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blackfemmecharacterdependency · 4 years ago

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BFCD Reviews by Nesha: Grace Monroe & The Infinity Train on HBO Max

Disclaimer: Post includes spoilers and also, this viewer does not deem Infinity Train as a children's show and my views are not subjected to the idea that this is a children's show, but I do regard the characters as children.

I’m not a psychiatrist. I haven’t taken a psychology class in many years. My work with children has been primarily trauma centered children, and I haven’t worked with typical children for a decade, so most of my opinions are from my personal life experience, my work experience, my children’s rights advocacy and activism, and the guidelines from my childcare specialist work for children in the system in the state of Texas. I don’t have a lot of information these days on typical children and I don’t know the culture of children all over the country or world, but I basically know a little something about traumatized children.

And as always, be nice, because I can be mean too (and will). 😉

Special thanks to @i-am-a-passenger for listening to me and being a SOUND sounding board for my thoughts through this experience that was season 3 of Infinity Train.

To be honest, I thought that it was extremely brave of the creators to go the route that they did with the story line. Not everybody can be saved is a take that we don’t see nearly enough, and whenever we do, usually a POC, oftentimes a Black girl is on the losing end of the tale. That didn’t happen here and despite some problems with some of the way that things played out in front of us, it was STILL a monumental moment for many fans and Grace’s redemption arc was valid and reasonable, so I loved it and I live for it. Now, I’m gonna give my review of the season and what I noticed about the characters...

First off, I think that the writing of this season was phenomenal. The style of the way the story was told impressed me from start to finish. There were moments that I didn’t expect, but I understood from a writing standpoint and for the characters presented. I’m not a professional writer, but it’s been a passion since I was 7 years old, so I have some experience with passion for writing and stories and a great narrative is my WEAKNESS, and I do believe that Infinity Train provides great narratives.

This season has been my favorite thus far. I would have appreciated it for the story content, even if they had switched the characters’ arcs or went in a different direction with the redemption arc, but the fact that I was able to see an example of a Black girl being able to BE HUMAN, at my age - 38 - is still such new content that I was honestly overwhelmed by the simple fact that the creators decided that this Black girl was worthy of not only redemption, but the attention to detail and consideration was enough for me to love this season.

The girl in question: 18 year old Grace Monroe, whose been on this train for something like 7 years.

It’s rare to see a dark skinned, brown skinned, Black girl with natural hair be shown in anything but stereotypes and/or plot devices for other characters. This character has a story of her own. A beautifully written and fully realized story of a child who got confused, made bad decisions, did terrible things, learned the truth, and sought to change.

Whenever we first meet Grace and Simon, she’s announced as the leader of the Apex, and Simon is announced as her second in command and given the credentials from her, “I trust him with my life.” Something that is later a bittersweet thought as he becomes the biggest threat of her life since she got onto this train. They’re clearly very close and only seem to disagree on how they respond to negativity.

One of my favorite things about Grace was that she was given layers. One of my LEAST favorite things about Grace was that she was given unfair head canons by the fandom extremely early on (all of which nobody ever proved but remained diligently devoted to believing).

In this season, when the two are taken out of their comfort zone and traveling with outsiders, Grace and Simon are faced with lives that they haven’t thought about previously and wind up choosing very separate paths. Honestly, these paths they went on made perfect sense to me. I see both of them as traumatized children without any guidance and while one of them is very careless and reckless (Grace), the other is deliberate about what he does and has goals and plans.

The biggest influence, I think, was their interactions with denizens prior to forming the Apex. Grace admittedly never got to know any while Simon was betrayed by one whenever she left him behind to potentially die. Simon carried this rage inside of him while Grace had nothing but apathy to guide her attitude of the denizens. Grace needed attention and she was able to get that from Simon and the Apex, so she made a life built on what that gave her.

While Grace tends to seem to try to sweeten the issue or charm people. Simon is more short with others and a bit rude. They handle things much differently, though they have created a lifestyle together and formatted a society of children that they lead.

All too frequently, if a character looks like Grace, she is there as fodder for whoever her (usually white) counterparts are. But Grace has a unique situation in which she shares center stage with her white male counterpart and we watch them develop together from two peas in a pod to mortal enemies. It is a sad separation, but one that felt necessary for the direction of the story. But here’s why Grace matters so much, despite the fact that she and Simon built a child army and killed we don’t even know how many denizens:

Grace changed for the better. When both of them met and got to know a denizen, she began to change. She didn’t understand it at first and took some time to admit to herself that she was even changing. She thought that something was wrong with her because her number was going down and that wasn’t supposed to be how it was. What she thought was that it made her look weak and she didn’t want Simon or the Apex to see her that way.

And saying that Grace changed for the better is sort of shaky, too. Because Grace wasn’t a bad person to begin with. She was a child who got on the wrong track. Going from being extremely alone to having one friend to having hundreds or however many Apex kids of followers changed her for the worse, but she was a good kid at her core. She was lonely in the real world and she acted out, then wound up on this train, had a life changing event by having to see “The Conductor” and translate what happened to her as someone saving her, and she went on to help save others, or so she thought, to some degree.

Whenever she saved Simon, she had literally no reason to, other than she saw a kid in trouble and she knew she could help.She had just as little life skills and social skills as this kid in front of her, but... he was crying and she reached out to try to make him feel better, reminding him that even though life on the train was hard, he was alright now. Then, another life changing thing happened - Simon noticed that her number was higher and asked her how she got it so high. She knew just as much as him, and said that she was really good at life on the train, and the way she took that ghom out - she wasn’t completely wrong, but them being children and having only time and their limited views started a cult.

What I found interesting about this memory was the fact that Simon was telling Grace’s story for her. She tagged her charm onto it, but Simon (the writer of their laws and apparently a trilogy that not even Grace, who likes to read things wanted to read while they were besties) is telling the story to the kids. Probably embellishing, and Grace loves to be noticed, so she keeps this up until they’ve formatted an entire belief system. It was basically just I presumed whenever I questioned the reputation this fandom gave Grace as a manipulator who filled Simon’s head with hatred for denizens and Apex theology.It confirmed that people were wrong about her, which unfortunately didn’t make them change their minds, but they ain’t gotta. Grace lived and Simon died and that’s how this turns out sometimes.

I was able to at least acknowledge that his death was atrocious and it’s very unfortunate that he didn’t change for the better. He wanted control. He wanted power. He wanted to reign. Those things were more important to him than believing anything that went against his ideals. They were more important than Grace and his relationship with her. Meanwhile, Grace, up until even after he was gone cared about him. She defended herself whenever he attacked her, but she tried not to hurt him. She even tried to talk to him and he once again refused to listen. She saved his life AGAIN, and he still tried to kill her. Despite it all, when he was gone, she cried. Her friend was gone. Another life had been taken, and life meant something else to her now.

Even paper birds mattered now, and thanks to that difference inside of her, she didn’t die. But, I expected her to. Not even because it would’ve made sense or helped the story in any way, but because that’s how it usually goes for characters like her, characters who LOOK like her. The fact that it didn’t brought tears to my eyes. This season was amazing. This ending was amazing. This character was amazing. I’m so pleased with it and it was more than I expected, because instead of setting expectations, I let them tell me the story. They did an excellent job.

I've been asking people since she first appeared in season 2 why they thought that Simon was some helpless and she was this dominating figure that bossed him into this lifestyle and mostly it came back to her higher number. i didn't think we were being shown that, so I've been suspicious every time someone has suggested that Grace got Simon started in this or taught him this and now that it's been debunked, I'm even more irritated with the suggestion that her redemption doesn't make sense or wasn't right.

The thing about Simon was that he seemed fine. He seemed innocent, at times. He seemed like someone to sympathize with... What a lot of his fan base doesn't seem to realize is that is the case with every abuser. That is the case with many killers. Bad backgrounds and hard times coming up don't make for an excuse. Just because I GET his personality, doesn't mean he deserves respect or consideration. But then, we have Grace, on this other end who can't even get the recognition she earned through her decision making when she literally had the same childhood as him whenever they got there. Idk. Shit feels suspicious to me to not acknowledge Grace's redemption as well written. And the idea that Simon was doing these things for or because of Grace was proven as untrue, so there should have been a shift in her favor and there wasn't and my god that's some top shelf bullshit to me...

People frequently speak of Grace's manipulating Simon, possibly because they haven't had to try to use what you have to smooth someone over. The fact that Grace has been consoling Simon since they were children (THEY WERE CHILDREN), Because I see "Simon is a child" everyday, and always speak of his trauma, like Grace had none and like she's not the same age or near it. But, that's another thing that gets done to Black girls - they're aged up in people's prejudiced minds and expected to be more accountable than their peers. This GIRL has been repeatedly blamed for the issues of her friend.

And her "betrayal?" A lie she told to preserve life.

Simon proceeds to use her tape against her, leave her trapped inside of it (knowing it was dangerous, because the cat told him), sow lies about her in the Apex, pressure children that she knew to kill her, literally tried to beat her up and murder her, and kicks her as hard as he can after she saved his life AGAIN... He still gets more grace than Grace from the audience. I don't think people see Grace's humanity. People even assumed that her number was higher because she killed so many denizens... Like literally every wrong move doesn't affect numbers. And when faced with the story, which gives us a vulnerable Grace with flaws but also compassion, she's still been sidelined by fans of the show and nobody has given me any good reason as to why, so you already know, like we been knew. 😒

People have even tried to downgrade Simon's toxicity towards her because she led the Apex (and these people pretty much had similar things to say as people who didn't believe that my ex sexually abused me because of some examples of me being strong while arguing with him)...

THIS was triggering as fuck, but I've barely seen a PEEP about it. I'm going to presume that problematic takes of Grace are from a place of discrimination and dehumanization against another Black girl character like fandoms usually do.

But that just makes her matter more.

Good job, Grace. I knew there was good in you all along, and I didn't have to make up anything about you in my brain. ♥️♥️♥️

*Grace mourning a man that just tried to destroy her multiple times for telling a lie to keep him from killing a small child...

SPEAKING OF... The man double kicked her off that damn train in front of the kids AFTER they all saw her rescue him. Them kids might be messed up because of the Apex, but you can't tell me that Simon ain't further fuck them up with his reign. At least we know Grace was always nice to them. I'm glad they'll have each other to figure it all out.

#BFCD Reviews by Nesha #Infinity Train #Nesha Watches Infinity Train #Grace Monroe #Nesha Watches

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by-mana · 4 years ago

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Commissions Redux

Hi Folks!

This has been copied from my main blog and cleaned up a bit, since I’m trying to separate the fan stuff from the main to keep something like a semblance of an order. Commissions are therefore moved from Mana-chan’s Corner to here. They are still open and perfectly free, just read the rules, please. In case you wish to support me, you can do either of these things:

» Leave a Tip

» Buy Me a Coffee

As I am currently jobless (thank you Corona) every bit is appreciated.

» Full Update

For a long time I didn’t take any commissions because the fandoms and pairings I have inspiration for is a limited fraction of my active fandoms (i.e. the fandoms I engage with via reading fic, commenting, enjoying content, reblogging, etc.) and I didn’t want to disappoint.

Recently, in an unexpected strike of utter genius (which only took me like... 5 years to work out), I had the epiphany to compile a list of fandoms+pairings I’d be more than happy to write as you desire.

» Commission Rules/FAQ. Please read before commissioning.

» For full list of available fandoms/genres click below.

» Fandoms

» The Untamed | Mo Dao Zu Shi

The most recent fandom, also the one that currently dominates my mind.

Including: CQL, Novel, Movies. I haven’t read a lot of the source material, but I’m intending to and I already did some research. For now I think I prefer a mix of canons.

» Pairings

» Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian

» Jiang Cheng & Wei Wuxian (mostly gen, but I believe I could do something sexual/romantic as well, but please ask first if you have any specific ideas)

» Jiang Cheng/Wen Qing (please read the rules)

» Jiang Cheng/Wen Ning (tentative)

» Nie Mingjue/Wei Wuxian

» Nie Mingjue/Lan Xichen (tentative, though I mostly see myself as writing them on the side)

» Any version of the 3zun (same as above)

» Lan Xichen/Wei Wuxian

» Jin Zixuan/Wei Wuxian

» Specific Canons / Prompts

The Untamed basically exploded over my head and didn’t leave me alone. In the past few months a few plotbunnies developed which I’d all love to write at one point. You can chose to prompt me either of these or pick any general prompt, or anything you’d like to read, as long as it aligns with what I can write.

» The First Witness

Genre: Case Fic, Modern AU, Canon retell, Drama, Tragedy, Romance, M/M

Pairings: WWX/LWJ

Includes: Forensic Medical Examiner Wei Wuxian, Inspector Lan Wangji, Single Dad Wei Wuxian, Wei Sizhui / Wen Yuan, the dead ones are dead, Badass Grandmother Baoshan Sanren, Yunmeng Bros Reconciliation, Businessman Jiang Cheng, Murder Mystery, Pining, Getting Together, HIV positive character, past off-screen rape (mentioned only). It’s basically what it says, a canon retell wrapped in a modern day case fic. It was the first thing that I had inspiration for.

» Nurse Wei Wuxian slice of life Modern AU

Genre: Modern AU, slice of life, recovery, drama, tragedy, adoption, M/M, hurt & comfort, getting together, romance, fluff

Pairings: WWX/LWJ

Includes: pediatric nurse Wei Wuxian, pediatric nurse MianMian, elementary school teacher Lan Wangji, pediatrician Lan Xichen, intense care nurse Jiang Yanli, intense care doctor Wen Qing, teacher’s aide Wen Ning, Yunmeng reconciliation, only some are dead, Wen family+WWX living together.

Premise: Former convict Wei Wuxian, fresh out of nursing school, applies for a job at Dr. Lan Xichen’s pediatric practice. Lan Xichen (who sometimes takes pro bono foster children abuse cases) isn’t quite sold on the idea of a former felon turned nurse attending to already traumatized children, but upon interview decides to give WWX a chance. Not only does he never regret it, it turns out it’s to be the best decision he’s ever made, not only in regards to his practice. Meddling ensues, love blossoms, truths are revealed, happy end. Probably the fluffiest story on the list.

» ABO Yunmeng Shuanjie Fake Marriage AU

Not what you think. Does not involve pseudo-incest (at least not for a long time, haven’t decided on the end results yet). First ABO I’ve ever considered writing, but all the more exciting, since I know now what I want of it.

Pairing: WWX/LWJ (temporal, non-endgame - so far, platonic), WWX & JC (gen, ruling partners)

Includes: fake marriage, extra marital affair, male pregnancy, abo (mostly non-traditional, I think?), not actual pseudo incest, adoption, canon divergence, not everybody dies, Wen Chao being a monster, sexual assault (interrupted), golden core loss, NO golden core transfer, misunderstandings, complicated political situations, the Wens are saved and live in Lotus Pier, a-Yuan is still adopted, “sometimes love is not enough”

Premise: shortly after concluding the studies at Cloud Recesses LWJ starts courting WWX. Engagement is discussed between the two clans, but the Wen indoctrination and the burning of the Cloud Recesses gets in between. When LWJ refuses to lie in order to save WWX from Wen Chao’s assault, JC steps in and pretends to be the one engaged to WWX to save his brother from a forced bond. To prevent this from being debunked and to ensure a future marriage (which will now be more challenging to achieve, given the state of Cloud Recesses), LWJ and WWX mate and bond in the Xuanwu cave. Then Lotus Pier is sacked, JC loses his golden core, the Jiangs are dead and the Yunmeng siblings flee for their lives, find refuge in Yiling, etc. Plays out as in canon except they find out WWX is pregnant and transferring the golden core would cause an abortion. WWX still says do it, but changes his mind in the last minute, leading to JC finding out about his plan upon waking up and remaining coreless. They flee to Meishan and marry to protect WWX’s reputation (since a marriage would now be impossible for a long time on both sides - Gusu and Yunmeng, AND JC needs WWX more than ever and WWX is not abandoning his little brother) Sunshot happens, WWX invents the control tower & still saves the Sunshot campaign. The sixteen years that follow are utter chaos.

» Nie Mingjue/Wei Wuxian arranged marriage AU

You know what this is inspired by.

Pairing: Nie Mingjue/Wei Wuxian, Lan Wangji/Wei Wuxian (unfullfilled, for a long time)

Includes: arranged marriage, some characters die, Nie Mingjue dies but later, revenge, wwx adopts a-yuan, canon divergence, slow burn, learning to love, the Wens live, political intrigues, wwx and nhs teaming up against jgy

Premise: To save the Wens and himself from qi deviation Wei Wuxian marries Nie Mingjue (in spite of being in love with LWJ). Slowly some truths are revealed and feelings blossom but some tragedies cannot be prevented. NMJ realizes the feelings that are between WWX and LWJ, but they both marry regardless. Later WWX realizes that NMJ is similarly in love with Lan Xichen. With time they learn to love and respect each other, NMJ learns about what WWX did for JC, WWX learns clarity to play for NMJ when JGY nearly succeeds killing him (WWX suspects but he has no proof). NMJ still dies (disappears) and widower WWX spends the next decade or so seeking revenge and searching for his husband’s body so that he can rest in peace. It’s all very bittersweet, but there’s a happy ending.

» Hakuouki + Extended Universe

The longest active and steadiest fandom. I know exactly what I’ll write and what not.

Including characters from: Urakata, Toki no Kizuna, the most recent overhauls (Kyoto Winds, Edo Blossoms). I’ve seen all three anime seasons, played a few routes of Kyoto Winds and read some walkthroughs. I’m not completely done with all of them, but I’ll take the time to research if the commission demands it.

» Pairings

» Harada Sanosuke/Nagakura Shinpachi (I lovingly refer to them as my naval battle cruiser)

» Harada Sanosuke/Shiranui Kyou

» Shiranui Kyou/Takasugi Shinsaku

» Kondou Isami/Hijikata Toushizou (tentative)

» Hijikata Toushizou/Saitou Hajime (tentative)

» Nagakura Shinpachi/Saitou Hajime

» Saitou Hajime/Toudou Heisuke

» Yukimura Chizuru/Sen-hime

» Ibuki Ryuunosuke/Kosuzu (please read the rules)

» Specific Canons / Prompts:

I’ve had a number of inspirations for this, which I’ve never written, but would love to delve into. You can chose to prompt me either of these or, of course, pick a general prompt.

» Fabulous Family Series

The one in progress, you can check it out on AO3. You can prompt me in this, if there’s something you’d like to read.

Pairings (current and planned): Harada/Nagakura, Kondou/Hijikata, Okita/Chizuru (casual), Heisuke/Saitou, Takasugi/Shiranui, Chizuru/Sen-chan, Ibuki/Kosuzu, Ibuki->Saitou (one-sided crush), Saitou/Chizuru (temporal)

Tags: adoption, modern AU, lgbtq+ issues, M/M, genderfluid character, disabled character (future), teenage pregnancy (future), slice of life, sexual assault (future), child abuse (future reveal), romance, ace/aro character, casual sex, underage sex,

» Gender Swap AU

Main Ship: Harada/Nagakura

Side Ship: Ibuki/Kosuzu

Summary: Sannan secretly tests a version of his experimental Ochimizu on a few of the captains. The result is that the new day dawns with some drastic changes to their bodies that have nothing to do with white hair, glowing eyes or bloodthirst, but with a whole other set of complications.

Premise: Original story was supposed to be about Shinpachi developing and unexpected attraction to Sano, them “experimenting” together and Sano falling pregnant. While the others manage to turn back to their original bodies, Sano doesn’t and it is all very complicated. Eventually he does (after giving birth), but instead of it being a good thing it just makes things more complicated. In the end, he choses to live in a female body instead of death and marries Shinpachi. Would include trans issues, gender dysphoria, friendship vs. love, the nature of attraction, respect, feminism and female issues. I wanted to write it as a multi-chapter, but never got around to it. But I’d love to put it out there in any form I can.

» Prince of Tennis

Tentatively putting this down as one of my oldest fandoms. I never wrote for it as cosistently as with other fandoms, but a few years back I rp-ed it for quite a while and could probably still write for it, if the pairing’s right.

Including: ShinTeniPuri characters up to Pirates and Black Holes (I haven’t read much further, but I’ll probably catch up at one point? I always do.)

» Pairings / Characters (mostly Shitenhouji and Higa centric)

» Oshitari Kenya/Shiraishi Kuranosuke

» Oshitari Kenya/Chitose Senri

» Oshitari Kenya & Oshitari Yuushi (gen, ask me about cest)

» Shishido Ryou/Oishi Shuuichirou

» Oshitari Yuushi/Kikumaru Eiji

» Oshitari Yuushi/Hirakoba Rin (this relates to that rp)

» Kai Yuujirou & Hirakoba Rin (both gen and slash)

» Kite Eishirou/Hirakoba Rin

» Watanabe Osamu/Sakaki Tarou

» Higa gen

» Shitenhouji gen and casual relationships (ask me about specific ones)

» Hara Tetsuya/Taira Yoshiyuki

» Mori Juuzaburou & Hara Tetsuya (mostly gen, but I probs could do casual slash as well)

» Ochi Tsukimitsu/Mori Juuzaburou

» Marui Bunta/Hara Tetsuya (you will never get this, but it derives from that rp I did and would still def write it if people are interested)

» Tango Pair (Sanada Genichirou/Atobe Keigo)

» Specific Canons / Prompts

Most of what I had in my head has faded but a few things remained. Of course you can also come with your own prompt at me.

» College AU, future fic

Premise: Everyone has grown up and moved on. The Oshitari cousins are now rooming together, both studying medicine at Tokyo University. They’re upper neighbors with Shishido Ryou (paedagogy) and Oishi Shuuichirou (medicine), who both miss their doubles partners, but have seemingly moved on from their middle school days and broken hearts. No such thing can be said about Kenya, who can’t get over his break up with Shiraishi following their graduation, or Yuushi, who seems to hold secrets of his own.

I haven’t developed much for this, most of it are scattered ideas, but I’d love to explore it. I’ve thought of some pairings for it, but none of them final. It would also leave a lot of room for casual stuff or one-night stands. It’s actually an ideal prompt premise, from that standpoint.

Pairings (at start, no necessarily final): Oshitari Kenya/Shiraishi Kuranosuke (past), Oishi Shuuichirou/Shishido Ryou (current), Oishi Shuuichirou/Kikumaru Eiji (past), Shishido Ryou/Ootori Choutarou (past), Oshitari Yuushi/Kikumaru Eiji (current, secret),

» It takes two to Tango / Tango towards Destruction

An old fic that was supposed to be a series which I never finished, but could pick it up and remaster it. It’d be a nostalgia project.

Pairing: Tango Pair

Premise: Atobe’s father finds out about him and Sanada dating and threatens to disown him if they don’t break up. In the original Atobe runs away, but I’m thinking now he simply might not take it seriously enough and then it would escalate. He ends up moving in with the Sanada family. Your typical rich boy loses everything and struggles through poverty, finding meaning, building a life for himself, coming off age.

» One Piece

A fandom older than even TeniPuri it’s been with me the longest. Unfortunately it doesn’t inspire me anymore the way it used to, but I’d still be able to write some things for it, if the right muse struck me. I kinda want to. Nostalgia, you know.

» Pairings

» Zoro/Sanji

» Ace/Zoro

» Ace/Sanji

» Luffy/Law (tentative, like, I ship them hard but I don’t know if I’d be able to write something for them? Oh but I’d like to try)

» Mihawk/Shanks

» Mihawk & Zoro & Perona family dynamics

» Zeff & Sanji adopted family dynamics

» Usopp & Yasopp gen

» Izo? I’d like to try an Izo.

» Canons

» Canonverse

Set in the original canon of the fandom.

Including (not limited to): backstory - past canon, present canon, future fic (please specify), canon divergence

» Modern AU

Including (not limited to): no powers, modern with magic (potential, please ask), slice of life, mystery, case fic, ‘job AU’ (coffee shop, doctors, idols, etc., please specify/ask)

» Sci-fi AU

Including: original sci-fi canon, Star Trek, Star Wars, Firefly, Cowboy Bebop, Dune (tentative), Hyperion (tentative), for everything else ask. I know a lot of sci-fi, but not enough lore for each of them to set a story in. I might be interested but it'd necessitate research.

» High Fantasy AU

Including (not limited to): original fantasy canon, Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter, Witcher, but overall I’d prefer if you ask about this. I haven’t read/seen a lot of the most recent and popular franchises (mostly because I’m writing my own high fantasy and don’t want it to be too influenced by other things, and someone already told me it sounds like Game of Thrones, so that one’s a big no. Sorry...)

» No Powers, other than modern AU

Including (not limited to): everything that doesn’t fall under the modern AU list, but has no powers in it, i.e. historical AU (specify time & culture), future AU (near & far), cyberpunk dystopia (possibly), post-apocalyptic (possibly). I don’t write zombies.

» Superpowers / Hero AU

Including (not limited to): X-Men, Avengers, Wildstorm Universe, original superhero canon

» Genres

I do mostly serious stuff, like drama, tragedy, intrigues, arranged marriage, tragic backstory, etc. I like to put my characters through a lot of suffering. I always joke that it’s very easy to spot my favorite character by the amount of torture I put them through. I feel that it makes the happy ending weigh even more. Sometimes I even prefer a bad ending, if it gives the story more meaning (I mean, imagine LotR trilogy have a happy ending. It would totally take away all the development and the lessons the characters went through.) I wish I could write light stuff but so far I have not succeeded. I use a lot of sarcasm and irony though?

My shorter fics tend to be fluffy and sweet rather than funny, if full of playful banter and teasing. Relationships are usually depicted in a naturalistic rather than romantic way (I’m ace/aro myself, and I have lots of opinions about the nature of love and attraction, and how a functioning relationship ideally looks like and it tends to seep into my writing). Instead of traditional romance I like to write a non-traditional one. Slow burn, instead of love on first sight. Learning to love instead of falling hard. But it also depends on the pairing. I can write most things if I put my mind to it, so don’t hesitate to prompt me and I’ll let you know whether it works for me or not.

I’m not shy of dealing with child abuse, assault, suicidal ideation, trauma, disability and other difficult topics in my writing, so if you wanna request any of these or something similar I’m a-okay with it, as long as you discuss it with me. I’m not knowledgeable in everything so it’s likely I’ll need to do research, but I’m more than alright with it. Honestly, it’s very probable that I’d love to try.

» Kinks

I’m okay with most stuff. Where I draw the line is the really hardcore stuff like scat and kinks involving feces, some forms of humiliation, zoophilia, necrophilia, mutilation, stuff like that.

I’m alright with both dub-con & non-con (although I refuse to depict is as normalized, or glorified), bondage, s&m, dom/sub, light bdsm (ask me about the harder stuff. I’m not against it, I’m just not always in the mood or right mindset for writing it), omorashi (tentative, ask me), daddy kink, breath play, age play, spanking, verbal humiliation, dirty talk, edging, come eating, orgasm denial,... all the good stuff.

#commission me #fandoms #genres

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emphoenixcat · 7 years ago

Note

I have a writing prompt if that’s okay? I’m asking different writers and would like to see your take on it. It’s that while Logan is Thomas’ Logic, he is also his anger. This has already been debunked in canon, but I still love the idea. So, all it is, is Logan hiding and suppressing his anger, thinking it is hurtful and completely bad. And it turns self destructive, and into the others finding out (the easy or the hard way? Him shouting?) and helping him through it. - 🖤🐲

^^^Interesting. I’d like to see how other people decided to write this kind of story

Warnings: Self-destructive behavior, cutting, self-hate.

Logan was well aware that the Sides were complex beings.

Nobody was just one thing.

Patton was not just happy feelings, he was the core of all feelings.

Roman was not just dreams and creation, he was nightmares and destruction.

Virgil was not just anxiety and fear, he was protection and self-preservation.

But what was Logan? Was he just Logic? Or was there something more to him than that?

Everyone else’s faults and virtues were closely linked to what their purpose was. It was like smaller aspects of personalities fighting to keep balance in Thomas’ mind, even if that balance came at a greater cost.

Logan was Logic, but he had his faults. The same as all the others, he had another side to him. Another presence that haunted his part of the mindscape.

Anger.

But why do I abet anger? Wouldn’t that be Anxiety’s burden? Or even Morality’s?

Perhaps, it was because Logan was the persona that fought the most.

While Creativity fought quite literal monsters, Logic fought for what he felt was right.

Logical arguments fueled by fire. It made him more passionate in arguments, but that also made Logic flawed.

He was faulty.

And that was the main reason why Logan hid that side of himself from the others. Not only was it a difficult thing to control, but it made him feel like a failure.

Every now and then, he would accidentally let out an aggravated shout during an argument. He would have to fight to calm himself during debates, but it was difficult to keep himself from slipping.

It had been increasingly exhausting to hold it back when they had visited Patton’s room.

Feelings, Logan thought with great distaste.

He had had to make a hasty retreat. He would have just made the situation worse if he had stayed in there any longer.

Logan was no fool though, he knew that he needed an outlet for the rage. He did not want it to harm any of the others though.

Not Roman.

Not Virgil.

Not Patton.

Not Thomas.

He thought it was best to direct it at himself.

It was his burden to carry, he couldn’t drag the others into it when they had their own responsibilities to worry about.

Nobody suspected what actually went on in the logical side’s room. They all figured that Logan didn’t like to be bothered because he was working on important projects and experiments.

In reality, Logan would rush to his room after particularly distressing discussions and the room would swirl around him. Books, papers, pencils, beakers, and flasks would fly around Logan like a tornado. Glass smashing violently against the walls.

He had looked in the mirror a few times, his eyes burned red during these scenarios.

Luckily, the Sides’ rooms were soundproof or else Logan’s secret would’ve been uncovered a long time ago.

Calm down! Calm down! Logan would tell himself.

It never worked.

He felt the fury building inside, threatening to consume all reason. Struggling to possess him.

It went on like that for awhile until Logan discovered something that would temporarily silence his rage

Pain.

It would override the other feeling enough for him to take control again.

Logan would grab a razorblade or piece of glass (whichever was nearest) and carefully cut the scars into his stomach.

He couldn’t really explain it, the irrational emotion of relief that would flood over him as he watched the blood slowly ooze out of the cuts.

Fascinating.

It was a day like any other, the Sides were taking turns choosing a fun activity. It was Roman’s turn and he wanted to take the others down to his mindscape to enjoy an afternoon of sunshine.

“It will be such an adventure! You guys really need to see the lake at this time of the year. Simply gorgeous!” the prince was saying.

Patton smiled, “Maybe we could all go for a swim!”

“What a splendid idea, Pat.”

Virgil grimaced, “I don’t care for swimming.”

“Of course you don’t” Roman rolled his eyes and turned to Logan.

“What do you think?”

Logan didn’t care for the idea at all, but he knew he couldn’t win the argument. It was Roman’s day to choose and the prince would be very pouty if he didn’t get his way.

“I guess we could all go spend time by the lake, but I’m with Virgil on this one. I am not much of a swimmer.”

“Wow, you two are just the life of the party” Roman muttered sarcastically.

In Roman’s room, they were surrounded by sweltering afternoon heat. The forest was abuzz with birds and insects, as the Sides made their way to the lake. Patton was skipping joyously ahead with Roman leading the way, Logan and Virgil bringing up the rear.

Logan glanced at Virgil, who was glumly suffering in his heavy hoodie.

“Um, Virge?”

“Don’t. Don’t tell me, I know I should take the jacket off. I’m not going to. I’m not,” Virgil said firmly.

Logan let out a huff of annoyance. I was only trying to help.

They came upon the lake, it’s surface was cool and inviting. Roman immediately conjured up some swimming gear for everyone in case Logan or Virgil changed their minds.

Patton grabbed Logan’s wrist and pulled him forward, “Why don’t you guys come and swim? It’s like over a hundred degrees here.”

The logical side withdrew from Patton, getting irritated. “No, go on without me. I am perfectly content just sitting here.”

“Please?” Patton pleaded with big, round puppy-looking eyes. “At least dip your feet in. I don’t want to see you suffering from the heat. That means you too, Virge” Patton said sternly.

Virgil sighed and obligingly zapped himself into the swim trunks that Roman had provided. His hooded jacket was still wrapped around him, he looked a bit ridiculous.

But apparently Patton approved of the anxious side’s transition. He glanced back at Logan expectantly.

Logan crossed his arms and mirrored Virgil’s actions. He kept his polo shirt and tie on as he instantly changed into the dark blue swim trunks.

Virgil sniggered at the other’s outfit.

“What are you laughing about? You look just as weird as I do.”

“Oh, but I make this work”

“I expect this out of Virgil, but not out of you. Really, what is the problem?” Patton asked.

“Nothing. I’m simply not comfortable.”

Patton frowned, “But we’re all the same.”

Logan straightened his glasses nervously, “Well, technically….”

He fumbled with his tie and smoothed down his shirt, trying not to look Patton in the eye.

Patton tilted his head, confused.

“Look, it isn’t anything we haven’t seen before, kiddo.”

Logan shook his head.

Patton sighed and they proceeded walking to the lake. Logan and Virgil sat on the edge, their legs dangling in the water while Roman and Patton jumped in.

Virgil smirked as he splashed the prince in the face. Roman retaliated much to Virgil’s dismay.

“Hey, my hoodie!”

“Your own fault” Roman chuckled.

Patton was mischievously sneaking up on Logan, he grabbed the logical side’s ankle and pulled. Logan was fully submerged.

His shirt floated up as he was dragged down, Patton let go. The moral side had a close-mouthed smile on his face as he began to resurface, but paused when he saw something. Something on Logan’s stomach.

As they both broke through the surface of the lake, Patton questioned the logical side.

“Wha–what was that?”

Logan looked exasperated as he combed the wet hair away from his face and cleaned his soaked glasses. “What was what?” he snapped.

“On your stomach.”

Logan froze.

“I’ve got to go. I’ve got to go now.”

And with that the logical side returned to his room.

Patton and the others followed.

The logical side’s room was an utter disaster and getting worse. Objects moved as if a poltergeist inhabited the residence.

Roman screamed as a book nearly struck him in the head. Virgil inched backward. Patton took a tentative step deeper into the mindscape.

“Logan?”

“Get out.”

Patton and the others shuddered at the warped voice. I thought only Virgil’s voice got like that.

“What’s wrong? Let us help you” the moral side tried again, still moving towards Logan.

Logan was rummaging around his desk for something, “You can’t help. Go.”

“But we need to know. We need to know what’s going on.”

Patton gasped in shock as the logical side turned to face him.

Logan’s eyes were completely red, no pupil to be seen. It was like it wasn’t even him. It was as if he were possessed by a demon.

The red-eyed Logan grinned, and Patton saw with dawning horror that he was holding a blade.

“Patton!” Roman yelled. “Watch out!” Virgil added as the anxious side carefully moved forward to get Patton to safety.

Instead of trying to hurt Patton though, the crazed Logan took the blade and etched a new mark on his stomach.

Everything in the room became utterly silent as the objects that had been hurtling wildly around them stopped abruptly as if the place itself was holding its breath.

Logan continued in concentration as if the others weren’t there.

His eyes were transitioning back to the way they normally were. Back to the way they should be.

As he broke out of his daze, all the items simultaneously clattered haphazardly to the floor.

Nobody spoke.

They just took in the destruction that lay around them.

In the midst of it all was Logan, still clutching the razorblade like a lifeline while streams of blood became more visible through his shirt.

“I–I’m sorry” he managed.

Virgil spoke next, “I think you owe us more than an apology. What just happened?”

Logan bowed his head in shame, “I have another side to me. I’m not just Logic.”

He glanced up and saw the confusion.

“Anger….also resides here.”

“You didn’t think that that was important information to share with us!” Roman was understandably upset.

“I thought I could handle it on my own.”

“And how’s that working out for ya?”

Logan glared at the prince, feeling like he might’ve had another flare up if it wasn’t for his fresh wounds.

“I know how to take care of it. You guys weren’t supposed to follow me.”

Patton finally spoke, “I–is that how?” He pointed to Logan’s stomach with a trembling finger.

The logical side nodded.

Roman grimaced, “Why would you do that to yourself?”

“It’s the only way the Anger will go away. I have to direct it at someone or something. I don’t want to direct it at you guys.”

“Wait? So you direct it at yourself?” Virgil asked.

“Y–yeah.”

“There has to be something else you can do….”

“No. If I do anything else, I risk being faulty logic. I have to protect Thomas from that.”

Patton was shaking his head, droplets forming in his eyes. “We’re not letting you hurt yourself again.”

Logan stared at Patton, “But I am imperfect. I have to be perfect. I have to function properly for Thomas…..and for you guys.”

Virgil, Roman, and Patton all glanced at each other.

“Lo….there’s no such thing as perfection. We’re all here just trying our best, we can’t do that if we don’t work together on things.” Patton reassured him.

“You have to trust us on this. Please tell us next time. Let us know when you’re becoming angry. When you need space or when you need comfort.”

Logan slowly nodded his head. Maybe….maybe that would work.

The Sides came together to comfort him and Logan smiled.

Maybe with their help, Logic wouldn’t be so faulty.

#sanders sides fanfic #drabble #angst #logan sanders

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