#please i want to be invested in their connection but there's barely anything there. you can't just SAY they're friends

[cringefailvox]

it's actually criminal that sir pentious, angel, and husk are canonically really good friends and yet we don't have any idea what that friendship looks like in practice because all of it happens OFF SCREEN

[blublublujk]

good girl, gone bad

oneshot

word count: 6k

genre: established (secret) relationship

pairing: good girl y/n x bad boy jk

summary:

“I can’t believe anyone actually likes those stupid fucks. I mean, the hickeys, it’s like he wants everyone to know he actually fucks.” You stay staring just a tad longer at the buff (sexy) jock, short enough so that Karina won’t notice. This time the boy proudly parading the trail of hickeys down his neck smiles at you and parts with a quick wave, some blonde hair boy from the group laughs at him and shakes his arm teasingly. You can’t help but to smile too, it’s barely there, but he’ll know. You decide to turn around and follow her steps. “Yeah totally, me either.” What your best friend doesn’t know won’t kill her… right?

warnings: basically just pwp but plot went missing (oops!), swearing, smoker jk (i swear if anyone complains in my inbox i'll haunt you), explicit sexual content; jk has a huge dick ok, consensual recording/pictures, car sex (don't fuck in a car), hickeys, unprotected vaginal sex, dirty talk, spanking, squirting, breast play, blowjob, fingering, cunnilingus, come shot (on face), slut shaming (again lol), come tasting/swallowing, stomach bulge (my fault i love this one), choking, multiple orgasms, overstimulation, creampie

a.n: sorry for a late update hope yall dont mind, but i just wanna get rid of all my drafts they are PILING. lol forgive me for only always writing about jungkook, but he's so easy to write about. he breathes, and i instantly open my notes app (im not even joking). this has been sitting in my drafts since his LA trip (iykyk) it sparked a conversation and i wrote it. i want that man bad... and im lesbian :D

ANYWAYS enjoy and STREAM GOLDEN for our golden bunny <3

p.s: i'll probably come back to this couple but its a oneshot for now... but wouldn't no nut nov be fun with this jk?? everyone say yesss. ok bye.

—> m.list

—> welcome me on ao3 & twt

—-

“Ugh, what a piece of shit.”

Before you even get to ask who, the motorcycle roars back to life across the parking structure belonging to the very one and only, Jeon Jungkook. A group of college jocks crowd around the man. There’s a cigarette between his fingers, he’s not paying it much attention though. He's deep in conversation, laughing at something one of them said, clearly more invested in the joke than anything else around him. 

As the laughter dies down, he looks over, eyes connecting while he brings the cigarette to his pierced lip, slowly inhaling the toxic fume. The terribly annoying (yet somehow sexy) tattooed jock on his loud motorcycle winks towards your direction, before selfishly exhaling that poisonous smoke into the air. Fuck, you really, really wanted to hate him too. 

“Yuck.” Karina gags with a scrunch to her nose, turning a cold back to them and you’re grateful to her because you almost get stuck in his lustful gaze. 

“Yeah… yuck.” You reply with no real meaning somehow managing to convince her you meant it.

“I hate him and his stupid friends. They are killing the Earth slowly and they don’t even give a fuck!” Karina argues in all her given glory and in her environmental science major mindset. “Plus those cancer sticks reek, why must the general public suffer because they can’t last thirty without them.”

Jungkook could last thirty without them. Way more than thirty when you were around him, especially when he was given something (or someone) to entertain himself with, but you couldn't say that aloud so the sudden thoughts stayed safe and sound in your head. 

“No, no they don’t. But what can we do?” There’s a sigh and then you clear your throat. “Should we get going now?”

Your arm wraps around hers, gesturing the way back to campus with a swift wave where you both had been meaning to study given that classes finally started cramping in heavy assignments.

“Yes, please.” Karina is quick to sharply turn her heel and walk back towards the building. “I can’t believe anyone actually likes those stupid fucks. I mean, the hickeys, it’s like he wants everyone to know he actually fucks.”

You stay staring just a tad longer at the buff (sexy) jock, short enough so that Karina won’t notice. This time the boy proudly parading the trail of hickeys down his neck smiles at you and parts with a quick wave, some blonde hair boy from the group laughs at him and shakes his arm teasingly. You can’t help but to smile too, it’s barely there, but he’ll know. You decide to turn around and follow her steps. “Yeah totally, me either.”

What your best friend doesn’t know won’t kill her… right?

—-

“You taste disgusting.” There’s a muffled laugh pressed into your lips, as your tongues meet halfway, meeting each other’s lips in a bruising wet kiss. Your ass grinds roughly against his lap, groaning into your mouth while you bring your ass flush down, feeling his soft cock harden below you. His right hand grips your right ass cheek, jiggling it in his hand, before smacking it (with love, of course!). 

“Yeah?” Jungkook smirks, bringing his mouth against your throat, sucking and licking everywhere there was space. He sneakily leaves little love bites behind even though he knows you’ll kill him for this later because you have somewhere to be after this. He even bites your ear lobe gently between his teeth, before he cockily whispers. “You love it though.”

The whimper that leaves your mouth should be illegal. It only drives Jungkook crazier. 

Both hands find purchase on your ass now, spanking you once again in each cheek. Though Jungkook was a bit disappointed he wasn’t seeing your flushed bare cheeks on top of him, but he guesses he can settle for now. “You gonna let me fuck you now baby?”

He gropes your asscheeks without any hesitation, still leaving wet kisses buzzing onto your skin, stealing a quick kiss from your raw-bitten lips. 

“Mm, only if you ask nicely.” You tease, dragging a finger along his jawline.

With this, Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back. Your hand comes to fist his hair, while he drops another wet smooch onto your lips. “You know I’d do anything for a piece of this ass angel.”

You smile into the kiss, grinding harder against his now– hard cock. You felt your folds leak of your own arousal. It was so undeniable. The attraction between you two, the desire to take each other apart, to be within each other’s arms. There was no place like Jungkook’s lap. Here you could stay forever.

“Imagine what people would say if they saw you like this baby.” Jungkook starts teasing, tugging your shirt off with no trouble. Your breasts catch his attention, noticing that you are wearing that black lingerie set he had bought for you last Valentine’s Day. “Fuck. Look at you baby.”

He squishes your breasts together, leaning up to kiss the uncovered tender flesh on both sides. You don’t even attempt to hold your moans back. “I– nghhh.”

“Did you expect to get fucked today princess? Hmm? Is this all for me?” Jungkook’s words work like magic, they drip off his sinful tongue like honey. You bring your body flush against his, burying your blushing face against his neck. “Don’t get shy on me baby, tell me. Did you wear this all for me?”

He purrs sweetly and you only nod, cheeks burning red. 

It's not like you were embarrassed of him, no in fact, you were happy to announce that the college campus’ certified bad boy is all yours and has been for the past two years. 

There was no exact moment to this, the attraction had always been there. 

You had first officially met Jungkook in one of your general ed classes. Statistics, to be exact, which he would have one-hundred percent failed had it not been for you passing him the answers mid exams. It wasn’t like that to begin with of course, it took you some convincing. To be fair and to your excuse, it was so hard to say no to those beautiful big brown eyes.

At first, you assumed he was doing this all, acting lost and playing dumb, to get into your pants which he succeeded. However you had enough dignity left to make him work for it. Until you realized those secret smiles, stolen glances, and subtle hand holds were much more than just a silly game. You had fallen for his charm, and against everyone’s advice to stay far away from him, you fell in love with the (not so terrible) bad boy and let him take over your heart completely. It happened so randomly and so all at once. It was confusing, new, but most of all, liberating. 

Being with Jungkook was so freeing and the thrill of being caught with him was so worth it. It didn’t matter what people thought of you or him, you both were willing to die on this hill of love. 

Jungkook, too, had fallen quickly. How could he not? There was nothing to dislike and everything to love. Your pouty scolds, he looked forward to. The stolen glances across campus were his favorite, a secret only you and him held close to heart. There were times where your cheeks would flush pink, because he would steal kisses from you behind the campus library. You were seriously his favorite person ever. 

“Jungkook stop! What if someone sees us?” You would whisper-shout, a pout would form against your will. 

Jungkook would just kiss your worries away again and again and then say. “You’re the cutest little thing alive baby.” 

“Are you trying to change the subject?” It was hard to speak between kisses, that and the fact that he would squish your cheeks together like the adorable boyfriend he was. 

“I don’t know. Is it working?” His reply was cheeky and lips would start trailing down your neck and then you determined, yes. Yes, it is working. Fuck it all. 

It’s safe to say, he was yours since the start of it all, as you were his. Wrapped in each other’s fingers before anyone had realized it, now you were inseparable. 

“Answer me princess.” Jungkook pulls you back gently, observing your flushed face. “God, you’re so beautiful.”

Of course, this only makes you blush harder, but you do manage to admit. “Y-Yes… I wore this only for you. Always for you.”

Jungkook smiles, pecking your cheek. “Then I’m the luckiest man alive angel.”

He cradles your face, before leaning in to kiss you. This time, you guys take your time. Your mouths stay closed, taking the time to really feel the plushy feeling against your own and enjoy each other’s presence. You felt as if you were floating in clouds. 

“Jungkook.” You mumble onto his lips and he hums, but that’s not enough so you call his name once more with intent. “Jungkook.”

He pulls back with a questioning look. “Yes, my love?”

“Can you please just fuck me already?” The words come out barely above a whisper, even after fucking you so many times, you could be so shy at times.

Jungkook breaks out into a bunny-like grin, holding back a stifled laugh. “So much for wanting to make me say please, look at who’s pleading now.” 

“J-Jungkook…” Your face goes hot again and he laughs once more, patting your ass softly.

“Okay. Okay, my love. Enough teasing, I’ll fuck you since you asked so nicely baby.” Jungkook takes his sweet time taking off his own shirt, and pulling your skirt off. It was a bit tricker, given you were both in your car which was not fit for two people even in the backseat, but you guys always made it work. 

You were still scared to ride to campus with him as much as he begged you to because it would blow your secret relationship, but fucking on campus has yet to be off-limits. Mainly because Jungkook fucks you all too well, and you aren’t one to say no to good dick (oops).

He attaches his mouth right above the bare skin of your left breast. He holds your tits in his hands, pushing them together, stuffing his face right between them. Jungkook makes sure to pay attention to both breasts (it’s only fair), rubbing your hard buds through the black lace which hardly covers them. You bite back a moan, feeling him rut up against your heat, his hard length pressing stiffly against you, your walls already clenching, desperate to feel him inside you.

His tattooed hand slips below, releasing the nipple he had been tugging on earlier. You feel the tip of his fingertips brush against your panties. “Fuck, you’re so wet baby. I can’t wait to be inside you.”

Surely by now, you were dripping onto the lace. His erection is still pressing against your inner thigh. “D-Don’t wait then.”

Your boyfriend smiles, bringing his lips to yours. “Behave. You’ll get some dick inside you soon.”

Like the brat you were, your eyes rolled back so used to being spoiled. He pays it no mind though because his tongue comes out again, licking your lips apart. Your tongues meet once more, this time you suck his tongue into your mouth, brushing it against the roof of your mouth. He taste quite bitter, it’s the cigarette from earlier, yet somehow and against all judgement, he tastes fucking delicious. Especially when a grunt slips from his throat, feeling you roll your barely covered folds against his fingers.

He allows this, putting more pressure with two fingers, feeling you drench his fingertips even through your panties. Jungkook pushes his tongue deeper into your mouth, spit mixing as he reciprocates the favor, sucking gently on your tongue. You tasted like the strawberries you had earlier for lunch and Jungkook groans, greedily swallowing the taste in your mouth. 

What an innocent sweet little thing you were and he was about to ruin you all. 

Cigarettes and strawberries. 

Quite the pair. 

You whine into his mouth, unable to hold back much longer. “Please, Jungkook…”

He smirks against your mouth. How much he loved the way you fell apart on his cock. Especially more, when he had barely had his hands on you and you were already begging for more. Jungkook pulls back, but not before you whine a soft “no.” He holds your cheeks in his palms, forcing you to look directly into his hazy eyes. 

“Imagine if people knew baby.” His voice comes out more sultry, rough around the edges. His thumb carrasses your cheek, patting your mouth open. “How much of a slut you were for this dick.”

His words make you mewl (he knows how much you get off to this thought), he slowly eases two fingers into your mouth, holding your chin in place. You made sure to suck on them as he liked, your tongue coming flat against them. 

Jungkook bucks his hips into yours, chest rising while he watches you suck, like the good girl you were. “Imagine if they really knew, baby? Such a sweet girl like you, with someone so dangerous and reckless like me. What would they say? Hmm?”

He pulls out his fingers, seeing them barely glisten under the light.

“I- I don’t know.” Your voice is dry and soft yet, you are incredibly horny.

“You don’t know? I have a few ideas.” Jungkook chuckles, hands brushing along your back. “Can this come off?” 

He tugs your bra from behind and you hesitate to nod permission. “Good, I wanna watch them bounce when I finally fuck you.”

By now, you have given up resisting him, so you moan pathetically as he shreds your bra with ease and takes a nipple into his mouth, sucking the tender bud into his tongue, flicking it and placing it between his teeth. He tugs and licks the sting away, watching with hooded eyes as you squirm against him. Your face burns imagining the idea. 

What if people knew? How would your friends react? They would surely be disappointed, Jungkook was good for nothing but trouble. Yet, he was perfect to you. You were willing to defend him from hell and back. Whatever it took for them to believe you. 

Jungkook moves to the other bud, placing it into his mouth, cupping and gripping your breasts. His mouth was hot and heavy against your nipple, his tongue caressing the hard bud. He squeezes them one last time before letting them drop, watching them bounce gently against your chest. Yup, Jungkook was the luckiest man alive. There was nothing better than this moment right here.

Heat travels your body quickly, feeling your own chest rise, struggling to breathe in the steamy car. Your boyfriend looks down, communicating with his eyes instead of actually saying anything, your hands quickly move to his belt, tugging them off and throwing it anywhere else. Desperately, you unbuckle his jeans, harshly pulling his boxer down, just enough to watch his dick spring out. The flushed, wet length smacks against his stomach, watching as his abs clench at the sensation. If you stare any longer, you’ll start drooling. “So good for me angel.” 

There’s no time to waste. 

“Wanna suck you off.” You breathe out, voice filled with desire and lust, clearly it takes over because usually his girlfriend was much shyer and timid, but that all disappeared when Jungkook’s cock was present. 

“Yeah?” Jungkook watches you drop on your knees, your pretty knees will for sure suffer the consequences of your horny choice, but there was no stopping this. He pats his thighs as he leans back to give you enough space. “I’m all yours, baby girl.”

Jungkook bites the inside of his cheek when he feels your warm mouth wrap around his dick. Your tongue comes out messily, practically salivating and dripping all over him. There’s probably not a single day that goes by that you aren’t sucking his dick, but it was quite the experience every damn time. 

“F-Fuck, I wish you could see yourself.” He struggles a bit because the sight is fucking sinful and if people knew you like he did, they wouldn’t believe the person in front of him. 

His personal little cockslut. 

You pop off for a second, hand still wrapped around his length covered in your spit. “Yeah? Then take a picture for me, Kook.”

Double fuck.

When you first started dating Jungkook, you were against any pictures at all. After time passed and to his luck, you came around and you would let him take pictures, but only if he promised your face wasn’t in the frame. Now, his camera roll is covered with images of you and your blooming relationship. You didn’t care anymore about covering or blurring your face out. His camera roll consisted of just about everything, pictures of you sleeping peacefully against his chest as you would nap, videos of you laughing on the random adventures he would take you on, but never images of you nude. Never ever was he allowed anything that could probably incriminate you both, even if he would beg, ever-so sweetly. It seems like you came around after all. Bless you.

“Fuck, don’t talk to me like that princess, you have no idea what that does to me.” He’s never heard you sound so fucking sexy. Jungkook bites his lip, recovering his phone that had dropped earlier on the carpet. “You sure about this baby?”

“Yes.” Then you are back on his cock and he shudders, already snapping a few pictures. Your eyes looked up at the camera, making a show out of it all.

Jungkook tries controlling his heavy breathing but with a sinful tongue like yours, it’s impossible. “Can I record this princess, only if you’ll let me, of course.”

You take him deeper into your throat and nod furiously on his cock. You trusted him enough, you knew Jungkook could never hurt a single soul, unless they tried him. Point is, he would never do anything to break that trust so hell yeah, why not add more to his long collection.

“God, you are so perfect baby. Made for me and only me.” Jungkook’s voice is nothing short of possessiveness. He presses record, caressing your hair softly, almost petting you for your work like the good girl you were for him. “Imagine if they knew how well you take cock baby. How perfect those plump lips look around my dick. You’re like a dream come true princess, my personal cockslut.” 

You moan around his length, loving the bitter taste on your tongue and Jungkook has to hold back from fucking your throat, though he thinks you’ll love it anyways. 

“Can I fuck your throat?” His voice is raspy and you open your mouth wider, nodding so prettily with dick stuffed in your mouth. Jungkook is careful when placing your hair in a little makeshift ponytail for the meantime and as best as he can with one hand as he starts to thrust into your warm mouth. “So beautiful and all mine. Isn’t that right princess?”

You don’t get to reply, but the vibrations of your moans that manage to run through his cock  answer for you and it almost makes him smile. What a good girl you were. Pretty things like you deserved to be spoiled and he couldn’t wait to give you the fucking world. 

And was he fucking loving the show you were putting on for him becoming more needy and desperate on camera, your eyes rolled as he brutally used your throat for his liking. 

Jungkook bites at his bottom lip as he begins to roll his hips with much more force, feeling your throat take him down with greed. “Fuck baby, your throat feels amazing. Taking me so good.” 

He lets you go when he feels you tap his thigh and you gasp for air, tears threatening to leak down your face. “W-Want you to come on my face.”

Your voice is hoarse and his eyes widen at your sweet request. 

“Aren’t you just perfect for me today baby. Just you wait, you’ll get the best dick of your entire lifetime.” Not that you would know since he was your first and he knows that, proudly carries that in his cocky ego, but you always believed him. No one could fuck you better than this, you were sure. You bat your eyes at his promise and he comes down to kiss you messily, the camera records jackshit, but it captures your whiny moans and the sound of your lips smacking against one another. He pulls off with one last kiss and adjusts the camera frame back towards you as he takes his hard length and slaps his swollen, wet dick along your cheek. “Open up princess, I’m really fucking close.” 

You take him in with no hesitation and go to fucking work. Slurping and licking all over his length, your chin dripping with saliva, but you don’t even care anymore because his grunts and whines keep you going. 

Every now and then you look up at the camera making sure you do your best to keep him coming back. You know he will probably rewatch this every night that you aren’t there with him. And your predictions are correct because Jungkook’s already planning on watching this tonight and jacking off to it while you are out with Karina doing God knows what. All he knows is his sweet girl will be doing something productive while he’ll be coming undone in your gracious honor.

“I’m close baby.” He groans sexily, and his breathing starts to become sharp. “Look up baby, right into the camera, gonna come all over that perfect fucking face.”

Doing as he says, you look up sucking him dry, your hands come to relieve what you can’t cover with your tongue. His hand pushes you off for a second. “Tongue out baby.”

He fucks his fist and it doesn’t take long before he squirts his load all over your face, grateful that most of it lands on your tongue, you swallow it all immediately, humming gracefully at the salty taste. 

Jungkook’s eyes are blown out as he catches his breath and lets his dick flop back down against his thigh, you look like a fucking sin and he must be the Devil because he’s about to commit about thirty tonight. “Give me a second princess.”

He says between breaths as he stops recording with one last picture of your come-soiled face, still breathing heavily as he throws his phone on the floor again, thankful that he has something for later. You giggle against him and he almost awes as you throw your head against his bare thighs into a laughing fit. “Okay.” 

He huffs a dry laugh and pulls you up. “Times up. Come here.” 

Jungkook is quick to capture you in a sloppy kiss, not minding the leftover mess of come on your face, he doesn’t wanna mess up his masterpiece just yet. You soon grow desperate in his arms, but this time he doesn’t mess around. 

“Lay down.” Your bare back lands on the seats and he shoves himself between your thighs. Again, it’s steamy and fucking cramped in your car, but you both couldn’t care any less right now. 

His tongue hits your slit not bothering to move your matching panties, but the effect is almost the same. He licks a long strip watching you soil the silky lace mixing his spit with your own arousal. 

You moan sweetly as your legs come apart letting him completely devour your heat. Jungkook pulls off, tugging your spoiled little black panties to the side and continues on with his mission. His tongue finds your clit and you swear you could come like this. 

“R-Right there. Please.” Your boyfriend doesn’t let up either, eating your sweet pussy like it deserves. His tongue flicks your bud, building the sensation in your tummy. Jungkook sucks on your clit selfishly.

His chin is covered in your arousal. He’s humming and moaning deep inside your pussy, your juices stick onto his tongue like candy and he greedily swallows the treat whole. 

“B-Baby.” Your voice is struggling like his was earlier, but it’s there. He lifts his face from your heat, eyes in a lust-filled trance. Jungkook knows he’s pussy-whipped, but at least he admits his problems!

“Yes, my baby.” Jungkook’s eyes are blown out and he looks just as wrecked as you are. 

“C-Can I take a picture?” He almost gapes at your request, the amount of times you took him by surprise today. At this point, he would let you do anything, fuck his morality!  

“Do whatever you want princess. Pictures, videos. I’m all yours.” He gives you his full consent and permission to do anything so you are quick to grab his phone (you’ll send them over to yourself later) and start snapping pictures while he dives back in for seconds. 

Jungkook keeps your legs open while you are a whimpering mess above him, struggling to get the best picture. You have no idea how he was doing this himself, the pictures come out blurry as he continues to devour you as if it was his last meal.

He also puts on a show for the camera like you did so nicely earlier for him. Jungkoook’s eyes hood as he stares up, he even winks for the shot. If college didn’t ever work out for either of you, this would be something to look into. Good thing that was not the case, at least for you, his little straight A student. 

“I’m g-gonna come.” This only makes your boyfriend go crazier between your folds. He drops eye-contact with the camera and instead solely focuses on that pretty pussy presented for him. Jungkook’s tongue is sin itself, not letting up once as more arousal drips out of you. He slowly teases a finger inside, building your orgasm quickly as he fucks you open with his middle finger. “I’m– nghh. Fuh-fuck!”

The sentence is never finished as you start to squirt onto his tongue, creating your own little masterpiece on his face. Jungkook has never swallowed anything down faster than right now and he’s loving every second of it. Completely pussy-whipped and all, but at least he’s happy!

Your boyfriend finally detaches himself from your heat and the sight is nearly adorable. His hair is now all fucked up and he’s a sticky mess everywhere (you are sure you look no better). 

“Yum, I could do that all day.” Jungkook shamelessly says. 

“Mm, I’m sure.” You say coming down from your own orgasm, he gives you a few seconds to breathe as you set his phone down again. Jungkook takes his shirt from the floor and wipes himself clean. He does the same but it’s no use, the come that landed on your face has dried up and he doesn’t wanna scrub it off and end up hurting your precious face. 

Jungkook kisses your cheek affectionately as an apology. 

“There’s dry come on my face right?” You start to scold him, but he smiles with all his teeth apologetically and you forgive him at that moment. 

“Guilty.” He smirks, proud of his work, he thinks you truly haven't looked better. 

Wrapping arms and legs around your boyfriend you whisper innocently. “I was promised dick of a lifetime, unless… unless you lied to me?”

Jungkook scrunches his nose cutely while he looks at your perfect pouty face, doe-eyes begging to be fucked. “I never lie, not to you at least.”

He makes you laugh and he detangles your legs from his waist. “Now let me focus, I have a reputation to uphold.”

There’s no laughing once two fingers press into you and you gasp at the invading feeling, but the stretch only burns for a while before it turns into pleasure and you are whimpering at his touch. “Fingers so deep.”

He smiles and you throw your head back. “Yeah? My dick goes even deeper baby, I’m just making sure you can take it.”

“I can take it.” You breathe out against his pink lips. “I was made for you.”

The taller’s eyes nearly eat you alive, fuck you were so sexy. “That you were baby. My perfect little cockslut.” 

His fingers pull out of you brutally and you whine, but he kisses you roughly making you forget the loss. A hand wraps around your throat, squeezing it with purpose. You squirm in his hands and he pops off your lips. 

Fingers coated with your arousal trace your lips and you take them in greedily, sucking your own juices off the tattooed fingers, moaning at the delicate taste, his other hand still locked around your throat. 

“That’s my girl. All fucking mine.” You nod around his fingers and he finally lets go, gasping for fresh air. “‘M gonna fuck you now baby.” 

Your legs fly open in response, letting him have his way with you. 

“Do me a favor?” He asks while taking his hard length in his hand, jerking himself off while he awaits your response. 

“What?” You hum, confusion written all over your face. 

“Record this for me. I want you to see how I break you apart. How this pretty pussy makes a mess all over my dick. I want you to remember this fuck for the rest of your life.” His voice drops a few octaves and you can’t help but gasp and moan at his vulgar use of words. 

You used to be innocent, at least, that’s what Jungkook used to think. In a way, he thinks you still are. Untouched and pure, only for his eyes and his hands to touch. Jungkook is honored that he was your first, and you wouldn’t have it any other way. He was gentle and took care of you every step of the way. It was like that until you were begging and pleading for more. Sweet then, and sweet now.

He’s created a little monster, but he knows that your heart is pure and that’s what he loves most about you. 

“Okay, yes.” His phone is back in your hands and you click record, watching him line-up his cock. Jungkook groans as he disappears snuggly inside you. “Mmm.”

He lets you get used to the feeling and once he feels your breathing stabilize he starts to thrust himself with strong strokes inside you. 

Like the first time, you are struggling with the phone because you can’t stop shivering and shaking, you feel him in your guts and recording is much harder than pictures because it lasts longer and you can't stay still for that long. Not with dick inside you.

“K-Kook. I— oh.” You stop to moan when he hits your g-spot and he continues ramming that same spot over and over. “I- I can’t. Hand’s shaking.”

Your sweet boyfriend grabs the phone and lets you settle yourself. “That’s okay princess, I got you. Just lay there, I’ll take care of you.” 

He records himself ramming into you for a few minutes, watching himself disappear into you on camera. The taller one can't even believe this is his reality. How did this even happen and most of all with him of all people? He truly was the luckiest man alive! 

“‘S deep, Kook.” He fondles one of your breasts as he keeps a harsh pace, rubbing the hard nub with his thumb. 

“Yeah baby? Tell me where you feel it.” He whispers loving the way you tremble, your gaze struggling to keep up with his. 

“Right here.” You touch right below your belly, palm flat against the feeling of his cock inside you. “So so deep.” 

You mumble something else, but he doesn’t get to hear it because your high pitched moans drown everything out. He lets go of your breast watching them bounce as he continues to pound straight into your sweet spot. 

The camera catches it all though. The mess between your thighs look just as delicious on film as they do in real time. The sounds you make, the squelching noise that is being created by his cock going deep inside you, and most of all, it captures your beautiful face as it comes apart. 

He presses on your stomach right where your own palm rests and you strangle out a whine. “I- I can’t. T-Too much.” 

“You can take it. Remember?” His dick tears through you from the inside and you start yelling when he increases his pace. He’s fucking you mercilessly now and you can’t control the sounds that escape. “You were made for me, princess.”

“Yes, yes, I am.” You sound beautiful, but you would kill him if you guys got caught now especially in the position you guys are in. 

His firm hand finally comes off your stomach and instead two fingers go inside your mouth, muffling your screams and whines. 

The car rocks back and forth. He’s sure people know what the fuck is going on, the windows are foggy as fuck, for fuck’s sake, but you would hate him much worse for not finishing you off.

“Mmff, don— stopff.” He nearly giggles as you struggle to speak, but he keeps his promise quite well. He fucks you ever harder and deeper, his cock will surely fall off after this, but it’s all worth it. He slams inside, bottoming out fully before pulling out and repeating the same steps. “Fuhh-uk.”

“You like that baby?” Jungkook rasps feeling you squeeze tightly around him, which only means one thing, you are really fucking close. “Gonna come all over my cock princess?” 

“Mmff.” You are quick to nod and hum sweetly. He decides to pull his fingers out, spit dripping all over. “Yes, yes. Please, don’t stop. Harder Kook- ah!”

Jungkook almost forgets he’s recording and he centers the camera again, wanting to capture every last second of this. You are glistening all over, he’s made a complete mess of you, but he is no better. Jungkook is dripping sweat and yet, that doesn’t stop his mean and precise strokes against your velvet walls, stretching you in ways you didn’t even know were possible. 

The final straw is when you feel his messy fingers start toying with your clit and you are coming once again all over your back seats and wetting his cock just how he likes it. Being a squirter had its own perks with a boyfriend like Jungkook because that meant he never stopped fucking you until you completely had nothing more to give. 

Jungkook curses when he starts to see your orgasm trinkle out, he fucks you all through it though, feeling the water-like pressure against his slit. And it doesn’t take long before an orgasm catches up to him. 

“Inside.” You plead with a pout, eyes completely blown out. 

With one last curse Jungkook comes deep inside your walls. He catches his breath for a few moments before pulling out slowly, making sure to capture the dribble of his come which sadly hangs onto your hole. “Push it out for me princess.” 

“Nooo, we’re gonna make a mess Kook.” Jungkook shakes his head, a smile on his face because a mess has already been made. 

“I’ll clean it. Now, push it out baby.” You almost cover your face because you are sure you turned red, but you start to push his seed out of your hole and he’s tempted to fuck it back inside. 

“Fuck. That’s it baby. Perfect comeslut. Isn’t that right?” He stops recording once he’s gotten the shot he wanted and he starts to wipe you down with his shirt, lucky enough that he has a back-up hoodie to cover him after he’s done. 

“Yes, all yours.” 

You both smile against each other’s lips before he whispers. “I love you princess.” 

“I love you more.” 

“Impossible baby.”

—-

JK❤️: hiiii 🙂

me: hi baby :) everything okay?

JK❤️: marvelous 😇 i just came watching that video we took earlier ;))

me: baby! 😠  i'm out with karina! can you not talk about sex for two seconds while im out

JK❤️: sure! just came all over myself totally wasn't watching our sextape back ;)))

me: nice talk jungkook.

JK❤️: come home soon~~ i miss you :((((

me: love you too lol

JK❤️: not more than me. come home soon im serious!!!

me: i'll see you later jungkook. ❤️

JK❤️: 😠😠😠 

me: ❤️❤️❤️

[sowrennie]

Okay so I’m currently in Love and Deepspace hell and now it’s everyone’s problem. I may not entirely ever understand what’s going on, but that’s okay I’m still going to give my two cents on what Caleb may bring to the table. Please correct me if I’m wrong😭

LOVE AND DEEPSPACE MAINSTORY SPOILERS AHEAD!

1. Ties to EVER

Hear me out here. I know this is a common speculation but I want to delve into it and lay out the facts where I can see them. We kind of know what EVER’s goal is, we also— according to the notes we collect— know where their investments lie. They play a dominant role in biotechnological developments, aerospace, Evol energy, and international trade. We also know that Caleb works as a fighter pilot for the Deepspace Aviation Administration. He attended the Aerospace Academy in Skyhaven: an artificial floating island above Linkon. From what I gather, Skyhaven is powered by a protocore— and EVER is known for their involvement and use of protocores in modification/advancement. With what is made known to us it’s safe to conclude that Caleb is an affiliate. It’s hard to say whether or not he knows about the aether core, assuming he does though, he knows that upon the experiments— MC is basically immortal. She would be an asset to their research, and goal of extending lives. I wonder if Caleb feeds them this information, but at the same time— I’m just… not fully sure, seeing his particular niche and all. It does feel like they have their eyes on mc, though… I don’t entirely remember, but in awaited revelry, doesn’t Sylus imply that Josephine and Caleb have malicious intentions…? That being said—

2. Caleb’s return..?

I have a speculation that, like many cases we see (albeit some failed ones), he’ll be resuscitated via protocore; EVER can’t lose a valuable asset, after all. It fits thematically, and can further establish Caleb’s character as a character foil to Zayne (who despite his regrets, feels that death is a necessary part of the human existence.) An apple a day keeps the doctor away and all! This is the first ML we know that actively has interacted with another, and I genuinely can’t wait for what this means for Zayne’s story, even if EVER isn’t behind Caleb’s heavily implied return. He’s still facing what should be a dead man, and ugh. I KNOW his emotions are going to pile up. Staring directly at the Mt. Eternal anecdote. This could be a stretch, but— Carter, Xander Sciences trying to rope Zayne into their projects over and over— MC is the perfect bait, and bringing Caleb back may establish MC’s direct involvement and have Zayne be enticed by proxy. Caleb does play the role of the forbidden (potentially), and this could be how that motif comes into play.

3. Snake Motif…

Okay so I have yet to do my research on this entirely, but like— I just think it’s so interesting that they released Sylus during the year of the Dragon, and then potentially Caleb, during the year of the Snake. That aside, though— the clear biblical connection between the snake and the apple and potentially being that lure— what snakes generally symbolize (mystery, deceit…), and I saw this floating around somewhere, but apparently in CN he calls the MC ‘little tail’? I’m so interested in what this could mean symbolically with all his apparent affiliations, buuut that’s for us to see.

I’m looking forward to that livestream and tbh idk if anything here made sense but I’m so normal about this game (even if I likeee barely understand it.) What are you going to do Caleb. What’s happening. I know this is different from what I usually post here but I NEEDED to yap or else I might go insane idk

What are you hiding.

[uhbasicallyjustmilex]

Please tell me the next chapter of Four Walls is coming soon 😔

the next chapter of four walls is coming, but realistically it's probably not coming soon, i'm really sorry 😔 i've had some very challenging stuff going on in my personal life since the summer, and it's seriously impacted my creativity and desire to write. to tell the truth, i've been in an absolutely awful headspace over the last couple months and have barely had the energy to reply to messages - let alone sit down and write fic. i lost all inspiration and and confidence in my ability to do anything justice, and for a long time actually wasn't sure i was ever going to be able to pick up my pen and continue writing four walls.

if i'm being totally honest, i'm still not 100% sure - but i have found myself slowly, helplessly pulled back into that fic over the last few weeks. it has its roots so deep in my heart that letting it go feels impossible. i have now tentatively started writing it again, but i think it'll take a little while for me to settle back into my rhythm and really feel the enjoyment of it again. it doesn't help that i ended up really hating the last chapter i posted and feel like i did such a big moment in the fic a massive disservice, but i'm trying not to focus on that and just absorb myself in where the characters are now. which is... not easy, because i've been struggling massively with dissociation for the last several months and connecting to anything has felt pretty much impossible. but just recently i've started getting little glimmers of how the world feels to alex again, and it's felt like an absolute lifeline. i'm trying to hold on as tight as i can and make the most of every moment in the hopes that they'll slowly pull me back into feeling like myself again, as writing this fic over the last year so often has.

i've been reluctant to post anything about this because i've had so much wonderful support on this fic that i'm so, so grateful for - and absolutely HATE the idea of disappointing or upsetting people. but i also wanted to be honest, because often i'm so preoccupied with wanting to reassure other people that i think i don't actually express what's going on for me enough (in so many contexts, not just this one). and that really isn't working out for me, so i'm trying to do things differently. because god knows i need things to be different.

to anyone who's still invested in four walls - please know how much your support means to me and how much i appreciate you 🫶🫶 i very, very much hope i'll be able to give you a new chapter in the not too distant future. i do have a lot for this next chapter already written, but i also have a lot of work to do before any of that is ready for posting. so yeah... the new chapter of four walls isn't coming soon (it certainly won't be out before the new year, anyway), but right now it feels like a huge step to be able to say that it is still coming 💜

[pokenoire]

i mean this so sincerely when i say that you are the realest pokeani shipper i have ever seen. satosere IS so aroace /gen

THANKS !!!! I'm actually aroace too so it might be partially projection lol anyway, it's just my way of making SereSato-SatoSere more accurate

Ash has always seemed unconventionally attracted to Serena, the fact that he is so polite, kind, friendly and always complimenting everything she does is an indication, even in the beginning when he thanked her. I think people should share more insight into how Ash's love language for her is words of affirmation. He is falling so subtly even though people deny it (his affection for her doesn't necessarily have to be romantic allo)

The fact that Serena waited so long for him without any other crushes on her list gives me a vibe of emotional connection necessary for romance to happen, you see other characters like Tierno, Trevor and Saywer compliment her and even blush for her and try to make advances or compliments, but she is completely invested in the one who made her feel safe, protected, helped, and from the perspective of a neglected child it felt like the first time someone had actually listened to his concerns without brushing her fear a side, that didn't force her to do anything but helped her in her own time and maybe it didn't seem to have much of an impact because it was mentioned once or vaguely in a few episodes later, but to me it's about no one emotionally investing in her like Ash did. that feeling that she wouldn't fall in love with anyone else if that person didn't show that they were totally willing and available to show more than just "oh how beautiful she is" for an indication

Ash barely comments on beauty but seems to be okay with pleasing her and saying sincerely about how happy he is for her in such a genuine way that it works for her as well.

They are each other's light 🩷🥰

Many people say "SatoSere" but SatoSere would be > Ash loves Serena and is investing in feelings

"SereSato" has a more Serena-is-after-Satoshi-love approach as the show establishes this second dynamic more

Amourshipping does not have this separation because the Pokémon fandom culture is different from the others. There is no separation of dynamics so you end up saying everything at once.

You can also add "Amourdreamshipping" (It's on the Wiki as almost Amourshipping which I don't really like using) which is my own version to replace "SereSato" job can be Yuri or Yaoi whatever you want

Usually SereSato is male Satoshi crossdressing x Serena and does not involve Yuri SatoSere SereSato (Most of the Japanese SereSato fans I've met are at least fans of BL ships with Ash so I associate myself more with them than SatoSere fandom they usually draw more straight stuff) but this is my personal experience with the terms (just yesterday one of the people on my tl japanese on X talking about SereSato was a fujoshi as an example lol)

Of course there are factual differences between these two fandons on Anipoke with the 2nd involving more queer content than the 1st but the first option is more about Ash's reciprocal love for Serena if that makes sense

[crossdressingdeath]

Care to elaborate on the dislike of "what they did with (Morrigan) in DA:I"?

Simple, snarky answer: I play Lavellan.

More complete answer: Morrigan in DAO could be kind of shitty, she didn't have a lot of respect for... anyone and seemed to make decisions solely based on whether or not they were evil (Morrigan bby please leaving everyone in Redcliffe to die isn't pragmatic when we still have to go through Redcliffe), but she was sheltered and still learning how the world worked so it was understandable, even sympathetic in places. Morrigan in DAI has been out in the world for ten years and has only gotten shittier. In general I'm not fond of the way that the recurring DAO characters apparently haven't grown as people in ten years (hardened King Alistair, a character specifically mentioned as being a good king, writing diplomatic letters to someone he met for at most five minutes like the recently-freed-from-heavy-indoctrination nineteen year old he hasn't been for a decade especially irritates me), it's clear that Bioware is more invested in cashing in on nostalgia than they are in developing these characters as characters, but Morrigan? Bioware, I know negative character development is still development but it maybe wasn't the best idea.

Let me put it this way. In Witch Hunt Morrigan steals a book from the Dalish so that she can learn about eluvians. This is kind of shitty behaviour, but it's Morrigan levels of shitty and she does leave the book outside the eluvian, so the Dalish as far as we see have reclaimed that book and the knowledge in it, and also they had it for years and so logically knew the things in that book already. Definitely they had access to it. And it's also important to keep in mind that that book is the only information we can confirm that Morrigan actually has on eluvians in canon; she's never mentioned as finding any other source. And then in DAI she basically calls the Dalish morons the whole way through and claims that she (a human woman with literally zero connection to the Dalish or elves in general beyond maybe having some friends who are elves and also stealing from the Dalish that one time, the Flemeth situation doesn't count because we're given no reason to believe Morrigan ever for a moment even suspected the Mythal thing or that Flemeth wasn't human or to believe that Flemeth passed on any knowledge about the elves, and certainly not anything the Dalish didn't know) has more right to take this ancient elven font of knowledge sacred to a Dalish god than a Dalish elf does. This despite the fact that if you have the arcane knowledge perk you understand the Well better than her literally just by looking at it (she doesn't know the Well will put the drinker under a geas despite all her research, while Quiz only has to look at it and hear the whispers coming from it to figure that out). I've seen it described as humansplaining and... yeah that kind of describes what Morrigan does. If you play Lavellan she's just constantly really shitty to you about you wanting to engage with your own damn culture and claims she knows better because she read one book that you quite possibly also read. It's not entirely to do with her as a character, some of it is DAI's shitty writing and without it her arrogance could've been just a character trait that she could've moved past (let Lavellan and Solas troll her by straight up lying about the inscriptions in the temple and her going along with it because she won't admit that she can't read as much of it as she claims she can, please), but the way it's allowed to stand unchallenged despite by all logic being horseshit really pisses me off. I don't trust Bioware not to double down on the "Oh this human woman understands this totally unrelated culture that she is in no way part of and has barely even studied way better than the people belonging to that culture do and deserves valuable ancient relics of their people more than them" thing, so I very much do not want to see her in any more DA games.

[unrestrained-balderdash-art-blog]

Going on a Riddler fanart break

I'm having a break from posting Riddler fanart to Tumblr. The backlog will still be posted on Cara and Instagram (both @ tbalderdash), and if the break is long enough for it to catch up I will post things made during the break on there before Tumblr. I will still be posting bird art here. I will still post fanart for other fandoms here if I make any (I am currently undecided about non-Riddler DC). The break will be for at least a month. I will probably come back when the OCD medication has kicked in for a bit. Thank you for all of the support on the last post. I don't want to take a break, but I have to for my mental health.

"Organised" ramble about reasoning (this is heavily influenced by neurodivergence/mental illness and I am not trying to sound like an entitled/ungrateful twat. I don't want to guilt trip anyone, please don't feel guilty):

The Timezone Curse: Tumblr has a reverse-chronological dashboard. I am British. I live earlier than the majority of the userbase. I have no idea what time to post things so they don't get buried. Recently I've tried to stop waiting for the exact right minute to post things, as it doesn't stop them from flopping.

Likes vs Reblogs, (and OCD?): I will preface this and say: a lot of this is my brain's fault. Since Likes don't do anything to spread things, my brain gets upset when things keep getting Liked without Reblogged. Unless it is from a bird fan on the fanart, better artist, or irl friend, Likes mean nothing to me. I know this is silly and irrational, but I can't help it and this is the main reason why my brain is suffering posting fanart. I hope medication will fix my feelings. Additionally, OCD brain keeps trying to find a reason: Am I dislikable? Is my art bad? Does it have no appeal? Is it aphobia? Did I do something cancellable without knowing and now everyone hates me? I (think I) know the answer is people just don't use this website that way, but my brain is never sure. This is why I don't have the problem on the other websites, every like helps the algorithm and actually means something in my brain

The combination of the Timezone Curse and lack of reblogs means my art often gets barely any reach (or reach my brain deems meaningful). I desperately want to feel like part of the Riddler fandom community. Unfortunately, due to Tumblr making me suffer (overwhelmed by compulsive need to scroll entire dash, repulsed aroace, and simple posts being able to make me ruminate unpleasantly for a long time) I find it very hard to follow new blogs or connect with people on this site. I love birds, but I need Riddler interaction. I can't look at much fandom on other sites, as they have barely any/no tag filtering, which means I will suffer if I look for him.

Why it's just fanart and not birds affected by this: I started off as a fanartist with no expectation to get big with birds, so I had a que sera sera attitude and I post them whenever they're ready, I didn't expect to get big. I am more fulfilled when it comes to the bird interest (more community interaction + every day can have different birds out there + people in my real life are interested in birds). Additionally, the bird art spreads a lot more (due to bird blogs reblogging). Bird art is my "job" art (it is where I plan to make money from) whereas Riddler is where my passion lies the most (I still love the birds but I have many other ways of interacting with them without needing art). This means I get more emotionally invested in the Riddler art than the bird art

Is art becoming a compulsion? This applies to the birds as well, but since they're "job art" it doesn't matter too much. I keep being worried about not posting enough Riddler art, and feelings of social media sometimes overshadow the joy of creating - I keep thinking about posting, rather than doing. I get too anxious to make art that is "unpostable" (eg: self-insert and him hugging), especially due to the fact I'm trying to get more professional. I feel like there's more I want to expand on this but it's been too long and I'm tired. This break might help me do more high-quality art instead of having to churn it out out of fear of everyone forgetting me.

Sorry for all the text. I don't know if I've explained everything very well but it's been an hour and usually if I post something after 8 it fails, which I don't usually want to worry about but it's a bit important for an announcement like this

[hotheadrednecksimmer]

Love Lies - Struck by Love Legacy Challenge - Season 3, Episode 40

Nathaniel stared at the magazine that was placed on his desk courtesy of Mr. O'Connell. All he could think about if it was true or not? Was Calliope pregnant? Was it his? What would Barnabas think or do if it was Nathaniel's? Nathaniel needed to know immediately so he would know if he needed to protect her and his child.

Last week, Nathaniel had his office swept for bugs, recording devices, and cams. They found 3 and properly took care of them. At least his office was safe from people trying to listen in on his conversations. Nathaniel hit the call button to alert Mr. O'Connell.

Mr. O'Connell on the speaker: Yes, Mr. Ellison?

Nathaniel: Will you send Miss Barlett into my office please?

Mr. O'Connell: Right away sir.

Nathaniel pressed the button again to disconnect the line. He took a deep breath as he waited for Calliope to enter his office. He hated the situation that they were in, he would do anything, pay anything to solve it immediately but unfortunately his plan took time and he had to be patient. He, after all, was an extremely patient man. He thought things out, didn't act upon emotion, and he invested in stock and personal relations.

Nathaniel moved a chair across from his desk so Calliope would have a comfortable place to sit as they talked.

Calliope entered the room and sat in the chair.

Calliope: Yes, Mr. Ellison?

Nathaniel: You don't have to call me that in here. It's just us.

Calliope anxiously messed with her skirt: Okay, Nathaniel.

Nathaniel smiled: Thank you, I appreciate that despite our history. I called you in here, well, uh. Is there something you wanted to share with me?

Calliope arched a brow in confusion: Well, I was going to put my two weeks in. I got a job at a local restaurant and they want me to start sooner rather than later.

Nathaniel's smile fell, this was not the news he was expecting to here. He knew that she was looking for chef positions but he was hoping she would stay for Spencer, stay for him. Nathaniel: Oh, okay Calliope. That can be arranged. Is there anything else?

Calliope shook her head and looked down at her skirt.

Nathaniel took a deep breath, he was hoping that she would be forthcoming with the information rather than showing her the article where her doctor basically told the press all of her dirty secrets including starting birth control not to long after starting here. But, there's no other choice. Nathaniel hands Calliope the magazine where she and Spencer are on the front, along with Nathaniel and Annabelle. Nathaniel: I didn't want to show you this, but I've seen it.

Calliope gasps: No, no, no. This cannot be happening. Those things are private!

Nathaniel sighs: Unfortunately, the doctor you went to didn't care about their license when they gave away your information like that. But I'm sure they got a hefty payout when they sold your information.

Calliope looks confused: Why would they get a hefty payout for my medical information?

Nathaniel rubs his temples: Because you're connected to me. My family is quite well known and they want all the drama and dirty laundry to be aired.

Calliope looks down at her lap: Oh, I guess that makes sense.

Nathaniel and Callie sit in silence for a couple of minutes. Both of them gathering their thoughts.

Nathaniel barely audible: Is it mine?

Calliope hisses: That's none of your damn business.

Nathaniel louder: Like hell it is! Is this baby mine or not?

Calliope shouts: I wasn't the one sleeping around on you!

Nathaniel shouts: What? Who was sleeping around?

Calliope angerily: You on your damn business trips. Every time we got together, you would race off on your "business trips". Who knows how many women you slept with while you weren't here.

Nathaniel calmly: Ask me.

Calliope confused: What?

Nathaniel again: Ask me how many women I slept with since my wife disappeared.

Calliope quietly, like all the rage dissipated from her body: How many women have you been with?

Nathaniel walked slowly around the table and leaned on it facing Calliope.

Nathaniel confidently: One.

╭┈◦•◦❥•◦ Season 1 | Season 2 | Season 3 | Previous | Next

I'd like to add that this episode was in his POV (still in third person bc that's how I like to write). You can tell because he's the only one that calls her by her full name, Calliope. Most of the time we call her Callie. ♥

[buddiebeginz]

I hear what you’re saying and I love and appreciate the positivity but I’m just tired at this point. It feels like Fox all over again where its roads leading to buddie until the end of the season when it’s suddenly *storylines drive off in a random unsatisfying direction for Buck and Eddie and their LI’s* as the network goes hahah you silly shippers. You’re insane for thinking that was happening. We have no idea what you’re talking about or why you would even think that was a possibility. (But please stick around as we gaslight you into thinking it’s happening again next season before we do this all over at the end. 😜)

I understand why you'd feel that way and trust me I've been around for all of it and been burnt by the show time and time again so I get how you feel but I do believe this time is different. I think we're closer now to Buddie than we have ever been before.

If Buddie wasn't happening I truly believe Tim would have handled Buck's coming out in a way different way. He's not stupid and he knows how much people ship Buddie. Yet he made Buck's bi awakening ep all about Eddie. He's also had Buck and Eddie more connected than ever this season. There's also been very little of B/T and T*mmy. That's not the way you get an audience to become invested in a new ship. If Tim was really all about T*mmy and B/T we would have had more development with them yet they've barely had any real meaningful conversations

I also think that there would have been so much less press about Buddie. We've had more talk about Buddie by major press sites (ones that never talked about them before) like Rolling stone and People mag than we've ever had before. Tim and ABC (and the actors) could have made the decision early on this season to answer the Buddie question a couple of times to be firm and make sure people knew it wasn't in the plans. Yet not only have they not shut Buddie down but they continue to talk about it time and time again and the response is always basically that they want to take their time and do the story right. Also remember that questions are preapproved by the network and the actors team. If they didn't want to talk about Buddie they wouldn't be like in previous seasons when most of the time they didn't.

I get being scared to get your hopes up and of being let down again I'm scared about that too. More than anything I just really want to see Buck and Eddie finally be together. Not even just because I ship them but because I know how momentous and important it will be when that happens. I'm also tired of waiting for 911 to finally bring them together but I think we just have to be patient for a little longer because Tim and the rest of them only have one chance to get this right. I know a lot of us have been waiting years but considering they just moved to ABC and Tim just came back in a way it's like we're starting over again. But that's been a good thing I think for the characters and the show and everything feels like it's on a good track for Buddie to happen way more than we were after seasons 5 and 6.

Another thing is that the closer a will they/won't they ship gets to finally coming together shows will usually up the drama so we think it's not going to happen so then when it does it's more emotionally rewarding. So whatever is in store for Buddie right now even if they have a falling out (like some of the spoilers hint to) and even if B/T make things official going into s8 that doesn't meant Buddie is off the table. S7 did the most to let us know that Buck and Eddie know each other and get each other and are there for each other more than anyone else is for them and that relationship will always shine through above any other.

Try not to let the drama in fandom and whatever happens in the finale get you down. We can and always will be able to ship Buddie and celebrate that relationship regardless of whether or not they're canon. Message anytime. ❤️

[shmowder]

It was such a treat to read your Yulia hcs!! Earlier you'd made a post wondering what your writing feels like to others. Sometimes I'd liken it to bubble gum - like a big gumball I just want to bite into and chew for a long time (don't worry, it's a magical gumball that doesn't lose its flavor).

The Yulia hcs were like a pastry with powdered sugar and cream (no doubt this is influenced by you mentioning the pastry at the beginning) - something delicate. Like snow falling in a snow globe and like a warm hug at the same time. Lovely ♡ I appreciate that you always take care to mention her leg as well.

I love both kinds of food!!!!! Thank you for taking the time to write my requests :) <3

-

Ooh, ships! I haven't ventured very far into any Patho ships tbh! I know the big one is Daniil x Artemy ofc. I'm really hoping that the Marble Nest and P1 will help me connect with Daniil more. And I do enjoy Artemy x Aglaya.

What I meant was more along the lines of what personality traits in a reader would make them a good match for those characters? Uhh I cannot phrase this to save my life. In your Victor x reader fluff, you said that a stubborn confident reader would do well with him, so something like that!

But you basically answered my question anyway ^^ "Someone who can stand her enough to live together" for Yulia lmfao. Your description of Peter and Yulia is killing me. This too is #girlrotting.

I'm interested to see how Yulia x Eva plays out in P1 or if it's just mentioned in passing. Somebody on reddit described Eva as "a dreamer without a dream" - I barely know her but that seems to match up with what you're saying and I LOVE that phrase.

I see both of your Bad Grief visions and I've actually seen some vaguely shippy Victor x Grief art before.

I'm not too invested in any ships. If you want to know something terrible... I've briefly entertained the idea of Big Vlad x Artemy........ if he didn't always call Artemy "my boy" and if other characters weren't frequently accusing Artemy of being like, owned by him or whatever, then I wouldn't be like this..... it's the guard dog trope. Obviously this would have to be in an alternate universe where Artemy's dialogue choices didn't strongly imply he's not on board 😆 Well, there's my cursed opinion of the day.

🐿️ anon

Oh! I'm sorry, i must have misunderstood your request then.

Here is what I think the "ideal" Reader for each character would be:

Katerina Saburova

Someone who would never lose faith in her no matter how dire her state becomes. To see her value hidden beneath the role she failed to play, the responsibility she failed to fullfill and the Misteress she couldn't amount to.

To understand her pain, take it from her shoulder and carry it before her collarbones crack. Wipe her tears and tell her it will be okay, allow her the small relief of medicine and never judge her because her cruel harsh mind already does that.

She knows she is a mess, she knows her addiction to morphine is wrong. Moments of lucidity sneak up on her from time to time, the guilt suffocating and the shame like razors dragging down her throat.

She is aware of what the town people whisper behind her back, of her ruined reputation. Don't become one of them too, please, more than anything she needs a friend right now.

Someone to love her unconditionally, but also someone to take the difficult steps her in stead. To hold her and comfort her as withdrawal set her nerves on fire and her nails dig into her skin.

To make her forget about this damned town or her barren womb, grant her a moment of genuine peace, a facade of normalcy. Take her outside, let her remember the smell of fresh air, pluck stray dandelions to gently tuck between her hairstrands, keep her warm in your arms as the chilly autumn winds breeze by.

Remind her how life was before all of this madness, who she was. Katerina can't even recall her own hobbies or interests, she is lost and only she can save herself.

So at least be there for her, show her that there is more to life. Be gentle, never cruel. Be patient and never judgmental. Be loving and never afraid.

-

Yulia Lyuricheva

As pathetic as it might sound, Yulia just wants one soul who will stand her enough to spend time together, to live in the same house and share bread and a bed.

She is often quiet around other people, she learned to be. She had to. Being too much was her curse for this lifetime, apparently. Ever since she was young, she quickly understood how saying the wrong things would tremble down the fragile foundation every relationship is built on.

Yulia likes most people, believe it or not. How can she not when everyone is so interesting and unique? Every single person is the accumulative of all the choices and paths they picked during their lifetime. A coin toss of fate during every decision, red strings weaving into a whole person, scouplting their personality out of clay from their history and experiences.

Most humans are interesting and rather adorable. She enjoys observing them, making notes, and connecting the dots. Appreciating the work of art, mathematics' creation.

Each of them like naive children in a playground, pretending to know what they're doing as they wear their adult clothes and go to their adult jobs. Pretending there is some inherent meaning in it all, as if life isn't one big joke, and a rather tactless one at that.

Yulia couldn't fool herself like them. She couldn't play make-believe. She ran by facts and hard evidence, numbers never lied and the grim reality was that humanity's whole existence is just one big coincidence. A blep in the universe, a speck of dust amidst the galaxies and stars.

People didn't like being reminded of those facts, that every birthday is simply one inch deeper into the grave.

Damn her cursed tongue and restless mind.

Therefore she watered herself down, remained content with being an observer. Never causing harm or annoying others, mild mannered and keeping to herself. Isolating, suffocating, forced to be the only victim subjected to the dark corners of her mind.

When the abyss started to whisper to her back, Yulia turned to smoking.

She wants someone who would want her, all of her. The good, the bad, the beautiful and the ugly. Someone to admire her brilliant mind while remaining strong in the face of her occasion episodes of apathy. Someone who will understand or at least sympathise why she hasn't cleaned her room in weeks, why old coffee mugs are rotting on the table, why she barely opens the windows in her home.

Why she simply cannot bother to exist on some days, dissociating as she blankly stares out the window, or at a wall or an equation drawn on the chalk board.

Why the clocks in her residence require frequent repairs, courtesy to being smashed against the wall in a swift motion when their ticking starts making her ears bleed.

Could someone even stand her when she cannot stand her own self on most days? Could someone love her as she is? Or is she really irredeemable, cursed since birth.

She may seem smart, but she is prone to rather stupid impulsive decisions from time to time. Indulging life risking experiments out of curiosity because she might as well go down in her own style rather than wait for time ungratefully reap her soul.

Someone who will get her out of bed on the days where the idea of chewing food seems too exhausting.

Yulia doesn't want someone who will gift her meaning and a purpose on a silver plate, rather she'd like for you to kindly hold the candle and shine the light so she may find her way herself. It's been years, and she's gotten used to living in the dark.

Be sympathetic but not overindulgent. Be forgiving and not vindictive. Be her shoulder to lean on but still let her walk on her own two legs. Steady her steps but do not lead her or attempt to diverge her path.

Peter Stamatin

He might make it seem like he needs a muse, that a shiny new thing is what will get him out of this rut.

But it won't, all the nymphs of the forest will look dull after one night, all the gems will lose its shine after one touch.

What he needs, is to wake up.

To stop mourning things immediately after their birth, to not borrow grief from tomorrow and keep reliving it each day.

What he needs is the mundane, the human animal basic requirements. To remember he is a mammal deep down, he isn't a concept nor an abstract collection of ideas, he isn't a ghost watching people pass by, he is flesh and blood.

Someone who will bring him back down from his journey up in the clouds, who will steal him back from the stars, from all the gaint things bigger than life itself that he got accustomed to befriending and haveing one sided conversations with.

He cuts his own thoughts before he finishes them because he lost interest, he stops mid sentences because he grew bored of the words coming out of his own mouth.

He will complain and throw tantrums, but you must prevail his trails and stand your ground. He will dramatise things and get mad, he will cry and break down, he will act as if you're plucking his heart out of his chest and crushing it in your hand.

You must prevail.

Remind him that he will survive. Sure, he can get mad, but he must stay alive. Peter needs an intervention, someone brave enough to risk upsetting the crowned prince of humanity's best of the best and tell him it's bedtime.

To drag him away from the blank canvas he has been staring at for hours, to hold him accountable for skipping meals or rotting in bed for weeks without going outside.

Someone to reteach him the basic maintenances task of being alive, the ones he neglected and gradually forgot as he couldn't bother to remember he too own a human body that requires care. That his brain is an organ that requires fuel and breaks as much as it is visions-plagued maze.

Take him with you to bathe, gently lather shampoo in his hair as he stiffly sits in the lukewarm water while watching the yellow rubber duck float by. Guide his fingers when it comes time to apply conditioner and let him remember how the texture of his own hair feels like, watch him rediscover how nice it is to let water wash his worries away.

Peter needs the simple pleasures in life, his soul requires a soft served ice cream cone, a cheap candy from a corner store, a hummed melody you made up while hanging your clothes to dry.

The mundane, the ugly, the eggs with burnt edges. Food that is merely food and nothing else, drinks that are simply drinks rather than magical twyrine mixtures that let him hear whispers he will never be able to decipher or understand.

Be firm but never controlling. Be a teacher but never condescending. Be a human, most of all, a real human being to show him that he is too.

-

Bad Grief

Grief can't decide if he wants someone to see the good in him or if that would cause more harm than good. He has a role to play and he's very good at it.

It is a necessary evil. The gangs will exist with or without him, it's better that he leads them and makes sure they never cross the line than someone else who might not be trusted.

A cause surprisingly more noble than anyone would ever expect of him. This life has fallen directly into his hands, every road led him down his path as if it was custom made for his measurements alone. It was always suspicious, how well things fell into place, how convenient fate was at times.

Does he need someone to see the good in him? peak behind the curtains and view him at his most barest forms? Not really. He is content with playing this role for eternity, a glorified shopkeeper, he can keep the jig up for many years to come.

But is it what he wants? is that what he really wants from life? to surrender to fate and simply take it laying down? He pushes these swarming thoughts away, as if they won't return at dawn.

You didn't fear him, either someone with a death wish, a brave fool or an apathetic idiot.

But he felt weird under your gaze, as if your eyes could see through him, through the facade. You never reacted to his empty threats or intimidation attempts, neither did you acknowledge the fact he is a criminal much. You weren't here to challenge him or take his throne, neither were you here for a favour or to obtain something illegal.

...you were merely here for him? To what... chat?

He did think you were a fool for a while, he won't lie. ulterior motives or not, you were walking into a den of criminals each morning just to what? Talk to him about the weather and how cold autumn is?

You weren't part of the script, clearly an unfated encounter that you deliberately went out of your way to have with him each day.

Until one day, he noticed the lack of any ticking sounds as you approched him. Your usual pocket clock seemed still in place from the chain dangling from your pocket, which could only mean one thing.

"Hand it over dollface."

And you did, as if you anticipated this request.

He fixed it for you, fingers moving by sheer muscle memory alone, a skill he thought he had long forgotten.

Bad Grief wants someone who isn't afraid to be free, who comprehends the role he has to play, who doesn't condemn things they do not understand.

Someone who isn't trying to save him or make him change from this life of crime, but also someone who is brave enough to walk by his side on the streets, to hold his hand in public, to not bend to the whims of the public's opinion.

The air is really chilly, would you like his jacket? ....don't ever call him a gentleman again, he just doesn't want you to freeze to death, that's all.

Grief would love someone who walks their own path, someone who will make the first step for him because deep down he is frozen by fear, too cautious for his own good. Too aware of what's at risk, of what could happen.

Of how much he could endanger you just by knowing your name, just by people seeing you at his side. You do realise what you're sacrificing? the opportunities which will never be presented to you just because you decided to be with someone like him? It's your funeral.

But he really is touched, that someone will see him worth all of that. Bad Grief had to ensure he remains useful to people all his life, that the townfolks need him more than they hate, that he is a necessary foundation that could never be uprooted without the entire structure collapsing.

Even the authorities know that, the Saburov understand his usefulness in keeping the criminal structure plates at bay, how he sets the rules and decides where to draw the line. A mutual beneficial relationship built of begrudging respect and fear.

He needs you to understand that he must. He digged his own grave, he was lead here on a leash by life. It was this or death. Don't look at him with distant, don't let fear cloud your judgements.

Be brave, never afraid. Be direct and always sincere. Be smart and clever but never cautious or cowardly. Be moral but never vendective.

-

Most important of all, the ideal reader would be different to each character based on what they value most. Someone like Aglaya values personal freedom above all and would fall for an independent Reader with their own convictions rather than blindly follow the herd. Someone authentic and brave.

While someone like Alexander Saburov would rather be that person for the reader. Preferring that you're more dependent on him and believe in his notions and principles, having faith in his justice and righteousness. To rely on him to tell you what's right and what's wrong. It's important to only indulge within limit and never stray too far from the path of what's wrong and right.

On the other extreme, Andrey also values freedom but it is his own freedom he cares most about. Your freedom shouldn't challenge his too much nor ask him to change his ways, if you love him then you must love him for who he is because he doesn't plan on changing for anyone. Morals are treated as another cage that suppresses his freedom rather than human decency.

-

My own writing tastes like a gumball to you- I know you meant it as a good thing but ouch. Does my writing really seem childish and overwhelmingly sugary? Ah-

It's not a bad thing, it's just not what I was aiming for either. At least you seem to enjoy it so yeah. I hoped my style would seem more... poetic to you? Sincere?

I'm grateful regardless. I liked the pastry comparison in Yulia's story, however. It fits the vibe I was aiming for.

I hope your day is amazing, do please take care of yourself.

[r8kirani]

qamar's comic recs: an unsorted list of a few comics I've read this year that I'd like to share my thoughts on (midlate 2023)

Insomniacs after School

A slice-of-life manga that centers around two highschoolers with insomnia, Ganta and Magari, and their relationships with each other, the people around them, and the way they navigate through life. In order to preserve the shared space they take naps in during school hours, they refound the astronomy club.

Slice-of-lifes aren't usually my first go-to, but this caught my eye purely through being related to space. While it isn't that focused on the actual science of stars and such my autistic ass would love, they still center plenty on the art of astrophotography. The way the story balances this and the interpersonal drama of the characters is absolutely great, and what I found in this series was a genuinely very smartly written and heartfelt story. I can't understate how easily loveable Ganta and Magari are, and how invested in them I have gotten. The manga is finished now, so if you're looking for a binge, here ya go!

The Sculptor

Scott McCloud may or may not be a name that stands out to you. As the creator of a trilogy of books that center all around the art of comics (the likes of which I also highly recommend lol), I'd hope that an actual story by him would cement the idea that the man absolutely knew what he was talking about, and boy was I blown away.

The Sculptor is about a man who makes a deal with Death, gaining the power to sculpt anything he desires by the whims of his bare hands, in exchange that he dies in 200 days. It is a love story, in more ways than just one. I sort of hate to give anything more about it away no matter how much I'd like to sell you on it, so if this premise interests you in any way, please give it a try.

The Eltingville Club

Do you want to read a comic about some guys who just really fucking suck? If you're on Twitter you might've seen these guys flying around from a clip of the pilot that was pitched to Adult Swim (but never picked up). That's certainly where I discovered them from.

The Eltingville Club is a scathing examination and satire of the real nasty side of fandom culture, and while is concerned with an older era, still connects very well with the culture of today. It honestly kind of gutpunched me in a way that I never expected, having figured that such a topic wouldn't be something I'd find myself very emotionally responsive to, but it found a way.

This comic really isn't for everybody. Being about the topic that it's about, there is a lot of uncensored bigotry (misogyny and fatphobia being big ones) and generally vile behaviour on display. It's also just sometimes disgusting. People throw up and jack off in it. I also don't think it's that perfect in of itself and has its >_> moments. If that doesn't shy you away from it, then by all means, try it out and see what you think.

Ducks

If you've seen that one Edgar Allen Poe reaction pic, or the strip it's from, you are already familiar with Kate Beaton. Ducks is an autobiographical comic by her, recounting the part of her life spent working in the oil sands of Alberta in order to pay off school fees.

It is an extremely harrowing and uncomfortable read, marked by the desolating effects of the oil sands on Kate, the people around her, as well as the larger world. It delves deep into the misogyny and sexual violence she'd encountered in such an isolating setting, as well as the bombardment of complicated feelings and thoughts she'd come to have from these experiences, from the destructive oil sands themselves. It is not light. It does not resolve itself on an uplifting note. I don't know if I'll ever read it again, but I feel like it was worth it to have read it at least the one time.

Doctor Strange: Fall Sunrise

Whether you love, hate, or have no opinions on Marvel, it doesn't matter. This is a damn good comic. And you don't need to know anything about Dr. Strange to read it; I don't! I don't even like the guy!

This 4-issue series works as a completely stand-alone story with its own world-lore and characters. It is a colourful and psychedelic feast for the eyes, and is drop-dead gorgeous. The story matches this too, toying with concepts like identity, physicality, and more. In combination, this makes for an extremely experimental and mind-churning fuckery of the comics medium.

It's not the most easily followable narrative in the world, but that's not necessarily a negative to me. Even if you're not all that into thinking hard about its existential poetry like I am, it still works as a great read when tuning your mind out to its ebb and flow.

Krazy Kat

Not exactly something that's wholly contained in a compressed comic series but I thought I'd include it nonetheless. Krazy Kat is a comic strip from the 1920s that centers around the eponymous Kat and the love of his life, Ignatz the mouse, as they both live out their lives in a fictional rendition of Coconino County, Arizona. Ignatz likes throwing bricks at her head. Kat thinks of them as love letters. Maybe you'd think this to be a bit unconventional, but I think it's very sweet and funny.

Something that you might find notable about it is that it's about a relationship that is seemingly homosexual/LGBT in nature. When asked about Kat's gender, Herriman remarked that he was something of a sprite, a spirit that's free to butt into anything, neither male not female, paralleling Herriman's own feelings about being a biracial man.

The strip itself is really lovely, with panels that are very pleasant to look at and that are laid out in very interesting ways. The flow of action and linework is very beautiful and lends to the humour very well. You can read Krazy Kat on the web through archival efforts, or through book collections.

Until I Love Myself: The Journey of a Nonbinary Manga Artist

It's a travesty I haven't really read more memories from nonbinary people, so I think this was a great gateway into that. Until I Love Myself is about what it says on the tin, Pesuyama's journey of unravelling their internal strife with gender at different stages of their life, and the complications that misogyny and sexualization, and their combined trauma, brings to that. It's somewhat of a metacomic, being concerned with the comic's own creation itself and the discussions Pesuyama has with their editor, and thoughts on what to include within it.

I think I'm both relieved and saddened to know how intimately someone who lives several hundred kilometers away from me could feel the same ways that I've felt throughout my life. It really helped me feel more at peace with myself, even when upsetting. Being a person who is alive is very messy and full of regrets and mistakes, and Pesuyama is very familiar with that. It deals with some really heavy things at certain points, such as pedophilia, so I would highly recommend steeling yourself before going into it.

---

Ok that's my list thank you so much for reading and if you'd ever like to talk to me about what you thought of these comics or comics in general or if you'd like a recommendation specific to you you can always shoot me an ask or DM me bye bye

[bookersebastien]

After the Rain (Buck x Eddie)

happy birthday to one of my favorite people and someone im so lucky to call my friend @kate-sheffield 

our conversations are always the best inspiration, ily

warnings: mention of death, mention of miscarriage

It's late afternoon when Bucks hangs up the phone, the rays of sunlight splashed over the table are slowly turning golden as they fade to make way for the coming moonlight and the meteorologist is on tv talking about possible rain hitting the LA area but he can barely hear it now. Everything had gone suddenly quiet, brought to a faint hum except the roaring of the blood pounding in his ears. His hands felt like they were numb, he could no longer feel the table beneath his palm and his fingertips were tingling.

The baby was gone.

The firefighter onesie was still upstairs in the fire truck gift bag, tucked carefully into the corner of his closet. He was waiting for the baby shower to give it to Connor and Kameron. He even got orange tissue paper to match the little flames on the side. Just a couple weeks away from finding out the sex of their baby, not that either of them cared anyway and now they would never know. 'Some kind of chromosomal anomaly,' is what Connor said it was. The gift sat upstairs now, what was supposed to be a celebration of a new family was now an adorable testament to his never-ending list of failures. He wondered why he even let himself get his hopes up.

He found himself half drunk on Eddie's doorstep a few hours later, sorrow and anger burned off already on a bottle of whiskey and a bruised hand, now he was sick of being alone. It must've been late, Buck wasn't completely sure, but Chris was already in bed so they stood in the kitchen while Buck slurred through the story of getting the call from Connor. They had decided to adopt now, it would help a child in need and relieve themselves from the pain and pressure that's built up from every failed step to becoming parents so far.

"I don't think I realized how much I wanted it, you know? Like I built it up in my head of this idea of a family and now I don't know what to do. I was going to be a father and now I have nothing." Buck sipped from the glass of water Eddie had given him and he could feel the ache in head recede a little. Eddie was now watching him through narrowed eyes, arms crossed as he leaned in the doorway while Buck sat at the counter, head laying heavy in his hand.

"Listen Buck, you have every right to your emotions. This is the kind of news any parent fears and they are your friends, and I know how badly you wanted to help them but please I hope you understand that this was not going to make you a father. That wasn't going to be your kid and it wasn't your family. It was theirs," Eddie spoke, barely managing to bite back his annoyance and something else Buck was in no state to understand, and then quickly turned to rummage through the fridge, the action not disguising the tense set to his shoulders.

"Well, I mean not technically. I know that but-"

"Do you actually know that Buck? Do you? Because in my opinion someone who knew that wouldn't even use the word father to describe themselves in this situation and would definitely not have bought an LAFD onesie for a kid that wasn't yours." He wiped at his face before turning to shut the fridge with a loud thud, his eyes staring hard at the wall behind Buck.

"I mean I thought it would be cute, it doesn't mean anything," Buck replied, his head was too fuzzy for this conversation and he was beginning to feel the anger rising in his chest again. He thought Eddie would be more understanding, or at least less hostile.

"Normally no. Could be a cute gift for the kid of a college friend, yeah that's true but I know you Buck. I heard it in your voice when you called and said you were going to be a father. You let yourself get too invested. This gift coming from you is not as innocent as you want to act like it is. It is forging a connection to something and people you have no right to try and make." Eddie's voice rose slightly and he instinctively took a glance down the hall, where they could both hear Chris turning in his sleep.

Buck watched him as he paced further into the kitchen and farther from the door, but he noticeably stayed as far from Buck as he could manage, arms coming back over his chest. Buck knew he shouldn't say anything but he's never been one to necessarily control his impulses and the words came tumbling out, "The baby is gone Eddie. I know it's their family that's affected but I lost something too okay?! I don't know if I'm ever going to have my own family, my own real family and it felt like this was my chance and now I don't know if I will ever get another one. And now it's like I'm alone again."

"Stop talking like that!" Eddie's voice came out as a hiss. His eyes were daggers, holding Buck's in place like it was against his throat. "Stop acting like you are some lone wolf kicked out of his pack. I know the stuff with your parents was shitty, I know that. But please stop acting like you are alone in this world, like you don't have a family. I can't believe you would even say that. You have Maddie back in your life and a niece for god's sake! You have all of us at the firehouse, the whole team is your family Evan!"

"It's not the same-"

"As what? Having your own child? It wasn't your kid Buck! Besides, if you think for one second Christopher doesn't think of you as family, then you are not as observant as you like to think. You may not be a father, but you have become like a dad to him over the years and imagine how he'd feel to hear you throwing him, throwing us away like that. I cannot believe you. I thought we were your family, what else has all this time together been?" His face changed then, the tension left his shoulders and he made eye contact again they were almost pleading.

"I..." He had about a million thoughts running through his head, but this conversation had gone so different than he'd imagined that he couldn't even think of how he wanted to respond.

"Listen, it's late, I think you should leave."

And that was it for that night. Buck left in an Uber and woke up the next morning with an intense hangover and an ache in his chest he didn't understand. He spent the day trying to get ahold of Eddie, calls and texts were left unanswered and he was greeted by an empty driveway after he tried for drastic measures. That was two days ago and still no sign of him, he even had his work shifts changed so he never has so much as caught a glimpse of him.

"I mean I get what Eddie is saying but I feel like he's acting like I'm not allowed to have my own feelings about this. I can feel sad right?" He meant it as a rhetorical question but it came out more desperate than he intended so for a moment it just hung in the air between them. He and Hen were sitting in his kitchen enjoying dinner from the Thai place down the street and he was suddenly very thankful she agreed to eat at his place as his voice grew louder.

"I don't think that's what Eddie is upset about," she replied like she expected him to say this, and Buck guessed his insistence they have dinner was less casual than he wanted it to sound because he really did want to talk to someone about it. Someone who wasn't Eddie, or Maddie because he knew she would agree with Eddie.

He had barely touched his food since it arrived, only picking at his noodles and taking small bites. "That's that it seemed like he was mad about Hen. I mean you should have seen how upset he was, like somehow me feeling like I was losing a family was wrong.' He sighed. His chopsticks fell back into his bowl as he leaned back in his seat, hands coming to wipe his face. "I don't know what to do. He's avoiding me and I still feel like I'm not in the wrong here."

"That's not what this is about Buck and that's probably why he's still not talking to you. You are misunderstanding his feelings. This is not about who is in the wrong or right. You are absolutely entitled to your feelings about this. You are allowed to feel loss, to feel sad, for yourself and for your friends and no one would tell you otherwise. But you acting like they were somehow going to become your family is where this gets muddy. First, that's not how these things work unless they explicitly mentioned it and second, think of everything that has happened in the last few years and please explain how you think you have no family. Maybe Eddie feels like you're just casting them aside for some weird version of a family and you're not realizing what's in front of you."

There was a silence after she spoke where he felt like everything in his life shifted, not drastically but just enough for the light to illuminate them. He thought of all the time he spends with Christopher, how he picks him up after school some days, helps him with homework, and spends the weekends playing video games or hitting the park. He thinks of the big moments he was there for in his life, not just as a spectator but having actively participated in his life. And in Eddie's. Because that's where he felt happy, where he felt safe, and most of all: complete. And something Eddie said to him the say they fought replays in his mind. "You have become like a dad to him," and the ache in his chest suddenly vanished.

All this time they were already a family, him, Eddie and Chris. He had been letting other things cloud his emotions and even at some points blatantly ignoring them because it's not how he imagined his family when he was younger. But it was them. And he could even see the rest of his life now in front of him, parent-teacher meetings, Chris going off to college, opening presents on Christmas eve, pancake breakfasts, lazy Sundays in bed with Eddie.

He had wanted to become a better Buck, but there was always something holding him back. And now he realizes it was him being afraid of being happy because Eddie makes him happy and he knows he always will because from the moment they met it's always been him.

"Uh, Hen I think I gotta go." He grabbed his jacket and keys, barely remembering his phone as he raced towards the door.

She just shook her head, carefully piling some of his noodles onto her plate before replying to herself, "About damn time."

He stumbled out of the building, legs nearly buckling as he flew down the steps, now slick with the rain he could now vaguely remember the weather person mentioning but now was not the time to think of his rain jacket sitting in his closet and the thin jacket that he haphazardly threw on while rushing outside, already soaking through to the skin.

The rain was coming down harder now and he was forced to drive at a crawl as the traffic condensed around him, the road and cars barely visible in front of him but it's not like he didn't know the way to Eddie's house by heart. He probably didn't even need to see to make it there. The drive seemed impossibly long this time though and it wasn't just the traffic. His mind kept playing through different scenarios, running away with each and every possibility until Buck's hands were nearly shaking on the wheel. Normally Eddie was the person he could talk to about anything, without anything holding him back, and now he felt himself almost at a loss for words as he continuously failed to think of any possible way to tell him how he feels. Dealing with emotions had never been Buck's strong suit and telling your best friend you're in love with him was an extreme he rarely let himself deal with much less act on.

And now he could just barely make out Eddie's truck in the driveway as he turned on his street, the sight of causing his heart to skip a beat as he thought of what he was about to do. His headlights barely illuminated the house with the rain, all the windows dark except a dim glow coming from behind the shades of the front window. It was Sunday, Buck remembered, which meant it was movie night. And it also meant Buck probably would have been inside hadn't it been for their argument. He's not even sure if Eddie will even speak to him, he could just slam the door in his face but he wouldn't know until he tries.

The walk to the door somehow seems endless and completely new, like he was seeing the space for the very first time. The rain no longer seemed to bother him as it soaked the skin beneath his jacket as he took in the sight of the door ahead of him, despite the circumstances it seemed more inviting. Hours had seemingly passed by the time his knuckles rapped against that door and even longer until he heard familiar footsteps, the creak of the door opening sending his heart into a spin until their eyes met and Buck watched as Eddie's mouth quickly turned into a hard line, his arms crossing over his chest as he leaned against the door, careful to keep it as closed as possible.

"What do you want, Buck? I'm kind of busy, I'm sure you know it's movie night." His voice was even hard, refusing to give up anything behind it.

"Yeah, I uh-remembered that," he chuckled, his nerves getting the better of him now that he was face to face with him. No amount of preparation on the way here had let any string of words sound even remotely worthy of conveying what he was feeling but he managed to mutter a beginning to something, "Listen Eddie, I wanted to say sorry about the other night. I understand that what I said wasn't right considering my circumstances, you were right."

"Do you actually understand or do you just want me to forgive you?"

At his harsh tone, Buck could feel his courage creeping back inside him, his desperate urge to get his feelings out and his desire to fight for what he wanted had the words suddenly spilling from his lips before he could think.

"I do understand. I think I let myself get caught up in the idea of a family happening because of me and not ending because of me, because I wasn't good enough. My family sucked growing up and I let myself get too involved in this one because I felt like it would prove something was right about me. But that shouldn't have meant that I lost sight of what I have because I see it now, I feel the love I have now. I do have Maddie back and now I have Jee-Yun and Chim and the rest of the crew but what you and Chris are to me is not the same. You are like my family in a way it's taken me too long to realize, maybe because I didn't think I deserved it," his voice dropped to almost a whisper at the end, the words he was so terrified to speak sitting on the tip of his tongue.

"You mean so much to me and I cannot imagine my life without you or Chris-"

"What are you saying Buck?" His voice was deeper now, but gone was the harshness that was there before and instead Buck allowed himself to imagine for a moment that it was hope, that it was desire clouding his words. And it was the look in his eyes that cemented Buck's feet to the ground, the fleeting thought of running away gone as he finally said those three words.

"I love you Eddie."

He couldn't say anymore as Eddie was now pulling him in, hands grasping at his face and lips pressing desperately to his in a moment he only allowed himself to dream of in the loneliest of nights. And now he wasted no time pulling him by the hips until their bodies were flush against each other, feet tripping over each other as Buck backed him against the wall, the rain dripping down their faces and in between their lips as the storm grew and the wind whipped around them. He could feel every breath Eddie took and shared in each one as their chests rose and fell together. His hands snaked their way to Eddie's back, a groan slipping past his lips as he felt the hot skin beneath his shirt and Eddie was all too eager to return the favor as his hands found their way into his hair, fingers pulling at the short strands hard enough to make Buck gasp.

Just as their clothes began to slip off, Buck's hands trailing the edge of Eddie's pants, Christopher's voice ran out from the living room. "Dad, is that Buck? He's just in time for movie night! I told you he'd make it!"

They broke apart with quiet laughter, and Eddie had to take a few breaths before replying, "Yeah Chris it's Buck, you were right! He wouldn't miss movie night." He said the last part while glancing up at Buck through his lashes, their faces so close their noses were touching and Buck had never felt so light in his life. Everything he wanted was right here.

They let their foreheads touch briefly once more before straightening themselves out, hands finding each other in the low light. Eddie stopped him just before they walked inside, giving him one more kiss before whispering softly against his lips, "I love you too."

"And also Chris would want me to tell you that the movie was his idea. He was very excited about it, said you were going to love it. Something about coral reefs." And that's how he entered this new, yet definitely always meant to be part of his life; surrounded by the two people he loved most in the world and that he couldn't be prouder to call his family.

[as-is-above-so-below]

In the Middle of the Night (Jason Todd x OC)

Chapter 6

Masterlist

Chapter 5, Chapter 7

story summary: Melanie Withers and Jason Todd do everything together - including but not limited to stealing tires off Gotham's famous vigilante. The newest additions to the Wayne family begin their journey, learning how to navigate their new family, life as vigilantes, adolescence, grief, and rebirth.

chapter summary: A heart-to-heart, and the kids make their vigilante debut

April 2012

“Why aren’t you talking to Dad?”

“Sorry?”

Melanie nudged Dick with her foot from the other side of the sofa. He looked up from his tablet with a brow raised, confused by the question.

“Dad. You’re not talking to him.”

“What are you talking about? We talk all the time,” he asked, placing the device on the coffee table. 

“No, you talk to Batman all the time. Not Bruce,” Jason chirped from his perch in the bay window behind them. He closed his book and rotated, leaning back against the window.

Dick sighed and turned in eyes to the ceiling, his head resting on the back of the couch. “I really don’t want to have this conversation with you two.”

“Too bad.”

He turned, his back pressed against the arm of the couch, looking between the two. “Y’know, it’s not fair when you two gang up on me like this,” he argued, mildly annoyed at their persistence.

“Who said anything about fair?” Melanie asked, arms crossed.

“Fine,” he grumbled, pinching the bridge of his nose. “Jay, do you remember what I told you when you asked if Bruce is a good dad?”

He nodded. “You said he did his best.”

“Right. And Bruce did do his best at the time. But his best just wasn’t great.”

Melanie’s eyebrows wrinkled together. “I don’t understand.”

“Look, I just– Please don’t take this the wrong way, but seeing him with you guys is… it’s difficult for me.” Dick’s lips pressed tightly together as he worked to find the words to describe his complicated feelings. “He’s been working nonstop to show his devotion to this family. Bruce is so invested in everything you do. He takes you book hunting,” he waved a hand in Jason’s direction, “He’ll go to your competitions when we start,” now in Melanie’s direction.

“So you’re saying it's our fault?” The pang in her chest twisted slowly, hurt and anger clawing up her throat.

His large hand shot out, reaching for one of her crossed hands. Her knees curled into her body as if it could relieve some of the feelings, avoiding his grasp. “No! God, no. It isn’t anybody’s fault,” he rushed out, addressing both of them as he retreated. That stung a bit, but he couldn’t blame her. “Bruce was 23 when he adopted me. He didn’t have a clue what he was doing, was barely an adult himself, and frankly had no place raising a kid then. Dad loves me. I know he always has, but he never–” God, this is so fucking hard. “He always kept me at arm's length. It was incredibly lonely being his son.”

Jason took a moment to reflect on their time as Waynes over the last months. Dick was right about one thing; Bruce had put an insane amount of effort into earning their trust. He was a firm teacher when they trained but willingly gave praise when it was earned. Good work, chum, and You’re improving. Keep up the hard work, and other compliments were regular. Other times it was more subtle, like making sure they’d had enough to eat at dinner or noticing their habits, their favorite foods.

Bruce took him on several trips around the northeast, hunting down the first editions of his favorite books. He could have gotten them much easier through his connections, but popping around different antique shops and buyers’ homes was most of the fun. Melanie had told him about many late-night visits where Bruce walked her through math problems, language lessons, or chemical formulas (they all agreed to leave the English department to him). Then there were their ballroom dancing lessons; her hand pressed into his, another on his shoulder. At first, his toes got stepped on, and he may have tripped over hers occasionally, but Bruce insisted it was all part of the process. Those memories bled into another set. Playful giggles as she pelted him with tightly packed balls of snow. Her body tucked between his legs as they zipped down a snowy hill before crashing into a bank at the bottom, sending them flying through the air. “Sneaking” into each other’s rooms to check that the other half of their duo slept soundly. 

Even if Bruce hadn’t stepped up, at least they would have had each other.

But like Dick had said, he was all alone.

“You’re jealous.”

“I…” Dick hesitated but quickly allowed himself to admit it. “A bit, yeah. And I can’t express enough that it absolutely isn’t your fault. I’m so happy he’s better for you both, but you’re also getting the childhood, the dad, that I was dying to have. And it hurts.” He ran his hands through his hair with another sigh, then leaned his head on his fist. “On top of that, Robin was special to me. He was mine.” His blue eyes water a little. “My-My mom called me “her little Robin.” I made that suit from our costumes. And he just—he gave it away without my permission. It isn’t fair. It wasn’t his to give.”

Neither considered Robin’s origins, and Bruce hadn’t said anything. Now he was feeling a little guilty, being the one to don the persona Dick had created with such care. Not to mention that he’d taken so much liberty in redesigning it. Aw, man.

“I…I didn’t know that,” Jason muttered. 

Dick's lips tugged into a barely-there smile. “I know. It’s okay. I appreciate both of you expressing your concern, but you’ve gotta understand that a lot’s happened between us. I promise I’ll work on it, but this isn’t gonna be solved overnight.”

“We’re not saying it should be,” Melanie started, letting her knees fall from her chest. Dick looked downright exhausted from the conversation but, while she was empathetic to his situation, she also saw how it affected Bruce. “But you have to make the first move to make things right. Dad doesn’t want to push you away, so he’s not gonna do it. You’re the one that said, “It isn’t anybody’s fault.” You can’t hold his bad parenting over his head forever.”

An interesting point. In the decade he had spent with Bruce, Dick had never known him to face confrontation head-on (outside of the suit, that is.) Almost every argument they’d ever had in his youth, Dick had started. The only fight he could recall that he didn’t start was the one where Bruce fired him. How ironic, considering the vigilantes-in-training sitting in front of him. “I didn’t think about it that. I didn’t know he felt that way.”

“Did you ask him how he felt?”

Touche. “No, I guess not. But I promise I’ll talk with him soon, okay?” A cautious hand reached out to Melanie, an offer to bind their agreement.

She shook his hand once, then extended the gesture to Jason, who rose from the window seat to meet him halfway.

“Deal.”

May 2012

Alfred exited the elevator with a tray of tea cups and assorted biscuits and approached Bruce at the Bat-Computer, fully dressed as Batman (minus the cowl). “Okay, let’s go kids!” he hollered and checked the time again. “If you can’t suit up quickly at home base, I’m concerned about how you would handle it in the field!” When Alfred was within arm’s reach, Bruce snagged one of the cups from him, taking a sip.

“Perhaps they’re improving,” the older man postured. “As I recall, Master Richard spent nearly half an hour admiring his reflection the first time he donned his cape.”

Bruce’s lip tugged at the corner. While that was true, they were already late due to teenage dinner shenanigans and jittery nerves for their first night out. Plus, they’d worn their suits multiple times since they were delivered for various fittings and adjustments, as well as training sessions, to get used to how their suits stretched and moved. They had no reason to gawk at themselves by now. “Jason! Melanie! Get on out here, or I’m going on patrol without you!” he called out, and not even a second later, a body crashed onto the desk behind him, sending a certain tea tray clattering to the ground. Bruce didn’t even flinch.

“My word!”

“Ha!” Jason exclaimed, hopping down easily. “Gotcha!”

Bruce hummed and sipped his tea again. “Would’ve, if I hadn’t seen you slip behind the computer banks three minutes ago,” he pointed out with a raised brow.

“Nah, I got you!”

“I feel sorry for the next unsuspecting teacups you use that technique on.” Melanie did her best “Robin laugh” as she pranced up to the group, her cape billowing behind her. 

“Very good, sweetheart. I can tell you’ve been practicing.” He gently patted her on the head with a smile. “How do you both feel?”

“It feels awesome! Check me out!” Jason started a play fight with Melanie, punching and kicking the air. “I’m Robin! The Boy Wonder!” He did a backflip, which Melanie countered with a swift faux-uppercut and a deep-throated Hi-yah! Jason dramatically groaned and threw his body on the floor, his legs kicking up in the air, then flopping down, his limbs splayed like a starfish. “I have been slain,” he croaked, his head lolling to the side with his tongue hanging out.

“Children, do be careful. I’ve yet to clean up the china you so thoughtfully broke.”

Melanie immediately dropped down to her knees, swooping the shards onto her gloved hands. “Sorry, Alfie. I told him it was stupid.” She dumped a handful into a bin and went back for more.

“It’s quite alright. You must be going, Miss Melanie. Before they leave you here.” He nudged his chin to point behind her. She whipped her head around to find Jason standing on top of the Batmobile and Bruce at the side, now with his cowl.

“Let’s go, Redwing! There’s a burglary in progress at the jewelry store in the financial district.”

“I call shotgun!”

Melanie hurriedly threw another handful of china away before taking off. As she neared the vehicle, the glass top slid down and she launched herself into the air. Her elbows bent as her palms landed on the hood with a thunk and made it her springboard, twisting in the air until she landed perfectly in the backseat behind Jason. He contorted his upper body in the seat, grinning like a kid in a candy store. “Redwing. I like it,” he complimented, stretching his hand back for a high five –

The Batmobile takes off, sending Jason lurching forward into the dashboard with a screech.

A signature Robin laugh with a girlish undertone echoes through the jewelry store, bouncing erratically off its walls. The thief pins its origin in the beams above, raising a manicured brow. Any average criminal (if they could locate it in the first place, given the acoustics in the building) would immediately launch an attack in that direction.

But that’s exactly what they wanted.

And this isn’t an average thief.

Bruce swiftly catches the whip that cracks through the air, stopping it in its tracks.

“Bat.”

“Cat.”

Selina and Bruce simply stared at each other, waiting for the other to make a move. Eventually, she let the towering man yank her whip from her hand, her lips quirked in a salacious, mischievous smirk. He coiled it up around his elbow, holding it hostage for the time.

Melanie’s head suddenly popped into view from above, hanging upside down from a cable above them. “I’m confused,” she pouted, arms crossed over her chest. “Why aren’t we fighting her?”

Selina’s green eyes glanced up at the girl, intrigued, before settling back on the cowl. “No more Boy Wonder?” she asked with a tilt of her head. “I like it. Nice to have a girl in the mix again.”

Jason dropped down from the rafters, landing gracefully by Bruce’s side.

He could be the spitting image of the last Robin if she didn’t know better. This Robin was new. Younger and shorter, a stockier build, and a different energy about him. 

“Another one? My my, Bat, how the family grows,” she purred, a clawed paw outstretched in request. The whip returned to her possession, and she slipped it back onto her hip. “Is this why you’ve been so distracted lately? You didn’t tell me you were bringing a few more kittens into the fold.”

She pivoted to approach the dangling bird, her hips swaying until she stopped at an appropriate distance. “I don’t believe we’ve met.” She offered a hand. “Catwoman.”

Melanie went to Bruce, who nodded. A cautious handshake, her body swinging slightly from her position. “Redwing.”

Selina hummed in approval, offering the same gesture. “I see you’ve made some adjustments,” she offered as the boy took her hand as well. The other came up to pinch his cheeks, which he swiftly swatted away with a grimace. “Look at how precious.”

“I’m sorry, but again. What are we doing here?” Melanie dismounted and flapped her arms to her side in exasperation.

“We’re putting the store’s property back where it belongs.”

“What?! But–”

He took a gentle tone with them but still used his Batman voice. “If she puts it back, no harm, no foul. She can go. If she puts up a fight, then we take her in.”

“You mean you try to take me in, Bat. Be realistic.” Selina patted his shoulder and laid the heavy necklaces in his waiting hand. “The Bat chases the Cat, the Cat escapes with her spoils, then we end up back here. Isn’t it a fun game we play?” She stood on her toes to lean into Batman, her claws dancing across the symbol across his chest.

“The rest.”

“Oh, come on, Bat–”

“Selina.”

She stared at him before dropping to her height, heeding his warning. “Fine,” she huffed, defeated for the time being. She reached into the zippered front of her suit and dragged out a seemingly endless string of rubies, surrounded by smaller diamonds, draping it across his palm. “Happy?”

“Hn.”

Jason and Melanie shared a confused look; Melanie’s lip pinched up in an expression that screamed what the fuck? to Jason, which he returned with equal force. They had expected many things on their first patrol, including but not limited to gunfire, knife swinging, smoke bombs, and diving through the air – but definitely not the flirt fest going on in front of them. If their presence hadn’t been acknowledged already, they would think that they were invisible.

Selina observed the nonverbal conversation shared between the two, however, and even though their eyes were hidden behind masks, she could almost see the connection between them. As if they shared a telepathic link and had no need for words. Curious.

“Do we have to stand here all night while you two undress each other, or can we get back to the crime-fighting stuff?”

She looks at Robin in surprise, a genuine shocked smile pulling her cheeks as she giggles. She shifts back to Batman, who she can tell is suppressing a smile himself. “Is he just like that, or has he been influenced by a certain blue bird?”

He makes no move to separate himself from her touch. It’s almost like he couldn’t. “Go,” he grunts, jerking his head to the vent she no doubt entered from.

She stretched up again to kiss his cheek. “I’ll see you around, kids. The night’s still young.”

“Don’t let us catch you again.”

“Oh, believe me, you won’t.”

[asm5129]

Flash thoughts episode 9x02

Let’s get the headline out of the way—I freaking love Khione. She’s great. She’s interesting, she’s intriguing, and she’s performed really well by the ever exceptional Danielle Panabaker.

Her sincerity and joy is such an interesting contrast to the rest of the team this season—especially Barry, Iris, and Joe who are all dealing with 9 years of superhero life baggage and trauma. She’s also got really interesting and deep insights into people, almost piercing ones. Plus there’s her connection to nature she speaks of. I wonder if that’s some kind of power, or simply a result of her sincerity and fresh eyes on the world, uncolored by a long history of bias and regrets and the like.

It was off-putting to hear Barry and the other heroes talk so casually about sacrificing Khione’s life to bring back Caitlin and/Frost, barely thinking of her as anything more than a reason Caitlin isn’t there anymore, but I think it works within the context of how grief affects us. Even heroes struggle to think of every life as having equal value, because they have personal relationships too, and these heroes just had more investment in Caitlin and Frost—it’s just someone you just met is not going to mean the same thing as someone you’ve known and thought of as family for years. Obviously I’m glad Barry realized he was treating her so awfully.

I definitely miss Caitlin and Frost, but I agree with the team—Caitlin made her choice. For that matter, so did Frost. Both knew the risks of their choices. Khione is the result. And neither Caitlin nor Frost would want Khione to give up her life for them when it’s only just started.

I also think it’s really interesting that what she said to Hartley actually applies to Mark in a really deep way. Mark never really committed to becoming a better man, he just worked to be a better person to make Frost happy. Like Khione said—doing it for someone else isn’t real change. With Frost gone he’s lost the foundation for those changes, hence him “going rogue”, as Barry phrased it. Speaking of—

The new rogue is another strong one. A new version of The Fiddler, and while I liked what we saw of the new Captain Boomerang we got a lot more of Fiddler and I am very pleased with her. I think it’s a fun performance, a cool power set, and a solid presence. She also sold the fear in the scene with Red Death really, really well. Regardless of why these Rogues decided to ally with Red Death at first, it’s clear they’re in over their heads.

It was fun to have Hartley back, and I’m very happy they didn’t pull a bury your gays with his boyfriend but instead did this really neat thing of him and the others being trapped in a vibrational frequency out of sync with reality. It allows them to be saved through Barry’s ability to vibrate at a frequency that can see them, without undermining Fiddler’s claim about it being “a fate worse than death”—for being frozen just out of sync with life forever, I think that’s an apt description, and that doesn’t get undermined just because they could be saved imo. Anyway it’s just a really neat thing to do with sound powers.

Joe meanwhile is in a rough spot as Cecile gets closer and closer to being capable of field work, cuz he’s been dealing with the harsh reality of field work longer than anyone—both as a cop and as the patriarch of the Flash family since the very start. I think with all that experience with violence and pain it makes a lot of sense that he feels like he has to draw the line somewhere, and this feels to him like where it has to be drawn. I’m intrigued to see where this goes.

It’s cool to see WestAllen making sure to keep themselves provided with joy during these difficult times as well—we could all learn from that honestly.

And finally, I think Red Death framing her plan as “serving justice” rather than “getting revenge” is really interesting, especially knowing this is a version of Batwoman. We’ll probably find out soon if my theory is right about this being the Ryan Wilder from the Armageddon future. If it is, from her perspective Barry is the reverse-flash, and he did to The Flash exactly what Thawne actually did in the beginning of season 8. Would be a really interesting way to play with that warped future Thawne created, keeping him as part of the last season while Barry faces consequences for rewriting a timeline in which Ryan was happy, and was even literally about to adopt a child with Sophie. She would have lost not just that but all her other friendships and connections too. In this timeline for instance, Ryan and Iris aren’t friends, they don’t even know each other. All the years of friendship? Gone. Anyways we’ll see.

Overall another really solid episode for the final season.

On that note, it seems like the Arrowverse guest stars will be more of a chance to say goodbye this season rather than wrapping up any of their stories, which makes sense. Better to keep it focused, but I’m glad we will still have a chance to say goodbye.

I’m sad we won’t get to see Eric Wallace’s grand plan he talked about recently come to fruition. Season 10 sounds like it would’ve been amazing, maybe even a proper Justice League story, but instead the planned 200th episode is now the series finale. I have to believe that if the star wars prequels can find themselves real fans, and there can be a desire for The Amazing Spider-Man 3 with Andrew Garfield, the Arrowverse will find its way to the sun again as well.

[kazylgon]

tagged by @utterlyincoherent

Do you play an instrument? Used to play the saxophone and the flute in school. I still have them in storage somewhere, but I haven't touched them in a loooooong time and barely remember the fingering for them or how to read sheet music.

Favourite book character? No idea. I've been conditioned by life to not become heavily invested in stuff or attached to people, so I'm still learning how to Like Things, Make Connections, and Have Favourites.

What’s your star sign? Pisces. "Oh you love the sea, you're always wet, you want to fuck a fish" no fuck off. I like the ocean a normal amount but only because I was raised in a coastal town with strong ties to the sea not just because I'm a Pisces.

Favourite colour schemes? Anything with purple and/or deep blue, with a strong contrast like orange, gold, or yellow.

Naps or long sleep? Both. I would prefer to only have to sleep a regular amount but I am cursed with depression and perpetual sleepy bitch syndrome, so I spend more time than I'd like napping and sleeping for extended periods.

What languages do you speak? Only English.

Dreams/aspirations? Too many. A career in acting, owning my own home, becoming fabulously wealthy so I can become a modern day patron of the arts by throwing money at struggling creatives, but the one that might actually be achievable is to make a living/literally any money off of my art somehow. That's been a big one for a long time.

Long hair or short hair? My soul years for long flowing hair but my mind and body find it a pain in the ass, so short/short-ish hair it is.

Tea or coffee? Neither. Not really a fan of hot drinks.

Bring a book character to life or go into the fictional world? Fictional world, without hesitation. Get me out of here, please, I want to leave!

tagging @conking @cino-checker @jenareuter @rollinwiththepunches and @prettyflyshyguy if you all are interested in answering these questions too

[kiss-my-freckle]

These book quotes remind me of 2x22. While he definitely wouldn't have wanted to feed on Elena then, do you think he would've fed on her during their first meeting if he knew she was Katherine's doppleganger, like how he wasn't emotionally attached to Amara since he knew before who she was?:

And a moment later, Damon was again drinking deep, deep, of the most extraordinary blood in the world. Usually, he would be analyzing by now: taste of berry, taste of tropical fruit, smooth, smoky, woody, rounded with a silken aftertaste…But not now. Not this blood, which far surpassed anything for which he had words. This blood that was filling him with power such as he had never known before. Damon… Why was he not listening? How had he come to be drinking this extraordinary blood that tasted somehow of the afterlife, and why was he not listening to the donor? Please, Damon. Please fight it… He ought to recognize that voice. He’d heard it enough times. I know they’re controlling you. But they can’t control all of you. You’re stronger than they are. You’re the strongest…. Well, that was certainly true. But he was getting more and more confused. The donor seemed to be unhappy and he was a past-master at making donors happy. And he didn’t quite remember…he really should remember how this had started. Damon, it’s me. It’s Elena. And you’re hurting me. So much pain and bewilderment. From the beginning, Elena had known better than to outright fight the tapping of her veins. That would only cause agony, and it wouldn’t do her the slightest bit of good except to stop her brain from working.

Damon was kneeling on one knee on the floor, with his arms clasped tightly around him. That should be all right. He was still Damon, and he’d be a lot happier without the weight of all that hatred and prejudice and cruelty. He wouldn’t keep remembering his youth and the other young blades who’d mocked his father for being an old fool, with his disastrous investments and his mistresses younger than his own sons. Neither would he endlessly dwell on his own childhood, when that same father had beaten him in drunken rages when he neglected his studies or took up with objectionable companions. And, finally, he would not go on savoring and contemplating the many terrible things he’d done himself. He had been redeemed, in heaven’s name and in heaven’s time, by words put into Elena’s mouth. But now…there was something that he needed to remember. If Elena was right. If only she were right. “Where is this place? Are you hurt, girl?” In his confusion, he couldn’t recognize her. He had knelt; now she knelt beside him. He gave her a keen glance. “Are we at prayer or were we making love? Was it the Watch or the Gonzalgos?” “Damon,” she said, “it’s me, Elena. It’s the twenty-first century, now, and you are a vampire.”

She could see in Damon’s fine-bred features that he didn’t want to remember anything more than he did right now. But new memories, memories connected with her, were already welling up inside him. He looked at his lapis lazuli ring and Elena could see tears come to his eyes. Then, slowly, his gaze turned on her. “Elena?”

“O God,” he said, and it was clearly an invocation to the deity, not just an exclamation, because he looked up, holding his clenched hands to heaven. “I thought I was being a hero for you. Instead I’m the abomination. What now? By rights, I should be dead at your feet already.” He looked at her with wide, feral, black eyes. There was no humor in them, no sarcasm, no holding back. He looked very young and very wild and desperate. If he’d been a black leopard he’d have been pacing his cage frantically, biting at the bars. Then he bowed his head to kiss her bare foot. Elena was shocked. “I’m yours to do what you please with,” he said in that same stunned voice. “You can order me to die right now. After all my clever talk, it turns out that I’m the monster.” And then he wept. Probably no other set of circumstances could have brought tears to Damon Salvatore’s eyes. But he had boxed himself in. He never broke his word, and he’d given his word to break the monster, the one who had done all this to Elena.

No, I don't think he would've fed on her.

I'm quite certain he thinks about it often because why not, but he'd never so much as ask for it. He has an insane amount of control over his bloodlust, and I think he always planned to respect that boundary. It's like an instant care he has for her. He's also very flirty lol.... he starts to do the eye thing he normally does. I'm pretty sure he feels very alive in that moment. She lights him up like a firefly.