#please let it end my life inshallah i can move on to the nothing

[dinkdonkjoolian]

i think im going to be sick. i think im going to be sick. i think maybe i already am. i miss having somebody to send all this blood to

[specialchan]

PLEASE READ - Struggling with Islam - ADHD via /r/islam

PLEASE READ - Struggling with Islam - ADHD

Salaam brothers/ sisters,

This post is about Islam specifically but the issues I describe below were present in almost every aspect of my life since childhood. No TL;DR on this post unfortunately as the full story is important. This will be really long so I don't expect everyone to get through it. Just for context, I'm from the UK so views may differ by location. I'm the middle child of 5 siblings, mainly grew up with the 2 older ones as there is a big gap between us 3 and the younger 2 siblings.

Note: The way my parents/ Madrassa teachers treated me as a child is no reflection on Islam. Islam doesn't teach parents to abuse anyone let alone kids. I do indeed love Islam more than anything despite past struggles. Also, this isn't a post to shit on my parents, they've given up everything for me and my siblings and raised us with love and affection. May they be granted into the highest heavens.

From a young age my parents, may Allah be please with them, always tried to instill Islamic teachings to my siblings and I. We were taught about Salah, Hijab, the Prophets lives etc. and always had an abundance of hadith books in the house which we would read. We were also sent to Madrassa to learn Quran and Islam in more depth.

However, it seemed when compared to my siblings I was the troublesome child. If we couldn't go to the mosque, my dad would lead prayers at home for the family. I would move and look around, make noises and try to distract my siblings. During madrassa lessons I would try to read Quran but always struggled. My Tajweed would often be incorrect and found reading Arabic difficult despite being exposed to it at a young age. The Quran classes were set by age group and compared to the rest of my peers I was falling behind. I was still reading the Juz Amma, they made us read before the rest of the Quran, whilst everyone else was reading other Surahs which dropped me behind.

My parents are from Bangladesh so have a very "traditional" method of parenting. They thought my disobedience and lack of focus during madrassa and prayers were because of Shaytan. I was often beaten as they attempted to "get rid of the devil". This of course never solved my issues and I would continue slacking in Islamic class and acting out during prayers so it was a constant cycle. I also, until about the age of 12, regularly wet the bed so this reinforced their idea of me being possessed. All of this, along with the fact that the Mosque teachers would always shame me for struggling with Quran and point to younger students who surpassed me, unfortunately caused me to resent Islam more and more. My older siblings completed the Quran whilst I was still there trying to finish one juz, the whole experience was humiliating.

Despite all this, I still had an intense fascination with Islam and religion in general. During the classes I was often the first to answer questions regarding Islam, these ranged from those about the Prophets to those regarding Islamic law etc. I would even debate in school with Non-Muslims about religion and consciousness with no hesitation in defending my beliefs. One of the Madrassa teachers was very receptive to my ideas and was the only one who didn't shame me, he would often comment on how he was impressed with my broad Islamic knowledge and this was despite my struggles with Arabic. Unfortunately he left and the hostility I faced from other teachers continued, I started bunking classes and taking walks around the park or anything to kill time. Classes were only 2 hours Mon-Fri so I was never waiting around too long before I could go home.

My parents finally ended my classes when I was 16 as I had to study for school exams. However, as time went by, the negative feelings towards religion grew. My parents would non-stop curse me and compare me to my siblings, even the younger ones could read / pray better than me. I then stopped praying completely, I was too old for my parents to physically beat anymore so there parenting methods stopped working. It's been many years now but Islam remains dear to me and I will practice again properly Inshallah.

Now 21 I was diagnosed with ADHD a few weeks ago, I was overwhelmed with emotion when the psychiatrist gave me his finding. I tried many things before the diagnosis to help me, I changed my diet, exercised, used noortropic supplements but nothing seemed to work. He explained that people with ADHD often struggle with focus, impulsiveness, hyperactivity etc. The frontal lobes in our brain don't work as well as they do in "normal" people, this part of the brain is responsible for things like language, attention, motivation, impulse control etc. We also produce lower levels of norepinephrine which works to increase attention and arousal, lack of this neurotransmitter can lapse in focus. All of this seemed to explain my struggles.

The psychiatrist also mentioned that children who tend to be "more intelligent" (I put quotations as I believe intelligence can't be measured), are often not diagnosed when they are young, they often get diagnosed as adults once they've done their own research. Not to rub my ego too much but this explains my case. Just as with Islamic studies, I also had a broad set of knowledge in normal academic classes. I was always in top set during school and did well in most exams, I took part in philosophy discussions and my teachers would comment positively on my understanding. I would however still get into trouble a lot, I was on report for a couple years and detention was standard after school. But y brain was creative and always though outside the box, this explains why ADHD patients are 6 times likely to start their own business and why so many famous/ successful entrepreneurs have ADHD.

The official diagnosis was bitter sweet, despite finally knowing what caused all my issues, I was angry that everything could've been dealt with better if I was taken to a doctor instead of my parents following backwards parenting techniques. I don't entirely blame them as they are not exactly educated on this topic, as an adult it's up to me to fix everything now.

I've been prescribed some drugs to promote dopamine production in my brain, this helps me focus and reduces restlessness and various other symptoms. It's been 3 weeks and I feel completely different, I now want to try read Quran again. I'll have to re-learn everything as it's been years and I've forgotten tajweed entirely but it would be good to see if it's any easier than my early days.

Please if you have children who are having problems, try to help them instead if beating as I know this is a problem in some of our Muslim communities. Mental health issues are almost entirely dismissed and put down to Shaytan misleading us. Don't push people away from Islam, treat the kids right and get them medical help if needed.

Thank you for taking time to read. All the best!

Submitted August 09, 2020 at 10:32AM by Farhan1900 via reddit https://ift.tt/2PJFqEd