#please i keep rewriting my sentences but every time i change the tense it STILL sounds both wrong and right

[iid-smile]

content — prince!gojo satoru x royalty!reader, the reader wears lipstick

prince!satoru who can't stand the thought of an arranged marriage. if he can't marry you, then he has no choice but to make everyone else's lives ten times more difficult.

you've heard tale after tale: him running away from guards, moping around the castle walls while complaining about missing his 'love' (that's you, by the way), refusing to show up to noble balls if you aren't going to be present... by description, he's disobedient, stubborn and childish. your family hates him, his own family hates him, but that isn't going to stop him from getting what he wants.

even though he adores showing affection in public, he’s well aware that such displays don’t quite fit the norms of your nation — and he knows you’re not particularly fond of them either. because it's you we're talking about, he's willing to make any sort of adjustment to suit your needs.

what you weren't expecting however was for him to pull you outside of the masquerade's venue, somehow managing to identify you even with all of the other masked nobles present. you couldn't speak, his lips on yours with utmost confidence that it was you.

"couldn't stand the thought of my lips being so pale all night..." satoru's voice is a low mumble when he finally breaks the kiss he lifts his hands, one removing both of your masks, and the other swiping his thumb over the plump skin and wiping off some of the pigment. "not only does this look good on you, but it seems to be my shade too."

he couldn't help but chuckle as he notices how your cheeks seemed to burn at his comment, tilting his head as his gaze roams over all of your features. "what?" he smiles, rubbing his lips together as the makeup settles. "there's nothing wrong with sharing, is there?"

now, how were you going to explain how kiss marks of your lipstick ended up on your own neck once you return?

[frenchpuppycormier]

HI ZOË!!! angst #16 for that sentence starter post if you're still up for some writing. i love getting my feelings hurt 🤡

"Are you hurt?"

"No."

"Then why are there bruises all over your face?"

—

Kara doesn't have a mean bone in her body.

She waves at every animal she sees on her daily walks and patrols at night. She gives and gives to people without expecting anything in return. When someone is having a bad day or just really needs to talk, she listens, even criminals. Most of them aren't any different than the average person, they simply were dealt the wrong hand. She's extremely loyal and doesn't take anything personally. One time, Kara saved a fly that was trapped in a spider's web.

So yeah, Kara doesn't have a mean bone in her body. Which is why today is such an anomaly.

She's in the kitchen still dressed in her navy chinos and baby pink button up with palm trees from when she came home from work. Andrea made her rewrite an article thrice, Jeremy from accounting had broken the copier machine and politely asked for her help in fixing it, she stopped a bank robbery a few blocks down from CatCo when she realized the police wouldn't get there in time, and to top it all off she unwillingly skipped lunch after someone stole her sandwich from the staff fridge.

To say she was exhausted and starving was an understatement. Changing into her pajamas meant she had to walk all the way to the bedroom and Kara was too lazy, even for superspeed.

As she stirs her homemade tomato sauce she taps her phone screen and checks the time. 6:35 pm. Frowning, Kara doesn't see any missed messages or calls from Lena letting her know she's going to be late.

She shrugs to herself and thinks Lena must've gotten caught up in her lab and lost track of time. It happens more often than not, and Kara doesn't think it'll ever change, much to her chagrin. It's bad enough Lena forgets to eat lunch most days, but to continuously forget her phone and watch in her office? Kara knows her wife's a workaholic, but she wasn't aware until now, the fourth night this week, that it was getting this bad.

Kara strains the pasta and cuts the garlic bread while periodically stirring the sauce and checking her phone. She decides to finally turn on some music when the silence of the penthouse becomes too stifling and daunting.

She's in the middle of dancing to ABBA and plating the food when she hears a familiar heartbeat walking down the hall. Kara tries not to listen to it too often—she doesn't want Lena to feel like her privacy has been invaded—but sometimes she can't help it. Her wife's heartbeat is one of the most soothing sounds she's ever heard, and ever since she heard it for the first time, she's just been naturally drawn to it, like a moth to a flame.

Kara smiles as she hears it get closer until Lena's opening the door and walking through. "Hey, babe! I'm in the kitchen!" she yells, her energetic voice reverberating throughout the house.

There's no verbal response like there usually is, which is the first warning sign. The second is when Lena walks by—she has to in order to go to their room—it's with quick steps and careful avoidance. But Kara's been able to read her like a book since they've known each other, and she knows something's amiss by the way Lena doesn't even greet her with a kiss. She always does.

"Lena?"

Her wife stops frozen in her tracks, head angled down, hair covering her face like a curtain. Lena's heart ticks up a beat, leaving Kara wildly concerned.

"Lena?" she steps around the island and stands in front of her. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she mumbles.

Kara tilts her head to make eye contact, but Lena moves her head so she can't. "Then why won't you let me look at you?"

"It's nothing, I-I'm fine."

"And why does that not convince me?" Kara sighs. Lena doesn't move a muscle and she keeps quiet. "Are you hurt?"

"No." She still shows no signs of moving. It's like she's decided her next career move is becoming one of those marble sculptures at the museum people love to gawk at.

"Lena...you're scaring me." She tentatively reaches out and grasps Lena's fingers, tremendously thankful when she doesn't pull away. If there's one thing her wife is bad at, it's letting people in. But she also knows when she's feeling stressed or overwhelmed that holding her hand relaxes and grounds her. "Please..."

Finally, after standing there in an awkward and probably painful way with the way Lena's neck is positioned, she slowly looks up. Kara audibly gasps when she sees her, and what she sees ignites a fire in her chest and a fury in her eyes. "If you're not hurt, then why are there bruises all over your face?"

"Kara.."

"Lena," she breathes and lifts her hands to gently cup her face, tears pooling in her eyes. Her breathing is significantly more ragged than before, and she mentally takes note of why that is. "What happened?"

"It's nothing," she repeats.

Kara frowns and backs away, crossing her arms. "Who did this to you?"

"Please, Kara. I don't want to make a big deal—"

"Who?" her voice is lower and angrier, sending chills down Lena's back. She grits her teeth, "Lena, tell me who did this to you now, so I can kill them."

"Kara, this isn't you," she reaches forward to calm her down, but Kara starts pacing.

"The hell it isn't!" Kara exclaims, fists clenching at her sides. "My wife was beaten for all I know, and she's acting like it's just another day at the office!" she gestures at Lena, exasperatedly. "How would you expect me to act?"

Lena flinches at her tone.

Kara notices, because she always notices when Lena's in distress, and she deflates. "Lena, you're the love of my life, my person, and when you're hurt I can't help how I act. I'm sorry if I seem like I'm overreacting or if I'm yelling, but it's you." She walks back into her space and places her hands over Lena's face, thumbs lightly grazing her cheekbones, careful not to bump her wounds. "It's you," she whispers.

Lena swallows thickly, and when she speaks her voice is soft and afraid. "It was an accident."

"Did someone do this to you?" Kara's jaw clenches as she lets go. She doesn't stray far though, crossing her arms in front of her chest to try and calm down.

"Kara, no," Lena sighs, tears pooling in her eyes. "I...I did it to myself."

"What?" Kara's arms drop to her sides. "What are you talking about?"

"I was in a board meeting," she clears her throat. "Um...I was presenting a new prototype for...for," Lena shakes her head and frowns tensely. She rubs her eyes with tight fists and with a shaky breath, she cries, "Kara, I—I can't remember!"

Kara steps forward and grasps her hands. "Hey, it's okay. Take your time." She rubs soothing circles over her knuckles with her thumbs.

Lena takes a deep breath and tries again. "I was in a board meeting, and I vaguely recall getting a terrible migraine. Everything after that is fuzzy," she sniffles and takes her hands back to wipe her eyes. "Jess said I fell and hit my head on the table on the way down."

Kara inhales shakily, "What?"

"I had a seizure, I guess," she says it with a slight lilt at the end like it's a question she doesn't want answered. "Uh, it lasted about five minutes until the paramedics arrived. They said I was lucky I wasn't doing something else, like driving. It could've been a lot worse."

"Why didn't you tell me? Why didn't anyone call me?," Kara looks at her with pleading but sorrowful eyes.

"I didn't want you to worry."

"We promised each other, remember?" squeezes her hands. "For better or worse," she says with all the conviction she has. Kara kisses her knuckles and asks, "What did the doctors say?"

Lena sniffles and bows her head. "They ran all these tests on me, but couldn't find anything serious as to why I had a seizure. It could be any number of things, but they can't really do anything for me until I have another one," she looks up at her wife, lips wobbling.

"Kara, I'm scared," she whispers. "This is—" her words catch in her throat, and it's hard for her to breathe. "This is—my mom," she cries hysterically, covering her mouth with her hands, "This is how my mom died, she—she had a seizure while she was in the lake and she drowned. I can't—I can't believe this is—this is happening," she hiccups into another sob.

"Shhh," Kara envelops her in a hug and rubs soothing hands along her back. Lena bawls uncontrollably into her neck, hands gripped tightly to the back of Kara's shirt. "I'm so sorry, Lena," she kisses her on the head and murmurs into her hair, "We're gonna figure this out, I promise."

"What if I have what she had?" Lena questions, voice muffled and watery. "Kara...I don't wanna die," her mind begins to fill with thousands of different scenarios and she spirals into a panic, her whole body shaking, "I don't wanna die, Kara!"

"Honey, no," Kara hugs her tighter, as much as she can without harming her, then pulls back and kisses her on the forehead. She pointedly looks into her eyes when she says, "You're not dying. Okay? Not today, not anytime soon, alright?" Lena's face is red and splotchy. She tries to reign in control of her emotions, and she exhales a shaky breath while managing to give a slight nod. "Good. We'll figure out what's wrong with you, and if we can't do that here, then...we'll go to Argo. Their advances in science are way ahead of Earth's, and if that's not enough then I'll personally travel to other earths or other planets until I find a solution. You're not going anywhere if I have anything to say about it."

"Promise?"

Kara palms the underside of her jaw and rests their foreheads together, Lena's puffs of breath hitting her lips. "I promise," she presses their lips together in a chaste kiss and mumbles, "I love you." Kara kisses her again, "More than anything."

"I love you, too," Lena replies and buries her face in Kara's chest, her arms wrapped around her waist tight and what would be restricting if not for Kara’s invulnerable body. A calming minute passes for them in the aftermath of Lena's breakdown, when Lena quietly asks, "Is something burning?"

Lena feels her wife stiffen in her arms. "Shit!"

She pulls back and raises her eyebrows curiously, an amused glint in her eyes as she asks, "Did you just swear?"

Kara extracts herself from Lena's hold and stutters, "N-no, I said sh-sheet," she fumbles over to the stove and turns off the burner. Kara leans over the pot and frowns at the wreckage.

Lena chuckles with such fondness it's almost like their previous conversation has been forgotten. Kara beams at the sound, one of the reasons she fell in love with Lena in the first place; that girl can make laughter sound like music. Even her out-of-control snort laughs are adorable. At least to Kara's ears.

"There's no point in denying it, love, I heard you loud and clear," Lena smirks and joins her in the kitchen, poking her in the side. Kara squeals and feigns hurting by falling to the floor dramatically.

Lena playfully rolls her eyes and holds out her hand. "Baby, get up, the floor is a mess." Kara easily obeys and jumps to her feet with barely any help from Lena. "I married a weirdo," she shakes her head.

"Do you regret it?"

"Never," Lena states firmly. "You're my weirdo, forever."

"I like the sound of that," Kara blushes. Even after being married for five years, and knowing each other even longer, Lena still possesses the ability to fluster Kara on a daily basis.

"C'mon, let's order Chinese."

"You're speaking my language!" Kara kisses Lena on the nose and watches with pure affection as it scrunches. She grabs the takeout menu from the junk drawer before twining her fingers through Lena's and snuggling with her on the couch.

No matter her diagnosis, not matter the outcome, Lena will be more than okay with Kara by her side.

[exalok]

1, 24, and 35!!

ah!!!! (under the cut after the first because it got Very Long)

1. What font do you write in? Do you actually care or is that just the default setting?

i've taken to writing in calibri (after a period of testing comic sans) because it's round and pleasing and large and helps my brain not think This Is Serious Business Mistakes Are Punishable By Death (so yes i do care) but also i write quite a lot on discord so in that case i just use the default, which works in a similar way

24. How much prep work do you put into your stories? What does that look like for you? Do you enjoy this part or do you just want to get on with it?

oh god oh god. well i guess it depends on what your idea of prep work is, and on the story. there are stories i will hash out a couple of scenes for (basically let the movie run in my head and take notes on dialogue and movement and position in the room/on the furniture and inner thought and possibly on occasion actual descriptions i'd like to use) then, during the typing phase, add in about 70% of the actual finished thing on improv, based on what feels right in terms of progression/setup/getting the characters where they need to be and also on the various ideas that will pop up as i go. there are stories i will have scene plans and chapter plans and extra character info and mapped-out arcs and This Is What I Want From The Story files for, and all of it will change three to ten times along the course of the writing/rewriting (generally these are the long ones, which are much harder to keep in my head as a whole, so i need written notes to keep track of the things i would otherwise just be aware of in some corner of my mind). i very rarely research and when i do i tend to discard what i need the research for anyway because the first try always sticks out like a sore information thumb. lastly, i am incapable of not writing five sentences in my head to every one that reaches the page, which makes for very slow writing but decent initial results (and even now i do this less than i used to -- in the past i'd basically never edit beyond surface typo/tense checks because i'd already put So Much into trying to get the right sentence down the first time. writing is much more fluid, though less poetic, since i've learned to calm that instinct down) i cannot function without prep work!!!! or like i can't finish a story without prep work. i have somehow managed to write 50k words once with barely any prep but what i'd invent as i went (though it very quickly acquired a lot of stuff to keep track of) and started a number of stories without thinking very hard about them (then stopped when i started thinking Super Hard about them and got overwhelmed by all the Not Knowing What Happens Next) but everything i've finished is something i've prepped, and to be honest i really like it. it clarifies things, it's satisfying. sometimes i kind of want to publish my notes as-is even though without some idea of the end result they very well may be incomprehensible, because i still keep half the information in my brain without meaning to. (the number of times i've returned to an old fic and squinted at my notes like what the fuck did past me mean by that. ugh.) also making brain movies is half the fun of fanfictioning. however i have frequently gotten stuck on the reworking-the-chapter-plan part of the story and that can get very frustrating, so sometimes i do look at my dumptruck of a fic file and think i should just start putting words down or i'll never leave the rut

35. What’s your favorite writing rule to smash into smithereens?

an excellent question, as most of the writing rules i've encountered i have either forgotten or fully integrated over time, by which i mean i don't know -- i guess it's not something i consider or think about? i'll take into account things like how a sentence sounds in my head, whether a visual image makes my dopamine centers wiggle, a character's thoughts and their gradual progression through whatever journey i'm inflicting on the day's victim, but as most of the words kind of come to me naturally/automatically, beyond my systematic rewording of everything for the right Vibe, i just let the writing happen and don't think about what's Allowed or Not Allowed except for the every sentence has several uses rule. if i want a sentence because i think it's pretty, into the soup it goes. if two years down the line i reread that fic and decide it actually serves no purpose and the sense of pretty has run its course, then out it will go, but until then i'm throwing whatever i can get my hands on into the pot (oh yeah and i pop adverbs like they're seeds and i'm a hungry hungry bird) writing is weird!! writing is wonderful!! there is a voice in every silly little writer's hand!! you lego the words together into something pleasing and you lego the sentences together into something pleasing and you lego the scenes together into something pleasing and you have, hopefully, something that pleases you at the end, and maybe it will reveal Deep Thoughts about the world and society and people and what they do and maybe it will relieve Deep Feelings in somebody somewhere and maybe it will just be Deeply Stupid and allow the shutting off of brains and the producing of mental fizz i dunno. my point i guess is Writing Delicious the rule i want to smash the most is the one that says i should take myself seriously

[blackevermore]

x Secrets of The Lake: The Company of Misery and Pain

{ Chapter 6 }

Summary: Vladimir Masters’ family tree has always been tainted by secrets swept under the rug. From generation to generation there have been countless reasons the Masters’ family had seemed to keep private from the public. Even to this day, Vladimir was no exception. But what was one to do when a restless spirit from the settlement years finally breaks free from restraints and demands you answer for your ancestor’s crimes? Vladimir doesn’t know. However, Clockworks does.

Notes: We just having fun, rewriting some of the canon, new adventure new characters. I will apologize now for any grammar, spelling, weird sentence structuring in advance. My brain writes faster than my fingers and even when I go back through to reread it I still miss things. Sorry about that!

Word Count: 2681

Maybe Danny should have stayed for dinner, gone home late and stayed long enough to defuse Dani’s anger towards Vlad. She was still mad at Danny but at least she would talk to him. This wasn’t the first time he has upset his daughter and had a silent dinner with her, that was bound to happen in the life of a parent who didn’t necessarily raise their kid. But this silent death had an added bonus of Dani staring at Vlad with a hint of confusion. Vlad tried his best to ignore it and pick at his food but the way her eyes seemed to dig further and further into his being it was impossible to ignore her.

“Danielle, I’m sure you are aware that staring is rude, no matter how much the other person upset you.” Vlad tried to sound as calm as possible as he spoke and for the most part it worked. Dani's eyes shot down towards her food and she quickly took a bite off her plate. Vlad sighed and decided he was done for the night, he wasn’t that hungry anyway, he snapped his fingers for the maid to come and clean. 

“Ya’know you could just get up and take it to the kitchen like a human.” Dani mockingly stated dragging out the word human just to emphasize her point. Vlad rose a brow and looked at her a bit bewildered but accepting the remark.

“As should you use the stairs to get to your room or anywhere else in the house. I know it's rather large but humans do it all the time.” Vlad couldn’t hide his amusement as Dani gave him a look of ‘shut up old man’. That spitfire attitude was all Danny’s and only 2% Vlad. Had Vlad had it his way a very long time ago, Danny would be his son doing the same thing and maybe Dani would have been there as well. Vlad hummed to himself then shook his head, one Danny of any sorts at a time. Two of them at once, Vlad was sure he would actually age past what he was physically. 

“I would like to apologize, Vlad took hold of his drink and took a sip to clear his throat. Apologies were still rather new to him and even if he truly meant it, it almost pained him to get it out. “Both Daniel and I know you only want to help. You are a natural born hero and we know it. But you have to understand that we are not trying to stop you because we think you can’t handle it. We are stopping you because what happened while we were in the Ghost Zone was even out of our hands. The last thing either of us wants is for you to be hurt trying to save us. Danny already had to drag me back home.” Vlad mutters the last bit, still embarrassed how easily he was defeated.

Dani untense her shoulders and lets out a sigh as she avoids making eye contact with Vlad. She gets it, she does, but she hasn't fought any bad guys in a while. Danny has been going out still on patrols while she was stuck at home because ‘you have school tomorrow’ was the excuse thrown at her. Even when she went home with Vlad she was still off limits from patrolling. If she wasn’t allowed to fight any ghost then at the very least she wanted to do was transform and fly around.

“I just wanna do something,” Dani plopped her face in her hands and sadly played with her food. Vlad nodded and gave her a sweet smile.

“Well, I can think of something that you can help with.” He said.

“Oh yeah?”

“And you can do it while in your ghost form.” Dani shot off the table and sat up straight in her chair. Vlad shook his head pleased to see her excitement once again. “I have a banquet coming this Wednesday and I haven’t gotten anything ready. I will give you full control to not only pick out the decoration, but also the theme and the staff that will entertain the guest. If you just so happen to make it ghost related I wouldn’t mind you putting on a show.”

Dani smiled but rolled her eyes and fell back into her chair.

“You put me on hosting duties but I’m not complaining. I get to go ghost!” Dani shrugged and picked up her fork to finish her plate. Vlad was actually impressed that she didn’t complain more. Had he ever said that to Danny, the boy would have complained the whole way through learning how to tie a tie.

“I will handle the menu, of course, but you have to tell me everything you want by tomorrow so we can prepare.” Vlad held up a finger and wagged it back and forth.

“Yeah yeah I gotcha, one fancy dancy fun party for fancy dancy people. But add a little bit of spice.” Dani did a very bad British accent and Vlad blinked a couple of times. She held up her hand and told him not to worry about it. Vlad will never understand this new generation and he wasn’t really sure he wanted to. When Dani finished her plate he was about to call for the maids but Dani stopped him. “Don’t worry I got this.” Dani pulled back her chair and picked up her mess and started towards the kitchen. When she passed Vlad she gave him a small smile, “Thanks dad.” 

Vlad would be lying if he said hearing her say that didn’t make his heart flutter. That was another tack on the board of good things Vlad has either done or heard. Vlad smiled and continued to sit at the table until he was done with his drink. When he looked towards the grandfather clock he realized it was rather late into the night. He still had work in the morning along with making sure Dani was ready to go when he was. With that he grabbed his glass and headed towards the kitchen to put it in the sink. Then he made his way towards the grand staircase to get to his room. He enjoyed the simplicity of being human sometimes, he took it for granted for 20 years so now being able to count the stairs up was fun. But Vlad also knew that being able to slip in and out of walls and floors was a childish thrill he would never let go.

  He led her from the wagon park on the dirt trail down through the trees to a hidden garden path that led to a cottage. Along the path was a stream of water that gently passed them by as the couple made their way towards their new home. Tayonna pulled away from him as she watched the water sparkle in the faint rays of the sun. It had been so long since they’ve been back here, four long years filled with nothing but trouble after trouble. The water looked so calm, not a care in the world as it continued to flow along the rocks on an unknown adventure. She wanted that, so badly. Born into unfortunate situations and only blessed by the benefit of service. She should be grateful but it seemed like the world was not made for people like her- for none of her people. She didn’t budge when she felt thick fingers slip between hers, nor did she look towards him when he stood beside her. 

“No one can find us here, it’s far enough from the town square and just far from any prying eyes. You are free to do as you please when you are here in my company.” Vladan took Tayonna’s hand in his and led her to the stream. The poor girl could tell he meant every word he promised her but something still haunted the depths of her mind. What they had together had changed dramatically from the time she was brought into the family to now. There was love, hidden scared fragile love that they both clung to in hope of forever.

“Here is home?” Tayonna asked as she reached down to dip her fingers in the cool water then used her powers to change its direction. The water started to rush upward towards the cottage before she lifted some of it into the air to swirl around them. Vladan smiled and pulled her in close and placed a kiss on her temple. The swirls of water broke apart in small drops and hung around them in crystals before dropping to the ground.

“And home is safe, I promise.” Vladan whispered to her, snaking a hand through her tight curls and pulling her in against his chest. They were safe, nothing bad could happen to them and he was sure of it. There was nothing left to take from him.

Vlad didn’t know what to make of this dream, but he was glad it wasn’t a nightmare nor a misleading sex dream. It was just bittersweet, as if he could tell the words that came out of his mouth- er the person he was in the dream’s voice was all a lie. Every time Vlad woke up from his dreams he couldn’t remember who he was supposed to be nor where he was. Everything played out like cloudy memories until Tayonna showed up. She always looked so unhappy and tensed like she also knew he was lying. Whenever they touched in these dreams, Vlad felt his heart flutter but always by the end it broke over and over again. He couldn’t even sit up in bed and simply rolled to his side to look out his window. He looked towards his bedside table and read the digital clock, it was 1am. He had only had the peace of slumber for two hours. As he stared out the window his mind drifted back towards the issues at hand.

From what Danny had told him about the ghost in the Ghost Zone, it seemed that Tayonna played on people’s emotions. ‘So she’s heartbroken?’ Vlad thought to himself then cringed at the thought of having to deal with another heartbroken ghost. What was it about the ladies in the ghost world all suffering from bad relationships? As if someone made it out to be that was the only thing they could truly suffer from. Vlad knew what heartbreak was, or rather what it could be when the one gets away from you. And yes he did spend a few years trying to win her over with shitty plots and tricks. But now he learned to let go, or in a way learning to do so, this was a cruel joke Clockwork placed him in. Tayonna would not be getting the upper hand on him.

When his position became uncomfortable he tossed himself onto his back once more. Staring up at the decorative ceiling Vlad found it hard to close his eyes. He was very tired but he wasn’t sure if he would be able to handle another dream. If he tried to think of something else to take his mind off the dreams it would find its way back around. Vlad ran a hand through his hair and pulled the dark patch in front of his eyes. He still couldn’t believe this, he was glad Danny and Dani hadn’t brought it up when he was standing in front of them. He had caught them looking since he woke from his small coma but they never asked. He sighed in a tired defeat and pushed his hair back behind him. He wanted to sleep and he would be damned if some ghost girl would be the reason he became an insomniac again. Vlad closed his eyes and tried to will his mind to nothingness so he could get comfortable. Within a few minutes he did start to feel himself slipping away, even when a cold hand caressed his cheek and tucked his hair behind his ear, he was completely drifting away.

The next morning Vlad for once in the past few months felt completely energized. When he opened his eyes he felt his power fire to life and felt like he could take on the world. He even had a little pep in his step as he hummed through getting ready and heading downstairs. Dani noticed his good mood as soon as he stepped into the kitchen. He hadn’t done any of this since he secretly bankrupt a competing company in California completely halting silicon valley.

“What’s got you all uppity?” Dani asked with a mouth full of cereal trying to shove as much as possible before being shooed out the door. Vlad stopped in his tracks halfway through making coffee and knotted his brows then shrugged. 

“I finally got a good night's rest, I suppose it put me in a good mood.” He hummed and continued his task.

“Well that's cool, also I have an idea for your thing tomorrow.” Dani pulled out her phone and swiped through it before opening her notes. “Four seasons, since it’s almost summer I think summer should be the main event while other parts of the party make up the other seasons. We could get some ghosts to dress up and be the spirits of the seasons and impress people with “magic tricks” .” Dani was proud of her idea, she had even drawn out costumes and shown Vlad.

“When did you have time to draw up all of these?” Vlad silently asked her for her phone and when she handed it over he flipped through the notes and the designs. They weren’t masterpieces but he could envision her idea. 

“Last night before bed, duh, but I figured out almost everything for each season. I'll be handling winter of course, but I couldn’t come up with anything for autumn because of the storm last night.” Vlad handed Dani her phone back and gave her a questionable look.

“What storm?” Vlad asked, taking a sip of his now cooling coffee. Rats. He wouldn’t have time to make another one, so he shrugged and used his powers to heat it up. They are there for a reason.

“You didn’t hear it? It was like so bad, I almost thought my window was gonna cave in from the winds. Eventually, it calmed down a bit and I went to sleep. You must have slept through it.” Vlad was sure that if there was a storm he would have heard it. Especially since he was woken up just a bit past midnight. Even when he looked out his window he didn’t see any traces of raindrops. Before Vlad could ask her more about the storm his phone sounded telling him it was time to go. With that he clapped his hands to gather Dani’s attention and told her to grab her stuff. He silenced his phone and stuck it in his pocket then transferred his coffee to his travel cup.

“Ugh I can’t wait till school is out.” Dani huffed and headed out the door heading towards the car.

“Two and half more weeks and you’re a free little woman. But until then get in the car so neither of us are late.”  Vlad shut the door and locked it and headed towards the driver's seat.

“Are you dragging us back to Wisconsin this summer? I kinda wanna stay here.” Dani rubbed her neck and Vlad secretly cursed Danny for giving her bad habits.

“I planned on at least staying there a week or so, but if you wish to stay in Minnesota that’s fine. Or I can compromise with you by staying with the Fentons’ while I’m gone.” Vlad felt proud of himself, he was on a roll of giving himself dad points. This unironically must be what Jack feels like. Wow… he didn’t want to compare himself to Jack at all.

“Deal.” Dani beamed and threw in her headphones for the rather lengthy car ride. 

[seafoam-blue]

The Star by wuyifan95, deedee_zelo90 & alyssa_1998

Story link.

Story Title: 6/10

The story has fourteen chapters and I asked myself if I actually had time to read it. I find the title quite cute, if I say so myself. Yet, I can't seem to see the relevance it has to your story plot. I can sense a little connection but it's not a huge part of the whole story. A title needs to be effective to an extent it does accurately portray the message and plot of the story. A title also needs to be able to portray the story plot well without giving away too much. Your title, in my opinion, is vague in a good way but I can't seem to understand it and I'm really sorry.

Appearance wise I have to say it is quite mediocre, the title isn't a turn-off but it isn't really a hook either. It’s a bit on the plain side, and it sounds like something that many people would use. Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you get your title from EXO's The Star? I kinda guessed that because when I first saw your title, I was quickly reminded of that song which happens to be one of my favourites. I don't think the title is eye-catching enough, and that is one of  the problems with naming a fanfic after a song. There are too many other fanfics with the same title and this will not help yours to stand out. Perhaps, you should come up with something more profound. You can try messing around with words, find something relating to the story yet not revealing the plot.

Foreword & Description: 11/15

Let's start with the description first, shall we? Your description is something safe as I'd like to call it. You pretty much summarized everything without giving away too much and that's good. It's not the best but it's fine to me. There are certain parts that caught my attention, so well done. There's one thing I'd like to talk about and that is your sentence construction. I don't know why but most of your sentences are really awkward to read, or maybe it's just me. Try to rewrite some parts in your description to make it more appealing and readable to the reader's eyes. You can ask your co-authors to help you or just ask for a beta-reader. I'm not sure if English is your first language but you do have a bit of wrong grammar from your description.

Original: Kris already has a girlfriend who he loves.

Correction: Kris already has a girlfriend whom he loves.

As you can see, a lot of people tend to get this mistaken. 'Who' vs. 'Whom'. I read a lot of fics where the author got these two words mixed up. Here's some explanation. From what I've studied, who should be used in the subject position in a sentence, while whom should be used in the object position, and also after a preposition. For example:

Who cooked this rice? (here, who is the subject of the sentence)

Whom do you think we should support? (here, whom is the object of support)

To whom do you wish to talk to? (here, whom is following the preposition to)

I hope you get the idea. I'm sorry if you don't understand what I'm trying to say. I'm really bad at explaining things, so forgive me.

Moving on to the foreword, I think everything's fine here. The only thing that needs a little touch-up is the sentence construction which I've mentioned before. The snippet you've given is nice, I have nothing to complain about. The only real problem I have with your overall description are your character descriptions where you introduced the three major characters and gave a brief outline of them. I feel that this is really unneeded as the details you gave under each character could have been introduced in the story rather than the foreword itself. It's fine if you're giving the readers and subscribers the important information, but never give away their personalities. Sometimes things should just be left hidden so that the readers can discover them themselves.

Characterization: 8/10

Here, I'll just talk about the three characters that seem dominant in my opinion, which are Kris, Hyuna and Lunia. I find that your characters are interesting, but they're not memorable or amusing to me. You developed your characters with dialogues instead of describing their actions and feelings. It's not wrong but it's not good either. Some readers might have a hard time grasping your characters and connect to them. I don't have a problem with it, though. I won't ask you change the way you write because you're probably comfortable with that style of writing. Different authors have different kinds of writing styles. It all depends on taste and preference so I won't say much.

Let's start off with Kris. Based on what you wrote, I think he's an idiot. I had neutral feelings for him. I didn't like Kris but at the same time I didn't hate him. I find his character irresponsible. He left Hyuna for 4 years without a good explanation and when he finally met her, he acted like nothing happened. Honestly, I wasn't satisfied with that. He even dared to stay the night with Hyuna and made out with her. That was absolutely unacceptable and unfair considering what he had done to the girl. Another thing is that he's currently having conflicts with his own feelings. He loves Lunia but at the same time he loves Hyuna. He might be irresponsible and stupid at some point, but I can still see that he's selfless. He left Hyuna for a reason and seeing how he kept the secret for so long, he must've have loved the girl very much. I can see that he has flaws which is good. I want to feel sorry for Kris, but he brought all the problems to himself and I really hope in the future chapters, he is able to make things right.  

As for Hyuna, I think she is quite a strong-minded person. She won’t take it when someone tries to hurt her, she stands up for herself against Kris and I really like this aspect of her. She acts all tough when she's broken on the inside and I think this is portrayed really well. Taking a revenge on Kris was a dirty trick but after what she had been through, it's understandable and realistic. I realized that Hyuna wasn't the girl that she used to be. When she was in Canada, I saw that she was very bright and cheerful. She was also friendly as she was able to befriend Kris in a split second. But after what happened, she became cold and passive that she can't seem to interact with anyone other than her brother and her best friends. She detaches herself from other people because she doesn't want her trust to be betrayed again like what Kris did to her. She might have changed, but I can still see bits of her old traits in her because that's her true personality which I find you did a good job of portraying. I like her character.

Now, it's Lunia's turn. Lunia is an insane person that I can't even think of her as 'normal'. She's really bubbly, like really really bubbly. I had a hard time understanding her because to me, her personality was hard to grasp. I'm starting to wonder why the EXO boys treasure her so much when she comes off as clingy and spoiled, which makes her unlikeable to me. She feels like a 'Mary-Sue' who lacks layers as a character. She feels really flat and plain, and she did come off as unrealistic at one point. I gotta say that it annoys me that Sehun likes her because I honestly think he deserves better. I hope you will try to improve her character as the story goes on because there's nothing to it. One thing that doesn't make sense is that she keeps calling Kris 'oppa' when she's actually Chinese and Kris is also Chinese. I don't see the point why she calls Kris 'oppa' when they're both Chinese.

Summary/Plot: 15/20

So far, the plot for the whole story is not the most original plot out there because I've read a few fanfics before with the same idea. But then again, I can't say much about it because your story is still on-going. What I have to say about your plot though is that it’s interesting, believe me. I really do like your plot. I know with plots many readers have their own preference of what makes up a good story but with yours it already has a decent plot. The only problem is the flow and I will talk about it later in the flow section. I won't talk about originality because that doesn't matter to me. We see cliché fics everyday. I've also written a lot of fanfics with cliché plots before. Cliché isn't always bad. If you know how to deal with it, your story will do great. One more thing, please avoid using symbols for your chapter titles. It just looks messy for some reasons.

Grammar/Spelling: 10/20

This is possibly the weakest section you’ve done in and you need to understand this so I’m going to explain it as clearly as possible. I don't know if English is your first language or not because you didn't specify, but I have to say that your grammar really distracted me. I'm not a Grammar Nazi, I'm not even a native English speaker to begin with. But there were a handful of grammar mistakes I found throughout the story, and most of them are the very basic ones. Here are few to name: tenses, punctuation, spacing, vocabulary and also some sentences that didn't make sense; I would understand what you were trying to say, but the way you strung your words together sounded really awkward or the words were simply incorrect. I suggest you type your story in Microsoft Word before publishing it on AFF because it's really helpful. Microsoft Word is every author's best friend, as I'd like to call it. I know it's sometimes tiring to copy and paste your writing because I used to feel that way before, but it helps to fix our grammar and such. I want to list some of your mistakes but you disabled text selection, so I think you can ask your co-authors to fix them for you.

Organization/Flow: 5/15

The flow of your story felt extremely rushed (to me at least). My advice: don’t rush things. Stop and explain. Some events felt rushed, like the flashback with T.O.P and the engagement between Kris and Lunia. The transitions from one event to another in a chapter was not subtle and that really bothered me. The overall flow wasn't terrible just try to slow things down a bit and add more descriptions, but not too much or otherwise it'll be boring. I didn't quite like the POV change because I feel like everything can be written with the third person omniscient POV without adding all the characters' POVs.

Structure: 8/15

There’s nothing embarrassing to point out so don’t be scared over reading this section. You did pretty well in this section but I'd like to talk about your paragraph structuring. You tend to collapse your paragraphs into one big paragraph when there are certain parts that need to be separated. It looks scattered and inconsistent. I suggest that you make them shorter; a lot of your paragraphs could be written one by one. I also don't quite like how you bolded the dialogues. Bolds are mainly used to emphasize things. In your case, you're using it for dialogues and there's no need for that, to be honest. Just stick to normal colour and format for the dialogues. No bolds or italics, unless you want to emphasize something.

Bonus: 2/5

The story is good in its own way. I can say that there are aspects in writing that I know you can improve on. Your readers seem to enjoy your story a lot, and I think that's the most important thing when it comes to a story. Your story is fun to read, I enjoyed it. The only problems are your grammar and flow, so try to fix that as soon as you can. You have two co-authors to help you so I don't think there will be a problem.

Total: 65/100

Notes: Hi there wuyifan95! I know that you requested from muraskipandadreams to review your story but I had to take over it for some reasons. I'm really sorry this took so long. I had a problem with my computer a few days ago and I actually had to read your story one chapter a day because of my busy schedule. I hope I didn't come out too harsh and my review's helpful. I'm sorry if it didn't come out as you expected. I haven't been reviewing stories for months so I hope you understand the difficulties I had when I was working on your request. Hope you enjoy your review. Thanks for requesting!

reviewed on 8/7/2014