#please dont vomit cheese all over your screens

[venora-the-rogue]

Eyes.

So I’m cleaning out my laptop, and I came across this little number. I think I wrote it for a NaNoWriMo competition a couple of years ago, but anyway it’s hella cheesy and follows an interesting AU regarding eye ‘colour’ and here for your enjoyment or criticism or possibly both or whatever. *

I glanced around at the faces that passed by me. Ghosts that haunt the city. Unaware of the beauty they held in their eyes. Not the concrete jungle around them, of course, but the world in that area of the beyond – you know, the one that lies just at the edge of your periphery, clutching at the corners of your eyes, wanting to be seen, to be acknowledged.

But not in this world.

No, this world was monotonous shades of black, grey and chrome, broken here and there by the white glare of “social networking”. Which was all a lie, of course. Because nothing says “social” like the urban solitude of eyes locked in battle with touchscreens. Like the windows of our souls have been chained to the bars of the windows of applications, and the chain continues to link through all the new windows opened in new tabs, as souls are slowly pulled forth and sucked into the vastness of the Ethernet to be held on display for eternity.

Does it even matter anymore that those windows, individual and personal and precious, so deeply reflect nature in all its glory?

There was a buzz in my pocket. I pulled out my phone.

Sin u fre

I sighed. Goddamn.

Are you going to ask me properly?

He’s going to hate me.

The phone buzzes.

Grr SINEAD R YOU FREE?

I chuckled.

                                   Close enough. Where am I meeting

                                   you?

           Corner 5th n Bdwy

I pocketed the infernal device and strode out of the square.

As I walked to the corner I watched as people’s eyes stayed glued to their technology. Every now and then a pair of eyes would glance up at me as I passed, but would immediately dart away.

I let the crisp afternoon air whistle out of my nose.

People were always afraid of that which was different.

Where their eyes were (at this point in the late, rainy afternoon) a mottled grey, mine glared back with their deep, speckled black.

I pulled my hood close around my pale face, knowing my little nose and pale cheeks were flushed a soft red by now. Gah, how embarrassing.

I wove through the bustling bodies and spotted Kevin at the corner, waving at me. Got to give him credit: when he meets up with me he avoids the drag of technology. He knows how much I hate it. He stood there in his fashionably holey jeans, Docs and a flannel over a plain white t-shirt. Keeping up with modern trends, yet a little rough around the edges. His coat hung from the nook of one arm. How is he not cold?

I strode up to him, hands stuffed in the pockets of my jacket, and stretched up on my toes to lightly head-butt him, as was our friendly greeting. He chuckled, and his breath burst through those annoyingly perfect teeth in smoky white gusts. This winter was quickly becoming a cold one.

           “Hey, I’ve got someone for you to meet!”

He moved aside to reveal a girl about my age, my height, whose back was to me. He tapped her on the shoulder and she spun around, having been oblivious to my approach, and I noticed the white cord of her earphones brushing against her dark neck. She saw me and quickly pulled them out of her ears with one hand, extending the other towards me.

           “Hi! I’m Leena!”

I blinked at her and took her hand, trying not to notice the stark contrast between her rich skin and my ghostly own.

           “Sinead. How do you know Kevin?”

           “Economics 101. You?”

           “Film and Visual Studies.”

She shot a glance up at Kevin. “I didn’t know you studied Film!”

He shrugged. “It was a phase.”

           “Excuse me,” I shot at him, “Fine Arts are not just a phase. If I remember correctly, you enjoyed those classes. Not my fault your father made you change.”

           “Yeah, remember how we don’t talk about that?”

           “Whatever, man.” I returned my gaze to Leena, and for the first time really considered her eyes. Even in the cold grey of the afternoon, amidst the looming clouds and the steady shimmer of rain, her eyes remained an almost iridescent honey gold, with pink undertones.

She blinked and looked to the ground, tucking a curl behind her ear.

           “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stare.”

           “No, it…it’s okay.” She glanced back up at me. “Yours are different too.”

I felt my cheeks flush, and cleared my throat. “So, where are we going for coffee?”

           “I know a nice little café near the park,” Leena suggested. “It’s tucked away in a quiet side-street, they’re really lovely in there.”

***

The train rattled along the tracks, taking me home. We’d spent most of the evening in the café talking and laughing and sharing snacks, reminiscing in our pairs. But I’d noticed something different in the air all evening.

Kevin hadn’t brought Leena along by accident.

After we’d farewelled Leena I’d probed him about it. His enduring silence had left me with an almost sour taste in my mouth. He never kept anything from me.

I found myself unintentionally glaring at people along the train carriage. With the sun gone down and the stars beginning to pop out, everyone else’s eyes looked almost like mine now. So when they accidentally caught my gaze, nobody quickly averted their eyes.

The night was my realm.

Yet I felt far from comfort.

My mind tracked through the course of the day. Lectures, a hurried lunch from the deli as I walked to the square, then the café.

I felt like I’d barely listened to Kevin talking that afternoon. Most of my memory of the café was filled with Leena’s face. Especially those eyes…

Was she like me, then? One eye colour, one mode, trapped in that time frame, where all others shifted with the hours and the weather?

Ugh. It was beginning to bug me more than it should. I’d have to let it slide for now.

 But as I went through my daily routine, dragging through the week, I couldn’t get her out of my mind. Her lilting laugh echoed through the crowded caverns of my mind as I drifted through the tedious tasks of the day, her eyes glowing in the backdrop of my dreams. For my dreams are always backed by a golden sun just below the horizon.

The following weekend, sitting on the floor of my shower, the chemical smell of shampoo staining the air, warm flush staining my cheeks, I heard my phone buzz through the music that beat against the edges of the surrounding steam. I sighed heavily, heaved myself up to my feet, turned off the water, and wrapped a towel around me. I quickly dried my hands and reached for the phone.

           Sinead, are you doing anything

           today?

                                   Kev, since when do you use

                                   proper English in texting?

           Actually it’s Leena.

           Kevin’s in the men’s, he told

           me to message you and ask

           if you wanted to join us – we

           were thinking about that new

           indie film that’s just come out?

I’d thought about seeing that one. The reviews had only given it 3.5 stars, but I’d long ago given up on their judgement of films.

                                   Sure thing. Text through the

                                   cinema of choice and I’ll meet

                                   you guys there asap.

***

We ended up going bowling instead, but made plans to get together again by the end of the month to see that film.

It was alright.

We continued like this over the course of a few months, and over several coffees we grew into a very comfortable friendship. Leena and I had found a lot in common, even down to our favourite ice-cream flavour and book genre.

Our next movie date was for another newly released indie film. It was an ‘exclusive’ early viewing. Leena knew a place. This one had only received 2.5 stars.

The film, as I’d suspected, was worth at least 4 stars. Idiot critics. We decided on a new café afterwards and discussed our own personal reviews over coffee. Kevin thought the cinematography was unique. Pssht yeah, like he’d hated Film Studies.

Leena, on the other hand, was enraptured by the soundtrack. She talked about how it had moved through the scenes with perfect grace, with crests and falls and overtures that told as much story as the characters did. I noticed that when she talked about something with this amount of passion, those golden eyes lit up something fierce. It was like staring into a sunrise, the sun just waiting to burst over the horizon.

I talked about the performances, having found them both moving and stoic enough in the right moments to be realistic and relatable. After a while I noticed Leena was watching me with the same interest as I had when she’d spoken.

When she’d gotten up to go to the ladies, I turned on Kevin.

           “What gives?” I whispered.

           “You like her? I knew you’d get along.”

           “Dude, she’s…I don’t know, she’s…”

           “She finds you very interesting too. She wouldn’t stop talking about you at lunch. She was the one who insisted on you joining us today.”

           “I mean she seems nice, and pretty cool, but—”

           “Sin. Really. You don’t have to explain yourself to me.”

           “Dude…”

           “You’re more alike than you think.”

           “Oh, I know how alike we are.” My thoughts turned again to those eyes. “What’s with—”

           “The burning sunset in her eyes? Dunno. Pretty cool, huh?”

I glared at him. “As ‘pretty cool’ as my freakishly dark ones?”

He shrugged. “So your eyes are stuck in eternal night. So what?”

I shook my head. There was no reasoning with this boy.

Leena hurried back and pulled her phone out of her bag as she recounted how strange the ladies room was in this café, marvelling at the range of fancy, organic soaps.

But as she checked her phone, her face immediately fell.

           “Oh god, I…I’m so sorry, I have to go.”

My throat tightened. “What is it? What’s happened?”

           “I can’t, I…I just…” she quickly gathered her things, pulling on her coat haphazardly. “…I’m sorry…” She rushed out of the café, leaving Kevin and I staring curiously at the door, completely befuddled.

 All the way home I tried messaging her.

                                   Hey. Is everything okay?

                                     Do you want to talk about

                                   it?

                                     It’s okay if you don’t want

                                   to talk about it. But we’re

                                   here for you. Kev and I. You

                                   know…if you need us.

I compulsively checked my phone the whole train ride home, but it remained as silent as the carriage for all its barren conversation.

***

It was 3am before I heard back from Leena. I’d slept restlessly, my stomach churning, and had woken up at a quarter to three. Propped up in bed, re-reading a book whose cover had worn away years ago, I heard my phone buzz against the table. Never before had my hand lashed out to grab it so fast.

           I need help.

My heart stopped for a second. Shit, don’t panic…

                                   Okay…what do you need?

It was a good ten minutes before she responded.

           I don’t know…oh

           god, I don’t know…

                                   Where are you?

           Princess Memorial

           Hospital.

My heart jolted again. My fingers were a blur as I replied.

                                   I’ll be there asap. I’m bringing

                                   ice-cream. You like strawberry,

                                   right?

           I don’t think they’ll let

           you bring food in.

                                   I really don’t give a damn. I’m

                                   bringing it. Also books. Got a great

                                   one I think you should read.

Without waiting for her to reply I jumped out of bed, hurriedly pulled on some sweatpants and a jacket, stuffed the necessities into my bag, messily pulled my fair hair into some sort of bun, and rushed out the door.

 I got to the hospital within the half hour, nervously waiting in the empty foyer for the elevator as Leena gave me the room number. I was losing patience, contemplating taking the stairs, when it arrived with a –ding!-.

I rushed in before the nurse at the front desk got back, before she could tell me the usual ‘no visitors allowed after hours’.

The doors opened onto the third floor and I stuck my head out, checking that the coast was clear. I quietly dashed out and down the hall to the right, checking the numbers. 15…16…17…

I reached 18 and stopped, hesitating.

Taking in a deep breath, I lightly tapped on the door, and it swung ajar.

Peeking in, I spotted Leena in the corner, dark circles under her puffy eyes, her sunset gaze staring into nothingness.

I sidled in quietly, closing the door with a –click!- behind me. She blinked and turned those eyes on me.

Oh god…the pain in that gaze was almost unbearable. My heart lurched against my ribcage, and I walked slowly, quietly, further into the room.

In the bed across from Leena’s chair was a middle-aged woman, unconscious, sunken-eyed, hollow-cheeked, and wired up to all manner of contraptions that gathered around her bedside like mechanical vultures to prey.

I glanced back over at Leena, who was staring at the woman again. She tried to take in a deep shuddering breath, got about halfway there, and then broke down. I dropped the bag I was carrying and moved over to her, kneeling before her, resting a hand on her arm.

           “Leena…what do you need?”

Her eyes swam, a river of tears cascading down her full, speckled cheeks as she shook her head. “I don’t…I don’t know…”

I watched her pull her legs up to her chest, drawing in her arms, and realised that internally she was slowly imploding.

I perched myself on the arm of the chair and wrapped her up in my embrace, resting her head on my chest. We stayed like that for ages, as I just let her cry it out.

While I gently stroked her tight, messy curls, I did the math.

The woman in the bed: probably her mother. The situation: some kind of cancer, judging by how little of her was left. The circumstances: life support. She was practically on death’s door.

 When Leena had calmed down some, I picked up the bag and produced the tub of ice-cream and two spoons. I sat myself on the floor in front of her, resting against her legs, quietly providing the comfort of presence, and passed back one of my old, tattered books.

We waited out the early hours of the morning in reverent silence.

***

The next day I finally plucked up the courage to ask her about it.

           “So…what is it?”

           “Lung cancer.” Ouch. “She wasn’t even a smoker, she was always super healthy. I guess some people are just…” she trailed off, then blinked. “Anyway, her body hasn’t been able to fight it well enough.”

           “Has it spread anywhere else yet?”

           “No. But lungs are delicate things.”

I hesitated, trying to find the right words. “Both lungs? Or just one?”

           “Just the one. But it hit her hard. The life support is mostly to pump oxygen into her, since her lungs aren’t doing a good enough job of it. The good one is struggling on its own.”

           “Has nobody stepped forward as a donor?”

           “I have. Otherwise the waiting list is a mile long. But they won’t do a full lung transplant from a living donor.”

           “Right.” I thought at length about it, then pulled out my retched device to message Kevin.

                                   Come to PMH. Asap.

                                   Bring your portable

                                   wifi.

***

As Kevin consoled Leena, I stepped out into the corridor. Having taken full advantage of his wifi, I was in the process of looking up medical advice when a specialist approached the room.

           “Ma’am, are you here visiting the patient in Room 18?”

           “Kind of. Hey, what are the chances of a lung transplant from a living donor?”

He sighed with resignation. “I have spoken to Miss Leena about this. We’d need a second living donor volunteer for there to be any hope of a successful transplant.”

           “Blood type?”

           “Uh…I’m not exactly authorised to share—”

           “Sir, I really need to you understand the gravity of this situation.”

He hesitated, then checked his notes. “B positive.”

I nodded, thoughtful. It was decided.

           “Doctor, I’m wondering if you could help me.”

***

As the doctor spoke to Leena, I pulled Kevin out into the corridor.

           “Kev, I need you to cover for me. Look after Leena post-surgery, okay?”

           “What surgery, what—” something changed in his blue-sky eyes. “Sin…”

           “Dude, this is a really important favour.”

He scratched the back of his head. “How the hell am I supposed to look after two people at once?”

           “Do I have your word?”

           “…ugh, fine.” We butted heads lightly, and I patted him on the shoulder. The doctor was done speaking with Leena, so I popped in my head.

           “I need to run some errands. Finish off the ice-cream, and get through as much of that book as you can. Trust me, you’ll love the ending. I’ll see you later, okay?” Before she could answer, I was gone.

*****

I woke up slowly, the anaesthesia doing its utmost to drag me back under. My eyes wouldn’t open, and my throat felt dry.

           “Mm…”

I felt a hand on mine. A little rough around the edges.

           “Sin, how are you feeling?” Kevin’s voice was low, quiet.

I tried speaking again. “Lee…”

           “You two are a pair of crazy ladies, you know that?” He chuckled quietly. “She pulled through nicely. They’re transplanting the lung segments now.”

I sort of nodded, as best I could in my condition. I could feel myself drifting back into sleep.

           “It’s okay, Sin. I’ll be here.”

           “Look…”

           “Yeah. I’ll look after her. I know.”

***

The mid-afternoon sunlight shot through the blinds, searing through my eyelids, turning my waking vision into a sea of red.

I pulled up a weary hand to shield my stinging eyes, and felt a shadow fall over me. I took the opportunity to blink my eyes open.

Kevin was standing by me.

           “Afternoon, Sleeping Beauty.” I responded by poking my tongue out, and he laughed quietly, his eyes blazing the bright gold of mid-afternoon. “Feel any better?”

I licked my lips, desperate for moisture. “More awake.”

           “Good, because there’s someone on your other side who has a bone to pick with you.”

Even in my groggy state I felt my heart shudder, and as I turned my head I was met by that searing golden gaze.

           “What the hell were you thinking?” Leena croaked, propped up in the bed next to mine.

           “Same thing you were.” I swallowed hard. What’s a girl got to do to get a drink of water around here?

           “You could have…” she trailed off, and I suddenly felt my stomach drop. Oh man, I didn’t even think…

           “Leena’s mom came out alright too.” Kevin moved around and pulled up a seat between us, at the foot of our beds. “She’s still on life support for now, while her new lung material figures out what to do, but the doc reckons she’ll start a good recovery soon.”

I sighed with relief, and turned back to Leena. She was still glaring at me.

           “What?”

           “Did you even stop to think—”

           “No, actually, I didn’t.” I let my gaze drop to the floor. “I didn’t think. Sorry.” I sighed. “I just wanted to help. Seeing you like that…”

           “Like what?”

I looked back up at her. “It wasn’t just killing her. It was killing you.” She held my gaze, unblinking, processing. “You just didn’t know it yet.” I couldn’t tear myself away from that gaze. “I couldn’t bear to see you like that. So I did what I could.”

She was quiet for a long time.

           “How will I ever make it up to you?” she asked, almost a whisper.

           “Leena, seriously, you don’t have to—”

           “Sinead.” Her eyes were intense. “How can I make it up to you?”

           “Well, you could take her out to dinner.” Kevin’s voice cut in, booming in comparison to our near-whispers.

           “Kev!”

           “She likes Mediterranean.”

           “KEVIN!”

           “Done.” I shot my glance back to Leena, who was nodding, her concentration face on.

           “Leena…”

           “No, this is perfect.” I saw the ghost of a smile touch the corner of her lips. “It’s a great idea.” She looked up, letting that smile gently spread. “I know a place.”

           “Of course you do.” I sighed with exasperation. “Fine. Okay. But the next meal I’m buying.”

           “Oh shut up, we’ll split the next one.”

           “Depends how good this place is. If it’s really as amazing as I know you’re about to suggest—”

           “You’ll love it, it’s…” she stopped, catching up to my comment, and a small laugh escaped her. I joined her momentarily, until we both had to gasp for breath. Our lungs were still healing, after all.

           “So…”

           “Yeah…so…”

           “Oh for god’s sake, get a room,” Kevin sighed loudly.

           “You’re in it,” I shot back, and as he hauled himself out of the chair he laughed.

           “Alright, alright. I’m going to go feed the first floor vending machine all my precious small change to get a downsized can of soda. You gals want anything?”

I glanced back at Leena, and we both smiled. “Nah, we’re good.”

He shrugged, striding out, leaving the two of us to settle into a comfortable silence, her lost in the constant midnight of my gaze, and I knew that I’d follow the burning sunrise in her eyes to the end of my days.

* Copyright © 2017 Kasey Boyd a.k.a arroea-la-kinfa All rights reserved. No portion of this post may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted, on any form or by any means - electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise - without the express written permission from the creator. But you may reblog, with appropriate tags, and talk to me if you wish!