#please just find a community in your life with whom you can talk about these issues

[certaimromance]

𝜗𝜚 Cherry Picking.

Boyfriend!Reid x Messy!reader

Summary: After your first night with Spencer, you wake up and see that he's left you two dollars and a thank-you note on your bedside table.

Words: 2,3k.

Warnings & Tags: fem!reader. bau!reader. lots of mentions and references to sex, but nothing completely explicit. the reader is quite dramatic and has little faith in men (literally me, sorry). SO MUCH chaos and lack of communication but happy ending. english isn't my first language (sorry for my mistakes, be kind please).

Note: This idea just came to me out of the blue, and I have to say that Sex and the City has had a bit of an influence. I love the chaos, the conversations between friends, and Spencer being the best man in the world (I'm picturing him kind of like in his season four version).

Saturday afternoon

“Two dollars?!”

Penelope's and JJ's simultaneous exclamations and surprised faces when you finished speaking were pretty much to be expected. They noticed a change in your expression and took a moment to compose themselves, as did the rest of the people in the room, who glanced curiously at your table from time to time. It was certainly a fascinating sight, three women having an animated conversation about their lives over milkshakes as if they were drinks, especially considering that one of them was pregnant and her belly looked like it was about to explode.

You didn't blame anyone for reacting that way, especially not your friends. You were still pretty shocked by what happened, especially by how thoughtless the man you'd developed feelings for and worked closely with over the past few years was. It was a unsettling to find a tip on your nightstand after one of the most memorable nights you'd ever had. You still remembered the excitement you felt when you went to Spencer's apartment yesterday to watch a movie as part of your fourth or fifth date. He seemed nervous when you started kissing more intensely, and the couch wasn't the best setting. The sensation of your body on his bed and his lips on your skin was incredible.

It was a good memory, extremely good if you took away the embarrassment of waking up the next day in his empty bed with money waiting for you, as if you had performed a service.

“Maybe there was a misunderstanding and the money was left on the table by mistake.” Jennifer spoke again in a reassuring tone after turning the matter over. “Spencer can be a little clumsy sometimes.”

You pressed your lips together in a thin line as you listened to her attempt to provide an explanation for his actions. But given their friendship, this was to be expected.

“And he was in a hurry to catch his plane and go to his mother.” Garcia added with a forced smile, trying to lift your spirits. “It all makes sense.”

Yes, it was understandable that he was leaving in a hurry because he had to catch a flight to spend his weekend off with his mother. That didn't worry you, but there was something else that was curious.

“How do you explain the thank-you note?” You asked, taking out the paper and the two dollars you'd pulled out to show them as proof from your purse.

“It was a thank you for hanging out with him, a sweet gesture.” JJ said, taking a sip of her milkshake and patting her belly.

It seemed more like a sour gesture to you, that you had been left with your dignity on the floor. As you left his apartment, you didn't know whether to cry or laugh because it sounded like a bad joke that the only man you thought was decent and for whom you allowed yourself to have feelings would do such a thing.

“My love life is going downhill.” You said.

Just then, the restaurant door opens and Emily appears. After greeting her and apologizing for her late arrival, she asks about the cause of your apparent distress. As a profiler, she was astute enough to know something was wrong just by looking at you.

“What's wrong, honey?” She started talking as soon as she sat down next to you and took a quick look at the table. “Those milkshakes look good, I want one.”

“Spencer thinks I'm a prostitute.” You spoke up without thinking, which surprised Emily and caused her to briefly lose her grip on the menu.

There was a long, awkward silence.

Perhaps you were too direct in saying something that you had been trying to ignore for your own mental health.

“Just a heads-up, we've got a baby in the room. No need to say that word!” Penelope was the first to speak, gently covering JJ's belly with her hands. “He can hear you.”

At that moment, Reid and his comments about pregnancy data at every stage came to mind. You felt a little uncomfortable because you knew it was a little unrealistic to focus on the positives at a time like this.

“Oh, I'm so sorry, baby.” You looked regretfully at your friends and spoke to Jennifer's belly, giving it a gentle caress. “Don't listen.”

“I need context, please.” Emily said confusedly, trying to understand what was going on and why you had said what you had said.

You let out a deep breath, preparing yourself to recount the story once more.

“Okay, Spencer and I made...milkshakes. Very good milkshakes, really good if you know what I mean.” You tried to explain slowly, watching your words and your friends' expressions. “I woke up when he was leaving, he gave me a kiss on my forehead and said to keep sleeping, that he had to catch his flight.”

“That's sweet, but weird to know.” Emily commented quizzically, looking at the menu intently again. “What's the part...you know?”

“Oh, when he thought I was-” You stop yourself as you see how JJ looks at you. “A pie maker.”

You could tell from their expressions that they were about to laugh at your attempts to keep the conversation friendly.

“I woke up hours later to find two dollars on the nightstand with a thank-you note.” You finished the story. “To him, I'm worth two fu...sugary dollars.”

Prentiss stared at you for several seconds, waiting for me to tell her it was a joke. Only when that didn't happen did she speak. “That sounds weird and awful, but I don't think he would do something like that on purpose. Especially you, he really likes you.”

“He likes me enough to give me two dollars.”

When you finished speaking, you experienced a moment of discomfort in your stomach as your own words took effect. You were surprised to find that on a deeper level, what had happened was causing you more pain than you had anticipated.

“That doesn't sound like Reid at all. I've known him for years, and he's not that kind of man.” Penelope said with a frown, trying to reassure you. “I'm sure it's a mix-up.”

You were looking for the same thing and hoping it was just a misunderstanding, but your previous bad experiences made you think otherwise. You'd met enough men to know that they could always be worse. What was different now was that you really liked this particular man. You really longed for him to be different from everyone else.

However, things weren't always as you'd hoped. You'd invested a lot of hope in making your fairy tale come true, and it was starting to take its toll.

“Have you had a chance to speak with him?” JJ inquired.

“He's with his mother, I won't bother him.” You replied with a strange simplicity that made your friends suspicious. “I'm fine, I've calmed down.” You added as you saw their worried faces.

“I love you, but sometimes you scare me.” Emily said, watching you drink from your smoothie as if it contained a painkiller. “It's not okay to pretend that everything's fine.”

“It's understandable to feel a bit discouraged about this. Things may seem challenging at the moment, but I believe things will improve when you discuss this with him.” Jennifer's hand gently touched yours, offering a comforting gesture.

“I'm sure everything will be fine. You have our support if you need it.” Penelope joined in with the motivational words and gave you a reassuring smile.

You took the last sip of your milkshake and leaned back in your seat for a moment before replying. “I'm fine, girls. I don't plan to lose my head over a man, I promised myself.”

They looked at you with some skepticism, but you didn't flinch. You were confident that if you were mentally prepared not to be defeated, or at least not to look defeated, you would be well prepared for the day of the meeting.

You weren't going to lose your mind over this.

Monday morning

You were definitely losing your mind, and no cup of tea or internet video that promised to do so had been able to relax you one bit. You had been cooped up in the office you shared with Penelope for several minutes, pacing in your chair while everyone in the conference room waited for information about a new case and your presence. The mere thought of having to face Reid again was making you feel pretty uneasy.

All weekend, you had been trying to reassure yourself that you were doing well, that you were not hurt or affected by what happened, that it was just one more disappointment to add to the long list you had written since you were a teenager, and that it was normal for someone with your luck. You were not a princess, you were not going to meet a prince, and you were old enough to know that.

But being in the same building as your prince turned toad was not as easy as you had hoped. You prayed that your presence would not be necessary and that the jet would soon take off to take them all away, especially him.

A few sudden knocks on the door startled you. You automatically thought it was your boss coming to scold you for being late, and your blood froze.

“I apologize for the delay, Hotch. I assure...” You spoke promptly as soon as the door opened and a male figure appeared.

But obviously, it wasn't him.

“Oh, sorry, I'm not Hotch. But hey, how are you?” Spencer smiled at you and walked toward you, looking a little nervous.

“Fine.” You replied dryly, getting up from your seat to grab your tablet and some folders to carry into the conference room.

In your mind, you had planned to make a scene as soon as you saw him and make it clear that you didn't cost just two dollars. But after thinking about it a lot, the fear of losing your job over it was greater. And now it was a mixture of that reasoning with your feeling of paralysis at actually having him in front of you.

“I...I missed you over the weekend.” He stopped you before you could walk away, gently holding your hand. The feeling alone made you stop and look at him angrily. “I thought about you a lot, too much, and I bought you something.” He let go of your hand to pull a small box out of his pocket.

“How dare you?” You blurt out, taking a step back.

He looked a little uncomfortable and seemed to be in pain. “I'm sorry if I overstepped. I didn't mean to impose. Did I cross a line? I'm sorry, I just thought—”

“What? That you could embarrass me even more? Didn't I already go through enough?”

That's when you took out two dollars from your purse and gave it to him.

“Could I ask why this is?” Spencer was still frowning and looked just as hurt as you.

His apparent lack of understanding of the situation made you much angrier. You had thought he was probably the smartest man you had ever met in your entire life, but suddenly, in your eyes, he was an idiot.

“I'm refunding your payment, Reid.” You replied firmly, without hiding your frustration.

The confusion on his face seemed to multiply as he tried to understand. “What are you talking about? I gave you your money back.”

You tilted your head slightly to one side.

“Saturday morning, I left on the nightstand the two dollars you lent me a week ago when we bought coffee. You know I don't like being in debt.” Spencer began to explain calmly, taking a moment to gather his thoughts and present the facts in a clear and concise manner.

Oh, you do remember lending him money at some point, or rather, inviting him for coffee that he said he'd pay you back. That day when his hair was perfect in the wind, when he smiled at you and told you some interesting facts about coffee beans.

“I mentioned it when I said goodbye, but you looked so tired that I left you a thank you note in case you forgot.” He went on to explain. “A lot of studies say that you wake up to full strength at least 20 to 30 minutes after you actually open your eyes. And you still had them closed when I said goodbye.”

“Oh.”

“Oh?”

“I...I thought you—” You fell silent as you saw the stunned look on his face. You didn't want to look crazy, so you quickly added. “I just thought wrong.”

“I'm sorry, I don't understand.” He said, a little embarrassed. “Did I do something wrong?”

“Oh, no, I just...did you bring me a gift?” You changed the subject, taking the box he had previously offered you. Inside was a necklace with a cherry blossom charm.

“Your computer wallpaper is a picture of cherry blossoms. And I saw this necklace in a store when I was walking with my mom, and I thought you might like it. But it's okay if you don't want it—” He spoke fast until you interrupted him.

“I love it, thank you.” You smiled at him and took the necklace out of the box. “Could you help me with this?”

With some trepidation and uncertainty still present, Spencer positioned himself behind you with the jewel in his hands, carefully brushed your hair aside and fastened the necklace around your neck. The sensation of his fingers brushing against your skin made you feel a slight shiver.

“Thanks.” You said as you turned around to face him. You gave him a hug, though you were a little unsure.

He returned your embrace, feeling a sense of relief that things between you were okay. “You don't have to thank me.”

“It's not about the gift. It's just a way to say thanks for being you.”

Perhaps he was your prince after all.

[shan-yee]

•𝘿𝙖𝙮 𝙄𝙑 = 𝘛𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘩𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘰𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘵𝘩 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵 𝘧𝘢𝘯𝘥𝘰𝘮𝘴 𝘱.1

•𝙒𝙞𝙩𝙝 = 𝘓𝘦𝘰𝘯 [𝘙𝘌], 𝘚𝘢𝘬𝘶𝘳𝘢 [𝘞𝘉], 𝘌𝘬𝘬𝘰 [𝘈𝘳𝘤𝘢𝘯𝘦], 𝘋𝘳𝘢𝘬𝘦𝘯 [𝘛𝘙], 𝘊𝘩𝘪𝘴𝘩𝘪𝘺𝘢 [𝘈𝘐𝘉]

•𝙒𝙖𝙧𝙣𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨 = 𝘛𝘰𝘹𝘪𝘤 𝘣𝘦𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘪𝘰𝘶𝘳, 𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘳𝘦𝘢𝘥𝘦𝘳, 𝘨𝘪𝘳𝘭𝘧𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘯𝘥 𝘢𝘯𝘥 𝘱𝘢𝘵𝘯𝘦𝘳, 𝘮𝘢𝘺𝘣𝘦 𝘰𝘰𝘤 𝘤𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘢𝘤𝘵𝘦𝘳𝘴 ?

•𝙒𝙤𝙧𝙙𝙨 = 833

•𝘼/𝙉 = English is not my first language, please let me know if you see any mistakes ! Enjoy ✨

——— 𝐒 𝗨 𝗠 𝗠 𝗔 𝗥 𝗬 • • •

𝐈 :: 𝗟𝗲𝗼𝗻

𝐈𝐈 :: 𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝗿𝗮

𝐈𝐈𝐈 :: 𝗘𝗸𝗸𝗼

𝐈𝐕 :: 𝗗𝗿𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗻

𝐕 :: 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘆𝗮

╰─► 𝐈 ･ ｡ﾟ☆ 𝗟𝗲𝗼𝗻

⇰ His job is clearly one of, if not the, most dangerous job in the world. And yet, he will never stop, he will always accept his missions without saying anything.

⇰ Even if he wanted to leave this corrupt and violent world he couldn't, simply because he knows too much now. Ending up in a trash can, with a bullet between both eyes, is not really his goal.

⇰ He knows it's selfish to ask his partner to wait for him for days or even weeks without knowing if he's still alive, but Leon needs the comfort she gives him once he gets home.

⇰ Unfortunately his work is not the only downside, there is also this woman, Ada Wong, whom, even with the years that pass, he cannot forget.

⇰ Every time he thinks he's moved on and plans to move forward with his girlfriend—marriage ?—, she reappears and shakes up everything in his life.

⇰ Sometimes, he will even ask himself who he would choose if the situation forced him to do so.

╰─► 𝐈𝐈 ･ ｡ﾟ☆ 𝗦𝗮𝗸𝘂𝗿𝗮

⇰ Sakura will always have scars from his past, even after finding his « family » and being in a fulfilling relationship. A voice in his head will always whisper to him that this is only temporary and that he should not let his guard down.

⇰ His insecurities will manifest into jealousy and lack of trust in his partner, after all, she wil have no problem finding someone better than him, right ?

⇰ He won't be able to help but always doubt her and wonder why she stays with him, which will create many arguments where he will never admit being wrong.

⇰ Sakura will refuse to talk about his problems and will tend to reject hus partner even if deep down he would like her comfort.

⇰ And if one day the reader decided she had had enough and wanted to take a break he would tell her that he knew she didn't love him and that he was right, making his case worse.

╰─► 𝐈𝐈𝐈 ･ ｡ﾟ☆ 𝗘𝗸𝗸𝗼

⇰ Ekko is surely one of the biggest green flags in the world but there is just one downside, he is busy all the time.

⇰ Ekko is the leader of the Firelights, so he's always going around making sure everything is okay in the community.

⇰ And when he's not caring for others, he fights against Silco's men and risks his life without thinking twice.

⇰ There will be times when he disappears for days, or even several weeks, and poof, he will reappear as if nothing had happened with his arms wide open.

⇰ If his partner tells him that it bothers her, he will say that he will try but it’ll never last very long. His role as leader is far too important for him and even for the one he loves, he will never be ready to abandon it.

╰─► 𝐈𝐕 ･ ｡ﾟ☆ 𝗗𝗿𝗮𝗸𝗲𝗻

⇰ There Is a saying that says that you never really forget your first love, and Draken is one of those people.

⇰ He never wanted to talk to anyone about it and for years he acted as if nothing had happened, as if Emma's death hadn't affected him that much, which is totally false .

⇰ Upon meeting his partner he really thought he could get past the memory of his first love but no.

⇰ Unconsciously he will always compare the reader and Emma. He will look for something that reminds him of the blonde, a smile, a laugh, an expression, but nothing will make him feel what he felt for her.

⇰ Draken will truly love his partner but not in the same way he loved Emma. He’ll never admit it and honestly I don't think the reader will realize it since he will never talk about the blonde and will always be the perfect husband.

⇰ Draken will never say that he still thinks of Emma and will continue to live his life as if nothing had happened, to fill his guilt he will be extremely gentle and loving with his girlfriend, protecting her from what he feels deep down.

╰─► 𝐕 ･ ｡ﾟ☆ 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝘆𝗮

⇰ As we have observed several times in both seasons, Chishiya is the master of manipulation and unfortunately, even in a relationship, that will not change.

⇰ He won’t hesitate to use the most twisted ⇰ techniques to get what he wants from his partner, even tugging at her heartstrings.

⇰ If she makes the remark to him, he will agree with her and make sure to be forgiven with sweet words and acts of tenderness.

⇰ Unfortunately he will never change, manipulation is part of him and yet he knows that what he does is not considered something good.

⇰ Also, if the situation forces him to, he will not think twice about sacrificing his partner to get out of the games and live.

⇰ His love for his girlfriend is real but it is not healthy and is not as strong as his will to save his ass . He might blame himself a little and will surely end up regretting it but ultimately he will make peace with it.

[xiaq]

Would you ever write a story or book about Kuzy? I need more of himmmm ❤️ one of the few characters I'd read MF for though I feel like if anyone would be chill about finding out he was bi and going with it, it'd be Kuzy lol #yeshomo

@rainbowsandcoconut

I don't currently have any substantive plans for a Kuzy story, but if you want some of my brainworms about him/his eventual romance, here you go:

He lives right next to a firehouse and there's a cute, kickass firewoman (cis, leans androgynous) named Nicole "call me Nic" with whom he has occasional banter-moments (I used to live next to a firehouse and if they were out front they'd always chat with me when I walked the dog; I loved that community dynamic).

One night after a rough game, Kuzy is going for a walk and Nic is sitting out on a lawn chair in front of the house processing a rough call, and they have a moment of shared vulnerability together, looking up at the stars. She's the child of immigrants and they bond over how stupid the English language is. Kuzy tells her about Eli/Hawk and she mentions that she loves dogs but can't have one with her work schedule.

Over the next few days, Kuzy can't stop thinking about her. He wants an excuse to see her more often that doesn't feel creepy, so he goes to the shelter nearby and offers to exercise dogs. Now, he has a perfectly good reason to walk past the firehouse (sometimes multiple times a day!) on the off-chance the firefighters are out and he can politely offer a dog's brief company for Nic's enjoyment.

Except he's not super smooth about it because the rest of the folks at the house realize pretty quickly that the giant Russian walking dogs only happens to walk dogs on the days that Nic is on shift.

Convenient.

This continues for longer than it probably should. Until Kuzy is hosting some of the Hounds and one of the rookies does something stupid. Not sure what. I'm thinking gets his hand stuck in an expensive vase. Or maybe his head. And Kuzy very sheepishly has to walk him over to the firehouse like, "hello, this baby is my responsibility, can you please rescue him?" And they eventually get the thing cut off of his hand/head/whatever but one of Nic's bros pulls Kuzy aside and says, "maybe you should just ask her out instead of coming up with increasingly more creative excuses to talk to her—at this rate someone is going to get hurt" and Kuzy is like, “ok, this was 100% not contrived and while I would like to go out with her, she is a goddess who saves lives and I am but a goofy athlete, undeserving of her attentions," and Firefighter Bro like, "you know, I think she'd settle for you."

So, spurred on by this bit of hope, he's like, "I need to do this right, this can't just be some hookup, I like her." And he starts Operation Woo Nic.

And the whole time Nic is like, "would you just fucking take me home, I would like to bang you," but he's trying so hard to be a gentleman about it that she lets him for a while. She's never been woo'ed before. Might be fun. Eventually she gets fed up and when he's dropping off cookies or whatever on his daily dog-walk she's like, "hey, do you want to be my boyfriend? Yeah? Great. We should have sex about that. My shift ends in three hours, what's your address?"

It is possibly the best day of Kuzy's life.

Anyway. As usual, there's no real plot, just vibes. But he is Smitten. And she is hopelessly endeared. And she's certified as a paramedic, so she's constantly ragging him for his little injuries and keeping him honest about PT. At some point she gets injured in the line of duty and he gets to be suitably dramatic and probably make declarations at her hospital bedside. He dotes on her for a while during her recovery.

And eventually he convinces her to move in with him so she can be close to work and she's like, "yeah? That's the only reason? For the ease of my commute?" And he says, "well that but also because I love you more than I thought was possible and when we're not together I miss you like a limb and our schedules are shit enough as it is, I'm greedy for every second I can have with you," and she's like, "yeah, fair enough."

So. Not really sure how it would end, but uh. There you go! Kuzy and his Firefighter Lady. Also he definitely foster-fails multiple times and hires a full-time nanny to take care of all his and Nic's dogs when she's on shift and he's traveling. It's great.

AND I imagine some very funny cultural confusion moments when her family (Japanese) interacts with his family (Russian) but they all generally bond over their shared love of fermented foods and dumplings. And alcohol. There are hijinks.

Ok. The End!

[babyangelsky]

Best QL Parental Figures of 2024 💖✨

Welcome to Babyangelsky's 2024 Wrap Up! To commemorate my second year of watching QL dramas, and my first year of actually talking on my blog, I've compiled a series of lists to celebrate all the QL things I loved this year!

Please feel free to take my categories and make lists of your own and tag me in them if you do!

💜 All the lists can be found here! 💜

I decided I was the mother of several QL characters this year who happened to have shitty parents but it's always worth remembering that not all QL parents and parental figures are shitty. Some of them are decent and they deserve to be recognized.

Not my favorites, the best. Because if they're the best, they're already my favorites because the bar is in hell.

♡ Jack's Grandma (Jack & Joker)

What would Jack and Joke do without grandma? What would any of us do without grandma? She's the heart of their little family, full of love and forgiveness and protectiveness.

♡ Pop's Dad (Addicted Heroin)

What a genuinely lovely man. Always trying his best to care for his family and guide his son. They may not have had a lot of money but he still provided a loving environment for his child after he and his wife separated.

♡ Tiger's Mom (Addicted Heroin)

It was at this moment that this woman became my favorite character in this show. Your son's friends can't have their moms come to this school event for one reason for another? No problem, she's everyone's mom now.

♡ Ai's Parents (I Saw You in My Dream)

Ai may have been their only biological child, but they had four children. They loved and supported Yu, Yo, and Ing like they were their own without hesitation. Not to mention the fact that they accepted all their gay sons while being very Catholic.

♡ Natsume's Mom (Cosmetic Playlover)

It's so nice to see a BL mom be excited to discover her son has a boyfriend and immediately and enthusiastically accept said boyfriend into the family. We need more of that.

♡ Prince Anan (The Loyal Pin)

In all the ways that matter, Anan is Anin's father. She may be his little sister but she's his kid. He loves her above all else. He never hesitated to defend her. Truly the only man in that palace worth a damn.

♡ Almond's Mom (Knock Knock Boys)

Was she a little overprotective in the beginning? Absolutely. Did she come around when Almond finally took the time to talk to her and respect the boundaries that he set and help the boys help Peak? Also absolutely.

♡ Takara's Grandpa (Takara's Treasure)

This man took a very unloved little boy and made him feel loved and at peace and gave him a hobby that would eventually lead him to finding the love of his life. Incredible work from an amazing grandpa.

♡ Dee's Grandma (Wandee Goodday)

Khun Mon is the kind of grandma we all wish we had. That woman is so cool. She made Dee feel so loved and safe that he was comfortable talking to her about everything. She was his rock to lean on and I'm so glad he had her.

♡ Taichi's Grandpa (I Hear the Sunspot)

This man made his grandbaby a birthday meal and it was in that moment that I decided that he deserves the world. Doesn't matter if it was burnt; it was made with all the love and care Taichi never got from his parents and for that it was the best meal ever.

♡ Hill's Grandma (Fourever You)

Considering how awful Hill's grandpa is, it's especially important to me that his grandma is loving and wonderful and accepting of him. I need her to be okay again so he can have her presence in his life.

♡ Zen's Grandma (The Rebound)

Zen's grandma wasn't just an amazing parental figure to him, but also to Ryu and to Atom, neither of whom had parents who deserved the title. She gave them a home and a safe harbor and she deserves to be happy and comfortable always.

♡ Peak's Dad (Knock Knock Boys)

A lack of communication can seem like a lack of love and acceptance if its left to stretch too long but thankfully, that wasn't the case here. Peak's dad wanted him to be happy more than anything. He loved his child. He wanted a family for his child. And most importantly, he got the opportunity to really talk to Peak and make sure Peak knew all those things.

♡ Princess Alisa (The Loyal Pin)

Now here is a mother who understood the assignment. Was she confused and shocked to learn that her daughter was gay? Quite. But then she immediately turned around and decided to be loving and supportive of Anin's choices and that is what we like to see.

♡ Oyei and Cher (Wandee Goodday)

Listen, they're Yak's parents. Yak is their child. He's their pride and joy and they want to see him thrive and be happy. Yei stepped up when their father peaced out of their lives and became the father that Yak deserved and when Cher came into the picture, he did the exact same thing.

♡ Joe's Mom (My Stand-In)

It wasn't just Joe that got a second chance when he woke up in a new body, it was the second Joe's mom, too. It wasn't quite the second chance she thought it was, but she still got a version of her son back and got the chance to make amends. She recognized her mistakes, learned from them, and repaired a relationship she thought she'd lost.

♡ Kram's Parents (Two Worlds)

Parallel universe shenanigans aside, Kram always had wonderful parents who adored him. Dilok, his father, may be one of my favorite characters ever and it's a real shame that he didn't get to shine as much in the show as he did in the novel.

♡ Saint's Dad (High School Frenemy)

Saint's dad has got to be my favorite example of how a parent can be imperfect and be battling their own demons but still genuinely care for their child. The man had his problems but he never took them out on Saint. He made sure his child was fed and cared for and wanted a good future for him and really, that's exactly what a good parent is supposed to do.

♡ Shao Peng's Parents (See Your Love)

These two people adore their son. It's easy to fall into the belief that the only kind of good parent is a perfect parent but that's just not the case. Even the very best parents will make missteps, although only a fraction of them will take the time to reflect on those missteps and how they've affected their child. Not only did Shao Peng's parents do that, they apologized to him for it and made sure he knew they loved him exactly as he was.

♡ Style's Dad (The Heart Killers)

He knows exactly what kind of person his son is and lovingly roasts him for it. Emphasis on the lovingly. Style's dad not only accepts that his son is gay, Style feels comfortable enough to talk about his boy problems with him. That tells me all I need to know about the solid relationship they have as father and son.

♡ Diew's Grandpa (Monster Next Door)

Grandparents who are a safe haven for their grandchildren will always have my eternal love and respect. When Diew couldn't talk to his mom, he had his grandpa. He felt safe with his grandpa. He knew his grandpa would always be there to listen and support him and advise him in a way his mother couldn't. And not only was grandpa that steady rock for Diew, but also for Diew's mom, and he was ultimately the reason she could come around and recognize her mistakes.

[yermes]

On finding your person 🧸

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Pick a meme

123

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Disclaimer: please take what I say with a grain of salt and not as the gospel. I just want to share some ideas of practicing and giving advice using the medium as often as I can with school, work, and my own personal studies and practice. But I am working on sharing my notes soon so that will be exciting! Liking and sharing does a lot 🥰

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Socials: My Socials **☾**

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The cards

VI of cups 🍸

If you don’t look back on your time together with fondness then wth are you doing. A person whom you give a lot of love and attention too should be a healing and restful presence (obviously we all have our own baggage but they’re not actively making your life more difficult) they will make the hard moments more gentle and will look and and protect your tender state of being. And someone who would protect you being would enjoy it as is, so don’t pretend to be something your not. If you life isn’t full of wonderful stories of being in love and all the ups and downs you have been through, was it worth it? Pursue love in your life but pursue those who pursue you to the fullest extent.

King of wands 💌

Babe I know we want to be a lil princess in this love story but why not be bold, why not take the first step, why not make it known that you are interested ? They aren’t interested back? Thats fine. Its just an opening for someone who will be interested, there in no harm in shooting your shot, chances are they’re wondering how to ask you out. Who knows. But this holds true, if you can’t take authority over yourself and your own action should take authority of yourself and relationships. Its good to be able to talk to your person if you have one or eventually get one. You need skills to talk, you need skills to have your needs met.

VI of pents rev 🖌️

Being with someone shouldn’t turn you into a fucking charity, they’re your partner not your community service project. Before you go out to find yourself a person you should be asking yourself, do they actually contribute, do they care about you and your wellbeing, do they match the energy and effort you give or are they just racking up a debt they can and will never pay off with you. Take care of yourself, be honest with yourself. Literally take time, put a face mask on. Mute your phone and don’t put up with any useless ass mother fucker who stresses you out and contributes absolutely fucking nothing.

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Extras:

Story/vent:

Love ya!

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[kintsugi-dragon]

Hanzo's Mental Illnesses

these headcanons might be more OOC than my others as they are more for me than anything. warnings for talk about depression and suicidal thoughts/passive suicidal ideation. I won't go into explicit detail and it's at the end of the post under the ---'s, but please be warned.

Hanzo's thoughts are not my own; these are simply what I think he feels about himself. You matter. You do not owe the world your "usefulness" to be happy and loved, or to be important in the first place.

This bad boy can fit so many issues.

Although we can attribute much of these to "Genji-battle" and "post-Genji-battle" eras, I'd imagine growing up in a fairly contained criminal yakuza family did not help with young Hanzo's mental health.

C-PTSD (and possibly PTSD) would have formed from his growing up in the Shimada clan, where he would have witnessed and performed murders/assassinations and torture, not to mention the constant family death, in-fighting with members, and stress from being the eldest son and later, heir. We can assume from his voice lines regarding his father he had a lack of emotional support or plain communication with him, leaving Hanzo confused and alone when dealing with emotional woes or judging his clan's, well, judgement.

He definitely has PTSD from killing his brother. That fight was a breaking point in an already frayed line, where he realized the pain his clan was pushing onto him would only lead to an empty life - the stress of guiding them, overshadowed even more by the death of his brother (his closest family member who maybe understood him the most) whom he killed himself.

We can also see this in-game, where he "[swears] never to wield a blade again". Clearly, just the idea of him picking up a weapon like that which he slaughtered his brother seriously bothers him. His comments on Hanamura and killing Genji (in-game) support this, where he feels consuming sadness, regret, and anger towards his old family home and losing his brother again ("Why must I relive this loss?").

As an aside, I believe that Hanzo has a lot of selfish reasons to mourn Genji and his home as well, as they were representative of time where he had power and money; he mourns the loss of his honour and being a leader too, not just the loss of his family. My Hanzo still has this, but canon Overwatch 1 Hanzo leans heavier into this along with more anger and arrogance.

Dissociation, flashbacks, and panic attacks are also common for him. If he allows himself to get wrapped up in his thoughts, or something reminds him of Genji (his little brother, the one who looked up to him the most, the one who still looked up to him from the tatami mats as he lay in pieces) he will spiral, his palms will get clammy, his breaths uneven and short, his eyes unseeing. Some can catch him in the carrier aircraft staring at nothing with wide eyes, knuckles white and tearing his hakama when he hears Genji's robotic laughter. He tries his best not to show it, as he finds it a weakness that should never be seen.

His twin dragons were not always two. When it first came to him, when he was growing up under his father's wing, it was big. Big, shimmering blue, but the shimmer seemed off. Like it was fraying. Slowly, it began to split, perhaps starting with Hanzo's first kill, or his first negative thought about his brother. It tore itself in two, two snarling things that both cried and snarled and ran and chased. They reflected back every negative thought, letting it swirl under his skin until he let them out at some unfortunate soul.

I'll make another post about his dragons.

Hanzo obsesses over his security and safety, which also bleeds into his anxiety and his dislike of social situations. While in the clan, it was imperative that he remain safe, especially after his father was assassinated and Hanzo became the heir. After witnessing his father's sudden killing by the hands of the unseen, Hanzo's fear of assassination and backstabbing increased five-fold. He vetted every bodyguard, installed better security systems, and worked out every connection the clan had to prevent his and Genji's untimely deaths.

He trained himself to fight alone if there ever became a time where no one could be trusted. Of course, this paranoia and over-thinking went from five- to ten-fold after his rejection of the clan, where it truly became a survival strategy to never trust anyone, never stay too long, and never feel comfortable. His decade of homeless included many bounty hunts where he was fed wrong information and backstabbed by associates, not to mention just operating out of the law. The people he trusts now are truly trustworthy people who spent years gaining it.

Because of this, Hanzo genuinely believes that no one outside of his trusted people wants to be kind/help him for the sake of being kind; every positive action comes with a debt that has to be repaid, or that they are trying to manipulate him. He pushes kindness away, unused to pure love and respect and thinking himself undeserving of it anyway. If someone were able to break down those walls though, perhaps he could see that the world isn't as cruel as he thinks...

Since his childhood, we know Hanzo was groomed by the clan - groomed to be a perfect leader and a dangerous weapon. His worth came to him through his usefulness; he was only worthy of respect if he could fight perfectly, act perfectly, be perfect. He perfected the sword, then the shuriken, then the bow. He excelled in mathematics, Chinese, Korean, Taiwanese, English, Russian. He stood tall and proud in meetings and dealings, learned every illicit weapon and substance and what to look for.

The very moment he loses that perfectness? He is nothing. He is worthless. His life only belongs to him if he can be used. His very existence would be more of a burden if he is unable to perform his tasks. After running from the clan, there was no one to give him his worth, no one to praise him or see the work he did. Contractors would simply pay him his bounty and then send him on his way. A tool, thrown away to rust. His arrogance is the only pillar keeping his calm demeanour up, the only remnant of his past life steady his current one.

Hanzo will push himself to his very limits if asked to perform a task. He will clean until his fingers bleed, shoot until he collapses, fight until he dies, do penance until the gods kill him, anything. It will not restore his honour but it is the closest thing that will.

He also suffers from insomnia, which started when his role in the clan grew larger and more difficult. Sleepless nights pondering meetings and untangling family problems, worrying about Genji and his future, the energy of his dragons drawing out into the early mornings. It gets worse with his paranoia, worse when he's out in the streets searching for a secure place to sleep or worrying about his next bit of money. It doesn't get better if he joins Overwatch at first. He stays up at night thinking about Genji, their past, his future (if he still has one), the people fighting with him. Maybe it gets better when they talk and he learns that he doesn't have to suffer alone.

------------

Hanzo's depression is severe, chronic, and emerged in his childhood. Many days were devoid of laughter in his childhood, something his mother would comment on to his father, but they never got him assessed and simply pushed him to express more and behave "normally". He found it strange that Genji could find so much joy in everyday things, like going out for ramen or playing in the arcade. The few times he did feel joy was when he was praised by the elders or his parents when performing his tasks. Perhaps that was the only motivation he had to be better.

Of course, this only worsened after his battle with Genji.

Later, he only feels happy when he successfully kills a target. The rush of adrenaline and the release of anxiety are the most positive things he experiences, before the wave dies down and he begins to feel empty again. Time in Overwatch dispatching targets to save the world might bring him to feel truly happy again.

Although he is not actively suicidal, he would not care if one day he were to get into a fight and killed, or make a simple mistake in his everyday life and die. To Hanzo, he is not worthy of choosing when he dies. He is not given the right to die by his own hand. His expectation is for Genji to kill him, to enact his retribution on the brother that wronged him. Hanzo would prefer if Genji were to kill him, perhaps begging, pushing, pleading for Genji to slay him as he deserves.

But Genji will not.

[403tarot]

Hey duckie, could you do Wonbin (Riize) as a boyfriend and his ideal type, please?

hi dear, i'll do wonbin's ideal type in another opportunity, okay? let's go with him as bf ☺️

남침 원빈 ㅡ wonbin as boyfriend 🔸

how he is:

wonbin is very affectionate when he's in love, the kind who even gets a bit silly and smiles at the walls when no one is looking. for him, love is expressed in small gestures, like intertwining fingers, a passionate gaze, a gentle kiss on the forehead... he prefers to show he cares through acts of service and his sweet and loving personality.

wonbin is the type of boyfriend who bends over backward just to find time to talk to his beloved, even if it's just for a few minutes. he calls, asks about your day, makes you laugh, subtly expresses that he misses you... all the while playing with his hair and pacing around the room, trying to dispel the nervousness that arises whenever he's talking to someone he cares about so much.

he is someone who fights to make the relationship work. differences in opinions? that's okay; he'll try to have a calm conversation and understand the other side. did something he said upset you? he'll make sure not to repeat what hurt you and apologize for it. in general, wonbin doesn't give up easily because he doesn't allow himself to enter into a relationship with just anyone. if he has reached this level of commitment with someone, it's because he believes it's worth the effort and seeks the same commitment from the other party involved. people who create drama, hinder communication, or invent reasons to create chaos are quickly dismissed by him.

what he seeks:

he is looking for someone willing to commit to a serious relationship with him and to have a structured connection. i think it's clear by now that wonbin is a methodical guy, so fragile relationships and volatile individuals are a big NO for him. wonbin seeks someone willing to reciprocate efforts on the same terms, someone mature who doesn't let external factors unnecessarily affect the relationship.

he's mischievous, eager to touch your face, kiss your lips, run his hands over your body... he wants someone who loves him passionately, who's on the same page, and isn't afraid of the consequences of that.

what makes a good relationship for him:

he aims to be the one who resolves problems on the spot so that in the future, they won't become the subject of discussions again. he detests when past issues are brought back to the table to be used as arguments. wonbin wants someone willing to go through life's various transformations with him without much hassle, someone with whom he can build loyalty and a healthy relationship, based not only on love but also on friendship and complicity.

i haven't done many readings for wonbin, but from the few i've done, i noticed that he is very focused on giving his best in various areas of his life, and his approach to love shouldn't be any different. it's been a few months since i read for wonbin for the first time, and now i feel that even in a short period, a lot about him has changed. i sense him as more mature and confident now, which is definitely surprising and has shown very positive reflections in this reading.

[holybasementdweller]

wanted to add my two cents because shipping discourse is just all over recently. Forgive me rambling a bit here. I have a lot of thoughts on this topic and would like to get them out there in some form.

Stop harassing CC's about their boundaries.

Would you go up to a random person whom you've never met before in your life, who has never met you either, and likely has no idea who you are, purely to ask them if you can draw/write/ship them with one of their co-workers?

No! It's a wildly uncomfortable question to a lot of people, it puts them on the spot, and some CC's may not care as long as they never see it. Now that the concept has been shoved in their face, they're forced to view the idea.

I feel like a large part of the issue is the divide between younger, newer fandom members and older, traditional ones. Primarily the concept that fan content is not intended for CCs, but for fans specifically. Most 'traditional' and older fandom participants follow this view because that's what fandom is. You get to make cool things, and ramble about different head cannons and ideas with your friends and maybe find other fans who become your friends along the way. Maybe you want to throw these characters you really like into this elaborate superhero AU, or draw them in costume, or explore relationship dynamics because it's fun and you get to ramble with fellow fans. It's called a fandom for a reason!

I'd like to clarify here that this post is not meant to target anyone in particular; it's going off a general trend I've noticed.

There's been an influx of people who create fan works or fanart that seems to be aimed more to gain clout or to be noticed by CCs. It's something they wanted to make, but is leaving the realm of "by fans, for fans," in a sense that it seems to have lost more of that "for fans." The work is then shoved at the CC more aggressively than if it was just for friends.

There's a reason that spaces like AO3 and Tumblr exist with such large fan communities- because the communities are meant for fans. It's all well and good when CC's decide to take a peek or participate in said fan spaces of their own volition. They're the ones making the choice to engage. It's NOT all well and good when someone, as a fan, is trying to make that choice FOR them by shoving fanworks at the CC begging for clarification on what is okay with them. You're not going to help anyone in that way. Fan spaces exist separately from the CC spaces for a reason. The CC is a person behind the screen who you don't know. The character or role they play in the series you watch? You might know just about everything there is to know about them!

If a CC has laid out a boundary that they aren't comfortable with X Y Z, then there's a really, really simple solution here. Don't show it to them.

Don't put it in main tags, don't tag them in the post, hell, block the CC so you know they won't be able to view something that makes them uncomfortable.

There's a lot of what comes across as almost puritanical virtue signaling I've seen lately, where people are talking about CC boundaries everywhere and trying to police fanwork. I will again refer you to the point above. The fanwork is not made for the CC. It is made for fans, and if it is something the CC isn't comfortable with, then don't go posting it where they might regularly look at things (such as main fanart/fanwork tags.)

Yes, there are CCs who are over here. Yes, they look through fan works. This app is primarily a fan-oriented space and it has tags that CC's (or anyone else!!) can block to avoid things they are uncomfortable with. Though at this point the few that are over here either were already gay dot com natives or have basically become one.

I may have gone a bit off my original topic but TL;DR:

KEEP FAN WORKS TO FAN SPACES, AND STOP HARASSING THE CC'S PLEASE. LET THEM EXIST IN PEACE.

[vikkirosko]

hello there! can i ask for phoenix wright, godot and apollo justice (from ace attorney) with a friendly and extroverted reader? (if it's possible, could the reader be gender neutral please?)

Headcanons Extrovert

⚖️ Phoenix Wright x gn!Reader 🚲

Every day Phoenix noticed more and more that he was surrounded by friendly people. He spent a lot of time with Maya, who was sociable and full of energy. He spent even more time with you. You've been together with him for a long time and he never stopped wondering how sociable you could be. You easily found a common language with the people around you. Phoenix saw with my own eyes how you managed to have a friendly chat with a cafe employee in just half an hour and even get a free dessert, just because of how friendly you were

You rarely had a quiet time at home. Every time you and Phoenix had a day off, you were looking for different places you could go or events you could go to. Looking at how happily you were smiling, Phoenix just couldn't help but smile back at you. You filled him with energy and even when you were working, you shone, attracting everyone with your sincerity and friendliness, which greatly facilitated your joint work

You were good at getting people to like you. They revealed their souls to you and the truth that they tried to hide from him. Of course, you weren't told openly about the crimes that anyone committed, but the little secrets that helped you, you could really find out without even trying. At such moments, Phoenix was glad that you were with him and helped him. People seemed to intuitively trust you, such a friendly and open person, even if they treated him with distrust. Sometimes you used, as you called it, your superpower, and against him when you saw that Phoenix was worried about something, but he didn't want to tell you so as not to bother you or Maya

Phoenix was glad that you appeared in his life. You tried to fill his daily life with light and joy. When he was sad, you tried to distract him by inviting him to go to the cinema, cafe, anywhere with you, as long as he was not sad alone in the four walls of his apartment. When he worked too hard, you tried to help him by sending him to rest and doing paperwork and comparing facts yourself. You took it upon yourself to talk to those who did not want to communicate with him, and even Wendy Oldbag, who did not feel the slightest warm emotions for him, was ready to tell you everything, almost from the first minutes of your acquaintance. Your sincere friendliness endeared people to you and Phoenix was glad that you were one of those people he could really trust and who would be with him no matter what

⚖️ Apollo Justice x gn!Reader 💢

When you and Apollo first met, it was difficult for him to take you seriously as his colleague. You were friendly, smiling and sociable, it was difficult for you to sit still and you often looked for something to do when you didn't have a job. Even when you started dating, he was sometimes surprised by your friendly disposition and how you could seem to take things lightly. It used to make him very angry, but now that he knew you much better, he understood that you were perfectly aware of what you were saying and to whom, and that you took your work quite seriously, although you didn't show it as much as he did

You often worked together. One of the reasons was that some witnesses and customers were afraid of Apollo. Every time this happened, you took the initiative, starting an almost friendly conversation, smiling openly, and easily convincing them that Apollo was only intimidating in appearance, but in fact he was a kind and caring person. He doubted they believed you about it, but at least your friendliness helped you find out information that could help you in your work

You've pulled Apollo out of a stuffy office many times when you knew you didn't have a job yet and he was just dealing with old cases. You sincerely wanted him to have more rest, because you knew perfectly well how hard he worked. Even when he grumbled about it, you didn't give up and with a smile on your lips led him to go to a cafe with you, to the park, or at least buy a new newspaper, bribing him with the fact that there he could read new jokes that he liked so much. He could really grumble, but you both knew he wasn't really annoyed with you

You and Apollo didn't look much alike, but despite that, you worked well together and got along with each other. You balanced each other, complemented each other. He helped you sit still, even when you were trying to do something outside the home or office, and you gave him the energy that he sometimes might lack. You didn't always agree, but rare arguments couldn't ruin your relationship

☕️ Godot x gn!Reader 🕶

Godot was not the most sociable person. Someone considered him mysterious, someone frightening. You called him cute, much to the surprise of everyone who heard it. Even Godot was sometimes surprised at how friendly you were even to a man like him. You've been like this since the very first day you met. Friendly, sincere, active. It seemed to be difficult for you to even sit still. You worked under him and at first he was sure that this could cause difficulties. After some time working together, Godot realized that he was wrong about this

You were sociable regardless of who you were talking to, and it often helped in your work. Godot watched from the sidelines as you chatted smilingly with a witness who refused to talk to the detective. You looked like old friends, even though you met a little over an hour ago. It was like you had a natural charm that helped you get along with people. Even with him, it would seem that you could talk forever. Sometimes he even wanted to tell you about what happened in his life before he became a Godot, but he knew he couldn't tell you about it

Every time he sat in the office for too long, you convinced him to go to the cafe with you. Each time you bribed him by buying him coffee, and each time you took him to different cafes and coffee shops to find one that would suit him. You knew perfectly well how picky he could be when it came to coffee, so you were learning more and more new places. He was surprised by how you tried to please him and did not lose optimism about finding the very coffee that he would definitely like

You and Godot got along well, despite the fact that others found it hard to believe. He felt comfortable around you, he felt like your smile and friendliness calmed him down. He loved listening to your stories and spending time with you. You were like a bundle of energy that enlivened his gloomy life. Maybe someday, he would be able to really open up to you, but until he took his revenge, he couldn't afford it

[alasse-earfalas]

Let’s clear some things up.

"omg you hate queer people!!" 

No, we don't. There's several queer people in the server and we've all gotten along just fine, in fact we've had some wonderful conversations discussing our different views. The reason we marketed our server as a “conservative Christian server” is because that’s primarily who we’re trying to find. Other people with different beliefs and ways of life are welcome to join so long as they’re respectful. 

"but you said you're anti-Pride!!"

Admittedly, this was due to a misunderstanding of what that term means to a lot of people. The "pride movement" and LGBT people are not the same thing to me. Clearly they are to a lot of people, so I understand the confusion. I used this terminology because I’ve seen others in the LGBT community make this distinction in terms, but I understand now that this distinction is not as widespread as I thought it was.

Allow me to clarify: When I say we "don't support the Pride movement", I'm talking specifically about the political movement that advocates for giving porn to young kids in school, putting them through medical procedures they are too young to consent to, and viciously attacking, harassing, and silencing anyone who brings up concerns about these things. Obviously this is not all of the LGBT community, nor would I ever insinuate that. But it is a very vocal and nasty subset of it, and it's a subset we want nothing to do with.

"queered into oblivion"

If it's wrong to straightwash queer characters (and I believe that it is), then it's wrong to queerwash straight characters. Many of the Links are canonically straight in the games, and all of them are portrayed as straight in LU (I don't have the time to go into all the evidence for this right now, but it's there if you look). If you want more queer representation in media—which is totally valid!—go make your own queer characters and give them an engaging story. I've seen it done and it's great! Queerwashing established characters is lazy, disrespectful, and just as offensive as straightwashing. So we're not allowing that in our server. 

"youre banning people just because they're queer!! I was banned and I didn't break any of the rules!" 

If we banned people just for being queer, we wouldn't have any queer people in the server, and I've already debunked that.

As for the second point: Yes, I have banned people wrongly and I apologize for that. This is largely thanks to a constant bombardment of malicious trolls, many of whom pretend to come to us with good intentions, only to wreak havoc once they're granted access to the server. So I am being a bit overzealous with the ban hammer at the moment because we've been burned too many times. It's hard to tell anymore who wants to have a civil discussion and who's just biding their time. If you feel you were banned wrongfully, please reach out to me in dms and we can discuss the matter.

Another quick point I want to make is that our current server rules are due for revision. Now that we've spent some time open to the public, we have a better understanding of what kinds of rules our server needs. So, yes, we're not going to be strictly sticking to our rules right now because we're in the process of tweaking them. I understand that’s frustrating but there’s only so much we can juggle at once. 

"the people in your server are so mean! You don't even talk about loz stuff!"

It's kinda hard to relax and nerd out with your buddies when raiders are lighting your house on fire. We've been burned and we're on edge. I won't ask for anyone in the server to be excused for bad behavior, but I will ask for patience. 

Part of the reason I'm bothering to write this whole thing out in the first place is so we can stop repeating ourselves on these points. Many of the trolls we've dealt with have started out "respectfully disagreeing" with us only to turn nasty and crude. So now whenever there's a disagreement, it puts everyone on edge. 

Before we opened this server up to the public it was just a private little place for me and some friends, and we all happened to share similar beliefs so it turned into a bit of an echo chamber. Please don’t take our old conversations as representative of the current people in the server. We did talk about LoZ stuff, and we still do, but we’ve also got two general chats and a place to discuss controversial topics. And, as I already mentioned, we’re a little preoccupied with the trolling situation. 

Now that we’ve gotten all of that out of the way, here’s a non-exhaustive sampling of what we’ve been dealing with over the past few days: 

typical troll spam: inappropriate images, death threats, etc.

sleeper trolls: people who come into the server pretending to be there in good faith in order to gain access to the server, and then wreaking havoc. Several of these have been… obnoxiously “Christian”, to the point where I was in the middle of typing up a “knock it off” message when they decided to oust themselves. 

false accusations and even outright lies from people on tumblr who’ve “checked out” the server and then left. Idk why people do this. We’ve been baselessly accused of antisemitism among other things. 

vicious asks about this issue sent to tumblr blogs who have no affiliation with our server. 

I’d like to point out here that for being such a “hateful” server, none of the mods (I can’t speak for the other people in the server obviously) have ever done any of this, to anyone, nor would we. I’ve spoken about people using their (real or perceived) victim status as a cudgel to beat others with, and this is a fine example of that. You wonder why we’re trying to make a safe space? Because this is what happens when we share what we believe. You claim we have “institutional power” or whatever and yet we can’t set up and advertise a freaking discord server without people going on a witch hunt. 

I have had a few people reach out to me in kindness, and I want to let those people know that it’s really meant a lot to me. I expected trolls and some lashback but the maliciousness has been something else. I’m sorry to anyone on tumblr who’s been attacked over this, I don’t know why people are going after blogs that have no affiliation with this server, it’s disgraceful and disgusting. 

Hopefully what I’ve written here clears up some of the misunderstandings. We appreciate anyone who’s willing to hear us out rather than jumping to conclusions. Take care everyone.

[tamameruposting]

✧ Get to know Tamao ! A somewhat introductory post.

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Hi!! So many people commented under my post where I asked if I should write something more in depth about her. I'm kind of surprised!! So. I will do my best to deliver. Thank you to anyone who's willing to read this, :D If your OC/s/i would like to be friends with her in lore do let me know ^_^

The line between an S/I and an OC is very blurry here. I sometimes refer to her as a separate entity, and other times as if I am her. Please bear with me!

Since this will be the pinned post for the time being, you can find the previously pinned ask game here

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Basic Info Name: Tamao Shirokane Mont d'or - a comically long name, just call her Tamao! She ever introduces herself by her full name. Age: 20 years old! Her birthday is October 25th, which is also my birthday! Nationality & Ethnicity: Tamao is wasian! Half Japanese, half French. She's lived in France for most of her life, but recently moved to Japan. * TO MAKE A LONG STORY SHORT -- She was influenced by Shu, whom she encountered in France. She already knew her younger brother wanted to become an idol, and talking about it with Shu just solidified her decision to go and help her brother out. Known languages: French, Japanese, English

Hobbies: Fashion! While the way she dresses isn't anything special, she enjoys researching fashion trends, as well as playing around with different styles while designing Rubia's costumes.

NOTE: Tamao is autistic. And because she's a woman, it manifests in certain ways, as she internalized the view her parents have on women's behavior. Her stimming in times of stress is usually very quiet and hard to notice, as she doesn't want to disturb anyone. This includes fidgeting with her own fingers, fabrics, or any hand accessories that she has (rings, bracelets), as well as pacing around the room.

Being yelled at and dismissed will cause her to completely shut down, and isolate herself, until she eventually becomes a crying wreck. She desperately wants to be able to communicate with people during that time, but sometimes it feels as if she can't speak for hours.

Her likes and dislikes are strongly connected to her condition, ie. she dislikes X because the texture makes her skin crawl.

Likes: blankets, chocolate, quietly sharing space with someone she's close to, dim lights, having lots of layers of clothing on, socks, soft fur, the color orange, magical girls, VOCALOID music, gentle kisses from her lover Dislikes: loud scraping noises, sand, powder, and other grainy textures, memory foam, snails, yelling, being touched by surprise, hot fluids, the smell and taste of coffee Favorite food: Carbonara. She went to Italy once (1) and fell in love with this particular dish.

Circles: Ibara Lecture, ASOBI Club. She's not an official member, but she likes to hang out there occasionally.

Height: 161 cm / 5'3 Blood type: O Handedness: Tamao is right-handed!

Family: Charles Mont d'or - Father Hitomi Shirokane - Mother Tetsuo Shirokane Mont d'or - Younger brother

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.・。.・゜✭・. A group of fallen angels - protectors of love.

Rubia is a three member unit affiliated with NEW DIMENSION. It consists of three members - Cezary "Zari" Ito, Tetsuo Shirokane Mont d'or, and Akinori Kagura, with Cezary being the leader.

Tamao is their one and only producer - taking care of composing songs and writing the lyrics, choreography, as well as costume designing... and much more! She's. Very skilled for sure, but also incredibly overworked. Someone save her.

To Rubia's fans, she's known as Ruby-Sama. She's represented by two mascots that appear in Rubia's music videos all the time. Think PinocchioP's Aimaina!

Rubia's relationship chart! I will focus on Tamao's relationship with the group in this post. If you'd like to see a post dedicated to the actual idols, do let me know! :D

IMPRESSIONS

"I really admire Tamao-Sama. To be so selfless, hard-working and kind is rare in today's society. I'm honored to work with someone like her. Considering how skilled she is, you'd assume she'd be very strict, but that's not the case at all. She puts more pressure on herself that she does on us. I think she should rest more." "Zari is my bestest of friends! Not only is he a great singer and dancer, he's also a very good person. I'll admit that he looks cocky and unapproachable, but that couldn't be further from the truth. He's kind, funny, and at this point, I consider him my second brother. He also really likes aliens. I think that's awesome. Glorp."

"I'm grateful that it was Big Sis who stepped up to be Rubia's producer. We were never close to each other, but I could tell she cared even if she seemed distant. Ever since she came to Japan, we've gotten a lot closer. I think being away from dad was what let her truly shine. I'm happy." "I always felt really guilty for having to give him the cold shoulder so often, but I didn’t want my negativity to damage him at the time. I’m glad he’s found something to pursue, and I’m glad I can be of help now. Hopefully it can compensate for the times I wasn’t there for him."

"I'm not saying I don't like her, I just don't get her, y'know? She's a madwoman! I know saying 'If Rubia's debut fails, I will kill all of you and then myself!' was a joke, but I'm still not sure if I could trust her. She seems too kind to not be a fake. Nevertheless, Ruby's work has always made us successful so far, so I will continue working with her. Maybe I'm overthinking this?" "Nori, ah, Nori! When we first met, he explicitly told me he's in it for the money. I was kind of stressed at the time. "What if all the effort I put into Rubia turns out to be a total flop?" - I thought - "I might as well disappear!" Well. Thankfully it wasn't! Even though he doesn't seem to vibe with me, I'm glad he's a part of the group. He's very skilled, and it really wouldn't be the same without him."

Rubia art dump!

Like all of these were made when I was art blocked. Lol

∘₊✧───────────────────────✧₊∘

IMPRESSIONS PT. 2

Ibara Lecture

Miss Tamao is a skilled businesswoman, considering how successful her unit became due to her efforts. Having someone like her attend my lecture is truly a pleasure, even if she doesn't attend too often due to her busy schedule. - Ibara "Personally, I find him a bit scary! Well, intimidating might be a better word. But I can't deny that he's a genius, and there's a lot I could learn from him. The other members seem to gain a lot from the lecture, maybe I will too!"

Tamao also hangs out with Sora whenever ASOBI meets up ♪ She's both fun, and very smart, he he~ Sora finds her colors really pretty. - Sora "Sora is so much fun! Usually being too cheerful makes me uncomfortable, but he has the opposite effect. I feel like someone gets me whenever he's around. I can't see colors like he does, but his vibes are immaculate!☆"

Despite working under the same agenCY, it's always hard to meet with Tamao face to faCE. Only during Ibara Lecture can I fully grasp her esSENCE. She's smarT, smarter than she lookS. I'm looking forward to seeing her in action in the futuRE. - Natsume "Umm! I'm not sure what to think of him yet. I can't figure him out at all! He definitely has some charisma to him, though."

She definitely has a sisterly vibe to her! Just like HiMERU, she's able to figure out all the difficult questions that I couldn't. We don't see each other a lot, but she's incredibly helpful! - Tetora "Whenever I spend time with Nagumo, I feel like someone put Tetsuo, Zari and Nori in a blender, and he's the result. What I'm trying to say is, being with him reminds me of my unitmates, haha! I admire how passionate he is.

HiMERU doesn't know what to think of Miss Tamao. There are a lot of things to admire about her, but HiMERU thinks there is more to her than meets the eye, and he's not sure if it's a good thing yet. He shall stay alert for now. - HiMERU "I've been a fan of Crazy:B for a while now, so meeting him actually feels surreal. We are colleagues now, but I still feel like a bit whenever we're in the same room. I think I might be overthinking this, um! He's smart, and a bit mysterious. I like that a lot."

Tamao is very dear to HiMERU. He would have never thought she'd become someone he would cherish so much. She still attends The Lecture for HiMERU's sake due to his schedule, and for that he is grateful. - HiMERU "I never thought that Meru and I would end up where we are currently, but nevertheless, it makes me really happy! ♡ We're both busy people, so funnily enough, this lecture gives us an opportunity to spend more time with each other. He's no longer a mystery to me, but I still find him as charming as the day we first met."

ASOBI Club

Tamacchi is a bit crazy in the head, but that's not a bad thing at all! In fact, that's what makes her fun to be around. I didn't think she'd be brave enough to punch me when I got on her nerves. Kyahaha! - Rinne "He's. Loud. A bit eccentric. Hearing him speak is overstimulating sometimes. But you know what? He's not half bad once you get to know him!"

"At first I thought she didn't like me, but it turns out she was just scared. Haha, I'm glad to see her warming up to me now.' - Jun "Just like Ibara, jun looks super scary and intimidating. The more I play with him, though, the less scary he seems. He's super chill, actually!!! But I'm still a bit intimidated..."

"Despite having a twin brother like me, the two couldn't be more different. I can tell that her bond with Tetsuo is just like mine and Big Bro's, though ♪" - Yuta "At first I'd have trouble telling the twins apart, and would end up accidentally telling Hinata about things I did with Yuta during our activities. It was so embarrassing, I wanted to fall apart! Playing with Yuta is always a blast, I hope I can get to know him better."

Things are always fun whenever Tamao-dono shows up! She always plays into whatever role she's assigned in our games, and her acting always gets a chuckle out of everyone! The kids at the kindergarden love her as well, I hope she can find the time to come next time we go ♪ - Shinobu "He's a kind and welcoming kid! I was freaking out thinking I wouldn't be wanted here, but he made sure I felt at home, and now everyone can have plenty of fun together!:

∘₊✧───────────────────────✧₊∘ I'm gonna be a bit vulnerable here and say I was scared of posting this because I don't want people to think Tamao is a mary-sue type of character or something :( So hopefully none of u think so and dislike her ToT Cause yes, she's supposed to be a genius in the art department, but she has plenty of flaws as well. She's liked by a lot of people yes, but she's terrible at reading social clues, and miscommunicates a lot. She also tends to shut down, be a bit of a hypocrite, ghost people, and hold grudges. I just didn't go in depth about those things because I wanted it to be a more positive post & she doesn't show those things to everyone, y'know. Sorry for overexplaining I am also #autistic and feel like I need to overexplain myself for my own peace of mind.

also sorry if some impressions are ooc while I tried to be in character I am still a fairly new enstarrie </3 I think that's all for now! I didn't write a full on personality description due to how complex she is, and because I am really, really bad at those, but I hope you can kinda understand her more and get the general idea of how she is :D I didn't really get into the backstory much either sorgy... Tysm for reading!! If you have any thoughts do share them in the comments plsplspls I wanna know if someone actually took the time to read this ToT (If you did ILY) ∘₊✧───────────────────────✧₊∘

[wolfangst]

The Postal dude hates everyone equally!

Hello, all Postal fans, I'm with you! I love the "scissor running studio", I've played through all of their games, some several times. I attend almost all of Vince Desi's interviews and support his work, like many of you.

I wanted to write this post because I have been in the Postal community for quite a long time and have seen a lot of people, a lot of conflicts, one of which appeared literally "recently". Dude hates transgender people? The situation is funny - some person made a post in the style: “Your favorite character *insert sentence*”, where the Postal Dude was added with the inscription: “The Postal Dude is transphobic” - the developers, on behalf of the Twitter account, said that this was not:

Later, the next day, the developers released a post in which the Dude was introduced to us as a misanthrope - a person who hates everyone equally. Which was pretty obvious even without this, because people who play the Postal series of games could repeatedly hear this line from him: “I hate everyone equally” or something like that - this was obvious back in 2003.

So what could such an act on the part of the developers mean, what did they want to say by first “supporting” transgender people with their words, and then releasing this post as if they had renounced their words? This means that he hates everyone: whites, blacks, Jews, gays, lesbians, transgender people and other completely ordinary people who live their lives. Not because he hates anyone in particular, but because he hates all humanity - read the meaning of misanthropy on the Internet.

The dude is an asshole and you're ready for this conversation!

Please remember that the Postal Dude is a bad person. He is a terrorist who kills innocent people - going back to the first Postal, the original, he wanted to kill even children and he was not ashamed. He is not the kind of person who will support someone simply because of their oppression in society - he is deeply indifferent to the problems of modern society, such as: the oppression of black people, sexism towards women, unfair mistreatment towards LGBTQ+ people, etc.

He hates everyone, regardless of lifestyle, sexual orientation or anything else - deal with it, he is not a good guy, but a sick person with a thirst for blood. Postal is the wrong game, Dude is the wrong character - and that's the whole point of the franchise we love so much. The game makes fun of a lot of things, it was made based on a real-life case of terrorism by a postal worker and the proposed idea of ​​creating a "just a cruel person who kills for no reason" appealed to Vince Desi - that's why we have a person as cruel and controversial as the Dude in game. Let's remember that in addition to the fact that the Dude has repeatedly expressed in his remarks that it is best to kill women and national minorities first, he also kills men, women, kids and animals without a twinge of conscience - and can even kick his beloved dog. We are talking about a character about whom the developers themselves speak as someone who is a terrible person at his core - so why do many of us try to humanize him, to find something good in him, some advantages or support for others?

Have you forgotten that in the Postal 2 before the update with multiplayer, there was a mini-game called: “F*ag Hunter”, the essence of which was that the Dude needed to kill 20 LGBTQ+ Representatives, and if he killed a heterosexual NPC, then he was forced go through again?

We are all people, we are all different. There are many different people within our community: gays, lesbians, transgender people, people of different nationalities and views on life - and this is wonderful. It’s wonderful that we are all so different and live in a world where we can be ourselves. But please remember that the Dude would hate us no matter who we are, simply because we are part of a society he despises - and you have to live with that. Yes, this is bad, it’s very offensive, but you are part of a game community where the main character is a terrorist who uses hard drugs and dismembers kittens.

If you want to feel support and love in your direction, then Paradise is definitely not for you. And don't try to argue with it - the Dude can't be fixed. Thank you for your attention, I love and respect everyone - after all, I’m not the Dude from Postal!

I also want to add that you can have any headcanons, ship the Dude with your characters or create your own Dudes - this is very cool. This post was written as an appeal to people who forget about which game community they are in - there was a lot of negativity on Twitter under sub-posts from the developers simply because such a misunderstanding arose, which seemed to me simply stupid and to some extent funny. This is the internet guys, do what you want, just please don't romanticize or think the things The Dude does are normal or laudable

[hells-sirenqueen]

roleplayer name: Xixi

roleplayer pronouns: She/Her

muse name(s): @hells-sirenqueen:

Hazbin Lilith -Lilith Morningstar (og/ show canon) -Albedo as alt fc -Sinner Snake Queen Lilith ( Unholy Crusade verse) -Queen Lilith Aradat Demonica (Dark Lilith - Failed Cycle Lilith/ Vampire UC Verse) ------ @baphomet-slumber-queen Belphegor - fc Gaap (Umineko)

-Frequent side muse Bethany ( paralysis demon) - fc Demon form Catherine. --- @cannibalxroses Overlord Rosie (Hartfelt. Married in UC verse to @/radioiaci and has taken his last name.) ----- @fxiled-fxithful Angela Blanc/ Ash Landers -Versed in Black Butler / Obey Me! / Hellverse -Primary focus is the Unholy Crusade Event/Verse & Aus associated

--------- @forgottenxsoldier Marie Hellverse OC (Former) Exorcist Angel

preferred communication: Honestly? Discord. I jump from one blog to another frequently depending on the muse I am feeling. So discord is the way to go. If you would like my discord and we are mutuals, please feel free to ask for it.

experience: Oh boy. So far as writing online, I've been rping since 2012. Started on Facebook, then slowly moved onto here and then to Twitter and then discord. Lately I've been mostly on here and discord though.

preferred roleplay type: I'm a hopeless romantic. I mean, I draft poems and romantic shit all the time. There is a writing partner of mine, whom I have a server with. We leave each other IC poetry for our characters and honestly it gives me life. I actually wrote a fic with them this past summer with our characters leaving love letters for one another. It was super sweet. (It was for Lucian x Shauntal. You can find it here if you're interested in reading it. I wrote for Shauntal.) But I am usually found writing some sort of angst or flirty/romantic scene. I'm..not the best at fight scenes, but with the UC verse, I've had to step out of that comfort zone a lot. It can get OP and Godmodding very quickly. I honestly hate it. There are some exceptions though. Like, if I am actively talking to my writing partner about the fight and what would seem fair, I'm down with the fight. Overall though? I just really don't see much appeal to being aggressive in writing.

pet peeves & dealbreakers:Lack of communication between replies for threads. If there isn't an ideal goal or direction that a thread is meant to steer towards or enough ooc conversation to keep all parties involved for the thread, things can get messy or even cause a bit of a writer's block for other parties involved. I know I offer to change my replies often if it doesn't work out well for my partner, but I'm well aware that there are writers out there who won't. Just keeping an open mind and open line of communication out of character goes a long way. It irks me when I have to deal with those who aren't. Thankfully I haven't had to deal with that in this RPC, but I have had to deal with it before.

best time to write: Late in the evening. Usually around 9-11pm EST. I'm usually mobile but if I have a thread that is important enough to be concerned about, I will relocate to my laptop if needs be.

are you like your muse?: I'd like to think I see a little bit of myself in each of my muses.

I'm always prejudged without anyone getting a chance to know me like Lilith, I have a terrible love/hate relationship with sleep like Belphie and I can be snarky like Bethany. I do love to gossip like Rosie and I have a bestie I talk to every so often to share the tea with. ( Lookin' at you @alteregozowie) I can be a devout friend like Angela and at times, I tend to have a similar temper that Ash has. But most of the time I feel like Marie. A clueless person who has no idea what the hell is going on and feeling like an absolute airhead 85% of the time.

Tagged by : @hells-greatestdad

Tagging: @mages-pandoras-box, @radioiaci, @radi0activesmile, @primordialruin, @sirserpentine, and anyone else who wants to

[citadelofmythoughts]

Ran into some shipping discourse recently and need to cleanse my pallet.

What’re your top 5 (if you have that many) RWBY ships and what do you love/like about them?

This is an open question to anyone who wants a chance to gush about their favs cause that’s what I need right now. Optimism, excitement, and seeing people “fan-person” about loving love.

Just to be fair, here’s mine!

1. Bumbleby: I love literally everything about them both as a couple and as individuals!

2. Nuts-and-Dolts: They’re two absolute optimistic sweet hearts who’ve had one of the truest connections I’ve ever seen. Just like the BYs, I love literally their entire characters with my entire heart and soul!

3. Icebyrd/Schneewoodforest: Completely fair that they haven’t had any interactions yet, but I absolutely believe that the potential and reason for them to get close is there.

Having the true, open, understanding, confident, and sexy as hell Robyn Hill help the cold, closed, troubled, confused, and also sexy as hell Winter Schnee is an incredible match for me. Robyn would love all of the positive traits that Winter has hidden away and would probably think that she’d be a great fit for the HHs; while Winter would love Robyn’s selfless personality and the fact that she can be true to herself.

Plus, given that Robyn is Mantle’s most trusted person and Winter was Ironwood’s (whom the people of Atlas trusted) second in command it only makes sense for them to work together in Vacuo to help the refugees.

4. Arkos: They also had a true connection. It’s just a shame that Jaune only realized it in V3. Just like BY I truly believe that they were meant to be and will always be connected, which is why I just CAN’T ship Jaune with anyone else. (Despite my endless love of Weiss’s: “mature” 😏)

5. Ghira/Kali: Dunno if they have a ship name buried somewhere. But they have one of only two healthy married relationships in the show and they’re both such amazing people! I’m REALLY praying that they both show up in Vacuo so I get to see more of them and they get to meet their daughter’s true love!

Again, please no discourse. Only love and appreciation, please!

Bumbleby always and forever. Absolutely perfect, astounding, soulmates. It's been such a ride for those two with the lowest low and the highest high. I mean going from Blake WANTING Yang to hate her so she wouldn't come trying to find her and risk her life in the process and Yang being so devastatingly sad and trying to mask that sadness with anger but all the while she missed her so much. And then the most amazing high ever, baring their souls in the most beautiful way in a literal fairy tale moment.

Nuts-N-Dolts hits my tragic romance buttons. I can't imagine falling in love, believing they died only to get them back and losing them again. It's part of the reason I believe that we haven't seen the last of Penny.

Renora You start of watching RWBY and being certain that they are already a couple but then you get to V7-8 and realize that their communication sucks and they've been unintentionally hurting each other for ages. But when they talk about it, it doesn't immediately fix things but it does start the healing process and I hope they eventually make it work

Frostbyte is a recent ship of mine. It's a bit of a crack ship because on the surface Weiss and Penny don't seem to have a lot in common but then you think about it and realize that they're both victims of Atlas society and have been used as things rather than people.

Ghira/Kali - look it's impossible not to love the best parents on Remnant and it's nice to have a shining example of mature love and it's so obvious that they adore each other even after all this time. I agree that I hope they're in Vacuo because they are going to love Yang so much.

[checkoutmybookshelf]

He's Just a Herald and He's On Fire!

So, if there is one consistent theme with protagonists in Mercedes Lackey's Valdemar universe, it's that there is a STARTLING number of them who are misfits in their families, misunderstood, and a little anxious and melancholic about the whole thing. You'd think that this would get boring fast, but Lackey manages to mix up the details enough that they don't meld together in my head, and in point of fact, I have actual favorites. One of whom we are talking about today. That's what this post is for. Lan Chitward is one of my favorite herald protagonists. Let's talk Brightly Burning.

Hi, hello, welcome. If this is your first time on my blog, please be warned that this is A SPOILERIFIC ZONE. I will SPOIL THE CRAP OUT OF THIS BOOK. Consider yourself warned.

Y'all, I am a Shakespeare scholar, so if I ever post anything along the lines of "Tragedies suck and I hate them," please send help, I've been kidnapped. Your girl LOVES a good tragedy, and that's really what this book is: An Amazing Tragedy. But that's just the end for Herald Lavan Firestorm and his Companion Kalira.

At the beginning of this book, we meet Lavan "Lan" Chitward, ugly duckling son of a pair of extremely prosperous merchants who feels ignored, misunderstood, and transplanted from the place that made him happiest. Kiddo has zero desire to follow either of his parents into their trades, so when they hit their wits' ends, said parents send Lan to a merchant-run school so Lan can find himself a direction in life that he feels will suit him.

Lan's parents might not be able to empathize or communicate with their son, but they did try to set him up for success. They tried. They get a couple of points for that. Not a lot. But a couple.

Unfortunately for Lan, he gets to discover the downsides of private school firsthand when he is relentlessly and cruelly bullied by older students. Lan's anxiety and very real, rational fear of bodily and social harm get so bad that to save his life, his Firestarting Gift explodes out of his control. By the time the smoke clears, four boys are dead and Lan is being carted up to the palace to explain to Herald Pol what on earth had been happening in his school and how the fire started. Stress from being questioned makes Lan lose control again, but before he can start a second killer fire, Kalira chooses Lan. Handily, Kalira is the daughter of Pol's companion, Satiran, so Pol is aware from the jump that Lan is more than just Kalira's Choice: The two are lifebonded.

Go nuts, Ao3.

However, this is about when the members of the heraldic circle start looking at each other sideways and going, "oh no. Firestarting Gifts usually only pop up when we're going to need them..." So while Lan is getting tutored by Pol, Kalira, his new best friend Tuck, and Pol's daughter Eleanor, Karse is causing trouble at the border--like preparing to invade and burn all the heralds to death trouble. Karse is not your friend, and their sun priests tend to target heralds and healers, and the only thing worse than being killed by Karsite troops is being taken alive to be burned at the stake or--for healers--be forced to use your gift until you burn out and die. So: Bad Situation.

Ultimately, the command decision is made to send Lan to the front. Lan at this point is an emotionally unstable, half-trained at best trainee herald. The poor kid is getting yeeted into a situation he is absolutely unprepared to handle. Before he and Pol even MAKE it to the front, they're attacked by a scout group and Pol is blinded--put a pin in that, we're going to come back to it. So Lan gets to the front already traumatized and somewhat sans his trusted mentor. It's not good.

Ultimately, the title of this book comes back to haunt Lan and Kalira: they burn, too brightly. Kalira takes an arrow in battle to save Lan, and in his grief and rage, Lan unleashes his final strike, taking out the Karsite army, an entire pine forest, and even some of his own soldiers--firestorms are hard to aim. Lan is posthumously raised to full Herald rank, and losing their entire army puts Karse on the shelf. It's the very definition of a pyrrhic victory, however. Lan burned himself out at age sixteen. He was a half-trained child doing his level best, and he was put in a situation that he was objectively unready for. It's heartbreaking, it's tragic...it's WONDERFULLY done.

The entire time you're reading this book and falling in love with Lan and Kalira, you're thinking "they'll be alright, won't they? They have to be alright." But you have enough other beloved characters that you get to know well enough that you also get to mourn with them once Lan and Kalira are gone. You get pulled into this story and you just want to hug Lan and stick him somewhere safe. This is one of my favorite Valdemar books, no question.

This is where I want to just briefly come back to Herald Pol and the attack that costs him his sight. I have no objection about the context in which this occurs. Shit happens in war. It's tragic, it's traumatic, it COMPLETELY SUCKS, but there aren't any red flags in terms of how Pol is disabled. There is also a fairly realistic period in which Pol is trying to adjust to not having sight. He also can see through Satiran's eyes for short periods of time because magic, but since this comes with a cost in energy and magic and doesn't inherently negate the disability, we're still fine. It's an emergency stopgap measure, not a functional cure. So far, so fine.

Unfortunately, there are a couple of things I don't love about how Pol's blinding is handled. The first thing is a bit "your mileage may vary" rather than a genuinely harmful negative representation, but it threw up a faint red flag when I was reading, so I'm talking about it. Traumatic injuries are so described for a reason; people have very very valid feelings and reactions to being suddenly and violently disabled, and part of adjusting is having the time and space to work through those feelings. Now. Pol and Lan are literally in a war zone, they are indispensably important figures, so they can't just be sent home. There also kind of isn't time and space to deal with the emotions in a war zone. All of that is fair enough. It would suck to have to just swallow the feels and keep functioning, and that could even lead to some good narrative tension.

That's not what happens though.

I'll just give you the text from the book for this bit:

Some time during the ride to headquarters, Pol had made up his mind on several points; it had given him relief from the pain to work things logically through in that way. Losing his eyesight was not going to be a tragedy, and if Ilea could not Heal him, then he would simply accept that. The events of the evening only confirmed that belief. He worked through everything as logically as he could during the ride, and during that night and the day and night that followed, in his dreams he was able to employ a technique called directed dreaming to work through things emotionally. It wasn't easy; he exhausted himself all over again, weeping for what he had lost and raging against everyone involved, including himself. But it had to be done, and quickly, and dreams were the best and least harmful place to do so.

I'm not going to say that his experience as a Herald and soldier don't give this some credibility, and I'm not going to say that narrative compression isn't a thing that writers can and do use to get characters from emotional point a to point b, but this stretched my credibility just a skooch and made me go, "They're going to keep him blind, right?"

Reader, they healed him at the end of the book. Can we PLEASE let him live a full herald life while blind??? He was no less effective without his sight than with it, and A LITTLE PHYSICAL DISABILITY REP AMONG THE ACTIVE-DUTY HERALDS WOULD BE LOVELY. Plenty of them live with anxiety, depression, hypervigilance, or other mental health challenges, but heaven forbid a herald have a physical disability.

This is a pattern I'm noticing more and more in books. Soldiers and soldier-adjacent characters can experience mental illness and disability, but not physical. It's that really annoying mind-body split looming large, and I don't have a good solution for this other than letting active duty characters also have physical disabilities, rather than having them be cured, retired, or in roles that never require them to be in the field. And I do get that like...if you are physically disabled, your best bet is not to be in a fight, but that's not how LIFE works. Sometimes the fight comes to you, or your expertise is needed in the field. It happens. LET IT.

Other than my growing frustration with disability rep in military, military-adjacent, and martial-esque organizations in fiction, I love this book to little tiny pieces. It's a beautifully executed tragedy without being self-indulgent or unnecessarily maudlin.

[tumanlll]

Something happened last night that I couldn't even dream of. There are 100 of you gathered in my warm corner of creativity, silence and fog…

To be honest, when I created this blog, I didn't know where to go. I've been trying to develop on Instagram and Vkontakte for a long time, but I've been developing very slowly, bursts of activity have been rare, which just allowed me to improve my skill.

However, here.. At first, I was in the shadows and drawing for myself, I didn't hope for any audience, when suddenly something changed, and I had you. Those who, with every response to my work, kindled the fire of creativity in me, lit sparks in my eyes, pushed me to new ideas and concepts. I was able to try something new for myself, thanks to you and your support, I entered a new stage of progress in my style. I was in the art block for a whole year after I held an exhibition of paintings in my city, after that I stopped painting because I fell out of life and was busy with my studies, personal life and work, but my hands remember everything…. You can't imagine how you support me…I have never seen such activity in the field of my creativity. I feel like I can do more than that. I also want to say the same sincere thanks to those whom I managed to find on this network. My friends (you know who I'm talking about). Your work, mutual desire in communication, the words that you say, you awaken inspiration and motivation in me incredibly strongly. You have become important people to me in my soul.

It's been a long time since I've been so immersed in creativity… It's been so long since I've felt so complete. My hands can't do without drawing, so I started working hard, creating, and still haven't given it up for a long time thanks to you.

I'm not fully used to hearing warm words yet, I fall into a stupor every time or hang over the monitor for a while, but I'm sure I'll react like the first time every time, because for me it's something special, valuable.

I will continue to work hard to improve my skills, please you and evoke vivid emotions, I love you very much and kiss everyone on the forehead 🫶