will end up clasping your thigh under the table in the Great Hall, or after having pushed your chairs together in the library so they touched

When you curl up together in the Gryffindor common room his hands find their way under your shirt, lightly tracing the skin of your stomach, pressing kisses to the junction where your neck meets your shoulder

His arsenal of nicknames expands impressively

Angel, darling, beautiful, gorgeous, poppet, pretty girl, mine

And he’ll add the occasional my before the word “love”

You already slept over in their dorm room every other night before you and James got together but now it's more of a nightly occurrence

Especially the day before a Quidditch match, James insists that he sleeps with his lucky charm, says you keep him calm

You cheer the hardest for James at his matches, bar maybe Sirius

Even if you’re in a different house you sit with Siri and Remus in the Gryffindor stands and get all decked out in red and gold

Now that you’re his he has no problem with Sullivan, he trusts you and by extension he trusts the people you trust

You’re touched one day, early on into your relationship, when Lily comes up to you in the Great Hall and tells you that you didn’t have to tell James to tell her that he was sorry for being a prick and not taking no for an answer.

You don’t tell her this but you didn’t ask him to do anything

James is just a good person

He also has an abundance of money and little impulse control

He’ll buy you literally anything he sees that reminds him of you, or if he remembers you bringing up that you wanted or needed it

He likes buying you jewelry because you can wear it more often than you could say the same dress or blouse

That’s not to say that he doesn’t buy you clothes too, he has all of your sizes memorized and knows whether you wear normal/petite/tall

James Potter will buy you pads/tampons/whatever product you use

He’s a man not a little boy and he doesn’t give a flying fuck if someone makes fun of him for it

One day Lucius calls him out for it and Jamie is just not having it 

“You have no clue where the clit is or what to do with it do you Malfoy?”

He’s always helped you through your periods so now that you’re together he’s just more liberal with his touch because he knows how much you love it

He knows how to do basic hairstyles and such because he watched his mom when he was a little boy and watch your mom do your hair too

If your hair requires special treatments and hairstyles he will write to your mom, asking for her to teach you because he loves your hair and wants to be able to help you, like imagine sitting in his bed while he puts braids in your hair following the instructions your mom sent him

Speaking of families when he tells Euphemia you two are together (which he does as soon as he leaves your dorm that night) she literally screams

Fleamont was worried that she was being attacked

But the next day at breakfast you get a letter from Euphemia stained with dried tear drops as she poured her heart out to you, telling you how much she loved you and that if her son ever broke your heart you were to go to her immediately and she would deal with him for you 

The year you finally become boyfriend and girlfriend is the year you all become animaguses 

James tries to argue with you, insisting that you shouldn’t do it because it's dangerous and he doesn’t want you getting hurt

Your rebuttal is that isn’t it just as dangerous for him? And if you’re not doing it neither is he and that leaves Sirius which just wouldn’t end well 

He’s so proud of you when you transform for the first time, he gets so distracted watching you that he forgets where he is for a moment

That summer, unlike the one previous, you and James spend all of your time together 

You spend the entirety of the holiday at the Potter estate doing all the things that you and Jamie used to do when you were younger, only this time its better

Instead of being childhood friends you’re each other’s 

You can kiss him, and hold his hand, and he can lift up your hair to kiss the back of your neck

Euphemia lets you guys sleep in the same bed but before that she sits the two of you down and gives you the talk

“Now (Y/N), I don’t know if your parents have ever discussed this with you but if you two are going to be sharing a bed I think it's important we go over it.”

There’s so much blushing and whining from James

“Muuuummmm.”

One night you guys are lying on the floor of his bedroom wearing the absolute bare minimum because it was so hot and humid out when you pitched the idea of going skinny dipping

James is hesitant at first because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable

But you insist that you’re fine and point out to him that it was you idea not his

Being the gentleman he is when you strip by the lake he looks away making you laugh

When you turn him to look at you his jaw drops

You’re even more gorgeous than he could’ve ever imagined

It's dark out but the light from the lake allows you to drink in your figure

He blushes so much you’d think that he was the one naked

 When he does strip too he grabs you and jumps into the water, you guys are all over each other, running your hands up and down his chest, his hands are supporting your bum while your legs wrap around his waist

You have sex that night, for the first time, he was very gentle with you and holds your hand when he breaks you hymen and if you cry he kisses away your tears

“Do you wanna stop baby? Does it hurt too much? We can stop.”

James is one of two things depending on your preference

We have soft dom!James and sub!James

I personally appreciate a healthy mix of both 

Starting with soft dom!James, he would be so gentle with you 

Also very firm though, if you broke any of his rules he would not hesitate to punish you

He’s a thigh man through and through

Doesn’t matter if we’re talking dom or sub, the man lives for your thighs

Which makes his favorite form of punishment laying you across his lap to spank you, but most of the time his blows land on more of your thighs than they do your bum

He makes you count as he spanks you too and after every blow you have to thank him

“One! Thank you Daddy!”

And if you ever call him James instead of Daddy during sex he’ll stick his fingers in your mouth and make you choke on them, kissing away the tears that fall from your eyes, “S’okay baby, you’re okay. Can you do this for me? Can you take my fingers like the good girl I know you are?”

He loves taking you up against a wall, especially in the locker rooms after a Quidditch match

Shower sex is one of his favorites, thinks you look absolutely gorgeous, soaking wet and moaning for him, not to mention he get’s to fuck you up against the wall

This is the point in the headcanon where I urge you all to go read the blurbs by @randomoutsiders​ where Remus and Sirius teach James how to brat tame you, she captures his essence perfectly

He loves to blindfold you, he likes the little jump he gets out of you when he touches you

He gives you the most condescending mocking smiles

What comes to mind is the first time he makes you squirt, he’s so proud of both himself and you

“Good girl, look at that, look at how much of a mess you made for me angel. So pretty, good job.”

He then proceeds to lick the mess you just made off of you 

He loves buying you lingerie

He likes it in a deep red and black

Loves ripping it off of you, absolutely adores it 

After care with him would be so soft and sweet, he loves taking baths with you so he can clean you up and kiss all the places he left bruises while he murmurs to you about what a good girl you were and how proud he is of you

One night he tells you that if Godric forbid the two of you ever split up and you’re with someone else that after care is necessary and that you’re precious and deserved to be treated as such 

He treats you like a goddess 

Sub!James is just as precious

He’s also my current obsession so stick with me here

He’s just so eager to please, always wanting to make you feel good and not even caring all that much if he gets off himself

Just so centered around making you feel good

He calls you “Mommy” and I will not be accepting criticism

I feel like “Mistress” is too impersonal if that makes much sense

The former is just so intimate and James wears his heart out on his sleeve 

James is rarely if ever a brat, usually when he’s disappointed in himself and he takes it out on you and you have to remind him how to be a good boy

And the rest of the time when he breaks a rule it's completely on accident and he’ll come to you and tell you about it to apologize

He feels so guilty, like he’s failed you

Especially if he touches himself without your permission, it's almost enough to keep him from doing it but he’s still a horny teenaged boy and can’t help himself sometimes

Most of the time though you’ll end up with a horny James knocking on your dorm door begging you to help him 

He prefers giving you head than you giving him head

That’s not to say that the visual of you on your knees with his cock in your mouth isn’t appealing, it most certainly is 

He just loves that he can make you feel that good with just his tongue

James also loves how you taste, tells you it’s better than candy

Which makes you smile like an idiot

Will finger you under the table in the library if you ask him to, it's not like he was paying that much attention to his homework in the first place, and even if he had been you are without a doubt more important

Loves it when you ride him

Absolutely adores it, he loves the way your tits bounce which is why he prefers cowgirl to reverse cowgirl because he can keep his hands on your tits and on your thighs

He asks you for a cock ring, loves that you get to decide when he gets to cum 

Extra points if its a vibrating one

With his consent of course, you tie him up and make him watch while Sirius and Remus fuck the living day lights out of you, barely paying him any mind while you scream for the cocks of his two best friends 

He likes being tied up in general allowed to look and only look

The first time you peg him he almost cries it feels so good

And you take his sniffling as a sign he doesn’t like it and that he’s hurt, he has to explain to you that that is not it and “You make me feel so good Mommy.”

His whimpers and moans are the most precious things and he’s very vocal

Screaming your name and begging you to cum

He is not shy to beg you 

To cum

To make you cum

To get to so much as look at you

Baby boy has absolutely no shame 

I especially like sub!James because he’s such a cocky asshole 90% of the time but he’s also the kindest, most considerate soul and he spends so much of his life helping others that sometimes he just wants you to be in control

Regardless of sub or dom James you were making out on his couch that summer, your hands in his hair, his fumbling with the clasp on your bra when there was a pounding at his front door

He makes you stay where you are because he doesn’t want you to get hurt but its just Sirius

Well not just Sirius

He was bloodied and broken and looked like he’d been to hell and back

When he told the two of you what happened, how he’d been disowned and had nowhere else to go, while Euphemia tended to his wounds James engulfed him into the biggest hug and they just sit there, Sirius crying into James’ chest while James ran his hands up and down Sirius’ back whispering to him about how it was going to be alright that he was safe, that no one was ever going to hurt him again.

About 2 or so hours after you’d all retired for the night, you and James snuggled together in his bed you awoke when the door to his room creaked open

There was Sirius, with tears streaming down his face, his bottom lip wobbling

After untangling yourself from James you walked over to him, taking his hand in yours and leading him over to the bed

“James, scooch over.”

“Huh?”

“Scooch!”

When he opens his eyes and sees his Sirius standing there, bashfully ducking his head he quickly moves over and you and Sirius settle into the bed with him in the middle

You and James pet his hair hold his hands while you tell him how much the both of you love him and how you’re never going to let anything bad happen to him again

You fall asleep that night with James spooning Sirius from the back and you with your body curled into Sirius’s front, his head resting on your chest

When you go back to Hogwarts you often end up in this position in their dorm room only add Remus into the mix

You’re a year behind all of them at school meaning that when they graduate you’re still stuck their for a whole nother year without any of them

And it nearly kills all of you

You and James most, though you write to each other every day it's still not the same as him actually being there with you

When you get particularly desperate to see him he apparates to Hogsmeade where he becomes Prongs and meets you in the Forbidden Forest where you basically just spend the entire time holding each other and telling the other how much you love them

He cries at your graduation, full on blubbers 

“That’s my girl!”

Insists that you look better in your graduation cap than anyone else

Doesn’t relent when you tell him how ridiculous that is

You guys move in together as soon as you graduate, it’s barely even a discussion because you guys can always tell what the other is thinking

“Hey babe, do you wanna-”

“Yeah Jamie, when you wanna go look at apartments?”

He loves going shopping for your apartment, he has so much fun looking at color swatches and different fabrics

He insists that you guys decorate at least part of the apartment in Gryffindor colors

Wolfstar lives down the street from you guys and you have biweekly coffee dates together at a little coffee shop in between your two houses.

After a year or so you realise that you and James still aren’t married, and you get very self conscious

Does he not want to spend the rest of his life with you?

Does he not love you as much as you love him?

It completely eats you up

And James can tell that something’s up

When he asks you you confess your worries to him and his heart breaks

He never wanted to make you feel like he didn’t love you

Because of course he loved you

You were his everything, you were his Sunshine

After telling you all of this he goes rummaging through his drawers looking for something

That’s how you find him when you wake up to him accidentally dropping something results in a loud bang

“Jamie? Are you okay?”

When you find him he’s standing bashfully, blushing with his head down, his hands holding something behind his back

“James?”

And that’s when he gets down on one knee and pulls the small velvet box from behind his back

“This isn’t how I wanted to do it darling, but I spend every single day  thinking about you, you’re the first thing I think of in the morning and I fall asleep with you in my arms thinking about how much I love you and how I don’t know if I could live my life without you. I’m so sorry if I’ve ever made you feel differently, I can’t believe I was enough of an idiot to ever hurt you, in any way. Even though I most certainly don’t deserve you, would you do me the honor of making me the happiest man alive and marrying me?”

Euphemia plans your wedding with the help of Sirius

They go all out

There may or may not be a life size ice sculpture of you and James per Sirius' request

Married life is absolute bliss for the two of you

You wake up every morning with that ring on your bedside table (do people sleep in their engagement rings and wedding bands? I’m a child of divorce whose parents are both children of divorce, true love is a foreign concept) to remind you of the beautiful man beside you

Both sub and dom James go absolutely wild on your wedding night, he can’t believe your Mrs. Potter, that your his

Its that night that you pregnant

Though you don’t know it for almost 2 months 

James is the best husband 

He carries you everywhere, even when you’re not showing 

And he can because fuck that man is strong

He’ll carry you upstairs at night and down them in the morning and to the sofa 

You can only move by yourself when he’s not looking 

James is really good at puzzles and putting things together so it takes him less than 2 hours to put all the furniture together for the nursery 

Which he insists you paint yellow, the color of sunshine

One of the first things he buys is a little Gryffindor onesie for your baby

When he comes James has him in it all of the time

When you go into labor he’s very calm and collected

Euphemia is there to help the both of you because that’s the person he first called when you had your first contraction 

He holds your hand the entire time, kissing you, and coaching you along, telling you how good you’re doing, how proud he is of you

He cries when he first sees his son, he’s so beautiful 

Even though he’s basically the spitting image of James, Jamie swears that he looks so much like you

Once the doctors and nurses leave the room he climbs into bed beside you, throwing and arm over your shoulder as you cradle your little boy in your arms

“He’s beautiful Jamie.”

“Just like his mother.”

tagging: @randomoutsiders @weasleyposts​ @kittykylax

[certifiedskywalker]

How to Make Small Talk in Five Simple Steps - Bucky Barnes

When people meet, they often use small talk as a means to negotiate and define the start of a new relationship. When you and Bucky meet, you both struggle to find the right words.

WARNING: talk of therapy, references to trauma and anxiety, and mild cursing

I. Show genuine interest.

“You’re new.”

“Excuse me?”

You shifted in your seat and eyed the man sitting across from you in the waiting room. His piercing cerulean eyes were squinted in your direction, right where he aimed his question. Despite the puppy-like confusion apparent in the way his head was cocked to the side, there was an edge to the mystery man. Perhaps it came from his clothes.

The jacket he wore was pitch black, a leather-like material that squeaked against the back of his chair when he moved. It looked brand new. Not to mention the matching gloves. His hands, joined together and resting on his abdomen, were covered in thick, dark fabric. There was not an inch of skin exposed, save for his face.

Though judging by the permanent scowl etched on his lips as he stared at you in wait for your reply, perhaps the man’s harsh edge ran deeper.

“The waiting room never has had more than like four people in it at a time,” you explained. “Until this week, until you, I waited by myself. So, you’re new.”

“Great powers of observation,” he quipped, though his tone lacked any lightness typical of teasing.

He leaned back in his chair, rubbing his gloved hands against the tops of his thighs. He looked towards the twin pair of doors that fed into Dr. Raynor’s and Dr. Briam’s respective offices. You smiled to yourself at the sight: a big man, an otherwise scary man was nervous for therapy. You could sympathize as, not too long ago, you had been in his place.

“Was it an intervention? A work note? An epiphany?”

At your questions, the man fixed his gaze on you again. “What?”

“What brought you to the services of Raynor and Briam?”

“Do you always ask this many questions?” While his voice was without a cutting coldness, his question wounded you. You overstepped your bounds. Time to wage a retreat.

“Sorry,” you murmured as you curled up and in your seat.

You looked away from the man in the hopes of distracting yourself from the searing shame. Quickly, your attention found the colorful pile of untouched magazines set out on a nearby side table. Despite your apology, you could still feel the sharpness of his eyes on you.

When you grew back the nerve and snuck a glance back at him, the man’s gaze was still fixed on you. Alarms rang in your ears as you turned to face him from across the waiting room once more. For a long moment, you just gawked at each other, waited for the other to speak.

Finally, the tension broke and, simultaneously, you both said, “sorry.”

A breathy laugh slipped past your lips, tilted and light. “Talking isn’t one of my strong suits.”

“Not mine either, not anymore,” the man sighed. However faint, there were slight, upward pullings at the corners of his mouth. Not quite a smile, but close. Close enough that you felt a hopeful realization bloom in your chest. How handsome he would look with a real smile.

You met his eyes and asked, “can...can we just start over?”

“Yeah, yeah we can.”

“Great,” you reached out your right hand towards him, across the vastness of the waiting room like an olive branch. “I’m Y/N.”

He glanced from your hand to your eyes and back again before he hesitantly extended his left. The tips of your fingers brushed and you saw the man’s body tense. After a moment passed, he joined your hands. His grip was strong and tight and, despite the glove, cold.

“Hi, Y/N.” Against your will, a fuller smile played on your lips, satisfied by how smooth your name sounded in his mouth. “I’m Bucky.”

II. Ask open-ended questions.

“How would you describe yourself?”

“What?”

“How would you describe yourself?” You echoed, a little louder than the first time.

“What do you mean?”

With a groan, you stood from your seat and strode over to where Bucky sat across from you. You settled in the seat beside him and held the magazine you were reading out to him. Empathetically, you pointed at the first question of the lifestyle quiz you found. Bucky squinted at the small typography and scoffed.

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

“It’s a quiz in a magazine,” you pointed out, “it’s not supposed to make sense.”

“But am I a ‘curious cat stalking along a window sill’ or a ‘peaceful breeze blowing through a seashell windchime’? What...what does that even mean?” Bucky glanced from the page to you with furrowed brows.

“Which one speaks to you?”

“I don’t know. Is there a dejected crocodile or something?”

You laughed at his question, at the imagery of a saddened gator, and fought to catch your breath. When you finally were able to fill your lungs and meet Bucky’s gaze, you saw that he was serious. His blue eyes were fixed on you with a stillness that startled you. Curiosity struck you, just as it did the first day you saw him.

“A crocodile? Why a crocodile?” Your eyes flicked over Bucky’s face, trying to read his reaction to your query. He met your gaze before he pulled back and sighed.

“I saw some in Africa when I...I lived there. They seemed hostile.”

“You’re hostile?” You raised a brow at him as you asked. You made a mental note to ask him about his stint in Africa later.

Bucky met your eyes and replied, “when provoked. When I don’t have a choice.”

“Well that’s not dark or ominous,” you jeered. When he didn’t make a quip back at you, you pressed your lips into a thin line. “You’re here for anger issues then?”

A heavy sigh rolled through Bucky’s chest. He looked away, up towards the windows of the waiting room that were put far too high along the grey wall, too high to reach. Then, all at once, he was far away, lost in thoughts and feelings you were not privy to, despite longing to be. There was something about Bucky that was still a mystery to you and carried the same spark of newness that endeared you to him.

“There were times where I lost control,” he admitted as he looked back at you. “I’m trying to make amends.”

“Sounds like it was an intervention that brought you here.” You silently hoped that your teasing would lessen the sudden tension that grew between you.

“It wasn’t an intervention,” he replied, his eyes drifting back up towards the window.

You frowned at his distant expression. It hit you, in that moment, that Bucky was still a stranger. His truth, his truths, were still hidden to you. You wanted to ask him so many questions but you knew better than to venture too far. The first exchange you had with Bucky taught you that.

So, instead, you turned in the chair beside him and held out the magazine so you both could read through the next few quiz questions. You had to start somewhere.

“I’m putting you down as a ‘curious cat’,” you said, “you seem like a cat guy. Aloof.”

Following your statement, a hum of amusement reached your ears. You glanced at Bucky and saw that the softest of smiles rested on his lips. Pleased with yourself, you looked back to the magazine and read off the next question.

“Alright so, ‘Reach back to your inner-child and ask yourself: what do you want to be when you grow up’, Bucky?”

“Is ‘just okay’ an option? Or ‘happy’?”

III. Never get too personal.

“You’re late.”

“I had an errand,” Bucky replied as he fell into the seat beside you. His seat.

“An errand? What are you, fifty?”

“I wish.”

“What? You want to be older?” You eyed Bucky warily.

“Youn-” he met your gaze and saw the confusion in your face. “Nevermind.”

“You’re a strange one, Bucky...Bucky...what’s your last name?”

“Nunya,” he replied, without missing a beat; but you knew this joke. You raised a brow at him and released a long, unamused sigh through your nose.

“Nunya business?”

“Damn right.”

There was a bitter, closed-lip smile on Bucky’s face as he spoke. Despite the expression, his eyes did not linger long on you. At the angle you sat at, you thought you saw his slightly upturned mouth fall, too easily, into a frown. You assumed that it was because you ruined his extremely outdated joke.

Gently, you bumped your shoulder against his. “We gotta get you new material.”

“Or what? People will think I’m fifty?”

He met your gaze with a bored look on his face. In spite of your best efforts to reply with a quick, witty retort, you found yourself immersed in Bucky’s presence. His cerulean eyes never left yours and you felt your resolve begin to melt. Your eyes flicked across his face, to his scruff-covered jaw and soft pink lips. It took all of your strength to meet Bucky’s eyes again and form a somewhat full sentence.

“Not looking as good as you do.”

You meant to fire it back, make it sting despite your words being more of a compliment than an insult. But the words were soft, a murmur that contained too much of your heart, and betrayed your true thoughts. You felt that truth and quickly averted your gaze to the too-high windows. Bucky let out a pleased huff.

“Careful. That almost sounded like flattery, Y/N...Y/N...what’s your last name?”

You rolled your eyes. “Okay, yeah, I get it. None of my business.”

A strained silence fell over the two of you. The dulled ticking of the waiting room clock soaked in the empty space that your voices once filled. Part of you feared that Bucky could hear the pounding of your heart. You were all too aware of the steady, thundering thumping in your chest.

In an attempt to muffle or overshadow the wild beating of your heart, you asked, “have you been given therapy homework yet?”

“Sort of,” Bucky replied, “kind of. It’s more self-assigned.”

“You’re an overachiever, then, huh?”

Your teasing, the distance your humor put you at, restored a level of comfort. In it, you felt confident enough to meet Bucky’s eyes. As you turned, your gaze trailed up his chest, skimmed along the cozy-looking material of his grey shirt. A striking glimpse of metal caught your attention, but Bucky’s voice coaxed your eyes to his.

“I wouldn’t call myself that,” he sighed, and he raised his hands. “I’m pretty average.”

“I doubt that,” you scoffed as you shook your head.

“Really?”

You turned your head to meet Bucky’s eyes and, again, you felt the thumping in your chest hasten. “Really.”

“Bold of you to assume. You don’t even know my last name.”

“Yet,” you pressed, “you’ll spill it to me one of these days. You may look good, but you also look like you need the therapy. We’ll be seeing each other often.”

A stunted laugh slipped out of Bucky’s mouth. He rarely laughed. If you could get half a smile out of him you were pleased. So, when a chuckle did slip, you savored the sound.

You let yourself watch him, how his head tilted back slightly when he looked up to the windows of the waiting room. It was then you saw the glint of a metal chain around his neck. You traced the shining material with your gaze until you saw the two dog tags that rested against his chest. The lapel of his jacket nearly obscured them, but you managed to read one in full.

James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes. Sargent. Camp Lehigh. DOB: 1917.

Based on the year, the date of birth, it had to be a relative, a grandfather, or an uncle, with the same name. As well as the same nickname? However strange it was, you knew Bucky’s last name: Barnes. Yet, you would wait for him to tell you himself. He would, one day.

IV. Practice active listening.

He was quiet, more so than usual.

When you walked into the waiting room, Bucky was already there, sat in his seat. When you greeted him, he didn’t respond. He only nodded and leaned heavily against the back of his chair. It didn’t take long for you to note the dark circles under his red-rimmed eyes and the more prominent lines of his face. The evidence of his lack of sleep was clear.

“You alright?”

“No.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?”

“No.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s what Raynor is for. But I’m here if you change your mind,” and, added as an afterthought, “if you need me.”

Bucky didn’t say a word. His gaze remained fixed on the wall ahead, the black greyness that stood like stone across from you. Worry struck your chest with a sudden ache. It didn’t help that his silence stung. All-day you looked forward to seeing Bucky, but he was so far away.

Even when you looked at him, Bucky seemed small. Almost as if he were sat a few seats down rather than in the one right beside yours. You raked your eyes over his form, desperate for any sign that he was present, in the moment with you. As you drank him in, Bucky remained unmoved and as out of reach as the waiting room windows.

Aside from the exhaustion clear on his face, he held himself as he normally did. There was a slight slouch in his shoulders, that would disappear when he stood, and his arms rested against the supports the chair provided. Your eyes graced over his chest. Beneath his standard dark jacket, he wore a charcoal grey shirt and, if you looked long enough, you thought you saw his dog tags sticking out against the fabric. He kept them hidden, except for the last time you saw him.

Aside from his tired appearance, Bucky looked the same. Had it been just a rough night? Or did something happen? Outside of the waiting room, you knew little to nothing about Bucky. You considered Googling him, just to see what would pop up. Maybe he had an Instagram or a Facebook you could stalk; though the thought of seeing him with his arm slung over some old lover made your stomach churn. It was better to keep the Internet’s knowledge about Bucky Barnes a secret despite how desperately you wanted to know more.

The temptation to ask him, prod him to get some sort of answer, or answers, was strong. To combat it, you picked up a copy of Sports Illustrated. Not your first choice, but you needed to ease the itch of curiosity. Plus, the post-Blip world was a wild one, even for professional sports teams.

Feigning interest in the politics of football proved more difficult than you first imagined. Like the rest of the world, the realm of sports was floundering with its struggle to manage newly returned players and the teams they scraped together during their five-year absence. You began to wonder which half Bucky found himself with. Had he disappeared or had he remained? You still were unsure as to which was better.

It was part of why you used the therapy services Dr. Briam provided. Was that why Bucky met with Dr. Raynor? Just as your mind started to wander through every possibility, your quiet companion shifted in his seat. You looked over to him only to find his eyes were fixed on you.

“Nightmares,” he murmured. Your brows furrowed and you felt a frown form on your lips.

“Do you want to talk about them?”

Bucky hesitated and you saw the glimmer of a maybe in his eyes before he replied with another curt, “no.”

“Okay. I’m sorry you have to deal with that.”

He didn’t respond. Instead, Bucky’s eyes flicked down to the carpeted floor below his booted feet. You looked at the same spot but saw nothing. Slowly, you returned your gaze to Bucky, studied how his left arm rested near your right one. He was closer now, and you wanted to keep him that way.

Carefully, almost as if you were reaching out to a wounded animal, you extended your right hand. Your fingertips brushed against his left forearm and Bucky flinched. At his movement, you paused, looked to his face for permission. His eyes were stilled fixed on the floor and you could almost hear him slipping so far away again, crashing into the untamable waves his nightmares left in their wake.

To anchor him, you grabbed his hand. You didn’t squeeze, fearing it would be too much. You simply held his left hand in your right and silently marveled at how cool it felt beneath the material of his glove. A moment passed and Bucky didn’t react. You took a deep breath and resigned yourself back to the uninteresting issue of Sports Illustrated in your free hand.

A minute of silent reading went by when you felt his grip tighten around your hand. You didn’t dare to say a word. You only listened to the shuddering relief of his next breath.

V. Put your phone away.

“What was that?”

“My phone.”

“Really? I thought it was a lightbulb,” you rolled your eyes. “I’m aware it’s a phone.”

“How could I forget your great powers of observation.” Playing into your mild offense, Bucky feigned a frightfully embarrassed slap to his forehead.

“Funny,” you grumbled, “but it looked like you had a shit ton of missed calls.”

“Were you spying on me?”

You raised your hands in defense. “You pulled the phone out and the appallingly long list of uncleared notifications disgusted me.”

“I can’t figure out how to clear them.”

“You just swipe and then there’s a little ‘Clear’ button you press.” Bucky frowned and reached back into his jacket pocket. He pulled out his phone and held it out to you. Dumbfounded by this action, you glanced up from the dark screen and back to Bucky’s eyes. He gestured to the device and nodded.

“Can you show me?”

“Uh, I, yeah. Yeah, I can. Can you um-”

“Oh,” Bucky pulled his phone back to him and typed in the passcode to unlock it. When he handed it back to you, you were met with a horribly unorganized home screen and a messaging app icon with over a hundred missed texts. You glanced up from the phone and to Bucky, ready to teasingly chastise him for the state of his device.

But, when you moved to look him in the eyes, you nearly knocked your head against his. He was leaning over, close to your shoulder, prepared to study your message-clearing technique. Though, when your eyes fell to him, his attention was refocused on you. In that instant, a rush of warmth overwhelmed your senses.

He was so close you could smell the leather of his jacket and whatever generic brand soap he used in the shower. You could also feel his breath dance along the skin of your face and neck. It stirred goosebumps to life and sent a shiver down your spine. In an effort to suppress the tremble that threatened to overtake you, you turned your eyes back to his phone.

“So, all you need to do is drag down the top screen and,” you quickly walked him through the steps of clearing his message notifications. A lot were from someone named Sam, who asked how Bucky was, where he was, and if he was attending a memorial service or not. Before you saw too much, you handed Bucky his phone back.

“That’s it?” He mirrored your movements and old messages began to disappear off his screen.

“Yup,” you breathed, “just like that.”

“Alright, but then how do I add a new contact?”

“You really don’t know how to do that? How old are you?” You held out your hand and he wordlessly placed his phone back in your grasp. “You just click on ‘Contacts’ and hit ‘Add New Contact’ and put in their information.”

“You should put yours in.”

Another rush of heat washed over and through you as you looked up at Bucky. There was a startling seriousness in his face, lessened only by the hints of a smile on his lips. Your mouth opened but no words came out. At least, not at first.

“What?”

“Your number, you should give me your number. If you want.”

“Y-Yeah.” In a numbed, almost mechanical manner, you entered your contact information before you handed back his phone. “There I am.”

“There you are,” Bucky echoed softly. He barely met your eyes but he didn’t seem unnerved, at least not as shaken as you felt. He was perfectly and horribly unfazed by the implications of his words. Or maybe you were reading into it. So much of Bucky was still a mystery to you. He still hadn’t told you his last name!

But you knew of his nightmares. You didn’t know the names of the ghosts that haunted him, but you knew they existed and that they scared him. It didn’t scare you. You had your own skeletons, and you held in your heart some strange longing to know his.

As if hoping to sneak a glance at them, you gazed up at Bucky. His eyes found yours in an instant and you wondered if he was ready and willing to talk to you about his nightmares. Or maybe he was finally going to tell you his last name. Or just tell you something about him.

Just as his pink lips parted, the door to Dr. Raynor’s office opened with a click. The small, otherwise unnoticed sound, snapped the tension that budded between you and Bucky.

In turn, you and Bucky, looked over to find Dr. Raynor. She poked her head out from behind the door, just as she had many times before. Her dark-framed glasses were perched on the bridge of her nose as she eyed Bucky, sending him a silent, eerie greeting. She looked as frightening and hawk-like as ever.

“Ready for you,” she deadpanned.

Bucky nodded and stood from his chair. You watched him walk over towards Dr. Raynor’s door. It nearly broke your heart when he didn’t look back at you, though you weren’t quite sure why.

VI. Longing.

You wiped at your eyes as you strode out of Dr. Briam’s office. Knowing full well that Bucky wasn’t in the waiting room, as his sessions with Dr. Raynor started earlier than yours with Briam, you charged towards the door. The next two clients that sat in the plush chairs eyed you and the tears streaming down your cheeks as you passed by.

You were long past caring about what anyone else thought. Hell, you barely noticed their thrown gazes as you pushed open the door to the office building and stomped out into the daylight. Once you were stood on the top stair, you took a deep breath. You felt your lung swell and, as you held in the air for a few more seconds, you imagined your every anxiety being pushed out with your long exhale.

Dr. Briam’s technique helped as you felt your shoulders sink with a sudden, but not total, loss of tension. Tears still slipped down your cheeks as you made your way down the stairs. You wiped at them as you started your journey home. Home, yes, there you could curl up and disappear for a few hours. That was what you needed.

Everything and everyone else was too much. Well, nearly everyone else.

Still walking at a fast pace, you barely noticed the blur of dark clothes that stepped towards you. That was until you felt someone grab your upper arm. You nearly shrieked and prepared to make a scene when you looked up. A pair of cerulean blue eyes found your gaze and almost instantly eased your panic.

“Bucky! You scared the shit out of me!”

He let go of your arm and raised his hands. “Sorry.”

“Why are you lingering?” You asked, fixing your slightly disheveled clothes. Relatively satisfied with your handiwork, you focused back on Bucky. His eyes had never left your figure. “Bucky?”

“I...you seemed quiet today and I didn’t ask about it. So, I just wanted to make sure that you were alright but,” he reached out a brushed a tear from your cheek, “you’re not.”

“Is anyone really ever alright?” You forced a smile to your lips, an expression that Bucky mirrored sympathetically before he frowned. “I’m fine. You can go, you’re probably busy.”

You thought bitterly of the mystery person, Sam.

“At least let me walk you home.”

“Well, aren’t you the gentleman,” you joked, silently hoping that it would deter him. Yet, Bucky lingered and looked at you as seriously as ever. “Okay.”

Quickly, Bucky fell into step at your side as you maneuvered through writhing throngs of people on their way to and from. Every so often, your hand knocked against his gloved one and made your insides twist. The twisting turned to aching on the occasions where Bucky held your elbow and guided you around a particularly messy bunch of commuters.

“You walked this way for each session?”

“Each session,” you replied, looking up at Bucky. “Why?”

“Jus’ seems really busy.”

“It’s not always this bad. Plus, there’s a nice little park down over, oh! Right here.”

You stopped and gestured to a small fountain surrounded by benches. Manicured green knolls of grass and scattered, flowering trees surrounded the little park, which was empty compared to the streets. You glanced at Bucky and nudged his shoulder with yours.

“Sit with me?”

“Yeah,” Bucky nodded and he let you guide him over to one of the benches. With a huff, you sat down and he followed suit. The wooden planks of the bench creaked under his added weight and, as if ushered by the sound, Bucky leaned closer to you.

You watched him as he took in your new surroundings. It looked as if he were surveying the area for any threats that could be hiding in the shadows. Perhaps that was why Bucky was such an enrapturing mystery to you: he always looked ready for a fight. Like his dejected crocodile, he was just waiting to be provoked. You were ready to do just that after weeks of tiptoeing around him.

“You never told me,” you said softly. Your voice coaxed Bucky’s eyes to yours.

“Told you what?”

“Why you came to Dr. Raynor.”

Bucky frowned and after a long pause he sighed. “A court order.”

“A court order? That’s…impressive? I don’t know the context, so, I can’t, and won’t, judge.”

Bucky let out a breathy, almost nervous-sounding chuckle as his gaze fell to the pavement. “There’s a lot you don’t know about me. I think if you did, you would judge.”

You furrowed your brows and waited for Bucky to look back at you. When he did, you felt your breath catch. In the sunlight, his eyes seemed brighter. Though, the heaviness of his knitted brow stole away their shine. He really believed you would judge him, after everything?

“Try me.”

“Y/N-”

“I want to know.” Bucky frowned but you pressed on. “I want to know you, Bucky.”

“Are you sure?”

“You’re kidding, right? You’re...interesting. Equally annoying and mysterious. It helps that you’re,” you sighed, “you’re good-looking too.”

A smile, the biggest you had ever seen Bucky put spread along his lips. His gaze fell to the sidewalk bashfully before he met your eyes once more. You thought back to the day you met and found yourself breaking out into a grin. He did look handsome when he really smiled.

“I’m nothing compared to you,” Bucky replied. “Talkin’ about both good-looking and annoying.”

“Then you know I won’t stop pestering you until you start to share,” you shifted towards him. “I want to know who you are, Bucky.”

His eyes flickered down from yours to your lips and back again. “What if I don’t really know myself?”

“Then start with what you do know.” You held out both of your hands towards him. Bucky glanced down at your open palms. When he met your gaze you saw a glint of fear that quickly melted into, what you could only describe as, relief.

Wordlessly, Bucky lifted his hands and began to peel off his gloves. First was his right. The sight of fingers made you strangely giddy. You had never seen the skin of his hands before. Then, he moved to his left and, finger by finger, he pulled the glove off. Sleek, shining, and metal, Bucky’s left hand was exposed.

You inhaled sharply at the sight but did not flinch away. Instead, you met Bucky’s eyes again and nodded. Carefully, he grabbed both of your hands in his. The contrast of his warm flesh and the cool, steel-like material sent a shock down your spine. You studied your joined hands before you looked back up at Bucky. A trembling breath rattled in his chest.

“I am James Buchanan ‘Bucky’ Barnes. I’m from Brooklyn and I used to be the Winter Soldier.”

[badassbuchanan]

White Lies

Warnings: smut, oral (male and female receiving), unprotected sex, overuse of the f word, riding, dirty talk, kinda sad ending.

Word Count: 5335

A/N: Sorry my inactiveness this past week, my loves! I’ve just had so much on my plate - hopefully everything will be back to normal this week xx

Also, let me know if my tag list still isn't working for you? I’ve had a few people having issues with it lately.

*** would just like to state for the record I do not condone cheating. Please do not read if this will upset or offend you in any way ***

The empty bottle of wine made Y/N’s body tingle with warmth. Andy’s larger body wasn’t feeling the affects of the alcohol as much, he was a different kind of drunk. His body was more tingly and warm from the most beautiful girl he’d ever seen laying so vulnerably against his side.

Y/N tried to act normal around him, she really had. She desperately attempted to treat tonight like every other night he’d come over to her place. But it was hard to act normal, when the secret of his she’d accidentally uncovered tormented her mind. Y/N knew that tonight was the last time she could ever see Andy.

She first met Andy only a couple of weeks ago when he was assigned to assist a case at the firm she worked at. He’d come in to the reception area looking smart and professional, but his mannerisms were slightly more on the causal side than most lawyer’s she’d liaised with. “Can I help you?” Her voice came out calm, almost soothing to his ears. Andy couldn’t ignore how beautiful she was, or the way his heart skipped a beat as their eyes met. “Yeah, is this where I sign in?” She was immediately attracted to his charm and dopey smile.

“My name’s Andy. M’gunna be working with…” He leaned his palms on her desk with a frown as he tried to wrack his brain, Y/N’s beauty distracting his mind from thinking straight. She watched with a soft smile as he quickly pulled out his phone, checking for the name of the person he was supposed to meet. “William Heartly on the Alberto and Bexley case.”

“Okay, Andy,” Y/N couldn’t keep her eyes off of the charming man. Andy tried to ignore the throbbing of his cock as he admired her, just getting hard from the way she said his name. “I’ll let Mr Heartly know you’re here. Please, take a seat.”

A few days of borderline flirty remarks whilst waiting for the lawyer to come and collect Andy later, and Y/N had grown fond of the blue eyed visitor. They had become quite well acquainted with eachother. She adored the way he seemed to be genuinely interested in talking to her. She was attracted to the way he made her laugh, his kind nature. Everything about him made her crave his attention. He was so different to all the other men she’d met, she’d never felt this way about anyone before. It was as if they were just destined to meet, like the stars had aligned.

“Morning Y/N.”

“So where are you from originally?”

“Here, I bought you a coffee.”

“I’ll see you again tomorrow.”

“What do you do when you’re not at work?”

“We should be finished up on the case by tomorrow.”

“I don’t want it to be the last time I see you. Do you wanna come to dinner with me?”

It was the small things he said that had her heart skipping every time he walked through the door, sometimes unscheduled. She wasn’t the kind of girl who has sex with someone she’s just met, but this was different. Andy was everything she’d ever looked for in a guy. She wasn’t going to let herself self sabotage this time, she’d trust that it was supposed to be. So they fucked in the back of his car that night. They exchanged numbers. They texted daily. They hung out, mostly at Y/N’s house. They cooked together. They watched movies. They stayed up late talking about anything and everything. They made love.

Thoughts of their times together flooded through her mind as she laid against his side, her heart sinking as she breathed in his intoxicating scent, one that she would soon be trying to forget. Deep down she’d always known he was too good to be true. But she thought that just this once, maybe she’d find the love of her life. And well, technically, she did.

“This is my favourite part.” Andy chuckled, blissfully unaware of the thoughts that tormented her mind, distracted by the movie on the screen and the peacefulness of being with her. She faked a chuckle, letting her hand rest on his bare stomach under his business shirt. She didn’t want to let him go, to feel the coldness of his absence. She wanted to go back to before that dumb accountant had run her mouth, unknowingly telling Y/N something she never imagined she’d hear.

“Andy.” She mumbled softly, craving all of his attention as she tilted her head to look up at him, noticing how well groomed his beard was. Her stomach fluttered with butterflies as her fingers massaged over his skin, desperate for the intimacy the both relied on. Her mind stilled as she admired him, perfection in human form.

Andy immediately fixed his ocean blue eyes on hers, one of his strong hands sliding down her back and into the waistband of her gym shorts instinctively as he gave her a soft smile.

Yeah?” He breathed out sweetly, leaning down to peck her lips slowly without hesitation. She hummed as she kissed him back, not missing a beat as her hand moved from his stomach up to his jaw, pulling his face harder onto hers.

Y/N felt her pussy throb with need as his muscly arms wrapped around her body. She shook her head, causing her to second guess her confrontational conversation and enjoy the moment instead. “Nothing.” She whispered seductively, opening her mouth for his tongue as he ran it over her bottom lip. She loved how wet Andy could get her from his hand simply squeezing her ass cheek inside her shorts.

Andy groaned into the kiss, letting his other hand dip under the bottom of her baggy top, resting on her soft tummy as he felt his cock throb. “Wanna feel myself in here.” He mumbled euphorically as he trailed his lips across her cheek, his tongue leaving wet marks as he went. Andy loved how she made him feel, not just sexually, although he loved that too. But emotionally, she made him feel whole, she made him feel loved and needed, she completed him.

Goose bumps covered Y/N’s skin as she tilted her neck, granting him more access. His hand started moving again as his lips trailed along the flesh of her neck, pushing further under her top as he palmed over one of her perky tits, squeezing it gently.

“Andy.” She threw her head back breathlessly, helplessly submitting to him as her legs parting instinctively. Andy continued to squeeze her ass and massage her boob, his cock straining against the material of his pants as he heard her moan.

“Need to be inside you, baby.” He kissed at her neck repeatedly, longing for the love only she could give him as he bit down softly on her neck, tugging her nipple between his fingers. She let out a whimper as she felt her wetness dripping down her pussy and onto the thin material of her underwear, begging to feel more of his touch. “I need you.”

Y/N licked her lips, resting her hand on the back of his head as her eyelids fluttered shut, her body relaxing against him. Andy let his hand glide back down her tummy, touching her body delicately before fisting the material of her top in his hand, impatiently pulling it up to expose her bare chest.

His lips left her neck, taking a moment to admire how perfect her body was, how perfect she was, breathing out shakily as he looked up into her lust filled eyes, staring back at him lovingly. He leaned closer to her, dropping his head to her tits as he started sucking on her pebbled nipple with his tongue.

She whimpered out in pleasure, tugging on his hair as her back arched off of the sofa in pleasure, nudging closer to his mouth. “Andy.” She moaned his name shamelessly, edging him on to get what she wanted, his cock inside of her.

He squeezed her other boob in the palm of his hand, letting out a groan as he felt her body wiggling desperately under him. His teeth grazed along the flesh of her breast as she tries to wrap her leg around him, needing something to hump her eager pussy on.

“Andy, please.” She choked out in a whimper, losing control of her body as she forced her eyes open to look at him. Y/N breathed shakily as she pushed her tits out for him, watching him kiss his way to the valley of her breasts, letting his tongue leave sloppy wet marks along her soft skin. “I’m so wet.”

“Tell me what you want.” He muttered mindlessly, too distracted by his desire to kiss every inch of her gorgeous body. His tongue snaked across her chest to attach to the other nipple, giving it the same treatment as the first.

“You.” She moaned weakly, her eyes closing in pleasure as her head spun, her hips bucking desperately as she gripped his hair. “I want you.”

Andy lifted his head, moving his body up to level with hers, their breaths mixing as he stared down at her intensely. “I can give you what you just asked for in so many different ways, baby.” He pressed a chaste kiss to her lips as he felt himself weakening under her touch. “But if you want what’s going on inside that sweet mind of yours,” He kissed her again, feeling her absentmindedly open her mouth to welcome his tongue. “You’re gunna have to get a little more graphic for me.”

She nodded obediently with a whimper, licking her lips as she watched his, her eyes glistening with desire as her hands smoothed over the burning skin of his stomach. “I want your mouth on my pussy.”

Andy let out a strangled grunt, his jaw clenching as his strong hand squeezed her bare thigh. “You wanna feel my tongue inside that tight little cunt of yours?” He breathed out heavily through his nose as he looked down at her submitting beneath him.

Y/N nodded shyly at the vulgarity of his words, biting her lip as the soft hair of his beard grazed her chin. “Go get on the bed.” Andy instructed as his lips pressed a kiss on her cheek. “Take your shorts and top off.” He continued as he kissed her other cheek. “Then wait for me like a good girl.” He mumbled as he watched her through hooded eyes, his head spinning with desire.

Y/N’s pussy clenched, her crotch nudging against his bulge as she immediately moved to get up, leaving Andy with a final peck on his lips. He watched her obediently make her way across the room, her shirt dropping to the floor before she’d even reached the hallway.

Andy let out a scoff in amusement, smiling admirably as he felt his heart burst with adoration for the girl. He took the moment alone to regain his strength which seemed to dissolve whenever she was begging him.

His cock throbbed when he walked into the bedroom, immediately seeing her tight little pussy on display for him now that her legs were spread. Andy unbuttoned his shirt as he strolled to the end of the bed, keeping his eyes glued on her dripping centre that was begging for him.

“I don’t remember telling you to take off your underwear.” He mumbled cheekily as his hands dropped to unbuckle his belt after running a hand through his tousled hair, pushing it out of his way as he subconsciously licked his lips.

Y/N’s leg lifted to dig her heel into the mattress, her pussy clenching as her eyes dropped to marvel at his tattooed body that she loved so much. She bit her lip in anticipation as she watched his big hands pull the belt, that had tied her up on multiple occasions, out of the loops and into his hand in a smooth motion.

“They were coming off eventually,” She dropped her voice in a sultry tone as she leaned back on her palm, batting her eyelashes as she watched him unbutton his pants in front of her. “Thought I’d save you some time.”

“And what if I wanted to fuck you with them on?” He raised his eyebrow, smirking as he moved his hand down to grip her ankle. He tugged at her feet, forcing her body towards him as her back hit the mattress. She giggled at his dominance, butterflies fluttering in her stomach as she looked up at where he stood between her legs. Andy admired her naked form as he let go of her ankle, pushing his pants down before crawling onto the bed, hovering above her. “Have to wait until next time, won’t I?” He chuckled sweetly as he pressed a gentle kiss on her plump lips.

Her heart sank. There wouldn’t be a next time. A slight twinge of anxiety returned to her body as she remembered the secret he’d hidden from her so well. Was any of this real?

“Andy, wait.” She watched him slide his hand up her inner thigh as his lips travelled down her body, stopping inches away from her heat. Her chest heaved as she slightly panicked, feeling his movements come to a sudden stop.

He looked up, eyebrows furrowing in slight confusion as she tugged his hands off of her. Y/N silently rolled herself over, propping herself up on her knees as she pushed her palms into the mattress, her ass and pussy on display for him.

“Fuck,” Andy sighed in desire, his cock painfully straining inside of his boxers at the sight of her as he shifted to lay on his side. “This how you want it?”

“Mmh.” She moaned out with a nod, looking back at him from over her shoulder. Andy’s weight rested on his elbow as he came face to face with her pussy.

“So pretty.” He mumbled in awe, using his spare hand to grip the back of her thigh, spreading her ass cheek a bit more as he leaned in and kissed her pussy lips softly. “So wet.” He added, mumbling against her heat as he let his tongue poke teasingly out of his mouth, kissing her pussy again.

“Fuck.” She whispered shakily, already overwhelmed with pleasure as her head dropped against the mattress, desperately pushing her ass back towards him.

Andy licked a long strip up her slit, his spit mixing with her juices as he felt her jolting with pleasure in front of him, she was so responsive for him. “So sweet.” He mumbled against her pussy, the vibrations sending shivers through her body.

“Oh,” she whimpered erotically, arching her back as her hands gripped tightly against the bedsheets, her nipples rubbing against the mattress as she lost the strength to hold herself up. “Andy.”

Andy let go of her thigh, a growl escaping his lips as his passion took over, forcing his face deep into her pussy, his tongue rubbing against her inner walls. Andy guided his hand down, pushing inside his boxers to pull out his throbbing cock.

He moaned against her, pumping his thick shaft in his hand as he sucked on her clit. Andy’s eyes darkened with desire as he felt her fidget in front of him, rocking her hips against his face as he drank her arousal.

The slapping and sucking sounds of their intimate activity filled the air, a thin layer of sweat escaped her skin as her thighs shook, the pleasure taking over her body.

Andy teased his tip, spreading the leaking precum over his reddened tip before fucking into his hand again. He moaned as his tongue explored her eager pussy, drinking in her scent.

“Andy, I’m gunna cum.” Y/N whined desperately, the feeling on Andy’s beard tickling between her thighs too much for her to take. Her upper body collapsed against the bed as she jolted repeatedly, a bubbling pleasure building up inside of her as she reached a hand toward the pillows for support.

Her words only made his mouth fuck her harder, eager to watch her come undone as he flicked his tongue rapidly up and down her clit. A groan erupted from the back of his throat, his hand pumping his cock faster as a way of settling his desperate need for attention.

The vibration of his voice caused Y/N’s orgasm to hit, suddenly flooding her body with with pleasure as she desperately gripped the pillow her hand. Porn-star moans escaped her mouth as Andy lapped up her juices, his eagerness to feel her walls around him growing as he felt her overstimulated pussy jolting at his touch.

Andy pressed his thumb covered in his pre-cum against her core as he leaned back, admiring her puffy pussy lips through hooded eyes. The sight was almost enough for him to push her down and shove his face back between her thighs. But his cock was throbbing for attention. Y/N was too fucked out to pay much attention to Andy shifting behind her on the bed, still recovering from her orgasm as slid his boxers down his legs and knelt behind her, lining himself up with her soaked entrance before pushing his cock inside of her throbbing pussy.

“Oh, fuck.” Andy moaned loudly, his head dropping back in pleasure as a frown covered his face. His hands gripped her hips, her warm pussy clenching around his cock as he started thrusting in and out of her aching hole.

“Pull out.” Y/N whimpered out quickly, her head turning sideways to look at him over her shoulder as she moved her palm back to push him away by his stomach. His cock felt so good inside of her aching pussy, satisfying the need to feel him, like he was made to fit inside of her.

“No.” Andy growled desperately as he pulled her hips back against him hard, unable to fathom the idea of having to pull his cock out of her warm, dripping cunt.

“Andy,” Y/N hissed in frustration, whining at the feeling of his balls slap against her ass, the enormous amount pleasure coursing through her veins almost made her second guess her request. “I want your cock in my mouth first.”

Andy’s movements stilled as he let out a groan, a breathy chuckle leaving his lips as he leaned down to press his chest against her back. His cock angled deeper inside of her, a soft whimper leaving her lips as she arched back, feeling the material of his shirt which hung open on his body. “Well, in that case.” Andy chuckled deviously as he pressed his lips to the back of her shoulder, a sigh leaving his lips as he regretfully pulled out of her soft pussy.

Andy leaned back up on his knees, not even giving Y/N time to think about the empty feeling washing over her before tugging her backwards by her arm to press her back against his chest. Andy’s hand snaked around to her throat, his fingers digging into her flesh as he kissed her passionate. Y/N smiled as she kissed him back, feeling the desperation on his lips contrasted by his rough touches.

“Lay down for me, okay?” She asked sweetly, knowing that if she tried to command him in any way, he’d fuck her into the mattress just to put her in her place. She pecked his lips softly, feeling his cock nudging desperately between her ass cheeks.

Andy groaned as he pulled himself away from the kiss, her voice sweet enough to be able to get him to do anything. He let go of her body, shuffling to obey her request as he turned his body to lay his head on the pillows.

He watched the way she admired his cock that was standing proudly, glistening with her juices as she crawls toward him. She bit her lip, her soft hand running ticklishly up one of his thighs as her lips kissed along the other.

Andy groaned as her lips inched closer to his throbbing member, his hips bucking slightly in need. Y/N’s mouth watered at the sight of his cock, unable to stop her lips from wrapping around his tip, her tongue flicking ever so teasingly over him.

Andy let out a grunt of frustration, forcing his eyes to stay open as his hand moved down to rest on the back of her head. Y/N could tell he wanted to take control, feeling his cock throbbing against her tongue as she glided it down his shaft and started bobbing her head.

“Fuck, baby.” Andy’s hand tightened on her head, his fingers digging into her scalp as he tugged hard on her hair, little moans escaping his open mouth uncontrollably. “Just like that.”

He breathed out shakily, his eyes fixated on the sight of her between his legs, gagging on his cock as she took his whole length. Y/N let her jaw go slack, allowing him the freedom of controlling her movements as he fucked into her mouth.

Andy’s jaw clenched as he felt his tip hit the back of her throat, sending waves of pleasure through his body. “Oh, fuck.” His face screwed up, in awe of just how good she always made him feel.

The sound of Andy’s heavy breathing has Y/N’s pussy clenching in anticipation of his throbbing cock being back inside of her. She moaned around his length, bobbing her head to assist with the rhythm that his hand was moving it up and down. The drops of saliva that trickled down her mouth didn’t cross her mind as they landed on Andy’s skin.

Y/N’s eyes fluttered closed, breathing through her nose as Andy’s cock filled her throat, her nails digging harshly into the flesh of his thigh.

Andy movements came to a sudden stop, desperately trying to recompose himself as he almost lost control. He kept her lips against his skin as he held her head down, his cock filling her mouth and opening her throat as he tried to stop himself from reaching his climax.

“Fuck.” He moaned loudly, eyes not leaving the sight of her mouth warming his thick cock. Y/N was caught by surprise, trying to control her breathing as she choked, swallowing around him in an attempt to breathe. “Baby I’m gunna cum down that pretty little throat of yours if you don’t stop.”

She whimpered at his words, staying in position as her pussy dripped down her thighs, moving her other hand to rest on Andy’s lower stomach, trailing her fingers delicately over the skin.

Her throat started to involuntarily tighten as Andy watched her keep his cock in her mouth like a pacifier. He licked his lips as his blue eyes locked with hers, finally letting go of her head as he ran a hand through his disheveled hair.

Y/N took a moment to catch her breath, leaning up on her hands as they smiled knowingly at eachother. Andy watched intensely as she crawled up his body, their skin touching intimately as she sat back on her knees, straddling his waist.

He pulled her into a deep kiss as her hand cupped his beard covered jaw, her head tilting to grant him more access. Y/N rocked her hips down from where she sat above him, feeling his thick cock nudge against her pussy.

Andy moaned into the kiss, his hands sliding from her hips around to massage her ass cheeks. She sucked on his bottom lip desperately, pressing her chest against his she let go of his jaw, tugging the material of his shirt off of his body. She slid her hand down to his cock once he was completely naked beneath her, lining him up with her entrance as she braced herself for the feeling of his cock stretching her out.

“You’re so needy for my cock, baby.” Andy groaned into her ear as he tugged her hand away from his shaft, jolting his hips up to push himself fully inside of her.

“Andy.” Y/N moaned out with a gasp, surprised by his sudden movement as she momentarily dropped her head onto his chest, losing control of her body as her nails dug into his arm.

Andy’s wide chest caught her weak body, guiding her ass back and forth along his length with his big hands. “I’m not gunna last long.” He groaned desperately as his lips parted in pleasure, his eyes squeezing shut as he felt her pussy tight around him.

“So big.” She whimpered softly, still trying to stretch in order to accommodate to his size. Andy kissed her temple lovingly, his heart sinking at her words as his cock twitching inside of her rubbed up against her walls.

“Thought you would’ve gotten used to me by now.” He whispered cheekily, trying to distract her from the pain. He dropped his head to press a kiss to her lips, smiling as he noticed her chuckle shakily in response, both of them drunk on the feeling of their intimacy.

“Your cock is huge, Andy.” She mumbled sweetly as she kissed him back, starting to move her hips slowly as she adjusted to his thick shaft. “It’d take a lot longer than this for me to get used to it.”

“Shit.” He hissed as Y/N forced herself to bounce a little faster on him, a soft sound of their skin slapping together filled the room. Her stomach clenched as she paced up and down his cock, feeling so full with him inside of her.

One of her hands lifted to rest on his shoulder, the other on the mattress beside his head as she sat up on him, regaining her strength. Little whimpers left her lips as she pleasured herself on Andy’s cock, feeling his strong hands holding her tightly. His fingers left marks on her curvy hips, the new angle gave them both an increased amount of pleasure.

Groans rumbled in Andy’s throat as he clenched his jaw, admiring the gorgeous woman above him. He forced his eyes to stay on her, smitten with the way her back arches towards him, the way her tits bounce with every thrust, the way her face looks flushed and so very satisfied.

“Andy” She moaned his name, her eyes fluttering shut as she slid her hand from his shoulder to his chest, her finger nails digging into his skin.

He was mesmerised by the way her pussy smacked down against his skin with every bounce of her hips, rubbing the length his cock with her tight walls.

“C’mere.” Andy mumbled breathlessly, reaching his hand up to lift her arm from his chest, as he tugged her arm towards his head. He pulled her body down on to him with ease, desperate to have her closer.

Y/N didn’t hesitate to obey to his gentle command, resting her chest flush against his once more as she looked up at him through hooded eyes. His hands slid down to her ass, spreading her cheeks as he took control, thrusting up into her.

She forced her head to stay focused on him, even as the overwhelming pleasure filled her body. Andy instantly smiled admiringly down at her, proud of how well she was taking him. His heart fluttered as he noticed her smiling beck at him, losing theirselves in the love they felt.

He grunted desperately, feeling his cock push deep inside of her with every jolt of his hips. “Just because you’re on top, doesn’t mean you’re in control.” He mumbled through hooded eyes, craving more and more of her attention.

Y/N chuckled at his comment before whimpering as his cock hit her cervix, leaning up to kiss him as she cupped his jaw in an attempt to satisfy the need to bring him closer.

Andy kissed her back, his tongue slipping into her mouth to twirl with hers. He lifted his knees, pressing the heels of his feet into the mattress as he fucked up into her with more leverage.

Y/N moaned as she felt Andy’s cock slide deeper into her, protruding through the bottom of her tummy from inside of her. She moaned into another loving kiss, her clit rubbing against his skin as she felt her orgasm bubbling.

“Want you to cum around my cock.” Andy moaned against her lips, one hand digging into the thick flesh of her thigh as his length twitched inside of her.

“You’re close, Andy.” She whispered back matter-of-factly, noticing the way his cock was twitching desperately inside of her. Andy knew she was right, he could feel his release rapidly building up, his heart swelling at how well she knew him.

He nodded in response, their breaths colliding as Andy’s spare hand held the back of her head, tugging her hair slightly out of desperation.

Andy quickened his pace, feeling her juices running down onto his balls. Moans filled the room as Y/N moved her hips down aggressively, using the last of her strength to sit back up on Andy.

The sudden change of her angle was too much for Andy, sending him spilling his seed inside of her as his hips jolted erratically.

“Fuck.” He moaned as his face screwed up in pleasure, his eyebrows furrowing as he emptied his seed into her tight pussy, not letting go of his grip on her body.

Andy didn’t stop slamming up into her, the feeling of her pussy clenching around his length was something he never wanted to stop.

Y/N felt her orgasm wash over her with a loud moan, his cock rutting into her sensitive pussy as her hole filled with his warm cum. Her nails dug into his chest as they both stilled for a moment, trying to make the euphoria of the moment last.

Her overstimulated pussy pulsated around his cock, still deep inside of her as he took hold of her wrist softly, looking up at her in admiration.

Y/N closed her eyes, trying to steady herself with one hand as she felt Andy’s lips kissing her wrist. Her stomach sunk as she tried to swallow the lump in her throat, dread washing away the pleasure.

“Say it.” She whispered breathlessly, her eyes slowly opening as she looked at him innocently through her lashes.

“I love you.” He spoke without hesitation between kisses, his eyes never leaving her face as he admired her beauty.

“No, Andy.” She sighed irritably, lifting her hips up just enough for his cock to slide out of her, emptying herself of his length before sitting back down on him carefully. “Just say it.”

Andy sighed heavily, closing his eyes as he felt his heart sinking inside of his chest. He knew that his truth would catch up with him eventually, he just hoped it would be further in the future. The sadness that covered Y/N’s face had his heart aching at her pain, hating that he’d done that to her. “I’m married.”

She held her breath for a moment too long, feeling her heart break as the words left his lips. “I hate you.” She mumbled, closing her eyes to stop the tears from escaping. She sighed heaving as she laid her chest back on to his, enjoying the last of his presence. How could she have let herself so vulnerable? Why did she ever let her guard down? Why did she ever let him in?

“I know.” Andy sighed heavily, hating himself for hurting her. She hid her saddened face in the dip of his neck, relaxing against him as she inhaled his scent. Andy’s hands slid up her sides to wrap around her back, hugging her tightly.

The haunting silence engulfed the room, an emptiness between them where there had once been an overwhelming sense of fulfilment. Andy knew deep down in his gut that he’d lost her. He knew how much he’d unintentionally hurt her. He knew it was over. But there was nothing he could do, because the truth was, it never even should’ve started.

taglist: 

@harrysthiccthighss​ @annestine​ @bestofbucky​ @velvetcardiganbucky​ @sexwithhiddlesbatch​ @be-patient-be-good​ @codyl-angdon​ @marveljunkieee​ @melchills-j​ @krislhurt​ @patzammit​