#please i amso tired everything hurts

[taz-drgaone]

aye wsg babagrils is anyone down for me collapsing into their arms while sobbing silently so i can finally rest my aching limbs

[trash0receptacle]

Headcannon

Before that however: I’m sorry for not being active lately I’ve been very, stressed, busy, and tired. Since school started back my mood definitely declined a shit ton. With that being said writing is a way of coping for me so this is really just gonna be what I need today. If it helps you then that’s wonderful too.

Tw: Deppresion, Anxiety, and Anorexia

Paring: Lucifer x f/Mc

Also the way I right Luke is supposed to be taken platonically.

(Mc’s Pov)

Life had been shitty lately a lot more shitty than usual. I suppose it started when I heard some of the other succubi talking about me in on the way to class.

“She’s so lucky!”

“I know why does that bitch get to live with the brothers?”

“What do they even see in her?”

Sure I shouldn’t have taken the comments so personally but hell I take everything personally. So thats when my self doubt started forming roots in my mind again.

Before devildom I already had a lot of unresolved trauma and pain but the brothers really helped me. They were there for me when I needed them and made me feel wanted however after Belphie escaped the attic things went downhill for me mentally. The situation caused me a massive relapse and I began my destructive habits again. It went unnoticed for the most part mainly because they didn’t know the full scale of my past. All they knew is that I struggled and was medicated but nothing else. Perhaps Barbatos knew but he never said anything and I don’t believe he truly knew what went on inside my head either.

Now in the present moment I am contemplating what the succubi were saying about me. They’re right, “what did they see in me?” Surely it wasn’t my looks. I’m decently smart but I have no work ethic. The only thing I know I’m good at is being kind yet I’m a bitch half the time. So that’s when it came back to my body. The thing I’ve always hated about myself because I was never skinny enough, tall enough, pretty enough, curvy enough. I was never enough for someone to care about me.

I started skipping meals here and there. I still ate 2 out of three meals but I figured losing weight couldn’t hurt but then before I knew it I was lucky to even eat once a day. I was always good at making myself lose weight but not so drastically that you could tell I starved myself. For the most part I seemed healthy. However since I was going unchecked it kept getting worse. First my curves disappeared, then it was my hips sticking out, after that my cheeks began to sink, and finally my hair began coming out when I brushed it. I knew what I’d done but I couldn’t tell anyone because I didn’t want to hurt them and in the past asking for help only got me ridiculed or hurt.

“No one wants to here about your problems mc it makes us sad.”

“You wonder why I don’t like you!”

“You always beg for compliments!”

“Your fat anyway.”

Those words just kept circulating inside my mind and wouldn’t stop. I wanted to get better I really did but it was hard to force myself to eat. However I couldn’t rely on anyone else for fear of hurting them or them hurting me so I stayed silent. That was until my ddd pinged and I received a text from Lucifer.

Lucifer: Please come to my study mc.

Mc: Uh sure... is everything alright?

No response.

This is unlike Lucifer whats wrong? Is he mad at me? I guess I shouldn’t keep him waiting otherwise he will get mad. I got up and walked to his study inside the library. On the way I noticed the house of Lamenation was eerily quiet. There was no noise besides the sound of my feet walking through the hallways. When I arrived at the door to the study I was surprised to not only see Lucifer but everyone else?

Simeon resembled a worried parent, Luke seemed confused and angry, Diavolo was most serious I’d ever seen him, Barbatos stared at me with what I assume was pity, Solomon looked at me like I was a ghost. However the brothers appeared in worst shape. Mammon seemed on the verge of crying, Levi had guilt written over his face, Satan like Luke was angry angry, Amso was for once frowning, and Belphie and Beel looked disappointed. However I couldn’t read Lucifer’s expression but I could tell something was definitely off.

“Uh hey guys... what’s wrong you look like someone died or something?” I tried to laugh off the uneasy mood in the room but it was to no avail.

“Mc if you could sit down we have some things we must discuss with you.” Lucifer spoke solemnly

They had to have figured it out. Of course I knew this would come out eventually but it still felt like a stab to the heart none the less. I sat down not even listening to the others words. All my energy was focused into not breaking down in front of them but I’d stayed “strong” for too long and tears began to silently fall down my face. The talking stopped and I felt them all look at me which just made the tears fall harder. I felt my wall crumbling down as the final straw on the camels back was placed. I just cried for what felt like hours. Once I began to calm down I finally spoke in between sobs and breaths

“I-.... I’m so-...sorry.”

The room became silent once more. No of them knew how to respond to the broken girl infront of them

“I just didn’t want to burden you guys.... you have your own problems and don’t need to put up with mine” “nor would you want to” I mumbled the last part but I didn’t go unheard.

Luke got up and ran over to me enveloping me in a hug. He just stood there hugging me as if he didn’t I would fade away. I just hugged him back feeling slightly better by the angel’s hug.

Simeon was the first to speak

“Mc we aren’t angry at you. I think I speak for everyone when I say we are worried.”

A silent agreement was exchanged throughout the room.

Diavolo spoke next

“While Barbatos wouldn’t divulge all of what he knew for the sake of your privacy he warned me that you needed an intervention.”

I chuckled halfheartedly knowing my hypothesis was indeed correct.

“Well I figured it would come to this eventually.”

*time skip*

“Can I go back to my room now?” I whisper

I wasn’t really asking rather I just said it and got up to leave. The others stayed still likely digesting the information I’d given them. I felt ashamed and exposed. I hated seeing how much my words affected them and I really needed to be alone at the moment. Eventually I made it to my room. Walking in I closed the door and just cried.

(Lucifer’s Pov)

No one bothered to utter a word after Mc left and no one went after her either. Eventually my brothers excused themselves to go where, I’m not sure. I couldn’t tell if it was minutes or hours that passed but Solomon, Simeon, and Luke left saying they should head back to purgatory hall. Which left Barbatos, Diavolo, and I alone in the study. For the first time since I’d known the prince I couldn’t tell what was going through his head. Barbatos eventually composed himself however and turned to me.

“I believe My lord and I should make our way back to the palace..”

I just nodded in agreement as the pair left me alone with my own thoughts. I’d never seen that side of Mc before. Of course I knew somewhat of Mc’s history either from her file or her own account but clearly things had been left out.

I eventually got up and left to go to my room knowing I wouldn’t be able to focus on my work even if I wanted to. On the way there I passed by Mc’s room and noticed the light was on. I debated knocking or leaving her alone when a voice called out.

“If your gonna stand at my door like a creep you might as well come in.”

And so I did.

“Hey Lucifer...”

“How did you know it was me?”

“Foot steps. I can tell who’s in the hallway by how they walk.”

“I see then.”

The room’s atmosphere felt awkward as neither one of us bother or start conversation. So I simply sat down on the floor across from Mc, who had her head in her knees. (The fetal position) Eventually she brought her head up to wipe tears from her eyes and said with a broken laugh.

“I’m sorry you had to seem me like this. I look pathetic right now..”

“Mc why do you say these things about yourself?”

“Why not it’s how I view my self Lucifer. I’ve heard it from your mouth before”

“I’m just a mere human.”

I cringed at the memory knowing she were right of course.

“Mc I-“

“You don’t need to apologize or explain I understand I pissed you off then. It was just an example”

Wanting to change the topic of discussion I asked her a question.

“Why didn’t you come to any of us?”

“Denial...”

“Denial of what?”

“That it got out of control.”

“Is that all?”

“Not exactly...”

“Would you care to elaborate?”

“I- just please don’t get angry...”

I silently nodded my head as a watched Mc loosen up a bit.

“I think it might be my lack of trust towards really anyone.”

Mc started looking into space as she continued.

“I’m terrified of needing people or letting people help me. Part of it is when I have in the past I ended up hurt and alone. So I stopped I started being the one to help others.... then I needed help and I was cast out like a piece of trash. According to them I was selfish for needing affirmation and love. So that was when I decided I didn’t need that again.”

I sat silently contemplating her words.

“I’m truly sorry mc.”

“I would say it’s fine but it’s not. It hurts like hell but that’s life isn’t it? You learn to love and trust then you get your heart stomped out like a burning ember. The people you love leave you or die and you can’t do shit about it.”

“Wait what do you mean by die?”

“You know this sounds awful but you should be thankful Lilith didn’t suffer... sure it hurts that she’s gone but you are able to remember her before then since her “death” was quick. Painless.”

“I’ve had to watch the people who were my Lilith for lack of better terms die and suffer for months or years. I watched their bodies grow weak and feeble. However I was a child then and couldn’t do anything.”

I didn’t know how to respond so we sat in silence until

“Why’d you tell me this Mc?”

“Honestly I don’t know. Likely it’s because my body is physically exhausted and my filter was turned off.”

I noticed the tiredness Mc was trying to hide for the first time.

“You should sleep mc.”

“That’s ironic coming from you Lucifer.”

“I’m being serious mc.”

“What are you going to do? Mak-“

She didn’t get to finish her thought as I picked her up and carried her to my room. I knew she shouldn’t be left alone and I wanted to make sure she would be alright.

We arrived at my room and I deposited her on my bed. I sat in on of the chairs by the fire figuring she’d want the bed.

“Ok but why is your bed more comfortable than mine? Like sis you don’t sleep wtf!”

I just sighed knowing she was probably out of it but she was kinda of adorable when pouty.

Eventually she quieted down and her breathing became slower.

Mc’s POV:

“Mc you need to wake up”

“Five more minutes”

“Mc wake up!”

I felt the covers being ripped off. A dick move really.

“Ahh I’m up I’m up asshole!”

Wait why is Lucifer looking down at me? Why am I in his room? Shit I cussed him out. Well death never seemed that terrible

“Well if you’re awake now you need to come downstairs to eat breakfast. No, you can not object to this either.”

With that he left probably to go make sure the house isn’t on fire. I walked over to his bathroom and splashed water in my face to wake me up and noticed how emaciated I appeared.

Where my cheeks always so pronounced? Or when did my eyes start looking glassy and dark? I brushed it off not wanting to delve deeper into my insecurities. So I made my way to the dinning room. When I got there all conversation stopped and 7 pairs of eyes shot in my direction. I awkwardly made my way to the table and sat down.

I tried eating breakfast but it’s always been something I’ve never been able to stomach. I honestly never feel hungry when I wake up and it’s not like devildom food is exactly tasty. I was about to get up to leave when

“Mc you need to eat more.”

“Lucifer is right mc.”

“Ok...”

I sat back down and tried to eat what was on my plate but couldn’t so I sat there looking at it. I looked over to mammon’s plate and noticed how much food his had compared to mine and figured at least one of them knew it was a process to get me to eat again.

“I really can’t eat anymore otherwise I might be sick.” With no objections I got up and took my plate to the kitchen.

As I was washing it in the sink slowly some of the brothers came in aswell. First Asmo offered to take me shopping but I didn’t feel up to it. Then Satan asked if I wanted to go to the library again I didn’t exactly want people to see me like this so I declined. So levi offered we could play video games or something and I took him up on his offer.

He made sure I ate lunch that day which I honestly forget about sometimes. By the end of the day the other brothers excluding Amso, Satan, and Lucifer were all piled in Levi’s room.

Belphie was passed out in the bathtub of all places. Mammon was trying to impress me with his video game skills and Beel was munching on snacks behind us. It felt normal.

Eventually I got tired of it and decided to have some alone time. I was on my bed watching tik toks. (But fr tho I do have a problem with tik tok) Laughing at some etc when a knock was at my door.

“Come in”

I said this without looking up figuring it was beel looking for snacks or even Satan wanting to come in here and read. When I didn’t hear anything I looked back up from my phone surprised to see Lucifer standing there.

“Is something wrong?”

“No. I just heard laughing and was wondering is you were alright.”

“Oh yeah sorry about that I’m just watching stuff in my phone.”

“Would you mind if I joined you?” He smirked

Damn not that smirk. Stop blushing Mc you got this. It’s just Lucifer.

“Uh... sure...”

Damn that wasn’t smooth.

End. (Unless I am asked to make a part two)

So I’ve been working on this for a while because I’ve wanted to make something actually decent. I wanted to do a happy ending and remind you guys that you’re amazing. And no matter who you are you’re loved and remember that.

- Caroline



[lunacrow-writes]

Brotherly Love- Obey Me

Words-1854

It wasn’t a secret that the brothers picked on Mammon the most. They called him terrible names often. Names like scum, waste of space and air, and other horrific names. Yeah, he was a demon and could probably take it but after a while it has to get tiring or start to affect someone. Right? Being called the same thing over and over again, daily, not to mention by your own brothers. 

MC had gotten tired of it. Day in and day out, the same names were tossed at Mammon. He breathed the wrong way and he would get called a waste of air. He’d get called scumbag, worthless and useless. They were sick of it. It was the last straw when Leviathan had told Mammon to go die for the 5th time this week at dinner.

“That's it. I can’t take it anymore. Send me home or to a different dorm. I can’t take this fucking nagging and bulling of Mammon. You’re his brothers for pete's sake! I get you’re all demons and can probably take it but after a while its gonna start hurting. It's bothering the shit out of me. I brushed it off long enough. If you call him scum for liking money and everything that makes him who he is, then you’re telling him its wrong to be himself. If you attack him for being the Avatar of Greed, then attack Lucifer for being prideful. Attack Asmo for being horny all the goddamn time.“ MC stood up, knocking their chair over. “Every time you call him names, I’m going to fire one right back. Don’t expect me to respect someone who doesn’t respect someone who is being themselves. 

Everyone went silent and stared at me. Mammon looked at me with wide eyes, a slight smile on his face. His brother glanced at me before looking around at each other with amused looks. They bursted out laughing.

“Sweetie, like you said we’re demons. He can handle what we throw at him,” Asmodeus managed to get out while laughing.

“Demons don’t need to have sex everynight like a whore.” MC spat. Their blood pressure was rising every second. Asmodeus stared wide eyed at MC, hurt across his face. MC simply raised an eyebrow. 

“That hurt, didn’t it? I attacked you for who you are. For being the Avatar of Lust.”

“It’s not like its getting to Mammon!” Belphie stated. 

“At least he knows what day it is unlike you who probably doesn’t know cause you sleep most of the days away. Do you even attend school? Do you know what 2 plus 2 is, Belphie?” That caused the sleepy demon to stop and look over at MC with narrowed eyes. 

The rest of the brothers were slowing their laughter. This hurt MC to do. It wasn’t right to do to them what they were trying to get them to stop doing to Mammon. But it was proving a point. The next victim was poor Beelzebub.

“Beelzebub, we need the food for dinners. So unless you plan to take up gardening, stop eating all the fucking food. Your demon form may shape up your body but it doesn’t help with your actual one.” Beelzebub put down his fork to cover his stomach.

“Leviathan, maybe, just maybe, if you stopped acting like a weirdo you could actually get a real life girlfriend instead of having to jerk off to fictional characters.”  Leviathan scoffed, looking off to the side.

“Satan, get over your fucking daddy issues with Lucifer. Just because he looks out for you and thinks you’re capable of great things doesn’t mean he is pushing you to be like him. You are your own person. He can’t change that so get fucking over it. Being angry and bitch isn’t a personality trait.” 

Satan glared. His blue eyes filled with anger and annoyance. “Lucifer isn’t my father.”

“Moving on, last but not least. Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer. Stop being a fucking prick. Just because you are stressed and frustrated because of everything Diavolo has you doing, doesn’t mean you can take it out on your brothers. Get your head out of Diavolo’s ass and start making decisions for yourself. I know everything that happened with Lilith. It's kind of hard to disobey him because you swore loyalty to him. But taking your anger and frustrations out on your brothers doesn’t help. You’re acting more like a wimp than facing your problems and feelings.” Lucifer sat back in his chair, offended but curious to see what was going to happen.

MC looked at Mammon who was staring at them, He looked nervous to see what they were going to say.

“Mammon, is it getting to you? You can be honest.” His eyes shot down to his plate. One by one the brothers looked over and waited for his response. The air was tense. It was silent till a small sniffle broke it. Just as it broke MC’s heart. MC walked around the table and pulled Mammon into a hug. He latched onto them, burying his head into their shoulder.

“It didn’t hurt at first but then it seemed to get worse. I put up with it because I figured if I mentioned something to them It would get worse. I am the second strongest of the sins, I should be able to take it.” MC could feel small tears hit their shirt. 

The room was silent so everyone heard his comment. Beel and Belphie looked at each other and then Mammon. Leviathan was staring at his plate, eyebrows scrunched together in thought. Asmo and Satan were staring dead at Mammon with contemplation in their eyes. Lucifer looked everywhere but at his brother. 

Mammon pulled away and wiped his eyes. “But don’t you worry, human. There is nothing that can stop THE Great Mammon. Not even comments from these losers who just got roasted.” MC laughed. 

A chair was shoved back and Asmo stood up, walking over to them. He gently moved MC out of the way before placing his hands on Mammon’s shoulders.

“I'm proud to call THE Great Mammon my older brother. I’m sorry for making you feel like you couldn’t be yourself without being hassled.” Asmo pulled Mammon into a hug. The white haired demon held up his hands in shock.

“I think this is the first time we’ve hugged, Asmo. I'm scared of what diseases I may get from this.” He commented.

“I’m hugging you. You’re not reciprocating it. AND NONE! I don't have any!” MC grabbed Mammon’s hands and placed them on Asmo’s back. The two hugged for a moment before pulling away. “I’ll try to keep the harsh comments back. Unless you’ve touched something of mine. If that’s the case, I will skin you alive.” 

Satan stood up and walked over, taking Asmo’s place. The Avatar of Lust stood by MC. The two brothers stared at each other. Satan sighed, looking over at MC before back at Mammon. 

“Look, Mammon. I don’t mean the things I say. I’m not good with emotions or words. I know you guys tried to make me not all wrath and anger but those are the only emotions i'm good at showing. I’m working on the others but just know, I-I-” Satan cleared his throat. “I love you, brother. Okay? You can be greedy and money grubbing to an extent. Just don’t touch my books okay?”

Mammon laughed. “Don’t go soft on us, Satan.” That earned him a punch in the arm. “I’m joking, gosh. I love you too, Lil bro.”

 Beelzebub was next up in the family bonding moment. He just walked up and picked Mammon up in a bone breaking, bear hug. “Even though you eat my food. I still love you.” Mammon’s face was growing red the more time he went without air.

“Love you- I can’t breathe. Beel, put me down!” Beelzebub dropped Mammon. He started gasping in air, coughing like a mad man. Belphie walked over and stood quietly in front of Mammon, staring at the ground. We all waited to see what he was going to do or say. The tsundere boy was silent for a moment. A hand lifted up to wipe his face as he looked up at Mammon. 

“Mammon...I know we tell you to go die often...Please don’t. I don’t think I could handle losing another sibling.” Belphie shuddered for a moment as he drew in a shaky breath. He looked up at his older brother. “I would feel like it's my fault and I couldn’t forgive myself for not being able to save another one of my siblings. Please stay with us.”  

Mammon was the one to initiate this hug. He pulled his younger brother into a hug. “I won’t, Belphie. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”  Belphie latched onto his brother’s shirt. They hugged for a few more seconds before pulling away. Two more brothers. They both hadn’t moved from their positions.

“I’m sorry,” Was all Leviathan said. Mammon looked at his younger brother. “I don’t know what else to say but I’m sorry. I know we don’t deserve forgiveness this easily. I hope over time as  we loosen up on the words, you can forgive us.”

Mammon set a hand on Levi’s shoulder. “Thank you.” 

Last but not least...Lucifer.

We all stared at the eldest. He clicked his tongue and looked at Mammon. 

“I have a pile of bills on my desk addressed to you. A pile of complaints about you. I have people contacting me asking for you cause they’re angry.” Mammon looked down at the ground. In the split second before he looked up, Lucifer got out of his chair and hugged Mammon. “But that doesn’t mean I don’t care about or love you any less.” MC smiled at the two.

Mammon froze in place. This time Asmo was the one to fix Mammon’s hands. The other brother’s let them hug for a moment before screaming “family hug” and practically tackling them. Beelzebub had to pull Levi in the hug. The seven of them laughed as they embraced. Lucifer rubbed Mammon and Beelzebub’s hair affectionately, messing it up. 

“Hey! Not the hair!” Mammon said, reaching up to fix the mess. 

Asmodues stood on his tiptoes, reaching in front of Mammon, towards Lucifer. They all watched as Asmo’s hand just barely reached the top of Lucifer’s head. He struggled to ruffle it. Beelzebub chuckled, grabbing Asmodeus by the waist, lifting him up so he can reach better. The other laughed as Amso squeaked at the sudden elevation change. Asmodues smirked and started ruffling his older brother’s hair. Lucifer looked at his younger brother, smiling with a raised eyebrow. 

MC watched beside them, smiling at the siblings. 

Satan and Belphie pulled back one arm and extended it towards MC. 

“You’re part of the family now too.” The Avatar of Wrath said. 

“I just roasted all of you except Mammon and you consider me family.” They all nodded.

“If you couldn’t do that then what kind of person are you. Those were pretty good comments though,” Leviathan spoke up. MC jogged forward and joined the hug. Feeling the warmth of everyone surrounding them.

This is their family now and no one could take that away.