#please don't make fun of me for crying over how much i saw myself in reg

[printeroo]

Star Trek TNG 3×21 – "Hollow Pursuits"

Little commentary from someone that found themselves in Barclay and cried over this episode (I can explain myself, swear).

As soon as I started this episode, I disliked how Geordi spoke of Barclay – and then how literally everyone else spoke of him. Considering he hasn't done anything wrong other than be akward (and being late to work – which is something to be criticised for but that's not the biggest issue certain members of the crew have with Barclay) it felt just plain mean to me to talk about him the way they do. Especially behind his back.

Now, I don't want it to seem like I think everyone's evil and bad for being unkind to Barclay because I understand that people like him (myself included) are difficult to work and interact with. It's okay to be frustrated with the kind of person he is, but I think they were doing too much.

Also, when I started the episode, I was immediately put off by Barclay's holodeck fantasy. Not the part where he assaults LaForge and Riker – it's very common for someone to feel hatred towards their boss, I think this is just that – but more so his interaction with fake Troi. I definitely found it creepy and figured Troi would be at least uncomfortable if she were to find out. But further on in the episode I realized that that, along with beating up his superiors, is very important to understand Barclay's character. His holodeck adventures with Troi are more than just having a crush on someone and fantasizing about getting with them. Because, despite how it might be presented, the biggest focus in these scenarios is not Troi but the concept of Barclay being confident enough to get a girl and enter conflict when he deems necessary. When he's in the holodeck, alone – despite the simulations, he doesn't stutter. He's not nervous. He can relax. This is all opposite when he's at work or with Troi (the real one) because he's interacting with real, sentient people capable of judging, hating, and bullying him. And that's what's on his mind, causing him to be the way he is.

Like Guinan said: "If I felt that nobody wanted to talk to me, I'd probably be late and nervous too." (I just wanna say how much I love Guinan for everything she said to Geordi in this episode. She's genuinely very kind, and doesn't judge Barclay for being a difficult person.)

I was going to put videos just for comparison between him in the holodeck vs him in real life, with Troi, but there's a 1-video-per-post policy. Hate that. But I'll explain – in the holodeck he's easily speaking without stuttering and his movements are smooth and look effortless (he can even make eye contact with her.) Unlike him with the real Troi, where he's struggling to form a sentence and tries really hard to look relaxed and casual. It's like a Clark Kent/Superman contrast except Barclay's not faking the akwardness.

The scene after Geordi catches Barclay in the holodeck, where they're talking in Ten-Forward, was my breaking point. Barclay talks about how he's always scared of forgetting someone's name, never knows what to with his hands which causes him to always fidget nervously, how he's so terrible at social interactions he has to practice what he would talk about at a function beforehand, but when he gets there he can't find the confidence to let one word out. And then Geordi says he's "just shy" and Barclay acts as if he's been described that way a million times and it just isn't that simple. And he tells Geordi he doesn't understand, no one around him could ever understand.

(^I just really like this piece of dialogue lol because like.... yeah man I get it)

Geordi tries (and in the end succeeds) to help Barclay be more confident. These scenes did make me cringe while watching, though. As you could guess, I'm very shy. So shy in fact that working on the Enterprise sounds like a nightmare. There's so many people and your job is so important and the consequences of messing up could be catastrophic. So, seeing Geordi bring Barclay on THE BRIDGE (aka the most important place on the ship) with THE CAPTAIN (aka the most important person on the ship) made me very nervous because I for sure wouldn't be able to handle the situation. If I were Barclay I'd be tearing up the whole time and when Picard calls me "Broccoli" I might just run to my quarters and cry so hard I throw up and scream till I pass out. I sound dramatic (and I might be) but it just really is that big of a deal for some people. But despite that, I can understand that this helps Barclay build confidence, which is exactly what he needs.

And in the end it's Barclay who saved the day. By being confident enough to voice his opinion. Something that I am very proud of him for because I still find it extremely difficult. And in the end he doesn't get a "thank you" from a superior. Geordi does, from Riker. And when Riker hears that Barclay was involved he doesn't think about thanking him as well, but it's okay. Because Geordi tells Barclay he's glad he was there to help, which is enough validation and assurance to get Barclay started. At least, it would be for me.

This is an odd episode because the main plot is that there's just this guy who's kinda weird (has social anxiety) and no one likes him. But at the same time, I really needed to watch it. For better or for worse, it felt like it was made specifically for me.

(after typing this out I found out that reg will be a recurring, and I think important, character which i am actually very glad to hear. it also means someone might care about what i have to say about him)

[l-starsz]

Hiii I seen that your working on a bunch of fics right now and I don't want to be a hassle so you can right this whenever you feel like

Billie being gentle w nervous virgin reader

a/n: sorry if this isn’t the best🥲 i tried to finish writing this earlier and i fell asleep, but it’s done now!!

although billie and i had been dating for quite a few months now, we hadn't actually done anything sexual together yet. we hadn't even talked about it much. i knew billie was more experienced than me, i'd never done anything with anyone. but i wanted to with her. i felt so safe with her all the time, i knew she would never push me to do things i wasn't comfortable with.

the one thing she didn't know was that i was a virgin. i felt too embarrassed to tell her. i'd been avoiding it as much as i could, but there had to be a point where she found out. i had to tell her at some point. and that point was when things went a little too far between us for the first time. i wasn't even aware of how we'd got to that point.

it started with innocent kisses, which soon turned into us making out, and her hands ran over my body. after what felt like forever, her fingers were slightly tugging against the waistband of my shorts. i didn't even know how to react. i wanted to do this, but i didn't want to disappoint her or anything. i was already soaked for her, i just couldn't. i panicked. she must've noticed the look on my face, because she soon enough pulled her hand away and cupped my cheeks, coaxing me to look at her.

"what's up, pretty girl? are you nervous because we haven't done this before?" she spoke in a gentle tone, one that made me feel completely safe.

"i.. well that's the thing.." i whispered, looking away from her as my eyes slightly filled with tears.

no way i was crying. i couldn't. it wasn't a big deal, i just needed to tell her. i knew she loved me, i knew she wouldn't judge, but it was as if my mouth was glued shut.

"what is it, baby? you can tell me." her eyes had softened, and her touches were the tiniest bit more careful, making sure i wasn't uncomfortable.

"i've never.. i've never had sex." i spoke as quietly as i could. and that's when the tears started.

i wasn't even sure of why i was crying. i didn't want to cry. it just happened. i let out a quiet sniffle, and kept my gaze away from her face. i didn't want to see her reaction. she hadn't even said anything, she probably hated me now.

my thoughts were spiralling when i felt her fingers under my chin, lifting my head back up so that i'd look at her once again. i took a deep breath and looked into her eyes. i was convinced she hated me, until i saw the emotion in her eyes. it wasn't anger, or disappointment. it was pure love. she wasn't laughing at me, or making fun of me, it really wasn't a problem for her at all.

as soon as i realised that she wasn't upset with me, i sniffled again and brought my hand up to wipe my tears away, calming myself down.

"that isn't a problem for me, love. not a problem at all. i promise you. are you still comfortable with me doing this? we can wait if you're not ready!!"

i slightly giggled at how paranoid she got, but then nodded.

"i'm comfortable, bil. i want you to touch me. please?"

her face immiediately relaxed, placing a gentle kiss against my lips before speaking again.

"i'll be gentle. and i'll just use my fingers for now, okay?"

i nodded.

"promise you'll tell me if you want me to stop at any point, or if you feel umcomfortable?"

again, i nodded. i didn't even think i could attempt to give her a verbal response, i was just desperate for her touch. although i was nervous, i was so desperate for her.

"you need to tell me with words, angel. this is really important, alright? i wanna make sure you feel completely safe with me. and i need to know that you will stop me if you need me to stop at all. even if you just need a few minutes to breathe, you tell me." she was more stern about this, but not in a mean way. she just wanted to make sure i knew what she was saying.

"i promise you, baby. i'll tell you if i need you to stop." i whispered against her lips.

a small smile appeared on her face, before i felt her kiss down to my neck. she didn't attempt to leave any marks. not for now. her hands moved to rest on my waist over my shirt. i was slightly tensed up, although i wanted this, and i knew she would be gentle, i was still nervous. obviously, billie noticed.

"relax, love. you're okay. i've got you. can i take this off?" she whispered against my neck, lifting my shirt a little bit.

"yes billie." i mumbled.

she was slow with her movements, careful that she didn't startle me. once she'd pulled my shirt off, and made sure i was comfortable again, she made her way down, leaving a trail of soft kisses on the way. it wasn't long before she asked permission to take my shorts and underwear off too. of course i allowed her, but as soon as i was completely naked in front of her, i felt so exposed. i knew she wasn't judging me, but i still felt the need to cover up. i basically shrunk under her gaze.

"angel.." she spoke, running her hands over my thighs, "you look so beautiful. so perfect. will it help if i take my clothes off too?"

i nodded, my cheeks turned pink. she was quick to take her clothes off, making me feel so much better. when i saw her perfect body, i felt myself get wetter. we'd seen eachother naked plenty of times, but it felt different this time. i knew that i was ready. i wanted to do this.

"can i touch you?"

"please touch me bil. need you so bad, baby." i whined out.

my heart was racing when she carefully ran her fingers through my folds. she spread my wetness up to my clit, before moving back down to my hole.

"just relax for me, alright pretty girl?"

i didn't know what else to do except for nod. i noticed her smile a little bit, before slowly pushing the tip of her index finger inside. she was trying so hard not to hurt me, but once she started pushing her finger further inside, i let out a little cry and my breathing picked up. it hurt more the further she pushed inside. as soon as i cried out, billie stopped.

"i've got you, love. it's okay."

"is it supposed to hurt?" i whined.

"it's normal for it to hurt." she whispered, coming up to place gentle kisses on my lips, "i'll do everything i can to make sure it doesn't hurt, but it's still going to hurt a little bit. remember, you need to tell me if you want to stop. it is good that you're pretty wet though, that helps."

"i know, i will. it just really hurts." i sniffled.

"oh baby." she frowned, "i'm going to be as gentle as possible."

not long passed before i gave her a look to tell her that i was ready for her to continue. her finger pushed further until it was fully inside me. she stayed still, whilst kissing my face. her free hand was tracing light patterns on my stomach. as her finger was inside me, i could feel myself getting tighter around her.

"being so good for me. i'm going to start moving now alright? it's going to hurt but it'll feel good soon. promise." she spoke.

again, i nodded, holding my breath to get through the pain of it. she was slow, but as i loosened up and the pain faded away, her movements sped up more and more.

she wasn't rough, she was still being gentle, but she was doing as much as she could to make me feel good. my eyes squeezed shut, and my back arched up, further into her touch. it took me a while, but i eventually gained the courage to reach mt hands up towards her, pulling her to lean on top of me. i wanted her to be as close to me as possible. her finger moved faster, and i let out small whines and moans into her ear.

i heard billie let out breathy moans after hearing my noises, which just turned me on more. i felt myself get wetter, making it so much easier for her to move inside me.

she was quickly able to throw me over the edge when she pressed her thumb against my clit, rubbing tight circles. i came over her hand with a loud cry. it was like something i'd never experienced. of course i'd touched myself before, but this orgasm was so much stronger than any of the times i'd made myself cum. my moans were so much louder than i expected, and i gripped on tight to her, keeping her close.

she worked me through my orgasm, and i was slowly getting overstimulated. i squirmed underneath her, letting out a small sob down her ear. she mocved away from me slowly, pulling her fingers out as carefully as she could and coming back towards my face to kiss me. her clean hand moved up, brushing the baby hairs from my face, then cupping my cheek.

"you did amazing for me, my perfect girl. i'm gonna clean you up now, alright? i'll run a bath for you, and i'll take care of you after."

"thank you so much, baby." i mumbled against her lips.

she got up from the bed, but i whined and pulled her back on top of me.

"please stay. just for a little bit longer."

"of course." she whispered.

[harumasa-wifey]

HIIII I'M ALSO GOING CRAZY OVER HARUMASA I'VE BEEN SAVING UP FOR HIM SINCE I FIRST SAW HIM (BEEN PLAYING SINCE LAUNCH) AND NOW IDK WHAT TO DO WITH MY PULLS AHHHHHH I don't normally request so sorry if this sounds weird in any way but can I request Harumasa with a reader whom he teases a lot cuz he thinks how they react is cute?

Thank you!! ٩(＾◡＾)۶

Harumasa x shy!Fem! Reader

Warning: none just fluff and crack maybe suggestive? If you squint your eyes just one line. Not proofread!

Note: Listen.i do not like angst i mean come on i don't wanna cry not rn BUT MY HANDS WERE ITCHING TO WRITE SOMETHING HERE i held myself back. Here is your request anon and I hope you like it!also i would say get his cons of wtv it's called in zzz because i have the same plans but you do you also don't forget his w-engine

•For someone like him you are too fun to tease.

• He is a little bastard and will not pass on any opportunity to tease you and make you flustered and it happens almost everyday

•What doesn't help the situation is that your seat is literally in front of him yea.

•Imagine you working on the papers yanagi gave you and he is just there slacking off looking at you with those lovesick puppy eyes of his.

•Yea this is going to be the second time yanagi hits him standing behind with a paper roll and bonk!

•Please restore to bonking him too when needed because the things he whispers in your ear is not friendly

•It's a daily occurance of him coming from behind and wrapping his arms around your waist while burying his face in your neck and shoulders.

•No matter how many times he has done this he will never get tired of your reactions. The audacity he has to do this in the office while you are sorting out papers from the mission.Another bonking from yanagi.

•When he is not near you is rare but when he isn't he is always texting some cringey movie pickup lines and when you don't reply to him almost instantly he goes like.

“Guys are you seeing this”

“My girl out here cheating on me”

“YOU GAVE ME 2 MINS TO REPLY WTH”

•Imagine having a movie night with section 6 and soukaku and him choosing a horror movie on purpose and he is literally sitting right behind you.Yea in other words prepare yourself for a heart attack.

•Sneaky bastard finding a place to sneak his hands around your waist at the time of jump scare.

•But it's not like you are not prepared, you have a pillow in hand which goes straight to his face.

•Little shit acted like it hurted so much to make you worried.

“Haru! Are you alright? I am sorry!”

“Ow ow ow no of course i am not that pillow hits hard do you have rocks in there” his next line is

“You can kiss it better tho”

•Yea hit him again. Yanagi had to cover Soukaku's ears because of him. On the other hand, Miyabi is not fazed; she is more interested on the movie that's been playing on the screen but makes sure to give a side eye to him every now and then.

•If he teases you too much, just tease him back it will shut him up real quick. The fastest remedy to repeal against him. Make sure to do it in private tho don't want to yanagi mad and get overtime.

[un-love]

— afternoon | kmg

mingyu x f!reader

a/n: i wrote this last august and forgot about it. self indulgent asf bc my period is a horror story 💢

“good game, guys. i’m gonna log out now.” putting his headphones aside, mingyu was greeted by complete silence in the house. it had been an hour since he left the bedroom to let you sleep in peace. the week of your period was always a hard time for you. hard is an understatement, really. he couldn't physically understand how you felt but the first time he saw you cry out in pain and struggle to walk yourself to the kitchen, he had decided to be there for you without you ever having to ask for his help; that’s the least he could do after all. the little widgets on his phone notify him of the approaching doom every month without fail, and one might even say he’s as prepared as you now (maybe more).

as he approaches the living room, his ears perk up. he opens the door carefully, and catches you wincing as you try to sit up. you look even worse than how he left you, somehow. sunken eyes and disheveled hair, there really wasn’t any way to romanticize this pain. “why didn’t you call me?”, he whispers and immediately springs into the practiced routine he’s got down. you're too far gone to protest as he props up your pillows, gets you a reheated hot water bottle and orders you to open your mouth as he makes you take your prescribed pain meds. regaining some consciousness after feeling the burn of the hot bag on your skin, you can’t help but smile at the concerned expression on his face as he assesses you. the way his brows furrow and a little pout appears on his soft lips soothes some of the ache in your body.

“what are you smiling at?”, he asks. “you’re just so cute like this. worrying about me and all.” the look he gives you is one of fondness. it’s somewhat relieving for your boyfriend to see you talk like this, despite the state you’re in. he could tell how disoriented you were by the way you hadn’t met his eyes the whole day. “who said i’m worried?”, he says cheekily, before disappearing into the kitchen again.

“i don’t feel good; i think i’m going to throw up”, you call out from your new resting place on the couch, chewing on scraps from the kitchen for lunch. mingyu had asked you to move to the couch (read: carried you) so he could change the sheets and clean up the room a little. it still felt embarrassing to have him take care of you like this, but his kind eyes and kinder hands made you go along with whatever he said.

thinking back, you had tried to avoid seeing him the first few months after you started dating, for this very reason. he knew you were having a hard time with your diagnosis, so he never wanted to push you too much; until the day you had woken up in a pool of blood with him next to you on your bed. you had sobbed endlessly (from frustration, pain, embarrassment) before threatening to poke his eye out with a butter knife if he ever made fun of you for this. this was all very bizarre to your new boyfriend, who grew progressively more concerned for you after that. had someone made you feel bad for something like this before?

a head pokes around the door with a determined expression you could read extremely well. another wave of nausea rocked over your body. “don’t come close to me, kim mingyu. i haven’t showered since yesterday. i stink.” “but you don't know what i’m going to s—” he tries to go on but you cut him off. “the sound of the air conditioner is making my skin crawl.” “but-” “the fabric of my tshirt is touching my skin in the worst ways and the birds won’t stop fucking chirping outside the window and you- you’re here seeing me like this. i want to dig a life sized hole and bury myself in it right now. just go away, please.”

he’s careful when he comes closer to you and stops right before sitting on the couch. “baby, i promise you, nothing about you can disgust me. unless you do something unforgivable like putting milk first in my cereal bowl”, he says, and you finally look at him. success. “and i’ll leave you alone, if that’s what you want. but can i get you something else for the pain or a hot drink first?”

how could you say no to him when he looked at you like that? with those big brown eyes, trying his best to read your face. freshly washed bangs falling into his eyes, and his pretty hand outstretched towards you. your eyes get distracted by his tongue coming out to wet his bottom lip, a nervous habit of his you found adorable. in the split second between his question and your response, you imagined pulling him by the shirt and kissing him breathless. swatting away the (welcome) visual in your head, you let yourself fall against the soft cushions, the fight leaving your body. it's time you let somebody love you.

fin.

[iwantmochisoup]

mochi soup's sappy happy crying session

i'm so sorry, please bear with me, but i really need to be super sappy rq. (it's gonna be a long one, so imma add the read more here)

i just recently hit 10k likes and lost my shit over it qwq;; i was overthinking a lot, i wanted to run away, and it kinda hit me because honestly, i don't think i deserve all this ;; like i'm just being silly on here and having fun ;;

but that aside, i have been thinking how to properly say thank you, since words are really hard for me (wow big shocker ikr lmao) but i realized it's thanks giving, despite me not being from america i saw all the love today and i thought maybe i can try, this time, to put it to words. (i'm sorry if i don't make sense at all, and honestly don't mind me honestly, i've always been super scared of talking on here but i need to ramble)

so, idk how to start this, i honestly quit art for good like 4 years ago, won't comment on it but this year i tried to pick it back up. i am so scared of people, especially online but i thought why not, so i made a lil acc on here, i wanna say i'm so lucky to have met you all and seeing people like my art, seriously it's what keeps me going. (that sounds so sappy but for what feels like the first time in my life i am genuinely being myself and i am so happy idk what to do) this is way too long of an intro...

i'm gonna start off my twin of course, it feels fitting hehe ;; so, @saltedbiscuiit you know how shit i am at words, and you know how thankful i am for you, and we talked so much about it already so i'll try to keep this short ;; i am genuinely so happy to have met you, kinda feels like it changed my life back then, it honestly hasn't been that long really, since the art trade back in july, i honestly feel like i found my other half (that's so sappy pls don't cry but i'm being honest) thank you so much for everything, you do so much for me, even if you don't know it and i am honestly so so grateful and happy. thank you so much <3 hehe, salty soup salted mochi

the next one is @cryptid-juzou we just recently met, but i fell in love with your writing, almost instantly!! you're such a great friend, and it's sm fun talking and playing games with you!! and i'm so happy and grateful to have met you!! Really, thank you so much for all you did for me and for accepting the collab! To be working with you on our thing (i won't go into detail, yk big surprise and all) honestly, i'm so so happy and i can't wait to finish it!!

next!! @k-aez !! you've been haunting me in dreams, scolding me and i still think about that raw chicken art you did. okay jokes aside, i'm so happy to have met you and i feel the need to thank you like forever for creating the server and everything you've done. you've been supporting me and pushing me to get out of my ass and kept encouraging me sm. i can't put it into words, but i will be forever grateful for everything!

big big thanks to @ohhcinnybuns, @anticidic and @ediblepandas ya'll have been feeding my brain so many good ideas and enabled some brainrot i will thank you forever for. cinny, you know how much i love your fics and your massive brain in general, i'm so happy i was brave enough back then, and did some art of your ideas, idk if i would even tried to join the server if i didn't see your reblog. rosie, you know how much i love your fics, i'm not about to fangirl in public but i'm truly thankful, you've inspired me so so much, i love with your writing, your kitsunezai au and your scream in phasmo still is the best scream ever! pandas, hehe yk i need to thank you here too! your yapping about dresses and in general talking to you is so much fun! i love your brain sm! thank you so so much for enabling me so much, and please send me more dresses, i love them all!

and, ofc i have to give big thanks the chaos trio too @thatghostinyourbog @spccts & @msshinylemon !! yes, i'm calling you that, that name is fitting, shovel fight if you disagree, losers >:3 i have to thank you three a lot, ya'll are so fun to hang around and play games with, i seriously love what you all do, be it drawing, writing or just the way ya'll yap nonstop! it's sm fun hanging out and i love how we bounce off each other so well and ya'll inspire me so much!! also tysm @nolongerforthetainted for babysitting them!! i really love your writing sm and it's always sm fun yapping with you, and also pls make more coleslaw beds!! i need them! but honestly, thank you so much, i am so happy to have met ya'll and i always look forward to talking and hang out with ya'll!!

WAAAAA THAT IS SO LONG OMG BUT!!! I also need to thank each one of you, all my moots and everyone that just takes their time to look at my art, leave a like, reblog, comment what ever really, i appreciate each and every one of you so so much! thank you all so much, from the bottom of my heart, i can't explain how much it means to me! i also want to give a lil thanks to @noakiie @nevertheblood @altruistic-meme @artsyaudience @konbupie @jellyphink & @lethargyinafishbowl i wanted to tag more but i'm so sorry but i'm too scared, really ;;;

idk how to end this, honestly, i feel like i wrote too much and rambled way too much. i guess i'm just gonna-- *runs*

WITH MUCH LOVE AND A BIG HOP STEP JUMP -mochi soup

[alienoresimagines]

Ali's Mota Bingo

Hooray to myself for managing to complete this just in the nick of time, and a huuuuuuuuge thank you to the entire team over at @mota-collab for organising this event, it was so much fun to do 🥰❤️ Sadly, uni and life got in the way so I think I'm still a good 30 pages behind on the Clegan Tag, which is why there aren't much 'recent' recs but it was very important to me to participate, and I'm planning on catching up and reccing fics as I go <3 Also a special thanks to @onyxsboxes for delivering and customizing this bingo for me, and to @amiserableseriesofevents for helping me find a fic again ❤️ And finally, an enormous thank you to all creators in the mota fandom, whether you still create for mota or not, I can't appreciate all of you enough, you really are something special <3

Posted January 2024 -> The Long(er) Story by stillheremydear (I don't know if they have a tumblr, if they do please let me know so I can tag them!)

Such a sweet little fic about John's POV of giving Gale his name 🥹 It's still so insane to me that Bucky saw Gale and went 'Mine' so hard, he had to give him his name so the whole Air Force would know, giving the lousy excuse of a 'Buck from Manitowoc'. John being so damn smitten from the start is so precious to me, and I feel like this fic really delves beautifully into his thought process before Gale his name. Also this "Knowing that if the handsome blond were a girl, Bucky would fight every man in the whole damn Air Force if he needed to, to get to give him his name. " Gnawing at the bars of my enclosure

Massages -> Sous Le Ciel de Paris by @rambleonwaywardson

The Olympics AU!!! So sweet, soft, and such a delight to read!! Reading John and Gale falling in love will never be something I tire of, and I love how all the characters pull their weight in the story. Gale and John's relationship has its highs and lows (including lovely massages because the characters' backstories!!! everything is well thought-out and developed, it really feels like reading a novel), but the writing is such *chef's kiss* that even when you're crying and considering throwing your phone at the wall screaming "Why, John!!!!", all you really want is to keep on reading <3 It had me giggling and crying and jumping up and down, especially because, on a personal note, the Olympics was a really good time for me, I live in France and there really was a vibe in the air that I could feel in this fic 🥰 (Special mention to Chick being a sort of father figure to Gale too!!! and I loooooove that in OP's multi-chaptered fics (see the Astronauts AU), even if the story itself is Clegan focused, the other characters don't fall in the background. They're Gale and/or John's friends, and they pull their weight as such, and they all have individual personalities and stories, so once again, chef's kiss writing and storyline all around <3)

Holidays -> May Your Days Be Merry and Bright by @happy-days19

Such a sweet story of John and Gale celebrating Christmas 'properly' for the first time, post war 🥹 You can stil sense the war is in the air, it'll never really leave them, but they're so in love, and they're slowly but surely healing, it makes for a really soft fic of them enjoying each other and savoring the fact that this little corner of happiness they've built is theirs, and it's forever 🥹 Just them learning to heal together, to see the good and to enjoy the little moments, loving each other is so special to me <3

Posted April 2024 -> AMV by @magneticghouls

All of their amv are just soooooooooooo good, I could've recced so many of them but I had to choose one posted in April 2024 so this one it is 💕 Apart from a wonderful song choice, the way the lyrics fit the clips, the seamless transition.. I could go on and on about how much I love this but really, I'm in love with all of the op's amv so there goes my bias 😂❤️ Also I won't lie but like these are 1000% what got me into Clegan because I only watched the show in June so, never underestimate the power of super, incredibly well done amv

Made me smile -> Happiness, you're a cat by @avonne-writes

This fic is 100% one of my comfort reads, so soft and sweet. Two times Gale fell asleep on John in Avonne's High School AU, which I find so sweet, it makes me feel so many feelings at once. Gale hasn't had the easiest upbringing, so for him to feel safe enough to fall asleep on John? My heart <3 Such a sweet, funny read for a rainy day when you just want to be under a warm blanket with a hot cocoa and need some joy and warmth <3

Missing Scene -> Falling apart by @moghraidhs

I'm so weak for hurt/comfort and this DELIVERS!!!!! Post-Regensburg mission are so special to me, we deserved to see Gale breaking down, he was already tearing at the seams when he landed but this fic 🥹 Reality crashing down on him even though he doesn't realizes what's happening, John reassuring him!!!! Calling Gale 'darling'!!!!!! telling him he did good!!! I'm so weak and soft for them, John doing his best to take care of Gale ❤️ This fic really hits the spot for me, I remember watching the episode and running to AO3 to see if there were any fic dealing with the immediate aftermath of the Regensburg mission, the crashing down post the euphoria of being still alive, and this fic is definitely one of my favorite takes on this <3

This has altered my brain chemistry -> Just for you, I'd let it happen by @whirlpool-blogs

Notwithstanding that this fic launched me on Gale/Brady (which, thank u OP, even if that wasn't your intention, I see the vision) the originality!!!!!!!! It takes a lot of bravery to give up on a reality where you could potentially been happy - or have been happy in - because you feel like something's wrong, or not right (like if this John isn't your John), but Gale, my beloved darling boy still takes his chances and never stops to ask "send me back" until he finds his John and his reality. I loved how all the different relationships are explored, why they work and why they don't work, how they develop. Just prime writing and originality that I can't get enough of, I think about this universe. Often. Probably more than is healthy. Definitely more than a sane person should but. 10000000000/10 read

Joy -> Pretty much all of @carnevol 's edits fill me with joy, we're so lucky to such a talented gif maker to make us notice all the little details that we wouldn't have noticed if they didn't put so much efforts in the flow, and the coloring, and lighting. Everyone, please, a round of applause for your local gif makers because they are the backbone of fandoms!! So I'd encourage to watch all of Carnevol's edits but I linked here a few of my favorites - edits with lil annotations that never fail to make me laugh but I could have put their entire blog on there and it would still have been some of my favorites <3

Bucky and his bikes

Did you just flirt with me?

The entire John "Mouthy" Egan series

Dirty Talk -> Damn You by @oopsiedaisiesbaby

I won't lie, this fill was a bit hard to complete because I don't tend to read one-shots centered around smut so I didn't much to go with but then I remembered this piece I read and I couldn't not rec it! Curt interrupting John and Gale in the middle of their 'morning activities' and mocking John for his dirty talk will never not be funny to me, I remember cackling when reading this passage because, honestly John, is that the best you can do? Though Gale seemed turned on, so perhaps it works 😂 Also Curt's friendship with the Buckies is very precious to me so little moments like these <33 (even if they scar Curt (and Gale) for life)

New Kinks (Thanks OP) -> fever pitch. by @anachilles

I'm usually not one for A/B/O fics, unless they focus on hurt/comfort but this fic!!!!!!! pure smut but maaaaaaaaan, I'm in love!! And the breeding kink too? I'm deceased, I've died twice and came back to life just as many times because this fic is just too good, it was a tough choice not to put it in 'altered my brain chemistry' because it did. Irreparably so, I'm afraid 😍🥹

Found Family -> And with your hands your hearts by @amiserableseriesofevents

The sweetest, tooth-rooting fluffy fic ever. Gale's journey to proposing to John in the Such Stuff verse is sooo special to me, the way it brings together so many people and really shows how far Gale has come. He's grown into his own person, but also he doesn't just have Benny and Marge (and Meatball). He's got so many friends who are there for him and willing to help him to prepare to propose to John, John's little sisters have chosen him as their brother, and just 🥹🥹 Everyone's come so far 🥹 Gale asking for Brady's 'blessing' to ask John to marry him, Brady asking Gale's blessing to marry Benny, the way the words are never spoken but it is understood that yeah, they're as close to a family as can be, and it's something that neither Brady nor Gale thought they'd ever have or deserve 🥹 I'm so soft for all the Such Stuff verse boys, even when they're being idiots with feelings too big for their brain but never small enough for their heart, they're all so special to me, and Ginia's writing is so soft and sweet, you really get into Gale's head as he first thinks about marriage, then realizes, that yeah, he wants to marry John, to working up the nerve to prepare, then to propose, and John being so John (in all senses of the term lmao) and they're both so soft and in love 🥹❤️ Comfort read this one <3

Parents -> Dad Harding and his Two Sons by @onyxsboxes

THIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIS. AU of all time to me, it is so special to me, you have no idea. I have such a soft spot for Chick, and to read him having a father-sons relationship with Gale and John? I feel like I've won the lottery. So soft, sweet and funny, the little tidbits of post-war stories of John and Gale living with Chick, his wife and their daughter (the Buckie's adopted baby sister 🥹) I adore their little family so much, and Chick ruffling his boys' hair!!!! Just. I don't know maybe it's the daddy issues coming in but. Dad!Chick with his boys Gale and John are so very special to me 🥹❤️ (thank you, Ame, for indulging me with them 🥰❤️)

Guilt -> What else should I be? (all apologies) by @heretoobsessstuff

Gale having nightmares over leaving John behind during the march!!! John comforting him!!! PET NAMES!!! Gale needing John's forgiveness even though John doesn't blame him at all!!! This fic has it all, it does such a wonderful job at showing how that event affected Gale, going into his head, and how John always prioritizes Gale, but isn't afraid to admit afterwards that Gale's nightmare scared him. I'm just feeling so many things at once with this fic, there's never enough stories dealing with Gale's guilt in my opinion but this one definitely scratches the itch <3

Please let me talk to you about it -> Let me long for you so deep, I drown in it by Anonymous

The 'everyone is a bit in love with Gale Cleven' fic, aka a fic that I can't not adore, this is everything I've ever wanted, whoever wrote it, please know that u have my undying loyalty. I always regret that we don't see Gale interacting much with the rest of the 100th in the show, despite him being one of their 'uncontested leaders' (still don't understand why Crosby introduced himself to Gale in Greenland lol) but this fic doesn't break this mystical aura around Gale, in fact I feel like it only reinforces it because he is that unshakable force for the 100th, and ALL of the boys love him so much, and Gale loves them so much too. This fic makes me emotional in a lots of way, OP please come back I need more (jk ofc, but like. I owe you my life)

D-Day -> Heal my wound without a trace by wyomingstategov

One of the first fics I read for Mota and one I came back to so often! It takes place on D-Day but mostly deals with the aftermath of Gale and John's fight in the Stalag, how the Stalag affects both of them, and most of all, John realizing how hard it's been on Gale. Gale allowing himself to be vulnerable, to convince John to stay with him, and to fight just a little longer is something so precious to me and this fic delivers oh so well. Also I love their take on John and Gale's relationship, but also their personal take on John and Gale, it all fits together so well 🥹❤️Also this moment <33 In a rush, hoarse like it was forced from his lungs, Gale whispers, “don't leave me here. You can't go.” “Buck,” John says again, swiping his thumbs over the scars, meeting his eyes. “I'm not going anywhere.” “I'm not going to any ball games with you,” Gale manages, steadier, “and we're not getting shot during an escape.” He holds onto John's wrists, bony fingers hot like coal. “We're getting out of here, even if it's gonna be a while.”

Jealousy -> One of Your Girls by @soliloquy-dawn

Admittedly a tough contender for 'altered my brain chemistry' because I remember reading this fic and going "wowowowowowow", the writing is incredible, the story a masterpiece, the way it gets into Gale's head and his refusal to admit that yeah, he wants to be John's, one of John's girls, the yearning on both their ends, Gale acting standoffish with Lil, he's so jezngnzegn... It's so much fun being in Gale's head, Dawn's writing makes me want to pick at his brain and poke because it's so complex and so Gale, I want to study him under a microscope. Dawn always does justice to how complex their characters are, and it's always a joy to read their take on John or Gale, how they think, how they see the other, what they admit to themselves, what they do not, what they see that they do not understand is bias... It's really just always a delight to read their writing so, please, do yourself a favor and run to their AO3 <3

There we go for my Bingo!! There are so many more recs I could have done, some fills I took ages to figure out which one to put, and I am decidedly bummed that I didn't caught up to the tag because I'm sure I've missed gems but that will be a mission for the coming months <3 Thank you for scrolling this far, I hope you've discovered/re-discovered some fics that scratch an itch for you, and I hope to be back soon with more recs as I catch up with the tag ❤️

(I hope all links and tags work, please tell me if not and if you know the tumblr of some of the authors whose AO3 is the only thing I found!)

[maybankslover]

1 step forward and 3 steps back- rafe cameron

rafe cameron x kook!reader

warnings: toxic relationship, drugs.

playlist: 1 step forward and 3 steps back by olivia rodrigo.

called you on the phone today

just to ask you how you were

all I did was speak normally

somehow I still struck a nerve, you got me fucked up in the head

y/n never thought that at age 19 she would be dating her childhood crush but if you told her sixteen-year-old self that calling her, then, sweet boyfriend would give her this much anxiety she wouldn't believe you. she feared him lashing out at her for one word being misspoken, not wanting to be screamed at.

never doubted myself so much

like, am I pretty? Am I fun, boy?

i hate that I give you power over that kind of stuff

she wore a red dress, the one she knew rafe loved. a fight from the night before was what she was trying to mend. sarah picked her up and them both went to kelce's party.

y/n didn't think her night would go the way it went. rafe ignored her all night, letting girls touch his body and shamelessly flirt with him. their group of friends pitied her, drugs had fucked rafe up and he was taking the sweet, once, happy and bubbly girl down with him. topper and sarah took her home crying.

she didn`t sleep, thoughts of not being enough for him consumed her mind.

'Cause it's always one step forward and three steps back

I'm the love of your life until I make you mad

It's always one step forward and three steps back

Do you love me, want me, hate me? Boy, I don't understand

No, I don't understand

the following afternoon he stood in her room with a bouquet of her favorite flowers. y/n sat on a tiny sofa in the corner of her room, looking at the floor.

"baby, i'm so sorry, i was an idiot last night. i was mad but I swear nothing happened with those girls." her mind told her not to believe him but her heart? her heart had already given in. he kneeled in front of her. "y/n you're the love of my life"

her eyes met his. "until i make you mad."

"what?" he looked at her with a confused look.

"i'm the love of your life until i make you mad."

silence invaded the place.

"can you forgive me¨? please?" rafe took her face in his hand, waiting for an answer.

"yeah."

"thank you baby, thank you." a series of small kisses followed his words.

it's back and forth, did I say something wrong?

It's back and forth, goin' over everything I said

It's back and forth, did I do something wrong?

It's back and forth, maybe this is all your fault

rafe hated when his girlfriend told him to quit the drugs and parties. it was always something she said what got him mad and y/n was finally done with it, with him.

"y/n fuck off." rafe said pushing her out of his way.

"do that line and we're done rafe, i'm done with this shit." y/n stated , expecting him to drop the little bag and to chose her for once.

"leave, why do i have to care." his answer breaking her heart again.

while he prepared his line, she started gathering everything she saw that belonged to her.

rafe took her arms in his hands before she got a chance to leave his room.

"rafe let me go."

"no, you can't leave"

"you said you didn't care so let me leave, I'm fucking done. i can't do this anymore."

"you said you'd be here with me through everything. you were lying." his grip was getting tighter and tighter.

"Everything doesn't mean watching you kill yourself every day and not caring if you bring me down with you while doing it. everything means shit couples go through, rough patch but this isn't a rough patch anymore. this is something you are choosing over me. so please let me go. it hurts." she looked down where his hands met her skin.

"you can't leave me." rafe raised his voice, making his younger sister wonder what was happening at the room next to hers.

"yes i can, and i will. we're done rafe. I've had enough, i've done enough."

"no!" this time he shouted at her face.

"rafe you're really hurting me now." y/n tried to free from him.

"i don't care."

a knock on the door and sarah's voice interrupted. "hey, is everything okay? i heard something."

"yes we are okey." rafe was quick to answer, and y/n couldn't believe what she was about to do.

"come in please, i need to leave." it was more than enough for sarah to get in and for rafe to let go of his, now, ex-girlfriend.

y/n didn't say goodbye while she rushed to get out of the house.

"we aren't done." his shouts and figure followed her outside.

"yes we are, i'm tired and you don't want help."

"i want you." the sight of his bloodshot eyes broke her heart.

"that's not enough." she looked at him on last time before getting in her car and driving home.

[parrythisucasual]

Perfect Imperfections

Pairing: Jax x Reader (Romantic) / Ragatha x Reader (Romantic) / Pomni x Reader (Platonic)

TW: Bullying (it’s Jax.) / Insecurities / Thoughts of body modification?

Content: You’re self-conscious about your overbite, others try to help.

REQUESTED BY @duskisnotactive

**************************************************************************************

You would have thought being digitalized would get rid of this kind of thing. Nobody else seems to have something like this, do they? You stared at your reflection in the mirror, lips pulled back in a grimace, staring at your teeth. Your overbite stared blankly back at you, almost teasingly.

Sighing, you turned away, closing your mouth once more. If only there was a way to get rid of it. You wished you could simply shove your jaw into place, and move your teeth around. You didn’t even care how badly it would hurt, as long as it was fixed…

A small knock at your door snapped you to reality. You shuffled over to it, cracking it slightly “Ragatha?” you questioned, your lovely ragdoll girlfriend smiling before you. Next to her, your best friend Pomni nervously stood. 

“Sweetie, can we come in? You’ve been hiding away for hours,” Ragatha spoke softly, reaching out and taking the door into her hand, opening it fully when you didn’t resist. “Sure… I wasn’t doing anything,” you shrug and retreat into your room, the girls on your heels. You settle onto your bed, Ragatha taking her place next to you while Pomni turns your desk chair around to sit.

“Have you been okay?” Pomni questions, glancing at you with that same worried look she normally wore, the only difference being this worry was more concern for you than anything else. “I’m fine,” you lie, knowing Ragatha would jump on that immediately. Really, you didn’t care.

“Sweetie, that's a lie, everyone knows something’s wrong,” she takes your hand, swirling small circles on your skin with her thumb, “please, tell us.” With a small sigh, you finally give in, “I… I don’t like… this,” you point to your mouth, feeling tears prick your eyes.

“What, your messed up teeth?” Your head shoots up, and you lock eyes with the smug-faced rabbit. “Jax!” Ragatha stands, placing herself between you, “who let you in?!” “Myself. The door wasn’t locked,” he swaggered into the room, one hand on his hip, “crybaby here still upset over their maw?”

You really start crying now. This was too much. You leap from your bed, running as fast and as far from him as you can. You didn’t know where you were going- you didn’t care. As long as you were alone, that's all that mattered. You ended up down by the digital lake, crying into your hands. 

You didn’t know how long you were there, alone, but it felt like hours. Not that time mattered in a place like this. Nothing did. You wondered if abstracting was really all that bad…

“Hey, toots.” That voice. You turned, and there he was in all his (lack of) glory. “What do you want?” you snarled weakly, trying to sound tougher than you felt. It wasn’t all that convincing, however, because he sat himself next to you.

“Look, that wasn’t supposed to make you that upset,” he shrugged casually. Was that supposed to be an apology? You stared at the water a moment longer, then stood, “Leave me alone. You’re the world’s biggest @#$%head and I wish it was you, not Kaufmo,” your words were tonless as you delivered them. You swore you saw pain flash in his eyes before you turned away, starting up the path back to the tent.

“Wait!” he called, “just… hear me out? Can I get that at least?” You stop, refusing to turn around to look at him, but listen. “You’re different, okay? You dint react to anything I say to you and it pisses me off. You don’t pay any attention to me.”

“That’s because I don't care about you,” you speak dangerously. “I know. And that just makes me want you to more.” You whip around, finally giving him the attention he wanted, “You want me to?! Then don’t make fun of the one thing I hate most about myself!” 

“But it’s what I like best,” he admitted, making you stop in your tracks, “it makes you look… good, okay? And if… if dollface ever doesn’t appreciate you… She's an idiot.” He finally stood, making his way past you, patting your head as he did so, “because I’d never take you for granted, okay? Anyways see ya later toots.” 

You watched him leave, back to his normal self. But something made you smile. Maybe he wasn’t so bad. After all, if he liked every part of you… who’s to say there isn’t something more to him too?

[emeraldgreenbeautiesstu]

I saw the way you looked at her.

Reader x Chris Sturniolo

Warnings: swearing, meantions of alcohol, tears, etc.

Word count: 749

Alexis speaks ! : Hey yall so this is my first story! I'm still trying to get my account all set up and my master list, and tag list put together. So please please bear with me 🙏🏼 I'm hoping to get writing more regularly so please let me know how you feel about this story! Comments are encouraged and appreciated, negative or positive. Anyways enough of my yapping thanks for reading! Happy Monday! 🖤

'Maybe I'm just being dramatic, he would never.' I thought.

The couple had been at a party all night, and when Chris drank he got a bit... iffy. See Chris had this friend who was a girl, her name was Madi. Y/n had always been worried about how close they are. It had always bothered her. But tonight it got to be too much. And she was fucking done.

'Nah nah nah come on,' Rihanna sang.

The song S&M blared through the house party. It made my head pound. I was so ready to leave, I was hoping to find Chris and let him know I was no longer having fun.

"Matt!" I yelled over the music to Chris's brother, and my best friend. He looked at me. "Where's Chris!?" I shouted.

"I don't know I think I saw him hanging out with Madi!" He yelled back, not finding anything wrong with what he just said.

'Of fucking course he is.' I thought. I stormed my way over to the stairs of the house we were in, where I found Madi and Chris. Madi was flirting it up with Chris and she knew it. Her and I had always had beef, I know she wants him. She told me she wants him. And it bothered me because what if he liked her back?

'Feels so good being bad, oh oh oh oh,' the music continued.

I marched over to Chris, grabbing his wrist and attempting to pull his stumbling self away from the crowd, when Madi grabbed my wrist.

"We were having fun, leave us alone." She slurred, very obviously several drinks in. I hadn't drank at all, I was the driver tonight. I shoved her off of me, and continued my on way, a very drunk Chris in tow. Once we were in the car, I set in on him.

"What the hell were you two doing?" I turned my whole body to face Chris, he was looking right back at me.

"We were dancing and having fun, give me a fuckin break." He mumbled, looking down to his phone. One thing about Chris that I couldn't stand was when he was drunk he got grumpy. I pulled his phone out of his hands and turned it off, setting it between the seat and my thigh.

"You know it makes me uncomfortable when you hang out with Her alone. It just scares me." I confessed, feeling defeated and angry.

"Why the hell does it matter to you! I don't like her and she doesn't like me, nothing is going on between us babe!" Chris burst at me. I don't like being yelled at, I never have. When I get yelled at my walls go up, I feel like a puppy kicked too many times. I sat there, tears welling up in my eyes.

"I'm sorry I just. I saw the way you looked at her." I exhaled. Watching Chris go silent. I gave him his phone, and turned the car on. Our conversation had mostly sobered Chris.

The car ride was mostly silent except for Chris asking if we could get Taco Bell. Obviously I said yes because I love him too much to make him sad.

Once we were home, I got out of the car immediately, rushing inside and shutting myself in the bathroom. I sat on the edge of the tub with my face in my hands, and I started crying. Silent, ugly tears.

I was almost done with my blubbering when Chris knocked. "Y/n? Baby? Can we talk?" He spoke softly through the door. It had been a couple hours now. I walked out of his bathroom, tears still evident on my face. He pulled me into a hug immediately, not even giving me time to push away. "I'm sorry sweetheart, I was just having fun with my friends and didn't think about how you felt." He spat out softly.

I hummed in response, nuzzling deeper into his chest. "I'm sorry for accusing you of liking her." I said, afraid to let go of the hug.

We hadn't slept at all, just enjoyed each others company. We got home around 11 pm and it was now around 3 am. We had turned on a movie a while ago, both of us falling asleep.

"I love you Y/n y/l/n." Chris mumbled sleepily into my hair.

"I love you too Christopher Owen."

Alexis speaks ! : (sorry twice in one writing I'm just excited!) thanks for reading my first story! I will put up a post addressing my taglist soon, love yall sm!

-Taglist-

@cupidzsq

[lostfirefly]

*i'm sad*

"Buggy.." Catherine said quietly.

"Hm?" He raised his eyebrows and looked at her.

"I wanna go home." She said, exhaling.

"Well, okay. When will you be back?" Buggy sipped his coffee.

"I don't know." Catherine shrugged. "Never?"

"What?" Buggy dropped the mug from his hands. "Why?"

"I don't know. I'm tired. I'm tired of you always getting into trouble. I'm tired of the endless mess at home. The fact that you don't care about me."

"But it's not true! I care about you!"

"Oh, yes, of course." Catherine rolled her eyes. "You only need me to satisfy your sexual needs. You grumble when we go for a walk, you grumble when we sit in a cafe. I'm tired of this attitude towards myself. I wanna go home. It was a big mistake to stay with you." Catherine stood up and was about to leave the kitchen.

"Cotton candy, please.." Buggy grabbed her hand. "I care about you. I love you." His voice carried a desperate undertone, as if he believed that declaring his feelings one more time might somehow change her mind.

"I love you too, but I'm sorry." Catherine exhaled, each word weighed down by the gravity of her decision. She felt the warmth of his hand hovering near hers, a reminder of the countless times they'd shared joy and laughter. But this was different; the weight of the future pressed down on her shoulders, and she knew she had to make choices that were hard but necessary. "I'm going to pack my things and go to the airport. Please don't see me off."

"Cather---"

"Buggy! Buggy! Wake up!" Catherine tugged lightly at Buggy's shoulder.

He opened his eyes and saw Catherine's worried face.

"You're here!" Buggy looked at her with his wet eyes.

"Of course I'm here. You squeezed me in your paws so much that I can't even ge---."

Buggy hugged her tightly.

"Someone has spread their tentacles." Catherine giggled and started stroking his head. "What happened, little bear? You were crying in your sleep."

"I don't know. I think it was a nightmare." Buggy pressed himself closer to her.

"Like the ones that tormented you at the beginning of our relationship? You really scared me. You just squeezed me like an octopus, and then you started crying and saying my name."

"Yes. Something like that..." Buggy placed his head on her shoulder. ,

"My love," Catherine gently wiped his eyes with her fingers, "Don't worry. I'm here, I'm not going anywhere."

"Cathie-pie.. Are you happy with our relationship?" Buggy asked quietly, resting his head on her shoulder.

"Oh my god! I broke the universe! Buggy the Clown asks such questions." Catherine giggled and kissed him in the head. "Of course! I'm happy with everything."

"And the fact that I always get into trouble?" He moved his head on her chest.

"Come on, it's kind of funny. Remember the other day when you punched some guy in the eye at a bar because you thought he was trying to take me away from you? That was so cool! Policemen actually took you back to the police station. But it was fun getting you out of there." Catherine scratched the top of his head. "You know, sometimes I go over my ex-boyfriends in my head, they were all so boring. All proper and dull. Ew! You are completely different, my Buggy Bear. Your mood changes in seconds, you are sometimes noisy, but at the same time you are kind and very sensitive. And I love everything about you."

"What about the fact that I don't care about you?" Buggy took her hand.

"That's not true! Who told you that? Me in your dream? It wasn't me, it was bad Catherine, who doesn't know you at all. Don't listen to her." Catherine kissed Buggy in the top of his head. "I know you love me and I know how much you care about me. If you didn't care about me, would you have saved me from the gods? You would have left me in that cage." Catherine hugged Buggy tighter. "You make me laugh, you take me for walks. I know you don't really like walking, but you go with me. And yesterday! Yesterday, you made me a hot bath and didn't even pester me. You brought me fruits and wine and told me to rest. See? You're learning! You wouldn't have done that seven months ago. I'm very proud of you and I love you!"

"I love you too."

"Feeling better?" Catherine kissed Buggy in the head again.

"Yeah." Buggy nodded slowly.

"Want a cookie?"

"Uh-huh."

Catherine reached over to the nightstand, "You know, next time when bad Catherine comes to you in your dreams, I'm going to go there and kick her ass. No one dares put such horrible thoughts into my clown's head." She picked up a few chocolate cookies. "Here." Catherine kissed Buggy's head again. "You know, I'll make you a nice breakfast in the morning. How about some bacon wrapped around sausages? And an omelet with bacon in it, too."

"Sounds great. But... Can you also make me pancakes?"

[witchinatree]

magnus protocol episode 25 ramble

one week into senior year and i already want to kill myself ??? not looking too good for me

anyway it's my favorite day because it's also the day of the umbrella academy season 4 and i'm gonna miss it so much i might cry

magnus time!!!

why are they making fun of alice for being worried about the deadly things stalking them. i am worried too.

I WILL START HUMPING YOUR LEG LMAO???

i love that things feel back to normal but i also don't because this means horrible things are going to alter them forever

i'm really worried about how gross this statement is going to be i saw things in the vague tag

also i was genuinely going to eat during this episode but i'm just gonna do it after, post school snack can be delayed for the greater good (my stomach)

kieran what happened to you..

there are so many red flags even trying to GET to this place oh my god

maggot mention. this will be horrific.

oh i get it. it's not a grill to feed hungry men. it's grilling hungry men. welcome back cannibalistic themes

the hunger is compelling them :scream emoji:

has anyone seen dead boy detectives?? episode 7 when edwin and charles walk through the gluttony level of hell (briefly) is what this reminds me of. i don't like it. i hated that scene.

wwwwwhat the not-noodles did wwhhhat

THERE'S A BANDAGE ON MY FINGER OH FUCK OFF

this made my day worse this is making my day worse somehow oh my god oh my god i need this to be over. this is my new mag18. i think i have issues with food horror.

POLEASE SKIP THE DETAILS OF DESSERT PLEASE I'M ALLERGIC TO DAIRY I DON'T NEED THIS PLEASE

shoutout kieran they actually seem really strong for this i guess????? go off. i wish you were vaguer with your writing.

oh. oh... ooooh.... cccan you not...

ALICE WTF DO U MEAN BY THAT ????? LMMAOOO?????

COLIN WTF? COLIN HEY? WELCOME BACK COLIN? WWWHAHTHHHHHH WHAT WHAT WHAT WHAT WAHAT

I KNEW IT? I THINK I CALLED THIS? I THINK I CALLED THIS? COLIN BABE. GO BACK TO YOUR HOUSE I THINK?

HEYYYYY ARE NORRIS AND CHESTER OKAY. ARE THEY OKAY. DO THEY LIVE IN THE SERVERS. COLIN ? COLIN ? I'M SO WORRIED ABOUT YOU COLIN

WHHHAT WHAT HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT HOOLY HSIT WHAT I JUMPED I JUMPED I'M LOSING MY FUCKING MIND

hi lena babygirl. she needs to file so much paperwork i'm sure. oh my god he got arrested :(

sam bodytackled colin for alice? that's kinda cute sam you're back on my good side. polyoiar back on

well the server is fine. OKAY SAM WAIT YOU'RE ONTO SOMETHING BABE GO OFF KING I'M SORRY FOR PUBLICALLY SHITTING ON YOU A LITTLE BIT

i wonder who the minister is? maybe next episode?

poor celia :( and i don't like that they're gonna hire someone new this feels ominous

someone help lena she did not want this

HAHAH I CALLED IT THE PAPERWORK

oh celia honey where did you go?? where did you end up??

poor celia :( also what the fuck guys

i will no longer be eating as it turns out. i did not like that one

[brynhildr13]

About the GazettE.

TL;DR I had recent experiences that reinforce my belief that Reita REALLY is still with me and with all of us. Even if they can be easily explained as coincidental. Please if you want, share something that has been helpful to heal. Take care. Gazerock is not dead. Gazerock never dies.

Full post under cut.

I consider myself spiritual, but not really religious. But let me take you through my last few days, if you so care. Its important to me and I want to share this in hopes that the others in this Fandom know that I share the pain and want to spread my own love and solace and peaceful mourning.

I took an hour drive to my twin sister's to have our birthday hangout on Wednesday. I had the GazettE on plus other vkei groups on shuffle, but I kept skipping most of the other groups trying to find the GazettE songs. A few came on and even with the heavy and rock and headbanging songs I was just sobbing. To the point where I told myself, "you have to keep your eyes open. You need to watch the road." But the TEARS were plenty and heavy. I also started to judge myself a little. Wondering why I was SO emotional.

Then I had one of those intuitive downloads where like, you know it didn't come from your own brain and then after you hear it your mind expands. I don't know who's voice it was. I couldn't repeat it if I tried. But it said, quote "but feeling is healing."

And I lost it all over. Because I knew it was right and I needed to sit with the feelings. So I let myself cry as much as I could.

And then, To Dazzling Darkness came on.

My favorite song. Well, one of them. The whole Beautiful Deformity album is iconic, but that song specifically is one of my favorites BECAUSE of Reita's bass part. (Plus my twin sister, with her music degree, thinks the song is well written and can back up why and that means a lot to me that my sister who isn't the most into heavy metal or knows the group near as well as I do likes THEIR songs BECAUSE they're good).

And after that I laughed a little and wiped my eyes and said, "ok. I get it. It has to mean you're here right now. Thank you."

Maybe it came from Reita. I'd like to think so.

Had tons of fun with my sister. Come home. Worked Thursday. That night i shed a tear or two as i watched a few music videos in bed. And i just said outloud and in my head. "As long as he's okay. I'd like a sign that he's okay, please." And i fell asleep. Fast forward to today.

Today's our birthday. I planned to grab my free trenta from Starbies cuz $0 is the only amount I'll pay there unless I'm desperate. When I got to the screen in the drive thru, i meant to order 2 cake pops for my treat. Cuz fuck it. Im desperate. I'm a sad bitch and I want cake. It's my birthday. But I have anxiety and panicked and ended up asking for them at the drive thru window instead.

And they gave me the pops and I waited to hand them my card and after a few seconds she came back up and said, "oh don't worry about them today. No charge." Once I was sure they didn't want my money I thanked them profusely.

And I drove away. And I smiled from inside. Cuz I'd like to think that that was my sign he's okay. Maybe he pulled some strings to make me smile and to say, with that grin on his face, "don't worry about me. I'm here. I'll be here. Have a cake pop you sad bitch."

I meant it when I said before his spirit is here.. there's truly a feeling of the hole in my heart filling a little. I feel like emotionally and spiritually he's here in my peripheral stronger than ever before. Especially because I had become more of a backseat fan that would slink out of the woodwork when they had new content. My "obsession" (hyperfixation) died down a lot after saw them in 2016 and 2019, and I shared my gift of art and they shared their gift of music. But that love and adoration never ever left regardless of how often I talked about it and showed it. Or didn't. Cuz NO ONE else in my every day immediate circle knows anything about them.

Cuz here's the thing, and this is just me, too. I don't have any better way or words to string together to say this other than this way. I KNOW that they don't "know me". Like , I'm not missing the physical presence like they are. I didn't sit with him every day talking about all the most common shared passionate things we're doing, etc. Etc. So I can argue for myself that because of that the burden is likely to not be as heavy as any of theirs. But music and the arts connects hearts and minds beyond the physical. And for me listening to the music keeps him close, and I almost think that I can Feel him when I hear it. I can imagine him putting a hand on my shoulder (with his endearingly weird thumbs, they always made me giggle.)

Idk I think Im getting a little off track. Long story short, he was physically here with me when he was at the shows. When he wasn't he was still there, off across the world, doing his thing. and while I knew that like in an unconscious way, i never really sat with that to be like "what are they doing right this moment" or that i could energetically feel them all at any time, you know? And I remember getting upset with myself cuz my first coherent thought after I metaphorically picked my stomach off the ground after it fell out of my butt was "well, it HAS to be ok cuz the world's still gonna turn." And that felt horrible to say. And that's not fair to me or to anyone who needs time to process this. I mean, YA, I GUESS, it WILL. But once again. This WILL still hurt for a while. And that's okay. That doesn't mean i have to "get over" it right away either. Cuz once again. The physical loss isn't felt (yet) or as heavy as the bandmen will feel. But I will feel. And my feelings are my truth. And i can argue the band itself will have worse grieving till the sun dies, and that still doesn't mean my feelings are literally less than for my own personal experience. And thats okay.

But getting back to the point of this, thinking and believing Reita's making his way to us, I now just have this new vibration around me that I know is spiritual in nature and it is energizing the room, especially when I play their music. He's here.

I keep thinking about The Haunting of Hill House and Nell's words in the last episode. And I don't want that to ever fade. I'm determined to keep him strong in my heart and my mind. Just like ruki said he and the guys would.

Anyways, I hope yall are feeling as okay as you can. I hope this may touch someone and bring more healing. Free to share things in the comments if you want, too.

[notoriouslynoone]

HEAR ME OUT-

I have come from the abyss to make a proposition.

We all know the ikemen series can get admittedly a little interchangeable with some of the thems and characters. Not that there all the same by any means, but you could most definitely switch up the cast without sacrificing too much plot, or atmosphere. So, a little worm crawled in brain a while back and refuses to die so...I guess I'll pass it along....

You might've seen the Villains/Prince card gotcha colab they did a month or more ago with Jude and Liam. It was relatively well received, yet I'm servierly disappointed this concept hasn't been played around with much in the respective fandoms.

So, since Cybird gave us some princely villains, I've come armed and prepared with the alternative.

"But the princes are all to sweet to become villains!" you cry.

Oh, ho, ho~ How wrong you would be.

The curses of the Crown members actually correspond with the personalities of the Rhodolite princes quiet nicely and we must remember that they fundamentally change how one naturally goes about their life. It's an entirely different mental strain that I think in the cases such as Leon's (whose self righteousness is glorified in its own right) could bring out some juicey aspects of their character we wouldn't otherwise see. (Honestly Leon was too perfect, I kept wondering when he was gonna go savage, nope...never did. I really want him to go all William on some evil...if that makes any sense.) Not to mention we'd go from the "we care because we're family" group dynamic, to the "well, shit i guess we're sorta family" dynamic. (Chevalier and Clavis being begrudging childhood friends working as business partners? Yes please!)

So we got (as I see it)-

A monarch-Leon

Fox- Nokto

Mirror- Clavis

Fairy- Chevalier

Huntsman- Jin

Throns- Luke

Sariel fulfills the role of the tall, dark, and dominating leader. (Not that Victor is...wait, nope, wedding event. Epilog)

The only issue I had was with Yves and Licht. They just don't fit, right? I mean honestly-oh, wait....

These curses change their holders more than any of the others. Really-would Elbert be a normally traumatized dude without his obsession with beauty? And Liam...

Well, that something else completely- but back to Yves.

My conflict regarding him came from the initial comparison I made between him and Liam. They’re nearly opposites when you think about it, or at least not the neat squeeze the others were logically beyond them both being cat-coded, until...

The fits.

This curse is particularly sinister due to them and it was when I began to think of the fits it all came together, ish...it's not like I've really flushed it out or anything.

Yves can't kill.

It's a horrific embarrassment for him as a member of the queen's secret army, of course, one the others make do to point out early in Emma's stay as fairytale keeper.

"We know how to cover eyes, just fine. Don't we Yves-ie boy?"

He grunts, pout twisting into a snarl. "I've never closed my eyes! I can stand it all just fine, thank you! I just like to have a little control over myself, unlike some people!"

"Aw, but what's the fun in that? Don't you ever want a taste of the 'darkness'," Calvis snickered, fingers quoting the air.

"I taste enough as it is, thank you."

"So you really haven't..killed? Her guts lurched, rejecting the abnormality of the sentence.

"What-of course I've killed! I'm apart of Crown! You saw us murder a man, remember?"

"It was mostly Leon," Licht flatly chimed.

Yves shot him a glare full of daggers. "The point is that I have-"

"Not on purpose." The room stopped, turning toward Nokto and his silver smirk. "It's why you joined, isn’t it? How’s it going by the way? Any trouble with the fits?"

Not everyone is rude about it. Actually, there's an overwhelming amount of support working in the background. They give him important, granted safe, missions that allow him to explore and exploit his curiosity without fear of cracking under the weight of it. Our princey boys would be a lot more resistant to their curses than our villain babes. In Yves case, he is so repressive he lives in fear of zooting out everyday for a whole different reason than Liam.

Liam's fits are connected to anxiety, grief, depression, guilt...

Well for Yves it's fear primarily. Don't get me wrong, there's self-loathing in there, but it's almost like a defense. So, due to events of the past that would be drawn out over the course of 18 chapters, he is terrified to kill, yet has and certainly will, but avoids doing so at all costs. (Which some of the others secretly respect him for. )

He takes it upon himself to survey Emma as fairytale keeper-to ensure her competence, NOT because the situation sucks and she must be so scared and everyone’s so scary-

Then of course it becomes exclusive, because he's safe and the missions are easy...

Until it's not.

He wants a challenge, something really plump to sink his teeth into. (Emma has really done a number on his confidence at this point.) They give it to him and it goes well, that is until one of the left over thugs, (which ever one tried to have a monolog, you know) grabs Emma when he's distracted. The situation turns, some of the dudes are up. They rough him around, threaten her, that sorta thing, then one pushes him down.

"You might as well go home kitty, you can't do shit to us."

He gets up, hand grazing the touch of metal at his side. It slips from its leather bed. He approaches the bastard tormenting Emma and plunges his knife between his neck and spine. One guy tries to get him by the shoulders; he turns and stabs him in the gut. The rest back away, he steps forward, both hands clinging to the now dripping blade-

And lunges.

Emma doesn't even have time to breathe.

(Does it look like Yves? Probably not, but for a 15 minute 2am pen-sketch it's okay. It's actually what inspired me to write this whole thing.)

He twirls around to face her, so, so happy and it takes everything not to scream. She smiles instead, moving towards his open arms, her own broadly spread.

"You did it!" Her body collapses against him, trembling. "That man, he-I...thank you."

Something dark passed through his gaze, then sank into the crook of her neck. "You're welcome..."

So yeah that's what I got. Cool, ay? Come on, it'd be fun....

Still unsure abut Licht, kinda feel like you might have to make up a curse for him. Big bad wolf or something...more or less to match Nokto. They are twins after all.

Welp thanks for reading if did!

Peace~

[isa-loves-you]

How you meet and realizing you like them | The group chat.

PART 2

-Tanner-

You were a semi-big youtuber and twitch streamer; you mostly got popular from you and your friends playing dumb games and making eachother laugh, and it seemed to make other people laugh too because now you're making money from it. You weren't doing anything really, just scrolling through your social media to see what was going on in the world, then you saw that you had a new friend request on discord. 

Isaacwhy: Hi im isaac. I don't know if you know who i am but me and my friends do youtube and i have an upcoming project that includes me putting my friend Tanner also known as BigT through my version of the bachelor. The reason I am messaging you is because my friend Tanner has a big crush on you and we want to surprise him with you for the last round. If you don't want to participate with my idea that is totally okay, please message me back if you have any questions.

You sat there and thought about it for a second; It sounded like so much fun and you could make someone happy and also gain some new views yourself from it. You messaged Isaac back to tell him that you would do it, you guys spent a couple minutes chatting explaining what would be going on and when they would introduce you. Basically they would put you in a secret discord with the other contestants and once tanner is down to the last to the last rose he will choose the winner. Once he chooses then isaac will pretend that the game is over and that tanner and the winner will get a date, but then he will tell tanner that he could choose the winner or you then you will get five minutes to convince tanner to choose you for the final rose. Seems pretty easy you thought, and it sounds really fun you couldn't wait to shoot the video.

After waiting a week it was finally time to record the vid.isaac had gathered all the contestants into a chat with him and tanner and you got to sit in a secret one with isaac so when it got down to the last person he would message you to join. An hour went by until Isaac told you that Tanner was picking the winner. “Yayy congratulations emmi you have been gifted the last rose on the discord bachelor, how do you feel tanner?” “it feels so good isaac now i don't have to cry myself to sleep because i'm so alone “ everyone laughed and pretend to cheer tanner on but thats when isaac dropped the bomb on him “ wait what's this we have a secret contestant that i may or may not have placed last on purpose”. Everyone got quiet to listen to what Isaac was going to say next “ladies and gentlemen, let's introduce our secret contestant Y/N!!!” “hey everybody im super excited to see yall” no one spoke at all, they were in shock that isaac got you to come. “OH MY GOD AHHH'' tanner screamed like a teenage girl meeting taylor swift “ok ok ok tanner calm down i know i'm the best, but since we now have a new player we still have to play by the rules” “ nuh uh i know who i choose, i give you y/n this rose as a symbol of my love”. Tanner stuck out his hand at his camera with a funny seductive look on his face. You and others bursted out laughing, man you don't know who this guy was but he sure could make your stomach hurt from laughing and it was a bonus that he was super cute. “No tanner dont forget about emmi over here. Since you already got 5 minutes with emmi alone, i am giving you 5 minutes wut y/n then you will decide who you will actually pick”. Oh god you're actually getting nervous, your hands got all sweaty and you stutterd like an idiot when isaac asked if you were ready, isaac moved you and tanner, and himself into another chat and tanner changed his background to look like a fancy restaurant. “So tanner, isaac told me that you have a big crush on me. Is that true?” Tanner just looked at you with eyes wide and mouth open like when Roger Rabbit sees Jessica rabbit. You couldn't laugh at his goofiness , you have to admit that you were actually having a good time.

Five minutes passed and it was nothing but talking and laughing at tanner being silly “Okay boys and girls now it's actually time for tanner to pick the winner” isaac interrupted. “Hmmm it's a tough pick isaac. Emmi i did have an awesome time with you and you were my first choice, but I'm sorry y/n is my choice. I WILL ALWAYS CHOOSE THEM NO MATTER WHAT GIRL COMES UP TO ME!”. Everyone laughed as tanner acted like a wwe wrestler at smackdown, but you were just staring at this man that chose you over 10 other people you couldn't help but sorta fall for.

-Yumi-

You’ve been really go friends with isaac since highschool and you guy stayed to be really good friends out of highschool. Isaac had always talked about being a youtuber and you always supported the idea and even offering your help with the editing; which was also helping you since you really liked working you on your own time, working with a good friend of yours, and also make pretty good money from your passion. Not only did you work with isaac with his editing but you also did the editing for the group chat podcast; even though you did all the time consuming work for them they had no idea who you were since you didn't live in austin and only complicated through isaac. You were editing on a Friday night so Isaac could upload the video the next day. You were almost done. All you had to do was look over the footage to make sure everything was good but you kept on getting distracted by yumi. You have never met Yumi but you see him everyday and you get used to his face, sometimes it makes your day better. He always had something witty to say or had a good joke to tell, and you sorta started to have a crush on him. Isaac knew about your little crush even though you never said anything he could just tell whenever you asked how they all were and you always asked about yumi first. You were done and just sent the file to isaac when he texted you.

Mr.Famous: Thank you!

y/n: no problem. Just text me when you have something for me

Mr.Famous: I actually do. How about you come to Austin and come on the podcast?

You couldn't believe it. Going to Austin and maybe seeing Yumi for the first time, and also seeing your friend that you haven't seen in a long time.

Two days passed since you talked to isaac about coming to austin and now you just got your suitcase from baggage claim and stepped into your uber. Isaac said that he was setting things up for you at the house so he couldn't come and get you from the airport, some friend he is.

At the group chat mansion:

“Tanner don't spill that cereal on the couch they are almost here” “Whos almost here” tanner said with milk dripping out of his mouth “y/n” “whos dat?'' Larry chimed in as he and the others walked in behind him “Are you guys serious i told you two days ago. Y/n my very good friend since highschool that edits my videos and the podcast”. Everyone all passed a look pretending like they knew what their friend was talking about “ you know what i'm not going to say anything-” isaac was cut off mid sentence by the door bell ringing. 

You heard isaac shouting from the other side of the front door so you decided to help out whoever was getting their ass chewed out by isaac and ring the doorbell. The yelling stopped and you waited a second before Isaac opened the door with arms wide open and a smile. You and Isaac hugged for a good second since this was the first time you've seen him in almost 2 years since he moved from pennsylvania. You guys finished your hug and grabbed your bags to come in, you were a nervous wreck due to it being the first time meeting the others. You stood in the living room looking at the 4 in front of you “ hey everyone, it's finally good to see your guyses faces' ' you went up to hug them all. Larry took the hug with a big smile on his face, tanner put on his seductive face like he always do and gave you a hug like a like a rich person would, nick gave you a hug then i medentalty put the camera in your face and asked you to say hi to their fans. Now it was time to hug yumi, now yumi did not like physical affection and everyone in the house knew that besides you. Everyone watched and waited for you to make your way to yumi, but you could tell that yumi was uncomfortable with the whole hug thing so you just dabbed him up;which surprised him but he was okay with it.

You spent the rest of the day with the boys but it wasn't long since you didn't show up to the house until 6. Isaac had to go get the mail from the Po. Box before the mail office closed (wait a great friend honestly!) Larry and Nick went with him and Tanner had decided to stream. It was now going on 11 and you were getting tired so you texted isaac where you were supposed to sleep.

Y/n:Hey i tried to stay up but im really jet lagged, where am i sleeping?

 Mr.Famous: Sorry I won't be back for another 30 mins. Ask yumi to show you the guest room.

OH great, now you have to disturb someone because you finally get out of the house since you work from home, and the person you do have to bother is your crush. That's soooo awesome. You hyped yourself up before you stepped into the kitchen where yumi was eating something “hey i don't mean to bother you but could you show me where the guest room is because isaac won't be back for a while” “yeah no problem”. Yumi put his food down and walked before you did so he could show you, he was about to walk up the stairs until he looked back at you to see you struggling to put the handle on your bag down so you could carry it. Before you could react to what was happening Yumi grabbed the handle and pushed it down so he could grab and carry your bag up the stairs for you. “Oh you don't have to do that i would have gotten it but thank you” yumi didn't say anything until you guys got to the top of the stair “it's no big deal just being a help” he continued walking until he got to an open door. You looked into the room to see a bed, a closet, a desk that had a pc with a bunch of different electronic stuff around it, and next to the bed was a pile of plushies that you've always seen in the back of videos. “Sorry Isaac made us put some stuff in here since we don't use this room, but all the stuff on the desk works if you need to use them” Yumi said as he walked past you to put your bag on the bed. “Oh no it's okay i don't mind” you smiled towards him to assure you that everything was okay by you “well goodnight then” yumi said as he just stood in the doorway staring at you “yeah you too have a goodnight”. You guys just stood and looked at each other for a second until the unthinkable happened; yumi reached down and awkwardly hugged you “sorry i just feel bad for earlier”. You just watched him walk to his room with a dumb smile on your face, you couldn't believe it. Thee Yumi, the man you have a little crush on, gave you a hug. Man life is great, you thought to yourself while you drifted off to sleep.

[tearfallpixie]

Make Mama Happy - Chapter 4.5

Tags: @nerdraging4point0 @thesazzb @synthetic-wasp-570 @circle-with-me @beaker1636 @itsjustemily @witchyweeb34 @agravemisstake @cookiesupplier @cncohshit @faceless-mirror @nonamessblog @yournecessaryevil @black-damask1999

@lyschko666 @vinyardmauro @skulliecadaver-blog @some-daniela @latenightmusiclover @rye14-blog1

“I don't want you to go.” Heather whined. Ricky, her and I were at Vinny's place because we were going to take the boys to the warehouse to load up on the bus. Ricky didn't want to leave his car for almost a month in the parking lot so Heather volunteered us to give him a ride.

“I know. But its only for three weeks. I’ll call you every day.” Ricky promised, making me roll my eyes. Vinny was on the corner of his couch with his nose buried in his phone, actively avoiding looking at me.

“I hope you don't expect me to fawn over missing you.” I scoffed in his direction making him let out a snort.

“Awe but baby. I'll miss you so much.” He fake sobbed. I felt myself being pulled into his arms and a mop of curls burying itself in my neck. “I can't possibly be away from you that long.” A laugh bubbled past my lips at his ridiculousness and I turned to face him.

“I'm so sorry boo bear. I didn't realize how much you loved me. I'll try to reign in my emotions to make it easier on you to leave.” I crossed two fingers over my heart and heard him let out another snort.

“Such a sacrifice. What would I do without you.” I flopped dramatically onto his chest. We had gotten more comfortable with showing affection since we still had to pretend for a couple more months but it didn't mean we liked each other.

“We have to leave soon.” Rick murmured sadly, squeezing Heather a bit tighter. Standing to our feet we all grabbed the bags and headed out to Heather's car. As we loaded the bags into the trunk even I felt a little melancholy. The drive was quiet, no one daring to break the silence for fear any of us might burst out crying.

“Don't cause too much trouble while you're gone.” I mumbled to Vinny. He glanced over at me before giving me a small smile.

“Promise. I have to save all my trouble for you anyway.” I gave him a half smile and felt myself being pulled into a hug. “Hey, would you mind stopping by my place a few times while we're gone? Since Emil is coming with us I don't want my house abandoned for a month.”

“Me? Why?” I sputtered.

“Well you are my girlfriend for all intents and purposes. It would be normal for you to be seen at my place.” I thought about it and nodded.

“Fine. I guess.” He kissed my cheek and pulled out a spare set of keys.

“Thank you baby.” He grinned and hugged me. I rolled my eyes but hugged back, finding that he gave amazing hugs.

“We better get going. Come on Vin.” Rick called stepping over to us. He nodded to me and we both moved forward to hug but both of us were awkward about it and grimaced. He rubbed the back of his neck and shoved his hand towards me. “Take care of Heather for me.”

“Between the house and Heather I should start getting paid to babysit.” I joked. “Have fun Richard.”

“Right back at you brat.” He huffed. If I wasn't mistaken I was pretty sure there was a bit of amusement laced in his words. He took his bag from the trunk and Vinny followed suit, both of them stepping back and heading into the airport.

“You ok?” I asked Heather. I saw her wipe stray tears from her eyes and shake her head. “Give me the keys. I’ll drive us home.” She passed over the keys and curled into a ball in the passenger seat.

“Don't wreak Ricky's car. He’ll kill me.” She sniffled. I felt bad that she was taking this so hard and deep inside of my chest there was a tug of sadness that Vinny was leaving too. We weren’t friends by any means but I did enjoy his chaos sometimes.

“I promise.” I mumbled. “Do you want to spend the night? I don't want to be alone.”

“Please. God yes.”

[copias-girl]

Hey. I saw you deleted all the excitement/nonsense from the other day, wanted to check in on you. I realized that while I've been on this hellsite for 12 years and seen and experienced a great deal of my own anon drama, I forget how overwhelming & terrible it feels when it first happens to you.

I failed to notice that, in addition to being very new to this site, you're also only 18 (please note that this is not meant to sound condescending - tone is impossible to convey via text). I was a couple years older than that when I joined here, and I carried just as much excitement and energy into everything I posted and reblogged and quickly gained a reputation for myself. From what I've observed from your blog though, mine was decidedly...less fun & positive, so I got a LOT of anonymous messages telling me what they thought of me. I would spend a lot of time thinking about those anons and the terrible things they said to me, constructive or not, objective or not. It didn't matter how many support messages I got from friends or mutuals, or how much we mocked the anons or made light of the situation - I was angry, embarrassed, felt like nothing I did would fix it, and sometimes didn't want to log onto this site anymore, despite it being the only outlet I had to express myself in this way.

It is normal to focus on the small negative in spite of the overwhelming positive - healthy? No. But normal.

My point is: Please do not let this nonsense deter you from being you. Not everyone is going to like you, and that is totally fine. Not everyone is going to like how you post/reblog on your blog. Speaking solely for myself, I generally keep a more contained dashboard I can scroll through quickly at work, so I don't follow your blog, but I don't translate my personal feelings on how you blog into my personal opinion of you as an individual. Everyone blogs differently on this site, which is what keeps it interesting. I'm also not so chronically online to go out of my way to send you a 5-paragraph essay about consent or being hypersexual in a fandom for a gay Satanic band. Instead I'll send you a 8-paragraph essay trying to comfort you and to tell you not to despair, lmao.

I LOVE your enthusiasm about how you express yourself in your posts & reblogs, and it seems there's a shit ton of blogs around you that feel the same way & express themselves the exact same way. Don't lose that spark! Don't let them rain on your parade! [Insert another cliche phrase here]!

Take time if you need a break, but please understand you did nothing wrong. Everything said to you was someone's opinion they wanted to force on you to control how you behave because they themselves are terrified of the world around them and don't understand they cannot control others. Hopefully one day they'll realize how sheltered and, quite frankly, stupid they are. I did.

My advice: if you ever reopen anons and start getting those messages again, delete them and don't engage. Most of the time they're just looking for attention, to rile you up. Classic bullying tactics.

Or print out their messages and use them as firewood. Or toilet paper. Whatever works.

Lastly, you don't have to acknowledge this or publish this message if you don't want to. Genuinely, I just wanted to reach out and make sure you're okay and to attempt to longwindedly impart some advice from my own experiences over the decade.

You do you, dude. Fuck the haters.

Thank you so so much for this incredibly kind and comforting message ♥︎ I really appreciate it more than you could imagine, it even made me cry reading it. I feel like this message is a good closer for this situation, so I’m also going to use it as an opportunity to give a little PSA about how my blog will be operating from now on.

First of all, just thank you again. I’m honestly astonished because every single thing you mentioned is exactly how I feel. The hurt of it all despite getting so much support, the empty feeling of not wanting to go on tumblr anymore despite it being my only outlet. Tumblr was supposed to be my safe space, my escape, my home, and it really sucks because it honestly doesn’t feel like that anymore.

I think the thing that hurts the most is that literally no one reached out to me as a friend in the dms to tell me that I was bothering them. I’m not a mind reader, so if no one says anything then I assume I’m not bothering them. But I do pride myself on always being approachable, I’m ALWAYS open to people messaging me with their concerns.

It’s different when it’s some faceless anon who comes off as slightly passive aggressive. If someone would have just DMed me, I definitely would have put more thought into it and taken their suggestion. Since I haven’t been on tumblr long, I didn’t even know the difference between reblogging with a comment or reblogging with tags until literally just now during this whole situation.

I just feel like I’ve been serving spaghetti every night for dinner. 9 people say they absolutely LOVE it, but then I come to suddenly find out the 10th person doesn’t. But they never said anything all this time, so how was I supposed to know?

I’ve had two people block me who I thought were my friends. One who, during this situation, even said she’d always be there for me. Basically, she informed me that our mutual friend had been upset about my comments and apparently never said anything before this, so I reached out to that friend and apologized. She apparently got triggered by my apology, and they both blocked me. That hurt. A lot. And if I’m being honest I’ve been fighting so hard not to self harm during this time.

I feel like I’ve been treated like a malicious criminal over this, when in reality everyone should know damn well I’ve never done ANYTHING to deliberately make people feel bad.

And don’t worry, I definitely did not take the comment about my age to be condescending. In fact, I wish more people would have taken it into account. And the fact that I’ve only been on tumblr for 6 months, so I don’t really know much about it.

I have a life outside tumblr. I’m a student, and I’ve had to be a full-time caretaker to sick relatives who have now unfortunately passed away. I’m grieving. My father abandoned me and my mother, so I’ve had to take over doing all the things that he used to do.

I come on tumblr, I scream about everyone’s favourite satanic antipopes, I post some fics, and then I close the app and go about my life. I don’t research the history of tumblr and what’s deemed acceptable by certain groups of people. I’m a human. I’m a real teenage girl, with feelings. I’m able to be hurt, and triggered, and everything else. I know I’ve created a personality for myself on here, and I think people often forget that I’m a real girl.

I wish I could say I’m okay, but right now that spark definitely feels dampened into a sad little ember. Since this has happened, I’ve almost stopped eating entirely, and when I do eat, I immediately throw it right back up. My Mom took me out to eat and I threw up in public. This has honestly had my stomach in knots.

Today was the first day I actually didn’t feel nauseous. So hopefully time will heal this wound. I wouldn’t wish this on ANYONE, but I’m glad to see you got through it and made it out ok. I’m hoping for the same outcome for myself too.

Now for the PSA portion of this message (everyone please read):

Will I stop being unhinged? Hell no. But I will be moving any horny comments into the tags, as suggested by the people who had complaints. The absolute last thing I want to do is alienate people and make people uncomfortable. (I still have questions about reblogging with comments tho, for example, if I say something not horny should I still put that in the tags or is it ok to comment that?)

Secondly, my best friend suggested that I should just start taking my unhinged comments and making them into posts of their own, so I’ll probably do that too. I think I might tag them with some cheesy tag, probably a pun on nsfw (not sugar for work?) so that if you’d like to blacklist that tag, you can, and then your dash will be safe for scrolling at work or wherever. And you can just click ‘view post’ if you want to view it.

So, rest assured, the horny party will never stop! But since I’ll be putting my stuff in the tags, you probably won’t see it circulating as much as reblogged comments, so if you want to see me being unhinged, just come to my page and scroll through!

Also, I’ve gotten so many other supportive messages and I want to thank everyone for sending them in. I won’t be answering them, because I don’t want a lot of stuff about this situation on my blog. And this is going to be the last time I talk about this situation on my blog. But the supportive messages really do mean a lot to me, so thank you all ♥︎

I feel malaise, so I might still be absent for a little while, but I’ll try to get back in the saddle as soon as I can. I haven’t been in the best mindset to write, but I’m really going to try because posting fics and running this account genuinely make me happy.

Thank you for taking the time to read, and I hope to see you all again very soon

Love always,

Sugar <3