#please don't rb

[bardic-inspo]

Medical CW

(Sorry for so much personal posting lately, it has been cathartic for me. Please feel free to scroll on by 💜)

Good news: The N.P. was great and all my worrying about not being taken seriously enough/ being brushed off/having to advocate hard for myself was for not. She listened, she sympathized, she understood very keenly where I'm at. We're pursuing multiple options at once and she's very available for any questions.

Not as good news: Endometriosis is now definitely the primary suspect and also can be incredibly hard to diagnose. I have a surgery consult scheduled for 4/16. I'm supposed to go to Japan near the end of May, so I'm a little nervous about how actual surgery (exploratory laparoscopy) is going to have to land timing wise. We're gonna try a progesterone-only BC pill in the meantime. I can't take anything with estrogen (I have migraines with auras) so that does limit the available options. And some folks with endo have multiple surgeries before they find it. If they do find and treat it, it can (and likely will) still reoccur at some point.

And the fertility implications are weighing real heavy on my mind. This is ultimately the result I wanted from the appointment today. I just wish I had a different body. And I've just been making sloppy, little mistakes at work because my mind is just elsewhere and I wanna blanket burrito until life just. Works itself out. 😶

[evilkitten3]

i finally decided to just add some stuff to my filtered tags list. i don't care about the discourse or whatever but that art style is like taking a cheese grater to my eyes

[mahouyumesekai]

Photo from today's new year party

[skyborneveggie]

I just want to muse a bit on one similarity between both iilluminaughtii and Somerton that kind of tipped me off that something was wrong:

In Blaire's apology video (her vid was the first I heard anything about her situation so I initially went in with a sympathetic bias), even if Wonder had done all the things she said, the way she went after him about the car was akin to landlord harassment, and the way she talked about "getting her property back"... I was just kind of shocked that as a supposed leftist she didn't feel any sense of shame in her actions.

And in Somerton's Rent/Angels in America video, he sided with the landlord's perspective & tried to paint him in a more sympathetic light. I mean, he's right that none of the main characters in Rent are good people, but that doesn't that the landlord is a decent guy to be sympathized with either!

Idk, just some weird vibes about landlording & property & ownership that seem antithetical to what these 2 creators claimed to believe

[starsigil-archive]

ptsd making me have the most horrendous thoughts about myself and how much of a burden I must be to those around me and how unlovable I am

[a-boy-called-micah]

.

[purpledamonarch]

I've been transitioning for 2.5 years now but I may not be able to continue. I couldn't even get a refill on my T prescription this week. I may not be able to change my documentation to reflect my true self and lately I've had to force myself back into the closet.

As you can probably imagine, it's pretty hard to feminize my voice when it's gotten pretty damn deep. My body hair is insane and grows fast. My physique has changed to look more masculine than it already was when I was pre t.

I want to be happy as myself. But first and foremost, I need to be safe.

[carnographix]

I do wonder how I'm going to go about getting tā moko when I do eventually.

Considering that, for quite a long time now, we've been ngāti kangaru, and not knowing much of my whanau, on account of most of them no longer being alive anymore.

I know my whakapapa is ngāti hau, but I don't know our hapū.

I also can't imagine there being many actual moko artists here in SA, either.

[somnimagus]

My page for @kairizine. It was such a huge honor to be part of this wonderful book with everyone, I had so much fun!

[id in alt!]

[bardic-inspo]

Medical CW (a somewhat positive update)

Laparoscopy to look for Endo scheduled 6/25 🎉🥳🥳🥳

I like my surgeon. He took the time to explain a lot of things and possibilities to me. He says it is possible they don't find anything, but he's never seen that with someone who has my symptoms. He's optimistic they'll find something to treat.

I know it's weird to hope for, but it's what I have to hope for at this point. Here's hoping this can be a step to real healing 🤞

[evilkitten3]

people make mistakes and that's ok. people make mistakes and that's ok. people make mistakes and that's ok

[cringefaecompilation]

"orym's vision is going to be him getting romantically rejected by dorian" no i think orym is going to see himself gutting imogen like a fish with no remorse. like there's mild anxiety (a hot guy not liking you) and then there's deepest darkest fears (harming your loved ones and failing your own morals).

[skyborneveggie]

Extremely long rant beneath the cut about how I really really did not like Gomen's use of misdirection in this past season.

One of the things that I do find frustrating about Gomens S2 is that it utilizes film language, which is generally trustworthy, to provide misdirection. And in films/tv where it isn't trustworthy, it's usually to make a point or have a grand reveal at the end. (Idk if film language is the right word to use here, but I don't know a better one so I'm sticking with it for now.) But in S2, the misdirection doesn't seem to have a purpose? It's just there for the sake of being there. Why are Maggie & Nina reversed foils of Aziraphale & Crowley? Is the only reason so that Nina will get the absolute wrong impression of Crowley's role in the relationship, thus pushing him to act? I don't believe it was necessary for her to get the wrong impression to do that. If she had instead identified Maggie as the foil for Crowley it's still understandable how she could have pushed him to act. Maybe the reason they are reversed then is just to further illustrate the point that surface-level "good" doesn't equate to good, & surface-level "bad" doesn't equate to bad. It's a little redundant because the theme is already strongly established from S1, but I far prefer that to there being no reason other than misdirection for misdirection's sake, or to believing that that was the best way to get them to confront Crowley.

So if you start out with designing Maggie & Nina to be reverse foils of Crowley & Aziraphale to accentuate the themes of the show, I can see how you could then extrapolate that they might get the incorrect impression of Crowley. But I still don't understand what it adds to the show by having them get it wrong? Like they got it so profoundly wrong. It's misdirection. But the show never addresses that. In fact, the show kind of acts as though it wants you to take what they're saying at face value. It never gives any in-universe indication that they are mistaken. The misdirection isn't used to make a point, or for a grand reveal (well, there is a grand reveal, but it's unrelated to the misdirection). What is the reason for the misdirection if it doesn't add anything??? Is it just there to try to make things seem more confusing???

Now Nina's line about communication. I find this line extremely frustrating because it's impossible to tell as a viewer whether we're supposed to believe this or not. It's surrounded by the whole swath of other misdirection, so one point for it being false. The show treats that line as face value, so one point for being true. Their communication, in terms of solving problems at least, is actually pretty good in S2? So two points for it being false. But also we do get a couple of moments where A or C ignore what the other is saying, which feels like an audience signifier that we are supposed to believe it. So two points for it being true. But then again, those moments aren't pivotal & wouldn't amount to any difference if they had listened eachother. So three points for it being false.

But if Nina is supposed to be wrong about them not communicating, then why is that line there at all? Who is it supposed to be for??? Why is it brought up out of the blue??? It CAN'T be just for the sake of misdirection if it was important enough to bring up in the last 15 minutes, right before the climax. Can it???

One last grievance, but another thing that makes it impossible to tell is that communication in tv is not the same as communication in real life. Tv uses shorthand to communicate information that the audience already knows between characters, to avoid redundancy. This is why in will-they-won't-they movies, the couple always makes up at the end with just a few witty lines, instead of an open conversation that would've had to happen in the real world. The viewer recognizes that the lines are shorthand, and that they are a flimic standin for the conversation. Similarly, in general, if two characters are on the same team, you can assume they both know what the other person knows, unless it's explicitly indicated that they don't or that one person's trying to hide something. This is why in Gomens everyone assumed Aziraphale knew about Crowley living in his car! So using that same filmic logic we can assume that Crowley & Aziraphale are updating eachother even if we don't see them convey every bit of info onscreen. But then again. Traditional film logic gets broken because it turned out Aziraphale didn't know about Crowley living in his car. Which means we can't assume they have been telling eachother all the important bits offscreen.

Which all means we literally can't know anything. We can't trust the film language, because at times it's been broken & at others used to misdirect. We can't trust Nina's ending dialogue, because it contradicts the behavior of the characters. And we can't trust the behavior of the characters we are seeing with our own eyes, because it contradicts Nina's ending dialogue.

Why? It all just feels kind of directionless. Inconsistent.

I think that's part of the reason why fan meta has been so divisive. And of course I have my own preferred interpretation too, comprised of parts which I choose to trust or distrust. But it frustrates me that I have no inkling of what to compare it to. I have no idea if i agree or disagree with the author or not, so I can't emotionally prepare myself for the next season. I've just resorted to a wary cynicism in the meantime, hoping for the best, but expecting the worst. The middle road, which I think is likely, is that they never address any of the possible takes on S2 and have Aziraphale & Crowley slowly make up without directly addressing anything. And I feel pretty certain that they won't reveal a purpose for all the weird misdirection stuff with Maggie & Nina; I don't think they're even going to be in S2, I think the actresses will be recast as new characters again.

I'm just frustrated because I can't understand why they wanted to make it this confusing when it wasn't necessary at all.

[ladyhorrors]

mouthwashing fans you are getting Awfully ableist when you say curly deserved what happened to him like he wasn't severely disabled by someone who he had faith in trust in and had known for a LONG time so he had likely had gotten accommodated to the way jimmy treated him, (see; his literal BIRTHDAY) and hadn't realized that when he said he was going to fix things, it'd result in the crash. curly also seems like a constant victim of jimmy, and tries to fawn him when it comes to his behavior. PLUS i think the event of the crash was only a day apart from anya telling curly. so of course he wouldn't suddenly be aware of something so drastic happening so soon.

i've always seen curly as trying to be the mediator. trying to do damage control, because jimmy can be highly manic and extremely violent, as we've seen! it's understandable why he wouldn't take immediate action (even though he could've done something to help anya.) it's a lose-lose situation. everytime someone says "swansea would've done something!" it makes no sense to me because he *was* told. and he left dealing with it all extremely late.

not only that, but they're in the middle of space??? the cryo pods are emergency resources, and the only places with locks are the medical room and i think the cockpit. they're on the ship for 8 months. they're not expected to come back to earth and their being in space couldn't just be discontinued.

it is a dismal situation within mouthwashing and i feel like curly was one of the most realistically written characters, despite his faults. calling him a rapist apologist, saying he deserved what happened to him in the end isn't okay. curly was to me, a good person with good intentions that inherently became bad as time went on. i really think we should consider the level of helpless the crew actually had and start blaming pony express for not having ways to deal with such a situation. jimmy was also the co-pilot, horrible person or not they NEEDED him to fly the ship in case anything went wrong. obviously he goes on to abuse that.

[flightyalrighty]

small financial emergency

money i was depending on to come in did not come in at all and i'm kinda freaking out. If anyone can spare a dollar or two, I have 10 days to gather $250 for my rent.

My Ko-Fi Commissions Put Your OC in Infested

[mochablogger]

Uhm. Insert cool caption

I wanted to post this before I get to see her!! <333 so excited for part 2 aaa can't waittt ^^

Can you tell I got lazy with the bg 😇😇