#please don't let this argument make me realise you are my baby brother and i am just your older sister | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

amberjazmyn · 3 months ago

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"i'm still here though, aren't i?"💔🫶

pairing : esteban ocon x fem!ocon reader, platonic f1 grid x fem!ocon reader, mick schumacher x fem!ocon reader

summary : esteban's teenage sister, lottie (collette), had attempted suicide and for the first time since it happened, the brother and sister got into a heated argument in the paddock because lottie refused to talk about it to her brother. this was the argument in which lottie realised just how wrong she was and why it hurt her older brother so much.

warnings : angst, older brother x esteban, fatherless x esteban, fatherless x lottie, failed suicide attempt, teenage sister, crying, yelling

a/n : this will be an awfully heavy one-shot so, like always, please read with caution or don't read at all. flashbacks to the event of lottie's attempt will be in italics, as will all the other flashbacks and the present time will be in normal font and everything will be in lowercase like all my sad ones have been recently. i love you all and please, stay safe

a/n : like i have already mentioned in the tags, from my knowledge, esteban's dad is still very much alive and he does not have a sister called lottie since esteban is actually an only child. i also had the thought of writing this for mick schumi but then realised it didn't sit right with me so i decided i'd do it for estie but i did make it that lottie is dating mick!

in hindsight, esteban should have known that there was something wrong with his teenage sister, lottie but, he just thought that he was becoming too much of a helicopter brother and turning into their deceased father. i mean, lottie is esteban's youngest sister and one of his two other remaining family members that were alive so, esteban didn't want to constantly get in his sister's way. he wanted her to have some freedom, especially now that she was eighteen, having just turned that age the day before her attempt. however, he should have realised that maybe, he shouldn't have been so far away from his beloved baby sister to the point where she felt like as a last resort to get her older brother's attention that she had to attempt suicide, let alone even think about it for esteban to realise that she still needs her older brother.

lottie's attempt

it was everything she could have ever wanted. the bathtub was nearly spilling over with water from the bath and the adjacent shower that was sure to run cold in minutes if not seconds. the razor blades, a mix of hers and her brothers, some knives big and small and something resembling an ice pick all rested on a side table that had been brought in, with a large envelope with letters that had been handwritten for every single person in lottie's life from her mum, deceased dad, her brother esteban and her f1 grid best friends all resting in clear view on the side table. she was all still dressed in what she had worn for her birthday dinner the night before, a sweet little white dress that had cut-outs on the side. carefully she stepped into the overflowing bathtub and she began to cut her wrists with one of the few razor blades that she had stolen from her brother's bathroom. lottie had been cutting at her wrists for the past few minutes before she realised she wasn't getting anywhere and she wasn't bleeding as much as she hoped she would. so, that was when she had to bring in the big guns, figuratively.

eighteen-year-old lottie ocon had somehow managed to find an ice pick in her family home and snuck it away into her room when no one was looking. she had grabbed the ice pick, about to stab through one of the major arteries that would have killed her if stabbed in the right place, when the noise of her brother and f1 grid best friends coming home scared her due to the loud front door closing. this then scared lottie, more than she'd ever admit to anyone which caused her to fumble with the ice pick, trying to grab it when it nicked her in the shoulder, causing her to scream and fall back into the bath. the scream obviously made everyone downstairs jump slightly in fear but none more so than esteban. without another second to think, alongside charles, they ran up the stairs and into the bathroom whilst pierre and lando took care of everything downstairs. the two eldest boys ran into esteban's bathroom and what they then saw wasn't something that would easily be erased from their memories.

"collette louisa rose ocon!" esteban's loud but worried voice called out, reverberating throughout the house as his sister, who had since fainted from the loss of blood and open wounds, lay unresponsive in the bathtub of her older brother's bathroom

"allez lottie! qu'est-ce que tu t'es fait?!" esteban calls out in french, his accent at its fullest as the two men walk upstairs and straight away, the two of them walk into esteban's bedroom as the majority of the time, he would come home after a long shooting day and either lottie would be asleep cuddled up to his girlfriend, her sister in law, or watching netflix come on lottie! what have you done to yourself?!

however, this time, the tv nor anything else was on to suggest that the scream had come from a tv show or even a youtube video. this obviously sparked the worst fear and unsettling feeling in esteban especially because he knew that flava was with her parents and extended family. the unsettling feeling also capturing charles as the feeling only made them rush into that room that much quicker. once it was realised that none of the downstairs tvs were on so something had to have happened to lottie. it had to be something bad because that scream now could have only come from her.

without even thinking about the fact that his sister could be right in front of the bathroom door about to come out to say it was all a big misunderstanding or that nothing was really wrong, esteban took his chance and kicked in his bathroom door. this then revealed something that was both from his nightmares and only ever seen in the tv and movies that he watched. esteban's entire body almost inwardly collapsed as he tried to think as rationally as he could to get help for his little sister. charles immediately without a second to think, blink or breathe, yanked his phone from his pocked and dialled 112, requesting the closest ambulance whilst esteban attempted to grab his sister's collapsed, wet, bloodied unconscious body out of the bath. which, as you can imagine, ended up being more of a challenge than both men thought. especially when they considered the fact that lottie was fully dressed and the mixture of being completely soaked making her that much heavier to pick up.

"…estie, les ambulanciers ont été appelés, l'ambulance la plus proche est à trois minutes. est-ce que…as-tu besoin d'un coup de main?" charles calls out, calm and collected as he places his phone to the ground aimlessly to see that esteban was more than struggling to get his younger sister out of the bathtub in his bathroom estie, the paramedics have been called, their closest ambulance is three minutes away. do...do you need a hand?

"s'il te plaît, charles? je suis tellement confuse, qu'est-ce qu'elle a fait, putain?" esteban mumbled to himself as he tried to figure out what his sister could have even done to herself to draw this amount of blood please charles? i'm so confused, what...what did she fucking do?

after assisting esteban with removing lottie from the bathtub and to the frenchman's bed, charles had caught onto the things that were resting next to the bathtub and the bathroom sink. he almost choked on his own voice which caught esteban's attention as he looked up from stroking lottie's hair as he sat next to her on his bed.

"tu vas bien charles? tu as trouvé quelque chose?" esteban spoke up as he tried to attend to his little sister and dry her before the paramedics arrived you alright charles? did you find something?

"estie, il y a un mélange de tes lames de rasoir, ses lames de rasoir, un assortiment de couteaux et… et un pic à glace… elle a trouvé un pic à glace, se poignardant car elle n'était pas satisfaite que ses lames de rasoir et ses couteaux ne soient pas faisant tout ce qu'elle voulait, alors elle a essayé de se poignarder directement…" charles trailed off, really making esteban feel sick estie, there's a mix of your razor blades, her razor blades, an assortment of knives and...and an ice pick...she found an ice pick, stabbing herself since she felt unsatisfied that her razor blades and knives weren't doing as much as she wanted them to so she tried to directly stab herself

"...how...how did she even know what an ice pick is, let alone find one, charles?" esteban stammered out, not even able to be mad or blame anyone as charles just shook his head, not knowing either how...how did she even know what an ice pick is, let alone find one, charles?

"je..je ne sais pas estie, je…je n'aurais jamais imaginé qu'un membre de ta famille en possède un, alors où l'a-t-elle trouvé?" charles was just as flabbergasted that his best friend's younger sister could have found an ice pick just like how esteban was shocked that his sister could find it i...i don't know estie, i...i would have never imagined anyone in your family owning one so where did she find it?

"elle était clairement très intelligente et particulière à ce sujet," charles mumbled as esteban nodded his head as the two of them then focused back over to lottie who was still unconscious and unresponsive when esteban realised something she was clearly very smart and particular about it though

it confused him because it was very obvious that, where her stab wound from the ice pick was, was not where she was clearly intending for it to be. then it clicked in esteban's head, realising what his little sister had tried to do and it made him dizzy, feel sick and choke on his tears. his eyes then followed his sister to the bathroom sink where charles had previously found the ice pick, knives and razor blades and then found an envelope. this moment was when it seemed like it all finally connected and made sense to esteban and it was a connection that seemed to be all too obvious as well. lottie's accident was anything but an accident.

esteban finally realised that she had done this all on purpose because she was trying to commit suicide but, ultimately failed. this all made sense when he thought about the stab wound in lottie's shoulder, she wouldn't have ever stabbed herself in the shoulder if she wanted to kill herself, no one would, she was obviously trying to get her neck or an artery where she would have died instantly. it seemed as if the moment that he and the grid had walked into the house that the door slamming due to the loud winds outside scared lottie, hence the failed stab wound on her part. however, esteban had never been so grateful for the fact he had caught his sister on time, he couldn't lose another family member for the second time in the span of a couple of years, not again. he was also glad when the loud intrusive noises of the ambulance sirens were heard, it meant that his sister had the possibility of being saved. charles also had a moment to breathe as well as what he had seen was also traumatising for him, sure, he wasn't actually lottie's biological brother or family, and neither were the other f1 drivers but, those boys are the closest things to esteban.

present time

despite being discharged from the hospital for about two months now, lottie was still stuck on the fact that she didn't owe anyone an explanation of what happened so, she refused to talk about what happened and why she did what she did. this was something that the extended f1 grid family understood because it was a boundary for her and, they didn't push it. however, esteban, her brother, did because that's his little sister, of course, he was going to push it because he wanted an answer from his sister. something, anything, just one little thing that could satisfy him enough that he could breathe and go to sleep easier at night without worrying about something else horrible happening to his sister. and go into a race weekend without having to worry about whether or not his sister is okay. however, lottie wasn't ready to provide an answer for her brother just yet and, usually, esteban would 100% understand that but, this time, he couldn't let it go. the last time that happened, he nearly lost his baby sister, his only sibling, and was almost a suicide statistic. that was something he did not want, not at all, not again, especially since their dad was part of the heart attack death statistic. he wasn't wanting to take that chance again only to possibly lose his sister again.

"...lottie, fille ange, pouvons-nous discuter s'il te plaît?" esteban suddenly asks his sister as she had come into the paddock to watch the race easier, having a chat with her sister-in-law flava and kika, pierre's girlfriend lottie, angel girl, can we have a chat please?

"bien sûr que nous pouvons estie, quoi de neuf?" lottie smiled, saying a quick goodbye to flava and kika before sitting down on the bench next to her brother sure we can estie, what's up?

"je sais que ça fait deux mois que c'est arrivé, l'accident. je comprends que tu refuses de m'en parler et que tu dis toujours que tu ne dois d'explication à personne. ce n'est pas moi qui vous fais délibérément en parler en détail, mais pouvez-vous juste me donner quelque chose… n'importe quoi comme raison pour laquelle vous pensiez que votre vie était si insignifiante que vous avez fait le choix que vous avez fait?" esteban spoke calmly, he wasn't raising his voice, he wasn't making a scene, he was just simply and kindly asking his sister a question that had been eating at his insides for an entire two months i know that it's been two months since it happened, the accident. i understand that you refuse to talk to me about it and that you always say you don't owe anyone an explanation. this is not me purposefully making you talk about it in full detail but, can you just give me something...anything as a reason why you though your life was so insignificant that you made the choice that you did?

lottie, however, didn't hear and process that question the same way. she saw that as her brother invading and attacking her personal space. and, she hated it on the outside even though her insides were just waiting to hear it because she just wanted to be heard but at the same time, she didn't because of how stubborn she is.

"estie, s'il te plaît, arrête! je ne suis pas prêt à en parler, alors pouvons-nous, s'il vous plaît, ne pas avoir cette conversation, surtout ici?" lottie begged as she gulped, obviously embarrassed over the fact that she was in the paddock of a grand prix and it was being talked about - not because of what she did estie, please, stop! i'm not ready to talk about it so, can we please not have this conversation, especially here?

"lottie, je t'ai donné ton espace et ton temps même si cela me donne mal au ventre chaque jour! peux-tu s'il te plaît juste me donner quelque chose? fais-moi comprendre ta version de l'histoire. est-ce que tu comprends au moins ce que tu as fait?" esteban slightly raises his voice which makes lottie panic slightly because, in all truthfulness, the girl had no real understanding or concept of the consequences her suicide attempt had lottie, i've given you your space and time even though it has made me sick to my stomach every single day! can you please just give me something? make me understanding your sie of the story. do you even understand what you did?

"je comprends ce que j'ai fait et cela m'énerve chaque jour où j'ai échoué. pourquoi penses-tu que j'ai essayé en premier lieu?" now lottie was raising her voice and it was becoming quite clear that at this point, she was not meaning what she was saying - she didn't even realise the words she was even saying, she literally just wanted to one-up her brother i do understand what i did and it annoys me every single day that i failed. why do you think i attempted it in the first place?

"lottie, fille ange, tu ne veux pas dire ça!" esteban was getting more and more agitated, lottie could tell and whilst it broke her heart, it made her want to fight him even more so, she did lottie, angel girl, you don't mean that!

"je le pense vraiment, esteban ! si seulement vous n'étiez pas tous les quatre rentrés à la maison au bon moment et qu'il n'y avait pas autant de vent, le pic à glace ne m'aurait pas entaillé l'épaule. cela m'aurait frappé directement dans l'artère carotide et je serais mort en quelques minutes, voire quelques secondes!" lottie's voice was loud, it was aggressive, it was mean and there was no ounce of regret or remorse for what she said and it hurt everyone that heard it i really do mean it, esteban! if only it wasn't for the fact that all of you boys came home at the exact right time and it wasn't so windy, the ice pick wouldn't have nicked my shoulder. it would've got me straight in the carotid artery and i would have been dead within minutes if not seconds!

lottie was smart, of course, she was! her mum was a stay at home mum but was nevertheless a smart cookie and her dad, when he was still alive was a mechanic before they sold it so they could support esteban's motorsport passion. and of course, esteban was also a very intelligent man. however, sometimes, lottie overshoot herself and make choices that came from only hearing one person's point of view. which is what was happening right now which caused her to be confused and hard-headed. it was very obvious that what lottie was saying right now was nothing remotely close to what she'd usually say, even if it sounded and looked as if she meant it without any regret. right now she'd usually be trying to backtrack or explain herself which would sometimes cause her to breakdown. lottie knew that no matter what, she'd always be given the comfort she needed and the forgiveness even after her suicide attempt and the way she was acting right now.

"collette louisa rose ccon, réalises-tu les dommages du choix que tu as fait il y a deux mois? comprenez-vous la douleur que cela m'a fait subir?" nicky's voice was going up an octave due to his emotions slowly taking over as he stood up collette louisa rose ocon, do you realise the damage from that choice you made two months ago? do you understand the pain it put me through?

"peut-être que oui, et peut-être pas, mais je suis toujours là, n'est-ce pas?" lottie screeched as she also stood up to match her brother whilst esteban stood back in shock as he shook his head maybe i do and maybe i don't but i'm still here though, aren't i?

"oui, tu es là! je suis putain de content que tu sois encore en vie, mais si tu comprends et écoute vraiment ce que je vais dire ensuite, alors tu comprendras vraiment le chagrin, la douleur, l'horreur et l'anxiété dans lesquels tu m'as mis, ainsi que chaque conducteur ce paddock à travers!" esteban paused as lottie locked her jaw as she braced herself for what her brother was going to say next yes, you are here! i'm fucking glad you're still alive but if you just understand and really listen to what i'm going to say next, then you'll truly understand the grief, pain, horror and anxiety you put me and every single driver in this paddock through!

"collette, non seulement tu as volé un pic à glace à je ne sais même pas où ni qui et tu as attrapé tous les couteaux que tu pouvais trouver, mais tu as aussi brisé tous les rasoirs de ma salle de bain et tu as emmené ce putain de pic à glace dans ce qui était à l'origine ta carotide artère et de vous poignarder dans ma baignoire après avoir réalisé que le simple fait de vous couper n'allait pas vous tuer ni vous satisfaire suffisamment. tu n'as aucune idée à quel point Charles et moi avons été horrifiés quand nous avons entendu ce cri et t'avons vu allongé là, inconscient, dans ma baignoire remplie d'eau ensanglantée…" collette, you not only stole an ice pick from i don't even know where or who and grabbed any knife you could find, but you also broke apart every single razor in my bathroom and took that fucking ice pick to what was originally your carotid artery and stab yourself in my bathtub after you realised that just cutting yourself wasn't going to kill yourself or satisfy you enough. you have no idea how horrified charles and i were when we heard that scream and saw you laying there just unconscious in my bathtub that was filled with bloodied water

"...esteban--"

"--non! collette, tu ne parles pas parce que tu ne sembles pas comprendre la gravité des conséquences de tes actes d'il y a deux mois!" no! collette, you don't get to speak because you don't seem to grasp the seriousness of the consequences of your actions from two months ago!

"vous n'avez aucune idée à quel point pierre et lando ont eu peur lorsqu'ils ont également entendu ce cri venant d'en bas alors qu'ils regardaient charles et moi nous précipiter dans les escaliers pour t'aider, pour être sûrs que tu restes en vie! vous n'avez aucune idée du nombre de larmes que j'ai pleuré dans cet hôpital, du nombre d'heures que j'ai passées éveillées à espérer et à prier tous les dieux auxquels je pouvais penser, en espérant juste que vous vous réveilliez!" you have no clue how scared pierre and lando were when they also heard that scream from downstairs as they watched charles and i rush up those stairs to help you, to make sure you stayed alive! you don't have any clue how many tears i cried at that hospital, how many hours i spent laying awake hoping and praying to any and every god i could think of, just hoping that you would wake up!

"combien de cauchemars ai-je fait dans lesquels je me précipitais dans cette pièce et ne parvenais pas à te sauver? combien d'heures ai-je passé assis dans cette horrible chaise inconfortable, mon corps tout entier étant engourdi parce que je n'avais pas bougé un seul membre de ce siège? la dernière fois que je me suis senti aussi impuissant, c'est quand j'ai dû sauter et sprinter hors de ma putain de voiture de formule 1 après avoir découvert que quelque chose n'allait pas avec papa, puis on m'a dit qu'il s'était effondré au travail et qu'il était mort plus tard, collette." how many nightmates i had about me running into that room and not being able to save you? how many hours i spent sitting in that god-awful comfortable chair, my entire body going numb because i didn't move one single limb off of that seat? the last time i felt this helpless was when i had to jump and sprint out of my fucking formula one car after finding out something was wrong with dad then being told he collapsed at work and then later died, collette

"i am trying, i am trying so fucking hard to take care of you on my own without mum to make sure you are happy. i am so desperately sorry that whatever it was that i did had made you feel this way and that was what you had to do to get my attention. if it was my fault, i will take full responsibility for it but, please, just give me one little piece of anything that will tell me why you thought writing those suicide letters and trying to kill yourself was the right thing to do. just so i can go to sleep and my races without the crippling fear that you'll try to do it again when i'm asleep or in the car and not able to help you causing me to only be left with one less family member. please, i beg you, collette, just talk to me..." esteban's anger trailed away as did his agitated french as he spoke in english as he saw the way his sister's face changed as tears welled in her eyes

this was the first time since it happened that lottie was finally able to comprehend the consequences of her suicide attempt had actually done to everyone. this comprehension of her consequences scared the living crap out of her and now she understood what everyone else was going through. finally, it had sunk into her head that she did try to kill herself with an ice pick that even she couldn't remember where she found it and that she was originally aiming for her carotid artery after the scars on her arm weren't as effective as she thought they would be before resorting to the ice pick. she couldn't even say anything before she let her head tipped to the floor as she started to cry. esteban stepping two steps forward as he held her as her cries got louder, not able to find it within herself to stop crying.

"...i...i am so sorry esteban," she whimpered out in english as her soft, tearful apology broke esteban's heart into millions of tiny pieces as he hugged his sister tightly, grateful that the race wasn't actually going to continue due to the prolonged red flag

"oh, lottie, angel, ssh. it's okay," esteban spoke softly as he hugged his little sister as tightly as he ever had before whilst everyone else just watched on hoping that the both of them would stop their fighting

"no esteban, it wasn't okay and it'll never be okay. i...i had no reason to even think like that," lottie sobbed out as she hadn't clutched onto her brother's shirt this tight in years

"you're human, lottie, that's all you need to be told to know that what you were feeling was incredibly valid. in fact, i am so incredibly sorry that i didn't see the signs earlier. i love you so much collette louisa rose ocon, i really do. you are my entire world, you are one of the very last things that dad helped bless me with and if i was to be on this earth without you, i...i really don't know how i'd still be able to breathe every day. you along with mum and my f1 family are my one reason, the only thing in have and need to know that i am allowed to smile and continue on with my life. and that is because lottie, you are my little sister! i love you so incredibly much and whilst you scare me half the time *tearful giggles* i wouldn't want to change anything about you because i can't. all i can do is siply guide you through life like mum and dad and just hope that what i'm doing is right. you are such an intelligent girl that i truly do worry about you but my god, you have no clue how thankful i am that your eyes opened on that day two months ago! i am so beyond thankful that you woke up..." esteban trailed off as lottie managed to calm herself down but remained silent in her brother's embrace, ignoring that most likely this had been filmed by the f1 media and was being aired live as they moved back to sit down

two months ago

it seemed as though esteban would be waiting an eternity before his little sister would open her eyes and wake up from the coma she had been placed in after her suicide attempt. right at this moment, however, esteban didn't care how long it took as he wouldn't be moving a single muscle until his sister's gorgeous blue eyes opened, which the entire family had inherited, and looked back into his own blue eyes. he didn't care that he was losing sleep, that he was constantly dehydrated from refusing food and drink and all the tears he was crying. he didn't care that his entire body was slowly becoming numb due to staying in the same position day in and day out. the older brother was even refusing to work because he didn't want to miss the moment his sister opened her eyes. he was adamant that his little sister was going to pull through and recover from her attempt and live another day. esteban just wanted some belief that his little sister wasn't going to die on him, he had already been through that with their father.

he really didn't want to go through it a second time for another year because that year with the loss of not just their dad but so many good friends which were so traumatic that he almost gave up his own life before lottie, still unbeknownst to her, literally saved his life. he never wanted his sweet, precious little sister, his innocent and loving little collete louisa rose to be subjected to such pain, the same one that he had from their dad's death that it never registered in his mind that she was also hurting from their dad's death which he ignored. obviously unintentionally as he'd never intentionally ignore his sister, ever. but this time, he was just so caught up in his own way of taking care of business whilst trying to stay afloat that he, completely forgot that lottie was going through the same exact thing but maybe just that much more because of how young she was when their dad died at seventeen.

"lottie, angel, i...i am so sorry!" esteban's exhausted, desperate voice apologised, his head resting on his sister's bed as he begged for the little (eighteen-year-old) girl to just open her eyes

"i'm so sorry that i was so ignorant of your feelings and how much you were missing dad! i...i just got so caught up in everything that i-"

"-estie?" a soft, delicate but barely audible voice grabbed esteban's attention

straight away, his head snapped up and the second his faded blue eyes met with his sister's faded blue eyes, he almost choked on his words

"lottie?" his weak voice whispered as lottie struggled to push herself up against the bed's frame, esteban fully straightened himself out as he was still trying to comprehend what happened

lottie's vision blurred, as did esteban's, as she tried to figure out in her head where she was when, it did finally click in her head where she was, ignoring what she had done. all she allowed herself to know was that she was in the hospital in monaco.

"lottie!" esteban's voice cracked as lottie moved closer to her brother and he also moved closer as esteban hugged his sister, a hug that had been long overdue

"i...i am so sorry!" lottie whispered into the hug as all esteban cared about right now was that his sister was awake, knowing that for a while, lottie would be very stubborn, ignorant and pretend it didn't exist so, for her, that's what he did as well

"no, no, it's okay! don't apologise angel! you're awake, that's all that matters to me!" esteban cooed as a nurse must have realised that lottie had woken up as within a couple of minutes, lottie was having her vitals checked and was taken off of all the extra tubes she was attached to as it was very obvious she was now awake after they had taken her out of the coma the night before

however, she was having to stay in the hospital for a while in the suicide watch ward just to make sure she was safe enough on her own which, she and esteban understood perfectly. it just meant that by the time she was discharged that she'd have a lot of explaining to do, not just to herself but, also to her f1 grid family.

lottie's twenty-first birthday

today was the third anniversary of lottie's failed suicide attempt as well as the day after her twenty-first birthday which was a big deal for her and her family. meaning that in another two months' time, it was going to be the "anniversary" of the argument that the brother and sister had about the said suicide attempt. since that day, the two of them, esteban and lottie, had been going to therapy and not once was it regretted. it worked so well that not once did the brother or sister hold back on their feelings and, it truthfully brought the two of them unexplainably closer together.

however, there was one singular thing that stood out to esteban the most about his sister's attempt those three years ago. it was something she had said at one of the therapy sessions she had invited charles, esteban's teammate and one of her f1 brothers, who had also found her that day three years ago. despite how soul-destroyingly simple it was, it made so much sense and everything clicked in the two men's heads. the mantra that every single person had told her after losing their dad, that it was going to get better and that everything was going to be okay, had been lost so far down into lottie's mind. to the point that she forgot that she had been given permission to not be okay and feel like nothing was going to get better that it had confused her and meddled with her mind. for so long that it felt like nothing was working for her anymore that the only option that she thought was going to help her was to try and kill herself.

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estebanocon collette louisa rose ocon, my sweet angel. twenty-one years ago yesterday i was given the biggest blessing in the entire world, i was given you, my little sister. whilst you have gone through so much in the last three years, i couldn't have been any prouder of how you've gotten up off the floor and continued on. you inspire me every single day and i know you inspire every single person in our family, both blood-related and extended f1 family. i know i always say this but, you are truly the reason why me and mum are able to wake up every morning and smile. i know we've had it rough, especially with dad's death a few years ago, the losses of other friends and your suicide attempt three years ago today as well as your birthday yesterday. i am so proud of the way you've handled all of these hardships whilst also being so positive at the same time. since the attempt three years ago, you've never once allowed yourself to give up because you want to prove to that scared little eighteen-year-old lottie that you are strong and that you can do everything and anything you put your mind to because you are lottie louisa rose ocon and we never give up, ever! i know mum is proud of you, as am i but, never forget how proud dad is of you. we are so grateful that we were blessed with you as my sister and daughter. i know you had an amazing birthday yesterday but have fun in greece with the girls and your boyfriend and i hope all of your wishes come true. i love you forever and a day lottie, i love you every single day 🤍🤍

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colletteocon aw, estie, you are my favourite person in the entire world! i love you so much and thank you for being such an amazing older brother! i never take you for granted, love you most estie 🤍🤍

estebanocon colletteocon🤍🤍 i'm glad to be your favourite person in the world

charlesleclerc happy twenty-first lottie lots! have an amazing weekend and drink responsibly 🤍🤍

pierregasly happy birthday lottie! what a sweet birthday message this is esteban!

francisca.cgomes this is so precious. happy birthday my sweet lottie louisa 🤍🤍

flava.barla happy twenty-first sister-in-law! be safe in greece 🤍🤍

username this was such a sweet post for your sister, esteban!

liked by estebanocon, mickschumacher, sebastianvettel, maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc, pierregasly, flava.barla and 14k others

colletteocon you turn twenty-one, travel to greece and live your mamma mia fantasy with your besties and boyfriend! 📸 mickschumacher

happy twenty-first for yesterday collette louisa rose ocon. it makes me so happy to see you turn twenty-one. three years ago, you weren't even thinking this far ahead or even making nineteenth but, you did. now you're twenty-one and whilst you have been able to drink since you were eighteen, you can now drink in america! you used to be so shy, anxious, depressed, insecure and suicidal and you didn't like having any attention to yourself. now, at twenty-one, you've grown up to be so sassy, gorgeous, confident, loving, courageous, happy and a hilarious young woman who has a smoking hot lad for a boyfriend, even better that he's also an f1 driver, mick, one amazing brother esteban and another entire group of people who you call your family who has seen you grown up as you live your best life and i couldn't be prouder of you.

it's also been a couple of years since dad died, since others we love have died and three years since you thought the entire world would be better without you so you tried to stab yourself in the neck. you ended up fumbling with the ice pick and nicked your shoulder because your older brother and f1 brothers had all come home at the same time, and the mixture of the strong winds and the closing of the door scared you. you were admitted to the hospital for two months but after turning nineteen, twenty and now twenty-one, you are so beyond grateful that you survived the attempt. you don't regret the attempt because both you and esteban promised that after that day, you'd live without regrets, you just wished that you felt confident in talking to esteban or someone else about your emotions and the things that you had happening inside of your brain that could have prevented the suicide attempt. you can't even begin to imagine the thought process that would have been going through esteban and charles' heads but as well as the rest of your best friends heads the second they heard your scream reverberate through the house. just thinking about it makes you nauseous and upsets you, so you don't like to think about it often, but when you do, you always find yourself apologising. no longer to your brother and family but, to yourself for ever feeling that sad that you thought killing yourself was the best option when it's very clear now that, that choice was the worst choice you could have ever tried to make.

happy twenty-first collette louisa rose ocon. you deserve all the happiness in the world, even if it took a mile run, a deep underwater swim and a struggle to get here, i'm glad you made it safely. i love you forever and a day you gorgeous angel 🤍🤍

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estebanocon i am so proud of you lottie. this post made me cry just so you know. but i love you so much and i hope you, mick and the girls have an amazing time in greece 🤍🤍

colletteocon estebanocon i love you too esteban and i'm also proud of myself! and we are having the best time in greece thank you 🤍🤍

mickschumacher i love you, babe! i am so glad you're still here, you make my world so much brighter every single day 🤍🤍

colletteocon mickschumacher thank you, my love! and you make my world so much brighter every day 🤍🤍

sebastianvettel ain't no way you're twenty-one! happy birthday lottie, i'm glad you're still here with us chickadee 🤍🤍

colletteocon sebastianvettel ain't no way you still love me? thank you uncle seb, i'm glad too 🤍🤍

maxverstappen1 who said you could post this? don't be making me so emotional now!

colletteocon maxverstappen1 i did? and i'm sorry okay!!!

charlesleclerc uhhh who said you could turn twenty-one? because last time i checked, i thought i banned you from turning another year older?! seriously though, i'm always going to be glad knowing that you're still here 🤍🤍

colletteocon charlesleclerc the circle of life? and thank you charlie, i am as well 🤍🤍

pierregasly happy twenty-first lottie! have fun and be safe in greece!

colletteocon pierregasly thank you pierre! and i don't think its actually legal for me to have fun without you and the rest of the grid but i'll try ;)

flava.barla happy twenty-first babe! be safe and don't be too sexy in greece, i know what you and schumi are like together ;)

colletteocon flava.barla flava! how would you know what me and my boyfriend do?! do you stalk us you creepy little snake?! 😂

it's okay to struggle but, it is not okay to stop the fight. one wise man once told me to always keep fighting and you should do the same because it's pretty cool.

fin

that's a wrap! i have not rewritten this one in a while and i do apologise for putting poor estie bestie through the wringer of my angsty rollarcoaster. next time i write for estie it won't be this sad!

©⠀amberjazmyn's original work. do not translate or steal any of my fics. 2024

#formula one #esteban ocon #angst #mentions of minor character death #if any of these topics trigger you please do not read because it is not my fault if these triggers and warnings are ignored #esteban's dad is very much still alive fyi #mentions of suicide attempt #failed suicide attempt #yelling #crying

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inglourious-imagines · 4 years ago

Text

The Only One (Lewis Nixon)

Requested by: @dontfearthereaper-09

Summary: You're Colonel Sink's granddaughter and you're helping out with paperwork - you eventually fall in love with Lewis Nixon and start dating. However, every relationship has its ups and downs.

Prompt: a requested one - I wish I'd never met you.

Author's Note: I struggled so hard with this and I'm not proud of it at all, but hope it is what you wanted. A big thank you goes to for @alienoresimagines and her great help as always!

Taglist: @alienoresimagines @teenmagazines @meteora-fc @eugenesmorphine @band-of-brothers-cz @real-fans @not-john-watsons-blog @tealaquinn @ok-roemanov @mrseasycompany @punkgeekchic @wexhappyxfew @hellitwasyoufirstsergeant @rayofshanshine @mavysnavy @easynix @stressedinadress @georgeluzwarmhugs @easy-company-tradition @immrsronaldspeirs @snafus-peckuh @curraheewestandalone @warrior-healer @justamadgirlinabox @happyveday

"He felt now that he was not simply close to her, but that he did not know where he ended and she began." - Anna Karenina, L. Tolstoj

Y/N had never in her life shooted from a rifle or even held it in her innocent hands. She had never known combat, real combat, where men kill and die. She had never endured real physical pain.

And still, Y/N was standing in the middle of Camp Toccoa during the hot summer days of 1942 with a huge grin on her face. She finally persuaded her grandfather to let her join the paratroopers. Well, she was there to help out with paperwork mainly, to be there at hand for the intelligence officers, but she also managed to pull a few strings so she will be undergoing the combat training like every other soldier even though she's not allowed to go and fight in France.

The first weeks were exhausting - physically and mentally - with the combat training Y/N volunteered for. She constantly felt like she's at the verge of giving up and going home.

But Y/N didn't and neither will she. Even though it was the hardest thing she'd ever done in her life, it seemed right. This is where Y/N Sink belonged.

But thank God it wasn't just exercise, work and signing documents. One evening, when everything was finished for the day, her grandfather Sink took her with him to a certain celebration, more like an occasion to get drunk and forget that a war is going on just across an ocean.

It was certainly the most eventful night during her stay in Camp Toccoa, Georgia. Y/N lost her grandfather nearly 10 minutes after they walked in the pub. She immediately befriended two guys - George Luz and Joe Liebgott. It seemed like they'd known each other for years. The soldiers heard all about the mysterious woman that had been helping out in their training camp weeks ago now but never really got the chance to talk to her.

George introduced her to the rest of his friends within Easy Company and they spend the night together laughing, downing shots one after another, dancing and joking around. Y/N felt relaxed and genuiely unworried that night so when they were told to break it up and get some sleep for tomorrow, it suddenly saddened her. The Easy Company boys were the most welcoming, kind and funny men Y/N'd met during her stay and she was sure that she's not gonna have a chance to talk to them like that night for a long time.

There was a soldier waiting for her outside of the pub to escort her into her room but Y/N kindly told him to fuck off and he made sure to be quickly on his way.

So there she was again, standing under the starry night in Georgia, a warm summer breeze dancing through her hair while she struggled a bit to remain on her feet due to all the alcohol flowing in her veins.

"Have a trouble finding your way, Miss Sink?" a deep voice filled her ears and Y/N jumped a bit on her spot as she didn't see him coming from behind.

"I'm perfectly fine, soldier." she tried to answer with a firm steady voice but a quiet giggle escaped her lips.

"I can see that. Let me help you there, Miss." he offered his help kindly, smirking. The Moon was illuminating his face making his hair appear darker than the night itself and his eyes shined like two stars up at the sky.

"I assure you, Mr Nixon, that I have no trouble at all. I can manage myself." Y/N stood behind her words but a part of her desired his gentle hand on her lower back steadying her.

"I'm surprised you know my name." Nix laughed raising his eyebrows as he took a few steps closer to her.

"And I'm surprised it was just a can of peaches." Y/N replied boldly looking directly into his dark eyes.

They were covered in silence for a few moments but they burst out laughing in the next second earning some "shut the fuck ups" from the nearest barracks.

The duo spent the rest of the night walking around the camp as they eventually ended up in her room talking about nothing and everything. By the next morning, Y/N knew every little thing about Lewis and he knew every little thing about her.

It was no surprise, to Easy Company boys or even his grandfather, that the two of them started dating just a couple of days after the party. Richard Winters soon payed Y/N a visit informing her how he's never seen Lew so damn happy and cheerful all the time.

•••

At the end of May, 1944 when all the preparations for D-Day were finishing, another party was thrown in honor of the paratroopers that had earned their jump wings. Y/N persaued Sink to take her to Britain with him so she was able to celebrate with all of them.

She was a bit tipsy already because George Luz made her drink three beers and the forth was already on its way.

Lewis Nixon glared at the duo with a bottle of whiskey in his right hand and a cigarette in the left. He watched how Y/N's lips curled into the most beautiful smile he'd ever seen at something George whispered in her ear. She burst out in a hearty laugh as she touched Luz's shoulder gently and this simple action reminded Lewis the night they met for the first time. An uneasy feeling burned through his chest - it suddenly became hard to breathe. Nixon clenched the glass in his hands and he'd have break it eventually if Richard didn't shake with Lew's shoulder.

"Not now, Dick," the intellingent officer snapped immediately, "we'll talk tomorrow. I'm heading back to my room."

And with that, he stood up and walked out of the pub without any other glance toward his girlfriend. The bottle of Vat '69 was left on the table half full.

•••

"Baby? Why did you disappear so quickly?" Y/N barged in his room while he was sitting behind his desk looking out of the window absently.

"You seemed quite happy with George." Nixon murmured quietly, he didn't even bother to turn and face her.

"What is this all about? Is there a problem?" she asked kindly moving closer to her broken soldier. The sweet tone of her voice was making it even harder than it already was.

Lewis Nixon looked at her for the first time. "I think we shouldn't be seeing each other anymore." He sounded decided, strongly convinced in his statement.

Y/N suspiciously eyed his face whereas Lewis tried to avoid her concerned look. "Is this about George?"

"No, it's not about fucking George!" Lewis raised his voice and stood up from the little chair, "you are better without me, okay? I drag you down, Y/N."

She stared at him in disbelief. "What the hell are you talking about? I love you and only you, damn it!"

"You just think you do!"

Y/N's eyes began to water and when the first hot tear rolled down her cheek Nixon's heart broke into million pieces. He hated himself for hurting the most precious human being on the Earth but he had to do it. There was no other way.

"I wish you trusted me more, Lew." she breathed out reaching out to caress his cheek but changed her mind in the last second and her hand fell to her body.

Lewis pressed his eyelids tightly together forcing the coming tears stay inside of his soul. "I wish I'd never met you."

•••

The next days hit Y/N harder than her first days at Toccoa. No combat training, no amount of paperwork had ever made her feel so broken, tired and demotivated. As weird as it sounds, even after the relatively short relationship with the Easy Company intelligence officer, Lewis was a big important part of her life. He made her feel so many new emotions, he fulfilled her soul and heart like nobody else did.

And now, it was all gone.

Everyone noticed the sudden cold behaviour between Y/N and Lewis but they didn't really know what happened. Y/N brushed it off every single time when someone asked her and no one really dared to approach Nixon.

It wasn't like the duo stopped communicating absolutely. Lewis after the argument stormed off and got drunk, he was genuiely wasted, but he also realised what a mistake he did. It was the first time Y/N told him she loved him and he was still able to make the person who cared for him the most go away.

When Y/N tried her best to avoid Nixon, he tried his best to talk to her as much as possible, every day he left her a note at her desk along with a flower and every time she accidentally glanced at him he sent her an apologetic smile.

Y/N knew her anger and hurt was slowly fading away. Lewis felt truly sorry - alcohol and jealousy wasn't really a great combination.

•••

My dearest Y/N,

I know you don't want to have anything to do with me, and I don't blame you, but there's still something I need to tell you. I'm just gonna hope that this sort of letter is not lying in the bin already.

I want you to know that I regret every single word I said that night. Clearly my jealousy and my alcoholic problem (as much as you hate me right now, please don't tell anyone I just admitted that) came in the way and I thought you're better off without me.

I'm not the perfect boyfriend, Y/N, and I never will be. I'm not funny as George, and I guarantee you there's gonna be more arguments between us. But I can assure you that no matter what happens, I will love you for the rest of my life.

Hope you can forgive me,

I'm sorry.

With love, your Lewis

A tear soaked into the piece of paper as she pressed it to her heart. Little did Y/N know that she will love the idiot forever.

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lilly-and-alice · 5 years ago

Text

OC Interview

As with Alice's, I was tagged by the lovely @lusus--naturae & @r0xy-w0lf.

I'm not tagging anybody for this one - but please feel free to join in if you want to.

Date of Interview: 1914

Name: "Elizabeth Mae James, but I go by Lilly"

Are you single: *Smiling as she looks over at Charles who's sitting across from her "No, I'm very happily married thank you"

Are you happy: *Hands resting on her baby bump while still grinning at Charles and their four children sitting around him* "I'd say this is the happiest I've ever been"

Are your parents still married: "No, Mama died when I was 4. As for my father? I last saw him when I was 14 "

Are you angry: "Not so much nowadays, but I'll admit, in the past I was a bit of a hothead"

Facts

Birthplace: "I was born out in the midwest somewhere. We moved around a lot so I don't actually know where exactly"

Hair color: "Red"

Eye color: ''Green''

Birth date: ''6th Dec 1873"

Current Mood: "Well as happy as I am to be carrying my 5th child, I'm so uncomfortable right now. I can't wait to be not pregnant again"

*Charles laughing* "I'll remind you of that when you tell me you're desperate to start trying for number 6.

Gender: ''Female''

Summer or winter: "Summer. The winters here in Canada can be too cold for my liking"

Morning or afternoon: "I've never been a morning person, but nothing better than a lazy afternoon"

Eight things about your love life

Are you in love: "With all my heart"

Do you believe in love at first sight: “No” *leans in and whispers while Charles is distracted by one of the kids* "I remember Dutch introducing Charles to the camp, but I didn't really pay much attention to him at first. I do remember him being around, but he never really spoke with anybody. It wasn't the gang started falling apart that I took the time to get to know him and honestly? It wasn't until he left the gang to help Rains Falls & the Wapiti that I realised I was falling in love with him"

Who ended your last relationship: “I did, it had gotten complicated and as much as me and John wanted it to work between us, I knew I had to remove myself from the equation so he could make his own decision about whether he wanted to try make it work with Abigail & Jack”

Have you ever broken someone's heart?: "You know, John later admitted to me that it almost killed him when I told him it was over, but he also told me thank you for making him see sense when it came to his family"

Are you afraid of commitment: "Not at all"

Have you hugged someone in the last week: “Each of the kids and my handsome husband of course”

Have you ever had a secret admirer: *Charles butts in before Lilly even has chance to speak* "I was so nervous to speak to Lilly in those early days, I'd just find a quiet spot and watch her get on with her day. I do wish I'd had the courage to tell her sooner though"

"Me too...though just imagine how many more kids we'd have then"

Have you ever broken your own heart: “Making the decision to leave John was tough, but even tougher was the mistake I made, which caused the only real argument me & Charles ever really had and actually made us split up for a while..."

*Charles reaches her hand* "That's all in the past now Flower. We eventually got past it and we don't need to dwell on it"

Six Choices

Love or Lust: “Love - I mean the sex is incredible, but I'm happy just being in Charles' company”

Lemonade or Iced Tea: “Iced Tea? I'd rather have a hot tea to warm me up thank you ”

Cats or Dogs: “Dogs”

A few Best friends or Regular Friends: “I still write to the likes of Tilly, Mary-Beth & Abigail. But honestly - I'd be lost without my best friend Allie constantly by myside"

Wild night out or romantic night in: “Oh my nights of getting drunk with Allie & starting a bar fight or two are well and truly behind me. Much prefer to be snuggled up in front if the fire "

Day or night: ’'Night, I like the quietness of the world”

Have You Evers

Been caught sneaking out: “Grimshaw used to have a habit of catching me in the act, trying to escape doing chores”

Fallen Down/Up the Stairs: “All the time, I'm quite possibly the clumsy person alive”

Wanted someone/something so badly it hurt: “I got everything I need right here”

Wanted to disappear: “You know, during my time in camp and everything that was going on between John & Abigail, I managed to persuade Hosea to let me travel around on my own for a while, to help clear my head and work out what I wanted from life. I'm glad I did or otherwise I'd never have met Allie”

Four preferences

Smile or eyes: “A good smile draws me in, but I feel you can see the real person by looking into their eyes”

Shorter or taller: “Preferably taller, but it doesn't matter either way”

Intelligence or Attraction: “I'm lucky I guess - I have a handsome husband who also happens to be incredibly intelligent.”

Hook up or Relationship: “I never was one for hooking up with random people, I'd much rather be in a relationship ”

Family

Do you and your family get along: “Me, Charles & the kids are quite content together.

As for my other family members? Well, I have no idea where my father is these days, if he's still alive. And Alice? For the longest time I wanted nothing to do with this random girl turning up, claiming she's my sister. But fate had a strange way of pulling us closer together and now we keep in regular contact"

Would you say you have a messed up life: "Let me give you a list:

Was it messed up to lose my mother & brother when I was only 4 and then find myself travelling around the country with my father, sleeping in the back of a wagon most nights as he prepared for his next con?

Or what about being sold to my own grandmother when daddy felt he was unable to look after me?

Or when Grandmama passed away, her husband was considering carting me off to the nearest brothel because the cheap bastard didn't want the added expense of caring for me?

There's also the man who I thought I loved, leaving me to get attacked while he went off to spend the night with a whore..."

*sighs before a huge smile appears on her face as she casts an eye over at Charles, who's now reading a story to the kids*

"But you know? Each of those moments brought me one step closer to this wonderful life with Charles and our children"

Have you ever ran away from home: “It never felt like home, but leaving my step grandfathers house & running away with Van der Linde gang was best thing I ever did"

Have you ever got kicked out: “Like I said, back in the day, it was a mutual decision between me & Hosea to leave camp before I did something stupid."

Friends

Do you secretly hate one of your friends: “Why would I? Though Mary-Beth is a bit full of herself nowadays with her being a famous author and all”

Do you consider all of your friends good friends: “Of course I do. We might have done some questionable things in the past, but we had our reasons”

Who is your best friend: "I swear if you don't say my name right now" *Allie laughing from across the room*

"I guess there's your answer - my best friend is Allie Foster. Always been right by myside through thick & thin and most probably always will be”

Who knows everything about you: “Allie knows most things. But I don't hide anything from Charles either"

#lilly #oc interview

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mysmessmistake · 8 years ago

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(((hi!! i really love your headcanons and gosh u just put so much character into these dorks ur amazing))) can i ask for MC getting drunk after a fight w/ Seven + V + Saeran, finding her and driving her back home? (Extra points if she sleeps in the car on the while the boys apologize lmao)

I wasn’t too sure onwhere to go with this, so it might be a little all over the place. I also hopeyou don’t mind I did headcannons, thank you so much for saying that, it means alot.

Saeyoung

The fight started, how the very first fight you ever had started, with Saeyoung ignoring you

Then Saeyoung pushing you away

Yelling at you

Telling you to leave because of one reason or another

So you did

You went to a bar and got absolutely pissed.

Saeyoung was going to leave you be, maybe you’d ’come to your senses’ and leave a ’dangerous man like him‘

Because he didn’t deserve you

However, Saeran being the sweet baby brother that he is

Smacked his brother over the head

With a hardcover book

And yelled at him to go get you back

“Are you a moron? You throw away the best thing you have? They don't deserve to be sad because you can’t get over yourself”

Okay Saeran ease up a bit

Saeyoung knew he was right, so he got in his car and headed to the bar he’d stalked you to seen you enter

You were moping at the bar, drinking some sort of cocktail

Saeyoung approached you, and you grumbled out a sentence without even looking at him

“Leave me alone I have a boyfriend"

The reply was instant and rehearsed like you’d already said it a thousand times

“Well, that’s a relief"

You turned at the voice, eyeing him carefully.

"Saeyoung?”

“Is that bad?”

The two of you were silent, you didn’t want to tell him to go away but you were tired of fighting

And also drunk

“C'mon, lets go home"

You obliged

It seemed neither of you had anything to say in the car

Until Saeyoung spoke

"I’m sorry”

Oh are you?

No words came out, your eyes began to flutter as you rested your head against the car door frame.

“I really love you MC. Sometimes I forget you’ll stay by my side… and my self hatred gets too out of hand. But Saeran was right, he said I should get over myself. I’m really sorry MC, I love you so much and- and”

He looked over at you briefly

“And you’re asleep”

He couldn’t stop the grin on his face because of course you’re asleep.

He made sure you got home safely and tucked you into bed, sleeping separately incase you didn’t want him there

The next morning he made you breakfast in bed and apologised again

Cuddles all day

Saeran is happy and also exasperated by his brother

you and V hardly ever fought

The only serious fight you can remember is when he wouldn’t get the eye surgery

And it wasn’t even a proper fight

It was an argument that lasted a few hours

then finally V understood why he needed to get his eyes treated

V is always acting happy and telling you nothing is wrong

As well as always agreeing with you and going along with whatever you decide

So there are rare arguments

Which is actually why you’re arguing now

He never tells you what’s on his mind

Or how he really feels

Or what he really thinks

And it irked you to no end

So after yelling at him for a solid ten minutes, you made your way to the local bar

And got absolutely smashed

V left you for a few hours but eventually went to find you to make sure you were okay.

He sat in the stool next to you, and you have give a droopy smile

“Hi! My names MC"

"Hello MC” V smiled at your silliness, realising you didn’t know it was him.

“Will you let me take you home, MC?”

“Oooohhhhh no, I have a boyfriend. He wouldn’t like that. Actually maybe he wouldn’t care. I don’t know if he cares. Does he care?”

“Of course I care MC"

He was heartbroken to hear you say that

"Will he show it?"

The bartenders never seen a mans heart break quite like his did when you said that, and looked him in the eyes with desperation.

"It’s me, MC. It’s V"

"Ooohhh. V!! Why are you here? Do you come to this bar too!?"

Your mood did a 180° flip that V couldn’t help but laugh at

It took a while but eventually he convinced you to come home

The two of you sat in the car, and you rambled on about random things, most things didn’t make sense

Then you went quiet, V thought you’d fallen asleep until your voice, barely above a whisper, came out again.

"I’m worried everything V bottles up will get to him one day and he won’t be able to stop bad thoughts”

Holy shit you were really worried about him

He began to apologise long and hard, he promised in the morning he’d open up about anything and everything you wanted to know, he wouldn’t hold back.

He wanted you to know he trusted you more than anyone in the world. And he would do anyth-

Your snores interrupted his words

He smiled, relaxing slightly and taking a deep breath

He kept true to his promise and the next morning the two of you had a very long conversation about deep and personal things

Saeran

you and Saeran bickered often but had never fought

Not really

Sometimes on his bad days he’d tell you to stay away and lock himself in his room

But this day was after a really bad day

Saeran couldn’t sleep because he couldn’t stop thinking about how he’d told you to get out of his life

He felt so bad

He didn’t miss your frown after he said it either

Saeran made a stupid, one sided decision that you needed to be with someone better

So the next morning he yelled at you, he screamed until his face was red and you were crying because you couldn’t understand why

He told you to leave, get out of his life, make his life better by vanishing, he said he hated you and that you were just used for his recovery

Saeyoung suggested you leave after Saeran locked himself in the bathroom

“MC, he must be having a horrible day. Please don’t take anything he says to heart, but you should go somewhere else until he calms down"

You listened to him, and made the mistake of heading to the local bar

You were there for hours on end until Saeyoung finally talked some sense into his brother and Saeran searched for you.

He didn’t bother sitting down at the bar, he grabbed your arm and got your attention quickly.

"Saeyoung!! You look along like Saeran when you’re drunk!!"

Your giggle would’ve been cute had you not just called him Saeyoung

"You’re drunk not me”

You ignored him

“What are you doing here silly? You have to look after Saeran!!!!!"

"MC, I am Saeran"

"Haha, your tricks can’t fool me”

He argued with you for a few minutes, before getting uncomfortable with how many people were looking at the two of you and giving up

“Yes yes I’m Saeyoung, can we go home now?”

“Does Saeran want me there? I donwanna make him worser”

He wasn’t going to point out that what you said made little sense.

“Yes, Saeran wants you home"

"Oki doki. Let’s go!"

He quickly fled the scene and strapped you into the car

He ignored everything you were saying because it was mainly bullshit

But suddenly began to spout very person stuff

"If I tell you something will you promise not to tell Saeran?”

He knew he shouldn’t of said yes

“Yes, I promise"

Dammit Saeran

"Im in love with Saeran”

S i l e n c e

Neither of you had told each other that before

“He’s been through so much, and he still has a long way to go. But he always makes me feel a happiness that I’ve never felt before"

His face was bright red and he’s so happy that you didn’t currently know who he was

"Also, I steal his sweaters when he isn’t home”

God dammit MC

he didn’t apologise to you yet, there’d be no point because you thought he was his idiotic brother

The next morning however, you found yourself in Saerans bed with Saeran sitting on the floor, his back against the bed and s game-boy in his hands.

After he noticed you woke up he joined you in the bed, bringing you into a hug as he apologised for his behaviour

He told you it was all a lie and that he never wanted you to leave

“I love you, MC"

"Also, stop stealing my sweaters"

You smiled, because that wasn’t going to happen anytime soon.

#mystic Messenger #mystic Messenger imagine #mystic Messenger headcannon #mystic Messenger Saeyoung #mystic Messenger V #mystic Messenger Saeran

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